This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Say hello to my new favorite work tee. This snakeskin print from L’Agence is a neutral with some punch. If you’re leaning into the current chocolate brown trend, this would look fabulous tucked into a brown midi skirt, but you could also pair it with some brighter shades.
I would love to see this with the berry color that seems to be everywhere this fall, or even under a black suit for an edgier corporate look.
The shirt is $115 at Shopbop and comes in sizes XXS-XXL.
For a more affordable option, try this Express tee for $38.
Sales of note for 10.24.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 30% off! Suits are included in the 30% off!
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything, and redeem Stylecash!
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – Friends & Family event, 30% off sitewide.
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off entire purchase, plus free shipping no minimum
- White House Black Market – Buy more, save more; buy 3+ get an extra 50% off
Thanks for the Rec
To whomever recommended the architectural boat trip around Manhattan when I posted I would have a free afternoon, thank you. Took it last weekend and it was spectacular. Had lunch the following day with longtime Manhattan residents who could not believe the stuff we had learned – I think they are going next. Great recommendation and one I will pay forward.
NYC Traveler
I’m going to NYC for a conference in a few weeks and would love to check this out! Can you share the name of the company you used?
Anon
Yes, please share!
anon
It was me. Glad you enjoyed it! Hubs and I were super surprised at how much we enjoyed it as well.
Anonymous
OP here – go to the Classic Harbor Line site and book the Architectural Boat Tour (may have the initials AIA) in it. Book early – we didn’t until two days in advance and could only get outdoor seats. It was fine because the weather was so gorgeous, but in a few weeks’ time I would definitely want to be inside for most of it.
NYC Traveler
Thank you so much!
Anonymous
small shout out to the Chicago architecture boat tour also — it was really amazing. so fascinating, especially since so much of the city was planned after the fire (whereas NYC has grown a bit more organically, at least until Robert Moses.)
Anon.
Agree, I’ve taken the Chicago one multiple times and it’s always fun.
Anon
What’s a good ballpark price for a one-time deep cleaning service for an 1050-square foot townhouse-style apartment in the Bay Area? We don’t need things like sheets washed or changed, but want floors done, bathrooms and kitchen sparkling, etc. before a baby arrives. We’ve never had a cleaning service and don’t know what’s a fair price as we get quotes.
Anon
I’ve paid around 3k for a post-construction (neighbors dust and years long project made our place gross combined with not having a cleaner for part of the pandemic) deep clean of 1500 square feet in a VVVHCOL city. Worth every cent. They clean the ceilings, every crevice, and take the place to brand new. It’s not cheap but something I’d do periodically.
Anon
Holy crap, maybe we can’t afford a cleaning service after all.
Anonymous
I’ve never ever heard of anyone laying 3k
Anonymous
I think post-renovation cleaning is different – there is construction dust everywhere. It doesn’t sound like you want them washing your ceilings, for example.
Anon
It is, it’s an extreme deep clean. We also have weekly house cleaners that do a good job but nothing close to a real deep clean.
Anonymous
In Boston, we paid double the biweekly rate for the initial clean. If you don’t want ongoing help, maybe expect ~300% the weekly rate? I’d say under $1k, maybe only $600, but expect about 8 person-hours of work for that.
Keep in mind that post construction is different- there is grit and dust everywhere.
Anonymous
And fwiw we pay $150 biweekly for a B+ cleaning job in a big 4BR home, as a reference point. No pets. About 3-4 person-hours.
Anon
I think twice the maintenance cleaning rate is the typical price for a deep clean.
Anonymous
Literally yesterday I paid $450 for a one-time deep clean of a very dirty house in an MCOL area. 2,000 sf, 4 BR, 2.5 baths. The cleaning included wet wiping of all woodwork and dry dusting of blinds. It took two people around 4 hours.
Cat
Philly pricing, I would expect somewhere around $300-$400 for a one-off deep clean, more if you want things done like the inside of the fridge scrubbed out. Adjust upwards for SF.
Cat
oh and we pay $225 for a monthly clean of roughly that sq ft; expect a premium for a one-off.
Anon
In Philly I paid right around $400 last year for a deep clean in a 3 story + basement row home
Anon
My daughter paid $450 for a deep clean of a small 2 BR apartment in the DC area.
Anon
Bay Area pricing, we paid $450 for a deep clean of around the same size of place a couple years ago, and I think we vastly overpaid back then. But I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the going rate now.
Anon
That’s around what i would expect.
OP sign up for your local Nextdoor and ask for recommendations. Or ask your neighbors if you are friendly with them.
Anonymous
We paid $800 for an initial clean of a 2600 sq ft house. This included cleaning all light fixtures, the exhaust fans in the bathroom, and the radiators throughout the house. Worth every penny.
Anonymous
I’d say $400
Nesprin
200-500$ More for a commercial service vs. a sole proprietor, more for add ons like fridge cleaning, baseboards, inside of cabinets, light fixtures etc.
cleaning
We’re in the South Bay and paid ~$400 for a deep clean of our apartment, which is around 900 sq. ft. I can’t remember if that included shampooing the carpets, or if that cost extra, but it was AMAZING. We used Lozano, and I think they serve the whole Peninsula and South Bay (not sure if they do East Bay and SF proper), but now they come every 4-5 weeks and we pay $140 with tip for the regular cleaning.
Anon
What’s the female equivalent to a polo shirt for work? I need something that looks professional enough for the office but is also okay if I need to unexpectedly do some light manual work.
I know I could do a polo, but I’m too vain to do so.
Would be paired with jeans, “travel pants”, or maybe ponte pants and boots like Blundstones.
The bottom line is functional but professional and a little fashionable.
I think the right button down could be the answer, but they rarely fit me right.
Anon
Smartwool quarter zip sweaters. Link in follow up comment.
Anon
https://www.rei.com/product/235798/smartwool-classic-thermal-merino-quarter-zip-base-layer-top-womens
Anon
I would describe this as a base layer and not a sweater. I have several for skiing and they’re great for that, but would absolutely not wear to work.
Anon
Fair. I have a few and wear them multiple times a week. I’m wearing one now!
anon
That is work from home wear – not work wear.
Anon
So I wear these in office, and I have had two bosses in a row very comfortable telling me when something isn’t appropriate to wear. I’ve never gotten comments on this type of sweater. So every office is different, but I’m surprised.
Anonymous
i agree with this – wfh wear, at least such as the one linked. i think there are similar half-zip sweaters that don’t look exactly like athleisure, but the smartwool one is definitely WFH.
Anecdata
I have done a (non wrinkle; I have some inexpensive Amazon ones) blazer with jeans in this situation, and just take off the blazer if I need to actually pick up tools
Anon
I find that a) short sleeve button downs and b) lighter material button downs (gauze or linen) work much better for me.
Nora
Uniqlo has some that fit this.
Anonymous
Long-sleeved t-shirt.
anon
To me (and maybe just me) the women’s version of this is the split neck mixed media tops from Loft. They are comfy, easy to wear, washable, and look fine with jeans or other pants, skirts or shorts. They come in sleeveless, short sleeve or long sleeve and every season they have different colors and different variations.
Runcible Spoon
I just looked these up online — they are really nice looking!
Alex Mack
I like a fitted, 3/4 sleeve boatneck for this situation. The other suggestions you’ve gotten are also good!
Cat
I like Breton stripe boatnecks for this kind of thing.
Dress
I like split-neck tops in a “dressy” fabric, e.g.:
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/vince-camuto-split-neck-georgette-blouse/7309209?color=LUSH+GREEN&size=small&country=US¤cy=USD&utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=seo_shopping&utm_channel=low_nd_seo_shopping&srsltid=AfmBOopiQpUhHhY_J3Hgp22WwmYIatDPvtF8gTy1rYFF4wGRJJPCMa3i_8E
Anon
A button front shirt. My favorite are Foxcroft no iron.
Anon
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/4678285?color=451&size=8
This is literally the women’s equivalent of a man’s polo shirt, and more flattering.
Anon
Polished tee and cardigan or knit blazer.
Anonymous
A nice t-shirt with a blazer or jean jacket over it. Remove the jacket if you have to do manual work.
Anonymous
I’d do a nicer t-shirt and a layer over it. I’m in a similar position and take off the top layer when I’m doing something physical to keep it clean. Top layers could be a vest, knit jacket, etc.
Nesprin
There is none. Because female clothing is always coded one way or another.
The closest I’ve come is a Nice Blouse made out of some supremely washable material (i.e. not wool/silk and not a delicate knit).
Anonymous
nice t-shirt with blazer — take off blazer to do light manual work.
Anonymous
Fitted polo despite vanity ;) I would have a couple, especially company branded, if you’re doing customer install type of work. East coast is more polo, west coast is more fun for our field teams of any gender.
Anonymous
Polo with more polished sweater on top?
A nice drapey silk merino sweater with a slightly loose crew neck looks nice with a collar underneath.
Anonymous
We are having some renovations done on our house, and when we signed up with this contractor they told us it would take about 5 weeks. It is now looking like it will be 9-10 weeks. The timeline was not in the contract, just verbal. As far as we know, they didn’t find any hidden problems with the house that made it take longer, they just told us “there is a lot of detail”. Is there anything to do here? I’m guessing no but wanted to see what y’all think. Obviously we want them to do a good job and finish everything properly so if it takes this long then that’s what it takes. It’s just annoying that they didn’t prepare us for this time frame (part of it is our laundry room so we’ve had to use a laundromat).
Anon
I mean it’s pretty common knowledge that every reno goes over time and over budget.
Anon
No. It’s not in the contract because the standard is that it will be double what they tell you.
Anonymous
+1 and double the budget
Anon
Yep. Double the time and double the budget.
OP do not give them any sort of final payment until they’re done done done to your 100% satisfaction. If you pay them before then, you’ll never see them again.
Anonymous
Renovations are pretty much never on time. Sorry, that’s a sucky way to learn.
Anecdata
No, this is just part of construction, and 2X is well within the realm of “typical”. Sorry about no laundry though!
Anon
This is literally how every renovation goes. Every single time.
Ses
I’ve agreed milestone target dates in writing and paid increments based on milestones. No remedy for the past (2x is what I assume with these things) but maybe get them to break things down into a couple milestones (maybe electric/plumbing, flooring and wall finishes, appliances)? That way you know earlier when the next big delay comes.
Cat
this is completely normal – the rule of thumb we’d always heard is expect it to take 2x the time and 1.5x the original budget.
Cat
oh and like Ses, a way to mitigate the risk is milestone-based payments (so the contractor has an incentive to keep it moving) but yeah, just a part of the “experience.”
Anon
IME, this does nothing to mitigate time, it only works to ensure job completion. They say you can have a contractor who is good, cheap, fast – but you have to pick two of those things. I used to go with good and cheap and that’s how you land here. Now I go with good and fast.
Anon
Welcome to renovations! Always double any timeline.
Anonymous
Nope, double the timeline always in your mind, and 1.5-3x the cost. Be happy with anything less. Our 6 month home reno took 9 before we hit 90% complete and then another 2 months before we were 100% done. And our contractor was absolutely excellent and on the ball.
Usually they hit snags with the timing of inspectors, subcontractors, a shipment of tile or windows is late or damaged- a million things.
Anonymous
No. And everyone knows that estimates always take longer.
Anon
Yeah, I would automatically double whatever timeline I was told and use that as the baseline expectation. Safest if you can mentally do that for the budget in case of unexpected issues, tbh, although that part at least should be documented in your contract and not just adjustable at the whims of your GC.
anon
It’s super annoying but probably nothing to be done, other than stay on them, and by that I mean, possibly even daily check ins. And expect more delays… basically whenever you talk to them, reverse sandbag what they’re saying- if they say 1 day, expect 3 days.
Anonymous
If it is any consolation, this is also pretty normal in massive, high budget projects – I’ve dealt with it for the organization I work for. It will be worth it when it is over.
Anon
To address the hassle of a laundromat, have you looked into laundry service? We used it for a couple of months while our laundry room was being renovated. It was very convenient and the cost was not too bad.
Anon
Very typical.
Anon
Sorry, I sympathize but there really isn’t anything to be done. Our mudroom/laundry room reno took 3.5 months not long after covid and they really were working about as quickly as they were able. Things just take longer to get in now it seems.
Anon
Ha, I think it’s common sense that these things will always take way longer than they say initially.
Chl
What are the pros and cons of buying a (not very old) used car from a dealership vs a carvana or carmax?
Anon
The dealer might give you a warranty that CarMax doesn’t, eg, one hundred thousand mile power train warranty.
That warranty, however, could come with a requirement that all work (including oil changes) be done at the dealership.
Anon
I can’t speak to Carvana but part of the deal with Carmax is their “no haggle pricing,” and they inflate the prices. The last time I checked, Carmax prices were consistently on the high end of Blue Book and a couple thousand above dealer pricing for the same car. I’ve never completed a deal with them, but they say they offer a friendly paperwork process that may offer assurance to people afraid the wool is being pulled over their eyes. Depends how comfortable you are with the car buying process.
Anon
As someone who’s bought from both, I hate hate hate dealerships. It’s a constant struggle with the negotiations and sales tactics, and when my car did need work, they’d take it in, look at it, and tell me they couldn’t reproduce the problem. I really think they were very lackadaisical about it, although obviously this is only one specific dealership. I much prefer the retail approach of carmax, although I will say that last time I tried to “reserve” a car to look at and when I went in it was not available, but I did end up finding and preferring another one in stock. Both cars that I bought thru carmax did need work done on them (one within a few months, and the other within about a year or so) but were covered by the warranties that came with the cars – I think less than so many miles and years within purchase. And it meant I could pick where I took them to be repaired, so I had more flexibility in choice. Also, when trading in, carmax offered me a much better price for my used car than the dealership did, even though I bought it from the dealership in the first place. No experience with carvana, but they lost the right to sell cars in Illinois for awhile because of their titling/registration issues, so I’m somewhat skeptical of them.
Anon
A coworker of mine just bought a car from Carvana and was signing their praises until she had to register the vehicle. Apparently Carvana had totally messed the process up on their end and it was an enormous pain to sort out.
Anon
I had to threaten to sue a car dealership who knew what the problem was but they could t figure out how to fix it. My car was still under warranty at the time but I was right up against the expiration. They literally said “we can’t fix it if we don’t know how.” They were 100% running out the warranty. I had to get the national brand involved.
anon
Our family just bought our 5th car from carmax. We have also bought 4 from various dealerships. I also bought a car during covid sight unseen from a dealership sort of like Carvana.
Carmax- easy transaction. You will pay more, but you’ll have more ease of mind about what you’re getting. They also offer extended warranty packages that can be advantageous.
Dealership- we have had amazing dealership experiences with vehicles that were great and reliable. We have also been completely screwed by dealerships. There’s more variation in what you’re getting. Theres also variation in pricing- you’ll generally find higher prices than Carmax and lower. Plus you will need to negotiate price.
Online purchase- It was a very smooth transaction, but because the entire purchase was online, I did not get to test drive the vehicle and I didn’t love it. The price was great, the transaction was pretty smooth, the vehicle was reliable, I just didn’t like it.
Anonymous
We tend to buy newer used cars that are about 2-4 years old. We have found the best deals to be either certified used at the dealership for that brand of vehicle or non-certified at another brand dealership. Eg. buying a Honda CRV from a Subaru dealership or vice versa. They have generally taken those vehicles as trades on a new car from their own brand. Dealerships for the brand tend to price a little higher as they want their own brand of vehicles to be seen as valuable.
Certified used is a category most brands have that provides a certain amount of maintenance/guarantees etc. We don’t bring it to the dealership for anything we don’t have to but I find that those vehicles are generally checked over closely by the dealerships before being sold because they don’t want to be liable for issues.
We never use dealership mechanics unless it is for something specifically required to be done at the dealership for a warranty.
Anon
Carvana is awful now and I’d avoid at all costs (bought from them 8 years ago and it was great, tried again more recently and they never delivered the car. According to r3ddit this is common now). CarMax was expensive but fine.
Ginger
We just bought a certified preowned Lexus at the Lexus dealership and honestly, it was one of the easiest car purchases I’ve ever made. It’s also the only used car I’ve ever bought (I’m in my early 60’s). The warranty is even better for certified preowned than new cars (they give you an extra 2 years on top of the existing warranty).
Re evacuees with horses
If you know of an evacuee with a horse or horses, The National Walking Horse Celebration in Shelbyville, Tennessee has extensive barns and stables available at no cost.
This does of course present something of a dilemma of values vs practicality. I do not endorse the treatment of high stepping walking horses. In fact, I abhor it. However, if someone is fleeing the hurricane and needs to stable horses this can be an option for them.
Anon
There is no dilemma. An organization is offering free shelter to horses, which become terrified in evacuations, and it’s incredibly generous and helpful. Literally no one who needs this service is going to show up and say “just so you know, you’re abhorrent, but thanks for the free stall and grain.”
Re evacuees with horses
Honestly I was just trying to head off “don’t you know they are cruel” criticism. I see that the criticism is coming anyway, for something or another.
Personally, if it was for my own benefit, I would have a choice to make. But for my (non-equine) pets, absolutely I would take any help on offer, from the devil himself if need be.
Anon
There are lots of posts on my equestrian facebook groups offering shelter. Nice to see the community really pulling together. Also not a fan of high stepping horses, but that’s a nice gesture. Hope everyone (horse and human) is safe!
Anon
“Big lick” Tennessee Walkers were not on my Corporette bingo card!
Re evacuees with horses
Ha! I’ve ridden a naturally gaited one and it truly is a perfectly smooth ride. I know people who have the natural gaited walking horses for trail riding.
Anonymous
This reminded me of the Joyce Carol Oates story Upon the Sweeping Flood. What a crushing story in light of what the people in the paths of Helene and Milton are going through now.
Lily
Shot in the dark… hit me with your best suggestions for a 6 year old girl’s birthday party in South Jersey (Cherry Hill/Haddonfield/Moorestown/Mt. Laurel/Marlton or thereabouts) or Philly (Center City only, east of Broad preferably).
We’ve done play spaces / jungle gym type places in the past and I’m sure she’d be down for that again, but I’m pretty over those types of places (and will probably have to endure many more of those parties since I also have a 3 year old with a busy social calendar).
She really likes drawing/art, books/reading, anything crafty, and games. Am probably going to invite her whole kindergarten class (ugh) which is like 22 kids, plus 5-7 friends from outside of school, so I’m guessing we’d have approximately 20-25 kids when you account for RSVPs.
We could maaaybe have it at our house, we have a finished basement that’s pretty big, but I’d only want to do that if there was some kind of structured activity, not just a free-for-all (we’ve done those and it was chaos).
TIA!
Anonymous
Try Philly Art Center (they’re in Fairmount as well as Cherry Hill) for a crafting party. We’ve done art/crafting parties and they’re really fun. You could also do a Color Me Mine pottery-painting thing. You could also contact bakeries to do a cooke-decorating party, either at the bakery or at your house.
Anon
If you are unenthused by the thought of inviting her whole class, you don’t have to! Pick a couple school friends and mix them with the 5-7 others. That is perfectly fine for K. (in my opinion, that’s still a little large and overwhelming.) I know it may be the “culture” etc etc to invite everyone, but what are they going to do? Ostracize your daughter because she invited them and not the 18 other kids in class? If so, those are not people you want to be friends with.
I’m in the NYC suburbs and I understand the push to do things because “everyone does them that way and you’ve got to hustle and keep up.” But we have never had a whole class birthday and never will. It’s okay to do it a different way!
Anon
i have twin girls in first grade and i’ve typically hosted whole class parties, not to “hustle and keep up” but to be inclusive, especially in kindergarten when you are meeting so many new people. we did a roller skating party with almost 50 kids for their 6th birthday. kids could also bring scooters. they’d probably love an arts and crafts party, but there isn’t a good place where we live for that size. we almost did a science party, but the roller skating worked well. I’m trying to convince them to do the same thing for when they turn 7. I agree that if she invites like 2 friends from her K class then that’s fine and not exclusive, but i don’t think it’s nice to invite like half the class.
Anon
Yeah it honestly never occurred to me that whole class parties are a “keeping up with the Joneses” thing. In our area, the really rich families are more likely to do small and exclusive parties at very expensive places like the American Girl doll store or the hideously overpriced cake bakery, while middle class people invite the whole class to a playground or pool or gymnastics place.
That said, I’m not sure we’re going to invite everyone in first grade. My kid is still tight with about half her K class, wants her whole Girl Scout troop there, plus a few friends from aftercare and other activities and that + the whole first grade class (+ the few younger siblings of random classmates that always seem to show up) would be like 35-40 kids, which seems like way too many to me. But it definitely makes sense to me to invite the whole class in K, unless it’s impossible budget-wise.
Anon
Kids really love the play places, so I”d just do that. If you host it at your home, some kids will whine constantly about being bored. If you have a MyGym near you, that’s my favorite place and was super popular for K/1st parties. The staff manage the party activities very actively, which means you don’t have to do anything.
You don’t “have” to invite the whole K class but I think it’s really nice if you can afford it. Not only is it more inclusive for the kids, but it’s the best way to get to know parents. We’ve remained close with my daughter’s K class parents who we got to know pretty well through 10 or 15 whole class birthday parties that year.
Anon
+1. I have a slightly older daughter, and we have been to a few parties at pottery painting type places, and while they are fine, the gymnastics/climbing/play places seem to be a bigger hit with more of the kids.
Anon
My kids best parties were at my house. We also did the rented party space parties you describe, like the giant bouncy house place, but the kids had the absolute most fun when we had an old fashioned birthday party here at the house with streamers and balloons and cupcake liners full of nuts and candy at each place setting.
The absolute best ones were when we hired someone to come in for the entertainment. We hired a local science teacher who advertises himself as “the science guy” for parties. One year, they all built a volcano in our backyard. Another year it was all about static electricity- the kind of thing where a kid holds their hand on a glass globe and then their hair stands straight up. It was really fun!
anon
Please tell me about your experiences with a parent with Parkinson’s and help me wrap my head around what I’m in for. My dad was diagnosed 10 years ago. He is now 74. His tremor is largely managed by medication and regular exercise, though it sometimes gets quite active when he is tired or stressed, and let’s say he is holding a cookie sheet, all the cookies would fall off. He is in stage 2, probably veering on 3. He walks with shuffle. He has had a couple of falls. He had his first fall (sort of froze) in Jan 2020. He is largely independent and can still cook, get groceries, dress himself. He needs my mom’s help now and again to open a jar or tie a shoe. He still drives when the drive is a routine one around town that he is used to, but is having more trouble getting in and out of his sedan. My mom (68) is in good health and helps him and will (finally) retire next year. Their house has not been adapted eg ramp, walk in shower or anything like that.
Anon
They need to start to think about moving or adapting the house. It sounds like maybe he really shouldn’t be driving anymore though i know it’s hard to get someone to give up that independence.its not fun to watch and im very sorry you’re going through this
Anonymous
He’ll likely need more and more intense care and lose independence. He may start having cognitive changes and emotional changes (which can include delusions and hypersexuality, unfortunately). It will be exhausting for your mom so you may want to help her line up support groups, friends, and respite time for herself. Changes to the house are good if they can be afforded, but you’ll want to encourage enough funds for caregivers and maybe a facility at some point – which usually must be paid out of pocket. Falls may contribute to fast declines, esp if he breaks a hip, so anything you can do to minimize those risks will help. I’m really sorry. Neurodegenerative diseases are so painful.
anon
Not Parkinson’s but other aging in place situations. If he doesn’t already have one, I’d get him an Apple watch for fall detection and set it to share his location with you plus put you as an emergency contact. Not a bad idea for mom as well (as mom’s are notorious about covering up falls). In the house, get ahead of the adapted situation -especially the bathroom. Even if it were not for Parkinson, looking at the bathroom situation is a good thing to consider generally for aging parents. You probably want to price out how much it will be to make sure that there is space for a wheel chair or walker in the house. Talk to contractors now so you know if it will make sense to adapt the house overall. Sorry you are going through this.
Numbersmouse
As another poster says above, neurodegenerative diseases are painful. My MIL has Parkinson’s (diagnosed in her early 50s). She’s in her mid-60s now, and looks and moves about 10 years older than she is. She has multiple mobility aids: several walkers, two electric wheelchairs, and a mobility scooter (we got the Minimus from Careco in the UK; she uses it to get around their neighbourhood and beach house).
Physical symptoms are fairly predictable, but psychological symptoms can catch you off-guard. My MIL has recently started experiencing manic phases followed by intense dysphoria, and occasional psychotic episodes with uninhibited behaviours and paranoid delusions. If your dad is open to therapy, it might be useful to start seeing someone before his mental health declines.
I second the suggestion to adapt their house sooner rather than later and phase out the driving. Also, find out how much caretaking your mum wants/is capable of taking on, and start thinking about hired help if they can afford it. Not saying to hire someone immediately, but it’s good to start finding out what your options are and setting expectations. It can take months to find the right fit for an in-home caretaker, so you definitely don’t want to wait until you have no choice.
I’m very sorry you and your family are going through this.
Anonymous Grouch
And that hired help can start slow. Perhaps a house cleaner once a week so your mom doesn’t have the burden of keeping up with dusting/wiping, or a yard service. You can add more help as needed as you go on. The trick is to get ahead of things so no-one gets burnt out, or a crisis develops that requires sudden, expensive emergency action.
I am super lucky that my own parents, in their early 80’s but in good health, have moved into a retirement community in anticipation of not being able to handle as much a few years from now. For now it’s just a nice apartment community where meals are served in a dining room and someone is keeping an eye out, but over time we can add (pricy) other services as necessary. They won’t need to move again, so any big changes in “service level” will come with less upheaval than if they had kept their big house.
Anonymous
My parent doesn’t have Parkinson’s, but does have Alzheimer’s and the last two weeks have been all-family-hands-on-deck crisis management because my parents refused to take any of the obviously necessary steps over the past two years. From that experience, I’d like to gently suggest that the time is NOW to make sure that they have a solid estate plan and long-term care plan. If they don’t have long-term care insurance, then they need to think about Medicaid asset planning. If you happen to live in a state that offers PACE, then those programs tend to be great resources that are worth exploring as they are specifically designed to help people age in place as long as possible and to coordinate care – with Medicare + Medicaid eligibility, there would be essentially no cost to the participant. These are hard conversations, but if my parents had been willing to engage in them when they were appropriate, then we could have come much closer to respecting my dad’s long-expressed wishes for his care — instead of winging it thorough emergency hospital admission, transfer to another hospital ~ an hour from my mom, and rapid-fire tour of several long-term care facilities then crossing our fingers that one that could meet dad’s needs had a room open for him. All this is coming at a great expense as they’ll have to be pretty much self-pay for at least a couple of years until eligibility for Medicaid and/or VA benefits can be established.
anon
Is your Dad followed by a Neurologist specializing in Movement Disorders at a major hospital / academic center?
Once you hit your Dad’s stage, and basically ANY time you start to have falls (even just one fall), it is time to see physical therapy and possibly occupational therapy. There are really excellent new physical therapy programs specifically for people with Parkinson’s and they can help evaluate what he needs and teach him the appropriate exercises and “tricks” to help deal with the problems he has. They can help him figure out the best ways to get in/out of the car. Sometimes it just means buying this simple removable handle, for example, that you keep in the car door storage slot. And often the Neurologist and PT can set up a home OT visit to figure out what changes can be done at the house to make things easier / safer.
I would try to talk with your Mom about her concerns and what she sees, and start opening up the conversation with them about how they see the next years/decades of their retirement, and what their goals are. Mom’s health could easily change at any moment too, and the stress the caregivers have in situations like this can be very high – just FYI.
But overall it sounds like your Dad is doing super well. So look for the specialized PT program in his community (if you share their city, I will look for you) and encourage this as a way to make sure he maintains his ability to do what he wants to do as long as possible.
Often depression is something that increases with Parkinson’s disease, and can make it harder for him to function. Depression is actually part of the Parkinson’s symptoms. So start talking about that now…. “Dad how is your mood doing with all of this? It is a lot to think about I’m sure…..” And by telling him you read and heard from your friends that depression can be a symptoms of PD and that it is just as important to treat as tremor. Because untreated depression, increases the development of dementia and we don’t want that. And of course, it is awful for him and your Mom for him to be depressed.
But getting the bathroom safe – with grab bars etc.. is an urgent need. The bathroom is the most dangerous room in the house. The key is telling them that a bad fall could change things forever…. a broken hip, or even worse…. a head/brain injury. They happen all the time. No more falls is the most important goal right now.
Tai Chi, bike riding and dancing are all wonderful activities that many folks with mild Parkinson’s can do successfully and they are excellent for strengthening, balance, mood and for fun.
Anon
I’m the poster trying to figure out where to go with DH for our 40th bdays. We live in Houston. Have been away once without our kids (stayed local, went to Hill Country and had bad weather). We have 4 nights in January and want to maximize our time at our destination and not a ski/cold place bc we are doing that over spring break with the kids. Ideally some place that has a mix of stuff to do and relaxing. Anyone have any ideas that haven’t been discussed so far?
Cat
I’d start by going to Google Flights, putting your dates in without a destination, and using the Explore feature. After you click through you can filter accordingly (nonstop, preferred airlines).
Cat
oh and for reliably warm beachy weather, you really need to leave the lower 48. Even south Florida is hit or miss in Jan.
Anon
Agree. You’ll have to get pretty close to the equator to have reliably warm weather, or better yet, get well past the equator and vacation in the southern hemisphere summer.
anon for this
Look at places you can fly to direct from Houston – you’re fortunate that there’s a major airport there. Have you been to Costa Rica? That would have a good mix. Or Guyana?
Anon
Go to Mexico City.
Nina
Second this. I did this with a friend for our 30th birthdays. Lots of fun cool bars, make a reservation at Pujol. It’s just a really nice city. I would see this more similar to a vacation to Paris or something – city vacation not island vacation. You could probably pair it with a city on the coast for some beach time.
Anonymous
Cancun. You want 3-4 days and good weather and maximizing time on location, so that means something with direct flights.
Anon
From Houston, they have *many* options for direct flights, especially in central America and the Caribbean. It’s a huge United hub, and United routes pretty much all US-Caribbean flights through there.
Anonymous
I wasn’t suggesting this as the only option.
Anon
I have no idea what has been discussed so far, but we like St Lucia if you’re interested in a Caribbean island. Costa Rica or Belize would also work.
Anon
I think Costa Rica or one of the more “active” Caribbean islands (St. Lucia, St. Martin) Is a good fit. Hawaii would be too but is probably too far given the timeframe.
Dress
Cruise out of Galveston!
Anon
If she’s worried she won’t like an all-inclusive resort, a cruise doesn’t seem like the right choice. I like cruises personally but they have all the downsides of all-inclusives (often mediocre food, large crowds) with no real advantages.
Dress
I didn’t see that part of the post!
Anon
Buenos Aires or Santiago. You can fly non-stop from Houston, it’s summer there, and it sounds like a city is more your jam than a tropical island. The flights are long but go overnight both ways so you won’t lose much sightseeing time and I think the time is only 2 hours off from you so you won’t be terribly jet-lagged like you would if you went to Europe or even Hawaii.
Anonymous
Anse Chastanet in St. Lucia
Anon
Does anyone have experience with Alex Mill sizing? I’m typically a S in mall stores (Jcrew, AT, etc.) but M in “designer” sizing (Theory, Vince, etc.). Wondering where this brand fits in that range.
Anon
I think sizing is in line with Theory and Vince. But the general fit/cut of their clothes is boxy like Vince can also be.
Anon
I have one shirt from AM (it is a BEAR to iron but is otherwise pretty amazing) and find it in line with J Crew. I think the founders were at J Crew before, so that may be why I equate the sizing. I am not a small person, do not wear a medium in anything, and my shirt is a large.
Anonymous
I’ve been underwater for 3 weeks. Today, two of my largest clients called (separate calls). They both have urgent fires today – one of them literal, a site caught on fire – and I am not sure how to stay afloat for the next couple weeks. Any advice for buckling down and getting through it?
Anonymous
Get as much help as you can offloading anything else you can off your plate, even minor things. Break each fire into manageable chunks and tackle them in order of priority. Eventually you can use downtime from one to tackle the less important tasks on the other, etc.
anon
Do less. You’re essentially in survival mode. For the literal fire, managing the rebuild, insurance, etc is a full time job. Try to buffer yourself from that to the extent you can- call in construction managers, risk managers, insurance consultants (these are folks who will help maximize the insurance coverage, like a public adjuster but for companies). Try to get a little exercise every day- it will keep you sane.
Anon
Another home reno question.
I’m thinking about whether I should do a tub to walk in shower conversion.
I have a 115 year old house. “Main” bathroom upstairs has a claw foot tub and a ring curtain for showers. “Master” bathroom, which was added in the 1920s, has a shower over tub configuration. It is not a huge bathroom so there’s no separate tub/shower option.
I’m thinking as part of the aging in place process I should have the tub taken out of the master bath and do a stall shower with a bench at the end.
Have any of you done this? Any lessons learned? Is it bad to lose one of two tubs in a house? (FWIW there’s a half bath downstairs)
Anon
We did something similar but have a 3.5 bath set up. Our thought was that if anyone truly wanted a bath they could go to another bathroom. What we did (and our contractor suggested) was to make the shower stall enclosure as large as possible to ensure room to maneuver. We also made sure to put in a hand shower option for ease of use.
We have a large steam shower with a rainfall head and a hand shower attachment plus a bench on one side. We were advised to do a smaller ledge for seating or a removable bench given that our square footage was also limited – the idea was to preserve as much space in the shower enclosure for a wheelchair user as possible.
Anon
Our master bath doesn’t have a tub, and when we redo it we will not install a tub but will make a bigger shower. It’s a bit personal preference, but I think a spacious walk-in shower is a bigger selling point and feels more luxurious than a standard tub/shower combo.
Cat
Yes. It’s so much nicer to shower in a reasonably roomy stall than in a bathtub even without aging as a consideration!
Cat
oh and best tip that we implemented — locate the niche / cubby somewhere that isn’t super visible. It looks all elegant when it’s empty or staged with a glass bottle and a loofah, but when it’s full of shaving cream and razor and soap and different products… you’ll be glad it’s tucked out of eyesight rather than front and center.
Ours is at knee height (doubles as a shaving ledge) in the half wall that faces ‘backwards’ away from the rest of the bathroom, so you can’t see it at all unless you are (a) standing on the toilet looking down and sideways, or (b) in the shower.
Anonymous
I think it’s fine to have one tub but I’m not sure how friendly an upstairs bath will be for aging in place. FWIW I had a historic home with a walk in glass shower over historic tile floors with beautiful wallpaper and a sink in a furniture-like piece of cabinetry. It was really beautiful and seemed somewhat historically congruent even without a tub.
Anonymous
A walk-in shower option is never a bad thing, you never know when you’re going to trip over and break your ankle (ask me how I know…) My lesson learned based on that is plenty of space, try and avoid even a small lip if you can, and think about the whole process (when you get out of the shower where are the towels, how can an injured or older person support themselves or sit down again as they get dry, that kind of thing).
Anonymous
Oh, and where is the shower stuff – can you do a recessed cubby of shelf or something in easy reach of the bench.
Anonymous
We did exactly this and have not regretted it for a second. Bathtub in the hall bathroom (for kids and whatnot); stall shower with bench in the master.
Anon
We have zero tubs in our 1920s flat. Taking them out and doing showers let us use more room for other things in very small bathrooms. Zero regrets.
Anon
I really like having at least one tub in the house. We renovated a bathroom with a walk-in shower and steam system and thought we were done, but after doing that I still wanted a bathtub for Epsom salt soaks, foot soaks, etc. If you have young kids or dogs you may want a tub for washing them, too.
Anon
We’d be keeping the clawfoot tub in the main bathroom. It’s original to the house and I’m not willing to get rid of it. And it’s great for a soak.
Runcible Spoon
If your “master” bath is on the main floor, and there is a room on that floor that could be used as a bedroom, then, bonus! Because if you need to live on one level, upstairs will be out of reach as you age in place.
Anonymous
Hot take, you can’t reliably age in place with two stories or stairs at any major access points. Maybe you’ll be lucky health wise but many people aren’t.
Assume you’ll leave the house at some point. Do you want to give up your historic bathroom versus making a downstairs bath more functional.
Anonymous
Can anyone tell me where I can find an image of what my gerrymandered district looks like? I cannot for the life of me find a source. Thank you! (I’m in Ohio.)
Anonymous
Try Wikipedia – Ohio’s Congressional Districts
Runcible Spoon
This link might help: https://www.ohiosos.gov/elections/ohio-candidates/district-maps/
Good luck!
(FYI, I Googled “Ohio Congressional District Map” and this was one of the results; I did not check it for accuracy or recency.)
Anon
I have a lot of opinions on gerrymandering (actually worked professionally in the area back in the day).
Ideally, districts will be compact, contiguous, and have similar areas together (eg keeping coastal areas together if they have substantial interests in fishing, maritime, and environmental issues).
That gets tough because districts have to be close in size. The Supreme Court allows more size variation amongst state districts, but that is a function of necessity (it might not be possible to get within the plus/minus one population that is required for US Congressional districts).
People get all upset over districts that sprawl or cut up towns/counties, but that’s often the only option when the numbers need to be nearly identical in each district. It can sometimes be required in that is what it takes to get minority representation.
For fun, you can also take a look at where Congresscritters live when the new lines are drawn. It’s always fun to see them try to protect their darling incumbents or screw someone who they want out.
Anon
Yes I am upset that my entire majority minority city was split up between rural districts. I don’t understand how that helps minority representation; it feels more like being wiped off the map?
Anon
It doesn’t help minority representation – it dilutes the minority’s power. That is a district drawn by politicians seeking to drown out that minority’s voice by pairing with a large group of non-minority people.
anon
+1
anon
recs for cute sneakers that are not unisex (come in women’s sizes) and run narrow– something like a samba or a gazelle but they do not fit my feet at all. like a sneaker to wear with jeans but not a work out sneakers… thoughts? thanks!
anon
New Balance 574 comes in women’s options, in addition to the unisex ones.
Anon
Golden goose.
anon
Stereotypes aside, its is a great brand if it is in your budget. I was an early convert and find them super comfy and supportive.
Anonanonanon
If you get the right size/if they have your size.
anon
Not… cute.
Anonymous
GG is fabulous. Easy to take out the insole and put my orthotics in, very high quality leather hand made in italy. I’ve had my 5 years and they are still perfect. One of my best purchases.
Anonymous
I have narrow feet and can wear P448 and Converse with thick no-show socks.
Anon
Taos has various sneaker options and tends to run narrow.