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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Paule Ka is a newish name to me (clearly I need another trip to Paris!), but I'm drooling over half of his clothes over at ShopBop, particularly this, this, and this. This pictured dress looks like a simple enough wrap dress (nice neckline, nice hemline, love the bracelet sleeves), but the wrap detail itself is intricate and almost architectural. Lovely. (Call me crazy, but as a curvy girl, I always take it as a good sign when the largest size is sold out too — it usually means it's very flattering on curves.) The dress is $845, still available in sizes 2-10 Paula Ka Wrap Dress Here's a more affordable option from Inc. in regular and petite sizes, FOUR lucky sizes almost sold out (sizes 12, 16, 0x, and 2x), and this Etsy seller's wrap dresses come in custom sizes and are available in gray. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
KT
Lovely dress, but it looks like a pretty standard wrap dress for $890. And what on earth is with the platform wedges? They look so clunky with such a sleek dress.
Anonymous
Really? Every splurge Monday? It’s a stunning designer interpretation of a classic, impeccably well made and a bargain at $890. If you just don’t get fashion fine but don’t go insulting things you don’t understand.
KT
I get fashion just fine, I just expect more innovation at that price point. Particularly when the dress is a polyester blend. If you consider $900 for polyester a bargain, more power to you, but I like a little more bang for my buck.
Anonymous
#livingasavictorian
S in Chicago
Agreed. The “well-made” argument lost me at polyester.
Ellen
Polyester makes me sweat. FOOEY! I want wool or silk for this price!
Anonymous
I think that there’s polyester and then there’s polyester.
There was a WSJ article a while back about all sorts of artificial fabrics (now christened “technical fabrics”). It rubs me the wrong way (and seems to make everything dry-clean only, which I hate). I don’t know if it’s my inner preppie, but I really want to pay $ for silk or wool (not for cotton, never for cotton as anything but a warm-weather fabric).
That said, I dropped off a dress like this to a thrift store on Saturday. Some person is going to be lucky and happy after reading this (it is cotton-poly, but it’s probably $10 if it has been priced and moved to a rack).
Anonymous
If a $900 dress is a bargain for you, you may need a reality check.
Ellen
Yay! I agree with KT. The open toe wedges are to clunky! I can’t p’ost alot today b/c I am with Grandma Leyeh, but I had great BRISKIT last nite!!! Yummy!
SuziStockbroker
It’s a gorgeous dress. I’d probably not spend that on polyester though.
This reminds me of a beautiful, lightweight wool gray wrap dress from Isabella Oliver that I had when I was pregnant with my last baby 6+ years ago.
AN
Tres elegant. Looks much better than DVF as the wrap part looks like it’s more roomy. However I wish it was a faux wrap:)
NbyNW
AN- are you sure it’s a real wrap? The description doesn’t say faux or full wrap but the dress has a back zipper. I’ve never seen a RTW full wrap dress with a zipper, because with a wrap you wouldn’t need a zipper.
In any event, a lovely pick Kat – wish it was in the budget.
best cheap lip balm?
What is your favorite drugstore lip balm and why? I have been using Nivea, Burt’s Bees vanilla bean, and plain old regular Chapstick, but I feel like trying something new.
Snickety
EOS balms – they are the egg-shaped ones. I like sweet mint.
lawsuited
Blistex Lip Medex (in the pot – the consistency is not the same in the stick) is the BEST. I use it year-round and far prefer it to the more expensive lip balms I own (eos, Fresh, Kiehls) because it keeps the moisture in my lips like every other lip balm does but also heals my lips when they’re dry/chapped UNlike any other lip balm.
Amy H.
+1
jumpingjack
I love Labello Classic chapstick. It’s really creamy. It’s not sold in drugstores in the US, but I get it online for about $6 – not cheap but not expensive. The packaging looks the same as Nivea, but it’s a better product. I like it better than all of the expensive ones I’ve tried.
Anon
I like EOS and Baby Lips. (My favorite though is Burt’s Bees.)
anon a mouse
I’ve had good luck with both Aquaphor Lip Repair and Neosporin overnight renewal. The Neosporin has petroleum-based products, which some people are sensitive to, but the Aquaphor does not.
Carrie...
vaseline
Vaseline
I was using Burt’s Bees and switched to Vaseline. I know many people dislike it but it is working very well and effective especially in winter. They have some in flavours as well e.g. cocoa butter
Anonymous
I’ve been using an Ulta brand lip balm on Saturdays for a little color.
Maddie Ross
I love Lypsyl.
Anon
Seconded. My favorite lip balm of all time.
Diana Barry
Pretty! Although I like this one better for the architectural detail and *no* wrap: http://www.stylebop.com/product_details.php?wid=229917&recommended=detailview
APP123
That one is gorgeous! Not a huge fan of the wrap.
DPT
Ideas for accessorizing this dress for a fall wedding? It’s hard to tell but there’s a slight cowl neck. Would a necklace be too much with the cowl neck? Should I just go with flashy earrings?
http://redefinedmom.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Screen-Shot-2015-08-14-at-10.57.34-AM.png
Terry
Go for flashy earrings! A necklace will compete with the drape of the cowl.
NYC tech
Flashy earrings and bracelet!
lawsuited
I’d go for flashy shoes, stud earrings and a cuff.
Anonymous
Nice dress! Brooches are coming back this fall if you want to do something a little different.
DPT
Thanks for the ideas! FYI, the dress is from Patagonia. You can get some cute dresses from outdoor companies! I don’t think the exact one I have is made anymore, but it’s similar to this one: http://www.patagonia.com/us/product/womens-kamala-cowl-neck-dress?p=58885-0
MIL present
Any ideas for a gift for my mother in law? Not a whole lot of hobbies and they are currently in the process of moving out of state so anything for the home – my usual go-to – is a bit tricky.
NYC tech
Fancy chocolates, unusual wine/port/liqueur, silk scarf, leather gloves, Harry & David basket, Zabars basket
S
Gift certificate at their favorite restaurant
KT
If they’re moving, how about a gift certificate to a meal-delivery service? Nothing worsewhen moving than being hungry and not being able to find pans/plates, let alone finding the energy to turn on the stove while unpacking :)
SuziStockbroker
In these cases I go one of two ways.
You didn’t give a price range but here are some ideas.
1) an experience gift. Does she like to go to the spa and have a pedicure, or a massage? Museum tickets? Tickets for a tour in her new city (or closest city)?
2) something she’d never buy for herself. Expensive soap (I buy for others but never for myself!). A pretty teapot. If she cooks, a fancy apron? A leather photo album or journal. Her favourite perfume, or a gift set from Sephora. A beautiful bookmark.
Meg Murry
Can you get her something to use once the move is done? A membership to a museum in the area where they are going, or a gift card for a restaurant there?
Depending on budget, what about a Kindle, and a suggestion that she buy some of her books there instead of moving the paper books? Or something similar – maybe an offer to upgrade some of her pots and pans, or towels or bedsheets and suggest she just donate or trash some of her current ones instead of moving them?
Is there something that the new place has that the old one doesn’t (a guest room that needs furnishing, a deck that will need furniture or patio table, etc)?
SC
Subscription to a service like Netflix or food delivery, bottle of wine to celebrate the move, gift card to a restaurant or activity in their new location or to a store to help them decorate or fix up their new home, membership to museum in their new location.
lawsuited
Perhaps a special clothing/personal items rather than something for the home? Of course you may not know her detailed sizing, but there are lots of things where fit is not likely to be an issue. Eg. cashmere scarf, cashmere cardigan, leather gloves, beautiful toiletry bag, new blush or liptstick in beautiful packaging, fun umbrella, etc.
CHJ
It sounds like they are moving out of town, so how about a gift certificate to a restaurant in their new town? Chowhound and TripAdvisor should have some ideas if you’re not familiar with the new town.
Anon S
Hi ladies, I posted last week re talking to the head of my group about going to a 70% schedule (background: I’m on maternity leave, due to return next month. I’m a mid level associate and I want to ask for 70% schedule. The head of my group is a friendly, family man in his early 40’s, and we have a good, but not close relationship). Well, I emailed the head of my group last week and asked if he had time to chat to discuss my transition back to the office. We scheduled a call. I called him at the scheduled time, and he didn’t answer (ugh), so I left a voicemail and said I’m around for the next half hour if you’re free to chat. He called me after the half hour and I didn’t answer (I truly wasn’t available – was driving with my daughter to a play date). So then I emailed him later that day and said, hey sorry we missed each other, etc., and I asked if he wanted to reschedule for Monday (today). I have yet to hear back from him. I don’t know why I’m so nervous and feeling weird about all of this, but do you think I should (a) wait for him to email me back, (b) send another email (and if so, what would I say?) or (c) call him sometime today when I’m free even though we don’t have a scheduled call.
Thanks in advance for any advice!
Bewitched
I’m guessing that he’s busy with client/firm matters, and therefore inadvertently missed your call. I would email him and suggest another date/time that would work for you. Don’t overthink this! It may be true that you are not his biggest priority, but that’s only because you are out of the office and not due to return until sometime next month. You’ll be his biggest priority about a week before your anticipated return (lol).
Anon S
Totally get that I’m not his priority – I’m ok with that! So, even though I already emailed him last week (Friday) and asked him if we should schedule a call for today, you think I should email him again today?
SC
I would wait for him to respond for at least a day or two. If possible, you want to have this discussion when he’s not rushed. If you don’t hear back by the end of the day tomorrow, follow up on Wednesday. If he has an assistant, check in with him or her about your boss’s general availability.
been there
so this is probably the single most important conversation in your professional career. I know; I’ve had it (and it was an abject failure in the end – sorry to be a downer!). Suggest an in-person meeting instead and talk about it face to face, with concrete plans for how to make it work for the firm and to make sure you are treated fairly. Get as much information from as many people as you can who have done this (or tried to do it and failed) so that you are prepared. Good luck!
Anon
Can you tell us why you considered your conversation to be an “abject failure”? If it’s because your manager said “no,” wasn’t that where you would have been anyway? I think it takes courage to ask for what you want so I think that itself is an accomplishment, not a “failure.”
been there
It’s more complicated than this in my case, but I think if you talk to many senior women who have tried reduced hours they will tell some version of the same story. there was an attempt to work part time, but it didn’t work – I ended up working more than many of my full-time colleagues. but the stigma of having asked set me back reputationally (and I suspect financially) for years. If you want a public version of the risks of work-life balance efforts by professional women, see this former Skadden partner’s perspective. http://www.alawyerslife.com/harriet-posner-interview. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask, or try, but I’d urge any of you to not go into it naively. Be more prepared than I was.
anon
Does anyone else feel like Anthropologie treats its customers like they’re lucky to shop there? Never free shipping, not that great of sales, and then when I try to return something in store, the line is always so friggin long and they never seem concerned about it. I think I’m done with them.
JJ
Yep. I used to spend a lot of money there, but I was so sick of feeling like they were doing me a favor that I essentially have stopped shopping or even browsing their website. They used to have pretty decent quality clothes for the price, but when the quality started slipping and the prices stayed the same, I was done.
AIMS
I actually noticed the opposite – they seem to have more free shipping now (often with a minimum but sometimes without), whereas they never did before, and they have frequent extra 20-30% off sale promos. I just bought a quilt there for $60 during the last one. Also, the line is never that long when I go, tends to move very quickly and they’re always very apologetic about having me wait. And sometimes they have cookies! Honestly, I can’t think of where I get better customer service. My only gripe is that now that the store I go to most often has a BLDHN, my clearance section got smaller and I have to deal with brides and their entourages when I go try something on. I would banish BLDHN to a separate store if I could.
That said, I rarely buy anything there full price because it almost always all goes on sale. So maybe my experience for the price seems better than it would if I was actually spending $200-300/dress.
anon
Hmmm. My store in Houston is terrible. The people are nice once you get up to the front of the horrible line, but they don’t apologize for the wait, and they never see the line and call for additional cashiers because it is so long. I realized on Saturday that one of the problems is their policy of going ahead and marking tags for the items you returned, rather than just putting them in a pile that gets sorted later, like most stores do. The lady who was taking my returns filled out a handwritten tag including the price, order number, and size for my three returned items while I waited, meaning she had to look at the order forms from my online order repeatedly. It took forever. And there were tons of people in line who were returning online orders too.
At hte same time, I was returning something to Banana, and it moved super quickly. There were more cashiers and fewer people waiting in line. The people were nice, and they didn’t make you wait while they marked your items for resale. It was about 1000 times better. Also, Banana offers free shipping all the time with a $50 minimum (or no minimum with a card), and with no minimum pretty frequently, which I’ve never seen with Anthro.
JJ
If you have an Anthro card, free shipping (with usually a $150 minimum) is a perk email that you’ll get every now and then. But I still don’t like having to spend that much just to get shipping for free.
anon
$150 minimum with a card is CRAZY!
AIMS
My BR experience is the opposite in NY. I find it a bit of a zoo, to the point where I hardly go in anymore. They also rearranged a lot of stores now so that you have to go through the entire men’s section to get to women’s because I think they know men wouldn’t bother to do the reverse even though the women’s section is the one that’s always crowded. I think maybe this is partly regional. I can’t even go into Old Navy in NYC unless I have 45 min. to spend standing on line and another 30 before that to wait for a fitting room.
Tipping
I am about to start some work travel after a long hiatus. How much do you leave for housekeeping (say per night / per stay, big city downtown hotel)?
My recent travel has been in smaller towns for personal use and I typically leave a $20 (generally for 1 or 2 nights). That may be too little, but I feel like I really need help on the work front. [I have a bad feeling like the guys I work with don’t even think about housekeeping but do tip for the door staff.]
Anonymous
Wow, that seems generous to me. I do $5 per night at higher end hotels in major cities. (When i remember cash :-()
I hate tipping
$5 per night, left each night instead of all at the end of the stay, in case the same staff is not cleaning the room each day.
I detest the practice of tipping. It feels awkward and patronizing, and it creates uncertainty in the worker’s income. I wish hotels, restaurants, salons, taxi services etc. would just charge higher prices and pay their workers a living wage. What I really hate is the situation where there is a mandatory service charge listed on the bill and then a line for an optional additional tip. Sometimes it’s clear that the server gets the service charge, but you still look like a jerk if you don’t add an additional tip, so you end up tipping 40% between the service charge and the additional tip. I also hate the tip line on the receipt at counter service restaurants. Seriously, businesses, just pay your workers enough instead of trying to guilt your customers into tipping so you can maintain your prices at artificially low levels.
Care
When I worked at a counter service restaurant, we were paid enough because tips were so uncertain that they couldn’t count them as part of our pay. Instead, they were seen as a bonus each week and not as expected. I always appreciated when people added a tip or put something in the jar – they would get a big smile and thank you – but never was insulted when people drew a line through it. I did resent the occasional person who had a problem with the line’s existence on the receipt and would write something rude (it made it look like I had done a bad job if my boss saw it) or comment to their friends about how they didn’t like that the line was there in front of me. Also, I super appreciated when families with little children would leave a nice tip because it felt like they were recognizing that I would have to spend extra time picking up the spilled cheerios or whatever other mess was inevitable. I usually leave one now because a single dollar means less to me and is worth the happy cashier.
anon
This. The expectation that I tip every person that speaks to me when I am in a hotel rubs me the wrong way- just for doing what they are presumably paid to do. It’s different than tipping for exceptional restaurant service where you know that they are making well below minimum wage. The door man, the valet, room service, maids, et al. It’s awkward, I don’t have cash or can’t get to it, it adds up significantly. On the other hand, I know that these employees make sh*t money and work in sh*it conditions and I hate perpetuating that by not tipping. Just pay your workers a fair wage!!!
“I also hate the tip line on the receipt at counter service restaurants.”
Same. You poured me a $3 coffee. You’re not getting a 33% tip (if you’re not making $2.13).
Anonymous
I don’t. Even. And no one I know IRL does either.
Anonymous
My thoughts on tipping is that this is hard physical work where workers probably get injured at some point, esp if they are older. Cleaning bathrooms isn’t awesome, either. The people doing this work are probably not very well off and an extra $ probably means a lot more to them than it does to me (and it is probably put to immediate good use).
I wish that workers were paid an all-in wage so that things would be consistent between workers doing the same job.
I don’t feel bad about housekeeping tips. I do feel like the tip jar at every random counter is over-reaching.
cbackson
I don’t either, unless I’ve left the room in a state that requires unusual attention. It’s not at all the norm among those that I know (and we all travel a lot).
Brunette Elle Woods
I generally don’t like anyone in my room so unless I’m staying in a hotel for more than 4-5 nights, I don’t need housekeeping. I just put up the do not disturb sign and leave it there. If I do have housekeeping, I’ll tip $5 each time they clean or change the towels, etc.
Sydney Bristow
We tend to leave $5/night. I was a housekeeper at a hotel for 1 day and it was super hard work that definitely didn’t pay enough.
Senior Attorney
I feel like $20 for 1-2 nights is extraordinarily generous. I generally do $5 per night.
Anon
Tipping $20 per night is in no way too little! I think the usual guidance is only $1-2 per night, and most people do not tip at all.
Work Phone Question
My employer (in-house atty, large company) provides me with a work phone and told me I could use it as my personal phone as well. Several people in my group only use one phone, but I have been hesitant to cancel my personal phone. Google Voice provides a means of keeping my current number and having it ring on my work phone (which was one of my concerns because I didn’t want to deal with changing it) and cancelling my phone line (I’m not stuck in a 2-year contract right now anyway). Costs aside, has anyone regretted switching to carrying their work phone only? Even though the phone isn’t really restricted, it weirds me out that someone at work could somehow look up all my personal phone activity (texts, FB, etc.). Is this concern warranted?
I also know there is a perk to not being totally reachable 100% of the time, but I don’t usually get late-night phone calls anyway (and if I’m busy enough to be getting them, I should probably be working, right?). I can’t decide how much of a concern this should be.
Sydney Bristow
The things that worry me are that if your company is involved in litigation, there is a chance that your phone will be imaged and people like me doing document review may wind up seeing some of your personal stuff. I’ve also heard that if you leave your job the phone might get wiped before you have a chance to get your stuff off it.
Personally, I’d keep separate phones.
Anon
I’ve had only 1 phone for combined work/personal for several years now and I’m totally fine with it. I can barely keep track of my 1 phone and keep the battery sufficiently charges – having 2 phones to manage would be a huge pain for me. So, no regrets at all. One PITA issue though is that when I changed jobs, my new job did not provide a work phone, so I needed to buy one, but because my phone had recently been upgraded, I was not eligible for a free phone, so I had to pay for the cost of the phone out of pocket, which means I ended up buying a cheaper model. But even then, it worked out fine and I was able to transfer my number to my new phone.
Rural Juror
I’ve had a combo-phone for 4 years (and I don’t have a home phone, either). I have not had any problems. I changed jobs a while ago and had mild concern around it, but it worked out fine. I had to have a few conversations with IT at my old firm and then new firm (and a conversation between IT and IT) but eventually my old firm let me keep my phone and I brought that along with my phone number to my new firm. New firm then upgraded my phone which was awesome. I know that there is a small chance at some point someone might end up seeing my texts but it’s not likely and my texts are only things like “coming to pick you up now” and “want to go to yoga on Saturday?” so I don’t really care.
CountC
I think it depends on how risk averse you are. I will never ever combine the two. I have two phones currently and I do not have an issue managing them or keeping them both charged. I do some scandalous things on my personal phone that I never ever want my employer to be privy to. I use dating apps at times and definitely do not want that mixed with my business phone. It just isn’t worth the convenience for me and my life, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t work for someone else! I would recommend listing out what you use your phone for and whether, in the off chance something happens where your employer would access your phone for litigation or whatever, you would care that they have access to your personal stuff.
Anon
I don’t use my work phone for personal use – I don’t want my personal data backed up or tracked, and in the event that there is some type of security incident, your work is going to take your phone back. I carry a purse and two phones fit in there just fine, so it’s not much more of a hassle to have two for me.
Jules
I’m thinking that right about now Hillary is wishing she’d had this convo 7 years ago. She would have opted for two devices.
kelly green
Any public interest attorneys want to weigh in on this?
My law school provides funding for recent grads to do public interest work for a year. I’ve been looking at two orgs. Org A: I worked there one summer, loved it and would jump at the chance to work for them full-time. I could continue to build a relationship with them when they hire in the future. But Org A didn’t want to sponsor me for Skadden/EJW (so maybe they didn’t love me as much?), are focused on a more niche area of law, and seem to have high employee turnover.
Org B: would give me the chance to broaden my public interest skill set. They seem like a good org in general. I could volunteer with Org B, broaden my network and skills, and continue to keep in touch with people from Org A.
Thanks!
roses
Will Org B sponsor you for Skadden/EJW? I’d try to go for those fellowships because of their prestige and have the school money be your backup plan.
kelly green
I already graduated so the school money is my backup plan!
Anonymous
I would apply to both and see who takes you.
PEN
I would go with the one that is the most stable, both in terms of staff/leadership and financials.
Slips to wear under dress/skirt
I am considering buying the Jockey women’s slipshort, it would be to wear with some maxi dresses and skirts where the fabric is light and could show panty line. Any have experience with this brand? Also considering the Vassarette women’s full body smoothing chemise, both are at Target. The chemise has spandex and is very close fitting. I like the full body coverage but thinking it could feel too tight? For those who wear slips, thoughts?
Laura
I love the Jockey slipshort. I have both the standard length and the shorter length. The short one rides up pretty badly on me, so I only wear with short dresses where I absolutely need another layer. The longer one though doesn’t ride up much at all and is super comfortable. One more thing to note: I did not like the wicking fabric slipshort at all. It’s a thicker, rougher fabric and the extra wide waistband was really uncomfortable.
HSAL
I’ve used both the Jockey Skimmies and the cheaper Target brand. I recommend going for the higher-priced Skimmies. After about 5 wears the Target brand really wore out and started riding up, but I’ve worn the Skimmies at least ten times with no issues. I use the longer length, never tried the shorter.
HSAL
For clarification, the Target one is also Jockey, but a slightly different name.
Anon
Question – would you let your daughters do cheerleading, if they were really into dance, and the team actually cheered on a boy’s sports team? I just got into a fight about this with my SIL (wrt her nieces). They are darn cute cheerleaders, but I told her that the feminist in me wants my daughters to be out playing the sports, not doing very athletic moves to support the boys playing the sports. (And yes, I get that some people believe that cheer is a sport in and of itself…it’s more the _supporting the boys_ aspect that bothers me). Thoughts?
Katie
I agree with you. I have a dance background and completely appreciate the skill and athleticism that goes into cheerleading, but hate the fact that for many squads, they are literally on the sidelines to cheer for the boys. I think it’s high time for that practice to change.
Anonymous
Do you also dislike marching bands?
Care
I was going to say this too. I never felt like I was just there to support the football team. The marching band was there to practice our show for competition (I imagine many cheerleaders are practicing for their competitions at the games as well) and for fun and camaraderie.
Katie
Matching band is only there for football. At least where I live cheerleaders cheer for various boys teams and never for the girls. Why can’t they go to girls’basketball games too?
Kt
I’m a pretty intense feminist so…Cheer IS a pretty intense sport in and of itself. In some places where the sports teams are bad, people go to see the cheer squads instead.
It’s not supporting the boys, it’s cheering the school, raising morale, energizing the crowd…
Most squads train extremely hard, attend cheer competitions, etc.
Anon
My feminist, hippie mom tried out for the cheerleading squad solely because a popular girl who had always been really mean to her (b/c my mom’s family didn’t have much money) was trying out. My mom wanted to beat her out for a spot on the squad, and did :) go mom!
Anonymama
I feel like this should be the plot of a teen movie: 10 things I hate about you meets bring it on meets ever after.
Killer Kitten Heels
I agree as well – I will say I find cheer-as-a-sport-unto-itself (so, like, the cheer team is learning routines to take to its own competitions, not doing the sidelines “yay boys” thing) as not so different from being on a dance or gymnastics team or something, but the sidelines cheering thing really does bug me.
Anonymous
FWIW, we have cheer teams now that cheer for no one. They just compete against other cheer teams (that also cheer for no one). It seems a little odd for me.
A good cheer squad has boys on it (for lifts, etc.). And even if they don’t, the girls who cheer will be the ones networking with the boys who play the cheered-for sport. 10 years later, it may be better to have cheered than to have put up a stink about not cheering. [This is really school specific — there are places where I’d rather have my daughter do something else, but she’s got to run her own race, no? I’m just saying, there’s a hill to die on and a pyramid of cheerleaders isn’t it for me.]
Anon
Do your nieces want to play a sport? My (high school age) daughter is on a dance team and is thinking about trying out for cheer next year. She has no desire to play any sports, even though I encouraged both dance and had her try out all kinds of different sports when she was younger. She LOVED dance and begrudgingly participated in the other sports. When it became clear that she preferred dance we stopped signing up for other sports. I don’t think it has to be all out simply cheering for the boys–but is really a sport itself.
lawsuited
+1 I think the phrasing of “letting” them is interesting. Surely if the daughters/nieces want to do cheerleading rather than a sport, they should be supported like any child should be supported in a sports/arts/science endeavour that is important to them.
Anonymous
My mom wouldn’t let try out for cheerleading when I was a kid for this reason. I think it was a mistake. I did figure skating & dance but those were out-of-school sports and most of my peers/friends from those sports went to different school districts. I think I might have had more friends at the same school had I done cheerleading. I dont’ know that I would encourage my daughter to do it, but if she wanted to I definitely wouldn’t stop her. The “cheering on the boys” aspect is a little annoying, but I definitely think cheerleading takes athleticism and skill (and many college squads at least are co-ed — we just went to a college football game and there were men and women on the cheerleading team. Both the guys and girls on the cheer squad were athletic and talented). I also think of it as cheerleaders performing at the football game the same way a dance team performs in an auditorium. Kind of like half-time entertainment and support for the school more than support for the boys.
jc
Our high school cheerleaders also cheered at women’s events, specifically basketball and volleyball, if that makes a difference.
Alli
I was going to say the same thing– my high school’s cheerleaders cheered at both men’s and women’s events.
Anonymous
Did she ask you? Cause it sounds like you’re just being straight up rude.
Cheerleading isn’t supporting boys. Like, it’s not. It’s really not about that at all anymore, although obviously that’s the tradition.
I’d be fine with it. It’s cute that you think kids are all about your preferences. You literally could not have paid me to play a sport in high school, or ever. Instead I did dance (we didn’t have a cheer team) and marching band. I’d just be glad my kids had found a way to be active they’re enthusiastic about.
roses
OP never mentioned how old her daughters are. If they are under the age of 16 or so, they will need her or another adult to drive them to practices and likely pay for uniforms, etc. Even older teens at a lot of schools would need parents’ money to pay for required fees for the team and travel to various competitions. And I totally understand why OP would have hesitations about spending her time and money on something that she felt was anti-feminist. So I don’t get how you can treat this as if the kids should have 100% autonomous decision-making on this. (and I say this even as a childless young adult who fought extremely hard to be autonomous through my childhood).
Anon
Or they can take the late bus or walk, which at my school district you could do when you were in 6th grade at age 11. Not everyone has rich parents who will buy them their own car to drive to and from school in. :) Plus, if your kid is a typical teen, they will hate you for not allowing them to do the activities they want. Banning them from doing it is probably not going to make them disinterested in cheerleading.
Anonymous
It’s her sister in laws’ kids! And sister in law is fine with it.
OP
It’s my SIL’s sister’s kids. So not my nieces…her nieces.
Dowager Countess
The Article III scholar in me questions whether you have standing to get into a fight on this.
It’s like two people with mortgages and day jobs fighting over whether colored stones on tiaras is vulgar or not.
Bewitched
Oh lordy. Then I wouldn’t even weigh in on it. I’d mind my own business and save my opinions for the day when one of my family members brought up the issue!.
LLBMBA
I was a cheerleader in middle school and it was one of the best things I ever did. We were a competitive team in our own right (provincial championships, etc.). but occasionally cheered at school events (sports, pep rallys, etc.). Like one commenter mentioned, it’s not unlike a marching band. Our team was all girls (up here in the great white north, there is very little co-ed cheering before high school) and we did lifts, gymnastics, dance, etc. (I would argue that there isn’t a huge strength difference between grade 8 girls v. boys).
I was an incredibly shy, bookish student and trying out (and then making!) the team was incredibly beneficial for me. If we had worn inappropriate uniforms (for show rather than sport) or our dances were sexually charged, my parents (and I, for that matter) would have had a problem with it. But it wasn’t like that at all.
So, to answer your question, yes. Absolutely.
Anonymous
Leave her alone. If her kids like cheerleading, it’s not a big deal. Yes, they cheer on boys’ teams, but I don’t know anyone who wanted to become a cheerleader because they wanted to cheer for boys, rather than do all the actual cheerleader activities.
BringItOn
It should be noted that there are two types of cheer these days: a mix of sideline cheering and competition cheer that is usually school-sanctioned vs competitive all-star cheerleading sanctioned by private cheer and tumble clubs. Both are sport, but there is no sideline cheering involved with all-star cheer that seems to bother you most. Also, many of the school-sanctioned cheerleaders routinely sideline cheer for women’s sports these days, especially at the college level. Make sure that you know what your nieces are actually involved in before you worry about it.
I personally thinking cheering of any kind is a great sport of its own. I cheered and played a what you might consider a traditional “sport” and enjoyed them both just fine.
But in reality, what’s wrong for cheering and supporting the team, boys or not? Being a supportive person and a “cheerleader” is a great life and managerial skill. Later on down the road, your nieces will have to support their male underlings, yes?
Anonymama
I would encourage daughters to play sports, but kids are into what they’re into and I certainly wouldn’t forbid cheer if they really really wanted to do it. Being that judgmental about other peoples kids is way way worse than letting your kids participate in an activity they really enjoy.
CapHillAnon
I wouldn’t. But I also wouldn’t get into a fight with my SIL about it.
SuziStockbroker
My daughter dances (and does other sports), and one of her friends cheers competitively. They do not cheer on any boys teams, it is a sport unto itself.
However, I still feel a little weird about it. To be honest, I am hoping my daughter doesn’t ask me if she can cheer. If she cheers as a competitive sport, will she also want to be a cheerleader at her high school (where the cheerleaders mostly cheer on the boys teams)?
I wouldn’t get into a fight with my SIL about it though.
Meg Murry
Yes, my gut instinct is that I wouldn’t want my (theoretical, non existant) daughters cheering either. But I also wasn’t planning on over scheduling my kids in organized activites – and now my oldest is up to 4, and I swore I wasn’t going to do soccer either due to it’s high demand on time, but my not-quite-4 year old is begging to play and I might cave next year (although I am seriously hoping he decides he doesn’t like it or we can distract him with another sport).
I also thought I wasn’t going to let my kids watch too much TV, or eat unhealthy food. Dinner last night was PB&J in front of the TV – not something we do nightly, but it happens more often than theoretical parent me would have ever thought ok.
Let your SIL raise her actual kids the way she sees fit, and you deal with these issues when/if they actually come up with your own actual children. If SIL asks “do you think I should let her do cheerleading?” you can give your opinion, but otherwise butt out.
Slips
Looking for slips to wear under dresses or skirts that are light and to avoid VPL. Nothing pricey, would prefer brands I can find in Target or some place similar
Anon
I tried to look for a slip at a brick and mortar store (including department stores), and really, nobody wears them anymore. They have taken a back seat to shapewear. I had to buy them off of ebay. Seriously hard to find. But also, I have not had much need to wear them either, except through semi-sheer or clingy dresses.
Anonymous
Try going to a jockey or hanes outlet store. They still sell old-fashioned slips. But…I would just try some shapewear or no-show underwear instead.
Anonymous
There’s a slip from Gap Body that comes in black and tan. It is a great slip – well cut, not too long, not dowdy, and has adjustable straps.
target slip skirt
I wear this slip skirt under dresses – Target $ 9 – http://www.target.com/p/vassarette-women-s-16-half-slip/-/A-10739423#prodSlot=medium_1_10&term=slip . I wear it over my belly button so no seams show, and its a great option for unlined dresses. But I am still looking for an actual slip dress that comes higher (to wear with wrap dresses that have a low V) at an affordable price so I’m interested in others’ responses here too.
Terminated
Frequent poster anon for this: I lost my job a few days ago. I work at a small law firm and am completely blindsided. They said is was due to the poor quality of my work, but I’ve been there for several years and no one ever said anything. I was terminated effective immediately so I don’t even have the option to look for new work while being able to say I’m employed.
The severance terms are, I think, very unfair. I spoke with a lawyer who is a big deal in the field of employment law, and she thinks I have an “arguable” case for discrimination and for her to take my case on contingency. I’ve tried to talk to firm to get more severance/more favorable termination terms by basically just begging, but it hasn’t been going well. I have hinted that I might have lawyer but haven’t explicitly said so and I don’t think they’re taking me seriously.
I guess my question is, do I get the lawyer involved and how do I do it (I.e., what words do I use to tell them that from now my lawyer will be negotiating on my behalf)? I’m afraid that if I tell them I have a lawyer they’ll revoke their offer of writing me a reference letter, which I think I’ll need to get a new job. On the other hand, they’re not treating me fairly and they are professional negotiators, so I am way out of my league. What would you do? Any advice?
Anon employment lawyer
Management-side employment lawyer here (regular commenter, anonymous for this as well).
Just have your lawyer send a letter to your former employer. It’s standard for a company to receive such a letter from a terminated employee’s lawyer, especially if there’s a chance of a discrimination claim. 9 times out 10, the plaintiff’s attorney says that the plaintiff has a discrimination/retaliation/harassment case, but would be willing to waive his/her claims and not file paperwork with the EEOC for a fair settlement. You can bargain for a neutral reference as part of the settlement agreement, as well.
Anon employment lawyer
Argh. My comment was eaten and may or may not show back up.
Have your lawyer send a letter to your former employer. They will instruct them that they should only communicate with her from now on. This is a very common negotiation between ex-employees and employers and I would ask for a neutral reference as part of your severance (which I am sure will include a release on your part).
Brunette Elle Woods
Don’t tell them anything. You were terminated immediately so you’re not going back to the office. Have your attorney send a letter. I’m sure a good employment law attorney knows how to handle this. Don’t beg for anything. It makes it look like they are doing you a favor rather that giving you what you deserve.
Cat sitter
I have a house/ cat-sitter, a student who works in my building and she cat-sat for me for a week in July. I filled the fridge for her before we left and I also left her $200. When I came home she had left the money behind. I brought it to her office when I got back from my trip and left it at the reception desk for her. She then came to see me and tried to give the money back but I insisted that she take it and she reluctantly did. I explained that it is hard to find good help and I was happy to pay her. She has agreed to cat-sit for me again this weekend, and I am trying to think how I should try and pay her this time around. Just do the same thing and hope she doesn’t fight it? Is there something else I could do?
Anonymous
Tell her “I am paying you this. Please just take it. It’s a hassle for me to try and track you down”
Anonymous
No no no. Why in the world would you force something on someone who doesn’t want it!?
Anonymous
Clearly she was uncomfortable about it last time, so doing the same thing again will not be better. Ideally, I would talk about pay when you ask to sit, but I realize that ship has sailed as far as the coming weekend. So how about bringing it up when you do the final confirm on plans (or when you give her the key). Tell her that the going rate is the area is x per day, so you’ll be leaving x total for her on the hall table or wherever. If she refuses again, please listen to her wishes and stop pushing the money on her. Otherwise you may lose your cat sitter and make what seems like a very nice person uncomfortable.
CountC
+1 Don’t pay her. Continue to fill the fridge, buy her some wine/beer/liquor if that’s her thing, or special coffee, whatever, but don’t force money on her. How uncomfortable for her! I will echo that if you continue to push this on her, you may lose her. Is it worth that to assuage your own discomfort with her offer to perform these services without accepting traditional payment for it?
OP
But what if she came around to my point of view last time (where I didn’t just thrust the money at her, I said that it was hard to find someone to do it, and it was market rate, and our friends pay a stranger more money to do less, and that we really appreciated her inconveniencing herself) – so what if she started thinking, ok, yeah, you’re right! thanks! So what if now this time around she might expect to be paid and we don’t pay her?
CountC
I think you can safely ask, not tell, one more time with the approach of finding a number that she is more comfortable with. But if she says no that’s okay, you don’t need to pay me, then listen to her.
lawsuited
I’d say, “You cat-sitting is so helpful to me, and I’d like to pay your for your work. Is $X, okay? I’m happy to talk about it more, because I want you to be comfortable with whatever arrangement we come to.”
Then listen to what she says – if she’s okay with being paid, but wants more or less than what you suggest, talk about it. If she’s adamant that she doesn’t want to me paid, then ask if there’s some other token of appreciation you could give her, like a bottle of wine or a Starbucks giftcard.
OP
Thanks for the advice! Honestly I wasn’t sure if I should even pay her last time or just bring a gift back or something, because for me as a student I loved house sitting, it was a break for me to not live with mom and dad and fun to do something different. I actually asked on here re paying and people were outraged that I would think of not paying someone for their time. I guess she does not read this blog!
CHS
I would pay her and explain to her the market rates etc mentioned above. I remember being in her shoes and feeling just delighted to be asked/get to sit the animal, and being shocked that someone would actually pay me for it. I think the first time I left the money on the table because I thought it might just be for emergencies, and then probably downplayed it when the person followed up to say it was in fact mine because I couldn’t imagine that someone might pay me for such a thing. But then I got used to it, and now I think it’s a great lesson in knowing what you’re worth.
Wildkitten
Since you’ve already convinced her (appropriately) that she should be paid, just leave the money in an envelope with her name on it.
Meg Murry
Yup. I would leave an envelope with her name on it, cash, and a note that says X days at $Y/day = $total, and then something like “thank you for your help”.
Then there is no question whether that is her pay, or only for emergencies, or for the housekeeper or something. If I just saw cash on the table, I also might leave it, because I wouldn’t have been sure it was for me.
Hollis
I am going to raise a question for thought: could it be that you are in a position of power over her at your office and she is hoping for a permanent job offer or promotion at work and your opinion of her can be helpful to her? If so, I would say that you should *NOT* ask her to cat-sit for you. I was once asked by a partner to do something of a non-work favor and while it was not a huge ask (It had to do with the fact that he was running for office and needed people to show up at events, so it was not a job like cat sitting), I resented it very much because I didn’t feel I could say “no” and it took up time I would have spent doing something else.
OP
I know it’s too late for anyone to see this, but for the record – no! She doesn’t even work for my same company, just in the same building.
purplesneakers
Does anyone have a recommendation for cheapish flats that will stand up to a LOT of walking? I have a work conference to go to in a couple months and can’t wear my trusty purple sneakers :) I figure if I get a pair of flats now and spend a month breaking them in my feet won’t hate me TOO much. Heels are not an option for health reasons.
TIA!
Hazel
I’m in love with the Puma Zandy’s (currently $50 at Zappos). I got the black patent, and they’ve held up very very well after 2 months of 3-5 mile commutes. Blistered slightly on the first week of wearing, but not even the slightest discomfort since then.
http://www.zappos.com/puma-zandy-patent-wns
N.C. anon
Not sure what your budget is, but I bought some Cole Haan Jenni ballet flats last month when my Target flats started to cause my foot pain. There was an initial break-in period, but it was short and relatively painless. They’re available on 6pm for about $65 in a range of colors and many sizes.
Meg March
I just bought a pair of Dexflex Comfort Women’s Claire Scrunch Flat from Amazon ($25), and love them. They were comfortable right out of the box for me, which never happens. They’re comfortable for at least a couple of miles (I wear them for my mile+ commute, through a work day with a fair amount of movement, then home), although I probably wouldn’t wear them for, say, a walking tour exploring a new city.
lawsuited
I wear MK Fulton Flats for my daily commute, and honestly most of the time at my desk because I have discovered the true comfort of flat shoes plus orthotics, and I think they are a great looking shoe and very comfortable on my feet. I get a new pair every 1.5-2 years, so I’d say that’s pretty good for almost daily wear.
great pick
I would buy this if I could afford it.