ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Nejvi Top

A woman wearing black top and pair of black pants with pointed sandals

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

The slightly-unusual cut of this top is what initially caught my eye, but the machine-washable fabric is what really drew me in.

M.M.LaFleur has really outdone itself with this boatneck blouse. It has a relaxed fit, but the seam at the waist gives a really gorgeous shape. Pair this with some slim-fitting pants for a great business casual look or tuck it into a skirt suit for a more formal look.

The top is $195-$265 at M.M.LaFleur, depending on the color, and available in sizes XS-XXL. There are also a handful of lucky sizes available in some sale colors. 

Sales of note for 12.5

380 Comments

  1. Secrets thread?

    I have a life changing event this week and I can’t say anything to anyone because it’s both impolite and of course there is a chance the event goes totally haywire.

    Anyone else just NEED to get something out?

    1. I just need a break from grown-up life / my husband asking me questions about home stuff. We’ve had a broken dishwasher, a roof issue, and now a broken tiny window… and honestly, the window can stay taped up because I can’t make a decision. I’m off with kid for 2 weeks, is there a nice way to say “I don’t want texts proposing harebrained house improvements whilst away?”

      2. I have so much sympathy for this. I feel like shouting “I am not the cruise director for our entire lives!!!”

        1. That is the upside of work travel resuming and some parental illness — we are sharpening our solo parenting skills again and knowing that it’s not a time to complain to the person who is away. If I’m in the ER with my mom, do not call me to complain about how hard your day is.

        2. Like he’s so competent with day to day kid stuff, but doesn’t understand money, so I’m always “Mrs No…”

      4. We came home from vacation a couple weeks ago to a dead fridge, and while I was dealing with it (which turned out to be a huge ordeal; we had to order three separate fridges to get one working one and still haven’t managed to get a refund for one of the two defective fridges), my husband was on a work trip in the Caribbean sending me texts about seeing manta rays and turtles and octopuses while snorkeling. I still think I deserve an award for not filing for divorce.

          2. Thankfully nothing super gross — we tend to empty out our fridge before traveling so the worst part was just a lot of water from all the ice that had melted in the freezer.

        2. When we were small, me and all four of my siblings got chicken pox at the same time. My dad was on a work trip in Maui; just my mom at home with us. It was also January with record-cold temperatures.

          He opened his nightly call to my mom saying he had just gotten back from a walk on the beach.
          She hung up on him.

          1. Oh man your poor mom!! I hung up on my husband too, lol. Well not technically, but I gave a very clipped “I spent two hours on the phone with Lowe’s today and I’m really not in the right headspace to hear about your snorkeling excursion right now, goodbye.” And then hung up.

    2. I wish I had another sibling or two so I didn’t have 100% of the interaction burden with her. Like please take ShoutyLifeFail for a month and I will deal with her in August. But no.

      1. My siblings are all train wrecks and I don’t have contact with them anymore. If you want, I will be your new sister in exchange for handling ShoutyLifeFail until August. (My timeline on handling people’s crap is about 5-10 years.)

        1. I’m so sorry, that’s rough. OTOH, if 3 kids are hot messes, no one blames it on you.

          If it’s 2 kids, it’s always the adulting kid’s fault somehow that their sibling is a hot mess. I so feel for the William / Harry dynamic and get why William doesn’t publicly complain like Harry does (IMO, publicly complaining when you’re the kid who seem to be adulting seems to enrage the other one and add fuel to the fire and you never look good doing it).

          1. Heh, my entire family is dysfunctional. I’ve finally begun to explain it to people by (quite cheerfully) starting a story with “that time my father’s fourth ex-wife…” etc.

          2. Oohhh, “Your brother plays too many video games. My brother was in the same rehab as (celebrity)” is another good one.

          3. I feel this so hard. Sometimes younger siblings never outgrow the “its all about me, and everyone including my sibling has to parent me even in adulthood” and its a betrayal to them when you act like a sibling and not a parent. And it gets worse when the older sibling creates a family unit of their own. Reading Spare and the meltdown Harry had about William getting married felt like looking into my sibling’s mind – not pretty, but it did make me feel like at least I wasn’t the only one having to deal with that particular dynamic.

    3. A close friend recently got a stage four cancer diagnosis but isn’t ready to tell people yet, so I’m also sworn to secrecy. It really doesn’t sound good, but she doesn’t want to talk about it much, so I’m still fuzzy on details and am just trying to support her as much as I can given the terrible circumstances.

      1. My mom was like this for the first 9 months of treatment. Now everyone is mad at me for not telling them. She had one reason (sibling with dementia trying to come save her if she had found out and she could have because one aunt of mine is local and has no filter). But it’s her last bit of autonomy and choices and I wasn’t about to override it. Now I have the blowback now that her sibling has died and we can talk about it.

      2. I am in your exact position. I am trying to figure out how to support my friend and I will honor her wish for privacy and control over this tiny piece of her world.

        1. I was in this very position a year ago. Friend wanted no one to know, didn’t want to see/talk to anyone. I sent no-response-needed texts to her almost every day, just letting her know I was thinking of her and available anytime, anywhere if she needed anything. She says this was the best thing she could have asked for. Just knowing you aren’t alone…

        2. I helped with food, appointment driving and support resources. I also held hands with her. The first time, she apologized, as if grown ups aren’t supposed to hold hands. I told her “There’s no one in the world I;d rather hold hands with. Any time.”

    4. I totally yelled at my kid this morning. 6 year old. Not listening to me repeatedly and trying to blame me for something she did. It just built up and I lost it. I apologized but feel bad still

      1. Been there, done that. I’d focus on how you apologized and modeled what to do when people lose their tempers – that’s a good thing!

      3. I remember doing that when my kids were little and I would feel SO bad. I’d console myself by thinking that at least their first manager wouldn’t be the first person to yell at them in life.

        My kids are teens now, and while conflict can be tough, they are more willing to listen and I can detach when appropriate. Some of the unreasonableness is almost comic on a 13yo or a 16yo.

    5. Background – I am not sporty. I did not grow up in a sporty family and I truly dgaf about sports at all. I have two boys one of whom cares about sports and the other doesn’t but will participate if he likes the people on his teams. I do the majority of the childcare/home stuff plus working full time so I told my husband all extracurriculars are fully on him.
      This was easy when the kids were little and it was a 1x week play gym. Now they are in two different sports, with different practice schedules, and different ‘home’ gyms. I have agreed to do sporadic pick ups ‘dad style’ – tell me where to be and I’ll be there but I am not doing any further planning. My husband is vocally struggling to manage sign up logistics/uniforms/practice schedules as the kids get bigger and I am highly amused. Mind you – this is all local, no travel, and is WAY simpler than stuff like being class mom (which I’ve done 3 times now). I blandly respond to his sighing/comments about ‘how much more complicated this all is than it used to be!’ with ‘I bet, thank you for managing it!’ and refusing to get more involved.

      5. A long time ago – I signed my son up for one week of Cub Scout day camp. I gave myself an hour to get him dropped off and signed in for the day, I did all the registration papers online to “expedite”’check in on day one, but when we got there, no one had done their paperwork so the line was 20+ people long and wasn’t moving at all. After 45 minutes I concluded that the line wasn’t going to move at that point fast enough for me to get to work on time for a meeting, my son was in whining that he wanted to leave, so we left!

        He came to the work with me for the day, I called the summer camp I’d taken him out of for a week for Cub Scout camp & they were happy to have him come back (it was his after school care place and they ran all-day summer session) so my son never went back to Cub Scout camp.

        The women running the whole thing were volunteers, I know that, but come on, if the line is 20+ people long, now is not the time to have a long catch-up chitchat!

        1. The fact that there weren’t separate lines for people who did paperwork and those who didn’t kills me!!

    6. One of my besties secretly got married in Vegas over the weekend. They’re having a small ceremony in 6 weeks with their kids and parents. It’s such a happy, delightful secret!

    7. I’ve supported my best friend endlessly with her man baby husband. But this time, she’s doing something wrong and I’m sure not going to tell her but I’m worried that he’s reaching the boiling point of misery and depression. She is very rigid about their kids’ sleep and will not pursue any kind of sleep training whatsoever because she is the type of person who can get by on three or four hours and be mostly OK, but her husband isn’t. He needs eight hours of sleep, never gets it, but she gets mad at him for being tired when she technically got fewer hours than he did. Being angry at someone for being tired but not letting them do anything different with the kids’ sleep seems like a really freaking bad idea. I blame the internet for making her think sleep training is the devil. But I will keep my mouth shut, again.

        1. Right – it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that you should be getting angry at someone for needing. He’s not trying to disappear for a week from all kid responsibilities or anything.

      2. Lots of opinions on this.

        Long term sleep deprivation causes depression and impairs cognitive functioning. Like someone said above, it’s prohibited by the Geneva Convention.

        Beyond that, it’s Not Okay to dictate to other people how their bodies “should” work. It’s actually deeply controlling, in a very creepy way. It’s not your body and it’s not your lane, so park your mouth in the off position. Bodies work the way they work; our job as adults is to understand how our bodies work and meet the needs of our bodies. Whether it be managing diabetes, exercising in a way that is helpful and not harmful, honouring our sleep schedule, managing allergies, any of it, the assignment is to work with your body.

      3. This guy may be a manbaby in many respects, but needing a normal amount of sleep is not one of them.

        1. Precisely why this bugs me. He’s not a bad person for not being able to get by on 5 hours while their almost-four-year-old screams in one room and the baby in another. I just bite my tongue and say “that sounds rough.”

          1. Yeah, that’s tough. Do you think your friend would be open to a gentle reminder that not everybody can get by with as little sleep as she does?

          2. Totally agree that this woman needs someone to shake her.
            There are actually genetic differences among people, and some can get by on very little sleep. Some cannot.

          3. She gets really touchy about anything regarding sleep – she’s a great person in so many ways but she seems to enjoy the martyr role when it comes to this. I’ve gotten away with “yeah it’s hard not to get the sleep you need” and not much more.

        2. This can even go for abnormal amounts of sleep. I used to hold it against my husband that he napped so much. It was an abnormal amount of sleep and I felt like it was avoidance or being passive aggressive or something. Well he’s stopped napping all the time since he was diagnosed with and treated for sleep apnea and fistulizing Crohn’s. :( I was TA.

        3. People also just need really widely varying amounts of sleep. Some people do fine on 6 hours. Other people really need 9-10 hours. I’m in the latter group and wish I weren’t — I could accomplish so much more if I didn’t spend this much time sleeping — but it’s a biological thing that I’m not able to change. I’m glad my husband did more than his share of night wake-ups when we had a baby, because he really functions better than I do on interrupted sleep.

        4. This. Also, sleep training is not a harmless practice. Cry it out methods, for example, have documented negative effects on children. This is a rock and a hard place. She shouldn’t be upset with him, but I refusing to budge on sleep training is not a bad thing.

          1. No, CIO literally doesn’t. High-quality studies show that it helps babies sleep, reduces postpartum depression, and increases parental satisfaction.

          2. There are versions of CIO that are absolutely harmful. There’s a difference between gently crying oneself to sleep (fine at any age) and panicked CRYING to the point of hoarseness while being 100% ignored (who would treat a child or adult that way?).

          3. OP here and I didn’t say anything about CIO – my best friend refuses to consider ANY form of sleep training despite her marriage falling apart before her eyes. I’m honestly scared for them.

          5. Anon at 12:16, I agree with you. I’ve heard of crying to the point of vomiting too. It’s not okay. Like you said, no one would treat older children or adults this way.

      4. I survived on 3 hours of sleep a night for years and was functioning at a basic level but cognitively you could tell easily. She is kidding herself that she thinks anything less than 6 hours is ok. It doesn’t work. She might think it does but the research says nope. It might be an idea to suggest both she and her husband get a Garmin which tracks sleep data as it has such a huge impact on performance. I bet her HRV numbers will be super low and she will be shocked how she performs when she raises that.

        https://www.hss.edu/article_heart-rate-variability.asp

        https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/heart-rate-variability-new-way-track-well-2017112212789

    8. One kid is volunteering at a Freedom School this summer. It is a noble effort. But a total hot mess for a kid with two working parents who does not have her own personal automobile 100% devoted to her use. They do field trips, but will not transport anyone but paid staffers in school buses with the kids. Volunteers have to provide their own transportation, which would be fine (kid / spouse are car sharing this week as the site is near his work), but then same-day they will announce a field trip leaving kid stranded in a heat wave (or calling in a panic to see if we can shuffle cars). Ugh. I think that kiddo is now soured on this (OTOH, kid is not realizing that people who don’t pay for your time may not value it either).

      1. I had to look up what this is but it seems really short sighted that a workshop focused on engaging and empowering kids gives absolutely no thought to their volunteers. Really hypocritical.

      2. Today I learned that Freedom School is a national program. I totally thought it was just a local thing.

    9. I am both really jealous of a friend’s weightloss and secretly am judging her for doing it in a questionable manner (a special program fueled by sawdust granola bars and 1 real meal a day), especially now that she’s peddling this stuff on Facebook.

      1. Sounds like Optavia or similar, which is an MLM. Hopefully she comes to her senses before she loses too much money to her upline.

    10. I have developed a major crush on an older married colleague. He actually used to be my manager (well over 5 years ago now) and I had absolutely zero interest in him for the first 10+ years I knew him. But for some reason I’ve had this crush now for about 6 months and I just can’t shake it. Don’t worry…nothing is every going to happen. He lives in another state and only visits my city a couple times a year. The opportunity to even be alone with him in an office – let alone anywhere off campus – is vanishingly small. I would never make a move on him. But yet my brain can’t let it go.

      1. I also have a crush on a longtime colleague. I’ll get over it for awhile, and then it comes back again. I would never, ever act on this and I keep it 100 percent professional, but it’s there.

        1. Yes, please!

          I, too, have a long-running crush on a married colleague. We have worked together for years and there has always been such chemistry that our peers and upper management jokingly ship us. I would never act on it and neither would he, although we have had a few frank conversations acknowledging feelings. The daydreaming is delicious, though.

    11. I’m having consults and getting pricing on a tummy tuck. My husband insists that I look great but I have a lot of loose skin after pregnancy that no amount of weight loss will fix. It’s uncomfortable in heat/when working out plus it makes me about a size larger than I’d otherwise be. I don’t plan to bring it up to my husband until I have a firmer idea on cost/which surgeon. In the meantime I swing between feeling like a mid-40s cliche and desperately wanting it to be already scheduled.

      1. You would be shocked at how many women get tummy tucks for the exact reasons you mention. IMHO, when something causes physical issues (eg, women who have back and shoulder issues before getting a reduction), it’s not a cliche or something to be ashamed of. Be happy that you can afford it.

      2. Do it! When it’s over, come back and tell us all about how much better you feel.

        1. Short version: It’s totally worth it but it’s a pretty gruesome surgery and you should plan for twice as much downtime as the doctor says. I was off work for four weeks with mine and was happy for every day of it. Also don’t be too anxious to have your drains removed — I had mine out too soon and ended up with a seroma which had to be drained in the doctors office a couple of times a week for … a while. But again, the results are FANTASTIC.

    12. For the last five years or so, I’ve been editing work documents to reinsert the word “women” in places where it was stripped out and replaced with something dehumanizing.

      1. Thank you. My righteous teen and I had a verbal dust-up in this yesterday. She is vocal that men can have babies because some might be born as women and identify otherwise. As a working mom, I feel like I’ve really failed that she does not really see this. She also spends a lot of time griping about where prisoners get housed. She has no sense of danger at all.

          1. I feel like terf is the slur that everyone goes to fast when someone raises a legitimate issue as neutrally as possible (yes, all squares are rectangles, but sometimes squareness is a relevant determinant on issue A or B, but not at all relevant to things like C-ZZZ).

            At any rate, angry teen is going to angry teen. BUT things like this often make convos what I find are inappropriate s*xual if held outside of close peers and family (like I would not like my teen being counseled by any other adult, especially without my express prior agreement).

          3. I don’t even know what the rf part is about in terf. Most of the people I know who are the least comfortable with trans issues are the farthest thing possible from radical feminists.

            It’s lazy to throw the term “terf” around.

          4. Name calling is what one resorts to when you know you don’t have a viable argument.

        2. Tell her to look up Tremaine Carroll, who was the face of the effort to get men into women’s prisons until he inconveniently raped two prisoners in an all-women’s facility and was then transferred back to the men’s where he belongs.

          2. It’s curious how many only discover their inner ladyfeelz during sentencing for violent crimes.

          3. Why should anyone be suffering or committing crimes in prison? I feel like any institution that fails to prevent crimes in prison has lost any standing to imprison people.

          4. To Anon at 10:45: Please understand that those of us who are concerned are not worried about MTF women. We are worried about men claiming to be MTF women to gain access to women’s spaces.

            90% of the time I am in favor of kindness, acceptance and understanding. I do not care what bathroom people use or what they wear. I will respect pronouns. But there are spaces that are properly reserved for people who were not born with penises (or at the very least should not be open to anyone who claims to be a woman regardless of whether that claim is in good faith).

        3. My coworker is a gay man whose husband, apparently trans, just had their second baby. He took a leave of absence from work and didn’t leave their apartment much while he was pregnant because of all of the abuse he faced being a pregnant man. (He’s a middle school teacher and lives in the Bronx). But absolutely, upper middle class cisgender working moms are the real victims here.

          2. Do you think calling half of the country people with uteruses will make the nation more accepting?

          3. I guess if you’re FTM and you don’t want to be ridiculed for being a pregnant man, don’t get pregnant?

            If you’re a couple that consists of two men who then have children in the ways that cisgender gay couples do. Yes it’s expensive and difficult but you have choices.

            If you’re trans and you’re a man, I have full respect for you and think you should dafeky be able to live your truth but you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

          4. I know some women who on the body type spectrum and presentation were pretty far from the stereotypical woman pictured on mudflaps. For orientation, they were no uniform. They have all had kids and I do not recall any shade being thrown at them in smaller towns in the SEUS.

            I’m a bit irritated that TERF is used for women and no one throws any shade at men of any flavor in the form of a slur. Again, women attract the pain.

          5. Anon at 12:22, your comment of, “I guess if you’re FTM and you don’t want to be ridiculed for being a pregnant man, don’t get pregnant?” is beyond the pale. Nobody deserves ridicule for that.

          6. Why would someone who opts out of being a woman want to have a baby? It makes zero sense. Did they not know they can dress in a masculine way, marry a man, and have a baby? I

      2. I try to be an open-minded person, but I really bristle at how the language has changed in ways that erase the experience of being a woman.

          2. I agree that it’s not a universal experience, but there are some things that you’re never gonna understand if you’ve spent most of your life walking through the world as a male. Not sorry for feeling that way.

          3. Disagree. I will not see an OB/gyn who uses language like “person with a uterus.”

        2. It’s intentional. If we don’t have a word to refer to the class that is paid less, r*ped more, used for free labor, and objectified, then it’s harder for women to organize for their rights. Cutting things up into “uterus havers” and “pee squatters” makes it unclear that those two groups are one and the same. No other oppressed group stands for this crap.

          2. IDK if I am more likely to be r@ped because I’m a woman, because I’m observably small and not very strong, or I have a certain hole that r@pists seem to prefer over others. All I know is that in some situations, encountering a man who is a stranger can be unsafe for me and it’s different when encountering a woman under identical circumstances.

          3. Exactly – and this is why are there no equivalent word for men.
            It is not enough that women are underrepresented in research and the world is designed without accounting for our biology, and our ailments are underprioritized. We also have to be erased verbally, and called slurs when we raise issues and set boundaries.
            You cannot become a woman by mutilating yourself physically or chemically, or by declaring you are a woman. And your rights does not trumph mine.

        3. You do you, but I’m glad to be acknowledged as a person above being a woman and don’t see how being acknowledged as a person on equal footing with my male peers erases that I’m a woman. I’ve worked and fought to be treated, acknowledged and paid equally and to be recognized as a person in spaces where I have historically been an outlier.

          1. But ARE we recognized as “a person above being a woman”? Because I definitely don’t feel that way.

          3. How is reducing me to a “person who has potential to get pregnant” (literally a phrase that appeared in a brief my company wrote and I edited) seeing me as anything other than a breeder, which women have fought against for centuries?

          4. I’m a woman and a person who doesn’t have the potential to get pregnant. I’m also not trans. Call me whatever you like, just don’t call me late for dinner.

        4. Same. There are struggles unique to being a cis woman than trans individuals (both FTM and MTF) can’t and don’t understand.

    13. This isn’t a huge secret except that it’s hard to convey how I feel about it, but the last time I felt happy was when I had a household pet that I ended up having to return to the rescue when another household pet couldn’t learn to get along. I don’t know how people handle more difficult situations than “having a household pet that precludes getting another one,” or even why much more difficult situations in my life haven’t broken me like this one has.

      1. You loved that pet. You’re grieving its absence from your life. I completely understand.

    14. I am dating an old money, nyc trust fund kid and I’m embarrassingly interested in all the rich people stuff. I grew up in a small, poor town and even the “rich” people I knew growing up were middle class at best. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it without sounding weird and shallow, or like a gold digger or something, but it’s just so fascinating to me!

        1. Thanks everyone for indulging me, hahah. Here are some things that have come up–
          – I can never predict what they spend money on versus don’t. They all drive Hondas and Subarus that are a few years old, fly economy, stay in fairly basic hotels. But then my BF had a live-in nanny as a kid and went to a fancy prep school that has tuition higher than my private college. His mom’s house has these tiny little televisions, but then there’s tens of thousands of dollars worth of art on the walls.
          – They’re so well connected — especially because BFs parents work in media– it blows my mind. I don’t want to dox him or me, but a recent example is that I was talking about the Disney CEO Bob Iger and he was like oh I think I know him. And he meant like, personally, from a certain christmas party that all the media people are at every year. All these people that seem totally unreachable to me are just a phone call away for him.
          – Lots of funny differences from school. He speaks three languages and I was asking him where he learned them and he was like, “well in third grade when you pick which language you’re going to study…” and I was like, yeah that is not the case in public school.
          – He is very down-to-earth and is mostly friends with non-rich people these days, but sometimes he’ll say something that’s hilariously out of touch. I was talking about how we drove to Florida (from new england) twice when I was a kid and he was like, “Why? someone in your family must be afraid of flying, right?” and I was like uh, it’s because airfare is expensive.

          1. Oh my gosh, the art thing. DH has a random relative, never married, no children, cushy job he’s very good at, virtually no expenses, bought property at the right time, whatever. He drives a Honda and a few years ago my SIL gave him a new pair of New Balance shoes for Christmas because the old ones were falling apart. I don’t think he’s bought new clothes in over a decade.

            SECRET: DH looked up one of the paintings relative has in his home. It is worth mid six figures. We are the only family members who know this and it BLOWS MY MIND that anyone I know has that kind of wealth, let alone Mr. had-to-be-hoodwinked-into-replacing-his-tennis shoes.

          3. Anon@12:49 I get why, but it’s such a different mindset from the one I was raised in it’s not intuitive to me at all!

      2. I would definitely feel this way; for me it’s partly the general fascination of NYC vs. my small town or even the decidedly unromantic steel city that was its closest urban center.

      3. I’m OP, my family is old money (related to the *big event*). It’s a wild world out there, social norms in old money are so rigid and different. I love talking about the odd stuff but I don’t get many opportunities.

          1. Sorry I’m OP, the big event is my secret, I didn’t specify because I wanted people to actually post their secrets rather than accuse me of humble bragging. The event in question is a party where all the grandkids get access to their trusts.

          2. Is that actually a thing or are you making this all up for your entertainment? Trusts are usually given out at a certain age and any competent estate planning attorney would flip her lid at the thought of having the 14 year olds get their trusts at the same time as the 32 year olds.

          3. It’s actually a thing? The youngest is 25, which is the benchmark that Grandpa was waiting for apparently. He wanted us to get our trusts at the same time and be adults.

        2. Maybe it’s my rural poor background speaking, but I don’t even know what you mean by big event – seriously. The big bang? Care to elaborate?

      4. You can talk here! I’ve always wondered what that life is like – like we set price alerts and stay in Airbnbs to keep our NY’s trips on budget in the Caribbean, but then see 20-somethings tendering in from their enormous yacht charters that go for hundreds of thousands a week.

        1. Sort of off topic but chartering a small sailing yacht is not as expensive as you might think. A family member and I did it for about $12k, including tip for the crew. It’s certainly not a cheap vacation, but there are many resorts in the Caribbean that charge more for a week (especially at Christmas/NYE time) and yachting is SO MUCH BETTER. It’s a vacation I hope to be able to afford regularly in 15-20 years.

          2. The yacht in question was the Lady Lara (link in md) which starts at $1.4M per week!

          3. Oh my — yes, that’s a very different story, lol. Honestly even if I had the budget (ha!) I don’t think I’d like a superyacht as much as a smaller sailing yacht. It’s too much like a cruise ship at that point.

          4. We did it for much cheaper, a week in Croatia, with a skipper for $8K Canadian for three couples.

          5. Thank you for sharing! I want to do this so much when my kids are old enough to be strong swimmers. My only friends who might be into it are pretty cheap, so we’ll see. My secret is that I’m a staunch feminist and know how to sail some. However I’m not very confident or interested in working towards being a captain, so a captained charter would be perfect.

          6. Anon @4:54 I went with my mom who is a really skilled sailor and I know how to sail too, but our experience is on smaller boats so we hired the captain and chef and had no regrets — it made it much more vacation-y to be waited on, and the captain let us sail whenever we wanted, so it wasn’t like we didn’t get to sail ourselves. Highly recommend hiring crew if you can swing the price!

            Our boat had capacity for 6 people and only a marginal price increase for each additional person, so it could have been much more affordable if we’d brought more people, but we didn’t really have others to go with (both our husbands and my kids all get horribly seasick), and I also think it was worth not having the boat at capacity. The cabins are tiny and it was really nice to each have our own room. Of course, this is all boat-dependent.

            If your kids like being on boats and don’t get too seasick it would be an amazing family vacation — definitely do it!

      5. I find it fascinating, too. It’s an entirely different universe than the one I grew up in (or live in now).

    15. I am 100% over my sister complaining about her ex and their divorce. Like I get it; life is hard. But YOU are the one who changed your mind about having kids when you married him knowing he wanted them. And YOU are the one who did the “maybe next year” dance for a decade. So please stop complaining every time I see you about him, his new wife (who did not even live in our state when you two separated so the constant insinuation to others that she was the “other woman” is just silly), and all of the financial ways you were purportedly shortchanged the divorce (you were not).

      You did not want to have kids and that is fine. People who did not want kids should not have them. But he was really clear from the beginning that he did want to have kids and your fundamental mismatch on that issue is not anyone’s fault. It has been three years; let it go.

      2. Totally serious: I’m glad you’re able to get that off your chest. Because damn.

        1. Doesn’t sound that way to me, it sounds like the sister kind of fucked up and now wants to complain about it. I have one of those sisters so I can relate to that more than I can relate to anything about kids.

        2. I’m not the Anon who posted that but WHAT? It doesn’t matter what you agree to when you get married – living in a certain place, having kids, being financially responsible, any of it – when you pull what the sister pulled, don’t cry big crocodile tears when your spouse leaves you.

          Yes things change, but it didn’t sound like the sister did the mature thing when things changed. The mature thing would not be to do the “next year” dance for a decade; it would be to be honest with herself and her husband and work on finding a solution. Maybe the solution is he decides life with her is better than life with someone else plus kids. Maybe he doesn’t and they each are free to find someone with the same goals. But she didn’t give him that choice and that is just wrong.

        4. What? LOL. The sister screwed up here, and I don’t blame the poster for not wanting to hear about it anymore.

      3. Different circumstances with why they split but I otherwise have that sister also. I used to call only when I could walk and talk and basically listed while she ranted but I was shopping or getting a walk in. No oxygen left for me.

    16. My friends (all married) wonder why I’m in my late thirties and have stopped dating. I can’t tell them it’s because as I get older I increasingly see marriage and motherhood as a scam for women and I have no interest in being a part of it.

      3. Most of my closest womens friends are longtime single women who at this point have no intention of ever getting partnered up. I know they all hoped for it through their 30s and then realize they were happy with the way things are in their 40s. I always say they are my happiest friends.

        I’m happily married, but most of my married friends aren’t.

        1. Same. My first two marriages were absolute train wrecks and I’m convinced that the main reason my current husband is so fabulous is that he and his late wife never had kids, so he never had the opportunity to let her take on the “mom” role and therefore continued being an equal partner.

          1. On the other hand I feel like all the crappy fathers I know were obviously crappy men long before kids. Kids definitely make it worse, and I’ve seen men who grumbled about having to do 30% of the housework turn into dads who barely do 5% of the parenting, but I’ve never seen a man who was an equal, involved partner suddenly turn into a complete load post-kids and if that happened I would guess it was a mental health issue like PPD (it can happen to dads too).

      4. I am a lesbian married to a woman and thank the heavens every day that i am not married to a man.

        Even *good* marriages are dramatically unequal for the woman.

        It’s funny because when I came out in the early 2000s to my parents, they were so scared that I would have a harder life because of my sexuality, but i actually think the opposite is true! My life is so much easier as a woman being married to another woman.

        1. That’s funny. Recently I was giving some younger female extended family relatives advice on men/women roles as they enter their 20s / work life and some have more “traditional” boyfriends than others and all of them entering male dominated fields (competitive Tech, construction/contracting etc..). I was really encouraging them to pursue their dreams, get ready for roadblocks but stand tall and firm and don’t give up, and don’t put up with less than 50% help at home. And I smiled at my young lesbian cousin, and said “I’m much less worried about you…. you will have it a bit easier on the home front!!!” We all laughed.

        2. There have been times in my life where I really wished I wasn’t straight! But it’s now I’m wired.

        3. My sister is also a lesbian and in a very uneven marriage. Her partner does nothing but play tennis and spend her money while she works, raises kids, and does all the housework.

          1. Yeah, not sure where people are getting the idea that a same-sex relationship is automatically equal.

      5. As a divorced mom, my life has become immeasurably easier since my ex moved out. I was spending all of my free time cleaning and cooking for him. I did the vast majority of child care. I look back at pictures of when my children were young – amusement parks, games, pools – and he was always at home while I was with the kids. I never wanted him to come anyway because he was always in a bad mood. The worst part was that I was doing everything, but if he had to make any effort, he would accuse me of being lazy. My life is so, so much better without a man in it. People feel sorry for me for being single, and I have to laugh.

        (And please, let’s stop blaming women for picking bad partners. Men hide it well until it’s too late. And also there is an incredible amount of pressure on young women to partner up.)

        1. My friends feel sorry for me too and it’s infuriating/also makes me laugh. I promise I’m okay not spending my life cooking and cleaning for a man.

        2. Thanks for this comment. I feel like there is so much judging/blame here on women who choose bad husbands / man children.
          You can choose a man who is good and kind, has similar values and interests to you, treats you with respect, is driven with a good career, etc, and yet suddenly doesn’t pull equal weight once you have kids, etc.

          1. Yes, that’s exactly what happened to me. There really was no way to know, and I refuse to blame myself for it.

          2. I think people want to believe it can’t happen to them. Which is definitely not true.

          3. As I mentioned above. I think it’s hard as hell to know who’s going to be a good partner once the kids come along. And I think that’s partly because our society is set up for everything to fall on the woman’s shoulders.

        3. + approximately ten million to your last paragraph.

          I’m the one who posted on the other secrets thread that she thinks her husband is gay. Trust me, I would not have gotten married had I seen things go down (or not go down, ha) this way. I married a church-going Rotarian with a doctorate and a career that uses that doctorate. WTF else was I “supposed” to do, you smug jerks who think that it’s just easy to choose better??

          1. I am sorry you’re going through this but I have to tell you that your “or not go down” joke made me LOL at my desk.

    17. I didn’t say this on the baby sex preference thread the other day but wanted to – I would consider getting an abortion if I became pregnant with a boy.

      2. I desperately wanted a girl and have three boys. It’s cliche but I love them so much and they have truly opened my world in new ways.

        It’s a good thing we don’t get to choose. We may think we know best, but we don’t know what we don’t know.

        (Not to mention kids are individuals that supersede gender conventions, even if they do fit the mold in a lot of ways.)

    18. the only guy I’ve gardened with is my now-husband and sometimes I regret this (we started dating relatively young).

        1. I’m married to my second husband. I had a brief but intense ho phase between husbands. In fact I met second husband while being a ho. So honestly I was only a ho for less than a year, but I “accomplished” a lot during that time haha. I’m so glad I did it, even though I felt ashamed of it at the time – not because it’s objectively shameful, my brain knew it was fine, but it’s hard to shake off the upbringing.

          Most people don’t know this about me! My husband has the vague outlines but not the details.

          1. Yes! I met husband 1 at 19, and husband 2 in my 30s, but the year of sleeping around in between marriages was all the fun I missed out on in my early twenties.

      2. Same but I don’t regret it. I hear horror stories about what men my age are into in the bedroom these days. As I’ve gotten older, I’m more grateful for a partner who can make it work for me every single time and who WANTS to, even if I didn’t get the experience of being with different men.

    19. I’m both jealous and confused when people talk about doing something with their mother. I can’t imagine doing anything with my mother for fun, nor would my mother be interested. My mother is 90, and in good health, she takes only very common drugs for blood pressure and cholesterol. She complains incessantly, about everything, except when she takes a break to criticize. I was recently diagnosed with a disease that will potentially shorten my lifespan, and only my husband knows because I don’t feel like listening to my mom tell me about how she has it worse.

      1. Same on the relationship. I’m 40 and my mother is just not someone I make an effort to have in my life. I’m adult-friends with my dad and my brother and enjoy their company. My mom….means well (?) but is IMO full on insufferable. My sister is soft if in the wind.

        My parents are divorced.

      2. I spend a lot of time with my mother because she’s local and very involved with my kids, but I don’t enjoy it. She’s not a bad person and doesn’t complain constantly, we just don’t vibe and she doesn’t really have any sense of humor which makes hanging out with her very dull. I really enjoy my dad but statistically he’s much more likely to die young (he’s obese and never exercises) and the thought of having to deal with my mom without my dad there to gently make fun of her with is… completely terrifying.

      3. I am jealous and confused when my peers talk about their parents helping them. Being a support system. Offering advice.

        I started parenting my parents around the age of 12. My dad only values me for how I can serve him, and he would take all of my extra time, money, and emotional capacity if I let him. Which is what he did to my mother. I started setting boundaries after a medical scare that had me thinking my dad might actually outlive me.

    20. Not a secret: I’m childfree and happy about it. I don’t hate kids, I just don’t want to raise them.

      Secret 1/somewhat of a rant: I’m really tired of the pressure to be an involved “good aunt”. Idk where this comes from, society or something. My aunts never did one-on-one things with me, they didn’t come to concerts or sports events, I went to their house to play with my cousins who were my age. There was nothing wrong with that system, I like my aunts just fine! Why do I feel like I’m a horrible aunt if I don’t really care to do special dates with my niece and nephew and make it to all of their concerts and at least one sporting event a season and super thoughtful birthday gifts?? It’s like overly involved millennial parents are exhausted and need help because they’re overly involved, and now there’s this pressure to be a “cool good auntie” that is super involved and I’m getting really tired of it. I’m glad for those who want to be cool aunties, however just because I’m childfree doesn’t mean I need to be a cool auntie to scratch some maternal itch that I do not have, do not want, and do not need to demonstrate in order to have a full life.

      (FWIW, my sister with kids is not presumptive at all and doesn’t out this on me. Idk where it comes from. probably instagram and my other sister who likes being a super aunt.)

        1. Eh maybe not to the same degree but my husband is annoyed at his brother for not being more involved with our kids.

          2. I think there is societal pressure on men too, though probably not to the same degree.

        2. My husband feels it somewhat, although definitely not the expectation to go to school and extracurricular events. But people were weird when the nieces and nephews were babies and he wasn’t interested in holding them. Like it was a little “moment” for the parents/grandparents when he finally held the babies (this happened multiple times on opposite sides of he family) a few months after they were born. Like he was never rude or loud about not caring the hold the baby, he just did not care to. I really don’t understand why people tracked that to the moment a few months later when he did hold the baby.

      2. I do see this – there’s a lot of pressure to be super supportive and involved, like “join us on vacation so you can help with the kids!” OK, what about joining to spend time together or go to a cool place? Sometimes it seems presumptuous or entitled to want aunts for the free childcare.

      3. You’re totally not a horrible aunt. I agree that the “cool aunt” is more of a modern thing, but it shouldn’t be an expectation of anyone. (FWIW, I only know two women who would fall into this category, and tbh, it’s because they wanted kids but couldn’t have them for a variety of reasons. It was definitely something they chose rather than having it foisted on them.)

      4. You’re just pressured to be a ‘good aunt’ because it’s a way of enforcing the crabs in a bucket mentality.

      5. You’re quite right! I’m glad you said that, actually. Pretty sure all my sisters plan to have kids eventually, but this is good perspective as the only one who has a kid, for now, and they all have different approaches to being aunts. (To say nothing of the uncles in our lives.)

      6. Also childfree here. When my friends started having kids I thought I’d want to be the super involved auntie – I do like kids, I just don’t want to have any. But now I’m like, nah I’m good. There’s a reason I don’t want to spend my life with children, lol.

        1. Yes SAME! Like when I try the cool auntie thing, I don’t enjoy it. I think I’m over trying to make it a thing I feel like I need to do.

      7. I think a lot of it comes from wanting to develop really close relationships with the kids in a childfree person’s life so that they have someone taking care of them in their old age

        1. If that’s what childfree aunts and uncles are doing, that’s a ridiculously presumptive position. I don’t think parents should expect that of their kids and I certainly don’t think aunts and uncles should expect that of their nieces/nephews.

    21. I sometimes take vacations without using any vacation time. I work full time from home, my job is slow-paced and I rarely have meetings, so it’s pretty easy to spend an hour managing email in the morning and then go to the beach for the rest of the day without anyone knowing what I’m doing.

    22. My best friend is getting engaged to a jerk. I hate that guy, he makes her miserable, and I feel like I’m watching a train wreck. But I will be her bridesmaid and smile at her wedding anyway.

      1. That was me 7 years ago. They’re still married and have three kids now. He’s been an even bigger failure as a father than as a husband. It’s hard to see but there’s nothing I can do.

    23. Last secrets thread I mentioned I’ve published 32k of fanfiction since the new year. Somebody asked for my ao3 handle and I didn’t reply because it’s about real people and I wasn’t sure how that would go over here.

      2. I’m dying to know who! :P

        After the most recent winter Olympics I got really into social media fandom of two figure skaters who were rumored to be dating but not official, and then some of the fan blogs started writing fan fiction about them. The fan fiction was actually excellent (better than virtually all the published romance books I’ve read) but I did feel a little weird reading steamy scenes about two real people.

    24. I’m sad that my sister decided not to have kids and I blame a friend who I introduced her to for changing her mind.

    25. Yes. I absolutely loathe the unisex bathrooms that have replaced women’s rooms. They are dangerous; there is no place to escape men. And they stink of urine. I feel like the rights of women have been erased.

      1. I have not seen any unisex restrooms *replace* womens restrooms, unless maybe they were single occupancy before, which is great because it doubles the number of restrooms available.

        1. Really? Because that’s how it is 100% of the time in new or remodeled construction where I am. There is no more women’s room.

        2. They are unisex at the MET. It was a little weird to go into the same bathroom with my adult son. Where do we now fix our bras, or have our girlfriends zip up jumpsuits? Do we know powder our noses while our male dates pee? I do not want to be in the bathroom with men.

      2. What kind of unisex bathrooms? All the ones I’ve experienced are more like a hallway full of little rooms, sometimes the rooms have toilet and sink, sometimes just a toilet and there’s a big open area with sinks. The only close contact I have with men at these is waiting in line, which I actually love because this way men have to experience waiting in line for bathrooms, too, instead of breezing into the less-busy men’s room.

        I don’t think I’d like to have urinals out in the open in a unisex bathroom, but that’s more for aesthetic reasons – I don’t need to see anyone pee. And I think if a man was really set on violence, he could easily enter a women-only bathroom, it’s not like there’s usually a bouncer at the door.

        1. Before, there was no need for a bouncer because a man in a women’s bathroom was an instant alert to everyone present that there was a predator in the midst. No man would do that for a valid reason, so it was an obvious signal that there was something wrong and women would look out for each other (I’ve been warned “don’t go in, there’s a man in there” three times in my life). That’s gone now. And it does matter.

          1. Back in 2019, I was at a giant meeting at a giant convention center. A bunch of us were waiting in line inside the women’s room, and there was a man in line, in the women’s room. He was obviously male, just standing there in his suit with his briefcase.

            We did not sound the alarm. We did not immediately seek out weapons to defend ourselves from this interloper. We did exchange glances, wondering if we should tell the dude he was in the wrong bathroom.

            He eventually figured it out and left. It was just a mistake. Somehow I really, really doubt there are oodles of men out there who have just been biding their time waiting until unisex bathrooms became a thing to attack women in bathrooms. I’m sure it has happened, but that’s not the fault of the unisex bathroom.

            Look – I kind of agree with the commenters above about replacing “women” with “pregnant person” or whatever (and I feel like this doesn’t go the other way, they don’t replace “man” with “penis-bearing person” or whatever. I don’t love it. But from what I have seen, all the uproar about bathrooms is just a red herring to get people worked up about trans people, most of whom are just people who want to live their own lives comfortably.

          2. PolyD, why is the UN required to set up and enforce single-sex bathrooms in refugee camps? It’s considered a human rights violation not to.

        2. God, I’d love to have dinner with her. She’s incredibly brave. I don’t know of another recent example where a woman has been slandered more – and to protect rapists and criminals, FFS!

          3. What are you even talking about? No she is not antisemitic. She’s the opposite actually.

        3. Oh, are we allowed to talk about JK Rowling now on here? Unisex bathrooms don’t solve anything. I would rather be in a bathroom with a tr**ns woman than with my grown son.

      4. I despise one seater bathrooms, and unisex ones are especially awful. I’ve never seen a women’s restroom as dirty and disgusting the unisex ones. The line is always longer and god forbid I want to pick food out of my teeth without someone banging on the door. I discovered a new level of h-ll at a coed business dinner in San Francisco. The restaurant had two multi-stall restrooms and decided to make them both unisex. I didn’t touch my water glass all night, I’m not using that bathroom period but especially not with male coworkers.

      5. On the other hand, I love unisex or family rooms (especially at pools) because my husband can take our daughter in with him without making it weird for her and/or the adult men in the men’s bathroom. I feel like bathrooms divided by sex reinforce traditional gender norms and the idea that women do 100% of the hands-on parenting, which I hate.

        2. Excellent point! My husband had to take one or both of our kids into disgusting men’s rooms at various times & I wish the unisex bathroom trend had existed back then. Not to mention most men’s rooms didn’t have changing tables at all!

      6. +1000. I hate how much nastier those restrooms have become with much more urine on the floor. South Korea had some study a few years back that showed that the presence of webcams in unisex bathrooms absolutely skyrocketed compared to single-sex bathrooms because men have access to those spaces now. In the UK, far more sexual assaults occur in unisex bathrooms compared to single-sex for the same reason.

      7. huh, I like them! I like having my own little room. I also like not having to stand in line for the ladies room. There were men and women both in line for a unisex bathroom at a place I visited recently. All the women were teasing the men in line about how they know what it’s like now!

        And to the nice women who let me cut the line when I was hugely pregnant years ago, you have my undying gratitude!

        2. And to everyone saying unisex bathrooms are dirtier, I agree that sometimes there’s pee on the floor, but at least it’s not on the seat, you hoverers! Your aim is not as good as you think!

          3. Almost every women’s bathroom I’ve been in is gross for this reason. Your butt belongs on the seat. Carry seat covers with you if you want, but stop peeing on the toilet (AND the floor).

    26. My two children are obsessed with baseball/softball. It’s all they want to do/play/watch/think about. My husband is perfectly happy to do the exact same thing. I don’t hate baseball, but I don’t love it, and lately I feel left out in my own family because everyone else is talking baseball and I’m just the one paying for all of it.

    27. my bff has one of those useless dad husbands and I hate knowing she’ll never leave, not just because they have 2 kids together now, but because she loves her stepdaughter so much and wouldn’t risk losing that.

  2. Any Gen-X people here who are surprised that slingback shoes have come back in a big way?

      1. Same; I don’t recall our generation wearing slingbacks. Maybe my boomer aunties but not my peers.

        1. I was an ’07 college grad and they were definitely present during sorority events in the mid ’00s in my southern, generally well-styled private “rich kid college.” I had a few pair when I first started working, though were a style that quickly cycled out of the rotation.

          2. Yeah, I am an ’02 college grad and am usually considered to be on the youngest edge of Gen X, sometimes an elder millennial. Unless you were a non-traditional student, graduating college in ’07 makes you far too young for Gen X.

          4. I think 11:14 was just agreeing that slingbacks were not generation-specific, not claiming to be Gen X…

          5. Late in the day but def not claiming to be gen-x. Just that more than your “boomer aunties” did.

        2. Boomer auntie checking in to say I wore them and they drove me nuts because when you wore them with pants (back in the day when pants were long), the hem of the pants would get caught between your heel and the footbed of the shoe, and it was annoying.

          1. SO annoying! Genuine Xer here who has experienced that incandescent rage. I’m OVER shoes and outfits that cripple me in any way.

      2. I am Gen- X and wore slingbacks in the late 90s and again around 2005 when flip flops were all the rage. Love them. Why would we be surprised?

    2. I think each decade has had their version – I remember my mom in slingback pumps in the 80s, myself wearing slingback sandals with block heels in the 90s, then slingback kitten heels in the 00s. I guess the prevalence of round or almond toe heels in the 10s put slingbacks a bit on the back burner but I don’t associate that category of shoe altogether with a specific era.

      1. Oh man I nearly killed myself with the slingback kitten heels on sidewalk grates a few times in the 2000s. I also learned that I walk out of my shoes (duck feet – wide at the toes, narrow ankles) and that I need some sort of strap to keep heels on my feet.

    3. I dunno, everything comes back around at some point. I can’t walk in slingbacks (I have very narrow heels, the straps never stay on), so I’ll be skipping this.

      1. Same here, but as a Gen Xer, I tried my best to wear them for years.

        Post pandemic, like a lot of women I refuse now to wear shoes that hinder my walking in any way, whether that’s high heels or slingbacks or any sort of uncomfortable shoe. I don’t even see the point anymore.

      2. I have the opposite experience with my narrow heels! I walk right out of regular pumps, but the strap of a slingback will stay on.

        1. I think it’s not necessarily narrow heels. The back of my foot is more or less straight up and down. There’s no natural indent for a sling back strap to stay in. It just slides right down.

          3. I have the indent, and absolutely hate slingbacks – they move around to much at the softest, narrowest point of the indent, and the friction is guaranteed to give blisters within minutes. Same goes for sandals with heel straps.

    4. I’m more surprised about those chunky slide shoes (the Steve Madden ones) because I thought they looked so ugly even back then!

      I remember slingbacks as being especially nice for offices where it was hot but actual sandals were verboten.

      1. Those Steve Madden slides were definitely a Gen X staple!

        Even as popular as they were back then they sure were polarizing. Middle school me wanted a pair of All Stars, Docs, or Vans, but you would have had to restrain me to get Steve Madden slides on my feet.

  3. Looking for a unicorn bag – straw/raffia, medium size, with rings so I can attach a camera-type shoulder strap .Need an outside pocket and at least one internal zipper pocket. In a perfect world, it would have some shape (not a bucket bag) and if possible, a divider so I can have even a bit of organization in the bag.

    Also, if you have had good luck achieving bag organization with one of those divider systems that you can move from bag to bag, will you share what you use and where you got it?

  4. Do you all actually spend this much on a top? ($135-$195?) I certainly don’t but wondering if I’m just being cheap. I do like this top. I usually spend up to $60 for a top. I don’t make a big law salary though.

    1. Yes, although it’s more likely that it’s a lucky find $400 top marked down than paying full price at $175.

    2. I’m clumsy so definitely not. The more I spend on a top, the more likely I am to spill salad dressing down my top.

      1. Ha, same. I literally just splattered BBQ sauce on a new white blouse yesterday because I forgot to change into PJs before cooking dinner. At least I can bleach that one!

        1. All these influencers telling us to dress up for WFH are crazy! All my clothes would be ruined.

      2. Big same. I am clumsy and hard on my clothes. I buy less expensive items and I stock up on Tide pens. :)

    3. Yes, but it depends on the top. I have a lot of work stuff in that price range and I also have some Amazon t-shirts too.

    4. I will from time to time but not from MMLaFleur. I simply don’t think their quality is high enough and their finishing is annoyingly cheap (itchy seams, weird arm holes, seams unraveling at the arms and hems after hand washing). I do own a number of The Fold and Veronica Beard tops/blazers but I know my sizes so I stalk them for sales.
      For daily driver tops? Nope, it’s a combo of Jcrew (also on sale), Gap, Old Navy, or end of year sales at places like Faherty/Vineyard Vines/Lilly Pulitzer where I can get tops for $50-$80 that retail at two to three times that.

      1. Agree with the MMLF quality. I’ve been consistently disappointed. But I have on occasion spent this much for a top and some of them are workhorses that I’ve worn for years. (I had an Equpment silk shirt that I paid full price for and wore for like ten years!)

    5. For my going to court/depo tips, yes. For daily drivers, no, absolutely not.

      It’s a pity that RTR has declined so much, because the sweet spot was being able to rent office clothes and have freshly dry-cleaned clothes arrive back at the office for you each week.

    6. I make $100k and never spend this much. Most of my clothes are in the $30-$60 range and maybe a one or two times a year I’ll splurge on a piece that’s $100-$150. And once every few years I have a bigger splurge on something that will last a long time ($400ish for quality leather boots, wool coat, parka)

    7. Nope, I’m not a lawyer and my annual salary is probably what some of you get as your bonus.

    9. No, I agree with $60 max for a top. I would spend more on pants (especially jeans) or dresses.

    10. Never. I could probably afford it, but I would feel like I’m play acting at being an adult. I’m 35 and not sure when that feeling is gonna go away.

    11. Never for a top. I’m more willing to splurge on pants, sweaters, jackets, dresses, shoes, pretty much anything else. But I prefer my tops to be relatively basic because I want to be able to layer over them (I’m always cold) and I’m large chested, which makes lots of interesting designs either not fit at all or look weird. Plus I also spill a lot, and it always lands right on that large chest, so I’m not terribly inclined to spend a lot on clothing that will be easily stained.

    12. I generally don’t, but with a pretty full wardrobe at this point, I am more open to spending that for a few special print tops than buying more basic things.

    13. I once spent $110 on a silk blouse from Brooks Brothers. Absolutely gorgeous and worth it, but that’s my max and that’s a purchase to make once every few years.

    14. Nope, but FWIW, I bought this top on poshmark or MMLF’s resale site (new with tags) for around $60

    15. I have a decade-old top with an identical silhouette. I think I got it from Kohl’s? TJ Maxx? Burlington? I love it and definitely did not pay triple digits for it.

    16. I would usually say no, but I spent this much on a top at Saint James so there are exceptions. Most of my tops are in the under $50 range.

    17. Only if it’s something really special, great fabric, well constructed and fits like a dream. I have one silk shirt in that price range and I love it and I’m so glad I splurged on it.

    19. Not usually, I did recently for what I thought was the perfect shirt, from the Frank and Eileen Brand. Unfortunately, it didn’t fit right so I returned it. If I’m gonna spend over $100 on a shirt, it better feel good when I’m wearing it

    20. Yes, I spend this much on MMLF or the Fold. Decent but not mega-high income ($200k) but I like having a few special tips that look great and last well.

    21. Not long ago, I was wearing a sweater that cost me sixty dollars in 1990 something, thinking about what $60 in 1990s money would be today, and realizing that I am a bit cheap. At the same time, clothes isn’t what it was in the 1990s and doesn’t last as long!

      1. I spend far less on clothes than I did 15-20 years ago, because I’ve realized I don’t care about labels at all and there are much better things to do with my money.

    22. I got this top, but got it for less than $100 on sale. What grabbed me was the unique neckline/structure (I’m also a fan of the Fold), and it was in that fantastic deep Teal color, which is flattering for me.

      I am not a fan for the artificial odd feeling fabric. But decided to keep it as it is still a very useful top.

    23. No way. Our HHI is ~$200k but I don’t think I would spend this much on a shirt even if our incomes were double or triple what they are. Clothes are just not where I want to spend money.

    24. I don’t because I don’t have that kind of job. But if I worked in an environment that still had a more formal dress code I would. It would just mean buying fewer tops. Since I work from home, I just mostly buy basics now which is fine.

  5. I know we’ve had a lot of relationship questions lately but I have one:
    If you’re seeing a guy you were set up with, how long does it take you to develop a crush on him? I think set up’s are different (and the apps are similar) because it’s not someone you’re initiating with.

    For someone you’re in a relationship with, how long does it take to love them?

    The TLDR is that I recently was set up with a friend of a friend. I’ve known him for years but don’t see him often, but always enjoyed him. We’ve now gone out a few times and had fun, I enjoy hanging out with him, feel comfortable with him, know he’s a solid guy and we have similar but not identical outlooks on big things and interests, and we hooked up and that was fun. Id say he’s average attractive: I don’t think he’s omg so hot, but I certainly don’t think he’s ugly (and Im probably similar level of attractiveness). So I do want to see where this goes, but I don’t feel some great spark nor do I feel like I have a crush on him. For example, I don’t get gushy excited when I see that he’s texted me. I think it’s probably because I’ve known him for a while so it’s not new and exciting?

    I’ve been single for a while but my ex was someone I thought was smoking hot and I pursued, but we weren’t a good couple for many reasons.

    My dating since my ex has been the apps or set up’s in which I usually break things off after a few dates because Im not developing a crush / couldn’t see myself falling in love but obviously these things take time.

    I’m also obviously aware that a crush and love are very different. Plenty of people crush on someone without ever falling in love. I’m sure people have fallen in love without developing a crush.

    1. I wish I had a straight answer, but my rather practical take is that one is always going to be compromising (not settling!) in some way. When I met my now-husband I had this immediate feeling of wanting to get to know him, mostly in a friendly/interesting person way. As we became friends, I knew I was interested in dating but didn’t have that obsessive crush feeling.
      However, I’d dated obsessive crush guys before and had just come out of a crushing failed engagement and then very ill advised fling so I was more than ready to take a steady warmth and friendship vs. a burning hot love affair.
      I’d say that it took about 6 months to really fall 100% in love and feel “this is the person I want to marry” as opposed to the delulu 4 seconds I felt with other men, heh.
      I also had this feeling of “we have all the time in the world” rather than rushing and pushing to “force” him to commit or playing games or doing the Cool Girl thing.

    2. It seems you are not feelin’ it for this guy. You are not excited when he texts, don’t seem excited about him in general. Just because friends set you up you do not have to stick with this. Trust your feelings, and it sounds like this guy belongs in your friend zone.

      1. I agree. Attraction can build over time, but by the time I’d “hooked up” with someone I want the crush to be there. It doesn’t need to be roller coaster insecurity but at least some butterflies. My husband is smoking hot and gave me butterflies while also making me feel the most comfortable I’ve ever felt in a relationship and being a solid guy.

    3. What are you looking for? If you’re looking for a hot fling then that spark is super important. If you’re looking for a serious relationship/possible marriage down the road – as long as you think he’s cute and you had fun physically together, does it matter if he’s not crazy hot to you? If there was zero physical connection I’d say move on.

      FWIW I had zero interest in DH initially because I liked tall guys with dark hair and clean shaven. Turns out 5’10” blonde with a beard was what I needed. A solid physical connection and shared values is what makes it work in the long run. No physical connection and you’re just friends. Shared values are more important than shared interests. Am I jealous of Taylor’s 6’5″ boyfriend and do I miss wearing super high heels with my ex? Absolutely but he never makes me feel like I can’t wear the heels and cute shoes don’t make or break a marriage.

          1. I’m 5’10 and my husband is just barely 6’. Sometimes I catch him for a kiss when he’s much taller than me (like, wearing sneakers and standing on a 2” gymnastics mat) and it’s hot. I never get to stand on my tippy toes to kiss ;).

      2. Ha! Same. My type – tall, athletic, slightly fratty. My husband — around my height, slight, granola.

    4. I feel like a “crush” is for someone you’re attracted to but not dating. Kind of weird term to use with someone you’re actually dating. And love and a crush are very different. That said, you’re not feeling it and that’s fine.

    5. know yourself? I’ve always had that spark / thrill of excitement in the early stages of dating and never had to talk myself into wanting to be in a relationship with the other person.

    6. Move on, these people aren’t it. You shouldn’t have to talk yourself into anything or wait for feelings to develop.

    8. One of my closest friends dated a guy for a while that she was completely obsessed with. He treated her badly. He cheated on her, he said mean and degrading things to her, he took advantage of her in many ways, but she couldn’t get him out of her mind. Like can’t eat can’t sleep kind of obsession. He eventually left her for another woman, so it wasn’t even her choice to break up.

      Not too long after that, a man she knew casually took an interest in dating her and was sweet and nice to her always, and she told me she never developed that feeling for him that she had for the other guy. So she said she didn’t think she could ever fall in love with the nice guy because she didn’t have the feeling. It took her long time and some therapy to realize she actually loved him but she wasn’t obsessed with him. They’ve been married for over a decade now and they are one of the best couples I know.

    9. Have you kissed him yet? When I had a friend I was seeing, as you described, I was a little surprised when the sparks flew when we kissed.

  6. Does anyone successfully reduced general ruddiness with an LED facemask? What did you use? Thinking of taking the plunge, but I’m not sure if they are effective for this particular problem. Thanks!

    1. I am not sure about LED – but I finally found a cosmetic dermatologist who has successfully treated my rosacea (and lifelong fair/reddy skin) with combo of BBL laser treatments and topicals. It’s been life changing. I now do BBL 1-2 times per year for maintenance.
      Curious to hear if others have found the at home LED to be helpful; would be interested in adding it to my routine.

      1. Curious… what is the cost? When I heard all the ongoing treatment required and assumed it was really expensive, I didn’t pursue.

      2. Are you in NW Indiana or the greater Chicago area? If so, would you mind sharing your doctor? Your post was so nice to read. It’s giving me a lot of hope.

    2. I have the Omnilux Contour. I use it for other concerns but have noticed much less redness. It was pricey but I would never have the time to do the clinic/spa version of light treatments. It’s been worth it for me.

      Highly recommend listening to nature sounds or a meditation while you use it!

      1. I have this too. Using it on a regular basis with with Paula’s Choice 10% Niacinamide Booster makes a noticeable difference in my rosacea prone skin. I’ve had my mask for about 2.5 years and it’s still going strong.

      2. I’m intrigued. How often do you use it? Thanks for sharing your experience.

  7. I have a $100 gift card to IKEA. There isn’t a stoe particularly close to me, so I haven’t been to one in years. What do people like there? I don’t need any furniture.

    4. I love all the stuff on the bottom level, the house-wares type stuff. Lots of little things for your kitchen, great storage options, curtains, picture frames and mirrors….lots of things that I bet you could use in your home if you’re able to take a stroll through the store.

    6. If you’re into Xmas, they usually have nice Scandinavian decor including lights. I like their lamps generally.
      Also plants and cute pots.

    8. I like their basic white dishes and cheap plastic cutting boards. Sometimes they have cute decorative trays, but I didn’t like any of the designs they had when I was there a few weeks ago. I did buy some placemats and they have lots of storage bins and shelving. I haven’t bought towels there recently, but the ones I bought almost ten years ago have held up really well.

    9. Think storage. IKEA has interesting wall hooks and various racks with multiple hooks. Also storage bins of all kinds and sizes for inside cabinets etc.

    11. I like their wrapping paper and gift bags, dish towels, and the Antagen dish brushes. Their plant selection is decent and cheap, as are their plant pots.

    12. I never really like things I buy there that are like furniture level purchases, they always seem cheap to me, but I love my duvet cover from there, and one of my favorite house plants is from there. I agree with others that the food hall is a fun place to browse as well.

      1. I like their duvet covers and other linen quite a bit. It’s usually well-made and the patterns are unique but not too weird.

    13. The SANELA velvet curtains and cushion covers are great, velvet made from cotton.

      The bedding is great. The bamboo boxes and trays are very nice.

      The clothes storage boxes with zips are great.

  8. I just ended things with someone who was great but who I for whatever reason just didn’t feel a spark with. I’m sad about that but I’m even more sad that I am yet again single. I’m 31 and want the loving partner and kids and everything and it’s just not happening. I feel like everyone around me is in love and getting married and I’m just alone. Ugh. I hate it. It makes me feel so unloveable. And then it makes me regret with breaking up with a great guy who had nothing wrong with him but he wasn’t for me.

    1. I was you except I kept dating the great guy, desperately trying to make it work. It didn’t, and it just ate up more of my thirties.

      Future You thanks you right now for doing this.

      1. +1

        Also go read the “marriage is a scam” post upthread. Being alone is so so so so much better than being in the wrong marriage.

    2. I was also you. And I also decided not to continue on with someone who was good but not great for me. And then I had a few years where I felt unlovable and like I wasn’t going to have the life/family I’d imagined. And then I worked to accept that and just do me. And then I met great.

      All to say: I get the mixed feelings. Still, don’t settle. Great is out there, and in the meantime, you’re great. Do all the great things.

  9. my favorite colleague who has been here since I started who is a bit older than I am with kids older than mine just announced she is leaving and i am so sad. she is the person i relate to most on my team and it is going to be so strange without her. tips to navigate when a colleague like this leaves?

  10. I have a difficult question/topic to bring up, so discontinue reading if you want to avoid. I’m wondering about genetic testing/screening during pregnancy and your thoughts on having an abortion if the testing comes back positive for certain conditions. Further…would you go so far as to have an abortion behind your partner’s back (basically fake a miscarriage) if he didn’t want the abortion but you didn’t want to give birth to a child with complications? I should say that this is all hypothetical – I am TTC for the first time and suddenly having all this anxiety that things will go wrong because I’m a bit older.

    1. Have you already done carrier screening for you and your husband? If not, that should be a first step. Of course, it will not prevent any chromosomal duplication/deletion disorders (eg, Down syndrome) or spontaneous mutations, but will rule out passing down any known inheritable conditions.

      I would never fake a miscarriage and not tell my husband.

    2. Without wading into the question of abortion itself – if you don’t think you could have difficult conversations about a medical issue with your partner, please consider whether you can have a child with them. Parenting is a series of curveballs. Have the conversation NOW about where you both are on what a screening test could show, and what you would do.

      1. +1 Don’t have a child with someone if you’d fake a miscarriage to hide this from them!! That’s messed up.

      2. +10,000. There was a question here a few years ago from a poster who had gotten pregnant with a surprise baby and was really worried about her husband’s reaction. Some folks were telling her to get an abortion, and she said neither she nor her husband were comfortable with that. I commented to say she should remind her husband why they believed that, because that might help him make peace with the news.

        Have the conversation now, before it’s fraught with the emotion of having to make a real decision.

      3. hypothetically, I agree, and my DH has always said that I get the final say on any pregnancy that I carry. Who knows what would actually happen, I find it hard to be sure (even about my own decision).

        1. Yeah I don’t think anyone can be certain of their decision until it happens to them. I know how I feel now, but I’ve never been in this position and can’t say with 100% certainty what I would decide.

    3. Lying to your husband about ending your child’s life is a huge betrayal. I’m going to assume this is your anxiety talking right now, and reaffirm that statistically everything will be just fine, but I agree that you need to have these discussions now.

    4. My husband and I had a difficult conversation while waiting for test results. We agreed that there were some conditions we would probably consider abortion for. We also agreed that we would take it day by day if the tests came back positive. It was a tough conversation to have and very emotional for me (hello, early pregnancy) but I’m glad we were able to have it and essentially aligned. I would never do anything behind his back, but I’m fortunate not to be in an abusive relationship so I don’t judge others you might. But if you don’t feel comfortable discussing these things with you partner at all, gently consider whether they are the best person to have children with.

    5. The abortion is your choice.

      But I would not, absolutely not, lie to my partner about it. You need to have the discussion. If you can’t agree or figure out a way to think about it together then find a therapist to help you mediate.

    6. 1) I would not conceive with a man I couldn’t be honest with and reach agreement with on this issue
      2) yes DH and I discussed it and we planned to terminate for abnormal genetic conditions including Down’s

    7. Things can go wrong at any parental age and despite clear genetic screenings. This sounds like some anxiety about TTC and maybe about co-parenting that is understandable but probably worth working through? Remember that older people are often more risk averse in general than younger people even aside from changing risks.

    8. The point of the testing is to find out whether you’re having a genetically abnormal pregnancy. I wouldn’t feel any guilt about aborting in that case. I also wouldn’t be with a man who disagreed with that on a theoretical level.

      1. This isn’t the greatest language (a lot of people are “genetically abnormal”!).

        1. I had a miscarriage due to a genetic abnormality and it did not help me in the slightest when my hospital called it a “genetic difference” as if it were a neutral thing and not a fatal condition that killed my baby.

          1. I’m 12:18 & have a relative who went though with a genetic abnormality pregnancy hoping for a miracle. The pregnancy almost killed her, and the baby died at birth. A horrible, sad situation for sure, but I would 100% avoid that if at all possible. I’m thankful for modern medicine!

          2. I’m sorry you went through that.

            To me genetic abnormality sounded like genetic difference (as if these are just things that aren’t totally normal and not very, very severe conditions).

    9. I would have an abortion and I would not have children with someone who I couldn’t have that conversation with. Don’t get pregnant with him while you’re thinking about secret abortions.

    10. I had the abortion and it was my choice, which my husband knows – when it comes down to it, it is 100% the woman’s choice. But we discussed extensively at every stage, before getting pregnant and throughout, and it was effectively an equal decision. I recommend it – felt very supported.

      1. I fortunately had healthy pregnancies, but we had ALL the testing done as i was “geriatric” at 36 & 37. My husband and I absolutely had that discussion before even trying to conceive, and we were on the same page 100% going in. I wouldn’t have been willing to conceive with him otherwise, and in fact I wouldn’t be willing to be in a relationship with a man who felt like his wishes would override my bodily autonomy.

    11. To me, it would depend a lot on the test, the condition, and (most of all) what the doctors think and suggest given the circumstances. I did the recommended prenatal screenings and testing both times, but didn’t have any results that made anybody worry enough to suggest additional tests. There are certainly conditions where I would have considered termination, but I never had to get that far into the process of making that kind of decision. And while I’d want my spouse’s opinion, at bottom I’m the pregnant one and it’s my decision.

      If you are with someone where you feel like you’d need to fake a miscarriage to terminate, I don’t think that’s a relationship worth keeping. Also the statistics on termination (which are high for a lot of conditions) suggest that most guys are pretty OK with the whole thing in the end.

    12. so first of all i don’t understand why more people don’t do pre-pregnancy testing/screening, but I digress
      (1) yes I would and
      (2) i wouldn’t have a baby with this person to begin with, but i guess yes if i had to?

    13. I would have the abortion and wouldn’t hide it from my husband. Another huge thing to keep in mind is the blood test is a screening test- you need an amnio to confirm. I think it’d be incredibly difficult to fake a miscarriage at that point.

    14. I would never fake a miscarriage. Good Lord no.

      But… I agree that it’s your choice about whether to continue a pregnancy, for whatever reason. So in that case I guess I would have an abortion, tell my partner, and let the relationship chips fall where they may. Obviously this is far less than ideal and you and he need to have the hard discussion BEFORE it becomes an issue.

      1. Coming back to say on further thought I think it’s unethical to conceive a baby with somebody, know I would abort under certain circumstances and also knowing he would be opposed to it. So again, you and your partner have a lot of talking to do, I think.

        1. I disagree with this. Women get to choose when they would have an abortion and it’s not unethical to begin pregnancy with their own frameworks in mind. The onus is on men to find women who agree with them if it matters so much to them.

          1. I agree with this. In my scenario the woman has misled the man into thinking she agrees with him and wouldn’t abort, and I hope we can agree that is unethical.

    15. Do not get pregnant with this man. I don’t even understand why you’re with someone you’d have to hide this from. I sincerely hope this is a t r – l l post.

    16. I am raising a child with a genetic disorder that causes significant, lifelong and progressive disabilities. She will always be in our care, and I couldn’t do this life without the 100% support of my spouse/her father. This genetic disorder is not one for which you’d have prenatal testing. I share this as a reminder that testing doesn’t always matter, but your partner certainly will.

  11. I bought a leather purse from Portland Leather based off a recommendation from this board, and I love it. However, I’m still getting black on clothing or counters where it’s rubbing off. Is there anything I can do to make this stop or accelerate it so the purse leaves this stage? Thanks!

    1. I’d contact Portland Leather about it! I haven’t had that experience with my two bags from them, but I also didn’t get a black bag.

    2. I’d contact Portland Leather about it! I haven’t had that experience with my two bags from them, but I also didn’t get a black bag.

  12. Does anyone have YouTube TV? (The cord-cutting way to get something like cable.) Is it easy enough for an elderly woman to operate? She understands cable tv guides and scrolling and hitting enter on a program she wants. What equipment do you need to make it “go”? No smart tv, but recent tvs with HDMI and USB ports.

    My 80 year old mom’s cable company’s decent cable package (you know, Hallmark, HGTV, the channels that 80 year old moms need) plus internet is $200 per month! I went with her to the cable store, and yep, that’s really the rate.

    Mom can’t afford that on a fixed income, and the local phone company offers high-speed internet plus YouTube TV for $65 month. Would love to be able to switch her over if it works. Thanks for input!

    1. I feel like if that’s going to be the only TV she uses, she should be able to manage it. She will need a Fire TV or Roku or something to insert into her TV to get the internet. Then you can set it up for her so that it comes up on YouTubeTV when she turns on the TV, and she should be good to go.

      Although I will say that price seems very low. YouTubeTV is $72.99/month on its own so I would read the fine print of that offer very very carefully.

    2. Gently…she’s 80 years old. Can you pay for it for her? Don’t make her learn new technology or lose out on something she enjoys.

      1. i dont think this is a fair response. not everyone can afford to pay the difference for a parent or even if they can, they might not want to for various reasons

      2. I think it is a fair response. I can tell you that I have YouTube TV and am two decades younger than your mom, and I find it hard to navigate. Not impossible, but annoying. I have considered going back to cable since when you consider that YouTube TV is roughly $75 and my internet is $55, that puts me within reach of my prior $200 bill for both. In case it helps, I have a SmartTV, so my navigation is: first screen lists all the apps (Netflix, Hulu etc), I think have to navigate to YouTube TV, then sign in, then figure out how to get to the TV guide functionality mentioned below. Maybe if it was the only streaming I used it would be OK but it’s annoying since Netflix and the other streaming services are easier to log on and navigate. Just my perspective.

    3. I have it, and the display is very similar to the TV guide channel display, plus a search feature if she wants to find back episodes of a specific show. I have a smart TV so can’t help with that part, but they are so cheap I wonder if perhaps you can give her one for an upcoming occasion?

      I agree that price seems too good to be true, so check if it’s an intro rate that will soon skyrocket

    4. I have Sling TV now & we had YouTube TV before. I have a smart TV now but used a Roku before. I had a remote to turn the TV on, then used the Roku remote to get to the familiar screens. I didn’t care to get more involved with it – my husband is the one who likes complicated set-ups – but it was easy enough and I think my elderly mom had no issues when she visited.

      If you’re setting up your mom, maybe label the TV remote “TV on/off and volume only” and label the Roku remote “channels.”

    5. We have and enjoy it. It has a learning curve as to how things are organized but it’s fine. That rate however is really low as we pay $55 per month for Fios 300mbps internet and $75 or so for YouTube TV — so I’d carefully check how long that rate is good.

    6. So the main thing to know is that YouTube has no channel numbers. You select what you want from a interface of little pictures, that kind of looks like Netflix. There is also a guide that looks and feels like a traditional cable tv guide – a grid of times and channels (organized by name, bc there are no channel numbers); that you can scroll up and down and select where you want to go from.

      For equipment, all you need is any streaming media player – a Roku or Fire stick or Google TV dongle. Get one with a voice button and see if that works for her (the Voice model will only be ~$10 more)

      Age – totally person dependent; I know people aged 80 who successfully make this shift and people who find it very frustrating. There’s typically no contract or early cancellation fees with services like YouTube TV so she can try it out for a month and see.

      Cost – $65/month for Internet + YouTube TV has to be some kind of promotional rate or something, or they’re hiding A TON of fees. Check the speed #s they are describing as “high speed” – ask for the typical range of up, down, and latency.

      Does she have more than 1 TV? if not, cable company should be able to get the price to $125 or so. Possibly try calling and asking to cancel – should get you transferred to a Loyalty or Retention department.

      (this is my area of professional expertise! happy to answer more questions if you’d like!)

    7. Thanks, all. Yes, it’s a 12-month special. It’s still cheaper than her current package once it expires and goes to $125.

      And I already pay $1400 of her mortgage, so she’s on her own for bills.

      1. oopf…. that’s rough. You’re a good daughter.

        Have you thought about getting her on the waiting list for local senior housing? We just helped a close family friend get into a beautiful building in her area and it caps at rent at 1/3 her income, including all utilities. It does take time on your end though to research the nearby options, fill out the paperwork, wait the months or years until she gets in, and then help with the move. But it will save a lot of money in the long run. And she would be surrounded by peers/help/transportation and shopping assistance etc…

      2. another option – we previously had hulu + live tv and the navigation is really similar to the cable channel listings your mom is probably used to. Also, sign up for a free trial of one/both and see how easy it is to navigate!
        You’ll need a roku or similar. We recently bought a new universal remote (not fancy, like the only one walmrt had in stock) and it has roku/streaming buttons on it, so we no longer need to use multiple remotes. highly recommend that!

    8. Forgot one more thing : how much sports does she watch and does she need Locals (local affiliate of Fox, CNN, that stuff)? YouTube TV is more like a traditional cable bundle with a bunch of channels including that stuff; but if she doesn’t need them, you can get a lot cheaper: FRNDLY TV ($7/month) + Philo (~$30/month) might be plenty.

      Also, if she wants something even more simple, OTA antennas (“rabbit ears”) are a lot better these days – that would be the easiest “turn it on, scroll up & down until you have on something good”). And free!

      1. That’s a good point about local channels. We got an antenna for local channels, and I find navigating to them more complicated than I’d like. However, I am not much of a TV watcher – I just want to be able to find Netflix and Prime video about once a month max.

    9. Hi! We replaced $200/month cable and internet bill with SlingTV and pretty high speed internet for about $100/month for in-laws.

    10. If she can ask for programs, having a fire cube helps immensely because you can just ask Alexa to play whatever show she wants. If you happen to have a variety of services, it will ask like do you want to play this on prime, Netflix, etc.but that’s all. I have sling, but would also see what shows she actually likes watching. If it’s just something like food and home type shows, get discovery plus and a digital antenna to pick up local tv. The other nice thing about using a fire cube is that you can ask Alexa to play something over the phone. I’ve done it many times.

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