Weekend Open Thread: Theodora Dress

95 Comments

1. My 11yo grade daughter is well into puberty and has grown all the hairs. She hates them. IMO they are normal length and volume and color, but they are visible, and she (a pale brunet) is really unhappy and wants to remove it all – arms, legs, armpits, and “everything down there.” At her request, I gave her a razor a while back and explained to her the pros and cons of shaving and other types of hair removal. I’d understand shaving of items 2 and 3 and bikini line, but she wants to go much farther than that, and not with a razor but with waxing or threading. WWYD? I’m trying to be nonjudgmental but I also don’t want her to get tied to the bald body look at this young age. And I also don’t want to spend $200/mo on hair removal (we are in a very HCOL area). Advice appreciated!

   1. I felt like this at that age. I was horrified at all the hair. I did shave bikini line, arms, legs, and armpits and still do.

      For down there, I didn’t do it but I totally get the desire. I was upset about it for a while. It didn’t mean I wanted the bald look forever or had any particular issues – it was just a big change I needed some time to accept. After a couple years I was over it and completely fine. One option might be at least trimming it with cosmetic scissors. I think I shaved and trimmed, but never more than that.

      1. As an elder GenX, I remember being postively thrilled when I started getting pubic hair. This thread is the first time I have been truly happy that I didn’t have a daughter. I can’t imagine having to deal with waxing at such a young age.

   2. I personally use an electric razor to “down there” so it’s super short but not shaved or waxed because I get razor burn and waxing bumps. I’d offer her that option as a first step.

      1. Agree. Get her an electric trimmer. It works great and is simple. The hair won’t be gone, but it will be less noticeable.

   3. Some women have very long, dark arm hair and it’s fair to remove that. What about Nair instead of waxing? It’s cheap, pain free, and lasts several days before anything regrows.

      Downstairs: I understand wanting to remove it all. I hated the way it poked through my underwear and swimsuit. I lasered it all off, no regrets. Is she willing to try those Sally Hansen heatless wax strips? It’s cheaper than a salon. The alternatives are giving her appropriate scissors to trim or waiting until she’s old enough to get a job and pay for salon visits.

      1. I agree (for me, also mom of pale skinned girls with abundant dark hair). A trimmer (and sometimes scissors to get started with) to get the length manageable so nothing peeks out and then Nair / razor.

         I wasn’t comfortable with a lot of spas handling the bits of a minor, both for privacy and hygiene (coordinating with periods, other clients, etc.), never mind anything shady / criminal. I told them that when they are older, more legit medspas (vs the pedicure places that also do waxing) may be a place for investing in laser (which can lighten the load). But a few places I talked to would not even discuss laser on intimate areas for a minor (but they were OK using laser on acne scars on a teen). Plus, that’s a lot of $ and also numbing time (speaking from experience), so I’d want them to at least be able to drive themselves to that for maintenance.

      2. really? i lasered it all off too – no regrets on underarms and legs, but for my p-hair i wish i’d left a small triangle instead of trying to go brazilian. they couldn’t get ALL of the hair because of the placement so now i have to trim even more than i did before because otherwise i have a mullet.

   4. She’s a little girl and I totally get that she still wants to look like a little girl for a while longer. I also think she should be the one to make decisions about her body hair.

      1. Agree, but that doesn’t mean a tween is entitled to decide someone is going to fund hundreds of dollars of spa-level hair removal for her every month.

         1. Right? When I was that age, I desperately wanted a nose job.

      2. I am more for letting younger kids make decisions in a safe manner and not with all the options of an adult to start with. I’d maybe get the upper-lip type press-on cold wax strips as a pilot project and see if that pain is OK. Read all of the packaging and instructions together!!! The big leg-sized one can yank out too much, including skin, or leave a frightening mess (a cat got into one once . . . a can of Crisco did the trick). Hot wax . . . that’s a safety issue that I think requires some skills and safety awareness. I was OK with it as I got older, but I would have wrecked a carpet and maybe a lot else before failing at that age. It’s like riding a bike — a little bit, in steps, not everything at once. Kiddo can get burned or hurt even with a lot of the cold wax strips.

      3. Didn’t say anything about spa-level removal.

         1. To be fair, amateur can be a horror fest. Trim first; then wax. Counterpressure is key. Don’t burn yourself. Don’t dribble.

            1. And the ingrown hairs. Having all the flashbacks now reading this.

   5. I don’t think arm hair removal is weird. Mine is long and thin and prone to catching in watchbands, plus I don’t like how it looks, so I either shave or Nair weekly. Thankfully it’s just pale enough that the regrowth during that time isn’t obvious.

   6. i am 50 years old, fair with dark hair and very hairy. i was wildly self-conscious my whole life (double shaved, naired, waxed….) i am now lasered from tip to toe and i really think i would have had better self esteem if they had had it when i was a kid. let her do it. if not taking all of it off down there at least to the bikini line. if you can’t afford it that’s one thing but otherwise…. this isn’t the fight i would pick. it will likely not be permanent bc she’ll have babies and her hormones will surge but in the mean time let her get rid of it and laser is better than the rest.

      1. I found laser incredibly painful. Even with numbing. I’d spend some time working on what is really going to be feasible and see what she can do on her own. Maintenance will be no joke over the summer. My life goal was just being able to go swimming if a spontaneous invitation arose.

   7. I do take my 11 yo get bikini waxes – not brazilians but a pretty aggressive bikini because she is a competitive swimmer and doesn’t want to deal, which I get. We wax her armpits too because the hair is much thinner than when she will be fully adult and the wax lasts a long time.

      We are a pretty naked house overall and I have been in full bush camp for a long time and also don’t shave armpits or legs usually, so I’ve tried to set a good example for body acceptance but I also don’t need to wear a high cut swim suit every day, so I’m trying to support her hair removal goals.

   8. get her an electric razor for the bikini line — it limits how much damage she can do. i used to do the cosmetic scissors trim too until I was pregnant and couldn’t see very well and nicked myself so… electric bikini razor.

      for arms and upper legs, consider bleach? that was what i did with my arms when i was younger and cared.

   9. I really liked “Gross Anatomy” by Mara Altman. It’s a few years back now, but it’s a good non-fiction book about how it feels to be a little alienated by your body. The author grew up in an aggressively body positive home, and was resentful about being told never to change anything.

      It’s a very American book and perspective, so I wouldn’t recommend it for a European mom, but in a US perspective, very useful.

   10. IMO waxing is too much and too costly at this age. Nair is better than it used to be and safer than razors.

   11. Threading anywhere other than face seems like it would take a really long time. What about at-home laser? I bought the Braun IPL Pro late last year and I wish I’d done it years ago, it’s very effective – although maybe it’s so effective now because the technology has come on. It’s not the cheapest but over time much cheaper than regular appointments of any kind and in the UK the one behind the very latest model seems to be on sale basically permanently.

       The only thing with laser is that if she does it for a long time I think it can have a longer term effect so if she does decide later she doesn’t mind or wants the hair it may not come back the same.

2. other than my wedding i can’t imagine spending this much on a dress for anything let alone white eyelet.

   1. I could see this being a great graduation dress for those schools where girls graduate in white except that it doesn’t ship until mid May. MMLF missed on the timing window with that ship date

      1. And whose parents will fork over $500 for a dress!

         1. Well, parents who are spending $70-100k a year to send their child to an IVY.

   2. Hmm. I can absolutely see buying this for my lifestyle. I’m always looking for something pretty but not too youthful. Summer is the main social season in my area. I have a luncheon this weekend that I’d wear it to. It would be nice to change into for the cocktails and dinner portion of a golf outing. It would be pretty date night at a nicer restaurant in the summer. Mother’s Day brunch or a Memorial Day bbq at the country club would probably see me in something like this. I could realistically see wearing at least once a year for the next five and might splurge if was pretty enough on me in person.

3. I love this dress.

   1. I agree. This is my kind of summer Dress.

      1. Yeah, great pick. I did not know MMLF now more natural fiber options. There are always some fun silks, and they are filling the void left in my closet by Amour Vert and Rebecca Taylor going out of business.

4. What would you wear for during the day you are at the conference hotel but the actual opening reception isn’t until the evening? You’re going to run into colleagues, maybe do something casual like visit a tourist site. Will be taking just carry-on so trying to keep clothing to a minimum. Would jeans be ok for this? I’ll be flying in jeans and was going to rewear them but concerned it’s a little too casual. (not a lawyer conference, think non-profit).

   1. Whatever I wanted, wouldn’t cross my mind to wear anything special.

   2. Jeans, without a second thought.

   3. I’d wear a normal cute-casual tourist outfit. Jeans are 100000% fine.

   4. Jeans is fine

   5. When I do this I’m in elevated comfort wear that passes – or barrel leg black pants that have stretch and a cute button down- so they’re very comfy for the plane but also good for the inevitable work conversations that happen in the hotel lobby.

      Jeans are also fine but I’m just not a jeans person.

5. Anyone feel like shopping for me? I’ll be a wedding guest at a country club in upstate NY in June. I’m a size 16 and 38G on top, so I’m looking for something that doesn’t require strapless/backless solutions. The ceremony and cocktail hour will be outside, so I’d like something that feels breezy if it ends up being 90 degrees. Preferred colors are jewel tones. Budget is $300-$400. Preference for Nordstrom because I have a gift card, but I can look elsewhere!

   1. For ideas: Sue Sartor silk items.

   2. how about these? this was me a few years ago (except im petite too); there just aren’t great options.

      https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/hybrid/bhldn-blake-square-neck-stretch-crepe-maxi-dress?color=208&curation_id=wedding-guest-dresses-curation&curation_name=Wedding+Guest+Dresses:+LP&type=STANDARD&quantity=1

      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/blossom-print-dipped-hem-wrap-midi-dress/8601564?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&fashionsize=size%2FWomens%20Clothing%2F16W%2C%201X%2C%2020%2C%20XXXL%7Csize%2FWomens%20Clothing%2F16%2C%20XL&color=401

      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/mariellla-floral-cocktail-dress/8552419?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&fashionsize=size%2FWomens%20Clothing%2F16W%2C%201X%2C%2020%2C%20XXXL%7Csize%2FWomens%20Clothing%2F16%2C%20XL&color=001

      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/mariah-crinkle-pleated-gown/7587760?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&fashionsize=size%2FWomens%20Clothing%2F16W%2C%201X%2C%2020%2C%20XXXL%7Csize%2FWomens%20Clothing%2F16%2C%20XL&color=650

      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/kay-unger-danielle-sleeveless-lace-dress/8259264?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&fashionsize=size%2FWomens%20Clothing%2F16W%2C%201X%2C%2020%2C%20XXXL%7Csize%2FWomens%20Clothing%2F16%2C%20XL&color=450

      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/dress-the-population-audrey-embroidered-fit-flare-dress/4797808?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&fashionsize=size%2FWomens%20Clothing%2F16W%2C%201X%2C%2020%2C%20XXXL%7Csize%2FWomens%20Clothing%2F16%2C%20XL&color=657

      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/womens-ruffle-cap-sleeve-embellished-tiered-midi-dress/8264313?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&fashionsize=size%2FWomens%20Clothing%2F16W%2C%201X%2C%2020%2C%20XXXL%7Csize%2FWomens%20Clothing%2F16%2C%20XL&color=002

      also check out birdy grey – https://www.birdygrey.com/products/marni-matte-satin-dress-black-fleurs-damour?_gl=1*shz4yb*_up*MQ..*_gs*MQ..&gclid=CjwKCAjwtIfPBhAzEiwAv9RTJoEhIxoSsHZ5BhpzJqRncWEyzbPvSVYEKlJZZ4zxdnj-y0FlNVcu9xoCE2MQAvD_BwE&gbraid=0AAAAADF5i77hvNBEeu6ko531YXTkzt7sI

   3. Try here! I have several things from them I really like: https://www.citychiconline.com/plus-size-dresses

6. I do think it’s pretty, but my first thought at this dress was that I could wear it with pearls and high heels . . . while vacuuming.

   1. Haha and maybe a pretty little apron?

   2. I also wondered where this would be appropriate to wear, but didn’t ask because someone would say something like “a breezy bbq!” And I would immediately know our lives are very different. (The bbq’s I go to involve not your best outfits.)

7. I love this but I feel like it’s what I want to wear on a European vacation and don’t actually have a use case for in my every day life.

   1. I can imagine wearing it to the ritzy neighborhood backyard BBQ, where I would promptly splurt ketchup down the front when a kid runs by and grabs me with cheetoh-fingers.

   2. I would have loved this for my bridal shower! As-is, my fantasy self wears it to a fancy lunch on Harbour Island.

   3. Anytime people talk about buying a ruffle puff, I would wear something like this instead.

      1. Same — I like some tailoring.

   4. yes! i’m seeing it on an italian vacation for some reason

   5. I’d wear the black version out to dinner so much so that I’m seriously considering add to cart…

      1. Same, I like the look of white but will 100% stain it, but I’d buy this in black or navy if it were $100 or if I were rich. Assuming it’s comfortable.

   6. This is a day dress, appropriate for church, baby showers (but not for bridal showers unless you are the bride), fancy brunches, and lunch at the country club with the in-laws. It is lovely and I would buy it if I could wear shirtdresses.

8. Would love a dress like this in a color. Anyone seen something similar? (Preferably at a lower price point, as long as we’re dreaming!)

   1. H&M has a white eyelet dress with a fitted top and a-line midi skirt. it was $84 but often 20% off in the app.

      1. Thanks! I’ll check that out!

   2. Reformation has a LOT of tailored day dresses in the $150-$300ish range.

   3. Natori has great eyelet dresses. $$, but they go on deep discount on her site. Mine is coral colored.

9. Has anyone bought a 2026 bedazzler? I never had the OG type for fabric but my teens want to get one and Amazon has too many options. I hate to admit it, but it does look fun (I am crafty, but don’t often use bling). One kid wanted to bedazzle her chemistry atoms and how can I say no?

   1. I bought this one for a teen in my life and she LOVES it!

      https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B0F2H6V8JK?ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_fed_asin_title
      “40000Pcs Resin Rhinestones with B7000 Jewelry Glue for Crafting, Rainbow Bedazzling Crystals Flat Back Gems with Craft Adhesive for DIY Graduation Cap Clothes Tumblers Shoes Nails and Face – Brand Audab”

10. Maybe a fun question for today – what combination of shops, restaurants, and services are the ideal mix for a small town center that (ideally) would be walkable? I always think about this – my small town has a bunch of banks that no one goes to and various dull offices (think insurance/real estate/travel). Restaurants come and go quickly because there’s no foot traffic.

    1. expanding the idea of “small town center” to “neighborhood center”, I would offer an example of the Shadyside neighborhood of Pittsburgh. Within a 10-15 minute walk:
       gym, independent coffee, bakery, asian noodles, ice cream, pizza, southwest food, laundry/dry cleaner, vet, grocery store, target, bank, churches.

    2. Good coffeeshop, a European-style bakery/patisserie, a bookstore, a sandwich place, and a pizza place will guarantee traffic. A good local pub that does both lunch and “small town nightlife” would be nice too.

    3. Definitely a book store, a couple of cafes with great outdoor seating, a few good restaurants (mix of ethnic and farm fresh), a small setting that could accommodate live music. A plaza would be a big plus.

    4. In my little town, my mom has and ice cream shop and my cousin has a bookstore that serves coffee and cocktails. That is everyone’s favorite. They’re not the only bookstore but they are the only one with cocktails.

       We have specialty shops, like a tennis shop and a comic book store and a vintage shop, a high end skincare and makeup place, tons of hair and nail salons, several toys stores as well as professional offices and so, so many restaurants and bars. We have a very large clothing store so high end that I’m scared to look in the windows. A few chains but mostly independently owned. Two cat cafes somehow. Weirdly more than one boutique owned by separate embarrassing reality tv people from a neighboring state. Oh and a movie theater and concert venue and an ax throwing place, several small churches and a large Catholic one and a Catholic elementary school. A small chain hotel. A very pretty park is walkable but not in what we call downtown, a major ish hospital is also walkable but not in town.

       Does it sound charming and perfect? I promised everyone complains about parking, drunks puking in the planters, and the new apartment buildings.

       My family has lived here for generations and they think about this a lot. After all, we survived era of the shopping mall fighting for this town to survive. The answer is that you need people living there to get a certain amount of foot traffic.
       You need to fight the public who hates high density housing and constantly demands more parking. Half the towns where I live committed suicide by turning themselves into strip malls in the name of parking. It is a good thing that you have to walk a few blocks to your car. Oh and nightlife. You have to put up with everything that comes with a vibrant nightlife scene. We have a board game cafe but about a billion bars. Bars pay rent.

       1. Ding ding ding, it’s about dense housing and limiting free street parking in favor of paid parking structures off the main strip.

       2. Yeah we have a nice walkable Old Town section in my city, and you have to walk a block or two for parking and it’s completely worth it.

    5. imo the most valuable is a real grocery store. I have that now and i never want to give it up.

       1. My town has the ‘town center’ with all the cute walkable stores and local specialty grocery and pharmacies.
          The day to day stores are in a different part of town where the gas stations, big grocery chain, Home Depot, CVS, urgent care clinic, etc. are. It keeps the people needing to do weekend errands away from the walking/chatting/cafe part of town and cuts down hugely on congestion.

       2. I guess but I dunno… What I want is not a cute disneyland of cafes and $30 olive oil. What I love about my neighborhood is that I can actually walk/bike to do errands!

    6. CT has a lot of towns like this, Stars Hollow in Gilmore girls is pretty close to Essex/Kent/Saybrook are all like this. So are Westport/Darien/Greenwich just with VERY high price points.
       All have independent boutiques, usually a bookstore, coffee shop, cafes, pizza places, and some combination of chain and local clothing stores. Antiques and homeware stores are also popular.

    7. A diner that, if not 24 hours, opens early and closes late. The menu doesn’t need to be large or even particularly good, just open.
       COVID killed the early morning/late night spots :-(

    8. Mine has a hair place, a nail place, a barber shop, 2 pizza places, 2 nicer sit down restaurants, 3 vape shops, a really decent but slightly expensive grocery store, 2 coffee shops (a Dunkin and an independent place), a PT facility, a strange little boutique type store that does a rip-roaring business and whose owner is super involved in the community, but I can’t figure out how she sells the mix of products she has and employs the number of people she employs. Oh, and a hardware store.

    9. Our little downtown is getting better. There is a local landowner who does pop up rentals for businesses who want to give the area a try, and we have a merchant’s association that brings in fun events that aren’t too low rent: a decent art show, a wine stroll, a small farmers market. And there is a good mix of cuisines, not just a diner.

    10. A post office would be nice

        1. This is one perk I have taken advantage of in university neighborhoods (the on-campus post office is often not even all that busy!).

    11. A library, grocer, fabric/ sewing/yarn store, art supplier, book store antique shop, soap maker, post office, shipping depot, plant store, toy shop, hair salon, bicycle repair, clothing for the family, urgent care clinic, hardware store, sporting goods supplier, tea shop.

    12. I love this question because it made me realize that there’s a nearly perfect center like this near me, and I’ve been taking it for granted.
        It features: A branch library; a post office; a Walgreens; a family-owned market (with a beer garden that features live music); a coffee shop; a bakery; an ice cream shop; a couple of restaurants; a consignment store for women’s and children’s clothes; and a family-owned hardware store that carries plants and gardening supplies.

        1. I love that area, Anon in Arlington 😊😊😊
           —formerly of Arlington

11. Does anyone have access to Cup of Jo’s substack? Curious about the “real reason” Jo and Freddie broke up…

    1. ha! I’m also curious. But not curious enough to pay for it.

       1. I have paid for her substack in the past but not currently. While I’m also curious about this, I suspect whatever is behind the paywall will still be too vague to be juicy.

          1. Exactly.

             She mentioned on the free blog that they broke up because they had different goals. My guess is that the poor man didn’t want to be a prop for her curated public life.

    2. The teaser is better than the reason. It was jealousy. And she says they might get back together.

       1. Is he jealous of her lifestyle or day job or something else?

          1. She didn’t say. It was very vaguebooking. Just that there was jealousy they’re working out separately.

             1. Went back to check, he couldn’t “trust or receive her love” – whatever that means.

       2. Interesting. Jealousy on the part of whom?
          I feel like if she’s teasing a reunion, they’re probably already back together.
          I thought she had said that after they broke up some friends and family had negative things to say about him, which always makes a reunion kind of awkward, but maybe I’m remembering wrong.

12. I recently received a $150 gift card to Lip Lab. I don’t wear lipstick. Any ideas of what I could get there? I’m also tempted to just give it to my assistant…

    1. I’ve been wearing a thick lip balm that’s helping my chronically chapped lips. Anything like that?

    2. I don’t like lipstick so purchase lip balm and lightly tinted lip gloss. You can probably find a lip oil there, they are trendy.

    3. I think they do custom blush and lip balm too if that helps?

    4. Give it away instead of buying something you don’t expect to use.

13. Has anyone seen a versatile neutral sandal that would work with a structured dress like this and more floaty, chiffon midi dresses? I have both styles of dresses and need new shoes but would like to get only one pair.

    1. Sam Edelman has some open-weave mary jane flats that would work.

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