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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
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- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
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- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Older kids' chores
I have kids who are 8 and 10. During the school year and in the summer, we are gone from at least 8-6 each day (then: homework, dinner, baths, 1/2 hour of screentime on schooldays). Their chores are basically to hang/fold/put away their laundry and to pack their snacks (and to swiffer, help out, etc. per my request). I’ve told them that when they are in middle school (and would likely switch to an afterschool nanny due to dismissal time of 2:30), we’d entertain getting a dog but it would be solely their responsibility.
For chores, what do you all do at this age?
When we eat dinner in our dining room, they will help set the table (upon request) and they will also bring in groceries (upon request) and help change sheets (upon request). Would love to evolve past “upon request” but I’m happy they have figured out putting things on hangers and that like items go with like items in their closet (I’m a Virgo).
Seafinch
My oldest is 8 but this is very similar to our approach. She must put away all the laundry for all three kids. It is delivered upstairs and then becomes her responsibility. She drags her heels, it is not yet intuitive after a couple of months. On request, all three (five year old and two year old), clear table of dirty dishes, load dishwasher, set table. They are 100% responsible for their toys and their father rides them pretty hard about regular and full cleans every few days. The five year old is responsible for stripping bed linens when we wash every couple of weeks. Their father also tasks them outdoors with snow shovelling.
Anon
Tbh I’m 38 and I too drag my heels about putting away laundry. :)
Annonnnn
+38 and the WORST at this.
Cb
I listened to a podcast with the author of the book How to be a happier parent and she had a good discussion of chores. I’ve got a toddler (although one who loves to put clothes in his hamper – all clothes, dirty or not) so I wasn’t listening that carefully but it might be worth checking out.
I have a friend whose 10 year old is responsible for planning and cooking (with assistance) lunch on Sunday and I think that’s such a fantastic idea. It gets kids invested in the meal and appreciating what goes into it. My parents weren’t big on chores and it took me a long time to figure out things as an adult so I commend you for thinking about this early.
non
Hope you’re still reading! I don’t have kids, but I did a lot of chores at that age and my sister is two years older. We:
-got the mail every day after school (bus dropped us off next to the mailbox)
-fed dogs and chickens, collected eggs
-emptied our lunch tupperware into the dishwasher after school
-emptied the dishwasher
-set the table and made salad for dinner every night (if you did this, you didn’t have to clean up)
-at a little bit older (maybe 11?) my sister got basically sole responsibility for dinner kitchen clean up.
-cleaned our own rooms whenever they got out of hand (not regularly, and only with prompting. we were both fine with living in squalor)
-other tasks with prompting and sometimes whining (cleaning common areas, shoveling snow, picking up sticks so someone could mow, etc.)
anon
My 9-year-old’s regular chores include:
– Making his bed. (He’s solved that by sleeping on top of the covers so he doesn’t have to do it, so YMMV.)
– Helping put away laundry.
– Putting his plates, cups, bowls into the dishwasher after meals.
– Making his own lunch for school (with either DH or I checking to make sure it’s semi-healthy).
I don’t know if I’d call these chores, but he’s also expected that he put laundry into the hamper immediately, hang up his towel after a shower, and pick up his room regularly.
I often question whether it’s enough, but it seems to work for now. At some point, I’d like to get him more involved with meal planning and prep. I’m so freaking picky about laundry that I’d rather do that myself and get others involved with putting it away.
Anon
I can’t fully remember what I did at 8 but by 10 my regular chores included: setting the table every night, helping clean the kitchen after dinner (my older brother also helped) and emptying the dishwasher (I did the stuff on the bottom rack, which was all stuff I could reach, and he did stuff on the top rack, since he was taller). He was in charge of taking all the trash out of all the rooms in the house and taking it out to the dumpster on trash days (twice a week). Also had to keep my room clean and cycle/put away laundry (I got involved in folding when I was older) — but my definition of that was shoving everything under my bed and into drawers and only cleaning that once a year when my mom discovered what I’ve done. Of course, by the time I was 13 and my brother was 16, we were essentially managing their motel after school while my parents worked at their other business so our chore system is probably not the most normal?
Momofboys
Hate me now…. my position is that I’m raising adults…
Once they (2 boys) hit middle school their laundry became their responsibility. I do sheets & towel washing because I like them clean!
2nd grade – stripped/made own bed
…………..one did breakfast dishes
……………one did dinner dishes
(I washed pots until 8th grade)
……………deal with garbage & recycles
….biweekly one cleans bathrooms & the other one vacuums the public parts of the house. They take care of their own rooms as they see fit. I close the doors so I can’t see them!
1st grade- packed their own lunches
Kindergarten- get self breakfast
Toddlers- set & clear table .
Put away groceries with direction. Help in garden. Help with snow removal.
As older teens they have full responsibility (with some nudging) for groceries, dishes, own laundry, snow removal, garbage & recycling. They cook for the family at least 1x week.
When I developed a resentment about house stuff , I passed the chore to them. I also never helped with homework, instead said “I’m sure we can email the teacher to discover why it’s too hard to do it independently”
They are academically & socially sound, have part time jobs and I hope will make good equal partners.
It’s worked for our family, but I’m aware that it’s not for everyone.
Anonymous
Yup. I don’t have kids yet but this is what I aspire to.
I don’t think my husband did a chore in his life and it shows. If you’re going to be a member of the household, you’re going to contribute.
Seafinch
This is entirely in line with our approach. If we have to do it, so do they and they do. And like you, I refuse to do the homework or monitor the agenda and sent home documents. From first grade my oldest has to manage it herself. (One missed birthday invite entrenched that she took it seriously). My two year old washes dishes and both the five and two year run the handheld over the dining room rug after meals. All three of them assist in cooking. We have no cleaning support and do everything ourselves but I don’t do very much and it doesn’t feel like a burden. They are all happy to do those occasional jobs like dusting, windows, magic eraser the banister, furniture polishing (not that it happens very often). Many hands do make light work!
Anonymous
The dog will never be solely their responsibility this is a fantasy. Only get a dog if you’re prepared for it to be 100% your job.
Anon
Daily responsibility for a dog can absolutely be their responsibility. Honestly only vet visits and supervised walks really need to fall on the parents. An 8 yr old can definitely feed and provide water to the dog and wash it outside as necessary, play with it.
That said, the dog really is the parent’s so it’s your responsibility to ensure the dog is healthy. By “it’s your responsibility” parents really mean “you are responsible for XYZ chores related to dog. Remember a young dog, especially a small one, can be around for years after your kids are off to college, so make sure you want it to. You shouldn’t get a dog if you plan to rehome it in 8 yrs because “it’s your kids dog”, that’s irresponsible.
Anon
The walks are the hardest part about having a dog!
Anonymous
This wasn’t your questions but I’m sorry, your middle schoolers won’t able to be “solely responsible” for a dog. Even as an adult, I occasionally struggled with the responsibilities of dog ownership – I got my dog in my late 20s and he died in late 2018. I miss him every day and he had an incredible life with me. I’m single with no kids. Expecting your children to care for a dog along with school, friends, extracurriculars, and the challenges of being that age is not realistic. No middle schooler will be walking a dog for an hour in the morning (especially in bad weather), bringing the dog to the vet, or arranging for boarding while on vacation. Plus, every dog I’ve owned bonds much more with the adults in the family than the kids by default. If you aren’t willing to be the primary caretaker for the dog, with your kids as helpers, it will not end well for your family or the dog. Better to explain to the kids why they can’t have a dog than create a situation of chaos, stress, and unrealistic expectations.
Eh
I am certain that the OP does not expect her middle schoolers to take the dog to the vet.
She means that the day to day care of the dog will be their responsibility. Feeding, taking him outside to potty, and yes, dog walking– which does not have to be for an hour and which they will be capable of doing as middle schoolers. Of course she understands she and their father will have to handle the adult-ing parts of having a dog (vet, buying dog food at the store, arranging for boarding).
The kids, as middle schoolers, will have to decide if they can balance day-to-day dog care with school, friends, and extracurriculars. Maybe you get to be in the band OR you get to have a dog but not both. Kids are not entitled to do everything they want to do any more than we are as adults. That doesn’t automatically rule out having a dog– it means they have to choose.
Anonymous
Another thing to point out is that having a dog is a irreversible choice. You can’t choose the dog over the band one year and then choose band over dog the following year.
Worry about yourself
I can’t remember exactly what my chores were at 10, but I do remember being expected to make my bed, put my laundry in the hamper, sort my dirty laundry into the piles (or really, the white-light-med-dark-black spectrum) on my parents’ bedroom floor, putting away my clothes, and also picking my clothes out of the clean laundry and folding them myself (but I think that was more high school), and unloading the dishwasher, which started with just unloading the silverware and then moving up to unloading the whole thing at a certain age.
The thing about setting the table is that you’d love for it to become automatic, but unless the kids are actively involved in meal prep they likely won’t know when it’s time to set the table, so that’s why you may be stuck asking, unless you set the expectation that they do it at a certain time each night or when they first notice dinner being made. You can absolutely expect them to clear their own plates when they’re done though.
I’m trying to remember when I started making my own breakfast, washing out the egg pan, and making my own lunch on the weekends, I think that was either late middle school or early high school though.
Anonymous
At age 10 I started having my daughter help clean her own bathroom. By age 11 she could clean her bathroom and the downstairs half-bath independently, except for her tub which I do myself because she isn’t tall enough to reach the top of the surround and the cleaner is pretty harsh. She has been dusting the baseboards and woodwork and putting away her own clothes since she was 8. I don’t require her to do her own laundry because it’s more efficient to do the family laundry all together, and she isn’t tall enough to reach the bottom of our giant top-loading HE washer without falling in.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having some or even most chores be performed “on request.” No tween or teen is naturally going to wake up on Saturday morning and think, “time to clean the bathroom now!” And it’s good to have the flexibility to ask the kids to help out when you need it, or to excuse them from chores on days when they have a ton of homework or a late soccer game or just came home from a sleepover and need to take a nap.
Anonymous
My 8 and 10 year old both do their own laundry and have figured out that they can wash their clothes together so one loads and one switches to the drier and then they fold and put away (they go through and grab out their own clothes from the clean clothes basket). I let them watch TV while they fold, so it takes them forever haha. They also have to clean the cat’s litter box and make sure he has food and water every day. They do dishes, which means rinsing off dirty dishes, loading in the dishwasher, and then unloading. And on Saturdays we all clean the house together so one vacuums upstairs, one mops downstairs, and then one does the upstairs bathroom and one does the downstairs bathroom–which means cleaning the toilet, wiping down the sink, and the mirror. I usually do the bathtub and the floor and my own bathroom. They have to clean and vacuum their own rooms once a week. They also help outside but that is more on request with pulling weeds, watering the garden, cleaning windows, etc. My 17-year-old likes to clean and will clean the entire house including lots of organization too some days. It helps a lot!
Anonymous
“and have figured out that they can wash their clothes together so one loads and one switches to the drier and then they fold and put away”
The teamwork involved in figuring this out warms my heart. That is so sweet.
CL
I was thinking the same, so adorable!
Anon
You’re getting a bit ahead of yourself here, because middle school is a while away. But having kids do chores and have responsibilities is important.
A couple of things to keep in mind – if you have a task down-pat, the kids are probably never going to do it as well as you do it. If you’re the kind of person who thinks there’s only one way to load a dishwasher, you are going to be constantly frustrated. You have to let kids do things “good enough” as they learn. And if they take over some laundry responsibilities, well… be prepared for mildewy sheets left for a few days in the washing machine, a load of whites turned pink due to that one red sock, etc. There’s a lot of learning the hard way.
Middle school was when we let the kids start being latchkey kids. For my daughter’s first year of middle school, we put her in the after school program and she hated it. By the second semester we eased up and said she could walk home if she walked with a group of friends. Eventually she ended up being able to walk home alone AND pick her little brother up from elementary school and bring him home.
My kids are hit or miss about getting much done chore-wise in their after school hours because it depends on their homework/study load that day. But it’s really nice to be able to call them and ask them to put something in the oven or whatever when I’m still at work.
Anonymama
Wait, around here middle school would only be half a year away for a 10 year old, and kids can start walking/biking home by themselves in third grade (age 8-9), per the school’s rules, with parental permission.
I don't get it
Did I miss something?
Why does it matter that you’re a Virgo? Do your kids do your astrological chart? Should your kids do more or less if mercury is in retrograde?
My birthday is in mid-June but I work in STEM. Science is real. Astrology is not.
Anonymous
Oh, chill.
Anon
Oh come off it, she was just being cute. I bet you’re real fun at parties.
Anon
This might be more of an Asian immigrant single-mom thing. But I made dinner weekday nights and my mother made breakfast and lunch. She had part-time school at night for an accounting degree, so I would make the dinners starting in middle school. I didn’t cook anything elaborate though and she cooked the more complicated dishes.
Anonymous
So I just hit 200 pounds which is upsetting both because of my size and more than the number I just am very unhealthy right now. I almost never work our and sometimes feel winded on stairs so I really need a change. My work is about to open up a brand new dfitness center which I would really like to use but I have no idea what I would wear there – I really don’t want to be in anything clingy. Even the old navy shirts I find so thin and they still skim the body. Would something like workout pants and a huge cotton men’s shirt work? What would you wear in this situation ?
Anon
I weigh that much and I happily wear tight workout clothing when I exercise. The good news is, so much activewear is “compression” which means it holds you in nicely, and I like the way my butt looks in leggings. But you can wear whatever makes you comfortable, just keep in mind that fabrics like cotton will get really wet with sweat.
Pompom
Same. I weigh a hair over 200lbs and the compression leggings look and feel great to me (and I’m the only person who matters in that sentence). I like a less clingy top, including the more relaxed fit tanks and some that I got at ON a while back that are drawstring at the waist (so, loose on the body, but cinched to the waist so they don’t flop up if you bend over).
Wear whatever makes you feel most comfortable and whatever will get you there, if that’s your goal. I know it’s a work gym, so yeah, you might reasonably want to look modest-er than you might otherwise, and you want to feel good. Try joggers and a slouchy T! Be comfortable!
Anon
This. Whatever makes you get there.
Personally, I may be 5’11 and fit, but I’m also over 200#, and I can’t imagine wearing baggy clothes to work out just because that isn’t comfortable for me. I promise no one is looking when you’re at the gym, it’s get in and get out. Definitely wear whatever makes you feel good – but I will offer some perspective, in case you decide to go on a shopping trip and try some things on.
The clingy-buldgey feeling you get is when the clothes don’t fit properly – if they fit, they’ll give you support and probably some smoothing. Start with your foundation – there so many new of variations of sports bras out there, I’d look for a medium-support version with molded cups. I find the high-support makes me feel trapped in a cage, so I only have one of those that I wear when I run, and the old-style lower support bras give me uni-boob. Target and ON have good versions of this. Try high-waisted compression leggings – my favorites are at Athleta and Old Navy, specifically the ON high-waist 7/8 length compression leggings. I usually go to Athleta for tops – the high-neck Chi tanks are a favorite as they’re longer and they skim the body but don’t cling. There are also some cute swingy workout tops in style right now.
Anonymous
Yes to all of this. If your clothes fit properly they will be comfortable, not constricting. It’s not just a matter of size; different brands are cut differently, so try several brands until you find something comfortable.
I find that workout clothing I love is a great investment. I really enjoy putting on a cute and comfortable workout outfit, and some days that’s the thing that tips me from the “maybe I’ll skip that class today” column into the “I’m going!” column. If you like leggings, they are absolutely fine no matter your size. I think that properly fitted leggings look cute and sporty on everyone. A flowy top will look great if you don’t want to wear a tight top with leggings. If you prefer a more old-school vibe with sweats and an oversized tee, joggers look more polished than baggy sweats, and technical fabrics are much more comfortable than cotton. Don’t skimp on socks (wet cotton socks are no fun), supportive shoes appropriate to the activity, and a good sports br@ for maximum comfort. Something else that makes a huge difference in my enjoyment of exercise is a water bottle or straw cup that’s easy to drink from while in motion without fussing with a cap.
Try all sorts of activities until you find what you actually enjoy. Try all the cardio machines and every type of class offered. I thought I would love cycling class and barre; turns out I despise them both but I love HIIT and BodyPump. I like classes; my husband prefers to work out solo. If it’s fun for you, you’ll want to go back.
If you are uncomfortable working out in front of colleagues (FWIW, I am an experienced exerciser and I still don’t like working out with colleagues), it might be worth looking into another gym. My local YMCA system is a really positive environment where the membership is so diverse on many dimensions that literally everyone fits in.
Have fun!
Anonymous
You can get tunic length work out tops. Or try a regular length shirt in a tall size.
Simple things like walking regularly on a treadmill, taking the stairs instead of the elevator or parking a bit further away in the parking lot, printing from the furthest printer can really add up. I started using a fitness tracker with a goal of 5000 steps a day and I’m up to 10 000 a day without huge changes.
Anon
I actually really like Target’s activewear lines, and they seem to have a really good selection of plus-sized activewear. But if you feel more comfortable in a men’s cotton shirt, go for it! When I’m at the gym, I’m paying 0 attention to what other people are wearing.
Anon
+1 for Target’s activewear lines! I’d stay away from a cotton t-shirt, since it’ll be uncomfortable and possibly chafe as soon as you work up a good sweat. If you prefer something loose, loose tops are available in either men’s or women’s cuts depending on your preference. Right now my favorite, most comfortable workout outfit is a random tech t-shirt (usually from Target or a local race, and I prefer loosely fit), older Moving Comfort sports bra that I have to buy on Ebay now because they don’t make that model anymore, pair of tri shorts or leggings (so, compression but my behind is covered by the t-shirt – my preference) and Costco’s women’s wool “trail” socks, which fit my feet perfectly for everything from work to a long run or bike ride. Those things are amazing, but YMMV.
My chosen outfit is 100% about comfort and I DGAF about the fashion aspect of it. Find something you’re comfortable and an activity you enjoy, that way getting started will be a lot less painful.
Houda
Honestly, no one will be looking at you. There is a gym in my office building and people are so focused on getting there, working out, and getting out that they don’t even pause to say hi.
If you would rather wear a man’s shirt or any other garment, it is purely up to you.
There will still be gym bunnies or ladies wearing a bra and shorts but you are under no obligation to don a specific attire. Even when you soon start dropping the weight, there is no reason to change the type of outfits you wear.
Going to the gym is a big step in itself and kudos for signing up for that. Don’t complete strangers’ opinions detract you from doing something good for your health.
Houda
My comment is in mod but wanted to add that for chafing, tighter fabrics at least for bottoms are better. You might also want to invest in a body glide type of product. Also good support for your bust will help avoid back pain.
Good luck
Anonymous
Just wanted to highlight your comment about support for your bust – it makes all the difference in the world to how I feel when I’m working out! Get a Moving Comfort bra or similar – spend the money on this!
Cb
That would be fine but I’d like to encourage you to find something that will make you feel better about your body – whether that’s a color you really like or a funky pattern. I know it feels crummy right now and I’ve definitely been there but punishing yourself with ugly clothes isn’t going to make you feel better about going to the gym.
anon
Agree on all counts. I guarantee you’re going to be uncomfortable in a men’s cotton t-shirt, which is not going to inspire you to work out more!
Have you looked at Target’s C9 brand? There are lots of good options, especially when you’re starting out and aren’t completely sure what you like yet. I am personally not a fan of Old Navy workout wear, although I know others love it, so C9 is my budget brand.
When I started working out regularly again, I made cute workout gear my reward. 10 workouts = new sports bra. 20 workouts? Awesome — I’m going to treat myself to a niiiice pair of tights from Athleta that are spendy but fit like a glove and make me feel great. Having the reward directly tie into the activity itself can be a nice motivator!
Anonymama
Yes, target and old navy have tons of cute workout clothes, in a pretty good range of sizes, and wearing workout clothes that make you feel better about yourself can help to stick with working out, and overall feel more positively about the whole going to the gym experience. Of course you can wear whatever you want to and feel comfortable in, but I got the vibe from how you phrased the “huge cotton men’s shirt” that you might choose it out of an effort to avoid negative feelings rather than because you really like or feel comfortable in that style. Also, there are a lot of sort of loose tunic-y tops you can find, that are in performance fabrics and offer plenty of coverage but are so much cuter and more comfortable than a heavy cotton t shirt that just gets heavier when you start to sweat (said as a sweaty person myself).
east coaster
If you feel more comfortable in a men’s cut, I would go with that. But I think you should really think about the fabric here – I find cotton tshirts to be incredibly uncomfortable when I’m working up a sweat. What about a men’s shirt, but with a sweat-wicking fabric? Your comfort is the only thing that really matters on this, just something to consider.
busybee
Good for you for being motivated to make a healthy change! No one will care what you wear to the gym as long as it’s workout clothes. If you’re worried about feeling judged, don’t be. I myself am the stereotypical skinny blonde girl on the treadmill and I can tell you 100% I hardly notice the people around me, let alone have the energy to judge their clothing.
Anonymous
I do a lot of reading on the recumbent bike and I LOVE it. I can just pedal away an hour and I feel that in that position, I’m basically invisible. I bring a towel to sit on.
I wear leggings (to deal with any chafing) and a long t-shirt.
Anonymous
For me anyway, getting Appropriate Workout Attire is just another barrier to exercise. Start exercising in whatever you have that you feel reasonably comfortable in. If it’s a men’s shirt then that’s perfectly fine. I find that I get more motivated to get cute workout stuff once I’ve made it past the initial hurtle of starting an exercise routine.
emma
+1 it sounds like you are creating unnecessary hurdles. :) FWIW, ON has plus size work out stuff (I weigh about what you weigh and am pregnant and have been living in their XL & XXL stuff) and target is great too.
Ellen
Agreed. I wear loose stuff, b/c even tho I am not overweight, the weight is in the wrong places (tuchus and boobies). Besides, the manageing partner seems to like me as I am, but I know that I could be married by now if I had a flatter tuchus. So my advise is to start slow, but steady, with exercise and food control. You will slim down over time, but nothing comes quickly (other than my ex — FOOEY!) Best of luck as you have the POWER of the HIVE rooting for you!
Anonymous
Regardlesss of body type, at a work facility I always wear workout pants (bootcut style yoga pants or just outdoor athletic style shorts) and a baggy T or sweatshirt. No bare midriff, no tight leggings etc. wear a headband to keep sweaty hair off your face.
In this and also work travel I find that 90% of the people there are just doing their time and getting the heck outta there. If anyone notices you, they’ll think “awesome that she’s getting some exercise” and not “wtf is she doing in Those pants.” I swear. FWIW I have been trim and in shape, my equivalent of 200lbs (higher- I’m very tall!), and massively pregnant and ###lbs and waddly. I’m currently very close to getting my BMI back into the normal range but still slightly north of normal. IDGAF what others are wearing :-). I’ve worked out with the C-suite of a fortune
100 company (all men, yay) and they wore ratty ts and athletic shorts.
Abby
A separate tip – working out with headphones helps! Put on whatever music gets you pumped up and try to ignore everyone else. It can be intimidating starting at a new gym, I like the barrier of music. Following a set workout plan also helps give you some direction in the gym so you feel more comfortable instead of looking around deciding what to do next. Good for you for going to the gym!
Anonymous
In a similar situation I wear leggings and an old navy t. It’s not skin tight although you can see that I have a body under it. I think that’s a better solution that covering yourself in a huge cotton shirt that’s going to be uncomfortable. People won’t bat an eye at you dressed to work out. It’s much more attention getting to be wearing something strangely large.
anonanon
Are you me? I just had the same unwelcome epiphany. I purchased the Hofi yoga pants from amazon on a rec (possibly from here). Size XL fits great, with tummy compression, and they have a pocket for your phone. The price is right too.
I echo the other commenters, though – whatever makes you feel good, wear that. Other people really won’t pay attention to you. Don’t add additional barriers to working out. YOU GOT THIS!
PolyD
Very true – other people won’t pay attention to you, they’re too busy worrying that YOU are looking at THEM!
I’ve found pretty decent work-out wear at Kohl’s – just wait for one of their 20 or 30% off coupons. Ebates also usually lists the Kohl’s coupons.
Anonymous
Checkout the SuperFit Hero dot com leggings for body positive fitness wear for all sizes. Be kind to yourself and buy something that makes you feel good for taking care of yourself!
+1
I do olympic weightlifting and one of our team USA world champs is a SuperFit Hero sponsored athlete. You should look her up, Sarah Robles! SuperFit has super cute pants and is very body positive! Plus the tights have pockets.
You’ve gotten really really great suggestions, so I will just echo wicking/dry-fit fabrics! A cotton t-shirt might make you chaffe and it’s not very comfortable.
Also consider making one “healthy” choice a day related to food. You can’t outwork a bad diet AND it really helps to have something you feel good about. For example, my assistance has a ton of candy, so I try to make the decision once a day that I will not eat any candy in the office or that I will not eat those chips, but instead find something salty and fatty that is healthy and won’t just be empty carbs. Tracking your food, especially portions, will be a huge game changer!
Also, as a huge gym rat in competitive sports, where most girls wear booty shorts and sports bras, no one is looking at you. Seriously. So find something you enjoy and you will make some friends! While the company gym is a good start, if you feel unmotivated consider joining a group fitness class. You will make some friends and that is actually how I first got introduced to fitness/working out. I learned how to properly move, how to lift weights, etc.
FP
If you are looking for some workout clothes on a budget, I can happily recommend the Kirkland (house) brand from Costco. I believe you can order online. It’s what I’ve purchased when I am in between sizes but looking for something to feel good in while I work out.
AndTexas
So I’m significantly bigger than you at 250, but I love the leggings and bras from Torrid (goes down to a size 10). Old Navy activewear is great too (at least the plus size does). The leggings from Rainbeau Curves are good, especially for pilates/yoga/dancing, but they only go down to a 14/16 so they might be a little too big for you, depending on your body shape/height (included here just in case there are some other plus size ladies that want recommendations). I was a 14/ 16/ 18 at 200 lbs, so I would get the best of straight and plus sizes at Old Navy for the most part. The plus sizes are usually more generous at the bust and hip than the straight sizes.
I also just want to say that I know what it feels like to not be happy with your body but having a positive attitude about your workout and your looks goes a long way to make you feel hot in your workout gear. I sometimes follow r/loseit when I get motivated but one saying from that subreddit sticks out to me most: ‘You are already someone else’s goal weight.’ Somewhere a fat girl like me is looking at you saying, “I wish I was her size.”
Anonymous
Also remember that once you get started working out, you will feel good about the simple fact that you are working out even if it has no effect on your size. Then, after a while, you’ll notice that you get less winded running after your kids or running up stairs, and your muscles are more defined, which feels even better. As soon as you begin your first workout you get to think of yourself as A Person Who Works Out and Is Getting Fit, and pretty soon you will be thinking of yourself as A Fit Person. Both of these feel awesome.
So, OP, go you! Welcome to the workout crew!
NOLA
I have always worked out, no matter my size. I wore nearly knee length workout shorts and flowier tanks (like Old Navy has not in the activewear section) or unisex tanks that I bought at school to support various activities. I always wore black tanks because they were less likely to show bulges. But now being thinner, I’m wearing full length ON leggings (I’m colder than I used to be) and fun tanks I order from Look Human. But yes! Welcome to working out! You’ll find that it gets more fun and you’ll sleep better.
So so anon for this
I need some help putting an end to a crush I’ve been developing on a coworker. I’m married, generally happily, but lately DH and I have been dealing with some issues that have put a strain on our marriage. We are working through them, but meanwhile I’ve been staffed on multiple projects (including extended travel) with my coworker who looks like a greek god, is smart and funny, and seems to genuinely value my professional input. Absolutely nothing untoward has happened and I don’t think he is aware of it, but I feel like a giggly teenager has taken over my personality every time I’m around him and I will occasionally find myself staring dreamily at his jawline in meetings instead of focusing on work. I’ve also started to dream about him. For the sake of both my marriage and professional credibility, I need to get this under control. Not working with him isn’t a option given how our departments are structured, and in fact my boss mentioned we will probably be doing more projects together in the future since the first ones have been a great success. To be clear, there are other people on the team but we are co-team leads so we end up spending a lot of time together. Changing jobs is an absolute last resort – I changed about a year ago and otherwise really like my job.
Anonymous
When I went through this it helped to remember that I see the best of coworker – showered, dressed nicely and co-worker sees the best of me as well – make up on and cute work outfits. We see the worst of our marriage partners – tired, grumpy, unshowered, old pyjamas, maybe arguing about chores. Picturing co-worker being like that (in his own home), helped take some of the shine off. Also, avoid meeting in situations that could be compromising. If you’re traveling together, I would avoid being alone in hotel rooms or at hotel bars together. Don’t drink together as you don’t want to lower your inhibitions right now.
Not sure what’s going on with you and your DH but regular date nights helped us get our spark back. Especially trying new activities together instead of doing things like going out for dinner.
anon8
You need to focus on the issues that are putting a strain on your marriage and make that a priority. I think love languages come into play here. It sounds cheesy, but you will feel more attracted to your husband if he is speaking your language and doing things that show that he loves you. You need to do the same for your husband.
It’s not unusual to have a crush on a co-worker, but if you’re having marital troubles it’s going to be more fun, exciting, etc to focus on your co-worker than your husband.
Anonymous
This might not be helpful, but I’ve found that these things just have to run their course. Beating yourself up about how to stop it just contributes to the Very Naughty nature of it all, which… isn’t helpful. Have a little grace with yourself and know that it will pass in a couple of weeks.
anon0321
Same- I’m someone very happy in my marriage but go through random phases like this. It’s like being at camp- sometimes when you spend a ton of time with someone it creates a quick and easy intimacy, but just make sure to keep it in perspective. Also, if alcohol + time spent with someone is problematic to you- don’t drink. I know alcohol is a big part of our work trips after hours.
anon
Same here. I’ve had this happen a couple of random times. I tried to distance myself as much as possible, but ultimately, these do tend to run their course.
Anon
+1 I have been in this situation, and friends have been in the same. Now that I’ve been through it my standard answer is, just live with it. You will feel much, much better in two weeks.
Meanwhile, picture him sitting on the toilet. :)
Anonymous
I agree this is normal. But, be careful. Allow me to serve as a cautionary tale for this scenario taking way too long to run its course and causing “complications”. . . and, I know the reason that this one went awry, as opposed to dissolving naturally and harmlessly in the manner described by previous posters (which had also been my own prior experience) was because my marriage was going through a very rough time. At any rate, I’m sorry you’re going through both situations.
Anon
I think the solution is to focus on your marriage, not changing jobs.
Ellen
Yes. Do not be swayed by some body’s looks, b/c you do NOT see him in the morning or when he goes to the toilet or is grumpy. That is life. We cannot expect our men to be perfect, and this guy could well be a schmoe after hours. He may also be on his best so that he could eventually cannoodle you into the bed with him, as he likely sees you as easy prey. I watched the Clinton Lewinsky report last night on TV, and he did a lot more with her then I thought. No wonder she was so broken up. FOOEY on men that do all that stuff and make us do all of that stuff to them and then ignore us!
Anon
Just let yourself daydream a little. I get crushes like this all the time. I let them run their course and never act on anything. I love my husband and would never cheat. I find that when the project or working relationship ends, so does the crush. We are humans and…it’s just a part of life. Focus on your marriage and cut yourself a little slack.
Rainbow Hair
In passing the other day, my therapist told me that she prescribes the couples she counsels s3x four times a week. Four times! (That is… more than I do.) Anecdotally, I’ve found that just making the time for s3x frequently really does help my husband and I remember why we got married in the first place… pure lust ;) (i’m kidding. it’s because we love one another, and connecting via s3x reminds us).
Anonymous
This has happened to me. It helped to remember that my husband has seem me thin, fat, sick, looking messy, throwing up, even giving birth. He seen everything, really knows me, and he still loves me. A coworker just sees the glamorous you. It’s easy to be attracted to that. Same for you. Picture him smelling bad after a workout, sitting on the couch in his undershirt farting and drinking a beer with uncombed hair.
Annony
I enjoy my harmless crushes but for those where we ended up getting closer, I just let them evolve to the point that we were so close, the “romantic” part just faded away. In some cases, it was becoming friends with their entire family so that we became more family friends. In others, they turned in to more “brothers”/platonic friends. But in all, it was a conscious shift to keep nudging the relationship in to safe/appropriate territory so the genuine goodwill and feelings grew in a healthy direction.
Anonymous
I will just mention that these men know exactly what they are doing to be successful on a project. They know they need to appear charming at work in order to get the next promotion. Picture this!
Anon
These are a little more genie-like than my beloved drapey pull-on pants, I think.
Anon
I can’t get my eye to adjust to this silhouette yet. I am not a small girl and I feel like I don’t need extra volume anywhere.
Anon
How much do you typically give for wedding gifts if you give cash?
Does it change if: the person is a closer or not-close friend, you have to travel to the wedding or spend a lot to get there?
I am going to a wedding for an acquaintance (we never hang out on on one, but I know her through a group activity) . It feels weird to spend as much as I would for a good friend, but I also don’t want to seem cheap. What would you give?
east coaster
If I give cash I always give $100 (reasonable for my peer group). I would be uncomfortable writing a check for another amount that’s not that nice round number (writing out $75 might make me feel cheap) so I would buy something off the registry if I didn’t want to give the full $100
Equestrian Attorney
Same, I almost always do 100$, and got a lot of $100 cheques at my own wedding. I also got a couple $50s, and some more generous amounts from closer family members or friends. I appreciated all of them equally.
Cat
Is there no registry?
Among acquaintances (local big wedding, so invited and easy to go despite not being close) I typically do $50-$75 gift off the registry. Somehow that feels more substantial than writing the equivalent check.
Close friends, either ~$200ish from the registry or a (nevertheless returnable) gift I suspect they’ll enjoy. I’d feel weird writing a check to a good friend.
Family – at this point it’s just my baby cousins getting married and I don’t know them well, so usually $150 check.
I don’t factor in travel costs unless it’s a destination wedding, because in that case the couple has to know they’re causing EVERYONE to incur more expenses than they would if the wedding had been in their city/hometown.
Edna Mazur
This has to be hugely dependent on a lot more factors. For example, we live in the midwest. We generally do $40-$50. This is probably par for the course but on the lower side on my husband’s side (most everyone has at least a bachelors, definitely white collar group), for my Mom’s side it is probably higher side of average (mix of blue and white collars) and for my dad’s side it is pretty generous (definitely blue colored, economically suppressed area). I imagine in HCOL areas, in friend’s groups where most or everyone is raking in six figures (this is not our reality, so I’m don’t really know) $40-50 would definitely be really, really low.
If I was in circles where it was customary to give more, it would probably change whether or not I had to travel, but I generally don’t factor that in.
Em
+1 also in the Midwest in a LCOL city and we give $50 for most weddings, and $100 for close friends. This is on the high side for my husband’s friend group (he is from a small rural town) but average for my friend group.
Julie
Seconding this. I’m the only one in my circle of family and friends who might be willing to give more but it would look out of place. $50 is standard and I would do $100 for those I’m very close to unless expenses of me participating in some way would be excessive (so one where I’m in a bridal party with a lot of extras out of pocket or one that required significant travel expenses).
Anonymous
DH and I together gift $200 + a smaller gift like champagne or something personal if we know them well. We have done a bit higher in some circumstances.
Anonymous
$100
But if you can’t reasonably afford that much then don’t. Any amount (or just a card!) should be appreciated. If someone looks down on you for not giving them “enough” then that says more about them than you.
Anon
$200 is my go to, regardless of travel
emma
For good friends (usually 1 in each couple is in big-law, including for us)- we do $250, for less good friends $150. Co-workers generally gave us $50 gifts.
Never too many shoes...
$250 from my husband and I generally, $350+ if we are super close.
Anon
$10 for two of us, unless they’re super close friends and then we give $150-200. This is pretty normal in my circles. If I’m invited to the shower, I buy a separate gift in the $50 range.
Anonymous
I hope you mean $100 and not $10 :)
Anon
Omg yes! Very bad typo.
Gail the Goldfish
People gave us what I thought was an extremely generous amount of cash, especially since everyone had to travel. I think the lowest we got was $150. This was all from aunts/uncles, but I think $100 is more than enough. Maybe $50 if you’re not actually invited to the wedding and it’s for a co-worker or something. I never give cash, but usually spend about $100-150 on a gift.
Anon
$200 if both my husband and I are attending the wedding, $100 if just from me. Nothing if it’s just an announcement.
MNF
$200 for my DH and I (i.e. $100 each, you didn’t mention if you’re bringing a guest). I really prefer to buy off the registry with the same budget and get a $350 gift on sale for $200.
Minted Rose
Related question: How much do you give when you are a bridesmaid?
east coaster
$0. If I’m buying a dress I wouldn’t otherwise purchase… that’s the gift.
Anon
What, no. This is insane. If you can’t afford a lot you don’t have to give $200 or whatever but you have to give some kind of wedding gift!! Buying a dress is not a gift, it’s part of being in the bridal party. My bridesmaids gave me much larger gifts than the average wedding guest and vice versa. When I’m in the wedding I give a lot (in addition to buying a dress and paying for a shower, a shower gift and part of a bach party if applicable).
Anon
I paid for my bridesmaids’ hotel rooms, hair, and make-up. I paid for my entire bachelor3tte party, and paid for the after-party.
My suggestion is to not make blanket statements about other people’s weddings.
Houda
I was never able to embrace the harem pants trend even for my casual wear, let alone an office environment.
anon
I think these pants are cute, but I would have no idea how to style them in an office-appropriate way.
Anon
They look sloppy to me…even on the skinny model…even with heels and a tucked in top. Lord KNOWS they’d look even worse on my plus sized body. I could never imagine wearing them to work. They do look comfy though, I’ll admit.
ANP
Yeah, I could probably pull these off in my biz-cas office environment but I have no idea how to style them. Also, as a classic apple shape, tucked in tops are the stuff of my nightmares.
Lulubell
I bought these at the end of the summer in a different color – dark red/cranberry/crimson something. They were very comfy, but way dowdier than in the picture. I wore them a couple of times when it was warmer with a cropped tank or tee and open-toed heels like the model, and it worked, I guess. But nothing, and I mean nothing, in my winter top or shoe wardrobe made sense with these. Every time I tried, I felt like my first grade teacher from the 1980s. I’ve already donated them.
Anon
As I have been frustrated with my job lately, after I came back from the holidays I decided to mentally lean out in a big way as I job search. I am so used to giving 110% of my mental and physical energy to work. Giving myself permission to stop stressing over little things was huge for me. Naturally now my boss is all “Is everything okay? You seem off.” Lord help me.
Anon
Perhaps this is a good time to try to make changes at the current job that are making you frustrated? Now that you have boss’s attention.
New Job
So I started a new job this past fall after my last company went through a merger and closed our department. Losing my job wasn’t bad for me due to other changes in my life, but I really loved my old coworkers. The new job is different than what I was doing before, and I’m in more of an assistant position. Our team is about 12, with 4 of us in my position.
One of the assistants is my age, and very sugary-sweet “nice”, but she’s talked about everyone on our team negatively to me, so I don’t feel like I can trust her (why wouldn’t she also be talking about me?). Our work is divided up but she frequently will ask me to help her because she’s “so busy/swamped” which I do (I think I’m equally as busy) but when the tables are turned she is very “that’s not my department”. I have no doubt if there was a mistake, she would throw me under the bus.
When I was hired, they made it clear they plan on me learning the work and ending up in a senior position(5 year goal). She says she has the same plans but our higher ups have told me they don’t intend for her to do so. She’s been here for 4-5 years and is very comfortable in the office, but comes off as condescending to me. Has anyone experienced a coworker who is just very fake? I’m still fairly new and would love to eventually have great friendships with this group, but I leave work feeling down on myself a lot because of how she makes me feel. I don’t have a close friend at work anymore or anyone to confide in. Do I just suck it up? Keep helping her and hope that our managers realize my hard work?
emma
Yes, create boundaries and stay away from this person, she will screw you over (from personal experience). Also, I think it’s a red flag that she has goals and higher ups have shared with YOU that they don’t intend to make good on those goals- that’s poor management and communication company wide. If that is the case, I’d honestly start looking for a new job, or be very clear in what you need from this job, get it and get out.
Anonymous
Absolutely stop helping her. Just focus on your work and moving up. It sounds like if you help her less you will also not have to spend as much time as her. If you’re concerned you can ask your supervisor how to prioritize your work – “Blairlinda has asked me to support her in x task, how would you like to prioritize that request along with tasks a, b, and c that you have assigned to me?”. It’s a way of letting him know that’s going on without totally ratting on her. It doesn’t sound like you two are going to like each other so just try to minimize time spent with her. You and her obviously aren’t going to be great friends, so just prioritize minimizing contact with her. Unless your supervisor tells you that helping her is a part of your job, let her flail on her own.
Idea
You also need to spend more time with the other (nicer, more genuine) people. You don’t need to be besties with them or Anti-Fake co-worker with them, but doing this visibly well set up boundaries between you and her.
Get yourself some outside-the-office groups and hobbies, too, so you feel better about yourself and realize that the office and the people there are not the be-all end-all.
You’re very perceptive and you can definitely use that to succeed. You’re making good choices.
Anon
Definitely stop doing her work for her! Of course you’re going to resent her.
New Job
Thanks for all the advice, I really appreciate it. I think the hardest part for me is there was another guy hired at the same time as me in this assistant role and he kills himself to do everything and anything. She will throw him a ton of work as well, and he does it but stays late or comes early very regularly to keep up. I don’t want to look bad compared to him, but I have a life outside of work (@ Idea – this is why it’s so frustrating for me that she makes me feel so ugh at work, when I know I have a fun and love-filled life outside of this building!) that I don’t want to sacrifice because she likes to delegate out the work she doesn’t do.
Another coworker has actually told me that she hates how “Blairlinda” delegates her work out to us, but everyone seems to love her despite all this. I try to stay very neutral because I don’t think talking bad about anyone will help me here, especially being so new.
Anonymous
You can’t have great friendships with this group. They are your coworkers, and you apparently hope to supervise them in the future. You can have great professional relationships with this group. Be polite to everyone, including her, and don’t talk about anyone, including her. If you have time to help her, do so. If you don’t, politely say no. Then, it might be a good idea to casually mention to your boss that Suzy asked for help, but you were swamped with whatever and couldn’t do so.
Maybe — maybe — someday one or two of these people might turn into a friend.
Anonymama
Oooh, I’ve definitely worked with this (type of) person! Keep it very polite and professional but watch your back, make sure things are in writing, avoid personal discussions, and don’t be afraid to say you can’t help her out if you are busy with your own work. It seems like people there are at least a little bit aware of her unreliable nature, so I think avoiding drama as much as possible is the best tactic, along with building relationships with other people in the office.
Florida Beach Recommendations?
Florida beach recommendations? Staying in a condo in Orlando for a week in Feb. Looking to spend a day at the Ocean but don’t know where to go. Kiddos are 5, 3, and 1 so mostly looking at playing in the sand and wading. Recommendations? Also, probably not doing Disney, but any other recommendations for kiddos that age in the Orlando area?
Anon
Orlando is basically only good for Disney. If you want a beach and non-Disney activities, you should go somewhere else.
Edna Mazur
Alas, we didn’t choose the destination (extended family vacation).
Anon
Then do Disney. Your kids will love it, and February is a good time of year to go.
The original Scarlett
Eh, counterpoint – my sister took her 3 year olds to Disney and had the worst trip of her life. I think it’s for slightly older kids.
Edna Mazur
This is my fear. The five year old is a good age, the 1.5 year old is way too young to get much out of it, and I picture the three year old melting down because it is just. too. much.
The original Scarlett
Yeah, her otherwise great kids just melted down and were totally freaked out by all the characters – she said it was a nightmare and she wouldn’t take kids under 6 or 7 after going because of the cost.
tesyaa
We went to Disney with 4 kids who were at the time almost 7, 4, almost 3, and an infant. It was a trip my husband was given by his company for work on Y2K (so a really long time ago!) We had a really good time but heck yeah it was a lot of work.
Anonymous
We did a week in FL with a 10 month old and a 4 y/o. We flew to Orlando, drive to tampa and spent 3 days in Tampa/st Pete’s/Clearwater. Then we drove to one ando and did 2 (short) days at magic kingdom and one day just hanging at the hotel/shopping at Disney-adjacent. We air BNB’d a condo- did not stay at a Disney property. 2 short days (stroller naps for both kids!) was perfect. Hanging out in a place where Mickey is everywhere was awesome. They liked then knockoff gift shop as much as the theme park itself.
Anon
Somewhere south. You’d be surprised how not warm it is on the beach in the Daytona / Flagler area that time of year, especially with wind. DH lived there for a little while and it was eye opening to this New Englander.
Anonymous
Amen to that. My parents winter in Naples, which is quite a bit further south. We’ve basically given up on spring break with them after too many trips where it was 60 degrees.
anon
+1. I grew up in the Tampa area, and my parents had a condo at Anna Maria Island. I love the Clearwater/St. Pete beaches, especially Fort De Soto, and the Anna Maria and Long Boat Key beaches. But it’s likely going to be too cold in February, even for sand and wading. You might get lucky and hit warm enough weather, but I wouldn’t make any plans that bet on getting beach weather in February. My bff and I did spring break in March in Miami one year, and even that was borderline–warm enough for laying out and wading, but the water was still cold.
LadyB
Cocoa Beach is definitely the easiest and most accessible beach to get to from Orlando. Cocoa beach is of course great, but would highly recommend heading west over to St. Pete/Ft. De Soto/Clearwater. The beaches on the west coast have softer, whiter sand and calmer, prettier water.
Anonymous
Disney. It’s the only reason to go to Orlando.
Mrs. Jones
+1
Aggie
Cocoa and Daytona beach are both an hour away but will be cold in February. A two hour round trip to play on a freezing beach is not my idea of a vacation.
Two years ago, my kids (then 3 and 6) enjoyed an entire morning at the World’s Largest McDonalds in Orlando.
Gail the Goldfish
If you just want to go for a day trip, you can go west to St.Pete/Tampa/Clearwater or east to the Cocoa Beach/Melbourne area. The east coast is a little closer to Orlando, the west coast has prettier beaches. Both might be too cold for swimming in February, depending on your cold tolerance. Also, Kennedy Space Center Visitor Complex is fun/interesting if you want a non-Disney day (and I think privately run, so it shouldn’t be impacted by the shutdown). Who doesn’t want to look at rockets?
Gail the Goldfish
(Kennedy Space Center is about 45 mins-1 hour from Orlando; it’s near Cocoa Beach)
Edna Mazur
I’d LOVE Kennedy Space Center!
Gail the Goldfish
Tip if you go: check the schedule the night before you go (or right when you get there–I can’t remember if the daily schedule is available online) and plan better than I did. I missed some of the talks & films just because I really did not plan my day well.
pugsnbourbon
+1. Kennedy is great and they’ve updated a ton.
Cocoa Beach is my favorite place in the world – it’s where my family has vacationed since I was small. There are family-friendly things to do nearby. But … it’ll be cold in February :(
Edna Mazur
We’ll be coming from below freezing with snow on the ground. I’m guessing the “cold” won’t be super bad for us. Maybe not swimming weather, but definitely outdoor weather :)
Cat
Co-signing everyone that Florida in Feb/March has very changeable weather. My inlaws are snowbirds. We’ve learned to stick to late-March visits since Feb, while better than the weather up north, is in the low 60’s quite often. Orlando will likely be warmer/more comfortable than the coast.
Why are you trying to avoid Disney? Bad beach weather is ideal Disney weather!
Edna Mazur
These are great. Even if it is the 60s I think we’d be OK at the beach (coming from colder).
I was trying to avoid Disney because I thought, for the money, my kids would be too little to remember or get on a lot of the rides. Sounds like I should reconsider a bit…
Anon
Your kids are the perfect age for a first Disney visit. They will be mostly character focused, which is so much easier than when they get older and are ride focused
Said the mother of teenagers
Things like the parades are perfect for them, especially since you can hit the earlier in the day parades. Do a character breakfast if you can swing it. That is the best way to interact with characters.
Full disclosure, I’m a west coaster so my experiences are with Disneyland and California adventure park (Pixar focused). At Disney world the equivalent park would be the magic kingdom, I think.
Anon
Disney is literally the ultimate family/child destination. There is no better place. I started going to Disney around 3 and they are my happiest childhood memories.
Seafinch
Yeah, I hate every aspect of the idea of Disney and my kids don’t appreciate the characters because they don’t watch a lot but in this case, I would give up and just do Disney. They will love it.
anon
I grew up near Orlando, my parents live 10 minutes from Disney now, and we’ve taken our kid to Disney each year at 1, 2, and 3 as part of our annual trip to visit my parents. In my opinion, 5 is the perfect age for Disney. 3 was great, and there was plenty to do when he was 1, even though I know that he won’t be able to remember it and readily we did it for our own memories and entertainment.
Worry about yourself
I can see not wanting to do Disney with a 1 year-old, but from the perspective of a 3 or 5 year-old, it’s kind of mean to take your kids to Orlando and not at least do a day at the Magic Kingdom.
As for the beach, Cocoa Beach is probably your best bet for a day trip.
Edna Mazur
Thanks all. Sounds like maybe a day or two at Magic Kingdom and a trip to Cocoa Beach to see the ocean and maybe Kennedy Space station are good bets.
A good daughter-in-law
The Brevard County Zoo is a sweet community zoo, perfect for small children, that is on Wickham Road in Melbourne, very close to I-95. At the same exit is a nice Chick-Fil-A and a Dairy Queen if you head east on Wickham. Also, at Merrit Square Mall in Merrit Island there was a glow-in-the-dark outer-space themed indoor mini golf, I don’t know if it’s still there. I have 22+ years of traveling with children to visit my in-laws in the area. The space shuttle exhibit at the Space Center made me cry.
Anon
Has anyone lived in Amsterdam and have thoughts about it? I’d be moving from NYC.
For background: I was presented with an opportunity to possibly move there for a work project for two years and am considering it. FWIW, I also have an opportunity in England that I could take instead (TBD on London vs a smaller city), but the Amsterdam opportunity might be better for me career-wise.
Anon
I did an exchange in Amsterdam. It’s a wonderful city! You have to be willing to bike everywhere, but once you get used to it, it’s great because it gives you so much flexibility. The Dutch aren’t particularly warm and friendly, though, so I would imagine it might be hard to make friends. It’s very easy to travel throughout Europe from Amsterdam (well, the same would be true for London). It’s not a cheap city to live in, so I would make sure your salary will cover what kind of place you want to live in. I would say London feels more like NYC, and has some more “American” components than Amsterdam. Most Dutch people speak English so I didn’t find that to be a problem.
NYCer
This probably isn’t particularly helpful since I haven’t actually lived in Amsterdam, but I would move there in a heartbeat. It is a very manageable city size wise, but still has lots to do, great restaurants, etc. And almost everyone speaks English, which would also make things easier.
As for making friends, there seems to be a decent ex-pat community there. I had a friend who moved there from Los Angeles for a year and loved it, and I know of another American couple from SF who is in the middle of a two year stint there as well.
And although I am happily coupled off, I found Dutch men to be VERY attractive. ;)
Anonymous
Concur with everything here. I would go there in a heart beat.
Ellen
I went to Amsterdam on vacation with my family, and it seemed pretty nice. I do warn you that there are alot of dogs and they make poopie all over the place, and they do NOT have a law to require the owners to scoop up the poopie the way we do in NYC. FOOEY! Even here, with such a law, there is still poopie on the streets and sidewalks, so all I can tell you is to WATCH YOUR STEPS over there if you do go, b/c once dog poopie gets into your shoes, you might as well throw them out. DOUBEL FOOEY!
Anonymous
I lived there for multiple years. Agree that there is a large expat community, and it will be very easy to make friends with other expats, but unlikely to make too many Dutch friends. English is universally spoken. I found the culture to be much more chauvinistic than I expected, so be prepared for culture shock unless you already have a lot of international work experience. While Amsterdam is a large, diverse city…there is a cultural legacy of segregation that persists. You might want to look into the history of the Dutch “pillars” system. I found it eye-opening.
Nelly Yuki
Any ideas for replacements for loofas for showers? They become unwieldy after a few months but I hate the idea of this disposable plastic netting in landfills. I did some research about a month ago and found a glove that people love, but it’s too harsh/scrape-y. I like loofas for making suds and gentle exfoliating.
Edna Mazur
I just use a wash cloth and throw it in the wash with the towels. Textures can vary (for super soft, I like using the baby ones).
Anon
Try a salux cloth.
Mpls
+1 – This is what I use. I usually fold them up into a square, so I kind of a have a flat loofah washcloth.
My tip, wash in the washing machine, and then air dryer. The dryer changed the texture on me.
Jules
+ 2 on this – I love the Salux cloths, have given them to all my sisters; they’re more gentle and less unwieldy than an actual loofah and they last forever.
Pompom
I have these: it is flat, has a little band for your hand, and is loofa on one side and flat pouf on the other. I keep for about a 2 month stretch if I try it out in between. Much less space than my husbands gigantic shower pouf that looses its shape and looks all wonky!
goo gle “ecotools ecopouf dual cleansing pad”
I get mine at whole foods or the regular grocery store.
Anon
So, you do know that loofahs (the real ones) are vegetables, right? :)
https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/home/gardening/a20706975/how-to-grow-your-own-loofah-sponge/
Anon
I’m not the OP but I have always found real loofahs too scratchy.
To the OP, I gave up on plastic scrunchy thingies, whatever they are called, and I just use my hands. It works fine. I get clean. I also switched to glycerin bar soap rather than body wash.
Flats Only
Great article! I always thought it would be fun to grow these and give them out as Christmas gifts.
Anon
We’re giving it a try this year! My husband gets a kick out of vegetable gardening every summer, so we’re adding these to the crop :)
Anonymama
Throwback to basics with a washcloth.
Kale
Anyone else here finding the Bezos divorce and affair story totally distressing? It bothers me because she seems like a she’s just after him for his money and he fell for it? I know I am totally jumping to conclusions. But to give up all that and hurt so many people (especially the kids) for her?!?
Anonymous
I will say that I am sort of impressed that she’s not in the R-Kelly department and also not 18-25. But really, for giving up billions in property settlement, it had better be 40 years of bliss for the couple. Is anyone worth that? But I feel so bad for their exes and kids if they have opened the Daily Mail. No s*xy text looks witty when displayed for the world on the internet.
Kale
Right? It seems like he wasn’t thinking straight, and I thought he was smarter than to text pics of his “package”? I know several employees and they work so hard for the company – I wonder if this will impact their motivation at all. Or impact their recruiting efforts. People in my area really thought he was different than your stereotypically rich CEO.
anon0321
From all accounts I’ve heard- Amazon seems like a miserable place to work (heard from both lawyers & programmers). I know he has other brands that people are happier at.
I don’t feel bad for people in this situation- each side is bartering something and if anything he is still in a higher position of power/money- he wanted a new pretty lady and he got it, she wanted the excitement of being with a billionaire, and got it.
Anonymous
Even more miserable for low wage warehouse workers with such stringent time requirements and poor work conditions that they’ve resorted to relieving themselves in bottles. This man is scum!
Anonymous
It’s pretty naive to think that the CEO of a mega corporation is different from a typical rich man. Him and amazon deserve to take a hit for any reason at all, but I would honestly be shocked if anyone cared, this is par for the course for men in his position.
Anon
Agree. I haven’t heard anything about how he is different from the typical rich CEO. Quite the opposite! I would expect him to have an ego problem.
Anon
Really? In the tech circles I’m familiar with, he’s mostly known for creating terrible workplace environments straight up and down the corporation.
Anon
Yeah he’s a terrible guy. This is not at all surprising.
Inspired By Hermione
I live in Seattle and I definitely did not think he was different. This does not surprise me in the least, unfortunately. If it was Gates, I’d be absolutely stunned (for a handful of reasons…) but this one doesn’t surprise me at all.
Anonymous
Why would you be “stunned” by Gates’ but not Bezos? I kind of put them in the same boat as enlightened male CEOs who married smart women and cared about their kids/families. I guess I was and am stunned now…
Anonymous
Agree. Anyone who has the awful labor practices that Amazon has clearly does not care about people so no shocker that he was uncaring towards his wife and kids.
I don’t shop at Amazon at all because of their labor practices.
Anonymous
Apparently they had a big anniversary party in the fall. I think it’s really sad how quickly things can fall apart. The ‘long period of exploration’ was garbage PR given the anniversary party less than 6 months ago.
I feel really bad for their teenage kids that this is so super public. I would be furious at my Dad if my friends were teasing about his $exting. So hard to deal with that awkwardness as a teenager.
Anon
Yeah it bums me out for some reason. Also this is petty and I realize that cheating isn’t very related to physical attractiveness, but the new woman looks like a cheap, trashy version of his wife, who is naturally beautiful.
Anonymous
One the plus side, her husband is really attractive and back on the market I guess
Anonymous
Wow. Maybe rethink your sexism a bit?
Anon
I don’t really see what is sexist about pointing out that a man’s mistress is less attractive than his wife. I’m not the person who wrote that it cmon, let’s reserve our calling out of sexism for actual sexism. Like why do the men at my workplace never empty the dishwasher?
Anonymous
You don’t see the sexism in calling a woman “cheap” and “trashy”? It’s not, like, subtle?
Unicorn?
Calling a woman cheap and trashy on the basis of her looks is absolutely sexist and harms all women. And pointing that out doesn’t take away your ability to tell the dudes in your office to empty the #*@#$ dishwasher at all.
Anon
Idk I think HE is ugly as sin. Am I sexist for pointing that out? I’m not getting the sexism in commenting on someone’s looks.
Sallyhoo
Because “cheap” and “trashy” are not just commenting on other people’s looks, but about styling aspects that are things that only women are ever criticized on, and that explicitly, LITERALLY carry implications about their worth/value or lack thereof. No one says a man looks cheap or trashy because of his makeup or hair or shoes, even if they are terrible. Also it may be me reading into things but often “cheap and trashy” are used to describe styles that are more common to women of color, so that makes me side-eye you a bit too.
Anonymous
I’m not the Anon you are responding to, but I’m not seeing the sexism here at all. Is it sexist to say that she dresses in a way that is attention-seeking and drawing attention to her boobs and butt? And based on her pictures from the past, it looks like she’s had something done to her cheeks, lips, and chest? Do you really think her intelligence and kindness is what drew him to her?
Sallyhoo
No, I think it’s the fact that in addition to being a TV personality (and a mother) she is also an airplane and helicopter pilot and started her own company that does something related to airplanes and tv filming. Do you think a woman who dresses to emphasize her curves is somehow less intelligent or interesting or kind than a woman who dresses in loose-fitting dresses? (I didn’t think I had any particular feelings about any of these people but people taking sides is irritating me).
Anonymous
Agree that the wife is way prettier. Maybe he was self-conscious about his wife being so much more attractive than he is.
Anonymous
No I’m just finding it fascinating. He’s a big boy. I don’t blame the woman he had an affair with for anything. They’ll all be totally fine.
Kale
Not blaming the woman he had an affair with – her history shows that she has a type and that type is anyone who has way more money than the current guy. But for him – he is throwing away a 25 year marriage with someone who was with him when he had no money or fame and basically raised 4 kids so he can devote all that time to his projects. Just maddening that he would toss that to the wind so he can be with her.
Anon
That’s on him, not her. He’s the one who had an affair.
anon0321
To be fair, they were both married– so they both had affairs… but ya, only people I feel (maybe) bad for is their spouses & kids.
Anonymous
I mean, men are motivated to get uber rich precisely to attract women, so I am not at all concerned for him that she is out for his money. Nothing about this surprises me.
Anonymous
I don’t know why anyone is ever surprised by these affairs. Powerful men get to where they are precisely because they are supremely self-confident as well as totally self-centered. They believe the rules don’t apply to them and that they can get away with anything, so they do whatever they want and then are surprised when they get caught and there are negative consequences.
What really surprises me is the opposite situation–a powerful man who doesn’t seem to have done anything shady. There aren’t many of those around.
Anonymous
For our summer vacation this year (10 days), I’d like to visit the last 3 states in the continental U.S. I haven’t been to: Idaho, Montana, and Oregon. Naturally we’ll do Yellowstone, but do you ladies have other recs?
Anon
Redfish Lake and Craters of the Moon in Idaho. Glacier National Park in Montana.
anon a mouse
+1 Glacier
Chris
Absolutely Redfish Lake! Yellowstone is nice, but expect big crowds and very touristy. You could start in the Tetons (Driggs), drive through Craters of Moon to get to Sun Valley, drive up from there to Stanley, then drive over to Joseph, Oregon. That would be a really nice trip!
Anonymous
But…the point is to also hit something in Montana, right?
Mrs. Jones
Sun Valley is a very nice resort town in Idaho.
anon
Going to the sun road in glacier national park. I’ve heard it was amazing. My parents went out there to visit my brother in washington last summer. Just be flexible because of the forest fires. They couldn’t go to all the places they wanted to go, and some roads can take a lot longer to drive than others.
Mpls
+1 to Craters of the Moon (volcanos! in Idaho!).
Glacier is amazing, but I’m going to caution you that it’s going to be really out of your way if you’re doing Yellowstone and intending to hit Oregon (and not Washington). So, do it if you have time, but those are big states that take a lot of time to drive thru (much less spend any time at). Like – it’s a day’s drive (7 hrs) between Whitefish (Glacier) and West Yellowstone, much less any time in the park itself. And maybe that’s okay for your itinerary – just make sure to factor in the travel time, because it is not insignificant.
I’d probably work on reverse engineering the sites based on what your possible driving routes are. Yellowstone + Craters is going to be more doable than Yellowstone +Glacier+Craters + Oregon.
Oregonian
Traveling by car, you’ll likely drive through the Columbia River Gorge, which is beautiful. It’s a shame that Multnomah Falls has been closed for years after a catastrophic fire, and likely still will be–but it’s a convenient and delightful pit stop if it reopens in time.
If you want an educational stop, I would highly recommend Tamastlikt, the native American cultural center which is about 2 minutes off the main highway, just on the outskirts of Pendleton, Oregon. Pendleton itself has fun historical tours of its underground tunnels and old-fashioned bordellos, not sure if they’d be worth a stop. I would also 2nd the recommendation for Joseph, OR.
For these areas, I would pick up the roadside geology books, because you’ll be doing a lot of highway driving through undeveloped land. Make sure you get the updated version for OR (light blue cover), not the 70s version (orange cover).
Inspired By Hermione
Lake Coeur d’Alene in N Idaho is gorgeous; fly into Spokane.
Shenandoah
Echo the Glacier and Yellowstone comments. Definitely do the Tetons and a little trip into Jackson! If you have the time, you can hop on the boat across Jenny Lake and hike around the Tetons for the day. LOTS of wildlife sightings, including moose, when I’ve been there. Glacier is absolutely gorgeous, but the Tetons are breathtaking in their own right. There are a lot of great hikes around Yellowstone if you’re into hiking for just an hour or all day. Most people stick to the roads and miss out on fully experiencing a lot of great areas.
Anon
PSA: PSLF is real! My husband had his loans discharged! We’re in a bit of disbelief (he keeps checking his account even though he received his discharge letter and the balance is at 0). He entered the program right when it started (and actually qualified for the temporary extended PSLF which counted several payments he made after the law was passed, but before IBR regs were passed). He’s the first person I’ve ever known in person that this happened to despite knowing a ton of public servants in the program. I know many people on here have commented about this program before so I thought I would give you all a little hope! It was a bit of a fight (senators were involved), but I’m hoping after the first year or two the kinks will be worked out for the rest of us.
emma
This is so wonderful! Congrats!
Anon
Yay! Congrats!
Sheer Curiosity
I mean, sincere congratulations, but…you had to get senators involved in your personal finances? I really hope you are trailblazers for the rest of us, because I actually find this demoralizing, not encouraging. May I ask who was willing to take up your fight? Or at least what state/industry he is involved in?
Sheer Curiosity
Oh–and the screenname is left over from yesterday–so that I don’t get stuck in mod–I’m not just being nosy here–PSLF will have a huge impact on my future too.
Anonymous
Former Hill staffer here-it’s not odd (though I agree demoralizing). Congressional reps have constituent services caseworkers that assist their constituents with issues they are having with the federal agencies.
Anon
It’s because the discharge part of PSLF is so new and the processes put in place 10+ years ago were not great. He was also dealing with the Temporary Extended PSLF program, which is even more confusing. FedLoan really couldn’t answer any of his questions, or he would get different answers every time he talked to different people, and they weren’t responding to him, which is why he wrote to both of our senators. They didn’t do too much except write letters, but it helped to have them attached to his file because they seemed to take him more seriously after that. There was so much confusion at the beginning of the program that really is just catching up to them now that people are trying to discharge.
Anon
This is wonderful for your family. In general the program is a bit of a cluster. Hardly anyone who qualified, who even received letters that they were qualified from the government even a few years ago, is actually receiving the forgiveness – there are tons of stories about people who followed all the rules being denied because of random rule changes that seem to be applied retroactively. The fact that you had to fight tooth and nail and get representatives involved in a government loan repayment program that was supposed to be straight forward is actually appalling.
When the PSLF program first came out, I was so skeptical about the follow through (I mean our gov’t is a cluster*** and prone to pulling programs previously funded) that I planned my career around distrusting the benefit. I’m so glad I did – there are too many social workers, teachers, and lawyers who took lower salaries and put in minimal payments for years on the assumption of the program working out and now they are screwed.
boo
Yes!! That’s amazing, thanks for sharing! I’m on track to get mine forgiven in 2.5 years and am hoping trailblazers like y’all will get the kinks worked out for me!!!
Anonymous
I’m glad to hear it has worked for someone. I have been a state public defender for 10 years and am in the middle of fighting for this now. It has been so discouraging I have thought of giving up but I still owe so much (and comparatively it is not all that much since I went to a state school and received some scholarship money but it is a lot to me.)
Lavinia
Does anyone use a small/desktop humidifier that they’d recommend?
Carrots
I haven’t purchased this one yet from Am@zon, but I’m planning to based on a co-workers recommendation.
JZK Mini Portable Personal Cool Mist Air Humidifier with Night Light
Lavinia
Thanks!
Sports bras for big b00bs?
Can anyone with big knockers recommend a sports bra? I’m a 38GG. (They didn’t even seem that big to me until I got properly measured and found out my correct size…) Thanks!
Anonymous
Panache is great. (36k).
lsw
Second Panache. I also got another brand (started with a W, can’t remember) – both of them purchased on Nordstrom Rack. They both have underwire which I find more comfortable in a high impact sports bra.
Pompom
Same, similar size (36K in US, 36H in panache and elomi)
Anon
Another rec for Panache. There is also a knock-off on Amazon for a fraction of the price that’s just as good. (They do the same colors and have the logo in the same spot.)
Anon
Ooh, what is the knock-off brand?
Anon
Looks like they (the knock-off) stopped making the exact Panache version I have (caught infringing perhaps?), but it looks like they still have some good versions. https://www.amazon.com/l/15606534011
Anon
I’m your size and I had the best luck with Elomi. I find the wires too narrow and pokey on the Panache.
Anon
This is the one
Elomi Women’s Plus-Size Energise Underwire Sport Bra, Pomegranate https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KIR10DQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_emmoCbZHAN9TG
Looking at my order I went down a cup size. I’m a 38G or a 38GG in all my elomi non-sports bras (but mostly singe G) and the bra I kept was a 38FF.
Anon
Also I can relate to you on being shocked at my actual measurements. I was wearing a 40E before. Huge difference in comfort and appearance (I felt like I lost 20lb just getting my b00bs up and off my torso)
I used Reddit’s abrathatfits to figure this out, in case anyone else is interested.
OP
Yes! Can you believe some of my bras were 38DDD?! I knew they didn’t fit properly, but I still wore them.
Monte
I have three of the Panache Ultimate High Impact sports bra. I’m a bit smaller than you — 34G/GG — but I’m a daily runner and this is my favorite. I also have the Freya (Sonic, I think) which is decent but not as good.
The gold standard is supposedly the Enell, which does do a great job at support. I just hate it so much it made me skip runs. It is just so hot and burdensome, and I couldn’t wear it with most of my tops — too ugly and takes up way more real estate than most of my tanks.
nonnie
for super high-impact cardio, nothing beats Enell. I feel strapped in like an astronaut ready for takeoff in the best way.
Seafinch
Panache is my favourite but I have a smaller band size and bigger cup size, so the ratio is hard to find. I have also had some luck with Freya brand and Shock Absorber.
Anna
+ Shock absorber
Anon
I asked a while ago but late in the day and didn’t get responses. Has anyone had Cancer Genetic Risk Testing – I have family history so I will probably do this but curious about others’ experience, any risks I should be thinking of, etc.
Will stop now
Not exactly. I did Jewish genetic screen about 11 years ago before I got pregnant the first time. My husband has a great-great-grandparent who was Ashkenazi Jewish; I am 100% Ashkenazi Jewish. At the time it was “Screen for 19” for birth defects, I assume it was also for BRCA, I really have no idea. As I write this I realize I went through probably nothing like you are going to do.
If there is something Important, They will send a Genetic Counselor to help you understand your risks and options.
I hope that helps.
Anon
Thank you!
Anon
The standard Ashkenazi genetic panel does not include BRCA. That panel is offered to all Jewish Americans regardless of medical status and generally screens for diseases that are likely to be fatal before adulthood, hence why it’s so common for expectant parents to do. BRCA testing is only offered to those with a family history of certain health problems and usually only to adults who are concerned about their own BRCA status, not their chldrens’. Source: I’m Jewish and work in healthcare.
Coach Laura
I’ve only had the BRAC1 and BRAC2 test but I just read about a MD cancer researcher/oncologist who wrote a book on cancer genetics and what to do. Her family history was Ashkenazi and riddled with cancer. Book is A Cancer in the Family by Theo Ross.
anon0321
Not sure if this is what you are looking for, but if you have done 23andme or ancentry tests, you can dl your raw data and run it through a 3rd party company like Prometheus (I want to say it was about $10), then go over the reports with your dr. I did this for the MTHFR mutations when I was trying to conceive. My husband and I also did the Jewish genetic testing during that period as well.
Anon
Not me but I did have a discussion with a close friend years ago that stuck with me. She lost her mother to b* (abbreviating to avoid mod) cancer and had a lot of family history. When the genetic tests came out years ago she and her sister discussed it and concluded that they already took every reasonable precaution they were willing to do (extra monitoring, diet, activity, etc – didn’t get into those details). Knowing definitively wasnt going to make them feel better nor change their habits – ie, they wouldn’t be less cautious if they didn’t have the markers nor did they want to feel more burden of knowing they did have it if they were already doing what they could. I don’t have the same family history so, in the way you do when it’s just a theoretical idea, I thought of course why wouldn’t you take a test that’s available. I was surprised by her response but it makes sense and if I were in that position down the road I would definitely reflect back to this conversation in making the decision for myself (though maybe I’d still conclude to test and I think that makes sense too if that’s what you decide).
anon
Let’s talk organizing: What are you hoping to organize in 2019?
My first order of business is two kitchen drawers that drive me crazy. I bought some drawer dividers and have high hopes that I can corral the chaos.
My workout clothing is in a huge jumble in this big wicker basket. I have to go through the whole thing to find what I’m looking for and it is so annoying. I’m not sure how to tackle this one. My drawer space is at a premium, and I thought the giant basket would be a solution (it is not).
Anon
I moved into my house in December 2017 and there are still two big boxes in my bedroom closet that haven’t been unpacked. That is my immediate goal. I’d also like to explore the possibility of installing pull out drawers in my lower kitchen cabinets.
Seafinch
I am due with a baby in seven weeks, so lots related to baby kit. It is intended to be our last so I will start getting rid of stuff, finally!
Closet nightmare
Giant hallway closet which currently houses linens, coats, scarves, makeup, art we haven’t found a home for yet, husband’s golf clubs, boxes of husband’s work-related-items, various sizes and shapes of bags with office supplies/beach gear/laundry equipment, and our carry-ons.
I am hoping breaking it up by project allows me to purge a lot and eventually have the whole place organized.
Anonymous
Could you add dividers into the big basket so things are at least jumbled in categories?
I’m hoping to do a cross-country move later this year, so I’ll be organising pretty much everything! Luckily (?) I’ve moved 6 times in the last 10 years (renter in VHCOL city) so my stuff is already pretty streamlined, but I want to really pare down and get rid of things that have been ‘good enough’ in the hopes of replacing them with ‘perfect’ in my new home. I’m planning to organise one cupboard, drawer, shelf etc most weeks and work through it slowly.
Anon
Re: kitchen drawers. I think this is a good idea and it came from, I think?, Alton brown.
Put all your kitchen gadgets in a box somewhere reasonably accessible to your kitchen. As you need a tool, take it out and use it, and then move it to your drawer. You will find you don’t use a lot of things over the course of 6months – 1 year. You get rid of anything that hasn’t moved to the drawer within a set period of time.
I make an exception for the turkey baster, because that’s once per year, but I moved its storage location from the drawer to the roasting pan.
Anonymous
I am in the process of clearing out the playroom so we can reclaim it as a formal dining room, clearing all the toys out of our 12-year-old’s bedroom, getting rid of most of the toys and art supplies, and consolidating them into our spare room that has the world’s tiniest closet and a gabled roof that leaves little room for bookcases against the walls. This involved two trips to the Goodwill and three giant bags of garbage last weekend. I am hoping to get the furniture moved and the last of the remaining toys put away this weekend.
anon
Fun thread! I need to tackle my clothes. I think they can be better grouped together in my closet. I also have a fairly large dresser with clothing so I need to find a way for my closet and dresser to better work together. I’m pretty good about getting rid of stuff I don’t wear, so it’s really more about a finding a better organization solution.
I will say though that one of my goals this year is to get t-shirt quilts made for both my husband and me. We have so many old t-shirts that we don’t wear but can’t get rid of.
VA Anon
I used Campus Quilt to make a t-shirt quilt last year and it was definitely money well spent! Excellent quality and customer service.
Anonanon
Can anyone recommend any resources/books/blogs etc. that will teach you how to be more professionally polished? Looking for tips on professional speaking ( I tend to use filler words that are hurting my professional image.) and maybe even tips on professional, modern phone etiquette. Note, I am in banking not law.
Anonymous
This is going to sound strange–but the two very best resources for polishing your presentation/ public speaking abilities are to watch the Home Shopping Networks (QVC etc…) and Stand Up Comedians. Ted Talks are good as well. Home Shopping and Stand Up Comedians do a great job of showcasing a conversational style of presenting that connects you with your audience. They also understand a lot of different ways to break up an hour long monologue to keep it fresh and appealing for the entire presentation. You will know what I mean if you have ever started watching either and then found yourself “sucked” in…
Rainbow Hair
Do any of y’all have a favorite phone case for an iPhoneXS (not sure if the S matters?) … work just upgraded my phone (yay!) and I definitely don’t want to eff it up, but also, y’know, want to be cute.
Anon
Not exciting, but cheap and it gets the job done. https://www.amazon.com/Anuck-Anti-Scratch-Microfiber-Shockproof-Protective/dp/B07KTKCMWG
NY CPA
I swear by the Kate Spade iPhone cases. The ones with the tiny rubber bumper around the screen. I drop my phone constantly and have never damaged the phone (occasionally the case will crack when it gets hit hard enough, but I’d so much rather replace a $40 case than an $800 phone), so KS cases are the only ones I buy now. Plus I like the fun designs!
anon0321
I got this one and it’s actually really nice- I wanted a clear one because I picked a pretty color. :)
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B075SP8N21/ref=oh_aui_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
anon0321
In general, I’m a really big fan of the wallet versions though because I like to be able to store my id & 1 cc there for quick walks and meetings, but then I would have blocked the color.
Anonymous
Get a screen protector immediately. Like, today. I was so excited to get my XS and within a couple days, got a very small but visible scratch on the screen. I think I had it in the same purse pocket as a key and they rubbed together– I didn’t drop it or anything.
I use an Otterbox Symmetry as the case, which I really like. I’ve dropped it a few times and it’s been fine, but it’s much smaller than the traditional Otterbox.
Rainbow Hair
Thank you! Ordered one right away :)
Jules
I don’t have an X, but for all my i-Phones I’ve gotten a case from Society 6 – the “tough case” variety, not it’s highest level of protection – and added a screen protector. It’s not as substantial as an Otterbox, say, but I drop my phone All The Time and have never had any damage. After maybe a year, I replaced a prior case, it had been damaged a bit (you know, from dropping it so much).
The only problem with Society 6 is that there are so many amazing artists and choices that it’s hard to decide, and a total time-suck. This is what I currently have:
https://society6.com/product/tropical-s7t_iphone-case?sku=s6-4218191p20a9v745a52v377
Rainbow Hair
Wellp, you’ve decided for me. To Society6 I go!
Voicemail follow up
I need a simple opening line for an email sent right after I leave a voicemail. I have to do this a lot and i do it so 1) maybe i can receive a faster response due to email being more convenient, 2)leaving a paper trail of contact.
Trying to automate every aspect of my life so thought i’d reach out to the hive for suggestions. I currently use “following up on my voicemail…” but i’m wondering if that sounds like I haven’t received a response to my voicemail and am sending a reminder. Am I overthinking this?
Pompom
“Just reaching out to memorialize the VM I just left for you, in case it was easier for you to respond/get the information via email. [insert msg here]”
Cat
+1, this gives less of a pushy/naggy vibe.
Also, why do you have to leave the VM in the first place? If the person doesn’t answer, could you just hang up and send the email?
Anonymous
I tend towards, “as per my voicemail, attached is …”
Anonymous
I usually set up the expectation that I’ll send an email when I’m leaving the voicemail — so I’ll say on the voicemail “I’ll send an email as well in case it’s easier for you…” Then in my email, I say “as I just mentioned in my voicemail…”
Anonymous
I usually say something to the effect of “following up on my voicemail from a few minutes ago/from earlier today in case it is easier to reach you by email . . . .”
Also, if it’s someone I work with a lot, I won’t leave a voice mail but instead send an email with “Missed Call” in the subject line and then in the body say “Called to discuss X.” “call with the following question about Y”. I find that more efficient (for me on the receiving end) than getting a voicemail.
anon0321
I always write: “I just called and left a voicemail and am following up via email…(fill in request)”. In my line of work, it’s also nice to have it in writing because if I don’t get a response in a week (or whatever is a reasonable time frame), I’ll re to the original email cc’ up the line of command and this almost always gets a quick response (plus good documentation which is necessary in my field).
Anon
Honestly just stop leaving voicemail. I hate it – send me what you want to talk about, and if it’s easier to discuss, just set up a call.
Anonymous
I’m feeling pretty down today. Yesterday a guy I’d been seeing told me that he just decided to be exclusive with someone else. I really liked him and thought it was going somewhere. We just spent NYE together with his friends – I thought that meant he and I were going to be exclusive pretty soon. I’m just so disappointed. I’m going to have to work all weekend and all I want to do is hide under the covers.
Anonymous
Awww so sorry. I’ve been there and it’s so upsetting. If you’re looking for a distracting read, I recommend Where the Crawdads Sing, and if TV is more your jam, Schitt’s Creek.
anon0321
Been there done that and honestly whenever you’ve moved on, you’ll probably see this as a good thing (I know I did).
Abby
I’m so sorry, NYE is a big holiday, I definitely would have put some weight behind that as well. As sucky as this is, I’m so glad he told you instead of ghosting you. I’m not sure it makes it hurt any less, but try to love on yourself this weekend, get together with a friend. And maybe a glass/bottle of wine (or 2).
lsw
I agree. I think any of us might have felt the same after spending NYE with him and his friends! Hugs.
Ellen
Hugs. I did nothing over new year’s, and the fact he had you there with him should have meant something, even if you did not have s-x with him. Perhaps his freinds told him that you would not be a good fit for him, or that they were jelous b/c they wanted to have s-x with you and you did not respond the way they wanted you to? I would need more information before I can give you a proper response. In the meantime, don’t worry, there are other fish in the ocean, and you eventually will find one that does not stink! YAY!!!
Anon
I need a blouse or a dress in purple (any shade will do) for a work event on Wednesday. Has anyone seen anything? I’ve got Prime and the usual mall stores. Thanks!
Cooking
II know this has been asked here before, but I can’t find it. I’m looking to start cooking more and I’m looking for easy recipes. Any recommendations for websites?
Anon
Skinnytaste.com Ignore its reputation as a diet website – the food is just plain delicious, and healthy to boot!
Gail the Goldfish
I agree with this. Every recipe I’ve made from skinnytaste has been good. I usually just find a way to add cheese if I think it’s not enough calories:-)
Anonymous
Mark Bittman is great for starting out.
lsw
I agree Mark Bittman is amazing. I got How to Cook Everything Vegetarian when I first met my husband (vegetarian) and liked it so much I bought the original one too. It’s just great for techniques and has all sorts of flexibility. Many of the recipes have several different ways to prepare the same basic thing. I am a decent chef but I still learned a ton.
Budget Bytes, Weight Watchers, and Skinnytaste all have had good recipes I’ve enjoyed. I also like The Kitchn.
Gigi
Love budgetbytes!
Marie
gimmesomeoven.com
Especially love her soups!
Anon
How do you wear this kind of pants that don’t have back pockets? Do you wear shapewear underneath? I have a pretty prominent behind for my size, with some “saddle bags” and I feel like the lumps are too visible for my comfort in anything that’s pocketless, even if the pants are lined. Am I trying on too-small pants? They generally are not skin-tight, especially with this draped construction but still have this issue. They seem so comfortable – what’s the trick to these?
Inspired By Hermione
I’ve seen one person pull this off in real life. I’m not sure they’re practical pants for 95% of women.
Anon
I think pants made of cheaper fabrics, and these pants do look kind of cheap in that way, tend to reveal more lumps and bumps.
Jennifer Williams
Pleat front trousers go well for the formal yet trendy office look. They are comfortable and suit the lean frames well. Wide-legged pants are also much in trend like these trousers.