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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Rollneck Reversible Cardigan

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A woman wearing a light pink sweater, sunglasses, a black belt, and blue jeans

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I am totally delighted by the idea of this reversible rollneck cardigan from J.Crew. I haven’t tried it on in person yet, but the brand claims that it can be worn with the buttons in the front as a cardigan or flipped around as a regular sweater. As someone who wore a lot of J.Crew in the late '90s/early 2000s, the familiar rollneck style feels like a fun dip into nostalgia, but the cable knit at the sides feels like a fun update.

From the reviews, it sounds like you might want to size up if you want something a little more roomy.

The sweater is $118 at J.Crew and comes in sizes XXS-3X and in four other colors. 

Sales of note for 9/11:

198 Comments

  1. If your coloring works best with cool, saturated, deep winter tones, what are you wearing for fall? I love the rustic, tweedy autumn colors but have finally accepted that they do not flatter me at all. Are there any brands that focus more on that section of the color wheel year-round rather than the warmer colors?

    1. Color offerings change with fashion, so it may just be that autumn colors are in right now. Searching on “jewel tones” showed some items at Boden and Universal Standard. I assume that’s what you’re looking for (I think of jewel tones as navy, sapphire, aquamarine, purples and burgundies).

    3. I think Talbots’ color palette tends cooler/clearer. I’m a warm/muddy color person and often find that their color selection doesn’t work for me.

      1. Yes. Ditto with Lands End. I like warm / muddy / sour colors, and the color palettes of those stores do NOT work for me.

        Also, if you can wait a month or two, colors start to get more jewel-toned for November/December. You can probably find some fall-weather appropriate clothing then that you could have on hand for next fall. I do this with spring, when some of the colors I like tend to be more available — I use that time to look for weather-appropriate clothes I can wear at other times of the year, in colors that work better for me.

    4. AllSaints has a very Moira Rose color palette. I work tan or green in with my black and white in the fall.

    5. I find espresso brown and rich berries/wine colors the most approachable of the autumn colors. I also add in an olive green. The caramels, yellows and burnt reds otherwise don’t look great on me.

    6. Also, just throwing this out there — the older I get, the less I care about what flatters me and the more I care about what makes me happy when I wear it.

      2. Fair, but I’ve spent enough of my life wearing colors that make me look ghastly that I prefer to feel like I have a healthy glow.

      3. I’m finding that the older I get, the more I lean into wearing only flattering colors (and styles). I even got my colors professionally done in my mid-30s. Youth can camouflage a lot of things, including looking good while wearing trendy but unflattering-to-you colors and styles. At this point I’m not wearing any pastels or muddy colors near my face no matter how much I like the look or outfit on others. They make me look ill and so I emphasize with the OP about the fall season colors. That may all go out the window once I’m retired though. Maybe there’s a bell curve to this…

    7. Try UK brands like Hobbs, they often have cool dark greens, navy, cobalt, blue purple, deep teal and cool deep pink for this season.

    8. Talbots are where I tend to get my jewel tone sweaters and tops. I can sometimes find them at say J Crew or other mall brands but it’s usually because a specific color is big that year.

    9. I wear burgundy when it’s more berry-leaning, dark greens that have blue undertones, and most colors of purple. They’re not always the easiest to find, unfortunately, so I tend to stock up when I see something in these colors. My neutrals are navy, charcoal, black, and soft white. I love all the tans and warm colors, but they really don’t do me any favors!

  2. Cross-post: I’m almost two years out from my C-section and at the time, I felt like it went well and I healed pretty quickly, but there is still a small section of the scar that is raised/red and not as healed as the thin, almost white lines of the other parts. I’ve done scar mobilization and massage from the beginning but never really used any creams – the doctor said it wasn’t really necessary and that results can be mixed, so I didn’t need to bother unless I wanted to. At this point, I would like for this to heal better since it sometimes itches or feels uncomfortable. Any advice for me?

    1. Scar tape with silicone and prosil scar cream.

      I had a biopsy scar fade significantly with that combo.

      1. +1 to both of these, but a laser treatment can also help significantly. I had a nasty scar on my knee/leg from an ACL repair in high school and finally did a laser at my derm about 20 years ago and it made a huge difference. Tech has only improved since then so I’d imagine it would be faster/fewer sessions now.

        1. Is this something insurance could cover? It’s not really just cosmetic – there is still some discomfort and itching. Not sure if I’d even be a candidate but would like to know the lay of the land before I go to the trouble of dealing with my dermatologist’s schedule…

          1. I paid out of pocket but again, my case was purely cosmetic. I’d maybe do 6 months of scar tape and then ask for a dermatology consult.

          2. It’s ultimately going to be determined by your policy. I have had success having my doctor talk to my insurance company to get a procedure approved as a medical necessity after the insurance initially denied it.

        1. Pro-sil is IMO worth it. Any silicone scar tape seems to work well enough. The point of that is coverage and moist environment.

      3. The scar tape and silicone cream ((I use pro sil) were the best info I ever got here. Never heard of this from anyone medical, which is soooo disappointing because doing it early helps a lot more than doing it later. I know it’s not in any of their scopes but it is in MY scope of things I care about.

    2. I had the same. I go to a plastic surgeon for botox and asked him about it. He says it’s called a keloid scar and the only thing that helps is steroid injections. I did a series of injections (can’t remember how many) and my scar is almost not visible at this point. It’s no longer raised. I think the idea is that it turns off the collagen over-production that is causing the raised scar.

    3. Same ideas as the scar tape but may be easier – biocorneum cream. It still works some time after the scar forms

  3. Best slip-on sneakers with arch support for wide feet? I need them for casual purposes (walking to daycare, quick store runs) but my doctor advised not wearing cheap shoes for even those short outings. I’m pretty set on slip-on (LOVE the convenience with a toddler) but Kizik definitely didn’t qualify as supportive for me. Would love any recommendations for specific models. TIA!

        1. I have one pair of hiking boots and they fit either TTS or a little wide. (I think many brands fit a little narrow lately.) Their target seems to be people with joint or feet problems. The insole is highly adjustable: you can add an arch support, and two spacers if the shoe is a little big.

    7. also look at the website barkingdogshoes for lots of shoe brands that work for different feet issues.

    9. If you don’t need full “no hands” slip ons, FYI, you can make any sneaker a slip on by swapping out the laces for elastic. I did that on several of my sneakers and found that I consistently reach for them, simply because I don’t need to tie them. You’d obviously have much more variety to choose from in this case. But if you’re looking for a no-hands situation like Kiziks, this doesn’t get you there.

    10. Vionics in wide worked for my problem feet (neuroma surgery, need wide toe box and lots of cushioning).

    11. Consider replacing laces on normal shoes with Lock Laces. I started using them when I was a distance runner a decade ago, and now DH and my parents use them too in all tennis shoes. You do have to touch your shoes to get them on, but just hold up the tongue, slide in your foot, and done. If you don’t clip them and put on the plastic end and isnstead thread the extra elastic through the center part of the laces, you can reuse them indefinitely. And they come in various colors, so you can get some that coordinate with your shoes.

  4. Has anyone bought silk blouses from Boden recently? Is the off-white translucent (in which case, I may get a color / print)?

    Why is it 100 degrees and all I want to do is gaze longingly at tweedy fall clothes?

    1. I’m no help on the blouse, but same to your second point! I’m ready for fall clothes but the weather is really not cooperating!

    2. it just turned to knit sweater weather here and I’ve never been so ready for it!

    3. Idk but I’m getting ads for the London collection with all the plaids. Disappointed the skirts aren’t 100% wool.

    4. Me. I bought an off white/cream one with navy polka dots a month ago. It’s honestly not see through. I was shocked.

  5. Hi! Need some men’s shopping help. I am looking for shoes that my husband can slip on/off with socks on (so no flip flops) to run a quick errand outside the house, like take out the trash, walk the dog. He was thinking of getting some crocs, which check all of the boxes. Before I buy those, I figured I’d check here to see if there are other, less hideous, options. Do more minimal or cool crocs exist for men? I used to have a couple of pairs of their flats and loved them, I don’t see many options for men.

    1. get Kiziks or similar shoes! or if you have a sam’s club membership sometimes they have the sketchers dupes. i think xero also started making slip-on shoes. they’re very easy.

      1. Second that rec- I like Kizik and have removed their insert and added my own for better arch support.

    2. My husband has worn the Jungle Mocs from Merrel for years for this purpose. We live in a snowy area so we treat the suede but otherwise they’re great all year round.

      2. My husband wears the EVA birkenstock clogs for this purpose! Same ease as crocs but a bit nicer looking.

    4. My DH likes the slip-on styles from Skechers. They are easier to get on/off than the jungle mocs (which he also has).

      1. +1 My husband has the slip in style where the heel part is firm and you don’t need to bend down to put adjust them.

    5. Ugg has some weather-hybrid styles that could work. About $100 extra compared to Crocs. Who is actually going to notice that he’s wearing Crocs while taking out the trash?

    8. I prefer Adidas shower slides over crocs. We have a communal pair in his size that lives by our back door for quick jaunts to the garbage can. I believe ours is an Adilette model from several years back.

  6. I’m about to be out on medical leave after spinal surgery for several weeks. I was initially stressed about missing so much work, but (after posting about it here and receiving good advice) it’s now hard to refrain myself from responding PLEASE FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF every time someone asks me to do something or panics about something not getting done while I’m off. I promise it will be ok!!

    1. A few years ago I went on medical leave and it FINALLY spurred the org to fire my boss because she could not figure it out without me and her lies all came crumbling down

  7. Here’s a weird one – I feel like my left foot is no longer in alignment. Not sure how it started, but my lower back and leg have been bothering me for months on my left side. A little googling tells me that is my foot, either falling too far inward or outward and to consult a podiatrist. Anyone have experience with this? I am 44 and don’t wear heels. I am hoping to restore issue with some PT.

    1. Podiatrists can be fantastic! Could it be a hip problem? I feel like Dr Google/Dr AI only get you so far, then you need to consult a professional.

    2. I would start with a sports doc. They can evaluate the cause so you don’t waste time with the wrong type of specialist.

    3. Generally a lot of people here don’t like chiropractors and for sure I’m sure there are not great ones, but this is exactly the type of thing I would go to my chiropractor for and he would fix it in one 15 minute visit via a manual adjustment, probably to my hips. I’ve been going to him for years and he knows my body, so if you had to establish care I’m sure it might be a longer appt and maybe one or two but he is definitely not the type that requires endless appointments.

      I’m hesitant to even suggest because it seems like I get flamed a lot for suggesting them, but chiropractor adjustments just make sense to me for alignment type issues and have personally helped me and my family. I do wonder if there is a regional aspect to how normal they are, because they’re really normal around my midwestern area. Maybe in areas where they’re less wide-spread you get the weird quacks or something. But that’s in any profession.

      1. It’s just a buyer beware profession since the credentials don’t tell you much (I’m sure someone knows which schools of chiropraxis are a total red flag), and it’s a big deal that they still give people strokes sometimes (though so do hairdressers).

        The one I see from time to time would never snap or crack anything, and yes he’d fix it in 15 minutes. I get twisted around sometimes and can’t right it myself. If a PT or an osteopath wants to fix it for me, they’re welcome, but that’s been harder to find near me.

    5. A few years ago I fell slipping on snow between a restaurant door and the mat it put up and did something horrible to my ankle, right before a major work trip to Cleveland in even worse snow. I saw a podiatrist who was able to do a quick x ray there, and wrapped my foot/ankle in a way I never could have at home, that felt amazing and supportive and got me through my trip. I never understood the specific value of a podiatrist until then. If I were you, I might start there and see what they may be able to identify about what the issue is and see whether you need further advice. Good ones definitely understand the foot/ankle area (I would not go higher up the leg in this practice area.)

      The appointment, treatment, and follow up went through my insurance without a referral, but who knows with each specific plan.

  8. Do you all think that men generally look at the world and women differently? I was talking with a man recently who essentially said that they can tell by what women wear, how they act, etc. that the woman wants affirmation, attention, etc. from the men around her. It was in the context of how women choose their outfits on any certain day/certain event. My position was that I typically wear what I will feel comfortable in that day depending on the events and how I am feeling. I don’t typically consider who will be around that day unless it is something like dressing more professionally for a business meeting, etc. This man’s position was that women always consider the men who will be around and dress based on that. And that men just see the world differently when it comes to what women wear. Thoughts?

    1. This is clearly just an issue with that one guy. He wants to think that he is more important to women than he is.

      1. Right.
        Some guys are just like this. Most are not paying attention unless you are wildly unkempt.

    2. He’s so wrong. I dress for how the women will judge me. I don’t expect the men to notice details. Particularly the straight ones. Granted, I’m married with kids, 50 and a professional. Ofc, maybe his view of me would be that I’m not looking for his affirmation?

      But really, outside of a situation where you’re looking specifically to meet men, don’t all women dress for how women are going to judge?

      1. I want to look and feel like myself. I have my own sensibilities and aesthetic, and I like to wear current styles filtered through that lens. To the extent that I’m dressing to impress others, it’s probably people who appreciate style, whatever gender. I’ve know some very stylish straight men in my time and it’s really weird that people pretend men don’t like fashion.

        This dude sounds like a blowhard who doesn’t understand style and thinks clothing is just a vehicle for showing off someone’s body.

        1. +1. I would say 90% of men genuinely do not notice the details of a women’s outfit.
          My favorite example – men do not understand that dresses come in various levels of formality. My husband/BIL/teen boys have called me ‘fancy’ on vacation for wearing a cotton t-shirt dress that was basically a sack. It’s like dress=fancy no matter what fabric/style/fit is involved.

      2. So funny, I was thinking about this today. I recently lost some weight and pulled an old dress from the back of my closet. As soon as I put it on, I felt dated. I wore it around to meetings today and I’m 1,000% more concerned about being judged by women than by men.

        As an aside, it was a good test for the dress which will be donated…

    4. I dress for how I will be or want to present myself that day to the people I may see, based on the activity. The “people” I see, not the “men” I see!

    5. I think women underestimate how much the average man looks down on us. Most men don’t say stupid stuff like this out loud but they probably think it: some version of, women center their world around men and so everything a woman does is for men.

      Which is funny because really they’re telling on themselves. Men think about women way more than women think about men, at least in a professional context. No woman walks into a room of all men and comments on being the only woman in the room; she probably doesn’t even notice because she’s used to it. But ime almost every time a man is in a meeting or hearing or whatever with all women, he comments on it. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been staffed on a matter explicitly because I’m a woman and the men on the team think it’s better optics. Men are much more aware of a woman’s presence than vice versa.

    7. That guy is a weirdo who spends too much time in the “manosphere.”
      I do not think about men when I get dressed or buy clothes – at all. I think about what I like and what I feel good in.

    8. I think that both men and women consider what people will think about them when they get dressed mostly subconsciously, but that women do it more/are more likely to do it consciously because of how society treats men and women differently based on their appearance. And when I say “society” I don’t mean everyone thinks like this guy, just enough people do pay more attention to what a woman is wearing that it makes a difference. Also women don’t have the same kind of “uniform” that men can rely on, so they’ve gotta think about clothes in more situations. So he’s kind of right, but missing important pieces.

      1. So many men have the privilege of being totally clueless about women’s clothes though. There are men who care and men who have had to learn, but a lot of men have absurd ideas about what could be worn where.

    9. I mean, that guy in particular sounds like he’s repeating toxic incel crap. But yes, in general, I don’t think men understand women at all. If they did, they’d treat us better.

    10. To the limited extent I dress for anyone other than myself (I am old and know what I like at this point), it’s for other women, not men.

      1. Same. (Except sometimes I will wear something I know my husband particularly likes if the occasion warrants it.)

    11. OP here. I’ve known this man for a long time and I’ve always thought he had a weirdly invested interest in women’s clothes, but this was just an odd take on how women decide what to wear. Thanks for confirming my initial experience.

      1. Trust your instincts. Would not be surprised to learn he has more odd views beyond just this one.

    12. There ARE women who dress for attention from men (and we’re naive to pretend like they don’t exist), they’re just not likely to be career professionals posting on this board. Our locus of identity and worth comes from our professional and personal identities. Women dressing for male attention derive their identity from that attention, so to that extent, he’s right about *that population.*

      1. I still feel that’s more about showing off a figure than about any finer points of fashion.

      2. I’m not sure about that. . . there are an awful lot of high-earning women at least that can subtly trade on men’s attention in the workplace. Think every powerful salesperson out there (including bankers, IR, etc.)

    13. He’s a misogynist who reduces an entire gender to a stereotype. Don’t become a misandrist in return. He is no more of an indicator of what all men think than you are of what all women think.

    14. This is manosphere nonsense.

      Are there some women who dress for men? Certainly, amongst the 4 billion of us. Just like there are women who dress for women, who dress to entertain themselves alone, women who don’t care. But his purported ability to determine what women are thinking and that women always dress for men? He has gone down the rabbit hole.

    15. Holy cow – the ego on this dude is amazing. I give not a single hoot what men think about my attire, other than my boss. Talk about the confidence of a mediocre white man – this is a prime example.

    16. i really hope you’re not dating this dude, run far far away

      Do some women dress for male attention? Sure. But not most, at least among my happily married friends.

      I do dress for what I want to convey to the world, which is “not a sad sack, in control of her life, making her own choices, smart professional” but not “hey look at the tits on that one.” but i do feel like a dumpy bra goes back to the “sad sack” concerns.

      Do men and women look at the world idfferently? I had a conversation once with my brother where I described how whenever i knew I’d be out late at a store or the gym or whatever I would take care to park under a street lamp, and try to be alert and aware (with my keys in my hand and in attack mode) as I approach the car. His reply was that “that seems like a really dark way of loooking at life.” Lolololol yeah you think so.

    17. The amount of time it took to read your comment is more time than I would want to spend in this person’s company.

    18. Complete nonsense. I mean, sometimes I do pick outfits with pants on the off chance I will irritate the hyper conservative guys in our building, but that’s just me being petty.

    19. I think fashion/gender norms have been heavily influenced by the male gaze, for sure. That has been true throughout history because I highly doubt most heterosexual women were all that concerned about seeing another woman’s ankle or whatever. We all adopt some of those norms either consciously or subconsciously even due to the fact of what is sold/marketed to us.

      On a date when I’m interested in attracting a man’s attention, then yes, I consider a man. Otherwise, like everyone else said, I think most women follow what the other women they see will perceive as trendy or stylish or whatever. The highest compliment is a woman complimenting you on your outfit specifics not a man saying you look nice.

    20. I could not care less what men think about my outfits. Including my own husband, tbh. Do I care what fashionable women think? Yeah, sometimes. This guy doesn’t have a clue.

      1. Does anyone else remember the blog Man Repeller? It made me laugh to read this comment and then think I used to actively read a blog that was based on fashion women appreciated in other women but men would not!

  9. I’m an attorney in state government. I started my current job about two years ago, and management encouraged me to apply for a promotion to a supervisory position. Nothing is official but unofficially I have been told that I will get the job. I recently learned by accident that another attorney, who has been here about 15 years, also applied. We have the same total years of experience but obviously she has been here much longer. I don’t know if she ever previously applied for this promotion. We are friendly but not BFF. There are only about 10 people in our physical office. I will not be supervising her directly and we will not work closely together, but we will continue to see each other in passing, in meetings, etc, until one of us quits or retires (aka probably the next 10+ years).

    How do I make this the least awkward?

    3. Thank you all! This advice is what I needed to hear, because I was definitely overthinking it!

  10. I just got my first pair of progressive glasses (through Warby Parker) and they are harder to get used to than I thought they would be. Is this normal?

    I need reading glasses so I got progressives so I can wear my contacts (needed for distance vision) and still see people talking in meetings, where I am looking at my laptop and also participants when they are speaking. Regular reading glasses from the drug store are so blurry when not reading (i.e., glancing at a speaker’s face) that they were driving me crazy.

    1. FWIW, I couldn’t get used to the progressives (I tried for 2 weeks) and so now I have 2 pairs of glasses, one for distance and one for computer. This works bc I only wear glasses (not contacts).

    2. I found when I got progressives online, they didn’t work for me. I ended up having to get them from the eye doctor.

      It sounds like you are wearing contacts AND progressives? The point of progressives is not to have to wear contacts, so your upper RX for the progressives should be what your distance vision is.

      Regarding the drug story reading glasses, I had to get prescription reading glasses after many years of drug store readers which didn’t work for me anymore. The prescription readers work much better, especially for computer work.

      1. so interesting – i got progressives from zenni i think and could barely tell the difference. i just take my eyeglasses off to read.

    3. I recently got progressive glasses from Warby Parker and I LOVE them. But I went to a store to order them so they could do the measurements.

      I have been wearing progressive glasses for a while and never needed more than a day to get used to them. I got them from Costco, VisionWorks, and WP. But the common factor is that I ordered them all in person.

    5. It does take some getting used to — I’d give it a minimum of a week, probably two weeks for a first pair.

      I don’t think I’d have done online ordering for my first progressives — I really need a local doctor and a personal fitting to get the placement of the prescription changes right. That said, I did end up with one pair that I simply could never get used to. I went back to the doctor and they ordered new lenses from a different manufacturer, which used a slightly different lens shape.

    6. Just wanted to clarify that I did get measured in the store before ordering. Thank you all!

      1. If you haven’t done so yet, take your glasses in so they can check that the Rx matches what was ordered. Sometimes they can be off-kilter a bit, and it’s good to know so you don’t spend time trying to adjust to an incorrect or misaligned lens.

      2. I find that I have to tell them and have them mark on the lens exactly where on the lens that I want the different levels of the prescription – distance, car dashboard or computer, close work, etc. Apparently their standards for this do not match my needs.

        1. I also have to insist that they mark the lens with the frames slipped down on my nose a bit. Because that’s where they’ll inevitably end up. No pair of glasses, ever, has fit up high on my noseline and stayed there, like the opticians think the frames should.

          1. Yep! Last time I got glasses my usual person was tied up with another customer so I was working with a person I didn’t know. While we were still trying on frames, my usual person breezed by and told the person helping me to be sure and fit the prescription with the frames down a quarter inch from the bridge of my nose.

    7. It took me almost a month, I almost gave up
      Be very careful on curbs, escalators etc

      Now I can’t live without them, I won’t use 2 glasses, a reader and a distance

      Keep trying

    8. If you are spending most of your time staring at a computer screen, look into having computer glasses/multifunctional lens made from your progressive prescription instead. I wear those at work and keep my normal progressives for evenings and weekends. It’s something to do with how the lens are designed/laid out. There’s a good illustration of this difference on Costco Optical (.com) that illustrates what that is. Search for ‘Eyeglass Lens Options’, then ‘Multifunctional’. I highly recommend having a pair of progressive and a pair of multifunctional/computer glasses. P.S. I also have progressive sunglasses because the transitional type of lens did not work for me at all.

  11. Any recommendations for Santa Fe? My mom and I are going for a week in November. We’re foodies and we like hiking (probably only easy hikes at that elevation). We’re staying right in downtown Santa Fe. Things we already plan on: Georgia O’Keeffe Museum, Bandalier, Palace of the Governors, and the farmers market. Thanks!

    1. Jealous. These are obvious but the Shed, Tomasitas, Cowgirl Cafe. Walk down Canyon Road. If you have any fear of heights, Bandalier can be a lot, but it’s still very worth doing. I always buy a copy of Death Comes for the Archbishop at the cathedral gift shop. La Fonda has a rooftop bar to get a drink, and I’m also a fan of their breakfast.

    3. The O’Keeffe museum is pretty small – it’s not going to take up a full day. I highly recommend the Museum of Contemporary Native Art (downtown) and the Museum of International Folk Art (museum hill, a couple miles from downtown and across from the botanical garden). Bandelier is awesome and has a shockingly nice restaurant. Get breakfast at Tia Sophia’s. La Choza is better than The Shed (both are good). Izanami is great and so is their spa.

      A week gives you time to drive up to Taos and see the gorge and do the Enchanted Circle drive. You’ll miss the foliage but it’s still beautiful.

        1. Echoing these recs, and yes, the Palace of the Governors has a good NM history museum. The jewelry, rugs, and pottery sold outside the Palace of the Governors is all native-made, which isn’t necessarily true of the goods at nearby gift shops. In Santa Fe I love Tune-Up Cafe and the Pantry for breakfast and lunch, and of course, Lotaburger (Itsaburger with green chile and cheese, hold the onion).

          If you go to Taos, it’s worth it to plan the drive around a meal at Rancho de Chimayo. Madrid is another fun destination for galleries, shops, and scenery, and the Mine Shaft Tavern has great burgers and green chile. When you go to Bandelier, if you’re interested in the history of the atomic bomb, the Los Alamos History Museum and Bradbury Science Museum are really good.

          1. Forgot to add that there’s a great craft market on Saturdays at El Museo Cultural de Santa Fe, right by the farmer’s market.

    4. I love your list and did all those things plus Ten Thousand Waves, a Japanese hot springs spa in the mountains. You can reserve a private outdoor hot tub and sauna, and they also have a great restaurant onsite.

      Also, I loved Meow Wolf and would highly recommend it!

    6. 10,000 Waves – really unique hots springs/spa experience and we enjoyed getting lunch at the restaurant there as well.

      Cafe Pasquale for brunch

    7. As a Burqueno (that means I live in Albuquerque), I always say “come down to Albuquerque!” November in Albuquerque is great. Take the tram so that you can actually get up to 11,000 feet without a hike! If a hot-air balloon ride is on your bucket list, Albuquerque is the absolute best place to do it. Also, Georgia O’Keeffe’s actual ranch, Ghost Ranch, is an hour north of Santa Fe in Abiquiu. Also an hour north is Ojo Caliente. The Ojo Caliente north of SF is natural hot springs. The one south of SF is man-made.

    8. Book any spa appointments now! Definitely recommend Thousand Waves. A few other restaurants not mentioned here that are great: Santa Fe Teahouse, La Boca, Cafe Pasqual’s, Sazan

      1. Check the weather before you go. My experience in November is that it was often much warmer than I wanted it to be—warm fall weather when I wanted crisp and cool November weather.

        I enjoy the museums on Museum Hill, and browsing all the art galleries that stretch for blocks down Canyon Rd.

  12. What’s the earliest you would tell your direct supervisor about a pregnancy? I was originally planning to wait until I’m 4-5 months along. Instead of remaining on my current project that’s local, my boss keeps saying he thinks I should join a project that involves international travel. I’m strongly opposed to leaving the country in case of medical emergency. I’ve said I’m happy on the local project but he’s pushing me to take on something more challenging.

    I was hoping to punt this conversation. But the project timelines have shifted and I need to formally commit to one or the other when I’ll be about 3.5 months along. Ideally my supervisor would keep the pregnancy info to himself for a bit longer but I have to assume word will get around.

    1. I think 15-16 weeks is a totally normal/fine time to tell your boss since you have an urgent reason to do so. I understanding wanting to wait until after the anatomy scan but it doesn’t sound like you’ll be able to do that, unless you want to make up a reason you don’t want the international project. Of course, once you do announce, your boss will probably realize the real reason you didn’t want that project, which may be a little awkward but ultimately fine assuming your boss is a normal person.

      I told my work at around 18 weeks with my first.

    2. I’d probably spill the beans under these circumstances.

      I had also hoped to keep my pregnancy under wraps for a while. But a senior woman attorney called me out publicly when I was 6 weeks pregnant; apparently she has that wanna-be-grandma sixth sense. I don’t think she was trying to be malicious, just incredibly, incredibly clueless. I was really nervous because the senior man I work with the most has made very anti-parent comments to me. But he was very happy for me. It all worked out ok.

      1. Same thing happened to me with my first pregnancy, except it was a woman partner that I barely worked with!! It was intrusive and professionally so far out of line! I’d had a miscarriage months before and was not interested in sharing the state of my uterus so prematurely. I was (and am) furious that my deliberate plan about when to share with work colleagues was sacrificed for her curiosity? Her need to tell everyone? I still don’t understand.

    3. Tell him you’ve been diagnosed with a medical condition for which your doctors have said not to fly.

      1. OP here. I have a couple domestic flights coming up for internal meetings that I’m still going to attend. Travel is generally an expectation for my role so it would raise more questions if I say all flying is impossible.

        Aside from travel I honestly don’t want to deal with a demanding “stretch” project and time zone nonsense right now. The local project will be easier for many reasons. The international travel is both a legitimate reason to avoid the challenging project and a convenient reason to stay on the low-key local project.

    4. There’s not much difference between 3.5 and 4 months. Just tell him when you HAVE to to get out of travel. I told my boss (whom I fortunately trust) that I was pregnant the day I got the positive test. I never would have done that normally, but I needed her to cover a two-day trip to an anti-abortion state that I was unwilling to visit during pregnancy (totally fine if other readers would have made another decision!). I told the rest of the company after 20 weeks.

    5. My general rule for early pregnancy is that it’s need-to-know information, so as soon as my direct supervisor needs to know, that is when they will be informed. And if it never comes up in early pregnancy, after I’ve announced to the world at large, whenever I have decided that is for me (usually somewhere in that second trimester).

    6. I agree that 15-ish weeks is fine. I really wanted to wait until after my anatomy scan, but ended up having a medical emergency when I was 15 weeks along that would have caused a lot of worry if I hadn’t explained it, so I did.

    7. I wouldn’t stress about telling your boss at 3.5 months. To be honest, if you are working in the office, by the end of your third trimester, a lot of people will know that you are pregnant and just waiting for you to announce it.

      1. Do you by chance mean first trimester, not third?

        And even in that case, some people are built different. Plenty of people were surprised to hear that I was pregnant when I told them at 5 months pregnant. I’m not obviously pregnant to strangers until I’m 7 months pregnant. I’ve got a long torso and like to wear loose clothes. On the flip side, I’ve got a sister in law that starts looking pregnant 2 months in. Shorter torso, more prone to bloating, and a different fashion sense.

        1. It’s all SO different for every woman – I’ve never had a problem gaining weight in my life and yet I gained 20 lbs total in my pregnancy with a big baby, so people didn’t know until late second trimester, whereas I know several women who started way slimmer and fitter who gained 60 and showed immediately.

      2. Assuming you mean first tri – I told at 12 weeks all 3 times and ALL OF THE WOMEN knew I was pregnant ahead of that time. I showed very early!

      3. I am tall, have very strong abs, and don’t bloat, so I didn’t really look pregnant until about 23 weeks in. It was actually a very specific time; one of my friends said that I didn’t look pregnant the week before but looked definitely pregnant at that time.

        YMMV.

    8. I always told at 12 weeks. But I always showed huge it would have been weird to not say anything.

    9. I was fine telling my bosses early (had to, really, to explain all of the vomiting), but it’s very much a know your boss situation.

      1. Yep, same. I would not have been able to hide it, even if I’d wanted to. I was in rough shape both times during the first tri and into the second.

        1. Right, like the alternative is that he thinks I’m getting hammered and showing up hungover every day.

          1. Maybe it would be better if more people were aware of medical conditions besides alcoholism and pregnancy that present this way

    10. the earliest would be after 12 weeks. i think 5 months is a long time. granted, my only pregnancy was a twin pregnancy and i would never have been able to hide it that that long, though i did successfully hide until 14 weeks, which is when i told work. fortunately my office was near the bathroom so i could wait until it was clear to go in and throw up.

    11. I told my boss at 10 weeks (after my doctor detected a heartbeat) but that was because I was so horribly, miserably sick that there was no hiding it. They were either going to think I was pregnant or had a drinking problem.

      Tell your supervisor and ask them to keep it to themselves. I worked for some very family friendly employers but even the best got seriously annoyed when someone allowed them to make staffing decisions based on anticipated availability while knowing they would not in fact be available.

      1. Agree with your second point. While you can make the case that your privacy comes first, it also has some real ramifications for your boss and team. If they’re halfway decent, at least give them the chance to plan around your availability.

    12. I told my boss at 3 weeks (yes, three) because I was so horribly sick that there was no hiding that SOMETHING was going on.

  13. Has anyone used Blacklane for airport pickups in Germany? Yes, I know the train is quicker and cheaper, but… from the standpoint of spouses travel anxiety, a car makes my life easier.

    1. I don’t know Blacklane but I’ve used Rolzo all over the world and they are great. Expensive but worth it.

  14. DH & I want to take our two kids on a beach vacation this winter. For a variety of reasons, traveling outside of the school break is not possible.

    Would it be worth trying to travel to Hawaii over the holiday break? The earliest we could leave is December 26th, and the kids go back to school January 5th. It would be a LONG flight for us to get there, so if we’re going to do it, I want to make sure we’re there long enough to make it worth our time and money. Neither of us want to miss Christmas Eve/Day.

    Alternatively, Mexico would be easier for us to travel to, but I’ve also heard that holiday pricing would be insane. Open to other ideas, too! It does not have to be the ideal location, tbh. It just needs to be warm and beachy.

    1. A mindset that really works well for me is “it’s always worth it.” I flew to London for just two days once and would never say it wasn’t worth it – that was 6 amazing meals, the Tower of London, the Globe Theatre, and several other sites, plus a little shopping and tons of time walking. There was one time last year when a cousin was visiting for a long weekend but we had to cut it short due to HFMD – even still, we got delicious croissants from an award-winning bakery, visited a historic mansion decorated for Christmas, walked down a famously decorated Christmas-y street, and visited my parents, all in just under 24 hours. If you have the chance to do something cool and you can afford it, DO IT with whatever time you have available.

      A week-ish is more than enough time for Hawaii and Hawaii is very special/different from other beach destinations.

    3. I think Hawaii prices will be insane at that time, too. If you’re in Eastern or Central time, I might look for a shorter flight with a smaller time differential. Hawaii is three hours behind even the west coast of the US; if you’re east of there, it’s a big adjustment for a week, especially when you just want warm and beachy.

      1. I think anywhere warm enough for a beach trip December – early March is going to have insane prices. The first week of December usually has bridge season pricing, and the rest of it is crazy high.

        1. It may be less true in Hawaii, which doesn’t have a hurricane season, but the Caribbean actually stays very affordable through mid December, even December 20 or so. Due to hurricanes, fall is the lowest of the low season (a lot of business are even shut in October/November) and since tourism doesn’t bounce back overnight, prices stay low through early-mid December. Costs absolutely skyrocket over the Christmas/NY holiday weeks, and then come down but stay at normal high season pricing from January through April. We’ve saved thousands by going one week earlier but still well into December, e.g., Dec. 13-20 vs 20-27.

    4. I think it’s totally worth it for a week. But prices are also going to be insane. If the only reason you are considering Hawaii is because you think Mexico will be really expensive, I would encourage you to price that out. I would expect a trip to Hawaii to be at least twice as expensive as one to Mexico

  15. Any thoughts on the Leatherology Zippered Downtown Tote? I am debating between it and the Cuyana easy zipper tote but liked that the Leatherology one seems to have a more structured bottom.

  16. Shopping help, please: I am invited to an event where the dress code includes “yellow shoes.” I recently donated my bright yellow pumps so I need to rustle up a new pair of bright yellow shoes. Would be happy with block or kitten heel pumps, sneakers (as long as they are comfortable), or loafers. Any ideas that won’t break the bank? Oh, and I need them within a week or so.

      1. Right? Anyway thanks for trying. I ended up finding a block heel and a kitten heel on Amazon so we’ll see how that works out… (Fun fact: My husband found a pair of bright yellow mesh slip-ons that he is super psyched about!)

        1. The yellow mesh slip ons were so trendy this summer! I am not sure I want to see what yellow mesh does to my personal very pale skin tone.

    2. Miz Mooz has a few different mary jane flats in bright yellow, including one with hot pink piping.

    4. How about white lace-up sneakers with thick yellow laces? It meets the spirit of the request with minimal commitment.

    5. RIP Payless and their selection of shoes you could dye to match your prom dress :)

    6. What an interesting dress code. I feel like i would stick with sneakers, unless it needed to be more formal. I would look at zappos, they always have fast shipping. Keds Revival Lace-Up comes in a yellow suede. The gola tornado comes in yellow. Rothys also has several options in yellow.

    8. Could you do gold instead? I personally would find gold more reusable in the future.

  17. I’ve figured out that the solution to my recently-turned-wavy hair is to air dry it 75%, put a small amount of curl cream in the length, and then braid it and let it dry like that. Which curl creams would you recommend for this? My hair is pretty fine and definitely just wavy, not curly (this confused me a lot when going through all the curly girl routine stuff)

    1. I’ve always liked the John Frieda Straightening Creme. Don’t be thrown off by the name – on my fine wavy hair it just kind of smoothes things out nicely. Helps blowouts too.

    2. Curl cream may be too heavy for you, but I like the milk shake one. I use the Odele leave-in conditioner, and the cecred moisture lotion. Curlsmith has a couple of nice leave ins as well, especially if you are concerned about fragrance.

      I have wavy hair too, and I think just mousse helps more for me like the not your mother’s or a wave tech foam.

    4. I have fine, wavy hair and I use Living Proof Full Thickening Blow-Dry Cream for this, even though I’m not blow-drying.

    5. My hair is similar. I use some combination of Jessicurl Confident Coils + Gelebration Spray or Innersense Foam.

      I would try to stick with lighterweight products. Most “curl creams” are for very thick, curly hair.

  18. I tried this cardigan on in the store. The effect is “we made this frumpy cardigan that no one will want to buy so let’s try to convince them that wearing it backwards makes it chic.”

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