Coffee Break: Astrid Pump

112 Comments

1. My husband grew up playing competitive sports and I did not, so I’m not that familiar with this world. We have kids who play club and high school level sports. When I sit with him as a spectator, I have to hear him mutter about good and bad things that go on in the field, except most of the comments are negative (e.g. “Why did he/she kick the ball out when it was going to roll out anyway? What was *that* move? Why is he positioned so far back, etc.”) I decided I just don’t enjoy hearing constant negativity and I basically told him that. He seems to think that his comments are both positive and negative and that it’s better for him to tell me all of the good and bad rather than saying anything directly to the kids, so it’s a form of venting/processing. Is it fair for me to basically tell him to not say every thought that pops through his head? I am a fairly anxious person so whenever I feel like the kids are doing something poorly, I am sort of unhappy for them, which makes it hard for me to enjoy watching them play. I have expressed this and I think he finds it stifling and thinks I’m being willfully ignorant.

   1. Sit away from him. Truly. Neither of you is right, and neither of you is wrong. But you have different ways of engaging and his way makes you anxious. So enjoy watching your kids away from him and let him “process” to someone else.

      1. Yeah, this isn’t really abnormal, and he can find someone else who is doing the exact same thing, so should sit with that person.

      2. +1 my husband doesn’t do this but he’s still more, I guess, engaged in the game than I am? I sit with the nice moms and we chat and cheer on the kids. It’s a nice way to make friends. Just sidle up and introduce yourself.

         1. exactly this. The moms also good-naturedly comment when their own kid makes a questionable play. “ack, don’t pass in front of your own net, silly, you know better than that!” kind of stuff, but as an aside to the real conversation. My husband is a coach, so when he’s watching as a parent, he a absolutely mutters all the coach things under his breath. If I’m not in the mood to watch that intensely that day, I just sit with a chatty friend.

   2. You don’t have to sit with him.

   3. I do this with my mom friends when we watch soccer. Both of us want our kids to do well, but we have a nice dynamic where we’ll grumble about the things our own kids don’t do well, compliment the other moms on the things their kids DO do well, and everyone comments on how ridiculous it is that the ref is calling out pushing from our team but not the other team! ;) If it is making you more anxious, I agree that sitting separately would be better.

      1. agree with this. it is also so much better if he is saying this to you than to the kids, but maybe he needs a sideline buddy that isnt you

   4. His reaction that being stifled somehow trumps your anxiety is the problem. You don’t have to be available to him to listen to a negative play by play of every game. You can just enjoy your kids. He doesn’t get to trump that.

      Don’t say this stuff to the kids in like parenting 101. Stop making your wife anxious with your commentary is like marriage 101. Both are valid.

      1. This isn’t really a level of anxiety that he needs to accommodate though–don’t say anything factual (and sometimes negative) at a sporting event?

         1. She didn’t say it was occasionally negative, she said ‘constant negativity’.

            I wouldn’t want to listen to a constant stream of negativity about my kids. Simply isn’t necessary to enjoy watching them.

   5. I once read the only thing you should ever say to your student athlete is “I love to watch you play.” There’s a great website called the “Changing the Game Project” that talks about this and the reasons for it. I am of the view that importing that approach into watching the kids is also in their best interests. In other words, enjoy the opportunity to watch your kids play and keep your supposedly-grown-up, so-called-expert thoughts to yourself while doing so. If it helps, I think you’re right here and your husband is just NOT.

      1. That’s what her husband is doing . . .

         1. Yeah comments to her are totally different than comments to the kids.

   6. Sounds like you two have different viewing preferences. It’s unreasonable for him to ask you to change yours, and it’s unreasonable for you to ask him to change his (since he’s muttering to himself quietly – I’d feel differently if it was loud enough for more than just you to hear). Just sit separately.

   7. I am on your team, but I also think reasonable minds can differ.

      1. Same here. And the solution is for you to sit and chat with the other moms.

   8. And this is exactly why I find most sports parents to be absolutely exhausting. I hate listening to this type of talk, too, OP. It’s youth sports, the stakes couldn’t be lower. Solidarity.

      1. My daughter did one season of rec soccer and I couldn’t go to the games because so many of the parents were shouting from the sidelines, and my husband got into doing that too. He really isn’t that type of parent but just got caught up in the general atmosphere I guess? And he wasn’t yelling anything mean about my kid or anyone else but just the constant coaching was hard for me to listen to. Let the coaches coach!

         Softball has been way better. I don’t know if that’s a general thing or just the crowd of people that happens to do those sports in my area, but parents (at least at the rec level, I realize travel is its own thing) seem way more interested in chatting about none sports stuff and pausing briefly to clap/cheer for their kid when they’re at bat.

         1. Interesting. The softball and baseball parents in my area are some of the worst, followed closely by soccer. The drama I have heard about is shocking!

            1. Travel ball is definitely drama-filled but not in that world yet and hopefully will never be.

         2. I’m a rec league soccer coach, and if it makes you feel better, the kids tune everyone out, including the coaches, when they’re on on the field.

            1. Oh I 100% believe that. It was not bothering our kid, or any of the other kids, just annoying to me.

               I come from figure skating, which is an individual sport so it’s different, but the coaches are SO serious about not taking advice from anyone except your primary coach or coaches they authorize to work with you. Especially past a certain level. Like parents will get thrown out of the rink if they try to backseat coach their kids. So it’s just very ingrained in me that you only listen to the coach!

   9. I hate hearing parents comment or try to coach from the sidelines, beyond an occasional cheer, so I think it’s more than fair for you tell him not to say every thought that pops into his head.

      I thank every person who tries to put a stop to the scourge of youth sports that is parents getting way too into their kids’ games.

   10. I’m like you, and when I hear parents like your husband, I internally roll my eyes. I wonder if the parents who get worked up like this are lacking something in their own lives that is making them place extra importance on their kids’ performance.

       1. +1 million

   11. My dad was not social and also not super competitive. He used to walk around the outside of the baseball field while I was playing softball. You don’t have to sit with the other parents at all

   12. lol, I’m like your husband at my kids’ rec soccer games. Played soccer all my life and love the sport, don’t get much opportunity to play these days, and when I watch I just have Thoughts about where people should be and what they should be doing. Can’t turn it off! I think he’s right that it’s a form of processing; I actually feel the urge sometimes to run out there and start playing, so maybe that energy just has to come out some other way. Also our own coaches were often doing this kind of commentary when we were on the sidelines, so maybe it just feels natural to be tuned into looking for how a play could be improved? Anyway, I don’t see it as negative at all, more just the way I engage with the sport.

       For the record, I am not yelling at anybody—my kids don’t even like it when I cheer for them. And there are plenty of times when I’m chatting with the parents, but I guess I understand the urge to be a quiet sideline announcer. :) That said, if my husband told me it bothered him, I would stop (but I think I would feel a bit…stifled, or unfulfilled, or something).

2. For those of you who have been an executor for a parent, how long did it take you to finish their estate paperwork and get it closed out? It just seems like a lot of paperwork but it’s all left from mom to dad and he doesn’t really want to deal with medallion guarantees and all that. Taxes are filed at least and most big things are done. It’s just all minutia (but it’s not going to get done unless I push him).

   1. I think most within a year. Most of the little stuff isn’t urgent. My father was really traumatized by my mother’s death. I did as much as I could for my father on the paperwork, and spread it out for myself once I accepted that my organizational desires were less important than his mental health. Every family is different. Just keep a long to do list. There’s no hurry.

   2. For my MIL it took a little over a year.

3. Is this unreasonable to be annoyed about? DH recently started a new job that’s an 1 hour 15 minute commute via public transport. My commute is about an hour via public transport, but I only go in three days a week. When DH started the job, he started talking about moving to another neighborhood that would reduce his commute to 35 minutes. He didn’t talk to me in a formal way, but would offhandedly talk about it to our family and to me. I don’t like this neighborhood at all – it’s all brand-new build high rises and very corporate. Would be more expensive than where we currently live to be somewhere I like less in a building I don’t like as much as our current apartment (we live in a renovated Victorian with 12 foot ceilings and lots of natural light).

   DH’s mom is staying with us currently. Today, DH missed his train, which made his commute longer. He texted her about it, and she said to me “He missed his train” like she felt so horrible for him. Then, very somberly: “His commute is too long. You need to move apartments.”

   My mom referenced that he had also told her he wants to move to the corporate neighborhood. But he hasn’t at any point sat down with me and said “How would you feel about moving to xyz neighborhood?” I feel annoyed. Mostly with his mom saying that. Like my commute is almost as long as his and he never spoke with me. I just want to have control over my life and not have his mother tell me what I need to do and how I need to restructure my life to accommodate him.

   1. Reasonable to be annoyed. It’s weird to me that it seems like an option he truly wants to explore but hasn’t talked to you about it. That being said, I am surprised you didn’t say to him at some point privately, “hey, what were you saying about Corporate Hood and wanting to move there? Let’s talk about that.” It definitely seems like you should be the first person he talks to about the topic, but I wouldn’t ignore him bringing it up.

   2. Ignore his mom. It’s understandable that he wants a shorter commute and does have more total commute time but it’s also clear that the one specific neighborhood is not a good fit. So the middle path is to ignore his mom and be open to conversations about moving in general. Maybe there’s somewhere that’s 45-50 minutes but not as corporate.

   3. Not unreasonable, I would be annoyed by that too. My MIL also makes off-handed comments that are always vaguely blaming me (mostly when I ask him to be more involved in house stuff/parenting and then she talks a lot of about how he’s “so tired” and works “so hard” and “really needs to rest”. Yup so do I!) But also, any major life change like a move require a serious conversation between the two of you, not via other people.

      1. Omg this exactly! This was what annoyed me about her comment. Like yes, his commute is long, but so is mine? I don’t like having a voice in the house that is going to have a vested interest in catering to his every need.

      2. Yup, I hate this kind of thing.

   4. There are several factors in play, and I would get very clear which ones bug you, and which ones are just added because you are in BEC mode.
      For me, the main one would be that he talks about moving to others but doesn’t ask me what I want. MIL staying with us and meddling would also grind my gears but is ultimately temporary and I can just ignore her.
      The fact that your commute is similarly long, but he never brought up moving before? I don’t know about that. Did you ever complain about your commute or did it cause issues? It’s okay for him to dislike something that you are able to tolerate. We all have different preferences. So if it were me, I would leave that last factor out of the conversation because it seems petty.
      But definitely have a conversation about the rest.

      1. Yes, it’s definitely the first thing that bothers me the most. We’ve talked previously that he needs to consult me about big life things, and not just inform me of what he’s already decided he wants. It seems like for whatever reason this is very hard for him to truly understand how to do. But his mom telling me “you need to move apartments” like she gets to decide that for us also really bothers me.

         The fact that my commute is equally long is a petty thing to bring up, but it just was more in the context of his mom acting like he’s soooo put upon. Meanwhile we are basically in the same boat.

         1. I would interpret the fact that he’s telling his mom he wants to move but hasn’t consulted you as a sort of venting. He wishes he could move but either he doesn’t really want to, or he knows that you don’t want to and is respecting your wishes by not bringing it up with you. He’s just using his mom as a safe outlet for his thoughts. She shouldn’t be confronting you with the wish, though.

         2. Wait, wait, wait, it’s happened previously that your husband has just announced big life changes and expected you to go along with them? That’s, uh, a big problem

            *caveat: is your husband a “talk out loud about ‘plans’ as a way of daydreaming without really intending to do them” type of person? And maybe you are a “if you say you want to do X, you’re ready to get to work to make X happen!” person, and just clarifying that between you two would help a lot?

            1. Your caveat is so real. I am a dream out loud kinda person, and my husband is … not. It took a while for us to figure that out about each other!

         3. Truly, just dust off your MIL’s comment and move on from it. It’s nothing. (It sounds like you don’t have an understanding and generous relationship with her, so her comments hit you harder and make you angrier than if someone else said similar things to you?)
            Now, the fact that you and your husband have an ongoing disagreement with how major life decisions are made, and that he doesn’t talk things over with you — THAT’S the big thing to deal with.

         4. I mean, it’s a pretty BFD if this is a pattern of behavior for him. What does he say when you’ve pointed it out?

   5. Yes, you’re being unreasonable. You don’t have to move, but it’s ridiculous to expect that his mom not even express a desire for his life to be a little easier when there’s a pretty obvious way to make his life a little easier.

      I suspect this is not actually an issue that is limited to this specific situation, and you should focus on whatever the broader dynamic is rather than focusing specifically on this question.

      1. Mommy dearest is giving serious emotional incest vibes.

      2. Expressing a desire for his life to be easier is very, very different than telling OP “you have to move.” It’s obviously none of MIL’s business and a very inappropriate thing to say.

         1. It’s her son. Even if something isn’t her business she’ll still advocate for her child. Wife can just ignore it like a grown up and move on with her life. She doesn’t get to dictate how a parent supports her child.

            1. Exactly. I hope OP’s mom also wants her life to suck less!

            2. Of course my mom does, but she would never tell my husband he “has to” move somewhere he’d hate to live that would make his commute longer than mine. She has healthy and good boundaries.

            3. No, your mom is just from a culture that doesn’t outwardly express those thoughts, and your MIL is from one that does. I’m from a family of doesn’t express and married in to a family of does express, and once I realized I could just ignore them because they truly are just saying what they think without an expectation I obey, things got a lot easier. My mom only expresses her opinions when she really expects me to listen, and that is just not the dynamic with my MIL.

               Don’t get me wrong, there ARE controlling MILs out there. But they’re doing more than just expressing an opinion one time. They’re actually applying pressure. “You should move” is different than “why don’t you move? Don’t you love my son?” or telling your husband “your wife is so selfish for not moving.”

         2. I’m not sure what you think “you should move” is other than expressing a desire for his life, but it’s fine for her to express that unless she’s actually exerting real pressure in some way or is harsh in how she says it. She can say what she thinks, especially if it’s only one time, and OP can ignore it.

            1. OP here – she was definitely harsh in how she said it and it was absolutely exerting pressure.

            2. How so?

         3. I can imagine myself saying “oh man, you have to move” as just kind of commiseration (same with anything else someone I care about has just suffered through: like, if a friend’s car broke down and they were just stuck in the rain waiting for an Uber for an hour, I might say “ahh, you really need a new car!”, and simply not be thinking at all about whether friend’s spouse also needs a new car, and how the couple is or is not saving for both at once, or anything else). If you say something like “yep! the commute is awful, but my job is in the exact opposite direction so we’re splitting the difference” and your MIL responds “no, no, no, my little preciousness is the only thing that matters, women shouldn’t have jobs anyway” than sure, you’ve got a MIL problem. But outside of that, I think this is mostly a you+your husband problem, and your MIL is getting unfairly caught in the middle.

            1. Yes, exactly this. Sounds like your marriage might be on the rocks, but it’s not really about your MIL.

            2. Yeah, as someone who doesn’t know any of you but hates commuting, just reading your post, my immediate reaction, was “you really need to move.” I obviously wouldn’t expect you to take that as a command, just as sympathy that your commutes suck, especially when one of you miss your train. I understand that the reality is more complicated and moving might not actually make sense. If she keeps harping on it, though, then that’s a different story.

            3. Totally agree. OP – you should remove your MIL’s comment from the equation entirely. But you and your husband should have a conversation about options to make both of your commutes better.

   6. Sit him down and tell him that you will not tolerate him using his mother as an intermediary. Further, you expect her to keep her opinions to herself.

      In my experience, people who run their marriage via third parties usually end up divorced.

      1. lol. Good luck with that approach.

      2. Wow. In my experience, talking to your spouse like a dog and making edicts about how their family can and can’t talk won’t make for a happier marriage.

   7. He has talked to you about it and you don’t need to take any notice of her

   8. Not unreasonable for you to be annoyed with MIL about. In terms of DH–I don’t think we know enough about his relationship with you or his MIL. My MIL will fixate on certain things like this to give unsolicited advice when she thinks she is just helping. It could also be that your MIL was the one that brought it up to DH– like “Why don’t you move?” and his response was “Oh, we could move to corporate neighborhood.” And then she just latched onto it.

   9. Is he from a culture where married adults typically involve their parents in their decisions? Are you from the same culture? Reading this, I feel like there might be some big cultural differences between you two that are deeper than the commuting issue.

      1. Yeah, I’m wondering that too. For some reason, I’m envisioning him as being from a culture where men make decisions apart from their wives, and where mothers (MILs, aunts, etc.) are Very Free with their opinions about what adult children should do, and are devoted to their sons in a way they aren’t devoted to their daughters/DILs.

   10. I think it’s normal to be a bit annoyed at your MIL. But you seem Super Annoyed and her offense just isn’t anything that big. Is it possible you’re fed up with her for a whole bunch of reasons and a lot of your annoyance is about other things, too?

       But your husband is actually the one to be annoyed at. If he’s just spouting off to anyone and everyone because he’s a talker, that’s one thing. But if you know him well enough to know that this is his way of making decisions, and pretty soon he’s going to declare to you he’s decided that you’re moving, then THAT’S where you should be putting your annoyance (anger) energy.

   11. I completely understand your position on neighborhoods. That said, you and DH are not “basically in the same boat.”

       I say that because in January my job changed from 3 days/week in office to 5. It makes a world of difference to commute every single day. I’m job-searching.

   12. You sound pretty young. I think anyone over 35 would snort at an MIL comment like that and laugh in her face and then text husband say “dude. Be a grown up and talk to me about your commute issues before getting your mom to tell me to move”

       In short, you sound like a victim of your own life and that’s on you.

       1. Was this reply for me? My job has changed in a negative way, so I’m job-searching. How does that make me a victim of my own life?

          I didn’t comment on the MIL part at all. But sure, I am over 35 and I would call out my husband as you suggest. Not via a text message though! Because functional adults do not initiate important conversations via text:)

          1. I think it was pretty clearly a reply to OP, not you

       2. Why are you so consistently interested in being the meanest dog in every dog pile here?

          1. Are you still mad that people disagreed with you this weekend? Roxie’s persona is pretty middle id the road.

   13. A mature person would discuss the issue directly with you, and it is annoying if MIL never cared about your long commute. That said, he commutes more than double the hours you commute (ie, 12.5 hours/week to your 6 hours) so I don’t think your situations are comparable.

4. If you lost weight on a GLP, are you now on a maintenance dose? How did you decide whether to stop or go on a maintenance dose?

   I’ve been on various ones since 9/23 and have lost 15% of my body weight, extremely slowly – about 35 pounds. I still have another 50 to go but I haven’t lost weight in a long time, so I’m wondering if this is just the limit of the GLP for me. (I’m also 50 and in peri.) My doc got me the Eli Lily direct prescription so I’ve been capped out at 5 ml, though, which I’m now taking once every 2 weeks. Trying to decide whether to stop it or go even less frequent. Money is tight so that’s a consideration.

   1. You’d likely need to go up a dose, and dose every 5-7 doses to continue seeing progress.

   2. Why would you conclude the med isn’t working? You need to up your dose.

   3. I was on one, and slowly lost about 25 pounds over a year while paying out of pocket. I thought I could wean off, but I gained about 12 pounds back in less than two months. I struggle with food noise, so I knew I would eat more and gain back some weight. But I was not mentally prepared to gain that much back! The improvement in my energy and my self-confidence compensates for the steep OOP price for me, I decided. I have two kids, and money is tight, so I talked about it with my DH and he was fully on board that I continue it if I want to. I’m hopeful that other options will come to market soon and prices will be more manageable. I just went back on a week ago, and had to start again at the pre-therapeutic dose, which feels like an annoying waste of money.

   4. FWIW, I had a slow loss of 45 pounds, about 20%, and stalled for months. I recently recalculated my TDEE and have restarted the slow loss.

      1. Do you have a good calculator for that? I never know exactly how to answer the inputs for TDEE.

         1. I just use an online one, am conservative with my inputs as to activity, and take it with a grain of salt.

   5. Is that Zepbound? If so, 5 mL is the starter dose, and you would have normally (in my experience with myself, friends, and family) moved up from 5 mL within a month or two. Can you advocate for a higher dose? I am pretty responsive to Zepbound and have lost 80 lbs on 7.5 (not typical).

      1. Note, 2.5mg/ml is the starting dose for Zepbound. 5mg is the 2nd dose, but some lucky people have a continuing response on 2.5mg/ml and don’t need to move up.

   6. I started off on Wegovy and maxed out the dosage there and hit a weight loss slump and gained a couple of pounds back and then switched to Zepbound. I slowly went up to the highest dose of Zepbound (15 mg), which was great for me (20% weight loss and able to maintain my goal weight), but then I switched companies and my insurance no longer covered it. I tried a few compounded tirzepatides and ultimately decided I just wanted to be back on the Zepbound 15mg for $500/month. It’s expensive, but not much more expensive than the compounded version and it’s the same cost regardless of which dose you take. I will take it weekly in as high of a dose as a I need to maintain my weight loss for the rest of my life. I know some people can maintain at lower doses, but that’s not me.

      If you’re in a slump on a semaglutide, maybe talk to your doctor about switching to tirzepatide since I definitely noticed a difference. I would also max out whatever dose you can tolerate/afford, at least until you hit your weight loss goals. However, realistically, most people don’t see weight loss of more than 20% of their body weight, so you may not be able to lose the additional 50 that you want. Hope this helps and good luck!

      1. Not OP but thanks for sharing your experience. After ~8 months on WeGovy (3 at the max dose), I stalled out. Switched to Zepbound, starting at the 10mg dose. After no loss after a month, I moved up to 12.5. I’ve lost 10 lbs since switching but for some reason, feel like a “failure” because I’m on one of the higher doses and it seems like most people lose a lot at lower doses. Like, people are surprised when I tell them what dose I am on.

   7. OP here – I was first on compounded semaglutide, then off it due to stomach issues, then back on it because the food noise was crazy, then went to compounded tirzepatide, and now I’m on Zepbound proper. I thought I was on the second dose of Zepbound, having started at 2.5 then going to 5. On the compounded version the med spa had told me most people do best on the second dose, and since I had stomach problems on semaglutide I had tried to stay low. But I haven’t looked in a while, you’re right that I can now get Zepbound thru selfpay up to 15mg.

      The crazy part is that I feel like it is very effective for my food noise – I forget to eat on Saturdays which is peak time for me. I even did RMR testing or whatever and my TDEE wasn’t that low. I think the problem is that I’ll think, “oh, I haven’t eaten all day, so I can have a regular piece of lasagna and half a bottle of wine,” and then that’s over where I need to be for weight loss.

      1. Based on your last paragraph, it seems like you have identified at least part of your problem. I agree that you can and probably should increase the dosage (7.5 seems to be a sweet spot for a lot of people I know, but I am personally on 12.5), but habits and food choices do still play a factor.

   8. Tangential question… did anyone find any really great resources or tips for rotating injection sites and just generally getting good at injection technique?

      I just started a different subQ med and feel like such a novice. I have a follow up scheduled with the nurse who taught me so I can ask some more questions, but I feel like I partly just need to build confidence and familiarity.

   9. I’m on 7.5 mg as my maintenance dose and usually take it every ten days (sometimes two weeks if I’m traveling). I cannot stretch it out any longer than that or the side effects that I got when I first started taking it (fatigue, mostly) hit me pretty badly.

5. T-straps just look too much like character shoes for me.

   1. They do to me too, which is why I love them!

   2. I think dainty ones look less so!

6. I bought a L’Agence Lacey sweater blazer, and the sleeves are about 2 inches too long. After some online research, it looks like the cuff is can be cut off and sewn on higher, or a skilled knitter can remove some of the rows of yard and re-knit the cuff higher. Has anyone done the latter and have a price estimate or suggestions on how I can find a qualified person?

   1. this seems like a lot of work with a lot of risk and i can’t see it being cheap….

   2. That’s insane. Return it.

   3. This could be done. Try asking in one of the subr3ddits, Knitting or Advanced Knitting (if this type of post meets their guidelines). You will hear from a lot of knitters.

   4. I would look for a different sweater blazer. The chances that this will turn out how you want it are slim.

   5. It would be easier to grow longer arms.

      1. lolol

   6. I’m a reasonably skilled knitter and this would not be possible with hand knitting- the knit is too fine for hand knitting.

      You’d be paying a tailor to fiddle with the shoulder to shorten the arm, which would be more than the cost of the garment.

      1. Ditto. I am a very experienced knitter, and I wouldn’t touch this kind of reknitting experiment on anything I’m not willing to ruin (like a thrifted sweater). The yarn looks very fine, and there’s no telling how it would behave for reknitting.

   7. Would it be easier to cut at the shoulder and pull up from there? Ask at a local tailor and alterations place. They might know someone who does this but if not, good luck!

7. Anyone have an MRI after a mammogram for dense tissue that came back “questionable”? If so, pls tell me the rest of the story while I await news from my doctor (out this week but the results are on MyChart now).

   1. They gave me an ultrasound not MRI but yea this happened to me. After the ultrasound they said it was most likely benign and I don’t need a biopsy but I do have to have a follow up mammogram in 3 months. If that mammogram looks ok I will have them every 6 months going forward. I have very dense breasts.

      1. Did they say why they thought it was most likely OK? IDK how they decide — age, family history, etc.

         1. They get a clearer image on the ultrasound and they determine if the area of concern seems benign or not. There’s something called a BI-RADS score where they assess calcifications and masses based on various factors like size and shape and a low score equates with a low risk of cancer. Mine scored a 3 which correlates with less than 2% chance of cancer so that’s why they didn’t biopsy it. But I have the follow-up mammogram soon to make sure there are no concerning changes. I believe they would biopsy anything 4 and up.

            I don’t think age and family history were relevant to the decision not to biopsy, although in my case they’re on the side of being low risk (age 40 and zero family history of breast cancer).

   2. Can you be more specific about “questionable”? The usual screening protocol these days for high-risk women (based on family history, personal history, density, or other factors) is to alternate mammograms and MRIs every 6 months. If there’s a specific abnormality on your mammogram (like a cluster of micro calcifications), then the usual next step would be either a diagnostic mammogram (not a screening mammogram), an ultrasound, or a biopsy. MRI isn’t usually used to further characterize an abnormality seen on mammograms; rather, MRI is for picking up abnormalities that a mammogram might have missed.

      If your mammogram results recommend MRI for further follow-up, and you have dense tissue, it’s most likely just that they’re recommending the additional screening, not that they see a specific abnormality that needs a closer look.

      Does that make sense?

      1. Yes — and I’m a BI-RADS 4, so this is helpful. Clearly, there is no doctor in juris doctor. Thanks for all this. Waiting a few more days and chilling with Dr. Google in the meantime.

   3. Did it give a BIRADs number? Those are pretty accurate (in my experience).

   4. Yes, each time I get a breast MRI. I always need follow-up ultrasound +/- mammogram. I’m relieved that so far they have been fine, including biopsies. This is the downside of screening with MRIs. They will have many more “false positives”, leading to much more stress/anxiety about needing more tests/biopsies and I’m even had complications with my biopsies. This is also very expensive, as all follow-up testing is “diagnostic” so no longer fully covered by insurance. Of course, MRI will pick up more early cancers than mammogram alone, so only you can decide if the risk/benefit is worth it for you. I have a gene mutation that makes me at risk for breast cancer, but even I have debated stopping the MRIs or just getting bilateral mastectomies because the stress with all of this testing that never ends is not good for my health either.

   5. What does the report say exactly? Does the radiologist recommend a biopsy? Additional imaging at a shorter interval?

      “questionable” is an odd word, and sounds less concerning, but the context is useful.

      1. My bad on my memory and acting like a thesaurus with new news.

         “Suspicious,” not “questionable,” and that does not sound better.

         1. I would call your doctor today and ask.

            At my hospital, my “suspicious” area showed abnormal enhancement on MRI and a score of 4. That meant my next step was breast biopsy. It was fine. No cancer. In my situation they called me directly after the MRI result (before I saw the report online) to tell me the next step. It wasn’t the ordering doctor, but someone from the breast imaging department. I didn’t have my biopsy for almost 1 month, which was quite a long wait in my mind.

            It is terrible in many ways that test results like this get released to patients directly without the ordering doctor leaving a comment/instructions/ calling, the way more doctors did in the past.

            Chances are really high that this will be fine. One of the downside of MRIs.

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