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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Ruffle Cardigan Sweater

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A woman wearing a light brown ruffle sweater and dark blue jeans

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

There aren't a lot of work-appropriate items in the Old Navy x Anna Sui collaboration, but my '90s heart loves it all too much to pass it over completely. This ruffled cardigan looks just like something I had in my closet in the early aughts.

Then, I wore it with bootcut jeans and a lace-trimmed cami. As a 40-something, I’d wear it to the office with a silk shell and a pair of trousers.

The sweater is $59.99 at Old Navy and comes in sizes XS-4X, in two colors –

Sales of note for 4/17:

  • Nordstrom – Beauty savings event, up to 25% off – nice price on Black Honey
  • Ann Taylor – Cyber Spring! 50% off everything + free shipping
  • Boden – 25% off everything (thru Sun, then 15% off)
  • Brooklinen – 25% off sitewide — we have and love these sateen sheets
  • Evereve – 1000+ items on sale, including lots from Alex Mill, Michael Stars, Sanctuary, Rails, Xirena, and Z-Supply
  • Express – $29 dresses
  • J.Crew – 30% off all dresses
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything, and extra 50% off clearance
  • Lands' End – 50% off full price styles and 60% off all clearance and sale – lots of ponte dresses come down under $25, and this packable raincoat in gingham is too cute
  • Loft – Friends & Family event, 50% off entire purchase + free shipping
  • Macy's – 25% off already reduced prices + 15% off beauty & fragrance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Spring Sale Event – Buy More, save more! 10% off $250+, 15% off $500+, 20% off $750+, 25% off $1000+ (Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off if you find any exclusions.)
  • Sephora – Spring sale! 20%, 15%, or 10% off depending on your membership tier; ends 4/20. Here's everything I recommend in the sale!
  • Talbots – Spring sale! 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns
  • TOCCIN – Use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off!
  • Vivrelle – Looking to own less stuff but still try trends? Use code CORPORETTE for a free month, and borrow high-end designer clothes and bags!

230 Comments

  1. My BFF just had to put down her dog. I want to get her some sort of memorial gift but could use ideas.
    When her first dog died, I had a silhouette made from a photo, so don’t want to repeat that. I can’t do a pet portrait as she is actually a pet portrait painter herself.
    All ideas welcome, thanks!

    1. You are so kind to think of her. A keepsake box for the dog’s collar, maybe?

    2. Does she put up a Christmas tree? I have an ornament on the tree for each pet I have lost. I ordered a felted ornaments from Etsy that looks like each pet. It evokes happy memories when the family decorate the tree.

      1. +1, consider also photo ornaments (Framebridge offers) or something like an engraved ornament from Mark & Graham in the shape of a bone, etc.

      2. I think this is a know your friend thing. I love my pets and I like ornaments. I absolutely do not want morbid reminders of my dead pets on my tree. And honestly, I feel that way about most of these gifts. I keep my happy memories close at heart, but I don’t really want physical reminders that just make me sad, and especially not tied to things like a Christmas tree that are supposed to make me happy.

          1. I think the problem is that it’s a gift about their death. I want to remember them being alive, but something you give me when they die is always going to remind me of their death. If you want to give anything, I agree with the person who suggested donating to the humane society or a local animal rescue org.

    3. I actually like the silhouette idea to go with the other dog’s silhouette.

      This is really kind of you to think of her in this way.

      2. Agree. I would specifically want the two silhouettes, assuming I liked the first

      3. Another vote for this. My dog just died and I have found things like that to be the most touching. Not a fan of the ornament idea unless she keeps a tree with random ornaments on it, and even then it’s only a few weeks out of the year.

      4. I like it too – maybe facing in the other direction so they can be displayed facing each other symmetrically if she wants.

    4. When my beloved 18-year-old cat died, my friends had a custom garden stone made with paw prints and his name. I love it.

    5. If you’re looking for a non-gift gift idea, a donation to your friend’s local humane society in honor of their pet might be very touching.

      1. Especially right now—the federal shutdown mess is having knock on effects with anecdotal reports of more people turning to the pet food pantries operated by many shelters and rescues.

      3. FWIW, your friend may have a preferred rescue or shelter they donate to, many pet owners do. We have had a mix of rescue and breeder dogs but always donate to the rescue where we got our first dog.

    6. When my sister’s dog died, we got her a cultivar plant with the same name as her dog (Annie). She’s a big gardener and we knew the plant species would work in her garden. Her son calls it the Annie Bush now.

    8. When my dog died, I was sent a tufted stuffie of my dog. I slept with it for many many days. I think they got it on Etsy.

  2. Would love input from those with a good eye. Debating whether to put a window box on my first floor front window. Will it look weird if there are no other windows on the house that have window boxes? There aren’t really any other logical windows on the first floor to put them and no room on the second floor windows. House looks a lot like the one in the reddit post I’ll link in a follow-up post, except that we have shutters on all the front windows and have three windows on the second floor. 1940s suburb with small lots and lots of houses of similar size (1500-1800 sq ft), with some 4-5k square foot new builds mixed in. We are hoping it would help increase curb appeal but worry it might make our small house feel more dated.

      1. Very cute house. I wouldn’t do a window box – looks cluttered. I would focus on on landscaping and adding interesting plants out front – that will be a lot easier to maintain.

      2. I think it would look cute. You can install drip irrigation in windows boxes for easier maintenance.

        1. I think it would be cute, too, as long as the bushes in front aren’t as high as they are in the photo.

      3. Yes!!! I have them on my farm ranch. I had the people who installed my hardy board put them in so I know they wont hurt the siding or the house. The gardener updates them every season and I just water them. Right now it’s mums and cabbages.

        It looks like someone enclosed the porch on the linked image and I think a cute windowbox would go a long way to restore some charm and character. Do it!

    2. I think it would look intentional and cute as a design choice, but when we redid our house we removed our window boxes as they were exponentially more annoying to maintain than our large container pots – constantly drying out, plants looking overgrown, etc.

      1. My neighbor was constantly struggling with this also. When it looked good, it looked very good, but that wasn’t even half of the time. Otherwise, it was fine if empty but hard to hide when looking rough. IDK if plants matter — succulents vs things that need lots of tending to.

      2. I was also going to say the same – we put a 5’ long one on our porch and I totally regret it. This year is the first that I’ve started using smaller containers I can drop in – lets me swap them for seasonal things and more easily refresh the dirt. In summer you want things that don’t need a lot of water though! Or get those nanny spikes or the buried terracotta things.

        1. You can do both — a window box with separate containers in it. HIghly recommend doing that.

    3. I’m a gardener. I do a ton of container gardening, especially, and can keep containers looking great all summer and well into fall. I would not want to have window boxes because they are so, so difficult to keep them looking good because they’re often narrow, thus drying out very quickly. The only way I’d do a window box is if it could be large and deep, which will entirely depend on the structure itself.

    4. Rather than a window box itself, what about a narrow raised planter? Same general look, but not attached to the house. Much less likely to cause damage to your windowsill or siding, and easier to relocate or put away if you have a season where it is not getting attention. My parents did this after fixing interior rot due to water infiltration from a poorly installed window box.

    5. One window box on the main first floor window next to the front door, smaller house, no symmetry to the house – I will that will look fine. It will look cute with shutters. Esp if the rest of your front lawn has flowers and visually appealing plants, and is tidy!

      Personally though, I wouldn’t. Depending on how it is attached to the house, you’re introducing new potential points of access for water and pests. I also would not want organic matter up against the house/window. You’ll get mold somewhere on the sides. It’s also added weight and visual clutter if not maintained.

    6. I love the appearance of window boxes. I garden and have a few boxes attached to my backyard fence where the hose reaches. I opted not to put them outside my front windows where the hose doesn’t reach because you need to water nearly daily, and it’s a pain to open the windows and screens every day to do so. Consider whether you have a way to water them every day if you install them. Also, you may need to swap out the soil once or twice a year; my soil gets hydrophobic when the roots get too dense and the soil dries out a few times.

    7. I live in a NE city rowhome and have a window box on our big first floor window. We sprung for the version that is self watering. During a heat wave you have to fill it a bit more often, but nothing challenging.

      Flowers consistently look great and I do not have a green thumb.

      FWIW, our planter faces north and is direct sun in the morning/early afternoon.

  3. To add a third day to the college towel thread, slightly worn towels dry much faster than new and very fluffy ones. You or your kid wants thinner towels that dry in one dryer cycle vs something like a bath sheet that will just never be quite done drying (and nasty with daily use).

    3. True—i loathe fluffy towels—nothing makes me feel grosser after a shower. I love the thin and scratchy gym towels near me.

    4. H & M waffle weave dry fast! In our overly humid area this is key. My kids used them for college and were very happy.

    5. I have no idea how you’re using towels, but I never had a single problem using new fluffy towels and drying them in a college dorm. You hang it up to dry on a hook.

  4. I hate the gross overconsumption that I see on Instagram, but I also like to be on trend and current. Any tips on balancing this?

    I do thrift a bunch, but I do want things that are newer and haven’t necessarily trickled down to the thrift stores yet.

    1. there are different levels of overconsumption. if you’re buying costco you’re supporting a union, and generally things are sourced from responsible factories and so forth. if you’re buying h&m and zara i’d hope you’re picking and choosing a few new pieces a year instead of a huge wardrobe haul. if you’re buying huge hauls at temu or shein… do some research on those.

      1. Do you have evidence that Costco items tend to be ethically sourced? Of course their treatment of employees in their stores is important, but I don’t feel like $18 Puma pants from Costco are likely to be any more ethical than ones from Zara.

        1. There is value in making a better choice even if you are not making a perfect choice.

        2. they have a supplier code of conduct — and i can’t see it not being a news story if they were working with a sweatshop. with zara i think that’s part of the expectation.

        3. One of the synthetic long sleeved shirts I bought from Costco was made of recycled materials.

    2. Wanting newer things regularly (as opposed to replacing a not serviceable-anymore item with something new) is the definition of overconsumption. So probably some reflection on which of these matters more to you, since they are fundamentally incompatible. A big factor here is that fashion cycles (whether for clothes, cars, furniture or other things) have accelerated far beyond timelines tied to when people would reasonably need to buy things (such as when seasons, sizes or needs change, in addition to items wearing out), and are completely decoupled from real world demand.
      You might do some kind of one-in-one-out system where you acquire new things and pass on other things in turn, but it will be a hassle to keep things out of the landfill and ultimately it’s deluding yourself to encourage more consumption.

    3. Can you challenge yourself to buy one new pair of pants and top per season (in addition to anything that is truly worn out and you need to replace anyway)? If you get the latest style of jeans you could literally wear them every weekend and be current, without needing five new outfits. Or, ask for these pieces as birthday and holiday gifts, when you would be getting new things anyway.

    4. I think there’s an inherent conflict here, that everyone handles differently

      But the metric I use is “Am I using things up?”. So for makeup, consumables, etc – if I’m constantly trying new things and the old get shoved to the back of the drawer until they expire and clump up – that’s how I know I’ve started getting too much. For stuff like clothes – when I get rid of something to make room for a new thing, I want the majority of my things to be too worn out to for a thrift shop. If I’m regularly replacing stuff in great condition, just because I want the new thing, that’s too much stuff (emphasis on “regularly” – life happens and I’m not counting stuff like changing shape/size, or forgetting a return or moving to a much more/less formal workplace). So if I want a super-trendy cut of pants, maybe I just get one, wear them 2x a week interspersed with my more classic stuff, and wear them out faster, instead of buying one in every conceivable color and a separate pair for every day of the week.

      1. +1. It helps that I stick to a limited color palette instead of buying the clothing shade du jour.

        And within a single outfit you need max one trendy item. The rest should be classic. I know someone who wears trends head to toe and it looks cheap on a 40+ woman.

    5. Right there with you! I make it work with Poshmark and more upscale, curated consignment stores.

      Having the right pants, shoes, and styling does the heavy lifting for me. If I buy something, I focus on finding the perfect-for-me version of whatever it is, instead of 3-5 pairs that are kind of okay-ish.

    6. Classic looks have more staying power than fast fashion trends. If you cultivate a personal style that leans more into timeless looks, it is easier to look put together without churning through disposable styles.

    7. I think wanting newer things is maybe a different want than being on trend or current? I mostly thrift as well, and have found that the more vintage and better quality second hand I buy, the less tempting are regular stores. The difference in material quality really gets to me.

      I often buy current silhouettes and shapes, but I’m not that fussed about being trendy. If I do get the itch, there’s usually an interesting switch to be made. Like, burgundy is a trend colour, when I walk past shops they all have burgundy items at the moment. But burgundy is a fairly classic colour that comes around quite often, and it’s very easy to find second hand knitwear and blouses, or even corduroy (double trend) pieces. Having a trendy colour in your wardrobe can be easy. It can also work with shapes – longer pencil skirts coming back? Sure, you could do fast fashion, but there are those lovely vintage tweed skirts that have the same shape and better materials.

      I use charity shops and Vinted a lot (Europe), but have also had luck with ebay, and there’s depop and poshmark. For me the way to succeding with second hand has been learning to ignore the size number and look at the actual shape and size, then it’s so much easier to fit into current silhouettes.

    8. Delete Instagram. You don’t need to be “on trend” when that means chasing microtrends that last just weeks.

  5. Thoughts on barrel leg pants? I just bought myself a pair of Athleta Skyline pants and am having second thoughts about the silhouette. I am late 40s and generally stick to simple styles. The pants are slimming, and my wardrobe has a gap in the weekend pants category.

    1. They’re a good weekend option, especially with simple tops and sweaters. Is it going to have ton of longevity? Maybe not, but if they’re stylish and look good and the rest of your wardrobe is fairly simple … why not?

    2. I think those look cute and aren’t so trendy that you won’t be able to wear them in a few months. The silhouette is pretty subtle.

    4. I think the ‘barrel’ is so subtle on those as to not really stick out as a shape, so go for it.

    5. Those seem like the perfect option for your weekend need!

      In my mind, barrel leg is a current cut that is not so trendy that they are going to be outdated tomorrow. It is not a super exaggerated silhouette and is flattering to many, so I expect it will stay in the regular cycle like boot cuts have.

    6. I know this has been stylish for a while now, but it’s a look I just can’t get behind. It just looks hideous. And I certainly don’t live somewhere warm enough for bare ankles right now. But if it works for you, go for it.

    7. I love barrel pants (unlike most commentators here, it seems) and think they’re flattering… I have long legs, hips, and a short waist, fwiw. I also think they are incredibly comfortable…I say go for it!

        1. I, too, resemble this remark.

          I decided I will buy myself one new pair of jeans because most of mine are too tight or 6+ years old. I wasn’t considering the barrel jeans, but maybe I should…

      3. They work great on me as someone that does not skip leg day. They essentially look like how a looser leg pant is supposed to look.

      4. +1

        I like them as well. It’s not a shape I wear, but I like on others.

        I’ve reached a point where I’m over wide-legged trousers. Not going back to skinnies (yet), but any purchases this winter will be slim or tapered.

      5. Likewise. Similar build with a 32-33 full inseam. Barrel pants with a 30-32 inseam (ankle length on me) are cute and flattering.

        I bought Uniqlo corduroy barrel pants (now on sale and lucky sizes), and I’ve been wearing them often and getting lots of compliments. Uniqlo has been hitting it out of the park for me for pants, and the quality is surprisingly nice for the price.

    9. They’re so ugly. If your name is not M.C. Hammer, I would pass on the trend.

      1. Having said that, I then googled the Athleta Skyline pant, and those barely qualify as barrel pants if at all!

      2. hey there are many insults you can lob at barrel pants but mchammer pants were so, so, so much worse. just google it.

    10. Absolutely wear them, if you like them at all! If you’ve generally worn one or two styles of pants all your adult life, it’s harder to feel (psychologically) comfortable in a new cut, but it does wonders to update a look.

    2. how fancy did you want to get? i think you can wear either with velvet pants or one of those silky slip maxi skirts if you like the oversize aesthetic.

    3. LE tried to style Ginger with a sparkly skirt in the product photos and it looks like a miss, IMHO. For casual.

    6. IMO this type of pattern and bulk goes best with pants. I can’t picture it with a midi skirt, which is how I would otherwise dress up a sweater. So, cute cozy casual.

      I think you can still dress it up with heeled boots and jewelry though!

    7. nb: The green is a color that I really like, and the description promises a cotton-y texture, meanwhile the material is all polyester…ugh

    8. I think you can do this with a similar sweater but the color palette on these isn’t quite right. Would be a cute look with a silky slip skirt or something else along those lines if you found a deeper or more muted color one.

  7. How bad is it if a doctor fails a board exam? Is it like not getting tenure where you have to leave? Or like how in BigLaw some firms give you a second shot to pass? IDK how that profession works. And this is for someone who has done a fellowship and is working in this area in an area where it is hard to hire people for this work (small city in small state).

    1. They just need to retake it and pass. But board exams are pricey and time consuming, so there is a financial disincentive to repeat testing.

    2. Is this written boards or oral boards? In general, if you work at a major academic medical center, you typically get 3 years to pass boards (which in many specialties are offered only once a year and you generally have to take written first, then oral usually a year after that). But most people are in private practice so that does not apply. In my husband’s specialty, you are not going to be employable if you don’t pass written boards, but if you don’t pass orals, you can work in private practice, you just won’t be hired in academia. A few friends in other specialties have described it differently, so I do think this is specialty-dependent.

    3. It happens, but every specialty is different. In my specialty you can retake it multiple times within 7 years. You have to pass both the oral and written boards. It is very expensive, time consuming and a painful amount of studying is needed. Every employer will be different as to what their job requirements will be. So I can imagine that a small city that badly needs that specialty of doctor may be more flexible. But some hospitals may require board certification to have privileges there. However, there is some leniency when you are fresh out of fellowship.

    3. In a casual/crunchy/west coast setting, can be part of the outfit. Obviously depends on the specific coat – there are definitely “lifestyle” chore coats. The actual literal coat I wear chopping wood is usually stained & patched more than I would consider a “cute outfit coat”

  9. I’ve been striking out on my hunt for mid-rise, dark wash trouser jeans. JCrew had some that looked great in the leg, but the rise was so high that it touched my bra – no thank you. I’ve looked at Nordstrom, Madewell, Gap. Any other sources to recommend?

    1. From the post below you. Old Navy did have one pair of dark trouser jeans. They were maybe a “loose” style? Non-fitted leg, but the ankle came in a little bit.

      Did you try JCF? Talbots? J.Jill can have really cute jeans when they’re on their game…but who knows if they are for any given month.

    2. Does the Paige Leenah match the style you’re looking for? I just bought some and really like them. They might be classified as high rise, but as a fellow midrise aficionado, I find them not too high and comfortable. Some of the high rise pants I’ve tried from J Crew and Madewell have been just plain absurd, so I feel your pain!

    5. I’d try Madewell, but this is something where I’d probably order a whole bunch of pairs to my local Bloomingdales/Saks, pick up in person, and then return what doesn’t work. That’s the way I found my last two pairs of ‘keeper’ jeans, and I literally ordered/tried on 12 pairs to get those 2.

  10. If you’re struggling to dip your toes into the wide leg (forget anything trendier, like a barrel leg!) trend, I grabbed a pair of Old Navy’s WOW Wide Leg jeans last night. I’ve been wearing straight legs but knew I needed to get on with it already. They were flattering on my pear shape, looked appropriate with the booties I was already wearing, made my bottom look nice, and didn’t feel so wide that I was wearing JNCO jeans. They’re on sale for $24 or so, so go visit for an easy bite at a trend. Size one size down from nice brands or in-line with other vanity sizers (I’m really a 16, but I wear a 14 at Talbots and a 14 in these.)

    1. This is not a reflection on OP, because I’ve been in this situation myself, but when late adopters are coming around to a trend, it might mean the trend is on its way out. I’ve been the late adopter many times and yet I’ve been wearing wide leg pants for two years.

      1. I work at a university and the girls are still wearing wide legs, but I would say flares are the more emergent trend. Medium and darker washes are starting to appear in my office more regularly than they have in the last couple of years.

        What I cannot and will not get behind is the re-emergence of the low rise. Been there, done that, got the mental scarring.

      2. I think the late-adopter concept has a flip side, where it is instead just a sign that the trend has basically entered our clothing vernacular.

    2. I love the Wow wide leg jeans too, as well as the straight leg. I love that they come in short lengths.

  11. Is there a product that will strengthen my eyelashes and eyebrows and is not irritating? I’m reading about castor oil, but that seems sort of intense. If anyone has a recommendations, let me know.

    1. I did NOT appreciate castor oil on my face, so had to learn to accept my eyebrows as they are.

    2. Minoxidil foam for the eyebrows. Apply with a toothbrush. Not for use with eyelashes though.

    6. i have had reactions to every single eyelash serum i have tried but i’ve been using the cosnori one for several weeks without irritation. still not sure if i’m seeing results, but my eyes aren’t killing me while i try. found it at costco on sale but it’s out of stock now.

    7. Beware of things that contain prostaglandins (like Grandelash, Revitalash, etc) as they can cause sunken, hollow eyes. It may be permanent. But, they also genuinely work.

      1. This is why my Revitalash sits unopened, despite the high price I paid. Youthful eyes is one of the few things I have going for me right now.

  12. Chicago ‘rettes, I would like to send a gift card to a coffee shop by email to a remote working colleague who lives in a Chicago suburb (not sure which one). Can you recommend good coffee shops (or chains) in the Chicago area? Hoping to avoid Starbucks because I’m not a fan of their coffee, but will send a Starbucks card if that’s all I can find. A quick Google search says Intelligentsia has a few locations and is popular.

    2. Do you have any idea whether she’s in a north, west, or southern suburb? The suburbs are vast, and most coffee shops that have more than one location are still in pockets–not spread out across the whole metro area. Intelligentsia locations are all downtown. Dark Matter Coffee and Colectivo are city and north into Evanston. Kribi is in close western suburbs. If you’re not sure where she lives, you could chose someplace like Owl & Lark in LaGrange, which is a cute area that’s worth a field trip even if she lives farther away.

      1. To your point, I used to live in Evanston, and I wouldn’t have gone to LaGrange for anything less than a funeral or wedding!

      2. I’m in the north suburbs and there’s no way I’d travel 45+ minutes for coffee in LaGrange.

      3. North shore people rarely visit the western suburbs and vice versa. I promise someone from the north shore doesn’t consider La Grange worth a special trip. If you get them a gift card to the wrong area they’ll never use it.

    3. Intelligentsia is in the city, not the suburbs, and if your colleague is working remotely, probably not near them.

    4. My first recommendation is to google her and figure out where she lives. Free people searches can be freakishly good.

      Beyond that, is she’s downtown or near Oak Brook, I recommend Beatrix.

      1. OP here – Thanks all, I ended up going with Peet’s Coffee, since they have several locations there. I can find her neighborhood on Google but decided a big chain is better than a unique shop near her home, so I don’t come across as internet stalking. Just wanting to send some coffee cheer and congrats to a colleague!

  13. I am very, very early in house hunting for my first home. I am touring two new construction developments next Saturday. My sister is coming with me and she is experienced, but what kinds of questions would you be asking at these tours?

    1. I would find out what other developments the construction company has done and see how the houses hold up over time.

    2. I would not buy a new build. My family owns a big construction company and the houses are garbage. No there’s not some secret exception you have insider knowledge about

      1. This. Houses built nowadays are utter crap. But if you want a plastic house you don’t have to think about for 5-10 years, it’s the ticket.

      2. I agree. Most new builds in my area are garbage. Buildings put up super fast, thin walls, etc.

      3. I don’t think these comments are that helpful. It’s slim pickings to buy ANYTHING in so many cities. Presumably OP doesn’t have her pick of amazing, well-kept historic homes here.

      4. They’ve been garbage for several decades, though. I’d rather have a new plastic house than a 30-year-old plastic house that is falling apart, which is what I currently have.

      5. Old houses have their own problems. Houses in the 80s and 90s need remodeling and new mechanicals. No house is maintenance free. I have bought new houses of dubious construction. It’s fine.

    3. Are they still under construction / you have options to customize or upgrade, or is it newly finished and they’re selling spec homes?

        1. Run far, far away from new construction. I’m 6 years in to my new construction house and we call it our cardboard house. It is an expensive albatross.

          1. Yeah I did too much construction defect litigation back in the day to ever even consider buying new construction.

          2. What is the alternative, then? Buy something 5 years old so the defects have all become apparent and been fixed but normal wear and tear hasn’t taken its toll yet? Any home old enough to have been built back in the “good old days” of solid construction is going to have lead paint, asbestos, lead pipes, failing electrical, etc. A home more than 15 years old that is not old enough to have lead paint is going to need everything replaced–windows, HVAC, water heater, roof, siding …

          3. I don’t think you have a particularly good understanding of construction materials or timelines. There are plenty of old homes without asbestos or lead pipes. Lead paint is hard to avoid but it’s super easy to remediate. Forced air has been around since about 1900, the HVAC situation is highly dependent upon the location of the home and what class of person it was built for. (There are small homes built for upper class people!)

          4. Roof, HVAC, windows etc don’t all have to be replaced at once though. You can stagger the costs over a decade or more depending on condition. A house where all those systems are failing simultaneously is either going to be at a fire sale price or have so many other issues that it’s not in contention.

    4. My first home was new construction and had fewer issues than my current old home. The homes they show you will likely have many upgrades. Ask what is an upgrade and how much the home costs as is. I was also able to swap things. For example, I hated the random high cubbies that would just collect dust for me. They agreed to omit them and gave me small credit for something else. Ask whether appliances come with the home and details about the warranty and have them show you available lots. Sometimes you can buy the demo homes for a discount if they are finishing a development. Good luck and have fun!

    5. Just FYI, if you want to use a real estate agent in the future, many builders will not compensate the agent if they didn’t accompany you the first time you looked at a development.

  14. Just curious about the person who accepted a big 4 job recently. Let us know how it’s going! Have you started?

    1. Hi! That was me! Things are overall going well, but the project I got put on is a big mess. Presumably, that’s why they needed another person. I’m doing the best I can to bring my experience and try to help right the ship without rocking the boat too much (trying to stay positive and not be too critical, etc).

  15. FFS. I’ve posted before about my 80 year old mom being swindled by online scammers. Last summer, the total was $7k. I went over to visit her last night and she was on the phone, giving her bank password and username to a gentleman with an Indian accent ostensibly named “Dave Smith.” I screamed at her.

    The problem is, she’s in her right mind, so I can’t legally do anything. She just really, really wants to believe these strangers are going to give her money.

    I called the cops just now to see if they had anybody who could sit down with her and tell her no one’s just giving her money – they don’t. Because of the breach/scam overnight, her account’s been frozen at her bank (they saw “Dave’s” scam deposit and called her). I’m already on her account, but maybe there’s a way to institute more controls – like a teen account? Maybe I move her to my bank where I can keep an eye on things better? Sigh. Thanks for keeping the good vibes coming.

    1. I’m sorry OP, that is so frustrating! Must be nice to have so much trust and not feel like scammers and companies are constantly trying to get your money!

      1. OP, I’m so sorry. Thank God you arrived for your visit when you did!

        I have some experience with handling my 85 y.o. mom’s money. I recommend you get a Power of Attorney – Property for mom’s assets. You and she might not think you “need” it now, but you’ll need it soon. The POA lets me deal directly with the banks.

        You might look for elder law attorneys near your mom, using the NAELA dot org website. Some of the attorneys post helpful free resources online. E.g. look at margolisweldon dot com (Chicago suburbs). (I’ve reached out to them about helping me but haven’t retained them, so can’t endorse.)

        Sending sympathy and a hug from an online stranger.

    2. I think she’s not in her right mind. Maybe it’s not dementia, but I really believe nobody my age would do this and not learn from the mistake unless they had something. Autism, LD, something. I don’t know what options the bank has since you’re on her account; I hope they can help!

      1. +1. We kept trying to convince ourselves that a relative’s utter inability to complete a basic two-step task was just “because of her struggles with ADD” but it was dementia.

    3. If you haven’t already, ask her pcp to evaluate for dementia and get your POA paperwork done.

    4. Since you’re “on the account”, have a conversation with her branch manager, and see what they suggest. I work for a bank (not in a branch) and there is currently a huge emphasis on helping customers fight fraud and scams. Branch employees who catch on to this type of thing and stop it are regarded (rightly) and heroes and featured in newsletters.

    5. OP –
      I’m so sorry. (I’ve got a longer reply in mod.) I think if you had a Power of Attorney – Property, sooner than later, it would help a lot. Consulting with an elder law attorney might be a good idea, too. (Some have free resources online.)
      Sending you sympathy.

    6. Can you set up two factor on those accounts? Then take the second factor. That’s what we had to do for my grandfather.

    7. 2FA for sure with you having the second factor

      See if the bank can put a limit on withdrawals of like $100/day or something that requires consent of both parties to change.

      When was her competency assessed? It’s one thing for a medical provider to say that falling for possibly sophisticated scams is not evidence of incapacity. But here it is to the extent of giving username and password over the phone after being expressly told multiple times not to do that which seems almost like dementia to not be able to follow a simple instruction.

    8. I met an elderly woman recently who was scammed out of everything she had. They even convinced her to sell her house. She was in her 80s and had nothing. In addition the the advice you have received about banking, I would look into amending any real estate deeds to put them in a trust or add you. Whatever an estate attorney can come up with to require your authorization before any property can be transferred.

  16. Hey thanks to everyone who responded to my question yesterday about the erstwhile friend trying to reconnect after many years. At this point I don’t really see any upside to getting back in touch, so I am going to just leave it alone. And thanks so much for the condolences about my other friend. Celebration life is tomorrow and I’m supposed to speak. Hopefully I can keep it together.

    1. My heart goes out to you. My lifelong best friend (since kindergarten) died five years ago. I miss her every day. A big part of my history feels gone.

    2. Hugs to you. From what I’ve seen of how you engage here, you seem very much like someone who would give a beautiful tribute to a friend.

    3. I’m so sorry for up loss. I read yesterday but didn’t comment. I think your reaction to the old friend’s contact is likely clouded by grief. I would not decide yet and give it a week. You have always promoted assuming good intentions and I suspect you may feel better in the long run if you return the message.

    4. Thinking of you. It is okay if you don’t keep it together entirely. Everyone will understand. There can be something special about Celebration of Life ceremonies. I hope this one brings you strength and creates a beautiful memory you can carry along with all your other memories of her.

    6. I’m so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself and what you need. It’s ok to be selfish during this time and protect your peace.

  17. After almost a full year of trying, I finally got my insurance company to approve a GLP-1. For those that have been using them, is there anything you wish you would have known at the outset? (For what it’s worth, I have been seeing a dietitian monthly for several years and have a pretty good workout routine already!)

    1. Context: I love my GLP-1, have been on it for two years and will stay on it as long as anyone lets me.

      Thoughts:
      – you might be very constipated, especially at first. Treat this proactively with your favorite (I like Natural Calm magnesium and prunes).
      – don’t forget to drink water – the GLP-1 turns off all of my food noise, and I was previously trying to drown the food noise in water, so I had to re-learn to drink water.
      – This summer I hit a plateau and increased my dose, but then I was so *not hungry* that I couldn’t eat enough to maintain my activity level and ended up getting really sick, I think because I just wasn’t consuming enough to maintain bodily functions. I reduced my dose, started eating again, and suddenly had energy to get healthy and go to the gym again. So I would try to be ok with slow weightloss/periods of plateaus.

      1. +1

        When your appetite drops suddenly, it is very easy to become malnourished. So hopefully you will keep working with your dietician to make sure you are getting enough protein, various vitamins etc… Hopefully you have a knowledgeable doctor working with you. Good luck!

    2. Be prepared for nausea (I used Zofran) and constipation (Mag O). Iin my case it resolved within the first 4-6 weeks, but it was a little rough at the beginning. Eat slowly; otherwise, you will realize you are full about five bites too late and that is not a comfortable feeling. I found that particularly a problem with simple carbs, not that I was eating a lot of those given the priority for protein.

      Also, depending on how much weight you have to lose, resist the temptation to compare yourself to people on the internet. It is about percentage and not absolute numbers but that can be hard to remember when people are posting about losing massive amounts of weight quickly (but they started at 300+). That said I found Reddit to be a pretty good resource – albeit you have to wade through a lot of nonsense.

      Good luck!

    3. Dont let people’s comments about side effects scare you. Some people get them, some people don’t. I was so scared right before starting from the online comments I had read. I found the benefits far outweighed any minor symptoms I’ve experienced.

      Focus on protein intake and drinking water.

      Find the right way for you in terms of tracking weight. I decided from the outset to weigh myself every morning and record it, not to punish myself for the number but just to be able to track the over-time decrease. Some days I’m up 3 or 4 lbs from the previous day because of bloating or constipation or whatever, and if I weighed myself weekly and that one day was weigh-in day, I’d get discouraged and not be able to see that my average weekly weight was still going down. I like the Shotsy app (free–you dont need the premium features) for tracking weight and when I take my shots.

    4. If Ozempic doesn’t work, try tirzepatide. I wish I had not wasted so many months on Ozempic when I never lost a pound, then lost weight quickly when I switched drugs. They are not the same!

    5. Echoing comments above:

      – eat smaller portions than you used to, to avoid feeling burpy, too full or a tummy ache
      – stop eating white stuff – bread, tortillas, crackers, bagels, flour anything; replace with a laser focus on eating a lot of protein
      – walk; lift weights–the weight will fly off
      – you may have odd symptoms (for me it was cold feet!)
      – really cosign the “stay ahead of constipation” advice.

      – Try to keep your dose as low as possible.

  18. Does dry shampoo help add texture to your hair? I have very fine fluffy hair. I wear a pixie cut, so I don’t mind washing it frequently. But it would be nice if it had more texture to it. Is dry shampoo a potential option here?

    1. In my experience, if you have oily or dirty hair, the dry shampoo can cling to it and make your hair denser/thicker-seeming. But that doesn’t seem to be what you’re asking here; for a pixie cut, a paste would seem to be more useful.

    3. Fellow pixie here. I would try a texturizing hairspray, texturizing paste, powder, or sea salt spray first. Dry shampoo is not a styling product. It is just gross and stinky.

    5. I like sea salt spray far more than dry shampoo. I think mine is Not Your Mother’s? It gives texture, body, and a little bit of hold.

      1. Co-sign. I have fine straight hair and when I had a pixie, this product or dry shampoo were the only things that made a difference. Mousse, paste, just flattened everything.

    6. Yeah, it can. Living Proof also has a similarish product they call a volume and texture spray.

    7. I used Hairstory Hair Powder, which I think is accurately identified as dry shampoo (or at least a dry-shampoo-like product), and yes, it adds texture. That said, I’d probably try a texture spray too. For that, I’ve used and liked various salt sprays (Reverie Mare is my favorite, Verb’s salt spray is the other one I like), whatever Aveda’s texturizing product is, and Hairstory’s Undressed.

    8. Dry shampoo is gross on pixie hair. I speak from experience. Use texturizing spray or a paste to add texture.

  19. unsolicited advice re: dogs. I’ve had 4 and we recently adopted from a local rescue that places dogs in foster first. 12/10 would recommend. This dog is absolutely fantastic. Exceeded my expectations. We have young kids and while my heart wanted to adopt, we have also had some bad experiences with shelter dogs. I wanted the “perfect dog but the owner died” type situation, not “dog has been returned twice”.

    Anyway, I am just here to report success and to wholeheartedly suggest looking for a rescue that places dogs in foster before adopting. We were able to get a really good sense of the dogs and figure out who would be a good fit for our family. For example, we were happy to work on leash training but didn’t want a dog that was full blown leash reactive. We also needed a dog willing to put up with a lot of (respectful) kid love.

    1. I’m glad this dog is working out so well!

      The last cat I adopted was fostered with the rescue’s dog whisperer, the one who takes the young dogs that got abandoned for being untrained, and rehabs them into good canine citizens. This cat came to me leash trained, 100% litter trained (not 99%), and morally opposed to the mere idea of jumping on counters. Fosterers work wonders.

    2. I have volunteered for a rescue that has all dogs in rescue prior to placement. Adopters have so much information available from the foster, and this permits closer matching of the needs of the dog and the needs of the adopters. It’s a great way to adopt, but it’s hard to meet the need of all dogs this way, as there are so, so many available (boomeranging the pandemic and many in shaky economic circumstances). And yet the puppy mills continue and folks don’t sterilize their pets.

      1. OP here and I totally agree. I posted mostly because I know how hard it can be to take the adopting route because there are so many unknowns. I have young kids and in theory the puppy route seems so much safer. It takes a lot of work to find a good fit- it took us 4 months of looking- but we did it! We even fostered 2 ourselves in the interim which was both helpful to the dogs and also a great way to find out what we did NOT want.

    3. My husband and I are looking into fostering and possibly adopting when we find the right fit! Any tips are greatly appreciated as I’ve never had a dog before. My husband grew up with dogs.

      1. So there are a lot of people that treat dogs more like children now, no shade to this but it’s a big difference than when I grew up with dogs.

        We don’t allow our dog on the couch or upstairs at all, though most people seem
        to do that now. He has a dog bed in the condoned basement (this is where my office is) and one in the main floor tv room.

        Other big advice is to do training right from the start.

  20. I’m beside myself right now. Everything is probably going to be fine but there was “perceived” threat to my kids’ school this morning. I know there are reason why they never tell us what happened but of course I called and got the run around. As a parent I wish there were a way where I could get details.

    Does anyone have a magical way of knowing what’s going on? I wish there was a movement for more real time information for parents in assessing threats. Vaguely telling me the kids may be in danger while insisting they’re not feels like torture. At the very least can you relapse actual information? Who called? What did they say? What lead you to interpret it as threatening? How does a parent not have the right to know this information?

    1. We had this happen once and the only way to find out was via gossip. You could try facebook groups if you’re really digging for dirt and have exhausted the other venues.

      1. I’m not digging for dirt so much as trying to assess the safety of my kids. The fact that schools gatekeep this information is really scary.

      3. +1 – word of mouth from well-connected parents, generally those in the PTA or who volunteer in the school. To reassure you, in my experience it is often due to something that seems pretty benign to me, like there was a strange person walking around outside acting a bit odd. Schools are understandably cautious these days.

      4. Agreed. Make some teacher or school volunteer friends and get on the neighborhood Facebook group or what’s app group. Also, I think there is an element of acceptance here that this is the world we are living in (although it shouldn’t be) and finding ways to manage through that anxiety will be part of being a parent throughout your kids’ whole academic experience which no amount of having more detail will solve. (I’m not saying that to be cold – I just see some moms I know consumed by anxiety about school shootings etc in a way that can take over their mental health. I think the conditions will not change meaningfully and coping strategies need to play a role.) Offered in a spirit of candid realism and care.

        1. Frankly, there is a chance that a Columbine-type situation might happen, but there is a near-certainty that someone will get hit by a car or get in a car accident on the way to school. It’s a bit like car crash v. plane crash.

          While my complaints about my fellow school moms are legion (legion!), I have a lot of respect for the ones who have decided to work on improving the traffic and safety issues around the school complex. There are lots of kids (including mine) who walk or bike to school, but the geography and logistics of the area mean that there are plenty of kids who are dropped off in cars. They got more crossing guards, better signage, more bus service, and worked with the residents to solve some of the problems that crop up.

      5. Gossip is the only way. The district will hide the information for reasons of “student privacy,” but really to protect itself. The less parents know, the less scrutiny into any lapses of judgment or security.

    2. IME (my kids are in high school), sometimes more detail is forthcoming after the situation and/or if the threat is off of school property so the admin can’t really control the information. During the perceived crisis, calling the local police’s non-emergency line might yield better information.

      School districts are very hierarchical, so going up the chain in writing to the vice principal, the principal, the district administrator, the superintendent, and so on can be helpful. Most schools are required to have safety plans and generally you are permitted to review the safety plan. Another option is to contact the school board and/or attend school board meetings (lots have gone hybrid) both to complain and to get a sense of what is happening.

      For what it’s worth, I felt like my kids’ elementary schools did a better job with lockdown stuff than the middle or high school. And in the event of a Very Bad Thing at my kids’ middle or high school, I am skeptical that the admin will act appropriately and have talked to my kids about situations where it might make sense to just leave the campus.

    3. TBH, a couple of things. One, when I was in high school in the late 90s but pre columbine, we had the occasional b-mb threat called in during finals week. I say this just to remind the audience here that this stuff has been happening forever.

      Second, we had a “perceived threat” in our school district a few weeks ago. What happened was an online rumor about someone having a weapon and bringing it to school. It was reported, school and PD investigated and it was unfounded, but the school still had to communicate that there was a “perceived threat” that had been vetting and was not substantiated.

    4. I know a lot about what happens at my school because my sitters are all people who work for the district at my children’s schools.

      I highly recommend getting involved in your child’s school. Hire teachers to tutor your kids. You get all the information this way.

  21. I am not well so my perspective is off. I am struggling with a mice problem that is not going away. I blocked holes I could see. I have an exterminator, I’m being meticulous with removing trash, cardboard and cleanliness. The mice are most probably coming in from the supermarket a few doors down that was shut down a couple of months ago. The food has not been removed.

    Who do you call? What do you do?

    1. Health Department? An abandoned supermarket full of rotting food sure seems like a public health issue.

      1. and a safety one, i can see it being an attractive target for scavengers and squatters. call the police department’s non-emergency line?

        i’d also reach out to neighbors, they’re probably dealing with the same thing and you could collectively be a louder voice.

    2. Has your exterminator looked for holes, etc. where the mouses can come in? My mom used Orkin and they did a thorough walkthrough of her property and found an opening in the basement where mice were coming in. You could also find other local companies that do pest extermination and control.

    3. You need an exterminator/pest control person who can block holes you can’t see. We had someone come who moved appliances, went under sinks, etc., to spray a ton of foam into every possible crevice. It looks awful, tbh, but no one really sees it and it works. From there the only mice we had were the ones who were trapped in my now mouse-proofed apartment and we evicted those one by one until there were none. It’s been 8 years and still good. I think this is harder in a house but can still be done. Or get a cat. I used to think mice in homes were made up when I had cats.

    4. There is a company in my town that charges an absolute fortune but does whatever it takes to get rid of rodents and offers a lifetime guarantee. They sealed up our house but tight and we haven’t had any trouble since.

      Also, and this is anecdotal, I had cats my entire life until I moved in with my husband, and never had any vermin problems. After we got rid of the infestation, we adopted two kitties (five years ago today, in fact!) whose job it is to live in our house and have their little kitty pheromones or whatever send out “do not enter” signals to the neighborhood rodents. Combination of the super-expensive exterminator and the kitties is doing the trick so far.

    5. Hear me out–you need to get Victor’s electrocution traps. Buy five or six of them. They’re a little pricy, but the mice hop right in them. You just have to open the flap and dump them in the trash and then re-bait with a chopstick end-full of peanut butter. They are much easier and more humane than snap-traps. They have been an absolute godsend in my mountain home this year–we were catching 1-2 mice a day in six traps.

      And, as others have said, you need to get out the steel wool and sprayfoam insulation and plug all gaps, from below your house, your walls, around pipes, behind and under cupboards and baseboards–everywhere.

      It’s imperative to kill the mice you have and make it harder for them to move.

      Last–mice really hate bleach. So avoid all the stuff online about mint or castor oil–it doesn’t work. Bleach your floors (where you won’t discolor them) and make your house smell like a super-sterile hospital. They hate it.

  22. Do you feel that maintaining your health and wellness feels effortful? And how much do you do to preserve youthfulness, whatever that means to you (i.e., stuff beyond just not getting sick and maintaining basic health)?

    1. The biggest effort is consistent exercise and strength training, but it’s also non negotiable.

    2. I won’t do anything that feels too effortful, in large part because I think a lot of it is the luck of the genetic lottery anyway. I don’t smoke, have cut way down on drinking, exercise a decent amount but less than I should, go to bed at a decent hour, cook and eat most meals at home so I know it’s real food and not a lot of chemicals and fat and sugar. I keep my brain as active as possible by taking a lot of classes and staying active in the community. Also I try to have younger friends because I think that is a real key component of staying youthful.

      And, you know, Botox.

    3. Health & wellness takes effort that feels hard sometimes but also feels like good ROI – like I get more energy net out of regular exercise, going on the adventures that make me feel young/energized/involved, healthful food than it takes to do those things.

      I kinda feel like I “should” start getting botox and maybe it would be helpful in my career and…. I dunno. Just haven’t yet. So I guess I’m not putting that much effort into aesthetic youthfulness

    4. Maintaining access to medication feels effortful. Prior authorizations, reauthorizations, formulary changes, etc.

      Healthy living isn’t as bad. PT is a big one for me for youthful posture and appearance as well as avoiding pain, and is the most effort judging by how often I reschedule or skip my home exercises.

      I eat healthy, but that’s my genuine preference, so I’m not really using willpower on it.

    5. yes. I dislike everything about exercising other than walking or cycling in nice weather. Sweating, the smell of equipment, the whole process of changing and showering again, everything. There are like 50 other things I’d rather be doing, including but not limited to vacuuming the house.

    6. Yes and no. I have a chronic illness that I have to work hard to keep under control, and I’m never going to be “healthy” and feeling good in the sense that many people are. But that also means that I pay a huge price if I don’t get plenty of sleep, eat well, and exercise, so I don’t find it that hard to motivate do those things, plus I like to cook and have always enjoyed being active (I just wish I could still do all the things I used to, though I still exercise pretty much every day). I don’t have the time or energy to give a %$# about preserving youthfulness. I think I look pretty decent for my age (mid 40s), but I’ve earned those years and don’t need to pretend to be something I’m not.

    7. I put effort into being healthy: exercise, eating well, managing stress, skincare. A lot of it is to support my energy levels and avoid depression. I do try to buy a few new clothes every season and I think that helps me look more presentable but I don’t kid myself that I look young. I do think that looking youthful is more about status. Beauty is tied to your personality as well. Are you kind? Do you have a sense of humor? Do you freak out, or stay calm? I look around at church and see beautiful people even though they are mostly older because they are warmhearted. I try to remember that people see those qualities as well, not just your appearance or wrinkles.

    8. It absolutely requires a huge amount of effort to maintain your health and wellness. For some folks, they are able to establish a routine that makes it seem easier, and they generally feel so much better once they establish these good habits that it doesn’t seem like a lot of effort.

      Preserving youthfulness….? I take it you mean artificially maintaining your appearance using hair dying/extensions/skin treatments+botox/surgeries etc. None for me. I am happy to age and look normal for my age. I focus just on health and wellness.

      1. I feel this – I love strength training and have a routine, but it still feels like a big lift (pun intended). And IDGAF about youthfulness aside from wearing sunscreen.

    9. I interact with a lot of older people, and to me youthfulness has come to equal mental acuity. My 80-year-old retired pilot friend is youthful—in touch with the real world, active physically and mentally, capable of carrying on an insightful conversation. He is my favorite person to have an intellectual conversation with. Other people I encounter in their 60s and 70s are old. They don’t know what’s going on around them, tell the same stories over and over, are out of touch with the realities of modern life, and just come across as slow and unintelligent.

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