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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Vuori joggers have acquired a cult following over the last few years (and deservedly so!), so I was really excited to see that the brand carries non-loungewear items.
This wide-leg pant looks like a perfect item for a casual Friday or a long travel day. Fit is crucial for pants like these, so I’m happy that they come in three different inseams. I would pair them with a cashmere tee and my favorite loafers for a business casual look.
The pants are $128 at Vuori and come in sizes XXS-XXL.
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
anon
Cute! I had no idea they make stuff like this.
In-House Anon
Looking for recommendations for things to do in Bar Harbor! My husband and I will be there without kids this weekend, and had planned to spend most of our time in Acadia. However, with the likely gov’t shutdown, we figure it’s likely the park will be closed for at least part of our trip and so we’re looking for some backup plans. Any suggestions? TIA!
Josie P
If you look at the map, you can see where to get onto the Acadia trails from public roads even if the park loop road and other park roads are closed. Some good points of entry might be around Seal Harbor and the Jordan pond house area. In addition, Thuya gardens is a really beautiful place and not part of Acadia; you can also use the trails behind it to get onto the Acadia trails in that area as well. In general, I think Cadillac and the carriage roads will be the only areas of the park that are totally inaccessible by car. In Bar Harbor, I would go to ben & bill’s chocolate store for ice cream, chocolates, and fudge, the bookstore next to it, reel pizza for pizza and a movie, mount desert ice cream for more “weird” flavors, and Havana or Havana Parrilla for dinner. You can also get onto the shore path and the Barred Island trail from Bar Harbor proper, and those are not part of Acadia either.
Anonymous
I am very, very far from Bar Harbor. But now I, too, want to go there this weekend. Hiking, gardens, ice cream, shores, movies . . . it all sounds wonderful.
Eager Beaver
Me too!
Anon
If it’s anything like the 2013 shutdown, the park will be open to foot/bike traffic, just closed to cars and it’s the BEST time to visit. Way fewer crowds, and this is a gorgeous time of year to be there. We visit every summer and my 2013 shutdown visit is one of my very favorites because it was so peaceful without cars.
But to answer your question about BH, eat, shop and walk the shore path. Walk to Bar Island at low tide. It’s a cute town but there’s not a ton to do in the village itself. Boat trip (schooner, kayak, whale watching and/or lobster boat) if you’re inclined. Visit other villages like Southwest Harbor, Northeast Harbor and Somesville.
Anon for this
If you want to take a little road trip down the coast, drive up to Ellsworth, then you can drive through Blue Hill (of Blueberries for Sal fame) and to Castine. Castine is a cute little town on the coast and the drive is beautiful. It’s also the home of Maine Maritime Academy and you’ll see college kids in uniforms running all over town. Witherle woods is a beautiful place to talk a walk and they have a very old, rugged golf course if that’s your thing.
Similarly, go searching for Sea Glass in Southwest Harbor. There’s a couple of (mediocre) wineries but the views will be nice.
If you want a true Maine experience, go to Marden’s and Reny’s.
Josie P
If you’re going to go all the way up to Castine, you might as well go to Tinder Hearth for dinner. It is the most amazing pizza that I’ve ever eaten in my life. https://www.tinderhearth.com/
Anonymous
+1 on Tinder Hearth. We also loved Brasserie LeBrun.
We were in Acadia last week. Lots of the roads are not gated, especially on the west side. Also, the bus system is sponsored by LL Bean and might be running in spite of govt shut down.
Anon
Yes, the Island Explorer buses will be running but the routes may be altered due to certain road closures.
Anon
I used to spend summers in Blue Hill, where there was a summer chamber music festival.
The best was walking down the road from our rehearsals in the woods to the lobster shack on the water, and get a lobster dinner for like $5.99. Whole lobster, good fries, corn on the cob. The corn was not good (I’m from the midwest), but the lobster and fries were fantastic. I could eat there every day. Literally.
In-House Anon
Thanks for these amazing suggestions!
Anon
husband and I were there for our first time two weeks ago right before the storm went through and it was wonderful….we stayed in SW Harbor and visited all of the towns on the island…Northeast Harbor, Bass Harbor – go to the iconic lighthouse, of course Bar Harbor where there is plenty of walking, shopping, restaurants, walk the Sandbar at low tide…we did not take whale cruises but many people were taking them and saw humpbacks. Agree that you can access the park from so many locations on the island so even if the park loop road is closed to driving, you can hike and bike the carriage roads. We really enjoyed going out for lobster rolls and lobster dinner every day – all of these were great: Bar Harbor Lobster Pound (best fried clams) and C-Ray’s Lobster Pound on Rte, 3, Abel’s for the best Lobster Stew ever, Thurstons in Bass Harbor….we wanted to try the Travelin Lobster Pound as we heard its very good but it always had a line…Asticou Inn looked beautiful if you want something a little fancier.
Anon
I will add that there are 3 golf courses on the island if you play….we brought clubs but didn’t get a chance to play…Kebo looks beautiful.
Anon
Asticou Inn is indeed lovely, and is my favorite place on the island for a nicer meal. They use the original popover recipe that Jordan Pondhouse used many years ago (the popovers at the Pondhouse have gone downhill recently, Asticou’s are way better). I also love Abel’s (don’t miss the cornbread with sumac butter, and the lobster roll is excellent too) and Travelin’ Lobster, although you’re right that TL almost always has a line. For breakfast, I love Jordan’s, Cafe This Way and Jeannie’s (although I’d avoid the pancakes at Jeannies – get the lobster eggs bene) and as someone else said, Ben & Bill’s for ice cream and fudge.
Anon
YES!!! That is the best cornbread I’ve ever had….not sweet like Southern style and the sumac butter…so delicious with the lobster stew
Anon
These pants look adorable, but are mostly sold out. I also recommend the lululemon city sleek wide leg pants – they are so comfortable! I had to have mine hemmed but well worth it.
PMS
I get terrible PMS. Super irritable (doing things I never do otherwise such as yelling at kids/husband), hangry, tired, etc. I am in my 30s. I feel like a different person now that period has started, but I am wondering if there is anything I can do in the future to help with the symptoms.
Anon
How is your magnesium intake? Do you get exercise on a regular basis?
If those things fail, talk to your gyn, who can find hormonal options for you.
No Problem
What have you already tried? Have you researched PMDD and talked to your doctor about it?
Anon
+1. Definitely don’t accept that life will never get better than this. Severe PMS is not normal.
Anonymous
Prozac.
Anon
Talk to your doctor about PMDD!
anon
I needed a low-dose SSRI to deal with my PMDD. Doesn’t help the tiredness or being hungry, but it did take the edge off my terrible moods. I was also having really scary, dark thoughts during that time. That alone was a huge warning sign that something was off.
Anonymous
Birth control can help and might be a first step before an SSRI. Or, if you’re on birth control, maybe it’s the wrong one for you.
anon
Yeah, tried that, I never found a BC pill that didn’t have terrible side effects.
Ses
+1 SSRI – my depression manifests as rage
Anon
Definitely talk to your doctor. I’m 37 and in perimenopause, and I was literally crying at my desk the day before my period. I’ve been on continuous BCP for about a month now and feeling better. I voiced concerns about blood clots, but my doc said my overall risk is low.
Anon2
Another voice for trying magnesium and investigating PMDD. Also, ask to have your progesterone levels checked because low progesterone can contribute to a hard luteal phase (but you should probably track when you ovulate to be sure the bloodwork is done appropriately; some doctors still go by calendar dates assuming a day 14 ovulation)
Anon
Look into PMDD. I’ve said this a dozen times here, but the Period Repair Manual had some ideas that I was able to take to my doctor and psychiatrist. I don’t love that its author isn’t a MD, but I felt okay running possibilities past my own doctors. Lab tests showed that I had a relevant deficiency and now I take a few supplements.
Anon
My doctor prescribed Lexapro and it changed my life.
Anonymous
I’ve heard that things like evening primrose helps with that… I took it for a while and did notice a difference, but wasn’t sure if it was because I was also taking it with D3 and another pill. Vitamin D absolutely affects my mood; definitely recommend making sure you’re taking enough there.
I definitely noticed my PMS getting much worse once I got into my 40s; I think it’s just a general perimenopause symptom.
Anon
Anyone have any ideas for how to make a Bloody Mary bar and mimosa bar extra special? Planning to have different juices for the champagne. Adding some type of bacon for the bloody Mary’s. This is for an SEC tailgate. Thanks!
Anon
Skewers! Caprese skewers, Buffalo wings skewers, fruit skewers, sliders on a skewer, mini cupcakes on a skewer.
AIMS
I like Clamato instead of regular tomato juice for Bloody Marys (but note that it’s not kosher, if that may matter, which I’m guessing not based on the bacon). Also celery salt and you can do different pickles and olives for the skewers.
Anon
Mix and match berries to add to the mimosas.
Cat
be prepared for the bubbly part of the mimosas to go way faster than the juice, if my crowd is any indication. The meme where a woman like, wafts the scent of OJ across the top of the glass can be all too true ;)
Have different levels of spicy for the Bloody Mary mix? My husband could drink a Sriracha-based Bloody Mary and would love having the option to kick it up.
Anon
I do a Bloody Mary bar every Christmas! I get the short, plastic cups and fill them with various types of olives and pickles (not just cukes but pickled peppers). I also get long skewers and toothpicks, different hot sauces, celery sticks, and limes.
KS IT Chick
Different vodka and other liquor options. Different kinds of pickles (spice levels, variety of vegetables).
If you have some advanced planning time, you can infuse vodka with black pepper, citrus, or chile pepper.
Offer beermosa: orange or pomegranate juice in a wheat beer.
Cava as a bubbly option in addition to Prosecco or champagne. Cranberry juice with ginger ale makes a good nonalcoholic version for anyone who wants a one.
Senior Attorney
I had a bourbon bloody Mary recently and it was surprisingly great.
Anon
That sounds amazing. Adds tomato juice to my shopping list.
Anon
Pickle- infused vodka is also great for bloody Mary’s. Quick and easy to do.
Anon
I’ve had a few bloody Maria’s with tequila and corona.
I like mine extra spicy and all the pickled vegetables.
Anon
I love a Bloody Maria. I don’t know what it’s called when you use gin, but that’s my real favorite. I have never been able to stand the taste of vodka (and yes, yes it does have a taste.)
anon
Lots of veggies (asparagus, celery, peppers hot and spicy), the long skewers for people to build their won skewer. Fresh shrimp can be a fun treat. Fresh herbs like dill, cilantro, basil.. All the hot sauces. I like to throw in some kind of smokey alcohol for an option. Flavored rims, like a salt/celery salt, or tajin can be fun. For mimosas, i do a bellini option with various fruit purees as well (mango is most popular, but so is passion fruit). It’s super fun to buy either the edible glitter or cotton candy people can put in their mimosa. I have both normal sparkling wine and rose option. It can be fun to have a few post cards or a sign with some ideas of specific pairings for people to try out.
Formerly Lilly
If it’s for an SEC tailgate, you’ve probably already got these on the list, but I am really fond of pickled okra spears, pickled carrot sticks, and pickled whole long skinny green beans. I get them at Publix. Some Cajun seasoning is not remiss either. A friend puts some boiled fresh gulf shrimp in the bottom of the cup, plus the full garnish on top, and it’s like mini-brunch in a cup.
Anon
Get juices that match your team’s colors! or even things you can drop in your mimosas that might match, like berries.
Anonymous
My crowd is definitely more of the “diet mimosa” drinkers (no juice) but we all love fruity liqueurs to add a little fun to our champagne. Pomegranate, passion fruit, and elderflower are favorites. Maybe there’s something in your team’s colors.
Anonymous
pickled okra or green beans!
AIMS
I am not familiar with this retailer, but stumbled on it looking to update some home items and just had to share that they have gifts organized by generation – “gen z” to “ baby boomer” and it was entertaining (for me, anyway) to look through and see what we are stereotyped as liking. My grouping wasn’t too off base, which was funny because when I used to read those “fashion at any age” features in Bazaar (or was it Vogue or Glamour?), I consistently loved everything suggested for 70 year olds. Anyway, just funny that you can now categorize this way (not trying to start any young vs old fights).
https://www.burkedecor.com/collections/gifts-by-generation
AIMS
Also – saw yesterday that we have fellow fans of flowers on a black background here and just have to share what brought me to that s*te in the first place:
https://www.burkedecor.com/products/dutch-uncle-contemporary-black-floral-area-rug-wr?variant=40298635984932
I have no place for it in my life but am obsessed.
Anon
Oooh, that is lovely! Thanks for the eye candy, AIMS!
Anon
Ohhh that was me. Damn that’s gorgeous.
Anon
I always liked the 70+:too :)
Cat
I like a lot of their offerings but quibble with their categories. My boomer parents are not looking for more crystal tchotchkes, and I think a good chunk of the millennial selection reads young, but I’m really close to the Gen X cutoff so maybe that explains it.
I also loved the “any age” feature!
Anonymous
That’s an…interesting…marketing strategy.
Nothing they listed in my generation appealed to me, but I think the entire store is just not my style because I didn’t see anything in the other generations that did either.
Anonymous
Same. It all looked like overpriced ugly junky kitsch. Although I did think the inclusion of the cassette player in the GenX lineup was funny.
Anonymous
I’m GenX so I did find that amusing, especially since I’m pretty sure I still own some cassettes lol.
And yes “ugly junky kitsch” is a great description!
Anonymous
but we can all agree the GenX section is by far the best, right? (says the Gen Xer)
Anon
Nope I’m a Gen X who is suddenly a boomer.
Anonymous
Not as much as I’d like because I can’t seem to find a hobby, but my SO is away for 2 weeknight bedtimes for his hobby. In an ideal state, I’d also take 2 nights a week for my own time. We also share at least one kid-free vacation per year. Time apart from the kids is a huge power-up for both of us and we’re not shy about using it.
Anon
Today I learned I’m a boomer. I have always been attracted to “elegant/glamorous grownup” style too.
Anonymous
I’m curious, what all do you do away from home without kids and/or significant others on a regular basis? How many evenings/hours does it take? Trying to figure out how to balance things I want to do that are just for me versus how much time it takes away from family. Thanks!
Anon
On a daily basis, not much. I take a lot of walks? I don’t have a ton of local friends and the ones I do have kids the same age so we mostly hang out with the kids, although sometimes a mom friend will join me on a walk. I normally walk during the work day (my favorite thing about WFH!) so I’m almost always around in the evening. I guess I get pedicures sometimes too. That’s really all I can think of… this is making me feel quite pathetic, but my hobbies are all things I do at home.
I do take regular kid-free vacations though. Sometimes with DH, but sometimes solo, with my mom or with a girlfriend. I aim for 1-2 kid free trips per year.
NYCer
I play tennis once a week. Sometimes on Sunday and sometimes on a weeknight – depends on the week.
Anonie
Book club for ~3 hours once every 6 weeks. Otherwise, just work related events like dinner or HH – don’t you know, for working moms, having a job IS our hobby?
Anon
I ride horses, which can be a time consuming hobby. I ride Saturday and Sunday (usually about two hours away from home each day) and then once or twice during the week after work (also about two hours). My husband is very supportive of the hobby and helps take up the slack while I am gone. Sometimes the family all comes out to the barn. Besides riding, I don’t spend other time away. Our friends are all family friends, so kids come to our social gatherings.
Anonymous
I’ll share my experience, but I don’t think other people’s answers are going to be very useful here. What matters most is your own energy levels, how demanding your job is, your partner’s appetite/desire for alone time and the kind of childcare you have.
When my kids were younger and I worked in an office in Biglaw, I didn’t do anything other than working late or going to work related events. As they got older and I went in house, I started going to a sports practice one night per week straight from work and wouldn’t get home until after bedtime. That’s about the max that our family can handle because the kids have activities, but, from time to time, I’ll meet up with a neighborhood friend for an evening walk or drink. I will say that I think these limitations (self-imposed and externally imposed) have absolutely negatively affected my career growth and baseline happiness — so, if you have the energy and motivation to do stuff for yourself, I think you should try to do it.
Anonymous
Thank you for this perspective. My kids are getting older and are much more independent now, which should help. I have a good job, but it doesn’t typically take more than my scheduled 40 hours per week, plus commute. I’m trying to add in a few things to make myself feel more like myself if that makes sense. Recently started hiking/walking with a group of friends one night a week, but still feel like this is not well received/fully supported at home. I’d like to take some time on the weekend to pursue some activities like a yoga class or another hike so just trying to gauge what others have been able to add in.
Anonymous
This is going to vary so widely, and it’s pointless for you to base your life choices on the life choices of internet strangers.
It doesn’t matter how much time I spend doing my thing, what matters is what you’re interested in, how much time you want to devote to it, what kind of childcare you have, and how supportive your family/significant other is.
It’s easier to find a balance that works for your family if you only focus on your family.
Anon
Following with interest. I pretty much don’t do anything away from the family on evenings and weekends other than the occasional mani/pedi and hair cuts. I also have dinner with a group of girl friends once per month. My husband is marathon training and regularly has a running club one weeknight per week plus long runs both weekend days. I’m starting to feel resentful that I’m the default parent at home while he gets to spend a ton of time focusing on himself. I think I just need to come up with some hobbies or things to do with a similar amount of time to myself.
Anonymous
No kids, mid/late 30s. I’m on a charitable board and I do a lot of work-related networking. My social life lately has been dominated by weddings/wedding related events and baby showers. Usually I’ll get together with girlfriends a couple times a month; we’ve been doing more activity-centered hangouts as opposed to bar-centered as we get older, although admittedly sometimes the activity is a wine tasting. We’ve been trying to get a book club off the ground but it’s hard to mesh everyone’s schedules.
I’m trying to get DH to do more of this, in part so I get alone time and in part so I don’t feel guilty when I go out with friends (totally self imposed, he’s very supportive of my friendships). Some of the guys in our group take turns hosting poker or bourbon tasting nights, but those happen maybe once or twice a quarter. Now that football is back most of their socializing revolves around that – which I’m happy for DH to get out of the house for. DH has been trying to get more involved in local politics and recently joined a committee to handle some project for our town.
Anon
Pilates class twice a week. Book club one weeknight every 6 weeks. Occasional after work events that are either sponsored by work or for work-adjacent organizations. I serve on a board for a local art center so I also have evening board meetings every other month and attend evening gallery openings every 4-6 weeks (spouse often comes to those but sometimes I’ll take a friend). I also regularly have ladies nights with a close circle of 4-5 girlfriends (things like dinners, concerts, shows, candle-making, etc.). I get my nails done monthly and often go with a friend to do it. My kids are 3 and 6. The 3 year old still naps so I usually schedule nail appointment and pilates during weekend nap times. With my spouse, we do date nights or attend adult only parties around every other weekend. Combination of local grandparents and teenage babysitters. Kids go to bed at 7:30 so I’m not missing too much time with them anyway. We do adult trips 1 to 2 times a year (usually long weekends and maybe for a week every few years). I’m a partner in a biglaw-ish firm and I also travel once a month on average. I’m in the midwest so my schedule is probably more lenient than on the coasts.
Anonymous
In the winter, I ski. I take PTO or a weekend day and go either solo, a friend, or with a well behaved older kid if I’m feeling generous. I live in MA so will either daytrip or do a quick overnight. The rest of my family skis too but I love it the most.
I’m hoping to take up tennis but haven’t yet. My 11 year old is pretty good.
DH has tons of home based hobbies.
Anon
Ladies – I got a big step up job from gvt legal to executive gvt policy/project implementation. Any suggestions for good advice on organizational systems that will work within gvt constraints (contact management, virtual folder organization, to do lists, notetaking etc)? I’m realizing my case-based systems won’t work and I’d like to set things up well from the start. Thanks!
Anon for this
The best system is to hire good staff.
I personally create a really clear system for file folders – broken out by team, then by project, then by year, then by subtopic. I save every file with the same naming format – File Name to Whom (Date). So a letter sent to OSHA on Sept 27 would be Compliance Update to OSHA (9-27-2023). It makes it really easy to find the correct versions in my email or other folders.
FWIW, I’ve done OneNote, Excel Tracking systems, and other organizational templates and the one thing that I keep coming back to is using my calendar to set deadlines (a 0 minute meeting at 8AM, warning 24 hours ahead so I can visualize all deadlines) and using a paper notebook to hand write priorities.
Anonymous
I am also a huge fan of the 0 minute meeting.
Anon
I’m a pretty new runner and never ran as a sport in school, so I don’t have any coached background or know what I should or shouldn’t do. I have played tennis and soccer, so the running I know is a full-out full body sprint. I see some runners running casually but some have what seems to be a deliberate stance: very upright posture and rigid upper body and a very very short stride that is very rapid. Does that style have a name and is there something it is good for? I’m older and could be in better shape and really, really don’t want to do anything that would cause a weekend-athlete sort of injury (which I did golfing once and had to rehab from for a few weeks).
anon
I would not try to make any forced changes to your stride, as a new runner. Even for experienced runners, trying to change mechanics has high injury potential. I would just focus on building up your time/distance slowly, and let yourself find your way into your natural stride.
anon
+1
Anon
This right here. Go for a walk, and at some point, pick up your pace into a jog (not a sprint – a pace where you could still hold a conversation), then resume walking. Do that for 15-30 seconds a few times. Congrats, you’re a runner! Over time, increase the amount of time running and decrease the amount of time walking. Keep it at a conversational pace, whatever is comfortable to you.
Anonymous
Agreed. The best thing you can do to prevent injury is to take care to stretch and build speed/distance slowly.
Anonymous
Re. the short stride that is very rapid: Back when I was into running a couple of decades ago I read that a cadence of about 180 steps per minute, which is very quick and naturally leads to shorter strides, was optimal for injury prevention. I always ran with that cadence and would count at the beginning of each run to establish it. My husband runs with long, slow, almost leaping strides and is constantly having back pain etc. from the big impact.
Anon
That is me — I run like a gazelle. But I’m not having issues with it. Maybe I’m not that intense or just take breaks when I need to? But I only think I’m a gazelle — I watch real runners running and they are gazelles (but they also don’t seem to do this short-fast style).
Anonymous
Elite runners have quick turnover and also long strides. They are not bouncing up and down the way some recreational runners do, which wastes energy on vertical motion and increases impact. It’s almost as if their torso is floating and their legs are an engine propelling it.
Anon
My kid is a bouncy runner — IDK that there is a way for her to get religion on not bouncing though.
Anon
Cadence is less important than where the foot falls under the body. And I am not talking about where on the foot your strike, but it sounds like your husband is reaching out in front of his body with his stride and yes, that could cause back issues!
I don’t keep track of my cadence at all and unless I am in a specific workout, I let my body work with it’s natural cadence. But I am very conscious of keeping my feet underneath me, leaning slightly forward, making sure my torso is rotating gently with my stride, and keeping my arms relaxed. (I had a gait analysis at one point, which really helped me think about this qnd what was right for my body). I have had no injuries from running in 12+ years of trail ultra and treadmill running but YMMV.
Anon
Even with walking, how is your foot not out in front of your body?
Anon
Walking is a different stride than running – for me at least. I am not an elite runner, but I try to emulate their form to the extent I can with my body. The knee pulls up higher than you’d think in front of your body, naturally leaving your foot closer to your body allowing it to land under your hips as you move forward. I still try to keep my foot under me when I walk but it is slightly harder for me at that pace.
It’s easier to see than explain. Kipchoge is a great example of this https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=andAaS6Lyc8and
Anon
That is helpful to see. I just took the wonkiest walk back from the printer overfocusing on how I move.
Anon
180 steps a minute is 3 steps a second — how is that even possible? Agree that at that pace, it would have to be a teeny stride. Is that a typo maybe?
January
No, you can read up on this number. I personally find it difficult to achieve/maintain.
Anon
That’s very close to my cadence. Remember that a step is one foot, not two.
BeenThatGuy
I trained for a triathlon in my mid-30s and worked with a running coach. It was incredible and worth every penny. I had no idea the amount of energy I was expending by moving my arms and hips the way I did. During the training, I really focused on controlling/quieting my upper body. Keeping my hands slightly cupped and close to the body. My stride didn’t need much work but I was a lot faster and more efficient after a few lessons.
Clara
My hair is confusing me these days – 2 times in the past couple weeks I’ve gone to the gym and forgotten to take shampoo, and washed my hair with . . soap. Horrifying, I know. The thing is, my hair has looked great after doing this. What’s going on? Is it acting as a clarifying shampoo?
Anonymous
Is your regular shampoo sulfate-free? I have oily hair and find that most sulfate-free shampoos just don’t cut through the oil and get it clean. The gym soap probably contains sulfates.
Clara
See this is what I get for trying to use fancy shampoo /s
I’ve long thought that Herbal Essences works surprisingly well for my hair, but I’ve been using something else that probably doesn’t have sulfates. That makes sense.
Anon
+1 My oily fine hair looks so much better with cheap shampoo than the fancy sulfate free stuff.
Anonymous
Yep. Suave 4 ever.
Anon
I don’t know the answer to this, but I have had similar experiences! I have traveled and forgotten gel before, which is a big deal bc my hair is curly. In a pinch, I’ve used the cheap hotel hand lotion to tame them, and I get SO MANY compliments when I do this.
Anon
My salon owner has told me to do this in a pinch too. Hand lotion works great for taming on my greys if I notice when I’m out and about that I need to sleek and shine…
Cerulean
I recently bought a shampoo that doesn’t agree with my hair, so I’m finishing it up by using it as a body wash and it works great. I’m guessing that there are relatively small differences between soaps that you can use on your body and hair. I say if it’s working, then why not use it? I’ve used Dove bar soap on my hair while camping to save packing space and it worked fine on my fine, oily hair.
Clara
This is what I figured – soap is soap. And it was after swimming so I really did need to get my hair clean.
I have another shampoo that doesn’t work with my hair, guess I will use it as body wash.
Anon
I have a conditioning shampoo that I stopped using and I use as “shaving cream” when I shave my legs/arms/pits in the shower.
Anon
My daughter recently started washing her hair on her own but I still brush it out before bed. One time her hair was extra smooth and easy to brush and I complimented her on it. She said she used “the new shampoo”. There was no new shampoo. I asked her to show me and it was… the new Dove body wash. It worked great though!
Anon
2 random “trying to up my style” questions:
1. My eyebrows are thin naturally but also sparse especially toward my nose bridge because of overplucking when younger. What are the most natural looking ways to fill them in? I’d like something semi permanent but not tattoos, does this exist? Do serums work? My eyebrows are dark, and I’ve tried pencils, powder, etc. but they never seem great.
2. I’ve always carried weight in my mid section, but now even more so after a couple kids. I’m average height, 120-130lbs but my middle and my legs seem to be very different sizes so when I get jeans that fit my waist, they seem too baggy in the bottom and legs. I think I also have a long torso/short legs. Any good solutions for this? I’ve tried some of the Democracy ab solution jeans that work ok, but having a hard time finding something flattering. It doesn’t help that I’m confused what it is style given that I’ve been in yoga pants for 4 years. Any other good brands?
TIA
anon
microblading is basically the semi permanent version of a brow tattoo. I have lots of friends who have had that done. I think it can look really natural if you communicate clearly and get someone who does that style. I do just a brow tint on a semi-regular basis and it makes a world of difference for me, because i have some hairs that are just lighter. My favorite daily product right now are the brow pens, like the urban decay one. If you get right color match, and learn to use with a light hand they work really well.
Anon
+1 I love my microbladed brows. I don’t have any other tattoos, I don’t want sharpie brows. I want something that looks like a real brow. I just have age-related and hypothyroid-related (probably) brow loss. I was SUPER careful about the practitioner I chose. She has a really good portfolio on IG and I was able to point to some pics that looked like what I was trying to achieve, and did achieve.
Anon
Serums with bimatoprost do work.
“Curvy” cut jeans are often a smaller size in the waist but maybe you have already tried that.
anon
This is the opposite of what you need for pants. Curvy cuts are for people with larger thighs and rear and smaller waist. You have a larger waist, likely no rear, and thin legs. I have this same body. Try wit and wisdom or kut from the kloth jeans in as low of a rise as you can find for your body.
Anon
Microblading, just go to someone good who will do a natural look.
Anonymous
I’m a pear so sometimes buy ‘curvy’ jeans, they have more give in the hips and thighs. Sometimes I will get the waist taken in a bit, and sometimes I just wear a belt, it depends on the jeans.
Anon
OP’s issue is the opposite.
Anonymous
I carry all my weight in my middle too, I feel your pain. I seem to have the best luck with Paige and Mother. The fit issues continue to be frustrating across the board though. I could never find non-jeggings skinny jeans that fit my waist and were tight around my calves and ankles. Now with styles that are intentionally larger through the legs I thought I was in luck, but I’ve been running into other weird fit issues. The seat is baggy, the rise is too small even if it’s supposed to be a normal rise, they are weirdly tight through the tops of the thighs… sometimes I feel like I can’t win.
Anonymous
Maternity pants.
Anon
Wedge heels — are you still wearing them? I have a pair of 2” ones that are perfect for my feet but now look dated. I’m thinking of just storing them because I always regret donating shoes that work for my duck feet.
anon
Just wear them. I see people still wearing them, and they look fine, especially if your outfit or other accessories are more dated.
Cat
Yes, but not paired with a pencil skirt or ankle pants, instead under longer bootcut pants.
Anon
I wear mine and I live in a major city. I’m seeing everything these days, but the dated/not dated debate is only relevant if you’re dressing in an overall unstylish way. If you have unique pieces and aren’t tied to all the trends of the moment, something like that can look fresh. If you pair it with straight out of 2010 looks, then it will be dated and look it.
Anon
They’re the only heels that I wear anymore.
Anon
+1.
Anon
I’m wearing my “hidden wedge in shoes that mostly read as flats” because I am short and not going to wear actual flats.
Anon
I was never a fan of wedges; always preferred heels because I felt less wobbly in heels. But I stumbled across the Eileen Fisher Hilly Wedge d’Orsay Pump and they became my favorite/most comfy summer office shoes. So I say, if these particular wedges work for your feet, good comfy shoes are hard to find and you should wear them but keep the rest of your outfit relatively current.
AnonAsian
I wear wedge sandals from Toni Pons and love them.
texasanon
I am starting to think about a trip to Egypt next March-ish and wanted to see if anyone had good advice for this trip. We are currently thinking that part of the 10-12 days in Egypt would be spent on a boat on the Nile, but that is just an initial idea.
BeenThatGuy
My friends just came back from an Abercrombie and Kent tour of Egypt and had the time of their lives.
Anon for this
We spent 2 weeks there 15 years ago and DIY’d the trip. Split our time approx. 4.5 days in Cairo, flew Cairo to Sharm el Sheikh to snorkel the Red Sea, relax, and do the Mt. Sinai climb (3 days 4 nights), then flew Sharm-Cairo-Aswan to pick up a 4-day cruise to Luxor. Flew Luxor-Cairo-US carrier home. It was really the ideal length of time I think and the break in the middle (seaside relaxing and hiking) helped it not feel like a blur of old stones! Main tip for the cruise is if you’ll be docked late enough, visit some temples at night for the dramatic uplighting and cooler temps. Happy to answer any specific q’s!
A
Spent a week there years ago, it was mind blowing. Pyramids, Aswan, Luxor. We didn’t snorkel though but two weeks would be awesome.
Mood lifter music recs?
I recently had such a bad day at work that I googled for a 90s/early 2000s eurodance playlist to at least make me feel a bit better. Let me say that this was a really good idea, and now it’s become a staple in my playlists for almost every day. Big plus also that I can break out some quick dance moves for a 5 min break.
So, if this kin of music is your thing let this be a recommendation. I also have a 80s girl power playlist that I pull out occasionally. FWIW, I’m early 40s, so late GenX/old millennial.
Any fun music that’s a mood lifter for you?
Anon
Share the playlist link or name pls!
I need me some SClub7, Kylie, and BOMBA!!!!
Anonymous
Later GenX here (late 40s) and I alternate between the dance and techno and alternative I listened to in high school and the 70s/80s rock from my childhood when I need a pick-me-up.
Cerulean
In a similar vein, Richard Simmons workouts on YouTube are a ton of nostalgic fun.
Anonymous
I have a list of a lot of TikTok music that I really love. Sped-up versions of No Stylist, Prada, Starboy… Boss Bitch by Doja Cat, Roses (Imanbek Remix), Back That Up to the Beat (madonna). Sometimes I’ll watch TikTok shuffle tutorials too – I don’t think my middle aged knees could take shuffling but it looks so joyful.
No Problem
Has anybody had their dining chairs reupholstered, and if so approx how much did it cost? I’m trying to figure out a ballpark amount to budget for this project. Assume I would pick a mid range fabric from the upholstery store and have them do the work.
I have 6 chairs that are on the small-ish side (seats are roughly 20″ by 18″ or 19″, so not the big overstuffed kind). The backs of the chairs are wood, so I only need the seats reupholstered. But I also need the cushions completely replaced – these are old chairs and the seat are just completely shot.
NY CPA
I got a quote a few weeks ago for chairs with both seat and back fabric covered and it was going to be ~$2K for 6 chairs. Very much depends on fabric choices.
Anon
Piggybacking on this, can anyone give an estimate for upholstering a single wingback armchair? In a VHCOL area (Bay Area)…
Anonymous
Pre-pandemic, we were quoted about $250 chair in Boston to reupholster the seats of our wood backed chairs (including the fabric but no repair or cushion replacement). The fabric we got the quote for had a very small print that wouldn’t result in much waste. For ballpark budgeting purposes– including factoring in pickup/delivery– I think you might want to look at the price to purchase a new chair from a store like Crate and Barrel.
No Problem
These chairs are part of my grandparents’ dining set, so…I’m not replacing them.
Good call on the type of print though. I think I would lean toward a small pattern or skinny stripe anyway.
Anonymous
I wasn’t saying you should buy chairs from Crate & Barrel- just that you could use it as an estimate of the cost to repair/reupholster. Unless you have a decorator’s discount or some sort of connection to a low-priced upholsterer, they’re typically about the same cost (at least, that’s what my mom has always said, and she has had many pieces reupholstered over the years).
Gail the Goldfish
This was 6 years ago, but we paid $55/chair for new foam and reupholstering, plus the cost of fabric (which we purchased separately and I don’t remember at all what it cost)
BeenThatGuy
I reupholster my dining room chair seats on my own every few years. It costs me $200-$300 in fabric (I usually pick a Sunbrella type fabric for easy cleaning – i.e. indoor/outdoor fabric). If the cushioning is getting thin, I pick up some padding from Joann’s Fabrics. It is very easy to do this. You just need a drill to remove the seat, a high quality pair of scissors to cut the fabric and a staple gun. Pinterest and YouTube have plenty of tutorials, if you are interested.
Anon
I was going to say, I reupholstered my dining room chairs myself. It was way easier than I thought it would be, I just took the first one slowly and measured a lot before I cut the fabric. I might do it again in a couple more years just to get an updated look. If the chairs don’t have complex upholstering now, doing it yourself shouldn’t be too hard. There are tons of online tutorials.
Cerulean
Reupholstery jobs can be $$ or $$$$ depending on the fabric and complexity of the job. I think it’s hard to say without knowing what you’re working with.
Cat
For just a cushioned seat, you could DIY it with a staple gun. I am pathetic with a needle (can sew buttons on but that’s about it) and have done this on my own.
Anon
Agreed. You might be able to smply unscrew the legs from the seat, put down some new foam for the seat cushions and then staple-gun new fabric in place. I’ve done this at least twice on my current dining room chairs and on a random rescue from the curb, they look great.
Anon
If you call an upholstery store, they should be able to give you a rough estimate over the phone.
South american girl
Get more than one quote, I asked three places and they had wildly different prices. I’m not in the US, so not helpful on the dollar amount.
Anonymous
honestly my understanding is that that’s the easiest reupholstering to DIY, where it’s just the chair seats. If you need the bottom to be woven or something like that it’s going to be harder, but if it’s just a matter of buying new batten or whatever i think there are a million YouTube tutorials.
Runcible Spoon
Reupholstering a couple of dining room chair seats cost me $430, for the labor only, with a slight discount of some sort, in the DC area, fabric supplied by me. This was by a retired professional upholsterer, who worked out of a workshop shed in his back yard. He replaced a worn out foam cusihon under the upholstery.
H13
A few more running questions today:
– Does anyone use the Nox light up vest and like it? I like to run in the mornings but it is too dark for me to feel safe now (plus no sidewalks in my neighborhood).
– Speaking of safety, do you take anything for safety when you run, especially at off times? I use Shokz headphones so I can hear but was wondering if I should have anything on me. A whistle, maybe? I feel safe in my neighborhood but don’t want to be dumb.
– Running podcast recs? I listen to Fuel for the Sole and Ali on the Run’s podcast. Would love more options.
Thanks!
Anon
I love my Noxgear!
If you know how to use it, bring pepper spray.
Anon
Re the Nox Gear, I have and love it and I bought the clip on light attachment because I need to see more forward (not just ben seen by cars). I sized to wear it over a puffy coat, so I need to get something smaller now that it is dark in the morning / evening but still warm. Originally bought for dog walking but surprise! i’ve actually started running with it.
Anon
I run in the city and also on pretty quiet and technical trails and don’t carry anything for safety (though on trails I carry snacks, water, and the occasional first aid supply. I also an on trails in East coast suburbia. They’re technical but not remote!).
I use a different high vis vest. Its safety yellow with reflective strips and a flashing light. I got it for cheap on Amazon and like it. It’s a similar shape to the Amphipod Xinglet at REI except it also has a light .
anon
I love my Noxgear vest!
My only safety tool is my phone. I guess I feel comfortable enough in my neighborhood that I don’t worry about it too much. I’m more afraid of cars and dogs than people
Another Mother Runner is a good podcast. I also like the content on Not Your Average Runner, but I don’t think the style is for everyone. I have nothing against swearing, and swear fairly often myself, but Jill’s f-bombs are gratuitous at times and I find it irritating.
Anon
I can only answer one of these because my feeling is the strongest way to stay safe is not to listen to anything or wear anything in your ears while running. If you must, then get the bone conduction ones that allow you to also hear what is going on around you.
If I am running in the dark not in the woods, it’s Nox plus a bright headlamp.
Anon
Should have added, I carry nothing but my phone for safety.
Anon
+1 to all of this!
Gail the Goldfish
YES! I love my Nox vest and as a driver, wish all evening walkers/runners would get them because it makes it so much easier to see people. I also have the light you can clip on to the front, which works great.
Anon
I love Des and Kara and I am not really a runner (just a person who runs on occasion b/c I have no time to go to the gym).
Anon
Vests and stuff like that – Nope – I’m far more concerned about seeing than being seen when running in the dark. On the bike is a different story – you can see me from space. When running, if there’s something coming that doesn’t look/sound right, it’s easy enough to get further away from the street – into a yard, up the berm, over a barrier.
Other gear – nope. I hate carrying anything. I’m comfortable at night and have a good sense of what is normal and what isn’t. I don’t wear headphones or anything else to dull my senses.
Anon
I have an insta-account that I follow on old houses. Some in places like St. Louis and Pittsburgh and Columbus GA are so lovely and affordable. I know that a reason some places are more affordable is that there isn’t much economic opportunity there. But at some point, maybe remote jobs let us take our jobs to places where we can afford to live (if not now, in the next decade). FWIW, I moved from NYC to NC largely because it was too expensive and my commute was hours out of my day. Now it’s expensive here, so what is next?
Anon
Are you in the Triangle? We moved to the Triad which is at least less expensive than the Triangle, though it’s gotten more expensive since we moved here. Cheap, fast flights back to NYC was one of the factors for us!
St. Louis or Pittsburgh seem like fine places to live to me if working remotely! Good healthcare, nice neighborhoods, local culture and a sense of place. I don’t know Columbus, GA.
Anonymous
I’m in the Triangle and I agree with the Triad. But I am from one of those towns in Georgia with lovely and affordable old homes (like, truly lovely, I did not appreciate how pretty the houses in my town were until I moved elsewhere. Lots of houses built early 1800s-early 1900s), and believe me, there is a reason they are affordable. You couldn’t pay me to move back to my home town–not much economic opportunity, which also means poor social/civic services (at one point they defunded the library system…) and high crime, particularly downtown, which also happens to be one of the areas with the lovely old homes. No thanks.
Anon
I feel like my kids’ generation will re-populate those places. They may have student loans and otherwise be of little means and high energy (and initially be indifferent to schools and lack of health care beyond urgent care; a case of BPR is likely to be their culture plus they often play their own music).
And they kind of have to (or go somewhere we see as less ideal) b/c our city now has 7-figure fixer starter homes, so they can’t very well stay. [Before you can I can help them, I don’t have a pension and people in my family live long enough that I’m likely to outlive my money and need to go live with them at some point.]
Anon
Some of the people I grew up with in the rural mid west live in the most spectacular homes, and I absolutely get jealous. But little else is appealing and LCOL isn’t as low cost when you end up giving up on the struggling school system and home schooling (!).
Anon
My cousin lives in one of those places (our family is from there but my parents both left b/c no jobs) and home schooled her 3 kids while working as a nurse (taking shifts that made it all balance out). It helped her tremendously to have local family also. I won’t have that (moved somewhere different) and my parents didn’t have it. I get why people stay if it works for you. Excitement is overrated IMO — city live isn’t all fun nights at the theater, it’s your car getting broken into again and again and sidewalks that smell of pee or worse.
Seventh Sister
I grew up in rural MD and daydream about some of the pretty Victorian houses that pop up for sale in my home county. It’s lovely but there aren’t that many jobs and the schools range from “terrible” to “OK I guess,” unless you want to shell out money and time driving to a prep school that’s 30-45 minutes away.
Anonanon
we loved Pittsburgh. we would have stayed if there were any jobs!
Anon
Why are there no jobs there? It’s a large-ish city and a college town, so plenty of workers to lure in employers looking for a good workplace. It’s a bit too cold for me (ideally), but getting past that, it looks like it should be great. Chicago seems to have worse weather and worse crime, so why isn’t Pittsburgh more of a place? It has colleges, rivers, sports teams, walkable older areas that are charming. What am I missing? Chicago schools are terrible, so it can’t be schools.
Anon
Women on this board really overestimate the job markets in cute college towns.
Anon
The job market in many college towns is indeed terrible (I’m an academic’s spouse and have lived in several and visited dozens more) but Pittsburgh is a real city. The problem with college towns is that they often have no industry to speak of except the university, plus K-12 schools and hospitals, which exist everywhere. But in a city like Pittsburgh I’m sure there are other employers besides these.
Trish
Lol to Pittsburgh being reduced to a cute college town given its rich history during colonial times as well as its cultural and sports events. It was built on the steel mills where my immigrant grandfather worked and raised 9 kids. It was one of the first places in the rust to experience massive unemployment and therefore, one of the first cities to move toward a tech based economy. The issues the city faces are due to the pandemic and not because it is a college town with no basis for an economy.
Cerulean
From what I know, Pittsburgh’s economy was historically more focused on rust belt/manufacturing industries, whereas Chicago has a more diversified economy with more opportunities for people in white collar jobs.
Anonymous
I’m sorry to be a jerk, but your questions are baffling. It’s a very strange leap to compare Pittsburgh to Chicago. The historical industries and pattern of development are super different. Pittburgh has ~350K residents, and Chicago has 2.7M. Chicago was the nexus of the entire US railway network during the late 19th century, and Pittsburgh has never even been the primary city in Pennsylvania.
Anon
Pittsburgh was built on metals and manufacturing – two industries that have seen a huge outflow of jobs to other countries. It is slowly rebuilding its economy on tech and healthcare, but it’s slow going.
Anon
Umm Chicago has far more job and cultural opportunities than Pittsburgh. People like to comment on Chicago winter but once you’re in the below freezing, snow possible zone there’s little practical difference between Chicago and other northern cities. Crime is only a day to day issue if you live on the south or west side. But please keep criticizing, it keeps our COL low!
Anon
“People like to comment on Chicago winter but once you’re in the below freezing, snow possible zone there’s little practical difference between Chicago and other northern cities.”
I disagree. I lived for years in both Chicago and Indianapolis and although they’re less than 200 miles apart, the difference in weather is quite snark. The lake effect snow (and freezing rain) is real. Fall and spring are a lot longer in Indy. I LOVE Chicago and we hope to move back when our kids are grown, so this is not a diss at the city in general, but in my opinion the weather there is noticeably worse than in other Midwest cities.
Anon
Chicago winters are much worse than any of the other northern cities I’ve lived in.
Anon
I’m from Birmingham, AL, and it has the same issues as Pittsburgh. Traditionally, it was a mining/industrial town. When U.S. Steel pulled out in the 1980s, a lot of jobs just vanished overnight. These were blue collar jobs, so you had a lot of blue collar employees looking for other manufacturing jobs… when there were none. The city started becoming a regional banking hub… but then the banks ended up being bought, etc. in the crisis in 2008.
Most people that I know that live there are either small business owners/entrepreneurs (i.e., couldn’t find a job so created one for themselves), work for a large research hospital, or work remotely for companies in Atlanta (about a two hour drive). The city is actually pretty and has good public schools, so a lot of people I grew up with (including myself) wanted to stay but were unable to find jobs after college and left.
Anon
Former Pittsburgher here – just be aware that some of the houses featured are in difficult neighborhoods. The roads are filled with potholes, the sidewalks are broken up and not usable for strollers and wheelchairs, the schools are mediocre at best, etc.
Duckles
Current NCer from STL and I regret to inform you STL is a ghost town. I went back recently for the first time in years and pandemic (and time) have hit it hard. Crime has also gotten very bad (like in many cities) and the cute, cheap houses you’re actually seeing aren’t places you’d actually want to live.
Anon
What city is that?
Cat
St Louis
Anon
This is sad to hear, but thanks for the update. I’m NC and sometimes think of STL as the one that got away, but it sounds like it’s not what it was.
Lydia
oh man we used to live in STL until recently and I do not miss it at all. Terrible weather, lots of city problems, schools are terrible, nothing good nearby (hiking, nature, cute towns to visit). There’s good Bosnian food but that’s all I miss.
anon
Disagree. You just need to pick your neighborhood, and there are many. Reddit –r/stlouis — has frequent, detailed discussions about neighborhoods including crime, schools, and jobs.
ALT
Columbus GA is NOT a big city by any stretch of the imagination. It’s a medium town surrounded by rural areas. It wouldn’t be the worst town to live in, but I wouldn’t pack up and move there by choice.
In House Woes
I’m a senior in-house lawyer and looking for advice from other similar ‘Rettes. I’ve been in-house for over a decade at varying companies (big, small and medium) and I keep finding that about the 2-2.5 year mark I start looking for greener pastures because I get burned out on the politics, poor management, cost-cutting in asinine ways (the related comments on this the last few days were great!), or getting bored. Bigger companies have more of the systemic issues like that, but at smaller companies I’ve also experienced poor ethics and compliance, tyrannical CEOs, and getting bought by a private equity shop. I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m just not cut out for corporate America and if that’s the case, then what? Does anyone have advice for how to not get bothered by this stuff? Or has anyone found a unicorn job/company where this doesn’t happen as often?
Anon
I think this is part of the in-house lifecycle. You join, you’re jazzed up to do stuff, you do some, but find extensive roadblocks and then are told to be more “business-minded”. Some companies respect legal and pair well, and some places Legal is treated like dirt. In nearly all in-house Legal departments, there’s limited upward mobility, so you lose some drive to really excel, because you’re told that the dept is smallish and so there’s not much they can do by way of promotions. You previously killed yourself and worked all hours (because…global fun) and then you realize that you are getting no biscuits or praise for blowing up your personal life to service clients everywhere.
the job, by definition, causes burnout and disillusionment, unless you have a really strong GC/CLO and your company is doing well. Because you work very hard, and you don’t get much thanks or feel like people are glad you worked so hard.
I think you’re less likely to find cost-cutting in higher margin industries — finance, tech. I work in-house in tech, and there’s no shame in leaving 2-3 years in–the engineers all do it to amass a “portfolio” of private company stocks, and I have done it too. A good in-house lawyer can get stuck-in very fast. It’s nice to have institutional knowledge, but it’s also nice to feel like you are energized and fresh by starting somewhere new. Start applying! There’s not as many in-house jobs as in 2021, but I am seeing hiring pick back up.
Anon
There’s a certain amount of acceptance you just need to have. The things you list have existed in some form everywhere I’ve worked. The key for me is to not let the company or job define my expectations. I know there’s certain aspects, like office politics, that are constant so I learn to play the game and get good at it. I don’t get bored because there’s always something that can be improved and I look for ways to do that. I don’t expect someone to hand me a perfect job, I take imperfect ones and craft them to my liking. If that actually is impossible, I consider leaving. I’d offer that 2-2.5 years isn’t long enough to be good at any of these things. You don’t have relationships that are strong yet to trade on or the right amount of institutional knowledge to make an impact.
Anon
+1
This is just business IMO/IME. I really like my job and the company, but all of these things exist here. I take the good with the bad, learn to work it all to my advantage, and do not take work with me at the end of the day. I get paid well and I use that to enjoy my life outside of my job so these things bother me a lot less.
Cat
+2, constantly starting over and having to figure out the unwritten office politics seems way more tiresome than navigating the set you’re familiar with, barring anything truly toxic!
Anon
I agree, and I say that as someone who did several 2-3 year stints looking for a “better, more functional” company. Let me save you some time: wholly functional companies don’t exist. All places I’ve worked basically had the same issues and the same frustrations, just maybe slightly different flavors of them. So now I have a job where I am highly paid and have great benefits, and I’m going to hang on because I conclusively have experienced that the grass is not greener. I think the key is to get into a situation that you can stand, where you get out of it what you need financially, and then figure out a way to make it work. Caring less about my job and putting more time and effort into outside-of-work activities helps me a lot, just FYI.
Anon
I’ve noticed a large uptick in “asinine cost cutting” in the last few years. It’s like the C-suite thinks that good legal work shouldn’t cost money. Maybe they saved a bunch of money ten years ago by bringing a lot of routine work in-house, and now they think Legal is the type of department that can be subjected to endless rounds of cost cutting.
No Problem
Welcome to corporate America.
Duckles
I feel exactly the same— I am not willing to do biglaw hours or in-house politics, so I’m planning to leave the law entirely. I’ve had one legal job I liked and, as you note, we got bought so that was that. I’m looking at reskilling outside of corp work.
Runcible Spoon
You could consider government law — coming from biglaw or inhouse, it can seem like doing pro bono work for a stipend, lots of responsibility and often a lot of autonomy. If you have saved up a bit of a cushion from private practice or in-house work, you can swing it.
Coach Laura
I always got to the 2 or 2.5 year mark at jobs and when the honeymoon was over. Either bored or bad management or poor life/work balance. I used to think it was a “me” problem and maybe to an extent it is. But a lot is that, yes, if you/I have a low tolerance for stupidity and incompetence and corporate shenanigans, it’s hard to have longevity.
I started looking for better jobs earlier if there were unsustainable factors like a tyrannical CEO. One CEO fired me because I refused to fire a pregnant employee for missing too much time at doctor’s appointments. (This wasn’t 40 years ago, just 2010. I can’t believe we’re still having to deal with this but that’s another issue.) I told him he could fire her and I’d be the first witness for the discrimination trial. HR was no help. So I learned to get out earlier if those unchangeable factors were present.
I don’t know if working as a consultant or a “GC for hire” would be possible for you. Fractional CFOs are the big thing now and a fractional GC might be a path. There are career coaches for lawyers. Feel free to drop me a line if I can help. laura @ careerevolutioncoach dot com.
Anon
Fractional GCs are not a “thing.”
Anon
I’d love hive advice on my situation.
I was brought in by a C-suite executive to be her right hand gal. This C-Suite executive has recently resigned. My department is very small, so in one sense, I feel like their might be job security. But in another sense, I also feel like I’m like an assistant coach in the NFL–if your boss gets fired, you do too, so my job might be in jeopardy.
How do I communicate that I’d like to stay here without being brown-nosy? I now report to a CEO’s direct report. The CEO knows me well, but we are rarely (never?) in 1:1s where we’re alone, and the CEO is traveling for a few weeks anyway. The CEO’s direct report likes me. But I was “protected” from management whims and layoffs by my boss who has now departed, so I’m worried I will have no protection now.
In case it matters, the function is Legal.
Anon
* there might be job security. Oops!
Anon
Are you a lawyer?
Anon
Yes–I’m corporate/jack-of-all trades, and the other atty we have is commercial. I basically was stuck in to nearly everything the GC was doing–she’d attend the meetings, I’d be the worker bee in the background. I feel like there is a high risk of a new GC coming in, asking me to onboard them, and then canning me to take on their favorite right-hand atty. Maybe I’m being paranoid, but I was “layered” previously in-house when I was very early in my in-house career and it stunk.
Anon
I wouldn’t say it’s a high risk. Most normal GCs (I am one) would love to have a colleague who knows the organization and does good work.
Anon
Honestly I’m a big fan of being direct. You could say to your now boss that you like your position and hope that you can stay in it. I don’t see the issue with that. I think you’re borrowing trouble a bit right now, though it’s certainly good to be aware once there’s a new GC.
Anonymous
I’m currently job hunting and applying for GC/head of legal roles where I’d be coming in to manage small teams of existing lawyers. I can assure you that the last thing I plan to do is immediately wipe out those departments to bring in someone new — I want some institutional knowledge, and I also think that’s just crappy behavior. While there are certainly GCs who would come in and immediately replace their team, I think you need to be optimistic. At the very least, I would think you’d have some lead time during which you could job hunt if a new GC brought in someone above you.
In the near term, can you talk to your new boss about some of this? Not the more personal/angsty parts, but it’s totally natural that you’d want to know whether the company is planning to replace your boss and, if not, how the legal function is going to be structured. In the conversation, try to position yourself as excited about the challenge and opportunity for growth. Don’t worry so much about whether your new boss likes you — he or she needs to think of you as effective and engaged. Also, consider whether there are any 1:1s that your former boss was holding that make sense for you to start doing – e.g., a weekly or bi-weekly standing catch up with HR. This is good for the legal function generally, but it’s also important for you to gain some visibility.
Also, start laying the ground work for a job search. Buff up your resume. Think about how you can reframe your work as achievements/initiatives rather than “worker bee” back up for your prior boss. Reach out to contacts to catch up.
NYNY
I’m finding lately that project cooking is causing my knee and spine arthritis to flare. Since cooking and baking are preferred fall and winter pastimes, I’m trying to brainstorm ideas on how to prevent the pain. Can anyone speak to wearing recovery shoes/slides, like Hoka or Oofos, for this sort of thing? Any other ideas?
AIMS
What about one of those cushioned mats?
NYNY
I had thought about that first, but my kitchen is pretty long & narrow, so I’d need three mats to cover the spots where I stand most – sink, counter, stove. I was hoping the shoes would work similarly but stay with me, if that makes sense? But I am still considering mats.
Cat
Check out House of Noa – they have longer cushioned mats in patterns that are nicer than Industrial Gray.
NYNY
Thanks! I’ll take a look.
Anon
I like crocks for cooking and also something like a rug underfoot (or a mat, if were shopping for something now).
Anonymous
+1 to crocs and a mat — i really notice the difference.
Anonymous
My grandmother would do as much as she could sitting down, things like kneading and mixing, and other prep work.
She also had a cushioned mat in front of her stove.
Anon
I was going to say get a stool!
Anon
I love Oofos! But after 3 years of only indoor wear, I had to toss my pair. The soles weren’t flat anymore and caused me to trip, I suppose because of my pronation.
NYNY
Interesting. Did they compress or wear down?
Anon
Oofos’ compression wears out from your weight. Three years is a lot of wear to get out of them. I try to replace mine every year or so.
Nesprin
Vionic slippers.
Anon
If your issue is lack of support for your feet causing your joints to be out of alignment, consider trying some kind of clog-ish shoe (I like EasySpirit Traveltime) with an insert (I use Superfeet green).
Anon
Take advantage of precut veggies and use appliances like an instant pot, crock pot, or air fryer for unsupervised cooking time.
I have RA. You’re not just going to shoe away the pain, pun intended.
Hollis
My feet started hurting when I worked from home at my standing desk on hardwood floors. I bought spenco slides to wear around the house and they are great, so now I wear them at home whenever possible. They are not that expensive and I bought them from the river site. DH bought a pair as well and he loves his also.
Runcible Spoon
I recently got this mat from Walmart, and it has made a big difference. You might like to get one for the sink, one for the range, etc.: https://www.walmart.com/ip/SoHome-Cozy-Living-Modern-Marble-Anti-Fatigue-Kitchen-Mat-Grey-White-20-x36/783286059. If you have an island, sitting at it while prepping could help, too. And maybe limber up before commencing a cooking project with stretches and so forth, given that these seem like marathon physically active events. Good luck!
OOO
RTO has finally come for me. I will be back in the office 2 days/week starting in Nov. What are people wearing in the office these days? I work in gov’t, don’t usually meet with the public and office is business casual. Any other tips on making the adjustment to a hybrid schedule after WFH for 3 years?
Anon
I do not work in govt but when I am in the HQ office, everyone is wearing the same things they wore before the pandemic. In-house counsel at a reasonably large company. Defense industry. So gov’t adjacent?
Cat
Basically what they wore beforehand, just with more comfortable shoes.
Cat
oh and for the other part of your question– duplicate whatever you can so you don’t have to carry any tech accessories back and forth (charger, mouse). Makes switching from Home Desk to Work Desk a lot more seamless!
Mrs. Jones
Yes this.
Runcible Spoon
Be prepared to accomplish less on your in-office days, at least at first, due to a distracting change of scenery from home (and catching up and office gossip with coworkers). Non-public facing government workers seem to be wearing super casual clothing at the office these days, but that may change when more and more colleagues join them. If you take mass transit to commute, please consider wearing a mask in crowded situations for your own safety and the safety of others.
Group singing, not a chorus: Options?
I want to sing in a group. I never did choir or chorus in school – this is a new thing for me as an adult, but I did some lessons with a voice teacher, intending to join a chorus. I joined one and realized it wasn’t for me. I didn’t like the music, and performing in a concert wasn’t appealing (especially as it would involve dance moves – something I hadn’t anticipated). Now I’m looking for a Plan B.
I guess what I want is an experience like Choir!Choir!Choir!, but I live in the DC area, not Toronto. (I do go to their DC shows.)
I feel like there’s ways to do this that I’m not thinking of. Thanks for any ideas!
Anonymous
A NOVA friend of mine really loves Washington Revels for singing.
Josie P
You need to try out different choruses and see if there is a director and repertoire that is more your style, but there aren’t really going to be any choruses that don’t perform. Maybe a church choir, if you are not opposed to faith-based? (would recommend episcopal church for the best music)
Anon
I’ve sang in 4 community choirs in 3 cities. None involved dancing. I would give a different choir a try!
Anonymous
Yes, where is this adult show choir and how can I join? I have never heard of such a thing.
Anonymous
OP here: It is NOVA Community Chorus. The director is excellent — extends herself tremendously for the choir members, many of whom are retirees. (There are also students in the NOVA music program.)
We weren’t going to dance to all the numbers; what threw me was she wanted us to do dance moves for some of the songs. Not my thing.
mezzo
What kind of music are you looking to sing? Do you not want to perform at all?
One very good option, depending on your faith, is a church choir. You generally will not need to be a member in order to sing in a church choir, and all skill levels should be welcome in the main adult choir even if there are other select ensembles. The quality of church choirs and their directors will vary greatly. Ask your voice teacher which churches in the area have the best choirs (they know these things) and visit services to listen. Do make sure that the choir will be singing at the service you visit; some choirs don’t sing at all services or every week. If one appeals, contact the choir director and ask if you can try out a rehearsal. They will allow this with no obligation. If you don’t like the rehearsal atmosphere, try another church.
Another option is to join an all-volunteer choir in our area. Search terms include “volunteer choir,” “volunteer chorus,” “community choir,” and “community chorus.” These may be auditioned or non-auditioned. Look at repertoire from previous concerts, which is usually listed on the choir’s website, to find one that sings the kind of music you are looking to sing. Find recordings of past concerts on YouTube or the choir’s website, or go to one of their concerts, to get a sense of the quality and the director’s conducting style. In my local area there are a number of these groups, each with its own distinct character. One tends to do a couple of concerts a year featuring a major choral work like a mass accompanied by a piano reduction. One does mainly pops. Another is basically a high school choir for adults. There are two chamber choirs that perform a range of interesting classical music with lots of divisi, one that is quite good and one that is not so good. The city’s professional symphony orchestra has a giant volunteer chorus that is pretty decent and performs major choral works and holiday pops concerts with the orchestra. Even the opera has a volunteer chorus, but those spots are insanely difficult to win. These groups may only hold auditions or welcome new members at certain times of year, typically at the beginning of the season (late summer/early fall) and/or when they begin working on new repertoire for the next concert, so you need to decide which groups interest you and follow their websites and/or social media for announcements.
Finally, talk to your voice teacher about what opportunities are out there. Teachers are usually very plugged in to the local choral scene. They often serve as paid “ringers” in church choirs and community choirs and/or as paid soloists for these groups’ performances and will know which groups and directors are a good fit for you.
anon
Huh, I’ve never experienced a church that had non-members in the choir other than paid staff singers.
Anonymous
I have been in two different church choirs that welcomed singers who were not members of the church. Perhaps it’s a denominational thing? In my church we don’t pay a ton of attention to who’s officially a member and who isn’t. It’s more about who shows up and participates. We have some regular attenders who don’t want to join because it would mean severing ties with the denomination in which they grew up, and others who like our congregation but don’t agree with some of the denomination’s official rules.
Anon
I sang in a church choir as a non-member. In my case, my regular choir director took on the church choir. He asked if some of us wanted to join to help him get the choir back up and running.
Seventh Sister
I don’t think anybody at my church (Episcopal) asks whether the choir members are formal members of the church. But we have a smallish group of people who come often but aren’t official parish members. Some of our paid staff singers are members, others are not.
Anon
Today I learned that churches pay non-church singers to flesh out their choirs! I had assumed it was just members who are into singing.
Anonymous
There are so many community choirs in DC! Here’s just one example: https://www.thecitychoirofwashington.org Pretty sure they do not dance.