Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Poplin Bubble-Sleeve Wrap Top
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
It’s kind of a weird time of year, shopping-wise. Retailers are marking things down after the holidays and it will be another few weeks before next season’s inventory really starts hitting the shelves. I find it’s a great time to stock up on basics (although things are often lucky sizes only) or the one-off pieces that caught your eye in the fall and you said you’d grab if you found a great sale.
Enter this bubble-sleeve wrap top from Loft. Every once in a while, I like a little bit of drama, and the big bow absolutely brings it. I might pair it with denim for a very casual office, but I’d really love to see it with some camel trousers and great shoes.
The top is $27, marked down from $69, at Loft, and comes in sizes XXS-XXL
Looking for more white blouses for work?
Some of the latest white tops we've featured as of 2025 include these great options…
Sales of note for 1/15:
- Nordstrom – Designer clearance up to 70% off
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your purchase, including new arrivals + extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off + extra 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance, already up to 60% off
- Express – 30-70% off all sweaters
- J.Crew – Up to 40% off peak-winter styles + up to 70% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything + extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Winter sale, up to 50% off — reader favorites include this laptop tote, this backpack, and this crossbody
- M.M.LaFleur – Extra 25% off sale with code + try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 70% off select sale styles
- Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale! 50% off + extra 25% off all markdowns + Red Door Deals $24.50+
I have an update. I’m the poster who asked for ideas on how to get my income back up to $450k. Well, I’ve done it.
I went out of my field and I’m going in at a senior level in a tech enabled firm. It’s been a hard slog. I got lucky but I really thank you guys for that guidance.
Next up is finding a career coach. It’s a shift of industry and my confidence has taken a knock. I am a single mom with 2 disabled children and the third has a learning disability so also has an IEP. It’s a lot as I’m also managing a high conflict ex, but in terms of career management, it does make an impact. If anyone has recommendations I would be most grateful.
This is way outside my wheelhouse, so I have no advice, but I think you need to know what a bada$$ you are!
+1!!! Total bada$$
More like B$. Remember the other “poster” who “knew” this one? The whole story does not pass the sniff test.
She was looking for $600k, not $450k. Who knows
Are you my ex husbands girlfriend or something?
If so, you are dating a person who most probably has a personality disorder and your continued persecution of me leaves me concerned for the safety of my children.
I have and will continue to do everything I can to protect my children from being used in this continued persecution and vendetta this man has against me. Again, I ask you to please stop this continued bulling and harassment.
Clearly there’s something here that I know nothing about!
Gurl what?
Agree!!! Our modern Ellens.
Yep, real shades of Beth’s Dead
To the anons who posted at 9:16am and 9:23am, thank you for your support. It’s been a tough couple of years but I think I’ve got myself onto a track which should help me recover my career.
Leaving a marriage which was filled with domestic violence has been the hardest thing I’ve done in my life.
Well done. I remember you well and have been worried about you and your kids. I hope you can arrange the support that your kids need. And do something nice for yourself too.
Congrats! That’s amazing!
Hmmm … the bow seems to be overtaking the model. It’s a bit too much for me.
It’s not for me either, but I have a few colleagues who have the panache to pull off items like this. They look fab and I love it for them.
This looks like something a high school freshman would wear for a black and white concert dress code.
I might be able to pull this off and I really like it.
Same. I’m tall enough that with a simple pair of (boring) pants, it would look cool.
I’m 5’8, so yes, this is some of why I think I could pull it off.
As a tall and generally large person, I love this. I had a few tops like this back in the day (I think they were from INC at Macys back in New York circa 2008) and they always made me feel glamorous.
I think best case scenario version of this has very cool Carolina Herrera vibes & I am sure there are those on whom this would look great. But for me, I would feel like Seinfeld in the Pirate Shirt. Rock it if you love it though!
I had a blouse like this in the late 70s and loved it so much!
Can someone remind me of the best practices for finding a financial planner? Is it “fee-based” that you want? Can financial planners that you hire for the “big picture” look at your finances and future also help with accounting (taxes) or is that best done by an accountant or tax preparation firm? Anything else I should look for?
What is your net worth excluding your home and how old are you?
Tax strategies are straight forward for 99.9% of the population. When you need specific advice on taxes it should come from a tax attorney not a CPA.
I say this as a CPA. We are required to report specific tax avoidance that use loopholes. Tax attorneys don’t have to report this.
No home (rent), net worth about $1.5M. Hoping to buy a home.
Oh, and we’re 37 and 38.
Kids or no kids? Self employed or employees?
1 kid and no more planned, employees. Shouldn’t be a complex case but we want help planning to make sure we’re not making dumb mistakes.
If you have teen kids and have self employment I would go with a CPA for taxes. It helps when you get to college age but also self employment introduces grey areas and higher potential for an IRS audit. I would recommend paying the higher cost.
Otherwise go with turbotax.
Go with a fixed fee, ideally CFP. I have two financial advisors I can recommend here in New Jersey. They are both women owned businesses and are independent. They will do things like help you with figuring out ownership so you don’t end up overinvested.
You want a “fee-only” advisor. They charge a flat fee unlike a fee-based advisor who may receive commissions, kickbacks, or other third-party payments for recommending financial products that may or may not be in your financial interest. To find a fee-only advisor you can go to napfa.org. And you will likely need a separate CPA for tax prep as financial planners typically don’t provide tax prep. Your financial advisor may be able to recommend a CPA.
Try putting all that in an AI, the paid version. You’d be amazed at how good it is. All the big advisors are using those models and you can cut the middleman. A lot of advice for regular people isn’t rocket science so I’d give that a try. Cue the tech haters though…..
Its tax advice is not bad.
For financial planning there is an emotional component. They are also connected to a broader community. When I went through a nasty divorce and needed a parent coordinator it was my friend who is a financial planner that connected me to a good parent coordinator for my case.
It’s sad to say this because it’s a massive accomplishment to have $1.5m in assets under 40, but in the grand scheme it’s that awkward spot where you do need good advice on how you plan your next steps but it’s not a huge amount that tax avoidance strategies are needed. Things like RSUs can get tricky so having a financial planner in the background can make a significant difference.
Prob a dumb question but what exactly do financial planners do? Is it mainly investment advice or something else?
Can you re-ask this this afternoon? Or maybe I will. I’ve had a planner for a while that was really helpful during our formative years as a family (namely our 30s) – having kids, buying houses, getting bigger jobs and promotions, getting estate stuff set up. But now.. .we’re in coast mode, much to the credit of the advisor. But, I need something different and I feel like we’re paying a lot – $3k/year for 2 meetings and then they’re scraping commissions on whatever it is we’re investing in. They’re an Ameriprise affiliate. I just don’t know how to use an advisor for this next phase of my life, which happens to be my 40s.
I think it varies. My family member is a financial planner and there doesn’t seem to be a lot of “planning.” It’s more “give me your money and I will invest it for you and make more $$ for you.”
It’s not a dumb question at all.
I’m a CPA and I use a financial planner because I’m a single mom with all my family abroad. My guy checks my budget and helps me with big financial decisions.
You have financial planners who only focus on investing your money and you have others who will help with debt repayment, saving to buy a home or whatever financial goal you have.
For budgeting, Dave Ramsey is good. For investing you need to work with someone because it is based on your risk tolerance and goal.
No no no to Dave Ramsey!!! His ideas are wildly unrealistic and short-sighted. Example: He would have you buy a $2000 used car in cash if that’s all you can afford instead of taking out a loan for a new or at least newer hybrid economy car. That $2000 car will break down and cost you thousands of dollars for repairs, and possibly cost you your job if you don’t make it to work. The new car will have next to zero maintenance costs, better gas mileage, and the kind of reliability you need to hold down a job.
He is also just a despicable person who shouldn’t be enriched through video views, book sales, etc.
The decision to buy a car is not budgeting. That would be a conversation with a financial planner to help you work out how much you can afford.
No, figuring out what you can afford is budgeting. Financial planning is investments and retirement planning. You don’t pay hundreds or thousands of dollars to have someone tell you whether you can afford a monthly expense.
Mine helped with solidifying a budget, went through my benefits with me, and managed my investments. If you find the person you click with, I think it can be very beneficial to help you set and track against financial goals.
I think of the expense like I would a trainer or career coach or house cleaner in the category of this is work I don’t want to do myself but likely could do. If you are of the set it and forget it variety, it doesn’t make much sense to have a financial planner. This is between that and really watching the market so you can make your own transactions.
Very basic shower question. What are we using with body wash in the shower now instead of plastic loofahs? I’ve tried washcloths but I don’t love having a wet towel sitting around and I don’t have in-unity laundry. I’ve also tried a more natural sponge type product but it didn’t get very lathery. Is there a better option?
I just use my hands, though I mostly use solid soap, plus face wash on my face, neck, and chest.
Hands :)
You should wring out your wash cloth and lay it over a towel bar to fully dry. You should also ensure your bathroom is properly vented/run a fan.
This. My squeezed out washcloth hangs over a bar in the shower and is bone dry the next day. I don’t leave it in a soggy pile.
+1, I hang mine over the shower nozzle since I don’t have an extra towel bar.
Salux cloth? It gets medium lathery.
I use a variant of this, but I think this is what she is trying to avoid – plastic.
I hadn’t really thought about it… shoot.
Still using plastic loofah :)
Yeah, what’s wrong with those?
Right, who’s this “we”?
Yeah, I cannot begin imagining the anxiety level that would have a person worrying what others were using in the shower so they could fit into this mythical “we”.
I’m guessing it’s environmental concerns about microplastics
Or it’s just, you know, a conversational writing style?
The amount of nitpicking of comments is so over the top lately. Sometimes I think it says more about the person responding than original poster. What level of social anxiety/insecurity/desire-to-stir-the -pot-for-no-reason makes you read something into every question?
I’d like to switch to reduce the amount of plastic I use and microplastics I contribute to the environment. I still use plastic products so I’m not perfect and I don’t judge others for it. I’m just trying to make changes where I can. Also, I used “we” casually. I’m not anxious about this, I’m just trying to make a positive change if there’s a good alternative.
I use a Salux cloth, they’re the most effective solution for rough skin imho and they don’t seem to get as gross as loofahs.
Have you tried/looked into those silicone body scrubbers? Not sure if they’re as lathery as the mesh sponges (which, admittedly, I’m very hesitant to give up, but I do at least use ones made of recycled plastic) but they’re supposedly antimicrobial.
This is what I use sand would not think of switching. They do lather, though I typically use them with bar soap rather than a liquid, they are easy to keep clean and last . . . forever?
Bar soap (Dove or Whole Foods similar). Hands. Seems to work?
I bought a whole bunch (like 24) of washcloths on super sale, and I wash them after each use. The usual routine is to use it in the shower, leave it in the shower to dry, before the next shower, I toss it in the laundry and replace it with a fresh one. Same thing for washing my face! I wash towels once a week and it really doesn’t end up being that much extra work.
Same. We are also team ‘all white towels, all white sheets, all white washcloths’ and that helps make an easy batch of laundry.
+1 and keeping them white really is just a matter of simple chemistry
If you use a cotton face cloth you exfoliate your skin. I use basic white cotton wash clothes and strip them when they look grey.
A lot of gardeners I know seem to grow natural loofahs, I’ll bet you could find one at a farmer’s market or new agey store. The Wirecutter just did a review of some scrubby bar that everyone likes.
I just use my hands
Growing loofahs is a fun project! I had a vine a few years ago and my aunts and grandma were enraptured with the whole concept. We had a chat with weekly status updates, including a particularly tense week when we had a pest trying to nibble the vines. At the end of the season I dried them. When we gathered for the holidays, we turned the dried squash into bath loofahs together. It was a blast!
I was coming on to say this. Or grow your own-I don’t think it’s that hard. I’m thinking of dropping some loofah seeds in the garden this summer to see what happens.
I use a bristle-y back scrubber for my whole body, not sure what the bristles on mine are, but there’s probably natural options
I know there are jute scrubbers too
I do this too and feel nice and clean afterwards. Particularly good for me now that I’m overweight and otherwise struggle to reach my upper back with a cloth etc.
I switched to an African net sponge when it was all over TikTok last year.
I’m not sure what it is made from, but I love my LUV scrub.
Thin bamboo washcloth. It dries super fast and they’re small enough to get a bunch and throw them in the laundry every week (dry it on the side of the laundry basket or in the bathroom.
I used to be very sparing and avoided having a bunch of extra washcloths (or favorite bras, underwear, whatever) and I’ve now switched to having plenty of these small items to go a couple weeks and avoid rationing or running out of clean ones.
I like Salux cloths. I throw mine in the wash every week. They’re like scratchy (in a good way) long cloths that are plastic–kind of like a loofah, but they dry easily bc they’re not all scrunched up. They’re easy to find on Amazon.
I have an Ikea two-handed back scrubber (2 D shaped cloth handles with a 18-24″ loofah style strip) that is really a body scrubber for me. Initially I got it because it was a perfect size to use some of those gift/favor soaps due to its width.
I clean it at the end of my shower and let it air dry.
Go on Black Tiktok and look up shower hygiene. You will not be disappointed.
What are some good non-mint toothpastes that have flouride in them? I’d heard and was interested in Marvis, but their North American site only has mint-adjacent flavors, so I’d have to order the other flavors from some french pharmaceutical sites. Any recommendations that are easier to get in the US?
Try toothpastes for kids. Many have fruity, bubble gum, etc. flavors and a fair portion have fluoride.
https://www.hello-products.com/collections/toothpastes?gad_campaignid=22734119493&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAABAACzSCjLA7o-fqo6NO4-aEvYqsoI&gclid=EAIaIQobChMImKmkn93-kQMV5E9HAR3Rqy4BEAAYASAAEgLm9vD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
These are available in some US stores.
Oh, these look perfect! Lol, and they have plenty of kid-friendly options, it’s like you read my mind.
Do Crest/Colgate still sell cinnamon? They did as of a couple years ago.
I like Dr. Jen’s strawberry and Hello “Mermaid” which is orange.
I also used to like Tom’s of Maine/Trader Joe’s Fennel, Propolis, and Myrrh, but it never was available with fluoride, and SLS gives me mouth ulcers. Wish someone else would make something similar in a SLS-free remineralization formulation! I also like Weleda which is fluoride free. One option is to use a separate fluoride treatment like MI-Paste and brush with whatever toothpaste we please.
I know Tom’s of Maine has a Cinnamon “Whole Care” toothpaste (the labels specify, but it helps to know “whole care” means it has flouride, “antiplaque and whitening” means it doesn’t), and they have Fennel but I checked and they don’t have a Fennel with flouride.
As an aside, Dr. Tung’s “smart floss” (expanding floss) has a cardamon flavor which I’ve found very interesting.
The big brands usually have a cinnamon-flavored toothpaste, although you might have to go to a couple of stores. Also, look in the kid’s section. You can find kid’s toothpaste with fluoride in non-mint flavors. I have found some in watermelon or strawberry.
my kid likes Tanner’s Tasty Paste in vanilla (it has flouride!).
Paging the DC commenter who participated in sing-alongs…would you mind sharing what group organizes them? I’m looking to get back into that too.
NYCers: Any recommendations for dinner/drinks somewhere near either Madison Square Park or Penn Station? This would be for casual after-work gathering with a handful of coworkers, all coming from out of town/outside the city. One coworker does not drink. Thanks!
I take my team to Perch at Penn plaza. We are tenants in that complex so it’s easy to book. I like that my team just go downstairs to get their train home.
I like Bourbon and Branch which is more a casual bar & grill with solid food and drinks, lively but not too loud. There’s also the Alligator Pear if you want something a little nicer.
I love the atmosphere at Turntable Chicken Jazz in Koreatown. The food is good, the drinks are good, and they have non-alcoholic options.
Thanks, all!
Paging the DC poster from a couple of weeks ago who participated in choral sing-alongs that were open to all levels. Would you mind sharing what group organizes those? I’m interested in picking that up again.
That was me! DCSingalong dot com.
Levine School also has community sings roughly monthly, but I haven’t been and so can’t endorse.
You might look at Choir Choir Choir! also. They tour around the world. I was at one of their events in DC a few years ago and it was fun. Just watching the videos on YouTube is really a day-brightener.
Good luck!
Anonymous: Thanks for asking! I just signed up for their email list.
DC Sing Along: Thanks for answering! And I agree re watching the Choir! Choir! Choir! videos on YouTube. Their performances of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” are especially uplifting.
Can anyone in higher ed provide some perspective on ICE actions on college campuses? There is an ICE buildup near my kid’s school and it looks like they are plotting some sort of action in town or on one of the local campuses. She is not leaving campus and I’ve warned her that if she sees agents she should put her phone away and leave in as calm and unobtrusive manner as possible, but she is terrified. Administration is silent on the matter and campus police is generally useless.
Is your kid’ immigration status solid? As long as it is, this is honestly a very low risk situation, and not worth being terrified over. ICE’s operations are 100% not okay, but this sounds like it’s anxiety driven out of proportion to the actual risk level.
If she’s really worried, maybe roleplaying the scenario a few times, same as you do for practicing getting pulled over while driving, might be helpful: “My name is X and I’m a US citizen. Can I show you my ID?… It’s in my wallet in my backpack, is it okay if I reach for it now?”
ICE will grab anyone who looks not white irrespective of their immigration status.
They will grab anyone they accuse of being a protester regardless of race.
Given what happened in Minneapolis this week, this sounds really tone deaf. And I’m not even sure it’s good advice anymore.
What happened in Minneapolis was tragic and unacceptable. But it is also statistically unlikely to happen to a random college student who’s not participating in protests. The risk to OP’s daughter can be *real* – no one can say anyone is “perfectly safe” and also be small. Figuring out how to analyze risks accurately is an important skill to build as we’re going to be in this for the long haul – if you’re terrified all the time, you burn yourself out.
I try to engage in the same kind of risk assessment/management as a self-described Big Worrier. I worry about mass school shootings but statistically, my kids are more likely to be harmed in a car and/or car v. bike accident on the way to school.
My kid is going to college next year, and I try to explain that yes, these things are scary and horrible, but statistically, these are rare events. It’s not good to be afraid of everything all of the time when that’s not actually necessary.
The risk is a lot more real when you are talking about a large number of ICE agents and a very small college campus.
What makes you say this? There have been situations in which citizens (naturalized and otherwise) have been taken for a few weeks. That’s catastrophic enough, and the anxiety is based on real circumstances. No one, including you, knows the risk level, which is of course one of the problems. Stop minimizing what is actually happening.
I work in higher ed. Your daughter should contact the dean’s office, and if possible, something like the international students’ office to see what precautions the college is putting in place, beyond simply requiring warrants. Campus Safety should have specific protocols, too, which you could find out.
If in the event that the college seems willfully ignorant, blase, or complicit, then what you’ve told your daughter makes sense. Make sure you have all of her papers (copies, too).
I’m sorry you even have to think about this. I am so ashamed and horrified by this country
The appropriateness of this reaction depends on the OP’s daughter’s racial and immigration status. If she is a white American born citizen, then I don’t think it’s appropriate for her to use resources designed for international students. The college should be focused on helping their international and non-white students, not white students with anxiety.
I am OP. I would not have my child contact the office of international students because she is not one. But she is, and I am also, reasonably concerned based on the confirmed quartering of ICE agents in close proximity that there will be what amounts to paramilitary action on a small campus and that she will be caught up as a bystander. For example, what if they raid the dining hall during meal hours to capture dining services employees? All students would be at risk of violence.
ICE has absolutely seized and detained citizens and legal immigrants. Even if the person is eventually released, that is terrifying and horrible.
Also, ICE just shot and killed a white woman with stuffies in her glove box so wake up.
This is an absolutely wrong take. ICE is not playing by any rules, especially if you’re not white.
The problem with this is that we’ve seen people detained with passports on them. And if the latest whistleblower reporting released today is accurate, ICE is knowingly hiring people that aren’t capable of passing training.
We can all imagine we are safe, but I’ve been approached too many times by native Spanish speakers in multiple countries because I appear Hispanic and I’m as basic white as white can be. I just happen to have dark hair and darker coloring. Even my name is white — but I can guarantee you a hothead with a hair trigger temper isn’t going to care.
What perspective do you want exactly? All universities can do is require warrants to enter spaces.
Not at all true. They can have specific training for Campus Safety and international students. They can announce themselves as unfriendly to ICE intrusions. They can discuss with students what the protocols are in the case of an ICE interaction.
None of these are amazing solutions to a fascist problem. But the idea that no one has anything they can do is a problem, too.
I want them to train students on safety and de-escalation. I also want specific assurances that students in the education program will not be required to complete practicum hours in cities with an active ICE presence (they currently require a practicum in an urban area with heavy ICE activity), and that all practicum hours regardless of location will be scheduled so students arrive on school campuses after school opens and leave before dismissal, as those seem the riskiest times for ICE actions on school campus.
I am also interested in hearing how widespread ICE activity is on college campuses, whether it’s targeted at students, faculty, or food service and maintenance staff. My daughter is worried that the planned raid will be on her campus, but I don’t know how likely that is. It seems more likely that they will target nearby workplaces.
And since it’s relevant, she’s a blond, white US citizen. Not likely to be profiled as an immigrant, but likely to be profiled as a protester if she winds up in the wrong place at the wrong time because she is a white woman and a college student.
I don’t know that you as a parent are in a position to influence/determine the policies of the education program. However, your daughter IS in that position, and it’s likely she’s not the only student working to change those policies. She should find out what’s already being done and join/support that effort.
That is what I told her.
Is there an office or dean of parent engagement at the university? (This wasn’t a thing when I was in college in the 1990s but my friend works at one in Southern CA.) You might consider contacting them to see if they doing anything and/or just to let them know that this is a concern.
Can she come home for the weekend? Maybe getting her out of there, if only temporarily, will help her feel better.
Nope. She is thousands of miles away.
Is she in Boston? Does she want to borrow me for a mom for the weekend? Seriously.
<3
I’m at UConn. She can borrow us! With dogs! (but no local ICE presence, so I suspect the OP isn’t talking about us)
I can be a mom if she’s near Cincinnati.
These responses warm my heart.
-OP
How do you pull yourself out of a funk when it’s veering on self-sabotage? I’m having a hard time finding my motivation these days. I’m in line for a big promotion at work and faffed around and barely got my resume submitted in time. I’m meeting other deadlines but only by the skin of my teeth. The house is a mess. I feel behind on everything. My sleep is terrible. I’m trying to drink water and move my body and it just feels harder than it used to. I don’t feel particularly depressed, other than maybe the toll of living in DC for the last year is finally hitting? I don’t have the luxury of completely tapping out of my responsibilities, so how do I reset and get my groove back?
oh this is tough. It doesn’t fix things, but I was in this place recently and I started small – I took a morning as WFH, started early with a good shower and then ruthlessly went through my inbox. Thanks to a full pot of coffee and a green juice, I spent 3 hours (blocked off on my calendar as ‘workflow planning) and just sorted through what had to be done. Method was that if it took less than 2 minutes, I did the task, the rest I planned time for it to be done. I just felt more in control.
The other thing that helped was organizing just that one spot in the house that I always see and always bothers me. For me, it’s a countertop in the kitchen that ends up being a catch-all. I took 30 minutes (WFH Lunchbreak) and just went through the pile of mail and took out the recyclables and put the mittens in the hall closet. Do I still want to throw away 50% of what is in my house that isn’t nailed down? Yes, but also… it helped me to just start.
@Clementine, “Do I still want to throw away 50% of what is in my house that isn’t nailed down?” I know this feeling and I love the way you expressed it. Your words will be another item in my imaginary collection of merchandise with printed messages.
Alternatively, If you want me to produce a real, live item please contact me at hyacinth1837 (at) gmail (dot) com.
This was me last year. I got bloodwork done and it turned out that I was severely anemic and deficient in B vitamins. I ended up getting an iron infusion and it was pretty transformative – it turned out that I wasn’t burned out, I was just sick.
A lot of the advice for burnout also is about radically simplifying your life and I think that’s helpful, but another strategy is to figure out what actually gives you joy. For example, I really like cooking – so when people say, “Just order in!” it doesn’t help; what does help is leaning into the stuff I like and leaning out of the stuff I don’t.
Finally: I read Wild Geese by Mary Oliver a lot and remind myself that I do not have to be good or perfect or motivated all the time. I am more than a Production Robot in this Machine of Capitalism.
TBH this sounds less like a personal failure and more like accumulated fatigue finally catching up with you.. when I am like this I stop asking myself for motivation and instead shrink the bar to the smallest possible acts like just one email finished early, one room reset, one night where sleep is the only goal. I also do a short, honest inventory: what is actively draining me right now (not theoretically, but viscerally) and I give myself permission to pause or blunt just one of those drains. The reset usually comes from stabilizing inputs before pushing outputs like sleep first, then food, then movement, not the other way around. I remind myself that high-functioning burnout often looks exactly like “keeping up, but barely,” and it’s not fixed by grit. Finally, I pick one visible win per day so my nervous system can remember what competence feels like again.
ALL of this!
Can you ask for/pay for help just to get everything back to baseline? I’d hire a cleaning service for a deep clean. Then focus on sleep over everything.
From there, maybe add manageable items to your daily to-do list: one single load of laundry a day, the two highest work priorities checked off, AND a treat like a coffee out or a bath and the end of the day.
Hang in there! January is hard.
+1 to this and to paring WAY back. If possible I’d also suggest talk therapy, and ‘The Anti Planner, how to get stuff done when you don’t feel like it’ handbook which is kind of like a ‘how to keep house while drowning’ but for your whole life.
Echoing others on checking it’s not anemia or another deficiency. The old ways from grandma was if you are in a funk, it time to eat some liver. I’ve updated this to a charcuterie board with pate (instead of liver and onions).
Ugh, I made such a rookie mistake and placed a ruti order to try out several things and then returned them (all) outside of the 14 day return window. didn’t realize I would get stuck with store credit. So now I have a lot of money to Ruti, which doesnt sell all that many things! I don’t spend much on clothes as a rule, so this is making me feel awful.
Any winners from there? I’d wanted to try the barrel pants but I thought I looked a bit goofy – may just order them again since I have to order something. Help me salvage and feel less like an idiot.
If you don’t love the barrel pants, you’re not going to like them better just because you have them. Their washable silk tops are nice, and I haven’t tried it, but there’s a cropped suede jacket that looks like it could be a workhorse in spring and fall.
I think Susan at Une femme d’un certain age really likes them — maybe take a look and see what she’s been wearing?
They seem to have some nice tops, but if you don’t see anything you want maybe just spend the credit on a few of their scarves and save them for next year’s Christmas gifts for your loved ones?
I had the worst customer service experience with them, they landed on my never again list.
Same, their customer service is terrible. I would buy something in store if I really liked it but wouldn’t order online.
OP they have good plain tees and I’ve seen some gorgeous purses in store.
I’d look at what sells on Poshmark and try to recoup some money.
Moved to the Austin area and lacking in female friendships given my sudden transition to a suburban area from a big city. Any ‘rettes out here interested in making a new friend? I am 35-45 but feel younger or older any given day!
I’d also look in to local women’s groups that have charitable missions. I belong to a women’s group that has a big fundraiser every year for the local orchestra. You might not get a BFF out of it, but having a schedule of meetings and events can help you with getting out the house.
I’m in Austin! If you leave an email address, I’ll shoot you a message. What suburban area are you in?
Trigger Warning: end of life for a pet & hard decisions
My very first dog, my first child is declining rapidly. About a year ago she ingested a sock and in her treatment plan for that there was an incidental finding that culminated in August with a non-diagnosis diagnosis of advanced splenic cancer. They couldn’t get a good biopsy to confirm it, but the imaging and bloodwork are as conclusive as you could otherwise be. We were told she had about 6 months before things got bad. Well, here we are. She’s 11, pushing 12 (rescue pup so we don’t know for sure). Indisputably she’s had a wonderful life but I just don’t know what do to from here. She doesn’t wail in pain, she’s still kind of eating, drinking. But she’s panting through much of the night, for example. She’s not acting herself – eating less (still loves her favorite treats though most of the time), she used to follow me from a frustratingly short distance (which I already miss…) but now she’ll stop following me in random places. We found her in our unfinished basement just laying across the floor yesterday where no one had been for at least an hour. Last night she wouldn’t come downstairs after the kids had their showers. There have been weeks of similar examples. She’s not in visible pain but she also seems so uncomfortable. Her midsection is incredibly swollen from the mass and she just doesn’t move around much. She’s at my feet now just sprawled out, panting. Hasn’t moved for at least two hours. I don’t know. This feels impossible. I did call my vet and her answer was we don’t need to see her, we trust you to make the call. They know how bleak her prognosis is but that response wasn’t helpful.
I guess my real questions are, how do you know when it’s time, and how do I prepare my 7 year old? She’ll be devastated. I will be devastated. I never had dogs, or any pets at all. I have no idea how to do this. DH had pets but he grew up rural with a lot of outdoor animals and it was just… different. He’s being supportive and is a part of this discussion but I need this space to ask these questions for myself.
Our pup also freaks out at the vet so I’m going to research some in-home options. But, again, that begs the question of what do we do with the 7 year old who goes to school Mon-Fri. Should she be there? Or do we let her say her goodbyes in the morning, send her to school, then do it on a day DH and I are otherwise WFH? Idk. I also don’t want to tell her the pup is “going to sleep” to try to not have her connect sleep and death. There must be some talking points online around that.
I’m sorry to hear all this. I will say – we said goodbye to our almost 15 year old lab last year. He’d been going downhill for a while. My older kids were 4 and 8 and we explained to them that when people or dogs live for a long time, their bodies get tired and stop working. They could see that the dog stopped being able to get up on his own and was declining. Husband and I had said that we would know when Doggie stopped stealing food from the kids. One day, a kid walked right past him with a graham cracker and dog didn’t budge… that’s when we knew it was time.
We gave our kids the option and they wanted to be there. The night before, we told all our funny mischievous doggie stories and just sat on the floor with pup saying goodbye. We said goodbye in our favorite spot in the backyard on a Thursday morning. Husband and I were sobbing messes, kids were actually very peaceful and fine. I let my kids stay home from school and we just played board games and chilled. They were appropriately sad but actually talked about how they were so happy doggie lived a good life and was loved every minute.
Something somebody said to me was that there are people who don’t get pets because they can’t stand the idea that they might lose those pets. And then, think of all that they miss out on!
I was really nervous about the kids but they were totally fine. In fact, earlier this week an adult was asking kid if they had any pets (this was the kid who had been 4 when dog died). She simply said, ‘No, we had a dog named X but he was very old and he died. He started not walking and we could see x and y and we loved him very much.’ And that was it – like, totally well adjusted response. All this to say – it was much harder on husband and I than on kiddo.
You did a wonderful job explaining the situation to your kids.
aww, very kind.
I agree, my kids have always handled death much better than I expected. I think your seven year old should have the option to be there to see the dog die (although don’t force it if she doesn’t want to be) and I wouldn’t wait too long. I also grew up rural and have seen lots of animals die, had to put pets down, etc. and – it really is ok. Painful, very sad… and ok.
This is so hard, and I’m so, so, so sorry. I lost one of my dogs about a year ago and did in-home euthanasia. Highly recommend that. Do it on a WFH day. For a 7 year old, I’d have her say goodbye in the morning rather than be there. It’s typically a smooth process but it’s hard to see for obvious reasons and there’s a chance of things getting a little gross (fluids, mostly), which could be upsetting. I don’t have kids so won’t comment on helping her through it emotionally.
There are some helpful resources out there on deciding when it’s time, I’ve seen some online. Basically lists of quality of life indicators to consider – is she eating/drinking, mobility, doing any activities she enjoys, things like that. I’m sorry, I’d google for you but I’ll probably start crying. I expect your vet could share some with you, but it sounds like the weren’t super helpful. You can’t know the perfect date, but one thing that stuck with me was the idea that it’s better to be too early than too late, because really what your goal is at this point is to save your pet from needless suffering. And wishing you’d done it sooner because she is suffering is very, very rough. Also, dogs mask pain. They hide it until they can’t. My dog was absolutely fine appearing until she had difficulty breathing (started with panting in the night), which is how I found out she was full of cancer, and she was gone 4 days later.
Again, I’m so so sorry.
I’m so sorry. My previous dog got sick. His behavior started to change (small things at first) and eventually he was clearly in pain, barely eating, and couldn’t do any of the things that brought him joy. Looking back we wish we ended things sooner before he experienced all that suffering.
If you wait until your dog’s pain is undeniably obvious it means you’re waiting until she has to feel that misery. It’s kinder to put her down now given her prognosis. Let your kid say goodbye at home and do it while she’s at school. I highly recommend getting out of town for a few days afterward. The house will feel empty without your dog.
I’m so sorry. I can tell you love her very much. My vet told me that by the time your dog shows their pain in a way that is apparent to you, they are in a lot of pain. I waited too long for one of my dogs and ended up making a one hour long 2:00 am drive to an emergency overnight vet clinic so that her suffering could be ended. Throwing that out there in case you want to look up the nearest 24 hour vet clinic to you and have that option in reserve in case you need it. I’m so sorry about your situation – it is a very hard thing.
I’m so, so sorry. In hindsight we waited too long with our old dog and I’ll never do that again. We loved her so much, but she was suffering.
I have a 7 year old and l in the past 3 months *two* of her friends have lost their dogs.
One was 10, and sick, but they were expecting her to recover. The other was a very young dog hit by a car.
Frankly, honesty is the best policy. “Dog went to the doctor and is very sick. Her body doesn’t have much more energy to keep her alive.”
It is gut wrenching. Having kiddo there or not depends a lot on you, and the kid. If it were in the vet I’d say bring kid today goodbye but have only one parent go in for the procedure.
It’s so hard, the advice my vet gave was better too soon than too late. It sounds like you have time for a last day with her, I’d take time off work and spend a day making it as good as you can for her. I’d also look into doing it at home – we found that so comforting. I’m sorry, it’s so hard. Sending so much love to you.
To answer your specific questions – first, accept that you probably won’t time this perfectly, and that is okay – you do the best you can. You have given this dog a great life, and the last weeks of it are a small fraction of that time. But in hindsight, I’ve never wished I waited longer to put my pets down, only that I had acted sooner.
Second, re: your child – I think 7 is pretty young to witness this, so I would probably let her say her goodbye in the am and do it while she is at school, or on a weekend while she is at a playdate. (The latter is what we did when our son was younger). You could also give her the choice if she wants to be there or not. My son (now 13) has not wanted to be there when our last 3 cats died; I think he was about 10 the first time we gave him the choice. As to explaining it, I think we said something like this: the dog is very sick and is going to die soon no matter what. Since he can’t tell us when he is in pain or needs something, we are going to give him some medicine that helps him die without any pain to make sure he doesn’t suffer. This is part of how we take care of pets.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m very grateful for the second half of your second paragraph. She’s in second grade and tends to mirror my behavior. While I think I’m landing on giving her the choice and not pressuring her at all (almost preferring she not be there but again… her choice).. I think if she sees me bawling, she’ll react similarly when in reality she may have been ok otherwise, especially with that kind of franming.
Thank you everyone for your input. I’ve already done some googling based on what you’ve shared and found some resources. It’s feeling like it’s time. Maybe not this week, but we’re there.
In addition to all of the other good advice in this thread, you could tell your daughter that you expect to be very sad and will probably cry. You don’t have to hide your sorrow from her, nor do you need to prevent her from experiencing her own grief. It is healthy to help her understand that expressing grief is okay and is a normal part of saying goodbye to a much loved pet.
If you are going to to do in-home, you may need to schedule a few days in advance. As others have said, in home is the way to go. Also, if the concept of heaven is relevant in your family, order a copy of Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant. It captures the essence of dog and will be great for your daughter and for you. I have my doubts about heaven for humankind, but find it much more likely and appropriate for dogs.
I’m not religious and loved that book anyway when a friend gave it to me after our dog passed. It’s lovely.
I’m an atheist but obviously heaven exists for dogs and all dogs go to heaven :)
Sending you good thoughts, OP! This is so hard. Your dog is lucky to have gotten to share her life with you, and you are doing the right thing by her.
One of the things that has seemed to help our 7 year old when our dog died was making a pillow with the dog’s picture on it. She keeps it on her bed and still sleeps with it every night. It’s nice to have it as a part of bedtime, and gives us an opportunity to talk about loving and missing him. We did the at-home euthanasia option and the particular person we used was lovely – so caring, compassionate and respectful. We didn’t think our daughter was quite mature enough to be there, so she said her goodbyes the night before and in the morning, and wrote him some letters for us to read to him.
My hybrid doesn’t have a spare, just a can of fix-a-flat. I was driving over the holidays and hit debris in the middle of an interstate full of cars. I go to the side, but the tire was too shredded to fix. People were incredulous that you can sell cars without a spare. And now I would have appreciated one. It was getting dark and it was a bit of a walk to get my kids off the highway. I did have a headlamp. We wouldn’t have fit in the cab of a tow truck. If I had gotten a gas version of my car, it would at least come with a donut spare tire.
my gas car doesn’t have a spare. I didn’t think this was a hybrid vs gas distinction.
What make and model of car(s) are you and anonshmanon talking about? It’s news to me, and useful to know
Yours might, but not even all gas cars come with a spare. I bought a car a year ago and there is no spare. I need to take a look to check if there is even a designated spot for one (probably?).
I think if you get a spare and there isn’t a place for them built in, that could be really unsafe for you and others in the event of a crash.
My understanding is that the battery and drive shaft make it hard to space in a spare but I’d pay extra for one. Maybe an old-school pathfinder with the external full-sized spare?
My Volvo v60 doesn’t have a spare… thank you for the reminder to buy one.
I didn’t know that was a thing either, but I don’t think I would have picked a car based on this. If your car doesn’t come with a spare, buy one! Tires are cheap compared to the cost of a car.
It’s not that simple! You need to carry it inflated and on a wheel. That is a lethal unsecured projectile inside the cabin in the event of a crash unless you have a legitimate trunk that is big enough to get a mounted tire in and out of. And a jack. And a log wrench.
I feel like Mona Lisa Vito now.
Positraction!
This isn’t a hybrid thing, this is a car companies trying to cut cost and stay under weight limit thing. Many new cars don’t come with spares anymore, which i agree is really stupid
I think it’s stupid too.
I have AAA.
This really bothered us too when car searching. We specifically made sure to find a car that had enough room in the under trunk storage to add a spare. That was surprisingly hard to do.
We learned through experience that a roadside mechanic can replace your tire and get you back on the road very quickly and for a price comparable to a brick & mortar shop. The one we found typically serviced semi trucks, but he said they are happy to help any stranded vehicle.
I once owned a Prius that included a spare, and later owned another Prius from the next model year that did not accommodate a spare. I was initially dismayed to discover that when I lifted the hatch carpet to top of the air in the spare, but then realized it has been close to 20 years since I’ve needed to install a spare.
I have a hybrid with a spare. Maybe time to get AAA?
Shoot, sorry that happened to you with kids in the car! I appreciate the PSA and will check the trunk of my hybrid later today (!).
AAA is worth every penny.
Curious if the cars without spares have run flat tires. All of the cars I’ve looked at that had no room to accomodate a spare have come with. More expensive tires, to be sure. That’s what all BMW, Mini, Mercedes-Benz, Audi, Cadillac, Lexus, and Infiniti come with now, and I think the Toyota Sienna has them on the later models. Granted, you only get 50 miles once they lose pressure, but it will get you off the road and to a safe spot.
My no-spare car does not have run-flats.
I specifically bought a hybrid that had a spare, but the 2 models I looked at were otherwise pretty close. I had heard similar stories to yours. Maybe we can all mention to dealers that we prefer cars with spares. Also, it’s annoying, but you could buy your own spare and just let it take up trunk space, now that it’s happened to you
That would be so dangerous in a crash or even with a quick stop.
Out of curiosity, has anyone ordered clothes from Sumissura? I’ve been having fun playing with their work dress customizations.
I am looking for ideas for a Galentines party for my 13-year-old daughter. It would be for anywhere between five and 20 girls depending on how generous I’m feeling any any ideas I come up with. I’m looking for something that can entertain them for the evening, so they don’t just make TikToks all night. A friend of hers did a gingerbread decorating party, and the girls brought gifts for toys for tots. Something like that would be ideal, with some kind of community service component, but not required.
The girls are all sporty and living in wealthy suburbia. I don’t really wanna take them anywhere.
They could make cards – there are a number of charities that accept handmade cards or letters for servicemembers, adults/kids in various kinds of hospitals, etc.
Yes make crafts for a local nursing home or hospital wing!
Make-your-own pizzas, movie, cookie decorating.
What about keeping it simple and doing heart shaped pizzas, fun V-Day desserts, plus movies? At 13, I’m not sure you can really orchestrate an activity the same way you can with younger girls.
+1. I think this is the way. You could also do at home manis and pedis if your daughter is interested in that.
How about an at-home flower arranging class? https://alicestable.com/on-demand-workshops
Mani-pedi party? Board games and snack foods?
This will depend on your daughter and her friends but I would love to play Mystery Date or similar and eat fun snack food with my friends. Maybe 13 is too self conscious of an age for this though.
For the service portion (similar to Toys for Tots), our foodbank and a designated nonprofit called Code Red collect feminine hygiene products. A teacher I work with also collects them to supply free in school. Might be something age appropriate and empowering for the girls.
If you have a GFS in your area they have a pack of 60 sugar cookie dough hearts that you can bake and then the girls can decorate and take home.
We did something similar where the activity was a bracelet-making station. The girls could make multiple bracelets. Each girl also brought something off a list in order to make care packages for children/families with children in the hospital. So the girls assembled the care packages and included some of the bracelets they made.
Susie cakes has cupcake decorating kits.
what are your favorite things to make in an air fryer? got one a while ago and trying to use it more…
Brussels sprouts
Brats
Salmon from frozen. There are a number of “recipes” out there. Yes fresh or thawed done in the oven is better, but the ability to take frozen salmon from the freezer, minimally prep it, and throw it in the air fryer has been a game changer for me on healthy suppers. I also like garlic butter steak bites made in the air fryer.
We use our air fryer a TON – especially in the summer when I don’t want to turn the oven on. Here’s how we use it:
– crispy tofu for stir-frys and noodle salads
– salmon- can cook directly from frozen, we use liners
– homemade chicken nuggets
– reheating pizza
– roasted brussels sprouts, cauliflower and broccoli
What’s your crispy tofu prep/recipe?
Not really a recipe, just trial and error – slice the block into three smaller blocks and press. Cut into cubes, coat in a small amt of cornstarch. Add a little sesame oil + seasonings and air fry until crispy.
I’ve seen a technique online where you tear into cubes, boil in salted water for 5 minutes and then proceed to cook – haven’t tried this yet.
I received one as a gift and ended up donating it after realizing I just don’t like air fried food.
Frozen food- chicken breast strips, frozen and non-frozen vegetables, cod, shrimp
Broccolini, nearly every day.
salmon bites, broccoli, brussels sprouts, potatoes!
Help me make a minor update to my bathroom. I would like to update our shower curtain in a main floor bathroom that guests also use. Currently using a striped PB curtain that is 10+ years old and is looking a bit rough. I’m not loving any of PB’s current options, and am also trying to please a tween daughter who uses this bathroom and has a much different vision than I do, lol. I prefer classic styles but would like some color and/or pattern. I’m not feeling the plain white look these days. The current paint color in the bathroom is BM Buxton Blue, though I’m open to updating it.
This is an Etsy job for me – I like classic Shumacher fabric and get custom curtains made there. I line them with cheap cotton ones from Amazon and change that regularly.
I think you should let your daughter choose the decor (within reason) if this is the bathroom she uses on a daily basis. Seems kind of mean to decorate it with guests in mind when it’s the bathroom she uses every day. I’d look at Anthro or PB Teen.
I mean, I’m decorating it with me in mind, too! :)
Saffron Marigold has some print shower curtains. The “morning dew” print might go with that color.
I think it’s time to let your daughter pick it out, even if it’s not something you’d prefer.
I agree. You can always swap it out for something cheap and neutral when guests are over if it really bugs you.
+1. This is a low stakes way to let her express some individuality. Consider yourself lucky she isn’t asking for a new paint job or furniture yet. Deny Designs on Wayfair has tons of colors and prints.
+2 shower curtains take literally 5 minutes to swap and are the least permanent thing possible please just let her have the autonomy to pick something so low stakes. Don’t be that control freak mom, it will not serve you long term.
The design choices in her room have been her decision. It’s not like I’ve never given her the chance to express her decor style!
Yup.
Any recs for supportive indoor slippers or slipper-like shoes? I’ve reached the age where my feet hurt all the time and wonder if more support even indoors would help. I usually wear slippers but they are flat. Under $100.
I have problem feet (neuromas, sesamoid bone issues) and I swear by my Orthofeet house slippers with arch support. They are looking pretty raggedy now after 4+ years of daily wear, but the support still feels solid, and if I walk around barefoot I really notice my feet starting to hurt again.
Crocs clogs
They’re $150, but I have worn Haflinger cork soled slippers inside my house for more than a decade and find them comfortable, supportive, and durable. To be clear, one pair has not lasted for a decade; they probably last 3-ish years.
You could probably look for knock of Burks and find the type of shoe slipper you want.
This. I kept my first pair 4 years, which was probably 6 months too long, and just got my second pair. My feet are so happy now.
Check the brand Oofos.
Love my Ugg slippers: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/ugg-cozy-ii-scuff-slipper-toddler-little-kid-big-kid/6425005?color=ROCKY+OAK&size=Little+Kid-1+m&utm_content=34386906617&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=pla-267967516045&utm_channel=low_nd_shopping_standard&utm_source=google&adpos=&creative=161292279338&device=c&matchtype=&network=g&acctid=21700000001689570&dskeywordid=267967516045&lid=92700049882918220&ds_s_kwgid=58700005470168488&ds_s_inventory_feed_id=97700000007631122&dsproductgroupid=267967516045&product_id=A5945401&merchid=1243147&prodctry=US&prodlang=en&channel=online&storeid=&locationid=9032176&targetid=pla-267967516045&campaignid=674512763&adgroupid=34386906617&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=674512763&gbraid=0AAAAAD8eAEm8PoAkUw0vgQcmcziBPIdDi&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIgrPqzYz_kQMV7x6tBh0Fbyz6EAQYBiABEgLAZ_D_BwE
Sorry, I accidentally posted a kids slipper. I have these, they’re the grandpa style ones with good support, so warm, and I LOVE them. They’re a bit over budget at $115 but last for a few years so have good value.
https://www.zappos.com/p/womens-ugg-ansley-chestnut-ii/product/7839419/color/888138?utm_source=google&utm_medium=pla_x&utm_campaign=21906950382&utm_term=_o_49791991&utm_content=_g__w__l_EAIaIQobChMIk9imjbj_kQMVvBKtBh23binbEAQYByABEgKCMPD_BwE&gbraid=0AAAAADnIwa9VPO1KrPnoKlY_ePqdtj_Iu&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIk9imjbj_kQMVvBKtBh23binbEAQYByABEgKCMPD_BwE
My mom is German and we’ve always had wool house shoes instead of slippers. Highly recommend Haflinger or glerups but there are several great Scandinavian brands.
Got my husband these for Christmas and he’s over the moon for them. https://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/129930
I use crocs for this. They aren’t beautiful but have lots of support and cushioning.
Birkenstocks! With or without socks.
I love my Wicked Good mocs (with the firm sole, not suede bottoms). Not sure if that’s enough support for you, but they are really comfy and warm.
Olukai slippers have the same arch support as their flip-flops.
Seconding Olukai slippers – I switched from Birkenstocks and my feet are much happier. And they’re holding up very well after more than a year of daily wear.
ABEO make shearling slippers with arch support.
Oofos. Also–my feet were hurting a lot, and I went on HRT and also got a foot massager from Amazon. Both of those made a HUUUUUGE difference immediately. But the Oofos clogs are truly the best. Arch support for the win.
Some people like Vionics too, but I find them too hard/less comfy.
Thanks to all for the great recs! Looking into them now.
I swear by LL Bean’s Wicked Good Clogs. They are amazing, so supportive, and last for years.
Late but Vionic are supportive