Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Long-Sleeve Button-Up Bodysuit

193 Comments

1. I’m interviewing for a new job (same agency, but big bureaucracy) while having just started maternity leave less than a month ago. Is it either a definite yes or a definite no to mention that fact, or just something to field if it comes up? (“What are you working on now?” “Well, actually…”) It feels like a strange thing to deliberately avoid, but I don’t know if I should affirmatively bring it up.

   1. I definitely wouldn’t mention it until I had an offer.

      1. +1
         What you’re working on now is the job you are on leave from.

   2. Can’t you just talk about what you were working on when you went out on leave?

      1. Yes, this, and if the baby should start crying or upchucking, you can then say you are busy with the baby. If it is the same company or agency, they should already have figured this out, but you can always tell them. You are not the top candidate, since you’re already focused on the baby, but maybe they could take a chance on you if you are good. If not, forget about it.

   3. Wait until it comes up. Despite the bureaucracy, they may possibly know. The interview process is where you make them want to hire you. Once they decide to hire the wonderful you (make the offer), you have lots of room for negotiation. They’re invested in you. And, it’s an employee market. Good luck. Go for it.

   4. Am following. I already took maternity leave but have been interviewing and I don’t know when I should bring up the fact that I had a baby last year and that’s actually one of the biggest reasons why I am looking for a new job. I haven’t disclosed it yet since it hasn’t really come up and I don’t state it as the reason why I’m looking to leave based on advice from the hive but I totally hear you it feels awkward to not say anything and then mention it after the offer!

      1. Absolutely not! Why on earth would you? Do not mention this.

         1. +1 why would you bring up a 1 year old child in a job interview as though having a child is some kind of problem? Do not mention this.

      2. Why would you mention this after the offer? That’s a horrible impression to make – oh, I’m so happy to join you team cause now I don’t really have to do much work.

         1. I’m not sure if it would be exactly after the offer or maybe when we start talking about comp. I’m moving firms at the partner level (without a recruiter) so discussions have been fluid and as part of the intake they ask me how many hours I billed last year (I think this may factor into the comp they will offer) and I have half the hours (I took 6 months of leave) so I thought it would have to come up since I don’t know how else to explain why my hours would be so low. Any thoughts on how to address this?

            1. A dude leaving ibanking or biglaw or whatever for a lifestyle job would just negotiate comp for the lifestyle job based on certain production metrics not relevant to their prior metrics, no?

            2. Why not say, “I typically bill XXX hours” or similar? Or focus on hours you intend to bill, so that the role would meet your work/life balance intentions? At the partner level, you should be able to guide the conversation to determine if this is the job you want, as opposed to just spilling your guts and taking whatever crumbs they offer as a result.

      3. Wait — I know that this is a big transition time and many people decide what to do after leave. But didn’t we used to be really worried re burning bridges about taking leave from employer A and the leaving for employer B? I think it is easier if you are coming back in a different role, but it burns the bridge with the folks pitching in and then having to backfill.

         Or is it NBD because it’s 2022 and the Wild West?

         1. Who cares?

            1. As the person who has absorbed lots of extra work over the years, maybe co-workers? If we know someone is moving or not coming back or whatever, we can start backfilling and training (and maybe have the leaving person train the new person), but it’s months of overwork and being caught flat-footed and then having to train someone while doing the outgoing person’s work and my work . . . Lean staffing kills the rest of us, too.

            2. This is my biggest concern when it comes to any type of work leave. The colleagues still working have to absorb that workload when it is already tough to complete their own tasks. However, I don’t think the person ok leave can afford to risk telling their employer that they are job searching when they don’t have an offer and rely on the income to support their family. Why isn’t there a better way!!

         2. As a manager, I always assume that anyone on my team could leave at any time for any reason. It’s not a “burned bridge” in my mind if someone gives me notice when they’re on leave – they’re making a change that is the right answer for them. Obviously there are angles for someone you want to retain, but you should be focusing on retaining your employees every day rather than just on the day they give notice.

            Another perspective as a manager is I have had employees leave my team for a new opportunity and then come back. Burning the bridge as a manager eliminates that return option.

            1. +1. I had an employee take a new offer last summer while on medical leave and was thrilled for her, as it was a better fit for her personal needs. She was a great employee and we benefited from her expertise and professionalism for over a decade. Why burn that bridge? Employees are humans first, not cogs that will perfectly fit with a workplace’s needs all the time.

      4. To Anon at 9:22 – Why would you mention having a child at all in any phase (even after the offer)? You can mention it once you start the job if it comes up as you’re getting to know colleagues. What relevance does having a child have to do with interviewing at all? “I’m interviewing here because I want to work less because I just had a baby” is not going to go over well. Saying this as someone who switched jobs when I had a 10 month old (so 4 months after coming back from leave).

         1. You’re right it doesn’t make sense to bring up and that’s why I haven’t since it really shouldn’t impact my work but as part of the intake, they are asking how many hours I billed last year, which is half of what I normally would, and I was thinking it would have to come up in talking about why my hours were low for last year. I guess I am worried the low hours for last year would impact comp negotiations.

            1. And this is the time to be talking to co-workers — listen to if they say “I work 9-3, pick up my kid, and then do a few hours of work after dinner” or whatever might be a red flag or resonate with you. What is the lived life like there among your peers?

            2. My firm annualizes hours is someone is on leave (for measuring productivity and for hours bonus). Does yours? Maybe you can provide your annualized hours.

            3. I would, if possible, skip over the number of hours you billed in the past, and discuss how many hours you want to bill going forward. Be vague about why as much as possible.

      5. No reason to “disclose” the existence of your children, except in normal chitchat.

   5. It’s a non issue unless it your are expressly asked about a start date and you would like to push it out because of the baby. If you are taking a 3-4 month maternity leave and are one month in, I would expect you wouldn’t get an offer until at least 2 months into the mat leave. If asked, suggest starting in Q2. They might push back, and it might mean you get a 3 month mat leave instead of 6, but i think it’s all up for discussion. None of that discussion should be before you have an offer or are asked explicitly about a start date.

2. How does an outfit like this work in the wild? I’m not shy about using the bathroom at work, but I also don’t want to have to get naked every time I need to go.

   1. Last time they were around, bodysuits had snaps at the bottom. I’d guess this does, too.

      1. Oh geez… I read it as “jumpsuit”. Time for more caffeine. If I needed a very crisp line from my shirt, I’d opt for shirt stays and my existing wardrobe.

   2. Jumpsuits are pretty common, but yes you do more or less get naked whenever you get to the bathroom. You don’t take it off fully, probably 3/4 off

      1. Wait, what? You don’t have to take bodysuits off to pee, you just unsnap at the crotch.

         1. Some do, I just bought one from Girlfriend Collective that does not have crotch snaps. It’ll be specified on the store website if they do or don’t have snaps.

   3. That is why I will pass. Too much hassle.

      1. Yeah tooooooo much effort for me, thanks anyway. I feel the same way about jumpsuits. I love the look but can’t get around the practicality issues.

   4. I’m wondering about potential VPL from the bodysuit too. I don’t think I’ve ever worn one.

      1. Nixing it due to doubling down on the VPL.

      2. Bodysuits were THE uniform for all the cool and want-to-be cool girls in my junior high in NYC in the 90s. I still love them. Don’t remember VPL as an issue (and some come in a thong style), bathroom is easy because of the aforementioned snaps (and not even a little bit like a jumpsuit), and if you like to tuck your tops in it really doesn’t get much better.

         1. Yeah, in the early 1990s in ATL, it was The Thing to wear bodysuits with broomstick skirts and Docs, or kilts and Docs.

            1. Bodysuit + colored jeans + coordinating flannel + Timberland-esque boots (read: construction looking boots from Payless) = my uniform in the early 90s.

         2. They were all the rage in my middle school as well! Just don’t know what to think about the possible 2 VPLs. But I’m not someone who has shirt-tucking problems so I may not be the target customer anyway.

         3. Yes, AIMs I dreamed of having the confidence to wear a crushed velvet maroon bodysuit!

      3. Some recent bodysuits from Everlane were offered in a thong version, I suppose to address the VPL concern.

         1. After 2 years in stretchy clothes, I don’t think I could handle the immense discomfort of a thong ever again. And yet I haven’t tossed mine . . .

            1. I wear one every day and have never experienced immense discomfort!! Mine are a hanky panky style, all in black or beige. So easy, and very comfortable. So I would suggest tossing what you have because no piece of clothing should cause immense discomfort! But, know that there is something better out there if you want no VPL.

      4. Back in the 80s and 90s noone cared about VPL. Most people probably had it but noone thought about it.

         1. I think that high-waisted rigid demin hid a lot. Also, when things went very low rise (maybe early 00s ?), visible thongs were such a thing (so people could see your lower back tattoo).

         2. It did come up in Annie Hall.

   5. This looks like something Moira Rose would wear if she were incarcerated at a chic prison.

   6. It looks like what a jewel thief or someone in a Mission Impossible movie would wear . Where do they get this stuff LOL.

   7. You don’t have to unsnap, just tuck to the side, swimsuit style.

3. Any experiences with GLDN’s gold-filled (not gold-plated or vermeil) jewelry? If so, have you been happy with the quality?

   1. Yes, I have a few pieces from several years ago when they were just an Etsy shop. They have held up nicely. Wear them all the time.

   2. Yes, I have several pieces from a few years ago when they were just an Etsy shop. They have held up great and I wear them frequently. No complaints whatsoever.

   3. I have had a GLDN gold-filled necklace for 2 years that I wear pretty frequently. I’ve been happy with it! Given the price difference between gold-filled versus their solid gold options, it’s been a good buy.

   4. Chiming in to say I also like Melinda Maria–they have a 3 year guarantee. Their stuff has held up well.

4. anyone have any tips or tricks for feeling less imposter syndrome/not taking it so personally every time you receive negative feedback. for context i work in higher ed in a role in which i meet with students in a one-one capacity. after our meeting students are surveyed (though not everyone fills it out) to solicit feedback. they rate us on a scale of 1-5 and can write comments. every time i receive a negative comment i worry that my boss is suddenly going to want to sit in (or right now zoom in) to all of my appointments [this has never actually happened], or that she is going to start looking through all of my reviews with a fine tooth comb. i came into the role with a slightly different background than most of my colleagues.

   1. I think this is really hard and it’s why I hate the idea that we’re supposed to rate everything all the time. It is important to get feedback from students/customers, but when it’s happening constantly and done electronically, it feels impersonal to the person doing the rating, but still comes across as very personal to the person who gets the rating. Our brains are wired to be sensitive to potential threats, including negative comments, and it’s really normal to fixate on the criticism, even when it’s much outweighed by positive comments (or the many people who don’t bother responding because it went fine).

      I’m also in academia (teaching), so I feel this too, though at least it’s mainly limited to a few times a semester, instead of every day (on the other hand, criticism of my research is constant in reviews and frequent rejections, so still hard to deal with). The only thing I think helps is to normalize it with your colleagues and recognize that this happens to everyone so you shouldn’t take it overly personally (though research shows that women and other underrepresented groups get disproportionately harsh feedback, even in controlled studies where the same person taught a class, but pretended to be male some of the time and female other times). Focus on the useful feedback and ignore the rest. Also, if you have the ability to shape the framing of these surveys, that might help. I do my own teaching evals where I always ask what I did well and what I could do better, rather than just asking for general feedback. That feels more neutral to me, because I always can do better, even if I’m doing a good job, and it gets students focused on the good things instead of just the things they didn’t like (the negativity bias affects everyone).

      1. It’s hard, I hate that you have like trustpilot rankings for your meetings. I’m in academia and students are MEAN! They are especially mean to women. I got a review last year that was so brutal I cried. I ignored the 90% positive reviews to focus on that awful one. I had a weird semester – I was hired late so parachuted in, first years whose end of school experience was marred by the pandemic and honestly, I’m going to have a trusted friend read them and tell me anything important or glowing. I don’t need to have my accent, appearance, personality dissected.

   2. I can provide advice from the perspective of an adjunct professor who receives end of semester student evals. Students are . . . to be taken with some grains of salt. Certainly, there are some constructive comments which should be taken seriously, but there are a lot of others that come from a place of being upset with things like their grade (which is their own responsibility). When you receive criticism from a student, I recommend you think about it with a lens that accounts for their maturity level (not always so great) and their circumstances (was the meeting topic emotional, etc.), while also reminding yourself that the student is not attacking you personally, they are reflecting on the situation that you happen to be a part of. You’re going to get some nasty comments from time to time and some comments that sting. That’s to be expected. Remind yourself that you were hired for a reason and while you aren’t perfect (no one is), and there is always room for improvement, that you are doing the best you can with what you have at that given moment. Also remind yourself that if your boss thought you were doing a terrible job and wanted to sit in, they would, but they haven’t yet.

   3. How about keeping systematic track of feedback, for your own sake? (Not to show anybody, and not containing identifyable or personal info from students)

      Make a spreadsheat and note no feedback as well (assumed happy/neutral) and you’ll se the numbers that say «70 percent positive, 29 percent neutral, 1 percent unhappy» or something.
      And maybe you see a trend in what kinds of things people are happy or unhappy about. Maybe unhappy is you had no power to help, or need more info on something, and happy coud be lots of things that you can list flr a performance review?

      Don’t give this spreadsheet to the boss, thst can backfire, but for your own peace of mind.

      1. I am so over-solicited for feedback that I would also assume that it magnifies the voices of the disgruntled. I never respond. Ever. I wish surveys would go away.

         1. I give feedback for the post office – I’m there often dropping off items and I make it a point to provide positive feedback for the superlative front desk women that work at my local branch. I figure this will help skew the data more positively if people are leaving angry feedback over having to wait in line . What post office is reliably fast, especially during peak times? And whose fault is that? The slowest lines I’ve been in are usually due to people not being prepared to mail the item.
            Survey culture does need to die, I suspect those establishments most adamant for feedback (help desk, etc) use the data against employees more than to fix systemic issues. I try to be positive about the person, but scathing on issues if I do leave feedback.
            OP – I like the idea of tracking your feedback so you get the data on how many negative, vs positive or neutral responses you receive. I bet you are doing far better than you think, and the fact that your boss hasn’t said anything is telling that you’re doing OK, despite what your inner dialogue is saying.

            1. “survey culture” is such an apt term. My city’s very large healthcare system e-mails and texts you and when you don’t respond, then the robocalls start. I can’t review the survey bots, but zero stars for them.

            2. Yeah, I sent an email to our head of school because the admin in the student affairs office deals with so much crap and yet is so nice. I also like to press the green smiley feedback button at my very efficient airport security.

            3. Survey hater here and I’m happy to press the green button but OMG I do not want to log in and spend 5 minutes of my life for a 10 minute doctor visit that I had to spend an hour getting to / waiting at / trying to get a school note for / then taking a kid to school / then taking myself to work (so 1-1.5 hours on stuff related to the visit). Even virtual visits solicit feedback. Enough! Unsubscribe (but this does not seem to be an option).

         2. I hate the mentality of “less than perfect is a failure”. I don’t know, the service for my tire rotation was fine. It seems like on a scale of 1-10, 10 should be for exuberant joy and 1 means my tires fell off as a drove away. Stop asking me to rate this service on a ten point scale – I will never feel exuberant joy.

         3. I always do the survey from my local grocery store because I get extra gas points. I always leave good reviews.

   4. If this is the only thing that spikes your anxiety, trust me your supervisor does not have enough time / does not care enough to read through individual reviews and would never spend their time doing that. They MAY pull aggregated reviews at the end of month / quarter / semester, but assuming an otherwise good supervisor they will be focused on figuring out broad themes or places they need to provide coaching.

   5. The flaw in thinking is that you are comparing yourself to a theoretical perfect person who receives no negative feedback. In reality every one of your peers existing in the real world is also receiving some degree of negative feedback. If your supervisor doesn’t say anything you are probably at a normal level.

      What I have done in the past is to hand out 2 evaluations. I tell the class that the official one is for the organization. The other one is just for me personally because I want to improve. Usually the organization responses are average to excellent and the real critical and most useful points come in the personal one which I take to heart and work on improving.

5. Looking for recommendations on adjustable weights. I mostly do Peloton strength classes so I would have to adjust the weights mid class. In an ideal world, I’d get a full set but I’m looking to save money and space (I live in a studio apartment). I’m hoping to get pretty strong so would want a pretty large range.

   1. Haven’t done the Peloton classes, so not 100% sure what you need, but I have the Les Mills barbell with clip in and out weights and really like it for being able to switch weights on the fly. The plates have a handhold in them and can be used as hand weights as well.

   2. I have the bowflex ones Kat featured a while ago, they’re great. Up to 55lbs.

      1. I also have the bowflex ones. The amount of different weight combinations is great, BUT they are bulky! Almost impossible to do something like a tricep kickback without it smacking into your wrist and arm. For most exercises they are great.

         1. I read a lot of comments about these being too bulky for some exercises so I think I’m going to skip them!

   3. Fitness Blender uses the Power Block dumbbells. Haven’t tried them myself, but I think they go up to 50 lbs.

      1. I’ve had these for a few years and they’re great! They come in different weight ranges.

      2. +1 – I have had PowerBlocks for at least 7 years and love them. I somehow bent one of the plates a few years ago and they sent me a free replacement. They have different sets; I have the least expensive one, with each dumbbell going up to 24 lbs in 3 lb increments.

   4. I have the Bowflex kettlebells and they work seamlessly. They go up to 45# so I have purchased heavier ones supplement, but at least they save some room.

   5. This was timed perfectly! I am looking for the same. Thank you!

6. Trying once more to see if the poster who is an admin/immigration judge is willing to talk about her experiences and tips/advice for getting a job as one. Am totally interested if you’re still willing to talk!

   1. Still willing to talk. Please post.a burner email and I will contact you directly.

      1. I’m so glad you are still willing to talk–thank you! My burner email is happyreader0780 at gmail (wrote it out so it wouldn’t get stuck in mod). I look forward to hearing from you!

7. Can’t tell my friends in real life but I got an A on my con law final! Thanks to everyone who posted 1L study tips a month or so back!

   1. Kudos to you!! Con law was my WORST law school grade. My professor actually sought me out to make sure I was doing okay because my other grades were solid!! LOL Well done!!

      1. Yea I did poorly in con law but I think that’s also because my professor didn’t let us use computers for notes in class or the final exam!! I can’t hand write very well since I move things around and edit etc. Just a little bit bitter about it hahaha

      2. I both liked con law and did absolutely awful on the final.

   2. Yay congrats!!

   3. Yasss!

   4. Congrats!

8. My new job offers long-term disability insurance for $6.50 per paycheck (so, about $170) per year. Should I opt in to this coverage? I honestly have never thought about long-term disability insurance before, so don’t know if it’s worth it or not.

   1. My take on the company-offered insurance stuff like this is the cost is pretty negligible and if I ever need the coverage, I’ll be thrilled I spent the $170. I say go for it.

      1. Same.

   2. Yes, 100%. I always take full advantage of this. I have had friends who have needed it and not had it and I will never allow myself to be in that position if I can avoid it!

      1. This.

   3. Absolutely yes.

   4. You’re something like 3x more likely to be disabled than killed… so I’d do it for sure at that price.

   5. There are statistics out there that say more people end up needing disability coverage than life insurance. For such a low cost, it’s a good idea. I’ve seen several situations where healthy people were in a car accident, or fell and hit their heads and had brain bleeds, and they needed their LTD. Opt in to the coverage.

   6. Get the insurance. It’s far better to have it and not need it than the other way around. I was going through my financial picture with an advisor once and he thought I was underinsured with just the basic disability insurance I have through the company, given my single status.
      Basically unless you have are already financially independent or (possibly and, not or) have a partner who can fully cover living expenses if something happens to you, I would encourage you to get some coverage and take the $170 per year insurance option.

      1. I get the work insurance but pay for private disability to top it off (ours isn’t for 100% of salary and then is taxed and I figure that my expenses would go up not down if I were disabled). Private is expensive vs somewhat subsidized at work for at least basic coverage.

         1. Does the federal government have this option? im an employee and it is faster to ask here than look it up in our system :/

            1. We have long-term care insurance as an option, but if you are disabled to the point you can no longer work in your federal role you can apply for Disability Retirement from OPM and likely get it approved. If your agency has a retirement dashboard in its HR apps, you can see what your annuity would be if you did a disability retirement today.

               On long term care: I just lost my mom to Dementia with Lewy Bodies and her dad lived 10+ years with Alzheimer’s. LTCI won’t cover care in perpetuity, but considering you have to spend down all assets to qualify for Medicaid, I will always carry it to extend our finances if I end up following in their footsteps and need 24/7 care. From experience, I do not plan on having my spouse be my primary caregiver in that situation and would like options that limit the financial impact on him and our children.

            2. Realized I didn’t address the long term but not permanent disability question with my first answer: 16 years in and I’ve never encounter a federally sponsored STD or LTD plan. I have had staff take disability retirement and go on to work in the private sector doing less office-y things for a whole host of health-adjacent reasons. Job security is usually not an issue since we can take extended leave for years, if need be, but for salary coverage you might have to look at private plans.

            3. Fed here – at our agency we do have STD/LTD options if you pay in yourself. Not sure who it’s backed by, but it’s all via our typical benefits election. I’ve generally heard the advice that you don’t need STD if you have enough savings but that you should opt in for LTD.

   7. 33 year old cancer patient here. Hoping that I don’t exhaust our generous 6-month short term disability plus my remaining two weeks of parental leave plus ramp back options, but I’m told it can take 18 months to recover from this chemo. Never been gladder to have LTD.

   8. That is a bargain. It is absolutely worth it.

      Always get as much insurance as you can afford.

      Most people are underinsured. The most common I notice is insufficient car insurance, actually. Most of the car accidents in my family have been when people who are uninsured/underinsured hit us. That is when your own insurance kicks in. I always keep 1/2 – 1 million. I know that seems high, but driving is the most dangerous thing we do everyday, and accidents are so so common. I was almost killed by a drunk driver. And another family member was disabled for life when hit has a pedestrian (!), and that car had almost no insurance coverage (minimum required by the state).

      And if you have a home pool, make sure you have a huge umbrella policy. And if you have a trampoline at your home, that you let your kids friends play on, then boy do I have so terrible stories for you….

   9. I had a work friend have to go out on LTD for MS as a single mother of three in her early 30’s. Since then, I always take the option if it’s available. You hope you never need it, but it’s important that it’s there.

      1. Right? Like life insurance, the time to get it is when you DON’T need it b/c when you do need it, it’s too late.

   10. 100%

   11. Yes, take it. I have used mine twice while I recovered from injuries.

       1. Wouldn’t that be under STD?

9. My hair seems to have gotten a lot thinner (not individual strands but volume) and I’d like to try rollers to add volume at the roots. Trying to decide between Velcro and steam and welcome tips and anecdotes.

   1. Velcro works with short hair if you blast with an hair dryer. Steam rollers are a lot of work. A basic hot roller set is easier but the look is dated. Try using product and drying your hair with a dryer in the opposite direction of where you want it to fall. More info about your length, style and texture will help people make recommendations.

   2. I have fine, straight hair and could not get steam rollers to work for me. Maybe I was using them wrong, but they made my hair flatter.

      I use velcro rollers but for me, when I want real volume, old-fashioned hot rollers are the way to go. I have a basic Conair set, and when I really need volume (and need it to last) they deliver.

      1. Agreed on this. Hot rollers ftw. There are about a million tutorials online too on how to use hot rollers for a more modern look. I’ve gotten nothing but compliments each time I’ve actually taken the time to use them before work.

      2. The Conair hot roller set has been going a bit viral on tiktok, it seems to have good results.

   3. I have fine, straight hair (not thin but can look thin if not styled properly) for me the trick is to make the hairs I do have thicker. I lightly use thickening spray on damp hair before drying (Aveda makes a good thickening tonic), then if I want real volume, I use dry shampoo at my roots (I don’t do this every day as over time it can damage/dry your scalp). I find using a regular large barrel curling iron followed by brushing out curls and spritzing with hairspray gives me much better volume than velcro/hot curlers (which don’t give enough heat to hold body in my straight hair).

      Another trick is to dry your hair, holding your head upside down when still very wet (just after towel drying; if you allow it to air dry too much it will have much less volume). I dry upside down until 80-90% dry, then finish with a round brush.

10. Anybody have any great hangover cures?

    1. gatorade, tylenol, and a salty breakfast – my fav is egg & cheese on anything.

    2. I like the liquid IV hydration multiplier powders better than gatorade (they have them at drugstores/whole foods in the vitamin aisles). I now use them for migraines instead of hangovers (I’m old) but I’d suggest one of those, your headache med of choice, bonine (NOT dramamine) for nausea, and whatever salty/carby food you can keep down. After about age 25 bacon/egg/cheese sandwiches were too greasy and made me nauseated but tortilla chips/pretzels/crackers nibbled constantly with liquids worked well.

       1. If I’m REALLY hungover, I start with small bites of toast or crackers, eating them slowly while also chugging water and taking an Advil. This usually settles my stomach until I feel well enough for a bagel sandwich or taco bell.

       2. Are you me

    3. Don’t laugh. Chicken stock (or whatever you have on hand) with a dash of worcestershire or soy sauce. The salt really helps. Drink it all down at once.

       Then drink lots of water and take an Advil, not a Tylenol (your liver’s been through enough right now).

       1. BC powder is the bomb for this (it’s aspirin)

    4. Something salty, some kind of choline supplement (citicoline, alpha-GPC, whatever GNC has).

    5. Emergen-C! Somehow works better than Gatorade for me. Or rehydration salts if you randomly have them around.

    6. I’m going to sound like I’m 19 but … Mountain Dew. And then some sort of food. Whatever I have/can order that sounds appetizing. And naps.

    7. Preempt! 3 Advil and 8 glasses of water before bed.

    8. Advil, Gatorade and a big mac.

    9. Vitamin G, as my sister calls if. Greasy food. A big diner-style breakfast or a cheeseburger and fries. Tylenol and as much water as you can drink plus a full sugar coke.

    10. Ibuprofen asap and a very large Sprite. Also, going back to bed. I can’t handle hangovers the way I could when I was 22.

    11. B vitamins. Drinking makes you excrete B vitamins in your urine, and most of those “hangover cure” shots are just B vitamins. I would pop a few when coming from the night in college and wake up without any hangover.

11. After decades in an older houses (currently in 1870 built) I’m moving to an area with mostly new construction. Might put an offer this week. Any tips, advice, things I should look for/change in design etc?

    1. Insullation. Plaster houses are quiet. Drywall houses are . . . no. I wish I could have doubled the insullation in our addition — I put extra around the laundry room but it needed to be doubled there and added between every wall and floor.

       After zoom school / zoom work * family of 4, I have Opinions on this.

       1. +1

       2. Yeah, once I’m back to work and we’ve replaced our roof and furnace, sound proofing is the next big ticket item for us.

    2. Don’t do open floor plan if you can help it! Also if you’re building yourself skip any double height spaces and go for like 11’ ceilings if you can.

       Also wish I’d insulated the kids rooms more.

       Also everyone I know with an absurdly large shower says they’re freezing in them (but we don’t have).

       1. If you have open plan-ish, make sure if there is no basement, that you have access to an internal closet for severe weather purposes. Live in a lovely renovated older home with no basement and really really really wish we had an internal closet (under stairs or a pantry, anything).

          1. This will very much depend on where you live! AZ for example, odds of sever weather where you’d need this is basically zero, and nixing houses not with an internal closet for it makes no sense.

             Also, I love our open plan-ish! I wouldn’t be happy with just a big box like many open plans are, but the kitchen/dining/living pace are nicely defined even though it’s open, and that makes it more fun and easier to entertain, as well and just spend a lot of time at home. Bedrooms and my office are not off the main space – they have nice sound dampening hallways in between – and I think that makes a lot of difference.

             As far as what to look for, try and balance what is being offered with both longevity and your own personal needs. No matter what, things will end up looking dated, but like with clothes, you don’t need to do ALL THE TRENDS at once. In my new build, we rejected all the master bath options (small builder who was happy to work with us) since they focused on these lovely large tubs we’d never use. So we were able to reuse the space for things we actually wanted.

             If you are actually building vs purchasing newly built, stop by to watch the progress all the time. Saved us so much pain to catch things right as they were happening, vs after the fact (for example, they nearly put our living room floor outlet in the wrong spot, and fixing after the concrete was poured would have been basically impossible). Also, take pictures at every stage – it was so helpful when we added surround sound for the install team to actually see where the electric and other critical items were before cutting into the walls and ceiling.

    3. Ballard Design podcast just did a series on building your dream home.

       If you’re contributing to the plans, some things I would look into that i pine for in my decidedly old build: sconces! Induction range! Wiring so that when solar batteries are better you can get one and have it work with your house! Underfloor heating if you live in a cold place, particularly in the bathroom! Kitchen cabinets that go to the ceiling and toe kick drawers! A mudroom! Sliding doors so that my open plan first floor can also be a little more closed plan!

       1. Omg and toe kick vacuums!! You need some central vacuum apparently, Skinnytaste shows hers on TikTok.

    4. I’d avoid dark wood floors. They look great when they’re clean but it doesn’t take long for every footprint, hair, but of dust, etc. to be visible.

       1. I’m telling you, the perfect floor color is walnut.

    5. Do the things that are hard or extremely expensive to upgrade after completion. As other have mentioned, lots of insulation, especially if you have rooms over the garage in a cold climate.

       Other things I’d do:
       – Outlets everywhere – if you decorate for Christmas, think of where your tree will go, outside lights, etc
       – Storage, storage, storage – is there a place for your vacuum, your seasonal decor, any large items you own that need stored, etc
       – If it has a basement, spring for the higher ceilings if you are starting a truly new build
       – Kitchen – if you like to cook, make it bigger than you think it needs to be. Also, see storage, do you want a mixer stand in a cabinet, etc.
       – I’m guessing these new builds are in the burbs, if that is the case make sure to think ahead of where you will store large items, things like your lawnmower, snowblower, rakes, shovels, weedeaters, all the things it takes to maintain a house in the burbs with a possible large yard

    6. A good amount of space for food storage. Everyone likes these minimal kitchens with no wall cabinets and very few lower cabinets, but everyone also likes to go to Costco and then they end up storing the food in their garage. We are used to big pantries in older homes, and that is the thing I’d miss most if I went back to new construction.

12. Aaand yet another attempt to have a Teams or Zoom call with someone who is working remotely so they can share their screen and I can see what TF they’re trying to do and, nearly two years into this freaking pandemic, they don’t know how to use either tool.
    Ugh… folks like her are why we’re being forced back into the office. /endrant

13. My sister just gave me a coupon code to Papier, but I already have a planner I like and proooobably don’t need any more blank notebooks in my house, though I suppose I could be convinced. Anything else in their store anyone would recommend?

    1. I’ve been thinking of getting custom note cards from them for forever.

    2. Note cards, for sure, and they are on sale there right now!

14. Does anyone know of an online bookstore that lets you choose particular editions? I’m trying to replace a handful of paperbacks for my mom (ruined in a water leak) and she wants the original artwork. She has a thing where she hates the “after the movie comes out” version with actors plastered all over the cover.

    1. What you need here is the ISBN of the edition you want – you can then phone any indie bookstore and they’ll be able to help with that as long as it’s still available to them. Powell’s (assuming you’re in the US) is where I’d go with this request.
       (You can get the ISBN from Goodreads)

    2. Perhaps thrift books

    3. Better World Books is pretty great for this (they are used books).

    4. You’ve gotten good recommendations. Abe Books also specializes in particular editions and may be helpful.

15. Any advice for unshrinking a Barefoot Dreams robe that was accidentally tossed in the dryer? The sleeves in particular have seized up. TIA.

    1. This goes for any sweater, but as long as it did end up felted (in which case, it’s toast), wet it down in a warm water with some hair conditioner mixed in. Stretch back to size by hand, then lay flat to dry.

       1. For natural fibers, definitely.

    2. You can’t, they’re essentially made of plastic so heat melts them.

16. Curious if you would complain about this or just let it go. For context I am double vaxxed and boosted, have not had Covid yet. Yesterday I had an appointment at one of my large US city’s nationally ranked hospitals, in an outpatient building. Walking in, I noticed right away that they were no longer requiring visitors to put on a fresh hospital-provided mask, which they had been doing previously since March 2020. The waiting area for my appointment was very crowded, and lots of people were wearing cloth masks, poorly fitting masks, or masks below their noses. At least one person had it below his chin the entire time. During my appointment, the nurses wore their masks below their noses, in extremely tight quarters that required us to be face to face for 5 minutes or so. I’m newly immunocompromised and felt very uncomfortable, especially because I only had a surgical mask on (stupid me), but I don’t know if I’m overreacting. I had to sit in that crowded waiting area for over an hour and it would not shock me if I contracted Omicron. I am tempted to inform the hospital of this experience because it seemed so reckless and so avoidable.

    1. Fellow newly immunocompromised here and would 100% make a stink. I’d actually have walked out. Our pediatrician’s office is way better than this and I’m still not going for baby’s 4 month visit next Friday because it’s my lowest blood count day. We just didn’t want to risk it.

       1. And when someone sat next to me in our (cordoned off into two-seat zones with glass boundaries!) cancer clinic bloodwork waiting area, I gave him the stink eye and moved.

    2. Ok yes, complain. But also is the goal complaining or being safe? Get a KN95! What are you doing?! And if a nurse in your room isn’t wearing a mask on her nose, could you please pull up your mask is ok to say.

       1. True, we have switched entirely to KN94s and 95s as well for all indoor settings. But it’s hard to swim upstream. Constantly advocating for yourself is exhausting on top of a new diagnosis.

       2. Yes, I should have worn a KN95. I do 99% of the time, but my experience previously was the hospital requires you to take off your old mask and put on a hospital-issued one, so I didn’t see the point. Obviously, I was wrong.

          1. No, no. You don’t take off your mask and put the hospital mask on. You put the new surgical hospital mask ON TOP of your N95. That’s how the docs keep their N95s “cleaner”. They use the same N95, and put a new surgical mask on top when they go into a new patient room. Best quality mask closest to the face.

             1. Everything you said is true from a scientific point of view, but in fall/winter 2020, it was my doctor’s office policy that anyone wearing a non-hospital mask, including a legit N95 (I had one leftover from wildfires) had to remove it and put on the medical provider’s mask, which was a surgical mask. I stopped wearing the N95 to appointments since I knew I would have to remove it. Very dumb policy, but that’s what it was.

    3. Yes, complain to the hospital.

       While I don’t say anything to random strangers about mask wearing, I did say something to my kids’ pediatrician when her mask kept falling off her face during the appointment. I think it’s appropriate when it’s someone who is caring for you and you are not pulling a Karen. (I’d be wary of speaking up around a technician or a lower level (?) nurse. But not someone doing the doctoring, whether that’s an MD, RN or PA).

    4. I work in healthcare, and I would complain. Everyone working in healthcare knows how to wear a mask by now, so the nurses have no excuse.

       At the office I go to, they have empowered the check in staff to call out patients and visitors who aren’t wearing their masks properly. If they don’t comply, the staff is authorized to send the patient outside and cancel the appointment.

       We are past the point in the endless nightmare that anyone who works in or is seeking healthcare can afford to be lackluster in their habits. (Yes, this is a soapbox issue for me.)

    5. Yes, absolutely complain.

       And I know you are kicking yourself, but if you are immunocompromised, is it possible to stick with N95 or KN95 everywhere? At a minimum, double mask with a surgical mask. Keep rewearing the 95s.

       We have no idea how much spread is actually happening in hospitals, as they will never tell us. But I promise you it is happening.

    6. The only thing I would have an issue with here is the nurses. They should 100% be wearing masks properly. I am surprised they weren’t wearing N95 or equivalent.

    7. Just as a point of comparison, I have a couple different conditions that have required regular care during the pandemic. I’ve visited 10 different offices and haven’t had a single one hand out masks (which I would actually hate, as I always wear a N95/KN95 and don’t want a crappy surgical mask). However, I also haven’t seen a single unmasked patient or employee, though I do notice that older people seem to have a harder time finding masks that fit and are more likely to STILL be wearing cloth masks, whereas younger people and employees are wearing better ones. The receptionists sometimes pull their masks down to take a drink or something, but otherwise I don’t see people with masks deliberately worn badly. Every waiting room is still distanced and generally only patients are allowed and they discourage people from arriving early, so waiting rooms are pretty empty, compared to pre-pandemic. I think that part is probably worth complaining about, though given how overwhelmed a lot of health care facilities are, there may or may not be a lot they can do- they might just be at full capacity with no ability to put extra staff on mask enforcement duty. It’s not right, but this is what happens when we let cases get out of control and let our healthcare system break down and there are real consequences for a lot of people!

    8. 1. Yes complain.
       2. Did you drive? If so, when you check in for your appointment, state that you are immunocompromised and you need to wait in your car. Ask them to call you when they are ready. If they are not willing to do that, time to find another doctor. (I don’t say that lightly, I know it is a huge hassle!)
       3. Tell the nurse or doctor to fixt their mask if it slips during the appointment.

    9. I work in healthcare and would 100% make a huge fuss about this. And your instinct to report it to the hospital is correct. There should be contact information for something like “patient services administration” or “patient safety” or “patient advocacy.” If not, call the main hospital number. Make sure to include details – which office, what day, what time. The staff should be perfect mask-wearers at this point, but also, the staff should be enforcing covid protocols in the waiting area.

       1. Also in health care, and also think that perfect compliance is a fair standard. Staff are accountable for wearing them perfectly, and also for enforcing masking, including kicking out of the facility anyone who refuses. There’s no gray area for anyone here.

    10. One of the techs had brought their GD dog when I went for an MRI last week (a pet, not a service animal). It was running around the back room where they monitor the machinery, spreading hair and slobber all over the instruments. Apparently it’s just a free-for-all in hospitals now.

        1. Omg dramalama

           1. LOL yes how dare sickly people want cleanliness in a hospital. What even.

              1. Yeah but one dog doesn’t mean all hospitals are do whatever

           2. As someone with a life threatening dog allergy, it’s incredibly condescending and cruel to call someone a “dramalama” for wanting to not die. Hope you feel proud of yourself.

           3. Nah it’s gross and inappropriate. Dogs do not belong there.

        2. Sorry, although I see your point, this actually sounds funny and sort of charming, and your comment made me laugh. I would have welcomed a dog distraction at my first MRI (I was there for a very worrying reason). See what the pandemic has done to several family members who are HCWs, I’m surprised that more of these folks haven’t packed it in before now. Dogs, babies, whatever to keep them happy. Hope your own health situation is stable.

    11. Complain. I took my parents to the doctor today and complained to the office staff about the lack of mask enforcement – it was so, so bad, like barely over half the people were wearing a mask at all. This is a red state but masking was much better just a couple months ago. My parents are elderly, so relatively high risk, but not immunocompromised. And +1 to getting yourself a KN95 – and eye protection. I know someone who got infected despite wearing a KN95 because they forgot eye protection.

    12. Yes complain and honestly I’d do so via Twitter. Publicly stating negative things brings much quicker responses than going thru the appropriate channels and sending private emails.

17. Does anyone have a back and neck massager they love and can recommend? I have been eyeing some on Amazon*n, but there are soo many companies making seemingly the same product. Also, if you have one, does it feel like the massage chair at a nail salon?

    1. Oh I have to get the link for you but YES. It doesn’t feel exactly like a nail salon — I find I prefer it. Still going strong after 2 years of very frequent use.

       1. I think it’s this dude (confirming with my husband as it was a gift). I use it all down my back and on hips hands and hamstrings as well.

          https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BOYA2M2/

          1. Yep, confirmed.

    2. I got this one from a recommendation here and I love it. It feels kind of like the nail salon massage chair but better because I can move it around to just the right spots. https://www.naipocare.com/products/naipo-shoulder-neck-massager-with-shiatsu-kneading-massage-and-heat?

       1. I bought this because of the comments last year and love it!

          1. Ok, I’m going to order this. I desperately need something like this. And they have a 30% off deal right now.

18. The random number generator has chosen me and I’ve been summoned for jury duty for the first time in my life. I know the standard response is to try to get out of it somehow (and the assumption if you don’t is that you’re too stupid to get out of it), but I’m actually interested in seeing this side of the system and doing this. I’m not a lawyer or associated with the law or criminal justice system at all.

    Anyone else not actually upset when their number came up?

    1. Me too. I like crime shows and police procedurals and John Grisham lawyer books and I was actually curious to see how the legal process went! Couldn’t be further from my day job. I got called twice and both times, I got dismissed before my number was even called (they had enough jurors by the time they came to me I suppose).

    2. Jury duty is a responsibility and honor, not a burden. The idea that people take that attitude terrifies me. It isn’t unthinkable that anyone could wind up as a defendant, for reasons that may have nothing to do with guilt or innocence. Good for you!

    3. My number came up this year too. Normally I’d be kind of interested in the process (I’m an ex-lawyer but never did a jury trial) and wouldn’t mind skipping work for it, but Covid really complicates things. My daycare keeps closing for 14 days with no notice, because of positive cases, and my husband has a job that can’t be done from home, so he’d be really up a creek if daycare closed for two weeks and I was empaneled on a jury. I’m also not psyched about being exposed to Covid at the courthouse when I have a child under 5 who still can’t get vaccinated (I live in a red state, our courts don’t require masks). So yeah, I’m going to try to postpone at least until the summer when hopefully Covid will be less crazy and my kid might be vaccinated.

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