Coffee Break: JoJo Necklace

78 Comments

1. My teenaged daughter requested two nice, solid-colored hoodies for her upcoming milestone birthday. I know people have recommended sweatshirts/ hoodies here recently, but I can’t seem to find the threads. Please tell me what brands are making hoodies that fashionable young people like??

   1. Comfrt is a favorite brand among the teens/tweens in my circle.

      1. I’m decidedly not in that demographic, but I just ordered one this weekend! Are they for the kids? Will 50 year old me look out of place in it?

         1. They’re icky and polyester, I would avoid

            1. Wow, what a rude way to say that.
               Also: some polyester blends wear very well.

            2. They also wash and wear like iron.

            3. “Wash and wear like iron”…sure they do.

         2. No, I think you’ll be fine! They’re nicely styled but I don’t think they read overly young. I kind of want one, too.

   2. I would ask her what brand. Teen sweatshirt trends and preferences are hyper-specific. For instance, my teen says a kid at her school was taunted for wearing a Parke sweatshirt at orientation, but at the school where I work at least 50% of the girls are wearing them on any given day.

      1. What even is Parke? It seems like a sort of IYKYK thing but I don’t know.

   3. So useful, thank you for the responses!

   4. Colorful Standard – 100% GOTS cotton, no branding/logos, and lots of color options

   5. Ask her but putting in a plug for Ugg. Seriously the nicest sweatshirt I’ve bought in years.

2. PSA: if what you* really want is a blazer from Boden, don’t spend $65 buying two inferior blazers on Ebay in what seemed like a similar color scheme. Either buy the expensive blazer or don’t! ;)

   *it me

   1. This applies to so many things. Especially the “responsible choice” toaster oven air fryer that is not the one I wanted yet has refused to meet an untimely end for three years.

      1. Ugh I did so much research on the EXACT toaster oven I wanted. I told my partner which store location had it in stock. All he had to do was buy it. But nooooo he had to go to a different location of the retailer which didn’t have it in stock and buy another toaster oven I didn’t want. Then unwrap it and set it up to ‘surprize’ me when I got home. I want to throw it off an overpass I hate it so much.

   2. Sage advice. But once, cry once.

   3. Ugh, how many times have I done this?! Sometimes you just need to buy the thing you love.

3. What are the best brands for nicer cotton hoodies for teenaged girls? I know people have mentioned sweatshirts or hoodies recently, but I can’t find the posts.

   1. My teen likes Alo and, of all things, Nike.

      1. Nike hoodies are genuinely good!

4. I was thinking about the discussion of Medicare for All from the weekend, and I am having a hard time squaring the circle on something.

   For liberals in favor, can you explain to me why you feel good about having the government *more* involved in your access to reproductive healthcare? It just seems obvious to me that a Republican majority would try to, and ultimately probably be able to, use an increase in control over doctors getting paid to limit women’s access to certain types of care. And I’m not just talking about the Hyde Amendment (although that obviously is a huge barrier to this working right now). I’m talking about birth control, optional hysterectomies, etc.

   1. Medicare and Medicaid already cover a very large portion of the population and pay for those things without issue – I feel like if Republicans wanted to limit access to those things they would have already.

      1. Also if you think private insurers are not working WAY harder to limit access to all medical services, not just women’s health related, I have bad news for you.

         1. This

         2. Well, but their motivation to do so moves in a single direction: cost. That motivation also will exist in a Medicare for All situation, because there will be pressures to keep taxes in line with where they already are.

            Private insurers generally do NOT have religious/moral motivations at play as well. The Republican Party does. So instead of a single motivation to interfere with my access to care, there would now be two. And frankly, my insurer loves that I’m on birth control, because providing baby and maternity care is probably the most common expensive insurable event that happens in a woman’s early adulthood. Like, it would be great for Blue Cross if I didn’t get pregnant, and they’re happy to help me make that happen. They’d also rather me terminate a pregnancy that has medical complications than pay for pediatric intensive/palliative care. That is absolutely not how JD Vance would view things. (It’s not how I view things either, tbf. I think this is an incredibly weighty decision best left to the woman and her care team. But I’m saying that I’d rather have my insurer’s incentives support giving me the choice than not giving me the choice, and a private insurer’s incentives are to leave the choice in the hands of the woman.)

            1. +1

            2. I’m horrified by the thought of healthcare coverage on a M4A plan being a political football year to year. I don’t have it in me to hear about how we shouldn’t pay for contraception, to treat “lifestyle diseases” for people who “won’t exercise and fix their diets,” to treat people whose “quality of life” isn’t deemed adequate, or who aren’t “ever going to be productive.” I cannot imagine that voting people off the island wouldn’t become a central focus of political campaigns given our politics and our voters. I worry that visibly disable people would start being attacked in public for being “drains on the system” like sometimes happens in the UK. Not being it’s bad to have universal healthcare, but because of underlying beliefs and values that aren’t supportive of it.

         3. Long reply in mood :)

      2. Medicare does not cover abortion except in rare circumstances because it is a federal program subject to the Hyde Amendment.

         1. I can’t imagine the population eligible for Medicare is seeking abortion that often…

            1. I guess. The kinds of conditions that make people eligible for Medicare in their childbearing years are sometimes also risk factors.

            2. True, but the proposal was to expand Medicare to all ages. So it’s a non-issue now, but a major one if there’s Medicare for all.

   2. it’s in line with the move towards the socialist end of the spectrum, which i kind of feel like is where we’ll be in 5-10 years if there’s anything remaining of america when trump is done with it.

   3. Personally I think our reproductive rights will continue to erode under republicans and, increasingly, under centrist democrats.
      I could see your point if people with right wing views on reproductive rights were pushing for something like the medicare for all but that’s just not what’s happening right now. The idea that Medicare for all would exclude funding for ab@rtion care in any meaningful capacity is not unlikely to me. But, at least right now, the political forces
      seeking to end or outlaw planned parenthood or ab@rtion rights generally are distinct from those who pushing for universal healthcare. Could a new deal democratic style party with regressive social policies emerge? Maybe. I think it would be more popular with Americans than I’d like to think but it would fail for lack of big money backing. There is zero elite enthusiasm for that right now. Maybe post citizens
      United?

      In the spirit of your question, i do think that as a left leaning person the current president has made me question the faith I’ve put in a strong federal government, generally. But it’s too clever by half to think that the Medicare for all crowd is the biggest threat to reproductive rights in the current political reality. A party could attempt to control reproductive rights through universal healthcare. But that’s the least likely way we lose these right in my estimation, again given current reality.

      1. This exactly.

      2. Can you expand on the centrist democrats stance?

         1. I generally aim to avoid cynicism in politics and accept that a representative democracy means I get to vote for the candidate who will best represent me, not embody all my political wants. But my current purple district congressman and his ilk have me believing that they are not simply ineffective in opposing the right wing powers trampling our rights but, on some level, complicit. There is zero push back at regressive social policies; just an aim to place themselves at the center of an increasingly right wing leaning worldview, leaving me, as someone who cares about reproductive rights, objectivity worse off. I get that reproductive rights have always been fodder for what I deem inappropriate rhetorical moderation- looking at you safe, legal and RARE- but they’re not even mentioned these days. Maybe it’s the focus group approved by economics only messaging but I’m thoroughly convinced Schumer, Jeffreys and the guy I’ll continue vote for are absolutely uninteresting in defending let alone restoring reproductive rights.

            1. Can you name a specific example of a policy you disagree with them on?

            2. Not who you are responding to but a policy of being weak, non-committal, and living in the past. Sure I care about affordability, but not more than the blatant corruption taking place. Centrist dems are just hiding and refusing to talk about the horrible things happening right now. Don’t talk to me about “kitchen table issues” talk to me about shutting down foreign detention centers and exactly how you plan undo the big beautiful bill, reign in tech companies, and preserve the rights of people in this country. I do not care about the price of eggs more than these other things.

            3. That is a gobbledygook of talking points, but it does not actually contain a specific policy your specific politician has or has not supported. What yes or no vote are you upset about? What bill did they not support that you think they should have? The vague handwaving about big issues doesn’t actually communicate what you want done differently.

            4. What do I want done? I want a constitutional amendment enshrining abortion rights. I accept that’s not happening in the a Republican controlled congress and White House. Which is why I’d like to at least hear rhetoric around the loss of reproductive rights. But I don’t. I hear inflation and gas prices. What do I see getting done that frustrates me? My congressman consistently siding with republicans to fund ICE, Israel and tax cuts for rich folks. Again, these are unrelated issues but he seems intent on supporting a Republican agenda to the point where I’m starting to wonder if the meager pushback on anything else is complicity rather than weakness.

               I’m doing my best to distill some pretty complex (for me at least) ideas into a comment. I think it’s a little unfair to call my statements gobbledygook when it’s clear that I’ve patiently made efforts to share my perspective on something you’re interested in and others have found them worthy of agreement or at least useful for sparking further conversation. If you have a specific counterpoint about how a centrist dems are being effective in pushing back against republicans on reproductive rights I’d welcome you to share it on a more current thread.

   4. In most (all? I think Ireland finally got their ish together) abortion is simply a non issue. It’s accepted by all political stripes as a right

      1. Okay, well, when I move to Ireland, that will be a very useful response!

         1. Eventually the US may evolve to the level of the rest of the civilized world.

      2. Do you mean most European countries?
         If so, no? There are significant legal restrictions on abortion in many (not all) EU countries; they’re not actually way more left on this than the US

         (But “is it legal” and “is it paid for” do pretty much align)

   5. If you look at universal healthcare in most countries, the government option guarantees a floor of coverage for everyone. You can then purchase additional coverage to suit your needs, but you can never go without coverage. I would assume many of us remember that insurance didn’t have to cover pregnancy or treated it as a pre-existing condition. Can government decide not to cover birth control for everyone? Yes. But so can your employer insurance. You would either see more supplemental policies come on the market or more direct to consumer solutions like what happens with GLP1s.

      Universal healthcare isn’t everyone gets Cadillac insurance. It’s everyone gets the same basic care like through Medicare that’s funded through taxes. There is no middle insurance broker making a profit off of selling you a basic policy. Reimbursement and drug prices have standard fees. And you don’t go without insurance if you’re unemployed. But the private market still exists.

      1. Also, universal healthcare doesn’t have to mean single payer. In countries like Switzerland and Germany, health insurance is provided by a number of entities. Medicare for All is a catchy slogan, but I don’t really care about whether it’s a single payer system or not. The problem is the current system.

      2. but I’m assuming your taxes go to M4A whether you’re on it or doing private insurance, right? that’s the part that some people don’t like.

         (I’m for M4A, the system is totally broken. And there’s already a move to concierge care for the people who really want lots of a doctor’s attention.)

   6. I understand the concern, but something like 90% of voters are OK with contraception being legal. I’d rather have the possibility of limited coverage in exchange for a system that bankrupts people and costs twice as much as it should.

      Also, health care groups that oppose contraception and birth control regularly scoop up hospitals and healthcare systems in my oh-so-liberal blue state. I’m pretty sure they could move into offering healthcare plans that won’t cover that stuff either.

      1. +1 to this. This is already happening in private healthcare. I think it would actually be harder to do if the systems were all public. Privately owned organizations have a lot of leeway and it’s very hard to find information about them. Look up baby friendly hospitals for an adjacent thing that happened a bunch of places quietly without anyone voting on it

         1. Some of the hospitals in my area are super coy about their ownership. I swear there’s always someone on the neighborhood moms group who is super duper surprised that they can’t get their tubes tied at the hospital they chose.

   7. Even if Medicare coverage of reproductive healthcare gets limited, having the rest of my healthcare taken care of frees me up to manage that part out of my own pocket.

   8. As a liberal, I am very well aware that medicare for all will result in the govt getting involved in my lifestyle choices and I do not like it. But, guess what? It is already happening. Insurance companies are already digitally managing how much we weight, how we feel, and our compliance with medicines. I am wondering, why as a conservative, you trust cops to decide who should go to jail?

      1. I’m not a conservative, and cops don’t decide who goes to jail.

         1. Cops don’t decide who goes to prison.

            1. They also don’t decide who goes to jail, unless you mean for short periods before formal charges are laid or dropped or before an arraignment happens.

            2. Jail is the place cops send you to, without a jury or a judge weighing in. Prison is the longer term one. Jail can also be longer term if you are less privileged than most of the posters here and can’t make bail.

            3. The court system sets the bail / decides not to release. The cops do not. So it is not accurate to say that a post-arraignment defendant is in jail because of the cops.

               It is completely fine that the cops detain people for short periods of time pending charges and an opportunity to appear before a judge as long as constitutional protections are followed (reasonable suspicion, no bias, etc). I cannot imagine anyone seriously objects to the very premise that someone who is going to be charged with a crime shouldn’t be put in jail by the police pending the drafting of the formal complaint and/or the handling of the arraignment.

               Someone needs to arrest the person and incarcerate them pending charges. That someone needs to be from the executive branch of the government. That someone is called the police. That is all fine.

            4. Cops don’t know the law, so no, it’s not fine.

            5. What an overly broad and underinformed statement.

5. Hopefully this is ok to post. I’m thankful to have reconnected with some old friends recently. It’s really nice except I’m feeling a bit competitive with one of the friends around a sport we’re both taking up. My friend is with a gifted natural athlete and of course already pretty good. I’m whatever the opposite of a gifted natural athlete is and on the struggle bus. I’ve been practicing daily for an event we’re doing just to hold my own and feel ok. I’m improving but probably not enough to hold my own. I don’t love that I can’t just not care. Any tips on this? oh, its golf. I don’t know why I’m being weird.

   1. No advice, but I appreciate you actually saying it’s golf and not being strangely secretive

   2. Don’t play golf with this friend?

      1. Or padel!

      2. Ahh. I have to I committed to a foursome with two other friends. It’s an outing and fundraiser. It would be extremely lame to bail.

         1. This is a truly wonderful opportunity for you to just notice the jealousy and sit with it, maybe journal about it. I think as adults, when we struggle with pride and jealousy, we just tell ourselves “I shouldn’t feel this way.” But you *do* feel that way, so now the question is how you respond to those feelings. Journaling always helps me. Maybe you’re someone who likes to chew on this stuff on a long walk or while meditating or whatever instead.

            But overall, what a wonderful, low stakes opportunity to work the muscle of processing and moving through feelings that you have but that you don’t like having. I hope you end up having fun!

            1. Thanks that’s what I need. Honestly getting such a thoughtful answer for such a weird shot in the dark question feels like a gift right now. Than you. I really appreciate it.

               My husband of decades recently noticed something in me: I pretend I’m not competitive but in reality I’m extremely competitive. I just avoid competitive situations because I hate the part of me that comes out. Maybe if I ever learned to lose graciously and not make losing mean more than it does I’d enhance my life. And stop avoiding things like learning to golf which I’ve actively avoided for 40 until now.

         2. Don’t bail. I’ve been both of you in this scenario. I tell my kids all the time that someone else’s bright light doesn’t make yours dimmer. It’s super hard in the moment though. Assuming your friend isn’t a jerk on the course or competitive with you, I love golfing with other women. It’s fun, it’s outdoors, and it’s social.

            1. Great advice!

   3. Is it a scramble? Let them carry the team; it’s not for the score it’s just a fundraiser.

6. how do you help a family member who needs to see a therapist or go on an SSRI but doesn’t think they do?

   1. Ah, a challenge as old as time. If they are a spouse, there are some ultimatums that sometimes come into play. But if they aren’t, it can be a struggle over years.

      For my father, I messaged his primary care doctor and told him about the depression symptoms. So then at the next primary care appointment, the doctor simply asked him about his mood, and my Dad admitted his symptoms. The doctor quickly talked him into trying a medicine. Fortunately, the data showing that untreated depression/anxiety increases your risk of dementia later in life can also persuade, and certainly drove it home to my father. My father also had a good relationship with his PCP and trusted him. His PCP never revealed that I had messaged him.

   2. There’s a book called “I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help.”

   3. Answer only applies if they’ve been that way for years – you make peace with it. Bonus points if you can find out why they refuse to go on one. Took a long time to accept that my mother will never take an SSRI or anxiety meds because of bad experiences in the 80s.

      If it is because of something new, you focus on the new *symptoms* (not sleeping, perseverating, elevated heart rate, etc.), without any conclusions, and discuss how they need to get those *symptoms* looked at.

7. Question for super comfortable blankets – I was tempted looking thru Cmfrt blankets a few days ago and I know Coma Inducer is really popular too. does anyone know of a similar super-plush and soft comforter that is a tie-dye or rainbow ombre/gradient? Looking for a very particular little boy, thank you!

   1. Have you seen the Pottery Barn Teen Marshmallow Cozy Throw in multi?

      The softest and most plush faux fur blanket I ever had was cheap and from Target. I don’t know how they got so expensive. So if you see something that looks perfect except that it’s cheap, it may actually be soft.

      1. ooh, so pretty! i’m looking for something a bit more saturated and more unisex though

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