Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Knitted Mélange Midi Dress with Cashmere

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A woman wearing a gray knitted long dress and brown gamuza boots

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

For me, a perfect sweater dress is a necessity for getting through the dreary parts of winter. You’re pulled together, but still feel almost as cozy as you would be if you stayed home in your sweatpants.

This midi dress from Reiss is a perfect February outfit, especially styled with some fleece tights and tall boots. The elder millennial in me is dying to add a large belt as an accessory, but I’ll probably resist for now. 

The dress is $385 at Reiss and comes in sizes XS-XL. 

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

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326 Comments

  1. Hopefully a fun question! For anyone who gardens (literally), what are you planning for this spring? Flowers, vegetables, anything else?

    My flower plans include: zinnias, cosmos, sunflowers, amaranth, nasturtiums, and marigolds.

    In the veggie plot: tomatoes, green beans, winter squash, cucumbers, and looseleaf lettuce.

    1. I’m mostly growing edible stuff, plus marigolds which repel squirrels.
      I had enough cucumbers for snacking last year, want to increase the amount this year and make a few jars of pickles too.
      I will try three sisters one more time in a bed with more sun.
      Wondering if I should give potatoes another try, I’ve never had any luck with them before.

    2. I’m a lazy gardener with a small garden plot and yard full of wildlife so I stick to things they don’t eat: rhubarb, dill, mint, basil, cilantro, parsley. There are also a lot of flowers from the previous owners, but I don’t care that much about things that aren’t edible. When we get our act together (we haven’t lived here long), we’ll probably replace them with native plants to improve wildlife habitat.

      1. Yeah I have a whole hedge of free growing Asian privet which I honestly love, but I know I should replace it with something native or at least non-invasive. It starts weeds all over my yard so I’m confident it’s starting weeds anywhere the birds carry it to. I also need to remove some heavenly bamboo which I won’t miss as much. Waiting to see if kudzu and (lovely but wildly aggressive) Asian wisteria come back this spring since I’ve already worked on those.

        1. Privet is my nemesis. There’s a bunch in my neighborhood and it is a constant, ongoing battle to keep it from growing all over my yard. I cut down a giant bunch of it when I moved in and it just Will. Not. Die.

          1. Yes, it’s going to be a big chore. I also have poison ivy, English ivy, and vinca to combat, along with the privet, kudzu, and wisteria. The SEUS is a jungle.

      2. Funny because Basil is my most chewed plant. My critters are largely snails/slugs and earwigs, plus maybe other caterpillars, but they can’t get enough of Basil. Neither can I, so I both grow and buy it.

    3. I have a couple hundred tulips, iris, daffodils and peonies in the ground for spring. From seed I usually do a couple of edibles: we have a strawberry patch, I always throw in some cucumbers, zucchini, tomatoes, and a pole bean tee-pee for the kids to play in. I also have gotten my kids into propagating, so we usually take cuttings and plant them in early spring for selling/sharing in the summer (my kids like having a little plant/garden/lemonade stand).
      In late spring I’ll plant dahlias and throw down some zinnia seeds, maybe some giant sunflowers for fun.

      1. This sounds lovely. I am always weeding mock strawberry and it’s made me wonder if I should just plant real ones.

        Question: Do you worry at all about sunflower tap roots messing with things underground? I had a bunch of sunflowers one year and enjoyed them, but somebody told me not to plant them near my house or near any pipes. I thought the roots went straight down, but I suppose I don’t know what they could hit. I also felt as though no one would plant hollyhocks if this were a general principle.

        1. sunflowers are allelopathic — they can affect what you plant in the same space going forward because of the chemicals they leave behind. if you’ve ever heard people worrying about what they can plant near black walnut trees, it’s the same thing.

          1. Thanks, I just learned something similar about a miniature magnolia tree I planted (apparently they don’t let anything grow beneath them).

      2. out of curiosity have your tulips naturalized or is this their first year planting? do you know what kind of tulips you planted? i’m in cut flower circles a lot now and cut flower growers tend to view tulips as one and done. we planted daffodils and tulips when we first moved in years ago and the daffodils sort of took over the spaces, so i’m not quite sure what tulips do on their own. planted a bunch far from the daffodils in the fall; eagerly waiting for spring.

        1. I have a mix. I get 50-100 bulbs every fall and plant them. Some get eaten, some bloom and come back once or twice, some bloom and never come back and some have naturalized. We do them as a cutting garden in one area so I just load up that area every fall. I don’t worry too much about what pops up where as long as I get my flowers :).

        2. I feel the need to share this story. My mom was gifted some expensive tulip bulbs and planted them interspersed with some cheaper tulip bulbs she had bought. Over the winter, a rabbit came and dug out and ate the expensive bulbs but didn’t touch the regular one. Every time I think of tulips I imagine this gourmet rabbit sniffing out the fancy bulbs.

          1. Perhaps you have to have been a 4-H/FFA kid to get my Dutch rabbit joke, but I assure you, it would have slayed that crowd.

    4. I am eagerly awaiting my seed order so I can get stuff started. This year I’ve got:
      veggies: 3 types of cherry tomatoes, 1 sauce tomato, 1 slicing tomato, green beans, 2 types of bell/sweet peppers, eggplant, squash, zucchini (the squash and zucchini usually don’t do well and I lose them to borers before I get more than a handful, but I keep trying), cucumbers (i always end up with way too many), and I’m going to try onions and shallots for the first time. I plant in raised beds because otherwise the moles/voles eat everything and I’m very much out of space to do anything else.
      herbs: dill, parsley (this is mainly for the swallowtail caterpillars to eat), basil, oregano, thyme
      My flowers that aren’t perennials are mostly Fall-planted bulbs of various types (tulips, anemones, and ranunculus), and I’ll have marigolds in the garden beds and do a patch of zinnias somewhere in the yard because the goldfinches love them.

    5. I’m hoping to do tomatoes and zucchini and maybe one more thing, like peppers. In the past I’ve had terrible luck, but I think I’ve identified a good plot, and am going to plant directly in the ground…the last two years we’ve done tomatoes in pots, with fresh soil and fertilizer, but the plants and fruit grew soooo slowly we got at most two tomatoes. Any tips? I feel like tomatoes are supposed to be easy!

      Also, I’m going to have to critter-proof because we have tons of wildlife, including deer. At what point do you chicken wire around? We tried zucchini once and none grew! We put the chicken wire up at the beginning and I’m wonder if that hampered pollination?

      Clearly I am a newbie, but I really want to figure it out. I’m planning to get a nifty little “worm hotel” to compost my food scraps and use that soil for the garden

    6. I put down some obedient plant seeds in late autumn. This spring I’ll try some aster, salvia, and bergamot seeds.

      I have a black thumb in general, so I try to stick with easy care seeds that aren’t too expensive and just see what actually comes up! Larkspur, celosia (I think that’s a type of amaranth?), sunflower, and cosmos have been successful in the past.

      Sometimes I just end up feeding the wildlife with the seeds or the sprouts, but oh well!

      I could probably get into roses if I let myself (it’s something I used to do with my grandmother), so I’ve thought about it. They seemed high maintenance back then, but I think there may be easier roses these days.

    7. How timely! I recently bought a house and have been debating if I am capable of taking on the gardens myself vs need to hire someone. I gardened as a kid and have local family that are good gardeners as well. It would involve moving a couple overgrown plants away from the house and changing some beds and planting them. Do we think I (with their help) can do it?

      1. Depends on how big the garden is, how many other things you have going on in your life, whether you do low or high maintenance planting. Probably goes without saying but you can always split the difference and get help for part of the work and focus on your favorite bits.

      2. I really love working in the yard on a weekend – you’re outside, you feel productive and can see the results of your work right away (something my “real” doesn’t always have), I enjoy the physical challenge – so I do my own yardwork. It definitely takes time though, so if you enjoy actually doing it/find yourself giving up hobby time for something you like more, hire it out! I don’t care if everything looks HGTV perfect so ymmv, but I certainly don’t think it’s too complicated for you to do yourself

      3. we mostly did our landscaping in our new construction house (we paid crews to do grass and put in in-ground sprinklers in the front)… i think you definitely CAN do it. but i will say that planting things is a lot easier than removing things — you might need to hire muscle if shrubs/trees are really big. you should also think about soil health before you start planting, as it might make sense to do a few seasons of cover crops to put nutrients back into your soil. i wouldn’t make any changes until you’ve lived in the house for 12 full months.

    8. i’m hyperfixated on flowers right now — i mostly wintersow but have a few things started inside like snaps, as well as anemone and ranunculus corms. i’ve got a lot of tulips and daffodils planted in my pots in my unheated garage. (i’m in 6b.)

      for spring flower seeds (i highly recommend the book cool flowers by lisa mason ziegler) i’ve got 4-5 kinds of each of these: bachelor buttons, snap dragons, scabiosa, delphinium, geum, carnation/dianthus, larkspur, poppies, bellflowers — as well as bells of ireland, love in a mist, flax, forget me nots, sweet pea, mallow, lupine, and early petunia. i’m new to a lot of these. also trying salpiglossis kew blue based on a recommendation here.

      i haven’t started any summer flowers, but i’m looking forward to zinnia, salvia, celosia, cosmos (i think i have 8 kinds of all of those), gomphrena, asters. i also have at least 8 new dahlia tubers coming from swan island and petals-in-bloom farms.

      i also did a big order from prairie moon nursery and have a bunch of natives; i also went to a native seed swap near me.

      it’s about 250 different types of seeds alltogether. i like to think of it as spaghetti on the wall.

      1. oh, and roses! i got 3 from heirloom roses that will be arriving mid may: celestial night, mr lincoln, and arctic blue. super excited for those also. no, no idea where i’m putting all this.

    9. Lots and lots of flowers, as they are my joy.
      Tomatoes and herbs for edible things. Maybe some lettuce in the spring.

    10. Townhouse with limited space. Will do a c*cktail patio garden this year again – mint, basil, thyme, and some edible flowers.

      1. I’m good with houseplants, not great with gardens – but I’m going to try some herbs this year. And hopefully plant a serviceberry tree.

    11. My field of California poppies is starting to come up in the front yard. Can’t wait until the bloom. In the back we have an herb garden in pots — basil, sage, mint, thyme, cilantro, oregano, dill, Italian parsley. And we have grapes growing along the driveway and outside the kitchen windows. They are dormant now — harvest time is late August/early September. The citrus is ripe right now — limes, lemons (Meyer and regular), and oranges.

      1. My citrus is going bonkers here in Berkeley. I have a trovita orange that is finally producing sweet, fully edible oranges. It’s such a treat to go out and pluck an orange for breakfast.

        I’ve had the Meyer lemon for close to 20 years, and I would guess I get 100+ lemons per season from it.

        My lime tree is finally producing reliably, but for some reason, it gets all the limes on just a few branches. I’d guess we are in the 15-20 range at the moment, and they’re all ripening to the yellow shade you never see in grocery stores.

        1. I hate to admit it, but our oranges are still pretty sour so the most common use of them is for a twist in a Manhattan or Old Fashioned cocktail! Relatedly, we are always frustrated because the limes are ripe in the winter, when we want lime juice in the summer. So this year I harvested them all and squoze them and now I have like a gallon of lime juice in small containers in the freezer, ready for margaritas and daiquiris and all the rest of the great summer cocktails!

          1. I love that word squoze. My mom used to say that about orange juice from our many trees. :)

      2. How do your poppies look after flowering? I have a patch of open dirt on the hill behind my yard that the HOA isn’t replanting any time sooon. I’m thinking of tossing seeds and seeing what happens with sporadic watering.

        1. They look great now but it took a couple of years for them to really take hold. I say go for it!

    12. I am giving up on tomatoes for a while. I’m in the Bay Area where water is expensive and can be scarce during drought cycles, and I find the tomatoes aren’t worth the money.

      I’m having a big gathering in my backyard in June, so I’m focusing on planting pretty flowers everywhere that will be in bloom then. Nasturtiums come up on their own here and I’ve often cleared them out of one of my garden boxes to make way for veggies, but this year I’m letting them have their way as they will be still be fully in bloom by late June (they’re in partial shade.)

      I will probably get a few new fuschias for a shady area along my patio, and a mix of annuals (not from seed, from six packs) for the sunniest area. I feel like annuals look better when you crowd them a bit, so I’m going to go with a color scheme to the extent I can.

  2. If anyone would like to join me- I plan on calling my senators’ and representative’s local and DC offices daily. Even if it does nothing, it feels better than sitting idly by. I know they keep track of how many calls they get about different issues. I plan on picking 1-2 issues to mention (not everything under the sun). There are many people posting various calls to action online, but if you’re looking for scripts, there is a substack, chopwoodcarrywater has some suggestions. If you have time to read this blog, you have time to make 6 phone calls

    1. Yes! I am also encouraging my like minded family that has R reps to call. I think those will have the most impact.

    2. And please pay attention to what’s happening at the state level; your state reps will be must more responsive, and it makes a big difference.

  3. Anyone else get super annoyed that Trump gets all this credit for being masculine/a man’s man when he’s anything but? It’s yet another insult. If I were going to vote for a candidate because he was masculine, which I wouldn’t because that’s stupid, he’d at least be fit and strong, take care of his family, have a successful business that was never bankrupt or engaged in criminal dealings, know how to ride and fish and hunt, never use his strength to cause harm, and be physically attractive. It’s so frustrating that Trump gives yet another outlet for toxic masculinity to replace any of the good values stereotypically associated with masculinity.

      1. I am a super left liberal from a super left place. I am also raising two boys who have been told since they were very small that there is something wrong with them because they couldn’t sit still, wanted to move around and yell and play with sticks like they were swords. IMO schools have attempted to emasculate boys, we blame them for all sorts of historical wrongs that they personally had nothing to do with, put a tremendous onus on them to communicate with girls about gardening while relieving girls of the duty to say anything and well…. here we are… a major back lash and a generation of boys who are moving right.

        1. I truly do not believe you are left that’s just a convenient lie for you to spew your hate. The r@pe apologizing is certainly something.

        2. Ah the misogynistic mantra of a real life #boymom.

          Can we women stop tearing each other down (including little girls, ffs)

        3. Counterpoint: we make a big thing out of getting girls into STEM but do not offer arts to boys; the idea that boys feel at fault for things they didn’t have personal participation in is a failure of American individualism, not an actual fact; girls have been endlessly talked to about what they wear, what signals they give, how to say no, etc.

          Whether you consider yourself “super left liberal,” you’re yanking from a very conservative playbook. Where some men will suddenly “care” about women’s lives because they have a daughter, so you are claiming your sons as some kind of authorization for your ideas. And the non-problem of “emasculation” is a deeply conservative, singular model of what masculinity does and should look like.

          Schools aren’t emasculating anyone. That’s incredibly, deeply antifeminist bs.

          1. my kids preschool recommended that more than half the boys in the class needed related services. Please tell me how that is anything but unreasonable expectations.

          2. Yeah, boys may be sent to services too often, but that doesn’t mean school is “emasculating.” It means society is too quick to pathologize.

          3. Agreed, this is word for word a conservative playbook.

            I think kids are overdiagnosed in general. I know tons of girls, including my own, who were sent to OT or diagnosed with things like ADHD because of behaviors that were normal when we were kids. It’s an issue but not a gendered one. To the extent that boys are “redshirted” more than girls I think it has more to do with athletics.

          4. School is a bad environment for a lot of children. Girls are heavily socialized to put up with stuff more than boys are.

          5. The pervasive redshirting of boys probably contributes to the issues. Of course they can’t sit still if they are bored. 7-year-olds should not be in kindergarten.

        4. I don’t think you’re excusing r@pe, but I’ve also not seen little boys or even teenage boys getting blamed for systemic issues in school. I see this blame talking point a lot these days and I can’t connect it to anything in my lives experience.
          I’ve been out of school for a while though.

          1. I have elementary age kids (one girl, one boy) and don’t see little boys being blamed for anything either.

        5. I would stop short of using the word “emasculating” but I do agree that public schools often don’t serve high-energy kids well, especially boys. Humans evolved to be a lot more active than modern society demands/facilitates and that energy needs a constructive outlet.

          1. I believe this too, but that shouldn’t be fully the job of schools. There’s a time and a place for study and a time and a place for high energy activities–sports, chores, whatever. Schools meet the educational component but it’s on parents to make sure the rest is attended to.

          2. No, not fully the job of schools…but the new emphasis on academics at a young age, teaching reading in kindergarten instead of motor skills, and shortening recess to 22 min are all hugely exacerbating the problem

          3. “teaching reading in kindergarten instead of motor skills, and shortening recess to 22 min are all hugely exacerbating the problem”

            I see comments like this a lot here, but this is not my lived experience as a mom of two elementary age kids. Reading is taught in first grade, same as it was in the early 1990s when I was growing up, and elementary age kids in our district have three recesses a day.

          4. 9:47, the lack of activity during the school day is definitely a problem. Especially for high-energy kids.

          5. Schools should be teaching kids more academic material at a faster pace so they don’t get bored … and getting them outside to run around more. When I was in elementary school kids learned to read in K, if they weren’t already (I was), and we had two recesses plus PE outdoors every day. That’s the way it should be. Now kids spend the whole day trapped indoors doing nothing of substance, just waiting and lining up and trying to comply with red-yellow-green card systems.

          6. I agree. I feel like so many of the behavior standards in elementary were keyed towards the best-behaved of the girls. This was great for my eldest, the original “pleasure to have in class” girl child, but wound up spawning a lot of unnecessary conferences and talking-tos with teachers and administrators for my youngest, a boy who didn’t want to sit in circle time *or* stand silently in a line.

          7. I think there should be high standards for behavior in elementary school, including working quietly and keeping one’s hands to oneself, but those should be balanced by frequent active outdoor breaks to enable kids to meet those expectations.

        6. IMO girls are not offered services often enough (and no one identifies you unless you are disruptive, which many girls aren’t and that also misses boys who are distracted but not disruptive) and girl bullies escape punishment because it’s easier to tell the victim to get over it. And that victim is often a girl but doubly so if a boy victim admits to being hurt you a girl. Some girls are mean AF and get away with concerning levels of cruelty.

        7. I’m a mom of three boys and I’m going to read your comment with positive intent. I wouldn’t use the word “emasulate”, but it’s true a lot of outlets for boys have been stripped away in our society (and I don’t mean at the expense of girls). Boys need to move and confront danger and take risks and prove themselves (to themselves) in a physical manner. We have become a sedentary society that doesn’t even let kids jump off the swings at the playground anymore. And yes, we treat a lot of little boy hyperactivity as something wrong with the boy, instead of with the environment (I say this as a mom of a diagnosed ADHDer, I understand the difference).

          Dr Lisa Damour, whom many of us respect, talks about our failings as a society to treat boys as humans with emotions, and what we are doing to them when we play the blame game.

          I also have a daughter, and we shouldn’t talk about it like it’s a zero-sum game. Boys are suffering in certain ways, and girls in others, and we need to find a better way for all.

          1. I would add that perhaps girls could also benefit from opportunities to take risks and prove themselves, and for society to expect that as normal.

          2. Yes, I agree with that. It’s a whole tangent, but society is moving away from encouraging responsibility and independence for kids, and it’s doing a number on self-esteem.

            There is research showing a boy develops a sense of self-worth through physically challenging himself, failing and finally succeeding — climbing a tree, building something out of tools himself, etc — but most of these things involve a real risk of physical harm and so we are hesitant to allow them anymore.

            I agree girls ALSO benefit from these things, but there is less of an innate developmental “need.” Girls are more attuned to others, and primarily derive self-worth from community and relationships.

            (All the caveats that there are nuances…but in general biological sex does wire the brain in certain ways.)

          3. I guess I can’t help but focus on how this looks very much like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Girls get so much pressure and positive reinforcement for social behaviors, boys are given a pass for antisocial behaviors. Stereotypes outweigh biological differences anywhere you look.

        8. I don’t believe you’re super left in anyway. Just dumb as rocks.

          American society is super sedentary. See the insane carpool lines at any school. Girls need activity just as much.

          And it’s not hard to tell boys to ask ‘would you like it if I …’, or ‘ does this feel good?’. Sorry for you that your partners have been so incompetent that they weren’t checking in to make sure you loved what they were doing.

          Signed, mom of one girl and two boys. Boys are not dumb as rocks so consent was not a hard concept for them.

          1. Read the original post. This is a direct response. Not saying I agree, just that it is fully on topic.

        9. Yeah, how emasculating it is to make sure your sexual partner actually wants to have sex with you. *eye roll*

          1. I genuinely feel really really sorry for anyone who thinks consent is a hard concept. Makes me think they have normalized being with a partner who is not looking for their enthusiastic consent. Life is too short for bad gardening.

        10. We have another pious commenter calling other people liars. I am also liberal and married to a masculine libertarian leaning man. DH fixes things, is strong, has a gun AND he cooks and cleans and took care of our son as a equal partner. I agree that schools punish boys for being boys. I mean, of girls can be wiggly, too, but girls are less likely to be dx with ADD because they dream rather than fidget and disrupt. I am proud that we raised our son to be sensitive and compassionate while also being masculine. I don’t worry about my white male son getting a job and I am pro DEI. But there is a lot of misandry out there, this board included.

        11. I also have a boy in elementary who can’t sit still. I have never been told he’s a problem because of that, and multiple teachers have proactively suggested strategies/tools that could help him, while never suggesting that he’s somehow ‘wrong.’ I’ve seen your narrative in many places and keep waiting to see it pop up in my personal life but that has not been my experience. Super lefty nyc public school experience, btw…

      2. Unfortunately I think people didn’t get tricked. They liked what they saw. Which is of course more disturbing.

      1. He absolutely did NOT provide emotionally for his kids. However, he has given each one grifting and manipulation skills on which they will feed themselves well for a lifetime.

    1. I think the popular idea of masculinity differs greatly from the kind I was raised with. I guess some of you had really different ideas of what men are and what good men do. In my humble opinion none of the expectations of men and boys (respecting s€xual partners, disagreeing without ad hominem attacks, protecting those that are weaker than them, respecting those that are different, not bragging about possessions and accomplishments) are difficult or even new. These are simply the bare minimum for being a gentleman. My father was not a rich man by trump standards but he’s a gentleman. So is my husband. Did people just marry cafeteria bullies and think that all guys are supposed to be like that? Because seriously, it’s really disappointing that anyone wants to raise people like this.

      1. My late grandpa disliked Trump specifically because he was “not a gentleman” for all the reasons you say. He was a product of his time (born in the late 1920s) and had pretty regressive ideas about women’s capabilities, but fundamentally thought they should be treated with respect and that it was his job as the husband/patriarch to be an upstanding member of the community and a provider for his family. So many people now just want to burn it all down, and it’s exhausting.

        1. My grandfathers were like that too. Back then, they had regressive attitudes but also respect. Now it’s only the former.

          1. And to be clear, my grandfathers weren’t cartoon villains – they encouraged education for all the female grandchildren (including establishing college funds). Put it this way, they didn’t believe women’s place was in the kitchen, but would have been disappointed if I didn’t have kids.

          2. My mother would be in her mid 80s now (she passed in her late 70s.) She was raised with very traditional values.

            On one of her many trips to the emergency room late in life, they asked her the standard mental orientation questions like “what year is it?” and “who is the president of the United States?,” to which she answered “2017” and “oh, that asshole.”

            If she had been well enough to go to the voting booth in 2016, she probably would have voted for him, but at least she knew who he was.

          3. A family member in the same position in 2019 answered the question with “We don’t have one.” The doctor glanced around and we all said “He’s fine.”

      2. Yes, very few of us are capable of choosing and hooking a “good” man like you did. We make poor choices because we don’t have the discernment that you do. Proud of you for getting one of the good ones. They are out there for sure, the rest of us just don’t know what to look for, and I guess some of us do but just can’t pull them

    2. I take Trump at face value. He’s a bully and deeply insecure. What I truly worry about is all the other men in Congress who don’t seem to have one iota of b@lls to stand up to him. What about that idiot Thom Tillis from NC who said he would vote against Hegseth and then bailed on that idea? What about EVERY REPUBLICAN who is allowing USAID to be shut down illegally? I guess we don’t care any more about the millions of people across the world who are suffering, poor and need the US support we have sent to them for decades. I am so saddened by how cruel and uncaring our country has become. PLEASE call your senators and representatives and express your opposition to what is happening.

      1. Cruel, uncaring, selfish, and the list goes on. There was a time, not that long ago, when people actually gave a sh!t about people less fortunate than them.

    3. Also my manly candidate would finish at least on the top ten of American Ninja Warrior

      And also go to my synagogue and be valedictorian and be kind to my mother and smooth at parties and a good dancer and know the trick for the pinball machine down at the arcade

      I mean, while we’re listing manly qualities….

      1. Love it! I would like to add a deep singing voice, mad acoustic guitar skills and the ability to cook steak on a grill to perfect medium rare.

    4. I don’t think he really gets credit for extreme masculinity—I think to some extent conservatives are just trolling us here. Similar to when I would say President Biden’s mental faculties were just fine a year ago because there was no alternative I felt I could discuss.

      We all have our ideals of how people should be and I doubt anyone looks at Trump and says “that’s it!”

      1. I’ve had some weird conversations where people praised his “robustness” and vigor, like he’s just the most energetic and healthiest man alive. I think people sincerely do admire his vibe. Honestly where I am from, there are a lot of bosses and local big men who are similar, so I think it feels natural and right to have a loud mouth bully in charge since it’s what people know.

        It’s Tucker who I can’t explain.

        1. Funny to think that about a man who wears adult diapers and lifts in his shoes, and who won’t leave the house without his badly applied self tanner and the worst comb-over in history.

          1. heheheh

            So true.

            Just one of the most insecure men out there. Not manly – at all.

    1. I’m in Massachusetts and sometimes feel so helpless because I know my senators and reps are doing what I want them to (even if E Warren isn’t remotely my favorite person….but a convo for another day). Does calling them still matter?

      1. I’m in WI and I called Ron Johnson about both RFK and USAID. Yes, our phone calls still matter! Otherwise, there is an echo chamber in DC and no elected official remembers that everything Elon/Trump are doing is not what the voters want.

  4. What is one splurge in your closet that was most worth it. For me it was a navy Veronica Beard Miller blazer. I’ve had it for years, it goes with everything and the interchangeable dickies let me change it up.

    1. Wearing my most loved Veronica Beard blazer today. I always feel like a million bucks when I wear it. Worth every penny and then some!

    2. I know this is super bougie, but I splurged on a small black Chanel bag for my 60th birthday (preowned) and I use it all the time for my going-out bag and love it. Runner up: My black low-heeled Aquitalia waterproof suede knee-high boots.

    3. I have a Louis Vuitton Neverfull I’ve carried on and off for 15 years. I paid $600 to have it refurbished about 5 years ago. No regrets.

    4. My Cuyana totes from around 2018-2019. Absolute work horses and still look great.

      And a Longchamp (not le pliage, leather) cross body bag I bought in Paris in 2019. It was like $700 in USD at the time, which was the most I’d ever spent on a bag. I’m not a YSL/Chanel/Hermes level buyer, obviously.

      Why is it always bags with me??

      I think I spend the real bucks on accessories because I’m someone whose size changes a lot over time, so I know clothing comes and goes, but bags and shoes continue to fit. And jewelry!

  5. I can’t believe it’s only Tuesday. For some reason, this week is crawling.

    Anyone else feel the same way?

  6. Can anyone speak to the quality of Stella Carakasi clothing? It’s not cheap, but I do love a longer tunic over leggings. (May not be in fashion, but I like it and it looks good on me).

  7. Does it sound right that it only costs $1 per ticket to see the Washington Monument/top floor? My ticket says general admission and I am not sure if there was something different I was supposed to get to be able to go to the top? Also, if anyone has any recs for fun DC things to do with middle school boys, would love to hear them. First time trip to DC for our family. Thanks!

    1. Yes, it’s only $1 per person to reserve the ticket on recreation.gov . I just went in December. it’s basically just an elevator to the top with views, and then a very tiny museum on the floor below.

      there’s always the good ol’ Air & Space Museum, which also requires advanced reservations, and is still partially under renovations but worth going if you’ve never been.

        1. I’m back with a few more suggestions, if you let me know what the boys might be interested in I can probably think of a few more things. I live about an hour outside DC but go fairly often for day trips.

          – Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History – doesn’t need advance passes, and worth going if you’re not coming from NYC or Chicago or somewhere else with a massive natural history museum
          – National Building Museum – not free, not part of the Smithsonian, but adult tickets are a reasonable $10, often has at least one interactive exhibit, and the space is really cool to gawk at.
          – International Spy Museum – also not free, not part of the Smithsonian, and a bit pricey, but has a decent amount of interactive exhibits and is cool if any of the boys are into gadgets.
          – Smithsonian National Museum of African American History and Culture – requires advance free reservations on their website. Emotionally packs a punch but so so worth it.
          – which in that vein, the Holocaust Memorial Museum as well.
          – the Air & Space Museum I mentioned above is the one on the National Mall so walking distance of the Washington Monument, but if you are flying in or out of Dulles, the Udvar-Hazy Center is right next door and has the cooler air and spacecraft on display. I believe entry is free but parking is not.
          – National Zoo? Has pandas again. Requires free advance tickets.

          (I haven’t listed all the Smithsonian Museums, because I know people can get museum’d out fast, so if anyone is interested in history or art there’s more I haven’t listed. )

          – depending on time of year, paddleboating on Tidal Basin?
          – any of them interested in the performing arts? We’ve got a bunch of theaters around town, and the Kennedy Center has a free performance each day at 6pm.
          – walk around Georgetown University and Georgetown the neighborhood

          I also recommend Teaism in Penn Quarter for an affordable lunch if you’re at the Natural History Museum.

          1. Thanks so much – these are all great suggestions! They love sports the most but anything that is more hands on or interactive would be better. My older son is a big foodie.

          2. These are great. I’d add the Postal Museum, too — it’s really fun & my middle schoolers liked it a lot.

    2. It is small, but the National Postal Museum was fun! It is fairly interactive and my middle schoolers liked it. They have a taxidermy dog lol! Our kids also enjoyed the research room at the National Archives. But honestly, the most fun they had was when we rented scooters and rode over to the National Mall.

    3. Spy Museum is often a hit with middle schoolers. It’s expensive but sometimes you can find deals on Groupon. What kinds of things are your kids into?

      1. If the FBI still does tours, that was my very favorite as a kid (and I lived locally, so did it all).

    4. Some potentially good spots for middle school boys:

      Museums:
      Spy Museum (not a Smithsonian, so costs money), Smithsonians: Natural History, Air and Space, American History (a good military history section, if that’s appealing to them), African American (a really great museum)

      Outdoor Activities:
      Zoo (free, easy access via the red line), Billy Goat trail if they like hiking, go to a Nats game (if in season), monuments (especially cool at night!)

      Not sure where you’re coming from, but there is lots of great food in DC, especially ethnic food which may be harder to find in certain areas of the country. For example, there are several fantastic Ethiopian spots, which may be of interest for the kids.

      1. I saw a couple of nighttime monument tours on TripAdvisor, where they drive you around to a bunch of them over 3 hours. Does this sound like it would be good?

      2. Billy Goat trail is so much fun, especially for active kids. I wouldn’t do it without a car rental, but it’s a blast.

    5. Planet Word is amazing and the most hands-on museum in Washington. It is the best. Bonus for the foodie child, the excellent restaurant “Immigrant Food” is on the first floor.

    6. My 14 year old and I took a 3 hour bike tour of the monuments with a company called Unlimited Biking and that was the highlight of our trip. Also loved the International Spy Museum and, surprisingly, the inside of the Library of Congress was interesting also.

    7. Mount Vernon, if you have transportation, is a terrific historic site to visit. Depending on the time of year, a Nationals Hockey game or a Baseball game could be fun — both have venues in DC itself, accessible by Metro.

  8. Crying at work today, guys. I had a really disappointing performance review. Despite how hard I worked and the challenges that I took on and succeeded at in the last year, I didn’t work hard enough apparently. I feel so burned out and like everything I do is pointless since I’ll never make my boss happy.

    1. I also had a disappointing performance review. We are also going through externally facilitated management training, which included a Harvard Business Review article: The Feedback Fallacy. Basically, feedback says more about the giver than the receiver. While there could be a lot of other influences at work for your review, you are ultimately your own source of truth.
      Let the cry happen, feel the feelings, then decide what your truth is.

      1. Thanks for the article recommendation, it’s such an interesting concept! My boss is a textbook example of criticizing as a means to help me “learn,” which as this article correctly points out, doesn’t work!

    2. I will just chime in to say that a bad performance review should not be a surprise to anyone. If it is, it’s a sign of either a crappy manager or that you are in total denial, and I doubt very much it is the latter.

      As for practical advice, do you have good contacts elsewhere in your company? Maybe there is an option to move to a different role in your org where you are a better fit with the management.

      1. oh, and also wanted to add to make sure never to sell yourself short on the self-review. I had managers that would read my self-review and come back and say “wow, I forgot we did all that, I’m glad you kept track.” Q4 is usually what people remember, so if all the good stuff happened in Q1-3, make sure to record it!

      2. Unfortunately I occupy a really niche role in my company and I don’t think my experience/skills would transfer to another department.

        I’ve heard the same thing about how a review should never be a surprise. Unfortunately every time I have a review with my boss, there’s always something she brings up that that was allegedly negatively affecting my performance that I had no idea about. And very little positive feedback.

        1. Sometimes, managers do this because it works really well in the short term (good employees bust their butts to excel); in the long term, it creates burnout and turnover. But they blame that on external factors.

          Is your boss carrying her share of the load? I’ve found that some very bad bosses are hypercritical and overwork their employees to cover for their own deficiencies. Is that going on here?

          How secure is your job? Dial it back, establish boundaries, and use the extra energy to put your job hunt into high gear.

          1. Thanks for your comment. It’s funny you say something about her carrying her share of the load – the major project I worked on last year was something she literally couldn’t do because she doesn’t have the technical skills. So it was extra disappointing to be told I didn’t work hard enough on something she doesn’t/can’t do (when I was busting my butt every day).

            I am job hunting, but it’s been hard – I feel like there isn’t a lot out there right now.

        2. A question to think about – was your review qualitatively bad (lots of “areas to improve brought up; with little kudos or emphasis on everything that went well”; or quantitatively bad (a low score on whatever rating system, or a Needs Improvement, etc). All the advice above is spot on if it’s the second; but if it’s “just” the first with an overall good rating attached, I’ve often seen this from not-great managers who think “feedback = what you’re doing wrong”. Sometimes it can be resolved with a straight up conversation about how things are going overall. A good manager should be aware of this, and making sure to set the context, but they aren’t always.

    3. I really feel you. I won *9* awards (not industry, internal) and had tons of informal kudos, as well as working on some really challenging projects. But this year we changed the review process to include a faux-360 style review and my boss for reasons (?) decided to include a couple people I’ve only worked with on one really difficult project and those people had mostly good but some pointed project-based “areas of improvement” feedback. She also decided to ask someone who outright gave my negative marks with no explanation (which she did decide to ignore, thank goodness) which leaves me wondering why she would include someone so angry/upset/disappointed/who outright doesn’t like me!
      The 360 part counts for 25% so this year when “teamwork” and other subjective measures were a big part of the review, I got a “meets” expectations. Last year when it was 100% about performance, I got an exceeds and a promotion/bonus.
      It’s really, really tough. I get that I can’t get an exceeds every year, and leadership has made it clear that they have to “fight” for an exceeds (bleh) and our overall bonus pool is down. But still. It stings and it’s very demoralizing. I’m trying to take it as “let me show them how wrong they are” but I do feel bitter and frustrated at times.

      1. I had a direct report who would barely look at me because he didn’t get “exceeds” two years in a row. I found his attitude entitled. He transferred to another department, where he definitely wasn’t going to get “exceeds”.

    4. As a manager doing performance reviews this week, if you got a meets expectations/successful and are feeling bad about that, don’t. Something crazy like 2% of the employee population is allowed an “exceeds” rating, and the majority of the population is getting a raise of less than 2% where I work. This is at a tech company. We are a remote company with extremely high standards, and the MO is that being remote is the perk that is going to be pushed. I think companies across the board are being as stingy as they can be right now in order to compete for great talent, achieve or maintain profitability, and have money and white space to react to the unstable political environment. Do I feel like an ass as a manger, yes, but I am real about the situation with my direct reports and give them both positive and constructive feedback.

    5. I have been there, done that. Once you are crying at work, things are not going to get better for you in the same environment – you need a clean break, so brush off that resume and start looking for a new job immediately. At the same time, email everyone you know in the industry and start meeting up with people for 30 minute coffees. Tell them you’re looking for “career advice” and they’ll know you’re looking for a job. Ask them if they can introduce you to other folks and meet up with those folks. Many, many jobs are not actual postings – the last 3 jobs I got were not posted anywhere – I got them through networking. Also, start leaning way back from your work and finding other things outside of work to bring you joy.

  9. Help! I don’t have a full-length mirror. It needs to be wall-mounted but I am only finding ones that look really cheap. I’ve seen nice ones on hotels and on TV but search terms aren’t getting them. And stores in my city have cheap ones (Walmart, Target) or big heavy ones that lean against a wall (which my giant dog would possibly knock over when he gets the zoomies). The available wall space is viewable and not tucked away, so aesthetics can lead over price.

    1. The big ones that lean against the wall can usually also be hung. The leaning is just a styling choice by the stores. You’ll just need to make sure you have the right nails/plugs/etc. to hold the weight.

    2. What is a standard size of a mirror just to check how you look in an outfit? 5 feet tall by two feet? Or do you need something larger? No one over 5-10 in the picture (ha!).

    3. obsessed with my giant ikea hovet mirror. It’s $130 and looks much more expensive than it was. I have it leaning against the wall but I believe it’s mountable. Also, it’s pretty heavy; I’ve never worried about my dog knocking it over.

    4. Whatever you do, please make sure you mount to studs so you don’t rip down your drywall when the mirror falls.

    5. TJ Maxx, Home Goods, At Home normally have a good, hit or miss stock of mirrors. Also, try not the traditional size for mirrors. My favorite faltering mirror is a 24 x 48 inch mirror that I mounted on the wall so it gets a full length view. If you want to go extra spendy, Rejuventation has beautiful clean framed mirrors.

    6. We got a big one on Wayfair that we mounted, despite having the option and most of the pictures on the listing showing the mirror leaning. It’s very simple but makes me so happy – black frame, squared/rectangled off bottom and an arched top.

    7. If the mirror is just to check your outfit and not for its own aesthetic purposes, I’d just get a cheap over the door or mount on the door one and put it on the inside of your closet door

    8. I bought one at Target and spray-painted the white frame aqua to coordinate with the rest of my bedroom. Bonus – it’s lightweight and is held up with command strips.

    9. Sams Club has a nice one if you’re a member.
      https://www.samsclub.com/p/the-azalea-park-gold-filigree-easel-floor-length-mirror/P990348941?xid=plp_product_2

      i’d probably just go to lowes and call it a day. oh or you could look for a wall-mounted mirror with a jewelry thingy behind it, I think SA has mentioned having one in the past. Wayfair has some affordable ones, Ballard and Frontgate have fancier ones.

      https://www.lowes.com/pd/Project-Source-16-in-W-x-58-in-H-Silver-Beveled-Frameless-Full-Length-Wall-Mirror/5013907253

  10. I need an outfit for two work related non profit benefits, end of april/ beginning of may. both spaces are sort of open and tend to be cold. Last year I wore a satin skirt and cashmere sweater in the same color, year before i wore leather pants and a festive sweater, year before that, colorful lady jacket with a lot of jewelery….. before covid wore a sequin knee length black skirt and a black bow neck blouse. I didn’t really love any of these and every year I’m stressing about it. was thinking a dress that i can wear with flats. send help! happy to see links :) under $300, doesn’t need to be black but certainly not a very bright color (navy? burgundy? olive? grey?)

    1. Can you pinpoint what you didn’t like about the previous outfits? (Fussy, not warm enough, under-dressed, wrong vibe) It’s hard to recommend because the outfits you describe would be what I’d suggest! A dress with a warm layer under it might work but I think a dress will be substantially less warm than a sweater and leather pants or a jacket, etc.
      I’d go on Wolf and Badger personally and see what really fun statement dress I can find and then layer Heattech under it perhaps.

      1. the lady jacket felt a little work wear even with big earrings and bracelets. i was cold in the knee length skirt and blouse. leather pants ultimately made me feel like i was making more of a statement than i had intended. there’s a huge mix at these events (ranging from young people in party dresses (short tight) to work clothes (black suits or pants), i didn’t hate any of the outfits and all were “fine” but none have i been very pleased with….. will look at wolf and badger. not a brand i know.

        1. So it sounds like you want to:
          Be warm. Which means pants or a dress that can layer.
          Make a quiet statement — Leather pants were too far, and the lady jacket wasn’t far enough. You’re OK wearing sequins or satin or leather, but the leather pants were too far.
          Wear a dark neutral color that isn’t black.

          What if you swapped the slip skirt in that cashmere sweater outfit for a leather skirt — would that hit the right tone and warmth?

          1. i appreciate this thorough analysis. i find it increasingly difficult to get dressed generally (i am a stranger in my menopausal midsize body that used to be much smaller, also had a double masectomy so now actually can wear things i couldn’t wear before…)

        2. Wolf and Badger doesn’t appear to be a brand but a page like Tuckernuck, which sells lots of curated brands.

  11. Tracking books question. Has anyone found a really good app or other method to track the authors, books, series that you like (or not), have read, want to make sure you read their next book etc? I’d like something on my phone, but don’t like Goodreads (and avoiding giving coin to Mark). I actually have tried a spreadsheet, but I often need to consult/add to it when I’m in bed and only have my phone available. There must be a solution to this problem! I’ll be retired in a year or so and plan to read A LOT – want to get my bookhouse in order before then.

    1. I use the app Reading List. It’s free, I believe. I’ve tried using just the Notes app, but this has worked much better. It has a “To Read” list and a “Finished” list. I have about 6 or 7 authors that I’m currently alternating to work my way through their different books/series. I just look back through my finished books to see which author is next in line.

    2. Also curious about this. I used to use LvLUpLife, but it’s gone now. I created an account on Literal.club to look for recommendations, but I didn’t love the idea of publicizing my own list as something other people can browse (even though that’s exactly what I’m doing to look for books I may enjoy!).

      I also looked at Fable but didn’t try it.

      1. .. it is free, and if I recall correctly, you can make your personal library private, or just individual records.

    3. I just use a spreadsheet, which you can read or edit on your phone with Google Sheets or Excel (it’s a little clunky to edit, but I don’t do it that often). I get most books from the library, so I don’t bother officially tracking books to read, I just check the new books from the library every few days and add everything I want to read to my holds or wishlists in Libby. I do read book reviews and have a mental list of books I know will be coming out soon or otherwise want to read, but unless I’m committed enough to preorder, I’m not going to read it until the library gets it so I don’t see any point in tracking it. I do have a tab in my spreadsheet for older books I’ve always meant to read and haven’t, and I’m slowly working through it, but I’m much better about reading library books that ones I already own or have to buy.

    4. For a spreadsheet, use Google Sheets. I collect a prolific author from the 1920s and having my collection listed on Sheets means I have it on my phone when I’m at antique stores checking out their stacks. Only problem is when I’m in a musty basement and there’s no signal ;)

      1. Who?? I used to own every Agatha Christie at one point (just the mid century trade publications) and I loved used bookstores for searching. This was before google sheets, obviously.

        1. Grace Livingston Hill – sort of the Hallmark books of the era. Fluffy comfort, with elegant old prose and fun dictionary words.

    5. I’m in the process of switching from Goodreads to Storygraph which is apparently owned by a WoC and has a relatively small (but still responsive for its size) team and they don’t sell your data from what I can see. I listened to her interview on a book podcast a while back and figured I’d give it a go. There’s also YouTube videos that show how to transfer your Goodreads info and personalize your Storygraph settings, etc.

      1. Second the vote for Storygraph. They even have a helpful export feature so you can grab all your Goodreads data and ratings. Really liking it so far!

      2. I switched from Goodreads to StoryGraph as well, and I’ve been pleased. You can even import your Goodreads history if you want.

      3. Another vote for StoryGraph! I exported all my Goodreads books to it pretty easily and I like knowing I’m supporting an org more in alignment with my values.

    6. I just use Google Sheets since I can access that on my phone. I have a tab for read by year and a tab for want to read.

    7. I would love something like this that would also alert me when authors I like have books coming out… if anyone has recommendations.

      1. I know most people have given up on Amazon, but Kindle (or the Kindle app) does all that — keeps track of books read plus gives alerts re: favorite authorsl and also suggestions based on what you’ve already read. (I don’t shop there much any more but I can’t bear to part with my Kindle.)

    8. I have previously used Amz for this, where you can follow an author and get updates. I suppose you could still do this unless your account has been deleted?

      Now I just do what I did pre-Amz. I check twice yearly for series I follow, October is a common new book time, as is Christmas.

  12. Warren speech on the problems with the info leaking and hacking related to the Musk take over is really good. So many problems with him having control of that data (and likely poorly secured from third parties).

  13. Question from a Canadian on the tarrif issue and the related stock market fluctuations yesterday.

    Is there any oversight on trades made by those close to Trump who may have been privy to his views on whether or not to impose tariffs? I suspect some people made millions yesterday. So despicable.

    1. Our Republican senators have been insider trading for years (remember Kelly Loeffler?) Since when has oversight touched Trump or his team? I am as disgusted as you are.

      1. As have Democratic senators. I think there should be better regulation in general around this but being from CA, it’s well known that Feinstein and Pelosi are pretty flagrant about it. Pelosi’s portfolio had a return of 805% vs the S&P’s 220% over the last 10 years. I’m sure it is just a total coincidence!

    2. Don Jr bought a ton of land in Maine for “hunting” but also definitely for logging. Sale closed around Thanksgiving?

    3. I cannot overstate enough how really mad Canadians are about this. My social media all went from like vacation pics and people sharing organization tips/event listings to entirely lists and advice on how to buy local. We had dinner at my parents on Sunday and my mom was literally like ‘well I guess this is the last orange juice we’ll be drinking for a while.’

      It was not like this to near the same extent last time. Like people joking that we should cut the power during the Super Bowl from like people who were asking where to buy Chiefs gear last year. Lots of people musing about selling Florida vacation properties while the US dollar is high against the Canadian one and buying/renting in Ontario cottage country instead. It’s wild.

      I think Trump is mostly a cover for Musk and the payment system situation but I’m sure there are insider trading bits as well.

      1. Agreed. Everyone I know is boycotting the US. I have never seen Canadian so p****d off – we are generally a pretty mellow bunch.

        1. Yes everyone in my circles is completely boycotting the US. There are lists going around for local providers for literally everything, and non American sources for things that aren’t grown or manufactured here. The political shift here has been crazy and swift. I honestly think the next Canadian election will be a strong statement we do not want anything to do with America.

        2. Oh no, Canada is mad? Guess we should all panic—except, wait, doesn’t your entire economy depend on the US? US trade, US investment and US defense.

          1. The US is the world’s biggest oil producer in the world. We don’t NEED Canadian oil.

            That said, I heard Alberta wants to join us as a state to stop subsidizing the rest of Canada. We don’t want all of Canada as our 51st state but we’d probably welcome Alberta.

          2. And to debunk this, the US imports 55% of its crude from Canada as a logistical choice to align with refinery capabilities.

            The US is a net petroleum exporter.

            Canada isn’t doing the US a favor by selling us your oil. It’s the other way around.

          3. I mean, look, if the US really wants a trade war or a war war with Canada, the US would win it. But it would harm both countries, and why are we picking ridiculous fights with our allies in the first place?? It’s like they don’t understand the concept of external relationships that aren’t zero sum adversarial

          4. Liquor Control Board of Ontario is the third largest purchaser of alcohol in the world and has announced a boycott of American products. Most other provinces have followed suit – although some have differentiated between blue and red states.

            You won’t be able to get an American beer, wine or bourbon etc at any restaurant or store in Ontario.

        3. As an American, I so support this. I hate the regime so much, I hope everyone who is f$%ked over by it does what they can to fight back – even if that makes things harder or more expensive for me. Hold the line!

        4. My BIL is Canadian and he is the nicest fellow but when he gets mad about something, watch the heck out, eh! I love him, favorite extended family member.

          1. We have fairly similar personalities, and it’s such a puzzler to my narcissistic MIL that we’re both nice to her until she crosses a line. In her mind, nice people are “acting crazy” when they get mad.

        5. I was just talking about vacation plans with my husband and thinking we should visit Canada. I don’t know how well we’d be received there (we are west coast Kamala-voting liberals) but feel like it would be good to spend some vacation bucks in Canada this year. And we have loved everywhere we’ve ever been in Canada anyway.

          Opinions from the Canadians in the group?

          1. Please come! Your dollars will go far. I expect there will be a lot of empathy for anyone looking to get away from the craziness down south.

            We’re not mad at Americans individually, we’re mad at the government. There’s a few Canadians here so post back if you want travel tips when you decide.

      2. Totally agree. Trump has succeeded in unifying Canadians against the USA. Canadians will never trust the US government again. Lesson learned.

        1. The screwing over of our allies and neighbors is going to have long lasting negative effects on the US. Simply put, we can no longer be trusted. I have developed a simmering hatred of the current administration and everyone who empowered them.

          1. I realized yesterday that when Trump finishes in 2028, he will have been President for a majority of my kids’ lives. They will be teenagers who will associate the US government with incoherent trade policies and acceptance of white nationalists. Such a different experience from when I was a teenager and begging my parents for a chocolate lab when Chelsea Clinton got one.

      3. Almost all of my Canadian friends are people I know through international development circles and yeah, that overlap of people is MAD at the us. Understandably.

  14. I spent a week on a sailboat and got off on Saturday and I feel like I have land sickness. The room feels like it’s swaying and I’m dizzy and low key nauseated all the time. It’s especially bad when I try to read, use my computer or eat anything other than toast, so basically life is pretty miserable. I tried seasickness meds like Bonine and they help a little bit but not much and I can’t take them except at night because they make me so drowsy (even the allegedly “non-drowsy” ones). This has happened to me before but only lasted a day or so, this time it seems to be persisting and even getting worse. Ironically I never get seasick! Anyone experienced something like this and have suggestions or reassurance that it will get better soon?

    1. Mal d’embarquement syndrome. I always get it very mildly for a few days after getting off a ship, and my understanding is that it usually goes away after a few days… except sometimes it doesn’t and it lasts for years.

    2. Totally normal. I also never get seasick but get land sick, including after a long flight. It passes, just rest or go outside if you can.

    3. If it keeps lingering, maybe you are actually just sick? There are all sorts of viruses going around right now.

      1. It’s a very distinctive “I’m on a boat that’s rocking” feeling that I’ve never had with a virus.

        1. Vertigo? That’s how I felt when I had it, and I hadn’t been anywhere near a boat. It came on suddenly and I have no idea what caused it.

    4. Yes! For me, it was about 5 days on the boat and then about a day or two of “land-sickness”. I just kind of held-on and was very careful in the shower.

      1. +1 – you can do it yourself at home if you have a helper, or probably alone too. Look up a video on YouTube.

      2. I understand this can be helpful, but I also know someone who was badly injured when a professional helped her to do it. And it was a known, potential outcome not conveyed to her beforehand.

      3. Mal d’embarquement is different from vertigo, with a known trigger (getting off a boat) and the rocking feeling rather than spinning or more general dizziness. It happens when your vestibular system adapts to motion but for some reason has difficulty re-adapting to the lack of motion, and isn’t caused by crystals in your ear, so the Epley maneuver won’t help.

    5. first – get yourself some of those seasick bands, you can get them very cheap at amazon or drugstore. i’ve found they help with any kind of vertigo.

      if it continues after a few days, go to your doctor and ask about BPPV (benign par-something vertigo — this is a problem with your inner ear crystals) (yes seriously) as well as whether it could be a problem with your eyes. the Epley maneuver helps for first, and you can get a DizzyFix hat on Amazon if you worry you’re not doing the maneuver correctly. there are eye exercises for the second kind.

    6. My hairdresser had this. I think it lasted a couple of a few weeks for her. I think it was like vertigo and related to the inner ear. She cut my hair while sick and cut it on an angle! :-)

    7. Are you pregnant?

      My first sign that I was pregnant was that I felt seasick while standing on dry land. It definitely registered as seasick, not nauseated.

  15. Is there a magic bra that makes it possible for amply endowed women to wear a strapless dress with ease? I’m shopping for an event dress and I’m ruling out everything that you can’t wear with a regular bra…and it leaves a whole lot of mother of the bride beige :/ In my C cup years, I used stick’ums to good effect, but they’re as effective as band-aids now that I’m an E.

    1. I recently went to a specialty bra shop and asked this question as a G cup. The answer is basically no, unless you have boobs that are shaped in a very particular way. It makes me miss the days of being young and perky with no worries about bras. I resorted to finding a dress that I could wear a regular bra with after trying on dozens of strapless bras.

    2. I have heard the Spanx strapless bra is pretty good. I’m a D, which is pretty average-sized, and I just don’t wear strapless dresses anymore. Haven’t since I was a younger, perkier B cup.

      1. Used to swear by Wacoal’s “red carpet” strapless style, but don’t love it these days. YMMV. Agreed that longline is more secure. Depending on your size, I bought a random inexpensive no-name one off Amazon that I don’t hate and that stays put without a ton of padding – look up Delimira.

    3. Wacoal red carpet bra has been my go-to for years as a FF/G cup. I wouldn’t want to wear it for 24 hours but for the 8-12 hours of an event it works well.

    4. I’m a J, and the answer is no. Once you have a certain amount of tissue, it’s an engineering feat more than a garment.

    5. If you are genuinely an E, sure. Strapless ones are always flattening, they push you down and under the armpits, but there are loads in E cup.

      Go for a UK brand, so check if you might be an F or FF if your E is US. For strapless, having the correct band is everything, you don’t want to continually hike everything up, so try a sister size of tighter band higher cup.

      I’m currently a JJ/K (US N) and there were real options for strapless that stopped back when I reached FF. I had some longline strapless at GG, but I didn’t spend a whole evening in those.

  16. I am feeling so discouraged about, well, everything right now. Between the awful political climate, a very tough season of parenting my teen, and accepting that I have a terminally ill parent, I am not exactly feeling positive these days. I’m downright sad and discouraged, actually. However, I don’t want to walk around with a cloud over my head all the time, so if ya’ll have ideas for subtly shifting my attitude, I am listening. (As long as you don’t say “gratitude journal!” It’s not a lack of gratitude that’s wearing me down.)

    1. Vigorous exercise in nature and anything that gets you away from rumination (I think journaling and other activities that focus on the pain have downsides). I’m sorry for all that you’re going through.

      1. Will add: when you rage run, DO NOT have a podcast going. Defeats the purpose!! You want to listen to music? Go for it. But otherwise, take the break from humans yapping at you!

        1. Agree. I go for long, hilly walks as I’m not a runner. But getting that heart rate up really helps. And I like looking at what plants and birds are up to in any season.

          Personally I prefer no earbuds/music. I enjoy the break from all the sounds.

    2. Aggressive distraction works well for me. Running in nature. A cooking class. Swimming. Peloton. Something that engages my body and mind and is mutually exclusive with doomscrolling.

      I try to do something for at least a half-hour every day. The rest of the time I can give into the malaise but it does help, mentally, to have a little break from it.

    3. for me, my dog is a huge source of joy – and dog-related activities (forces outdoor exercise, bringing him to a new trail, etc.) – endless love & affection and he doesn’t care about all the awful news in the world. Totally get it may be bad timing to get a pet if you don’t have one already, but it’s a huge piece of my mental health.

    4. I actually think it’s OK to have seasons where we’re “not exactly feeling positive.” A terminally ill parent is a huge sorrow — there can be so much grieving that starts even while the parent is alive, and it’s very difficult to walk through everything with the parent as well as manage our own emotions through it all. Ditto your own teenager.
      So rather than subtly shifting your attitude, I’d want to help you find ways to take a break from the grief and stress, so that you’re not living in it 24/7. What helps you shut off your mind and be in a different mode for a while — exercise? art? outdoors? funny movies? music or concerts?

      1. It probably says something about my state of mind that I literally teared up when I read this. I think you’re correct. My morning workout class is a good respite. I need to find something equally immersive for the evening hours when I tend to feel my worst. I know I can’t shut off all processing, but it sucks to be mired in sadness.

        1. What about a creative activity of some sort? Can you take an art or pottery class?

          I recently started an art class through our local parks department and enjoy the 2 hours of creating something that is a) not a solution to problem and b) is nice to look at. Sometimes it is a slow process – if I am very stressed, my mind wanders while I paint, but I can usually snap out of any deep thoughts by focusing to bring one stroke of acrylic paint onto the canvas, and I embrace the fact that I can always paint over what I’ve previously done in case I don’t like it.

        2. The things that help me turn my brain off of an evening are: running, lifting weights, cooking, cleaning/organizing, the NYT crossword, flower bouquets/gardening/plant care, language learning, going to a late night movie.

      2. This was my immediate thought, as well. Be gentle with yourself in this hard time.

        I actually enjoyed horror movies when my parents were at that stage. It helped me be scared in a “safe” environment. YMMV if you hate those, though!

    5. I’ve gotten back into going to my local Episcopalian church. It’s been helping. Mix of quiet prayer on Sundays and vigorous exercise on Saturdays.

    6. Similar. The only thing that’s helping me right now is to narrow my focus. I tell myself “Things are good in this living room right now” when I’m engaging in some mindless self care. My spouse and I have started getting in bed a little early to talk/look at each other/read together and I remind him “Things are good, right here right now.”

      It’s small, but it’s creating a healthier mindset and making our home a safe bubble from everything else. Not unlike the mindset during COVID.

  17. Hell is you have 2+ sizes of clothes in your closet, the larger size has gotten snug, and the hanging rods have started to pull away from the wall.

    1. Ahhh! Been there and it sounds like it’s time to start going through things.

      I like to take an hour or so and try everything (in the size that fits) and make sure you actually like the outfit in the mirror and have a purpose for it, before putting it back in the closet. For outfits that pass the test, keep both sizes and try to track down the next size up on Poshmark. For everything else weighing your closet down, start the goodwill bag (and feel free to keep it in the closet for a few months) for discard.

  18. anyone have any feed back on the brands roselili and panrila?they are showing up in my facebook feed, both have a few cute things but wondering about quality, etc?

    1. whenever i wonder about a new store i search on google something like “roselili scam” or “roselili dropship” and there’s usually a reddit thread on point answering those questions. just remember: if it looks fabulous and is dirt cheap, there’s a reason for that some how.

  19. I’ve got champagne problems, I know. I did my taxes last night, and for the first time, I owe a lot, despite my having extra withholding and making estimated tax payments. The issue is that I’ve been saving/investing for 20 years, and I’m doing so well that I’m no longer able to cash-flow the extra taxes on my investment profits. What sort of professional do I need to talk to or what are the phrases that I should researching on my own? “Tax efficient investments” is all I can come up with. (All retirement savings are maxed out first, extra money goes to fun investments, I have no capital losses to balance out, I’m about 10 years from retirement.)

      1. +1

        Go to the Bogleheads message board, and post your question. You will get great advice.

        Basically, have your investments that have a lot of dividends/capital gains in an IRA/401K. Have your investments that have minimal gains in your brokerage accounts.

        I follow the Bogleheads guide to simple yet highly successful index investing. My Brokerage account is mostly in a broad US index fund that has minimal capital gains thrown out to keep my taxes low (the Vanguard ETF = VTI is extremely popular for this). I also keep some cash in a high yield money market fund. I do have a few stocks, and they do have dividends, but I haven’t sold them / moved them to my IRA because they have huge gains and I don’t want to take that tax hit now.

        In my traditional IRA I have my bond index funds, more VTI, and some international index fund. International index funds have a lot of turnover and capital gains, so keep that out of your brokerage. In my Roth I have both my most volatile/risky investments, more VTI and more international.

    1. Congrats, I guess? Seriously though, you’re at the point where you need to be strategic for tax purposes or face this issue again. Before you engage a professional, think about what your end goals are – do you want to keep with investing but minimize your tax bill? Bogleheads and self-education can help a lot there. Your investment brokerage should have an option to minimize tax impacts when you sell (depending on what you are selling), so make sure you check that.

      But you also may be at the point where you need to diversify your portfolio to offset your losses. This is when several of my friends bought second homes to rent out so they could use depreciation or other costs to offset investment gains. Or invested in a business. Or consider donating part of your gains to causes you feel strongly about. Ultimately a CPA can help you, but you should have an idea of what your goals are to make the most out of a meeting.

  20. Are there people who endure in big and enjoy it? I always hear how miserable it is, but I’m a 2L going to one of the mega firms next summer (litigation) and honestly am so excited. I’ve LOVED law school (everything is so interesting and the problems feel like puzzles!), I used to work in finance for 7 years so think I can handle the hours, and am excited to be surrounded by smart driven people and have the opportunity to work on complex cases. Does my bubble need to be burst? Am I completely naive? If you started in big law and went in excited, were you able to sustain that passion over the long term, or did you eventually become burned out and jaded?

    1. I’ve been a lawyer for over 25 years. Of my friends from law school (and i went to a name brand law school where almost everyone could start at a name brand big firm if they wanted) none of the woman who i know personally are still practicing at big firms. Literally zero. I have one male classmate who is a partner at a huge firm and loves it AND he works all the time and travels constantly and is an engineer and does patent work which is a very different skill set and my understanding is a very different kind of grueling than basic corporate or litigation. That said, almost everyone I know started at a big firm. Nothing wrong with the name and good experience (and if you can hack it the money helps especially if you have debt). most people do it for a few years and burn out and, unfortunately, a statistically significant of woman find it simply not worth it as they start families.

    2. I really loved it in my 20s and early 30s, and I think if I hadn’t wanted kids I might have stayed there long term and enjoyed it (though probably in a counsel role since I didn’t have the interest or aptitude for business development that’s needed to make partner).

      It was intellectually challenging, I loved the work, I mostly liked the people, and they pay you gobs and gobs of money so when we were able to get away for vacations we traveled in style (business class flights, overwater huts in Bora Bora, etc) and barely dented our savings. So yeah it was a nice life! But ultimately I wanted kids and didn’t want to squeeze the kids into the margins of my life and only see them for a few hours per week. There were no people in litigation at my firm – women or men – who spent as much time with their kids as I wanted to, so it was just crystal clear to me that if I wanted kids I had to leave.

      It’s super different than law school though, be aware of that.

      1. i posted above (the one who said i had been practicing over 25 years). this is well said and i think, objectively, true. Like i never didn’t go to a wedding (or even a birthday dinner) that I had RSVPED to because i had to work. These are issues that come up at big firms, you can chose to not stay but IMO most places a person can work don’t expect you not to go to weddings you already RSVPED to but that’s absolutely something that happens at big firms (and investment banks, not just lawyers…. anywhere where young inexperienced people are making a ton of money)

    3. Yes.
      But.
      Regardless of where you wind up, your ability to run an in-the-black practice will determine your QOL once you are >5 years out. And determine the work you get. BigLaw may help you chart your own course and if not, will help pay off debt. IMO, avoiding BigLaw doesn’t avoid the problem.

    4. I started in BigLaw, and that was amazing experience. I still look at the work I did in my first 6 years, much of which I printed out in a binder when I left my first firm and still have, decades later, and think (1) that was serious work, and (2) I did a really, really good job. There is nothing wrong with being excited about BigLaw. I worked a lot, and I should have managed my non-working hours better so that I had a social life, but I am so grateful to have had that experience. I do not know any women who endured on a partner track, but I do know a few who worked out alternative arrangements and stayed there for all or most of their career.

      1. there are woman who carve out alternative arrangments and I always wonder if they wouldn’t have been happier/ more fulfilled/ better balance just taking a different kind of job. I never wanted to be somewhere where i was sidelined.

        1. I’m on an “alternative arrangement” with 2 kids and feel like it’s overall better than the alternatives. I generally have a 9-5 job with flex for attending doctor appointments, school plays etc (I do log back on for some evening work if busy). The comp and ability to work remotely is MUCH better than in house gigs

    5. My daughter is a first-year in BigLaw, also in litigation and she sounds like you! The head of her department is a total bada$$ with kids in high school, so yes, it is possible. However, I can’t think of one woman from my law school class (90s) who is still in BigLaw. There are quite a few men, but no women.

      You do not have to decide this now. You can always change your mind and you will have plenty of doors open to you. Take the opportunity, enjoy, and see what comes next.

    6. I’m a partner in an Am Law 100 but not one of the top 5ish fancy firms. I hated the first 2 years of practice. It was endless doc review or similarly boring or unimportant assignments. Anything interesting I managed to get, I was taken off of for expedited doc review. I think the most interesting things I got to keep were nonbillable. That wasn’t the experience of every single person, idk how others managed to dodge it, and I know a couple of people who are still there and happy. It’s key to advocate for yourself and also have a mentor who has enough power in the firm to advocate for you. Attach yourself to someone will pull.

    7. i graduated law school in 2012 from a top 5. there are quite a few women from my class who are still in big law. i think it depends on the individual person, type of practice area you pursue and some (a lot) of it is also luck of the draw, like who you end up working with, cases you work on, etc. etc.

      personally i loved law school, but am too much of a planner to handle the hours. i was anxious all the time about not being able to commit to things/make my commitments.

    8. Things that were motivating-
      (a) being surrounded by smart, creative colleagues,
      (b) gradually getting more and more responsibility and interesting work as I proved myself,
      (c) the money.

      Things that lead to most people leaving-
      (a) the demand of the billable hour (stated minimum often 2,000). In reality the associates who were seen as ‘good’ it’s more like 2,100 minimum, and my highest year was around 2,300. And those hours don’t count lunch breaks, client development work like speaking at a CLE, etc. Even doing exactly 2,000, or 50 40-hour weeks, that means the only days you are ‘off’ are almost all already accounted for as federal holidays…
      (b) the unpredictability of your schedule particularly when junior
      (c) if you want to stay long-term, getting sufficient support (office politics + business development), and also timing (did your practice group just promote a few partners last year? harder for you.), to make partner, plus that starts the grind in a different way. You’re no longer the senior associate staffed on the prime matters, you’re needing to develop your own book.

    9. You are missing a key factor: many women leave not because they no longer want Biglaw, but because Biglaw no longer wants them.

    10. Yup, loved my big law career; stayed until retirement age. I was the only one from my law school section who stayed that long.

  21. I am looking for a flexible system to hang pictures on the wall.
    My kids take art classes and we have quite a selection of nice art works we would like to display. These are flat canvases in various sizes (canvas with card board backing, no frames), so no hangers yet, but we could attach a hook or something.

    We could of course put nails in the wall, but these pictures would be exchanged somewhat often, so I am thinking of some sort of wire/railing system, where we mount a track on the ceiling, very close to the wall, and then hang the pictures from wires/fishing line(?), being able to move the pictures around flexibly.

    Does anyone have such a system or can recommend anything?

    1. Yes! My house came with a picture rail, and I’m a huge fan since it makes it easy to swap things out. I think “picture rail” is the term you want to use if you’re thinking of installing one.

      1. Yep, I installed picture rail in my study and love the flexibility it gives me.

        If you have newer home, they now make profiles that are more modern and don’t read as Victorian, or if you have an older home just go for a classic profile.

    2. Emily Henderson has a post today on her site about using this kind of system to hang a gallery wall.

    3. ikea had some a while ago.

      alternate idea: take pictures of your kids’ art work when they come home and then display them on a digital picture frame.

  22. How do you manage your emotions while at work? I’m a Fed, things suck, and I vacillate between angry, sad, and scared. I’m decent about keeping the angry under control at work, but I have already let the tears flow more than I’m comfortable with. When I get upset, I can’t stop the tears though.

    I want to be able to check my emotions a bit more, as I feel like I’m not able to support my team (who are also scared, angry, and sad) when I’m crying too. I am not trying to be a robot and I think human emotion is powerful for connecting, but also as a leader there are times I need to keep it together.

    1. Solidarity. Most of my coworkers have forgotten or never read their oath of office and are cheering this coup in progress.

      1. I’m so sorry. I work at an agency that tends to attract more of the “bleeding hearts”, so at least I have lots of solidarity in my office.

        1. you all need to go to one of those smash rooms or something. as a college student, there was an “econ scream” where literally everyone would gather in the quad and scream the night before the first econ midterm to release their stress. sounds like you could use something like that

      2. I’m so tired of people not understanding that it’s literally impossible for the President to commit a coup by controlling the agencies that are under the auspices of the executive branch.

        The coup is thinking that the unelected bureaucrats can and should defy their ultimate boss, who was elected by the people.

        1. Beg to differ — the coup is forcing federal employees to violate their oath to the Constitution, which is their ultimate boss. The White House and OPM are NOT the bosses of the federal work force, and describing them as “unelected” gives you away — career civil servants are not supposed to be “elected,” they are supposed to be professional and nonpartisan as they deploy their responsibilities to “well and faithfully dioscharge the duties of the office” they enter. It absolutely is a “coup” or at least unalwful and possibly unconstitutional to do a lot of what the current president is seeking to do via Executive Order. For example, it is unlawful to shut down federal agencies (AID, Department of Education) unilaterally, without notice to Congress and congressional action. The Republican members of Congress are a HUGE disappointment, failing to discharge their duties faithfully, and ceding huge swaths of power as a co-equal branch of the government. Finally, seriously, Musk and his “lieutenants”? At least one of which is a Canadian citizen, reportedly? How are they being given access to the government’s checkbook? It’s all madness, and federal civil servants are heroes who resist this lawless incursion into the federal agencies.

    2. Do things outside of work to burn off stress — exercise, etc. That will help you manage your day. During the day, get up and move around every hour; get coffee or whatever, those breaks help your brain under stress.

    3. Find your peers you can offload to. I have a text chat with friends to vent to. But I also am honest with junior staff that I’m struggling. It’s true you have to put on your own oxygen mask first. Prioritize self-care and model it for others.

  23. Can you guys help me with a styling conundrum? I have a navy blue blazer that is not part of a suit (a little more fun, interesting style-wise) and I don’t know what pants to wear it with. It’s a lighter navy, so possibly I could get away with wearing it with black without it looking like I got dressed in the dark? I have some light- and mid-gray pants, which is probably my best bet and I don’t know why I have a weird mental block against that combo. And I do have navy pants, but I think they’re too close but too different to look okay.

    1. Navy and gray makes me feel like a middle-aged man going to the country club for lunch unless I zhush it up – think a bold patterned blouse, not a plain shell. It goes well with camel, olive green, denim, and tones down colorful styles (like I have a pair of hot pink pants that benefit from a more sober topper!). I wouldn’t do the navy pants.

    2. Navy and gray works together, but if you don’t like that color combo, that’s fine! (I don’t like navy with either gray or black, so I hear you.) If your navy jacket isn’t made of suiting fabric, that would help with combining it with the black.

      Other options would be to go lighter with the pants — dove gray, white/off-white, camel/taupe.
      Or do a tweed or plaid for the pants (go subtle or bold, depending on your style/office norms).

    3. Honestly, I’ve just leaned into navy/black and brown/black as combos I would have avoided previously.

      One: no one cares
      Two: it looks pretty intentional

      1. +1 Also I feel like navy is a neutral and goes with pretty much anything. I especially love navy with olive and maybe a red accent. Also I wore my navy jacket yesterday with tobacco-brown pants and I thought it looked great.

    4. I love navy with brown, camel, green, and denim. And of course red or white, but careful you don’t look too 4th of July.

    5. try it with two other neutrals — black, navy, white

      i’d also wear it with a dress with navy in it, or with colorful pants. great with jeans if you can wear them to work.

  24. Paging Runner – I DIY by using demi-permanent dye that doesn’t have any bad smell. It’s called COLORCHARM Demi Permanent Hair Color, Hair Dye for Gray Hair Coverage, Adds Gloss from Amazon. I get the COLOCHARM developer, mix a small amount together, and let it sit for 20 minutes before washing it out. Works for up to 2 months max if I’m lucky, but I use a lot of hair products.