ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Ruffle Button-Front Top

A woman with shoulder-length black hair wearing a blue floral top and light-blue jeans

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

These days, self-care for me is a solo trip to Target to walk slowly through the aisles while sipping a Starbucks iced tea. (Pro tip: This is best done after 8 p.m. or before 9 a.m., but headphones and a podcast can make this bearable at any hour!)

My local Target had a display of this in-house brand, Knox Rose, and while it skews a bit casual for our purposes, I really liked a lot of the pieces. This blouse would be lovely for a casual Friday, either tucked into a skirt or with a pair of ankle pants. In a more casual setting, it would look great with dark jeans and a white blazer.

The top is $28 and comes in sizes XS–XXL and 1X–3X. It also comes in three other patterns.

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Sales of note for 12.2.24 (Happy Cyber Monday!! See our full sale listing here!)

363 Comments

  1. Weird question of the day, I just finished Under the Banner of Heaven about Fundamentalist Mormons and I found it fascinating. Are there any fiction books with Mormon characters that aren’t trying to convert me or about people leaving the church?

    2. What about Educated by Tara Westover? She eventually leaves but it’s centred largely on her upbringing.

      1. Along those same lines, The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance by Elna Baker.

    3. She ultimately leaves the church, but Educated is excellent.

      I finished Under the Banner of Heaven last week – it was so good. I really love that style of non fiction – I’ve read a bunch of Jon Krakauer and Sebastian Junger. Does anyone know of other authors with similar styles?

    4. There’s a series of mysteries by Mette Ivie Harrison that feature a Mormon woman. I think I only read the first one, The Bishop’s Wife, but I remember liking it well enough.

    5. Not a book, but I just watched Stay Sweet, Pray and Obey on Netflix and WOW. Just wow.

    6. OMG this is right up my alley. Adding to my library queue. If there is something out there on Mormon Mommy Bloggers, PLEASE let me know ;)

      I second Educated.

      1. Not Mormon-specific, but I got a kick out of Fake Famous on HBO – if you’re also curious about the behind the scenes of influencer $$.

    7. Random LDS question: are you either Mormon (practicing) or have left the church? I know Jews in many flavors: culturally Jewish but not practicing, reform, conservative, orthodox, Hasidic, etc. And Catholics: cultural, pick & choose, very strictly observant, etc. I didn’t grow up in a high-LDS area but work in the SWUS where there seem to be many more of them. Other than Donny & Marie, is there a good way to know more about Suburban Typical LDS members? I just don’t want to put my foot in my mouth one day. I’ve seen Big Love, but know that that is fiction; I’ve also driven through St. George on my way to the Grand Canyon and got RIGHT BACK on the road after getting gas.

      1. I’ll bite, I grew up in a practicing Mormon family and quietly left the church upon going to college (would go to church when I was home from college, but never otherwise – never made a big proclamation that I wasn’t going to be mormon, just did it). Here’s a bunch of random thoughts.

        I grew up in the midwest and not surrounded by a lot of mormons, but I have Utah born and raised Mormon cousins and they certainly had a different experience. I remember one of my Utah cousins in high school didn’t have any non Mormon friends, and they went to public school, so that’s a very different experience. When they visited our midwestern small town and went to the county fair with us, they were just astounded by the people drinking and smoking. It was quite amusing to me.

        While the Mormon church has their policy problems re treatment of LGBTQ and women roles FOR SURE (not dissimilar to the Catholic Church and other conservative Christian religions), the mainstream church is not the insane FLDS cult that is depicted. Multiple wives hasn’t been a thing for many years. So don’t equate the normal Mormon members to FLDS. My good practicing Mormon parents are so far removed from the FLDS and wouldn’t have any special insight into FLDS. So don’t ask normal Mormons about multiple wives or FLDS, those would be foot in the mouth moments. Similar to if you asked a normal practicing Muslim about the Taliban.

        Mormons are Christians. I’m not really sure why people think they’re not, but they are a subset of Christianity. Mormons believe that Jesus Christ visited North America after he was crucified. They believe in the King James Bible and also the Book of Mormon, which is a scripture book very similar to the Bible about the North American people that Jesus visited.

        Mormon norms: they don’t drink alcohol, smoke, swear, drink coffee. They are predominantly Republican although this does not always hold true – my parents have become more Democratic in the past few years. Or at least they stayed their moderate-leaning-blue selves as the Republican Party has moved to the right. But think Mitt Romney style Republicans for many of them. The church came out very strongly pro-vax and covid precautions.

        Mormons generally are friendly people who strongly believe in service. If you moved next door to them they’d be friend, probably offer you a Book of Mormon and invite you to church (hopefully once and not obnoxiously often, but some people are obnoxious – my parents would maybe offer once and done), then would mow your lawn when you’re sick or help out however they can. The entire church leadership is run by volunteer leaders (all men in real positions of power, so boo that). At a local level the “ministers” are called “bishops” and lead/run the congregation for a period of time, all totally unpaid. My dad did this for 9 years and it was a lot of work and caring for people.

        Mormons have temples that only good-standing members can go into to perform ordinances. One thing they do is “baptisms for the dead” which are proxy baptism for non-members who have passed away. It is their belief that all people get to have a chance to accept the church and Jesus, and if they didn’t get the chance on earth (like the church didn’t exist where or when they were) they will after death, but they need to be baptized – therefore they have proxy baptisms by members here. This is why they’re so into genealogy – they have to have all of the names of all of the people to do their baptisms. They also do marriages and other things in the temple, however I was not old enough ever to go through all of them so am not familiar with those practices.

        I have big problems with the church policies, but hold a very dear spot for the people who I grew up with. They are good people who truly believe in service and loving people. Where we live, the members live their lives very much in general non-mormon society, which probably makes them generally more accepting than Utah Mormons.

        1. I have read this board and the comments for years now. I am a currently practicing member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. As mentioned above, this is not the same as the FLDS or Mormon Fundamentalists sects that everyone has mentioned here. I think the name Mormon has been used to loosely describe any group that has claimed current or past ties with the LDS Church and this is confusing for many people. I have read quite a few of the books mentioned above many of them are not and have never been members of the LDS Church. For those that were members, their experiences are not the same as my experiences in church. This is not to invalidate their experiences. I was appalled at the behavior and I read about in Educated and other books. In my experience, like with all religions I suspect, there is the teachings of the church which are basically good and based on treating others with love and respect which the majority of people follow, and then there are the outliers whose behaviors are so outrageous that it shocks everyone. For me and my family, I believe in following the teachings of Jesus Christ. I drink coke with caffeine. I do not believe in polygamy. I believe in being kind to everyone and serving others in the community and society as a whole. I am happy to answer questions that anyone may have. I just could not stay silent and have members of this online community think that there are no examples of a current practicing member of the LDS religion on this board.

          1. Can you describe the gender dynamic—it is accepted for women to work and be in leadership roles in and outside of the church?

          2. I have only known one Mormon family well, but they were more like how you describe yourself. Husband was my classmate at NYU, wife was a biglaw associate, and they were extremely nice and very community minded. They were in the process of becoming certified to foster parent pregnant teens, who are apparently hard to place in foster care especially in NYC.

            There was a dustup on our school listserv when Jill Filipovic (also a classmate, now seemingly deeply dedicated to the goal of proving correct the stereotype of feminists as humorless scolds) said some really offensive things about Mormons (basically, the Mormon law student org had invited a speaker and his bio noted that he had 4 kids, and Jill went on a rant about how Mormon + 4 kids necessarily meant that his success was entirely dependent on his wife being forced by the patriarchy into being a SAHM) and my classmate chimed in to offer up that his wife would be happy to come to the school and talk about her experiences as a Mormon and successful biglaw associate. Jill didn’t take him up on the offer. (And if you follow her on Twitter, you’re aware that she continues to think that SAHMs are leeches on society who perpetuate the patriarchy, and that childcare only has social value if it’s undertaken as paid work.)

            In any case, Mormon guy and his wife were very nice (super environmentalist, too – that’s how I knew the husband) and Jill Filipovic still seems just as unhappy as she was in law school. And given her appearance in LulaRich, seems to have an axe to grind against Mormons.

        2. on the political side, doesn’t mainstream mormon Utah also have a fairly welcoming approach to immigrants? I read an article about that.

          1. Question at 1:40 — yes. I have held local and regional leadership positions in the church. In the area where I live, my opinion and leadership input is valued equally to men. In fact, due the special knowledge I have being a lawyer with 20+ years practicing, my opinion carries more weight than many men’s. I have and still do hold positions on different boards in the community here and have been asked to be the representative of the church in speaking with government and community leaders due to my connections.

          2. LDS Commenter from above — I am not Utah, but in my experience in the US South my local LDS congregations are very supportive of immigrants and immigrant families. We work together with other community non-profits and churches to provide resources and supplies for those in need as they get settled. We also have language classes in many areas that are open to the community.

      2. Not LDS, but our apartment complex in DC was mostly young LDS couples. Hands down, they were the BEST neighbors you could ask for. They brought up conversion one single time (this was before my wife transitioned) then never mentioned it again. There was a definite emphasis on having kids, but otherwise they were chill folks who liked board games. We’ve stayed in touch via FB with some of them and they were all really supportive of my wife’s transition. I know one or two other LDS people through work and only realized it because I knew the lingo.

        1. I grew up in the SW United States and our town for some reason had a lot of Mormons and they were all the nicest families who would help out with anything. They had a lot of kids and seemed to have pretty traditional family structures (where the men worked usually really good jobs in our town–a lot of engineers, some doctors and lawyers) and the women stayed home but did a lot of volunteering at the schools. I was in band and the Mormon moms were always at our out of state competitions cooking food for the entire band.

        2. My kids have good friends (not BFFs but close) who are LDS. Their family is absolutely lovely, super kind and friendly people who are community-minded. They are very involved in their church – the father was just made a bishop, the mom is the head of the women’s organization (Relief Society?) for their neighborhood of churches. Both parents work outside the home, they only have two kids (though I suspect from FB they wanted more), and neither are white (one grew up in Mexico and came to the US as an adult).

          We’ve been invited to birthday parties, and went to the little sister’s baptism (lovely service, super good food, really impressed with how quiet the kids got when the bishop arrived). The missionaries assigned to their church sent me an email on FB, but that’s the only time anyone has contacted me about converting. If they ever directly asked, I’m sure they would be polite but not necessarily appreciative of my answer (short version: women should be clergy and you’re all wrong about gay people). To be honest, I grew up Presbyterian and while I’m happy as an Episcopalian, the architecture and setup of their church felt more like “home” than all the altars and saints and whatnot I get every Sunday.

      3. As another data point – I work for a F50 company and one of our largest professional services contract is all polygamous Mormons. They don’t lead with it but they also do not hide it if you come to know them moderately well professionally. It’s like big love x1,000 if they were all accountants.

        I am from the NE and naively didn’t think that actually happened??

        1. That is fascinating. I remember reading that one of the non-famous polygamous groups does really high-end doll manufacturing.

    8. There is an excellent podcast called Cold about the murder of Susan Powell, a Mormon woman. I binged all episodes and highly recommend it.

    9. I’ll be the voice of dissent on Educated, I didn’t really enjoy that one. I think it’s more about mental health than religion, even though they are intwined.

    10. I grew up in a small town in CA that had a huge Mormon population. My best friend my junior year of high school was Mormon. She couldn’t drink Diet Coke and she had a lot of church obligations but other than that she was a just normal high school friend. We had so much fun together.

      Her mom made her call me over the summer between Junior and Senior year to tell me she couldn’t be my friend any more because it was time she focused on meeting her future husband and she wasn’t going to meet him hanging around with a non-Mormon. Seriously.

      2. I am currently a practicing LDS member. I commented above (may be still in mod.). I have two teenage daughters, one entering her senior year of high school. I would never dream of doing this to my child. I teach her to value other people’s opinions and values. I encourage her to think about her education and future career on a future husband. This sounds incredibly controlling on the part of the parent.

        1. The Mormons I know are like REI Mormons — sporty, hiking, friendly, etc. Dad works. They have large families, but more like 4 kids in an area where 2 is more common (I grew up with a lot of Catholic neighbors, so I have often seen 4-6 kids in families but not so much with people my age). Mom might have worked, but child care would be too high and she is pretty involved as a community member and very friendly. They are lovely, really. Not weirdly competitive via one’s kids the way some non-Mormon neighbors can be (“Johnny is highly accellerated in math!” “Johnny is in Mensa” etc.). We joke that we are the only non-tattooed people left (IDK if that is a Mormon thing or not, but in our area, it’s now remarkable to be not-inked it seems at our age). #whiskeypalian

          1. I admit that I am not culturally a typical LDS person. I have always worked and once I got my law career up and going years ago, I became the primary wage earner in our house and have been for years. My husband works but has been home with the kids more over the years while my schedule has been more long hours. He takes care of the kids a lot. I have only two kids. And I had my children in my 30’s not early 20’s. There are more people like me in the LDS church. It seems like the larger families and other things do stand out more in society in the US.

          2. All but one of the LDS people I know well I know through work when I worked in humanitarian aid in DC and it stuck out to me how vocal they were about being LDS. Like every conversation somehow came back to them being LDS. They were all originally from Utah, very involved in the church and had all gone to BYU and I got the impression that for all of them, working in our office was the first time they were interacting with many non-Mormons (they all lived in the same neighborhood in VA and all spent all weekend at church) and let me tell you, it was apparent they did not have much experience interacting with non-Mormons (didn’t get a lot of pop culture references, one made some snide remarks about what did the rest of us do all weekend if not at church, talked about religion way too much, some came off as holier than thou and they overall didn’t realize that many of us made different lifestyle choices than they did – like they seemed shocked that as a 25 year old I was dating around and not dating to marry and pop out kids asap, others would complain if invited to a totally optional office-wide happy hour or coffee run). They were fine but didn’t leave a great impression on me.

            Then in grad school I made a good friend who was Mormon. I knew he lived in St. George prior to school and that he didn’t drink but honestly didn’t know he was Mormon for months. He’d stay out at the bars with us until closing and DD everyone home, he was funny and attune to pop culture, and after we graduated and he had kids he was very clear that after his 3rd kid was born he and his wife were absolutely done.

            As an Episcopalian from the Northeast, I could never understand belonging to a church without female priests, that’s anti LGBT, etc and I side eye all the active Catholics I know just like I side eye eye Mormons, but I do really appreciate the commitment to community and service the Mormons have and wish that mindset (minus missions…I detest mission work) was more prevalent in society.

            I’m equally oddly fascinated with FDLS just as I am with the Duggars and would never conflate FDLS with the LDS church, just as I’d never conflate Quiverfull with my own Christian faith. That being said – 90% of the mainstream LDS folks I know don’t represent their community well. I’m fascinated by religion and love hearing about other faiths and my LDS coworkers were insufferable talking about theirs…

          1. Anon at 2:39 — Anon LDS commenter from above here – I am sorry that your experience with your coworkers and 90% of the LDS people you have met has not been a positive reflection on the LDS church. Even as an LDS member, unfortunately, I have come across my share of people you are describing.
            I am more in the category like your friend from St. George. I hang out with a lot of non-LDS friends who come from all different backgrounds. I spend time with them at happy hour and out late at night. I like to socialize and have fun. I don’t drink, but I am not in the least judgmental of people who do. In my experience, there are a lot of people from predominately LDS areas that are like your coworkers and have grown up and continue to be very sheltered and not accepting of others. To me that is not what following my religion is about. It is not what is taught in the religion as a whole. It is unfortunately a cultural norm, which in my experience mostly limited to certain geographic locations. My main point in my comments is to say that there are good people out there more like your friend from St. George who are LDS.
            Also – thank you to whoever posted the link about the ballerina farm. I had never heard of that IG before and the article was fascinating. I don’t understand all these Mormon mommy bloggers – maybe I’m too old to get it.
            One thing I agree with Anon at 2:39 about is finding the FLDS, Quiverfull, and even many LDS cultural norms (like multi-level marketing obsession, Mormon mommy bloggers, reluctance to participate in the local community as a whole) fascinating.

      3. As an adult, my experience has been that the very traditional men they marry are passive-aggressively resistant to women as bosses/managers (moreso than the average UMC white guy, but much more polite.) In a previous job, there were also multiple times they hired for positions that definitely, definitely required Sunday work, and then once hired, these guys noped out, claiming a religious exemption and dumping the work on others (but still expecting the same pay). In that job there were also times when the Mormon employees demanded schedule changes because they were the only man on a shift of all women (a la non-Mormon Mike Pence), but they never wanted to be the ones to give up their hours.
        It’s a negative bias I struggle with now because of all the entitlement I encountered as a coworker and later manager of these guys.

        1. I am the anon above at 12:56 and 1:03. I know exactly the type of men you are talking about. I can tell in the first 5 minutes of a conversation with this type of man whether he is like this or not by the way he reacts to my introduction that I am a full-time practicing lawyer/GC of a company. Any surprise or shocked reaction — he’s the above type of man. This to me is an individual personal issue specific to that man. I have found it in men of different religions not just LDS. I know a lot of LDS men in my SWUS area that are not like this at all though.

      4. There were exactly 2 LDS families in my high school, and I’m *so* glad their parents weren’t that way. I was pretty good friends with two of the kids (one was my HS valedictorian) and liked their little sister well enough at the time. Of my high school friends, only one is still LDS (one came out in the 90s and left the church, the other was very devout for years but single and had enough of it by the time she was 40). The little sister is still LDS.

        I went to college with a number of LDS women. They were bright and kind, but the ones that stayed LDS in adulthood didn’t really keep in touch.

      5. My California hometown was similar, I always felt bad for the kids who had 6 or 7 am church and then headed to school tired, with no caffeine as sustenance.

        My BFF was Mormon when we met and until her early 30s before leaving the church – I think a combination of values and feeling really ostracised as a professional woman without a husband or children. I always admired her ability to find community in whatever far flung place she was visiting or living in, and enjoyed a memorable Mormon thanksgiving in Poland.

    12. Might be too late, but check out the Lonely Polygamist. Great fiction, and apparently the author spent time with some FLDS families.

    13. DA Bartley writes mysteries set in Utah where the heroine is a lapsed Mormon who has moved back from NYC to be a small town detective. The stories turn on Mormon history/doctrine and are really interesting.

  2. I’m helping my sister move tomorrow and would like to get her a housewarming gift (non-alcohol if possible). She’s moving because of an impending divorce, so this isn’t exactly a happy, celebratory situation. Any ideas?

    1. I’m currently moving and would have loved gift cards to local restaurants because there is so much cleaning to do that I won’t be cooking for a week!

      1. This, or her favorite coffee/creamer and some breakfast stuff so she can get her mornings started off well. Or any small household appliance she left behind. I got my toaster as a housewarming gift and think fondly of the relative who gave it to me every time I see it. :)

        1. I like the idea of fancier breakfast items that she likes. Not something I would necessarily spend money on, especially in a rough situation, but makes things more homey.

          I’ve done things like this for my sister, not actual gifts but just giving her home stuff to get settled instead.

      2. That’s a great idea. A basket of snacks and new spices, good olive oil, and vinegar would also be nice.

    2. Gift card and a beautiful welcome mat? My best friend gave me that when I left someone for my own condo and it made me happy every time I came home. It was a nice reminder I wasn’t alone.

    3. If she’s buying a home, maybe a gift card to a home improvement store? Our wa gift card to somewhere like Create and Barrel or Sur La Table. I imagine she probably lost some houseware items in divvying things up.

    4. Big vase of fresh flowers? Brightens up the house without the work of a plant
      Cozy slippers
      Broom and a box of salt are traditional (and useful)
      Buying and dropping off new garbage and recycling bins if she needs that – not exciting bu super useful

    5. A nice throw blanket? When feeling lonely it’s nice to snuggle up with something warm that reminds you of a loved one. And I know many people think scented candles are a lame gift, but if she likes them, throw one in. Again, comforting.

    7. I’m in the middle of a local move and more stuff right now sounds overwhelming. Gift certificates for food (a DoorDash GC?), or something else that help get through the move and aftermath would be awesome and show just as much care!

      Or, delay a tangible gift for a week or so until things settle down.

    9. If she doesn’t already have them:
      brand new towels and sheets
      green plants to bring some life into the new place

    10. Assuming she was in the type of marriage where her ex took care of some of the more manual labor type things (like hanging pictures), what about gifting her a few hours of a handyman’s time? Some may find that insulting, but I would love it if I were striking out on my own, as I hate those types of tasks.

    11. Is there something specific that she will not keep in the separation that you know she will miss? For example, if she is leaving her much-used expresso machine behind, perhaps you can replace the item.

    12. A friend sent me flowers when I moved into my apartment post divorce and it was very nice to have that spot of beauty among the boxes for my eye to land on.

    13. The best housewarming gift I ever got was a bottle of laundry detergent (didn’t have any with me when I moved, so this was wonderful) and a big jar of Nutella. Because who doesn’t love Nutella.

      1. I like to get people a bucket of cleaning supplies as a housewarming gift. Not fancy – but at least it saves them from trying to find paper towels and lysol in all their boxes!

        1. Or a home depot bucket filled with standard essentials- blue towels, picture hanging kit, hammer, screwdriver etc.

  3. Any advice on foreign language apps or online courses? I studied a foreign language in high school and college. I’d like to refresh my knowledge and work on improving my conversational and listening skills. Are the various apps (Babel, Duolingo, etc.) too elementary? Any specific recommendations? I’d like to make this an ongoing hobby. Thanks!

    1. I minored in French and took French and Spanish in high school and use Duolingo. I’ve heard it’s not great for learning new languages but if you have a basic background I think it’s a good app.

    2. Duolingo is better when you already know the basic framework of the language.

    3. I’ve tried a bunch and have done a lot of research and personally find Pimsleur the best by far. It’s audio-based where you listen and respond out loud. I like to do it when I’m driving. It’s based on actual conversation so I find it to be much better than Duolingo, which frustratingly teaches you to say ridiculous sentences you’d never use like “the horse eats pizza.” Since it’s audio-based you end up with much better pronunciation than the other apps. It’s pricey but extremely worth it in my experience.

      1. The pronunciation is great with Pimsleur (French 3 here) and my accent has been complimented, but the reading support is minimal.

    4. Italki for finding language partners around the world! You can try out a bunch and it’s not expensive, and when you find someone you like, you can schedule regularly recurring lessons.

      1. Contrasting opinion that for many, like me, a scheduled conversation means I’m less likely to keep up with language learning because I can’t do it flexibly on my own time. I finding listening to podcasts and the news, watching TV in the language with subtitles or in my native language with other lang subtitles, joining foreign lang forums online, consuming foreign lang written news, and reading kid’s or more simplistic books in the foreign lang to be useful.

    5. It really depends on your level, but maybe you could start reading in your foreign language? Kindle dictionary function is great (you may need to go to an Amazon.es .de .de, etc. to access content in your chosen language).

      You could also listen to podcasts or radio, watch YouTube, join an online forum (all in your foreign language, just choose a topic that you enjoy).

    6. I’ve been using Duolingo for Italian before I go to Italy in the fall. I took Spanish for 3 years in middle school and Latin for 4 (through AP) in HS, and I’m fluent in a non-western language. I find duolingo easy but challenging enough to be fun. I don’t know how transferable it is to real world situations yet but I enjoy doing it and it’s a nice way to spend 15 minutes on my phone instead of scrolling news or social media.

    7. I’m doing Duolingo French, having studied German and Spanish at school/university. I find that because I know how to learn a language I know when it’s trying to teach me a grammar point and I’m finding it really helpful. 625 day streak so far – really proud of myself.

    9. Late to the party, but I’ve used Duolingo to get basic conversational skills in languages adjacent to the ones I speak well (think, Portuguese when I can speak Spanish) and found it easily digestible and effective.

  4. Starting this Friday morning with a low stakes topic: anyone have some inspiration for a dress for a wedding I have coming up next month, but the invite has no info on attire. Based on this venue, do any of you have suggestions on a dress?: https://oceanviewofnahant.com/. I’m thinking short cocktail, but this is the first wedding I have been to in years now due to covid delays, so not sure if my instincts are off. I am a little over 5 ft tall and petite if that helps.

    Thanks!

    2. I personally would where a longer dress (midi or ankle) in a colourful, lighter fabric. Something that would have a bit of movement in the breeze off the water.

      Something like this in a colour or print that is flattering: https://bananarepublic.gapcanada.ca/browse/product.do?pid=836642023&vid=2&tid=bcpl000015&kwid=1&ap=7&gclid=CjwKCAjwq5-WBhB7EiwAl-HEkrkmImvo0UJtcadOy3vozqlwkGb0qHWswr1Fy6dcDltRmN8hzYBeFxoCWBQQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#pdp-page-content

      I’m also pretty short and gravitate towards longer dresses for weddings…

      However, I have learned that wedding attire is EXCEPTIONALLY regional, so while this would be perfect for a waterfront wedding in southern Ontario where a dress code has not been established, I have no idea if sensibilities are the same where you live.

      1. Oh that’s a lovely dress!

        I agree on something fluttery, cool and colorful:
        https://www.nordstrom.com/s/dress-the-population-alicia-mixed-media-midi-dress/4686720?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&color=430
        This would be short on a lot of folks but probably not you: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/vince-camuto-halter-tie-neck-a-line-dress/4611056?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses%2FCocktail%20%26%20Party&color=421
        https://www.nordstrom.com/s/endless-rose-lace-spaghetti-strap-midi-dress/6540101?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses%2FCocktail%20%26%20Party&color=001

      1. For a daytime weekday wedding I would not wear a traditional c-cktail dress – too structured & evening for this. I would go with a dressier flowy midi style (think one of the silk Nap Dresses), and wear with pretty wedges.

      3. Thank you. I think what is throwing me is that the reception is from 4 to 10, so I need something that also takes me into evening. Some of the suggestions I have gotten are good ones for this.

  5. I am not a super environmental person. I have 3 young kids (PK/elem) and highly value convenience (I’m sorry sea turtles, I still need straws).
    One thing that I’ve noticed drives me *crazy* is the absurd amount of packaging in my life. I have a big family. We go through a LOT of product. I am looking for places/products I can buy in bulk, refillable, or jumbo-size type packages to reduce the overall amount of trash I produce. One example is laundry detergent. I’m not making my own detergent here, but I hate throwing away those giant plastic containers. I switched to the “refills” which are pouches of detergent I use to refill my plastic Tide jug.

    If we were in Canada I would be all over those bags of milk people talk about! I also try very hard not to use plastic ziplock bags for kids’ lunches and such.

    Other ideas? For quick hit, easy to fit into our life, ways to reduce packaging? I unabashedly shop on Amazon, but I do try and consolidate shipping/packages. I don’t have time to run around to a bunch of stores to get something, esp with kids in tow– I’ll walk out with $100 in crap we don’t need!

    1. No kids but I’m with you on being busy + feeling guilty about waste.

      – if you have a Sprouts near you,they have loose bulk items. Whole Foods does too but to a lesser extent. Ditto with local organic/“crunchy” grocery stores.
      – due to the large sizes at Costco, you often get more product for less packaging
      – make simple replacements around the house: reusable cotton rounds, cloth napkins, rags instead of paper towels, stasher bags/Tupperware instead of ziplock, metal straws instead of plastic.

    2. Have never tried them but just got an ad for Earth Breeze detergent sheets this morning and I’m intrigued..

    3. If you’re using Amazon, monthly subscribe and save orders will cut down on the number of boxes and reduce the environmental effects of shipping. After that, Costco sells large packs of stuff or you could go to someplace that sells in bulk for grains, beans, nuts etc. and bring your own containers. I think Whole Foods and Sprouts still have bulk bins.

      1. +1 to Costco – large containers, in bulk, no bags, and they pay their employees a living wage. Also cheap(er) gas and I think it’s 4% cashback?

        My kids use reusable straws almost exclusively – the silicone ones are better for car or if they’re walking around, but the stainless steel ones are easier to clean/dw safe. Just rinse them immediately.

    4. A few ideas-

      * aluminum reusable food storage containers. Pricey upfront but don’t absorb odors and impossible for kids to break. Can actually be recycled if needed (unlike plastic products)

      * have you looked to see if there’s a bulk store near you? I’ve heard of some stores in Brooklyn for example that sell bulk shampoo, laundry detergent etc. You bring your own container to fill up so in theory can repeat as nauseam.

      * dont order 100 calorie packs or other proportioned containers. It’s easy and fast to portion out chips, cookies etc into reusable containers

      * stop getting take out and eat at the restaurant or ask if you can bring your own container. The amount of waste in delivery packaging makes me rage

      * consider whether you can return any items to a store for re-use. The few times a year I receive flowers in a vase, I bring back the vase to the florist for them to reuse. Sure they looked at me oddly the first time, but I think it makes a lot of sense :)

    5. Winco and Whole Foods both have bulk sections. You might also search for stores in your area serving catering and restaurants.Some of these wholesale places will sell to the public as well.

      For laundry – I use powder detergent that comes in cardboard boxes. I refill my bin and recycle the box.

    6. Figure out where you are willing to make changes and what habits you are willing to adjust. Whether that is ordering less stuff overall, doing curbside pickup instead of home delivery to avoid shipping waste and those $100 impulse buys, switching to reusable containers for kids lunches instead of ziplocks, etc., you have to be willing to do something differently or nothing will really change.

    7. For detergent, powder is usually the best option, since you don’t drive around or pay for a bunch of water. But the refill pouches are a decent way to minimize plastic! Tide even gives you a free shipping label to send them back their packaging, if you are so inclined.

      1. I was also going to suggest powder. I think it works great and the packaging is actually recyclable

        1. I recently went back to powder as well. I hope that someday, if not already, pods and those large plastic containers are a what-were-we-thinking moment.

    8. Honestly with the level of commitment you’re willing to put into this nothing will really have that big an impact. Its probably easier to admit it’s not a priority rather than do the mental gymnastics for actions that really won’t matter anyways.

      1. I hate to break it to you, but for a lot of people this is the level of commitment that’s feasible. I’d love to be more environmentally friendly but I also recognize that I am constricted based on what I can reasonably change in my also busy life.

      3. OP here, and that’s fair, but it is what it is. I also feel like I represent a good portion of the population– perhaps even more willing in that I don’t buy 100 calorie snack packs or detergent pods ;)

        1. You don’t have to be perfect for it to be meaningful. I feel like it’s still worthwhile considering what you can do. Just because you won’t make your own yogurt or go totally vegan, doesn’t mean you can’t make small changes that add up. One breakfast and lunch a week are 10% of your meals, so if you can find just a few good vegan options, you could reduce your use of animal products by 10%. That’s pretty good. Or if you can switch to chicken and eggs, and reduce substantially how much pork and beef you consume, that’s a great step.
          Maybe you decide that you need straws for now, but consider reusable options, or plan to revisit the topic in a year.

      4. A lot of options aren’t any more work (or barely any more) than the conventional choice, though. Like a few years back, I switched to bar soap for washing my hands and showering. Or using powdered laundry detergent or dishwasher detergent over liquid or pods. It’s not a huge impact, but it’s better than nothing.

    9. I switched to buying most of my household products from Grove. I really like their laundry detergent sheets, bar soap, cleaning sprays and dish soap! You also have the option to put things on auto-ship monthly or bi-monthly which doesn’t work for me as a single person but would probably work well for your family!

      As for plastic sandwich bags, what about switching to the silicone Stasher ones that are reusable or something similar? Or packing snacks/lunch in Tupperware/glass storage containers?

    11. Dish and hand soap in giant containers is an easy switch. IKEA has pretty and inexpensive glass dispensers or you can just refill what you already have. you can order big containers on Amazon. I’m also someone who likes doing dishes more when the soap is a bit fancy, so I get the huge containers from Williams Sonoma. They last forever.

      1. Yep, I get 5L bottles of dishsoap, handsoap, and bodywash and refill new containers. Toilet paper is delivered wrapped in paper, in a cardboard box (50 rolls, lasts about 6 months). Deodorant refills. But I think reduce comes first, buying less stuff, using up what you have, etc.

    12. Also 3 young kids so I’ll jump in.

      We don’t Amazon. Like 3-4 times a year for some techie thing DH needs? I just don’t have the time/energy to waste clicking through all the junk to find the stuff I want.

      I use Costco – sometimes in store (4 times a year maybe?) but often online and for groceries that I need for supper that night or breakfast the next morning I just instacart. This is great for produce, dry goods like TP and paper towels, and lunch stuff for kids plus bulk sizes on stuff we use a lot like jars of olives, canned tomatoes etc. And I use Old Navy/Gap/BR for clothes – two day shipping if I do need it quick and I can get a work dress for myself and underwear for the kids in the same package.

      Anything else I use pay and pick up and send DH to pick it up. Including kids shoes/school supplies. This avoids me going into whatever store spending all the money.

      We don’t do straws just based on sheer laziness. It’s just more stuff to buy. Kids have a coffee mug they use for water. No food/drink outside the kitchen except for reusable water bottles/water sippy cups.

      In Canada (one of the provinces without the weird bagged milk and only one costco), but I assume if my small city that’s like a million miles from everywhere has these services, then your city does too.

      1. Adding that we switched to paper sandwich bags for lunches after DH was on a research project where they were not allowed to use ziplocs for sampling for even short periods because of the leaching that messes with the samples. Ick. I was super into ziplocks for all the things before that. Wax paper also works – just wrap the sandwich like a present – they don’t move around much in lunch boxes anyway once the other stuff is tucked in there. In theory we’d use reusable containers but with 3 kids, I just can’t keep up with the dishes that it generates so paper bags it is.

    13. Have you looked at Grove? That seems tailor made for what you’re looking for.

      Another quick hit, related to this but not directly answering your question: I got reusable produce bags from Amazon a few years ago because I hate the little one use plastic bags. Paper and plastic bags in general that build up over time drive me crazy, just from a clutter standpoint, so I’m big on reusable bags.

    14. Some simple ones:
      – Dr. Bronners castile soap! Some people use it for everything but I refill my foaming hand soap dispensers with 1 part soap and ~5 parts water and make multipurpose surface cleaner by refilling a spray bottle with a similar ratio. Takes truly no time at all to make this switch and one large Dr. Bronner’s bottle lasts forever.
      – Unpaper towels, aka reusable cloths instead of paper towels. If you search for “unpaper towels” online, that’s my favorite brand after trying a few. I still buy paper towels but having the cloth option has cut down on how many paper towels I use substantially.
      – Switch from dish sponges to wash cloths. I read somewhere you’re only supposed to use a sponge for like two days before it becomes unsanitary, so decided to just switch to wash cloths instead of throwing away a million sponges. I like it slightly less than a sponge but buy a 10 pack and you’re good to go and can start with a fresh one every day or two.

      2. Sorry for the MLM rec – Norwex makes fantastic reusable cloths for washing. You don’t really need a cleaning solution, either, which is a huge boon for the environment.

        1. One thing to watch out with the microfiber cloths, whatever brand, is that they will release micro plastics when they are washed. A guppy bag or similar can catch some of it it won’t go in the sea.

          I love using microfiber cloths, but they are just a useful plastic.

      3. I get easily squicked out by sponges and have switched to a small handled scrub brush. Lasts FOREVER and doesn’t get stinky. Safe on all my nonstick stuff.

        1. Yup, I use a scrub brush and run it through the dishwasher every few days. They last so long, and then I demote them to general cleaning use once they’re a bit worn down.

    15. I hear you. If you don’t want to be tempted by stuff in the store, I highly recommend drive-up at the local big box store. We have kids but don’t Amazon much unless we really can’t find what we need. I try to be very choosy about online purchases in general because I don’t love the environmental impact, plus returns are a PITA.

      Grove intrigues me, but I really don’t want to get a subscription service. I can’t always predict how quickly I will go through something.

    16. For laundry detergent, to cut out the plastic jugs and pouches out completely, we swear by Dropps. I put it on auto-subscribe and don’t think about it anymore. Definitely try to cut back on Amazon ordering (I’m guilty of this as well, especially after moving into a new house and needing so many random things).

    17. As for laundry detergent, the powder ones are really good. I used Tide, no scent. No plastic.

    18. If you really wanted to change you could, but sounds like you don’t want to. Which is fine. Except for the sea turtles.

    19. At home I use Pyrex storage containers exclusively. I cannot even tell you how long I’ve had my set… 15 years maybe? I’ve added a few individual sizes of the most popular/always in use ones, and I’ve replaced a few lids, but overall I’m sure they’ll be around longer than I will.

      The dishwasher is the most water efficient place to wash everything, even pots and pans. The only handwash items I have are a wooden salad bowl and my knives.

      When my kids were little, they used bento boxes for their lunches, which kept us from using disposable plastic. Honestly the first one was a birthday gift (from a kid whose mom is a professional chef!)

      We did not buy a lot of bulk sizes so I can’t help you too much there but we have always been zealous recyclers. We are fortunate to have both curbside recycling and curbside composting, so my kids have known which trash goes where since they were tiny.

    20. No kids but here’s what I do – this is more than just packaging…:

      1) Zwilling for food storage (leftovers/freezer) – They’re great. I also use stashers for more “dried” goods (ex: the remainder of girl scout cookies in a pack – put in freezer – amazing). I no longer use any single-use ziploc type bags
      2) If you have a doggo or cats, I use biodegradable poo bags
      3) I also use biodegradable trash bags (note: if you put wet things in it, you’ll want to change the bag within a day)
      4) Nest thermostat to set up schedules and monitor use of energy
      5) Rechargable batteries
      6) Reusable shopping bags for everything – including little reusable produce bags so that I don’t need to put the 5 peaches in a plastic bag
      7) For reusable shopping bags that may be nearing their death (the non-fabric TJ ones tend to get small holes, I’ve noticed), I use them as the recycling bag and then just dump the contents into the big recycling bin outside.
      8) Reusable cotton rounds – I’ve been using for years and they are great
      9) I am a member of a CSA for most produce and then I go to the Farmer’s Market to get anything else I need – the CSA uses boxes that are coated in wax and we return the empties each week at pick up
      10) Soda Stream for soda water (or, ifi you like actual sodas you can use it for that too) and reusable water bottles

      That’s a lot but it’s pretty much what I do.

      1. Great list! But what is the intent of biodegradable trash and pet waste bags? My understanding is that that these types of material will only break down in commercial composting facilities (something to do with heat or moisture or air flow?). And that they will never breakdown in landfills, which are structured with liners and layers to reduce air flow (smells) and moisture seepage (leaching into ground water).

        My city has a composting program and allows kitchen waste and other compostable items (greasy cardboard, compostable coffee cups and straws) in the weekly yard waste collection. However, they do not allow pet waste or human waste (a la “compostable diapers”) because of possible pathogens and diseases.

        TL:DR– Biodegradable bags do not have any benefits unless you have access to a commercial composting facilities. And biodegradable pet bags are unnecessary–may be better to reuse other plastic bags and packaging.

        https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/do-biodegradable-plastic-bags-actually-biodegrade-180972074/

        1. Totally agree with on the whole, that it’s very important to know how the bags react, and where they end up.

          I think it still is worth considering using the compostable bags, that’s the one the EU has the code EN13432 for, I don’t know if the US has a similar standard.

          The article referenced shows that one type of bag fully disintegrated in one circumstance. The compostable bag disintegrated fully in the sea. So if you live anywhere where it’s conceivable that your trash bags might end up in the sea or a river, it could be worth it just for that. Even though a landfill itself isn’t the sea, birds tend to flock and pick and bring things away.

    21. Lots of good ideas here. If they don’t feel doable, reducing meat consumption and air travel are other likely higher impact changes.

    22. Here are mine – all i think are easy switches and not more time consuming or expensive than what they replaced.

      Quality containers in all different sizes so you are never needing to grab plastic bags to store food at home or bring it to work / school. I try to do glass but also have plastic for the kids and figure it’s infinitely better than one use plastic.

      Do you have access to compost? My city composts and so I now use compostable paper products for other food packaging. They’re indistinguishable from regular paper products and it means nothing from the kids lunches ends up in a landfill.

      Bar soap, bar shampoo, bamboo toothbrushes, steel razors

      Buy quality napkins and dish towels to avoid paper towels. I try to limit paper towels to dealing with grease that would really mess up my cloth stuff and then compost that. Also most things can be cleaned with baking powder / white vinegar to avoid toxic damage from cleaning supplies. Wool balls in the dryer instead of dryer sheets.

      Reusable produce bags – they basically look like laundry mesh bags and you will never need a plastic bag again to grab your fruits and veggies.

      Go to stores that seem to care about the environment – I can find things with less plastic packaging at Trader Joe’s for example, and it also offers compostable bags for produce that inthen use in my
      Compost bin.

      In my city there’s an online grocery delivery place called Trashless that we LOVE. All products are plastic free and most are locally grown or made; they come either in cloth bags or glass jugs and all that packaging gets picked up at the next delivery. I really like having my milk in a glass jug instead of a giant plastic container. The only plastic is if meat is ordered. You might have that or something similar in your area? I’ve found Trashless to be less expensive than many other grocery stores. Not a ton of variety but has all the staples.

      Buy clothes secondhand – it’s amazing how many basically new clothes you can find on sites like ThredUp, especially since kids often grow out of clothes before making a dent in them!

  6. Another low stakes question for Friday! I have wavy hair that I’ve grown out to just past my shoulders during the last couple of years. For the first time in my life, I am consistently going with my natural texture and letting my hair air dry. My only complaint is that it tends to look a little frizzy once it’s dry, no matter what product(s) I use on it when it’s wet. Any suggestions for a good product to smooth it out a bit once it’s dry? Thanks!

    1. I occasionally user a lamellar water rinse in the shower and it works wonders to smooth out my hair. I use the L’Oreal one, but I imagine any will work.

    2. Omg I almost wrote an identical post today: wavy hair that’s growing past shoulder length for the first time in years, I’m starting to let it air dry/not straighten it and it gets frizzy on my humid Mid-Atlantic walk to work.

      The last time my hair was this length (2018?), I really liked this Tresemme keratin smooth hair serum.

    3. I keep Shea Moisture “Daily hydration finishing oil serum” (basically a spray bottle of oil) in my desk drawer for this purpose. I use Kristin Ess air-dry cream in the morning, let my hair dry on the way to work, and then spray a tiny bit of the Shea Moisture in my hand and smooth it on the ends. It’s super effective, just don’t use too much or you wind up oily-looking.

      1. I have thick hair but still just use the formula for thin hair so it doesn’t weigh it down too much

    5. Colorwow dream coat
      It is a spray and if you do not color your hair it still works great

      This stuff tames my NE humid hair like nothing else. It is heat activated so I diffuse my hair for 2 minutes

    6. Oh I have the answer to this! John Freda Secret Weapon Touch-Up Crème. I keep a bottle of it in my car, in my office, and at home. A little bit goes a long way.

    7. I think product is less of an issue than the drying method. Just straight up air drying makes me hair look really bad. I think with wavy hair you kind of need to coax it into behaving. So if I’m not either blow drying straight or using a diffuser to make it really curly, I don’t just let it dry with my hair down. I either start drying it with the hair in a claw clip or put it in a few braids. It’s almost like by pushing it into itself, it dries with less frizz. But that could just be my hair?

      1. Same. My wavy/curly hair cannot be trusted to air dry nicely without either a LOT of product in it or me tying it back. I also go for a claw clip as braids are a bit of a pain if you have layers.

        1. I’ve posted before about this. My hairdresser showed me a technique that is so easy – grab sections of your wet hair and twist them in the direction away from your face, and then let your hair dry this way. You don’t have to pin them or run a hair dryer (I haaaaate the hair dryer). Just leave them alone and your hair will dry into someone more approximating a natural wave but one that looks better and more intentional than anything my hair is willing to do on its own.

          As with all curly or wavy hair styles, don’t brush it and don’t comb it once the waves have set. I do sometimes use my fingers to lighten up the crown a little but that’s it.

      2. On the other hand, my wavy hair looks best when I air dry it. It doesn’t want to be straight, nor does it want to be curly so I just let it do it’s thing

    8. I have a different texture, so I’ll leave product recommendations to others. This is just my PSA to get your hair trimmed regularly if you are wearing your natural texture.

      1. + 1 for plain Argan oil.

        Started using it to avoid artificial fragrances and found it works better than what I was using before. Highly recommend.

    11. The Ordinary, Plant Derived Hemi Squalane – I apply when hair is still damp though, and then let it air dry. I find it cuts down on most of my frizz. I also use Shea Moisture Curl Cream (the hibiscus one) and that works well if applied when damp and left to air dry. Basically, if I’m air drying, the hair must have product in it while still damp, and that cuts down on my frizz enormously.

    12. Thanks so much for all the recommendations! I look forward to trying them out.

    13. I really like the Jonathan Van Ness curl cream, and use it on both wet and dry hair.

    14. I use Curls Rock Amplifier. Does a great job of reducing frizz when I let my hair dry naturally. If I blow dry my hair, I use Moroccan Oil Curl Defining Creme. I know it sounds counter intuitive, but it puts moisture in my hair, I dry it and it stays straight. When I used the MO smoothing creme my hair to absorbs moisture and then gets frizzy.

  7. Is the cleaning expert here? I’m looking for the best ideas for cleaning black bathroom porcelain – – well, the tub mainly.

    1. I’m not a cleaning expert, but I would probably use a Mr Clean Magic Eraser for this.

        1. I wouldn’t think so. I use them on glass all the time, and on my white porcelain sinks, etc — if they scratched the porcelain, it would eventually dull and I haven’t found that to be the case at all.

    3. Porcelain tile? Or a black cast iron tub? Both? Do you have hard water deposits, or just grime?

      Black is tricky because residue shows up so easily. I’ve had success with a good scrub of Barkeeper’s Friend or Bon Ami and a bit of dish soap with a stiff scrub brush. Using a daily shower spray after each use (or at least once a day) cuts down on the need to clean so frequently.

  8. I am visiting family friends and looking to bring gifts for their 8 and 10 year old girls. (Relatively small, as they’ll need to fly home with them.) Any ideas? All my friend’s kids are much younger so I’ve got no idea what older girls are into these days. Or should I just get some fun candy and go with a consumable to avoid the travel issue?

    1. If there will be time to eat them during your visit (and the parents would be okay with it), some over-the-top fancy cupcakes from a local bakery would likely be well received.

    2. Any way you can ask their parents what they’re into? Otherwise, as a parent of 6/8 yo girls, so a bit younger, art supplies always go over well, like a fresh pack of colored pencils or skinny markers or colored pens. Likewise a book of stickers. Also a small Squishmallow would be a hit with my girls – you can never have too many!

      1. +1 just came here to say art supplies. Coloured pencils, watercolours, sketchbooks and colouring books, washi tape, small rulers, grey gum erasers

    3. My 8-15 yo nieces are into the rainbow loom (there are other brands too) rubber band bracelet kits, air dry modeling clay, poppit anything (sensory, cute little toys and fidget items), and fancier markers and journals or sketch books. Crayola brand has more serious artist pens than than their usual markers and magic model clay that air dries.
      You can give the gifts loose or find those simple draw string bags that can be worn like a backpack and put the stuff in there. Micheals, Target, and even Walmart website are excellent sources for this type of gift item.
      As already mentioned if you want a more experience gift taking them to get a fancy cookie, cupcake or even a trip to a bulk candy store might be fun.

      1. My 11-year-old daughter and her friends are super into the rubber band bracelets and always want more bands.

      2. Rose art bracelet kit and other kits, 8 yo didnt want to eat her restaurant dinner because so intent on making her first bracelet, also Willie Wonka game Golden Ticket game was a hit.

    4. My answer to kids gifts is always books. I have nieces in the age range and they like beginner chapter books and graphic novels. Also giant fact books (like 5000 facts by National Geographic) have been a hit. The 10 year olds loved the tween style guided journals I got them for Christmas; a journal plus a fancy fun pen set (like gel pens in all the colors) would be a good bet. Joke books have been a huge hit with my 8 year old nephew and are entertaining for all to watch him tell them.

      I recommend searching on Amazon (even if you don’t want to purchase from there) for books in the right age range; they have a nice sort option. I always look at the new releases since it’s less likely they’ll have already read them or already have them.

      1. If you want to do a gift that’s not a book, for Easter I got them pop it bags because they were so cute I sort of wanted a pop it rainbow bag, so I satisfied the itch by getting the nieces and nephew each a little pop it bag. There are a bunch of varieties of these.

    5. My 9 year old would love a mini backpack or drawstring backpack with an assortment of 2-3 little items. Ideas would be: Scrunchies, notebook with a fluffy pen, fidgets and popits, LOL dolls, maybe an old school disposable camera, small LCD writing tablets, a friendship bracelet making kit, a scratch off coloring book, or a travel version of a game like LCR or Guess Who or Battleship.

    6. The Klutz company makes a friendship bracelet instruction book that comes with supplies to get you started. They would probably love that. If you think they might be crafting on the plane, a small nail clipper would be handy for cutting the thread since they can’t bring scissors.

      2. (They also make a learn to juggle book and lord knows I tried. I still can’t juggle but it was hilarious trying to learn)

      3. ooh along those lines, summer camp lanyard style kits. NGL I’m in my 30s now and learning how to braid those back as a kid means I make my own brightly colored luggage tags.

  9. Whichever attorney was looking for the all remote job yesterday, post a burner email and I’ll send you a job listing!

    1. Not the OP from yesterday, also interested. Trailing spouse of an academic, so remote work is a game changer.

  10. Inspired in part by yesterday’s poster who was asking what to do with all of her accumulated travel-size/hotel toiletries: What do you all do with shoes that are too worn out to donate? I have about a half dozen pairs, a mix of sandals and sneakers (various brands). It feels wrong to just throw them away, but I’m having trouble figuring out what to do with them otherwise. Help?

    2. I throw these in the trash. If they’re too worn out to donate, they are just taking up space for no reason, and this is what the trash is for.

      1. Yeah, you’ve squeezed every bit of life out of them, I think you can trash them guilt free.

    4. Take them to a cobbler to get fixed or throw them out. What else would you do with them? if they are slightly worn looking but still very serviceable, I’d still try to donate, especially sneakers and womens work shoes.

    6. Our county will take clothes/shoes for recycling, but we have to drop them off at waste centers and it’s not well advertised, so you might check with your city/county (do they actually recycle it or just trash it, i have no idea).

    9. Asics has partnered with an organization called Give Back Box to recycle old shoes and clothes, and they provide a free shipping label. I sent a big box of sneakers a few months ago.

  11. Can anyone recommend some good go-to summer work tops for my government office? My selection is thin and I’m just looking for a few sleeveless/short sleeve or lightweight long sleeve tops to wear with black pants (Eileen Fisher crepe) and cardigans/blazers. I’m a proportional 14 in terms of bust/torso/etc. thanks for any links!

  12. I’m a fed govt lawyer and have been for quite some time. I have two toddlers. I like that my seniority at my current agency gives me enough flexibility to come in late or leave early or (if teleworking) stop to play in the middle of the day for a bit. It makes me feel like a good mom. I want to be a good mom.

    But my agency and my supervisors are driving me batty. We’re horribly understaffed and I’m getting more thrown at me than I can handle and I’m really just over it all. I’m considering applying to other jobs at other agencies… but I’m also hesitant because of how present I can be with my kids. Like my job is a pile of poop but I’m allowed to flex around the poop enough to spend time with the kiddos, and I’m not sure I want to trade that for something likely requiring more of my presence.

    Not sure what I’m asking, maybe just commiseration? Telling me it’s either ok to keep a poop job for good life benefits OR it’s ok to take a chance on a better professional career that may adversely impact whether I can make it to all the preschool events?

    1. Understaffed is the norm in most places. You have something really, really good in that you can dip out when needed to make it to events. The grass is not greener elsewhere on this one.

    2. Both are okay! To everything, there is a season. Now may be the season for you to just be okay with the poop job. It’s also okay if you find something better to go for it!

    3. I don’t know what the answer is but I have been hitting the Easy button at work for a good decade now and while my resume knows it’s not great, I can’t imagine having to dial it up at work after working through closed schools for a year and a half and scraping by with also being understaffed at work (it’s gone from doing more with less to doing less with less). I just don’t see having the bandwidth or appetite for more, even, unless something drastic were to happen to me (I wouldn’t initiate change at this point).

    4. I moved to a different organization in May because I was tired of being the one that had to do all the work on my team when others dropped the ball. I also had a ton of flexibility and could pretty much work whenever I wanted.

      New job sucks. I wish I’d stayed and just leaned out of the other job. I have very little ability to take any flex time and it’s a work all the time culture. Do not give up this flexibility.

      1. Thanks for this. I feel this so much as the person who gets handed all the things. I’m sorry you don’t like where you landed. Hang in there?!

        1. I have immediately leaned out and started applying for new jobs within three weeks of starting. Caring less made the new job more bearable.

    5. Fed worker here. Can you figure out if this is a short term issue or a permanent shift? Or do you have a good enough relationship with your supervisors to have that conversation? Like, I understand this is the workload right now but it’s also unsustainable indefinitely. I’d start by telegraphing your boundaries and see what happens. If the ancillary benefits of flexibility are important to you, I’d think seriously about changing jobs, because every place is understaffed and you already have capital built up in your current place.

    6. Keep your poop job. Kids will be grown soon enough and you’ll find a great gig then. I had a flexible state job when my son was little. Now that he’s in college, I have my own firm.

    7. All the commiseration. I am pretty over my higher ed job and its various hassles (we don’t get to say no, ever), but I stay because I want the flexibility it provides. And I like my coworkers. I honestly don’t know if I’m doing the right thing and maybe I’m selling myself short, but it’s the devil I know and all of that.

    8. I am a fellow governmental attorney. While I think it is reasonable to expect that you can dip out for the preschool concert or similar, I am not sure that you can expect that every day will include time out to spend time with your kids. Also, government is always playing catch up in terms of hiring, most always short staffed. That makes it critical that all members of the team are fully contributory. You can only lean out so far.

  13. Seems to be a day for gift questions!

    Going to a big joint bday party for three kids I have never met, age 9 to 11, boy and 2 girls. What do I bring? Sort of last minute so not really in a place to order anything specific. Gift card for each kid & a hostess gift for the mom/hostess? What amount and what kind of gift card? Is there a better idea I’m missing? One joint gift for all the kids?

    2. For kids that young I’d skip gift cards and go to target, looking for the following: legos, nerf guns, poppit or sensory toys, fancier art supplies, pool toys if these kids have pool access, basketballs or other sports balls if kids are into that, gum, small candy bags, etc.
      Lego technic, city, Star Wars or marvel lines are perfect for the boy is my guess and lego city, friends, SW, or Marvel lines would work for the girls is my guess.
      Books are great too but you’d have to do some asking as to what they are into- I’ve been on a graphic novel gifting kick and the Amulet series, timo the adventurer, bad kitty books are all top of my list. Bone book series are classic but does contain characters gathering to drink and talk at local bar and one of the non human looking characters often has a cigar at times and it fits his character. This may or may not bother you or kids parents.

    3. Chaotic good: a giant box of the biggest bubble wrap you can find.
      Chaotic evil: super soakers

      2. Plastic bubble wrap just for popping is not good for the environment. Please don’t give kids stuff that is trashing their future. From a mom.

  14. I’m finally watching Crash Landing On You — has anyone else seen it? Can anyone recommend a non-spoiler source for people confused about the numerous plot lines? For example, is the fraud guy hiding in North Korea the same guy she went on a date with and got papparazi’d with in the opening scenes (guy in sunglasses)?

    1. I can’t share a source but yes, he is. Everything gets revealed though, so just watch and enjoy.

      Also, everyone watch this! It’s lovely and twisty and light.

      1. thank you!! it is delightful so far. i’d heard a lot about it from romance authors/reviewers i follow on twitter but was hesitant. and YES everyone should watch it on netflix!

    2. I haven’t read it in a long time (and not for this drama) but dramabeans recaps were always my go to. They summarize and commentate episode by episode so no spoilers (unless you read ahead)

      1. Second the Dramabeans recaps – they are the best in the game and they will provide screencaps so you can keep track. They follow the episodes so you can read along while you watch!

        Allow me to help though, since I know exactly what you are referring to! The man that Se Ri is dating in the first scenes is not Gu Seung Joon/the Fraudster. He is supposed to be a famous actor, which is a little inside joke because the actor cameoing as a famous actor is of course quite famous (his name is Jung Kyung Ho and he’s in some other great shows on Netflix like Hospital Playlist!). Dramabeans is great for explaining these little bits and helping with explaining idioms and cultural norms.

        Another good source is Viki – they are actually a streaming service, but the subs are all done community style, so a team of community members helps to QC and edit. There’s also the ability to turn on “comments’ which run above the action and explain all the cultural nuances you may be missing! Netflix does truly the worst Korean subtitling. As some one with the proficiency of a struggling kindergartener, even I notice how bad it is!

        1. Also! You can post any other questions and I will answer! This is probably a top ten drama for me (and I’ve been a regular viewer since 2007!)

    3. wow, a comment thread finally in my wheelhouse! Can’t recommend a source but I can tell you the “fraud guy” (Gu Seung-jun – don’t think this is a spoiler) is NOT the guy from the opening scene where Se-ri got papparazzi’d. The plot lines do clear up the further you go into the story.

      Overall, highly recommend the show to all if the premise seems interesting to you. I’m a lapsed k-drama watcher and adored it, and it even worked for my SO.

  15. Low stakes relationship question. I am looking for a fun, casual relationship with someone where we are not super serious, but we enjoy each other’s company and do things together (dinner, concerts, etc.). My friend insists that is a boyfriend relationship. Basically, unless I’m looking for an f buddy (where neither of us really care about the other), then I’m looking for a boyfriend. I think there must be something in between – i.e. dating with a sense of mutual respect. What say you? Is there a middle ground where you can enjoy each other’s company and respect each other but it’s not leading to something serious? I think there is, but she insists it’s either one or the other, lol.

    1. So… you want a friend with benefits? I have no clue by what you mean about “mutual respect” and how that’s somehow different from what you find in a relationship…

      1. I think that’s my friend’s point. She thinks I want a boyfriend. But to me, being in a relationship means looking ahead to more and more commitment (living together, getting married, etc.) and I don’t want to do that.

        1. so… still what I’d call a friend with benefits. (To the “mutual respect” phrase – still not sure what that means – are you ok if it is a fully open deal, no s3xual exclusivity?)

          1. I don’t think that’s a FWB. I think it’s a boyfriend but they’re not necessarily exclusive. I know exactly what you mean, OP.

            24 years ago and newly divorced, I was looking for the same thing. I wanted someone to do activities with and sleep with and work the Sunday crossword with occasionally, but I didn’t want to have relationship drama and I certainly didn’t want to have to check with someone if I wanted to go on a trip or whatever. I called that a boyfriend.

            I married him of course, but that’s a different story. :)

    2. You can absolutely do this! I’d probably use the label “boyfriend” for this, but that’s really up to the couple. I’m firmly believe that consenting adults can have whatever kind of relationship they want as long as everyone is on board.

    3. Of course it exists. Think about all the posts about people whose BFs just don’t want to be that serious. That is the guy you want. A good friend of mine has had that relationship for like 5 years now. They don’t hang out with each others’ friends/family (or meet most of them), but they go to events, have dates, sleepovers, take a weekend trip on occasion, and all with the understanding that this is always going to be the extent of it and not more. It works for them.

    4. How do you view this as different than a boyfriend? (Not exclusive, not committed long-term, nobody has caught feelings, something else?)

      1. To me, when you have a boyfriend both of you are moving toward more and more commitment as time goes on. But I’m divorced with two children. I don’t want to live with someone again, and I don’t want to get married again. I don’t want to have to be accountable to another person for decisions I make (vacations, schedules, etc.). But I also have no stomach for casual, emotionless s ex. I want to like the other person, and I want them to like me.

        1. I was you in 2018-2019. Recently divorced, dating for fun, wanted something ongoing but not interested in anything serious. I could have written your post. And now I’m getting married in 3 weeks.

          BUT! I think what you are looking for is totally doable, and I met some nice men who were looking for something similar — mostly recently divorced or recently out of long term relationships. I would make that clear in your online profiles — something like “looking for something ongoing and exclusive but not looking to get married again” but perhaps more breezy (it’s been a while since I had to write one of those!).

          1. Yes! This exists and you can ask for it in your dating profile and then call it whatever the heck you want.

        2. Haha I’m Anon at 11:46 above and I typed my response before I saw this comment. Jinx.

          1. This is what I was looking for after my divorce as well – no interest in remarriage or more kids. Since I was a mom, I was even more explicit in my profile that I was not looking for any sort of father figure for the kid. Three years out, and I’m married to awesome guy who is absolutely a father figure.

    5. I think this is friends with benefits. Friends respect each other and go to concerts and dinners.

      1. This is true, but I gather that FWB in practice often does not include respect. It has drifted toward meaning “on-call for s3x” without any basic standards of decent treatment, and we all know who tends to be in which role gender-wise. Not always, but typically.

        I would say that the title is not important–you will have to feel out each person you meet to see if they are going to provide what you’re looking for.

    6. My mom’s 70-80 year old friend set seems to take this dating approach and I am super envious of it. Live separately, but date for many years. In my late 30s happy to find the same, instead what I find is men who feel like they have to make it extra clear in an almost cruel way that you are not their girlfriend cause otherwise you’re clearly gonna catch feelings and want babies and a ring. No dude, I don’t want either of those things, I want bedroom time and nice dinners and then retreat to our own homes. But like can we be respectful of each other? Is that too much to ask?

      So no advice at this point, commiseration, and if you figure out how to explain this in a way men understand please share because I have several friends in the same boat.

      1. Thank youuuuu for saying this. Sometimes I feel like I’m nuts. I just ended things with a man who insisted I had unrealistic expectations because I wanted to go to dinner occassionally. I didn’t want him to just come over at 11 o’clock at night. (Btw, he was fine with daily texts, but the minute I wanted non-s exual facetime he thought I was being too needy.)

    7. To me the important question is how old are you? If you’re 22 this is most relationships. I’d also say it exists if you’re on the older side, like 50+. If you’re dating someone in either age range then it also counts.

      1. I don’t understand why you can’t have the type of relationship you want at any age. The right partner might be difficult to find, but you really can have whatever commitment and emotional level you want, as long as both parties understand the landscape and agree.

        1. Yeah, I actually think this would be more common in folks 40 and up. In many cases they’ve already done the marriage and kids thing and don’t want to start that over, but still want companionship and s3x.

    8. My mother has someone like this actually. Not getting married, not in a serious relationship, but function as a couple when they are in the same city. Sometimes they visit each other. I don’t think there is a word for it.

      1. My MIL has yet to find a word for it, and she’s had these sorts of relationships off and on since DH was a teenager. Lately, she’s settled on “travel buddy” as her children recoil less with that name.

    9. I think it’s possible. One of my friends had in her profile that she was looking for a “partner in crime” but then made it clear that she wanted companionship for non-criminal things like weekend trips, baseball games, dinners, etc.

      To me the difference between what you describe and a boyfriend is monogamy – you say casual, so think about whether you want or expect exclusivity? It doesn’t have to lead to something down the road but you both need to be on the same page.

      1. Sometimes it’s nice to do those things with someone while holding hands, and flirting

    11. I would call it dating someone. Not necessarily exclusively or moving towards any goal, just dating someone.

    12. I have this and it’s wonderful! My boyfriend and I don’t have long term potential because he wants kids and I don’t, so we enjoy each others’ company, hang out, spend 3 nights a week together, go on trips and all of the other fun stuff that comes with dating someone without any real expectations other than monogamy and respect. One day it will come to an end and I’m not looking forward to that, but in the meantime I am thoroughly enjoying our time together.

      1. Agree. It’s the most low-pressure, easy, fun, egalitarian relationship I’ve ever had. We both have our own lives and no desire to merge households, finances, etc. There is a move on my horizon in 2 years or so, and FWB is much older than I, so one way or another, the “benefits” part will end, but the friendship was there before, and I expect will remain.

    13. Being boyfriend/girlfriend does not imply you are moving toward marriage; it simply implies that you’re not dating/hooking up with anyone else. If you don’t want to be exclusive then I would say that’s more the realm of f buddy or dating with no labels. I think you’ve hit on a real difference in how men and women view dating. I don’t think most men would think there’s any implied exclusivity just because you hook up with someone, or implied moving toward marriage just because you call someone your boyfriend.

  16. I just got a mouth guard from my dentist to help with teeth grinding. I wore it to sleep last night and it felt weird. I kept waking up. It felt okay and smooth – it felt like I had another set of lips and I dreamed that I bit too hard and tore it. When I took it off this morning my teeth hurt a little but the pain is fading now. Can someone who has gone through this tell me how long it will take to get used to this small piece of clear plastic?!?

    1. Within the week, you won’t notice it. Potential added bonus: not sure if you get tension headaches or migraines, but my mine decreased substantially wearing the night guard, as apparently one of the triggers was clenching my jaw/grinding my teeth in my sleep and the mouthguard eliminated that.

    2. Not that long. It will always feel like you have something in your mouth, but it only bothered me for a day or two and is definitely worth it to have less jaw pain and not chip my teeth. Mine also doubles as a retainer, and it’s way better than having to get braces again!

    3. I’ve been wearing a mouth guard at night for 17 years. If it feels uncomfortable at night go back to the dentist and they will make adjustments to it, grind it down until it’s thinner and more comfortable and doesn’t throw off your bite.

    4. I didn’t have much trouble getting used to it, it felt weird for maybe a night or two. Now, several years later, I can’t sleep without my night guard! And yes, I’ve had it for years, so don’t worry too much about breaking it.

      I used to clench my teeth so hard that when I woke up in the morning, it would be hard to eat because my jaw muscles were so cramped. Haven’t had any problems like this since I started using the night guard.

    6. I’ve had mine for almost 20 years. I honestly don’t remember if it was hard to get used to, but I can tell you now I actually have a hard time falling asleep without it. I think having it in is one of the check the box signals my brain needs now to know it is sleep time.

      1. +1 same here only for about 10 years. I’d forgotten to pack mine on trips before and had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. Will never forget again ;-)

        OP–I recall there was a few nights or may be a week’s worth of adjustment for me. But soon you won’t notice! And if you’re getting one for teeth grinding, your tooth enamel and jaw muscles will thank you!

    7. I got one in November for the same reason and it probably took me 2 weeks of nightly wearing until I felt comfortable with it. I still wake myself up grinding my teeth on it, but it is also kind of a security blanket almost? Like at this point it’s a definite part of my nighttime routine: wash face, brush teeth, night guard in, good night.

      Definitely get the mouth guard specific cleaning tablets! They help so much!

  17. Does anyone find their gut gets more messed up when they don’t eat than when they do? I find it so strange because when you don’t eat what exactly can cause bloating or upset. Of course I don’t mean fasting altogether I mean falling into the – snacks for meals/too lazy to cook or order out routine. And then when it’s 2-3 regular meals a day, things seem better though now your gut it obviously working harder.

    1. Your gut likes regularity. One of the best things you can do is eat regular meals at regular times. Circadian rhythms are a real thing!

      1. +1

        To the circadian rhythm comment – that makes perfect sense! I always find it takes my gut longer to recover from jet lag than my head & sleep… like I will wake up at normal time the day after coming home from Europe and want a big plate of pasta bc my stomach is expecting lunch, when normally I’m a “big cup of coffee and a yogurt mid-morning” type of morning eater :)

    2. Mine. If I don’t eat enough, my digestion slows way down; my body is trying to pull all the nutrients it can out of less food. That causes constipation and just feeling weird.

    3. your gut might be working harder on a bigger meal, but you are also giving it a break in between.

    5. Yes. My retiree parents live a very scheduled life with three meals a day at the same time. As much as I mock it, I will say my gut never feels better than when I stay with them for a while because I’m eating full meals, with real ingredients consistently. And in my own home I notice when I fall into the snacking for meals routine because suddenly I’m going thru Gas X regularly. When I eat normally I can go months without those types of meds.

  18. Has anyone shopped Perfectly Priscilla? I’m busty, plus size, with a tummy, and have been trying to find date night dresses with very little luck… and everything there actually looks good. Prices are alarmingly low though, I wonder where they’re getting them.
    https://www.perfectlypriscilla.com/

  19. Talk to me about letting your hair go natural. I have dark brown leaning auburn hair that I started finding greys in when I was 21. Am now turning 40 and due to a ridiculously busy last few months am 4 months into regrowth, and am considering using this as my that’s it we stop the dye moment. I have a very young face so am also somewhat hoping the grey will stop people from continuing to talk to me like I am 30 and still new to my career. What should I be thinking about in terms of changing the care of it? Is Keratin worth it on otherwise straight hair to tame the greys, or can I moisturize it into submission? At this point it is all near my face, but I know as it continues to grow out there will be more.

      1. can you say more about the moisturizing? Are we talking conditioner in the shower, masks, leave-in products?

        1. +1 on recommendations!

          I’m 35 and substantially gray – have been letting it grow for almost 2 years now and LOVE it for myself. Would love advice on how to keep it happy

        2. I use a moisturizing mask in lieu of conditioner, putting it on after shampooing and only rinsing it out when I’m about to get out of the shower. I also have leave-in moisturizers and a scalp oil, but they don’t all have to be used every time. No heat styling, blow-drying, or anything else that leads to dryness.

    2. A word of caution: I always thought of myself as having straight hair, including through the years when I colored my hair. I stopped coloring in February 2020, and my hair, with maybe 30% gray, is definitely not straight. In other words, the moisturizer may or may not be sufficient to tame the frizz.

  20. My paralegals mom passed away this week. I know the firm gives some kind of bouquet and or financial gift, but I’d like to get something as well. She is late 50s, Her mom was 98 so it was not necessarily unexpected. Ideas?

    1. I think a nice heartfelt card is called for. Maybe a plant or food gift if you really want something tangible, but I don’t think it’s necessary.

    2. A handwritten card from a colleague meant more to me than anything else when my dad died. It was a colleague I worked with on my team but don’t know very well but of every single card and plant I received, the fact that he took time out of his day to write and mail me a card meant the world.

      Honestly, as someone who has zero green thumb, plants stressed me out. I could barely keep myself and the dog functioning and now I also had to keep this other thing alive? And if it had died it would have been another thing that reminded me of my dad that also died? Completely irrational, I know, but I was not happy about the plants. I appreciated the gesture but my mom adopted them.

    3. A card with a short note will be really appreciated. Other than that, flowers or a plant are nice but ABSOLUTELY not necessary. If you know of a charity she really cares about, a small donation in her mom’s honor would be super over the top great. Source: lost my dad last month.

    4. Card now. If you feel like doing something else, give her a food related gift card in about a month with a note “i’m sure this month has been stressful, have a [pizza \ dinner \ coffee] on me”

  21. What do I gift my 45 year old cousin who is getting married this evening (first wedding, if that matters)? Is cash still cool even with the [elder] cousin dynamic? I feel like $200 cash will feel a little odd, but I also know that’s all I wanted (at 28) when I got married and it’s easy, and I’m last minute on this, so, shrug. Check me?

    1. What about a gift card and a note that says something like, “celebration dinner on me! Congratulations!!”

      1. DH and I unexpectedly ended up moving a few months after our wedding and i was very stressed about using up all the local gift cards

      1. oh and in case it matters, it would not matter one bit that you ordered from the registry but it didn’t arrive to the couple until after the actual event.

        But if no registry or it’s picked over, yeah, just write the check.

    5. Cash always feels festive to me. Two crisp $100 bills? What’s not to love?

      1. sidenote: did anyone’s family go through that phase where cash gifts had to be packaged in a crafty, cutesy way? I feel like this was a late 90s thing?

  22. can anyone recommend a restaurant in Bethesda with outdoor seating for a girls night. Visiting my parents in the area and planning to meet up with two college girlfriends for dinner.

    1. classic Mon Ami Gabi and Uncle Julio’s both have outdoor seating. I haven’t been to Hawkers Asian Street Food but I recall seeing significant outdoor seating there too. Bethesda closes off Woodmont Ave on weekends so you could do takeout from the restaurants there if that works for your schedule.

    3. Raku has good outdoor space. I think Mussel Bar next door does, too. Pizzeria De Marco (something like that) has a small outdoor patio. The Anthropologie cafe is sort of ridiculously twee, but the food and drinks are pretty good. I am not 100% sure if they still have outdoor seating, but they have in the past.

      True Food Kitchen has a pretty big patio, but they don’t let you reserve for outdoors, it’s first come first served.

      The new Marriot hotel has a rooftop bar called Hipflask. My friend went and was not hugely impressed with the drinks (and they are $$) but it might be nice to check that out.

  23. I know there were book recs above but I’m too late so I read Last Boat out of Shanghai a month or so ago and I really enjoyed it. It’s about the last days of the Chinese Civil War when Mao’s revolution was winning and true stories of a few Shanghai residents who were fleeing. I realized while reading it that I know nothing about the Chinese Civil War so does anyone have any recs in that direction?

    1. Remembering Shanghai by Claire Chao is in a similar vein.

      Big Sister, Little Sister and the Red Sister is also good and more broad and macro (rather than a personal experience).

    2. Following with interest!

      Not sure this entirely falls into the category of what you’re looking for, but Falling Leaves or Chinese Cinderella are autobiographies by Adeline Yen Mah have parts in that time period. I read the books way too long ago to remember if she talks about the impact of the war or not.

      On a much more personal note, my grandfather escaped from the CCP and his first family in 1949 and that generation was so traumatized by that era they basically couldn’t speak of it for decades. They’re all gone now so I don’t know any details, just rumors my cousin told me and a couple of family photos.

  24. Very, very low stakes question- what store brands of tortilla chips sell *thick* chips? I am looking to make nachos this weekend as a fun treat, and my husband always buys either Tostitos restaurnt style or Santitas. I don’t like either as both seem to break under the weight of salsa. Any online searches I do only seem to bring up “thin” chips, which I don’t want. I could have sworn Tostitos used to do this, but they don’t seem to have this on their website as a product anymore. Thus looking to crowdsource so I don’t buy dozens of different kinds of chips. Ideally it would be close to the same thickness as a crunchy taco shell.

      3. Excellent use of “thicc”. I usually use that term for my cat but I’m also going to use it for tortilla chips from now on.

    3. Don’t know brands offhand but these will exist at any major grocery store. I would look in person if you can fit it into your schedule.

    6. The store brand, round, yellow corn tortilla chips are the thickest I’ve come across (Publix, here).
      Mission’s tortilla chip strips are pretty thick, too, but I haven’t had them in a while.

    8. You want Mission chips (not their restaurant style, just the regular ones) or Donkey chips.

    9. I believe Tostitos Cantina offers a “traditional” chip that is on the thicker side as opposed to the thin style. However, if you have a local Hispanic market in your area, go there! My local grocery and deli sells a phenomenal thick homemade tortilla chip. And grab a pack of the homemade corn tortillas while you are there as well.

    10. You want the tortilla chips that are made in house. Whole Foods has them for sure, but regular grocery store chains usually have them this time of year. At my local Acme they were in plastic bags right at the front of the store.

    11. If you can find them, Vista Hermosa tortilla chips are super sturdy – they even say “thick” on the bag! – and have amazing corn taste.

    12. I am not sure if they sell them everywhere, but Casa Sanchez “thick and crispy” tortilla chips are the best IMO. (They have the red label on them – the yellow label is the “thin and light”)

  25. Do we think nap dresses are going to be in style next spring/summer? I’m sort of obsessed and want more.

    1. My personal thought is no, they’re a one season trick pony, which probably means yes they will be around for 10+ years, as I tend to be very wrong about forecasting trends (see my initial thoughts on skinny jeans, ripped jeans).

    3. I hope not. I have only ever seen this style be flattering on my 14 year old niece and 3 year old daughter.

      1. +1. They’re hideous and juvenile, sorry not sorry. And don’t look remotely comfortable for napping, but I digress.

      1. Yeah, I think it’s just the latest iteration of publicly acceptable lounge wear. It’s the housecoat of the 2020s. I’m guessing we’ll see variations on it over the next decade.

    6. They’re already going strong on at least Year 2. Last summer I bought my first one in June and swore I wasn’t going to be one of those people with a collection. And I just got my third…

    7. People buy clothes and wear them for a while. So even if they’re not the very latest thing next year or the year after, people are still going to own them and wear themm.

    8. I don’t need to be on the cutting edge of fashion or anything but I’m a new mom and have found this style forgiving and easy so I’m personally hoping I wont look super outdated if I wear them again next year. I’ve just lost sight on whether it can be considered “classic” vs trendy at this point.

      1. No, it’s definitely not a classic. You are not going to look like some horribly out of date person if you wear it next year, though.

        1. I disagree. I think that they will evolve from trendy to maybe not timeless, but somewhat classic. Like an updated classic. 15 years ago no one would’ve worn leggings to run errands and now everyone does. I also think not all are created equal- like the ones with poofy sleeves and all that might not be, but a simpler style

  26. Paging Squeak from the Wednesday perfume post.

    I dug out my sample of Imaginary Authors Falling into the Sea and wore it on one wrist yesterday. It’s lovely! What a great summer scent. It smells like a day at the beach. I had only tried it on a paper strip before but putting it on the skin made a huge difference.

    For anyone interested, Fragrantica lists the notes as: Lemon, Bergamot, Grapefruit, Lychee, Tropical Flowers & Warm Sand

    I’ve ordered from Imaginary Authors once before and had a great customer service experience when something went wrong,

    1. Awesome! I’m so happy to hear it wore well on you! A day on the beach is exactly what it smells like; I think I will have to save up for the full bottle. If anyone is located in Canada and worries about shipping, Indiescents is Canada based and sells all the Imaginary Authors line.

      Today I am wearing 4160 Tuesday’s Rhubarb & Custard, which amazingly captures the sweet-sharp tang of my mom’s Rhubarb soda. I don’t know how, but it’s wonderful.

  27. This is so true of the Mormon’s in the SWest where I live. They do not socialize and will not be friends with anyone outside of the Mormon faith. Even in a public elementary school that my kids went to, once another kid found out my kid was not Mormon, they would not be friends with my kid anymore. Sad, exclusionary, and difficult to explain to an elementary school age child.

    2. If you were responding to my comment about my Mormon best friend dumping me between Junior and Senior years, I guess part of me wishes she had never been willing to be my friend if it was going to end that way!

      But if your kid is like the only non-Mormon at their school, I can see how that would be so hurtful. So much for being Christian (which I find myself saying about so many so-called Christians, especially lately.)

      1. Yes, I was responding to your comment. The elementary school was more non-Mormon than not. Such a sh*tty thing to do.

    3. Was my experience too. I worked with about 5 Mormons pretty recently and they were not interested in socializing, eating lunch, or even really making small talk with those of us (~30 people) who weren’t Mormon. I always figured they didn’t like to engage with “how was your weekend?” chit chat with me and my friends at that job because we were (pre pandemic) going to the bars on weekends, as any group of mid 20 somethings tends to do.

    4. Just wanted to give a little gentle pushback here. I didn’t comment on the above thread, but I grew up in the mountain west and went to school and was friends with many, many Mormons growing up. I agree with the comments in the above thread that, like mainstream Christians, many mainstream Mormons are just like anyone else (but maybe with a bigger family.) I always felt welcome in my Mormon friends’ homes, even though by middle school my contrarian feminist tendencies had already fully manifested. The most prominent thing I remember was that they started school at some ridiculous hour like 5:30am because they had seminary before the schoolday started at 7:20.

  28. Have people been reading about BA 5? What are your thoughts? Apparently you can get it even if you had COVID less than a month ago. Some people describe it as more similar to a viral meningitis and half of deaths/hospitalizations in some states are comprised of vaccinated people.

    I’m supposed to go to an 80-person party tonight but it seems kind of reckless now. Are other people taking any precautions with the new variant?

    1. I have had it for the past week and it. is. no. joke. I’m fully vaxxed and double boosted and still ended up with COVID-related pneumonia plus blood tests showed inflammation and clotting factors that can be related to long COVID so I am a little freaked out even though we caught it all quickly and I am taking fistfuls of meds every day and getting better.

      Note that I didn’t test positive until Day 3 of symptoms, and some people are testing positive with no symptoms, so it’s really not even possible to tell who’s infectious. I’d proceed with extreme caution, especially cases are high where you are.

      Oh, and worse yet, in my area there is spread even from outdoor events so yikes.

      2. I am on day 17 now, and still coughing a lot, congested and wiped out. Fever through day 11, too. As information points, I am double vaxxed, double boosted with the 2d booster less than a month before infection, had Covid in the wave at the beginning of the year, and took paxlovid this round and I was still very, very sick.

      3. So sorry you are dealing with this! Hope you can get some rest and get better soon!!

      4. SA, my sympathies. My husband was exposed at jury duty, and I got it from him. Same on the vax & boosters. I just this morning finished the Paxlovid. I have also developed a secondary sinus infection that is requiring antibiotics, plus a cough that has left me without a voice. Pro-tip: Tessalon Perles are a godsend.

        I’m sleeping in the recliner at night so that my husband can try to sleep without me coughing & snoring. I then get up and go into the bedroom and sleep another 5 – 6 hours. We are hoping I test negative this afternoon so that I can go to the farmers market in the morning, because the enforced solitude is getting to me.

    2. I just took a quick look through Nature Med and an article from Yale. It doesn’t look like the new variants are much more severe than the original Omicron, and they are not as severe as Delta. But they are better at getting past both infection- and vaccine- derived immunity. Vaccines are still good at preventing hospitalization and severe disease, but I imagine that because they are so infectious, they are probably getting to people who may have not had a great immune response to the vaccine or have other issues.

      I don’t give advice on what people should or should not do with respect to COVID anymore. I think we are all kind of on our own.

      1. I agree with your last line except for the love of God, don’t go to a party while you’re sick!! (Looking at you, Patient Zero at the super-spreader event that struck down me and 15 of my friends.)

    4. I don’t give too much weight to stats like “half of hospitalizations are vaxxed people” because even WITH the vax, it was never going to be 100% effective. So if you had a 100% vaxxed population, the resulting stat would be “100% of hospitalized patients are vaxxed.”

      I’m about to fly to a wedding weekend (primarily outdoor events) but the couple is providing test kits at the hotels and asking everyone to self-swab before attending. We all know those kits aren’t foolproof but I’m glad they’re doing it.

      2. I think it’s great that they are doing it bc i know of two weddings last weekend that did not that turned into superspreader events

    5. So I’ve seen people freaking out about it on Twi.tter but none of the people saying the sky is falling are doctors or epidemiologists. What I have seen from credible sources is that BA5 is more contagious than any prior variant and the symptoms aren’t remarkably different from OG Omicron. Obviously hard to say at this point, I’d expect that we’ll know more in a week or two as to how worried we should actually be. Personally I wouldn’t skip the party, but if I hadn’t had COVID yet I might skip it. Everyone’s calculations are different at this point, I think.

    6. We are slowing our roll until Fall, when there should be better boosters. I have only booked low key outdoor dinners, etc.

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