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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 138 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Medium Club Convertible Crossbody Bag

Coffee Break

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all saints convertible crossbody bagI recently got an AllSaints bag and was really impressed with the quality of the leather and the softness and general functionality of it. This one has a really nice interior pocket and an outside pocket, and it just looks like a great little bag. It's getting very positive reviews too, like, “My usual bag is a Céline Nano and honestly this one is so much more functional and logical,” and others generally noting how great it is. If you're not a fan of this ash gray, do note that it comes in black as well. In general I've been really happy with my AllSaints bag, and if I were looking for a slim crossbody this would be high on my list. It's $248 at Nordstrom. Medium Club Convertible Crossbody Bag Two more affordable options are from Michael Michael Kors and Fossil. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

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Comments

    • MJ

      Victorinox divine. It’s a workhorse, fits under the seat, over my suitcase, has a ton of pockets for organization and is not hideous, if you don’t mind nylon. Otherwise, Cuyana has a really fancy black tote I have been lusting after but it’s out of my budget!

      • Anonymous

        Lo & Sons OMG or OG — I can never remember which is which. I have both sizes and go back and forth depending on whether I’m taking my personal and work laptops or just one or the other. I travel every week for 2-4 days, about 40 weeks/year.

    • Ellen

      I LOVE the Aigner Tote. It’s expensive, but worth it at $430. The leather is as very good as good as Coach, but I think more styleish. When I carry it in the subway, women (and men– YAY!) look at me.

      Myrna gave me a canvas bag she got from her firm, that I will carry my shoes in. It has the name of her firm on it, so when I carry it, everyone thinks I work at Credit Swiss. FOOEY! I do NOT even like swiss cheeze! I would prefer Credit Munster! YAY!!!

  2. wedding gift help!

    My co-worker invited me to her wedding, but I could not attend due to prior travel plans. When I checked her wedding registry to send a small token, everything had already been purchased, so I figured I would brainstorm for something creative because sending money for an event I didn’t attend just felt weird. Now, it’s been two months, and I’m still stumped (and also slightly embarrassed). Any creative ideas for how to commemorate her wedding? Thank you!

    • Senior Attorney

      Small gift card for the store at which she had her registry. Just do it. I promise she will appreciate that more than something creative.

      • Senior Attorney

        Or… tea towels imprinted with something about the place to which you traveled on the day of her wedding. Everybody needs tea towels and it’s a little more personal and fun and will seem like a souvenir even though you bought them off the internet today.

        • Anonny

          I would hate this as a new bride and actually think it’s making the gift more about the sender than the recipient. She has no connection to where you traveled whatsoever. She may not even remember where you traveled. And if she does, all you’re doing is reminding her of why you didn’t go–which is kind of the opposite of celebrating their event. I also think not everybody goes for tea towels. Some folks really like their kitchens to keep to a certain palette.

    • Anon

      agreed. this is not the time for creativity. if you don’t like to do gift cards, just send an item (pitcher, vase, etc.) in the price range that you want from a store where she registered and she can return it

          • Anonymous

            +1. This is cutesy and would never find a place on my wall. I save wall space for the good cross-stitch I already have.

          • An on

            There are lots of Etsy shops selling these cross stitch families, and lots of people buying them. I’m making a couple families myself as Christmas gifts for our parents, complete with the family dogs. I think they are fun!

    • Katie C.

      I love giving items for entertaining–it’s fun to have some cool pieces to pull out when guests come over. I recently gave a couple some nice beer glasses with the seal of their alma mater (where they met) and they seemed to really like them!

    • Anonymous

      A friend got me a custom watercolor painting of my bridal bouquet on Etsy (similar idea as the cross-stitch above, but much more my style). She knew loved my bouquet and since flowers don’t last it’s wonderful to have it memorialized in a painting. Agree that you can’t go wrong with a gift card to OpenTable or a store she registered at though.

  3. Feeding the Nerd Herd

    Help me menu plan! My husband invited people over for boardgames this weekend, starting about 4. This group gets together fairly often, but usually mid-day and generally they bring snacks. This time, we’ve said bring your partner, so i’d like to do something a little fancier than the usual chips and salsa. Cheese board? Crockpot chili? DIY tacos? Thanks!

    • lsw

      As a gaming nerd who hosts gaming nerds every other week, I feel uniquely positioned to answer this question. Do they typically eat while playing? If so, something to easily snack on while playing (so wouldn’t do tacos or chili, for example). Pretzels and cheese board, fancy chips, gummy candy (that might just be us, though), little hors d’ouerves (sp?) like you get from Costco if you want to do something hot, peanut butter popcorn (easy to make and always a hit), plenty of napkins or paper towels to wipe hands while gaming…

      • Never too many shoes...

        This is like the fifth time I have seen someone mention this…what is Frito Pie???

        • Anon

          It’s a delicious and totally unhealthy conglomeration of junk foods that you should use your internet device to learn more about :)

        • NYNY

          You use Fritos as your base, spoon chili on top, and top with cheese, sour cream, and whatever other fixings you like. Originally made in the single-serve Frito bags as fair food. Delicious.

      • anon

        oh i want frito pie now but i have no chili. who makes decent chili you can buy?

        • anon

          If you want classic frito chili pie and cannot make your own, hormel chili in a can is the way to go

    • Torin

      I would think chili would be fine for eating while playing; you eat it with a spoon don’t you? Tacos, not so much.

      • lsw

        Depends on what you’re playing and how much table space you have. Seems kinda messy to me. If you were snacking before playing, no problem. Or if it was gaming with long spacing between turns (and no interaction on other players’ turns).

    • EB0220

      We’ve done this a few times and do chili. We (and our friends) loooooove Scott Jurek’s vegan chili (seriously good). Add toppings and tortilla chips and it’s perfect and easy. I cook it in the crockpot all day instead of following the instructions in the recipe.

    • Baconpancakes

      Not to be boring, but pizza IS a classic at these kinds of gatherings for a reason.

      The main thing is to make sure you have beer and cider. For mid-game snack, pretzels, grapes, and grape tomatoes are good snacks for gaming because they don’t get your hands greasy.

      My group will usually eat first, or get the game set up and then eat, or eat between games.

  4. Anon

    How many shoes do you really own? Moved to a small apartment and feeling like I have too many shoes to find good storage spots for but having trouble pairing down. I own about 30 pairs of shoes.

    Special Purpose shoes:
    Slippers
    Winter Boots
    Tall rain boots (considering getting rid of these)
    Short rain boots
    Water proof hiking shoes
    Breathable Hiking Shoes
    Exercise shoes

    Boots:
    Vintage Fryes
    Brown booties
    Black Booties

    Tennis shoes:
    Black slip on casual sneakers
    Navy Superga tennis shoes

    Flats:
    Orange Tieks
    Green flats
    Black flats (easy to dress up)
    Nude for me flats (easy to dress up)
    Black pattern pointy toe formal flats
    Leopard flats

    Heels:
    Black formal heels
    Nude for me Formal heels (from all those bridesmaids days)
    Carmel Formal heels
    Fun black heels (chunky heel)
    Fun Tan heels (chunky heel)

    Summer Shoes:
    3 pair flip flops
    3 pair summer sandals

    • Anon

      I have:
      rain boots
      Chelsea boots
      riding-style boots
      Onitsuka Tigers
      Birkenstock sandals
      Sneakers for hiking/working out
      Flip-flops
      A few different pairs of heels for formal occasions that get almost no wear

      I also have a drawer full of flats in my cubicle that I wear at work. Including the drawer, I probably have 20 pairs of shoes. Counting it all out makes it seem so excessive!

    • Anonymous

      Honestly this seems like a pretty reasonable number of shoes to me. I guess the question is, have you worn them all within the last season they were meant to be worn?

    • Torin

      I probably have about the same amount. The only ones I’m considering getting rid of are the 3 pairs of pumps I still own. I haven’t worn any of them in 2 years since I switched over to flats. I kept them “just in case” but I feel like if “just in case” hasn’t happened in 2 years it’s time to get rid of them. I hate heels. Also “just in case” what? “Just in case” I have a foot transplant and am suddenly a person who finds them anything other than hideously uncomfortable?

      • kag

        I own 39 pairs (flats, heels, boots, sandals & flip-flows, rainboots, garden shoes, slippers, etc.; excluding sport shoes, such as hiking boots and a few pairs of dancing shoes to fit different costumes). I’ve found this number somewhat rudiculous and I’ve been thinking to cut down on at least a few pairs, but I wear them all and they are in a still decent condition. I’ve decided to keep them for now and plan not to replace some as they wear down (though it’s hard to resist buying a new pair every few months…). Living in a small place myself, I find the under-bed drawers the best option for shoe storage, especially when it comes to tall boots.

    • NYNY

      I have:

      Work shoes:
      – black pumps
      – navy pumps
      – grey pumps
      – grey leopard pumps
      – plum pumps
      – black suede pointy mary janes
      – nude block heel pumps
      – black block heel oxfords

      Boots:
      – black knee-high block heel boots
      – black knee-high stiletto heel boots
      – black knee-high flat boots
      – green cowboy boots
      – black heeled booties
      – silver snow boots

      Casual shoes:
      – running shoes
      – black & white pumas
      – silver chucks
      – red mesh slip-ons
      – red & grey wedge slides
      – black wedge sandals
      – black flat sandals

      Party shoes:
      – silver slingbacks
      – orange suede sandals
      – black, grey, and brown platform sandals

      I would like to get a new pair of red pumps and black heeled loafers. So we’re close in number and variety. I wear all of them, so no shame in my game!

      • Anonymous

        can you recommend your black knee-high flat boots and grey leopard pumps?

        • NYNY

          Both are sadly unavailable. The grey leopard pumps are Halogen calf hair half-d’Orsay pumps from NAS as few years ago. Really great quality, but they are likely only going to last me one more season (I wear them in the warmer half of the year because I don’t like them with tights). The boots are from Duo, and were a closeout two years ago. Duo is fantastic, because they do calf width sizes. I have big calves, but they do regular and narrow sizes, as well, measured to the centimeter.

          These are similar to my boots: https://us.duoboots.com/collections/womens-boots/products/lynx-black-leather

    • Katie C.

      Agree this seems like a pretty reasonable list (and not too different than mine!). For storage, an over-the-door hanging organizer can be really helpful. And I keep a few pairs under my desk at work (where I wear them most frequently), which also opens up a good bit of closet space.

      http://www.thepolishedblog.com

    • Anon

      I have one pair each of:
      White Nikes
      Black booties
      Brown booties
      Burgundy booties
      Riding boots
      Cowboy boots
      Hiking boots
      Black Pumps
      Snakeskin Pumps
      Black bow flats
      Black menswear inspired flats (lace up)
      Grey Oxfords
      Pink house shoes

      PS I’m going to send this thread to my Hubs: he thinks I have too many shoes. :: eye roll ::

      • Never too many shoes...

        He should meet my husband – that would set him straight for sure ;)

      • kag

        Just out of curiosity, since I am trying to downsize: is it correct that you don’t own a single pair of sandals, flip-flops or sports shoes (hiking, running, whatever)?

    • Never too many shoes...

      Well, I presently have 32 pairs…at work. Plus the pair on my feet.

      So maybe I am the wrong person to ask!

    • TheElms

      I definitely own way too many shoes. This is what I can think of and I’m probably missing a few pairs.
      Specialty shoes
      – Purple hunter boots (should sell or give away, they don’t fit over my calves comfortably)
      – Black crocs
      – Hiking shoes
      – Hiking boots
      – Wet/dry hiking shoes ( I don’t know what these are really called but they are mesh sneaker things that you can wear on wet summer hikes)
      – Costco “Uggs”
      – Sperry rain boots
      Work shoes
      – New black wedges (still being broken in)
      – Old black wedges (on last legs, but comfortable)
      – Black almond toe block heel
      – Black patent skinny heel
      – Maroon wedges
      – Cole Haan maroon wedges (should sell or give away, not comfortable)
      – Grey snakeskin skinny heel
      – Patent nude for me skinny heel
      – Black buckle flats
      – Blue suede flats
      – Nude for my pointy toe flats (should wear more!)
      – Black suede booties
      – Camel suede block heel
      Tall Boots – I should sell or give away all of these since I don’t think any fit over my calves anymore 
      – Brown flat boots
      – Brown heeled boots
      – Black suede skinny heeled boots
      – Black leather chunky heeled boots
      – Black flat boots (these might still fit)
      Casual shoes ( I have way to many of these!)
      – Black booties
      – Nude for me flats with metallic toe
      – Puma navy athletic type flats
      – Grey suede shoeties
      – Grey suede orthotic type flats (these are ugly but sooooo comfortable)
      – Keds version of boat shoes
      – Sperry boat shoes (failed at breaking these in, should sell or give away)
      – Black flats (hurt my feet, hoping I can break them in)
      – Blue cross-training sneakers (to wear to the gym but also not that ugly)
      – Grey fashion sneakers (on last legs)
      – 3 pairs flip flops (Black, brown, white)
      – Croc multi-color sandals
      Party shoes
      – Black suede open toe sandals
      – Purple suede pointy toe skinny heels with black accents
      – Blue suede heels (wedding shoes)
      – Gold heels
      – Gold sandals (hurt so much – should give away)
      – Silver heels
      – Black wedge sandals (can’t recall the last time I wore these)
      – Black slides (can’t recall the last time I wore these)

    • Baconpancakes

      Oh this is fun! I have:

      Flat knee high boots
      Tan suede booties
      Black heeled shooties
      Serious Sorel winter boots
      Peep toe perforated blush booties
      Brown lace-up heeled oxford booties
      Hiking boots

      Black leather wedges
      Black suede with snakeskin heels
      Emerald patent heels
      Nude patent heels
      Red suede and cognac leather heels
      Mint snakeskin heels

      Silver d’orsay heels
      Gold strappy sandals
      Nude strappy block heel sandals
      Floral and cognac wedge sandals

      Black ballet flats
      Black loafers
      Nude almond toe flats
      Silverish d’orsay flats

      Black sneakers
      Gym sneakers
      Beat up keds
      Pink perforated slip on sneakers
      Tan driving mocs

      Black dansko clog sandals
      White wide-strap walking sandals
      Black flat walking sandals
      Gold beach flip flops
      Brown flip flops

      Also black athletic mary janes and pirate boots, but those are only for costumes.

    • C

      I don’t think of myself as a shoe person because it’s a pain to fit my feet, but I really love the pairs I have.
      Basic black flats
      Nude snakeskin flats
      Basic black pumps
      Basic nude pumps
      Cork and gold wedges
      Strappy nude heels
      Black sandals
      Sneakers
      Cognac booties
      Black riding boots
      Flip-flops (ancient Rainbows I’ll never give up)

    • CountC

      What’s out now for winter/fall is over 50.

      I also have a load of running shoes, and a couple of pairs flip flops, Danskos for the barn . . . Eek

    • Sloan Sabbith

      Flat black riding-type boots
      Hunter knee-high rain boots
      Bogs winter boots (that are a b to get on and off and I kinda hate)
      Black kids Uggs that I love more than I should love Uggs
      Legit North Face snow boots (down insulated, so great)

      Black Toms wedge booties
      Light brown Toms wedge booties
      Grey heathered Toms wedge booties
      Wine block heeled Trolley BP booties
      Lucky low-heel black leather booties

      Black Ona Target flats
      Brown Ona target flats
      Leopard print Ona target flats
      Blush patent Ona target flats
      Tweed black and white Ona target flats
      Wine very-low wedge/almost flat Target flats
      Brand I’m forgetting brown pointy-toe flats that are super comfortable
      Trashed Toms canvas ballet flats I can’t really wear except to barre/grocery store/pharmacy they’re so gross

      Pink driving mocs
      Black flowered Toms oxfords

      Black wedge heels with a lace overlay stripe on the toe
      Grey patent wedge heels
      Cole Haan low-wedge oxford-ish heels

      Pink Old Navy sandals
      Brown Old Navy sandals
      Toms wedge sandals
      Black strappy sandals
      Green flip flops
      Brown and pink Reef flip flops
      Super high black wedge sandals I should get rid of since they are uncomfortable

      Pink and blue actual-sneakers
      Black and purple fancy sneakers
      Grey and pink actual-sneakers

      There may be more? I don’t know.

    • Anonymous

      Black almond toe pumps
      Navy peep-toe slingback kitten heels (vintage)
      Nude for me kitten heel sandals
      Ivory satin pumps (my wedding shoes)
      Black Crocs wedge
      Fuchsia Crocs wedge (same style as the black)
      Brown Crocs ballet flat
      Pewter leather ballet flat
      Black leather boots, knee high
      Hiking boots
      Rain boots
      Flip flops for the pool

      I work from home, so my business shoe needs are minimal, but this is pretty awful. The pewter flats and leather boots both look really worn out at this point, which leaves me with the black pumps as the only presentable fall/winter option!

  5. Diana Barry

    PSA for 529 poster: if your in-laws have the means, they can front-load gifts to a 529 plan, so they can make 5 years’ worth of exclusion gifts at once (14K per person in 2017, 15K in 2018) and as long as they file a gift tax return and don’t make any other gifts to your child within the 5 years, the gifts are all annual exclusion gifts: https://www.ameriprise.com/research-market-insights/financial-articles/insurance-estate-planning/estate-planning-and-529-plans/

  6. Anon

    LADIES – Continuing the Weds vent, even though it’s Thursday. I went back to law school later…so I am in my mid-thirties. My first biglaw firm is awful–people yell and throw things. It’s nuts. So I am looking. I’ve been on five interviews in the past month, and every single person says to me, “My you have a lot of experience!” which I guess is just a euphemism for “Gee, you’re not 27.” It’s really frustrating. In the same breath that they say that, they say things like, “You’ve job-hopped a lot” when I totally didn’t–my last stint pre-law-school was for 3.5 years!

    I don’t know what I want from the interwebs except maybe prayers and an open mind. Experience (in the same field, natch!) is a good thing, not a bad thing. I feel like I live in the twilight zone. So frustrated.

    • Moonstone

      I’m hopeful this will get better for you. You must be presenting yourself well to get the opportunity to interview. Maybe something will still come of those interviews — a month is not long in hiring.

    • LAJen

      I took several years off before law school, too. Job experience is actually a useful thing! Is there any way you can get out in front of those questions with your storyline rather than waiting until they ask about it? Then you can frame in a way that shows why that job experience was useful. Also, how long have you been at your current firm? If it’s only been a few months or even just a year, that is what is looking suspicious, not your prior work experience (unless your prior work experience included changing jobs every year). Either way, you can add into your pitch about yourself that you’re looking for the right firm to really grow with and contribute to for the long term. It’s all about messaging.

  7. Anonymous

    Reading about the Louis CK and Roy Moore cases today – I am so angry I feel like I’m having difficulty breathing. These women are so strong. I am so proud of them. I can’t imagine the difficulty. I am so, so angry at all of these men. I don’t even know why I am posting this other than to perhaps cathartically push out some anger so I can actually get to work.

    • Anonymous

      Lindy West had a great piece yesterday about why we need to stay angry https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/08/opinion/anger-women-weinstein-assault.html (caveat that she doesn’t given enough credit to how much this is exponentially harder for black women given the societal pressures they face to not be perceived as ‘angry’).

      And if you haven’t seen the Uma video where she says she is too angry to comment, watch it. It’s been given be strength all week.

      • Anon

        Lindy West is definitely aware of the different experiences black women face. I mean, Ijeoma Oluo is her sister-in-law after all.

        • Anonymous

          Right, but my point is that basically her only reference to it in this piece is to stay “black women suffer disproportionately under this paradigm”. I don’t think that’s sufficient acknowledgment of that issue when her piece is expressly a call to action to stay angry and be angry. That’s asking a lot more of black women than white women and it should be acknowledged.

          • New Tampanian

            Don’t you think, though, that would be better coming from a black woman? I’d rather hear from black women about their experiences and have Lindy amplify a black writer than have her write about it when she herself hasn’t lived that experience.

          • Anonymous

            But she doesn’t amplify either – she ignores the issue other than that one mention. She should acknowledge the issue/the difference in what she is asking of black women and amplify their voice.

        • Anonymous

          Just because a white woman is married to a black man does not mean that she understand the experiences that that community faces.

          • Anon

            Just because a white woman is married to a black man does not mean that she understand the experiences that that community faces.

      • Anonymous

        To further quote (or paraphrase) Lindy West, who really has been putting out some amazing columns:

        We are witches. And we are hunting you.

        • Never too many shoes...

          +1M. I love Lindy generally but that quote is perfection.

        • TK

          I love Lindy too. She’s vaguely a friend of a friend. I loved her 2015 piece in the guardian about being a fat bride (her words) and was thrilled to see her get a column in the NYT.

          • Never too many shoes...

            That was also *excellent*. The only place we have ever really disagreed was over Love Actually.

      • anon

        The anger is not productive. Don’t get angry, get even. This equality thing isn’t about how you feel. It’s about affecting real change. All the anger and self expression in the world isn’t going to change the situation if people don’t start using their actions to back up words.

    • Anon

      I feel you. I’m actually in Alabama and have called representatives/senators demanding that they unequivocally renounce any support for Roy Moore. the phone calls may be useless, but I sure do feel better.

  8. Katie C.

    Love this bag, Kat! I tend to like to invest in bags for work, since those are the ones I use most frequently, and get the bag equivalent of “costume jewelry” for outside of work, so thanks for posting the more affordable options as well!

    http://www.thepolishedblog.com

  10. anon

    Guys, I had a diva cup disaster at work this morning. My lunch hour consisted of running to Target to buy new underwear, pants and Shout wipes for my office chair. Heavy flow day, emptied it twice this morning — and still, disaster. This is the second cycle I’ve used this thing and I think I’m done. I love the idea, but I can’t get it situated in the right spot (consistently, at least) and it is so much messier than I want to deal with.

    • Puddlejumper

      So sorry to hear that! I have used it for over 10 years without this problem so here are some problem solving thoughts:
      1) Are the holes on the side clogged? Then you can’t get a good seal.
      2) Have you trimmed the little plastic tip to the right length for you?
      3) When you put it in do you put it in and turn it until it turns freely? When it can 100% go around in a circle then its in the right spot.
      4) Did you buy the right size? There is one for pre child birth and post child birth.

      Also my cousin has a cervix that is turned up and it meant she couldn’t use it because it wouldn’t seal So you could ask your gyno about that.

    • very anon

      I just finished my first cycle with a cup and am having mixed feelings about it. Light flow here and I leaked the first night (should have worn a liner) without any further leaking. Inserting/placing/removing was very uncomfortable. Removing was not quite painful and I think it will get better, but I CAN FEEL THE THING inside me. I really really HATE feeling it. I have never liked tampons and have avoided them other than a handful of swimming-required events over the past 20+ years so maybe I will get used to it. Pads feel like diapers and I despise the mess and inconvenience, but I’m not sold on this whole cup thing.

      • anon

        YES. I have tried two sizes and with both, I can feel the cup. It is super annoying. I don’t have that issue with tampons.

        • Puddlejumper

          Is it the bottom part you are feeling? Because you can cut that part really short.

          • very anon

            No, it’s the whole cup and not just the stem. It just feels kind of rough and scratchy inside. I’m trying the Sckoon cup and although I have delivered vaginally, I wonder if the larger size is just too big. May try the Luna cup. It looks less irritable.

    • Anonymous

      I gave it up too. I tried for over a year and never got it to work. I squeezed it, rotated it, carried a pin to clean out the holes, felt for a seal, folded it, wiggled it, and tried different body positions. All I got was messiness and bloody fingernails.

      Good riddance to bad rubbish is what I think of the diva cup.

  12. Sloan Sabbith

    This is totally random, except that we were talking about greek yogurt this morning- I picked up a Zoi Greek Yogurt at a local coffee shop just now and it’s disgusting- it’s got a bizarre texture that’s like….cottage cheese? Which I hate. Also, fruit on the bottom is a pet peeve.

    • Baconpancakes

      If it was kind of grainy, it means the yogurt was warmed and started to curdle. Won’t make you sick, but it’s just not as nice to eat.

    • New Tampanian

      fruit on the bottom is disgusting and deserves to be thrown in the garbage immediately.

    • Anonymous

      So weird. I don’t understand fruit yogurt without fruit on the bottom. It is so much less delicious.

      • Sloan Sabbith

        I later realized I like it just fine on the bottom in Chobani but this particular cup was too small to mix it very well. So it was still just….yogurt with a bit of fruit in some places and also all over the table.

  13. anon

    Boden is 20% off right now. Is that good for them, or should I wait for more off?

  14. To Anon looking for Estate Atty in Phoenix

    I commented and left you two names under your original comment on the morning thread.

  16. Is he just not that into me?

    9ish dates in, over the course of 5 weeks. When we’re together, he definitely seems interested and engaged in learning more about me. It’s not just physical; we go rock climbing together, make dinner, a good amount of talking/cuddling. But he is hardly ever the one to initiate hanging out, and usually not the one to initiate texting either. Sometimes slow to reply to texts if it isn’t something urgent, but will reply within 48 hours. But when I suggest hanging out, he always enthusiastically agrees. Is he not that into me, or is he just not a social-initiator type of person?

    • Anonymous

      If it’s the latter (not a social-initiator) is that going to bother you in the long run? If it is, does it matter why he’s not initiating?

      I’d consider just asking him – you’ve noticed you’ve been doing all the planning and is that his MO?

    • Scarlett

      I read a great quote, probably here, but it was “if he/she likes you, you’ll know, otherwise you’ll be confused”. In my experience, the kind of into it guys are just buying time until they meet their person. Probably not what you wanted to hear, but I wouldn’t invest much emotionally into this relationship.

  17. tz

    Curious as to what the ladies here have to say

    Hubby and I signed up for a new equinox gym in our neighborhood. We have been members of LA fitness for a while but tired of having to go to a smelly, crowded gym where we have to literally pounce on the machines we want before they get taken. We have until Saturday to decide if we want to sign a year long contract. I like the classes, not having to wait for the gym, not having to carry a towel and the ability to walk to the gym but Idk how I feel about spending so much money on a gym membership.

    We both work and make decent money, put some money towards our loans, savings/investment, max out our retirements. While the gym membership is affordable it would make things a wee-bit tighter. We won’t be able to go out as much or have spontaneous dinners. I also want to build up our savings in case I need to take time off work when we decide to have children. I also want to travel more while we have the time and child-free life.

    I am very torn on which would be a wiser choice, do we pop into restaurants and keep eating/traveling or do we prioritize our health and eliminate the daily annoyances that come with our current gym. Curious to see what others think.

    • Anonymous

      How much enjoyment do you get from the gym and how often do you go? For me, the gym membership is worth it, but I spend a fair amount of time there and don’t ever want to have to worry about time limits on a treadmill, since I regularly do 90 min runs on them. But if I went to the gym less regularly and it impacted my savings and it took away from an activity my spouse and I enjoy, I would reevaluate (especially since travel and restaurants are also hobbies of mine).

      • tz

        I go fairly regularly when I’m being good (aka daily). Then i’ll fall off the healthy train and go 2 times a week or once a week for a couple weeks in a row. Part of the reason we signed up was hoping the guilt of paying all this money would make us more regular. Plus I really do enjoy the variety of classes offered, I did two back to back classes this morning, something I wouldn’t dream of doing at the smelly gym.

    • Anonymous

      You’ve probably considered this, but just in case: do either of you get a gym reimbursement benefit through your employer? (E.g., you submit documentation that you went X number of time during the month, and they reimburse you Y dollars.) Some gyms also have discounts on memberships based on health insurance provider. Neither is going to make Equinox cheap, but might help.

    • Anonymous

      frankly, if you still have student loans, I would not do it. That money would be better spent paying off your loans. But I realize it’s an extreme view

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