Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Jersey Vest
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I’m still not totally confident that I can pull off a vest at work, but I’ve been seeing so many folks wearing them that it’s making me feel a little braver. As a preliminary step, I’m leaning towards wearing something like this jersey vest from H&M as a shell under a blazer. I think it would look great with this polka dot skirt for a fun, spring-y vibe, but I’d be happy to hear other suggestions!
The vest is $24.99 at H&M and comes in sizes XS-XL.
Sales of note for 4/24:
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 30% off your purchase PLUS $50 off $100! Readers love this popover blouse, and their suiting is also in the sale.
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Brooklinen – 25% off sitewide — we have and love these sateen sheets
- Evereve – Now through Sunday: up to 70% off! Markdowns include Alex Mill, Michael Stars, Sanctuary, Rails, Xirena, and Z-Supply
- Express – $39+ Summer Styles
- J.Crew – Friends & Family Event, 30% off your purchase! Good deals on blazers and boots
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything, extra 50% off clearance, and extra 20% off $125+
- Lands' End – 50% off full price styles and 60% off all clearance and sale – lots of ponte dresses come down under $25, and this packable raincoat in gingham is too cute
- Loft – Friends & Family event, 40% off entire purchase + extra 15% off + free shipping
- M.M.LaFleur – This weekend only, save 25% on dresses. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
- Nordstrom – 1500+ new women's markdowns
- Sephora – Up to 50% off hair deals today only – includes Shark Beauty tools! (See our recent discussion on how to upgrade the Revlon brush.)
- Talbots – Friends & Family event, 30% off entire purchase – today only, free shipping, no minimum
- TOCCIN – Use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off!
- Vivrelle – Looking to own less stuff but still try trends? Use code CORPORETTE for a free month, and borrow high-end designer clothes and bags!

In every 401k and 403b I’ve ever had, you can rebalance in one request simply by specifying the target percentage allocation. Some accounts can even be set to automatically rebalance at intervals or when the allocation gets too far off target. I want to consolidate several old accounts and recently opened up a rollover account at Fidelity. To my chagrin, the trading process in the rollover account is much more manual than it is in my Fidelity employer account. You have to specify the number of shares of each fund you want to sell, wait one business day for the transaction to clear, then specify the number of shares of each fund you want to buy. The cynic in me thinks this is to push people towards costly active management. I am looking for a rollover account where I can rebalance just as seamlessly as I can in my employer accounts, and preferably set up automatic rebalancing. Does this exist anywhere? Maybe Vanguard?
The same thing happened to me when I left my higher ed employer (where I had 403b/457 employer-sponsored accounts) for self-employment and opened a Roth IRA. All Fidelity. I assumed it was just a feature of non-employer accounts. It’s not a big deal and if you know you don’t want active management (I don’t either) it’s easy to avoid it.
Yeah, I would just rollover it into vanguard and sell what you have and then put it into target date fund. Have any disbursements set to auto invest back into the target date fund.
I was struck by this as well at Fidelity. I finally went with a target-date fund, which I have heretofore avoided because they are more conservative than I wanted to be, but I went with one that is 10 years younger than my actual target. Anyway, I picked Fidelity because the Bogleheads posters seem so high on them, but I am not impressed. I found a clear error on their website about depositing checks using the app (the website says you can deposit any rollover check; in fact, there is a $2M limit that they don’t tell you about until you call and ask why you keep getting an error); it took forEVER for the funds to settle and be available for investment (10 days-my husband’s, from the exact same source, was available much sooner); and the very manual process to invest or rebalance. I am leaving it there but wish I’d gone with Vanguard or Schwab.
There are some annoying things about Fidelity. Their newest version of the App does not work on my phone, so I have to buy a new phone (mine isn’t very old!) if I want to be depositing checks remotely.
Fidelity customer service is also waning. When I refused to invest in their managed index funds, instead following Bogleheads principals on my own, my Wealth advisor assigned to me dropped me. Now I have a problem regarding one of my accounts that I have called Fidelity about 4 times over more than a month, and each time a customer service agent says someone will call me back, yet it never happens. Of note – their delay costs me money and makes them money.
I really like Vanguard’s funds in general, but their website and customer service is worse than Fidelity’s. And it is hard to beat Fidelity’s ease for coordinating investment accounts/retirement/cash account (which I use as my remote “bank”)/bill pay/credit card – all on one login screen.
I think Fidelity is moving more to pushing their products, and reducing customer service to try to make more money. But Vanguard was doing the same when I left.
I love the vest look but i don’t think i could rock it at work because i always need something over my shoulders, i think the three piece suit is actually a snazzy look but not something i am likely to invest in.
I see what you did there (in-VEST in)
Vests over a long sleeve top are ubiquitous in my office right now. Not sure vests alone will make the cut, even when the weather heats up.
This looks like 1990s cosplay to me.
But aren’t we cosplaying all the time? We have run out of ideas and the fashion industry just recycles for us.
Thanks to all that suggested dresses and links yesterday to me, appreciated those. I am leaning heavily towards a dress that has very think spaghetti straps and my usual rule as a DDD heavily endowed woman on a petite frame is to never buy a dress that requires specialty b ras but wondering if technology has improved enough to try again. I am readig mixed reviews for “cakes” for bigger busts and appreciate any leads/tips ideally with good return policies. Thanks again!
I’m a 32DDD. I use the stick-on bras for a backless dress, but I wouldn’t use them for anything else. (That particular dress is made of a thick material, had a high neck, and hugs my body.) For spaghetti straps, I always use a strapless bra.
My strong recommendation is to do the A Bra That Fits calculator (google it), because a DDD is actually not a large size at all and that suggests you’re wearing the wrong size. I am able to comfortably wear a strapless as a K cup because my band size is correct.
+1 Definitely use the calculator on that sub to make sure you’re wearing the correct size. Most women are wearing bras where the band size is too big and cup size is too small.
OP, please do the A Bra That Fits calculator, it will improve your life, regardless of which dress you pick. If you consider yourself larger chested, it’s unlikely a DDD cup on any band size is correct for you.
I find longline strapless bras to be infinitely more comfortable than standard, thanks to the extra surface area that provides the support.
IME no, there’s no new magic bullet and nothing will be remotely comfortable. I’d pick another dress, that one will just be unworn.
My opinion (also DDD): strapless bras continue to be awful, I refuse to be uncomfortable, and I will not purchase any garment that requires a specialty bra.
Im a 30DDD. Properly fitted strapless bra isn’t that bad. I wore one to my DD’s bat mitzvah and danced like a maniac. One thing to be aware of in getting fitted is you use a smaller band size (28DDDD for me). I learned from getting fitted at Town Shop on UWS.
Get a roll of body tape and watch some tutorials! Signed, a DD
How do you clean a dish rack? I’ve had mine for way too long and it’s getting harder to clean. Lots of pink mold despite lots of runs thru the dishwasher.
may be time to replace, they don’t last forever. I run mine through the dishwasher now and again and try to wash it with hot water and soap weekly. maybe leave it soaking in bleach overnight?
Spinning brush tool and hand cleaning.
The pink mold grows from soap scum, so you probably need to attack it with something that’s not… soap. Time for elbow grease with a small round bottle brush and vinegar & water.
This is what I do. Mine gets more hard water build up than pink mold, but I’d do the same thing for that.
yep – citric acid soak and scrub for ours
Time to throw it out and replace it.
One of those little green scrubby pads and some elbow grease. Then clean it more often going forward so the scum doesn’t build up.
I don’t find the dishwasher to be very good at getting this type of biofilm off, tbh. Instead, if I am doing a load of handwash dishes, I will first wash the dish rack in the sink and then the dishes.
OP here – I guess the new question is, can anyone recommend a good dish rack? This one is particularly hard to clean by hand because it has relatively large posts sticking up.
Depends what you use it for. I prefer a relatively unstructured one since it’s mostly for drying the coffee pot and pots / pans / large bowls, not individual fragile plates or glassware. So the $15 ones at Target are fine for that.
I like the dish mat. Then I can just throw the mat into the washer and dryer and I never have to scrub.
I like the powder-coated steel ones from Yamazaki Home. They aren’t cheap, but they’re well-made, easy to clean, and last a long time (going on 10 years for mine).
Old toothbrush. (And the last time a kid had committed some offense so it was his job.)
TLDR: Incident with boss caused crippling anxiety attack, week later put on PIP and feels like termination is imminent. Mental health professional suggested using mental health episode to buy time of some kind but not sure what that means or how that would work.
Asking for a dear friend I’ll call “A” who is in a very unproductive, unhealthy work environment. It’s been hostile at times, emotionally abusive at times, manipulative, and in the most mundane of times between the bigger incidents, just deeply, deeply disorganized. There is no direction – a major priority this week is forgotten about next. He’s been there less than 2 years and at the 12-13 month mark this summer the red flags were flying, and he’d made the decision to leave but couldn’t pull the trigger for Reasons quite yet (that ship has sailed at this stage). A also has well managed ADHD and a mild history of anxiety, fwiw. Has never had issues holding a job – last job was for 10+ years but was laid off when his company was acquired. He’s had bi-weekly calls with his boss since day 1 and performance reviews – all positive. No areas to improve on whatsoever.
First week of Feb A’s [fully remote – no one else is fully remote fwiw] boss freaked out at him, yelled at him through a zoom call. It was bad. He has witnesses who have corroborated how bad it was. Boss was upset with A’s perceived body language (though ultimately agreeing A’s idea was correct) during a professional disagreement over a strategy to execute something. It ended with Boss yelling “do you even want to be here?” and just total escalation. A hung up and had a full blown anxiety attack, couldn’t get out of bed for three days (happened on a Friday). He consulted his two mental health professionals for support and meds. All documented.
A week later A gets put on a PIP. He’s on week 4 of the 6-week PIP. We’re all sure he’s getting axed the last week of March and he’s been applying for jobs. This is not ideal for several reasons, but by no means will financially ruin him or his husband. He’s just pissed.
The PIP that he was forced to sign included a weekly check in requirement with said boss. Boss has either skipped without announcement, rescheduled several times or cancelled the check ins. He’s had 3 in the 4 weeks on the PIP so far, but not with out much production to actually get them done. This company and these people just suck. The person in the role before A was fired after 18 months. I know I have a sympathy bias for my good friend, but two firings in a row signal to me there’s significant culpability with the team/company/boss and not the individual.
Anyway. The real question is: A’s mental health professional mentioned to A that he could potentially file FMLA (?) or otherwise use the anxiety/mental health event that was 100% triggered by the boss’ most recent outburst to buy some more time. The question is – what would the goal be for that? We’re in MA so there is paid FMLA, so maybe that was his angle – earn a few more months of pay, and use that time to apply to jobs? Would this just likely delay the inevitable termination at the end of any FMLA period?
They can terminate you while on FMLA. You just can’t be fired *because* of the FMLA. Some employers may be hesitant to fire an Employee while on FMLA, because it increases the odds of a lawsuit. But FMLA is definitely not a silver bullet for avoiding termination, and in this case where the groundwork for termination (PIP etc) long predates the FMLA request, my guess is they’ll go through with firing him either way.
In this situation I would just focus getting through the last two weeks and then moving on to a better position.
a dude who just had a crippling anxiety attack wants to attach himself to an abusive company for a few more weeks to milk fmla? I think you should advise he cut ties and focus on the job hunt and coping skills for the next time he gets a crazy boss.
+10000
+1 – this just does him more damage because he has to manage his communication with this mess longer.
If it wouldn’t cause financial ruin, cut ties. He’ll feel better and begin to heal from the bad workplace.
Also agree this isn’t a real fix. (Unless he in good faith thinks he’s going to use the FMLA time to get better and then want to rejoin this company!?)
Also… If he wants to put sand in the wheels he should flag today that the weekly check-ins have been canceled and ask that the PIP be extended by 4 weeks to make up for that. But back to point 1 – does he really want to keep dealing with this mess or does he want to move on?
This is something that your friend should talk to a local employment lawyer about. Public speculation about leveraging FMLA when it’s not actually needed (?!) is not the way.
To clarify: the professional thinks it’s needed and is recommending it, repeatedly. Friend just wants to get out of the company but asked me to help figure out what there was to gain by going on FMLA. I’m assuming it would give him space from the job, a mental break and a little time to get his life together, get organized, which he’s struggling to do while managing this cluster of a job, PIP and boss, and his anxiety. He’s now in 2x weekly therapy and on some strong meds he hasn’t been on ever.
Is that professional recommending it for his mental health? Or because they think it is somehow a gotcha card that will keep the employer from firing him? Being a mental health expert does not make them an employment law expert. Your friend should be cautious about taking advice from a professional as gospel truth when it is in an area outside of that professional’s expertise.
This. Wild to me that a therapist is acting like an employment lawyer.
yes, this x1000. Your friend. Should call. A lawyer.
Call an employment lawyer, plaintiffs side for advice and stop posting on the internet.
I think you’re conflating PFML with FMLA which are not the same. Assuming he’s going to be fired at the end of the 6 weeks – so 2 weeks from now – he’s unlikely to even get pfml approved by then (at least based on timelines in my state). There’s a chance it could get him a period of paid leave, but he could still be fired for whatever other documented reasons, his job is just protected from being eliminated Because of the leave. I’ve had loved ones in toxic situations like this and would also recommend they just focus on negotiating any severance they can & moving on. A lot of times getting caught up in the ‘I didn’t do anything wrong, I shouldn’t be forced out’ cycle EVEN THOUGH IT’S TRUE is just counterproductive and can carry over into their next role, especially for someone who already deals with anxiety. The quicker you can get out of a toxic, awful situation like that, the better.
Thank you. I think I am conflating the two. Again, this job is awful and he’s suffering big time. He hasn’t been himself in several weeks, and he’s on some pretty intense meds. I think the best option for him is to just cut and run, focusing on the separation/severance if he can get it, as you said. He has the means to do so.
Rest assured the medical professional is excellent. I think the reactions are to my poor wording and overall confusion of what FMLA is/does (hence the post). Even still, the responses are helping direct me a bit to figure out what questions to ask next, if that’s the path he wants to explore further.
Putting him on intense meds and trying to advise him on FMLA and not having succeeded at getting him to a better place with his mental health than this over time aren’t the greenest flags to me, but maybe I’m not hearing the bigger context.
This isn’t at Omnicell, is it? It sounds so much like my former boss that I had to ask. (If the answer is yes, I’ll post a burner email.)
Actual advice: he should go to HR and ask for FMLA. He should also hire an attorney like yesterday.
Delaying the inevitable termination? Nah, the goal is for him to have a new job at the end.
If I were A I’d get out before the PIP ended and I got fired. Especially since his spouse is employed.
If your friend can manage filing for FMLA without the continued engagement with the company harming his mental health more, yes, it has (potential but not guaranteed) upsides and little downside.
1- They can fire him while on FMLA but some companies are reluctant to
2- if they don’t fire him on FMLA, he gets several weeks to recover + apply for jobs while still being employed/avoid bias from employers who don’t want to hire people who got fired
3- Is his insurance through work? Being on FMLA let’s him keep that in this stressful time/not have a new deductible/not need to worry about finding a new plan with his current doctors
4- the job market is beyond terrible. If there’s any chance taking FMLA would help him stabilize enough to stay in this job, that would be an advantage (irrelevant if they’re definitely going to fire him, but if there’s still a chance…)
5-If FMLA is paid in your state, he can delay starting unemployment for that much longer
HR Person here:
The health insurance issue is significant. If he loses that he will be without coverage. Options for COBRA or independent coverage are expensive.
Consult a labor attorney ASAP- Drop everything and do it RIGHT NOW. Talk to a lawyer about all options, and include possible ADA status due to debillitating anxiety. IME most employers are very reluctant to fire someone with ADA status no matter the history.
A person who is employed is nearly always more appealling to an employer than someone who is unemployed, IME. Holding on and being able to say you’re employed, even if you’re on leave, is preferable if your friend can manage it. Good luck! This situation sounds absolutely horrible.
My sister in law passed the U.S. citizenship test and I would like to get her something nice. Any ideas? Flowers are always nice, but I am open to any other ideas!
What about a luxe passport holder?
+1
Is she local? We had a party for friends who became citizens, and made a lot of classic American foods and a flag cake with blueberries and strawberries.
Such a cute idea! She is not! I was thinking about sending my brother some cash to get an apple pie and some champagne.
In this vein, how about apple pie?
cute idea! you could also do a pie charm like this
https://www.etsy.com/listing/641827217/apple-pie-charm-handmade-polymer-clay
Or if it matches her style at all, a nice note and a baseball cap for her local area’s minor league team
it depends on her style, but if she’s into necklaces some version of this might be cool –
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/love-usa-america-map-heart-necklace-sterling-silver/8749449?color=Silver&size=one+size&country=US¤cy=USD&utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=seo_shopping&utm_channel=low_nd_seo_shopping&srsltid=AfmBOoqx9p63h7JVUYa7sd2h1vPnUM7ReGe8Rf8TYKQRVKvyjWZoEkhcFXk
What about an Ann Hand broach? Good enough for Hilary Clinton and Madeleine Albright.
I’ve given flags flown over the Capitol, and they were a hit! https://www.aoc.gov/what-we-do/programs-ceremonies/capitol-flag-program
When a family member became an American citizen, we had business cards printed with an American flag template (standard option on websites that print such cards) that said something like “Jane Doe, American citizen”. They were a big hit.
The inside of my ears are so itchy and I don’t know what I can do about it. I’m almost 50. Does anyone else have this issue? It sounds like a weird reason to go see a doctor.
i haven’t but i actually saw on some instagram video that it is, in fact, a peri menopause symptom.
That’s a classic (and yet weird) perimenopause symptom! I don’t know that a doc can do much about it, but if you were otherwise curious about HRT or other peri coping mechanisms, it might be a good entry point. Benadryl helps me, but at bedtime only lest I fall asleep at my desk.
Have you tried Zyrtec?
I have found that using a little bit of baby oil in my ears (yes, I use a q-tip to apply it, but I don’t go deep into the ear) helps. Years ago my doctor suggested using baby oil or mineral oil to help with wax buildup. My ears kept getting blocked before I started using the baby oil, they really don’t any more.
One tip – I have seen sea buckthorn supplements recommended for itchy years, so I tried them, but they gave me heart palpitations. Just an FYI.
I’ve also heard some Flonase on a q tip helps this, but I have no experience.
I heard this too.
Yes! It’s one of the many indignities of peri and menopause. Many people take 1000 mg/day of sea buckthorn oil for this symptom. I’ve been taking it for several months, and it seems to help.
That’s a new one.
Mineral oil drops or aquaphor applied GENTLY with a q-tip.
I’ve heard some people have success with flonase applied with a q-tip, but doctors don’t recommend it.
Hormones for sure. My ears were so itchy when I was pregnant, and I know it can come on when you’re in peri. Zyrtec can help too but you’ve got other advice as well.
I’m 48 and my whole body has started to get itchy. Lotion doesn’t always help. I’ve started taking a Zyrtec and that helps.
I’ll keep saying this (especially if you are in tick-rich areas) but itchiness and hives were symptoms of my Alpha Gal. It took me three years to connect the dots and get a diagnosis.
just had to google alpha-gal — i’d seen someone (here?) say it before and thought it was weird terminology for being a Type A girl. Like instead of an alpha bro it’s an alpha gal.
It was this thought exactly that compelled me to put in the “tick rich area” language!!
My husband gets this from eczema.
Posted yesterday but it was late on the morning thread- My future SIL is graduating from psyd school in May and starting a post bacc in September. I’d like to get her a graduation gift. Any ideas? (I will also need to give a bridal shower gift a month later and usually I’d just buy from the registry but they don’t have much on there). Someone suggested framing her diploma but idk how her undergrad one is framed and I probably should’ve added to my OP that her parents live in a 4 million dollar house, though she is extremely down to earth and not at all flashy, but she won’t have any debt or anything. Any ideas for graduation and/or bridal shower? We’ve got the wedding gift covered.
you don’t mention how much you want to spend?
Flexible on budget as I can sort of rebalance as needed between shower gift and graduation gift. Maybe like $300 between the two gifts? Is that appropriate? Could also go up if needed
I’d do nice earrings, that’s my signature graduation gift. Or a bracelet if no pierced ears. But never ever a diploma frame. No one besides a first year lawyer decorates with those.
And doctors. But I’m confused about what psyd school is. I usually think of a postbacc as more school you do between undergrad and grad school (usually for premeds), so I’m confused about her age and professional status.
PsyD is doctor of psychology. It qualifies you to practice as a psychologist. But yeah it’s a terminal degree and a grad degree, so I don’t under the post-bacc thing either. “Bacc” in that phrase stands for baccalaureate, ie undergrad.
I’m guessing OP meant “postdoc[toral fellowship]” not “post-bacc.” Very different to anyone in academia but people mix them up.
What I meant was it’s a very junior move.
I suggested that yesterday, and very clearly caveated that only if she’s in a field where displaying them is the norm. I also am not terribly familiar with psyd school, assumed it was psychology of some sort, which seems a field that does post them on the walls.
I’d still never do it. I never take graduation gift so literally. Something to commemorate the occasion, yes. A diploma holder, no. My brand is not “I shop at things Remembered.”
And accountants and medical professionals of many varieties.
Don’t most medical and mental health professionals display their diplomas and certificates in their offices?
It kinda sounds like you are concerned you won’t be able to impress her, and that there are lot of events coming up. Maybe just give her something small to acknowledge her graduation – a card with a nice note and some flowers – and don’t start off your relationship with her on a gifts-for-every-occasion foot?
Agreed.
I think this is right. It sounds lovely. For the shower I’d probably stick to the registry, err on the generous side of what I usually spend. I’d make it a point to introduce myself and get to know her friends and family at the event. I honestly think being the kind welcoming sister in law who introduces people and lets the bride to be shine is what matters most there. You probably know this already but it took me too long to figure out: the real rockstar sister in laws don’t necessarily give the most over the top gifts. They make sure the bride’s grandmother has a comfortable seat and introduce themselves to the aunties.
I really think this graduation is one of those occasions where the acknowledgment matters more than the money spent or the thing given.
+ 1 million
I’d be a no to the diploma frame. I feel like that is something that she’ll buy herself and frame the way she wants it if she wants it at all.
I feel like a broken record since I just suggested similar above, but a simple pretty necklace has always been a nice gift for me. I get them rarely, but I wear the one my sister in law got me 10 years ago in a necklace stack. My sister got me a different necklace that I will occasionally wear out. They’re small and they last a long time. Something like below would be nice. Plus the packaging is fun!
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/celestial-ties-silver-necklace/8385419?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FBrands%2FKarma%20and%20Luck&color=040
Graduation – can you ask your sibling what’s on her wish list? Like, maybe she has a TRR Obsessions list that she shares with them.
Shower – hopefully she is planning to register for more as the shower date approaches, because otherwise she is going to end up with a lot of stuff she doesn’t want and may have trouble returning. If you see a gift you like at your price point that’s already on there… snap it up now.
Is the small registry a sign she wants cash? I realize cash at a shower can be awkward for some, but you could get her a gift card for a restaurant or something related to their honeymoon plans if you know?
Depending on how much you want to spend, a nice work bag? It doesn’t have to be fancy (a canvas tote works!) but something that’s more sophisticated than what someone might use in school.
sounds like the shower is in June? I’d wait til closer, odds are high they’ll add more to the registry.
For grad, beautiful flowers and a nice card. I think from a SIL, I wouldn’t be expecting anything so just being thought of in a kind and slightly frivolous or fun way is the way to go. Leave the fancy work bag or pearls etc. to her parents. Otherwise sounds like a very busy period so I’d lean into the destressing – like a bougie candle
Yea maybe I’ll just do flowers or like a gift certificate for a spa or something since she’ll be studying for her boards after. And yes, i meant post doc- my bad, lack of sleep last night.
(She’s I guess technically not going to be my SIL, but DH’s, it’s his brother’s fiance, but she is wonderful with our kids and we all adore her. DH’s brother is 12 years younger so they are the fun uncle and aunt-to-be)
She’s still your SIL I think.
Still your SIL. Hence why there’s sometimes confusion in posts about who’s actually a blood relation of you – a SIL can be your sibling’s wife, or your spouse’s sister, OR your spouse’s sibling’s wife!
In our family, we refer to that relationship as “out-laws” — when at the gathering of my husband’s family, my SIL’s husband and I are on the outside looking in. We get along well, but are both married-in and don’t know the various childhood reminiscences and recipes and understand the backstory of why one side of cousins is considered haughty and mean and who got what when a set of grandparents died. We smile and nod and get some pie. We have gone on vacation together and it works well when we get seated by each other. Your outlaws can be great or just there (e.g., my husband and my sister’s ex-husband were never close and it turns out that ex-BIL was a total jerk and dirty rotten cheater, so he has seen it from the other side). Take the win :)
Oh interesting. I’ve always called my husband’s sister’s husband my BiL
interesting. My MIL is not my favorite, but DH and I have been together for 20+ years, so my BIL was like 8 when we started dating, so while i was not around for DH’s childhood or his sister who is 3 years younger, I actually know almost as much of the family ‘stuff’ as my BIL, given the age difference. And yes I do feel lucky. She is very close with her own family and has 3 of her own sisters, but it’s been nice so far. Wished we lived closer to them!
Wow that’s a great way to make people feel unwelcome in a family.
No no no — “out-laws” is meant with humor, and it’s our term for each other vs one given to us the the family we married into, like we are so wild and crazy in our Odyssey and Camrys. Like the “I used to be cool” stickers? I think that my ILs are always going to be in the picture, so will see them in 30 years, love it or not, at kids’ weddings and funerals and such. Outlaws come and go (sadly), so there are some I haven’t seen in 20+ years (some exes, but they still show up at a cousin’s wedding because it’s their blood family, but an ex from the family part that I’m kin to). Outlaws are honestly the best.
That’s still your SIL. My brother’s wife and my husband’s brother’s wife are both my sisters-in-law, and we call each other that!
I once had to arbitrate an issue of whether an employee’s spouse’s brother’s wife is their SIL or not, for purposes of bereavement leave under a collective bargaining agreement. The employer argued that the person was only the BIL’s wife and not a SIL. The arbitrator agreed with my client, the union, that dictionary definitions and common parlance indicate that this person IS a SIL.
Cool! As a ex lawyer and language nerd I find this anecdote very interesting :) Thanks for sharing.
Given the family wealth you probably won’t be able to do the “nice thing she’d never have otherwise” type of gift. Fun or sentimental is the way to go. A bottle of fancy champagne or flowers would be nice. A colleague of mine had a cool piece of custom folded book art in the shape of the letters “PhD” that she’d gotten as a graduation gift. If this type of thing is to her taste, it can be a cool piece of office decor. You could choose a book that has meaning to her.
Are those wooden chairs with the school logo still a thing? I used to see a whole lot of those in people’s offices. I think it’s more of a southern/east coast thing.
anyone work for a color analysis in westchester, Ny? there seem to be a lot in ktown which is profoundly inconvenient for me :)
Are you asking someone to out their IRL job here? Or are you looking for recommendations for someone in that area to do your colors?
I’m finally quitting cable – I just don’t watch it anymore.
Do you have any tech suggestions as I make the switch? I have a Roku stick and am thinking of getting a Tablo over the air DVR replacement. I was NOT going to get YouTubetv or a similar cable alternative. Do you have anything you like or dislike? Thanks!
what do you want to/ like to watch?
I think I’m good in the subscription category – I’ve been rotating between various streamers for years. I’m more looking for physical tech hardware suggestions (Roku box, Apple TV tech, over the air DVR replacements) as the broad internet has wildly differing reviews . Thanks!
It’s probably going to be easier if you just buy a smart TV – doesn’t have to be fancy, like TCL or whatever – that is internet-capable on its own and not tied to a particular streaming provider, vs. figuring out which separate plug-in or box to buy.
I disagree. Smart tvs end up out of date after a few years and then you’ll probably want to buy a streaming device anyway. Which one you want doesn’t really matter that much, but depending on what you watch, there are probably ones that fit your needs better or worse than others.
Get a digital antenna if your television doesn’t already come with it. I pay for PBS Passport and HBO and then rotate between one extra subscription at a time as we start and stop series. We also occasionally use Kanopy and Hoopla through our public library.
depends what you want to watch. Right now I do Britbox, Netflix, and Apple TV. We have a physical antenna for sports.
YouTube TV was great for a few years, but they kept adding a bunch of channels that I do not remotely care about, and increasing the price… kind of like cable.
We hired an electrician to mount a digital TV antenna in our attic and connect it to the cable TV wire so it feeds into the TV. The quality is fantastic and we will never have to pay for broadcast TV as long as we live in this house. There are a whole bunch of broadcast channels that we didn’t know existed, including BBC news. We only pay for one streaming service at a time, whichever one has the shows we are currently watching. It’s awesome. The initial investment paid for itself in just a couple of months after we dropped cable.
The big question to answer first is: do you need/want OTA recording?
That is – do you get good enough reception for the channels you want, are the shows you need only available on OTA/or much cheaper on OTA than streaming, etc?
Bear in mind that most ota dvr services charge a monthly fee for guide data (necessary to schedule recordings) so it’s not just a one time cost. Local news affiliates are more available via streaming than they were 5 years ago
If you can get everything you need via streaming, you have a lot more hardware options than if you truly need OTA dvr
I pay for PBS Passport, take advantage of free AppleTV offers whenever one of us gets a new device, and stream on my ipad.
We last turned our actual TV on during Covid, I don’t even know if it still works.
I’m the poster from earlier this week who was trying to decide if I should offer more on a run down house. You all convinced me it was worth it but before I could get the increased offer in it went pending. I am devastated even though it’s now clear I probably wouldn’t have gotten it at my max offer anyway. I’m also just not sure where to go from here. The home buying process this time around has been so demoralizing. I don’t know what I’m asking I’m just sad.
My sympathies to you. Take some time and let yourself grieve this one before resetting on strategy. The housing market is really brutal right now, in ways that are unexpected. I’m sorry.
I was baffled by the comments suggesting staying under asking. I have never been in a market where anything other than lots over asking is the norm. I’d take this as permission to spend more because you like something. It’s okay to consider that too.
Yeah, and I think this house is a data point that the true price of homes in this neighborhood are higher than OP’s contractor (and husband iirc) believed. A home being under contract in less than a week in this market doesn’t sound like it was actually overpriced.
Completely fair. I think where we went wrong is valuing it as a lot. We were confident that due to the home’s condition no one would be willing to fix it up and that any buyer would be pricing the demo and site work into their offer. Clearly that was wrong. Ugh.
Oh yes this. FWIW, it’s usually much easier to renovate even if down to the studs than to tear down completely. Very few people are going to take that approach.
This is rough and I’m sorry you are disappointed, but perhaps it’s good to keep in mind for future bids that even an old, ugly, poorly designed but habitable house has inherent value.
I had something similar happen earlier this year — a property in a desirable area (in this case immediately adjacent to my MIL) went on the market and we were hoping we could AirBnB it before we tore it down. it came on the market for $500k and was disgusting inside. we said, there’s no way this is anything but a teardown for everyone looking… and it went into contract within days. so… yeah. it sucks. i’m sorry!
oh, that s-cks. If it was over your max budget anyway, don’t beat yourself up for the brief delay, as it wouldn’t have mattered in the long run.
Ugh, I totally get how you feel. We lost something like 10 bidding wars before we got our first house. Which is why, for our second, we were committed to waiting, buying off market and were prepared to “overpay” (a bit) if it meant getting the right lot. The first experience scarred us, lol.
All I can say is, an amazing lot will come up again, and you will be in the right mindset to jump on it next time. House hunting sucks!!!
There’s a DIOR lip product that commenters give rave reviews. What is it? I need a mini-boost.
DIOR lip glow?
Yep, the addict lip glow. I love the mahogany and raspberry shades.
Lip glow in Rosewood is my go to. It wears like chapstick but adds a great pop on video. It makes me look alive.
Thanks, all. Ordering on sale at Nordstrom now.
DH is traveling to Germany soon for work and it is on a list of countries that one should get a polio booster prior to visiting. I’m so confused these days when I can/cannot trust the CDC (until the current administration I always trusted the CDC) – does anyone have any additional insight?
Your dr. can order blood work to take titers for current immunity levels – very quick results. I got an MMR booster last year after asking to have my measles immunity checked.
omg it would never occur to me to check for something like this when visiting europe… should we be? sigh.
Same. The things I see here make me so glad I just don’t live like this. I’d be so anxious all the time.
Checking the CDC website before travel and getting any recommended vaccines for the destination country (and yes Europe sometimes requires early/additional vaccines) is really not excessively anxious. It takes 30 seconds. No one is suggesting canceling or avoiding the travel.
It’s clear there are some posters here who feel immense anxiety about things that the rest of us consider basic preparation and precautions – they always say “I couldn’t live like that!” because it’s easier to just ignore things than confront their MH. We should feel bad for them really.
I don’t know what “live like this” means; for me it’s just seeing my PCP annually and talking enough with them that they know what’s going on with my life and health. Getting recommended travel vaccines doesn’t really feel that different from getting my mammogram or whatever else comes up.
“Like this” as in, glad you don’t travel?
It didn’t occur to us to check either. Someone on our local Facebook group shared that they had a pharmacy that ordered the vaccine for them and has extra doses and shared a link to the CDC page. — but now that i have this info im anxious…ha
Replying to myself- I’m the OP
Ha, if anything, they should be checking our vaccines before we’re allowed in.
I was just in Germany and I never in a million years would think about getting vaccines before going.
This response is a little flip and not really accurate. Europe’s anti-vax movement predates the one in the US and they’ve historically had much higher rates of vaccine-preventable illness than us. Until very recently measles outbreaks were not a big thing here and much more of an issue in Europe. My kids all got MMR early to go to Europe as babies. That was a standard CDC recommendation for decades because measles was so much more prevalent over there.
It’s much less of a concern for fully vaxed adults than children who have incomplete immunizations by virtue of age, but a “haha of course you don’t need vaccines for Europe” take is seriously misinformed.
There is a group that will usually assume everything is better/more advanced/more liberal anywhere in Europe. I think of this as a liberal or self-hating-American thing (I say this as a liberal sometimes self-hating-American living in Europe).
But yeah, there are places in Europe that are less vax-friendly (and less LGBTQ-friendly, have worse abortion rights… etc)
Yeah… it grates. The US plenty of problems and is definitely headed in the wrong direction on vaccines and many other things but Europe is also far from a utopia.
The recent measles outbreak in upstate SC is centered at a school that is largely attended by unvaccinated children of eastern European immigrants…
Well this CDC leans anti-vaccine so if they’re recommending a vaccine I’d be inclined to get it. I’d be much more skeptical of a recommendation from them in the other direction.
We’re going to the UK in a couple months and I’ll probably get a polio booster.
It probably has to do with the makeup of the immigrant/refugee population and polio (and other disease risks) in those populations.
For example, Germany has a much higher number of immigrants (compared to their population) than the US, and a much higher number of Afghani and Pakistani immigrants. Those countries have endemic polio.
My understanding is that polio has shown up in a few wastewater samples in a few German cities over there last few years (which is good monitoring for public health to keep an eye on, because a lot of polio infections are non symptomatic – if you wait until people are showing up at the hospital you’ve missed hundreds of cases and likely weeks of prep time). There were also positive wastewater samples in NY a few years back. So I’d take that adult booster if I had opportunity to get it; but also I wouldn’t freak out if I just came back from Berlin and hadn’t known about this. It’s a very very vanishingly small risk for someone who had the childhood vaccine sequence (but why not get that last but of extra protection if you can! )
The polio booster vaccine rec long predates the current administration if that helps. It is widely recommended for basically anywhere there’s been any polio cases including vaccive derived, any time in several years, bc you really really don’t want to get polio and we don’t want you to spread it in the US; doesn’t actually imply a high risk of polio in your destination country.
He should confirm with his doctor, but it is basically a 1-time adult booster, so if he’s gotten a polio booster at any point for any previous travel somewhere else, he doesn’t need *another*.
If work is paying for it, I’d get it!
Interesting. I’m German and was vaccinated against polio as a child and got a booster prior to travel to some wilder parts of Asia.
Polio is not generally prevalent in Germany, and wastewater is monitored. Recent cases seemed to be linked to immigrants or refugees from countries where polio is prevalent.
I found this article, but I can assure you that there is a wide vaccination coverage overall.
https://www.who.int/europe/news/item/13-11-2025-detection-of-wild-poliovirus-type-1-in-environmental-sample-in-germany