Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Leather Maxi Skirt
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This leather skirt from Me + Em is a bit out of my price range, but that’s not going to stop me from dreaming about it. The cut is perfect, and the gorgeous olive color and button accents make it even better.
I would style this with a conservative top for the office (like this black-and-white number), but if you really want to lean into the olive leather look, there’s also a matching top.
The skirt is $945 at Me + Em and comes in sizes 2-12.
Sales of note for 12/12:
- Nordstrom – Winter Savings Event, up to 33% off (and fragrance sets up to 15% off). Designer Clearance continues, up to 60% off.
- Ann Taylor – 50% off almost everything
- Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Lots of nice markdowns and clearance, including on suits, blouses, and more
- Cuyana – Free shipping on orders of $95+ (readers love their totes!)
- Express – $19+ Cyber steals + 25-70% off everything else
- J.Crew – 30% off almost everything (including select cashmere)
- J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything
- Lo & Sons – Holiday sale, up to 50% off – Reader favorites include this laptop tote, this backpack, and this crossbody
- M.M.LaFleur – 25-70% off the snuggliest styles of the season (this weekend only) Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Neiman Marcus – Spend $200, earn $50 gift card… up to $1000 spend, $200 gift card
- Talbots – $19.50 HoliDeals, and 50% off your regular price purchase
- Universal Standard – At least 40% off sitewide!
I am a mid-level manager on a technical team. We are usually remote, but last week had a few days of meetings in person. I found out that I have a reputation for being strict or particular. Not in a micromanaging way, just in terms
of having specific systems or standards in place. And imo not putting up with nonsense. I also found out that in general people think I manage my team well, and are, to some extent, putting those same practices into place on their teams.
someone also told me that it never seems like I say no. That’s hilarious because I do say no to other teams all the time, I just don’t use the word “no”.
interestingly enough, I don’t think my own direct reports think I’m strict. It’s more other teams that I feel have historically tried to trample over my team to get their way.
Is this something I should
be worried about?
No, please no.
This is a good thing. I absolutely loathe when standards are arbitrary; it’s a sign of a badly-managed team, favouritism, a manager who takes credit for employee’s work, etc.
If people are implementing this with their own teams, it is almost always a very good thing.
If you don’t say no but you don’t allow your team to get steamrolled, that’s also a good thing.
Agree with all this. I want my managers to stand up for their team, have clear standards, and have clear ways of working with other teams.
It kind of sounds like that’s the reputation you want to have, whatever its pros and cons?
Generally, yes. As anon @ 8:23 said standardized standards and no favoritism are very important to me. I just want a gut check that there isn’t some downside I should be aware of. Honestly it all seemed so normal to me I never clocked that I was “stricter” than others, but apparently it is. I do word things carefully and neutrally, which I think comes across based on the “never says no” comment.
The most obvious downside would be if you worked with people who expect you to be more warm and caring and accommodating because that is often expected of women and could view you more negatively because you don’t fit that expectation.
This company has a lot of women in leadership, including the CEO. So likely not an issue here. But that is something to keep in mind for the future.
Women can have these expectations just as likely as men, and often this is on a subconscious level rather than outright, but the fact that you have a critical mass of women in leadership roles will really help there.
what’s there to be worried about?? I’m hearing no-nonsense, high standards, well-managed team. You sound like a highly effective boss AND employee.
This is good! It’s similar to me and I think the reputation has served me well in my career.
Well, it’s good with peers and bosses but I’d be a bit concerned about recruiting people to work for you. A lot of my success has come from being the person top talent wants to work for and that’s my reputation. I treat people like equals and as a result have a really high performing team. Your reputation matters all the way around, not just up and over.
I would absolutely want to work for a manager who has high standards and doesn’t put up with nonsense. Sounds like a dream boss to me (as a high achiever. Maybe different for a slacker, but who wants to recruit them anyway?)
I’d just be cautious in OPs shoes about what her real reputation is. Strict can read as micromanager, and most people don’t want that, especially high achievers.
For me, “runs a high performing team with high standards” would be super appealing, but “rigid” would make me worry you are a “low risk, high execution” team – like you 100% get stuff done, but you’re not the team execs look to for out-of-the-ordinary, high-risk-high-potential, creative or strategic work, and that wouldn’t be appealing. Those teams are still valuable though, just a thing to be aware of!
I’m not at all a micromanager, and as I said my team doesn’t think I’m strict. In fact, 2 people who were unhappy moved to my team and now are happy. So I’m not concerned about that.
A lot of the strictness is for the teams benefit.
You asked the question. It doesn’t really matter what your team thinks, it’s what is your actual reputation. Strict can read as “my one true way” and difficult. If you’re so confident your reputation is secure, why ask?
You’re fine. This reads like a humblebrag! In any case, I’d far rather work for someone strict but fair than someone prone to favoritism or sloppiness.
It depends. I’ve had managers who confuse standards and rigidity (example: standard: all products are produced on time and have been proofread twice for quality; rigidity: all products may only be proofread with my favorite obscure dictionary). Ask yourself honestly on which side you fall, and then move forward. [It may also depend on the context in which you received this information as to whether it is something to worry about or not].
Definitely standards by those definitions. I couldn’t care less which dictionary you use but it better be proofread.
If it repeatedly isn’t proofread I will start asking about the dictionary etc, but as long as it’s proofread properly I’m good.
It depends on how honest the feedback was or if they were sugar coating it so as not to rock the boat. Who shared this with you? Would their job be negatively impacted if you were offended by their opinion?
LOL no. It was different execs who can all say whatever they want.
If I’m reading this right, the high standards/strict/particular things you’re asking about is less your reputation as a manager for your reports; and more your reputation among “stakeholders”/ie other teams you need stuff from your team. I’m guessing this means things like you require a specific intake form before your team takes on projects, or you maintain a prioritized list of things your team is working on, and make execs take something off if they are going to add something?
In my experience, this can be a double-edged sword, assuming your team is fundamentally a support team. The ultimate question is “Is it easier for your stakeholders to get what they need from your team than it would be otherwise?”. That can be over a long time span – for example, although other teams might *prefer* being able to make an urgent request with no planning and just get work from your team right away in the short term, the other support teams are constantly burned out and having their best people quit from last minute scrambles, while yours is more reliable & consistent. Or your intake form really does speed up your work, because your not constantly having to go back for clarification.
That said, I have definitely worked with teams that take this too far – who’s leadership is so caught up in “what makes MY team run smoothly” that they stop evaluating “what makes THE COMPANY run smoothly”. Execs & powerbrokers stop going to your team at all, or blame delays & problems on you; or build the capacity you’re supposed to provide within their own team so they don’t have to deal with the rigamarole. It doesn’t sound like this is happening in your description, so you’re probably still on the good side of “strict”, but those are the warning signs I’d be aware of.
You’re reading it completely
correctly. This is helpful. I’m on the good side of all of these – the execs wouldn’t ask other teams to copy me if they thought I was being obstructionist.
Yes, I was reading through to see this response. Everyone else seems focused on the OP’s team, but this sounds like feedback from stakeholders (or peers who deal with the same stakeholders).
OP – it’s fantastic that you got the feedback that it never seems like you say no. It’s not so great that you got the feedback that you seem “particular” — if that’s actually the word that was used. Good to be upfront and clear about requirements and process; not good to lose the forest for the trees. Was your manager in the meeting when you got this feedback? Is it possible to ask her for her take?
It wasn’t so formal, and the word particular wasn’t used. These were mainly stray comments. The CEO said I’ve been doing “wonderful”
OP why did you ask this question? Are you looking for a pat on the back?
Clearly
I live where there is one dominant airline and it’s fine for domestic flights. But for stalking $$$ flights to Europe from airports up to two hours away, what is the best current way to search? Google flights and then book directly with airline? Kayak?
How do you stalk flights? Doesn’t that just make the flight more expensive across all platforms? (I hate everything to do with arbitrary pricing.)
I don’t even know. I haven’t done a big trip since COVID and used to live by DC, so I felt like I had many good options out of IAD and BWI and even sending a night in NYC. But not in my current city.
I have read before to clear your cache if you are going to search again, or use a different browser. Also, follow thepointsguy on FB or IG, as he regularly posts content on how to maximize the use of points to bring cost of flights down.
Google flights + direct booking is what I do. You can set an alert with Google to be notified about price changes.
+1
I notice that I get a different price if I’m checking on my wifi network at home versus using data on my phone (also at home). It’s infuriating, but whatever you need to do to find a cheaper flight…
which is cheaper?
phone
I use Google Flights on incognito mode and then book directly with the airline. I don’t book flights using 3rd party b/c dealing with changes/cancellations can be a hassle.
So, forgive me for my ignorance, but why are you using incognito mode?
AFAIK you can’t run a single search with multiple potential departure cities (outside a single metro area) so you need to search them all separately; I use Google flights. I was surprised when I’ve looked the savings flying out of another city it was pretty minimal, bc while we get screwed pricing-wise being a hub, choices are so limited out of other nearby slightly smaller cities as to negate the value in flying out of there.
Not the person you’re responding to, but the main reason I travel to another airport ~2 hours away is to get a direct flight or at least better connections. My local airport (an intl airport) almost always connects through Heathrow to go anywhere in Europe. Limited direct flights anywhere else. I’d much rather travel 2 hours in the US where I’m familiar with the route/traffic schedules than have a long layover plus a puddle jumper in Europe that I’ll probably miss because the flight was a bit late and Heathrow is so time consuming to navigate.
Are there any sites for a good women’s fit concert tee? That is not Kardashian-fit but also not the hideous rectangles for actual concerts selling either to only teens or XL men? I’d like something cute but not scandalous. Actual tees from concerts are just boxy typical men’s sizes.
Are you looking for a specific band or performer? I think places like Snorg Tees or Red Bubble have women’s fit for t-shirts, but not sure if they specifically have concert tees.
Do you have a brand of t-shirt you particularly like? I used to love Bella Canvas shirts, but I have switched to loving Comfort Colors fit/weight.
If you have a type like that that you know you like, you can search on Etsy for the band + t-shirt type and often come up with what you’re looking for.
Check out the brand Letluv. I’ve purchased a few band tee shirts from them thru Anthropologie.
I’m 37, married with no kids, with a big job but still some time and flexibility to do other things (friends, hobbies). I was an MBB partner before this job, so that free time is pretty new to me. I don’t know what I’m asking here- life feels very overfull, and there’s a lot I feel like I’m focused on outside of work (e.g., getting good sleep, losing weight) and there’s also a lot more professional stuff I want to do and I want to spend more time on my hobbies and with my friends and I just feel so oversubscribed all the time. Which is weird because while I think that’s a pretty normal feeling, I don’t have kids and my parents are still in pretty good shape. I don’t know. I just feel over stretched and I’m not sure what to do about it, except do less. And that doesn’t work because there’s so much more than I want to do. Thoughts?
I’m early 30s and occasionally feel this way too! I have a lot of interests and places I want to travel to and friends I want to see and it’s hard to fit it all in!
I’m unhappy about being currently single and childless, so I combat that by leaning into all of the fun activities but there just isn’t enough time! Which leads to household management falling by the wayside because I am not living my best single life to fold laundry!!
Could have written this word for word. Commisserations!
I have always found my lifestyle changes take up far more time than anyone realizes. I tend to sleep 5-6 hours a night. I’d love to sleep 8 hours. I need to find 4 hours of my day to make that happen consistently.
You probably feel overwhelmed because you are trying to do too much all at once. Pick one thing and drive it until it’s an established habit. It will take a long time. For me it’s 6 months because I have kids. Only once your habit is established I would start the process of picking your next thing.
In the last 5 years I have made significant changes. I have established a fitness schedule 5 days a week, fixed my skin (I had adult acne), changed the family diet, got divorced and moved. My home now has organization I never had and I have a cleaning schedule. I listen to one podcast and read one book a month. I read the newspapers (FT, WSJ and NYT) daily. My next project is to build my career.
I know you don’t want to hear this but what you are doing isn’t working. You can’t do it all. No one can.
Thanks for your comments. I get that no one can do it all, and it’s kind of validating to hear that I’m not feeling this way because I’m somehow failing to be better. But how does one build a full life then, with hobbies, professional pursuits, friends? I think I already accept that there will be seasons, and for the next few months I won’t be doing X because I’m doing Y. Maybe I need to pare down more. I don’t know.
You can’t do it all at once.
You can’t keep in touch with all the friends the way you’d like.
Your home is never perfect.
You have to prioritize.
And yes, you need to pare down daily/weekly expectations.
That is life, and growing up.
Some people are unusual and are just super organized, energetic all the time, and don’t need much sleep. They fit in more. That is not normal for all of us.
You don’t have to do all the things and meet all the goals at once. It’s okay to have a primary focus and do other things later.
Right now my focus is on family time, friend time, and fitness. Some of this is combined, like joining a running club with a friend. I have other goals for my life overall, but I am not working on them at all right now and I’m fine with that.
I can’t tell from your comment whether you want to do less or more. But I will say that I often think of the expression “life is long”, because you can’t do everything at once, but life goes through so many different phases. Pick a few things that you want to focus now and set the others aside. Reassess later.
A mantra I use when feeling like I’m overwhelmed with stuff and want to do more – “a change is as good as a rest.” It’s like exercise – if your legs are really tired you can still sit down and do an arm workout or something and your legs are getting rest, but you’re still exercising and being productive. The way to avoid burnout with a very full and busy life is to make sure you’ve got a healthy variety and you can healthily prioritize.
Think of a pie chart with three segments: work, family/friends, and personal (which includes fitness, weight, hobbies). Your work segment has gotten smaller. Which other segment do you most want to add to? The answer is a question of priorities and values. Your mind is always going to come up with more ideas than you can ever execute. That’s a good thing, except when it leaves you feeling like you can never do enough. You can and you already are. Make a list of your ideas and decide which ones you want to ripen into goals. Prioritize those. Think about what would make you happiest to have accomplished in 6 months, a year, five years. Let the other ideas go or set them aside for later. You’ve written them down so they will be there for you if and when it’s time to re-prioritize. Re-think and re-prioritize when the segments of your pie chart become unbalanced.
Not the OP. But man I really love this visual. And want to implement it. My chart has work v personal, but I’m having the realization moment right now that family/friends need to be separated from personal. This is huge. Thank you!
I need advice.
I snore. I’ve been diagnosed a couple of times with mild sleep apnea. Think – mild is between 8 – 15 and I got a 9 (I can’t remember the numbers, but that was the idea).
I’ve tried a CPAP and whatever the other one was and just fought it all night and couldn’t deal. I use mouth tape but it isn’t perfect and comes off during the night; also, I was wearing mouth tape when I had my home sleep study.
Another of my concerns for a CPAP is having the indentations on my face. I have a very public facing job.
I’ve just ordered the nasal bongos and really hoping they help but I’ve tried so many things that I’m not optimistic.
I’ve also tried a mouthpiece made by a specialist dentist.
Thoughts?
I use the bongo and have for several years now. It alleviates my sleep apnea, but if it slips around, I still snore.
I am religious about replacing the head strap quarterly. It’s elastic, so it stretches out and allows the device to move around more.
I have a special shaped pillow for side sleeping (back sleeping is my trigger). Have you looked into a cuirass device? I am not sure if they use those for obstructive apnea or more for central, but they don’t get anywhere near the face. Since you are concerned about indentations, do you have any inflammation that could be a factor?
Do you still have the CPAP machine? If you can get the hose to be higher coming down to your face, that is best. Out of the way.
Go back to your sleep doctor and ask to try out new equipment – a different mask and headgear.
Take a shower and wash your face in the morning. No indentations.
Also, I think you’re using “CPAP” generically? Right? Maybe you need or have an A-PAP machine that adjusts automatically? Check with your doctor about that
Then see what other options are like those implanted devices.
My husband uses the mouth guard Joe Rogan advertises. He gets it from Amazon and replaces it every few months. It 100% works. It’s cheap but effective. He has never had a sleep study done, but his snoring was so bad that I would frequently go sleep in another room. I suspected SA because it would sound like he would stop breathing sometimes. He also had sinus surgery years ago to correct, among other things, a wildly deviated septum. It helped his breathing, but he still snored. He sleeps much better with the mouth guard, and so do I.
He really should have a sleep study done, regardless.
I think you should try different styles and sizes of headgear for your CPAP. I don’t have any indents. I also stopped needing a chin strap or mouth tape after a few weeks because I got used to it.
Are you a candidate for the Inspire implant?
Has anyone used and AI app to create a headshot? I am being stalked on Insta by Aragon AI which says to just upload a selfie and it will give you a fancy, flattering, and professional headshot. I’m kind of worried it may be a scam and once they have your image they can steal your identity or something. Am I being paranoid? TIA.
Nope this sounds like a terrible idea
Yes and no? I think it’s pretty well documented that a lot of these apps use your photos for other purposes like machine learning for face recognition software, etc., but I don’t think they’re going to be breaking into your bank accounts with them? Although who knows how the pictures can be used in the future once you give permission as you basically give up that control. I find that enough of a reason to stay away and generally feel like if you’re getting something for free, you’re just not seeing the price. But enough people use all sorts of apps these days to try on hair cuts or face tune, etc., that it may not matter to them to add one more. Maybe search for that particular app to see if it’s especially nefarious but otherwise I think it’s just what you’re comfortable with.
Yes and they are comically bad. Figured it was worth a try but I’d never actually use it.
We got fairly professional shots using an iPhone (with someone else taking the photo) and using Lightroom (photoshop lite for iPhones) to clean up the photo. It’s not that hard.
FWIW, Lightroom isn’t photoshop lite, it’s what professional photographers use instead because it’s geared toward editing photos.
Do you *need* a headshot?
I used an app to do a selfie color season analysis on myself. It was the best experience. I did it in a few difference types of light and locations and it consistently gave me the same result.
Then the app allows you scan your clothes to see what matches your coloring best. So many things in my close were only a 20% match or less. It was really eye-opening. I put 85% or better in one pile and 50% or less in another and tried everything on. Once you see it you can’t unsee how unflattering the under 50%s were. They were the sludge in my wardrobe. Fine but I never reached for them first.
This lead to a big closet clean out. Now I have fewer things that form a cohesive and flattering wardrobe. Just wanted to share because there were some threads recently about how to clean out a closet and color it turns out is a really good basis for a clean out.
What app was this?
Dressika app!
This sounds amazing! Do you mind sharing what app you used? Thank you!!
I am nearly through with a similar process (no app involved) myself. Opening my closet is so much nicer now. I see things I like, that go well together, that make me feel good.
I weeded out anything that I plain old did not like and colors that don’t fit my mood board. Those I am getting rid of (posting on Poshmark first, will consign after a few weeks, then donate whatever is left).
I have some things that are flattering colors, but that don’t currently fit. Those I am trying to evaluate how far out from fitting they are – one size? Keep, but only if they are in impeccable condition. More than one size? I can buy a current version if I am that size again.
What app did you use, if you don’t mind?
Just wondering to the OP what season you are?
One mistake I keep making is that I will see an ivory or cream look great on a black model and order it because we are both winters and it looks great on the model. It took a while to realize that it didn’t suit me because the contrast was all wrong on rosacea-inflicted me and to not wear those colors near my face (but they’d still work well in outfits).
Not OP but sharing in case helpful to you.
I’ve long been a fan of creamy winter whites, but realized looking at photos of myself that crisp, bright white compliments my skin tone so much better. I am a pale, freckled deep winter with mild rosacea.
OP here. I am a cool summer.
ooh thanks for sharing!! I just tried it and didn’t expect it to be so fast, and I’m scrolling through the options right now and it looks so useful! I’m going to try it in a few more lights but that is so fun.
Falling skiers and outdoorsy winter types – favorite full-zip mid-layers for downhill skiing these days? My favorite Black Diamond hoody is showing its age and I would like something a little looser in the arms next time around – this one starts getting ever so slightly too tight whenever I need to wear my warmest base layer. Price isn’t that important (I keep my gear for literal decades), but arm comfort is!
As a true “falling skier”, I do not invest in downhill skiing gear or attire. But hopefully others have ideas.
Patagonia R1
Since fit is so personal, I’d honestly grab your base layers + shell and head to REI to try a zillion on
That said, my current favorite mid is a plain microgrid hoodie (which pretty much all major manufacturers & many cottage ones offer these days – mine is no zip but I’m sure there’s something full zip out there) – there’s a lot of new, more breathable & more stretchable fleece fabrics these days.
I love my R1 but it’s noticeably less stretchy (but the outer layer is more windproof, so it’s a more versatile stand-alone layer – but not necessary for a skiing mid)
I like to wear a wicking base layer. On top this is just a nylon quarter zip with the zipper covered. Bottom is fleece tights. Midlayer is an eddie bauer quarter zip or patagonia quarter zip. I am tall–they carry talls. Then I wear a gore-tex shell on top and insulated ski pants. I ski on the West Coast (Palisades), and very rarely I will add a thin vest over the midlayer. When I lived on the East coast, I wore the same but had better face coverage to warm the air before I breathed it in.
I would never wear a hooded midlayer–hood is on my jacket. Second hood just gets in the way of my helmet or collects snow. No benefit.
In general, I like Stio, Mountain Hardware, Patagonia, North Face and Eddie Bauer for midlayers
I found out on Friday that I’m getting a 4% COL adjustment. I’m moving into 6 figures for the first time. I really never expected that I would earn that much.
Congrats!!!
Way to go!
Congrats!
This is huge! Congratulations!
Congratulations!! May you continue to have success.
You’re amazing!
Congrats! You deserve every penny.
Congrats!
Whoop!
Amazing. Good for you!
I’m surprised there’s a post today, given the holiday… but I won’t complain – I actually get to read the posts while they’re live today
She never used to post on minor holidays and then people complained a bunch “we’re not off” etc. I think this is a response to the complaints.
Ain’t a holiday in NC for schools or many businesses.
i didnt even know it was a holiday. i have work, my kids have school
My hot take is if a workplace doesn’t offer the federal holidays, I am not interested in working there.
My workplace gives me 22 vacation days and 11 holidays and 2 weeks at Christmas off. I don’t care about colombus day
Same situation except I think we only have 7 federal holidays (excluding the Christmas/NYE ones) and 3 personal days that can be used whenever.
I want generous PTO (at least 20 vacation days) and a holiday shutdown much more than I want any one specific day off.
If we were getting another specific holiday, I’d much rather have Juneteenth than Columbus. Both because I think it’s a more important holiday and because selfishly I normally combine my vacation weeks with federal holidays to save on PTO and it would be nice to have the option to take a week off in mid-June.
Same. We shut down at the end of December and get 4- or 5-day weekends around the “major” federal holidays. I’d rather have a long break when I can plan something special than random one day bank holidays.
We don’t get Columbus Day or Veterans’ Day, but instead get the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve instead, which are much more useful (though I’d take both…)
Same – I’d love to have both, but today and Veteran’s Day are not as practical as the days around the holidays.
Yes, I care less about which holidays and more about the number. Anything less than 11 or 12 is trash – to me it shows that an employer is focused on profits and not on its people. But, I’m happy to trade today for the day after Thanksgiving.
I really think observation of this holiday is very regional and industry specific. Same thing with MLK day and Presidents Day. Even most of the schools are open today where I am, and so far I’ve sent a lot of work emails have haven’t got one holiday OOTO back. If we were closed, I’d be fielding way more “what really” messages.
It’s fall break for many schools in the Midwest but I don’t know many adults who have it off (without using PTO).
Really? I’ve lived lots of places but always have had MLK and Presidents Day off. Columbus/Indigenous People and Veterans Day are the ones that are sacrificed for “floating holidays” at my recent employers, I only had those off as a fed.
I’ve never had Presidents Day off but have had all of the other 3 at some point.
I think MLK is the most dominant one nationally of the 4, but a lot of employers in my red state don’t give it and give Columbus Day (with that name). 😬
I am off today and the weather is absolutely atrocious, so my original plans are scrapped. I feel like I’m at a bit of a crossroads in my life and want to spend some time seriously thinking about what I want and how I can achieve that. If my life isn’t turning out how I thought it would (husband, house, kids), I want to make sure I”m intentional about creating a life I love. I do fully believe that life is what you make it – not something that happens to you.
Does anyone have some questions or planning tools that they’ve used for something like this? Any tips on this?
A fresh hair cut, a closet clear out, and new shoes.
This sounds ridiculous, but there’s a thought process involved in deciding the hair, and how you want to look. Same with the closet clear out, and same with the new shoes. Figuring out how you look (your costume, if you will) transitions into thinking about the life you want and are aiming for. It’s just an easier step to start with.
I’ve enjoyed the Passion Planner materials. They’re around paper calendars and schedules but they have a lot available online and they’re generous with samples. Good luck!! You sound awesome and inspiring!!
Get a dog. It is the secret to a good life. No apps needed.
I love dogs and cats, but I live in a no-pet apartment
… this is not what she asked for. I presume if she wanted a pet she’d get one, but not everyone loves dogs and plenty of people who love dogs don’t have lives that can accomodate them!
+1 and also dogs can be a pretty big burden if you want to travel a lot or pick up a hobby that keeps you out of the house a lot, which she may be interested in.
…her general complaint was open ended (dot dot dot)
Get a dog and join a choir.
There are so many badly kept, unhappy dogs in my neighborhood, it’s really sad.
Someone shared the free online Year Compass planner here at the start of the year. I’m not typically the vision board type, but it was a nice way to get my thoughts on paper and start planning. It’s free!
I was just going to recommend that – I also tried it when it was recommended here back in 2020. I’ve found it to be genuinely helpful and have done it annually since then.
Thank you! I’ll check this out
I’m in a similar situation and I really understand what you’re feeling. Someone here once recommended the book Designing Your Life. I’ve just started it so I can’t tell yet if it will be helpful but it might be worth googling.
Hi all – I mostly know what I want, it’s more of a how prioritize interests and how to be intentional about achieving it given limitations (budget, vacation time, only having 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week) AND maybe there’s something I’m interested in that hasn’t occurred to me yet.
No pets – I can’t have them in my apartment anyways but also I travel too much. This is a tradeoff I’m okay with making.
I have hobbies that are more “hard core” (adventure travel, outdoor activities) and am want to deepen my pre-existing lower key hobbies (crafting, book club, volunteering). I do spend a lot of time with my community (family, friends) – hosting dinners, going out for drinks, etc.
I’m still dating and holding out hope for a family, but I want to make sure I have a fulfilling life I love regardless of whether or not that happens. About half of my friends are getting married, moving to the burbs, and having babies and the other half are also single and casually dating – with mixed success. I’ve recently lost a few of my “hobby friends” (we were friends first who got into similar hobbies together) due to moves and elder care and babies, so most of the friends I spend the most time with aren’t people who share those hobbies with me so I’m kind of at a blank slate there – we do a lot of pot lucks and movie nights and dinners out which is great but I do miss a friend to go trail running or a last minute trip with.
I love my job and I’m good at it and I plan on staying there for a long, long time. Some years I travel a ton (close to 50%, but in spurts – 1 month of constant travel, 2 months without), but this year was shockingly low on travel.
I’m finally making enough where I can choose to spend my money in fun ways. So, I recently got a nicer apartment. I can now travel for fun. I’m interested in upgrading my wardrobe. I can’t do it all at once, of course, but I can do one thing now and another thing later. I have my summer 2026 trip planned already, but I have so many ideas for my 2027 “big trip” that I don’t know how to prioritize if that’s the year to hike the Inca Trail or Kilimanjaro.
For example, I want to run a trail marathon in the spring. I also want to take a ceramics class and take language lessons ahead of an upcoming trip and put my weeknight ski pass to good use. I cannot do that all at once – financially or time wise.
Basically, this is my “consolation prize” life and I want it to rock! And I do worry, what if I put too much pressure on it rocking? A lot of what I love to do is decently physical – I’m young and fit but that’s not going to last forever. I need to make sure I have an identify and interests and loved ones who I can connect with outside of these interests too.
I wouldn’t call the life you are describing here as a “consolation prize” life at all! This sounds like a beautiful, wonderful life. Maybe changing your thinking around your current life will help. You are leaning into a great life and if the other things that are not in your life now happen, that’s great, but these other things are certainly not the end all be all!
Designing your life by the Stanford d school guys
Interesting – did you read this? What did you think?
I may buy it for a relative in college now, struggling with thinking about her future. Do you think it is appropriate for that? She is pretty lost, grew up very sheltered.
Not the original recommender; but I have read it, and I am not sure it would be my first choice for a young person – it’s very much oriented towards mid & late career senior people with lots of options, who’s main challenge is *picking* between those options; not 1) Knowing what kinds of options exist in the world in the first place or 2) Figuring out *how* to get those options (ime, more common issues for young people). So the examples are unlikely to ring true; and may even lead people in the wrong direction (eg. lots of people realizing they need to delegate XYZ out of their current role because they don’t thrive in it – great realization for a CEO; not for a junior person who can’t just declare they don’t do XYZ anymore).
Some of the mindset and exercises would still be helpful to early career folks (running “experiments” in your life; looking for smaller easier ways to test out big hard changes you hope to make; reflecting regularly on what replenishes/drains your energy, etc) though
Thank you – this is very helpful.
Quickly searching for this book I stumbled across the fact that these authors taught a Stanford undergrad class that maybe some of the book was drawn from. Maybe she needs that class, instead of this book.
Thanks again.
I make a small pot of coffee in a typical no frills coffee machine almost every morning, but I’m reading about how hot water and the plastic components mean that I’m probably ingesting microplastics. Does anyone have a coffee maker that has a non-plastic basket? Does that even exist? I think a fresh press is the alternative but it seems like more work. Thanks.
We use a Chemex for that reason and also because it makes great coffee. One of my rules of thumb is that for things I use every single day of my life, it’s best to try to avoid microplastics to the extent possible. I drink organic coffee at home for the same reason – coffee is typically grown in countries that still use pesticides long banned by the U.S. I love an easy switch like that and I can’t complain about the price when I consider how much else I waste money on!
I’ve used a Chemex ever since my first apartment out of college had no counter space for a coffeemaker. It makes delicious coffee and is really easy to use.
Which one do you have? I am single and drink one cup a day.
+1
I use a stainless steel pour over and brew straight into my china mug. No plastic involved, and it works even if the power goes out.
French press or pour-over is going to be your best bet here. You could also try switching to cold brew if you don’t mind having it cold!
Nespresso shoots water through their metal pods, I suppose it goes through a plastic part to get there though but I’m not especially concerned about this.
I have been using a French Press for years and I don’t think it’s a lot more hard work at all. You grind coffee, pour hot water over it, let sit for 2 min and use the plunger to push the grinds down. You don’t have to even grind coffee if you don’t want to. Preground is totally fine. The main downside of the French press for me is that you can’t just leave to stay warm for a while but oth drip coffee also doesn’t have a super long shelf life and will taste burnt after a point, too. I just pour my FP into a big thermos cup when I know I want coffee for a long morning.
+1, French press is very little effort.
I hate cleaning a french press so much. I find that I just won’t do it.
I hate cleaning, period but I can’t say that the French press is all that different from a coffee maker for me. And I’m way less likely to drop a soggy filter full of coffee outside the trash.
I dump the grounds in the compost, give a quick rinse or toss in the dishwasher. Given that my french press is at least 15 years old, I dont think I’m doing it wrong.
I just rinse the container and the mesh part under the tap.
If you are concerned about micro plastics, you may also want to research other concerns about effects on the heart from French press (unfiltered) preparation.
This–French press coffee has way higher fat and cholesterol content that other brew methods!
I saw a camping instagram reel where they used a hair tie to connect a filter to a stanley and just put the coffee in and poured hot water into the filter, directly into the stanley (so like a chemex, without having to clean the chemex.) I haven’t done it yet, but I’m planning to.
This doesn’t work super well in real life because the bottom of the filter often tears open without support
I worried about this for like a day and then kept using my coffee pot. Coffee is full of antioxidants, and really, you don’t have to be perfect to be healthy.
Put a filter in the basket? That helps with the cholesterol issues caused by unfiltered coffee, and maybe it blocks some of the microplastics?
It’s not really my field, but I participated in a small seminar about microplastics and cancer, and one big issue is that pretty much all the data we have on microplastics and human health comes from studies where the microplastics are present in mixtures of other really bad things – so, we’re studying people who are also exposed to other nasty chemicals and whatnot, that the average person would not be exposed to regularly. And I don’t know that we have data on whether the microplastics are actually bioavailable to do much to us. Apparently there are studies in human cells in culture, and animals, but I would be careful extrapolating too much from those.
So, sure, use glass or metal instead of plastic where possible, but I don’t think I’d worry about every possible exposure.
I’m a little skeptical that I’m getting microplastics from the basket at a proper brewing temperature, but I use a pour over cone which can be made of anything. I do try to avoid tea bags which are worse types of plastic exposed to higher temps.
I don’t like heating water in plastic though so I do have a stainless kettle for heating up the water.
French press coffee bothers my stomach so that is not the answer for me.
You definitely are getting them.
My mother gave me a lot of her clothes as she changed sizes over the years. I have an LLBean wool plaid skirt that is fully lined and has pockets. It would be perfect in my casual office with boots and a sweater. It is a 12 but from so long ago that it fits like a 6 today (I am a curvy 8). I was such an optimist when I got it out of the box.
Ha! This is a lesson I learned during my earlier poshmark searches. Still worth keeping though!
I am wearing size 2 Banana Republic wool dress pants today. My first work suite, a Brooks Bros. purchased in 1984 and saved for sentimental reasons, is size 8 and fits me perfectly. Exactly the same as the size 2’s today.
My size 0 Express trousers appear to be the same size as my Gap 4s purchased in 2004. Looks like the rate of size inflation is 1.5 to 2 number sizes every 10 years!
I could never figure out how my same height daughter wore 3 sizes smaller than I did when I was her age while weighing 15-20 lbs more. The answer is 100% vanity sizing. This was confirmed when I pulled a beautiful, lined wool suit from storage; she could not begin to fit into it despite the marked sizing being a number far bigger than what she purchases today.
Vanity sizing has been going on since the ’90s. My mother made all her own clothes for years. When I was a teenager, she bought a suit so she could go back to work. She was shocked that instead of a size 8 she was now a size 4, despite having maintained the same weight since she was 18. That same size 4 would now be a 0.
Even before then! When I was a 1990 size 4, my mother’s and grandmother’s old clothes in size 12 fit and were the same size as the 1990 size 4.
Yeah that’s why I roll my eyes when I see “body positive” comments about Marilyn Monroe being a size 12. No, she’d be more like a 6 today.
Yall. What compels a person to bring a four year old to a classical concert? It was Friday night and I’m still astounded. They sat in the middle of the row and the tike had to go potty 3 times, meaning all the “excuse me’s” and shuffling of people. The child’s whisper was loud enough to be heard for rows in every direction. Of course the child couldn’t pay attention the whole time, so silent games of pattycake and other distractions were employed.
Let’s say Uncle Matty was playing and the child was there to see him. She’ll never remember the evening! But all the adults surrounding the child will remember the disruptions throughout the evening.
The child was well-behaved for a four year old, but four year olds still don’t belong at classical concerts.
we went to see the Lehman Trilogy in the city where i live, which is 3.5 hours long with two intermissions and there was an older elementary schooler there. she was decently behaved, but the play didn’t end until almost 11 and i cant imagine she found it interesting. i will say, the only reason i can think of bringing a 4 year old to a concert like that is bc someone very special to them was performing. do i still think it is appropriate – nope
Wow. One of my favorite plays ever, but I cannot imagine being under the age of 18 and enjoying such a long show.
People bring their children places because the parents will remember it and the kids will enjoy it. Sure, rubbing along with the rest of humanity gets annoying at times but it’s best to let it go.
A 4 year old is not going to get anything out of a classical music concert, and I don’t see how that could be a special memory for the parents either. They either spend the entire time ignoring the kid and listening to the music or they spend the entire time worrying every time the kid fidgets or sighs that they’re disrupting other people. Neither is exactly a core family memory.
But they don’t remember anything. And yet we take them to museums and the beach and teach them to swim and use cutlery correctly. Write them off until they are 10? 15?
Kids museums and beaches are much more appropriate venues for noisy kids who can’t sit still.
Of course you don’t “write them off” until they’re 15 and no one is suggesting you do, but you have to make sure the venue is appropriate for the age of your kids. There are places where toddlers really don’t belong and even some places where elementary school kids don’t belong. It doesn’t do any favors to your kids to drag them to venues inappropriate for their age where they’re 1) noted out of their mind and 2) annoying others with age appropriate behavior. It’s a disservice to everyone!
*bored out of their mind, that should say
Not all kids are noisy and have problems sitting still.
99.9% of 3 year olds are noisy and can’t sit still for hours… as they should be! It’s very developmentally appropriate behavior at that age. But it means you should take them to places that are appropriate for 3 year olds. Not late night classical music concerts.
A 4-year-old’s brain still goes through the experience of hearing the music and seeing the musicians. Memory isn’t everything.
But why do they need to do it so young? The musicians will be there when the child is age 6, 7, 8, etc. and better able to appreciate the experience (and remember it – although I agree memory isn’t everything). Unless your child has a terminal illness (in which case, do whatever you want, and I can’t imagine anyone who knows your circumstances judging you) why is there such a rush? When I look back at my kids’ babyhoods and toddlerhoods I wish I’d done less rushing of them into “big kid” experiences, not more. They already grow up too fast as it is.
I don’t really remember it, but my mom LOVES telling the story of my first time seeing Swan lake at three years old, dancing along in the dark stairs in the theater, and dancing for weeks after. I definitely got something out of it!
99.9% of 3 year olds are noisy and can’t sit still for hours… as they should be! It’s very developmentally appropriate behavior at that age. But it means you should take them to places that are appropriate for 3 year olds. Not late night classical music concerts.
I was that kid and it was because family members were performing. Is it ideal, no. But, when you don’t have reliable babysitters, it meant my mom got to see the show. So don’t judge too much, and there are so many worse places you could take a four year old. And honestly, as an adult, I find sniffles and coughs much more distracting than a small child.
And the rustling of wrappers. Barring health circumstances, do we have to munch through the whole production?
There’s a poster on the moms page who regularly advocates for bringing 3-4 year olds to things like symphonies, Broadway musicals and ballets, and I side eye it so much (and not like a one time emergency “babysitter got the stomach flu and family can’t miss their older child’s performance in the community Nutcracker” kind of thing – she’s suggesting doing it on a regular basis with professional productions). There’s zero reason not to wait a couple years for the sake of both the kid and the other patrons – and I say that as someone who really loves taking my kids to arts things and has brought them to all kinds of performances from a relatively young age.
I started going to classical musical concerts as a 3 or 4 year old and I absolutely remember them. Admittedly, these were more of the afternoon Peter and the Wolf variety and were full of children, but I went to regular concerts in early elementary school and was perfectly capable of sitting quietly.
This particular child probably shouldn’t have been at this particular event, but I really take issue with the idea that kids aren’t capable of enjoying classical music or remembering anything notable.
I take issue with the idea that kids belong in all spaces. An evening classical music concert should probably be adults only or at least 14+.
My kid plays violin and started at 10. But I swear we see kids with 1/8 sized violins who I’m not sure are even potty trained. If they can learn Suzuki, maybe there are kids who really love it much earlier. 10 was right for us for concerts and going through a recital where you listen more than you play.
If you want to control who the other attendees at a show (or on a plane or whatever) are, buy all the tickets and distribute them as you see fit.
+1.
this is a very extreme take.
i also went as a 3 and 4 year old, but it was to the kids programming at Lincoln Center – not to see a full length concert. there is a big difference between a 3 or 4 year old and an early elementary schooler
Agreed that 3/4 and 6/7 year olds are worlds apart even though it’s only a couple of years.
For me, I think the middle ground is to absolutely bring children, but to select seats that allow for minimal disruption of those around you. Pick an aisle seat first of all, and preferably an outer aisle near a door. Kids absolutely belong at the symphony, the opera, the theatre, and what ever art we want to see in the future. I say this as a child free person.
+1. Agree. Those of you without kids by choice are entitled to a child-free home life but not a child-free world.
+2 from the horrible moms’ page poster who brought her 3-year-old to the ballet and the symphony. Where exactly do you think musicians come from? Just teach your kids to behave and make sure you know their limits.
My collaborative pianist got all excited when I handed her the score of a Copland piece that we were going to perform. Turns out it’s been her favorite piece since she saw the opera The Tender Land at age 4. Kids remember and are inspired from the earliest ages.
+1 – my spouse is a symphony musician and you will often see our kids or the kids of other musicians at concerts, but we take them to the very top row of the balcony and sit in aisle seats until they’re old enough to sit through a whole half without needing to move around.
Also since this comes up every once in a while: no one cares what you wear to the symphony. Jeans are fine. Ballgowns are fine. Most people will be somewhere in between but the musicians really, truly, don’t care (if they even notice as they’re rushing in and out). They’re just happy you’re there. Do try to remember to silence your cell phone but if you forget and it goes off at a funny time it gives us something to talk about during after-concert drinks.
It is very true that the musicians are out the door much quicker than the audience!
100% and the most hinged take here.
Childfree here, and I 100% agree with this. As I was reading the post I was thinking it wasn’t an issue with the child being in the room, but the location of the seats.
And same rule applies to adults who has a high probability of needing to be up and down a lot during 1-2 hours. Buy aisle seats, preferably near an exit.
I relate to only being able to buy certain seats; we don’t have issues sitting for the entire length of a show or concert, but my DH is pretty tall and he could never cram himself into a center seat for very long – so we only will buy aisle seats.
Sure bring your kid wherever you want but if they are distracting for others, whether in a fine dining restaurant or broadway show, take them outside. I think it’s a situation where you should know your child. If they can’t sit quietly for a theater experience, then don’t bring them. It’s very different from seeing whatever kids movie is popular in a local theater. If you choose to bring your loud child to a nice restaurant or show when you know they can’t sit quietly, you ATA.
I have very vivid memories of events and activities I attended at 3 and 4 years old. You sound like a peach, and hopefully that 4 year old remembers the concert rather than the curmudgeon.
Honestly, enough of the adults have problematic behavior at concerts to routinely be awful to be next to. I’m sure it’s also the same adults who use sound on long flights. When churches sound like rock bands, maybe we have lost the ability to do things quietly?
I brought my kid starting at age 3. She didn’t make a peep. It’s about behavior, not age.
Maybe one in a thousand 3 year olds are appropriately behaved enough for a full scale production vs a shorter children’s show. That’s not a criticism of the kid – sitting in silence for 2.5-3 hours is just such a developmentally inappropriate expectation at that age. Three year olds are barely out of toddlerhood — they’re meant to be running around and making noise, not sitting for hours on end without moving or making a peep. It would actually kind of concern me if my 3 year old could do that.
And in my experience the moms who think their kids are the 1 in 1,000 are always wrong.
My kid hated the children’s concerts because all the other kids were loud and rude. I hated them because the kids and parents were loud and rude and the programs were dull
I would say that at least 50% of four-year-olds are developmentally capable of sitting for an hour, which is how long it takes to get to intermission. We just don’t bother to teach them to do it.
At least. I really think a lot of young kids are kind of feral since they’re small enough that corralling them and confining them is still easy enough, and they spend a lot of time in environments where they outnumber adults.
Whether three year old kids make a lot of noise is really cultural in my experience, though the cultures that don’t really set expectations for young kids think they’re the only ones who are right. Moving I think is less so (honestly sitting still for 2.5-3 hrs is not recommended for adults either).
I had one of these kids and it didn’t occur to me that I should worry. Perhaps I should have, because now she’s in college studying conducting.
I am a classical musician who routinely performs with a professional symphony orchestra. The kids are always quiet as mice, because no one brings a poorly behaved child to a concert. The old people who talk, rustle around, crinkle cough drop wrappers, clear their throats, cough, and clap between movements are the problem. As are the adults who arrive late. We almost always have to hold the downbeat because many people are still being seated, and then there are inevitably people seated after we start.
My all-time favorite rude audience member was the old guy in the balcony who yelled “BRAVO!!!” in the rest before the final “Hallelujah” of the Hallelujah Chorus. At least it was during a holiday pops concert and not a full Messiah.
Is that rude or just a mistake? He probably thought it was over.
He obviously thought it was over, but you don’t make noise under the conductor lowers their arms.
Okay, sorry he made a mistake that is still affecting you at least 11 months later.
The point is that it’s not kids who are making all the noise at concerts. It’s adults.
This is a very elitist critique of a naive but well-intentioned mistake. I would be touched by this and not annoyed, but that’s just me.
I wouldn’t repeat this story again. It makes you sound really bad, honestly. This could have been the man’s first ever concert and he showed genuine enthusiasm for it – it’s in no way a “all time worst” rude moment.
Some people are disabled their whole lives. Should they never get to hear a classical concert? Who else doesn’t belong at classical concerts based on how often they need restrooms or care taking?
To me this sounds like a problem with a venue that wasn’t designed to be inclusive of different needs.
I took my severely disabled father to concerts and plays frequently. Hearing/vision/ambulation and more disabilities. Absolutely his needs affected what we were able to see, where, and when. You simply plan. You sit in accessible areas, which are usually near an exit and you know where the accessible bathrooms are. You don’t go to venues that aren’t accessible for parking/entry/seats/bathrooms. You call ahead and plan your visit. Most major venues are very accommodating. But of course you don’t interrupt the pleasure of others. And of course not every performance/venue is going to work for your needs.
Tickets are also very expensive these days. I know this board is rich and maybe they don’t realize that going to some of these performances is a big outing for many in the audience.
I am also a musician and I would have been very upset as performer or an audience member to hear a 3 year old child playing/talking and interrupting the performance 3 times to exit in the middle (and then return?). This child obviously shouldn’t have been there, or the parents should have been sitting in the back or at the end of the row and perhaps listening to the performance in the lobby instead of ruining it for others.
This makes sense to me; I think accommodations are what this family needed and didn’t seek out or arrange.
The problem isn’t that four-year-olds don’t belong at classical concerts. The problem is that the parents of this particular four-year-old didn’t book the right seats and/or expected more from the child than that individual child was capable of.
The rule should be that only people who can sit still and be quiet should attend the symphony. This would permit many children to attend, and exclude many adults.
I took my child a lot of places and got major side eye from people at four-star restaurants and ticketed events. That including plays and concerts, but at that age I would never have taken her to a “real” concert unless it was aimed at children. If someone pays hundreds of dollars for a seat, they deserve to be able to listen to the music and not my kid saying, “mommy I need to go to the bathroom”. (And we would have left the first time she disrupted the event in any way – which was the other reason she learned to behave at less expensive venues!)
There is a vast difference between taking your child to the pops or a community music event (my church hosts them all the time and admission is $20) and taking them to a serious performance. Children need to learn to behave in public and deserve to be exposed to the arts but a child who cannot attend without going to the bathroom multiple times should not be at that performance unless it is explicitly child friendly (and certainly should have been on an aisle seat near an exit if they really just had to be there). It is a matter of basic courtesy and teaching them that they are not the actual center of the universe.
“an adult who cannot attend without going to the bathroom multiple times should not be at that performance unless it is explicitly disability friendly … it is a matter of basic courtesy and teaching disabled people that they are not the actual center of the universe (able bodied people are)”
This is a red herring. ADA seats are typically located where it’s easy to get in and out without disturbing anyone.
Okay. OP is making a problem out of children existing in concert venues instead of focusing on how their needs might be met.
Why should the needs of children be met at every concert venue? Some spaces just aren’t made for them, like a beer garden, a wine bar, etc.
+1. We are all messy, imperfect people and we all deserve to participate in life. The option to listen to music at home is always there for anyone who doesn’t want to deal with others.
What? We don’t just get to do what we want when it spoils the experience for everyone else. Like technically no one is going to arrest you for it, but it makes you selfish.
I promise that no one is ever needing to go to the bathroom at you. As others pointed out, aisle seats and seats near a restroom can help (i.e. seats that are easy to get up from without spoiling the experience for everyone else). Why do you assume that an individual struggling with a space is selfish without considering that some venues were designed in a self-centered way? If a space prioritizes the needs of a subset of people who can fit in small spaces, navigate stairs easily, go a long time without needing to get up, and get up without disturbing other people, that’s a really different subset of people than everyone who would like to hear a live performance.
I would argue that the design of performance spaces doesn’t prioritize the needs of even able-bodied audience members. It prioritizes the desire to cram the largest possible number of paying customers into the smallest possible space.
ADA seating is available for those unable to remain shoehorned into the tiny velvet seats for the duration of the event. It is always situated so that people can come and go without disturbing others.
If your disability causes you to yell during the performance or otherwise disturb the audience and the performers, you should avail yourself of an “inclusive” or “sensory-friendly” performance or a streaming performance.
lol, yes you do actually get to go to the bathroom when you need to and if it “spoils” the experience for anyone else, they’re just looking for negativity. Obviously everyone should be considerate and say excuse me, pardon me, thank you, and all the other niceties, but the theater isn’t reserved for able-bodied adults and it shouldn’t be.
Adults who need to go to the bathroom multiples times should book aisle seats (and I say this as one of those people). But also, people with disabilities are not going to grow out of it and children will. Wait until your four-year-old who cannot sit still for an hour (and some definitely can) is old enough, take them and put them in appropriate seats and teach them the world does not revolve around them so they do not grow up to be the kind of people who take phone calls at their restaurant table or whisper to their companion throughout the slow section of a symphony. I do not understand why this is controversial.
ETA: I am a little bitter at the moment because I just paid through the nose for Le Mis tickets and had a bunch of late arrivals be seated in front of me during “I dreamed a dream” and a child who kept asking what was happening one row over.
It’s not controversial. People are just in their feelings because their own experience/children/needs are paramount and everyone else should adjust to suit them.
Children will or will not grow out of it. But they’ll certainly never have another chance to experience something formative at a young age again. But yes they need appropriate seats and to be taught to be polite. Your own examples demonstrate that it’s not about how old they are, but about how considerate they are, since adults can be rude too.
Most major orchestras explicitly have family friendly or sensory friendly events that are designed to accommodate these issues (mine has at least one concert a month that fits this description), as well as accessible seating and aisle seats for people who might need to get up frequently. I’m one of the people who does advocate taking kids to concerts, but you should either take them to events designed for them or they should be able to sit quietly. Being a child or disabled isn’t an excuse for being rude, and I say this as a disabled person.
This is why it’s appropriate to judge the parents here for not planning better, but it’s a huge distraction to suggest that children should be excluded or banned categorically.
Exactly – OP did not say “OMG there was this perfectly well-behaved child at a performance, what was their parent thinking??” She is saying that a child was brought to a performance when she could not sit through it without wanting to get up multiple times (and as a mother I suspect that was because she wanted to get up; not because she actually needed to use the bathroom that often) or without the need to be entertained by a parent. Sorry not sorry but a classical music performance is not a rock concert. I do not go to listen to the audience.
Enjoying live performances are a community activity, and that’s what makes them great. Learning by doing is how kids learn those manners, and acquire that love for the arts. Sure, some places have special kids performances, but the arts are for everyone, and there’s more to taking in a live performance than just sitting still and listening/watching the orchestra. In some ways the audience has a significant impact on the vibe of the concert. My favorite regional orchestra is my favorite particularly because the audience isn’t the least bit pretentious and is there to enjoy the music.
I would have been livid.
Totally inappropriate.
Boot talk! I am looking for two pairs of boots under $200… one in a flat Chelsea or similar style, and one knee-high pair with a bit of a heel but still comfortable for a bit of walking and not western style. I don’t like the feel of blundstones. Bonus for nonslip/rubberized soles. Do you have boots that fit this profile and do you recommend? Thanks!
Try Sam Edelman, Dolce Vita or Marc Fisher. Lots of mid price styles that are reasonable quality at that price point.
Nisolo may be a brand you’d like and the quality is great for the price.
Nisolo recently went bankrupt. They are still open online, but their current quality is… lacking. I bought shoes from them for years that I wore into the ground. My recent purchases all had a quality control issue, like the soles just split from the shoe one day. Friends have had similar issues or had shoes arrive damaged.
Fluevog has what you want.
Wow, those are some very steampunk-y boots!
Blondos, all the way. They’re the best. Buy on sale.
I need a pair of black work pants, full length to wear with boots and keep my ankles warm, appropriate to wear with a jacket and just-shy-of-a-suit formal. What would you recommend as current but not so flowy they look like PJs?
Spanx perfect pants in wide leg.
Job A or Job B:
A: I currently WFH in a dysfunctional corporate environment making 200K all in. My workaholic boss does things like refer to senior women in our org as “little sisters” in private conversations, suspects everyone of stealing from the company (“no more lunchtime pilates class for X!”, “I bet this wasn’t stolen and he just took it himself!), and brags about the little time he took off work for death of a parent. Not to mention he conveniently forgets when bad direction he issues backfires and immediately finds someone else, often me, to blame, and takes credit for every small crumb of success we have in this really difficult environment. I recently heard him aggressively say no one is going to tank his retirement from this company (5 years left). Honestly, my only hope has been that they will ask him to leave but I can see now that he’s survived this long by constantly twisting facts and throwing people under the bus. I lead 7 teams and 3 of the managers are on the brink of quitting daily. I am emotionally exhausted. Trying to be a good leader and manager, I have tried to communicate to boss that this way of doing things is burning people out and we’re not achieving goals, and maybe just let me put together program rollout plans but to no avail, he wants everything done right now, with his plan, no matter how uniformed the plan and sloppy the result. What I am getting is one more admin headcount to manage this chaos. I work 9-10 hours per day, but am never caught up and think about work constantly. I pull a near-all-nighter about once every two weeks and work at least some every weekend. I am sure the admin would help with this but could be months away, and doesn’t fix boss.
B: I am being offered an onsite job at a small local business as a general manager. It pays about 110K all in. I know the staff personally and like them. It’s an 8.5 hour/day gig, no direct reports. Some participation in community events is expected (not sure yet if this is on a volunteer or paid basis).
WWYD? Stay in A or take B? I have two kids and a husband with a busy job. We’ve been running on fumes since this new boss took over (I handled all of life admin and the majority of logistics prior to this and after dumping half of it on DH, we’re equally dead day in and day out). My household can make the budget work, we just wouldn’t be saving almost anything. Our emergency fund is about 5 months. DH job has been safe so far but the industry is rife with layoffs. We would not be able to support the household on job B income alone. What are some other considerations? College is 7 years away.
I have been searching within my industry for over a year. I have a lot of contacts and have spoken with many people, but no dice and the market is getting worse by the minute. I probably need to go back to school for a graduate degree to get the same job I have now in a different org (currently have AA and BS) but that’s a laughable proposition with the current stress level.
It seems insane to me to take Job B. In general I think you need a very good reason for a major pay cut like that and 1) not being able to save anything (!!) and 2) not being able to support your household when DH is in an industry “rife with layoffs” both seem like pretty huge red flags.
Same. Disengage emotionally from A and keep looking. A is getting a lot of rent free space in your head. Collect the paycheck while you look, nothing is worth a 50% pay cut when your H’s job is precarious. Sometimes we have to deal with things we don’t like because reality.
You’re probably right. Thank you for putting it clearly.
+1
Stay and check out mentally. Grey rock method as much as possible with your boss. Be firm about your hours. Worst they can do is fire you, and you’d get unemployment at a higher rate.
Keep job hunting. A 50% pay cut is insane given your kids ages, and it is harder than you think to work your way back up to a higher salary.
i realize it is easier said than done, but it is ultimately your choice whether or not you think about work constantly. stop pulling all nighters. what industry are you in? what would happen if you didn’t pull an all nighter? given that it is october, i say check out mentally, perhaps give yourself a brief break from actively searching as it is mid october and a lot of hiring slows towards the holidays. figure out a good routine and way to set boundaries and renew the search in the new year.
To get a good job, you often have to turn one down before you land one with the right fit. I would be tempted to take this job too, but can you keep looking instead? Once you change jobs, the excitement/relief will fade and you will have to live with the reality of the pay difference. Maybe that’s ok? What does your spouse think?
With a 90k pay difference, can you dedicate half of that to outsourcing life admin and half of that to savings, and still come out ahead (financially) to the 110k job?
OP here, I think what you’re saying is: take the 90K and throw it at help, and see if that helps with stress level? That’s the thing, I’m already doing this. All of our meals are ordered. We have extended care plus 2x weeknight and 1x weekend babysitter. We have biweekly cleaners. I haven’t been to a store in person in months. I paid another mom to sign up my kids for camps this summer. I artfully plan trips in such a way that my amazing MIL is the one to organize all birthday parties. I laugh when I receive requests to chaperone field trips and send the school a check.
Yeah, sorry for the confusing wording, but that was what I was suggesting. Sounds like you’re already doing it though!
I took Job B except that it paid slightly more than Job A. It derailed my entire career.
Wait, tell me more?
When you step away from a big job it’s really difficult to get back on that track. You lose your network and people look at your resume and think something’s wrong with you.
Voice of partial dissent here. I think it depends on whether you can actually disengage at job A. I had a very toxic work situation with a boss that was insane and it was impossible no matter how much I tried. He would call me 45 times in a row if I didn’t pick up the phone immediately, gaslight constantly, send 30 emails with contradictory instructions at 3 am, do ethically borderline things in front of me that put me in v. difficult situations, talk about colleagues in ways that were very highly problematic to say the least… I eventually left for a much better job but regret staying as long as I did because I feel like my family/personal life and health both suffered. It was hard for me to see this in the moment because I always prided myself on not minding stress and high pressure situations so I thought this was all manageable but he was like a psychic vampire; I feel like stress you control and take on is not the same as stress from an genuinely toxic unwell personnel, especially when it is wholly unnecessary for the job that needs to be done. I currently have a stressful job by many metrics but I love it because I am in control of the stress I need to deal with. If I could go back in time I would tell myself to leave much sooner.
This internet stranger is giving you permission, if you want to take Job B, take it. I took a large pay cut in exchange for a job that doesn’t wake me up at 3am stressed about work, with zero regrets three years on. Yeah, less money sucks, but being able to be fully present in my life outside of working hours is completely worth it. Plus, who knows, with more bandwidth, you might find something else.
I also took a large pay cut for a less stressful job and agree it was completely worth it even though we had to cut out some luxuries. But it sounds like OP’s financial situation is not about cutting back on fun spending and would become really precarious, if she can’t save and would be basically living paycheck to paycheck. That situation is its own kind of stress and I don’t think removing the the job stress would be worth that added financial stress.
The line for me is if living on the income of job B would add more stress than staying in job A. Like, are we taking “sell a car, no vacations, no daycare until spouse gets a job” or are we taking “possibly lose the house and food insecurity”. If it’s the first one, I’d take job B. If it’s the second I would not.
+1 . I took Job B at a 50% pay cut. My Job A was so toxic, my boss was awful, I worked crazy hours, and I wasn’t able to disconnect even with coaching, etc. Job B is financially doable for my family, it’s 9-5 with little stress and I rarely work after those hours, and I’m now able to actually disconnect from work at night (usually, putting aside my own anxiety tendencies…). I’m so much happier now. Definitely worth it for me.
I took a very similar pay cut and have no regrets, but I was comfortable with our financial situation after the pay cut.
I’m so much happier having made the change, but again, I didn’t feel it put us in a financially stressful position
Take Job C: a job you haven’t identified yet. In your shoes, I would definitely plan to leave Job A, but leave well.
My last workplace became a disorganized mess. I emotionally disconnected and job searched. I ended landing a fully remote role that pays better! I’m glad I didn’t end up taking the first opportunity that came to me, which would not have been a good long term fit.
Real question, how do you emotionally disconnect? I feel like managing my boss’s erratic direction is more work than any other relationship. I get an instant headache when he lands another “why isn’t X happening?” at me after explicit “stop X” direction a week ago (over the phone, he never puts anything in writing and gets immediately irate when I write things down). Then he comes at me with “are you a flight risk?” and asks me if the time off I took for an afternoon dentist appointment was for an interview. I’ve worked for a dozen people at my company and this is completely abnormal. I would normally approach my boss with “help me transition to a new role” but I think this guy will just walk me out. I am actually just scared all day.
I don’t think you can do much other than plan to leave asap in that scenario. In the meantime, you put as much as you can in writing so that when you’re asked about why X isn’t happening you can fwd an email from last week where that was discussed. But fair warning this only works so well – in my situation, putting things in writing often just made this guy feel threatened because he understood why I was doing it. He wasn’t oblivious to the fact that he f*cked up, he just wanted someone to blame and plausible deniability that it was him.
Unfortunately, it looks like your ex-boss is now my boss, especially after reading your description above. May I ask how long it took you to find something else and at what point do you wish you’d left?
@1:09 – in case you’re still reading. It took too long – maybe 2.5 years because it was very difficult to look for something while I was psychologically exhausted and constantly dealing with manufactured crises. I think I also spent too long thinking I could figure out a way to deal with the situation and make it work. I wish I had paid attention to the red flags more and just left within the first year or right after. I did learn a lot just due to the nature of the situation and reasons I don’t need to go into here so that was a plus but it was also really toxic in a way that still feels insane to me.
Accept that you cannot change him, or make this job better. Accept that the work will not be the quality that it normally would be.
Prioritize yourself and your life over his desires.
To me, that meant:
– I sleep 8 hours per night.
– I exercise every day, even if it just a walk outside.
– I cap the number of hours for work each day.
– I will get the mandatory work done with the resources I have, and the other work will get done whenever it gets done. (I’m an attorney. If a filing was due to the Court, it was filed on time. Other things may have been late.)
Now that I’m passed it, I am grateful that I learned how to have an emotional distance from work.
I would keep looking. I worked for a similar personality. The first job I was offered was a dead-end type job that would have required a pay cut (not so steep as yours, but I was already paid under market at the time). I kept looking for another few months, which were awful… because I knew a I could have left, but ultimately found a position that was a better fit in the right salary range.
Also, in terms of when I knew it was time to leave– my boss had been toxic the entire time I worked for her, but initially, I felt like if I put in my time, I would earn her respect. When that didn’t happen, I justified it with, “When I get promoted, I will not work for her anymore.” I realized though that she was actually giving me poor performance reviews (while simultaneously saying she needed all my time) to keep me from being promoted… I then developed strategies to work with people other than her to try to get promoted… but I ultimately realized that even if I succeeded at that, the best I could hope for was that I would still be this awful woman’s colleague, knowing that she was mistreating everyone else.
Once I decided I would look for a job, I started reviewing job listings and taking note of areas where I needed more experience for the job I wanted and was very intentional about requesting assignments that would help me build a better resume– that made the waiting process somewhat better.
Are there expenses you can cut or lifestyle choices you can make that would allow Job B to work for you?
FWIW, I am the sole provider for my family and we live comfortably in our MCOL city on not much more than Job B, including putting our youngest through college with no debt and maxing out our retirement funds. We drive paid-cash used cars and don’t take fancy vacations, but that is a conscious decision we made to avoid Job A dumpster fires.
has anyone opened a donor-advised fund with a small amount of money, like $5k? thinking about it as a way to save on capital gains taxes with some stocks that are up like 1000%+
Why not just give a nonprofit the stock directly? You get the same tax advantage as a donor advised fund and don’t have to bother with setting one up, losing some of the gift to fees, etc.
In my experience, most nonprofits gladly accept gifts of appreciated stock.
Why not just give a nonprofit the stock directly? You get the same tax advantage as a donor advised fund and don’t have to bother with setting one up, losing some of the gift to fees, etc.
In my experience, most nonprofits gladly accept gifts of appreciated stock.
Yes – mine is with Fidelity Charitable (all my investments are with Fidelity, so easy connection) and I have been able to give to a wide range of charities, large and small, international and local. I can also make reoccuring gifts. Vanguard and Schwab are two other large ones – check with your brokerage house if they are also a daf sponsor.
Yes, I have one at Fidelity. It is a fantastic way to make the most of your giving when you have highly appreciated stock, rather than giving cash.
I don’t give stock to organizations directly because I donate to 10 or 20 different organizations over the year, at different times of year. So I like being able to donate stock to my Donor Advised Fund once a year to beef it up and get the deduction for that, and then disperse the funds whenever I want to whomever I want.
It is more of a hassle to donate stock 20 times a year to different organizations and keep track of that for tax purposes.
And thanks OP for reminding me – I want to donate to MIT right now to thank them for refusing to sign Trump’s “higher education funding agreement”. We have to support the few Universities, legal efforts / firms, and companies that refuse to bend to Trump’s extortion.
GoFundMe has DAFs now. They’re supposed to be very easy.
I did with Fidelity Charitable – I think it was $10K to start?
I’m not sure how significant the tax benefit was, but I did fund it with stock.
I like the DAF process as it allows me to be a little more mindful of where I’m sending money.
My family and I are supposed to visit my hometown next week and stay with my sister. While my sister and I are pretty close, we’ve had some tension lately that culminated in a minor “fight” (fight is too strong of a word, but I don’t know what else to call it) last week. I told her to let me know when she was ready to talk and haven’t heard anything from her. Unfortunately, there’s a lot going on next weekend and hotels/Airbnbs are completely booked so it’s not easy to pivot to different accommodations.
Should I text and ask if she’s still cool with us staying with her? If so, do I give her a few more days to cool down? I don’t feel like I need to apologize for the “fight” and I assume she feels she doesn’t either and this is the longest we’ve gone without talking in a very long time.
does someone need to apologize or is it the sort of fight that you can both just move past? i assume from your post that you two are very close. could you write something like, “I love you and I hope we can both just move past our disagreement by agreeing to disagree. We are expecting to still see you next week but if you don’t want us to stay please let me know.”
It could go either way. She’s been having a hard time lately and I feel like I’ve put up with being her punching bag a bit too long, so there’s part of me that wants her to apologize, or at least acknowledge that she’s been giving me a hard time.
Next weekend, like the 18th-19th? I would text now. If it’s the weekend of the 25th you can give her a few more days to cool down.
The 24th/25th so I could give it a few more days.
Where do we find men’s clothes that are extra soft? I’m looking for something like Loft’s Lou and Grey line but for men – very soft but not super expensive. I’m trying to buy something for my boyfriend that’s a step above his usual Target comfy clothes.
I think my husband’s softest attire comes from Lululemon, but that may not be the style you’re thinking of. Maybe gap cashsoft?
Uniqlo?
Marine Layer! That’s kind of their whole thing.
I didn’t know that, and it makes total sense now. I actually hate their fabric but love their styling, and whenever I go into a store, I walk out without buying because I hatehatehate how the fabric feels. So good to know it’s made for other people specifically, and on purpose, and not me.
Ha, I love the fabric but hate the muddy colors and the cuts.
Ugh my latest obsession. Them and Faherty are new brands to us, and DH loves them.
Vuori, but that might be pricier than you want. It lasts forever, though.
+1
Any washer/dryer recommendations?? Or tips on how you choose? Ones to stay away from?
Budget?
Hadnt thought about budget — willing to spend for a good product that will last.
Speed Queen.
Measure your space. Apparently washers have grown exponentially since our house was built 30 years ago, and there is exactly one model on the market now that will fit into our laundry closet.
I am very happy to have switched from a gas dryer to a heat pump dryer.
It doesn’t require a vent. I’m super thrilled not to have to clean the vent or have time when I’m procrastinating on cleaning the vent where I worry about fire risk.
It also is a lot more efficient than a standard electric dryer.
I bought Miele, which was compatible with 110 outlets and fit in my tight space stacked. However, I don’t know that it’s necessarily better than competitors.
I just stick with top loader washers.
Stick with top loader — we had a front loader and they’re not worth it at all, from a price perspective, repair perspective, or cleaning perspective.
Top load forever.
I am having a guilt spiral. My mother in law came and stayed with us for 3 months (we got married this year, so it was her first long visit). By and large, it was a wonderful visit and I feel very bonded with her now. But this last week I was PMSing and irritable, so a lot of small things were annoying me. Little things like calling me into her room to show me how to make a bed and telling me should I make ours every morning, or commenting on tidiness levels in the house, or telling me I should dress better becuase I’ll only be young once (this one was pretty often). The bed-making thing made me feel like even my bedroom was getting inspected for tidiness, and she has made previous comments about our dresser being untidy and how she wanted to tidy it for us, which made me think she must have been looking in our dresser too. I also got annoyed because she said that it is very hard for her to stay in the U.S. for 3 months because of how expensive everything is, and the currency difference between her country and the U.S. But she and her husband are extremely wealthy by U.S. standards, and she spent thousands on designer shopping during the visit. We have been picking up most restuarant tabs at DH’s insistence, which felt a tiny bit backwards to me, so hearing her say how hard it is for her to get by in the U.S. felt like an implication that we are better off or contributing to DH wanting to pay for everything.
I don’t think I showed this annoyance at all, but I did push back against when she was talkign about money and currency by saying, “It’s very hard for us too! Everything is so expensive – even for us” and acting a bit oblivious to the currency exchange aspect. When she told me to start making my bed, I tried to be receptive, but was perhaps a little bit more curt than usual in getting out of the room. It was more my internal thoughts than how I acted them out, or that I vented to my mom about feeling frustrated.
Anyway, now I feel like a huge AH and I wish I hadn’t indulged annoyances or felt annoyed the last few days. I feel like I should have been better about realizing I was getting into an annoyance spiral and not indulging it since it’s all so petty.
Is annoyance with loved ones normal? Should I feel guilty about this?
i think everyone gets annoyed with loved ones from time to time. reading this makes me every so grateful i am not from a culture where it is common for your MIL to come stay with you for 3 months the year you get married. i would’ve lost my mind. granted, that wouldn’t have been possible in our 500 sq foot nyc apartment, but this sounds miserable for all. what has she been doing for 3 months?!?
+1
Seriously, OP. You sound like an angel. I would have killed by now.
No reason to feel any guilt. You are human. Time for family to go, and I suggest that 3 month visits are too long for the future.
The answer to your questions is 1) yes and 2) no, imo.
But it sounds like there are huge cultural differences between you and Dh that should have been worked out in premarital counseling. Neither my husband or I would allow a MiL to live with us for 3 months or talk to us this way, and I wouldn’t have married a guy who wasn’t on the same page about that. Since you’re already married I think the best bet is talking to your husband and making sure you’re on the same page going forward as much as possible with how you deal with her.
So DH and I did discuss beforehand and I always said in-laws could stay with us for however long they want, since I would love to have that option for mine as well. I think the thing is that I don’t know how to set boundaries with her without feeling guilty, and also that I don’t know if it’s even appropriate since it’s sort of baked into just big cultural differences? Like after the bed-making thing I expressed all my frustration to my husband and he was so receptive and said he would go talk to her about boundaries. But I really didn’t want him to because I didn’t want her to feel like she couldn’t be herself or express herself normally. She is a very loving person and a caretaker and I think a lot of the impulses that can come off as intrusive come from a good place.
it sounds like you think your MIL is a very decent person! that’s a gift, cherish it. I think if it irks you you could say to her, “I know it comes from a good place but I’m a married adult and this is my house and i would appreciate it if you didn’t comment on my housekeeping” or similar
IDK, it sounds to me like you are erasing yourself for everyone else’s comfort.
Yes, this. The answer to one question—how do I set boundaries without feeling guilty?—is that you figure out what boundaries you need to set and why (eg, she shouldn’t be in your bedroom, because that’s your private space) and then practice kindly but firmly letting her know. With more practice, it will come more easily.
Boundaries help everyone.
couldn’t have put it better myself!
Was the bed making suggestion an improvement? I ask because it sounds like you want (and have!) a close relationship with this person. If the advice is good, and you’re receptive to advice generally, and this person will be welcome in your home for months at a time for the rest of your married life, I’d accept it as something offered with good intentions and try to feel better about your annoyance (it happens to everyone.)
My MIL is only a few hours away, so we can see her whenever we want, but if she was farther away and wanted to come for months at a time to spend time with her son, I can’t imagine a scenario where I’d say no. Mother/child relationships are important and should be honored, even once you are married.
You can honor a mother/child relationship without having someone living in your house. My husband and I would both be fine having in-laws visit our city for extended periods of time and would potentially help with housing costs if it was an obstacle, but neither of us wants anyone including in-laws living in our house for months. But like I said, it’s cultural. There isn’t a right or wrong answer, the important thing is being in agreement with your spouse.
Cross cultural marriages and family relationships are intrinsically hard! It’d be weird if you weren’t annoyed and aggravated at least some times; and you are pretty much guaranteed to annoy and aggravate your in-laws at some points as well (so don’t set the impossible bar for yourself at “never ever offend them”). So from that perspective, all this sounds very very normal and not something to feel guilty about.
You are still newlyweds and you hosted your MIL for THREE MONTHS? No, no, no, nononono. You are NTA.
Ummmmm
Losing my dang mind.
Boss 1: “Add a line to the report about the X statement on the Y website.”
Me: “Ok.”
Me: “Boss, I can’t find X statement. Perhaps we should stick with Y statement.”
Boss 1: “It said there was an X statement.”
Me, to myself: “It?” What “it?”
Boss 2: “Here’s the link.”
Me, to myself: WTH!
Me: “Bosses, I am so curious where that came from because it’s not in the Press Release section even though the URL indicates it should be.”
Boss 2: “Oh, it was in Trade Newsletter.”
You couldn’t have forwarded me the newsletter?? Seriously? Just send me on a wild goose chase?
This happens to me regularly, where my bosses will ask me to do something and give me half the info I need to do it. It’s not me over here being stupid, right? It’s a them thing? Losing my mind. I regularly feel so, so dumb here.
I’m not sure I follow. Are you not able to google the statement to find the source, or poke around the different sections to find it? This is what being junior to your boss involves: your time is less costly to the company than your boss’s time, so you do the grunt work.
+1. It’s unclear whether this is information that is readily discernible and just not provided, or if the bosses are actually not providing information that’s needed to do tasks.
I run a team of folks, and when I assign tasks, I’ll give guidance (and more of it to brand new or new-ish reports), but I’m also expecting that my team members will be able to do some problem-solving and information-gathering on their own. At least in my business, if I have to provide all the salient information that would be needed to complete the task, I may as well be doing the task myself.
I don’t know your IRL job, but part of it may well be following your boss’s work closely enough that you can anticipate this stuff. So now you know they regularly read Trade Newsletter, which means it’s now on the list of sources you’ll check next time (and it may be something you want to read in the future, too!).
But also, it sounds like the URL was such that your boss would’ve thought this was an easy find, so it’s not really an issue they didn’t send the link initially.
Mine does this and worse all the dang time.
“This half-baked draft is perfect–exactly what I need to get me started. I will edit it extensively and handle the layout.”
Two weeks later: “This half-baked draft is entirely inadequate! You should have sent me a finished product laid out and ready for release.”
On an e-mail chain: “Anonymous, please weigh in on the rule for counting the number of widgets we produce.”
[I reply reminding everyone of the rule and giving detailed examples of its application.]
Then Boss goes and tells a co-worker that what she really wanted was for me to count the widgets, not weigh in on the counting rule. She tells co-worker to tell me to count the widgets.
This is perfectly normal but also infuriating. If checking the usual sources (google, anywhere your bosses normally read) doesn’t turn up what you need, it seems fine in your company culture to ask politely.
Wouldn’t all that leather be kinda heavy.
That skirt with those boots, it’s giving butcher shop vibes.
My brother loves Vuori sweatpants — Costco has good dupes.