Thursday’s Workwear Report: Pleated Midi Skirt

196 Comments

1. I was just looking at this skirt last night!

   What would you all think of someone wearing this set in black to an interview? https://www.allegra-k.com/products/p-84101a

   1. it is very cute – but maybe too cute for an interview. I love the color but it reads a little juvenile to me bc of the collar. source: I’m a 20+ year attorney who interviewed more junior attorneys.

      1. Yeah, too Joan in mad men.

   2. Seems very formal and stylish for now but also a vintage / retro callback. I would think they’re client-ready based on appearance.

      1. Oh dear, no, “very formal” and “vintage / retro” do not overlap in a Venn diagram.

         1. What? It’s a formal suit. The jacket and skirt match. The whole jacket with collar and waist and fit-and-flare A-line skirt is retro. It’s definitely new, so not vintage.

            But ok

         2. Vintage St. John’s suits prove this theory very wrong.

            1. Vintage manufacturing date is not the same as vintage in reference to retro style.

   3. I don’t think it’s disqualifying but I would not do it. It looks a bit like Kate Middleton cosplay for the opening of a hospital, not a modern interview outfit for a professional job.

      1. +1. Not for an interview. Too costumey.

      2. My thoughts exactly. This is like, wartime courthouse wedding inspired.

         1. Speaking of weddings, this suit would be cute for a high-end wedding planner! Other than that, I can’t think of too many jobs where’d I’d want to see this in an interview.

   4. For an entry level or very junior role? The set is fine.

      1. If you are not entry level, this set reads as though you were emergency shopping for an outfit for the interview.

      2. No, even worse. Says you know nothing about professional dressing and are going to show up for a big meeting in an Easter dress.

         1. Nothing about professional dressing? This is a bit extreme.

            1. The fabric looks cheap and it looks like a ‘This is what I think a serious suit should look like bc it has two pieces and matches, but I do not know what a serious suit should look like.”

               Looking cheap and memorable (in any way)–neither are good looks for an interview.

               In general, if you’re spending only $57.99 on a suit, it’s likely not the best suit you could wear to an interview. Sorry to be harsh, but no.

            2. This board continues to remind me how many snobs exist out there in real life.

   5. I would not wear that to an interview; however, I would wear it to an office on a regular day.

   6. Too costumey

      1. +1

         1. I’m not familiar with the retailer, but their site has a tweed skirt set that has a more A-line skirt if that’s what you’re looking for: https://www.allegra-k.com/products/p-145197a?variant=46554822639859

   7. It’s cute but draws too much attention to the outfit. And for that price I doubt it will look good in person.

   8. I would normally say that it really depends on what job you are interviewing for, but i am struggling to think of any corporate roles that I think this would work for.

   9. I think it depends if this is similar to how you dress on a regular basis — if you’re normally very vintage then this is a nice corporate-ish nod to the seriousness of the interview and prepares them for how you will dress if you get the job. it might be fine also if you’re in an entry role and dress very feminine and girly.

      i guess what i’m saying is this feels like a “price of admission” outfit. if this is how you dress regularly then they should know it’s part of the price of your admission. but if it isn’t it’s adding something you need to overcome.

   10. I would think they rather like the idea of the handmaids tale being real life.

       It’s a no from me!

       PS are you trolling? This is a professional women’s board and I’m struggling to imagine that this is sincere.

       1. Wow, this is an extreme take. You might want to take the stick out of your you know where. It’s just an outfit.

   11. Very pretty, but this is a social suit, not a business suit. Save it for a lunch time gala or similar.

       1. +1

   12. I’d be fine with it, but this is also how I dress a lot of the time (feminine/vintage-y). source: biglaw partner who started my career wearing navy skirt suits with white blouses, nylons and black pumps and now wears 100% bright colors and retro silhouettes.

   13. I think the styling matter quite a bit – unbuttoned and belted could work (especially in black), but I agree with most of the other comments that this isn’t a classic interview suit and if you’re buying for that purpose I would get something else.

       1. Sorry – meant to say unbuttoned and unbelted. Unbuttoned and belted would be a very weird look.

2. I’m tempted by this skirt. Does anyone know how it wears throughout the day? I sit a lot and worry the at the back will flatten out or look weird. Any experiences to share?

   1. I think I have a version of this that I purchased on clearance for $24 or so to get to a free shipping total and it is a total workhorse in my closet. I’ve probably worn it close to 100 times since getting it a few years ago. Nothing flattens or wrinkles on mine and pleats have not fallen out.

      1. out of curiosity what shoes do you wear with it? does it hit you mid-calf like pictured or below knees?

         1. i have a similar skirt. i wear it with bare legs and a mary jane kind of flat when it’s warm and i’ve been wearing it with black tights and black boots this winter.

   2. I have the Jenni Kayne pleated skirt, and it does not flatten. Looks great all day. It is much fuller than this one, but it looks like the pleats in both are permanent.

   3. I have a bunch of pleated skirts like this one, but not this exact one. I dont find they flatten much. I absolutely love them and find them really comfy and nice looking.

   4. I have never had trouble with pleated skirts flattening out. I was just wishing for a plain black skirt in my wardrobe yesterday, so I decided to give this one a try. Will report back.

   5. I am short (5 1) and curvy and i have two such skirts sitting in my closet aspirationally. I do love the look on others but every time i try to style them on me somehow i look very frumpy. Appreciate any tips or advice!

      1. I think these skirts look frumpy with bare legs exposed. Much more stylish with tall boots.

   6. PSA that many drycleaners charge by the pleat.

      1. Many skirts like this have permanent pleats that will survive machine-washing and line-drying.

3. Elizabeth – great pick! How would you attest to the sizing here since the waistline is elastic? Does it slip down? I am usually a size 12-14.

   1. I own this skirt too! I’m a size 16 and the XL fits great. The elastic is kind of thick and feels really secure, so I’m not worried about it slipping during the day.

      1. Thank you! I might order a large and see how I like that.

      2. I always like how these skirts look in photos, but I never buy them because I fear it would be a styling disaster on my midsize body. Other than turtlenecks, what do you wear with these to the office?

         1. I feel the same way- I feel like elastic around my waist emphasizes my pooch. Plus, I hate the feel of anything tight on my waist. But boy this one has me tempted.

         2. A chunky knit, fuzzy/textured sweater, or silky blouse in the same color as the skirt. The ‘block of color’ look with different textures is more modern than a contrasting color on top.

            1. Hmm, I might give this a go. I have a deep green pleated skirt like this and a top in a similar color. Could be cute, could be frumptastic. We shall see.

         3. Blazer and some simple top like a crew neck “dressy” tshirt or drapey/blousy version of that. Usually in the same color to keep it simple.

         4. i have a sort of “lady jacket” that i wore to a board meeting with a black turtle neck sweater underneath and black high heeled boots. i have also worn it with a simple not fitted jewel neck sweater,

         5. I will only wear a skirt with a poofy waist like this with a sweater or tee that covers the waistband and a couple inches below it. Any longer doesn’t look current. I think the trendiest top to pair with this skirt would be a non-fitted sweater with a ribbed waistband.

4. My beloved Revlon brush is dying (the ubiquitous hot brush, one step volumizer thing). It revolutionized my hair, which is long and thick, but fine strands and uneven waves. I only use it for the last 2% of hair drying and styling, leaning on a traditional hair dryer for the actual drying work. I basically wrap the top layer or two of my hair specifically around my face to swoop the hair back in a styled sort of way. No traditional curling. Think Kate Middleton hair minus the ringlet curls she sometimes rocks at the bottom of her hair when worn down.

   I’m certain there is something better out there since I’ve had this brush and previous versions for the better part of 8 years. But.. what is it? I don’t think I’d maximize a Dyson air wrap, which I feel like I’d need to do to justify the cost, and I’ve also heard mixed reviews. Any recs?

   1. L’ange now has similar products, but also, if the Revlon is working for you, why not stick with that? I have hair like yours, and if I still had it long, I think this would’ve been revolutionary for me.

      1. I like the L’ange, it’s a little bit more than the Revlon but not nearly as pricey as Dyson

   2. I have the Dyson, but I also have the Drybar one (the double shot) and I really prefer the Drybar on for just the final drying and styling. It doesn’t have a removable attachment, which means it never comes undone (which the Dyson one does for me – the release is ill-placed IMO) and the brush works better for my hair.

   3. Shark seems to have dupes of all the Dyson tools for about half the price, with better heat/pressure control than you’d get in a Revlon tool. If you have a Costco membership they’re often available there.

   4. I loved the Revlon brush for years, but decided to stop using it a few months when I realized its heat level was starting to cause a little damage (I think my hair is just getting more sensitive as I get older). I got a Shark dryer with a brush attachment for about $150 and love it. It was a little trickier the first couple of times I used it, but I noticed the shape of my hair is lasting longer with this than it did with the Revlon.

   5. If your hair requires a lot of heat to style, don’t get the the airwrap. I have it and can’t use it because no matter what I do it doesn’t get hot enough to set my hair, so the styling falls out within 30 minutes.

   6. My Revlon brush bit the dust a while back. I used some Ulta gift cards and got the Shark Flex Style around Christmas and I like it a lot. I mostly use the hair dryer (to get to about 80% dry) and then the round brush attachment, but I’ve played around with the wrap style and it is fun, just takes longer. I may order the diffuser attachment this summer when I want to try and coax some of my natural wave/curl out more.

   7. Same type of hair as yours and I would not recommend the Dyson Airwrap. The round brush creates too much tension and is not large enough to get through my hair as quickly as the Revlon, which I miss terribly. I do like the Airwrap’s paddle brush, but I I do not get the curled under ends I got with Revlon. I am eyeing the T3 Aire because I have liked every other T3 product. And I have seen the Shark recommended plenty.

   8. I went through this exercise a couple of years ago and settled on the dry bar version of the heat brush. It’s basically the same has the revlon one but has a few attachments and seems to be less damaging.

      1. Same here, with very similar hair to the OP. My hairdresser specifically said not to do Revlon (too damaging). I was deciding between the Shark and Drybar ones, and the local TJMaxx and Marshalls always have Drybars at half price so I went with that. Have been happy.

   9. The shark – a billion times better than this thing that broke my hair.

      1. Which one? there are several options…

         Shark Flex Style
         Shark Flex Fusion
         Shark Speed Style

   10. When my Revlon died, I switched to a L’Ange and I’m very happy with it. I tried my daughter’s Shark Flex Style and I didn’t care for it. I found it awkward to use and my hair kept getting caught at the connection point.

   11. I have the Revlon, the Drybar equivalent, and the Dyson. The Revlon is too hot on my hair, but still has a soft spot in my heart. The Dyson Airwrap is what I use on a daily basis and I like that its much less hot and gentle on my hair. Drybar is a good happy medium of not $500 but not quite as harsh on hair, and feels very similar to use to the Revlon, but when I received the Dyson as a Christmas gift, I did much prefer it so I use that one.

   12. The Shark Flex Fusion is exactly for this. It’s miles ahead of the Revlon.

   13. I’m in the same boat and considering the Shark Glossi. Revlon is just too hot

   14. Another vote here for the Shark Flex Style. I used a Revlon brush for years and was happy with it. When it died, I upgraded to the Shark Flex Style (on sale at Costco) and it’s a game changer. I thought the Revlon brush was good but the Shark is so much better. I like the big round brush attachment similar to the Revlon, but also love the air wrap attachments (which do take a while but I’ve never gotten so many compliments on my hair).

5. So wild to see former prince Andrew arrested. What are the odds anyone in the US is brought to justice in the next couple of years?

   1. I bet a few lower-level public figures will take the fall. And it’s definitely not “this will be the thing that makes MAGA turn on Trump!” (Lmao).

   2. I want to point out that, at least based on what I’ve read, he’s not under arrest for the many disgusting things I cannot type here because they will be censored out. He’s under arrest for sharing government information. Maybe it’s like getting mobsters locked up for wire fraud because it’s quicker, easier to prove than ..vaguely waves.. . I’m happy as anyone to see someone related to this catastrophe locked up, but there’s a long, long way to go before justice is even close to served.

      1. Yes it appears they are taking the mob/tax evasion approach here. Fine with me – just lock that animal up already.

   3. I expect nothing from Trump’s DOJ. Even job postings for ordinary AUSA positions now say that you must support Trump’s agenda to be hired. (Not joking)

      Elections matter so much.

   4. He’s not being arrested for anything related to the girls.

      Also noting that he’s finally using Mountbatten, when the fam all used Windsor when things were going “well”. His grandmother must be spinning in her grave.

      1. I think the family name has always been Mountbatten-Windsor. And deal when they stripped his princehood was that he’d use that name.

         1. They didn’t actually strip his titles since that would require an Act of Parliament. Instead they just told him not to use them and have stopped using them in announcements. But there’s no actual enforcement behind it other than “we’ll be really cross if you do.”

         2. It’s only been Mountbatten Windsor since QEII made it so in the 1950s or 60s. The relatives who are not descended from QEII use Windsor (Lady Marina Windsor, for example). The Mountbatten comes from Philip’s mother’s family.

            1. They all used Windsor. The one using Mountbatten is Andrew. Prince Philip was famously upset by it.

               More importantly, the beloved qe2 was quite happy to pay off Randy Andy’s victims, which I think speaks volumes about whether he’s the only problem (he’s not).

         3. The family name isn’t used, but they used to go by Windsor if they needed a surname. Their dad (Battenberg which was translated to Mountbatten) is on record being rather miffed that they didn’t use his name. https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/apr/09/prince-philip-proud-father-duke-of-edinburgh#:~:text=Caroline%20Davies,have%20taken%20her%20husband's%20name.

            They’ve done to little too late, and the sceptic in me wonders whether it’s because the monarchy know that the public are absolutely fed up with them. (Will and Cath poll better but at what point do we really need them when they are no different to anyone else)

   5. I was reading in the WSJ yesterday that Fergie had $ problems. Then she took her daughters on a trip to see him (after his initial conviction). I can only read between the lines one way, which is horrifying.

      What I still don’t get is how Epstein went from being a tutor at places like Dalton to a very rich person, often billed as a financial advisor, which cannot possibly be the real story. No one goes from being a tutor to having a private island on sheer brainpower.

      1. I think it’s pretty widely believed that he embezzled everything he had from Wexner. If not directly embezzled, took liberties with the finances of an elderly man who wasn’t watching them closely.

         1. It was widely suspected that he blackmailed Wexner, not that he embezzled. I’ve never read about embezzlement in any of the articles I’ve seen re their relationship. Many experts noted that the tax advice he was providing should have cost about 1/100th of what he was charging–it was not merely pricy, it was wildly out of bounds.

            1. That’s what I mean by my second sentence: charging wildly exorbitant fees for services that don’t necessitate them because the person paying them is old and can afford it.

      2. He was a master manipulator and a sociopath. I don’t understand how a single human being can have so many social contacts. The list just goes on and on. Putting the morals aside, how did he have the energy to do all that?

         Doesn’t it also feel like a different era, though, with all the email communication? These days, I feel like people get exposed through texts, or some private texting app.

6. I’m sending feedback on an inept admin to her supervisor. (She supports me directly, so it matters, but I don’t manage her.) I wish I’d been more proactive in calling out issues. She’s sort of generally clueless and helpless, two years into the job, but it was hard to find a single example that felt big enough to merit comment.

   Do you proactively give negative feedback if people aren’t causing disasters? If so, how?

   1. I have learned that hard way that sometimes negative feedback is necessary even if it’s not a disaster. It feels crummy and nitpicky, but I think you have to focus on the overall pattern. But since you’re not her supervisor, I think it’s understandable that you hesitated to do it in the moment. You’re handling it now.

   2. I provide kind, constructive criticism in the moment all the time. The staffer who supports me is conscientious, if ignorant and unfamiliar with how I want things done and with the content in general.

      I don’t view her ignorance as a character flaw and thus don’t address my feedback as if it is judgement on her ability to think. She takes feedback well and learns from what I tell her. I very rarely have to address the same issue twice, and my staffer has solid critical thinking skills. She doesn’t always choose the path I would prefer, but she makes efforts to hone her decision-making skills so she more closely aligns with my preferences the next time.

      If I only complained about her work without providing guidance on what I want done differently, that would be my failing and not hers. Her supervisor would not look on me with pity if I expressed discontent with the results of my own poor management skills.

      1. All fair points, but clueless and helpless are difficult to train out of people. That shows a lack of critical thinking and ability to adapt to the circumstances.

         1. True, but letting it go on for two years without documenting any concrete issues or the steps you have taken in an attempt to address them does not speak well to your leadership abilities.

            1. Agree. I supervise admins who support others and would want to know actual guidance and communication took place before I took this kind of critique about my direct reports. I would look strongly at you, not them.

         2. I agree there are clueless people who will never be good at certain jobs. Even though it feels futile you still have to provide feedback. In OP’s case that might be “ I expect you can address X type of task with minimal input from me. What information or resources would help you manage this independently going forward?” Maybe the answer is they’re beyond help, but at least you clarified the expectation and a bad review won’t come as a surprise.

   3. Of course! Way easier to say “please handle this x way instead next time” upfront than let something fester and snowball.

      1. agree with this comment and the one at 9:34 – frame it as how you like it done / how you need it done and be as clear as possible for next time, but be kind. give them the benefit of the doubt that they can learn.

   4. OP here. Big clarification — I’m asking about feedback to managers! I would never go two years without feedback to her.

      1. Ah. If it were me, I’d want specific examples and what you’ve done to try to fix the problem.

      2. Ohhhhh. Yeah, my manager knows who my “easy” reports are vs those that are just ok. I’d describe it to your manager as death by a thousand paper cuts, say what you’ve tried to correct it, and ask for advice on next steps.

      3. I commented earlier and did understand that from your post. I still caution you that it is not a good look on you if you go to her manager just complaining that she is inept and don’t have clear documentation of how you have tried working with her, how you have tried training or coaching her, etc. You stated that it has been “hard to find a single example that felt big enough to merit comment” and said you wished you been more proactive. Perhaps make that change in your own behavior now, before going to her manager? If there is no improvement, then you have something concrete to take to her manager.

         1. I think OP regrets not being more proactive in communicating to her manager, vs providing feedback to the problem employee.

      4. Yes– you need to give feedback to her manager. The best way to do this, from my experience, is to go to the manager and start with a request for assistance. E.g., I am struggling with getting Anna to do x work independently. I have tried asking her to do the following things. Can you help me troubleshoot what’s going on? Then, do what the manager recommends, and you can go back to the manager if it’s not working, etc.

   5. I talk with my peers pretty regularly, that sort of thing would just come out naturally.

7. Crowdsourcing gift help needed! My boyfriend’s 13 year old son just broke his wrist and is pretty bummed he can’t do any of his favorite activities–lacrosse, bass, video games, and pottery.

   I’m putting together a care package, and looking for ideas of what to include. I’ve got a couple books I’m pretty sure he’ll like, but what else would you put in there? Snacks of some kind? Normally I’d give him a game or rubik’s cube-type logic puzzle, but with his dominant hand out of commission I’m not coming up with many ideas.

   (And yes, I will be talking to his dad before buying anything!)

   1. Oh no!!! I am sorry, I broke my dominant hand wrist last year and it was tough. You are so kind to think of ways to cheer him up. Is there a favorite lacrosse team he enjoys? Maybe a nice jersey would cheer him up. Snacks are always good! Also, maybe some drawstring shorts or pants– those came in extra handy when buttoning pants wasn’t so easy. Slip on shoes were also super nice during that time.

   2. Audio books? Puzzles? Board games? A couple of months’ subscription to his fave streaming service? A nice long knitting needle so he can scratch any itches under the cast?

      Sounds like a bummer, but hopefully his wrist injury means he can still be relatively active while it heals.

   3. A big ball like a basketball for his non-dominant hand or a soccer ball. A Velcro dartboard to learn to throw with non-dominant hand. Slightly silly but maybe a paddle ball with the ball attached on a rubber string. A magnifying glass.

      Everything you named is so handy!! Good luck to the kid and you’re very sweet

   4. Joystick or other extra ergonomic mouse so he can train non-dominant hand?

   5. I love his variety of interests!

      1. Agreed! He’s a cool kid.

   6. Lacrosse mom to a 13yo boy here – now’s the time to work the weak hand. Get him a mini stick and a cradle baby and he can practice his non dominant side one- handed cradling.

8. i have basically same skirt but quince. it is the only skirt i currently wear and have found it to be surprisingly versatile

   1. Do you have the skirt’s name or link?

      1. https://www.quince.com/women/pleated-matte-midi-skirt?color=true-black&size=s&g_network=g&g_productchannel=online&g_adid=703845811807&g_acctid=978-058-8398&g_keyword=&g_adtype=pla&g_keywordid=pla-295800756202&g_ifcreative=&g_adgroupid=169608750891&g_productid=46793774235818&g_merchantid=128669708&g_partition=295800756202&g_campaignid=21417780217&g_ifproduct=product&g_campaign=&utm_source=google&utm_medium=paid_search&utm_campaign=&utm_term=46793774235818&mpdp=true&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21417780217&gbraid=0AAAAAC4ZeNYH89SSXWm-qPx5eL2FC8o8t&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIwpS2vo3mkgMVmdDCBB3WlhY4EAQYAiABEgLcWfD_BwE

   2. I adore this skirt. I bought it to play in recitals but found it makes a great date night skirt. It is so comfy, too!

9. What should I do here: husband lost his credit card on Saturday night. No new charges since our dinner that I don’t recognize. It is likely in the car or somewhere else, but possibly fell out of his pocket onto the street which has been covered in snow until the past day or two. I don’t have to cancel the card we use everywhere, riiiiight?

   1. Cancel it.

   2. Call the bank and ask them to freeze it for a few days, then look everywhere you think it could possibly be. If you find it, they can unfreeze it with no hassle. If you don’t, then yes, you need to go through the full process. (Ask me how I know you can do this…. We found the card stuck between the seats in our truck.)

      1. great idea

   3. I can freeze my Chase card online – do that first and see if it turns up.

      1. This. All my cards (visa, AmEx, and a bank debit card) have an option to “freeze” or turn off the card on the app. I had to do this last summer when I left my wallet at the pool. I got it back a little later that day and turned them all back on. Easy peesy.

   4. Can you freeze the card? Just long enough to give you enough time to find it. If you haven’t found it by Monday then cancel and order a new one. It’ll probably be here before the following weekend.

   5. saturday was a long time ago. i wouldn’t leave it much longer.

   6. Cancel and have them send you a new one, which you should be able to get pretty fast. Also, once you have the new number you can use that, so can probably do Apple Pay or other mobile payments before you get the actual card.

      1. Yeah, you’ll get the new number within a day at most.

   7. Did you call the restaurant yet?

   8. if you have it on apple pay, as soon as you cancel it your apple pay is updated to the new card. so you can start using it immediately

10. Just got a text message from a good friend of my teen — the grandparent they were closest to just passed unexpectedly. We have 4 living grandparents and my teen is close to all of them so it’s going to be very rough when that time comes for us. How should I encourage my teen son to support his friend? They’re 14 — deep in “bruh” culture but truly are supportive.

    1. It’s wonderful that you’re modeling how to support a friend through something difficult. I also have a 14 year old boy and we’ve had good luck with the framing of ‘I know INSERT THING HERE is difficult. I’m happy to listen if you want to talk, I can just hangout with you if you want company, or I can distract you if that sounds better. What would help?’
       Also for teenage boys, offering their favorite food/snack and a gaming session is surprisingly effective at cheering them up.

11. How much of an issue do you think it is if one person on a team (in a small, collegial company) keeps double-booking meetings and often blowing off the first meeting that was scheduled at a time when she was free? I know this woman very well and she does it because she is a) busy with lots of projects and b) very averse to ever pushing back on a suggested time, even if it doesn’t work for her schedule. What will happen is that we have a meeting scheduled for 3:00 pm, a client for another project will say “hey, could you meet at 3:00 for X?” and instead of saying “I’m not available then, could we meet at 2:00 or 4:00?”, she’ll just say OK and then blow off the first meeting. It doesn’t matter if the second meeting is urgent or not, an important client or not – it’s like she’s afraid to ever say no. It’s starting to annoy people and it has negatively affected meetings I run (she has missed out on updates she was supposed to provide, etc.), but she’s also highly productive and genuinely has a lot of demands on her time so people have let it slide.

    1. Are you her manager? If so then you should tell her that she should not just blow off meetings with no notice.

       If you’re her peer then you can ask her why this is happening and suggest that she either let the team know she has to reschedule the meeting or schedule the second meeting around the first.

       1. I’m not her manager, but I’m the project director (with responsibility to the company and our client) for two projects that she works on. Then she’s the project director for three that I work on.

    2. is she a peer an underling or a boss? if she is a peer and we otherwise got along i would say something… make it light but say something. if it’s a boss i think you need to live with it. if she works for you or is otherwise junior i would say something constructive but firm.

       1. We have a non-hierarchical structure but she is technically more senior. The issue, though, is that we’re client-facing and this has affected/is affecting client meetings. While the team (which I mentioned is collegial) can usually cover for her, it doesn’t send the best impression to blow it off at the last minute and/or to not be there to give the detailed task update personally.

          1. I’d talk to her directly about the impact. If she blows you off, this is something I’d consider taking to your manager to talk to hers.

    3. I’d go in kindly, genuinely and just say “Hey. This happens sometimes. Is there a better way to book things with you because sometimes you’re needed on these meetings? Is it better to confirm times over email or verbally before putting it in the calendar?”

       FWIW, I HATE when people, and especially peers or people more junior to me, book on my calendar without talking to me first. Like – loathe. Ask me if I’m available. I wouldn’t just blow off meetings like she does if I’ve accepted them, to be clear but I may not accept them if I’m really annoyed by it depending on what it’s for.

       1. Wow, what are your meetings like? Many meetings I arrange have five or more people in them across global time zones. There usually aren’t many time slots available to choose from, and we often have to arrange a meeting on short notice. I would never check with five different people ahead of time if they are available for a meeting. I’m surprised you have such strong feelings about this.

          1. Yeah, this is odd to me too. At my company, people would HATE having a ton of extra messages about “are you free” and “can we meet.” Yes, the calendar is updated! Schedule something and don’t make me respond to an email first!

          2. Some people are like that. I used to work adjacent to a man who would take massive offense if an invitation arrived to his calendar without prior coordination. Like call and yell at your boss that you sent him an invitation type offense. He also had a new secretary every 4 months – gee, I wonder why. People don’t seem to realize there’s a “decline” button.

             1. I just really hate the assumption that if I don’t have blocked time on my calendar that I’m available. I could be traveling in the car between meetings, I could be heads down trying to meet a deadline. I control my day, not the appearance of availability on my digital calendar.

                Now, I’m not coordinating meetings across time zones – most everyone is hyper local to the same office. But it’s frustrating as all get out when people just assume that I’m free. And, trust, I attend everything I accept but I absolutely will decline and/or “tentative” meetings that don’t work for me or I’d rather not attend. If you don’t have to ask about my availability, you can read the responses, vs me having to tell you, to see that I’m tentative or declined.

             2. LOL, what? If your job is paying you to work, you are available.

             3. Why is it such a big deal just to decline the meeting, or suggest another time? Meeting invites don’t “assume you are free” and then demand that you come. Meeting invites are a question–it looks like this time might work, can you come or not?

             4. … why don’t you put the travel time on your calendar?

                I frequently schedule meetings and you’re darn right I assume you’re available if you don’t have anything booked. Unless you’re very high-level you’re being weirdly aggro, and if you ARE that high-level you should have someone else manage your calendar.

    4. I would find that incredibly rude. Since you don’t have authority over her, I would consider speaking with her privately after one of the incidents and mentioning how it impacted the meeting, then noting that this seems to happen a lot and could she proactively inform the team if she can’t make the meeting?
       Regarding someone’s point about getting meetings on their calendar that they shouldn’t be included in, I also have that experience, but I think it’s my job to tell them “hey, what’s this about?” or “please do these things before we talk.”

    5. Can she get admin help? If she’s that busy, getting some help managing her schedule, with remain on presentations, etc.

       1. *reminders* not remain

    6. Verify the meeting with her the day before so that you’re the latest person to ask & the one she can’t say no to?

12. where do people stand on having their colors done? woo woo or worth it? i mean i am middle aged and think i already have a sense just from living of what colors work and don’t but i’m sort of intrigued by it. if someone is a fan and lives in metro new york let me know who you used!

    1. If it sounds like fun, why not? You get to decide how much weight you put onto it going forward, but it’s harmless and can be a fun thing to explore, so why not?

       (I think of ‘woo woo’ as things like ‘manifesting my desires into the universe.” Stuff like this is just a bit of fun, a bit of common sense, a bit of entertainment, a bit of personal style talk. There’s no science here, but that doesn’t make it woo woo.)

       1. The why not is the expense.

    2. I did this with Kaye Ure in NY a few years ago. Spendy but worth it. I think she has relocated to Austrailia, however.

    3. I wear black 90% of the time and I don’t think someone telling me that mauve would look better on me would induce me to wear that (or any other) color. I feel more comfortable and myself in black, and do not feel that way in colors even if they are objectively more flattering.

       1. I think this is an important point that sometimes gets lost in the color discussion. Like, yes, I know certain colors will objectively look better on me, but they also don’t match my personal style. I’m a summer, so I tend to pull from the mid- and deeper-toned options and skip anything that looks soft and girly.

          1. That’s funny — I think of Summer as the soft and girly version of Winter.

             1. I think 12:15’s saying that what people think of as the conventional light, unsaturated Summer pastels don’t mesh that well with her personal style. (12:15, presuming you go more high-contrast and that’s a better corporate-goth fit for your personality and style?)

    4. I had my colors done a few years ago and I’m very glad I did. Initially, I thought it was nonsense and was in the camp of just wear whatever colors you want/love. I got it done on a whim and it has really impacted how I dress in a good way. I was never into bright colors but gave some new colors a shot and wow…my brown, olive-undertone skin just popped in red, cobalt, etc. I would’ve never worn those colors if I didn’t get my colors done. People also started telling me that “that color looks so good on you” which was a compliment I never received before. I didn’t realize how washed out the oranges and browns I was wearing made me look. It’s also made shopping way easier because I now know how bad certain colors look on me. For years, I would get items in earthy tones but could never figure out why I didn’t like how I looked in them. In the long run, it has saved me time and money. It’s also helped with jewelry. Being South Asian, I tended to buy yellow-gold jewelry and then started trying out silver instead which I love way more. All this to say, I think you should do it! I used an online service that I will try to remember the name of and come back to post if I can.

    5. I feel that the ones I see online reels for are garbage. Too many colors around the person’s face in the background and too many swatches. Color Me Beautiful is still the gold standard. If you wouldn’t look good in a hijab of that color, it’s not a good color for you. For me (white, rosacea, medium brown hair, dark eyes): no pinks, ever; high contrast always (white, black, very pale blue, navy, dark gray, prints with a lot of white or black; basically Moira Rose).

       1. See, I am also white, with rosacea, medium brown hair, darkish eyes, and cool, bright, rich pinks are some of my favorite and most complimented colors.

          Moira Rose, RIP, I found striking for leaning into irony in her fashion sense. She wore such harsh colors that were far from flattering on her, but they were her signature, she owned the look, and that’s why it was fabulous.

          1. I love an outrageous hot pink, especially if I can throw some white on alongside it. But those dusty rose colors? They slay; literally.

    6. I had it done last fall. I would pass on it. It was expensive but that isn’t the real issue for me. TBH I don’t even like the colors in the season I am and I am not drawn to these colors at all. Plus, when I go shopping and I find something I like, half the time it doesn’t even come in the colors of my season. I have tried to shop by color but that this very difficult too.

       I am trying to find and add a few things into my wardrobe in my season colors but in the end, am not benefiting from doing it so I wish I didn’t spend the money.

    7. I think the 12-season system is interesting and helpful. Not to restrict what colours you love or wear, but to know and understand the effect on how your skin look when light reflects on your skin next to different colours. It’s useful information to have, especially if you don’t really know what your skin looks like at it’s most radiant. And then wear whatever you want.

       The 12-seasons (not the official name!) are the traditional seasons with subgroups. Warm vs. cool, light vs. deep/dark and muted/soft vs. clear/bright, where one of these elements will be a stronger tell or preference than the others, and the opposite of that will be the least radiant for you.

       8 of these subseasons can look very good in black, btw. Warm autum, soft autumn, light spring and warm spring are are the only ones that really will look a little peaky in black.

13. In college, we had a Wellness Lab that could test your actual metabolism (run by the kinesthesiology department, and it seemed quite scientific vs a lot of woo). That was a while ago and I don’t live near it.

    Is there a good commercially-availability base metabolic rate test? I am hitting a milestone birthday and want to see what my 2026 baselines are as motivation to preserve this level of being as I age.

    1. If my weight stays steady while my calorie intake and activity level stays steady, then my metabolic rate hasn’t changed.

       1. I get that, but I feel that “weight staying steady” doesn’t really capture how, with a sedentary life, I weigh the same while my body loses muscle and I have girl dinners (while not drinking all of the college beers each week). I’d like to qualify it a bit more since I think I am really eventually wanting to exercise more to build muscle and bone density (so rate going up just to maintain).

          1. It sounds like what you really need is (1) TDEE and (2) a body composition analysis. I use the app Macrofactor to calculate the former and have had DEXA scans in the past for the latter.

    2. Google “RMR testing near me” or DexaFit… sometimes Quest has them also. Mine was interesting but unfortunately not terribly informative, my baseline was like 1600 calories. Although I suppose that explains why I can’t lose weight on 1400. Sigh.

14. Have you ever gotten tested for BRCA 1/2? If so, how do you go about asking for one (or is it something you can get a check swab done and send it off)?

    1. It used to be part of the 23 & me genetics tests — not sure I would trust that particular vendor now but you could start looking through there.

       1. Worth noting that they don’t test for all of the variants, only some, or at least that was historically the case.

    2. Do you have a family history of breast cancer? Your insurance might cover an initial genetic counseling session and then they may be able to order testing. If you’re with a big health system, talk to your primary physician first.

       BRCA 1/2 isn’t the only genetic marker related to breast cancer, so if you have a family history, it would be better to go through a medical office where they may screen a panel of markers.

       1. Breast and now pancreatic cancer. The second one is so awful and apparently BRCA affects many types of cancers.

          1. Ask for genetic counseling. Make sure you have your life insurance in place first, though, in case you learn something that makes you uninsurable.

          2. I’m an OBGYN and refer patients for genetic counseling and testing frequently based on family history. Typically, it’s most helpful if the person in your family who has cancer can get testing. If they have a known gene, their direct family members can get testing, and so-forth (called cascade testing). That way, you only have to look for that one gene. If you can’t get that information, the genetic counselors are usually offering multi-gene panels.

          3. Yes, I had it done. Pancreatic, colon, melanoma and breast cancer are in my family.

             Everyone who is a 1st degree relative of someone with pancreatic cancer should have a broad panel of cancer genetic testing done. That is a National Guideline. Breast cancer at a young age means a genetic contributor is likely too.

             You could see the genetic counselor in the cancer center of your local academic hospital. Or… I am also part of a study at John Hopkins for families with pancreatic cancer, and they recommended the company Invitae. They link you up with a telehealth appointment with a cancer genetic counselor. My insurance covered that. And then the appropriate genetic testing panel is ordered from Invitae. I paid cash $350 for the testing, or you can pay via insurance. After the results came back, I had a telehealth follow-up appointment to discuss the results. Then I went to my local major cancer center hospital, where I planned to get my screening ongoing, and saw their genetic counselor to see their recs – which were more detailed and included recs of which doctors to see for ongoing screening.

          4. agree with talk to your doctor, but you can also do it through JScreen

    3. You should discuss this with your primary care doctor or gynecologist. They should ask about your family history to help decide if you need testing, and or refer you to a genetic counselor.

       If you do get tested, try to make sure you can discuss the results with someone who understands cancer genetics specifically. There is a lot of nuance to understanding exactly what your risk is. Even though we’ve known about the BRCA genes for decades, there are still hundreds of mutations in them that we don’t know quite how they affect cancer risk.

    4. I have done it. First I was referred to a high risk br**st cancer specialist due to family history. She ended up recommending the test, for which I went through a genetic counselor. The counseling portion was really important. They discussed with me what a positive test would mean, and potential steps if I did test positive. I would suggest starting by talking to your PCP or OBGYN and going from there. It’s a big thing to get tested, and you’ll likely want/need support. Good luck!!

    5. I did. First I scheduled an appt with a genetic counselor with my doc office (coded like a doc appt). Then it was a spit test—spit in a tube and send it in. Get results a week or two later. The test wasn’t covered by insurance, but was under $200.

    6. I’ve got ashkenazi Jewish heritage, so my OB suggested I have it done after I was done nursing my last child, insurance covered it no question.

15. y’all I may never use a coffee maker at a hotel again – I just saw an influencer say that she washes her panties on trips by putting them where you put the coffee grounds. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    1. That takes the cake for the “tell me your most unhinged hack” trend.

    2. Wow! That is crazy!

       I was just traveling with a big group and someone (a guy of course) said he uses the hotel washcloths to wipe his butt!!! I had just started bringing my own disposable towels and don’t use the hotel washcloths any more any way, but now I don’t even want to touch them.

       1. WTF? Yuck!
          I bring these when I travel, mostly because of removing makeup.
          Clean Skin Club Clean Towels XL®, 100% USDA Biobased Face Towel, Disposable Face Towelette, Eczema Association Accepted, Makeup Remover Dry Wipes, Ultra Soft, 1 Pack, 50 Ct https://a.co/d/03XwS3de

       2. If that grosses you out, wait until you hear what people do in the sheets.

          We do not live in a perfectly hygienic world. The hotels bleach their linens, including the washcloths. By all means travel with your own, if that makes you feel better, but hotel washcloths are not objectively nasty.

    3. I stayed at a luxury brand hotel this weekend, peeked into the water area before pouring the water in, and realized it had not been descaled . . . ever? The minerals don’t weird me out, but it suggests that the machine is not properly cleaned on a routine basis. The coffee is terrible anyway, so I guess I’m not missing anything by skipping it.

       1. Have also frequently had this experience, especially with Keurig-style machines. Gross.

    4. This is why it’s a good idea to bring your own. People are disgusting, and housekeeping isn’t given very much time at all to clean.
       Travel Foldable Electric Kettle, Collapsible Electric Kettle Food Grade Silicone Small Pot Boiling water,Dual Voltage（600ml,110-220V US Plug） (Blue) https://a.co/d/0aLzR1PW

       1. I travel with this very kettle.

          1. Me, too. It’s the best!

          2. I LOVE this kettle, plus Nescafe 3-in-1 coffee “sleeves” or “sticks” from Malaysia, to get the morning going while traveling.

    5. Yea, I’m in consulting and I simply will not use the in-room coffee machines and even the water glasses are suspect imho. I also often travel with my own towels/pillow cases though that’s due to my skin freaking out when too much bleach is used in the laundry. OTH – the hotels bleach the heck out of all their linens so the state of the towels don’t concern me from a germiness angle.

    6. I just assume people are disgusting and never use these.

    7. Yeah, I also don’t use the glasses in a hotel room unless I first wash them myself. The idea that the cleaning crew wiped them down with the same sponge and cleaning products they used on the toilet lives in my head rent-free.

    8. I mean maybe she does, but it is also exactly the kind of thing you’d make up because you want to go viral and gain followers. So color me skeptical.

       1. It’s 100% rage-bait.

    9. I put the TV remote control into the plastic ice bucket liner bag, and push the buttons from outside. It’s unlikely that hotel remote controls are ever wiped down.

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