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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Millie Wide-Leg Pants

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A woman wearing a white top and baby blue wide leg pants with white sandals

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

We’ve talked before about how much we love our light blue suits, and now I’m here to make the case for light blue pants. If you’re wearing separates, I think they are a great spring-y substitute for light gray.

Wear them with black, navy, camel, or white tops if you want to stick with neutrals, but I think these trousers from Reiss would also pair nicely with red, pink, or a brighter cobalt blue.

The pants are $285 at Nordstrom and come in sizes 0-14. 

For something more affordable, try these Halogen straight-leg pants that are $89 at Nordstrom, or these plus-size wide-leg pants from City Chic that Nordstrom has for $99.

Speaking of light blue suits, as of 2025, we're seeing nice ones at Reiss, Open Edit, and Brooks Brothers. On the more affordable side, find blue suits at Ann Taylor and Eloquii, as well as from Capsule 121 and Tahari.

businesswoman wears light blue suit
Ann Taylor (exact)
businesswoman wears light blue suit
Reiss
businesswoman wears light blue suit
Akris
light blue skirt suit from Eloquii in cornflower blue
Eloquii

Sales of note for 5/27/25:

225 Comments

  1. Coming from Malaysia to NYC and DC for 14 days each for work and fun this May and want to pack smart — ideally carry-on only. I’ll be walking a lot, doing few casual work meetings, taking public transit, and doing light tourist stuff + a couple of nicer dinners. I’m short and curvy.
    • What’s your ideal capsule packing list for 14 spring days in U.S. cities?
    • How many tops, bottoms, outerwear, shoes would you bring?
    • What are your favorite versatile items that transition from work to casual?
    • What kind of layers and rain gear are helpful (without overpacking)?
    • How do you deal with rain or fluctuating temps??
    • How many pairs of shoes do i actually need?

    1. I think you can bring two pairs of shoes and wear the bulkier ones. Warmer weather that time of year means you can pack more because summer clothes take up less room. NYC has laundromats and dry cleaners everywhere so you can theoretically pack less and just do laundry if you’re so inclined. Generally, DC will be hot in May and NYC can be anywhere from really hot to still kind of cool and rainy. Check the weather before you pack. Be prepared for air conditioning – I never travel without a giant wrap/scarf, which is great for sleeping on the plane, and layering wherever I go. For rain, I would wear a raincoat on the plane (to save room) and buy an umbrella where I was going (will be a nice souvenir to remind you of your trip later).

      1. The only way a carryon works for that long in NYC and DC is sending laundry out. I love both cities and say this with love, but they are dirty places and hot and sweaty especially with taking subways to get around. I need double the amount of clothing to go to those places in warm weather than anywhere else.

        1. You are not alone in this. I always wonder how people pack for longer than a few days using only carryon when they are going to hot humid places.

        2. Agree. I’m from So Cal where it’s dry and we are in a/c all the time, and the first time I went to NYC I ran out of clothes because I thought I could wear the same outfit all day and all evening. Wrong! I was a sweaty, dirty mess!

        3. I also like to change my underwear throughout the day on really hot days so I bring double the amount of undies!

          1. I am glad to finally see people posting about the need to change undies and wash clothes! Usually here it’s “it’s insane to need more than one pair of undies per day” and “don’t wash your clothes every time you wear them.” Change your clothes and wash them, people! We can smell you when you don’t.

          2. Yes! I ALWAYS bring double the amount of undies as they don’t take up a lot of room. Even if I am not sweaty or gross, it feels fresher while traveling to change into a fresh pair from day to night or after any type of exercise, even just walking.

      2. Yeah, this sort of trip where you’ll be walking a lot and gone for a substantial amount of time–not sure why you wouldn’t just check a bag. I also think lots of walking ups the chance of heel rub and blisters from shoes that normally wouldn’t bother you. If you only have a couple of options (and one pair will want to “dry out” so rotate), seems like setting up for a lot of discomfort that doesn’t need to be.

    2. For sure check the weather for DC. It could be nice, it could be very very hot. It is likely to be humid.

      You don’t need to worry about being fancy in DC unless you go to a very rarified restaurant. Most restaurants are used to tourists bopping in wearing shorts and gym shoes.

      I would definitely bring two pairs of shoes and wear one pair. If you get caught in one of our torrential downpours, you’ll need to give the shoes some time to dry out.

    3. Between these two cities you can swing from 55F and rainy to 85F and sunny. DC is likely to be humid even if not actually raining. So, check right before you leave! NY is less predictable than DC; if it comes in the first part of your trip and the forecast is good, you could probably jettison some of the colder-contingency pieces.

      Outerwear – would suggest a trench coat or light raincoat if you don’t have a trench, and maybe just buy an umbrella here if you need it? The “micro” umbrellas designed for travel don’t do anything to keep you actually dry in a blustery NY drizzle, so not worth bringing IMHO

      Shoes – for two weeks, my feet would be unhappy having only two pairs. I’d want minimum one pair of actual workout sneakers (wear on plane as these are the bulkiest), one pair of cute street sneakers, one pair of comfy sandals (Birks or similar, though flip flops seem to be trending again too), and then whatever work shoes you are most comfortable walking and standing in (like I have some work flats that are fine for an office day, but not for walking 3-4 blocks and then standing for an hour or two at happy hour, you know?)

      Clothes – I’m in Philly but still seeing more pants than skirts around the office. Wide-leg linen could be styled more formally or casually. For casual, floaty white skirts seem to be having a moment. Jeans, still some skinnies around, but wider-leg styles (from boyfriend to trouser) are most popular. I would probably budget to have the hotel do a load of laundry for you (or time at a laundromat) so that you can prioritize “outfit” pieces like pretty blouses, etc. vs. socks, undies, PJs, workout clothes, etc. as luggage space.

      1. oh and I will add, doing a 14 day trip in a carryon in humid spring East Coast? Definitely only doable if you are willing to do laundry a couple of times. Like, I wear a cotton long-sleeved blouse to walk to work, sit in an air-con office, and walk home? No way am I re-wearing that without washing it.

    4. Live in DC, this is what I’d pack for 2 weeks in DC in May —
      – Black Raincoat (I have one that is belted and sort of flared and doesn’t scream rain material but is fully waterproof that I love)
      – Heavier sneakers that are good for walking long distances but still look ok with a dress (wear on plane) and something like Rothy’s flats that can stand up to walking but also look fine for a casual work meeting or nicer dinner. If you had space I might also bring some lighter sneakers or a second pair of flats. But for going to NYC I would say sandals but I don’t like open toes in NYC.
      – 3 dresses (1 suitable for work meetings or dinner, 2 casual)
      – 2 cropped pants
      – shorts or a skirt (for the inevitable really hot days in dc)
      – 5 tops with at least 1 long sleeve and 1 tank top (so that you can put the long sleeve over the tank if its chilly or just wear the tank on a hot day)
      – 2 toppers (so for me that would be a structured cardigan which would work for the meetings and a wrap) If I had space I have a superlight hoodie I love that I’d put in too.

      1. What are these magical heavier sneakers that are good for walking and dresses please?

        1. I like these Ecco ones (but they are leather which some people find hot): https://us.ecco.com/product/ecco-soft-7/430003/01007

          And I see these New Balances or something like these on lots of folks in casual dresses https://www.nordstrom.com/s/327-sneaker-women/7952976?utm_channel=low_nd_affiliates_content&utm_content=&utm_term=249354&utm_source=impact&utm_medium=affiliate_content&utm_campaign=DDM%20-%20Content&irclickid=3XvWKhRi8xyKTb4wAmTcqxyDUksW0N0eNwW52w0&irgwc=1

          I think these look really cute but I’d replace the insoles to make them better for walking in: https://www.adidas.com/us/samba-og-shoes/JI2725.html?cm_mmc=AdieSEM_Feeds-_-GoogleProductAds-_-NA-_-JI2725&cm_mmca1=US&cm_mmca2=NA&gad_campaignid=22444482678&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADrRVUgiPBijK54MwhvAg1I2An8Yj&gclid=Cj0KCQjw5ubABhDIARIsAHMighb2KACgHNOofUTH8TM981TOCinx5eVvOcHYKwG0FnV5iEDXjI1p1C4aAvrrEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds&kpid=JI2725&sourceid=543457011

        2. Vejas, Cole Haan Grandpro, or similar for lower profile. Like, not flimsy Keds, but definitely “street” style. More chunky New Balance if you can pull off that look.

      2. What raincoat do you have? How long is it? I am looking for one that’s mid calf length to help keep my legs dry during my long walking commute and having a hard time finding one one that’s long enough but also lightweight. TIA!

    5. If you’re coming from Malaysia, daytime in DC in May will probably be quite similar to your year-round conditions: – 25 to 30 degrees Celsius and quite humid. Daytime in NYC could be similar or a bit cooler. Going from day to night might be trickier because the temperature can drop to 15C and NY could be rainy. (There is no shame in bringing – or buying in NY – a packable Uniqlo puffer if you are not acclimatized to the cooler temps, honestly.) You might not own a ‘dressy raincoat’ in the tropics – it would be too hot and sticky! Luckily, it’s unlikely to be monsoon-level rainy so you can get away with a light puffer/ water-resistant jacket and an umbrella.

      I would definitely bring a good pair of city sneakers you can walk in – Eccos or Vejas for example. I don’t need to be cutting-edge fashionable, so I like one solid pair of classic straight jeans and two pairs of ankle pants that I can wear with sneakers.

      More stylish folks have figured out wide-leg pants – if this is you, go for it! On top of that I would wear a short-sleeve or long-sleeve t-shirt/ blouse with some sort of blazer or jacket situation. Be prepared to ditch the outer layer.

      Also, this might be basic, but I had to learn to dress for the season when I moved from a tropical climate to a more temperate one with distinct seasons: you might want a lighter color palette and fabrics for spring. (At the same time: black is always ok in NYC.)

      Shoes – I’d bring running shoes, city sneakers, and a dressier pair for the nice dinners out. But I’m a runner!

      1. I do not recommend a raincoat for DC in May – it will be too hot! And we do get monsoon-like downpours, it feels like we hardly ever get a nice gentle rain anymore. So maybe consider even another pair of shoes. I’d bring an umbrella, but if it is monsooning, probably best to wait it out somewhere dry.

    6. bring extra bras — if you’re walking around and sweaty you can wash them in the sink and hang them to dry in your hotel room.

      i’d go separates for work. blazer for warmth and work outfits. wrap to go on top of that. ideally you can pack a dress that works with blazer and by itself for nights out. if it were me I’d skip the trendy shapes that are hard to pair things with and go for long slightly bootcut trousers, slim-cut nice t-shirts or blouses.

      bring an extra collapsible bag so if you buy clothes on your trip you can check them on your way home. (i usually carry on my newer purchases and check my dirty clothes.)

    7. I really like wide-leg linen pants for summer city casual wear. They are cool and comfortable in the heat and humidity, cover your legs on subway seats and in overly cool A/C, and are casual enough to wear to a baseball game but nice enough to wear to dinner at all but the fanciest restaurants. They pack small, and wrinkles are part of the look. They work with sneakers or sandals.

    8. With your needs for travel wear, work wear, walking around town/transit wear, nicer dinner wear for 2 weeks, I literally laughed out loud when I thought about packing that in a carry on.

    9. I think your plan is destined for failure, but in the interest of playing along: don’t pack anything that isn’t clothing or shoes in your bags. You can buy toiletries over here, which may be a sticker shock, but for 14 days you will get your money’s worth out of new toothpaste, deodorant, face cleanser, shampoo, and any hair and makeup products you normally wear. I’ve done this for trips longer than 10 days before and it actually is helpful because the liquid weight/volume of what you have the schlep overseas is pretty substantial.

      Oh, except for sunblock. In the US we have terrible sunblock due to outdated regulations, so bring a travel size tube of the good stuff with you.

  2. In light of yesterday’s pillow covers, any recs for an overfilled pillow? I have a couple from Cuddledown and one from the Company Store and neither were quite full enough.

    2. Try an adjustable pillow, like Coop. They come with extra filling, and you can even buy more filling if it’s still not enough.

      1. +1. We got one free with our mattress and have never been able to use it, it’s so gigantic. I’ve always wondered who would possibly be able to sleep on it, but if you’re looking for an overstuffed pillow, apparently you!

        1. I’m side sleeper and I love my Casper pillow because it fills up that gap between my neck and the mattress.

      2. I hatehatehate how full my casper pillow is, so it might fit the bill for you. I like my Tempur-Pedic pillows.

      3. I love my Casper pillow for this reason! When it gets too squashed I wash it and dry with drier balls to fluff it up. It washes really well.

    4. do you want a firm pillow or very high pillow? if just the firm, maybe try some of the gel-filled ones? i’ve bought some for the cooling properties and they’re nice and dense.

    5. I bought my last pillow at IKEA, where they were all lined up on a shelf, and you could prod them to find your preferred thickness and firmness.

    6. I adore my latex pillow. Side sleeper. It’s got the perfect amount of fill and rebound.

  3. What are your favorite meeting scheduling apps when people are outside of your organization? Things like Doodle and When2Meet are just OK for me. Doodle is tedious because you have to pick times and limits how many. When2Meet only allows you to go out one month. Thanks!

    1. You should be able to sync Doodle, Calendly or any other scheduling tool with your Outlook or Google Calendar!

    3. Are you wanting to show one person a range of times that they can select? I use Calendly for this.
      Or do you need to schedule 4 people who are all outside your company, with full calendars, and trying to work with all four of them to find a time that works for each one? This is the situation I’m most often in, and the frustration is real. I don’t have a good solution.

      1. You’re right with your second example. I’m trying to coordinate a variety of participants for a board meeting, rather than have someone schedule a time with me directly.

    4. Google has a feature called “Appointment Schedule” that allows you to create a booking page based on your availability (you can narrow the window you’d like to have meetings in, and then it provides a page similar to a Calendly with options for another party to book on your calendar). If you use another calendar service, may be worth a quick search of the equivalent.

  4. I’m interested in using my time better for the leisure activities I enjoy. I feel like I’m wasting so much of those little pockets of time throughout the day and I know I can do better. It’s not about productivity or accomplishments, but about making time for what I really like to do so each day has something I love in it. Any ideas for helping this happen? So far, I’ve thought about always making sure I have a book downloaded to the Kindle app on my phone, making sure I have an audiobook downloaded for daily drives to daycare, and doing more kitchen clean-up while waiting for food (i.e., water to boil, something to roast) so there’s more time left after dinner. I love to hike and bike outside and my main indoor hobby is reading, although I’d potentially like to try crosswords too (if I can find a good free source). I also enjoy video editing and swimming, and skiing in the winter. I’d especially love to make time for more ski weekends. Of note, a house cleaner isn’t in the budget right now.

      1. We could possibly make room for an occasional deep clean, but as a regular weekly or biweekly expense, not right now. Skiing would also take a hit, of course, if conditions (Trump-caused) don’t improve by winter.

        1. She wasn’t saying hire a housekeeper- she said subscribe to crosswords. I second that – or buy a book of them!

    2. 1. Do the thing first. Granted my kids are school-age, not daycare-age, but I try and get 15 minutes with my coffee and journal (or coffee and quick stretching routine) in the morning. Or do it right after daycare drop-off. I’m happy if I get to do this 4 or 5 times a week. I feel more grounded and creative.

      2. Do the thing in the middle of the day. Do you work remotely or in an office? Find a way to do the thing for 20 minutes. One of my former bosses used to eat lunch alone with a book. (She was in and out of meetings all day, with people making demands on her time and dumb junior employees like me asking questions and making silly mistakes. No wonder she needed to decompress at lunch!)

      3. For things like ski weekends that require a block of time – what is getting in the way? Is it possible that you’re psyching yourself out by thinking about the planning involved? Could you go on mini adventures and be ok with doing the thing on a smaller scale?

      1. Re: ski weekends, we’re actually pretty good on the motivation and get it done front, but we’ve gotten a bit stymied in the last three years due to pregnancy, a very unexpected family crisis, and then a very poor snow year. Now that we have the baby, the logistics will be harder, but we’re committed to making it work. There’s simply no better way to spend a day and I’ll drive a long way for it!

        2. Take a look at your options now you have a child. Skiing as a family is a very different experience compared to skiing as adults. I switched to skiing at a place close to a great sitter who could take the babies.

    3. I LOVE having ebooks on my phone, and if you get them from the library they’re free. And heartily second paying for a crossword subscription. The NYT is classic for a reason, and its games subscription is pretty reasonable!

      1. Oh, and I’d add gardening to your list. I love walking outside to check on my seed-grown plants and pulling a few weeds when I have a spare 5-10 minutes.

    4. I love the Apple News crossword for another option. As a bonus, I read a ton of the magazines as well.

    5. -A NYT Games subscription is inexpensive, like maybe the cost of a takeout lunch for a year. Worth it to pay for that! Good crosswords are not free. Or watch for a deal on the WSJ online only edition; it was $1 a week not long ago and they have great crosswords too.
      -The more weekend getaways you do, the better you get at doing it. Like you know the best rhythm for getting ahead (or catching up, but I prefer getting ahead…) of home stuff to accommodate the fun.
      -I’m a lost cause *after* dinner, but if I go for a walk or bike ride after work? I don’t end up minding that dinner’s half an hour later, and am happy for the outside time and exercise.

    6. Hiking, biking, swimming, and skiing are all pretty time-consuming hobbies, especially when there is a baby involved. I’m assuming you’re working full time since baby is in daycare. Maybe try to shift your mindset so that your WEEK has one of them? I’m just not seeing how you’d be able to do those things daily, no matter how efficient you are with your pockets of time. Like ok maybe you have more time after dinner- is that when you’d hike or bike? Or are you looking for suggestions of other things you could try out as hobbies?

      1. OP here and our apartment complex has a small pool. I’d love to be more in the mindset of “OK, I have 15 minutes, that’s more than enough time for a dip” when right now, I’m more likely to say “eh it’s not enough time to do anything. I’ll just look at my phone or do this other chore that could wait.” I’m finding it hard to get out of my own way on this.

        1. With kids, especially an infant, getting suited up and out the door to go swimming is a huge undertaking. It’s not like just throwing on your swimsuit and jumping in the pool.

          1. If it’s the apartment pool though, this can be easy. Keep everyone’s swimsuits in the same bin together and have a swim bag with the essentials packed and in a convenient spot.

            Walk home in towels, home, shower up and continue on with your day. Even better if you can do it before bedtime when kiddo bath is already on the to do list and you go straight to pajamas after.

        2. Echoing what others are saying. You are a parent now. If you have 15mins open up it’s not realistic to swim. You can, but the stress would burn me out.

          If I have a spare 15mins I’m throwing down the yoga mat for some stretch and strength, zoning out, reading (book, newspaper or social media) or doing a Power Nap.

        3. That actually isn’t enough time, OP. This isn’t a mindset issue, this is a reality issue.

    7. I just want to validate that if you have kids young enough for daycare and no domestic help, you probably really do have very little leisure time, and a lot of what you have to do is just hard. So you aren’t doing something wrong.

    8. My spouse is a crossword puzzle constructor. It takes time and expertise to make a fun, smooth puzzle. Please spend the money on a subscription! The free ones are AI-generated and usually clunky.

      1. I initially read this as instructor which I thought was odd but cool. Then re-read and crossword constructor even cooler!

    9. I have a 2.5YO and have done this pretty successfully over the past year or so. A few other suggestions that you didn’t mention:

      1. Do things you like with the baby, not just in your down time. I also enjoy swimming and I take our toddler to the Y to family swim 2x a week in the winter and to our local public pool 2x a week in the summer. It’s not the same as swimming laps but it’s still enjoyable. I also enjoy biking so I got a bike seat for the toddler and I’ll take a leisurely bike ride over to a farther playground or library. I do these things after work instead of waiting for the weekend; that way we can use our weekend time for bigger adventures (e.g., in your example like skiing).
      2. Listening to music/podcasts/audiobooks in the house while you are cleaning or doing similar household tasks.
      3. Borrowing physical books from the library which have shorter wait times and then you can read them as your baby starts to play a bit more independently without being on a screen in front of them.
      4. Getting in very consistent routines for cleaning/home maintenance things – it removes the friction if you always do the same tasks at the same times. I also do all cleaning/home stuff during the week so we can have the weekends for bigger adventures.

      1. Seconding some of this stuff. My 15 month old has started to enjoy sitting on the couch with his books while I read mine. Only lasts a couple minutes most of the time, but I think it’s excellent practice for the sort of relationship I want to have as he grows up, and it does give me those couple minutes to read in peace. Only works with real physical books though, he will NOT tolerate hanging out with me peaceably while I am reading on my phone. I also got a hiking carrier and he loves to go on hikes with me, though we haven’t tried any long haul hikes since he’s started toddling. Did a 6 miler with him last summer when he was 8 months and he napped most of the way, stopped for a nursing session and to splash in the destination lake.

      1. Because I default to my phone and don’t feel good after. I feel best if I make time for what I love. Loving the ideas on this thread!

        1. This is an issue, right? I used to enjoy just staring out of the window, letting my brain relax or work through whatever thoughts or daydreams. Now I’m more likely to doom scroll Facebook, which isn’t nearly as relaxing or constructive.

        2. Bored includes not going on your phone. Just exist without external stimulation for 10 minutes.

          1. You mean sit and stare into space? No thank you. There is a reason we have books and magazines and knitting and Spotify and puzzles and all manner of other diversions. An engaged brain is a happy brain.

          2. A constantly engaged brain is absolutely not a happy brain. Prayer and meditation are longstanding cross- cultural phenomena for a reason. OP can drive to daycare without a podcast going, FFS.

          3. I certainly can, yes, but I love reading and audiobooks are a way to get more of that in. I want to spend more time doing what I love, not more time experiencing boredom. That’s another issue.

        3. I use those little pockets of screen time to read and watch videos of the things I love. I follow social media personalities who give substantive tips on my hobby, I search for ideas and opportunities related to the hobby, I watch masterclasses on YouTube, etc.

    12. Learn how to stop, and take a moment to just breathe. Relax.
      If you need to fill every moment, I agree with the other poster that this is a sad side effect of our cultural shift.

      Just put on music if you must, and be.

  5. I’m trying to get some sort of digital family calendar for us (two adults and two teens). I’ve been sending the teens outlook calendar invites to their iCloud email but they don’t show up in a calendar. We have Gmail accounts but don’t use as a primary email. I need to sync to work so I don’t get double booked and to have everything in one place. How best to tackle this? Teens will be driving in a few years but until then, I need to not lose my sh*t. I can send spouse outlook calendar invites, so at least the adult side of things works well.

      1. +1. Get the largest size calendar and hang it in your kitchen. I got the upgrade to make it a photo frame as well but we hardly ever use that feature.

        1. Does it sync to phones though? No one is ever home to check it in a location. At least with the phone you can check does anyone know I’m on travel for work next week?

      2. +1 I got this as a gift and thought it was a little silly. But it works! My oldest is nine but he literally checks the weather and his sports schedule in the morning. I find myself just glancing over the day in a way that I don’t on my phone. That said, the whole thing is built off of our apple calendar so it’s really just a giant version of that. I think your whole family should have a shared calendar anyway.

          1. Yes! 4 kid, 4 activity family, and we love it.

            Each kid has their own calendar and color, and checks at breakfast every day for the weather and their activities. My husband and I use Outlook at work, and didn’t want the family calendar to overlap our work calendars. But I add tasks to a google calendar from my computer, which then populates on our family screen and on my phone. I find I look at my phone much less bc our busy family always talks through the day ahead at breakfast while looking at the Calendy screen.

            We are considering getting a smaller one for our 10 year old son that is dedicated to his school assignments and schedule. He does SO well with the visual reminders that pop up for school work, and puts EVERYTHING on there.

          2. Anon @ 1:39 here – I meant to say “Skylight” instead of Calendy in this post.

    2. Are they actually opening the calendar invitation and then clicking the button to add it to the Apple calendar? And is calendar set to sync through iCloud?

    3. It sounds like your kids might have Macs or iphones, if they have an icloud email? If so, are they actually using the Apple calendar (you have to manually connect the various email addresses you’re using to it)? I have about 4 email accounts connected to that calendar, and all my various meetings show up there, even from my workplace google calendars.

      I haven’t however, ever sent an Outlook invite to an iCloud address connected to the calendar, to test whether those meetings populate or not.

      1. OP here and yes we all have I phones. It just seems that the calendar invites to an iCloud email address don’t show up in their iPhone calendar. Maybe it’s a syncing thing? I’m trying not to add calendars as things seem so complicated already.

        1. • Are their calendars set up correctly so that invites to that email address can be added to that calendar? Go into the calendar, click on “Accounts” and see what email addresses are there.
          • Is there an option for the invites to be added automatically or do the kids need to open them and click on something?
          • If the kids will never do this, you could sendinvites to a family gmail address, which CAN be configured to show up on the calendar without clicking (grayed out, but there), and then connect that gmail address to their Apple calendars.

        2. You have to open up the Outlook invitation in e-mail and then accept it in order for it to show up on the Apple calendar. It doesn’t go into the calendar inbox.

  6. Do we really have that much ageism against women? I feel like older women may feel worse and do more than teens. TBH, we expect based just on how movie roles go, for women to play much younger than they are. Laura Dern had a young child in Big Little Lies but my grandmother was a grandmother at that age. You’d never expect her to be passing as a decades younger woman. I’m not hating the player but hating the game. And I feel like I wouldn’t play it well — if it’s not my cumulative sun damage, it’s my spider veins or sagging skin. I’m not trying to look older but a polished version of what I am. It’s a delicate balance, if it’s even a balance, but generated a lot of heated debate.

      1. Yes, what is the deal? Is the writer journaling her rambling thoughts here regularly?

        Please OP consider your audience.

    3. “Do we really have that much ageism against women?” Yes. The reason older actresses cling to playing younger roles (like the mom instead of the grandmother) as long as they can is because there are precious few roles available for those actresses that literally “act” their chronological age.

      1. Was loving Kate Winslet so much in Mare of Easttown where she played a grandmother (with Jean Smart as a great grandmother). I will watch a million more of these.

    4. I read this as a follow up from yesterday’s comments about whether a gray streak was cool or terrible (which, as someone who loves her gray streak, was very sad to read).

      2. “Older women may feel worse and do more than teens” makes sense to you in this context🧐

    5. I don’t think she is meant to be passing for that much younger. Laura Dern was around 50 in Big Little Lies and was some sort of venture capitalist; I think it’s realistic for her character to have had a child in her 40s.

      1. +1 and the child was at least 8ish so we’re not talking late 40s here. 42 is very realistic for someone in that career and tax bracket. This is presumably regional and socioeconomic but I don’t know *anyone* who became a grandparent around 50. My parents were “young” grandparents and became grandparents around 65. It is really not the norm in affluent, high achieving circles to fit in two generations before 60. Not getting grandkid until 70+ is more normal in my circles than getting them at 50.

        1. This has been true for my parents who became grandparents in their late 60’s. But in my hometown, most people are grandparents in their early 40’s and great-grandparents in their 60’s! Many families have 5 generations!

        2. My mom became a grandparent at 50 and was shockingly young compared to all the other grandparents I know. In contrast, a male friend just became a first time dad at 52.

    6. “Do we really have that much ageism against women? “In general, yes. In showbiz, YES x 1000. There is a showbiz exception for women in front of the camera if they are dark-skinned Black women. Those women have difficulty getting roles as leads, especially romantic leads, during their presumably fertile years, and then have more opportunities as they age as judges, teachers, sages, grandmothers, etc. onscreen. For example, Viola Davis.

  7. Please be kind as this is a very tough situation. My elderly dog has a degenerative hip/joint issue. At this point, at best, we’d be looking at ~2 more years with her. Treatment is either hip replacement surgery or palliative care. We simply can’t afford a nearly $8k surgery where the outcome is uncertain. We are giving the dog pain injections, anti-inflammatories, and supplements to keep her comfortable. We’ve agreed to follow the dog’s lead (if dog seems happy, is able to go to the bathroom, enjoys eating, etc.) we’ll continue on with care. Any advice or words of wisdom on how to mentally deal with this and talk with our kids about it? I’ve had cats my whole life who have generally passed away quickly and quietly so this is a first.

    1. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It is tough. The key is to remain steadfastly dedicated to quality of life. If there are signs your pet is beginning to suffer, there is only one fair outcome. Remember you are charged with giving this animal the best life possible, full of happiness and fun, and free from suffering. If you use that as your compass, it will help you persevere.

    2. I’m sorry you are going through this. It is the hardest decision for us, and the kindest we can do for them.

      How old are your kids? I think that will affect how you approach it with them.

      We lost the dog we got when we got married almost 2 years ago. He was almost 14, and six months prior had been diagnosed with kidney disease and we made a similar decision – we wanted to give him the best quality of life for the time he had left. I never wanted him to get to the point of soiling himself, not being able to walk, etc. Thankfully (?), the week we decided to put him to sleep, he declined sharply so that made the decision a little easier and it wasn’t drawn out.

      How to approach it – enjoy and appreciate the time you have now. He was my walking buddy, and we still walked, though they were slower and shorter. I cuddled him every morning and just enjoyed having him near me.

      My daughter was 3.5 at the time. She didn’t know he was sick at all. When we made the decision on a Friday that we would put him down on Monday, we told her he was very sick and going to die. We had to tell her something, because we were both a mess all weekend. She needed to know why mom and dad were crying off and on. It was her first experience with death so I don’t think she really grasped it. Day-of, we explained that he wouldn’t be there when she got home from school. Almost 2 years later, she still talks about him and says she mentions him and will say “Will he come back?” and we explain no.

      1. Is there anything that people are buying now, in anticipation of tariff pricing changes? We have a pre-schooler and vehicles and a house with a big yard, and no plans for renovations, but I just had to get a bunch of new bed stuff (I was the one asking about upgrading to a twin bed after a crib) and now I’m trying to figure out if there’s anything else I should be thinking about getting now versus later.

    3. I’m so sorry. Today write down a list of signs that it’s time (unable to relieve herself without assistance, leaving half her kibble in the bowl, uninterested in playing, etc). When you’re in the moment later it’s too easy to tell yourself things aren’t that bad. But after you finally make the call you’ll wish you did it sooner.

      1. This is good advice. I wish I had done this with my dog. I still think I made the right decision for him at the right time (at least 14 years old, liver failure, not finishing his meals, not playing, waking up disoriented), but this might have been a gift to my future self if I’d made the list earlier.

    4. We’ve had multiple dogs with hip issues. Biggest advice for the dog’s quality of life is to keep the dogs weight under control and as much strength as possible in the back legs to compensate for the hips. Keep them active as much as they can tolerate and don’t be scared of using pain pills. There is a point that you will be giving them a shocking amount of pain killers but it will keep them moving and happy. Also, many of their meds are people meds, and a good local pharmacist will fill them for cheaper than the vet. If you have stairs, there will also may come a point where you will need to carry them up the stairs but they will still have a good quality of life. Time to start lifting a bit to practice hoisting a 60lbs dog to bed.

      1. Nearly 30 years later, I still remember and am haunted by the time my 45 lb childhood dog slipped out of my hands as I was trying to carry her down a half flight of stairs when I was a teenager. She made the saddest sound in the history of sounds, and I was heartbroken. She had bone cancer and I think we had to put her down less than a week later and I was convinced I’d killed her by making the pain too much.

        All that to say, if you have a lot of unavoidable stairs, and a medium or larger dog, that should factor into your quality of life calculus.

    5. My heart is breaking for you. I am facing this exact dilemma with my aging corgi. She is exhibiting increasing weakness in her back legs and is really starting to struggle. She’s almost 13 now so I just want to keep her comfortable as long as possible. There are no surgical fixes for this. There are people on Instagram that have wheelchair setups for their dogs who have lost the use of their back legs, but this is not a practicable option for us.

      Watching her decline and struggle – on top of dealing with having just lost my Federal job in a RIF – is almost too much for me to bear right now.

    6. Chiming in late, but wanted to add that the best advice I ever got for making the “when” decision was to get a calendar and mark each day with a smiley or frowny face depending on how the day had gone for the dog. When the frownies outnumber the smileys, it’s time. If you don’t actually track it, it’s easy to think “oh, but she’s been doing so well lately” regardless of whether that is actually reality. I’m so sorry. It’s never easy.

    7. regardless of the cost, putting an elderly dog through major surgery is often much more for the owners than for the pet. <3

      when we lost our dog, we thought it was going to be like this (suspected cancer diagnosis, a few months expected) but he turned so quickly that we had to say goodbye in less than a week. I always thought we'd have that last day of doing his favorite things, giving him a steak, etc. like you see on social media but it was not that way at all. I hope you have more, positive time left with yours but be prepared.

      Agree with making a list of her favorite things, what would be clear signs to you, etc. now. If you anticipate wanting to do in-home, research that now. Be ready so you don't need to search for it in the midst of a crisis.

    8. I too had a dog with hip issues. They were caught early and we did do hip replacements. I drove to UC Davis from San Francisco multiple times for this because the cost was nearly 50% less. It ended up being cancer that took him away. After months of medications, I knew it was time. One thing that helped our family was a “transition dog.” I knew a year out that Dog 1’s time was limited and that my child was in a rough spot emotionally already. I didn’t know how they would handle Dog 1’s death. Dog 2 is still the family dog and helped us all.

      Don’t be afraid to say the time is now, even if there may still be some good days. This is an awful process. I am so sorry you are going through this. When we went in to put him to sleep, the vet’s office gave us each a vial with a lock of his fur. We also got a paw print. We still treasure those.

  8. Has anyone done a medical interview? I’ve never done one but I keep saying ads for it. I have some corns and calluses on my foot that I would love to just have filed off. It’s not painful at all. In the past I’ve used callus remover and shaved them off myself, which my derm approved of. It’s a lot better than it was before but I would love to remove them completely.

    3. Calluses and corns will keep coming back. It’s your body’s way of protecting itself against repeated pressure/rubbing/friction. I would continue filing them gently at home (weekly, bi-weekly, as needed) and use a nightly foot cream containing urea, lactic acid and/or glycolic acid. Amlactin makes a good one.

      The corns are from shoes that are too tight. Ensure your toe box is wide enough so your toes aren’t pressed together. Research barefoot shoes and proper toe splay.

      1. I do wear wide enough shoes. These have been there forever, even from when I used to wear comfortable sneakers all the time.

        I used to use amlactin more regularly and file them off more often, should get back to that.

      2. I have a corn on one of my toes that gets shaved by the podiatrist.
        She said it is the way that the bone in that toe hits, and it is not removable.
        le sigh.
        So I see her every quarter to get it shaved.

          1. go for the consult, ideally with a doc who is not a geriatric specialist!
            I have a female and love her. The male ones (sorry fellas) in my neck of the woods were dismissive.

    4. Haven’t heard of a medical pedicure before. Would this help a recurring ingrown toenail?

  9. At what age do you think gray hair looks age appropriate and therefore does NOT age the person more than they actually are. Do you think scattered greys on a 50-year old age is aging? (Not trying to stir the pot — am asking for myself!)

      1. Damn. How does this work for judges and such? Can they just be as they are, regardless of gender?
        What if you are the senior most woman?
        What if you are not likely to ever be interviewing for a new starter-rung job again?
        This is just sounding so exhausting!

        1. I’m 42 and have scattered greys. I don’t color because my hair is mostly overall brown/gold. I can’t imagine anyone caring. We can barely get our staff to wear correct shoes.

        2. Well most people aren’t working into their 80s. But, if you are especially as you get older, if you want to keep working, you don’t want to look like you should have retired 10 years ago.

        3. I posted about this yesterday, but “looking my age“ was not a problem for me when I was at a job where I was both senior and well known. If you are a judge or at the pinnacle of your career, and working with people who know and respect you, then what you look like does not matter as much. That said, when my company went out of business, and I found myself suddenly on the employment market as a 50+ year-old woman, looking my age was quite decidedly a problem.

      2. Yep. This. Few people maintain gray hair as well as they think they do and no need to add another strike into the difficulty of getting or keeping a job in this ageist society. I’m early 50s. I’m seeing too many colleagues where they are being treated like they are too stuck in their ways, not tech adaptive, etc. simply because they aren’t in their 30s anymore (so few people say that about 30 year olds even when true). So long as I live in an ageist society like it is and in a bad economy, I’ll be continuing to color and focus on skin care more than I otherwise would.

    2. Honestly, yes it is aging. DH would prefer I just leave the grey but at 45, I’m not prepared to look older. Part of it is a group issue, I would be the only woman at my office not to dye my hair if I stopped so it would be aging.

      Someone had a great point in the earlier posts that grey is not necessarily as aging if someone is otherwise on point with clothes/make up/great haircut.

      But I’m not that put together so I’ll continuing dying until I’m 60 or so. Pretty much whenever I retire.

    3. I have scattered greys and a mini white streak near my right temple. I feel just fine. I don’t think it ages me, and no one has ever told me it does. Age 52.

      1. Does anyone ever tell someone that though? Unless, I was expressly asked for an opinion by my sister or a very close friend, I can’t imagine telling someone that their hair was aging them.

        1. I don’t think it’s just the hair. Sizing up several sizes from our teens ages us. Fashion does. Accessories do. It’s often not just one thing. Even glasses if chosen poorly can age us. Every damn choice done wrong ages us.

          1. There’s 100% other stuff that ages people but I was responding to Anon 10:41’s view that grey hair doesn’t age her because no one has told her that it does. In my experience, it would be pretty unusual for someone to tell another person that their hair ages them, unless it was a very close friend whom one had specifically asked for their honest opinion.

          2. I feel like all of the other fixes are spending fix vs a rigid maintenance regime. Get the good glasses. Get current clothes.

          3. I agree with this. It’s rarely going to be just our hair that ages us. I get the heeby jeebies when geriatric millenials (I am one) try to find “youthful looks” and don’t have any clue to what their personal style is. Chasing youth ages you.

    4. My mom is in her mid 50s and now has scattered greys and I don’t think it looks aging. It helps that its truly scattered so its more of a Stacy London situation than fully gray. Still working and everything, dresses well so maybe that makes a difference too.

    5. I’m 48, and have some grey hair that I don’t color. I’m an exec, so maybe it doesn’t hit me the same way, but I feel like however I look at 48 is probably how 48-year-olds look.

        1. And people don’t want to hire 48-year-old women. They want to hire 28-year-old women.

          2. People want to hire conventionally attractive people. And sadly in our ageist society, that means someone in their late 30s will likely have an edge over someone over 50–yes, even for VP roles in such. Youth is associated with energy. It’s not fair. But I think a lot of folks are fooling themselves to think otherwise.

      2. I’m the same. Natural blonde hair, though, so the greys do blend differently than for a darker color. The change is more in texture than color.

        My plan is to wait and see, but based on family history my current color may cool a little but stay mostly the same until I’m around 70, and then gradually whiten.

    6. It’s absolutely age appropriate for someone in their 50s to have gray hair and it’s not inherently aging, though it may or may not look good with their particular hair style or type (the texture, in particular, can be challenging for people with finer hair). It never fails to infuriate me that we generally find graying hair attractive on men but unacceptable for women.

      1. I don’t think grey hair is generally considered attractive on men. It’s more that men (at least in the corporate world) are more likely to have shorter hair and it’s a less noticeable part of their overall look. Women tend to have longer hair so the change is more noticeable as a part of their overall look.

        1. I think it’s both noticed and considered attractive on men, particularly if they wear their hair on the longer side (think Oscar Isaac w/ and w/out gray).

    7. I genuinely think that an older woman with gray just looks distinguished and more authoritative, man or women. Maybe it is true though that most of the older women who embrace this look in my world are also in good positions to look however they want since they’re the ones in charge?

      1. i’m the one who posted about the stripe yesterday. My mother stopped dying it after covid, just never went back. She was about 76. I think most working women are dying their hair. Thinking about my office, the older women tend to be frosty blonds or that dark shoe polish we all said we want to avoid. I am turning 50 and have only two friends who don’t dye their hair. Both have enormous bushy curls, not sure if that’s part of why. One looks like a hippie. The other is otherwise very polished and on trend. It would be very nice if we could all get used to seeing women who look as old as their male peers but until we all adjust the reality is that looking grey makes you look older. I feel like almost every day there is a fight on this board where someone confuses being annoyed with a reality with an objective truth (what do you mean a floral wrap dress looks dated!) like you can not dye your hair, that’s ok. But yes, those around you will think you are older than someone who does.

        1. Looking older can be a good thing though? More knowledgeable, more authoritative, wiser, more reliable, etc. That’s how it works for men!

          1. When job or mate seeking though, lookint older generally isn’t a benefit. It’s just not the same for women even though it should be.

        2. That’s true, but the question was whether it was age appropriate to have gray hair, which it absolutely is. It will probably make you look older than someone who dyes their hair, but whether you find that acceptable depends on the rest of your appearance and the context of your life and career. I actually think it looks quite ridiculous and age inappropriate when people in their later 60s and 70s aren’t gray at all, but 50s are sort of a “gray” zone, especially because of workplace discrimination issues.

          1. I am in my late forties, and my peers who do not color their hair are just starting to have a some grey strands. Mine was completely grey by age 35. That’s not natural or age-appropriate. Pure white hair would be stunning on a woman 65+, but at my age it would just be sad and tired.

          2. I won’t argue with you about your hair, and I’d be dyeing my hair if I went gray or white at 35 too, but still, I have met women who pull it off in their thirties and don’t look sad or tired.

    8. 70? 65? Depends on your career circumstances. I’m 48 and told my DH this morning that I’ll continue dying it till I’m 60 and he goes – let’s see. But I’m a dark brunette so I can’t do a gentle fade to gray. I expect to retire around 60, my kids would be 21 and 24. I’m petite and slim but my face has sun damage and is getting droopier. It’s not that my brown hair makes anyone think I’m younger, but gray would make me look older and frumpier. Decade left to go!

    9. I think it partially depends on whether you go gray early or late. I’ve read that it’s common to be 50% gray at 50, so I (perhaps foolishly) presume my few scattered grays at 50 don’t age me too much. Yet so many people dye their hair that sometimes any gray appears aging. I also think at some point the dye can start to look unnatural when you pass a certain age—but that’s 60s and older.

    10. I’m 53. I hadn’t dyed my hair in 5 years and just let the gray hair show. I got a demi-permanent color a couple weeks ago for a wedding, as I didn’t want what I refer to as my skunk stripe and Dalmatian spots being heavily apparent in pictures.

      I have been really surprised at how much younger I look. I haven’t decided if I will continue with the color, but I’m enjoying it while it lasts.

    11. Allowing your hair to go gray is such a personal decision, and everyone has different elements to their equation. Some of the things that come into play:
      – hair color – is your hair light, dark or in between? Do the grays blend or contrast?
      – do you look young or old for your age?
      – is your style more edgy or more traditional?
      – what’s the culture of your office?
      – can you commit the time and effort to maintaining your choice?

      I’m 55 and have let my gray come in naturally. It started showing up around 20 years ago, and I’m probably 15-20% gray now. I have straight, dark hair which is very resistant to chemical processing and grows up to an inch each month, so I knew maintaining color to cover it would be a big commitment of time, energy, and money. I am young-looking for my age, and was moving up a career ladder where looking so young was not an advantage. My sense of style is a little edgy, so the high-contrast gray fit with my overall vibe.

      I was fortunate that the gray came in in streaks, so it looks intentional. I get complimented on it all the time, and a few weeks ago was even catcalled! A man in a car at a stoplight leaned out to yell “your gray hair is so sexy!”

      I understand the women who color their hair. I understand the women who don’t. But I don’t understand the ones who make blanket statements that no one should go gray.

      1. Well said. I’ll add-
        – do your grays come in coarser than your hair’s texture and thus give you a frizzy aura? if so, are you willing to invest time and money in products so that they blend in better?
        – are you willing to go for more frequent cuts so that your style is always in peak condition?

        As others have said, a bad or poorly-maintained dye job is more aging than grays are. But gray well-executed is a powerful look!

        1. Uh, coloring gray hair doesn’t return it to the texture of virgin brown or blond hair. It’s colored hair with the frizz/coarseness of gray hair.

      2. I’m … surprised/saddened that you think being catcalled is a compliment. Anyone who does that does not have good taste.

      3. Few people are ever going to realize they look old for their age. That’s just the reality of life. Just like few people realize when their taste skews to the outdated–we aren’t our own best mirrors.

    12. Nothing exists in a vacuum. I think the other question is why are you giving up on color? If the money time and energy of cover gray is killing you what else are you doing? I’m betting you’re doing really little with your hair, skin and makeup. I think that there is an huge difference between hair that turned gray or silver and is otherwise youthful and well groomed and women who quit color because once a month is too much effort. Are you making an effort with skincare and makeup? If you’re an older lady with otherwise impeccable grooming who the heck cares if it’s aging you? But most of us are not impeccably groomed and covering those grays is just the absolute easiest bang for our buck imaginable.

      1. Wow. I feel like grooming is so much easier. Just a small daily in home habit. Caveat that with eldercare, it’s so unpredictable that I literally can’t manage adding another outside appointment to my life like color.

        1. I mean I put a LOT in the grooming category. Being “well groomed” is my constant attempt to level the playing field as a woman who isn’t particularly beautiful. It’s not running one bit of product through your hair. It’s heat styling. Botox. Facials. Make up. Nails. And teeth. (Yes, teeth matter a lot for women 60+.) If hair dye is the one thing you opt out of its less aging than if you do nothing. Can you do a lot at home? Yeah I think so. But I’ve just never met a woman who quit color but otherwise made an effort to be well groomed. Not saying life is fair or than anyone has to care about how they look but as I age i need more professional help; not less.

        2. Outside isn’t that big of a deal given phones and laptops. I often work on my laptop while having my color done. There’s a waiting period between application and washing out where I can usually churn out a chunk of work. The shampoo and blow dry is time neutral because I would have to do that regularly regardless of color.

    13. Y’all have great hair genetics. I stopped dying around age 34 and my hair is a streaky grey/brown situation that naturally highlights with sun exposure.

    14. I think that color is not the full analysis. The cut and style are super important to how the gray hair looks – as is your overall style. If you have a drab hairstyle and you’re wearing very out-of-date clothing, then gray is double aging. If you have an energetic hairstyle and wear more modern cuts and colors in your clothing, then you’ll look great. I thought gray hair was old lady hair until I saw women who look great with their gray hair, and I realized that how their hair was styled and everything else they were wearing was just as important.

    15. I think this is also a personal choice. I have dark hair that I get colored every 3 weeks because I love my dark hair and want to keep it that dark. I have a friend who went blonde to deal with this issue. I could never do this because I would hate how lighter hair looks on me. Maybe when I’m 60+ I’ll feel differently.

      There are other people who choose to go gray earlier that totally rock that choice. Like others have mentioned, that’s a style choice as well. I will add that the people who transition successfully are also probably getting their hair colored gray as well in the interim to make the grow out less terrible.

    16. I don’t think so, but I think it’s a really personal decision. I’m 48 and have relatively little gray, but I’ve colored my hair since I was 16 and have no interested in quitting at this point. The gray hairs I have are scattered except for a bunch towards the front of my head. When the gray grows in (like it did during COVID), I look like my great-grandmother. In the Dust Bowl. If she’d been photographed by Dorothea Lange to show the poverty and desperation of dirt farmers in Southwestern OK.

      Frankly, I think the haircut is what ages a lot of women in my age range. Having long, untrimmed gray hair that isn’t styled is not flattering in middle age. Someone like Jane Campion looks great with long gray hair, but she’s clearly had someone cut it properly and uses conditioner.

    17. I’m in my mid-40s and letting the scattered greys grow in. My hair is very dark and I was highlighting it for a while to let the greys blend, but stopped coloring about a year ago and unintentionally cut off the rest of the colored part at my last haircut. I don’t think it’s aging for me. I also am fairly low maintenance but tidy (hair is naturally curly, don’t wear makeup but my eyebrows are groomed) so I think it integrates well with my overall aesthetic.

    18. In my early 40s, 90% silver, I’m letting it grow out after being inspired by at least a dozen beautiful silver-hair moms at my kids school. I think I look about 37 so maybe that makes it feel ok/cool? I get that eyebrows and lips are more important to give me some dimension, the frizz is part of my reason for ditching the dye. Frizzy gray +dye= fried out, and frizzy hair. all these comments are filling me with rage.

  10. Met Gala fashion thoughts?

    There was way too much black, IMO. I liked Colman Domingo’s cape, Zendaya’s suit, Lauryn Hill, Brian Tyree Henry (another cape!), Maluma’s suit, and I appreciated Janelle Monae’s trompe-l’oeil outfit (tube?skirt?suit?).

    2. My main takeaway is that the fancy Met gala uses the same cheap pressed-glass wine glasses that I bought at a garage sale!

    4. The men stepped up for once. Loved zendaya’s suit. Diana Ross was a true diva as she should be. Janelle Monae and Cardi B also were some of my favorites. Jeremy O. Harris and Jodie Turner-Smith as well.

    5. Colman Domingo’s was my favorite!! But actually not the cape, just what he was wearing underneath it.

      There were a fair amount of really boring looks, but overall I think people hit the theme much more than the average year.

  11. How do you handle Mother’s Day when you are a mother to young children (3 under 3) and you have a local MIL whom you dislike intensely and see every other week or so? Until very recently my husband has always worked Sundays so we never did anything for Mother’s Day. I do not want to see her, but I know she’ll expect to spend time with her son. The two of them go out to dinner after kids go to bed?

    1. You do breakfast/brunch with husband and the kids, and then he takes them to spend time with MIL while you do something nice for yourself.

        1. I mean, presumably you eat breakfast at home every day? It’s not that hard to pick up some pastries or bagels and cut fruit or something similar and just do it a step up from normal.

    2. I’d ask my husband to put his foot down, tell her that Sunday is about you, and take her out to lunch/dinner another time. Unless you’d enjoy a quiet house while he goes out to dinner Sunday night? Or, have him take the kids over for lunch while you have peace at home/do something fun (or for breakfast while you sleep in?)

      1. Yeah I mean. Three under three is like, survival days. Unless you’re here to help, you’ll see me again when the youngest is out of diapers.

      2. LOL. Any self-respecting person would refuse. Sons (and daughters!) get to honor their own mothers on Mother’s Day.

        1. Anon at 2:42, how would you suggest this man honor his own mother as well as the mother of his three children? Do you have anything constructive to add?

          1. He’ll have to figure out how to balance that. It’s how he honors both of them. But it’s gross when wives try to hijack mother’s day as if their spouse’s moms don’t matter. Other commenters suggested wife and kids in the morning, mom in the afternoon. Maybe while he’s at mom’s spouse could arrange a good afternoon for her (a clean bath tub, a fresh robe, bath salts, her favorite bottle of wine, a new book…whatever depending on what he knows she will enjoy.)

    3. You have breakfast with the kids and he brings them to his moms for the afternoon while you hit the spa or bookstore or thrift shop or just linger around your delightfully empty home. He is in charge of their outfits gifts and behavior for the day.

    4. Another vote for flexibility. Let her have the day, if it means something to her (and the grandchildren too.) The “day of” doesn’t mean that much to me–you may feel differently, of course–so I’d be fine with a Saturday observance or the following Sunday. Especially if it involves going to a restaurant. I think it’s the #1 most overcrowded day for restaurants.

      (But I would help with the gift beforehand and dressing the children. Fair exchange for a day of peace and self-indulgence!)

    5. Same boat, though mine are slightly older. I put my foot down a few years ago – mother’s day is mine and I refuse to be stressed about it or share. I sleep in. I get the morning. Husband and kids get the afternoon with MIL while I get me time.

    6. I’d tell him to take the kids to her house for the day so you can relax! I loathe my MIL and put my foot down when my kids were small about spending the whole.dmn.day at her house for the Feast of Saint MIL, Virgin, Martyr, and Holy Innocent. I’d do something with MIL, then do something I wanted to do.

    7. I am firmly of the opinion that once you have a baby, Mother’s Day is your holiday and the generation above can celebrate grandmothers day. I am celebrating Mother’s Day the way I wish. Can your husband send his mom flowers?

  12. Crowdsourcing gift ideas for a loved one’s milestone bday. She fits the mold of many readers here – successful, has high school aged kids, enough disposable income to buy herself whatever she wants and needs, travels whenever possible & very busy so hard to buy her an experience gift for something as it may not be used. Her family spends the summers at the beach so anything beach related could work. In the past, I’ve had success for this person with a nice scarf/wrap and pretty teacups.

    Budget is $100-150.

    2. Head to Homegoods, buy 6 matching cute beach towels and get them monogrammed by a local place with her last name. They have a number of really cute striped ones that look luxe once you leave the clutter of the store. This is my Christmas gift to my nieces this year. Each towel was $12 and the local monogramming is $8 in my MCOL.

  13. i have come to the conclusion that the single best thing i can do to improve my appearance is start getting my hair blown out twice a week. how crazy is that?

    1. The only thing crazy about it is the idea that a blowout will last that long. Before I had a pixie cut, I had to blow my hair out every day, and the instant I stepped outdoors the humidity would wreck it.

      1. This. I’d suggest booking time with your stylist with you hairdryer to have them talk you through how to do a blow out at home. The best tips I have are to use good products, work in small sections (use LOTS of clips to section – you only want the piece of hair you’re working on out, the rest should be tied back), and to make sure your hair is 100% dry when you’re done – most people stop too soon and the remaining damp hair gets weird.

      2. That’s funny. With a pixie cut, I had to blow it dry every day, and re-style it multiple times a day.

        We all have different hair.

        OP – I don’t think that is crazy at all. Honestly, it would be cheaper than keeping up on the coloring for me.

        I mean… that’s what women used to do! I still have a 93 year old dear friend who has her hair done once a week.

    2. If I win the lottery, people will know because my hair will always be professionally done.

      I don’t need a bigger house. I do need to never have to wash and style my hair again.

    3. It’s ok. I had a 4-month trial of this. It helps, but eventually you’ll stop going once you figure it it’s “one more thing” for minimal return. While I did it, though, a blowout lasted about 3 days.

    4. I have a friend on a tight budget and she says her weekly blowouts are the last thing she’d ever give up. She never gets takeout but needs her blowouts. I don’t think it’s crazy at all, everyone has different priorities. And for a lot of people (myself included) something that makes a big impact to my appearance does wonders for my mood. Go for it if you can afford it!

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