This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
The short-sleeved sweater is one of my summer staples. It provides a little warmth for an overly-air-conditioned office, but you can wear it outside without it being sweltering.
This one from Vineyard Vines is a cotton/silk/cashmere blend and comes in five great colors. I’m partial to this orange-y “Mai Tai” color, but that may be inspired by my desire to be sitting on a beach with a cocktail right now.
The sweater is $128 and comes in sizes XXS–XL.
An option with plus sizes comes from Amazon's “The Drop” line; it's available up to 5X.
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Anon
This is a fantastic pick. I’m constantly on the hunt for short-sleeved sweaters. Too bad Vineyard Vines is $$$ in Canadian dollars.
Anon
Brooks Brothers used to make gorgeous silk-blend short sleeved sweaters. Great clothing.
AIMS
Can you get Uniqlo in Canada? They are my go to for short sleeve sweaters.
Anonymous
Everything from the US has always been $$$ in Canadian dollars.
I’m on the lookout for a nice one too, so I hope we both have success.
OP
True, but some places are just ridiculous – like no, this top actually doesn’t cost twice as much in Canadian dollars and it doesn’t cost $30 to ship it but that’s what they charge anyway.
Anonymous
No, yeah, you’re right.
It is over the top sometimes.
I can often buy something and get it shipped from Europe cheaper than I can from the US.
Anon
Short sleeved sweaters are so pretty, but I don’t understand how people wear them. I feel like in the Midwest it’s always either too cold for short sleeves or too hot for a sweater.
anon
Agree. Also in the Midwest.
DC Inhouse Counsel
I love The Reset for short sleeved sweaters. They are my WFH uniform in the spring/summer.
Chl
Does anyone know of any short sleeved v or scoop neck sweaters? I prefer to crew neck but harder to find.
Moose
The Amazon pick she lists above is v-neck!
Anon
It is but with the dreaded puff sleeves, which counteract all the v-neck benefits. It anyone can recommend a non-puffed short sleeve, elbow sleeve or 3/4 sleeve summer sweater with a v-neck, preferably in cotton or linen, please post.
Senior Attorney
I’ve been wearing short sleeve sweaters like this in every color for YEARS and I’m about over it. Still trying to figure out what to replace them with, though.
Cora
What are some things that you would bring on a 2 week work trip that you wouldn’t bring on a shorter trip?
I’m going on a 2 week work trip out of the country. I have a medium sized bag that I’m checking in, so I have some extra room. I’ll be staying mainly in one city, and in more or less a furnished short term stay apartment.
I have basic meds, granola bars + tea (just in case), extra pajamas, laundry pod because the apartment is supposed to have laundry.
Anything else I missed?
Anon
Knitting. I don’t bring on short trips but would on a long one. Hobby stuff.
Cora
Oh that’s a good idea. I’ll have my ipad so I can read or do crossword puzzles, but I have some small jigsaw puzzles that I could bring. Might be nice to have especially if I’m jetlagged.
The apartment where I’m staying has a pool, and I swim laps usually. I don’t think its heated though so it might be too cold. I’m thinking of bringing a swimsuit in case – it’s a speedo 1 piece, nothing scandalous even with my boss staying in the same complex.
Anonymous
My own hair dryer
Eliza
+1
Anon
Probably my iPad plus my usual laptop for convenience. Protein snacks – powder, jerky sticks, plus my favorite healthy fiber cookies.
Anon
My own pillow.
Anon
I would save some room for any spontaneous local purchases.
Anon
I always just pack a tiny fold up tote bag for this.
Anonymous
I like slippers for a longer trip and I also make sure to have a few casual outfits.
Cb
A few books rather than just my kindle. Then I could leave them at the destination.
Any annoying household admin you could deal with whilst away.
Anon
Ha! I read that as a suggestion to bring your annoying household admin[istrator] so you could leave them at the destination.
Anon
Honestly, just extra clothes especially shirts and underwear. Caveat that I don’t travel much for work and my 2 week trips have all been vacations.
Anon
I bring my pillow and exercise gear. I’d leave the food and stop at a grocery store for odds and ends once you get there.
Anon
My preferred shampoo etc. rather than the travel size stuff I would normally pack
Good walking shoes for exploring
Cat
Preferred toiletries & hair dryer
Loungewear for dinners ‘in’, exercise clothes
A few cute casual outfits since you’ll be there over a weekend and maybe want to explore?
Anne-on
Workout clothes/sneakers, my own shampoo/conditioner plus a hair/face mask, my own blowdryer or preferred hair styling tools, and some casual outfits for weekend exploring. Depending on the country I’d also bring some OTC meds just in case (I always tend to catch a cold/have some minor but annoying illness when I don’t bring meds).
Anon
More clothing options, but nothing else special. I never have any significant downtown on a work trip, so any hobby stuff would be wasted space and I always have my iPad to read a book. But I’ve gone on 3 week international work trips with just my carryon, and had more than enough stuff
anon
Nail clippers, a nail file, cuticle oil, tweezers, and a disposable razor. Hair and nails regrow enough in two weeks that I need to tend to these things.
And all the shoes. Actual exercise shoes with many more socks than I think I will need, a pair of sandals you can push flat and shove in the front pocket of a suitcase, and three pairs of shoes to be worn for work. My physical comfort increases dramatically when I’m not stuck wearing the same pair of shoes for meetings everyday.
Anne-on
Good point on the extra shoes. Even my so-called ‘comfortable’ work shoes seem to bother my feet in new and unique ways if I have to wear them two days in a row during business trips. When I was traveling more frequently I would usually wear either my boots or sneakers on the plane there/back to leave more room in my suitcase and then have 2 pairs of dress shoes and 1 pair of more casual shoes I could walk around in after work. I have had to deploy my Rothys on more than one occassion after I got unbearable blisters that no amount of bandaids could remedy.
Anon
+1. Just got back from three weeks of work travel. Did not touch the books I brought (except on the plane, I’m a big plane reader). Bring as many socks and underthings as you can – even with laundry available, it can be hard to find the time to do it and better not be in a place where you are desperate. Casual clothes and loungewear for shifting to after work including slippers and casual shoes. I went with a capsule casual style wardrobe – all black, white, and olive. Bring meds that you might not have access to or would want immediately (for me that’s benedryl, tums, ibuprofen). Snacks I bought there.
Anon
Sports bras and running shoes.
Anon
One of those super thin cutting board things, which take up zero room, but become the “kitchen” in my hotel room. A tiny ice cube tray to make cubes from bottled water, if water safety in the locale makes ice off limits generally. Slippers. More hair ties than I think I need.
Anonymous
A lightweight robe.
Anon
Slippers and a robe. A causal outfit and very comfortable shoes for any time you have to explore the other country. A collapsible bag like a Le pliage so you can shop.
Anonymous
I’d definitely bring workout gear and some casual weekend wear. I’d also bring my own products – normally I just use hotel shampoo and the blow dryer for travel, but for this event I’d bring my Revlon one-step dryer and my own shampoo/conditioner.
Anon
Tips for things to do, eat, see, and where to stay in Lisbon for 3 days long week-end with an old friend? We are in our mid-40s and not interested in clubbing, but nice hangouts for drinks, coffee and sweets, food, views, shopping would be appreciated. We are going for a fun and relaxed vibe, first time in Lisbon but don’t have to see all the sights and don’t want to be rushing around all the time.
Anokha
+1 bumping. Also looking for suggestions in Algarve!
Anon
Algarve: We loved Praia de Marinha, a boat trip to Benagil Cave, Falesia Beach (especially if traveling with kids) and the towns of Lagos and Faro.
Enjoy! The Algarve is so so lovely.
Anonymous
Seconding Lagos and adding Olhao. Also the open air restaurant in Tavira – fresh fish grilled with piri piri sauce. Plus all the food. Bacalhau, Franco asade
Emma
We stayed at a place called Hotel Hotel (random name, I know) that was really nice, with a small pool and a garden bar area for drinks and breakfast. Very central location, nice staff, clean modern rooms. The rates were reasonable. And if you go, the seafood restaurant next door was a chill, unpretentious and slightly old school spot that seemed popular with locals. We had a lovely grilled fish and delicious deserts there.
Travels
An amble through the Sao Jorge castle is definitely in order. Lots of seafood, fresh food and lazy glasses of wine and port. Ceramics shopping.
This was all over a decade ago, and definitely pre-pandemic and pre-revenge travel, so it was gloriously not crowded. I don’t know what it will be like now and wold be interested if you post your update when you get home.
Travels
We stayed at the Janelas Verdes hotel. Quiet. Clean. Lovely. Nice tole bathrooms. Fabulous rooftop with quiet, self-help honor bar.
anon
I also stayed at Janelas Verdes and loved it. The other hotels in that group are also lovely – they’re all restored historic buildings.
Anon
I would suggest staying in the Principe Real district, though I have no specific recs for hotels there. We stayed in Chiado (as is usually recommended for first timers) and happened upon Principe Real and enjoyed the vibe there much more. Our style sounds similar to what you’re looking for. Enjoyed drinks at the Pavilhao Chines and dinner at Clandestine in that neighborhood (though it looks like the restaurant is called something else now – Rosamar?). For food, also highly recommend Cervajaria Ramiro Lisbon and the piri piri chicken at Churrasqhino do Barrio in the Mercado de Campo de Ourique. I also thought the day trip to Sintra was well worth it. Enjoy! Portugal is one of my favorite places!
Anon100
this is for a weeklong itinerary but a fellow corporate shared this when I asked for Lisbon travel ideas a few years ago:
“There’s lots of sightseeing to do in Lisbon: the Monastery of the Jeronimos in Belem; take in all the views from the Castle of Sao Jorge; enjoy more views and a glass of wine at the cafe on the Miradouro de São Pedro de Alcântara. The Monastery of Sao Vicente da Fora is my favorite spot–they have some of the most impressive tilework in the city, plus an amazing little bougainvillea-draped cafe and a great street market (the Feira da Ladra) on certain days. Make sure you take the 28 tram through the Alfama (be careful with your bags, though). Baixa is the cool neighborhood with all the restaurants and bars. I’m not sure I’d recommend staying there because it can get noisy, but definitely make sure you hang out during the day as well as at night. There are tons of great little boutiques. It’s outside of the center, but I can’t recommend the Jardim de Estrela enough: go and grab an ice cream while you stroll. Make sure you also do a day trip to the Palacio da Pena in Sintra. For shopping, don’t miss Zara (prices are discounted in Spain and Portugal) and El Corte Ingles for the Spanish version of Nordstrom (but so much more).
Restaurants that always stand the test of time are Chapitô (up towards the castle; you’ll probably need a reservation for peak days) and Martinho Da Arcada (right in the Praça do Comércio; get the seafood rice).
Overall, I really recommend that you hit the pavement and be ready to do some walking–Lisbon is HILLY but a lot of its best parts are tucked away in little nooks and crannies that you have to get kind of lost to find. The metro is solid and will take you where you need to go, but Lisbon rewards people who put forth the effort.”
I don’t have the original link anymore but whoever you are original fellow ‘rette, this was the best travel tips I’ve ever gotten!
Shananananana
Had the most amazing dinner there in November at Prado – highly recommend. Also went to a very cute basque-italian cocktail bar called Quattro teste. If you are gin drinkers, the Gin Lovers Bar was a solid pre dinner drinks spot. There is another bar called Pavilhao Chines that is full of any collectible and antique you can think of and was a solid take it all in spot.
JHC
Loved Cascais. Beach town, laid back.
Anon
I really enjoyed going out to Cascais. We hired a taxi to Cado da Roca and it was a stunning view along the cliffs
Anon
Thank you all! Will post an update in July after we come back.
Anon
Any recommendations for a heeled black Mary Jane shoe that can be worn with work dresses, pants, etc? Instagram just showed me this ad:
https://patina.com/products/heeled-mary-jane?variant=42084784636101
Anyone ever tried this brand or recommend any others? I have bunions which make some shoes a little difficult but usually do not need wide shoes.
Thanks!
Anon
J Crew has the Maisie, which is adorable. No idea how it works with bunions, but most of their stores seem to have it, so you could try it on.
Curious
I have an older style of these with a slightly higher heel and get lots of compliments: https://www.naturalizer.com/product/womens-florencia-mary-jane-3022349/black-lizard-synthetic-ec0235858?currency=USD
I can wear them for a long time and lots of walking and still feel great.
Shelle
I own these in brown and agree they’re comfortable and go with everything.
Anon
Wow I love those.
Anon
I read an article in the WSJ that noted that 11% of Wedt Point grads were marketing majors. I was floored — I thought service academies were for engineers and other military career majors. Maybe in 2023 this is not my dad’s (engineer) USMA?
Anon
An engineering degree isn’t very useful for leading an infantry platoon. On the other hand, influencing people to do, quickly and efficiently, what you need them to do, certainly is.
Taki
I know at USNA you are required to get a Bachelors of Science, even if you major in English. But you are also required to take a ton of math and engineering courses (and 65% of the graduation class has to major in STEM). There is no marketing major offered at USNA though. And because you made me curious I just looked it up, and there’s no Marketing major offered at West Point. Or minor. Maybe WSJ means there’s a marketing course that 11% of students take?
Anonymous
A few thoughts. One, it’s a real school. You can major in English. Two, many of those 11% are probably double majoring in something else. Three, the military has outstanding marketing. Four, your major can but doesn’t have to exactly correlate to your service career.
Anon
This.
Anon
I recall that I didn’t apply to the Naval Academy because of how much science / math / engineering was required as general education (I have dyscalculia, seemed like a recipe for disaster). Additionally, while USNA has a handful of social science / humanities majors, most are still engineering and I believe the needs of the Navy impact your ability to choose your major.
I just pursued both the Naval Academy and West Point’s majors listing and WP has more majors and more options in the social sciences. That being said, I did not see a marketing major; the only business majors I saw were Econ and management.
That being said, there’s a lot of careers in the military that people don’t think of as “military careers”, but they’re all needed.
Military recruitment, particularly in the Army, is way down so maybe they do need better marketing (I jest, they need to make a substantive changes)
Anon
Same. I was great at math and science but had no passion for it but realized later that I felt called to using science for wilderness medicine and trauma care (as a former history major). That and how to manage my wretched periods. I’d take a tour now at West Point out of curiosity (the ship has sailed for me). I had a friend who taught at Annapolis and he liked it so much that it kinda pains me that I shut the door too fast when I was younger.
Anon
I majored in history at a civilian engineering school and I work closely with military and law enforcement in my career. The soft skills, as well as writing and communication skills, of most engineers, military, and law enforcement leave a lot to be desired.
There’s a lot of military careers that need people who excel in these skills and who have substantive subject matter knowledge in non-STEM fields.
It doesn’t need to be all STEM all the time. It takes all kinds of kinds.
But, anyone who is at a service academy takes a LOT of STEM classes. They’re getting a very good math, science, engineering education.
Anne-on
A VERY popular path for a lot of the MarComm folks I know is to specialize in product marketing/exec comms/corporate comms/end-user writing for STEM/FAANG companies. My PR colleagues who worked on those accounts picked up product and industry knowledge over time and were highly sought after to go in house. Frankly it was easier for them to learn the subject matter stuff (even though they’d never be experts) than try to teach the data engineers/mechanical engineers how to write. Writing/communicating is one of those things everyone thinks is soooo easy…until they try to do it and make a hash of it.
anon
My brother was a public affairs officer for the military. He did a combination of journalism, marketing, and public relations – often in incredibly dangerous places. When you do extended occupations of other countries, you actually have a very clear need for that skillset, and given that, why not train some of those people at the academies?
anon
+1. Please don’t denigrate the entire field.
Anon
No one is denigrating it. West Point made students take art in the 1800s because they had to make their own maps and they needed to be useable. I don’t think you could be an art major there now but it something it can make sense to have some awareness of.
Anon
The military needs people other than engineers and soldiers? I know a member of the armed forces who is a photographer.
Anon
No doubt. But my liberal arts college had huge ROTC programs, so I assume that is how the military gets most people vs the service academies.
Anonymous
It would be fantastic if the service academies and ROTC required a liberal arts gen ed curriculum. Remember that article several years ago arguing that science and technical education promote the black-or-white thinking that lead to extremism?
Curious
Wait what article?! Nothing in science is black and white!
Anon
I mean, not for actual scientists, but there do seem to be a lot of people whose undergraduate STEM education has led them to treat Science as if it’s some absolute authority and who definitely think in black and white.
Anonymous
It was actually a book. See https://politicalviolenceataglance.org/2017/01/11/the-liberal-arts-as-antidote-to-political-extremism-in-the-middle-east/
More about engineering than science.
Curious
Super interesting, thanks!
anon
ROTC is an add-on to the academic program at the host school. They don’t control any part of the curriculum except the ROTC-specific activities.
USMA and UNA have an extensive set of required courses including a thorough set of traditional liberal arts classes. These are academically rigorous institutions that are intended to produce well-rounded and successful leaders; they have long understood that high-level military leadership requires well-developed critical thinking skills, an understanding of history and culture, etc.
Anon
Former Army officer here (6 years), married to an Air Force officer who’s closing in on 25 years of service. I can assure you, the officer corps spends a great deal of time focused on management and interpersonal skills, history, politics, and global culture. Here, for example, is the reading list recommended by the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, and you better believe that list trickles down to front line junior officers who have to read it and do book reports for senior officers, etc. https://amedd.libguides.com/c.php?g=566155&p=3905794 We have many of these books are on our bookshelves at home, not because we ran out and bought them when they were recommended, but because I read the classics when I was a military history major at my state U, and because my husband is constantly seeking to be the very best officer he can be, and that includes a few pages every night before bed of a history volume, to learn from the past.
Can extremism be a problem within the ranks? Yes. But it’s most often contained to the enlisted corps, which draws from the same American population that we all live in, and that’s one that elected President Trump in 2016. Enlisted soldiers do not typically have college degrees until they’re in the second half of their career. Requiring bachelors of science of military academy grads (who make up about 5% of the officer corps total across all branches) is not the problem here. If you want to talk about extremism in the ranks, talk about extremism in American society. Talk about the need for a return to civility in the public square. The officers who lead America’s troops are intelligent, devoted, and well-rounded, whether they have a STEM degree from a service academy or were an English major at a tiny private college in their home state.
Anonymous
This is why we need rigorous education in literature, history, philosophy, and writing for all students in our high schools. My daughter’s tenth-grade honors English course consisted entirely of reading YA and contemporary adult fiction novels she chose herself, without discussing or writing about them. The only essay they wrote the entire year was the state writing assessment. These are kids who went on to IB English the following year and were horribly unprepared to think critically or to write. If that was the honors curriculum I can’t even imagine how bad the standard English course was.
Anonymous
Thanks for the link, I’m going to give this list a try.
Anon
I have a relative who went to a military college and majored in human relations or Human Resources. Works in that field in the corporate world now.
Anon
Are you also surprised that the service academies have cheerleaders and dance teams?
Anon
They have dance teams?! Wow — I had no idea. Made up of fellow students (VMI had female cheerleaders before they were co-ed; my guess is that they didn’t get them from W&L but IDK who they were now that I think of it)?
Anon
Yup. I know a few women who went to USNA and were cheerleaders and on the dance team.
They’re now Navy and Marine Corps officers.
anon
I’m not sure where the WSJ got that information because marketing is not listed as a major or a minor on the West Point website. You can major in management, which looks to be similar to an undergrad business degree.
Priya
I would love some advice on how to conduct interviews. I’m in a technical field, and my company gives a very reasonable, time-limited test (1.5 hrs of work max) and then we go through it during the interview. This is useful because I want to see how people think about a data problem, how organized their approach it, what they considered etc
For the rest of the interview I ask open-ended behavioral-ish questions. A few different “tell me about a time when”, especially around making decisions or issues that come up. How would you explain concepts to people from a different field.
I think my questions are decent, and cover the topics we’re concerned about, but to some extent it still feels like I’m hiring on “vibes”. It’s not an issue of bias – empirically I can tell you the people I’ve passed through are from different backgrounds etc. It’s just that I’m not sure if I’m doing the best job of evaluating them or not, or if people who are more outgoing/polished are just going to come across better.
anonshmanon
Are you dissatisfied with the people you hire or do you just not feel like you have a solid process? For me, it’s more the latter. I try to spend a lot of time teasing out what skills are important for the role, and which of these is trainable vs. not. But there is a large x-factor always.
Anonymous
When you look at how the people you’ve hired are performing, were your “vibes” accurate and on target? Are they the employees you’d thought they’d be? If not, is there an area or trait you’re missing and you need to start addressing in interviews?
Priya
I didn’t think of it this way, but yeah the vibes are pretty accurate. From past experience I know that there are particular characteristics (proactiveness etc) that I’m looking for, and how people talk about past projects does seem to clarify that.
Curious
Interesting. My narrow take: You may actually be referring to soft skills or behavior traits that you can consistently measure, removing the “vibes” aspect. Amazon calls them Leadership Principles, and they include aspects like Bias for Action, which sounds a lot like the proactivity you mention. Our behavioural questions are actually specifically targeted to these characteristics, and we have simple rubrics that help us to assess them consistently.
Anonymous
Are you new to hiring? A lot of hiring is on “vibes” and history of past work. Check references. Recruit known candidates via colleagues, contacts, and friends. The more you grow your network the more you can tap it for specific skills.
Priya
Somewhat! Guess I’m still surprised by how much is vibes. My network is good, but I also do want to be able to evaluate candidates I don’t have a connection to.
For references – my company asks for references basically after the offer is given. “Offer contingent on reference check”. That seems late in the process. Do any companies ask for references after the final interview but before an offer is given?
anonshmanon
yes, that’s a thing!
Curious
While I think Anon at 9:44 isn’t wrong, I do applaud the OP for challenging that status quo and wanting to avoid “vibes” based hiring, which can introduce bias. I certainly agree that we all use our networks to hire, but we should be able to back up the general feeling we get from a candidate with data. Otherwise we risk, e.g., penalizing non-native language speakers, introverts, or people who just otherwise strike us as not like us, missing the data they provide that shows they actually would be a good fit. I’m probably preaching to the choir, so I’ll get down off my soapbox now :)
Trish
One of the best research and writing lawyers I ever worked with in a state agency almost didn’t get the job because of her lack of interviewing skills. She was hired based on a recommendation.
Anon
Two of the biggest disaster of all time attorney hirings that I witnessed knocked it out of the park in their interviews. The “good at interviewing” is definitely different form good at the job.
Anne-on
Would your company be open to standardizing the questions and comitting to sharing them with candidates ahead of the interviews? I was shocked at how clear/open Amazon and other tech firms were in their interviewing process. The recruiters shared (proactively!) the questions candidates will be asked, clarified the dress code, and even explained what they were looking for in their online tests (to see how people think vs. needing folks to get every single question right). It’s been shown to remove a ton of bias and level the playing field to those from different backgrounds.
Priya
The questions are standardized. I’m not sure about sharing them with the applicants, but I can definitely explain more about what we’re looking for on tests and generally give them more guidance.
Curious
This is something I’m very proud of in Amazon’s hiring process.
Though apparently GPT4 can solve our coding test in 3.5 minutes, so they may be re-writing that (search the latest video by Sebastian Bubeck on generative AI for this public domain Microsoft-to-Amazon ribbing).
Anon
When choosing between the more polished and less polished candidate, when both are equal, choose the less polished candidate. (For “polish,” I don’t mean character issues.) Depaite lacking polish, that person gained the same technical and professional skills as the more polished candidate.
Priya
Hmm it depends. Being able to explain your work concisely and clearly, for example, both comes off as more polished and is also a good skill to have on the job.
Anon
That’s fine, if candidates have some time to gather their thoughts and answer. If I’m going into a meeting, I am prepared to answer questions on the subjects pertinent to the meeting and other related subjects. But in an interview, I might not be able to immediately come up with an example for the question asked.
Anonymous
In my line of work you need to be able to think on your feet and come up with the answer immediately.
anonshmanon
does that change if your typical interview questions are totally standard ‘tell me about a time when’ questions, so the candidate would be able to prepare for them?
Anonymous
This would be a terrible way for me to hire. I need “polished” employees who can communicate the results of their technical work to a variety of non-technical audiences, and who can conduct interviews and facilitate meetings and focus groups.
AnonSatOfc
I used this for law firm hiring, when my group had a bad history of hiring people who interviewed well but weren’t actually strong performers. I picked the person who was a little more nervous/seemed more genuine, and they ended up being a great asset (very possible the other person would have been too)
Anon
:)
Anon
A long time ago I took an in-house training for hiring managers that basically said
1) by the time the candidate gets to you, they should already be technically vetted
2) what you’re really looking for is fit. Will this person like working here and will you and your team like working with them?
2 is the most important thing because it takes a lot of time and expense to get an employee up and running. You want to invest that on someone who will stick around.
For those reasons, they encouraged open-ended questions like those you’re asking. The interview should absolutely be conversational getting-to-know-you stuff.
Keep on doing what you’re doing!
Anonymous
Hahahaha on #1. I don’t know how anyone but the hiring manager or someone with equivalent knowledge can do the technical vetting effectively. Our HR department once sent us a candidate with a fake degree. They don’t know data science from data entry.
Anon
Sounds like OP has a test that HR gives candidates. We had something similar. I’m not saying HR writes the test, someone technical did, but that should be out of the way by the time you’re doing a talking interview. No one who couldn’t pass the test should reach your desk.
Anonymous
For many jobs there is no simple test that can adequately assess technical ability. We have our candidates do a job talk, and the interview questions include a lot of “how would you answer this research question” and “how would you deal with this data set.”
Anon
I’m mid 30s and I’ve never worn faux leather. My impression from my early 20s is that it’s more clubbing-type fabric.
Is the Ann Taylor faux leather sheath dress appropriate for work? I’m tempted to buy it.
anon
Depends on the quality of faux leather. I wear it all the time and am also mid-30s who’s never been into clubbing type things or fashion. i don’t know about the AT dress, you may need to see it to decide.
Cora
I used to wear an Ann Taylor faux leather pencil skirt to the office all the time when I was working in the big 4, and saw others in the building wearing it too. I think it works!
Anon
I work the biggest law firm in my state – small state, so not necessarily big law, but a large firm. People here, including at the partner level, regularly wear all variety of leather skirts, pants, dresses. I think its totally fine!
Anon
No. Fake leather is PU or PVC and that’s not appropriate for the office.
Also terrible for the environment but that’s a different matter.
Anonymous
Why must every sweater contain just a tiny bit of cashmere? It renders them all unwearable for me.
Gail the Goldfish
Why must every sweater contain just a tiny bit of cashmere? It renders them all unwearable for me.
Hair Straightening
Seeking any and all insight into hair straightening. I have shoulder-length curly/frizzy “Jewish-girl” hair that I think I am finally ready to have straightened. What should I consider, including:
* How long it lasts
* How it grows out (will it fade, or will there be a clear demarcation?)
* How much ventilation there should be during the process
* How (if at all) it affects color (brown and white)
* What the different “kinds” are and what their pros/cons are (Brazilian, Japanese, Korean, magic, keratin, thermal – I’m confused)
TIA
Anon
Keratin will not fully straighten your hair in most cases, but leave you with a soft wave when drying naturally and leave it much easier and faster to straighten fully. It lasts around 3 months or longer. I think it does the least damage to your hair and if I was going to straighten my hair, I’d start there.
Anon.
FWIW, I’d fully research chemicals in those treatments. There is a recent class action lawsuit around hair relaxers: https://www.lawsuit-information-center.com/hair-relaxer-hysterectomy-lawsuit.html Many of the harsh chemicals used to break the chemical bonds in your hair are insufficiently assessed with regards to their long-term effects on health.
I don’t want to negate your wish for straight hair, and as a fellow curly/wavy frizzy person fully understand it, but maybe assessing options to embrace your natural texture with a curl specialist is something you could explore in parallel?
Anon
I’ve been doing Brazilian Blowouts since 2010 for my similar hair and love it. I get it done once or twice a year and it primarily manages my frizz, while also straightening. But you can do a Brazilian and not get it as straight – you just tell them how straight you want it. A long time ago there was a lot of concern about the ventilation when the product had more chemicals, but now it’s barely noticeable and most salons just do it as a normal treatment without special ventilation.
Hair Straightening
Does it fade out over time, or is there a clear demarcation of hair that got treated and hair that did not (yet) get treated?
How do you handle the hair around your forehead/hairline (where I tend to be frizziest)?
Thanks.
Anon
The Brazilian fades over time and I mostly just notice my hair gets a little harder to straighten and a little less sleek and manageable, but no clear demarcation. They will spend extra attention on the hair around your forehead (especially if you tell them that’s your problem area), but that will be the area where you’ll likely notice first when it’s time for a redo. I think they recommend getting them done every 3-6 months – the longer you do it the longer you can go between treatments. I don’t know where you live, but I have salon recommendations for Brazilians in LA and Houston if you need them.
Hair Straightening
This is really helpful. Thanks so much. Not in your area(s), but thanks for the offer.
Have you considered Magic Sleek (not keratin or Brazilian and also not Japanese)?
Fashion question!
A fashion question!
I was in a meeting with a client yesterday. One of the women roughly my age had a black sheath dress on with a slouchy army green coat/jacket/not cardigan over the top. It was nearly the same length as the dress, but not quite. I loved the look and didn’t have a chance to ask her about it (wasn’t totally appropriate given setting/dynamic). Any ideas what this is or where I could find similar? It was longer than a boyfriend-length cardigan by a bit, I think. Just looked super chic and brought a little relaxation/casual flair to her polished hair and black sheath dress.
Anonymous
Search for “duster.” It will get you random stuff like kimonos, robes, and cardigans, but will also have some shirt, jacket, and trench-like toppers of the length you’re looking for sprinkled in. A search at Nordstrom turned up this, which sounds similar to what you’re describing:
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/free-people-rae-back-belt-cotton-linen-duster-jacket/7256813?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=350
OP
Thank you! It was definitely shorter than that. Just shy of the length of the sheath dress, but that’s the search word I’m needing, I think.
ANON
Eileen Fisher makes jackets like that
anon
Is one shoulder a trend that will go away in a couple of years? I’m thinking of buying a one shoulder evening gown but want it to last.
Anon
Pretty sure girls wore one-shouldered prom dresses in the mid-80s, so I think it is here to stay.
Anon
+1 I think one shoulder is a here to stay style but one that ebbs and flows in popularity. I don’t think it will ever be totally out of style
anon
+2
Anonymous
Yes! I wore a one-shouldered prom dress in 1986 and I loved it :-)
Anon
I’m not sure the fact that people wore something in the 80s means it’s a classic…
anon
I think it’s less about the one-shoulder and more about the material and overall look that makes one-shoulder feel out of date. It’s been around forever and, if done right, can be classic.
Anon
I mean I think they were wearing one-shoulder dresses (togas) 2000 years ago so I think you’re good.
Anon
This made me lol
Anon
They come and go. I don’t think it’s ever completely “out” but it’s sometimes more trendy and sometimes less trendy.
Kate
The (now) Princess of Wales has worn one-shouldered gowns over the years, and she is hardly a trendy dresser.
Anon
Not if you’re a Real Housewife.
Anon
One shoulder isn’t the part of the dress that is going to determine whether it’s still fashionable a few years from now.
Anon
I have a friendship that has grown really hard and no longer rewarding on both sides. I’m considering whether it’s time to let it fade (in a friendly way with an option to reconnect in the future), but I think my friend wants to hold on, probably more out of habit or fear of losing one of her few close friends than for actually really enjoying my company. She does all these things that sabotage the friendship in my eyes (think long grudges over minor slights), but then insists that if I say that affects the friendship, it’s proof that my friendship “comes with conditions.” I mean…Doesn’t it? Don’t all friendships have the condition that they need to make both people happy? I’m not sure I want to give up so easily but there’s also no doubt that the happiness is mostly gone. Advice welcome.
anon
I think once a friendship reaches this point, it’s over (for the present time, at least). Friendship takes effort, of course, but this dynamic sounds exhausting.
Anon
Exhausting is the right word for it. It just doesn’t seem like it should be this hard. Part of me feels bad and like I want to stick it out because she went through something many years ago that caused a lot of friends to walk away (not her fault) and she clearly has trauma around the concept of people abandoning her, but both of our lives are different now and I don’t think guilt over leaving is a good enough reason to keep at it. As much as I love her, it just doesn’t seem like a close active friendship is working for either of us anymore. :(
Anonymous
I have a friend like this. We used to be really close but our friendship has kind of naturally faded because our schedules never aligned. I do genuinely miss her, but I’m also not willing to clear my schedule so she can…chastise me about how I’m being a bad friend. In her mind I’m a bad friend because when she asks for honest advice I give it and then she gets her feelings hurt. Anyway, maybe you should just be too busy to see this friend for 6 months or a year.
Anon
The constant chastisement really has to go, I agree. That just never works.
Anon
Long grudges over minor slights does not sound like a good friendship.
Anon
And this also sounds like conditions on the friendship, no?
Anon
I’m not sure I understand this. Are you saying that people should put up with whatever friendship throws at them, even if it’s not good?
Anon
No, Anon at 10:53 am is echoing the language of the original comment by OP. The friend will claim that OP Zia putting conditions on the friendship but ignores that she herself is doing the same thing.
Anon
I think they mean that the friend holding grudges is the friend putting conditions on the friendship
Anon
Ah yeah, that makes more sense. My bad!
Anon
Would it be possible to keep in touch with this friend in a less frequent basis? I have a friend I’ve known since I was in pre-school. She coincidentally now lives 30 minutes away from me even though we’re out of state from where we grew up. We see each other about twice a year. We’re very different from each other, but it’s nice to have a long time friend. Maybe this friend is going through a rough patch will be more agreeable to be around down the road, given more time.
anon
I commented above, but this is essentially what I’ve done with a longtime friend from childhood. As adults, and particularly once we both became parents, it was clear that we were bumping heads in a way that didn’t feel healthy or rewarding. The short version is that I sensed a LOT of judgment from her about my status as a full-time working mom. And to be honest, I wasn’t crazy about some of her life choices, either, and maybe it showed even though I never said a word. I still care about her, but dropping back to a meetup 1-2 times a year was the right choice to stay connected without driving each other crazy.
Anon
Bumping heads in a way that didn’t feel healthy or rewarding resonates with me. I have another close friend that I sometimes bump heads with, but we always come out the other side feeling like we learned how to communicate better or how to take the other person’s perspective into account better and then we’re back to laughing and having fun (no grudges). That just doesn’t seem possible with this friend for some reason.
Anon
I did this – a slow fade, if you will – with a close friend I wanted to be less close with. And I believe another friend has done it to me! It happens.
Monday
I don’t think it sounds like you’re giving up this friendship “easily.” It sounds like you’ve expressed issues to her and she’s shut it down every time. It’s logical that you would now be, reluctantly, ready to give up. I’m sorry, but I would probably do the same (and recently had an epic friend breakup that I wrote about here!)
She will undoubtedly be upset and criticize you. This behavior is just more of the same: not listening, not being willing to take feedback.
Anon
I would be interested in reading your story if you are comfortable sharing.
Monday
I’m late to seeing this, but hopefully you are still reading.
To make a loooong story short, my friend was being deceptive to her husband in an ongoing, deliberate way. She was cheating and prioritizing other men in her life under the guise of an open relationship (whose rules she was breaking left and right). She turned to me for real-time support amid all this drama, and I finally told her that she was about to blow up her marriage and her life, and I was not comfortable supporting it. She claimed to respect my feelings and boundaries, but within a few days was lashing out at me about it. So I told her I hope we can be friends again at some point, but cannot as long as she is making decisions like this.
MJ
You should not have to beg or justify being a reasonable, normal person in friendship interactions. Having to placate someone who is super-sensitive about normal interactions sounds so incredibly tiresome. It’s very important to me, now that I’m not in my early 20s, to have friends who are emotionally stable/not dramatic and overly emotional all the time. I have a super-stressful job–I can’t have stressful friendships. I don’t have the bandwidth.
My criteria for friendship as an adult is as follows:
good person/has a moral compass,
likes to do some of the same stuff I do,
schedules mesh somewhat so we can find common times to hang out,
never is weird about money,
shows up/not a flake, and,
most importantly, low drama.
I deal with a million drama llamas at work, and I really don’t have the energy to deal with drama-llamas in my personal life, full stop.
I would explain that yes, your friendship does come with conditions–you’re not here to deal with friend drama when you are being reasonable and kind. If that’s a dealbreaker for her, then it is. You go your separate ways.
Smokey
To your list I would add: Shares an interest in the relationship by making time to get together and initiates opportunities to socialize. It’s exhausting and hurtful when a friendship feels one-sided.
Anonymous
The only people who have ever criticized me for having “conditions” on my affection have been at a minimum toxic if not abusive. My love for you is unconditional but your presence in my life is not. I will not be your punching bag because uNcONdiTiOnaL LoVe.
Anonymous
Anyone who accuses someone of putting conditions on the relationship is themselves putting conditions on the relationship.
Expecting you to just accept that kind of behavior and getting angry when you don’t is toxic at best.
I would say it’s time to fade out.
Sasha
I had a decade-long friendship that I struggled with ending for a long time. We were on different paths in life and she was developing values and a world view that I just didn’t agree with. She also had a history of being dumped by close friends, but the difference is that often it was due to her own behavior and she could never connect the dots.
We ended up getting into an argument where we both firmly thought the other person was in the wrong. Usually I would acquiesce and apologize but that time I really didn’t feel I had done anything wrong and was fed up with always being the one who had to roll over. What was “let’s take some time to simmer down and talk it out once we’re calmer” has now turned into 6 years of no contact. I reached out about a year in just to say that there was no bad blood on my side and that I wished her well. She said the same, but we haven’t spoken since.
I do still miss her from time to time, but our time apart has really helped me see how toxic our friendship was, and that I’m ultimately better off not being friends with her. I don’t regret my decision to walk away at all. I think both things can be true–that your time with someone was valuable and shaped you as a person, and that that time ultimately needs to come to an end.
Anon
I think I feel the way about friends that some people here feel about partners. Family go through everything together and intimate relationships touch on deep psychology so I’m willing to work through big emotions and a certain amount of drama with my spouse, who is family.
But I need friendships to be easy and not to involve much “meta-friendship” discussion.
Ano
If you’re an attorney and often travel for work, what kind of law do you practice?
Anon
Global GC – International M&A and cross border transactions
Anonymous
My brother was GC at a company with a presence in a number of states. He would travel for litigation against the company’s delivery drivers.
Sybil
I traveled a decent amount in my former career – 3-8 trips/year or so. I worked in state government in a fairly niche regulatory field. I primarily worked with people who did my job in other states.
Anon
I was in an area that would have required extensive travel before I went in-house– medical malpractice/healthcare liability. Typically, our clients were within 1-2 hours of us, so we had a lot of local travel for depositions and client meetings. Think: not overnight, but you are still leaving the house at 6 am or getting late that night. This type of travel lessened after Covid as we could do some of these meetings remotely. Expert discovery required extensive regional travel as most of our experts would be in neighboring states. So, during the 4-6 week period of expert depositions before a trial, it would not be uncommon to be flying somewhere twice a week for 24-48 hour trips.
At my firm, typically we would not be involved in expert discovery until you were either a junior partner or about to make partner, which was somewhat frustrating because that is typically when people start having kids and are less willing or able to travel.
Anonymous
Products liability litigation. Pre-pandemic, traveled a ton for depos (experts, mostly, though some fact witnesses would be out of state). Post-pandemic, it’s mostly Zoom, and it’s getting old, but I don’t think travel will ever come back to the extent we used to. I miss the travel. It may be more efficient, especially when it’s a case with a ton of defendants (think asbestos cases) that don’t need to really be there in person, but I do think you lose something if at least the main questioning or defending attorney is not in person with the witness.
Anonymous
Also litigation and many of our depositions are back in person. I think depositions and mediations are much more effective in person, although I don’t like the travel myself because it’s too complicated with my kid schedule.
Anony
I traveled a lot pre-pandemic for my all-federal litigation practice. I still do some travel, but a lot more routine court appearances that used to be in-person (like Rule 26(f) conferences, etc.) and mediations are Zoom or telephonic now so it’s cut down on the travel quite a bit. I really like the way it’s worked out in my practice. I prefer taking depositions and arguing substantive motions in person, but there’s no need to spend two days and a lot of client money for a status conference that will take five minutes.
AnonSatOfc
in-house L&E counsel supporting employees in various locations. Normally not a ton of travel, but may be for mediations/hearings/deposition, to conduct training, to participate in key meetings, or to meet people and see the worksite.
ollie
IP litigation – before I went in-house I would travel once a month or more for depositions and trial (pre-pandemic and also in the back half of 2022). Now I don’t expect to travel more than a couple times a year, since my company doesn’t have the budget and we also still tend to prefer remote depositions in most cases.
anon
I’m in-house at a company with locations in several states. I work from home most of the time but travel (plane flight) to one of our offices about once per month. I also have day trips (1-1.5 hour drive) to the office nearest me about once per month and to our state capital a few times per year.
Anon
Used to do federal administrative hearings (social security, representing applicants) and traveled 2-4 days per week, driving or flying. I’d be in Milwaukee one day for 4 hearings, head home and then back out at 6 am to drive to Iowa for three hearings, next fly to St Louis for a day, etc. It was in a pre-pandemic, pre-kids-for-me world.
Anonymous
Cross posted from the Moms site. I’m an attorney in the Midwest without much of a book of business. I’m considering the possibility of hiring a business development coach to help me grow my business. Thoughts? Recommendations? Referrals? Happy to provide more information. Thanks!
Anon
Going to Sandbridge Beach, VA for a week in June with husband. Favorite places? Recommendations?
anon
Margie and Rays crab house! And if you’re going over into VA Beach at all, Taste Unlimited sandwiches are a must.
Anon
Love it! Thank you!
Taki
Oh my god, I miss Taste soooooooo much. I was in Tidewater for 1 day last year and that was the only thing I had to have. I used to order their Thanksgiving meal every year too, which was about $200 for meat, sides, soup, bread, pie for 4 and was so convenient.
CreditRisk
Looking for advice on how to approach Wharton. I’m interested in their EMBA and their global cohort as I have significant parenting responsibilities but they only offer financial assistance for their in person programs in Philly and San Fran. I’m in Texas so the travel every other week is a substantial time commitment plus I’m not from Texas and I don’t have super strong support that can step in consistently.
I’m 43, single parent to 3 children (2 with autism) and much of their expenses fall on me. I am a CPA working in the banking sector. The MBA would help me get to the next level, keep my skills relevant, but financially speaking, to do this I can’t afford $225k for the tuition. I know it sounds crazy because I do have a high income but I also have very high expenses (3 sets of school fees, high medical costs and high childcare costs). I can’t cut back anywhere because it would sabotage the progress I’ve made and prevent me from successfully completing the program.
Advice and perspective much appreciated. Thank you in advance.
Anon
Do you need Wharton to get to the next level? Or just an MBA?
CreditRisk
Great question!
I need an American college degree. The MBA makes sense as it will cover the breadth I didn’t get from my UK bachelor degree and I would prefer it to come from a top school. I looked at Columbia’s program but zero funding is available.
I could have my employer fund the program but then I need to stay for 5 years post graduation. That doesn’t help me and I don’t want to stay in Texas. The only bright side of this location is that everyone works 8-4 so me working 7-5 looks great. I’m used to 5-7 mid week plus 5-10 hours at the weekend. With the recession about to arrive I do not want to switch jobs right now but I do want to use the low working hours.
I’m a member of forte and appreciate what they are doing but feel like I’m in a no win situation. I can’t afford more than $50k and what I get for $50k doesn’t get me where I need to go.
anon
Okay, I’m the person below who also works at a bank. There’s a lot to unpack here, but gently, I think you’ve got some slightly inaccurate views on how MBAs and EMBAs are perceived in the market and the value of reputation. EMBAs are not perceived as particularly selective (even the most selective programs admit close to half of their applicants), and having one from a top school vs. a normal school does not make a big difference. I would also be really surprised if you see the salary boost from this that you think that you will – that would be pretty unusual for a remote-first, mid-career EMBA. The biggest salary boosts from business degrees are early career individuals who do full-time in-person programs. There is a ton of marketing around EMBAs because they are HUGE moneymakers for business schools, but the ROI is very mixed and they are ghastly expensive.
I say this with all kindness, and out of a desire to help – your responses read to me a bit like you feel trapped in your current situation and that you’ve latched on to this as the one thing that will help you escape. But in my 15 years in banking, I have never seen a situation where someone was a super high-performing individual and the one thing that prevented her from fulfilling her career potential and becoming a CFO was the lack of an MBA from a top school.
If you decide that the only way you’ll get out of your current situation is a six-figure EMBA from Wharton, then you won’t get out of your current situation because you can’t afford a six-figure EMBA from Wharton (or the basis on which you could afford it – paid by your employer – is unacceptable to you). If you want to change your situation, take this option off the table because it isn’t really an option, and figure out how you get to where you want to go in a Plan B world.
anon
Also, I just read your further comment below about where you work – I would really, really encourage you to think about trying to move to a larger bank as a first step. There are a bunch of superregionals and nationals with operations in Texas and most of them will not at all care that you have a UK undergrad degree given that you have a CPA, work experience here, and presumably do not need visa sponsorship.
I know this may seem like an overwhelming situation because you are dealing with a lot, but I am 100% sure there are paths to a better life for you other than this one.
Pompom
I work in MBA administration–including exec MBA programs and professional PT MBAs, and a nationally ranked FT program–and this is all spot on.
Do more objective research on whether and how banks value–with salary–non-FTMBAs. Also research the feasibilility of the specific function you are aiming for. For example, it is near impossible to become an I Banker without having done a FTMBA program, since pretty much all banks only recruit from full time residential programs where they can capture candidates in one place on one schedule and at the same relative career stage.
CreditRisk
Thank you everyone so much!
There is a lot to unpack. There is a lot going on with my career. I’m hesitant to move from where I am at because I came in with a team and they have my back. That is worth a lot to me and I’m not ready to give that up right now.
I do not like living in Texas. I’m English and I’ve lived in North Jersey for 20 years. It’s so so slow here. However my children love their school and because it’s a red state, some opportunities have come up, like ESG council member, I wouldn’t get to do at a firm in NYC because of work demands and competition.
It’s been refreshing for everyone to collectively agree that yes this is not needed. For my skills update, I can do that much more effectively for far less. A quick google of online programs found quantic which ticks 90% of the boxes I want to fill. It’s $15k all in. I’ll do more research but yes, the Wharton program isn’t what I need.
Job wise, I would prefer to ride out this trough where I’m at. Let my 401k match and share options vest.
Thank you all for your perspective. It’s much appreciated.
Anon
I think you’re either going to have to find a job in Philly or a EMBA from a different institution.
Anon
These types of programs only make sense if your employer is footing the bill. That’s part of why the tuition is so high. They’re not expecting individuals to be paying out of pocket, though I’m sure some do. If you’re set on this program, talk to your employer about covering your tuition. Otherwise, your flagship state U’s business college almost certainly has something for a fraction of the cost.
Anon
This. This. This.
The people I knew doing EMBAs had someone else writing the check mostly (others were career switchers, so no way would an employer fund that). I am in CLT so we have tons of local options; everyone has set up a campus here. I wouldn’t worry so much b/c a lot of what the EMBAs do seems to be capturing what you know already from working, so it seems to be mostly a box-checking exercise for working adults and everyone gets it. Texas schools have a wide reach and alumni all over and that might be as good or better b/c Penn is such a small school.
anon
My understanding is that the evidence is that MBAs – especially remote-first EMBAs – do not produce measurable benefits for mid-career professionals in terms of improved earning potential. Some of the stats out there are that EMBAs generate a $10-12k/year salary increase, which means you’re talking 25 years to make back the tuition cost. Unless you know that there is a specific job that you want where an MBA is a firm requirement, I don’t think that this is a good choice for you given all the complexity that you mention. I would pursue other opportunities for career development within your organization or the banking industry. A lot of regional banking orgs offer “banking school” programs that your company can nominate you for, for example – I work at a bank and we send people to one. It’s several years but very much designed for full-time working people, has great classroom components and networking potential, and the company pays.
CreditRisk
Thank you for your reply.
The reason for the MBA is to position myself for a CFO track role and work my way up to a CFO role and corporate board position(s). My employer does not have a banking school program which I can complete.
I thought about doing a masters in data analytics but I also want to get some exposure to the soft skills training they cover as part of the MBA.
I won’t earn more necessarily in the post 1-3 years doing the MBA but I do expect to earn $75-100k more after 3-5 years. I also want to move away from working at a regional bank. I see the WEMBA as a way of accomplishing that goal.
I’m willing to make an investment, just not $225k at 8% when I’m about to be hit with 3 teens going through high school, two who have high cost needs.
Anon
Why does it have to be Wharton? Surely there are state universities or online programs where you could do this for much cheaper or even free? I get wanting an MBA but there is NO WAY this is worth $225k at 8% interest.
anon
I mean, I think your last sentence is your answer, isn’t it? You want to do this, but it’s not possible right now. Sometimes not all doors are open to us at all times in our lives; we have to find ways to live with that and either be happy where we are or explore other ways to get to where we want to land. FWIW, I work at a very large bank (that you have heard of) and neither the CFO of my division (which represents a third of the bank’s revenue) nor the CFO of the bank itself have MBAs.
I assume you’re in the finance organization of your bank based on the fact that you mention you have a CPA – is that correct? What kind of bank are we talking (community bank or true regional)? Would a more feasible first step be looking for a job at a slightly larger institution, or one that offers more career development support?
CreditRisk
I am in credit risk but want to move out of working for a small state chartered regional bank ($30bn in assets) and into a multinational company.
I hear you on doing the steps, which I think is a better approach. I do have the problem of not having a US education. It always holds me back. I’m also the only woman in my group and one of 3 women in my division at my peer level. I’m not taken seriously for various reasons, my foreign education being one of them.
Anon
Gently, as someone from the U.S. who went to school here, IDK what foreign degrees even are, so I cannot possibly shade them. Often I don’t even know where people went to school. If you are here, doing the job, isn’t that what matters (and I only have 2 kids, one with high support needs)?
If you feel you need a US degree, can you not cobble together some US undergrad classes fairly easily via state U extension programs? I did what in a math finance program for a while back pre kids b/c life was boring and easy. TBH, college here is 4-5 years of beer and fun but questionable life choices.
Anon
You can be a CFO without getting a $225k MBA from Wharton, I assure you. You need to do some more research and find a program that isn’t going to completely upend your life. They’re out there.
Anonymous
Ok? Idk what you’re expecting here but lots of people would like to get fancy degrees but don’t because money is real.
Anonymous
An EMBA is not even a fancy degree. It’s a profit center for the university and that’s about it.
Anon
It seems like a no brainer to me to not do this. You can’t afford it and you don’t have time for it.
Anon
This. I don’t have an MBA but from what I’ve read, one of the significant benefits of getting one is the network you build at a top school. How are you going to network with significant parenting responsibilities, a full time job, and no family help nearby? I don’t think the MBA is worth it in this case, at least not from Wharton.
CreditRisk
Ironically, getting divorced was the best thing I did for building my network. All of a sudden I didn’t have someone sabotaging my schedule.
I’m deliberate about networking, picking 4 conferences each year, 1 event per month and 1 lunch/coffee each week with an internal person and a follow up with someone I have met along the way at conferences and events or former colleagues.
Anon
Many EMBAs assume an employer is paying for it. Is that an option? You could also look at Forte which has significant scholarships for women, but I think their focus is on non-executive mbas.
Often EMBAs are to check the box to grow at ons’s current company. If it’s a check the box for you, it doesn’t need to be from Wharton (any T25 program would do). There are probably much cheaper options out there that would achieve similar outcomes.
Anon
+1 I always thought you should only do an EMBA if your employer was funding it.
Anonymous
I would never get an EMBA unless my employer paid for it.
Anonymous
I am about your age, with 3 neurotypical kids and a very active partner and I have a decent local support system. My gut in reading your post is “forget Wharton whyyyyyyyy would you do this to yourself at all”???
You already are making CPA salary. If you need an MBA to check the box to get a promotion, get one locally. IDK where you are in TX but if you are in Dallas, go to SMU. Or do the u of TX program virtually. If you are not looking for a complete and total career change (and are willing to uproot yourself and family to do it) then stay put! Enjoy your life! Don’t do this to yourself!
anon
+1. EMBA programs are literally everywhere.
Anon
This is tossing money and time you don’t have down the drain. MBAs are great for early career when you go in-person to a top school to jump start a career. For where you are, you just need work experience. You may need to learn more but more likely you need level up your soft skills. CFO and all c-suite positions are about being able to influence well and way less about hard skills. And no one cares about a real MBA let alone a fake EMBA.
Anon
All respect – I don’t think the Wharton program is for you, not just because of finances but because of your life logistics. Wharton isn’t the only place where you could get an eMBA. Could you find a local or less-intense program that’s good enough, where you might be able to get some financial aid you don’t have to pay back, and that will allow you to get an MBA without taking on ginormous debt and dealing with all the travel logistics, childcare logistics, etc.? I’m all for people aiming high in life, but there’s a level at which shooting for the moon just does not make sense with the way your life works.
Anonymous
My advice is you can’t afford this financially or time wise and you should do a local program.
Anon
I think the clear answer is that this isn’t the right program for you.
What about a program at a UT?
Anonymous
chiming in late to say, if you are in the DFW area, look into Baylor’s program, which I believe run out of Dallas. But don’t do it if you have to pay full price. Agreed that you should look into the Forte program.
anon
I’m going to Las Vegas in mid-June and am looking for recommendations for comfortable sandals for walking. I have Birks and love them, but I don’t want to walk miles in them. The lack of cushioning gets to me after awhile, even though the arch support is great. And if the answer is to give up and just wear running shoes, that’s fine, too!
We’re also doing some day trips in the area, so also looking for sun hats.
Anon
My Ecco sandals are super comfy, but I would probably alternate with sneakers just so your feet don’t get tired. It’s Vegas, no one will care if you’re wearing sneakers.
Anon
I would just wear sneakers.
Anonymous
I can’t walk quickly in my Birkenstock Arizonas, but my very favorite sandals for walking are the Birkenstock Mayari. I have comfortably walked up to 12 miles a day for several days in a row in them. I would try the soft footbed version of the Mayari if cushioning is your issue.
Anon
It’s going to be really, really hot. I would find some very comfortable breathable sneakers (Skechers are my go-to; they have a ton of different styles) because my experience, having been on a number of summer trips to Vegas, is that it’s really hard to find sandals that don’t rub in some place on your foot or ankle when your feet get hot.
Anon
I’d buy the sun hat there. Sunny destinations are the best places to find sun hats!
Anon 2.0
A cute pair of white leather sneakers fits the bill. Just make sure you break them in first before the trip.
square foot gardener
Are any of you planting vegetables this year? What did you plant? Any favorite tips?
I “inherited” a couple of raised beds and just planted some vegetables yesterday. My first time!!!
4 different types of cherry tomatoes (small plants), beets, chard and purple bush beans from seed, an eggplant plant and one butternut squash plant. I have cages set up where needed around the plants and a trellis for the squash (!). I am excited to see the magic.
I am so worried about the rabbits and squirrels. I sprinkled my plants with garlic powder last night.
I NEVER understood gardening before. I mean, my Mom liked to do it when she was retired, and my parents grew a garden when I was a child because we literally needed the food to eat. But now I realize that it helps me almost as much as my yoga….
Cb
I love working in the garden. Although we moved in December 2020, where the enormous, beautiful cottage garden was the huge appeal for the otherwise slightly odd house (why are the rooms such strange shapes). And now I’m away 40% of the time and totally overwhelmed by the upkeep.
We’ve just done sugar snap peas in addition to our flower gardens. My son wants to plant corn but we’ve missed the boat, and honestly, even in the greenhouse I’m not convinced it’s hot enough.
Anon
Corn is hard to grow I think. We planted some last summer but didn’t get anything edible. My parents grew it once and it looked fine but tasted awful. And we’re in the Midwest which is obviously ideal growing conditions for corn.
Anonymous
It is not hard to grow!! I buy the seedlings or start indoors then just let it go. Sometimes a big storm takes out the stalks and last year the squirrels got to it but otherwise it is fine. I don’t even water it much. I’m in MA.
Anonymous
You need a lot of corn to grow corn successfully, it is wind pollinated and depends on having lots of other corn in the area. Think at least 3-4 rows, 15 feet long.
Anon
This sounds fun!
My boyfriend has transformed about 2/3 of our front yard into a garden. He’s also installed drip irrigation that just hooks up to the water hose, which is a huge help. One small tip that he does is that he plants some colorful flowers along with the veggies. It’s pretty and attracts even more pollinators.
As for rabbits, he set up a very small fence (maybe 6” high) around the perimeter of the garden. It’s just chicken wire with bamboo stakes, but it works. We have strawberries, which the birds love, so he puts shade cloth over those when they’re getting ripe.
We have tomatoes, eggplant, lettuce, arugula, onions, potatoes, fennel, various peppers, zinnias, cosmos, poppies, and okra.
Squash bores are common around here, so another tip is to plant squash in pots. That way if one gets infested, they won’t get into the soil of your garden.
Senior Attorney
That sounds awesome! I love seeing fruit and veggies in people’s front yards!
Anon
I wasn’t sure what the neighbors would think at first, but everyone loves it! Plus we give them all treats from it. It’s a fun conversation starter because people walking by will stop when we’re outside to talk about what’s growing, how it’s changed from the week before, etc.
anon
I have had good luck with marigolds (grown from seed, direct-sown) around my tomatoes. My raised beds are high enough that rabbits aren’t an issue, and they seem to deter squirrels enough that I didn’t lose much of my harvest to them last year.
Anon
So exciting! Congratulations on a new hobby.
I like to throw in some zinnias seeds in with my vegetables to help attract bees for pollinating. And Zinnia’s are great for cutting to have cut flowers. I’ve had good luck with botanical interests zinnia seed packets if that helps.
Also, friendly advise on the cherry tomatoes. I had 4 cherry tomatoes in my raised beds last year (with cages) and they kind of got a little out of control. Do not be surprised at the end of the summer if it looks a little bit like a jungle. Or you can just be really on top of pruning them back as needed.
My other favorite thing to grow in a raised bed is a tomatillo plant (if you can find one near you at the garden center). It’s a fun plant to grow because of the husks and it’s nice to be able to make home made salsa verde.
Anon
Yes Op you need to prune your tomatoes! No one does it but it’s essential. You can google it.
Anon 2.0
Yes! Prune them AND stake them so they grow up the stake.
Anonymous
I started gardening with veg and I realized that I love flowers way, way more. I have started planting cutting gardens so I have fresh flowers to snip and display from basically March (daffodils and forced forcythia) to October (sedum, the last of the zinnia). I have hanging baskets and late blooming tulips right now and expect my peonies within the next week or so. Irisis, hydrangea, dahlia, roses, sunflowers, and a bunch of other perennials that aren’t for cutting and mroe for enjoying outside.
I do have a couple veggies because they are fun- cherry tomatoes, corn, watermelon, strawberries, peppers, cucumbers and zucchini are what we plant because that’s what my kids eat. We also do beans because they are fun to grow in a tent and the kids will pick them.
Gail the Goldfish
Those cherry tomatoes are not likely to stay small plants. Most cherry tomato varieties are indeterminants and will keep growing.
I have a bunch of cherry tomato varieties, cucumbers, squash, zucchini, bell peppers, one poblano pepper, one eggplant plant (I struggle with these), green beans, and a bunch of herbs. Historically, my cherry tomatoes and cucumbers are impossible to kill, and my bell peppers, squash, and zucchini have not done great–something always seems to eat the squash/zucchini flowers before they fruit, and I don’t know what the issue with the bell peppers has been. But I got new tall raised beds and better soil, so I’m hoping that helps. I trellis the cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, and beans and have shorter supports for the squash and zucchini. The trick to keep the tomatoes under control is to snip off all the suckers so you just have one main stem and treat it like the vine it is (hence the trellising). Fresh tomatoes are soooo much better than what you get in a grocery store, so that’s my main veggie. Anything else I get is just a bonus.
Anon
I’ve been gardening for forever. I have a raised box that I’ve grown all kids of stuff in over the years, Jr this year I’ve settled in on it being mostly herbs with a few flowers. I have a small fenced area in my backyard (used to be a chicken area) that I’ve planted with four tomato plants – indeterminate type that I will string stake – and three hot peppers. I also have flowers in this area. I just like how they look. I have lavender that lives there always and then both volunteer flowers and planted annuals that come and go.
Anon
Ps scarlet runner beans are the most decorative garden plant, even if you don’t end up eating the beans!
Anonymous
We just planted tomatoes (5 types, went a bit nuts), zucchini, squash, and this year we’re trying brussel sprouts and cucumber. We’re also trying to grow sugersnaps, carrots, and lettuce from seed. Also planted some kale, dill, and rosemary.
We haven’t had good luck with tomatoes or zucchini in several years, so this year we’re rotating them so they’re in different slots. Hoping that does the trick. My littlest won’t eat tomatoes or sugarsnaps unless they’re off the vine.
We really like those Smart Pots from Costco.
Balance
I’m in house and interviewing for another senior position at another company that’s backed by a private equity company. It’s been referred to as fast paced (which is fine), but what tips do you all have during the interview process to try to determine work/life balance? I don’t mind working hard, but I’d like to work for a place that at least tries to leave me alone on vacations or weekends, barring emergencies.
Anon
I’d be more concerned about stability. PE tends to get in and out, they aren’t there for the long haul and are likely to spin off or sell the company.
AnonSatOfc
This. Also be wary if you’re one of the folks being brought in to whip the company into shape, as you’ll be stuck between leaders yelling about how things should be better, cost cutting and limited resources to make the improvements, and rank and file who just want to do their jobs the way they always have (at least that was my recent experience with a PE owned company).
PE
I’m a management consultant who works with a lot of PE firms. I have never met anyone in PE who actually takes a no-contact vacation. From Analyst to MD, I would get email responses within 0 to 2 hours on a deal I worked on over the December holidays. My firm was firm with holidays and established up front when we would not be online. I got close to one of the mid-levels in the PE firm and they opened up that no one really takes / has the expectation of true time off during the holidays/vacation. PE money is very, very nice and that comes with the expectation that you’re always on unless there’s a true emergency.
anon
Also a consultant who does a lot of PE work. It’s not just the deal teams who don’t take no-contact vacations, that tends to be true of senior leadership of their portfolio companies too. For example one of these guys made about an hour a day to spend live with us when he was camping quasi off the grid in canada. I think it was a huge hassle for him to find connectivity at some point every day.
Anonymous
What kind of senior position? I’ve worked at, with, and for PE backed firms for most of my career. How long ago did the firm invest? Is it a 3 or 5 year cycle? What kind of play is it, and how will your role be impacted? If the firm bought it on a pipe dream to grow from $5M to $500M via M&A in 3 years, what does that mean for your role? If the idea is to buy a bunch of assets and stick them together and rebrand/re sell the new company, what does that mean for your role? Will you be stuck holding the bag for a bunch of products/assets that are “synergistic” but nobody actually wants? Is it an operational consolidation play? if so, will you have to lay off a bunch of people (and/or be laid off yourself)? Will the role be involved in the board calls and all the prep leading up? What kind of resources will you have? If you are approaching the exit timeframe, has the company met its numbers/projections?
Being PE backed doesn’t inherently mean a certain lifestyle. But knowing what the strategy is for the purchase and exit will profoundly affect your role.
Balance
Thank you, this is super helpful! To date I’ve only focused my questions on the role and the culture, but this gives me a great starting point for questions about the PE firm and the future plan.
Anon
Be prepared for the company to not have great answers. A lot of people are very unfamiliar with PE and what it actually means. I’ve worked at a few PE owned company watch people be completely shocked at how things went. They don’t always see it coming. Try to get some independent information.
Anon
I worked for a company that became PE backed. I did not find work/life balance to be an issue, but the cost cutting, layoffs, bringing in their own people was the bigger issue.
Anon
I’m going to be frank here–if you like your current employer or there are other options, I would not knowingly go to a PE-backed company. They are looking to turn your company around and sell it. As another poster mentioned, that means tough choices and lots of cost cutting. If ever there was an environment where legal was seen as an expensive cost-center, a PE-backed portfolio company is it. Also, if they sell, oftentimes the entire legal team of the target (your company) will be laid off, right after you’ve busted your buns for months getting a deal done. It’s not a great outcome. Last, you likely will not get equity compensation at a PE-backed company. If you’re getting equity comp, and/or decent retirement matches, or have good benefits–don’t go to a PE-backed company. All of those are not guaranteed at the new place, and neither is the stability of your job.
Anon
This. I posted above and wasn’t this frank but I wouldn’t make this move either.
PE
Agree with this – I’m PE from above and misread OP’s post as PE firm vs. PE portco. On the portco side, I have observed that while PTO is more respected, there is not a strong work/life balance culture and the portco staff are certainly not making PE money. +1 to the cost-cutting comments and stability above. The PE firm’s goal is to make money — period, end of sentence. Not sure what industry you would be focused on, but generally in this economy, there’s more emphasis on cutting current costs (e.g., RIFs) and identifying efficiencies (e.g. out-sourcing or insourcing depending on the service; this can also mean RIFs) to make the company attractive for an exit in one to two years. The exits can mean selling the whole company or part of the company to another firm, which I would worry about elimination of my role (there is always consolidation in the Legal, Financial/Accounting, and HR depts during M&As).
If you’re still interested in the role, I’d try talking to a few folks:
1. A former employee from the company you’re interviewing with in a similar or adjacent role
2. A current / former employee from a PE-backed company within the industry of the portco (ideally someone you’re closer to who would be transparent)
Good luck!
Anon 2.0
What are your favorite handbag brands that are slightly lesser known? Price point of $350ish or less. Thinking brands like Cuyana, Portland Leather, etc that are lesser known than, say, Coach or the like.
Anon
I think Cuyana is more know than Coach.
Anon
Maybe here, but definitely not in general.
Anon
Maybe not “more known” but definitely more popular among the affluent millennials I know.
Seafinch
Radley and Fossil.
Anon
+1 to Radley.
Anon
I really like Longchamp leather bags (not Le Pliage) and they’re not less than $350 at retail, but they are on the real real! I have a couple, eyeing a third.
But my other bags are those brands you mentioned – Cuyana for work totes, Portland Leather for the mini crossbody tote I use a lot on weekends.
Anonymous
I have a canvas Fossil crossbody that I love and carry everyday.
I actually came across it in a thrift store in March, and paid $8.50 for it…
Anonymous
Polene. I get compliments all the time.
Cat
A Strathberry bag is on my wish list though unless you get a lucky sale it’s above that price.
here she goes
Able makes nice leather bags – I have a tote from there. https://www.ableclothing.com
I like my Portland Leather round bag quite a bit.
RIP Modalu bags – my Pippa bags felt quality and unique.
Anon
I wanted the Pippa bag SO BADLY when it was trendy. Now it looks cheap to me (even though I spend less on bags now than I did back then).
Anonymous
aww,man, my Pippa sits in my closet. I hope it’s somehow a classic though — for me, that felt like a lot of money to spend on a purse at the time.
Anonymous
I’m probably over complicating this but: how do you handle splitting the cost of things like food and drinks for a weekend away with a group? I had some unpleasantness over this in the past with an ex’s friend group. We were going camping and his friends wanted to consume solely brats, burgers (not even seasoned!), and very cheap beer for 4 days straight, and they asked for $50/person. I said no thank you I will bring my own stuff plus plenty to share, which everyone happily ate/drank (especially when they realized that a burgers and brats diet does not agree with our 30-something systems). I didn’t expect/ask them to chip in for what I brought, but I was surprised they still expected me to pay for their stuff that I didn’t consume.
Now I seem to be headed toward a similar issue, but without the ex. Someone created a sign up sheet of things to bring, so I thought it was a “from each according to their means” situation. I bought a ton of stuff that I am happy to share and don’t expect to be compensated for, but I’ve tapped out my budget for at-the-house stuff. Unfortunately not a lot of people signed up, so now the group wants to create a list to split all the costs evenly. If I added my costs to the list, I would be owed money. I don’t need to be reimbursed. Can I just opt out of the list? Or is that in bad taste? I don’t want to make anyone feel badly that I spent quite a bit, but I also don’t want to chip in even more.
Anon
I could see chipping in on alcohol if you’re not bringing any, but as far as food, just use your words and say you don’t want to chip in since you’re already bringing so much.
OP
Thanks! It’s the other way around actually – I bought all the alcohol for the group, the person doing the grocery shopping suggested splitting costs. If I had known the booze would be a shared expense, I would’ve bought, like, Smirnoff not Belvedere, that kind of thing. I don’t want people to feel like they have to pay for more expensive booze than they would’ve chosen, and I don’t want to come off as… idk, presumptuous? I was just trying to do something nice for the birthday girl!
anon
I think you can either say (a) “I already purchased booze for the group. It’s my treat, but I’d like to be left out of the cost-sharing for the rest of the items,” or (b) “I bought booze for the group and splurged a bit on some of my favorite brands. If we’re adding it to the split cost, I think $X would be a fair amount, and the rest is my treat.”
Anon
You pay your share of the group cost. It doesn’t matter if you don’t eat or drink anything purchased with those funds, it’s the cost of a group trip. What you bring is extra and irrelevant.
Anon
You misread. She’s bringing a ton of stuff for the group, and they asked her to import what she purchased to be compensated for it. She doesn’t want to enter it in, but is then worried about having to pay even more if she doesn’t. The easy solution is just to enter all the expenses she brought for the group.
Anonymous
Not in the first example. In the first example she was trying to opt out of costs.
Anon
Nope, it is honestly just the cost of entry on group trips. Quibbling over the general pot just makes you the annoying friend. And reading this makes me so glad I’m not 20 anymore.
Anon
You ask to have your things added to the total cost and applied against your share. When they crank through the math and see that they owe you and not the other way around, say “call it even.”
Anon
And next time? Just use your words.
My suggestion is that you put together a shopping list, offer to hit Costco, and have everyone send you money.
Anon
I’d add all of your stuff into the list and let people pay you the money. You’re going to get incredibly resentful if you opt out of putting your purchases in and then owe others money after spending the most. No one is asking you to do that. You’d be doing it to yourself.
Put. Your. Purchases. Into. The. List. This is creating an issue that can easily be resolved by just following through with the group’s processes to be compensated for what you’re owed.
anonshmanon
+100
Anonymous
Add your costs to the list and just say you don’t need to be reimbursed if it works out that you contributed more than your share. That’s it. Easy Peasy.
Maybe avoid these kinds of group trips in the future. Split costs are quite common and it’s nuts trying to keep track of who is it is not ‘in’ for various costs. All in and then bring extra if you want.
Anonymous
Why wouldn’t you use the list that was literally created to handle this? If you refuse to communicate you’ll continue to struggle.
Cat
So let’s say you spent $200 on healthy snacks and food, and everyone else is contributing $50 to food. You’d rather not spend $250 upfront (the food you bought + your contribution) in order to recover a decent amount of your original $200? This is not making sense.
OP
I’m not sure what you mean. I didn’t want to recover any of my $200 (in your example). I just didn’t want to pay the extra $50 for stuff I said far ahead of time I didn’t want and wouldn’t contribute to.
Cat
oh ok. Then use your words. “Hey all, I’m bringing more than $50 worth of items that the group all enjoyed last time. Can we count that as my share of the costs?”
Sasha
I think this is just a cut and dry Use Your Words situation. “Hey Susie, I signed up to bring X, Y, and Z–I’m happy to treat everyone to those things, so can we consider that my contribution and leave me out of the cost splitting for the other items?” As someone who heads up the planning of these kinds of trips a lot, I’d be thrilled to hear this.
Cora
We create a Splitwise, everyone puts all their expenses it, and then everyone pays their share. Its the most simple solution. If someone buys something that is really only for them don’t put it on splitwise. You can also choose to only share it among certain people. But this solution is 0 drama in general.
Anon
Except OP is stuck with what does or does not get added to the group’s expenses. Splitwise is an amazing tool, but doesn’t solve OP’s problem.
Anon
Has someone specifically told you it is your foreign degree that’s holding you back? Is it networking or the quality of the degree? I am not in your field, but in law (a very prestige-heavy field) and quite frankly even in that field by the time you are in your 40s no one really cares where you went to undergrad or even law school (except for networking purposes, ie you and I both went to x school, can we chat?)
Like prior posters, I think you have kind of latched into this idea as a solution to the wrong problem. Just from your comments I think you need to leave your current job where you are not respected (and is possibly a sexist environment?) and move up that way.
Anon
Ugh nesting fail. Sorry. Meant for Wharton mba poster.
texasanon
I just wanted to thank y’all. This morning I had my well woman appointment and I spoke with my doctor about starting wegovy or one of those drugs. We are still running the cost and figuring out how it will work with my insurance, but I would not have asked without the information and support y’all provided.
crash
Well done. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
I’m seeing my doctor soon to talk about starting hormone replacement therapy for perimenopause thanks to the info and support from this site!
anon
Wedding question – how short of a visit can I get away with for a family members wedding celebration?
Background – my cousin recently was married at home with just immediate family and is hosting a larger party to celebrate in their backyard. The issue is that it is supposed to pour all weekend and the couple has no plan B – no tent, the house is not big enough to handle the 30-40 guests, and the plan for food was to grill and have sides from costco. The whole family are lovely people but historically terrible hosts. It has gotten to the point where my parents/my siblings will not go to their homes for gatherings unless we eat elsewhere and we refuse to vacation together due to issues with cleanliness/their inability to contribute to group meals. I’m thinking 90 minutes with the plan to eat before/after? My parents are currently out of the country but are on the family text thread and are having vapors over the idea of soggy grilled meats for a wedding reception. We’re all fine with a casual reception but the idea of standing cheek to jowl trying to eat a burger in a corner of a living room while entertaining the kids is giving me anxiety.
Anon
I would plan to eat before or after and would stay for an hour or so, with the option to extend if you’re having a nice time. I usually find with these things that I get to the event and chat with people I haven’t seen in a while for longer than initially anticipated. I almost always have a better time than I thought I would.
Cat
were they planning to hit any typical reception moments like a first dance or cutting the cake / initiating dessert? Like 90 mins is how long I’d plan to stay at a friend’s open house housewarming c-cktail party, not a wedding reception even if casual.
Senior Attorney
Yeah, typically you’re expected to stay until they cut the cake.
Moose
I would say, stay for any of the “big” moments planned like Cat mentioned, but 90 minutes sounds fine! Also though – if you’re not having to travel far for this reception, this may be one of those times where you go to be supportive and see family, and just choose to not be bothered by the rest of it. Plan to eat before or after. You haven’t mentioned that you dislike their company, just their hosting skills, so it sounds like not that big of a deal.
anon
I’ve asked and apparently there is no cake cutting and no dancing, otherwise I fully agree it is rude to leave before they cut the cake.
I also just got the scoop that the bride is pregnant but not yet making it widely known hence the slightly rushed/less formal wedding situation. My cousin (the bride) is lovely and this is a long awaited marriage/child so I agree that we’ll eat beforehand/have snacks in the car and enjoy celebrating them plus hope extra ipad time is enough to keep my kids from getting antsy.
Anonymous
Honestly, this is a grin and bear it situation. It’s not about the food. You are there to show support to family as they begin their life together. Eat your soggy burger and costco sides in the corner of the living room and The costco sides will be fine. If your burger isn’t done, don’t eat it. Say you filled up on sides. Wish them well and move on. This is worth zero stress.
Anon
This.
Anon
This. And get a babysitter if your kids will add stress.
OP
This. Your parents freaking out is getting to you. This is a happy occasion, who cares if they’re not good hosts.
Anon
Oops, forgot to change my name. I am not OP!
Anonymous
I would plan to eat before or after and would only stay an hour.
Anon
This post is giving me so many chuckles. We had an graduation party style reception after small wedding. That essentially served grilled meats (because it was easy to serve buffet style and keep warm in chafing dishes).
The good part, is this will be a busy day for them. The couple and extended family will most likely not notice if you’re there for less than 45 minutes. You can skip food if you’re concerned about the cleanliness.
It’s very likely the couples idea is to make this a low stress event that doesn’t take up a whole day like a traditional wedding. So people can come and go as they want. Also if it’s really giving you anxiety, it’s also perfectly acceptable to say you have a conflict. We had several people who already had plans the day of our event. And I didn’t mind one bit. At the end of the day, it was more about filling a gap for parents to feel like extended family members were given an option to attend an event. As the bride, I really didn’t mind if people missed or not.
Anon
Off the wall suggestion, only to be followed if time and money permit: given the pregnancy and rushed wedding, would it be at all possible to have your wedding present be something that makes this a nicer event? Offer to pay for a tent or the local VFW hall. Ask your parents if they will chip in, too.
Again, if time and/or money make that impractical, please ignore this suggestion.
Anon
That would create so much drama and headache for everyone involved that I would never do this. It’s a kind thought, but I would not do this in case I was roped into becoming the coordinator of said tent/VFW and then would have to get there early AND stay late.
Cat
Given the event is in 3 days I would not touch this with a 10 foot pole (pun intended)
Anon
Seriously? Coordinator of the tent or VFW hall? No, you give them your money and the cousin’s name.
anon
Why in the world would you co-op someone else’s celebration? That is presumptuous and rude, not generous.
Anon
Yeah, with the caveat that different families and cultures are different, I think this is extremely rude and my family members would be incredibly offended and hurt if I did something like this.
Seventh Sister
No one will notice if you have to leave after 90 minutes, especially if you give a white lie/half-truth about not feeling well.
Also, solidarity. My in-laws are planning to host “two days of fabulous parties” for their anniversary, which means they want us trapped in their tract home being pushed to eat various foods of dubious freshness while listening to them talk about how fabulous they are about everything. They have also invited my semi-rational parents to this soiree, so my mom bothers me about it every 7-10 days about how I should feel guilty for not wanting to attend this gathering.
Vent
Omg one of my assistants won’t stop going on about prince harry and Megan’s car chase last night. She’s a die hard Diana fan and I just can’t listen to it anymore without my eyes rolling.
Nobody gets in car chases in nyc because it’s too congested. You would pull over and call 911. Diana died because her driver couldn’t react appropriately because he was drunk and she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. You really want me to believe prince harry was in a car chase in a random taxi also without his seatbelt and it wasn’t a photo op? Make it stop! How do I nicely tell her to get off the daily mail and go back to work
Anon
It’s so bizarre and makes no factual sense. Harry has an obsession with the car chase that killed his mother (understandably) but it just seems like way too much of a coincidence that he’s now claiming the exact same thing happened to him and Meghan. I think he’s a deeply troubled person and he kind of jumped the shark for me after Spare. Before that book it was like “ha ha look at that spoiled, narcissistic prince” but now it seems like he’s so mentally ill I feel bad even snarking on him.
Anon
But also cut your assistant some slack! It’s the top headline on CNN in huge boldface font, not buried in the depths of the British tabloid press. The American news media is at least half the problem. They eat out of Harry and Meghan’s hands. Can’t blame Americans for buying into the Harry and Meghan victim narrative.
Anonymous
I find it weird that CNN is so into this story and didn’t even check with the NYPD before running it. Many more major news stories to cover for sure. On what planet is minor celebrities being followed by some paps counted as front page news on CNN?
Anon
It was billed as an “exclusive” which means H&M’s PR spoke directly to CNN and not to other outlets, so that’s probably why they gave it such prominent placement. They’ve since changed it to a more accurate “Prince Harry and Meghan allege ‘near catastrophic’ paparazzi car chase in NY.” But still, really shoddy journalism and disappointing.
Anonymous
I wish CNN wouldn’t engage like this on celebrity news. It really kills them as a serious news outlet. There’s enough other sources for celebrity news.
Anonymous
This is so weird. It’s not breaking news in Europe. Where I’m at, news is that a random sports star has given birth, and that I don1t know whatever, it’s certainly not royal.
Anonymous
Bizarre and makes no factual sense describes so much of what they have done since leaving the royal family.
Anon
Okay this whole thing is weird, but you can and should use your words to tell your assistant to get back to work.
Anonymous
“Name, I don’t think this is the right setting to be talking about this…”
I feel you. I can’t stand celebrity gossip.
Anon
Ugh, don’t do this. Totally inappropriate to police a colleague’s harmless work conversation.
Anon
It’s not really harmless if it’s preventing her from doing work. Especially when the person you’re talking to is your manager! I love celebrity gossip but I wouldn’t expect to gossip with my manager all day, that’s hella weird.
Anonymous
It might be harmless, but work is hardly the right setting for “won’t stop going on about…” something as pointless as celebrity gossip.
Anon
I do believe it. Have you seen the clips? They had a police escort and the police were yelling at the paps to back off, and they still wouldn’t.
Anon
Link?
Anon
The next Jussie Smollet! There’s no way the paps cared about this picture, there were photo calls from the event. Pictures in the same outfits etc aren’t anything special and wouldn’t command a big price
Anon
Right. Unless they were doing something illegal or having sex in the car or something, there’s no way paparazzi pics of them leaving an event at which they were widely photographed would have any value.
On the other hand, Taylor Swift’s publicist has got to be thrilled the focus is off her awful creep boyfriend. Maybe she sicced the paps on H&M. Kidding, mostly.
anon
Apparently Harry and Meghan said there were multiple collisions and the NYPD have said there were no collisions and no injuries, though…and how do you have a car chase in stop and go Manhattan traffic?
Anonymous
NYPD literally issued an official statement saying there was no chase. They left the event, didn’t want press to know where they were staying, drove around for an hour with a police escort, switched cars at police station to a taxi and took a taxi to their accommodation.
They were just made that they didn’t get more press coverage of the event they attended. The pictures outside show basically no one waiting to see them and the event inside looks like my high school grad except my high school grad didn’t have a hertz rental desk. I wouldn’t have even known there was an award for whatever if it wasn’t the car chase story.
I wish the press would just ignore these pathetic attempts at attention.
theguvnah
it’s cute that you think the NYPD is known for telling the truth
Anonymous
They had a police escort that they paid for to seem important. There were 12 photographers outside the event and 4 followed them. The ones that followed them were Backgrid who always take Meaghan pictures because she calls them. Just like the posed pictures a couple days ago when they tried to make it seem like they had dinner with Cameron Diaz by going to the same family style seating restaurant at the same time. CD is standing outside and doesn’t even acknowledge them but it’s spread everywhere as ‘new Hollywood friends’. Backgrid also took the hiking on Coronation day pictures.
Anonymous
Eyeroll. Apparently NYPD issued a statement that there was no chase and no danger, just some annoying paps. I can’t believe Harry/Meaghan had their spokesperson issue that statement and think no one would fact check it. So cringey. If you don’t want to have your picture taken maybe don’t buy awards.
Can you just say ‘I don’t think we need to worry. There must have been a misreport as NYPD said they were there and no chase happened. Let’s stay focused on work’?
Cat
yeah and the paps in question were Backgrid, who conveniently are the source of basically all of Meghan and Harry’s pap shots. I don’t find their story very plausible.
anon
And the mayor of New York has expressly said he finds it hard to believe there was a two-hour car chase in NYC. It just seems really sketchy to me.
Anonymous
Especially a 2 hour chase that no one else seems to have noticed until their spokesperson issued a statement? Like if it was out of the ordinary for celebs in NYC, wouldn’t someone have noticed/reported on it before then?
Anonymous
The only way I can picture a 2 hour car chase in NYC is if they were trying to get into the Holland Tunnel at rush hour on a summer Friday afternoon, and the whole chase covered 3 blocks in lower Manhattan.
Anonymous
I’d totally be expressly faux concern for the Duchess of Smollett while asking my assistant to get back to work.
Anonymous
In European newspapers, this not only not prominent, but not reported at all.
Zero newsworthy.
Just ask your assistant to do their job. It’s irrelevant that their reason not has anything to do with UK former royals,
Baking Expat
Over the last couple of days, I’ve seen comments about women wanting to pursue adventure or shake things up, either by themselves or with their partner. I’m chiming in to say: 5 years ago I felt the same way. I wanted to shake things up – I wanted an adventure. An expat opportunity fell into my lap, I took it, and it has been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. I took this job to boost my resume and because I like international work and for the travel opportunities. I’m in the GCC, and in the last 8-ish weeks have been to Dubai, Thailand, Bahrain, and Oman for vacation for weekend getaways. Obviously, not everyone is well-suited for this life or is in a position to leave their whole life behind, but if you can, I encourage you to try this out.