Coffee Break: Lana Bag
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I have fallen down the rabbithole of the Nordstrom Half Yearly Sale (quelle suprise), and whoa: I haven't seen this many deals on Mulberry before.
This shoulder bag caught my eye immediately — it looks stylish and sophisticated, but also so classic. Love!
Another quick note from the sale: the lucky sizes on Akris, Boss, and Theory are fab! Stay tuned for a bigger roundup today.
The pictured shoulder bag was $1595, but is now marked to $1115.
I just saw that the administration is barring Harvard from enrolling any international students, including those that are already enrolled? this will surely be litigated, but how awful and nonsensical.
Harvard has to fight with everything it has. The endowment is the tool that Harvard has and others don’t; they must use it during this time of crisis.
Somewhat related, I have been enjoying that Above the Law has called out the law firms that have capitulated to Trump, right when they should have banded together and fought like Harvard is.
yea but in the meantime, the current international students at Harvard and those who turned down admissions elsewhere are kind of screwed. unless every other university suddenly opens its doors to these students, what are they supposed to do
What do you want the answer to this to be? The person you’re replying to says Harvard should tooth and nail. If that isn’t good enough for you, what do you propose?
This isn’t life threatening. The students will be fine in the long run.
wow, I can’t tell you how damaging this is to the research enterprise.
That’s already totally effed with the feds canceling so many millions in federal contracts, especially for Harvard. I can’t even believe this is our reality.
This is the tip of a godawful iceberg. Science in the US is in trouble.
It’s such an odd angle to piss off the parents of international students. Harvard/Yale are brand name enough to attract kids of elites in other countries. Like there are current international political and economic leaders whose kids he just banned. Wrong for all students of course but usually DT doesn’t piss on other rich ppl so it’s a weird move.
he has alienated all of our allies. says that too much money from qatar is funding U.S. schools….but then decides he should accept a rather expensive jet from them.
What a shock to find out that Donald Trump is not a man of ideological consistency and instead a man who moves from transaction to transaction without a thread to tie them together.
has anyone else noticed this trend of shirts that have three bows in the front but the closure is sort of open so you can see skin the whole way down? i know i’m getting old but who is wearing this and how do keep yourself covered? i had a double masectomy and so i have implants that don’t move but anyone with real breasts? crazy.
Young people.
Young people who probably wear those little sticky covers instead of bras.
I have one top like this, and I wear a fitted camisole or tank top under it.
Then I have to ask…. why buy the shirt? The whole point is to see skin underneath.
Geez. Maybe she liked the color or the shape of the shirt. Or thought the bows were pretty. It’s totally acceptable to style a shirt a different way from how you prefer it.
It’s for the same people as bralettes are for.
I saw one IRL and it was cute. I would have rocked it when I was 22!
Some of them have a bit of hospital gown vibe to me!
The Ganni shirt. The style is a a few years old, and not originally meant to be worn without a layer, just like a blazer.
anyone read the Ezra Klein interview with Tapper today? I cannot look away from the trainwreck that is just coming to light now.
I started the podcast but couldn’t finish.
Boy, if you even raised the question online last summer, you were raked over the coals. And yet…
Yeah, so important that we spend so much attention on a former President while the current one is… not exactly firmly on his rocker.
I have plenty of attention to go around.
I am very liberal, voted blue against Trump and his ilk, protest regularly, etc etc.
But I do think this examination has a place right now. In order to get the MAGA people out, we really need a good plan and to make sure people trust the Dems. As Tapper and Klein point out, that trust has been rightfully eroded. I think there’s an argument that there needs to be an examination and reckoning to determine how to move forward most effectively.
In other words, we can do both at the same time— oppose trump and say that the Dems betrayed their people and must do better.
well said. I was so annoyed last summer about anyone who said he should drop out because I felt (and still feel) that the time to decide that was way before 6 months before the mf election and we were stuck with whatever we had at that point (even though i was later all in on kamala). but this is just… wow. i feel like jill is going to get a lot of the blame, whether that’s deserved or not who knows.
I agree with this take. I do get tired of how dems eat their own, but this isn’t that. The party owes it to voters to be effective and they categorically were not. I do not want to see another failure. I’m not interested in finger pointing or unproductive wailing, I want solutions.
I want accountability. Leadership have made one terrible decision after another for some time now.
I agree with this, but I also think the Dems need to come up with some kind of message/program/policy set that isn’t just, “we have the moral high ground over the big bad Republican Party.” Real stuff, not, “in 5 years we’ll have means-tested, sadness-indexed aftercare spaces for kids in 10 of the poorest counties in X state.”
I completely agree!
Yes, it’s important to understand if the party covered up the mental deterioration of an elected official. It was important with Reagan. It was important with Feinstein. It’s important now.
+1. I’ve never been in the camp that says “eh the past is the past.” That approach lets bad behavior slide unchallenged.
Maybe, but it’s interesting how the media only seems interested in spending lots and lots of time on things Democrats did wrong. With the GOP, they’re like, Oh those wacky republicans, nothing to see here! Let’s relitigate, AGAIN, that Biden is old. The sanewashing of Trump is reprehensible and has been for years. It’s a big part of why we are in this mess.
I agree that the media spends waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more time focused on infractions by democrats and sanewashes republicans, and it’s a huge problem. TBH, media and the public seem to simply expect horrific actions and comments from republicans, and blatantly unqualified people being elevated to positions of power. Things that are deal breakers for democrats aren’t for republicans, and especially not for trump. It’s absurd.
Really? Trump’s nonsense has been stories 1-10 on every credible news site since January.
What sort of media are you consuming??? That is wildly out of line with my experience, anon @5:03. I’m with anon @5:30.
Yes. Because that’s one of the reasons we have the current president
Does anyone have a gift link to the NYT article about it?
It’s a podcast, should be freely available
I would prefer a short article. Not really into podcasts.
Ok
What’s the point of commenting if you don’t have a gift link? Waste of everyone’s time.
Anon at 6:07– because a gift link doesn’t exist. The discussion is about an episode of an extremely popular and very findable podcast.
Venting into the void. My daughter is about to arrive home from college and I am just not looking forward to having her and my husband in the same house. Each of them is A Lot. I can handle one at a time, but both of their individual personalities combined with their tendency to butt heads is going to make my life so much fun for the next three months. Add to that the fact that all of my own activities are on hiatus for the summer so I am basically trapped in the house with the two of them 24/7 except when they are at work (I WFH full-time, husband WFH 3 days/in office 2 days, daughter’s summer job is somewhat less than full-time) and I don’t know how I am going to make it through. And she gets my car for the summer because we can’t afford a third car. On top of it all I feel incredibly guilty for being such a terrible mother that I am not overjoyed to have my kid home.
You don’t have to let her come home, and you certainly don’t have to forfeit your car. When I was 17 I left and never returned.
Not letting a college freshman come home at all is really mean and imo isn’t reasonable unless the kid is behaving really badly, it doesn’t seem to be warranted here. I agree you don’t need to supply her with a car though, and you can tell her she has to be out of your hair during your work hours.
Sure, she doesn’t *have* to, but it’s not exactly realistic to tell her to tell her daughter to find a new place to live for the summer right before she gets back.
and i’m guessing you have a great relationship with your parents? it seems kind of cruel to tell your child they cannot come home absent some truly egregious behavior (which as a parent im sure would also bring up many big feelings)
I actually have a pretty good relationship with my parents, we visit regularly and even vacation together. Our relationship is much better than theirs is with my 30 y/o failure to launch sibling.
THAT was your takeaway? Maybe best not to offer advice in this area.
Being a martyr for your adult child isn’t necessary
You really do not have to just GIVE her your car. Please. For your own sanity and her own hard lesson to learn…. she will live, I promise!
I am not the OP, but what depending on where you live and where the job or internship is, what is the realistic alternative? I grew up in a suburb, had a really good internship in a suburb, which were not accessible via public transportation. that being said, OP – first of all, you are not a terrible mother. i have a feeling my mom felt similarly with my sister growing up. I don’t think your car literally belongs to her for the summer. Perhaps she can use it to get to/from her job when you are WFH, but that doesn’t mean it is hers to use 24/7 when she isn’t working. And DH’s car should not just be his, you can use that as well. I don’t know what your activities are that are on hiatus, but you can still make plans with friends, and go out and do other things
Biking, carpooling, buses (lots of suburban areas without subways have bus systems that are usable even if time-consuming). You can also buy old Hondas and Toyotas that probably have at least 5 years of life left for around $2k, so if having a car is a huge deal to the kid they could probably buy one with summer job earnings.
I grew up in a decently sized mid-atlantic city. There was no reasonable bus option. Parent really does need to let daughter use the car for her internship. It’s one of the costs of launching your kid.
It is not one of the costs of launching your kid. I launched fine, and I never even spent my summers at home.
this is kind of delusional. it was not safe or realistic to bike on the highway to my internship. who on earth would i have carpooled with? i was the only intern in my department. And there really wasn’t a reliable safe bus option.
Then maybe the teen needs to live closer to the internship and will save less money this summer because she’ll have to pay rent? Or she needs to buy a very old used car? I don’t think parents giving their college age kids unfettered access to one of their primary cars is normal, especially when said parents are struggling financially enough that buying a used car is a significant hardship.
+1. Also you are not stuck at home with them – even if your book club is on hiatus, you don’t need a scheduled reason to take yourself to coffee or a museum.
Could she try to get a summer job? It can be tricky for short term work, but not impossible.
She has one, that’s why she needs the car.
She needs a car to get to work. No public tr@nsit options. Logistically we’ve decided that the easiest plan is to give her the keys to my older car and for her dad and me to share his brand-new car. It’s not so much about the car as about the fact that I have nowhere to go to get away from the two of them.
She is really quite a cool kid and I love her and I even like her most of the time, but she is not much fun to be around when she’s missing her life at school and her dad is no fun to be around when she’s here. He was a great dad when she was little, but he doesn’t understand teenagers.
i bet she is having many of the same feelings that you are. can you have an open conversation with her and/or DH?
If it were me, I would be taking a multipronged approach here.
* It’s time for a heart-to-heart with your husband. He doesn’t get to just butt heads and create a hostile environment for you. I’d start to talk through and agree on what is and isn’t acceptable for house rules and how to respond before setting expectations with the teen.
* What will be your schedule with the vehicle you are sharing? Can you plan an hour or two away every couple of days to run errands solo, have a date night with DH, visit the gym solo, etc. Start pre-planning away time. On days when you won’t have the vehicle, take yourself for a walk in the neighborhood. Spend some time in the yard gardening or reading. You are an adult who can also look after your needs–you don’t get to just lob that responsibility on the two of them.
* Set house rules with your daughter, so she’s less likely to be inadvertently getting in trouble with DH and you.
* Schedule a solo vacation–even if it’s just for a few days. It will give you something to look forward to and some much needed space.
As someone who grew up in suburbia where a car was necessary to get to my summer job, I understand your logic.
Similar to what others said, even if not a “structured” activity, finding ways to get out of the house may help (and bonus if they’re not reliant on a car, though it sounds like this might not always be the limiting factor). Echoing the advice to take yourself out for a cup of coffee, walk around the neighborhood, pick up an gym habit, putter around the garden, etc. There’s also no shame in popping on some noise cancelling headphones and reading a book in another room / backyard.
There’s also no need for the three of you to spend all your time together. At that age my parents regularly left me alone to do their own thing (date night, weekend outings) and I had my own friend group and summer sports leagues. Also, while their relationship may be different now, encourage your husband to spend 1:1 time with your daughter. I have fond memories of running errands with my dad as a teenager – yes, sometimes it was boring waiting for him to get dry cleaning, but he also morphed into this cool source of knowledge at Home Depot. I think those random activities helped me get to know a different side of him (vs. how I related to him as a younger child).
Finally, being a teenager away from school is tough, especially if several of her friends stayed near campus (or have other seemingly more exciting summer plans). This was my situation and I threw myself into social activities, sports leagues (think volleyball, kickball, softball), and volunteering. Obviously you know your daughter but a gentle encouragement to seek something like this out may help too.
Yeah, giving a college kid complete use of your own car is nuts. My parents are pretty affluent but frugal and I always shared one of their cars when I was home for school breaks. Granted, I was never home for an entire summer but I’m sure even if I had been they wouldn’t have given me unlimited rights to one of their cars. It would have been a balance between their needs for the car and mine. And your husband’s car also needs to be involved in this balancing act, i.e., it’s 3 people sharing 2 cars, which isn’t really so bad. It shouldn’t your husband having 100% of a car and your daughter having 100% of a car and you having 0% of a car.
Do you happen to have any sense of how your daughter and/or your husband are feeling? Either or both of them may also have some apprehension about what the summer is going to be like, and might welcome a conversation about “let’s make a plan for how we’re each going to get some time alone with each other, as well as each of us getting some regular time alone.” They might have ideas already, and/or they might like some suggestions from you.
That said, I would like to gently encourage you that you aren’t terrible for feeling stress over a major living situation change. Family living situations are a lot of logistics of — in this case — three adults in one house trying their best to live together happily enough.
AND, I would like to point out that you likely don’t have to wait for planned activities to be a reason to leave the house. Going to the library, browsing some community event, whatever, can be plenty to get a person out of the house and into a different space for a bit.
Try not to feel guilty or like a terrible mother! Big Personalities coming home can be a lot. Try to find time to yourself, and try to let them butt heads all by themselves.
Good luck!
Huh? Why would you be trapped in the house? That doesn’t make sense. Even if any regular activities you do don’t meet in the summer, you can always go for walks, to the library, or anything else just for you.
I WFH every day and husband WFH three days a week, for starters. And they are both very clingy so it’s hard to go anywhere without them unless I have a scheduled activity they aren’t part of.
They are adults, so are you. Use your words and tell them you’re going somewhere without them.
Use your words. “I am leaving the house alone” and then exit.
It sounds like you need some practice with boundaries. Why not come up with a few phrases to use like “I’m going on a solo walk to clear my head” or “I need a little me time in the bath.”
Agreed, and also: hearing you say this is going to set a great example for your daughter as a young woman who’s probably learning boundary setting skills herself.
Then grow up and tell them no you can’t come I’m going by myself
If you can’t teach them boundaries now when they’re adults, when exactly are you planning to do so. You are choosing to be a martyr.
What the nonsense is this. You are an adult woman. You do not need an activity as an excuse to leave the house. Your child can borrow your or his car when they are available you don’t just give her yours.
you are not a terrible mom! you are a person with valid feelings. my dad has invited himself to stay with us (i have two young kids, a spouse with a big job who travels a ton, and our guest room is located in the middle of the house) while he recovers from surgery (please note, he lives flying distance away, can afford any help he needs, i have offered to go there for a week post op) and i am DREADING it. i also feel like a terrible person, though every single friend i’ve talked to about it IRL seems to think i’m reasonable and that my dad is being unreasonable. Family stuff can be really hard. Especially when you actually love/care about them
Try out a new hobby, book some date nights with DH, and book some mother daughter activities with kid, and then some travel like maybe a weekend away with girlfriends. Basically have something to look forward to each week to help you deal when they are getting on your nerves.
Idk if this helps, but I rented a seat in a coworking space for a month when we were having construction done, and it was life changing. Do that if it’s at all an option.
You are not a terrible mother!!! You love both of them, just not together. I WFH, and husband and son both started to WFH during COVID and we really were trapped. All the love in the world didn’t mean we didn’t get on each others nerves. Lean into Uber and let them know you WILL be leaving sometimes for “me time” just to go to a movie or the mall.
I don’t think you’re a terrible mother, but I think a lot of the problems are of your own making due to your inability to draw boundaries. You and your husband own the car and your daughter is merely borrowing it; other than using it to get to work she should have access to it only when you two have zero need for it. If she wants to go out with friends they can pick her up or she can pay for a lyft. Even for work, I think it’s reasonable to require that she compromise in some way, like carpooling with coworkers some days so she doesn’t need to use your car every day. When she’s home during your work hours she needs to not bother you. if she can’t stay in her room and out of your way, it’s reasonable to tell her she has to be out of the house during set work hours. You should be able to leave the house and do what you want without her following, she’s an adult.
+1. Your car is yours the second she gets home from commuting. Unless they’re physically restraining you from leaving there’s no reason you can’t announce you’re heading out solo for a couple hours. If she’s being a PITA while you’re working from home she gets to choose between quietly doing chores or doing something outside. You’re not under house arrest with the two of them.
How much less than full time is her job? Are we talking like 35 hours/week or less than 20? If it’s latter, I think she needs a second part-time job or some volunteer work or a college class or something else structured. It’s not healthy for teens to spend that much time bumming around at home.
What in the ever loving martyrdom is this?
Kid comes home, if she needs transportation to a job she can figure it out. My kid came home freshman year and solved this by getting up early and driving her dad to work every day. It added 35 minutes to her morning but then she got his car.
She’s probably dreading this as much as you are. Encouragement her to plan trips to visit friends.
Yup, the driving a parent to work to then have access to the car during the work day is quite common for teens (high schoolers too) where I live. I understand some areas aren’t tr@nsit friendly but the solution isn’t “just give the kid a car with no sacrifice on their part.” It’s a two way street and they have to be compromising and sacrificing here too.
+1.
Have you talked to DH about how he acts with your daughter? My dad and I have clashed since my teenagehood, and even now that I’m nearly 40 he picks fights with me and needles me. I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy mourning the supportive father I wish I’d had.
At length. It always ends up with his declaring “I am who I am and I’m not going to change.” The problem is that growing up, he idolized his Don Draper dad and would do anything to get his attention and wanted to grow up to be just like him. He expects our daughter, and for that matter all of our nieces and nephews, to be the same way, and she just isn’t. She is well-behaved and respectful but is set on doing her own thing. His current problem is that she went out and got a job that is only 25 hours a week but pays well on an hourly basis and feeds into her chosen career path, when he wanted her to get a full-time internship at his company doing something that is extremely boring and doesn’t lead to any career in which she is remotely interested.
Don Draper, ah that’s the missing piece of info as to why you’re tying yourself into knots to accomodate others and not setting boundaries.
Yep
It sounds like your husband is the problem.
Yup, he sounds exactly like my dad. And you kind of sound like my mom. I agree with everyone that you need to set some boundaries. Please, please work on that. I bet your daughter wishes you would.
On the flip side, it might be better than you expect. My dad and I fought terribly in middle and high school, but he’s one of my best friends now. I’m actually way closer to him than my mom, who I got along better with as a teen. It might not be as bad as you’re dreading.
Your kid will sleep til 10 on her job work days and doesn’t want to be there either. Chill.
You can find new activities – maybe take your daughter! She may have matured over the school year. Perhaps a heart to heart with both of them about not acting like aholes is in order.
Mom? Just kidding. I’m sure my mother felt this way about me when I came home for the summers. I know she loves me. I know I was A Lot. Our relationship was Not Great growing up, but this was never an issue for me and isn’t something that I look back on and feel sad or unloved about. So don’t feel terrible for not being overjoyed to have her home is what I’m saying.
Also, set boundaries. My mom did this with me and I didn’t really recognize it as boundary setting at the time, I do as an adult, and she was right to do it.
Conversely, my mom never set boundaries around her own time and generosity (still doesn’t) and I wish she would. We have a good relationship, but I simultaneously feel pity and anger toward her for being a martyr and not setting a better example for her daughters in this regard.
I love her, but she’s basically been a doormat for her family her whole life and I carry a lot of guilt and worry about her and how she lets herself be treated.
So stand up for yourself. It’s in your daughter’s best interest, too
If I weren’t an only child I’d think you were talking about my mom.
a lot of this sounds like it could’ve been written by my mom about a decade ago… granted, for them the solution was finally getting divorced when I graduated but maybe you like your husband still?
give your daughter space to be a different person – both in maturing and also in setting new house rules. It seems like you maybe struggle with boundaries but it’s the balance of ‘yes you’re an adult’ and ‘yes you’re still relying on us so you need to be a respectful roommate’.
If your daughter’s job/internship is only 25 hrs a week, I’d push her to get another job or commitment. She can’t afford her own car yet, she should be working to save for one!
final thought, this is a husband problem too (maybe more so than a daughter problem). He’s the parent, he needs to be mature enough to not start fights or w/e the issue is
+ a million to your last paragraph
I wish my dad had learned that lesson. I wish my mom had been able to stand up for me and herself enough to make him.
I haven’t been abroad in like 20 years and we’re going soon — I keep having nightmares and intrusive thoughts about, like, whether I need to buy travel converter plugs and get cash beforehand. Any tips? These are such basic questions I don’t even know where to go to find out.
Where are you going?
Depends on where you’re going, I guess, but I haven’t used cash on any of the international trips I’ve done in the past couple years. Even before that, I used cash very rarely and just got it from an ATM.
It is so much easier now than it used to be but this sounds maybe like more generalized anxiety? In terms of nuts and bolts use Rick Steve’s and/or chat gpt to give you tips about logistics when traveling. Like converters. It’s so easy to get what you need on Amazon. With money usually you can just go to a bank ATM in country. If you have a major bank it’s easy. Maybe search the bank website for foreign transaction fees. For your phone if you have a major carrier you can probably pay something like $10 a day for coverage. Enjoy yourself – the world is so amazing!
I know people pooh pooh travel agents/advisors but they can help with stuff like that.
If you say where you’re going, people here probably have advice. You probably need converter plugs and you should have an ATM card to get cash out of a local ATM if needed, but cash is probably unnecessary for Europe, ime. My last 6+ trips there did not involve any Euro cash.
You most likely don’t need cash but you should probably tell your bank that you’re traveling and may be withdrawing cash in X location abroad. Ditto with your credit cards. If you have a card with zero foreign transaction fees now is the time to figure that out. If you don’t and you have time to get one, do that.
England and France mostly
You can literally get same day Amazon delivery in most big cities in UK (and probably France) if you forget something.
Or, even, ~go to a store~
Of course but I’m pointing out that if she is overwhelmed, she doesn’t need to track down the right store for her item.
Europe went cashless during covid.
You will not need to bring cash for a UK holiday. But do bring a chip and pin contactless card.
You can get some cash when you get there if you want to tip houseekeeping, or are going to a hairdresser’s.
I would just google “Packing list for travel to X country in X month” – it will turn up blogs, etc. with tips on what you need before you go. I use very little cash on international vacations now, but do bring travel converted plugs!
Also, guidebooks (e.g., Rick Steves) are good for this type of info.
I hadn’t gone abroad in over a decade and just did a trip to England in the winter. I did need a different plug for my phone charger, but bought a dual voltage hairdryer so I didn’t have to worry about a converter for that.
I didn’t need a single bit of cash and used Apple pay everywhere, including the tube, so you may not need cash. If you’re going somewhere that’s less of a metropolitan area, you may need some cash but you can withdraw it there.
Replying to myself that I did need plug adapters for the hairdryer—I bought a mini power strip thing so I could just bring one and plug my devices into it. I believe it is also a converter but most phones are dual voltage now I believe.
You don’t need cash. I was in London and Edinburgh last summer and didn’t use cash once.
Austria/germany is more into cash. In Italy I paid pretty much everywhere with tap. You can get cash at any ATM if you need it.
I was in Germany in 2023 and didn’t use cash at all.
I don’t travel with a hair dryer as most hotels or airbnbs have them.
I was in Germany two years ago and never used cash.
I always travel with converter plugs. I also always travel with a bit of cash, but it is not absolutely necessary.
I’m hoping someone here can help me out. I am a recently new resident of the state of Connecticut and I’m baffled by local government and haven’t found a good resource to figure out what’s going on.
With X days’ notice in the local paper (who reads newspaper classifieds anymore?!), our town will seemingly have a vote on anything that tickles its fancy, any time of year. The town does not have a newsletter or Facebook account, so the only other place the info is posted is 3 pages deep on the town website. Thankfully, the town clerk puts out these large sandwich boards that read VOTE TODAY on the main roads in and out of town – otherwise I’d never know!
The votes will be because they need an up/down on the roads department getting a new plow for next winter, because they need the school budget approved, because that school budget failed and they need another vote, because they want to turn Mrs. O’Leary’s bequeathed land into O’Leary Park, etc. What in the civics class is this?!
I swear I’ve only lived places that voted in primaries in late spring and main elections (along with anything else that needed to be voted on) in November. Twice a year, easy peasy. But CT walking along like it’s totally normal to vote all 12 months of the year, sometimes twice or thrice per month!, is making me feel squirrelly. The clerk’s office is populated by native Nutmeggers, so they don’t know what I’m talking about, so they’re no help answering my question.
Please tell me I’m not crazy. Or that I am. At this point I’d just like an answer!
I want to live here.
Why?
I’d look for a local community group on Facebook. Surely even if the town doesn’t have one, neighbors created one? We have a vacation house in a town just like this, and that’s how I find out about stuff.
Wow, that sounds annoying.
That’s not a CT thing, it’s a town government thing. I grew up in CT and we had a very structured town government.
My tiny MA town operates like your CT town and it’s bonkers. There’s an unofficial town FB page, so start looking around, you’ll find one.
OP here. So you’re saying the town is this nuts because…this is how towns are structured in the codebooks? Because our selectmen allow it to be? WHY is it this way? WHY do we vote every month? Most entities in the democratic world do not function like this.
I’m in the local FB group. It’s mostly about bake sales, not political goings on. And I really don’t care to post, “WTH is with this town? It doesn’t make any sense to vote this often” to the people whose families have lived there for generations.
Maybe! I’m also in CT and every town is structured differently. Some have selectmen, some have mayors, some have town councils, some have a few top voting officials, some have a bunch, some put the school budget to referendum, some have the city council decide what portion to allocate to the schools, etc. I have lived in several CT towns (and covered several others for local newspapers). Sounds like maybe you live in a small-ish town?
Your town charter likely has rules around voting. My small MA town has a select board of 5 and very specific voting procedures. I think (would guess? Hope?) your town similarly has rules. It may be the rules are disregarded or they are in fact this loose.. but this is small town government for ya.
In Gilmore Girls world it is. Not the rest of the country.
When we moved to a small town (not CT but sounds similar) I was amazed at how FB groups were the best sources for information.
do you live in Stars Hollow?
It’s not far off ha
that’s what this made me think of too. So like the first poster, I want to live there, but only in a hypothetical TV way, where I can also eat out all the time and be financially stable and thin at the same time. In that reality this town government thing sounds charming. Probably is less charming in reality!
My CT town is a little more modern about publicizing things on Facebook and local papers, but we also have a lot of random votes. Not as minor as buying a new plow (that would be part of the town and school budget question that we vote on once a year, I believe), but yes on a lot of land use questions, etc. I find it absolutely delightful and LOVE attending town meetings and participating in voice votes on these things, but it helps that my town is mostly pretty functional and people aren’t jerks at them – I can see how it would easily go the other way!
Are your town meetings streamed online for people to watch at home? They refuse.
Ours are streamed but you have to be in person to vote. (MA not CT)
Yes, they are. You do have to be there in person if you want to vote.
You are not crazy! Having random votes you learn about by sandwich board + local newspaper is not the norm in most of the US. I grew up in MD and live in CA and I’m fairly sure it wouldn’t be legal in either state In terms of changing it, you’re probably SOL but there are probably are towns with a better system. If you have a professional city manager, maybe they would be a resource for taking on the issue.
Following up on European travel questions. I have a CPAP so normally, I can take a small suitcase, a shoulder bag and the CPAP isn’t a third piece on the airlines. Will I be okay on the trains in Italy? I got conflicting information (thanks AI!) on what kind of adaptor to use for the CPAP. Not sure about standard amenities like a hair dryer or microwave in hotels either.
Microwaves are not a standard amenity. You should call your CPAP provider and ask.
I’ve never seen anyone on German, French or Italian trains pay attention how many pieces of luggage you have, assuming it’s not so much that you hold up others when on and offboarding.
Microwaves aren’t a standard amenity in the states let alone Europe.
We’re heading out on a family vacation in the next week – Alaska cruise and a few days in Seattle. I like cruises but kind of worry about getting bored on sea days. Any tips for the cruise (it includes Glacier Bay) or Seattle must-dos – we’ll be in the Queen Anne neighborhood.
It was over a decade ago now, but I loved our Alaska cruise! We only had one true “sea day” — there were two other days when we didn’t get off the boat, but they had scenic cruising (Glacier Bay, etc.) so it was not boring at all. What line are you going on? Princess and I think some of the other lines does afternoon tea on sea days and that was enjoyable. It isn’t fancy like the $$$$ tea you’d have at a place like the Ritz or Savoy, but it was pleasant.
We went on an Alaska cruise out of Seattle a few years ago. It was lovely, but it was pretty low-key when we were at sea. Our group (big extended fam) spent a ton of time in the glassed-in viewing deck playing games and hanging (er, drinking), which was really nice IMO, but a little low key for my kids (8 and 10), who were hard to keep entertained (they did not enjoy the kids club at all and it was often too chilly to do much on deck).
If you enjoy reading or playing games with the family while looking at beautiful scenery, you’ll really like it. But be ready with a lot of options if you have young kids. Bring a lot of books and games.
Ooh, going to check out afternoon tea! It’s Princess cruises. My kiddo is a tween and is pretty good at keeping busy but we are going to bring a couple decks of Uno and check out the kids’ club. I’m trying to talk them into some of the fitness classes and the Zumba on the Piazza, ha ha!
What random emojis and other things fill you with rage? For me it’s ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ – my brother uses it about once every 3 texts, often while mansplaining.
When people use ‘k’ and ‘thx’ especially in a professional context. Noone is too busy or important for a few extra letters
There’s such a huge difference between “OK” and “K.” on my group chat with my besties. Who knew one less letter and a period could change everything? There’s also a huge difference between “lol” and “lololol.”
if someone said “k” to me at work, I’d assume they were mad at me :(
I hate this low-key pissed off one when someone intends it to be happy, but I like it when it’s meant to be b1tchy: 🙂
Also hate 🫡 as a snarky response to a request.
Oh, I forgot to add that I hate, hate, HATE when people at work send multi-part Teams messages like this:
Hey
So I had an idea
We could reach out to Susan
But maybe also Tom
What do you think?
Teams is the worst, but especially when people message “hi” and wait for a response before saying whatever they need to tell me. The whole point is asynchronous communication, buddy!
Heh. I use the hi, and the point is to figure out if the person is present and able to engage rather than maybe present and maybe busy and unable to engage. I think of it as a knock-knock, ignore if inconvenient.
If I” hi” you and immediately follow-up, I’m assuming my thing is more important than whatever you’re currently doing, please respond asap
That’s exactly the problem though. Someone doesn’t know whether they have time to immediately respond or whether your request is more important than what they’re doing until they know what it is. The Hi is an attempt to force someone to pre-commit to answering immediately before you Spring your ask on them.
😊
At my last job an older guy used to end sentences with ….. and for the life of me I never knew what he meant by that or why a period wouldn’t just work.
I just said this below. A woman I work with often ends her emails like this too and I don’t understand what she’s trying to convey to me! I just ignore at this point.
My mother does this and it makes me ragey…………..
Like what, you aren’t done with the sentence?
You didn’t use it correctly.
I’ll admit to using ellipses sometimes. I use it to convey that I’m speechless.
Hahaha, that one makes me laugh every time. But the … ellipse fills me with rage every time. Like why are you pausing in text?
lol that’s possibly my favorite emoji although recently I’ve been partial to 🫠
I have a trapeze dress that I bought with pessimism during some size fluctuations. It is maybe a size too large, but also a trapeze dress, so it is literally triangular shaped. The fabric is beautiful. It has pockets. I can wash it. But it’s just a lot of volume.
Should I try to get a tailor to add some darts so it is more of a shift? Fold away for when the menopause size flux hits again so I have something lovely when the time comes (if I hated it, I’d just donate)? Belting it hasn’t worked — still too much volume.
Donate and move on without guilt. If it doesn’t work for you, will work for someone else.
Donate.
Can you just get it taken in, rather than trying to change the shape, so it’s still a trapeze dress, but in your size?
Was late to the game on the morning thread about what to do for house guests, but I just returned from a visit to my parents’ home and picked up a “don’t do this” to add.
All the lovely touches were there, and they went out of their way to make us comfortable—they always do.
But.
There was not a single unadorned, uncluttered surface in their dedicated guest room or bathroom countertop (…or shower). Being my parents’ home, I just moved stuff (literally 15 tabletop picture frames, a huge sewing kit, and a landline) and moved it back at the end of the trip, but please consider that your guests may want (no: need!) a place to put down their toiletries, glass of water, phone, etc.