Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
When we ran our post on 30 Workwear Brands You Probably Haven’t Tried I was pleased to see all the MM.LaFleur fans coming out of the woodwork on social media — many woman sang the praises of their dresses particularly. I like this simple Annie A-line dress — it’s machine washable, describes itself as “[h]ips-friendly, full hips-friendly, tall-friendly,” as well as “perfect for travel,” which I’m assuming means it has a wrinkle-resistant component. Lovely. It’s $165, available in sizes 0P-16 (depending on color, there may be a waitlist), and comes in five different colors. MM.LaFleur The Annie Dress
Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.
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2018 Update: We’re adding this dress to our Workwear Hall of Fame because after it’s still around, coming out in new colors, and getting rave reviews.
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Workwear sales of note for 5.26.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale just started! See our thoughts here.
- Amazon – Memorial Day Sales! Lots of discounts on Amazon Essentials and more.
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off lots of sale styles (prices as marked).
- Anthropologie – Extra 40% off sale.
- Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 25% off purchase (ends 5/31).
- Boden – Sale, up to 50% off.
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off sale; already up to 70% off (ends 5/31) – also mix & match sale with men’s shirts, 4 for $249.
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off sale styles (ends 5/31).
- Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19; up to 50% off everything.
- Express – Summer kickoff sale, 30-50% off everything (plus $35+ steals) (ends 6/1).
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!).
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything, no exclusions.
- J.McLaughlin – The Sale Event, extra 30% off.
- Loft – 40% off full-price styles
- M.M.LaFleur – Short but sweet sale (ends 6/1).
- Madewell – Get 30% off your purchase.
- Ministry of Supply – 25% off sitewide (ends 6/1).
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty.
- Shopbop – Up to 50% off designer sale!
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – Extra 40% off all markdowns (ends 6/1)!
- Theory – Up to 60% off + an extra 20% off.
- Universal Standard – 25% off sitewide (ends 6/1).
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 50% off everything!
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code.
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses. (Reader favorite bed brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Memorialy Day Sale, up to 60% off.
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Raise the Roof
I have my review today, which I expect will be positive, and plan to ask for a raise. I live in a HCOL area. Is asking for a 10-15% increase as a combination COL/performance raise reasonable? My current salary is $100k plus bonus, so it would be an increase of $10k-15k.
This really, really depends on your company. Is this your first performance review rodeo with this company?
Where I’ve worked in the past, a standard merit increase is 3%. People that kill it get 4-5%; people that go on a PIP get 0%. There are some decent-but-not-all-stars that get 2%.
When you ask for a raise, are you asking for a title change/responsibility change as well? If so, that is in line with the norms I’ve experienced (eg going from [title] to [senior title].). But if you just want to be extra-recognized for kicking butt at your current role, 10-15% might be a real stretch. It wouldn’t be insulting necesarily, but come prepared to show exactly what you are doing to deserve to be paid more for the same role. Also know what your role is worth in the industry. Are you on the junior side for your role (eg. role is typically 5-7 years experience minimum and you’ve got 4-5 and were hired last year? Or do you have 5 years of experience as a (whatever title) and you’re angling for a bump up to the next level?)
Also be prepared to ask for a bonus in lieu of a raise, if they don’t go for the raise. If you are kicking butt in your role but not stretching to the next level, that’s often the most appropriate reward.
Raise the Roof
I’m a lawyer, so with each year I can be billed at a higher rate. It is my first review at this firm, though. My bonus is performance-based (billing a certain number of hours in the calendar year) which I already earned and received.
If your firm is small enough that you don’t have standardized/lockstep raises, 10-15% is huge. I’d expect more like 2-4%. Also, are you sure you won’t get an automatic raise? Even at small firms, they typically raise associate salaries, along with billing rates, at a single time once each year and it’s basically impossible to get a raise outside of that. At many firms this is done at end of calendar year or end of fiscal year, not on the 1-year anniversary of the associates employment, because they want it to occur at the same time for everyone.
Raise the Roof
Based on intel from other associates, I probably will be offered an automatic 5% raise, but I want to ask for 10% because I’ve been bringing in more business from existing clients (as in, clients are referring files to me specifically, clients are pulling files from other firms to send to me specifically) as well as rocking it in terms of work quality, meeting deadlines, etc.
I’ve received 20% raises before – but I started by asking for 30%. Ask for more than you want, and assume they will counter. Have facts / statistics (e.g., how much you brought in) to back up your numbers. Be confident, and don’t apologize for asking for what you’re worth. Show (don’t tell) how an investment in you is in their best interest. Good luck – you got this.
Yes, and also, in raise negotiations, never ever never ask for a range. You will anchor on the high end, the other side will anchor on the low end. Give them a number HIGHER than what you want, and hopefully it will still be higher than what you were hoping for internally.
Any tips for preparing for your first appellate argument??
Practice, practice, practice.
Know your record.
Know all your major cases cited, and how they are parallel/distinguishable in one sentence summaries.
Good luck and let us know how it went!
As an aside, and this may out me: I did a CJA case last year and the opinion *finally* issued. As expected, we didn’t win. BUT, we also didn’t get a summary disposition either! We even earned ourselves a fully supported dissent. For CJA, that’s winning, IMO.
I am really nervous because I don’t know my record that well! It was a six week trial, and I wasn’t involved until the charge conference. I think I know the key facts, but I’m nervous about them asking me about something off the wall.
When’s the argument? I was only involved in the appeal for my CJA case. It’s not uncommon for appellate attorneys and/or the person arguing to have no hand in the trial. You can start by knowing the facts that are cited in your and the opponent’s brief backwards and forwards. Nail down the timeline of events, to the extent that’s applicable.
Does your appellate record contain transcripts? Re-read key sections, make copies and highlight key portions. At this point the issues should be narrow and defined, so you should know fairly well what parts are at issue. Did you do the briefing or are you arguing someone else’s brief? I have done both and much prefer to do the briefing myself, but when I have argued someone else’s brief I go through the record even more thoroughly since I am not as familiar with it. Also, I only do appeals, so I am never involved in the proceedings below (except to answer questions about how to best preserve something or argue novel issues, etc.)
Moot your argument several times. Be ready for a cold bench or lots of questions. Tab your excerpts and put page numbers in your argument so you can tell the judges where to find the support. Research your judges. Reread all your key cases.
There’s a good chance that you aren’t going to be able to just stand up and give a “speech,” much more likely the judges will have read your brief and zeroed in on what they are interested in. You may well spend your entire time being questioned about whAt you think is a minor point. So find lots of different people to moot your argument with you ahead if time, including both people who are very familiar with the topic and people who aren’t, to try to anticipate as many questions as posdible.
Make sure you also read all the cases cited by your opponents – I’ve found that there have been instances where those cases aren’t cited accurately.
This is so important. I’ve been able to point out that a case cited by the other side was actually overturned on appeal, or that it doesn’t really stand for the proposition that it was alleged to support.
And cases where one passage of the case might be helpful to your opponent, but the case overall supports your position.
Have someone that doesn’t know your case read both briefs and moot you. I was asked to do this as a first year for a senior lawyer. I asked him some questions that he actually got angry about saying I clearly didn’t understand the case or his issues. I said I would still like him to explain it to me and what if the justices “got it wrong” like I did? He took the time to explain it. Wouldn’t you know, I got to tag along and watch oral argument and he got asked the exact question that I had asked.
I like to break my argument up into sections and practice each section in different orders. So when the Court asks a question, I can answer it and (hopefully) relate it to one of my sections I have practiced and then keep going. I think it makes for a better flow.
Also–know your record well. Know the cases that support you and that your opponent uses against you well. Know what you can concede and what you absolutely have to win in order to win overall. Really sit down and think about and talk through the weaknesses of your case and think about how to frame the facts or caselaw in a favorable way.
Moot your argument at least once. Have people read the briefs in your case and prepare questions for you.
During the actual argument, really listen to what the court is asking. Answer with yes or no and then explain your answer. Don’t be evasive or say I will get back to that. Answer the question right away. Make eye contact with the judges. If you get flustered, take a sip of water and calm down. Try not to rush through your argument and aim to make your tone conversational rather than like a speech. You also don’t have to use all your time. Practice a concluding statement so you end on something strong.
Oh also, if you haven’t yet or recently, go and watch an argument where you will be arguing. Hopefully with some of the same panel members. I find it helpful to see everything in action without the stress of doing the argument myself, haha.
Know your record and argument. I always bring up with me 1 page per issue with key points in big print. You don’t want to read your argument but it makes me feel less nervous to have a fallback. If you truly don’t know an answer, admit that you don’t know and offer to file a supplement. If you have a cold panel and end up with extra time, just sit down. Good luck!
Read everything. Cases cited by both sides, relevant parts of transcript (which may mean almost everything), etc. This way, you will feel more relaxed and recognize when your opponent’s arguments or the court’s questions don’t match your case. There is no substitute to knowing the record and the cases, and if this is your first argument, you cannot over-prepare.
Moot. I have never had a moot that wasn’t tougher than the actual argument. Think about your weakness and likely questions.
I like to have several cheat sheets
– a cases page, because I’m not great with case names, that summarizes name, facts, and relevant holdings
– a facts page, with cites to the record (if your opposing counsel fumbles with or lies about material facts, you can quickly cite them to the court)
– the outline of my argument. Which, dozens of arguments in, I still bookend with my first and last lines. (May it please the court… and If there are no further questions, I urge you to ….)
I rarely look at the first two pages, unless I get a specific question from the court, but it keeps me relaxed.
Know as much about your court as you can. What sort of break will there be? (if they plow straight through lunch, you’ll want to be prepared with a granola bar). If they go off the rails with some new issue, are you allowed to offer to file a supplemental brief to address it? Did anyone on your panel write a case cited by you or opposing counsel? (Because that one you’ll need to know backwards and forwards).
Keep in mind that cases are rarely won or lost at oral argument. The court has specific questions, and your primary job is to answer them.
Following up on “cases are rarely won or lost at oral argument,” in the state Court of Appeal at which I worked, the opinion was already drafted and circulated before oral argument on there was only one time in five years that the outcome changed after oral argument. So there’s that.
*and* there was only one time…
Missing the edit feature.
Figure out how you physically are going to organize your argument. I have a couple friends that go up to the podium empty handed, but that has never worked for me. I was taught to prep and do oral argument by a former S.G. when he argued an amicus; he used a large binder, but I found his system cumbersome, especially because I also usually have to tote a stepstool up to the podium so that I can be seen (not a joke) and the binder requires too much movement to keep me stable.
My system is to only bring a single legal size manila folder up to the podium with me (although I do bring the briefs and rule books along just in case and leave them at counsel table). Along the right side of the folder I have lined index cards taped in an “overlay” pattern with the “header” pointed down so that I only can see the “thesis” of each point of my argument. I usually have 5 to 7 of these. More is too many for the time allotted. I bullet out key points for each thesis above the “header” and flip up the card if needed for more.
On the bottom right side, I do the same with my opponent’s argument. I note key issues with the bullets.
On the left side, I put all of the key cases, statutes, and rules on cards, and again overlay them with “header” down and with the full case cite showing. Usually there are 20 to 25 of these cards.
I also usually have a single typed sheet inside the folder with a timeline that contains key facts and specific cites to the record and any appendices, e.g. “Contract executed May 1, 2012” – R. 6, App. C at 11, etc. Specific cites to the record on disputed facts are key.
I take notes on my opposition’s argument on the left side of the folder in blue and mark my key points to dispute and address on the right in red, with arrows to parts of my argument or specific cases as necessary. I note judges’ questions to my opponent in green next to my argument and make an effort to address each of those questions when I argue, e.g. “This goes to your point, Judge Smith, about the lack of a minimum order threshold in the requirements contract”. Judges like to know that you heard them the first time.
Yeah, it’s a little complicated, but it works for me. Try a couple different techniques during your moot to see what works for you.
And also, figure out what you are going to wear in advance and check all the pieces out beforehand. There is nothing worse than dressing for oral argument and finding out that the white blouse you were going to wear has a broken button at the chest. Ask me how I know . . .
I have tried this dress. While the fit was good, I found it was lower cut than I would feel comfortable wearing to work.
What are your favorite small cities or towns in the Pacific Northwest? I love Seattle and have it on the shortlist of places to move after I finish grad school, but the one thing that’s deterring me is the thought of so many cloudy days. Are there any other great towns or cities there with decent jobs and outdoor recreation opportunities that have a bit more sunny weather? I’d be open to anything in Washington and Oregon as well as the mountain states.
Bend, central Oregon. It’s 3.5 hours southeast of Portland. High mountain / desert – so, more sun (and more snow). Amazing outdoor activities. What line of work are you interested in?
Public health and/or health policy research. Open to different types of positions and ideas! I’ve heard a lot about Bend and that home prices are being driven up big-time by all the California transplants (of which I would be one), but it does sound amazing.
Bend may be trending up in terms of COL but it’s still way cheaper than Portland or Seattle.
I live in Seattle, and visited Bend a couple years ago. It was such a fun town! 30 minutes from Mt. Bachelor, lots of good food and breweries.
That said, I do find Seattle a little grey, but it’s really never cold, and people are outdoors all the time, no matter what the weather is. I moved here from the midwest, so having such a mild winter is a nice change.
C @ TWRL
Another vote for Bend! I’m in Portland and pretty much constantly tempted to move to Bend. Sunny, small-but-not-too-small, awesome outdoor lifestyle–every time I visit I consider making the move!
Not technically PNW, but have you looked into Missoula? Decent size town, so there should be some job opportunities there. The weather is a little more gray in winter than the rest of Montana, but summers are lovely.
Yes, I have. How is the skiing there?
I haven’t skied the various options near Missoula, but the Snow Bowl is very close (20 minutes), and Discovery Basin is about 100 miles I think. It’s 150 miles from Whitefish Mountain Resort which is great. Also, Big Sky is a few hours away.
Lost Trail Powder Mountain is about 90 miles south of Missoula. Lost Trail has good snow but is a smaller mountain, and it has a great local feel to it. For a bigger mountain, as Anon at 11:44 a.m. said, you can’t go wrong with Big Mountain/Whitefish Mountain Resort.
I live in Seattle now. If you want less cloudy days consider Spokane. Good skiing, you can drive to Seattle in 5 hours. Largish city as it’s the hub for the region, housing prices haven’t gone crazy yet.
I avoid the gloom by heading out on weekends. Sequim (on the peninsula) is in a rainshadow and is usually nice even when Seattle is overcast. Or head up into the mountains for outdoor stuff.
You’re probably not going to find the weather you’re looking for in the Seattle area. My favorite small town there though, weather excepted, is Bellingham, Wash. Midway between Seattle and Vancouver, super close to the sound and the mountains, four-year university in town, great local flavor.
Spokane, Washington! Way sunnier than Seattle, all sorts of year round outdoor recreation opportunities (including great skiing in Eastern Washington/Northern Idaho), and super low COL. I love it. It also has a (proportionally) large medical community.
Spokane gets kind of a bad rap, but I think the reputation is undeserved (and maybe it was deserved at one time, I don’t know – I’ve lived here six years, and people tell me it’s come a long way in the last 20 years). I ended up here for school, but was thrilled to get a job and be able to stay in the area after graduation.
I’ve heard that about Spokane – I’ll definitely keep it in mind! If you don’t mind my asking, what’s your field? Was the job you found a good one for what you wanted?
I’m an attorney, and I’ve had great luck with jobs here. I started at a firm, and now I’ve moved to government – both were what I was looking for when applying, and I’ve gotten really quality experiences at both. I actually think the legal market is tougher than some of the other job markets in town because we have a law school, and there are always a ton of new graduates trying to stay in town… but even with that, things have worked out well!
Feel free to shoot me an email at NationalAnthemSpo at the gmail if you have more Spokane questions!
Ha! I went to high school in “Spo-compton” and haven’t been back in years. Nice to hear that it has gotten better. The main issue with Spokane is the same as anywhere in the PNW – it is SO WHITE. Like, blond hair is the norm white. But it is a great place to settle down and raise kids, and has great outdoors and – if I understand correctly – a lovely modernized downtown. Go for the South Hill area for the best neighborhood.
Yeah, just watch out for the werewolves :)
I like this dress, but the price is steep. Is the quality worth it?
I think the price is actually $165 dollars. At least if you click the link thats what it says for me.
I have a sleeved MM dress. I used to like DVF, but I found that my skinny-on-top pear shape didn’t work with their dressed like the Bevin and the Bevina. I was also a bit nervous about having their dry-clean-only fabric in my life in a solid (smallish children could ruin that fast).
I think I’m an MM for life convert (and will keep my DVF, but will probably buy future things on e-bay / consignment only for fun, not for work). I like that my MM dress is washable (I haven’t, but I might need to and feel that it will justify the cost) (not all area washable — they make clear which ones are). The cost was about half of DVF. While DVF is often silk, many are synthetic / blends now. Also, I am a 4P jacket / 6 curvy pants in BR but am a solid 8 in MM. My ego got over it — my dress is lovely and I look great in it (so much that I ordered it in 2 other colors).
Yep! I’m a 6/8 in most clothes and a solid 10/12 in MM lafleur. I have two etsuko dresses and and wearing the crackle print one today- it’s a tiny bit shorter than I usually would pick, but I’ve received a lot of compliments on it.
Alex at MM.LaFleur
The Etsuko crackle is one of our favorites. We’ll be releasing the Etsuko in a few new colors as part of our fall collection, so stay tuned!
Thanks for the info! You sound like my body double, and this dress looks fantastic.
Hmmm… looks like it’s not available in petite sizes. I’m 5’1″ and the ‘tall friendly’ recommendation is making me hesitant.
Can anyone around my height speak to how the bodice fits?
I’m also vertically challenged–and have yet to purchase any MM because their petite options are so limited.
I am 5’2 and have this dress in two colors. I really like it, but I had to get it tailored. I had about .5-1 inch taken up in the shoulders (because the v was too deep for work – but I’m busty – smaller busts might be OK with the v). I also had to have it hemmed even after taking it up. But, I love the way the dress fits after alterations. Nice and fitted in the waist (flattering) but not tight around the butt/thighs. I wear it with blazers. So nice to finally find a v neck work dress (everything I see lately is crew neck!). I love how it fits in the bodice once I altered it. The waist nips right at the right spot on me.
I am disappointed with MM’s lack of petite options. They used to reimburse tailoring up to $15 but I was informed that they don’t do that any more. I’m kind of disappointed they changed that policy without telling people and I do hope they will start to offer petite sizing, because tailoring is a PITA and adds about $30 to the cost.
Also, FYI, I was the one who complained about the Etusko dress pilling on the last post. So far (knock on wood) the Annie dress has not pilled (I’ve had the black since March and just got the blue).
Alex at MM.LaFleur
Hi! I’m Alex, one of the stylists here at MM.LaFleur. At the moment, our only petite size is 0P. We do have several styles that have worked well for our more petite customers, including the Etsuko! The belted waist works well for petite frames, and we hope you’ll give the dress a try.
Alex at MM.LaFleur
Hi there! With regards to sizing, we do find that many customers wear a size or two larger in MM than they do in Banana Republic. We couldn’t be happier to hear you’re an MM convert!
Yes. Their quality is great. The Annie dress is my absolute favorite.
Mine, too, Sarah — in fact, I just bought a second Annie dress! For anyone wondering about length of the garment and of the waist, I am 5’5″ with a long waist and the waist seam hits me very close to my natural waistline, which is such a rare find. The hem hits just below the knee, which looks lovely with heels but isn’t doable for me with flats. I purchased the second Annie to have it hemmed to go with flats. Apparently the hemming option is popular with MM’s petite customers.
They don’t reimburse for hemming anymore!!!! I was informed this week when I submitted my tailoring receipt for reimbursement. I did express that I was disappointed that they would change this policy without notifying customers. Since I’m 5’2 – I pretty much just factor in an additional $20 for tailoring anything in the cost of the item to decide whether or not to purchase.
That makes me sad! Thanks for the heads up on that, Ellen.
Alex at MM.LaFleur
Hi Ellen, thank you for your feedback! I’m Alex, one of the stylists here at MM. We wish we could still cover the costs of hemming, but as we’ve grown, we’re no longer operating at a scale that allows us to do so. We are expanding our range of size offerings, and hope to offer petite styles for all sizes very soon. In the meantime, our stylist team is always available to recommend petite-friendly options – just email email@example.com if you’d like some tips!
Alex at MM.LaFleur
Hi Erin, we’re thrilled to hear you’ve added a second Annie to your collection!
Alex at MM.LaFleur
Thanks for the love, Sarah!
Alex at MM.LaFleur
Hi there! Given the high level of care that goes into creating each garment, we promise the quality is worth every cent.
I posted a while ago about training my 3 year old adopted dog. I think I’ve discovered that he doesn’t seem to respond to verbal commands much, but he does respond to gestures very well. For example, when I point to his crate, he goes in. When I give him the command, he just sort of stares at me confused. He does respond to his name, though. Maybe this is because of how we taught him? In the beginning we would point to the crate, give the command, and he would go. Should I never have used non verbal cues? What do I do now?
Give the verbal command at the same time as you do the gesture. You may eventually be able to get him to obey with just the verbal command. Does he hear other sounds okay? Is is possible the better obedience to gestures vs. verbal commands is a hearing issue?
when I call his name he’s very quick to turn around and make eye contact with me, so I’m guessing not.
I have never worked with a dog trainer who didn’t use hand signals. In obedience training, we were taught to issue the verbal command simultaneously with the hand signal. You can also give the command and then use a treat to induce the dog to perform the behavior (e.g., say “sit” and then move the treat above and a little behind his head so he has to sit in order to reach it, say “stand” and move the treat out in front of him so he has to stand up to get it, say “crate” and then put the treat in the crate). The dog eventually learns to associate the word with the behavior.
Are you working with a trainer?
No, a training is a bit out of our price range atm, and he’s generally very well behaved. Do trainers always use hand signals, or just when the dog is learning?I think I have been giving the command at the same time as the gesture. Maybe we just haven’t practiced enough.
No, our trainers never told us to drop the hand signals. If anything, I think they relied more on hand signals than on verbal commands. I always wanted my dogs to respond to hand signals because they were invaluable when my childhood dog lost her hearing as she aged.
Going to a training class is hugely helpful, FWIW. There’s probably a local kennel club or dog training club in your area that does inexpensive group classes; some humane societies also run them as well. You don’t have to shell out megabucks for one-on-one sessions. I think mine was around $75 for a five-week program and it is hands-down the best money I’ve ever spent on my pup.
And they told us that dogs are usually faster to pick up on body language and hand signals than voice commands. As long as your dog will respond to something, I don’t think you need to worry.
I train dogs, and I never NOT use hand signals. I’ll drop the verbal commands, but always do the motions. My rationale is that deafness is very common in dogs as they age, so that way, they’ll still completely understand what I need from them even when they’re elderly.
I also train birds the same way, now that I think about it. I’m weird.
As long as he is responding to some version of the command, I wouldn’t worry about this. It may even be advantageous when he gets older. We have a dog with a history of chronic ear issues and she will probably lose her hearing as she ages as a result. Our vet and trainer suggested that we incorporate hand signals into our commands so that she can rely on visual cues.
I really recommend the book The Other End of the Leash. It talks a lot about how dogs react to hand vs. verbal cues, and how to “speak dog.”
I have this dress and love it. It’s $165, not $240. I am long-waisted and found that the fit and flare silhouette worked without tailoring, which is very unusual. I think it would fit people of more “normal” proportions well too. I did not find the neckline too low, even though I tend to have issues with low necklines. The brand is not vanity-sized.
I am not brave enough to put it in the washing machine.
What do you wear it with? My office is freezing and I struggle to style my sleeveless dresses. It is 100 degrees outside, so you have my attention.
Also, does this dress handle layering underneath it in cooler months?
It works well with fitted blazers (collared and collarless) and cardigans without crewnecks. Crewneck cardigans and blazers with round necks look odd with it.
I don’t think this dress would look good with anything underneath it. M.M. has some great 3/4 sleeve styles, though.
Check out MM’s “jardigan” (the Saint Ambroeus one or whatever it is, not the longer one). It is perfect with fit and flare styles.
Alex at MM.LaFleur
We’re so happy to hear you’re a fan of the Sant Ambroeus!
Alex at MM.LaFleur
Hi there! I’m Alex, one of the stylists here at MM, and I’m so glad to hear you’re enjoying the Annie. With regards to washing the dress, you should have no problem washing the dress in your washing machine and hanging it to dry.
Paging : Silent Treatment, Ottawan et al.
Any tips on second language fluency? I have functional french but have no idea where to start to obtain fluency. I chat with coworkers in french on occasion and can read work documents. Open to online and in person resources, willing to pay for anything that really helps. TIA!
Audiobooks! Subscribe to Audible in a market that includes books in your target language (the Canadian one may have French books – I’m subscribed to German Audible).
The Silent Treatment
The Silent Treatment here. I have to say, I was a late French learner. I did an environmental science degree at university but was kicked out of an elective in first year and all that was left was SUPER introductory French. I’m talking learning how to introduce yourself and politely ask others how they’re doing. And at the time, that really was my level. I fell completely in love with the language, got 99% in the course, and the rest is history. I did a joint honours degree in French and ended up writing a 25 page thesis in a language that I would not have been able to put a sentence together in a five years earlier.
It really just takes practice. Practice practice practice practice. What really helped improve my overall confidene (in writing, comprehension, AND speaking) was drilling my grammar. To the point that it was automatic and I could really be “present” in what I was doing instead of working overdrive analyzing all the components of what I was hearing/saying.
I’ve never used software (Rosetta Stone et al.) but have been involved with various Alliance Francaise chapters. I take conversation courses with them to keep my speaking french, am subscribed to Quebecois magazines that I love (L’Actualite and Urbania), and listen to Radio Canada whenever possible. This has been the trifecta of mastery for me. But it really is down to just consistency and practice. If you work at it a little bit each day (even if that just means reading a French article (aloud! if that doesn’t feel too silly it really does help with accent acquisition) you’ll get there. It takes time and courage. I wish you all the best!
The Silent Treatment
That should say “speaking fresh” in the last paragraph! Hah B-)
The Silent Treatment
Wanted to add:
To drill the grammar and (business) vocabulary, I have had great success with working through the following resources:
-Bilingual Vocabulary for Governance, Public Policy, and Administration – Dick De Jong
-The Ultimate French Verb Review and Practice (THE best in my opinion! Tons of excercises to really drill the points home and allow you to practice – I do a few everyday) – David Stillman and Ronni L. Gordon
-The Ultimate French Review and Practice – same team as above
Fellow Ottawan here – the first book mentioned is a great resource for working in government. I agree you just have to practice, get comfortable making errors. I watch french television and listen to RadioCanada when I’m prepping for evaluations (gov’t wonk) which I find helps me use common phrases, etc.
For other resources I’ve always been lucky enough to have training covered by my job but have heard good things about weekend classes at Alliance Francaise.
Silent Treatment, my DH only needs CBC as well. Currently he is ECB. So frustrating. He is definitely not a natural at languages though, and it sounds like you are. He can read it perfectly (hence the E) but sounds very awkward speaking.
The Silent Treatment
I’m just at an On Route having lunch rich now on my way to Ottawa (from Toronto). My testing is tomorrow morning at 9am! Please send good luck my way. I am so keen on this job. I’m an external candidate so can only hope that the preparations I’ve done on my own (without access to federal training) have prepared me well! I am consistently scoring Cs in the comprehension and writing sample tests on the Public Service Canada website. Of course the oral portion is harder to gauge and typically a lot more challenging for non-native speakers. Your husband’s experience parallels that of so many I know. Will update you tomorrow.
If you need food or neighbourhood recommendations I’d be glad to help!
Alas, it is my DH and children that are bilingual, or on their way to being bilingual. My DH has been through training at work. He has Radio Canada on constantly at home and in the car when he is preparing for his evaluations (which he takes significant language-school training for as well).
One of my children is in French school now, so I get some practice that way.
I did try Rosetta Stone (there is no Quebecois version), and Duo-Lingo. Which would probably have helped if I stuck with it. Am just so busy it is hard to fit in an extra 30 minutes a day.
Thank you all for the tips. I’ll definitely go pick up the books tonight and look into the classes.
Google “news in slow French.”
News in Slow French is a great resource.
This is gorgeous! Thinking about doing a Bento next time I’m in the States.
Ugh. Could use some happy thoughts. I just had to schedule an appointment to put our 14-year old dog to sleep on Friday. It’s time – he’s in constant pain and now he’s growling and trying to bite us whenever we pet him. My husband and I adopted this dog (a pitbull mix) when we were sophomores in college and he’s been part of the family since then, with the addition of two kids and lots more dogs.
I know it’s the right decision, but I’m dreading it.
Our vet was awesome when we went through this a year or two ago. I was completely dreading the whole experience but it really was much more peaceful and calm than I had expected. There were tears, of course, but on the whole, when I left, I was comfortable that he was in a better place. We made sure that his last days were full of every.single.treat and comfort that we could provide. Hugs!
I’m sorry. It is so, so hard. Maybe talk to your vet about what can be done to give you dog the best possible last day so that you can say goodbye in peace and know that his final memories will be good ones. I got a mild sedative for my dog so that he was calmer and more relaxed on the final day, and it really helped to see him experiencing relief from the fear, anxiety, and pain he had been experiencing. For example, it may be that there’s a much stronger pain reliever that your dog couldn’t be given under ordinary circumstances but that might be acceptable in this context.
I’ll be thinking of you.
I’m so sorry :( It’s so hard. I’ve heard really good things about special vets who will come to your house for this. It can be a lot more peaceful – the dog is in a comfortable surrounding, so less stress for all of you. The vets are used to only doing this type of work, and are very gentle and soothing. Also, you can mourn in your house, not the vet’s office, which will be more chaotic and impersonal.
Anon in NYC
I’m so sorry. The most recent podcast episode for Slates Mom and Dad are Fighting was about this very issue. Not sure how old your kids are, but maybe it will be helpful in terms of how to handle this with your kids.
Hugs. I have also been through this. Take along his blanket or an old towel – something that that smells like you and home for him to lie on. The vet will be great and will encourage you to talk to him as he falls asleep. There will be no pain. Try to think of this as part of taking care of him. He’s depended on you to take care of him throughout his life and this too is part of your job as his person. He’s ready and he’ll be grateful to you for releasing from his pain.
I’m so sorry. This is hard.
I second the Anon who mentioned that some vets will come to your home to do it. We did this when we had to put my dog down, and it made for a much better experience for all of us. She no longer liked riding in the car (it was hard for her to climb up in it, and didn’t have good balance so she slid off the seats) and was always scared of the vet’s office, so for us, doing it at home on “her” rug was the right choice– we were all there with her and petting her and giving her her favorite people food.
Let your kids know that it’s okay to be upset about it. My dog was put down several years ago, and I still sometimes cry about it (like right now. At work. Pull it together, March.)
I’m so sorry. Many happy thoughts to you, your family, and your pup. (Also crying at work now thinking about my dog who was put down a few years ago. Lock it up, Delta….)
Oh, I’m so sorry. I am feeling this hard as I know it’s not long now for our 15 year old pit mix. Sending you positive thoughts from afar. <3
Where do you draw the line with married male coworkers? If you’re friends at work do you ever contact or meet up with them outside the office? Do you make an effort to treat friends who are male coworkers differently than friends who are female coworkers?
I keep things very platonic and never confide and never discuss marital/relationship issues but otherwise think it’s fine to email, call, text, meet outside the office just as I would any other coworker. Thoughts?
The married male coworkers that I’m actually friends with, I would go grab a drink with them or have lunch together anytime. I’m friends with a bunch of married guys, and I’m comfortable texting, emailing, etc. It never crosses a line and my husband is completely supportive of it – and I feel the same about the women he works with. If I’m not comfortable with a guy (married or not) that I work with, then I probably wouldn’t be spending extra time with him or grabbing drinks, so I think it’s not a problem for me to tell the difference.
I don’t treat my married male coworkers differently at all. I’ve always kept things super platonic with everyone at work, so I guess if I hadn’t my answer to this question would be different. For me and my husband, a good rule of thumb is to not do anything I wouldn’t feel totally comfortable telling him. That’s more or less how he interacts with female friends/coworkers, and nothing has really changed from when we were all single on this front.
+1 I don’t treat my married male coworkers differently from any other coworker. I spend time with and contact my close coworkers outside of work. I know their spouses, and they know my husband, and I don’t think he bats an eyelash over me calling/texting/seeing coworkers, even if they are married and male, outside of work.
+1 to this. If I’d feel awkward talking to my SO about something, it’s a no-go. Lunch across the road while we talk shop and brainstorm? Good. Drinks after work? Eehhh, not so much.
I also like the idea of spending time with the respective spouses/SOs, as well. We’ve done that a few times, usually celebration/promotion/end-of-crazy-project parties, and I feel like it helps.
Yay Kat! I love the LaFleur Annie dress, particularly the back. Yesterday’s blazer left a big space for my tuchus to fall out so I told Rosa not to look at it, even tho she has a smaller tuchus then me. But this one is cute!
As for the OP, both other OPs are right. Keep it platonic, meaning do NOT say or do anything that would cause a man, when drunk, to start pawing at you, or worse. Men often take libertie’s with worker’s that they would NOT do with peeople in a bar. I know I kept my distance from Mason (he was a kid, anyway), but when he figured out that Lynn would be physiceal with him, his pant’s were down in a FLASH. Be careful with guy’s like him. Mason is still lookeing for work, as he STILL has not passed the bar. I think Lynn is lookeing for another guy b/c he is not goeing to be the person to suport her in a nice lifestyle like she thought. She is still young and cute, so has a chance to snag a decent guy who can pay the bills for her. I hope she does NOT get taken with men who just want sex, then toss her aside. FOOEY! But we all have to learn, like I did with Sheketovits. Good luck to you as you navigate these waters. All of us in the HIVE support you! YAY!!!!
I am similar. I have no problem hanging out outside the office or communicating via text or email, but I would not discuss any marital issues. I wouldn’t discuss real, serious marital issues even with a female friend, but I might make a casual “Oh DH does this and it’s so annoying” remark to a female friend that I wouldn’t make to a male friend or co-worker. I don’t think I make any distinction between what I tell my married and unmarried guy friends, although I wouldn’t be comfortable listening to a married male friend tell me about problems with his wife, while I would listen to a single male friend complain about the dating scene.
I treat them the same. Barring, obviously, talking about my most recent Tinder date’s make-out skills with my 40 year old man-boss with 3 kids in the same way I would with my 29 year old female associate friend with whom I regularly socialize outside of work, but that’s as much of a work thing as it is a general know-your-audience-thing. Ok to spend time alone with them, see them outside of work, talk to them outside of work. Don’t do or say anything you wouldn’t be proud of your spouse or their spouse knowing.
But!!! Pay attention to your gut. If you feel like something is off with the way someone wants to spend time with you, or what they want to talk to you about, or how much time or talking, listen to it. Your gut knows when something is “off.” Lots of married dudes (esp. those in positions of power) will very, very slowly push boundaries and increase levels of comfort and familiarity. Because it’s so subtle it’s hard to pinpoint and then call them when a line is crossed. That is intentional.
Never too many shoes
My closest friend at work is a male partner that I have worked with for 12 years. We go for drinks and lunch when we have time and talk about anything and everything – we have seen each other through death, infertility and the challenges of small children. My husband and I occasionally go out with him and his wife. None of it is any different than it would be if my friend was female. Maybe it is because I have always had male friends in my life, but I truly do not understand how this even becomes an issue – for example, why does it have to be that you never discuss personal things? If you would talk about those issues with a woman work friend, then what difference does it make that a particular friend is a man?
No difference from female work friends in the same position at work. Texting after work and on weekends is fine, dinners together is fine, etc. idk if I’d love this arrangement if I were his girlfriend but I’m not and she doesn’t seem to, and there is no romantic feeling at all.
I have talked about personal stuff when he has, too.
We’ve bonded over parenting, and family vacation talk and in-laws, so nothing super attractive.
I don’t text at crazy times of evening/night/morning.
We have hung out but always in a very work-oriented way, i.e. at the local sports bar close to the office.
I tell my husband everything! I fully expect that he should/would tell his wife everything, too.
Married, don’t treat differently, but have been treated differently than male coworkers on this point. Its really a bummer. You wonder how much these small things add up to make a difference in your ability to be successful.
I treat them the same as I do the singletons. Why would I not?
A year ago I would say no different than the singles. But then last Christmas my married coworker with whom I was on a crappy project with (so meetings just us, bitching about work and home, sometimes a meal just us between meetings) touched me inappropriately in a very small, very hidden conference room while I was talking on a conference call. So I couldn’t say WTF or everyone would have heard.
I reported, he was terminated, his wife still works in our very large company and my manager told me she is dealing with our company lawyers on wrongful dismissal case submitted by him.
The worst time of my 26 year career and I will never, ever meet an opposite coworker any where where we are visible to other people. I would have called him my friend and had meals with his wife too. Still upsets me
Game of Thrones
Any Game of thrones fans out there?? Sunday’s episode was so cool!
Women rule the Game now!
Death by dogs for Ramsey was fitting, Sansa has evolved to a tough, strong character.
and the new alliance bwt Yara and Daenerys…Awesome
Meh. It’s been over 24 hours. I think that’s a safe buffer in today’s fast paced social media age. Also, skip the post if you don’t want to read it. I’m confused why this concept is really hard to grasp for some.
I thought Sansa was strong and awesome, but also a jerk for not telling Jon about the possibility of back up. Jon could have stalled Ramsey for an hour or so. Then Wun Wun would still be alive. #nomoregiants
This is not the place for that commentary. If you want to talk about GOT then there are plenty of websites, message boards, and subreddits specifically dedicated to that. OP is just being a DOOSH.
Name calling is inappropriate. This is the type of comment that should be reported…
I get that maybe you’re frustrated to be spoiled, but your reaction is over the top. It should not be THIS upsetting to you. The world doesn’t revolve around your personal TV watching schedule.
Isn’t the allcaps DOOSH an Ellenism-type comment? I take that more as like “ugh, delete your account” type banter than actual name-calling or anything remotely “over the top.”
Even just casually scrolling down, there’s a major plot spoiler, right there! Also, FYI, not everyone on this site is in the US and it is less than 24 hours from the UK airing. I’d also argue that especially on a site for professional women who often can’t watch things live, 24 hours is way too short a period to post spoilers.
Agree, post a spoiler note. BUT- on the sansa thing, I’m intrigued by this. Was she unsure if they’d come through? Why not mention that she threw it out there? Because she’d have to admit talking to littlefinger (who she’d already met secretly)?
I told my husband I thought Sansa’d promised to marry Littlefinger or something in order to get the troops there (why else would the Vale give a $hit?) but the preview for next week’s episode makes that look like a future plot point vs something Sansa already agreed to. Maybe the only way the Vale agreed to show up is to ride in at the end and bail them out to save Vale lives? Certainly not a message Jon would have been OK with.
Littlefinger?! Tell me that’s not who I think it is.
I’m confused by Sansa’s secrecy over her meeting and letter to Littlefinger too. She complained no one was asking her opinion, but…she could have just said, “I have this awesome card up my sleeve and I am hoping he comes through. Let’s wait.” And then they made Jon a fool in this episode purely for drama. So, maybe that’s why–there’s no storyline explanation, just TV?
What is the point of this comment? You’re not providing any insightful commentary. Your sole purpose appears to be to ruin the episode for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet. It’s bad enough that you have to avoid all social media and even the freaking news, now fans who haven’t watched Sunday’s episode have to avoid this s i t e too? Really missing the “Report” button right now.
I woke up yesterday to someone on NPR telling me that the Cavs won. And then urged me to send in $. The nerve — I hadn’t yet watched the game. And there was no spoiler alert! Next thing you know, they’ll report Brexit results in real time.
I hate the world — it needs to move on my time.
You do realize that GoT is not an event, right? It’s not news. It’s not live. It is literally a recorded story that is recorded so that it can be enjoyed at a different time. These things are not analogous. Do you think it’s cool to tell people the endings of books or movies as well, or do you think they should watch/read them as soon as they are released or else?
Cute snark, though!
The spoiler doesn’t ruin it at all for me. I often have to watch 20 minutes here, 10 minutes there, so I appreciate having the big picture. It’s the journey for me, not the ending.
For The Tudors, I already knew the story (and the overall story for Reign). Divorced beheaded died divorced beheaded survived, and all that. I still watched it and I still loved it. I’m still not sure what happened at the end of The Sopranos.
For Downton, I want to savor that, so I haven’t yet watched the ending. I want the full 2 hours (or whatever) AND wine. That said, I read all of the spoilers asap b/c I had to know what happened, esp. to Lady Edith.
OMG – it’s TUESDAY – the show aired on Sunday – and yes, if you want to avoid spoilers then common sense will tell you to stay off the internet. period.
Lollollol at “staying off the internet.” Sure, that’s feasible. It’s been one whole day.
FWIW, I watched the episode live but agree with you. There’s a big difference from a spoiler perspective between a comment that says “Can we discuss x scene? I’m thinking/wondering x” and “here’s every major plot point from the episode with maybe three words of commentary” The second comes off as either mean-spirited or completely oblivious.
Way too soon post-airing to be posting major plot spoilers. Not cool.
It was so satisfying…disappointed that there is only one more episode left this season. Though I guess a year is better than waiting for the next book’s improbable release.
I’m wondering if the next book will just fall to the waste-side. I know it’s still promised, but with this season moving forward without the books… GRRM seems to have no motivation to complete it.
I think it will come out eventually, in a couple years, but that will be the last one to see the light of day.
I hope Kat sees these GOT spoilers and deletes them ASAP. This is not what we want on Corporette!
Yeah, maybe she can also get all those books out of the stores too…..
Gail the Goldfish
Show has moved past the books because GRRM is the slowest writer on the planet. (“It’s only going to be a year before Dances with Dragons, guys, I’ve already written half of it.” 5 years later…)
But seriously, I thought the Internet had more or less collectively decided on at least a week before obvious spoilers in the age of streaming.
UGH! What does moderation even do then?
Oh, please. Half the stuff here is not what *I* want on this page — I don’t date, so that should be out. I’m not rich enough, so all that wealth stuff should be out. I’m not a lawyer, so that thread about oral arguments should be out.
Get a grip. Go start your own blog and moderate it perfectly, especially when the commenting hive is the best part.
do people really only watch this show for plot points? does knowing ramsey dies really truly impact your enjoyment of this episode? the uproar and indignation over spoilers is so petty and totally misses the point of why we watch tv in the first place. also, it’s just a tv show. everyone chill.
“does knowing ramsey dies really truly impact your enjoyment of this episode?”
Yes. This is a show that is predicated on flipping fantasy tropes on their heads and allowing the “good guys” to lose. That’s a huge part of why it is so compelling to viewers and why episodes like this get so tense.
“the uproar and indignation over spoilers is so petty and totally misses the point of why we watch tv in the first place. ”
See above. I think it’s silly when people post spoiler alerts when they’re talking about, say, season 1-5, but this was a highly anticipated episode and it’s very soon after it aired. Clearly this isn’t a *huge* deal, but it is inconsiderate to post major spoilers.
but that’s my point. if the plot was so integral to enjoyment of this show no one who has read the books would have tuned into seasons 1-5.
i get it, it is arguably impolite or inconsiderate, but people’s responses are insane. name calling, freaking out, whatever. it’s a tv show. at any given point in your life you’re literally only 22-48 minutes away from seeing the entire episode. it doesn’t make sense to me that people should abstain from talking about or hide their reactions and responses to a wildly popular tv show to accommodate the tv watching schedules of others.
“if the plot was so integral to enjoyment of this show no one who has read the books would have tuned into seasons 1-5.”
Uh…….. integral to =/= only valuable part. What’s with your black and white thinking? The shows are enjoyable for more than just getting the plot points, of course, but that’s still a significant element for lots of people- especially non-book readers.
I don’t think people are freaking out any more than they normally do here about pets or weddings or how much to pay their nannies or whatever. No one is asking for a blanket ban on talking about a show. Just a spoiler alert for a reasonable length of time after it airs.
Yes, a lot of people do get a lot of their enjoyment out of not being spoiled for what’s going to happen before they watch something, especially when plot twists are a significant tool of the narrative. You can’t pretend that this isn’t generally understood (it’s why so many studios and directors work so hard to keep plot points secret, because it is part of the joy of seeing the story).
It’s generally considered good internet etiquette literally everywhere else I go on the internet to either say “SPOILER WARNING” or the like, at least for the first week. Also, it *IS* just a TV show, so if you know that spoiling it semi-publically for other people is going to annoy/upset them, isn’t it just as easy to try to not knowingly upset/annoy other people?
Stuart: Here, Sheldon, I pulled the new Hellboy for you. It’s mind-blowing.
Sheldon: Excuse me, spoiler alert.
Stuart: I didn’t spoil anything.
Sheldon: You told me it’s mind-blowing, so, my mind is going into it pre-blown. And once a mind is pre-blown, it cannot be re-blown.
Stuart: I’m sorry.
Sheldon: Said the Grinch to Christmas.
I don’t even watch scenes for the next episode.
That’s hard c*re!
I hate spoilers as much as the next person, but it’s always on you to avoid them, not on everyone else to stay off the Internet, especially two days after the episode has aired.
No, it’s called being polite to post spoiler notices. If you choose not to be polite, that’s on you. Not on the rest of the world. If you have little faith in humanity, then yes, you should try to avoid places where you know spoilers may be present, but come on. This post is rude no matter how you slice it.
Linking “faith in humanity” to tv spoilers. Wow.
It’s amazing I can even live without TV!!
Thank you for the massive, unflagged spoiler! Appreciate all my hard work to filter my Facebook feed, leave rooms when people start talking about it, etc., until I could get caught up on Thursday being ruined. Really. So much. Thank you. /sarcasm
The handle is “Game of Thrones.” True, not expressly labeled with “spoiler.” But if you’re already being diligent, how was that not enough to avoid it? I’m truly asking, and tried to reword it be as clear/concise and hopefully not interpreted as snark.
It’s a short post with about 3 lines. Even if you are trying to skim, it’s hard to avoid literally seeing the words and, by consequence, reading. Most of us here don’t have to go very slowly and move our lips when we read. If it had been buried in a block of text, maybe that wouldn’t be the case.
OMG. It’s a TV SHOW. It’s just not that big a deal, and if having this show spoiled for you makes you so upset, you should find a way to watch it sooner than FIVE DAYS after it airs.
right? I am so fascinated by this thread – I had no idea that there was any kind of ‘convention’ around ‘spoilers’ – haven’t seen GoT discussed at all on my FB. Most of my friends/family are more outdoorsy types so maybe that’s why? Sort of feel like there’s a whole other world that I didn’t know existed.
Yup yall this is a thing! It’s called basic Internet etiquette. I have never in my life seen this many people insist that spoiler alerts are not a thing. They are a thing, I promise you. If you haven’t heard about them, please take 60 seconds and familiarize yourself with the concept.
Also, I saw the name and immediately minimized the comment thread, with the hope that I could still read the topics underneath it. As I was doing that, my eyes landed on RAMSAY IS DEAD. Unacceptable.
And I really wish I could have seen the episode fewer than five days after it aired. Couldn’t happen for 8 million reasons.
emeralds, you are really worked up about this. Get some perspective, man. This is a reaction that is entirely out-of-whack with what happened.
Usually the polite way to post it is
GOT SPOILER ALERT
and then scroll way down so people have the ability to avoid the actual spoiler. Some websites (Reddit) let you black out a spoiler and then people have to click it to see it.
I had seen the episode so it wasn’t spoiled for me but I sympathize with those that are upset.
This thread is fascinating.
Outdoorsy people watch TV too. They’re usually not being outdoorsy at 9p on a Sunday.
GoT isn’t some obscure, hidden cult with members who are shut-ins and watch TV all day. It’s one of the most popular shows on TV right now.
“Spoiler alerts” have long predated GoT, and streaming.
Yeah, emeralds is completely in the right here. What a jerk to post spoilers. This didn’t spoil it for me, one of my stupid FB friends did it for me. I was on a freaking plane, people! Some people have jobs that require them to work on Sundays! FFS.
You seem way more upset about the fact that people are upset about spoilers than anyone who had posted being upset about spoilers in the first place? Perhaps, a suggestion, some perspective? Pot/kettle/etc.
I’ll keep this in mind the next time there’s a 50-comment thread howling about wedding gifts and/or attendance. Which I literally give zero f u c k s about.
FWIW, the spoiler was the cherry of suck on top of a sucky morning. What I can’t wrap my mind around is that people seem so shocked that there is, in fact, this commonly-known-to-the-point-of-ubiquity piece of Internet etiquette called a “Spoiler Alert.”
Also, women love being called overly emotional and hysterical.
I don’t even watch GoT but a lot of friends do – and as Anon London pointed out, the episode aired not even 24 hours ago yet in the UK. We’re all busy people on here and it can totally take a few days to catch up – I haven’t seen Sunday’s Outlander yet and although I’ve read the book I’ve been avoiding alone commentary. I’ve also been avoiding spoilers for The Cursed Child, by not going on fandom pages etc. That’s easily done but when there’s
When there’s stuff on unrelated pages like here it’s hard to avoid (accidentally cut off my post)
this made me LOL
I’ve never watched GOT and could not care less about it–so my reaction is not coming from a place of personal upset at being spoiled–but this is still a d!ck move. And IME with the people who post spoilers on my FB feed, they’re usually immature, insecure attention wh0res who feel the need to announce to the world that they’re “in the know.”
I love that moderation didn’t catch this, but it caught my comment at 11:01 b/c (presumably) of the word s n a r k?
It actually was in moderation for probably an hour, as I expect this reply to be–everything seems to get stuck regardless of content these days. I think those words are fine with the ! and zero and would get through if I had a pre approved handle, but I always use incognito/private mode.
Oh, good! I mean, not good that it got caught in moderation. But that both did, I suppose. If s n a r k gets caught with me using Shayla, then I imagine it wouldn’t make a difference with your incognito/private mode. I’m by no means a super-regular commenter, but it’s my normal handle. FWIW, I think your use of the moderation word was on the line… you were in general calling a group of people something. So… those words are fine with me, but your use is definitely grey area.
Oh, sorry, to clarify I meant that I think when you use characters to replace a letter (or extra spaces like you did in your reply) for a word that you have good reason to believe is on the filter list, it will get it past the filter. As in, it’s “fine” in the sense that it won’t hang up your post. I certainly see your point that the word itself is a grey area.
Using the word without spaces as you did in your first post is probably what triggered moderation even with a regular handle.
Ugh, why do we have to spend this much energy dissecting the nonsensical moderation policies here?
Lol for reals. Some people just want to watch the world burn.
I don’t watch tv so I have no skin in the game but this is hilarious.
“Some people just want to watch the world burn.” <—-Like Cersei!
People who don’t watch TV always seem to think that they’re better than people who do watch TV.
Once I was at a lunch with a person who didn’t watch TV on one side (but he did admit to reading trashy books) and people without cars on the other side of me. It was like a sanctimonious contest. I decided that I won.
This comment wins the internet today.
Lol point well taken – I didn’t mean to imply sanctimony, I just don’t watch tv. But this whole thread is priceless.
Alanna of Trebond
Soylent Green is people.
KS IT Chick
I have a white blazer that has developed a distinct yellow tinge all over. I pulled it out last week and decided it needed to go to the cleaners. I got it back yesterday with a note that they had done as much as they could, but that any further cleaning risked damage to the fabric. It’s a little lighter, but it is still visibly yellow.
Any ideas for how to get rid of the yellowing? I’m thinking I could probably leave it outside for a few hours to see if the bright sunlight would fade the yellowing, and that would at least get rid of the dry cleaning smell.
I think white Blazers have a short shelf life and you may have to just give it up. Try the sunlight, but I don’t think it will help.
What fabric is the blazer made from? Dry cleaning chemicals can actually have a yellowing effect on cotton and linen, so it’s best to wash rather than dry clean. I have a white cotton blazer that I bleach and machine wash.
Try Mrs. Stewart’s Bluing Whitener. It works!
KS IT Chick
It’s polyester. (One of 4 in exactly the same style in different colors) I’m pretty sure it is the dry cleaning chemicals doing it, as it has had to be cleaned a lot more frequently than the others like it, just due to showing any speck of everything that has touched it.
I’ve got another white blazer on order, so if I can’t get this to be white again, I’ll at least have an alternative for it. Once it gets here, I can try washing the original with bluing and seeing if that helps.
If your alternative is getting rid of it, I have had success with oxy-clean soak in hot water with a white blazer. But you will have to reshape it with an iron.
I agree; if you’re going to toss it otherwise it’s worth trying to wash it. If it’s been dry cleaned, a regular wash with detergent might do it; otherwise add oxyclean or bluing. If it’s polyester it shouldn’t shrink that much although you probably will have to press it afterward, and the lining might get a little skewed.
A Study in Scarlet
Just an interesting observation – I saw this woman today in this AMAZING red suit – ruffled hem, beautiful tailoring – on anyone else would have looked a bit intense, but she rocked it. And then she picked up a tote in an identical red shade. And the whole look turned from chic and bold to WOW THAT WOMAN LOVES RED. And it wrecked it.
I kind of felt like that about the outfit the Duchess of Cambridge wore one day last week…red hat, dress, coat, shoes and clutch. I think I would have gone with neutral or black shoes and clutch, at least. But she did make a statement!
Was it Bethenny Frankel!? Her whole house is that super bright SkinnyGirl red.
Who has tips for getting toddlers to sleep through the night? Kids go to sleep, do not stay asleep. Ages almost 2 and almost 3.
We already do (1) warm bath (2) no screen time after 5:30/6 (3) stories/prayers/routine (4) lavender essential oils (5) recently, melatonin (as prescribed by doctor).
Healthy kids, take fine naps at daycare and at home. I’m at my @u&*ing wit’s end.
Cut out the lavender and the melatonin.
More outside time running around. Get a sprinkler for the yard. Maybe time to cut out home naps. Maybe later bedtime.
Also: blackout curtains.
+ 1 000 000 to outdoor time.
If my kids are outside running around for less than an hour every day I can tell immediately by how they sleep.
+ blackout curtains, especially in summer when it’s bright enough to make it hard to go back to sleep at like 4:30
How long do they nap for? At that age naps at 2-2.5 hours max should be fine.
And earlier dinner.
I told my kid that every time she gets out of bed, mommy takes one stuffie. Shockingly, it worked. Kiddo is about 2.5 yrs old.
Wow, I might have to steal that one.
My parents always said that if we wanted to mess with our sleep schedule and stay up all night that was fine, but under no circumstance were we to have the lights on or get out of bed.
So that’s what I did. There were some nights I remember I stayed awake all night. I just couldn’t sleep.
But I grew out of it.
Consider cutting out naps, have the kids run around after dinner, then have a small snack before bed. My kids sleep best when they are physically tired and their little bellies have something in them. When they wake up at night, we don’t let them get out of bed, and tell them in very few words that it is nighttime and they need to sleep. Sometimes this results in crying. I don’t do Cry-it-out, so I will stay and rub their backs for a bit to help them calm down. We also do a reward chart where if they stay in their beds all night they get a sticker, then at the end of the week a prize.
We used to give DS a smallish but decent bedtime snack (some fruit, some protein, maybe some cheerios or other carbs) when he was that age because I thought he might be waking up hungry at night. It seemed to help.
Anon for this
This. If LO’s tummy is full, she sleep so much better and later. Often it, unfortunately, means I am making concessions on dinner stuff – so offering peanut butter toast an hour after she ate practically no veggies at dinner – but if it buys me more sleep, it’s worth it.
What exactly is the issue? They don’t fall asleep well/get out of bed tons? Get up 9 times to pee? Get up when you go to bed? Asking because it may impact the response. Also, do they still nap?
My 2.9 year old no longer naps, is nighttime potty trained, and sleeps from 7:30pm-8am. She will have trouble with nighttime wake ups if (1) she has to get up to pee (she goes, but then calls out for me or DH from the bathroom) (there are worse problems!!) (2) if a noise or bad dream or even the temperature (too hot/cold) wakes her up. She sits in bed and cries until someone goes in there. We sit with her, fix the issue, and rub her back. This has been happening more lately but I think it’s just a phase.
Before naptime ended (RIP), she still slept well through the night but had a lot more trouble settling down- wouldn’t be asleep much before 9 on most nights.
Never too many shoes
I just want to empathize. I have a son on the spectrum who is almost 5 and does not reliably sleep through the night. At least once a week, and sometimes far more often, he will start his (and our) day at 3:30 a.m. The melatonin is helpful, certainly with going to sleep but does not have an impact on staying asleep. My only other things, which you may already be doing, are something for white noise (we have a cool must humidifier), dark room and as much outside time as possible. And again, I am sorry – I can handle a lot but the interrupted sleep and lack of hours of sleep are the *worst*.
I don’t know if your kids would abide by this, but my SIL uses an “Ok to Wake” light up clock. You set a wake up time, and the light is red all night and turns green in the morning at the time it’s ok to wake up. Her 3 yo sits singing to herself in the bed until the green light comes on (at which point she pops out like toast, but whatever). This may not solve middle of the night wakings, but it might help.
Some other thoughts:
-white noise machine
-black out curtains so literally no light in the room
I’m coming off of around 5 months of a 5:00 to 5:30AM wake-up call from my youngest (and corresponding 7:30AM meltdown). We put black out shades in the windows, then covered the windows with black out curtains, and then even sealed the window in the hall outside his room.
It is – knock on any and all wood – making a little bit of a difference. He now sleeps until like 6:15, or one glorious day – 6:30. I literally thought I was going to see the world every day at 5:00AM for the rest of my parenting life, so this is a relief. If he were a little older, I’d add a Tot Clock to the mix (my 4 year old does well with one). I also play white noise louder than I’d otherwise like b/c there are very loud birds just outside his room at 5:30AM.
Of course, vampires would be very at home in his extremely dark room, but whatever, he’s only in there to sleep now.
My daughter did this until she was 4 (no matter what we tried), and then it just stopped.
My other kids never did this. I wonder if one of your kids is waking up the other?
Not sure what I want here but has anyone experienced this — when I was a mid level associate (several yrs ago), I worked for an awesome senior assoc. She was the type that allowed me to get a LOT of experience — depos, brief writing, small hearings — while still watching over me and not letting me mess up. We worked together for about 2 yrs on 2 separate cases, both went to trial. I stopped working with her when I was a 6th yr and then for the next 2-3 yrs at the firm, she became a mentor and then a friend; she’s still a friend now and we see each other maybe once a quarter. So now I’m in a new job which is NOT going well — don’t like the work, there is ZERO mentorship, boring etc. — and I am REALLY missing this person and the experience I had. There’s no way to go back and work with her (truly — she’s a junior partner there now; I didn’t make partner and had to leave bc they didn’t have enough work — they’re certainly NOT EVER going to consider taking me back). So am I doomed to feel like I had 2 incredible yrs in my career and the rest will never compare?? Bc that’s how I’ve been feeling. And I haven’t found any way to be able to work with people who are excellent at what they do, want to teach etc. — I’m in the gov’t now and it’s paycheck collection at its finest. Yet I had to take this job bc when my time ran out at my firm, it’s the ONLY offer I had.
I would suggest reaching out to her and letting her know how much you enjoyed working with her and what that experience meant to you. You never know, she may know of a client looking for people and she may be in a position to recommend you. If it worked out, you could definitely work with her again, with her as your outside counsel!
You are unusually fortunate to have had this experience. You are probably now at a point in your career where you could become a mentor to a junior colleague, which might be satisfying to you too. Just something to consider.
OP — I’m someone who has mentored a ton when I got to be a more senior associate at my firm. It’s something I REALLY enjoyed. Not that I was lecturing to more junior attys but I loved working with them on teams. But current job does not allow that at all — very flat hierarchy and very much paycheck collection; people neither want to learn nor teach.
It’s hard not to look back on 2 excellent years.
+1. Time for you to be the awesome person to someone else. You are the senior now.
OP here sorry if this posts 2x — I did a ton of mentoring at my old firm as a senior associate. Not so much formal mentoring/lecturing, but just working in teams with lots of juniors. I got excellent 360 reviews from them and it’s something I really enjoyed. Sadly no chance for that at my current job. People are not interested in learning or teaching; seriously people seem to want to just collect their money. And I frankly don’t care enough about the subject matter myself to teach.
I know there’s nothing I can do about it, but it’s hard not to look back those awesome yrs and feel sorry for myself that I couldn’t keep it going.
Ok, yikes. This is the most telling comment. While you may miss your mentor, I think what you really miss is a different job/topic/environment. Rather than searching for a new mentor, which I tend to think happens organically, I think you need to look for a new job.
I think you’re looking at this is a skewed way. You got great experience and know how to work because of that attorney. So try to find something that lets you take advantage of that experience. If you don’t like your current job, you’re not stuck in it. Use it as the platform from which to plan your next move. And by all means, network with that partner, but don’t be mopey about it.
I don’t have any advice, but just want to chime in. I’m a junior associate and have been forging a relationship with a senior associate that sounds similar to the one you’d worked with. She gives me good experience, teaches me a ton, and is a good mentor. I am doing what I can to develop this relationship and become her go-to junior.
I’d posted a few months back about how stressed out I get since starting life in a big firm. And life is definitely still like that. But since I started working for this one SA, the work has become much more interesting and that has made my life much better! I’ll make sure to appreciate this for as long as it lasts!
Reach out to her! She may not be able to hire you, but she can tap into her network and help you find other opportunities at large firms, where it seems like you’re happiest.
I had a similar experience – a couple of years in Big Law that I really loved, thanks in large part to a really fantastic senior associate who took me under her wing and was a terrific friend and mentor. I had to leave that firm to follow my husband’s career and was unable to find any legal work that was even remotely as satisfying after that. Just like you said, she gave me a lot of opportunities but also gave me a lot of oversight, which has been a tough balance to recreate. Since leaving that job, I’ve had gigs where I was micro-managed doing very low level work, or where I was just given my own files and told to run with them with no supervision, which has been terrifying. So, I feel ya.
Does anyone here have experience being someone’s financial POA? I have POA for a friend who is very ill and is currently sedated and unable to answer questions… so I’m flying blind a little bit. She is expected to recover, but at the moment, I’m trying to figure out how best to get everything organized and make sure nothing slips through the cracks.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
The best thing you can do is be as organized as possible, keep very clear (and traceable) records, document every.single.person. you spoke to if you need to talk to somebody, and make sure you take care of yourself.
I’ve been financial POA for someone who, while not going through a medical issue, had/has international travel that often involves no phone/internet for long stretches of time. The most helpful thing I got was access to their (very well organized and maintained) mint.com account. This let me see everything in one spot. In the absence of this/before I figured this out, I had a spreadsheet. The top half was assets, the bottom half was liabilities. I use a single credit card to pay for just the other person’s expenses (e.g., dog boarding, cellphone bill, etc.) and then paid off all expenses in one shot with one monthly payment (very easy to just use the statement).
When your friend recovers, the best thing you can possibly do is have everything lined out in a way that they can pick back up again. Make sure their rent/mortgage gets paid and their pet has money to be fed. Make sure their health insurance doesn’t lapse. The rest can be sorted out.
We had to do this with my Mom but we skipped going the formal POA route since my Dad was able to access all of her stuff without it. Pull the last few bank statements as this will help you identify any regular payments or credit card payments. Also, if you can get access to their email that can be helpful for catching stuff you would otherwise miss, and can enable you to reset passwords if you need to get into accounts (my Mom had just set up Stitchfix so we needed to go in and shut that off).
Do you have her email login and/or bank login? If you don’t have a big buffer to work with you probably need to identify if there are any automatic payments set to come out of her checking account so you don’t accidentally overdraft or cause a payment to bounce. As anon said, if you can get a hold of the last few months bank statements you can probably ID all her regular bills
The biggies I would worry about making sure they get paid are: rent/mortgage, electric, water, health insurance, car payment. Ideally you don’t want any of her accounts to go into default, but if her cable gets cut off that’s not really the end of the world, whereas the others I listed could cause a much bigger cascading effect.
Also, this may be a little bit shady, but having been there to deal with this for a family member: if you are on the phone and trying to take care of business, don’t volunteer that you aren’t actually the account holder if it isn’t necessary, because then it can turn into a giant mess of being asked to fax in the POA or do things in writing that could be done over the phone. For instance, I was able to get the current balance due and make a payment by check over the phone with the water department my using phrases like “The name on the account is Jane Smith” and “The account number is X and the service address is Y”. Whereas I made the mistake of explaining the situation to the gas company (This is Meg Murry and I have POA for Jane Smith ….) and they made me go through a giant rigamarole of first waiting on hold to talk to 2 levels of managers, then faxing in the POA, etc before they would just tell me how much it would take to keep the gas from being turned off (they had come put a “final warning” notice on the property due to overdue bills that we hadn’t received since they had been going to the person electronically and we couldn’t figure out her gas company login, we didn’t know she was already 2 months behind in payments).
Frivolous poll for the lawyers out there— do you say “dep” or “depo” as an abbreviation for “deposition”? I have always said “dep,” picking it up from the senior lawyers I worked with. I now work with an intern who only says “depo.” This person has never been to, seen, or prepared anyone for a deposition. (That’s sort of unrelated, but it’s funny that he has a lingo for a process he has never gotten close to in any way). And I am surprised at how much it totally drives me crazy to hear him say it!
Anon in NYC
Depo. All of the more senior lawyers I worked with said it that way.
+4. And when I hear someone on TV say dep it drives ME crazy.
And I’m in the Midwest
At first I thought you were talking about the citation abbreviation in a brief, which I’ve seen done both ways. But in speech? Never heard anyone call it “dep.” That’s weird, I agree. “Depo,” for sure.
Anon for this
The only time I use “dep” is when my iphone autocorrects to it and it drives me nuts. Definitely “depo.”
My iphone many years ago kept auto-correcting Depo to Repo. The jr. partner I was working for at the time found it too funny.
Both — and I’ve heard lawyers do both. I totally get the different lingo being jarring (my personal pet peeve is “litigations”) but I don’t think your intern is technically wrong, so I wouldn’t correct him/her.
Depo all the way.
This is in NYC, and we also say depo prep
I think I’ve literally never heard someone refer to it as a “dep.” Depo for sure.
Never heard “dep” in my life, only depo. Do you all say “I have deps today”? That sounds so clumsy v. “I have depos today.” Could it be a regional thing?
Wow, I’m shocked! Totally outnumbered! “Depo” is like nails on a chalkboard to me—I guess I need to get over it!
I wonder what the geography results of this would be?
I’m depo in Chicago
I’m in Chicago too. Do you also say “depo prep”? That is bonkers!
“Dep prep” specifically. But otherwise depo. This is funny.
I’m dep in Chicago, and so is most of the rest of my large firm.
Exclusively “dep” — “dep prep” for sure. “Depo” makes me think of the birth control by the same name?
Isn’t it pronounced differently? Depo as in deposition is Dep-o and the BC is deep-o, no?
Depo-Provera is dep-o.
I say “depo” (from Midwest) but my husband says “dep” (from Northeast). I wonder if it is a regional thing?
Depo. I started working at law firms in college and have now been out of law school for 15 years, and I’ve literally never heard anyone say dep.
I have worked in several states, and luckily my current coworkers are kind enough to be amused by my sometimes-different jargon.
Dep prep but otherwise depo.
My whole firm says only depo, including depo prep. I think “dep prep” is hard to say.
Depo all the way, but I worked with one partner who said dep.
Depo. Never heard dep.
Depo. I’ve worked as a lawyer in California, the Midwest and New England.
dep. it must be a regional thing. Hardly anyone here calls it a depo.
Only depo. Dep is new to me.
I’m in LA.
Dep is the correct term for legal citation (Jones Dep. 3:11-14), but most people I know use depo in everyday speaking/writing.
Not a lawyer, but I feel like I’ve heard the term depo used in books/movies/tv about lawyers/crime, or they used the full word deposition but never dep. So maybe that’s where he picked it up?
I just read all of these responses and now they’re both incredibly weird to me.
I wonder if it’s a firm to firm thing? I had literally never heard anyone use “dep” before and then two lawyers from the same firm that I had different occasions to interact with both used dep in conversation. Now after reading this conversation both words are overused to my brain and both sound funny!
Depo only (depo prep as well). DC and Midwest.
Depo only. Came from a Biglaw firm. Now in house at F50 and never heard Dep in my life.
I say depo but the correct abbreviation is dep.
Can someone give me the bullet points on MM LaFleur? Quality vs price? Do they ever go on sale? Brick and mortar stores? I feel as though b!o g ger sing their praises, but I feel like feedback on this s! te has been inconsistent. It looks very aligned with what I’m after in terms of style and price. Too good to be true?
Runs small (see comments above).
Never seems to be on sale, so order what you want when it’s in stock.
I consider the washable dresses to be a very good value. I have only had one dress, but will probably buy more or check there first when looking.
+1. I will add that I bought their Sant Ambroeus Jardigan on a whim (after initially wincing when I looked at the price tag), and I wear it over dresses at least once or twice a week when I’m not in court. It’s structured, wrinkle-resistant, and comfortable. Worth every penny.
I love that jardigan. I have trouble finding jackets that fit me because I have large shoulders and a smaller bust, and it’s so comfortable and flattering.
yep, jardigan is a game-changer.
Alex at MM.LaFleur
Hi MS! We’re delighted to hear you’re getting good use out of your Sant Ambroeus.
Alex at MM.LaFleur
Hi there! I’m Alex, one of the stylists at MM.LaFleur, and I’m glad to hear you’re a fan of your MM dress. If you ever have any questions on a particular style that has caught your eye, please don’t hesitate to email our stylist team at firstname.lastname@example.org
Their stuff is hit and miss for me (in terms of fit and occasionally quality) but when it’s a hit, it’s a big. hit.
Alex at MM.LaFleur
Hi there! I’m Alex, and I’m on the stylist team here at MM. We’d love to help you find more hits to add to your wardrobe. Please don’t hesitate to email email@example.com if you’d like our stylists to recommend some pieces for you.
Alex at MM.LaFleur
Hi Daisy! Our price point is a reflection of the high-quality fabrics and attention to craftsmanship that goes into all of our designs. We are direct-to-consumer and don’t inflate prices the way many brands do, so we typically don’t offer discounts. We have a showroom in New York City, and frequently host pop-ups all over the country. We hope you’ll have the chance to check us out either online or in person!
Careful with some stuff from MM lafleur, I had one of their tops rub off dye on a light colored sofa i was sitting on.
Was this after washing/dry cleaning, or before it was ever washed/cleaned?
Alex at MM.LaFleur
Hi there. I’m Alex, and I’m on the stylist team here at MM. We’re shocked to hear about the dye on your dress, and want to do everything we can to help remedy this for you. Please email firstname.lastname@example.org, and we’ll be in touch with next steps.
Another frivolous lawyer poll: I had never heard interrogatories referred to as “rogs” but attorneys at my new firm use that abbreviation all the time (in emails and to name the document, not in speech). Am I the odd one or are they?
Anon in NYC
I’ve heard both. I’ve worked with some attorneys who used it and others who didn’t.
At my old firm it was iRogs in writing and rogs in speech
I haven’t heard iRogs — and I’m also in Chicago! It sounds like the newest Apple litigation device to me ;)
That partner was an Apple fanboy, so I’m assuming that’s how it happened!
I say and type “rogs.”
bring the rrogs to the depo
These are funny to me.
We say “rogs” and abbreviate them “rrogs” (usually not “rogs”), but people will also write/say the whole word.
I use rogs as an abbreviation in writing but rarely say it.
I always write “rogs” but don’t say it.
When I clerked in New York and New Jersey, it was “rogs” but now at my firm in Chicago, its “IROGS”
Back in the day I called them interrogs.
Anon in Austin
Everyone at my firm refers to interrogatories as rogs. Both in writing and aloud.
NYC, rogs both in writing and aloud.
“Rogs” both written and aloud. And now sometimes my friends and I will text one another, “ROG!” followed by some question, because it’s a hilarious word.
Texas (4 cities around the state over 15 years), rogs both in writing and aloud.
Both I-rogs & rogs, but only depo to answer the above question. California practice here.
“Ints” here in the Midwest, but “rogs” is used by one of my partners on a regular basis.