Wednesday’s TPS Report: Howard Blazer

99 Comments

1. Early TJ – I’m planning on applying to grad school this year (to start next fall). What should I be doing to prepare financially? I’ve tried to keep costs down by eating out less, not shopping, etc. so that I can get used to a student budget. I’ve focused on saving as much as possible, but still have <$10k in undergrad loans. Should I pay them off before I start? Or is having the extra liquidity for school important? Is keeping cash in a 529 better than keeping it in a savings account for FAFSA/loan purposes? TIA!

   1. Do you already have a 529 plan?

      1. Yes, but it’s very small. My state doesn’t offer a deduction, so I haven’t prioritized putting much in it (opting for retirement accounts instead).

   2. I don’t think you need liquidity during grad school, but you might want it after if it takes you a minute to find a job. If your loans are federal you can suspend payment while you are back in school, but check what interest might accrue during that time.

      Your savings are definitely taken into account in the FAFSA.

      1. But also, depending on what school you go to and what you study they might not care as much about your FAFSA. My undergrad met demonstrated need and was basically free, but law school only gave me a 15% discount.

   3. This isn’t necessarily financial, but I would go get every maintenance health appointment done before grad school if you don’t expect to have the same insurance. My work insurance was much better and I got dental cleanings, my physical, dermatologist, etc. all done before I started my 2 year grad program just to make sure I was starting off on a good page. Luckily not much has come up health wise so far and I’m almost done with my 2 years – I still have insurance, it’s just not nearly as convenient or as good as my old stuff.

      Other than that, max out retirement savings as much as possible since you might not save whilst in grad school.

   4. It has been a long time, so confirm this, but I think that you can qualify for larger loans if you have undergraduate loan payments to still be making than if you pay them all off before you apply to grad school.

   5. Often undergrad loans are at a lower interest rate than grad school loans. I’d pay minimum payments on the undergarments loans in order to save and take out fewer grad school loans. Plus you’ll save on the origination fee.

      1. Sorry, I just had to say that I love the autocorrect to “undergarments loans.” Awesome.

         1. when I see the prices of bras these days, I wish there were undergarments loans!

            1. **Rimshot**

   6. Are you going full-time or part-time? Will you be keeping your current job? If going full-time (i.e. quitting current job) you should apply as soon as possible, if you want an assistantship that waives your tuition. That money goes quickly.

   7. Thanks all! Very helpful comments.

2. I tried to post this yesterday, but my comment was eaten, so hopefully this isn’t a double post –

   I am really in need of advice on a friendship situation. I have a friend, “M,” with whom I’ve been friends since professional school (we graduated approx. 8 years ago). Since graduating, M and I have gone different ways, both professionally (I work many hours, she does not) and socially (I’ve expanded my social network quite a bit, and she has not). For the past 2 years or so, I really have not wanted to hang out with M (in fact, I push it off and dread it), but have continued to do so because she really is a loyal friend, and we’ve been friends for so many years. Also, she will continually text me (as in 5 repeated emails asking what she “did wrong,” then she will start emailing me at work, and then she will start texting my friends and asking what’s “wrong” with me), until I give in and set plans. When we do get together though, it feels miserable to me. She spends most of the time complaining about how I never want to get together, rehashing times over the year that she believes I was acting “weird,” and the rest of the time she makes critical and underhanded statements (ex: “I would just die if I had to go through your infertility issues;” and “I can’t believe you’re not billing hours right now”).

   I am the only person from our group of friends who still hangs out with her – they have all cut her out due to her behavior. She attempts to make me feel guilty about the fact that others don’t want to hang out with her, always pries into the last time I’ve seen each person, and complains that he/she didn’t invite her to his/her event. Frankly, my other friends have cut her out because they view her behavior as immature and over the top.

   My question is – what should I do? On one hand, I feel guilty because she has been a loyal friend in the past. On the other hand though, I dread getting together, and I am angry about the comments she makes for days. I know this may seem like a silly issue, given that we are all adults, but it has been bothering me for quite some time. Any advice is appreciated.

   1. She is a horrible person who is mean to you and wildly inappropriate. She should never be emailing you at work. Tell her next time she asks to meet up “no, I don’t want to.” And if she follows up “I told you I don’t want to hang out. Pls don’t contact me again.”

      1. OP, you may want to consider how you approach setting and enforcing your own boundaries since she appears to be tromping all over them.

   2. Loyal friends don’t repeatedly email you and then email you at work and then email your mutual friends – that’s more like a loyal stalker there. Loyal friends respect your boundaries. I’d cut her loose.

   3. She is toxic. You need to DTMFA.

      1. Thanks for your responses. Would you just cut off contact completely, do a slow fade, or try to have a discussion about boundaries?

         1. She doesn’t really sound like someone who can be “reasoned” with. If it makes you feel any better, send her a constructive, and kind as possible, letter (not email) that spells out exactly why you don’t feel like you can have her as part of your life anymore. Then block her number from your phone, send her emails to spam, and don’t engage as I am sure she will attempt to try to refute what you have told her. I’m not sure why she is still able to reach you through others though, since you say all of your other friends have already cut her off.

            1. My friends don’t respond to her and are dismissive of it. They just mention it to me when we are together, and chalk it up to M being inappropriate and obsessive. It’s actually embarrassing, because M focuses the conversation about me whenever she talks to anyone with whom I’m associated.

   4. Do not feel guilty about cutting her loose. If you want to/ feel you need to be direct about it (sounds like fading isn’t working), try writing her an email next time she bugs you to hang out saying “I appreciate the invite but I need to step back from our friendship right now. There are some aspects that have been bothering me. If you would like to talk about them, let’s think about meeting for coffee in a few weeks.” I have used this with success on a clingy (but fundamentally good-hearted and open to criticism) friend.

   5. You’ve done the slow fade but she’s obsessive. You will have to be explicit. It’s up to you whether to do it in writing or in person.

      1. I highly recommend doing this in public. I know you met this person in grad school, so this person may seem stable. But she is obviously NOT self-aware and has no perception of her effects on other people, and little-to-no empathy. Unless you’re sure you trust her reactions, please be careful.

   6. I had a friend somewhat like this. She had been a good friend to me in certain ways, but if I mentioned hanging out with any other person, she would try to make me feel bad for spending time with them and not inviting her–even if she didn’t really know the other person. Also, whenever we got together she would chastise me for being a bad friend because I wasn’t making enough of an effort to hang out.

      But she never was the one to schedule time to hang out, and I finally realized that I was the only one making an effort–and the only reason was so I wouldn’t have to endure a lecture about how I wasn’t trying hard enough to be a good friend. I realized that her behavior was not that of a true friend (in my book), and so I decided to just stop trying to appease her by setting up time to hang out since I didn’t enjoy it. Basically the slow fade–and when I stopped making an effort, she literally never contacted me again. Around the same time, several other friends also seemed to make the same decision about her–I never discussed my feelings with them (preferred to avoid the drama), but I’m guessing it was for similar reasons.

      Some people are just not good friends, and it’s okay and healthy to recognize that and act accordingly. If you need to actually tell her that you don’t want to hang out anymore if the slow fade doesn’t work, I think that’s fine, but based on your description, I don’t think her behavior is going to change even if you explain what’s not working for you.

   7. I’ve been on the receiving end of a friendship break up (very different circumstances though – I was going through a major health issue and a close friend said it was too intense for her) and I really appreciated it. If she had been dodging my calls and not been straightforward with me, I think I would have made excuses for her and wouldn’t get the hint. She told me straight out that my health issues made her anxious and that she couldn’t handle that kind of energy/didn’t think prioritizing health over my career (just a minor setback at the time) was something she wanted to be around. Do not feel guilty about cutting her loose – true friends would never make you feel this way.

      Next time she calls you about hanging out just let her know “I think we’ve become very different people since we first became friends and I don’t know that we have enough in common to hold this friendship together.”

      1. Wow, maybe there’s more to this story, but your ex-friend sounds horrible! Dropping someone who was going through a health issue because of the negative energy? Jeez.

         1. Ha, I alternate daily about this. Some days, I can understand that having someone really close with major health problems is very scary and can be an emotional drain. On other days, I think, what a b! Ultimately though, I’m really grateful. My friends who did stick around are like family to me. And on another level, it was almost mutual because I didn’t appreciate that she wasn’t supportive of my health issue vs. my career. A leave of absence didn’t kill my career. Not taking one and addressing the health issue would have.

      2. I really like how you phrased this: “I think we’ve become very different people since we first became friends and I don’t know that we have enough in common to hold this friendship together.” It is very honest and not making any BS excuses. I would like to try saying this to people though and I’m afraid I’ll chicken out!

3. Thanks to everyone who gave me recommendations for Asheville/Savannah/Charleston. We ended up going to Asheville because my mom found a b and b there that she liked and had a fantastic time! We ate at The Admiral (one of the best meals that I’ve ever had!), White Duck Taco Shop (also delicious) and took a food tour with Asheville Food Tours (standouts were Mela and Chestnut) which was delicious, informative and a lot of fun. We did the Biltmore Tour (bought discount tickets online through AAA), which included the Designing Downton exhibit. Not only did we see the costumes, but they had tons of background info on the costumes and the historical context back when they would have been worn. It was a must see for any Downton fan! On the whole, a great weekend and I’ll definitely be back!

4. Ladies knowledgeable about DC, a follow up to my earlier DC question: I’m probably going to book a room at the Liason Capitol Hill for my cherry blossom weekend. Location is 415 New Jersey Avenue NW — is that a good walkable, central place to be? Any specific experiences with this hotel? Thanks in advance!

   1. I’ve heard it’s a nice hotel. You will be right by the Capitol. You can walk down the mall from there, but if you wanted to go straight to the basin area where most of the “festivities” are, you can probably take metro or circulator closer to downtown and then walk. Food options over the weekend are limited in the area, but you have everything in Union Station (which is substantial) and Art & Soul within walking distance if you want something a little nicer. Otherwise I would just bus/train/walk (depending on weather) to Chinatown/Penn Quarter.

   2. It’s not really by a lot of nightlife, but it’s an easy metro ride from Union Station to wherever you want to be. Also an easy walk to many of the Smithsonians and tidal basin.

      1. It’s a 5 min walk to Chinatown.

         1. Its more like a 15 minute walk but yeah, not very far.

            1. It is a very walkable distance to Chinatown (15 min), but please ask the hotel to direct to you the safest/most populated walking route. IMO, you really want to be along Mass Ave; walking over to Chinatown via D or E Streets can be uncomfortable. A few homeless shelters and drug clinics are in the area, so the sidewalks are often crowded (before the shelters open) or deserted but for those who do not make it into the shelters for one reason or another.

            2. I work right by there and the area is not as sketchy as it used to be. I would not hesitate to walk down E Street at all. There’s not much Union Station but it is an easy walk to Chinatown (5-6 blocks). The Circulator also runs from Union Station to the Tidal Basin.

   3. Depends on how much you’re willing to walk! It’s not super close to the cherry blossom festival “stuff” but you’re close to the Capitol and the hill restaurants. (15-20 min).

   4. Honestly it’s a little far north for me. If I’m on Capitol Hill I want to be on the south side of Union Station to be closer to the Eastern Market area where there are lots of great restaurants and stuff to do. The area where that hotel is is mostly daytime office buildings and mostly shuts down after 5.

      But that’s just me. ;o)

5. Help! I am moving from a conservative, federal law job to an in-house gig. (So excited!!) In my current job, our attire is business (must always be courtroom ready). My new, in-house legal department has stressed to me that the whole company is casual, and that this is very intentional to portray a sense of calm control. At first, I thought I would just stick with trying to dress down my suits, but I think it will be very important for me to “fit in” and be approachable pretty quickly. The thing is, I have no idea how to dress casually and be professional. I have looked at the older posts on how to transition wardrobes, but they are all over three years old. Does anyone have any pointers? A go-to uniform that I can use for a while? Would jeans (skinny? straight? I have no idea) plus blazer plus t-shirt plus flats or heels work? Thanks!

   1. Assuming jeans are permitted, I’d do trouser cut jeans in a dark wash with heels or flats, plus blazer plus shirt, and maybe a fun necklace or scarf or something, at least to start with. To me, this is the casual equivalent of a suit. You can always add in skinny/straight leg jeans and other, more of-the-moment-type pieces once you’ve gotten more of a feel for how other folks at a similar level dress.

      1. Everyone was in jeans the three times I interviewed (including CEO and GC), but both are men, so no guidance on particular cut from observing them. Any recommendations on great trouser cut jeans?

         1. I’m not allowed to wear jeans at my current office at all, but back when I wore jeans, I had decent luck finding trouser-cut options at Banana Republic and occasionally Gap (hit or miss – basically, the seasons they make them, they’re great, but some seasons they just don’t make them). I also have an ah-may-zing pair of trouser-cut jeans from Elie Tahari that I got for $6 at a local thrift store (pretty sure the pricer must’ve thought they were from the Tahari-for-Macy’s line, and wasn’t aware of the higher-end line), so if Elie Tahari is in your budget (or you have similar thrift store luck to mine :P), I’d recommend Elie Tahari as well.

            In general, I think you’ll have luck finding what you’re looking for at Nordstrom, Bloomingdales, etc.

            Also, since we’re headed into spring anyway, you probably only need two or three pairs of jeans to start with – you can always supplement your rotation with skirts/trousers, just make sure to take the dressiness of your top half and shoes down a notch to compensate (so, for example, if you’re wearing a pencil skirt maybe pair it with a drapey/less structured cardigan or blouse and ballet flats to keep it from looking too formal).

   2. I went from a business formal office (suits everyday), to a business casual office, then to a casual office, so I had a bit of a slower fade than you. In my casual office I typically wear a nice pair of jeans with a business casual shirt (invest in lots of shells and cardigans/casual blazers). I also wear a lot of dresses (including nice maxi dresses). I still wear dress slacks occasionally, so once you get there you might find this is an acceptable option. You can also probably still wear whatever you wore under your suits (blouses, shells, etc.).

   3. Ok I just can’t help it- pls try slacks instead of jeans, and trouser only if you absolutely feel you must. Younger women at my company are into the skinny jean and I can tell you it really changes people’s perception of them, like it or not. They get quite a few glances and chuckles from my guy pals. Dress slacks or more casual trouser style pants are the way to go in my opinion.

      1. gross.

      2. lol “slacks”

   4. Just my suggestion, but I’d start off with 2 pieces somewhat conservative and then a third “funky” piece. So your old suit bottoms, a brighter top, and maybe a casual knit trendy blazer (in either color or cut or both). Color is a great way to convey casual. Also, throw on some accessories (bracelets, scarf, etc).

   5. How casual is casual? Was anyone who interviewed you wearing jeans (on a non-Friday)? I wouldn’t jump all the way to jeans unless that’s what they were wearing, and I agree with the above poster that skinny jeans is probably going to far – I wouldn’t go slimmer than straight jeans.

      1. I interview three times at the company, and each time, each individual was in jeans or similarly casual pants (including the GC and CEO). It was stressed to me that it is a casual workplace.

         1. I think if everyone is wearing jeans, the trouser jeans with blazer is a great way to start. It gives you a uniform without too much effort or money (just add jeans to tops and blazers you already have) and you can then take your time noticing how others dress and deciding what you want your new uniform to be. For me that would be wrap dresses and cardigans because they make me feel nice and comfy, but they can be anything for you. ;o)

            For the long term I would start looking around for some fashion bloggers and find a few personal styles you like and follow them. Most of the fashion bloggers out there are way more appropriate for casual offices, so you have lots to choose from!

   6. Definitely no formal blazers if the company is casual. I’d probably start off wearing wrap dresses and pencil skirts with cardigans. You can make the skirts and pants of your suits look more casual by pairing them with more colorful tops and cardigans.

   7. Thissite had a great discussion 12/16/14 on a lending Conservative Style with Bus Cas. There were a lot of good comments. I think you can and maybe should dress a half step up from the guys, and I personally have not found jeans that I thought were modest enough for work. Depends on what image you want to convey but I would not do dresses or skirts if most employees are guys- I’d stick with washable modest fitting slacks and button downs if you want to be treated as a professional equal! Getting off soap box now…

   8. I don’t like jeans, I would go for some of the straight or ankle length pants at Jcrew (like the Campbell).

6. When the weather is warmer, but still cold, what shoes do you commute in? Here in Chicago it’s warm enough (yay!) to leave the winter boots at home, but I was at a loss for what shoes to wear. It’s not warm enough for ballet flats and my Hunters (that I ended up wearing) seemed out of place.

   1. Ankle or knee-high boots that are leather instead of something weatherproof.

   2. Yes ankle boots that I can still wear socks with (or tights). It’s still too cold for ballet flats.

   3. I just switched from winter boots to nice knee high leather boots since it is still tights weather here.

      My next step is usually the knee high boots (socks inside) with bare legs for a few weeks.

      Once all the snow, and salt and gravel is gone, I switch to flats.

      1. I’m wearing my knee high leather boots in SF today, which I don’t get to wear as much anymore with my current job dress code, and I am loving wearing them so much. They make me feel super bada$$. ;o)

   4. I switch to Dansko clogs (with socks of varying degrees of warmth) until its warm enough to wear sandals.

7. Favorite metallic flats? I’m looking for something in a bronze color to replace two workhorse pairs from Target/TJ Maxx that are at the end of their useful lives. I’d like to be able to wear them to work (which skews on the dressy side of biz casual) and keep the purchase under $50 — though I could be convinced to go up to $75 for the right pair. Thanks gang!

   1. Frye Regina in the rosegold color. I got them on sale, so they were only about $70 and are super comfy (soft leather) and have a slightly pointy/almond toe, so they look more put together (to me).

      1. +1000 for Frye shoes, even though they typically cost a bit more than the budget range you listed

   2. I have a pair of bow tie ballet flats from Old Navy that were about $20 and are much, much more comfortable than the pair I have from Lands End (Bianca – look exactly like the ON ones to me), which were about twice the price even on sale. Not sure either are dressy enough for you.

   3. Not sure about whether there’s a bronze color, but I just got a pair of Cole Haan Avery flats in pewter for around $65 on sale. Cole Haan in general has a lot of nice flat options, but they can be pricy.

   4. I love my bronze-colored Me Too Nini Flats. I have them in black as well but they shine in the bronze pair makes them look less like slippers.

8. Has anyone ever had something shrink after being dry cleaned? I threw a dress that just got back from the dry cleaner’s in my gym bag this morning, and it felt significantly smaller when I put it on. (Like, I had to unzip the top three inches because it’s so tight through my chest–good thing I have a substantial, high-necked jacket today so you can’t tell…) I wore it three weeks ago with no issues and and all of the other clothes I’ve put on recently have fit normally, so I don’t think I’ve gained any weight. A quick google scan says it’s rare but possible. The dress in question is standard, J. Crew wool-blend suiting fabric. Thoughts?

   1. Yes. My dry cleaner shrunk two J.Crew tippi sweaters and a Tory Burch dress. The sweaters went from skimming my body to being completely skintight, and the dress was about 3 inches shorter (with 1-2 inches of length gone from the sleeves), and tighter.

      Not pleased.

   2. Yes, I go to a fairly cheap dry cleaner, so I’m not sure if that is why, but my items often feel a bit shrunk. Usually they loosen up thought after a few hours of wear.

   3. Yes, a number of years ago my drycleaner substantially shrunk two suits. They were not wearable. They reimbursed me. One was new-ish, and they gave me full price for it, and the other one half price (I was happy with that since it was older).
      I didn’t even have to ask for the reimbursement, I just took them in and showed them. I had been goign to them for years and nothing like that had ever happened before.
      I frequent that drycleaner to this day even though its a bit out of my way now.

   4. Thanks ladies. I’ve got to keep wearing it for the rest of the day, so hopefully that will stretch it back out; if not I might ask for a reimbursement. There is no way I could wear this dress to work without something on top that’s long enough to cover my rear–it fits more like a tight cocktail dress than anything professional. I’d be in real trouble if I didn’t have a longer jacket today. I’ve been going to the same dry cleaner for years and have never had this issue before. Fingers crossed it’s a one-off and not everything I took at the same time…

      1. I am late again, sorry! This hapens to me every Spring–the dry cleaner’s shrink my fine woolen’s and I do NOT even try to get reimbrsment b/c my dad convinced me that it was NOT them, but ME. I gain alot of wieght in the TUCHUS every winter, b/c it is cold out and I bulk up, so my clotheing get’s tight and then stretched out, and then the dry cleaner’s clean and shrink them and then I can NOT even get back into them. My dad say’s if I eat less cookie’s, I would still fit them, but I say FOOEY! He also said my big TUCHUS is like my mom’s and is hereidary, and I should be happy when I slip and land on my big tuchus that I am NOT boney back there b/c of all of the adipose tissue. YAY! So I give away all of the clotheing that I can NOT any longer fit into in May, b/c I will have replaced them by then with SPRING thing’s and NY Care’s does NOT care if I bring in clotheing that does NOT fit me b/c of my wieght, as long as it is clean. Dad get’s me a DEDUCTION from the IRS, but he said I will NEVER become an MRS until I loose the tuchus. For now, I am happy with the DEDUCTION, but need to find a guy to MARRY me so that I can file a JOINT return and stop workeing already — with or without a tuchus, but Dad insist’s that no decent guy will marry me with my tuchus as it is. FOOEY!

   5. Yes. I had a pair of banana republic wool suit pants that shrunk, though they seemed to shrink more in length than overall shrinking.

   6. Yes – I had a dress drycleaned and the wool shrunk but the lining stayed the same size. So now the dress is 3″ shorter than it was originally, with the lining poking out the bottom. I can’t decide whether to just hem the lining and keep wearing it, or whether it’s now too short. Either way – very irritating. Especially since I realized after the fact that the dress was machine-washable.

   7. I’m paranoid to take anything to the dry cleaner now because this has happened with so many of my items. Often it’s what Cream Tea describes, where the wool shrinks but lining does not so the lining now peeks out–it’s how I know that the fabric did in fact shrink and I’m not just in denial about gaining a little weight. It’s happened with multiple dry cleaners and in different cities, so I don’t think it’s the dry cleaner to blame. From what I’ve read, this is just what happens when clothes are cheaply manufactured and they cut out some of the pre-shrinking steps, so the fabric is going to shrink the first time it is cleaned no matter what process is used and by whom. I don’t buy J. Crew any more for this reason, because it has happened with every suiting piece purchased post-2009ish.

      1. This this this! Quality Fail!

9. This is random, but has anyone ever done the cheek swab to learn their genealogy/heritage? My boyfriend’s father is adopted and boyfriend is curious about his heritage/roots. Has anyone used them and have an opinion on them?

   1. Not personally, but here’s this: http://www.vox.com/2014/9/9/5975653/with-genetic-testing-i-gave-my-parents-the-gift-of-divorce-23andme

      1. That’s quite a story. It’s interesting to me how straightforwardly it is told, with little-to-no emotion until the end.

      2. I find this story very misleading. It was not the testing the resulted in his parents’ divorce or any of the other results, it was whatever secret his father was keeping

         1. I don’t think it’s misleading because I get the sense that his father wasn’t aware that he had fathered “Thomas.” This article http://www.vox.com/2014/9/9/6107039/23andme-ancestry-dna-testing gives more information about why this caused his parent’s divorce.

            Thomas was conceived before the author’s parents were married and his father thought that the testing company had made a mistake when the genetic relationship was initially revealed. Nobody in the family, including his father, knew that he had another child and their (reasonable, based on the limited information that we have) reactions to this information eventually tore the family apart. There’s a reason why there are so many support and counselling services for adoptees searching for their genetic relatives. The process can be traumatic even when you expect to find them.

            1. Interesting. It was unclear to me in the first article if Thomas was the product of an affair or if he was conceived pre-marriage. It was also unclear if the dad knew Thomas could exist.

            2. The second articles demonstrates that the father knew about “Thomas.” It states – “Through the close relative finder program on 23andMe, the family discovered Thomas, a son George’s father had conceived and given up for adoption before marrying George’s mother.”

               I will admit that I would be upset if I randomly discovered that my long-term husband had given a child up for adoption prior to meeting me. But that would be because he hadn’t told me for over 25 years.

   2. Yes, my DH and I both did it. It was interesting – but the genealogy part is incomplete, at least for those of us who are “mixed European” or “northern European” – so it won’t tell you which country you are from, for example. We did learn that DH has a high percentage of Ashkenazi heritage, whereas my Neanderthal percentage of DNA was relatively high. :)

   3. My sister and her husband both did it and the results were really interesting and fun. I think they did the National Geographic Genographic Project, and they each got a nice map of their heritage a good write up of the results. I imagine it would be even more interesting if you were adopted (or a parent was adopted, in your boyfriend’s case.)

   4. We’ve both done testing through 23andme. I haven’t done much with the geneology portion off the site but we both learned some interesting things about our families and confirmed some suspicions.

10. Ladies

    Has anyone removed hair using IPL? Am thinking about getting underarms done soon. Skin tone is indian ( think Frieda pinto) and black hair.

    1. I don’t know much about it, but I’m hearing that it’s less effective than laser. If you want permanent results, why not laser? I don’t mind shaving armpits daily in the shower since it takes seconds for me.

11. Have any of you had luck pursuing an ex-spouse in small claims court across state lines? If so, roughly how much time/money did it wind up costing? My ex either made a massive mistake or intentionally screwed up our last year’s tax return and now we owe the state back ~$7-8k, but he’s being a child and has cut off all contact rather than working with me or paying back his share, despite being employed and stable. (Apparently I’m a total lady-dog for expecting him to follow our settlement agreement because I make much more money than him.) I’m trying to decide whether this is worth going after him for, or if I just need to suck it up as a life lesson about what sort of men you should combine finances with.

    1. This is based on my very limited knowledge, but couldn’t you file a contempt petition in family court for his not following the terms of the settlement agreement ?

    2. why wouldnt you just go through your divorce lawyers

    3. Can you ask your state tax franchise board? This cannot be the first time they have seen this. Maybe they have a way to go after him.

12. I used 23andme – the ancestry/heritage breakdown they reported matched my family history exactly, so no surprises there. Other options are Ancestry.com (I think they’re having a sale on kits now – $79 instead of $99) and FamilyTreeDNA.

    Whichever company you use, you can download the raw data and upload it to GEDmatch* (http://v2.gedmatch.com/login1.php), which allows you to compare to many others’ DNA – this is very frequently used by adoptees seeking to find birth relatives, so might be helpful if that’s something your boyfriend is interested in.

    *GEDmatch is not exactly intuitive – more info than you ever wanted at http://moodle.dnagedcom.com/MoodleClass/DNAadoption/UsingGEDMATCHRevised3-2014.pdf

    1. Whoops – this was for nutella above. Not sure why this posted as a lonely comment & not a reply.

13. Anyone have in any recommendations for a restaurant for dinner or breakfast in Chicago within walking distance of the aquarium & Field museum? Nothing too fancy, but a step up from fast food. Preferably with something mildly healthy, because all the fast food while traveling for work is probably slowly killing me.

    1. Breakfast: Yolk, Waffles, Bongo Room, 11 City Diner are all close and delicious, but if you’re thinking brunch be ready to wait.

       Dinner: Burger Bar, Zapatista, Flo & Santos, Tapas Valencia (getting on the long end of “walking” depending on weather).

    2. Little Branch Cafe for breakfast! I’m sure Yolk is amazing but always seems to have an incredibly long line.

       1. Ooh, yes to LBC. And yeah, Yolk’s line is long but I just love it so much. If you hadn’t specifically asked for healthy, I would have directed you straight to their cinnamon roll french toast.

    3. Thanks!

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