Coffee Break: Elodie-R Coat
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I love this Mackage coat, particularly the unusual cut and overlapping collar. I first noticed the design on a houndstooth trench coat, but I think it’s even lovelier in wool.
I’m not usually a fan of double-breasted coats, but dang this one is gorgeous.
It’s $1190 at Nordstrom (although the houndstooth trench is marked down to $817.)
(If you are the rare bird who can wear a wrap coat without looking like you’re in a bathrobe, this one is also gorgeous.)
Sales of note for 10/16 (ALSO, friendly PSA – check any NAS or Amazon Prime Day purchases for the return policies…)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off + free shipping on everything!
- Brooklinen – Friends & Family – 20% off sitewide and 50% off select bundles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off 3+ sale styles with code – includes lots of suiting, sweaters, and pants
- J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family, extra 15% off your purchase
- M.M.LaFleur – October Sale Event, best prices of the season (Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off on other items)
- Nordstrom – 5840+ new markdowns for women, up to 40% off
- Talbots – Friends and family, 30% off your entire purchase
- Theory – End of season sale is on with extra savings (new prices are marked)
Has anyone dealt with growing apart with a truly lifelong best friend? It makes me sad to think of pulling back because of the amazing years of memories we have, but for about 4-5 years now, it just hasn’t been fun to be around each other, for lack of a better way to describe it. We’ve both been through life challenges in that time and that’s to be expected as life goes on, but it seems to go beyond that. She says she wants to continue to vacation with us like we have for 20 years and to do occasional weekend trips (we live a state apart), but when we do, she spends the entire time looking at her phone, acting low-key annoyed, declining to participate in activities, acting negative about anyone else’s suggestions, and rushing people around. As an example, she’ll rush everyone out the door to a restaurant even when there’s no urgency whatsoever, like she’ll get in the car and turn on the ignition before everyone has used the bathroom and put on their shoes, and then acts annoyed if people (including our small children) don’t rush into the car at top speed after they see her there. I also found it weird that we were driving last weekend and a moose crossed the road (a rare and cool sight for the area) and the other adults and kids were all so excited, but she refused to look up from her Apple watch and just said “cool.” It was a strange vibe. She acts like she doesn’t want to be around us but then when asked, insists that she wants to participate/continue to do trips/continue to see each other. There are still occasional glimmers of the good times of the past, too, but they’re rare now.
I still want her in my life and I won’t throw away the wonderful memories we have, but I think the pain point for me is the weekends/vacations – I get very limited time off from work and I don’t want to spend that time not having a nice time. It doesn’t have to be fun every single second but it’s a massive downer to be around someone who seems low-key pissed all the time for no clear reason. She is successful at her job, has an OK if not amazing marriage, has two great kids, and is taking antidepressants – all kind of ordinary and if pressed, she wouldn’t say she feels actively depressed or unhappy. She just seems to no longer have fun with us and I’m not sure why. Any advice? I’m leaning towards simply planning other vacations and having less time available without a big explanation, but not sure that’s fair when it’s a lifelong friend who thinks we’re vacationing together next summer.
I would definitely lean out of spending your limited vacation time with this friend. It’s sad, but I’ve had to do the same with some friends and family members who, despite claiming they really want to vacation with us, just are not present when we’re actually together (one couple expressed great enthusiasm to go on vacation with us and then didn’t actually take the days off work and spent the entire time working remotely while we hung out with their kids, which was actually lovely! but not what I had envisioned). In your case I would just say that you’re not available, but I would give her a decent heads up so she’s not anticipating that you’ll vacation together next summer. Just a straightforward, “sorry but we’re not going to be able to go on our annual beach/lake/skiing/whatever trip this year – we’re going to be doing xyz instead and unfortunately don’t have the PTO to do both. After 20 years of this trip, it won’t be the same summer without it! Hopefully we can find a weekend to see each other in the fall, instead!” If they continue to ask you why, I would just stick to something bland and vague like this. I don’t think you’re going to get far trying to actually explain why it’s not fun to travel with them anymore.
Have you asked her?
This. I would pull back on the whole family trips and just do the one on one occasional weekend trip with her.
How are her parents? I know I was on my phone way too much when my Dad was sick with cancer and my Mom was not coping well. It may also be that her depression is worse that you realize and she is not coping well/antidepressants are not working.
My thoughts exactly. For a life long best friend I would talk about it.
Yes. It wasn’t a full come to Jesus talk or anything like that but I gently told her that it didn’t seem like she was having fun and asked what was going on. She blamed it on a temporary situation at work. I specifically asked if she wanted to continue planning these vacations and stuff and she said yes.
I don’t vacation with my friends in large part because I want to stay friends.
Seriously.
Lol this. Going on family vacations with friends is just not in the cards for me. Maybe keep a long weekend or two on the calendar, but I would stop the combined family vacations immediately!
honestly, she probably is in perimenopause and needs medication. if you feel like you’re ok to burn the friendship down i’d ask her about this, but otherwise just stop spending your limited vacation time with her. maybe try again for a weekend away in a few years.
I’d blame the antidepressants; for some people they can completely negate the ability to experience fun or enjoy anything.
I’d probably confront her at least once about the phone though.
vacationing together is a whole different level of togetherness. Stop it to save the friendship.
And vacationing with whole families is another level again. Especially if partners or kids don’t get along. Hang out with her one on one for shorter periods like a 2day 2 night weekend and spend your PTO with family.
FWIW, a vacation together every summer, along with several weekends a year, feels like a LOT of trip/vacation time together. Isn’t it inevitable that level of vacationing will shift as all your kids grow up and your families shift/change?
+1. I would not kill the entire friendship, but I would pull way back on vacationing together.
Annecdata on jaw surgery (which wasn’t for mouth breathing, but for an underbite), where the top jaw is broken:
This is a brutal surgery. Weeks of soft food, often run through a blender and then fed in with a giant syringe. Your nerves will be in a sort of shock, where you can’t tell if you are drooling, so you will drool as you eat and just in general. It will take several towels to get through a feeding, so prepare to do a lot of wash; you will also wet through a pillow, so be sure to have a waterproof cover and plenty of pillow cases and towels for when you sleep. You will need meds 24/7 at first, so have a friend or a mom stay with you to track and administer and taper off any narcotics if you take them. The narcotics should only be 24-48 hours, but the 24/7 may last for days until you have the pain under control. You shouldn’t be driving or doing stairs or showering unattending. If you don’t eat well on this, you can get light-headed and you don’t want to fall, especially when you may not catch yourself because you’ve fainted vs tripped. You may need to return to the doctor for an IV if you get dehydrated. Your face will swell up horribly and it will take a while to go down and you will be green from bruising. You will have scars from your incisions and they may heal flat or you may need to work at getting them to fade or become flat. It will take a WHILE to get sensation in your lips back and your final face shape to emerge. You also won’t be able to wash your hair for a while after. I’m sure I’m forgetting things, and it may be different for plain mouthbreathing, but it’s not a nothing burger. Also, IDK how expensive it is for a cash paying patient, but I imagine it is $$$ if insurance doesn’t pay. Also, it’s outpatient where we live, so you will need a care team who can put in long hours for an extended period of time. IDK how you get that — even a child may have working parents, divorced parents, and/or siblings, all with various needs of their own that don’t go on hiatus for this.
TL;DR: I was really surprised the other day to read that parents that didn’t pursue this were “neglectful.”
Dear god.
I had this surgery as a teen and my recovery was nowhere near as bad as what you just described, at all! (Lower jaw surgery where the jaw has to be wired shut, I have heard, is worse.)
-I was puffy and obviously swollen for a few weeks but, though *I* can tell looking back at pictures that full swelling took a few months to go away, I wasn’t at all self conscious.
-I managed pain with OTC meds
-Yes, I had to eat soft foods – think creamy PB on Wonder Bread with no crust, smoothies, etc – for the first bit, but did not require feeding with a syringe or dramatic toweling to eat.
oh, and the surgery was performed by making internal incisions only – the top of the gum – so there was no scarring.
As has been stated repeatedly on the like seven posts on this in the last two days, there are non-invasive interventions that only work in kids. You do those so they don’t have to do any brutal surgeries as adults.
Yes, this is exactly why some people are frustrated by opportunities that were missed when they were younger, because it’s a much bigger intervention now than it would have been if it were addressed promptly.
There’s also no winning since not getting the brutal intervention now can cause a lot of problems too. So yes it would have been nice to have this fixed in a much safer, less painful way decades ago!
How many purses / bags do you have and how many do you use? I feel that I have a LOT. They are expensive, so it’s a bit painful to donate something in good condition and spendy (and small enough to store, but 20 of them does start to take up space). I feel like I need to do one last rotation through them to see which ones are useful / delightful and just donate the others.
I tend to keep shoes unless they make my feet miserable, but the purses and bags just accumulate.
One that I use about 360 days per year. One fancy clutch that I despise because it’s annoying but take to the one gala-like event I attend once per year. One canvas fanny pack that I use when we are going for day hikes and the weather means I will need to carry sunscreen to reapply before we are done.
I have 4 daily-use purses, 1 evening clutch, and 2 leather totes. One of the daily-use purses is in rotation every day.
Evening clutch is rare use. Totes, ditto.
like, 30-40 collected over 20 years. There’s only a few that I don’t use at least a few times a year – some little bags that only fit 2000’s mini phones but that I remember from so many fun events back then that I don’t begrudge them the space.
I was at a meeting yesterday where the walls had grasscloth wallpaper on them. I thought it really warmed up (emotionally?) the room — it seemed less sterile and office-y with the texture on the walls vs drywall (maybe plaster walls with their unevenness would feel “warmer” like that?). I have seen grasscloth in houses and liked it also, along with regular wallpaper. BUT I have also seen wallpaper that I have hated and I’ve moved into places where it was hard to strip (e.g., 80s wallpaper that was striped, embossed, and shiny, and that was just one room). Is there a lifespan of wallpaper — like in 20 years, you will just take it down as stale? Or are some truly timeless? I have seen older houses with wall stenciling that I loved but it’s not a look where I live now and I remember horrible faux stenciling boarder contact paper that we used in college.
I think all walls need freshening up at least once a decade. If you hire a pro, they can deal with taking down old wallpaper so I don’t sweat this. I want to live in a home I love and I change walls pretty often. It’s a lot of bang for the design buck and can completely change a room. I’m never worried about “timeless” – there’s no such thing. My style is more traditional so furniture reflects that and probably the wallpapers and paints I gravitate to do as well. But I don’t think that’s timeless, just a snobby choice I’m into.
Wallpaper is a professional job imho. Applying , stripping, ect I leave it to the professionals.
I think we put way too much pressure on our homes to be “forever.” If I can imagine liking something 7-10 years from now when trends have surely shifted then I’m ready to commit. Wallpaper, rich colors, traditional decorating are IN right now. I imagine in ten years some cleaner, simpler trend will come along and we’ll rip a lot of it out. Can you imagine still wanting grass cloth then?
Fwiw I like grasscloth very much but it comes in a wide variety of qualities and materials. So if you’ve fallen in love with something high end understand you might hate a lower quality version. And if you’re type a consider you will see the seams. Per at least one decorated you’re supposed to see them.
Timeless is usually relative to the architecture of the house (like you said about older houses with good wall stenciling… what matches the period aesthetic will never look wrong one day just because time passed)… though maybe this is mainly if the architecture is anything special to begin with.
Outside of that general rule, my personal opinion is that grasscloth specifically is so trendy that it’s eventually going to look dated. Earthy, natural 70s decor genuinely felt really drab and depressing in the embossed and shiny 80s era! The hotels that put up grasscloth recently will be taking it down in time. I do not think this is a reason to avoid it though.
My parents had one room with grasscloth wallpaper when I was growing up. It was a horrible dustcatcher.
i am really struggling with who to vote for in the midterm elections in some of the races in my state. there is an issue that is very important to me, and a lot of the candidates who i agree with on every other position, either disagree or aren’t particularly vocal on the issue that is very important to me. i feel kind of guilty no matter who i vote for.
Don’t feel guilty about who you vote for. Votes are strategic; it’s not an endorsement. There are a number of issues that are very important to me that candidates are either actively bad on or don’t care about at all. On a friend/enemy analysis, they’re not friends, but it’s smart to vote for the preferable enemy.