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Updated: Apr 14, 2021 392 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Rose Jacquard Silk Blend Top

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I love Tailored by Rebecca Taylor for pretty, feminine workwear. The silky fabric and jacquard texture look super luxe, and the rose color would go well with just about anything. I would wear this with a navy suit for a formal day, and with a white blazer and some dark jeans for a more informal look.

The top is $187.50, marked down from $250, and it comes in sizes 00–16. Rose Jacquard Silk Blend Top

It has a bit of a different style, but this jacquard shell from Talbots come in plus and plus petite sizes (as well as straight and petite sizes) and is on sale for $55.99. 

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

      • Belle Boyd (is on her way to crazy critter lady status)

        I now need a kitten. Or three. Pretty sure my (incredibly spoiled) dog will have issues with this.

        We’ll have to have a talk about it tonight.

    • Pure Imagination

      Doing okay. I’m nope-ing right out of today’s “is social distancing worse than the disease?!?!” thread and that’s helping.

    • Is it Friday yet?

      A friend who is super into Camp Gladiator talked me into doing the six-week challenge, and I did my first class at 8am today. It was brutal, but I’m very proud of myself for a) doing it, and b) getting up by 8am. Looking forward to walking back into the climbing gym and completely crushing – just need to get a hangboard set up…

    • Senior Attorney

      OMG I had been doing reasonably well but this morning on the way to work I heard an NPR interview with an ER doctor in New York City who is married to another physician, and they have sent their child away to stay with grandparents for the duration. For some reason that just GUTTED me and I can’t stop crying. Gah. Need to get it together…

      • Good Morning!

        Stories out of NYC are too much to bear. It’s almost unreal how different all our different experiences are.

        • Alanna of Trebond

          I think the reporting about the “hotspots” is extremely melodramatic. A NY Magazine survey showed that the majority of people did not know anyone with COVID or even who presumptively had COVID. By contrast, around the same time, the NYT had an article talking about how “COVID had touched everyone”. I think that NYT uses that framing so that we remember that many people in New York are unable to social distance and so, are not insulated the same way that white collar workers are. But it is not helpful for keeping up one’s morale.

          As an n of 1, I don’t know anyone with COVID and no one in my family who lives in NYC knows anyone with COVID. The one person we know who got tested didn’t have it!

          • Senior Attorney

            I live in California and I have a friend in New York who has a relative who died from it, and several other family members are sick. So. Counter anecdote.

          • Is it Friday yet?

            I know or know of multiple people in NY/NJ who have or had it, including a friend whose grandma died, so another counterpoint.

          • Anon New Yorker

            Someone I know professionally died of COVID. I know several people who are presumed to have it based on symptoms but weren’t tested (not hospitalized).

            My mom has it but it seems to be a mild case — her fever is gone now so she’s mostly recovered. She’s staying home and hasn’t been tested.

            My cleaning lady is sick — I didn’t ask her with what, just sent her her usual pay and wished her well.

          • Anon

            One out of 100 people in NYC have it so it is highly likely to know someone. You might just be the outlier anecdata here.

          • Anon

            I live in DC, with few friends in NYC. I know someone in NYC with it and two people in DC. I think you were the outlier not the other way around.

          • HR Attorney

            I’m in NJ and my grandfather just died of it. My parents’ neighbor also died from it. I feel like everyone here knows someone who has had it.

      • Anon

        In 2003 I was selling my first tiny little house in the Bay Area. One of the prospective buyers was a physician couple who had sent their daughter home to India to live with one of their parents because they could not afford an apartment big enough to house said parent to look after their child while they were working. We were like TAKE OUR HOUSE PLEASE!

        And they did. But they later defaulted on the mortgage :(

      • Senior Attorney

        SO GREAT!!

        My dad wore a lot of that stuff and my older brother got married in a three-piece plaid suit with bellbottom trousers. And my grandma crocheted sweater vests and ponchos for EVERYBODY!

        Good times, man. Good times.

    • Anon

      I’m not doing well. Part of my problem is dealing with my extremely anxious husband. He won’t go inside a grocery store or get take-out, uses gloves to get the mail, and feels strongly that we need to keep about 50 feet away from other people while walking with our masks on. He catastrophizes every thing.

      I’m so worn down by his anxiety. The first week or two I ignored it or went along with whatever but it’s getting hard and we’ve been arguing a lot. I’m depressed as it is, and I can’t stand him at the moment.

      I’d love to get ideas from anxious people or their parters about how to handle him? Right now yelling or crying are about all I can muster up.

  2. Anne

    Ladies – I’m having trouble finding information about how to safely wear, use, and reuse the reusable cloth masks the CDC recommends wearing out in public. In particular — how do I best disinfect them between uses (we do not have a washer drier in out apt.)? Any good sources for myself and to send to my elderly parents?

    • Anon

      Handwashing and then boiling will disinfect them, but if they have the recommended two layers of cotton they’ll take ages to dry, so you may need spares, depending on how often you’re using them.

    • Anonymous

      Put Hydrogen Peroxide in a spray bottle and mist them. Let them dry. Peroxide must to stored in a dark bottle.

      • Anon

        You can’t put hydrogen peroxide into another bottle. Exposure to air turns it into water.

        You could spray down the mask with 70% rubbing alcohol, but washing and drying is probably better.

        At my husband’s hospital they are baking PPE at low temps to kill the virus. If you trust yourself not to burn down your house, you could try that.

    • Anon

      I handwash after every use with regular laundry detergent and hang dry overnight. Mine dries overnight, but if still damp you can run an iron over it. I have spares, but because I don’t leave the house but once a week, I would think that whatever virus remains on the fabric would also disintegrate by the next time I put it on.

      • anon

        Yes, I read that it dies within two to three days, so I just set mine somewhere where it won’t be touched and then pick it up a week later when I need to leave again. (I hate my life right now.)

    • Anonymous

      Sunlight will kill bacteria. If you can lay them out (wet or dry) in direct sunlight that will help.

          • Microbiologist

            Viruses are not bacteria but damp fabric is a good breeding ground for bacteria and fungi, so you definitely don’t want to leave damp masks lying around and then put them back on your face! If I were only wearing them once a week, I might just hang them somewhere out of the way to dry and let the virus die off on its own. That’s the approach I’ve been taking with most things coming in and out of my house (caveat- this only works at room temp- the virus is likely stable in your fridge for a long time). Sunlight isn’t powerful enough of a UV source to really matter, but it doesn’t hurt and is more environmentally friendly than the dryer. If you don’t have a place that’s out of the way (I luckily have a garage) or need them more often, then you need to wash by hand, just make sure they really do get dry.

    • Anon

      If it’s all cloth, you can put it in the microwave in a ziplock bag for a couple of minutes.

    • IL

      If you want to dry fabric more quickly – blast a hairdryer at the washed mask(s)! They’ll be dry in a few minutes.

      (discovered this tip on a work trip when I managed to splash water on my shirt)

    • Anon

      Do not throw them in the washing machine like I did. It ruined their shape and I had to iron them afterwards. I now use a combination of hairdryer, and waiting a few days before I use them again. Previously I tried boiling them but this resulted in a lot of discoloration, so I would not recommend it.

      • anon

        if you don’t care about the color, boiling is a sure fire way to sanitize them.

      • Finally Made a Name

        FYI if you sewed the mask-this is why you’re supposed to wash cotton fabric before sewing with it.

        Also, you can hand wash with some white vinegar added to the water to help set the colors.

    • Anon

      Iron them! Irons are hot enough to kill the virus and you don’t have to worry about discoloration/shrinking/dealing with a wet mask. If you don’t have a proper iron, a hair straightener will also work.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve seen articles recommending baking them at 160 degrees (150 degrees is the temp that kills this one).

  4. Anonymous

    For all of you who are claiming that social distancing, rather than the pandemic itself, is damaging the economy.

    https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3561560

    https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/04/03/upshot/coronavirus-cities-social-distancing-better-employment.html

    TLDR cities that kept social distancing in place longer during the 1918 flu pandemic had better economic and public health outcomes. It’s not a tradeoff between lives and saving the economy. It’s the opposite. Saving lives saves the economy.

    • Anon

      Not an expert, but am married to one, and he says that the problem with that line of thinking is that the cities only survived because no one else quarantined. If the rest of the country had quarantined, St. Louis would have been screwed.

      • Anon

        “Survived”? What on earth do you mean by they “only survived”? Is your spouse an economic or health expert…?When actual human lives are at stake, human survival is more important than economic survival. I understand your comment to mean that the cities that did not quarantine were the economic engines for the ones that did. But, that’s not really what the article is pointing to. The article is pointing to the fact that more people lived to work another day in the cities that quarantined, and so they recovered better after than ones that didn’t.

        • Anon

          Economies are built on people. If you don’t have people left, you will not have a flourishing economy. I think that is the heart of what the article is suggesting. Sure, the ones that didn’t quarantine “survived” better economically in the short term, but not longer-term.

        • Anon

          Are you just spoiling for a fight this morning? This comment and its tone makes me feel like you are.

        • Anon

          Dude you need to calm down. The original point was about the economy and she’s giving an answer based on economics.

    • Anonymous

      Social distancing is absolutely killing the economy, and the impacts will be felt by years by people in the most precarious positions. Let’s not fool ourselves, or take false comfort in thinking this isn’t so. We won’t know if social distancing saved more lives, or even worked, or the damage social distancing has done, until quite some time until this over.

      • Anonymous

        You don’t know if it worked? Why are curves starting to flatten then?

        • Anonymous

          Because maybe they were going to flatten anyway? The UK research said 2.2 million Americans would die. This is clearly wrong. There is an article in today’s New York Time that Yale New Haven has never had so many EMPTY beds. We’ve been told that a significant percentage of the population has had mild or asymptomatic cases, which would lower the death rate significantly.

          All social distancing does is slow the spread. It’s not a cure, it’s not a vaccine, and it can’t last. What’s the end game? Stay in your house forever? We won’t even make the end of April. Right now, the only thing that will work is figuring out how we can treat people to be less sick, and fewer people dying.

          Although I faithfully follow the rules set by my state and local governments, I believe that there is complete and absolute over reaction to this, and the economic impacts of social distancing will be horrific. Agree or not, we won’t know for sure until this is long past.

          • TX anon

            Did you READ the Imperial College paper that said 2.2 million American deaths? It’s 20 pages long. You might look it up. We are taking ALL of the measures that they suggested to lower the worst case scenario number of 2.2 million and they’re working. Congratulations, you just proved that by pointing out the empty beds in New Haven.

            As a note in the Imperial college report, their educated assumption was that 99% of cases for 20-29 year olds, 97% for 30-39 year olds, and 45% for 40-49 year olds would be mild or asymptomatic and not require hospitalization.

          • Never too many shoes...

            Appropriate measures to stop a pandemic should look and feel like overreaction. That is what success looks like.

          • LaurenB

            I think you’re not understanding what’s going on in hospitals. My husband’s hospital, like many, has cancelled non-emergency surgeries and procedures IN ORDER to free up beds SO THAT they have beds when the deluge hits (which is expected to be within the next 2 weeks in my area). Everyone in public health knows this, and knows that the hospitals are going to “look” underutilized for a short while.

          • Anonymous

            @txanon did you not hear birx saying we actually aren’t doing enough distancing? you probably don’t watch what she/the WH actually says and are content to follow the main stream media. you need to wake up. there are many explanations for why the curve is allegedly flattening, including, that the virus has been spreading for longer than previously known which increases hear immunity, mitigation efforts such as hydroxycloroquine are working. it is impossible to say that social distancing works/is working etc and it’s a convenient tool to keep everyone scared and isolated at home, while panic spreads.

      • Anonymous

        It’s been quite some time since 1918. We know that social distancing saved both lives and the economy.

      • Anonymous

        If governments don’t require social distancing, the virus will spread more widely and cause greater economic harm. People who can afford to stay home will be afraid of getting sick. They will still stay home and avoid spending money. People who can’t afford to stay home will get sick or die and then won’t be available to work.

        • Anonymous

          @anon 9:25 your assumptions are flawed. google herd immunity. also, people who can afford to stay home already are, and essential workers continue to work. some people can’t afford to stay home and WANT to work. If they are healthy and take appropriate precautions, they should be allowed to work. similarly, if people don’t want to come out of their houses, they don’t have to. not everyone has the luxury to shelter in place while waiting for government handouts.

      • Anonymous

        I think we are rapidly reaching the philosophical question of what number of lives could be saved and at what cost, against the trade off of huge individual devastation. I’m not sure how you weight eviction, homelessness and hunger of a family of five for a decade against the life of an elderly.

        Social distancing at this level cannot continue indefinitely. It was simply to allow for preparation and flattening the spike. It will not prevent all of us from getting covid. My personal vote is to begin loosening slowly at the end of April (opening restaurants with sufficient space, but no large events) and see how it goes.

        • Anonymous

          The whole point of this article is that the idea of a tradeoff between lives and the economy is a false choice. You can’t weigh “eviction, homelessness and hunger of a family of five for a decade against the life of an elderly” because both are on the same side of the balance. The real choice is hungry homeless family AND dead person, or less hungry family with some chance of avoiding eviction AND living person.

        • Anonymous

          I agree. The reality is, most of us will get this virus, and most of us will not die from it. The objective should be understanding the best course of action for those who recover at home, the best courses of action to treat those with serious cases, and how to advise those who are most vulnerable.

        • AnonToday

          Agreed. We are close to hitting the point where the data is suggestive enough about how dangerous this thing is that people are going to be willing to accept some risk in order to go about their lives.
          Don’t get me wrong, many people will still get seriously sick from this thing until a vaccine arrives and even after that, but hospitals will be able to support a regular capacity of Covid patients. Widespread testing (looking at you Iceland) will help people know if/when they are sick. Their extensive testing has also shown that near 50% of those sampled are asymptomatic, which means yes they spread it to the vulnerable folks, but the asymptomatic people aren’t the ones straining the hospital system. I will agree that their sampling methodology is going to lead to some bias in the results, but it’s still a much higher rate than anyone anticipated.
          We are going to have to find a way very soon to balance the risk to human life and the economy. Some have suggested the vulnerable populations, many of whom aren’t working now anyway, continue to shelter. I’m not sure what the right call is, but I do agree we are going to be facing it very soon. It’s a tough ethics decision.

          • Anon

            I’m deeply skeptical of that 50% number. You cannot take a “50% of the population is asymptomatic” when testing a relatively healthier and homogenous group like Icelandic people. In the U.S. we are not all from the same bloodline with universal health care, low obesity, low population density, and generally better health. Test the U.K. or U.S. areas and then we’re talking.

          • AnonToday

            @Anon at 12:02
            I completely agree that is likely not 50% in the US, which is why I caveated that in my original statement. Not only do they have a very unique demographic group, the methodology in the study is quite narrow as well. The sample size is large enough, but from a very specific group that doesn’t translate to the wider world.
            I do believe that the number of asymptomatic people, and for that matter how long this virus has been circulating in the US, is not what we think it is. The only way to know for sure is more testing and more time.

        • Anon

          Meanwhile, I’m already seeing headlines about the deliberate destruction of food (also for the sake of the economy!). The way I see it, we have choices about food and shelter (these are the kinds of problems that humans can solve) that just aren’t on the table when it comes to illness (no one knows how to treat this successfully).

        • LaurenB

          You’re completely missing the point if you think the tradeoff is homelessness for the family of five against death of the elderly. If everyone stops social distancing, the elderly person dies anyway AND the father in the family of 5 gets it and is rendered unable to work or dies and hence can’t support his family.

          • Anon

            “If everyone stops social distancing, the elderly person dies anyway AND the father in the family of 5 gets it and is rendered unable to work or dies and hence can’t support his family.”

            This is a huge leap. If the father in question is under 60 and generally in reasonably good health, even if he gets it, he will likely be asymptomatic or have mild symptoms, according to DATA. We can speculate and conjecture all day long and have a great time doing so. The DATA says the vast majority of us are not at risk of dying from the disease. Yet this is being treated like it’s the Ebola virus.

      • LaurenB

        Yes, social distancing is killing the economy. And all of the experts have agreed that you have a choice between social distancing and killing the economy somewhat, or opening everything back up and killing the economy even worse when even more people are dying and you’ll wind up with, literally, people dying in the streets. This isn’t rocket science. Everyone who is smart enough to be an “overachieving chick” presumably took some level of math in college that covered exponential growth and the basics of modeling / forecasting.

          • Anonymous

            IDK — on the math part only — I feel that since the early 90s most people took an AB calc class in high school and placed out of math entirely in college. Most liberal arts degrees don’t require college math beyond what people placed out of. So I truly think that many, many people have become pretty functionally innumerate as adults.

            FWIW, I rediscovered my love of math (simple math, nothing that would be terribly advanced) from doing taxes which led me into a more quant-ish field (but it is still largely algebra-based and lots of thinking and number analysis). I think that there is a large gulf between the average college grad and someone with even just a BA in math or the hard sciences that rely on math.

          • Anon

            Oh honey, anon @ 10:35 – you are so out of touch with the public school system it hurts my soul. You think everyone has taken AB Calc? Most public schools graduate kids barely with an understanding of algebra. People are far undereducated than you think, a lot of it do to focus on testing since the mid 90s and less on learning the material – especially for urban schools.

        • Anonymous

          I don’t think it’s that stark of a choice. You can identify low-risk activities and professions and have a first wave of openings, perhaps with new rules, and see how that goes. You don’t have to go from now to Coachella overnight. And I think that a lot of mass gatherings may take a year off (like: maybe no haj to Mecca this year, which is a big freaking deal). So we can perhaps let smaller thing start up (if golf is low-risk, perhaps tennis can come back and maybe swimming pools this summer). No raves. But open beaches with crowd-limiting. Open national parks.

          • LaurenB

            Problem is, the average American’s an idiot, which is why they’d had to shut down public parks and the lakefront in my area (Chicago) because too many morons WILL crowd those things the moment the quarantine is eased. It is going to have to be incredibly slow movement back. It’s not like a storm that’s now over so we can all come out of our houses.

          • anonymous

            @LaurenB You nailed it. People are dumb and we can’t rely on people using their common sense to social distance so it has to be enforced.

            I work in software development for an order processing system. Any time we’ve implemented a system change that relies on the users following a certain process, it doesn’t work. We have to put restrictions in the system to that forces the users to perform certain steps.

          • Anon

            I don’t get how this would work in a city with a robust public transportation system, like Chicago, Boston, DC, New York City, etc. I’m in DC and the vast majority of people I know don’t own cars and I don’t know anyone who drives to work. If we want to reopen stuff, it means massive amount of people on public transportation in very close quarters and increasing the spread of covered

          • Anonymous

            Not everywhere is NY or dense transit-type cities. I don’t see why Manhattan and the Poconos need to be treated the same.

            Also, since schools are closed and summer camps probably won’t happen, the bulk of the US people with kids are going to be WFH this summer, so that entire population will be not really out and about. I take my kids on walks 2x/day but they are inside while I work due to their ages unless they are on the small deck outside of my room. Normally, we’d each be among dozens or hundreds of different people and I don’t see that until late August or September when schools go back for real.

      • Anonymous

        social distancing is 100% saving lives. every time you slow the rate of exponential growth, you allow more people access to the ICU and lifesaving measures. Boston and NYC have both experienced being at full capacity in hospital ICUs. Many hospitals are turning pediatric wings into overflow ICUs in boston and sending all kids to Children’s hospital. It’s absolutely a huge loss of life, and without measures for flattening the curve, more and more will die. YOU DO NOT HAVE A LIVELIHOOD WITHOUT YOUR LIFE.

        • Anon4This

          All of our hospitals are over capacity. My spouse’s team has been tasked with forecasting the # of deaths per site in the healthcare system they work for, so they can coordinate where the cold trucks will go when the morgues are full. And doing the math on how many bodies fit in a truck. That’s some f@cked-up math.

          • Anonymous

            all of our hospitals are NOT over capacity. Some may be in hotspots, but it is a false statement to say all hospitals are over capacity.

            Also, if your spouse’s team is following the broken model from the IHME (note, that it has been wrong every time with its catastrophic predictions and the number of deaths have been downgraded again today!) i’m not surprised they are forecasting, but they are forecasting based on bad data. garbage in, garbage out. also, fear mongering about trucks of dead bodies is neither helpful not likely.

      • Anon

        This is such a Fox News argument.

        Experts: lives will be lost if we don’t do social distancing

        Fox News: those people weren’t going to die, everyone is over reacting

        The US : does social distancing

        Experts : social distancing is flattening the curve.
        Fewer people are dying

        Fox News: WE TOLD YOU THEY WEREN’T GOING TO DIE

          • anonymous

            Nah. if you can’t handle people expressing views you disagree with, stay off the internet.

    • Anon

      Today’s economy is pretty different than the economy in 1918. I am not sure comparing now to 100+ years ago is a meaningful or relevant comparison. In 1918 society was still largely agrarian and people still had skills and resources to grow their own food to support themselves if need be. How many people do you know who could support themselves growing their own food if they had to? Could you do it?

      I cannot stand Trump, have never supported him and never will, but he was correct when he said “the cure cannot be worse than the disease.” 20 years from now, few kids in the U.S. will remember anyone they know dying of Covid-19. They will remember the trauma and uncertainty of having one or both parents out of work and not knowing where their next meal was coming from, and also the trauma of being cut off from their schooling for months at a time. There was an article in the NYT this morning that in Italy, social supports are so poor that people who have been out of work for weeks are relying on donated food to keep their families fed. What happens when the donated food runs out?

      • Anonymous

        The whole point is that social distancing means that the worst these kids have to remember is economic difficulty. If we give up on social distancing, the kids will be starving orphans.

        • anon

          That is just not true. A smaller number of people will die than will suffer economically. Some of those kids might be starving orphans, but far more will have trauma from the economic impact.

          • Squid

            +1. Many of those kids are both starving AND trapped at home with their abusers. Please don’t be obtuse.

          • Anon

            NOOOOOOOO. A smaller number of people will die FROM THE DISEASE*****. If we weren’t social distancing, the hospitals would be overwhelmed, and more people would die of preventable causes. This is not rocket science, you are actively choosing not to understand it.

        • anon

          That was true of the Spanish flu which mostly killed young people. Also cities with the biggest number of deaths had the biggest impact to the economy because all those deaths were people who were contributing substantially to the economy.

          Yes there are some younger people dying of this, no one is denying that. But the statistics show its predominately the older people dying. Not many 70 year old have young children.

          The comparisons to the Spanish flu are somewhat helpful but also not. The world is an entirely different place than it was 100 years ago. That goes for the economy as well as how we interact with each other/spread diseases.

      • Anon

        Food insecurity doesn’t always bring trauma. Not going to school is often a bright spot in children’s memories.

          • Anon

            I am speaking from experience. Even when there is plenty of food, children don’t have control over where their food is coming from. A little less control doesn’t guarantee trauma. Our ancestors weren’t all traumatized all the time because food was less plentiful and school hadn’t been invented yet, I promise. We might wish that school were always a safe place or even that it was a good environment for every child, but we know that isn’t true either. It is good to be compassionate to those who are harmed, but it’s strange to talk as though people who had perfectly ordinary experiences of vulnerability are inexorably damaged.

        • Anon

          I agree with you. There was multiple years in my childhood when we were food insecure. I remember not always knowing if or what we would be able to have for dinner, and relying on the free meals at my school. I really don’t think I’m severely traumatized by it is an adult, especially when compared to the trauma I would’ve felt if I had lost a parent because of a pandemic.

          • anon

            But what if that food at school wasn’t available? And statistically this isn’t killing a huge number of parents of elementary school aged children. The number isn’t zero but it’s not a huge number either.

      • LaurenB

        “In 1918 society was still largely agrarian and people still had skills and resources to grow their own food to support themselves if need be. How many people do you know who could support themselves growing their own food if they had to? Could you do it?”

        I’m a genealogist. Please don’t play the everyone-lived-on-farms game. In 1918, my ancestors lived in a major east coast city and if they needed meat they got it from a butcher, vegetables from the fruit-and-vegetable guy, bread from the bakery. You could go back to their antecedents who first entered the country in the 1850’s and the same thing – they were in cities. People in tenements in NY, Boston, Philadelphia, other major east coast cities didn’t “grow their own food.”

        • LaurenB

          Indeed, over 50% of the US population was urban by 1920, per wikipedia. Even higher in the Northeast, of course.

          • anonymous

            It’s good to know you do something besides shoot your mouth off on this blog, I guess.

          • pugsnbourbon

            Love to see an anonymous handle on a comment that criticizes a long-term poster. So brave.

    • potato

      There is a significant difference between COVID-19 and the 1918 flu: COVID-19 primary kills older people while the 1918 flu killed younger people. The effect on the economy of killing retired people is different (although still significant) than that of killing young workers. Saying the economy is damaged by social distancing doesn’t mean that social distancing is a bad thing, rather, it acknowledges the downsides.

      • Anonymous

        The economy is damaged by the pandemic, not by social distancing. Social distancing is a reaction to the pandemic. It’s the lesser of two evils.

        • Anonymous

          You’re wrong. The economic harm is being done by stay at home orders and closing businesses.

          • Anon

            This is correct. Social distancing as it is being practiced was not an absolute necessity. There were other ways to handle the pandemic. I definitely think there could have been greater analysis and consideration of how this would spread in less-populated areas vs. areas like NYC or San Francisco with greater density, and proportional response. Rather than having everyone everywhere go on lockdown, which is going to end up causing much greater damage to the country than a more thoughtful and measured response.

          • Sarabeth

            There WERE other ways of handling it, at the very beginning. It would have required an intensive and effective testing and contact tracing system. We screwed that up. It’s no longer an option at the scale of pandemic that we are facing now. It may be an option again in the future if social distancing is effective enough to reduce the scale of the epidemic to the point where testing everyone with symptoms plus everyone that they’ve been in contact with becomes feasible again. Until then, our options are basically social distancing (with ensuing economic damage) or mass death (with even worse economic damage).

            Do not buy the line that less dense areas area somehow immune. Rate of spread might be slightly lower in rural/exurban areas, but not enough for it not to be a serious problem. People still go to work, church, grocery stores, etc. Current data suggest that is more than enough social contact to keep the epidemic growing exponentially.

          • Sarabeth

            And also, should have mentioned: reliable mass antibody testing will indeed make a massive difference.

        • LaurenB

          Complaining about the economic harm caused by social distancing is like complaining that the firemen who entered your burning house to save you and your loved ones left muddy footprints on the carpet.

          • LaurenB

            So Anon at 11:36 am, what “other ways” were there that you were aware of, but all the great minds in public health and epidemiology didn’t think of?

          • Anon

            You’re awesome at hyperbole but I find your argumentation skills lacking, frankly.

      • anon

        You don’t think loosing 20% of the 50-70 year old people in the C-suite is going to be a huge disruption?

      • pugsnbourbon

        COVID-19 does have a greater impact on older folks, but with people living longer and more active lives, the “elderly” are often still working, still buying goods, still contributing to the economy and supporting families, etc.

        Additionally – when our healthcare system is overburdened, EVERYONE is at a higher risk of death. Having a freak allergic reaction and need a vent? Having postpartum complications but nurses are stretched so thin that no one notices? Needing an ICU bed after a bad car accident? Yeah tough titty to all of that. And we already know that any reduction in care will be worse for poor/vulnerable/undocumented folks.

        • LaurenB

          +1. What the people who think that it’s just sacrificing grandma — and who needs her anyway, all she contributes to the economy is buying knitting needles, tea, and Geritol — are completely missing the point that the more people there are with COVID – of ANY age range – the more healthcare providers are at risk, and the more likely they are to then develop it and be taken out of the game, thus putting strain on all healthcare. At my spouse’s hospital, a woman delivering a baby was tested during her postpartum stay and found to have COVID, which meant that both obstetricians who delivered her AND all the nurses who cared for her are now self-isolated at home for 14 days, thus meaning more of a burden (and possibly then sub-optimal care) for any other delivering woman. You don’t think that impacts everybody?

        • LaurenB

          Additionally, it’s very odd – and not in touch with reality – to think that “the elderly don’t impact the economy.” It’s as though they’ve never actually seen anyone over 55 in real life. Do you really not get that it’s people of retired age who are traveling, using AirBnB, golfing, yoga, pilates, going out to eat more now that they don’t have kids at home? Buying vacation homes? Spending lavishly on grandchildren? Some of you really seem to think that “not having a paying job” = “doesn’t impact the economy.”

          Let’s look at it this way. Suppose this only infected / killed stay-at-home mothers who don’t have jobs. You don’t think that would impact the economy? What if it only infected children under 12 who don’t have jobs or money to spend? You don’t think that would impact the economy?

          • Anon

            I think you vastly underestimate your privilege. This is not at all how most 55 year old plus people live.

          • anon

            I am not at all advocating relaxing social distancing, saying that we should sacrifice older people or anything like that but from a purely economic perspective, this just isn’t correct. The money that a retired person is spending would be transferred to heirs who would likely continue to spend it (arguably in more productive ways) or to the government who given the 2 trillion spending bill could probably use the cash right now.

    • Anonymous

      I can distance, but I rely on others who are NOT distancing or able to distance: city water department, city sanitation department, farmworkers, truckers, grocery store shelf stockers, grocery store cashiers, the power company. I don’t do grocery orders or grocery delivery (why? I save those not-distancing workers for the old and the sick to use; I figure, I need to expose myself somewhat so that others do not expose themselves overly). We can distance, but it is usually on the backs of others who can’t.

      Also, yesterday, I relied on someone not pulling out to make a left into my oncoming car. It would be bad to go to the ER where people are overburdened and stressed and who knows what bad germs are floating around. A friend who was in a wreck spent about 9 months in a rehab hospital where you are truly reliant on others.

    • Anonymous

      The biggest economic impacts (not the only) will be restaurants, waiters, bartenders, small time retail and then hotels/airlines which will be bailed out and big time retail which will restructure. I can live with that. As long as most of finance, law and engineering is fine, 99% of us here are fine.

      • Anon

        This is so F-ing selfish and 100% of the problem with the people who don’t see the economic issues here. I just can’t even with this comment

        • anon

          Agreed – I think this comment perfectly explains why so many on this board insist on downplaying the economic effects. Because it isn’t affecting them personally (other than a dip in investment accounts that they don’t need to live comfortably), the economic impact couldn’t possibly be important

          • Anonymous

            The economic impact is important. The point is that the economic impact will be worse if we give up on social distancing and everyone gets sick or fears getting sick.

          • Anon

            “The economic impact is important. The point is that the economic impact will be worse if we give up on social distancing and everyone gets sick or fears getting sick.”

            You keep saying this, but I have yet to see evidence FROM THIS CENTURY that supports this claim.

          • LaurenB

            I’m not downplaying the economic effects at all. Of course my heart bleeds for the small businesses who are struggling, hourly workers who have lost jobs, etc. It just seems self-evident from even a little bit of modeling that without social distancing and a loooong, slow return to new normal, the economy is going to be toast anyway. So if given a choice between a bad economy and fewer death, and an even worse economy with more deaths … well, duh.

          • Sarabeth

            Anon at 11:58, the IGM panel of economists agrees with this claim. This is a panel of the country’s top economists, from across the political spectrum and including people with a range of methodological commitments. These panels almost never show consensus. Literally NONE of the surveyed economists disagreed with the claim that “Abandoning severe lockdowns at a time when the likelihood of a resurgence in infections remains high will lead to greater total economic damage than sustaining the lockdowns to eliminate the resurgence risk.”

            So, it seems pretty clear-cut to the actual experts.

        • Anonymous

          It might be selfish but it’s true. I’m 100% more concerned with biglaw or banking associates in their second year losing jobs than waiters. I am neither in biglaw nor IB, yet I know when you get knocked off of jobs with a path relatively young, it is very hard to get back on that path if not impossible. And replacing a 200k salary takes much much longer than 30k. An unskilled person washing dishes, they don’t do it to build a career, didn’t go to school for it, and don’t have school debt. They’re not wedded to dish washing. They can pick up a job at Amazon at a warehouse or sorting packages for UPS or whatever pays money. I don’t make the rules, that’s just how these things work. I suspect a lot of the “concern” here is for people without legal status who were working under the table at restaurants who can’t pass the background checks at Amazon or UPS.

          • LaurenB

            “It might be selfish but it’s true. I’m 100% more concerned with biglaw or banking associates in their second year losing jobs than waiters. I am neither in biglaw nor IB, yet I know when you get knocked off of jobs with a path relatively young, it is very hard to get back on that path if not impossible. And replacing a 200k salary takes much much longer than 30k. ”

            What a piece of work. Just like Jesus. Here’s a concept – maybe everybody is important no matter what the size of their bank account.

          • Anonymous

            A lot of the people impacted are middle class small business owners, like my family. Restaurants, retail boutiques, sweet shops…that’s them. They’ve lost their livelihoods and it’s not clear that any government program will revive their businesses. It’s a lot easier for you and I to get a new lawyer jobs than it is for them to resurrect a business they spent a working lifetime building.

          • Anonymous

            If the virus is running rampant, unchecked by social distancing, nobody is going to patronize those businesses and they will go under.

      • AnonATL

        I agree this is out of touch. I work in consulting, and we are struggling and laying people off. There are loads of lawyers on here who have been talking about layoffs. People across all socio-economic backgrounds are losing jobs as we speak. Obviously some will be better able to handle it financially, but the wealthy folks who lose their jobs are still going to spend less while unemployed.

    • Anonymous

      Governor Cuomo is talking about exit plans right now. Tests for contagion and anti-bodies are in process, and the are looking for private companies to scale in the tri-state area. Exit plans!

      • Anonymous

        Saw that. With a huge caveat that we’re not there yet but he did talk about exit plans.

  5. Alina

    This is totally a first world problem. I know I’m incredibly lucky because I can WFH, I was comfortably able to come to my parents house to quarantine, I don’t have kids, I’m not afraid of my job being laid off etc

    So, all that being said, ladies who have WFH before this insanity – what did you do for lunch?

    Did you take a 30 minute lunch break? 60 minutes? Cook or still had to “pack” your lunch? Go for a walk? actually exercise since you’re at home with all your clothes and your shower?

    Right now my job is extremely zoom meeting heavy, so I kinda have to sit right there on a schedule, I’m not as free to work while throwing a load of laundry on or starting lunch or whatever

    • Cb

      I like a warm lunch so on days I was working from home (pre-Covid), I’d make scrambled eggs and green beans or soup. Quick but warm and filling.

    • AnonATL

      I worked from home fulltime before all this. Lunch was very frequently what it would have been if I went into an office. Reheated leftovers, a quick sandwich, salad, whatever was around very often eaten at my desk. I try periodically to go out with the dogs during “lunch” but some days that is easier than others. I find taking a little break mid-day does help to reset my productivity even if that means doing a load of laundry or dishes. It resets my brain.

    • anne-on

      I try to block 30 minutes at some point during my day for a proper lunch (which is often sandwich, soup, eggs, whatever – generally something quick) along with letting the dog out, swapping laundry to the dryer, unloading the dishwasher, etc. But getting up, away from my computer, and doing something else is really key to give my brain a break.

    • Anonymous

      WFH basically full time. When DH and kiddo aren’t also at home, I use “lunch” to shower and then eat at my desk. Usually leftovers or a salad with chicken. I like to make a bunch of chicken breasts in the crock pot at the beginning of the week to eat for lunches.

    • C2

      I work remote full time, and I have a tentative block on my calendar every work day from 12-1 that’s labeled “Lunch/Workout”. My boss knows she can schedule over that time if it’s really urgent, but she very rarely does. Others rarely try to schedule during that time, so it gives me a break from calls. I typically don’t take a full hour, but sometimes I like to run to the gym for certain group fitness classes that are only offered at noon. I normally eat, clean up lunch, take 10 mins to do a light housework thing, and then use the remaining time to catch up on work or emails. As far as eating, I’m a warm lunch person, and don’t mind eating the same thing several days in a row, so it’s reheating whatever I’ve made a big batch of for the week. Often that’s some sort of hearty soup or stew that I bulk up with a grain and extra protein. Since COVID has started, I’m often doing half an online workout mid-day, taking a 15 minute walk around the block or ordering a coffee online from the local place nearby and walking down to pick it up curbside.

  6. TP weirdness

    As a non American watching you guys scrambling for toilet paper, I cannot fathom why Americans ( and the West in general) are still wiping their backside with unhygienic TP. South Asians and the Japanese have this figured out. Water is better for the environment and far more hygienic. Make the switch if you can!

    *comment edited by management

    • Anon

      In places in the world where water is not plentiful and there are long-term concerns about sustainable drinkable water supplies, bidets are wasteful. I also think they’re disgusting, personally. I don’t know what your intention was in posting this comment. Surely you must realize that people live differently than you do. Having visited Asia several times, I could make comments about many things I saw that didn’t make sense to me (open trough toilets in Tokyo train stations being just one) but I try to be culturally competent and accepting of differences. You might want to give that a try.

      • Aunt Jamesina

        Tons of water is used in manufacturing paper products. I have and use a spray bidet, and it only uses a small amount of water at a time.

      • anon

        +1
        I have been to Asia a number of times and I have seen some horrific (to me) things in Asian bathrooms. However, I wouldn’t go on an Asian website to tell people how they should use the bathroom. Each person and culture has their own way of doing things. I also think you might want to live and let live. Some people like toilet paper.

    • Anon

      Of south Asian descent but my parents (immigrated to US in the 70s) has fully assimilated to toilet paper usage by the time I was born. I asked my mom this and she didn’t really answer – what do you use to dry when you’re done using water?

      • BeenThatGuy

        And where do you get the water from when you have a western toilet set up?

        • Anon

          My MIL used a plastic cup full of water when she comes to our house (fills the cup before she goes, I would guess – but I’ve never seen it use obviously!)

      • Anonymous

        You use one tissue to pat dry. Nothing like what you need otherwise.
        Also…the hygiene!

      • Abby

        My parents have a Very Fancy system with a remote the size of a small ipad, but theirs has a dryer! It also has a heated seat. I have been too scared to try it out, but my mom promised me all of their toilet paper if we get to a dire situation since they have an alternative lol

    • Anon with toilet

      Amen, says this person in the US who dreams of the day she springs for a Toto washlet.

      • Anonymous

        When we remodeled our bathroom, we did the toto washlet toilet seat rather than the toto washlet toilet. Still pricey but much less so (ours was under $500). It was super easy to install and is amazing…

      • anne-on

        +1 – we installed one when we redid our master bath. It has a heated seat, and a dryer option for afterwards. It is delightful.

      • BB

        I have an $800 washlet sitting unused since our move 6 months ago :( The rental place we have right now has this weird toilet tank setup where it’s near impossible to remove the valve and install my bidet. I miss it so much!

    • Anonymous

      I actually hate the thought of having a wet backside every time I use the bathroom. That seems so uncomfortable.

      • Anonymous

        Use a small tissue to pat dry. Set a towel aside for that purpose only. So many options!
        And for the poster who asked how to do this in a western setup, Google Toto washlet.

        If you split food on yourself, presumably you wash your hand? Why not your backside?

        • Anonymous

          So you’re still using a paper and\or a rag? That seems like an extra step. I don’t want to get graphic but I genuinely don’t think going to the bathroom requires this level of cleaning. Unless you have a terrible stomach issue or something?

    • Pure Imagination

      So glad my husband and I got a cheap bidet 3 years ago. Game changer.

      • anon

        I got ours 5 years ago and never looked back! The Neo brand on Amazon. I use a tiny amount of TP to dry myself and that’s it. In all my anxieties during this pandemic, running out of TP has never been mine.

      • anon

        I’m team toilet paper but the science doesn’t back this up. Bidets are far more hygienic than TP

    • Anon

      Integrated bidets are expensive even after mass production, so you can imagine the prices in America where it’s still a novelty item. Anyone I know, including myself, with a bidet at home has had to buy the parts and install it by themselves. The mechanical ones are easier but still requires a level of handiness, but if you want the Japanese electric standard, you gotta hack your bathroom to connect to an outlet and hot water valve, and they cost hundreds of dollars. And forget it if you’re a renter. I don’t want to install an extra gadget that landlord can blame on when the toilet needs repairs. I love them and have them, but they don’t come to our homes with the same convenience and affordability in Japanese homes.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t understand how a bidet doesn’t spread germs. It squirts water on a very germy place to wash off very germy stuff. Doesn’t the filthy water drip down over the squirter, leaving germs to be squirted on the next person? Ick.

      • Anon

        No, at least not with a bidet attachment (I don’t know many people with enough room to have a separate bidet unit). The sprayer is at the very back of the toilet, positioned even behind the back rim. You’d have to have your behind in the bowl and scooted into the back for any real splash back to happen. You’re not supposed to blast yourself, it’s supposed to be a gentle rinse that falls downward (think of a semi-weak water fountain).

    • Anon

      I like a bidet, but hygienically there’s no real reason to use a bidet if you don’t want to. It might feel better but I don’t think that there is any evidence that it’s actually better for you.

  7. Are You Afraid of the Dark 2019

    Randomly thought of the old Nickelodeon shows I watched growing up, and found out they did an Are You Afraid of the Dark revival last year! Had no idea and enjoyed the first episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuFk-NHg7kA I’m taking a break from watching Homeland (one can only take so much suspense and spy intrigue) and saw that Doug is on Hulu. Makes me also want to find Alex Mack and Rocko’s Modern Life!

  8. emeralds

    My husband has been furloughed. This was not unexpected given his industry, and we should be okay financially for now. I haven’t seen this discussed yet, but I’m thinking there must be at least a few of us–how are y’all handling chore allocation and (for lack of a better term) expectations around productivity? What are things I can be doing to be a supportive partner? (Other than keeping my job, haha…) Anyone else dealing with this?

    I can definitely see a world where I start getting resentful that he gets to play video games all day while I’m still working, even though I (of course) know he’d rather be working than dealing with this situation. But there just–isn’t that much for him to do! We have no kids and a low-maintenance dog. A lot of the projects we would normally consider around the house involve more of a financial investment than we’re comfortable with right now.

    • Anonymous

      His task: figure out to stay engaged with life and productive, while managing his emotions of loss and anger so he doesn’t get depressed or defeated.

      Your task: figure out how to keep doing your work while managing your emotions of anxiety and overwhelm so you don’t get rigid and resentful.

      It’s going to be hard work for both of you, but you can do it.

      • Pure Imagination

        She did not mention that her spouse was experiencing loss and anger. That may not be relevant here. What he will need is space to handle it his own way. It’s OK to play video games and use this as some downtime.

        • Anon

          Well, he lost his job, he’s experiencing loss whether or not he recognizes it.

    • Airplane.

      He can clean cook do laundry and basically make home and working from home life as easy for you as possible. All of the home maintenance that doesn’t involved a lot of money or dangerous tools. You are the sole breadwinner now.

    • Anon

      I don’t have a furloughed partner but I have a partner with very different job expectations from mine. I’m an attorney with billable hours. He’s a government employee that can work from home. He works extremely hard but his job is more task based and when it is done it is done. That means sometimes he has finished his workday at 3 pm while I am working until 6:30 pm. He does most of our cleaning and our cooking. I have mixed feelings about him asking me to do stuff with him when he’s done and I’m still working. Sometimes it annoys the heck out of me. Other times I think, yeah, it was nice to take a 30 minute break to walk the dogs with you even though I now have to work 30 minutes later. I don’t have a ton of advice, just commiseration that it is so hard to be working when your partner is lounging.

    • anon a mouse

      Not current, but when DH was laid off a few years ago we were in a similar situation. I asked him to take on a few of the chores that required more time and attention like meal planning and deep cleaning the bathroom. He could also plan for the future projects you want to do (make supply lists, plan out order of tasks, etc.). Other than that, he should brush up his resume and maybe do some checking in with people in his industry just in case his job situation is worse than you expect. But he has tons of downtime, let him have some leisure.

    • AnonToday

      I’m in somewhat of the opposite position. I haven’t be fully furloughed, but I have been knocked down to part-time to help cut costs. It’s a pretty new change in our household, but if one partner is full-time and the other is part-time or no-time I would think that partner should take on more chores. Otherwise you are just sitting on your bum all day watching tv? There is no where to go so what are you going to do, if not laundry that is clearly full or cooking dinner.
      Emotionally it is a lot to support. I was devastated when I first got bumped down, but it’s normalized a bit and I’m finding ways to occupy my time. I wallowed for a few days spending too much time watching terrible mid-day tv.
      I would say the most important aspect is boundaries and clear expectations. He shouldn’t be hanging out socializing with you while you are working. You should have a very clear discussion if you don’t care (or maybe do) how he spends his time as long as he is doing his “fair” share of chores.
      It’s a tough time and lots of long-established family dynamics are being rapidly shifted.

    • Anon

      Not exactly the same, but my husband has been off work for a bit while my kids were in full time school/care. In that scenario, it was kind of understood that he was in charge of our grocery shopping and dinner planning/execution (with me often the cleaner after dinner). I would make something if I felt inspired and it was a meal that was historically my thing. Would your husband be open to that arrangement?

      Now my husband is full time kid minder/teacher, so we split chores more equally. Since we don’t have a cleaner for the first time in years, but are home more so we get messier, I made a deal that we take turns every weekend cleaning the bathroom and I put who’s turn it was on the calendar. My husband did his turn last weekend without being asked again which was awesome. In theory you could expect your husband to do all these tasks every time, but also some of these kind of suck and I’m not sure that’s fair.

      Does furloughed mean he needs to prepare for a job search or no? While obviously job searching right now would probably be futile, maybe you could both sit down and discuss each week what a reasonable goal with regards to this in this environment should be, like week one work on resume, explore all online resume optimizers etc. that he can do on his own exact timeline within that week, but still make you feel like something is being “done”. (Although people handle job loss and searches differently so be prepared for this conversation to not go over well at first, but I don’t think that doesn’t make it not worth having).

      I guess the common theme here is communication, and setting fairly specific goals in fairly specific time frames so you both know what to expect. Otherwise you will each just get bitter that the other is not doing the things that feel obvious to you that need to be done.

      • Pure Imagination

        I would absolutely hate if I had been furloughed and my spouse sat me down to write up a schedule and point me to “resume optimizers.” Absolutely hate. My spouse is not my boss or my career coach. Be careful of bringing a workplace attitude into your home – your spouse is not your direct report that you need to manage.

        OP, all you are responsible for is managing yourself. Talk to your spouse and figure out what is going to work best in terms of chores, etc., but a furlough isn’t an opportunity for you to become the boss giving orders because you’re the one with paid employment. That’s the fast track to a deep divide between the two of you. Take some time, see how things go in the first few days and weeks, and don’t try to fix anything that might not need fixing.

        • Anon

          So I’m anon at 9:54. I hear you. And if the OP and spouse want to come to an unacknowledged or acknowledged agreement that he can take this unprecedented time to sit and play video games for days on ends for x amount of time, that’s obviously fine. My response is more for the medium term range where it looks like we are still going to be locked down for awhile and there is going to be some point where that probably is going to cause a source of contention, which is what OP was asking about.

          My job sit down suggestion came across more business like than I intended to. I meant it to be a collaborative discussion, and I think it’s fair to say that bouncing ideas off of each other can be helpful for both. All job searchers are not going to come up with every idea on their own, and hopefully your spouse’s ideas or suggestions are something one values, even if it’s just to say, hey thanks but that particular idea doesn’t work for me. I only brought up the optimizer specifically bc my husband actually hadn’t heard of those, and I told him about one (recommended on this site!) and he was appreciative and used it. So real life example.

          While I’m sure if I’m job searching I would probably dislike some of my husband getting involved or talking to me about it at times, it goes both ways. If my husband is sitting around playing video games all day every day (which I’m not saying all job seekers do, I’m only saying it because it is the scenario the OP was outlining as a potential issue, so that is what I was addressing) I would also hate that and that was why I suggested having a discussion about what could be done now.

          However, for all I know in his case furloughed means he doesn’t even need to job search so this all moot.

          • Anon

            ps I should add, maybe after having the job search discussion, and maybe after doing a couple of things related to it, the conclusion is there really IS nothing else one can do in this environment, which is entirely fair. But at least the two discussed it and are on the same page, so it’s not a source of secret bitterness.

          • emeralds

            He does not plan to job search–his company has been clear that they intend to ramp furloughed staff back on when they can. Obviously we don’t have a crystal ball, and his/our decision about this may change depending on how things are looking in the next month or so.

            And thank you, Anon and Pure Imagination. Your comments have been really helpful. I’m someone that skews towards wanting to control everything when I’m stressed and anxious, and that is not a helpful response in this particular situation, so I’m wanting to get some things straight in my own head about this whole thing.

        • Anon

          Yes, I totally agree with this. My partner is furloughed as well and has been for weeks. He has picked up chores and projects without us even discussing it, takes the dog on long walks/runs, and he’s been volunteering with an organization that makes meals for other people who are out of work and elderly people who cannot leave their homes. He’s done all of this without any prompting from me. He’s had a couple of days where he just plays video games, and I just remind myself of the other stuff he’s been doing and remember that of course he needs some leisure time. I know that he feels bad about the joblessness, and I don’t want to make him feel worse by telling him he’s not doing enough. It would certainly have been time for a conversation if he didn’t actually start doing these things of his own volition for a few weeks, but I’d give it a bit to see what happens before trying to divide up chores and everything.

          • emeralds

            Good for your husband! Mine’s been doing his share of chores plus taking on some stuff that I would normally be doing, knocking out some smaller-scale projects around the house, and working out, plus being more engaged with stuff like Zooming family and friends than I am. All of that still adds up to less than eight hours a day of work.

            I really need to remember that’s fine: he didn’t ask for this.

            Also…our dog appears to be at her max capacity for exercise and mental stimulation, haha. She is currently getting two 40+ minute walks a day, plus getting to chase a lot more sticks in the backyard, and she is OVER IT. Like, sincerely, she would like us to leave her alone because we are interrupting her very important schedule of napping…

          • Anon

            I’m the Anon from 11:14– I do totally understand where you’re coming from, too. I have had moments of thinking, “Must be nice…” when mine is planting flowers or playing video games or whatever. For me it helps to think about how I’d be feeling if I’d been furloughed or laid off (sad, scared for the future, embarrassed) as a reminder that even if he has some extra “free” time, it’s probably not all rosy in his head. It really is all just hard. And glad your husband is stepping up!

            My dog naps the ENTIRE time husband is away somewhere, so I also think she’s getting a bit tired of the constant stimulation. Which say something because she is a herding mix!

    • Anon

      This happened to us to– DH is now 50% furloughed, so he is working 20 hrs a week. I’m still working full time and have an “essential,” very stable law job. DH just got furloughed a few days ago, so he has veered between playing lots of free golf (you can walk the public courses here) and compulsively doing lots of projects around the house. My bigger issue is that he’s really been choosing the chores he wants to do… and sometimes is loud when I’m on conference calls, etc. Once I jokingly reminded him that I was the breadwinner and needed to keep my job, this stopped a bit. He’s already applied for another job– we’ll see how this goes. The 50% furlough is in some ways worse mentally than a full furlough since he still has to show up to work half the time and pretend to be happy, etc.

      No real tips– but lots of commiseration!

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      For my relationship it’s the other way around. I haven’t had much to do these days at work and the manager was actively permitting us to relax until we knew who was staying on through the layoffs. Today I got laid off. I can still contribute my portion of the rent and bills because I have savings and other sources of funds (for now) but I do feel bad that he’s toiling away on a mobile app release (he’s in edtech, there’s plenty of demand for the company’s products and there doesn’t seem to be a layoff looming) and even if I take the time to do some chores and job hunting each day, it’s just not gonna be equal. I’ve expressed this guilt and insecurity to him and he seems to feel like it is what it is, he’s not gonna be mad if I spend some time playing video games, watching TV, jogging, and/or napping during the day while he works; he’s been laid off before, he knows what it’s like, but I am still worried he’ll eventually start to get frustrated and resent me for not having to work as hard.

      I think the key here is going to be healthy, ongoing communication, including checking in with each other to make sure the current arrangement is still working for both people.

  9. Anon

    Easter dinner ideas? I live alone, so will be celebrating alone, and I hate cooking but still want a nice meal. I’m okay at cooking but loathe it, so something not time consuming ideally.

    I’m not terribly religious, more spiritual, but am used to spending the day with both sides of family, having good meals etc.

    I actually will be working on Sunday, so will probably have my meal on Saturday. Since there’s very little to look forward to these days (huge extrovert now living alone, working 70+ hour weeks at home, and all of my normal hobbies are no go’s now) so want a really really nice meal to make up for it.

    I’ve thought about ordering Easter take out, but I’m working on Sunday and would be unable to pick up.

    • anne-on

      What do you like to eat? Would it be possible to prep something like a strata or breakfast caserole on Saturday (eggs are traditional!) that you can pop into the oven first thing when you come home? That, a nice glass of white wine, a green salad, and some candy would be very festive to me!
      I’m thinking of making a halved version of this: https://smittenkitchen.com/2016/01/leek-ham-and-cheese-egg-bake/

    • busybee

      Why can’t you pick up your order on Saturday and have it then? Are you saying you want a traditional Easter meal and restaurants will only have it available on Sunday?

      • Anon

        Yeah – I’ll be having my nice meal on Saturday. The few restaurants I’ve seen doing easter menus (which is not many) didn’t have Saturday options

        • busybee

          Hmm ok, I understand. What do you typically have on Easter? Maybe we could provide some alternative suggestions that would get close enough to the real thing.

          • Anon

            We normally do ham, which I feel meh about. The two Easter foods that I love are hot cross buns (discussed below) and my aunts potato casserole (which I will not make myself because that’s the last thing I need )

            I love lamb, but think that’s beyond my cooking skills. Was just hoping to get myself a bit of a splurge meal. Maybe I’ll just get myself a steak or order ramen takeout or do something different.

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      Is it possible to get something delivered? My family’s go-to Easter protein is lamb, which I’m hoping to make at home this weekend if I can get the meat, but if you’re getting delivery, maybe get creative and order a lamb dish from a local Chinese or Indian place that delivers.

    • Ribena

      Are hot cross buns part of your tradition? I’ve been leaning into that and baking my own (in fact, blending them with cinnamon rolls – delicious). I’m not one for eating a full roast dinner by myself (plus I’m vegetarian so wouldn’t be eating lamb anyway) but the sweet treats – absolutely!

      • Anon

        Yes! I love hot cross buns but they’re already hard to find and even harder now.

        While I do cook a bit, I do not bake at all! To the point that I have no flour in my apartment, and keep only a few tablespoons of sugar on hand (grocery store has s bulk section and I only use it for making salad dressing!)

        • Ribena

          They’re very easy to make – I have a treasured memory of making them with my grandmother when I was about 6 or 7. At the moment the hard part is finding the bread flour and the yeast. If you can find those, I can talk you through the baking (I’m lilymcooks on insta)

    • Anon

      How about a roasted chicken and vegetables? Something like carrots, potatoes or sweet potatoes, onions, and mushrooms. You can do it all in the same dish, and have leftovers too too salads or throw together rice/grain bowls.

    • CPA Lady

      I will be doing the following:

      – deviled eggs
      – ham biscuits
      – asparagus baked with butter, crunched up ritz crackers, and grated paremesan cheese on top

  10. Co

    My kid is meant to start kindergarten in the fall. It suddenly occurred to me that schools may not be open then and/or we might not feel comfortable to stop social distancing.

    When will this end?

    Also feeling angry today because I went to get groceries and saw families just casually walking around the shop – it’s not a time for both parents and kids to go shopping together! It feels like this will go on forever because so many people seem to struggle with just staying at hime

    • Anonymous

      People on this board have expressed despondency and contemplation of self harm. And generally speaking, we’re a pretty privileged group. If my partner was expressing thoughts that made me think they were a danger to themself/the kids you better believe I’m not leaving him/her alone or alone with the kids. And that’s just one example of why someone would take the whole family.

      Please stop thinking everyone doing their best in an incredibly hard times is selfish and stupid. Examine your anger issues. If this honestly makes you angry you’re not coping well either.

        • Anon

          You are certainly not, based on this comment. “Doing your best” doesn’t involve wholesale judgement of others. Sorry you missed that memo.

      • Co

        Sure. But parents, another adult, three teenagers and two younger kids just leisurely strolling around Walmart without even a trolley is a problem and not doing their best – sure, kids might want an outing but this is not a normal time.

        Of course single parents might need to take their kids to the shop but it’s pretty obvious when it’s not a need but just for entertainment.

        • Anonymous

          Yes. Maybe they are horrible people who went to the one place they are allowed to go. Or maybe they rounded up everyone with a credit card to see whose still works and can buy food. You will never know. Either way, you are angry at a family for grocery shopping.

          I think you need a hobby or a place to focus your energy other than getting angry at families for grocery shopping. Maybe just take a step back and remind yourself that if wondering when kindergarten starts is your biggest concern you are pretty lucky here?

    • Anonymous

      Pls try to be kind. I bring my kids to the store because I’m a single mom.

      • Nan

        This!! I’m not a single mom but I’m so frustrated with all of the posts (and even signs in stores) saying only one person should be shopping at a time. What on earth are single parents supposed to DO?!!

        • Anon

          My friend has another friend meet her at the store and watch her kid from the parking lot. So mom is shopping, kid is in mom’s car, friend is parked next to that car watching it.

        • Anon

          My area allows children if there are no other options. But I also don’t think you should have to explain that to a police officer.

        • anon

          Research options that satisfy all the judgy-pants on this site with all the free time they have, obviously.

      • Never too many shoes...

        I imagine it is tough, but it would be far better for single parents to use grocery delivery than take kids shopping.

        • Anonymous

          Oh go jump in a hole. I can’t get a delivery slot. Not possible. There are none. It’s much better for my family to eat and it’s much better for you to keep your useless smug advice to yourself.

          • Anon

            High five!

            Signed,

            Mom of one kid with an incredible husband who is matchless in his sacrifices for our family. But my family of origin is a shtshow and I understand what other families go through.

        • Eek

          Well, I think it’d be better for *everyone* to use contactless grocery delivery but that isn’t an option as the slots are limited (enough so in my area that frankly, I hate to take a slot from someone who is disabled, elderly, or generally unable to get to the store.) The fact is that there are situations when it is reasonable for people to bring their kids to the store, even now. (For the record, I personally have not.)

        • anon

          Are you kidding me? This board has gotten out of control. Most (ok, I’m sure not ALL but most) people are doing their best in what is an incredibly challenging time. Judging everyone for how they could be doing “more” in these crazy times is not helpful to anyone. I get that you want to think that if everyone follows your exact set of guidelines everything will be fine but that’s not the case, please try to find another way to deal with your anxiety rather than piling on people here who are really having a hard time and are trying their best.

    • anon

      Hugs to you. It is normal to go through the panoply of emotions during this time and to grieve milestone events. Keep doing the right thing for you and your family. Feel the emotions as they come up. It’s a rollercoaster right now.

    • Anon

      I wish grocery stores would just switch entirely to curbside and delivery. I think it would be safer for the employees to only interact with each other and not the general public every day. I don’t know if that’s somehow logistically impossible though.

        • Struggle Bus

          I don’t understand this when so many people are currently unemployed. Why don’t they hire more staff to do this?

          • Thanks, it has pockets!

            Grocery stores are actively hiring, but it’s understandable that a lot of people would prefer not to take the risk right now. I worked retail the last time I was unemployed, and it was just regular holiday season retail, but even that was stressful. Black Friday wasn’t even that bad, but my Christmas Eve shift was hell. I can’t imagine the mental toll retail jobs are taking right now, with so many scared and stressed shoppers taking their frustrations out on associates who can’t control much, let alone the physical risk of being infected. No thanks, not doing it this time.

          • Anonymous

            the margins on supermarkets are not great. their business could likely not support this staffing level.

          • Anon

            Isn’t that why they’re charging more for this service when it’s available?

          • Anon

            Would you like to go make minimum wage to work at a grocery store in the middle of a pandemic?

          • Anon

            I thought about taking a 2nd job for a little while stocking shelves (did it for many, many years before getting an office job), but there was no way to guarantee only early morning hours and I DO NOT want to be in that place when customers are about, not because of COVID, but because I remember what complete effing idiots customers can be when there’s not a pandemic and I’m certainly not up for Karen flipping out because there’s no TP, they’re out of gluten free unicorn steak, or somebody sneezed or whatever.
            Would a little extra money be nice? Sure, but not if I have to deal with irrational customers.

          • Anon

            Honestly, even in non-pandemic times, I’d rather work at a 100% curbside/contactless delivery grocery store, if I got to choose.

          • Thanks, it has pockets!

            Oh for sure, I remember working at a bookstore during the setup, for weeks we got lots of OT and didn’t have to deal with customers, just sorting and stocking merchandise. It was awesome.

            Working at the well-known fancy soap and lotion store at the mall during the holidays, however? Not great. I mean, I liked my coworkers and some shifts weren’t so bad, but some were downright awful. People can be monsters, especially during the Sale That Happens Twice a Year. No way am I going into a worse, more stressful, and downright scary retail job unless I start to get desperate for income.

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      It’s not great when whole families are using these errands as a group outing, but something in your post stood out to me and I just want to ask, what’s wrong with “casually” running a grocery errand? What demeanor would you prefer people display at the grocery store? A sense of urgency, obviously rushing to get in and out as fast as possible? Huddled in fear, nervously looking around, staring at the ground in shame? Apologizing to each other in hushed tones? Should we shop in a somber fashion as though we were extras in an episode of The Handmaid’s Tale? They had butter today. Praise be.

      I ask because I do feel some responsibility to behave in a way that helps others around me feel safe, although I don’t know the extent of that responsibility, and what expectations are reasonable and what aren’t. And while we’re all afraid, at a certain point we need to stop scrutinizing how others are performing their daily tasks.

      • Co

        Oh I was just referring to people who were clearly using Walmart as an outing. I was in the shop for quite a while because I had a lot to find and saw many many times just walking around, without even a trolley. I’ve noticed this multiple times and I find it frustrating. Taking your time to buy groceries is a completely fine – you’re there for a purpose that is allowed (by our) stay at home order.

        • Anon

          Are you serious? How do you even know that? Maybe they’re wandering because they’re looking for something. The number of assumptions you have to make to be this judgey is astounding. Either have some grace and give people the benefit of the doubt, or stop b ! tching about it here.

        • Pure Imagination

          I understand and agree with what you mean. I think posters just want to attack you today and pretend they’re totally unfamiliar with the concept of Target shopping as a hobby. We’ve discussed that on this site many times and it’s still happening now.

        • Get a grip

          I mean, how do you move through a grocery store as you’re collecting things from various aisles, do you dance? People who are “just walking around, without even a trolley,” may also be grocery shopping just like you. That’s what grocery shopping looks like, walking through the store, some people have carts and some have baskets and some just carry in their hands. You know if you saw them “many, many times,” they also saw you as many times? Maybe they’re an anonymous on yesterday’s post, or they will be on tomorrow’s, complaining about the woman they saw in the grocery store, dancing through every aisle with her overstuffed cart and glaring at all the other folks as she passed them by. Goodness gracious.

        • Anon

          Maybe the walked around without a trolley because they did not want to touch trolleys that had other people’s germs on them. Maybe they were waiting for an eyeglass prescription. Maybe it is pouring rain and the kids are bouncing off the walls of an 800 square foot apartment and the playgrounds are all shut down and the mall is closed and this is literally the only exercise the kids got all week.

          I would call you a tool, but tools are useful.

      • Anonymous

        thank you! the needless virtue signaling and resulting hand-wringing on this board is unreal.

    • Anon

      If the models are accurate (and so far they’ve been pretty accurate), cases are going to go essentially to zero by July. There’s going to be enormous pressure to open schools if there have been no new cases for a month. I think we may have to do another few months at home in the late fall/winter when we get round 2 of Covid, but I can’t imagine schools won’t open unless something goes very wrong and we’re still dealing with thousands of new Covid cases/day in late August (which seems really unlikely at this point).

      • Anonymous

        babe, not sure what models you are looking at but the death and destruction projections continue to be revised down (and are showing to have been wrong) every day.

        • Anonymous

          They were not wrong. They are being revised downward because now we are finally doing something to slow the spread.

          • Anon

            Yes, they are being revised down because of the effects of social distancing. Also, if they were wrong in the direction of overestimating deaths doesn’t that mean we’d open even earlier than expected?

            And please don’t call grown women “babe.” It’s a sexist and offensive term.

    • Anon

      Being judgy from a place of great privilege is this community’s favorite pastime. Why stop now.

    • Anonymous

      I thought about whether private school would be more likely to be open in the fall but honestly have no idea. A very good private school will have better online school at older ages, but online kindergarten seems hard regardless of the school’s resources. If you have the space, maybe get an au pair in the fall who can help out and also work on kindergarten-level skills. I would think they will be able to come in late summer and then can stay.

  11. Airplane.

    Thank you to the poster who recommended American girl podcast (dolls and books). One of the hosts has a kind of droll 32 year old dryness is the content I am here for.

    • emeralds

      Oh yes, thanks to that entire thread of recs! I started listening to an episode of Be There in Five this morning and enjoyed it a lot–definitely think that one will be making it into my standard podcast rotation.

    • anonchicago

      Yes! I listened to Noble Blood last night and loved it, and have American Girls downloaded for later.

  12. anon

    I took a hard fall on my cement garage floor last week and I’m pretty certain that I bruised or fractured my tailbone. I did not go to the doctor because a) why risk COVID unless I absolutely have to, and b) even if it’s fractured, there’s not much that can be done other than rest. However, I am going stir-crazy without exercise. Prior to this injury, I was running 15-20 miles per week to prepare for a half marathon (which has been canceled, so I guess the timing is good?). Yoga is out because I can’t sit on the floor without yelping in pain. I don’t even want to think about sitting on a bike; sitting at my desk to work is painful enough. I can walk, but that’s about it. If you’ve had this injury before, any tips on making it heal faster? Hard exercise is one of my tools for controlling anxiety in even the best of times so the lack of it now is … noticeable.

    • Cb

      Oh I’ve done this before (drunken ice skating) and it was awful! I wonder about some sort of arm exercises? Could you do planks or things?

      • Anonymous

        +1M to drunken skating

        Reminds me that we used to have drunk running for Bastille Day (not sure why, not French, not in French area of the US)

    • pugsnbourbon

      I’m so sorry! I’ve injured my tailbone before and truly, the only cure is rest.
      Do you have one of those donut pillows to sit on?

      • emeralds

        Yeah, same…there is really no way to speed it up, unfortunately. Can you do arm and core work that is not reliant on being seated? Push-ups, planks, mountain climbers, bear crawls? There are also plenty of standing yoga practices on YouTube, if something like that feels attainable. Increase the length and intensity of your walks?

        And also: I am so, so sorry that you’re dealing with this now.

    • Anon

      I did this in late December and it took around 6 weeks for feel better. Sorry — it was awful. After a while I started going for walks (short at first) and counterintuitively it helped.

    • Anon

      Hi, this really stinks, but honestly most of us aren’t doctors, so I’d definitely recommend you call one so you can get tips for how you should self-treat, do PT and what you should use to help with pain from a medical professional.

      • Anon

        +1. I did this as a child (fell off a balance bar and tailbone landed on the feet of the balance bar) and any kind of movement aggravated the injury. I needed to move as little as possible (minimum sitting and walking was all I did) for at least 6 weeks before I could tentatively move again.

    • Beans

      I fractured my tailbone a few years ago after slipping on water at a restaurant. Honestly, not much will help other then time. It took me about 6-8 weeks before I felt better. Make sure you have a donut pillow and just be careful. The last thing you want to do right now is aggravate it further.

    • anne-on

      I am so sorry! I bruised mine last winter slipping on ice and it took 3-4 weeks to heal to about 75% better. Warm water helped a ton for me, swimming I’m sure it out, but can you take epsom salt baths?
      +1 to the donut or otherwise soft pillows.

    • busybee

      I injured my tailbone a few years ago and it was awful. I found that sitting on something hard like a textbook helped, as it put the pressure on my butt-bones (like deep in the gluteus, I don’t know the name for them) as opposed to the tailbone. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but it took about 8 weeks to heal.

    • Anon

      I broke it ages ago and it healed on its own. The only issue is that if it heals kind of pointing in instead of pointing down, the doctor who treated me said it could re-break during childbirth. And that’s why I went ahead and had the x-ray.

      Anyway, I still remember how much it hurt so I’m sorry for you! Don’t focus too much on exercise (or do one of those workout in a chair videos aimed at older people)- just focus on healing!

    • Jane

      I agree with what everyone says about rest and just trying to stay off of your bum as much as possible. I fractured my tailbone nearly 20 years ago. I still have problems with it—if I sit too long or don’t sit upright, thus resting back on my tailbone, the area starts to ache. I hope this is not your experience, but, if it is, my best advice is keeping chairs at a very upright, 90-degree-ish angle. If you get in to drive my car, you’ll find yourself sitting ramrod straight. I often put a pillow behind my back when sitting in an upholstered chair. Etc. Hope this heals with a few weeks of rest and you have no further issues!

  13. anon a mouse

    Oh wow, I think my mother had this blouse in 1985. I mean that in the best way, I love it.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, this reminds me of something Grace Van Owen would have worn on L.A. Law and thus exactly what I envisioned myself wearing when I grew up.

    • Housecounsel

      I was thinking how pretty it is. And then I remembered that I put an actual outfit on this morning, outfit meaning new jeans and a pretty top, and took it off a few minutes later because the jeans are just so . . . hard. I am now in “joggers” and a t-shirt and much happier.

    • Anon

      In 1985 I was in college and this blouse is exactly how I thought future professional me would dress.

      I still love it. Late 80s – early 90s business lady is imprinted on my brain as The Most Professional Way To Dress.

      • Anon

        PS I’m coding SAS in my pajamas with a major case of bedhead right now, so… not so much.

  14. HM

    I have a direct report who has been promoted and is moving to a different location at the beginning of next month. Typically, we’d have a team party celebrating her with lunch at a nice restaurant and gifts, but that won’t work now for obvious reasons. To add insult to injury, this team member is pregnant and we won’t be able to throw her a shower before she goes. I hate to miss out on the opportunity to celebrate her and am looking for some creative ideas. We are essential workers, so she will be in the office a few days before the end of the month. However, no one else will be there, since my team is rotating in and out of the office to keep staffing to one person in the office at a time. I was thinking of maybe a “drive-by” celebration parade or a Zoom party, but both feel a little lame. Thoughts on how my team can still celebrate her?

    • Anonymous

      Send flowers or a gift card. She’s a big girl she gets it and doesn’t need a parade.

      • Anon

        I would never opt out of a parade. I’m always wondering when the parade I imagine I deserve is going to take place.

    • Anon

      The above answer is a little harsh; if it’s company culture to go out for a meal and give gifts, it stings when you don’t get those things.

      Have your team members drop off gifts when they rotate into the office, e.g., put them in your office where she can’t see them. Shower gifts, going-away gifts, a gift card to a restaurant, whatever. The day that you are in before her last day, put it all together in a pretty basket for her and put it on her desk.

      • anonshmanon

        It’s a sweet idea, but if I’m trying to keep it together in a pandemic, required to come to work, I would appreciate it if non-essential tasks like picking up a cute present for coworker, could be placed on the back burner, no matter how much I love that colleague. Heartfelt card and chip in for a gift card, I can do.

      • Sarabeth

        Can one person bring posterboard into the office for everyone to write a farewell message on during their shift? That would eliminate the requirement that people go out and get a gift. Then giftcard.

    • Ribena

      We have had videoconference drinks with the team a couple of times – it’s been really nice. Much lower time commitment than real team drinks, which is good!

    • Anon

      Ask people if they want to contribute to a baby fund (instead of gifts) and you can mail her a gift card.

    • Anon

      I just rotated off being chair of the board for a non profit. They usually have a little speech and a nice gift for the outgoing chair and I have been part of putting that together in years past.

      This year when it was my turn, obviously it didn’t happen since our meetings are virtual now. (Also it didn’t happen because I wasn’t organizing it, but that’s a different story!)

      But I understand why, and your colleague will too. Just promise her a rain check and wish her well, and she will appreciate it. The words always mean more than anything else.

    • Anonymous

      If office baby showers or going away events are a thing in your office, and you can’t do that, I’d have everyone contribute to an Amazon or Target gift card and sign a group e-card. You say that a Zoom meeting sounds lame, and right now is a hard time for people to all join at the same time because of various childcare and other personal obligations, so I’d skip that.

    • Anonymous

      I had a virtual baby shower / goodbye party at work! My coworkers collected money, sent a package via amazon along with an online gift card. We did a video call where I opened the amazon box of presents. They gave me a powerpoint “card” where each slide had someone or a team write their well wishes on it. It was super sweet.

  15. Frustrated Posher

    Are there any Poshmark experts out there? I’ve tried to sell some clothes for months now and they’re not getting any interest. What’s the secret? They’re Ann Taylor or Loft, size 6 or 8. Good condition. I even listed 2 pairs in the same post and nothing. I’m about to send them all to Thred-Up. I’d ordered a “clean-out” bag from Thred-Up before the quarantine started but now I’m wondering if I should send it? Any ideas? TIA.

    • Airplane.

      Don’t think those items are worth reselling – AT and loft are cheap enough new so I don’t really see people taking the risk to buy used online. The target audience of those brands are usually office workers who can afford to buy them new.

      • Anokha

        I think a number of people might also be hesitant to buy used clothing in the midst of covid-19 (and may have less of a need for work wear because of WFH)

    • Anon

      Agree with the above. There are some buyers still for used Ann Taylor, but the price range for selling is super cheap like around $2-5, so it may not be worth the time to sell them. You can get $30-50 for brand new items with tags, though that’s unusual.

    • shananana

      Cheap is the trick. You’re used clothes are worth way less that you think they are if you actually want to move them and not wait a year for the right buyer to come along. I sell lots on Poshmark but realistically most of it is for $20 or below at the end of the day. I drop prices every couple weeks and when it hits the point that the fees would leave me with like two dollars, it goes in a box for thred up. And yeah, I had a box ready to ship that I am just going to sit on until things return to some normalcy. There are going to be some massive donation and consignment runs when this period of home time is over!

    • Anon

      Unfortunately I have had little luck re-selling most things online that aren’t designer (for which I use the Real Real). Even high-end non designer items (e.g. Rebecca Taylor, Theory, Hugo Boss, Vince, All Saints, etc.) are really hard to sell. I’ve had no luck with Poshmark, but have used Thred-up with varied success (be prepared to get $1-5 for most LOFT, AT, JCrew items). Even designer jeans are hard to resell (Real Real only takes designer jeans with tags due to high volume; I’ve gotten like 10% back on those sold through Thred up). I live in NYC so have also had varied success with in-person consignment shops (e.g. Beacon’s closet, etc).

      This has made me re-think my shopping habits in general (shopping less) and buying fewer pieces but from brands I know I can re-sell (e.g. instead of 2-3 $100 AT dresses, I’ll buy 1 $300 DVF dress that I know I can keep longer and/or re-sell on the Real Real). If I buy something from a less expensive/mid-price point brand, I am just prepared to wear it until it wears out, give to a friend/sister, or I just donate it.

    • busybee

      I have had very little success on Poshmark recently. I used it circa 2013 and sold much more. The primary problem now is visibility. A popular brand like Ann Taylor will have thousands of listings- how do you make yours stand out? One suggestion is to frequently delete the listing and repost. That will make it show up under the “recently listed” section and go to the top of people’s feeds.
      Another suggestion is to be extremely specific in the title so that it appears in search results better. Think “navy flutter-hem short sleeved shirt” as opposed to “blue shirt.”
      Photographs are extremely important; make sure clothes are ironed and presented in a flattering light.
      Sharing others’ posts is a good way to get them to share yours and thus expand your potential audience.
      Ultimately I decided that Poshmark takes up too much of my time to make it worthwhile.

    • crim lawyer

      I recently bought three $300 suits on poshmark (a $900 value) for $100. They all looked new. People expect insanely good deals. Unless you are selling key brands people also won’t buy your stuff. I buy one shoe brand, one suit brand and three kid shoe brands. That’s it.

  16. Random good news

    Hi! Posted yesterday that I’m working more while husband is unemployed and he wasn’t doing much. Basically he surprised me yesterday by doing dishes, laundry and dinner. So there’s hope :) take care everyone

  17. Anon

    Anyone else noticing that when walking on the street, and someone is coming from directly opposite you on the same sidewalk, there seems to be a gendered divide on willingness to step aside so as to keep social distancing? I am noticing that the majority of the times it’s women who will step out of the way and the men who will stay on the sidewalk. Two guys even gestured at me to get out of their way. This is in NYC btw.

    While I’m venting, I also noticed that some gross men will even try to walk closer to me and smile at me. It does not make me find you attractive. If anything, it shows me that you are really inconsiderate and selfish.

    Also, now that I have been running more, I am noticing that some men will try really hard to run faster than me, and then slow down after a few yards, this is literally when we are on different sidewalks but running in the same direction, so I know it’s not because they are trying to create space. Why are you so proud of running faster than a woman? It just shows me that you are really insecure about yourself. I wish all men can get this message.

    • anon

      This goes in the category of not worth spending your thoughts on. Also consider that you don’t always know what they’re thinking and are probably making some big assumptions. For example, I push myself to run faster than people near me all the time. there’s no “pride” and it doesn’t matter who they are. I take motivation where I can get it, and I’m competitive so that checks the box for me. maybe that dude does it with everyone and it’s not about you being a woman.

      Anyway, too many unknowns and generally I feel like its not worth my very precious mental cycles to think about things like this that I can’t change. A lot of things aren’t what they should be in the world, and unless I can change them, this works pretty well to protect my sanity.

      • Anon

        OK, but it’s super annoying for you to run faster, then a few feet ahead, slow down directly in front of me. Annoying with cars, annoying with people! Don’t use strangers to work out your weird competitive impulses.

    • Anonymous

      I think the rule ought to be that the person facing traffic steps into the street and the person walking with traffic stays on the sidewalk.

    • Ribena

      There was a great article about this called ‘patriarchy chicken’ a couple of years ago – the writer has been chatting about it again online,

      • Cat

        Yep, this is not a new problem! I very much enjoy patriarchy chicken. The men always look so very surprised when you don’t move. Even when it’s a large sidewalk and they are on the “wrong side of the road” for the direction they are walking. (City sidewalks – people are cars. Acting like a driver – pulling over to stop, checking behind you for oncoming people before making a sudden lateral move for passing or turning, etc – applies to walking activity!)

        • Is it Friday yet?

          Oh yeah, I love this. I’m a super aggressive walker even though I’m not very big, so I will cheerfully look men in the eye and take. them. out. It kills me to have to walk around people that are being oblivious right now. Absolutely kills me. I want to go running in a hazmat suit and start bodychecking people who don’t give an appropriately socially distanced berth.

      • Monday

        +1. Men pretty much always expect women to get out of their way in any limited space under any circumstances. I think I read the same article–it was an experiment in which the female author decided never to move away for men, and she ended up running into them because they wouldn’t move either.

      • Senior Attorney

        I had been doing patriarchy chicken for quite some time before this whole thing happened.

        I miss it.

      • Anon

        Yes, I used to okay this game when I had the energy, pre-social distancing. What kills me is that, for some reason, men in my building at work wait for me to get in the elevator before they do. I’ve honestly never experienced it to the degree that I do in my current job (I work in academic medicine). I work on a lower floor so prefer to be near the door.

        • Nina

          I think this social convention is helpful to keep people from stumbling over each other at the doors. When getting on or off, the order is: women (oldest to youngest) then men (oldest to youngest).

          I’ve posted on this board before that it was jarring because I used to always be the last woman on or off the elevator, as the youngest in almost any professional setting. As time marches on (as it does), I’ve found that not to be the case suddenly. Haha. Out of the way, youngsters, I’m climbing on!!

          • Thanks, it has pockets!

            I just feel like the closest people to the door should get off first, followed by the people behind them. If I’m behind a man, I don’t need him to allow me to exit first, it doesn’t give me the warm fuzzies I suspect are intended, I just want him to GO! But when I’m closer to the door, I hate when a guy barges forth from behind me to get off as fast as possible, that is jarring and a bit rude. Age and gender should only factor in if people need a tie breaker.

    • Anon

      Maybe this is regional. I’m in the South (but major urban metropolitan area) and it seems almost universal that men step out of the way for women and everyone steps out of the way for anyone with children, the elderly, or handicapped.

      • Ness

        Where I live it was exactly the same, now if I cross a man and he doesnt behave I do not move a cm. You should see their faces. We are losing good manners.

    • Anon

      They gestured for you to get out of the way? Ugh that would infuriate me. Gesture back at them!!

    • LaurenB

      I cannot be bothered noticing who gets out of the way for whom. I”m fine stepping off, it’s not going to kill my precious self to walk on the grass for a whopping 5 seconds. I just cannot occupy my brain space with this kind of thing.

    • Anonymous

      I…am obnoxious. I would fashion a hula hook with suspenders made of duct tape type setup and wear that out. Idiots can step aside.

  18. Ladyofthelake

    That is a really beautiful top! I love the idea of pairing with navy or white. I’m finding the sales right now so hard to avoid, even though it may be a while before I can wear the items I’m buying. I love wearing comfy clothes but am really starting to miss being dressed up!

      • Anon

        I like the Talbot’s alternative. I don’t think it’s anything like the original. But it’s pretty on its own.

    • Nelly Yuki

      I do, and yes. I bought some for less than $30 on the river site a year and a half ago, and they are great. They are lightweight and really help.

    • Abby

      I bought a pair last year, but found myself rarely remembering to wear them. Then I asked DH about it (ophthalmologist) and he said it was a waste of money. The academy of ophthalmology says there is no evidence that the amount of blue light from your computer can damage your eyes. Eye strain related to using devices comes from being too close to your device and/or not blinking enough.
      Using artificial tears and taking a break to look at something in the distance is more helpful to prevent eye strain.
      Another tip from DH is to avoid wearing contacts during this time because it causes you to touch your eyes more frequently and increases the chances of inoculating yourself with the disease.

      • Pure Imagination

        People I know who use the glasses don’t do it because they think blue light damages their eyes, but because it interferes with circadian rhythms. I know several people who like them.

    • anon a mouse

      Yes, I got some last year and they made a huge difference in my eye fatigue. I got a cheap pair with clear lenses from eye buy direct.

    • Bee

      Seconding everyone–I have a $20 pair off of amazon that I love. I’ll admit that it’s partially because I look cute in glasses! But I have also noticed a huge improvement in eye strain and, surprisingly, energy. When we were in the office, I’d keep them on during long in person meetings because I’ve noticed I feel more awake when wearing them. No idea where that’s coming from but they’re great.

    • Anon

      I use f.lux on my screen instead. I was told that with the amount of screen staring I do for work, and given my other eye issues, I should reduce blue light if it makes me more comfortable, which it does. It also helps dramatically with circadian rhythm issues for me (I get bad insomnia if I toggle off the filter on so much as my cell phone screen; I also have to red shift my TV–but with those changes, I don’t have insomnia).

  20. Anonymous

    Any ideas on what to say to partners (or just bosses in a non-legal setting) to set boundaries right now? I live alone with no kids but I have a little puppy, who I have been using as an excuse sometimes, and I feel like my time isn’t respected as much as someone who has kids to take care of. I am really struggling with anxiety (to the point that I could barely do any work yesterday) and need a few days of space from work to come to terms with all that has happened/is happening, but because they know I’m at home by myself, I don’t know what I could say that would be taken seriously. This weekend is a long weekend, which I feel is a great opportunity for me to have a few days without work, but I’m nervous that it will not be treated as any different than the weekdays in the circumstances. I haven’t disclosed my mental health stuff to my office and don’t want to, but is that the only way?

    • Pure Imagination

      No need to disclose mental health anything. I’d send a note in a routine email saying something like “I’ll be taking the long weekend to handle some personal matters. Talk to you all on Monday!” I would not say anything like “in case of emergency, you can reach me..” because they can figure it out if and only if they need you. Then stop checking email.

    • anon a mouse

      Obviously it’s a know your office situation, but could you say something like, I am taking the weekend as quiet time without any screens or technology, I will be back online [day].

      I struggle with this too – even though my work doesn’t require weekends, I am feeling really unmoored with no time off or vacations to look forward to. I’d like to take an afternoon off, but for what?

    • anonymous

      When you say the weekend will not be treated any differently than weekdays – what does that mean? Are you boss and co-workers going to be sending emails? They can do that, but you don’t need to respond. Friday is a company holiday at my job. I’m shutting down my laptop Thursday night and not opening it until Monday. I don’t have any work related stuff on my phone. Last Friday I took a half day vacation to “get stuff done around the house” but it was really me chilling on the couch.

    • anon

      It sounds like you’re at a firm. Obviously I don’t know what’s happening at your office right now but literally no one at mine is respecting anyone’s time (whether they have kids or not). I’m not trying to play the I have it worse olympics but I have kids and no childcare and literally no one is acknowledging that this is insanity. If anything, expectations have gone up over the past few weeks with people emailing regularly earlier in the morning/later at night and expecting responses because of course you’re home so you must be near your desk. I don’t do anything other than work, childcare and occasionally sleep. Given childcare demands, sleep has been getting the short end of the bargain to make sure I keep up with unrealistic work expectations. I too would desperately like a break but I’m also pretty terrified that most/all firms are going to be doing layoffs/paycuts/furloughs at some point especially if this continues longer than another month or so. I’m currently just gritting my teeth and pushing through to make sure there’s no excuse to put me on the chopping block. I’m sorry, this all totally sucks but I’m not sure anyone has it any better than anyone else right now.

      • anon

        None of this is responsive to what she said and there’s no helpful advice here. Seems like you do just want to play the oppression olympics.

        • Anon

          No It isn’t playing oppression olympics. I’m trying to explain that it may not be worth the risk of making a fuss about this right now. Everyone is having a hard time and I suspect the people who complain are going to be the first to be fired.

    • Anon

      Mental health is health so say you need a day (or two?) of medical leave and will be back online on X date. No need to say anything more. If they write back to find out if it is COVID related because of the new laws just say no, another medical issue and don’t elaborate.

      • crazy demanding jobs

        I think it gets ridiculous when you have to say you need time for your health to get time off on the weekend. I have no problem doing it, and have done it in the past, but my main problem is that its not addressing the underlying issue and its not sustainable. Once you say you need Saturday and Sunday off for health reasons, I think you need to just be upfront about how that needs to be the schedule.

    • Anonymous

      OMG, do not use your puppy as an excuse. Those of us with kids can’t use our kids as an excuse. Just say no. Don’t give a reason.

    • Anon

      Look, I’m not a smug mommy who thinks I deserve to be catered to because I chose to procreate. But please take a step back. Parents right now are being asked to work full time, care for children AND be their teacher. It’s harder than having an f’n puppy. I don’t know where you are getting the impression that somehow we are getting more respect. My average work days have ramped up from 8 hours a day to 16, as my company needs more and more legal advice due to the pandemic.

      You’re allowed to have anxiety. You’re allowed to have mental health days. But, don’t use your puppy as an excuse.

      • Anonymous

        Sounds like you’re the one who needs to take a step back. She never said anything about her puppy being harder than children. She has used her puppy as an excuse to get some space where she needed it because clearly it was the only excuse she felt would be effective. Relax and breathe.

    • Anonymous

      I am so sick of childless people claiming that employers respect the time of people who have kids. No, they absolutely do not. Working moms actually have to be more productive and put in more fact time to prove that we are dedicated. Meanwhile, my childless coworker can get away with coming in two hours late every other day because he was out riding his bike, take a long lunch, leave early, and then say “Must be nice to have kids so you never have to work.”

      Do not say you can’t work over the weekend because you have a puppy or need a mental health day. Just say you can’t work because it’s the weekend and nobody should have to work on the weekend. If that won’t fly, you are in the wrong line of work. (I say this as someone who opted out of law practice because I did not think it reasonable to work 24/7.) I assure you that over the weekend and early in the morning and in the middle of the night, your co-workers with kids are working way more than you are.

        • Anon philosopher

          Don’t be obtuse. The issue has nothing to do with having biologically given birth (adoptive parents are just as screwed as everyone else right now). It’s that children are people with their own moral status, and parents have an ethical obligation to meet their minor children’s basic needs. In turn, employers have an ethical obligation to make that possible.

          It’s not the only pertinent ethical obligation in the world. Plenty of people also need to care for elderly parents or other dependents. Employers also have an ethical obligation to ensure that employees can continue to meet their own basic needs at this time, including mental health. It sounds like OP’s employer is acting unreasonably, and she should absolutely be able to push back. But this isn’t the usual situation, where it’s possible to meet children’s basic needs by using daycare or nannies. Employers have ethical obligations to their employees, but also to their employees’ dependents, because those dependents are people who deserve a basic level of care. Which means that, all else equal, it is ethical to treat employees with dependents differently than those without.

        • Anonymous

          My point isn’t that I am special because I have a child, it’s that people who have children are actually held to higher expectations than those who don’t. Everyone should be held to the same expectations.

          • Anon

            This. In normal times Any time I am late or have to leave early its scrutinized and assumed it’s because I have a kid so I must be less dedicated. Any time I did so pre kids it was never questioned or noticed.

      • Anonymous

        I’m OP and responding to all the comments from people with children – I clearly worded my question wrong because the responses I am getting in no way reflect what I meant. What I meant by “my time isn’t respected as much” is that if I were to say I need a few days off to decompress for the sake of my mental health, I don’t feel that holds the same weight as if I said I need a few days off to take care of my kids. That’s it. No need to attack me, I am simply asking for a script so that I can take care of myself in circumstances where I have not been able to so far. This is hard for everyone for different reasons, there is no need to compete or try to compare what’s harder or a worse situation. Everyone’s situation is different and so is everyone’s level of resilience. Thanks to all who responded helpfully.

        • Anonymous

          OP again – just want to add that part of the reason my mental health is in such disarray at this point is that I have actively been taking on more in certain files where I know the partner is struggling to work while taking care of and homeschooling their kids. I see your struggle, truly. It does not negate mine.

          • Anon

            Just say you have some personal matters to take care of, don’t elaborate. Fwiw my ex-boss totally judged my coworker for going home on time because of a puppy. And I quote, “it’s a dog, not a kid.” So just don’t even offer an excuse. I was also told by HR that I don’t have to elaborate what I’m doing on my PTO. It’s not legal for them to ask if I have days to use.

        • anon

          If you want to take time off just say you’re taking some time off to handle some personal matters and don’t elaborate, but I’d seriously consider the risk of doing this. Every day ATL has another round up of firms cutting salaries, firing people, freezing promotions, etc. I’m not saying mental health isn’t important but if you taking time is going to leave people further in the lurch in crazy times, I personally would just power through if I could.

  21. Ribena

    Today is the first day with really bright sunshine – I sit with a window to my left at home and I’m definitely thinking I’m going to come out of this with a driver’s tan (I.e. just my left hand side tanned). I need to pick up on the SPF application, I think, as ridiculous as it feels when I’m inside all day.
    (It is gloriously sunny here, I loved my run this morning – I did notice a couple of the golf course holes in the park had their little flags in, which felt ridiculous).

    • Cb

      It is gorgeous today! I haven’t gotten out yet but am headed out as soon as my son heads for his bedtime routine. It makes everything feel better!

    • Anon

      Thanks for the reminder. I usually put on sunscreen before I put on my makeup. I haven’t been wearing either one while I work from home. All the time sitting right next to a window is probably causing more sun damage than I realize.

  22. Anonymous

    Why are these people in Milwaukee risking their health to vote? I mean I want Trump out but no way would I go vote now. If we see a spike in November, no way I’m voting — assuming my southern state makes it hard to vote from home which is usually does.

    • Anonymous

      Because they care about exercising their right to vote. No one is making you do anything.

    • anon

      Black person here. I would not be the first person in my family to risk my life to vote.

      That said, I am requesting an absentee ballot. My state requires an excuse, but I think the illness excuse on the existing absentee ballot request form is broad enough to include staying at home because of the pandemic.

      I am also going to call my state elected officials about agitating for full mail in election. I doubt my state will though.

      • HW

        I should add – my understanding is that the Wisconsin Supreme Court blocked the governor’s attempt to postpone the election, and the GOP-majority legislature blocked the governor’s request to provide all residents with mail-in ballots. Milwaukee residents are overwhelmingly democrats, and it’s not a coincidence that they’ll be at greater risk going to vote (just given the numbers) versus rural republicans in areas with smaller populations. To me, it looks like blatant voter suppression, which may be why people are turning out to vote despite the risks. Not saying it’s a good idea, just giving some context.

        Again this is my understanding, I’m not an expert.

    • Anon

      My Georgia county sent pre-filled absentee ballot applications to my entire household (3 adults) which we only have to sign and date for the upcoming election in May. Georgia is far from perfect but I thought that was surprisingly nice of them.

      • Anon

        How I feel about that really depends on whether all voters across the state are getting them.

        • Anon

          To be fair, the county as a whole is white/affluent and the county commissioner is a Republican while my zip code is much more ghetto than the rest of the country, we’re minorities, and we historically vote blue. This is why I’m pleasantly surprised by the inclusion.

    • Anonymous

      You do you. I’m scared to leave the house for just about anything, but voting against four more years of this garbage seems worth it.

    • Anonymous

      Not relevant to the primary, but someone put it this way on Twitter last night about November and I agree: I would crawl over broken glass at this point to vote Trump out. I’ve got two real face masks for me and DH in reserve that I am saving for either 1) I get sick and have to go to the doctor or 2) election day.

    • Anonymous

      Because they care about democracy? Because it’s not just a primary, it’s the general election for all “nonpartisan” races? You do you.

    • Nina

      For people who perceive the risk of an adverse electoral outcome as greater than the risk of getting coronavirus, voting is the rational choice. Just because you’re not in a position where Rs continuing to remain in power puts you or your family at substantial risk doesn’t mean that’s the case for everyone. So maybe that’s why.

  23. Dry hands

    My hands are cracked, dry, and bleeding with all of this hand washing. Is it the soap I am using? Or just inevitable with this much washing?

    • Anon

      It’s inevitable. I found a way to use up all my bed bath and bodyworks stock by putting lotions by every sink in the house. it’s not 100% but it helps. Also, cuticle oil will 100% help your nail beds.

    • Ribena

      Potentially both. I did a Body Shop order a couple of weeks ago (was also out of shampoo) for their almond hand cream and its accompanying overnight deep cream. The overnight manicure cream is incredible.

    • Anonia

      Of basic store soap, I find Softsoap and it’s generic equivalents irritates my hands; they dry out, and then crack and bleed. Dial is much better, for whatever reason. Foam soap seems to be worse than regular. It’s worth trying some different brands if you have access to them, as you might be mildly allergic to an ingredient.

    • Anonymous

      Inevitable. I’m terrible about remembering to use moisturizer during the day, but I put a thin layer of aquaphor on the backs of my hands at night and it helps a lot.

    • Anon

      I use Mrs Meyers and have been okay. Some drying/splinters at the tips but no cracking. For winter hands I like L’occitane original hand cream.

    • Anonymous

      Ridiculously expensive but I use Aesop hand soap at home and my hands are not dry.

    • Celia

      Check the ingredients. If it has sodium laurel sulfate (and related sulf-s), that could be the irritant. I have to use SLS-free soaps and shampoos. That compound makes the suds and bubbles in a soap. It has no other function and is not needed to do the actual cleaning.

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