Weekend Open Thread
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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
Nic & Zoe's prints can be hit or miss, but I like this colorful sundress. The brand must think so also — the pattern is available in regular and plus sizes in the dress, as well as a boyfriend button-up. (There's also a flared midi skirt in sizes XS-XL that's almost sold out.)
The print reminds me (in a good way!) of stained glass or an LED panel, and I think the pastel colors are perfect for this time of year.
The pieces are $118-$168, at Nordstrom, Dillards, and Bloomingdale's. If you like the shape of the dress but not the print, the dress comes in a bunch of other colors and prints.
Sales of note for 5/30/25:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has begun! See our full roundup here. Lots of markdowns on AGL (50%!), Weitzman, Tumi, Frank & Eileen, Zella, Natori, Cole Haan, Boss, Theory, Reiss (coats), Vince, Eileen Fisher, Spanx, and Frame (denim and silk blouses)
- Nordstrom Rack – Refurbished Dyson hairdryers down to $199-$240 (instead of $400+) + Father's Day gifts up to 60% off
- Ann Taylor – 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – Sale extended: 50-70% off everything + extra 25% off
- Boden – 1100+ sale items!
- Eloquii – $25+ select styles + extra 50% off all sale
- J.Crew – Up to extra 50% off select sale styles, and women's shorts, tees and more from $24.50
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Lots of twill suiting in the sale section! Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Rothy's – Up to 30% off everything
- Spanx – Free shipping on everything
- Talbots – Select summer styles marked 25-40% off
What are the three outfits of summer you are looking forward to wearing or would add to your closet?
(Looking for ideas)
Sandals! My toes are so ready to breathe the fresh air. I’m also leaning heavily into linen this summer. Linen shorts, linen johnny collar pop-overs, linen shift dresses.
In the office, we are a little more casual in the summer than in the winter. I have a few new linen shirtdresses, some lightweight wide leg pants from Athleta to wear with (you guessed it) knit linen tees, some softer cotton sweater blazers, etc.
Sandals but I have meant to get a pedicure for weeks and I have nasty 1/3 grown out nails at present. It’s raining, so not really sandal time but I’ve longed for this all winter.
I’m in search of
– a Y2K-style boatneck tank to wear with flowy linen pants and sandals
– a lightweight sundress with a bold black and white pattern
– something turquoise
Zara may have a few dresses that would fit your second request.
Ann Taylor Loft had decent quality tanks recently. I only shop in person there now but if you don’t mind searching a bit there are still ok basics available.
JCF has a few tops in turquoise at the moment.
I’d bet Boden has a boatneck tank.
Navy blue poplin dress to dress up or down.
Some summery tops to go with navy suits. I normally don’t do ruffles but summer floral tops with a not too in your face ruffle are my exception. One I used to have wore out and I’ve been looking for it ever since. Scored it on Poshmark last week!
Not so much an outfit, but I just replaced my bras. One is a tee shirt bra that puts my assets high and tight. I’m old. Love it.
Boho tops seem to be back, so I will be digging those out.
Linen pants and tank tops. I like the Anthro Somerset pants and the J Crew linen pants.
Black linen midi dress.
Wide-leg light-wash jeans and fitted waist-length tee. I like the Kut Meg and the Frame Le Slim Palazzo.
Sandals with everything. This season I am mostly wearing my big buckle Birkenstock Arizonas and my No. 6 clog sandals.
Double gauze dress
Bikini
Wool tank dress
Loose-ish lightweight chino pants, linen short sleeved button front shirt (just bought one), and Birkenstocks.
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/7938983?color=401
This is the shirt I just bought. It’s on sale too!
I posted not that long ago about my best friend whose husband has treated but severe persistent depression. Quick update that he’s trying ketamine therapy with no obvious impact so far, but it’s a multi week process. Unfortunately I think separation and probably divorce are imminent; his symptoms seem to abate when he’s away from home (he’s currently on a fishing trip) and come back with full force when he’s around his wife and kids. He can plan and execute trips for himself, but will leave the kids unfed at home while he sits on the couch staring into space or snapping at each interruption. I think they are all fundamentally unhappy together. The situation isn’t good.
Your friend needs a pit bull attorney and a village to help her with the kids. If she needs help locating the former, she could post here anonymously with her city. I’ve gotten good recommendations for attorneys here before.
Also, she needs the attorney BEFORE she leaves so they can guide her on securing whatever evidence will be helpful (and in not creating bad evidence).
+1 million. I divorced a very very incapable husband who put our kids in danger, and it was surprisingly difficult to secure their safety.
Lawyer up and prepare for a long and expensive procedure.
Not sure how to say this, but I hope he has life insurance.
How did he put them in danger? I’m not sure what my friend’s husband does (neglecting to feed them sometimes until she swoops in) is going to really register as a risk. How much did you have to “prove”?
Not the person you’re asking. But an area to consider would be medication use and driving if that has been an issue.
Truly the best thing you can do is recommend that she hire an attorney immediately
Hmm yes and…do some research on her behalf to give her a list of specific lawyers that are most likely to be helpful to her. It’s not easy.
Sending her strength and love. I didn’t think depression worked like that?
Situational depression. He hates his life and is too cowardly to do anything about it (ask for a divorce) so he’s putting the burden of action on her.
Ding ding ding. OP here and that’s what I think too. I think he’s waiting for her to kick him out.
No wonder the conversations about depressed people get so strange here if being cowardly and manipulative and neglectful is perceived as a legitimate presentation of situational depression(!?).
I don’t doubt he hates his life and has real depression because of it. That can keep a person in stasis when what they need for a better life is action. But that’s scary and staying put and being miserable can feel more secure.
But what’s so terrible about his situation exactly? It’s unendurable that children need to be fed, so the action he needs to take for a better life is to dump his family so he never has to be interrupted or prepare a meal for his own children again? Maybe his mental health is just so fragile that other people existing with their own needs is more than he can bear?
People with NPD are miserable too, but they’re not depressed and depression treatments don’t help.
I totally agree. He doesn’t sound alike he has depression. He just sounds like a giant manipulative asshole
I suppose it could feel unendurable if you feel like you’re play-acting at life with the wrong person. If it feels wrong at every level then all the steps associated with it can feel unmanageable.
That’s pretty common. Divorce filings are like 70% initiated by women because men never want to be the bad guy.
Not just that they don’t want to be the bad guy. Finding the attorney, doing the paperwork, collecting documents etc. That’s the kind of legwork they have likely left to their wife for the entirety of the marriage.
I actually know of more than one case where the husband had already left (and was living with the new woman already!) and the wife still had to be the one to find an attorney and get the ball rolling on divorce.
Predictably, he then blamed it on his wife since she “initiated” the divorce.
Incorrect. Men don’t want to spend the money drawing up the agreements. The person who files spends more time and money compared to the respondent.
This is why divorce unfairly penalizes women. The system doesn’t consider this.
This was my marriage. (No kids, though, which made it less harrowing.) After years of misery and seeing no change in sight, I hired a lawyer and started the process. Getting a divorce is more than twice as hard when the other person will do nothing to participate, but my life now is infinitely better. Please pass along my best wishes and empathy to your friend from this internet stranger.
Given all the recent discussions regarding having children/not having children/how to parent children, I thought some of you might find this interesting:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/30/opinion/therapy-estrangement-childless-millennials.html?unlocked_article_code=1.LE8.K8Z3.6EZt6zwg9zlD&smid=url-share
Hopefully the gift link works! (And if not, it is an article in today’s NY Times regarding why Millennials might not be having children.)
That’s a great article. Thank you for sharing it.
I read (most of) this article this morning and immediately thought of this board’s recent discussions. I find this conversation so interesting. I grew up in a “walking on eggshell” home with yeller parents who prioritized achievement and could be emotionally distant. For me, unpacking this through therapy was really helpful in understanding why I reacted the way I did to things as an adult, and how I developed thought patterns that were, as my therapist delicately put it, “no longer serving me.” And I was able to change lots of them, to great effect! I feel pretty comfortable with the equilibrium I’m at now, recognizing that my parents are people too, and were not perfect, but overall were doing their best with the tools and capabilities that they had. I don’t hold it against them, but I do use this understanding to set boundaries and contextualize their behaviors.
I also thought of this board while reading! It was sooo long, though, way too many words for a column that I didn’t read all the way to the end. I also found it basically to be a rehash of stuff I’ve read a million times…honestly, probably from all our discussions here! I can see how it’d be interesting if you haven’t given it much thought
That’s kind of sad. It wasn’t that long, it was very well written and had a nice mixture of personal story and good overview of the current issues.
This is a short form NYT article!
Knock it off. It’s not “sad”
I think all three of these comments are sad in their own way — dismissive of an article others like in a way that implies they just aren’t deep thinkers; dismissive of a complaint about length in a way that implies a shortcoming of the person who made the complaint; and then a short comment complaining about both. All normal internet stuff, but a little sad nonetheless.
I agree – people here struggle to disagree without putting down others these days. It can’t just be that they didn’t like an article, it’s that anyone who did is simple or misinformed or anxious or anything else you can use as a dig.
I didn’t mean to imply the person wasn’t a deep thinker — I meant that for people who aren’t in the weeds about this (a millennial, a parent, considering become a parent) these issues are probably not front of mind and they likely are new, valuable, interesting perspectives. But I feel like I’ve been in this world for a decade and so it didn’t strike me in the same way.
(And the audio version was 18 min – that’s long for a typical column!)
This is amazing. It sums up all my fears as a parent.
I was actually abused as a child and went fully no-contact with the offender at age 22. I put myself through college and two graduate degrees and built a reasonably successful adult life with a family of my own. Would I have been more successful if my parents had been perfect and supportive? Maybe. But that wasn’t the hand I was dealt in life, and I did the best I could under the circumstances. I truly resent the labeling of everything as “childhood trauma.” It minimizes what I went through and gives people an excuse to be lazy and entitled and selfish.
Agreed. Sorry some commenters got yelled at or weren’t perpetually praised and hugged, or weren’t the favorite child. But there are children who are straight up being harmed in this world.
What’s the line of abuse and not? Was it being chased with a knife (after all I wasn’t stabbed, I ran fast enough)? Punched in the face (hey that’s just corporal punishment)? Being left to fend for myself for a whole week at 12 (life skills!)?
That sounds pretty abusive!
I grew up in an essentially safe and caring home with a childhood adverse event score of 0 and that is context that shaped the impact of things like yelling. And I think there was too much yelling. But it’s not the same as what you’re describing.
Yes, you being chased with a knife is clearly abuse. You have posted about that before and absolutely nobody has said otherwise at any point. But parents getting upset and occasionally yelling probably isn’t.
My childhood adverse event score is an 8 and I’ve had people here tell me to honor thy parents lol. I don’t know why it’s so hard for people to acknowledge that some of us do have abusive childhoods, but that dismissiveness is very common. I’m curious about the psychology behind it.
I have no idea what an event score is, definitely sounds like something out of therapy. I think absent real abuse (like the knife chaser poster), a lot of younger people are too quick to cut off their parents. I think they’ll regret that and I think it’s a really terrible thing to do. Maybe your 8 makes this reasonable, I don’t know, but many situations just aren’t.
Childhood adverse event scores come from research and go against the trend in therapy to treat every patient as if they were traumatized by their upbringing. I really think that a lot of therapists are not just great, and when they’re not sure how to help, it’s an easy out to point the finger at someone who is not in the room and at events in the past that can’t be changed now. I had therapists trying to tell me that I must be repressing some past trauma based on the severity of my purportedly psychosomatic symptoms that they weren’t successfully helping me with, before I eventually received an accurate diagnosis of a non-psychiatric condition and recovered on effective, non-psychiatric treatment. I really worry that some people with similar medical conditions may go much longer undiagnosed if they can be persuaded to blame their parents and call it a day!
That said, I don’t think that a lot of people are cutting off their parents for no good reason. In all of the situations I’ve personally witnessed, friends and family were concerned about the negative impacts of the relationship while it was continuing long before the person affected decided to limit contact. And in every situation I’ve witnessed, there was an extremely reasonable and easy thing that the cut off parent could have done to avoid being cut off. If all the power lies with the parent to fix the relationship, but they’d rather complain and make no changes, I don’t feel very sorry for them. Even in a case where the parent seems to be the more reasonable party, they had every advantage over their child in the years and years they had to build a better relationship with them. They should feel ashamed, not aggrieved, if this is how it turned out.
Wow an ACE score of 8 is a lot, I’m so sorry that must have been hard, mine is ‘only’ a 6. (I’m the poster who was chased with a knife).
Sadly, more than one child can be abused at the same time. It doesn’t take away from your story if someone else also has one. This is one unfortunate time when there’s plenty of abuse to go around.
You are being obtuse. The problem is that things that are not abuse are being defined as trauma, which trivializes legitimate trauma from actual abuse.
You don’t have to participate in the pain Olympics.
The point is not the pain Olympics. The point is that people need to grow up and accept responsibility for their own lives and stop claiming that they were traumatized.
How people respond to childhood trauma is largley dependant on risk factors and protective factors. A child being subjected by an abusive alcholic father may have risk factors such as poverty, being bullied at school, learnin disabilities, and generational trauma (epigentics) Another child subjected to an abusive alcholic father may have a wonderful band director or football coach who takes an interest in them, loving grandparents, above average IQ or good looks. Whether a child is able to overcome the trauma is often due to other factors outside their control, Anon at 9:15. As an example, I assume you were hurt by someone and that is why you are smug.
Weird (and inappropriate) use of the word smug.
If you think the fact that you overcame your trauma makes you better, you are smug. Look at JD Vance.
For the zillionth time, the point is that 99% of the people claiming childhood trauma were not actually traumatized. This trivializes the experience of the people who actually were traumatized. The people whose parents were not perfect but were basically good people who did their best are the ones who need to get over it.
Knowing what I know now I wouldn’t have children. I’m divorced and family court has been a nightmare. The children’s needs come last and their other parent is able to continue using the children to attack me.
The amount of evidence needed is insane. In the meantime all 3 children are with a therapist who essentially are normalizing the abnormal.
I have advised my children to not procreate. If the government want to change the birth numbers they need to make meaningful provision in the tax code to cover the cost of childcare and improve family court. My children should not be walking to my home for a meal during their father’s custodial time. He then accuses me of alienating the children, which is scrutinized more than the fact the children left his home by foot and walked 25min to my home because all he had was cereal (no milk). He had no idea they were not playing in his yard.
The quality of people has also dropped. I think the problem is a function of not being held accountable for poor choices and behavior from the age of 8/10+. Why are parents undermining teachers all the time? Sometimes teachers get it wrong but 99% of the time they don’t and the child needs to learn to do as they are told.
It is wildly messed up for a parent to tell their child not to procreate. You’re effectively telling them you regret their existence.
I often wonder about the people who are constantly online (Tik tok, instagram, etc) accusing their estranged parents of being narcissists. If you’re constantly online expecting an audience for all of your sharing, who is really the narcissist?
Only people who still don’t understand NPD think it means megalomania or attention seeking.
+1.
If you’re a parent of teens, I’d love to hear what your hopes are as they start building their resumes and thinking about college and careers.
My brother and I did everything “right” back in the late 80s and early 90s — working super hard to get good grades and into great schools. And sure, life’s been pretty good since then — but honestly, I still feel a bit worn out from those intense academic years, even after all this time. Now, with my 13-year-old who’s very smart but tends to underperform, I find myself telling him that my job is to keep doors open for him. Still, I can’t help but feel that all that grind won’t be a guarantee for top-tier college acceptance, and even if he manages that, the “secure” jobs my friends and I aimed for aren’t necessarily safe anymore. The world feels more unpredictable now — thanks to AI, climate change, and real concerns about war and health crises.
We’re comfortable enough that he’s probably starting his financial journey on easy street. I guess to answer my own question, my biggest hope is that he finds something he’s passionate about, but I realize that can be really tricky for many kids until they get immersed in college life — if then!
1. I feel like boys bloom later and
2. He’s a guy and won’t likely have a career go off the rails due to family care responsibilities, so will likely be fine. Maybe not a rock start but fine. Plenty of people are fine and he’s at the beginning of the baby bust, so less competition for good jobs as the last of the boomers retire. I live with plenty of people who have an OK job and no school debt and a house the parents got for them. I don’t think they are fully adulting the way I was at a similar age but they are fine and pretty common.
My husband I went to ivy league schools. we’re nicely successful but nothing remarkable. my advice to both my kids (a freshman and a senior) is only they can decide how important a fancy school is to them and that i am happy to help them (hire and pay for a tutor, drive them to early games) but I can’t and won’t want it for them. My older one is going to a reputable and name brand SLAC. She had very nice activities and good grades, worked at an ice cream shop last summer. In my day from her town etc with her grades and GPA she would have gone to Cornell or similar but the world is very different. I think high school is supposed to be fun and social and they are going to be who they are…. unless your kid is very plyable or incredibly self motivated i wouldn’t be spending all that much energy worrying about their resume.
My high achieving academic kid was really mad that we / and the high school only stressed college as a path. Ultimately went and did well and is full time employed and out of the house. My vote, IF a redo was possible, would be to also explore the trades and push back on the high school who did not offer that as an option for the “smart” kids. My family comes from various formally trained trades and all are doing quite well. Price an electrician, a plumber, or a carpenter these days. They write their own tickets, are in high demand……and AI cannot do the work plus the skills are portable worldwide!
We’ve had a good amount of luck with our 14 yr old in tying academic success to tangible benefits and reminding them of his desired future path. Doing well in high school and taking APs will both better prepare you for college and allow you to possible graduate early with less debt. That starts in 8th/9th because advanced classes early in HS free you up for those APs in 11th/12th.
We’ve also said some version of – we don’t have enough family money for you to fail to launch or pursue a passion career that pays starvation wages. You need to plan for a career that allows you to support yourself. We’ll talk with you about rent, food costs, healthcare, etc. so you know most of what you’ll need to budget for. I don’t care if that means you’re a plumber or a brain surgeon but let’s discuss it and talk about what kind of earnings it takes to have the kind of life you envision wanting.
+1 on the money talks. I’d also suggest starting to transfer some purchasing power over to him, and encouraging a menial labor teenage job, so he can concretely experience the value of a dollar and how much career choice impacts daily satisfaction.
So, figure out a budget for clothes, activities, snacks, etc, give him the money at set periods, and let him practice. His job earnings can supplement above and beyond. 13 is probably too young, maturity wise, but definitely by 15.
You mention he’ll be starting his financial journey on easy street, and I’d caution you to really think about that. That is YOUR MONEY, and he will have no money unless he works for it, and should be counseled to live within his OWN means. Too many kids expect to live at 22 in the same comfort their parents live in at 52, and it’s not good or healthy for any of you
The last paragraph is fair, but I think it is also important to acknowledge that he’ll be graduating without student debt and that is an advantage that accrues to him personally.
I worked out my first budget at the age of eight. Sure, I received fifty cents a week, but we revisited the budget every year or so, and my allowance changed accordingly. Anything I made babysitting or tutoring was extra to my allowance. It worked fine.
I’d like my child to have the resilience and self reliance that my grandparents had, who were all kids in the Depression and young adults in WWII. Good, solid, hardworking folk. I know not everyone in that generation was, but mine were.
If your kid has resilience, intelligence, and fortitude, the things that you’re worried about become just the circumstances their life will unfold in, rather than big stressors their parents need to worry about in advance.
Check out or have your teen browse the Bureau of Labor Statistics Occupational Outlook Handbook. Also talk to them about the costs of living in order to put some of that data in context.
I used the “keeping options open” rationale with my kid. You need to get good grades and take the most challenging courses available in all subject areas and do a good job on your standardized tests so you have all options open to you. You can choose vocational school when the time comes, but if you’ve kept your options open it will be your free choice. She finally understood what I was talking about when most of her classmates had to go to second-tier state schools or third-rate local SLACs and she got to choose between the honors program at Flagship State U and a merit scholarship to a fancy out-of-state SLAC.
As far as jobs go, the internship to career path seems to be more important than ever. I see huge differences in employment outcomes for kids who accept offers that originate with summer internships and kids who try to find something through senior OCI or after graduation. With all the job market uncertainty and the threat of AI’s taking away lucrative entry-level jobs, I also think it’s more important than ever to avoid student debt.
I believe it’s critical for both high school and college students to take courses that teach them how to read, write, and think critically, not just to plug and chug with coding or data analysis or other job-focused skills. For example, if your kid wants to be a data scientist, he should study econometrics and statistics so he understands the underlying math and can expand his skills in the future, and he should also study economics and philosophy so he understands the social forces that shape human decision-making and the ethics of using data to make predictions. American public K-12 schools and universities are increasingly training worker drones. The elite doesn’t want people educated to be thinkers, because those people are the ones who will do well.
“You need to get good grades and take the most challenging courses available in all subject areas and do a good job on your standardized tests so you have all options open to you. You can choose vocational school when the time comes, but if you’ve kept your options open it will be your free choice.”
This is basically exactly what I tell my teen. Work hard and do well to the best of your ability without stressing too much or burning yourself out. IDC if you want to be a doctor or a plumber but you need to have some kind of skilled job to pay the bills and have the life you want. Her current motivation is a career that pays well enough to own horse(s) because she loves to ride.
Kids don’t need to go to the best college out there. They need to go somewhere where they will
Learn something and grow up
This, a billion times.
This is true. It’s also true that the admissions and financial aid process is much more selective than it was when we were kids. When I was applying to colleges, a kid with my daughter’s stats would have gotten admitted pretty much everywhere except the Ivies and would have gotten full rides to lots of good schools. Now her chances of admission at top liberal arts schools were more like 50/50 and none of those schools gave merit aid. She got the max award of half tuition at a very good but not tippy top school. Bottom line: to go to a decent school where you will learn stuff you need to be pretty competitive.
Nothing is secure, but the people at the top of the food chain will still be better off than the worker bees.
I feel very fortunate to live in a state with pretty solid State Us that are also not hard to get into – well over half my kids’ high school graduating class gets into one of the two main State Us. Based on my kids’ academic abilities this should be easily achievable for them. So I guess I’d say that – barring unforeseen circumstances – I expect them to perform at the level that will get them into State U. Beyond that, my biggest goal is just mental health and happiness. I think at least one of them has the ability and interest for elite colleges, but if that happens it will have to be entirely self-driven; I’m not going to push.
I really feel for people who live in states like California where even the state universities are super hard to get into.
My state is the same… and if you’re willing to go community college first and do well there, there’s essentially no level of high school performance that will keep you out of our flagship state university. My brother dropped out of high school after failing pretty much every class, but still got undergraduate and graduate degrees from State U and a good job in healthcare that will never be replaced by AI. As long they’re physically and mentally healthy and willing and able to work hard, most kids will do okay. The people I’ve really seen struggle were the ones with drug and alcohol issues (several of them are now dead) or other health issues that have made it hard to keep jobs and relationships.
My son was a happy “B” until 11th grade when he began excelling in science classes. He played sports and we limited the number of AP classes he took. I am 100% against the rat race! He got a scholarship at a state school. Let him be in middle school!
I am having the hardest time finding the perfect pair of denim shorts so thought I’d crowd source this: I am looking for blue denim WITH A FINISHED HEM, with actual zipper and button (not pull on elastic waist), about 3.5 inch inseam, that works for a pear shape (my size varies between 6-10 depending on brand) and isn’t super tight on the thigh. I’ve found a white denim pair at old navy that works, but all the blue denim seems to be cut off or rolled, bermuda length, or elastic waist. Preferably something I could go try on in stores as pants/shorts are hard. I’ve looked at gap, old navy, loft, j jill, levi’s, Macy’s, H&M, banana republic, and american eagle. I guess I could buy a bermuda pair that fits and get them hemmed, but this doesn’t seem like it should be that hard. Help.
Perhaps buy pants that work then have them tailored into the dream shorts you want.
Everlane’s A-line denim shorts have a slightly longer inseam, but may be what you’re looking for. Or the J. Crew high-rise denim short might work.
Wit & Wisdom at Nordstrom has two styles with a 4″ inseam.
I’d try madewell. My thighs are the largest part of my body and they’ve got the options I like best, Boden is also good for dressier twill/chino options.
Agreed! I have these from a prior year and really like them: https://www.madewell.com/p/womens/clothing/shorts/denim-shorts/short-shorts/the-perfect-vintage-short-in-quail-wash/NT969/?ccode=DM7976
Try NYDJ
Madewell The Perfect Vintage Jean Short in Quail
or
Jcrew factory Utility denim short — their Classic denim short is also about 3.5″ inseam when styled rolled up as shown.
I have a similar build/size!
https://factory.jcrew.com/m/womens/categories/clothing/shorts/denim/MF545?display=all&fit=Classic&colorProductCode=BY128&colorCode=DM7634
https://factory.jcrew.com/m/womens/categories/clothing/shorts/denim/MF521?display=all&fit=Classic&colorProductCode=BZ684&colorCode=DM7667&color_name=deep-cyan-wash
https://www.madewell.com/p/womens/clothing/shorts/denim-shorts/the-denim-emmett-short-in-kara-wash-patch-pocket-edition/NT984/?ccode=DM8757
https://www.madewell.com/p/womens/clothing/shorts/denim-shorts/short-shorts/the-perfect-vintage-short-in-quail-wash/NT969/?ccode=DM7976
I bought a pair from Target earlier this year –
Women’s Heritage Mid-Rise Denim Shorts – Wild Fable.
They’re mid-rise with a 4″ seam, finished hem.
Good American used to have a pair that a lot of midsize bloggers loved, but when I google “Good American shorts” a bunch of other options come up from Everlane and Spanx, so maybe Good American isn’t making them anymore.
in case your google search gives you different results:
https://www.everlane.com/products/womens-a-line-denim-short-ocean
https://spanx.com/products/spanxshape-everywear-jean-short-5-inch-vintage-indigo
I don’t own these shorts and I haven’t seen them in person. But they appear to be like what you’re looking for.
https://www.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pid=735377001&vid=1&irgwc=1&clickid=xORSHUzfDxycUy2S3DwLk1-UUksQ0NwRLUWBS80&ap=6&tid=gfaf001025&siteID=gfafcid821955
I agree with the Everlane a line denim short rec; also check out the Abercrombie curve denim short options
If pleats are okay, try these. They’re pricey but I’ve worn my 7 for all mankind denim shorts multiple times a week, all summer, for several years and they’re still going strong. https://7forallmankind.com/products/weightless-pleated-denim-short-in-hilo?
Kut from the Kloth Jane is what you want.
Not cheap, but I find the AGOLDE Jean shorts to be flattering.
I have weirdly good luck finding great shorts with Stitch Fix. You don’t have to get a “Fix” or full box these days; you can shop for individual items on Freestyle in the app. They have different styles and different brands to choose from.
I bought this dress last summer in a different pattern, and I loooove it. It’s so cute and flattering, and I’ve been able to dress it up or down for many types of occasions. I don’t usually spend that much on a single dress, but it has been worth it. If you are a pear-shaped person, try it!
First time commenter, looking to the many many lawyers here for career advice of the “is law school right for me?” variety.
I’m smart and hardworking and have life experience beyond school; I am acquainted with the kind of work real-life attorneys do and would be genuinely interesting in mergers and acquisitions, if you can believe it; most importantly, I have a solid plan to avoid racking up loan debt. Law school should be a slam dunk for me! Unfortunately, I am also very openly a trans woman, and far as I can tell there are maybe… five of us currently employed as lawyers, and all of them doing civil rights work. Which is fine, of course, but I actually want to work at a corporate firm, and am worried I have no chance of getting hired at that sort of place
How justified, exactly, is that worry?
The transwomen who are lawyers in other fields absolutely exist they just aren’t publishing constantly as transwomen lawyers? You can’t actually google who is trans there isn’t a registry yet. M and A is about getting stuff done. If you’re good you’ll work. And probably
With jerks.
You absolutely have the opportunity to pursue the legal career you envision. There’s a whole job fair devoted to LGBTQ+ lawyers called the Lavender Law Conference every year. Its website is a great resource to gauge which organizations recruit law students attending the LL career fair.
I’ve worked with a few (and had uniformly positive experiences). It sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought, and I would encourage you to go to law school if you want to be a lawyer! Sending good wishes.
Sorry, didn’t mean to nest this one. The transwomen I’ve worked with were great.
There are way more than five trans women lawyers out there, but my god, please don’t be a lawyer. It really sucks. And being a junior in M&A is a particular form of hell.
Yeah, my friend in corporate M&A hates the environment and has been trying to get out since her only female mentor left.
I worked with a trans man at my Am law 100 corporate firm that isn’t known for being liberal. Honestly I didn’t realize he was trans until I read an article about him where he talked about it. So yes you can get hired!
I need a shot of confidence going into this weekend.
I have the wedding of my college friends/teammates (bride and I played women’s soccer, groom played men’s soccer). Only one other women’s teammate will be there, and a lot of the “soccer guys” will be there.
In college I was friends with the guys, but I’ve hardly seen them since (they + the couple all moved to NYC, I moved to DC and traveled a lot for work). Last time I saw them all was at the bride’s 30th birthday, almost 2 years ago. It was great to see them and catch up and we had a ton of fun but I’m feeling really self conscious now.
They’re all conveniently successful: attractive, still in college athlete shape, rich, have good jobs, and married to beautiful, kind, fun women.
I feel so dumpy in comparison to them and their wives: single, overweight and out of shape, single, and thanks to DOGE, unemployed (I used to work for USAID). I’ve moved back in to my parents house while I job search and pivot my career.
Not only am I not in a great place now (and very much struggling with it) but when I saw these guys last my life was in a much better place: I wasn’t overweight and I was in shape (competing in triathlons!), I was dating my ex, I had a kick@ss career in humanitarian aid, I lived on my own.
I now have to go see these folks and be like yeah my life has done a 180 for the worse.
Our other friend/teammate and her fiancé will be at the wedding tomorrow, but they can’t make it to the welcome drinks tonight so I’ll be flying solo.
They won’t care about any of this and will just be happy to hang with a cool fun girl they know
+100000000
Would you judge them this harshly? I hope not. And in return, they almost certainly won’t judge you this harshly.
+million. I would be psyched to catch up with my husband’s fun, nice, soccer friend. Wear something that makes you feel confident, put some extra time into your hair and makeup and enjoy it.
Fwiw, this could be a good easy low-key way to use your network to find a job. I’ve had colleagues/friends reach out to me in the wake of the DOGE cuts and I haven’t thought any ‘less’ of them for being caught up in a terrible political situation.
You sound pretty excellent. DOGE is a beast, and that sucks. But it doesn’t negate your work in humanitarian aid and just highlights how your career is service-oriented. You may be less in shape than you were, but you’re athletic. Being single (at 32?) is a nothingburger, I promise.
Your friends will be so happy to see you and catch up. Try to feel festive, ask people lots of questions if you prefer, and radiate happiness for the couple, for old friends, and for getting welcome drinks with a crew from your past.
Hey! I was once in similar shoes. I was invited to a law school friend’s out of state wedding 2-3 years after we graduated and was in an awful place – single and really sad about it, struggling in biglaw while being pushed out by my psychopathic boss and having no clue how to right the ship of my career, just overall feeling sad and blah and gross and left behind. I didn’t have a date even though my kind friend gave me plus 1. I went alone and had a blast. It was such a fun wedding, I enjoyed seeing everyone who had moved away, and I somehow never felt awkward and I was proud of myself for doing something that felt brave. It does a lot of good, psychologically, to reconnect with people who will be excited to see you.
Life is not perfect but is mostly great now, btw. More or less, I’ve filled those gaps I felt were lacking.
big hugs, i’m sorry — agree with everyone else, no one else will judge you as harshly as you’re judging yourself. and if they were ever truly your friends, they’re not going to go home and say, “wow, SHE turned into a big loser.”
Way better to be single than to have to being a partner who is a bit of an ass. There’s almost sure to be someone else who’s attending and is in that situation.
You sound lovely, and if nothing else, maybe this will be a good jerk test. The people who are kind to you when you’re going through something tough like now, are the people who maybe are worth spending time with.
First time commenter, looking to the many many lawyers here for career advice of the “is law school right for me?” variety.
I’m smart and hardworking and have life experience beyond school; I am acquainted with the kind of work real-life attorneys do and would be genuinely interesting in mergers and acquisitions, if you can believe it; most importantly, I have a solid plan to avoid racking up loan debt. Law school should be a slam dunk for me! Unfortunately, I am also very openly a trans woman, and far as I can tell there are maybe… five of us currently employed as lawyers, and all of them doing civil rights work. Which is fine, of course, but I actually want to work at a corporate firm, and am worried I have no chance of getting hired at that sort of place.
How justified, exactly, is that worry?
No one should go to law school, regardless of gender identity.
People doing civil rights work like to emphasize their membership in disadvantaged groups in a way that people in other lines of work don’t feel is necessary.
I think this is true. I work regularly with a trans woman attorney in a non-civil rights field (she does litigation) and it’s just not something anyone talks about, her included. That’s not to say you won’t experience issues but I don’t think your premise is accurate or a bar, if this is what you want to pursue.
Do you pass? If so you should have basically no worry at all, but if you don’t there will definitely be certain difficulties with conservative clients and firms.
I keep worrying that I’m committing a faux pas — if my husband’s boss sends us checks and presents for anniversaries/kids bdays, I’ve always let him deal with thanking her (and I know he has, they have a great rapport). I also really like her, but worry I’m stepping on his toes if I send a separate thank you. Thoughts?
Why can’t it be from both of you?
We are each responsible for thanking and gift giving within our own circles – so I would thank/buy presents for my boss/sister/mother/cousin but not his, and vice versa.
He writes the note and expresses thanks from both of you. Two notes is overkill.
+1
Why is your husband’s boss sending you anniversary presents? Weirdness of that aside, I’m assuming that this is primarily a work relationship rather than a personal one, in which case he should be the one writing the thank you, though he should thank her on behalf of both of you. It’s less clear in the case of kid presents, those I might have the kids write directly and have him pass along, especially if the boss actually knows them (why else is she sending them presents?). In no scenario would I write more than one note.
No, wedding anniversary! Last year she got us a big present for a milestone, this year we got a $200 check and we may have gotten similar in previous years. She’s very wealthy, it’s a very small business, and my DH has been a loyal/excellent worker for her for 20 years when she often cycles thru employees more like every 2-3 years.
I have really loyal long-term employees like that and often feel the desire to be generous with them. If I wanted to give them extra cash, I’d make it an official bonus (deductible for me but then taxable to the employee). With a small amount I can see the boss thinking it’s not worth the hassle of making it compensation vs a gift. Other gifts might be the boss’s way of expressing appreciation for the employee as a person and/or for their loyalty, or because they’ve known each other so long there’s a level on which they are also friends. I think a gift expressly made to both of you can be acknowledged with a thank you from either one of you on behalf of both. The kids should send a thank you for gifts given to them. But if there have been a lot of gifts and you just feel like you want to send your own separate note expressing thanks for the boss’s generosity over the years I think that would be very lovely.
…your husband’s work anniversary?
It’s a bit odd if this is for your wedding anniversary, unless the boss officiated for your ceremony.
What’s the going rate for tipping tour guides on group excursions (eg, zip line tour, trolley tour) in the US?
If it’s just me, $10. If it’s a few of us, $20. But I have no idea what’s normal.
That’s what I do too.
Looking for solid black top(s) suggestions to wear with flowy/A line midi skirts. Not clingy but not too flowy (to balance out the flowy skirt). Can be shorter length. Prefer not to tuck to hide the back elastic! Short sleeved, crew or V is fine. Nicer than a standard T shirt but still casual. Any suggestions would be really appreciated! I find I don’t wear the skirts too often because I have trouble with which top.
I just went to my local Nordstrom Rack and they had lots of solid tops that could work. I’d suggest taking a look there.
What’s a safe outfit for a professional offsite meeting taking place at a resort? Conservative industry but casual/fun destination.
I’m normally so careful with spending but love clothes. I’ve been super stressed lately and this past week have spent an Absolute Fortune on clothes as distraction. And, it hasn’t even given me even a temporary reprieve mentally (which it usually does). So, I feel terrible about it, guilty and ashamed of the amount I spent especially during a period with lots of extra bills. I can’t return it as I washed it before this all set in. Can someone please just tell me to let it go? I am beating myself up about it. Also, yes I am seeing a new therapist this week.