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I’m a sucker for kelly green in all forms, but this ruffle-hem pencil skirt is really speaking to me. It’s also fully lined, which is always a plus in my book.
I would pair this with a white top and a white blazer for a bright, spring-y look or with a chambray button-down for a more casual look. As someone with shorter legs, I’m always nervous about buying skirts with “fun” hems, because it’s a huge pain to shorten them, but this one comes in petites, so have no fear.
The skirt is $89 at Ann Taylor (but be on the lookout for AT's frequent sales) and comes in regular sizes 00–18 and petite sizes 00–16.
Eloquii has a pencil skirt in a very similar green in sizes 14–28 for $59.95.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
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- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon222
I cannot make this length work for me. I am 5’5″, so average height, but regardless of what shoes I pair with it, this length always makes me look stumpy. It’s a gorgeous color though!
Happy Thursday everyone!
Anonymous
Agreed. In this silhouette I think it looks frumpy even on the model. Anything that hits on the widest part of my calf is no bueno.
anonypotamus
+1. I am 5’9″ and have such a hard time with midi length items because it hits in the widest part of my calf and makes me look stumpy. I find about 2-3 inches above the ankle to be much more flattering.
Anon
Flamenco, ole!
Senior Attorney
Haha Irish Flamenco!
anon
I’m 5’9″ and this length makes me look stumpy, so I’m inclined to say it’s the style that’s the problem!
Anon
Ditto. :)
anonypotamus
Just commented above – same height and this length makes me look stumpy too!
NY CPA
I pretty much find anything midi length to be challenging. I really like the look on certain people (thinking here of Kate and Sophie from the British Royal Family, Carly Riordan, etc.–basically, tall slim women. On my body they all just look unfortunate…
Anon
I’m only 5’4 and I like true midi length dresses – but not just below the knee like in this featured skirt. That just screams frumpy to me.
NYNY
Contrarian take here: I’m only 5’4″ and have very curvy hips. Above the knee skirts basically cut me into three even chunks, with the middle (skirt) section being the widest. A longer pencil skirt that tapers at the bottom, and has a long enough slit or pleat to handle my stride, is elongating on my figure.
But this ruffle thing is atrocious.
Anonymous
Not just stumpy but how do you walk at a city speed in this? Or do steps on the Metro?
Cornellian
+1 to steps.
anne-on
I can ONLY make midi length work for me in a more a-line or circle skirt shape, and only with a bit of a heel or a pointy toe to elongate the leg. This style is insta-frump for my 5’4 height.
As someone else mentioned the other day I would LOVE for the early aughts circle skirt, retro-ish 50’s silohuette to come back into style. Pedal pushers, full skirts, shirtwaist dresses, etc. are SO cute and easy to wear – much more flattering than the ‘mom’ jeans that I hated the first time around.
Anon
I hate the ruffle but love the length. I’m 5’11.
Anon
I have a straight skirt like this (with a decent slit, so walkable) of suiting separates that is great for when you are sitting down and slightly elevated and need a way to just sit without worrying about a Basic Instinct moment if you adjust a bit (say on a panel presentation). I can forgive the stumpy factor b/c it is not that much below the knee and looks like a serious garment. [I had forgotten I had it until just now actually; definitely not a daily driver, but work went casual but I’m not always in the office.]
Anon
Now that I am 40+, I am finding that my body really doesn’t handle delicious restaurant food well. I think that it’s a salt (and maybe portion / willpower) thing, but I just feel terribly bloated the next morning. Pizza, Chinese, same thing. The only exception is the Poke bowl place near my office (sadly, will mostly WFH until June), which I’m guessing is more protein and still-delicious-but-less-of-the-problem-stuff than my typical restaurant food. I’m a bit sad b/c I was really, really looking forward to restaurants with friends (vs takeout with household family) as we get vaccinated. Then, work travel will start back up.
Restaurant-travel pro tips pls — I want to get some good habits down before I just accept feeling yucky as “normal for me for 40s”.
Cat
I mean… you’re not alone but I think you answered your own question? It’s no secret that the reason restaurant food is so delicious is that they use way more salt and fat than you would at home.
Look at menus ahead of time so you can pick out healthier options. Particularly when on the road (as opposed to going somewhere you love and want to indulge), get used to asking to swap a salad in as your side or ordering a salad entree with dressing on the side.
On days we plan to indulge in a big restaurant meal, our other meals that day are pretty bare-bones and very fibrous. Yogurt + fiber one for breakfast, hummus & veggies for lunch.
Anon
Drink a lot of water and make sure you eat enough veggies/fruit. When I used to travel I’d always stop at a whole foods or similar on my way to the hotel to stock up on things like water and berries. Breakfast is usually the easiest to keep healthy because you’re alone. I always ate oatmeal with berries and almonds.
Anonymous
I have no solution. I lost 5 pounds instantly when work travel stopped. For me the problem is the excessive salt, which is unavoidable in restaurant food unless you order plain lettuce with no dressing. I had all kinds of tricks for portion control and maximizing vegetable intake, but none of them address the real problem of oversalting.
anne-on
This. I lost 5lbs without even trying during the lock down – work travel is just rough even when you’re trying to eat well. More restaurant or fast casual meals, more catered meeting food, less exercise.
No Face
For work travel, I often purchased fresh fruit and a gallon of water for my hotel room from the nearest drug store, grocery store, bodega, hotel coffee shop, etc. I order sauces/condiments/dressings on the side because I usually want much less than restaurants use, and those contain a lot of sodium. If you’re eating a restaurant, try to drink tons of water before bed.
vice
I adore London for the sheer amount of M&S foodhalls everywhere. I would regularly pop in on my first day and get a bunch of apples, sparkling water, nuts, etc. that I could keep in my room for breakfast/late night snacks without resorting to room service or less healthy options. Pret a Manger is also great for fruit cups/whole oats/etc. if those are nearby.
Anonymous
London is so great for healthy travel eating! I’d add Leon and Itsu to the ones you mentioned. And any grocery store will have little pots with hummus and carrots, or boiled eggs.
Anonymous
Take a Tums, drink more water, order fish and veggies.
Anonymous
I feel like my hack for this was trying to eat fish when it was on the menu. I love fish but hate to make it for just one person, so it was a treat but also seemed healthier.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
I like this idea to reduce the amount of salt, especially if you’re somewhere where you can get really great, fresh fish.
Anon
You just explained why I’ve been feeling bloated and gross for the last two weeks… it’s too much takeout, duh! I’m still adjusting from being able to eat anything in my teens and 20s, and boy is it not fun (late 30s now).
anon a mouse
It’s salt, fat, and possibly MSG as well. I have no solution other than proactively taking a Pepcid before a heavy meal. And tons of water, before and after.
Anon
Salad with lean protein, dressing on the side.
Thai and Vietnamese food.
High quality Mexican food (tends to be corn tortillas, lean protein, a bit of cheese, fresh veggies, black beans, all fresh and not salted and deep fried).
When travelling, find a hotel that has a good breakfast. Before the pandemic, the Marriott Residence Inn had scrambled eggs, salsa, and spinach; a fruit platter with melon and pineapple; cheeses like Brie; and oatmeal. Hampton Inn was rolling out a new breakfast with fruit smoothies and fresh oatmeal and such. Avoid the muffins!
Anon
For me, the problem was dairy and gluten. For places that make your food fresh, could you request your meal low sodium or no added salt at least? So, say you are ordering a steak, they won’t cover it in salt but your pre-made mashed potatoes might already have some in it.
Coach Laura
Yes, dairy and gluten may be the culprit. I always thought it was salt, fat etc but it was mainly gluten.
Anonymous
+1 for gluten (or rather, wheat). Also, lots of processed or semi-processed food have weird sugars that are hell on my skin and digestion.
anon
One word for you – sushi!
Senior Attorney
I can’t remember the last time I ate a whole restaurant meal. The portion sizes are just insane. I either split one entree with my husband (generally 2/3 for him 1/3 for me) or, if he wants his own, I order an appetizer for my meal and ask them to bring it with the entrees.
Senior Attorney
Also if for some reason I’m not in a position to share or order an app, I just eat half or less of what’s on my plate and call it a day. I get some concerned looks and inquiries from waiters but I just explain I like it very much but I’m just not a big eater. My theory is the food isn’t any more wasted by my eating it when I don’t need it than it is going back to the kitchen.
Anonymous
This. I never finish anymore and it has made a big difference both to my weight and how I feel afterwards. I take leftovers sometimes but have no qualms just leaving it on the plate otherwise.
Anon
I used to know a woman who was a personal trainer that used the phrase “waste or waist.” Anytime you are trying to finish a meal just to finish it, it is going to your waist instead of going to waste. I came from a “finish your plate” family so this was a huge mind shift for me.
Anonymous
Yeah. No reason to treat oneself as a rubbish bin.
Senior Attorney
Any LESS wasted by my eating it. But you get the point.
Anonymous
I often order a soup or salad to start, and then an appetizer portion of fish as my main. If you can, during your trip pick fish restaurants, Japanese or Thai for some of your meals. I also like steakhouses, which sounds counter intuitive, but they always have a fish entree and some healthy sides, like vast heads of steamed broccoli.
Cat
Re: the thread yesterday on how longer pencil skirts are more on-trend than the old trusty JCrew #2… if this is the type of skirt available in stores right now, I will definitely be returning to the office in pants. I don’t like the midi length on me generally, having it be a pencil length means I can’t walk with my normal stride, and I am so over tacked-on ruffles.
Great color though.
anon
This entire post is why I never buy skirts. So many ways to go wrong, finding the right shirt length is another issue to contend with, and I’ve never found skirts comfortable anyway. Especially pencil skirts; I loathe them. It’s either dresses or separates for me.
Anon
I don’t get why you think dresses are better than skirts when a dress is 1/2 a skirt – don’t you have the same issue with hemline/shape/overall length?
Anon
Not the original commenter, but dresses tend to have easier silhouettes, easier to manipulate waists. I hate and will not wear skirts, but my wardrobe is almost all dresses for when I need to be work,dressed. It’s not about the bottom, it’s about the middle.
Anonymous
I have a very love hate relationship with dresses. I’m short and busty, so the zipper always bubbles because there’s too much fabric in the back from the waist to the shoulder, but usually not enough fabric to accommodate my bust in the front. Countless dresses are both too large and too small at the same time. It’s frustrating. However, skirts aren’t much better because the waist to hip ratio is often off. Or the waist will roll when seated. And even if everything is perfect, it creates more bulk around the waist because you have both a top and a bottom meeting right where you want to be nipped in.
Ribena
It’s much easier to find fit and flare dresses than it is flared skirts. Weirdly.
Anon
I love skirts in theory, but I guess am skirt challenged since, no matter the sizing or style, I manage to twist them around throughout the day and need to adjust them.
vice
This. I have a slightly curvier figure post-kids, but otherwise was straight up and down my whole life and repeatedly had pencil skirts twist around entirely on me through the course of a day. Don’t even get me started on blouses coming untucked, worrying that my sweater was lifting up too much if I reached down/to get something/etc. It’s just easier to wear a dress.
PolyD
Also matching a top to a skirt can be tricky. I don’t like to tuck shirts in (I think I’m a little short-waisted) but leaving a shirt untucked often doesn’t look right with a skirt.
Sheath dresses can be difficult if you are different sizes on top and bottom, but a dress with more of an A-line or flared bottom can be easier to manage.
Worried
My skirt trick is to only wear them in the winter (mostly) and buy them a bit larger so they fall to my hips. I match with a tighter or looser sweater based on shape/ looseness and away I go. I do prefer shorter skirts for work (casual workplace) as in two inches above my knee — I feel I can get away with shorter skirts and tights. I don’t like this skirt length at all (pictured here). I do sew skirts and that way I can control the length and silhouette. In summer I wear mostly dresses, but have a few skirts – also short, which I wear instead of shorts as I dislike shorts!
Shelle
I received a credit for Peter Thomas Roth. I’ve never tried the brand and I’m open to hearing any product recs. I currently only use a drugstore face wash and moisturizer. TIA!
anon
Currently loving the Max Complexion Salicylic Acid Pore Refining Pads. They are the only thing that cleared up my maskne and kept it at bay. The Anti-Aging Cleansing Gel is really nice too.
Anonymous
+ 1 to the orange face wash; it really improves my skin texture. I also like the rose gel mask.
JTM
I really love the Water Drench moisturizer
Anonymous
The water drench sunscreen is also great
Monte
Yes! Love that moisturizer — it feels great going on and keeps my skin looking plump and hydrated.
Anonymous
I like the masks – I use the green cucumber one.
Anonymous
This. Their cucumber mask is great, especially when refrigerated. You can leave it on overnight too.
A
This is the best skincare brand. Get their retinol fusion PM or the glycolic acid moisturiser.
PTR usually gets rave expert reviews on beautypedia. I’ve used it for almost 10 years.
NY CPA
I actually just randomly found an unopened bottle of their retinol fusion PM while clearning out my medicine cabinet this morning and was wondering if it was worth trying. Thanks for the rec!
anon
I just got a big promotion I’ve been working toward for awhile. What should I do/what kind of gift should I buy myself to celebrate? I’m already taking a lot of time off (which totally works with my work obligations). I don’t like owning too much stuff/ things that aren’t very utilitarian, so a lot of the things that friends have suggested so far aren’t super attractive to me (like a fancy new watch when I wear my apple watch everyday)
What would you do?
Anonymous
I don’t think you have a problem here. If you don’t want anything, you don’t need to buy anything.
Anon
agreed.
Anonymous
+1. These kind of threads often come up and my response is always the same. Get something if you’ve always wanted it and can finally afford it or you finally feel like you deserve it, but if you don’t have something in mind already, don’t just buy more stuff for the sake of spending money.
Personally, I like to put any bonuses or similar to savings. Then I can take my sweet time, years if needed, while I figure out what I want to do with my money and life. When it comes to splurges, I tend to end up traveling or skiing.
Anonymous
Also, one thing to add, I’ve always gotten just as much enjoyment out of takeout pizza and beer with friends to celebrate life milestones as I have on the more expensive splurges. I think you can get 99% of the enjoyment just by toasting to it.
anonshmanon
+1!
Curious
Yes! We celebrated my last promotion with takeout bean vermicelli and tofu stir fry and grapefruit Izzes and it was the best.
Curious
And I got to demand we watch a movie and we watched Coco and it was sad but wonderful.
Cat
Not buy something just for the sake of buying something!
I would splurge on upgrading something you wanted to do anyway. Are you in the market to replace any of your furniture? A piece of art you’ve been eyeing? Travel plans you could extend or upgrade (first class? Better room? Amazing dining experience?)…
My first gift-to-self from a big bonus was replacing my student-budget fixtures with nice ones from an actual lighting shop. It felt a bit indulgent at the time to spend $2500 on lamps and pendants but they make me happy 10+ years later!
Anonymous
+1
Anon
Make a generous donation
Patricia Gardiner
+1!
Anonymous
I would buy fancy season tickets to the ballet when it reopens. Or a new bed.
No Face
I don’t like stuff, so I would celebrate with an extra long massage / spa day. I celebrate my fully vaxxed status with a very, very long massage and I enjoyed that more than any object I could buy. Maybe a nice weekend at a resort during your time off?
anonamouse
Art! Not exactly utilitarian, but not exactly “stuff” either.
CountC
+1 I have become a (very small time) art collector and seeing my original pieces brings me great joy. I also love supporting new or smaller artists because I can interact with them on social and they are so appreciative!
Senior Attorney
+1 to everything CountC says
Anon
What about something super classic and versatile like diamond or pearl studs? I also like the advice to upgrade a piece of furniture or buy a piece of art.
Cornellian
I would rent a lake/ski/beach house for a weekend, and maybe invite some friends at your expense if you want to splurge.
I don’t know what kind of money you’re talking about but you might also be able to partner with a local charity and be a benefactor if you give in the 5-10K range. I was sort of surprised by this, because most of my career was in big money NYC circles, but if you go outside of that, 10K is a lot of money to a lot of organizations.
Anonymous
this is a great idea. to say thank you with close friends we (pre pandemic) have taken to just paying for an experience for all of us (nice restaurant, weekend airbnb somewhere nice, costs for a fun activity) and that’s been going over really well
Anon
Consider getting (real) art! You get something nice to look at and remind you of your big promotion, you support a living artist, and it doesn’t take up space/need maintenance.
anon a mouse
+1 to art. Or a nice piece of furniture if it works in your life.
Or, if the promotion will come with a lot more work, consider something to treat yourself in the upcoming year — monthly flower delivery, weekly housecleaner, chef-prepared meals 1 day a week, etc.
Abby
I asked this a few months ago when I got a really large bonus and got similar answers. I put a tab in my budget with a % of what I wanted to spend on a splurge and waited until I had large items that naturally came up. I split it into items for my house and “fun”. For the house bucket I have bought a new dresser, refinished my deck and put the expense there, and a lawn mower. For “fun”, DH needed a tux and a new suit, and I plan on taking private golf lessons this summer. All of those expenses would normally stress me out, but in the bonus tab, somehow it doesn’t.
Ribena
Put an amount of money that makes sense in this context in a ‘splurge’ savings account (or in cash in an envelope) and then when you find something you really want – whether it’s a night in a suite, a Peloton, or whatever – you can put this cash towards it.
Anon
Flower subscription so a beautiful bouquet appears monthly. Splurge on presents for friends and family. Donation to an organization you admire. New sheets and pillows. Regular cleaning service and car detailing. Treat a few friends to an amazing meal or weekend getaway.
Hybrid vehicle opinions?
Thinking ahead to our next vehicle purchase, does anyone who has a hybrid want to share their likes/dislikes? We are eyeing a Toyota RAV4 hybrid but are just starting to look and do not really have strong opinions on a particular one yet. We usually buy older vehicles in good condition and drive them into the dirt (so, we maintain them for another 7 to 10 years and they usually have upwards of 300k miles before we replace them).
Key things we are considering: we have three adult-sized people and a 100-lb dog who typically take a 2000 mile road trip each year, so we are looking at something with a hatchback and a split folding back seat or rear bucket seats where one can fold down. This will also be our daily commuter (about 50 miles round-trip).
Thanks!
Anon
It’s a transportation appliance – the most vanilla vehicle there is. It’ll do the job reliably for a long, long time. There’s really not much to say. Hybrid Toyotas aren’t really something one forms strong opinions about; rather they just blend into the background of your daily life.
Curious
We have one in blue and I love love love it. My in laws saw it and bought one. It’s a great size (not as long as similar Subarus) and grips well on bumpy dirt roads when we go hiking. It is not small, and I find it hard to parallel park it on the left (this happens occasionally on our one way streets). The worst thing is there is a panel in the ceiling that occasionally vibrates at certain highway speeds. That’s it.
Can you tell we like our car?
Hybrid vehicle opinions?
This is helpful! Mind if I ask a zillion questions? How long have you had it? Any mechanical issues? What kind of mpg do you get?
We are not a luxury vehicle family (mostly sturdy GMs that can handle heavy winter and hauling whatever), and for past vehicle purchases we just tell our car-whisperer/mechanic what our price range is and he somehow finds the perfect car for us. Having a specific model in mind ahead of time has never been a thing for us.
Curious
To be clear: we have a RAV4 hybrid :)
Curious
Oh, and while the cargo is a bit shorter than the Subaru (not sure we could sleep in the back like our friends do in their Subaru), I have successfully hauled a crib, baby dresser, and similar with no problems for fit :)
Anonymous
I loved my RAV4 and now love my Prius. I would love a hybrid RAV4 as much as both put together.
Anon
Oh on the other hand a RAV4 hybrid is my dream car (that or an old Jeep Wrangler). I have a 17 year old Camry I enjoy a lot and will drive until it’s dead.
For reference, I’m 27, single and have no plans for a long time but I enjoy road trips and hauling gear for fun activities (like car camping, biking, etc)
Hybrid vehicle opinions?
That would be ideal – a car that fits everyone, does what we want it to do for a long, long time and that we don’t have to think about.
Anon
Exactly – I didn’t mean “fades into the background” as a slam on Toyota just that it’s not so much a thing that inspires passion as it is something that it just always there, working, doing what you need it to do so you can enjoy the things you ARE passionate about.
The only thing about my Prius that I don’t like, but is just part of the deal, is that parts of it (the high-voltage parts), I can’t fix myself. But I knew that going in, so it’s not really a complaint at all, just something to accept.
Anon
Husband and I bought a RAV4 Hybrid about a year ago, and really like it so far. It has good pickup on the highway, and handled really well this winter in a snowy climate. No maintenance issues, but wouldn’t expect any so soon. Haven’t tracked gas mileage specifically, but I think it’s good – definitely buy gas noticeably less frequently than for previous car (a VW Tiguan that we did *not* like).
Anon
Not related to hybrid-ness, but I rented a RAV-4 to pick up my puppy in 2018, and OMG…I am not that tall and it was incredibly uncomfortable for me, as a driver. I am 5’11” and all legs, and I did not fit in that car at all. Bear in mind if you are tall! Subarus are much more comfortable.
I do have a new-style Tiguan and I just adore it. It’s a workhorse, dream to drive, and handles great in heavy snow. And I get fantastic gas mileage relative to my old SUV.
Anonymous
On the other hand, my 6’1″ husband is very comfortable driving our RAV4.
Anon
I am 5’7” and like the driving position in our 2015 RAV4 better than in our 2015 Subaru Outback. Feels more comfortable for my legs. In the Subaru the back of the seat dips down too much.
Vicky Austin
I have a regular Rav4 that can haul 5 adults and our 70lb dog just fine, so I think it would work for you space-wise!
Duckles
One thing to keep in mind— hybrid batteries are usually under the car, which means lower ground clearance if that matters to you.
dc anon
Here’s a really specific question – Do you have middle schoolers in DC? Where do they go? I have a first grader in a DC charter school and will have to lottery in to a middle school. I am trying to research middle schools now in order to figure out where to live. Of course, we can scrape together all of our pennies to move to west of the park to go to great public schools…but what are the other options?
Anon
honestly, anyone i know who grew up in DC ended up in private school by the end
Anon
Ditto what the other poster said (or they move to Arlington / Fairfax / MoCo). I had one friend who got a great lottery spot; they were on Capital Hill (on the fringes), so IDK if that helped or not (not being in NWDC fancy areas). Kiddo is now in high school. Both parents really valued education but also not having a crazy commute (e.g., Sluglines from Springfield to their jobs near the mall) and they weren’t made of $, so they got lucky and it worked out.
anon a mouse
You pay in real estate or you pay in tuition.
West of the park has better options for school but more expensive housing. You could look at it as a longer-term investment, though. Otherwise I think you are looking at privates. If you are religious, you could look at some of the parochial schools, as they are less expensive (still expensive, just not $50-60K/year expensive).
If neither of those options appeals to you, you move to a suburb that works for your family and your commutes.
Anon
This.
Private school tuition > increased housing cost somewhere with good* schools
* I realize that “good school” can be code for all sorts of things, but DC schools are truly awful and the exodus b/c of that is IMO rightly deserved. Unless you can get a magic unicorn lottery spot.
** Even if you can pay, getting your kid into a private school IIRC wasn’t a given according to co-workers. They have sibling preferences and a lot of legacy kids who can write a tuition check, so if you are counting on that, I’d check to current info on that (esp. when going in for TK/K seems to have a lot better odds than when there is an influx later on).
Anon
Right. And middle school is the pinch point in admissions. There are other options at the primary school level that fall to pieces at middle school, so the number of applications greatly exceed the middle school openings.
Anon
I guess I’d ask a lot of questions before deciding if a bad school would be bad for your kids. Hear me out. A high school in the city near me gets consistency low grades on whatever state and national metrics are used but that is because they serve a predominantly very poor, often transient population, many of whom do not speak English. They still have classes tiered so there are Honors, Level 1, Level 2, Remedial. The Honors program is highly regarded throughout the state. There is essentially an honors wing of the school.
Now, whether this is fair or just or even legal is another story. It effectually takes the kids from the small rich pocket of the City (old historic buildings) and puts them together in a wing of a school that’s otherwise really rough…. but the kids in that wing get a great education.
Cornellian
We’re zoned for mediocre, predominantly non-native English speaking schools, and I plan on sending my kid to them. I’m pretty convinced from what I’ve read that once you control for what happens at home and the parents’ education/demographics, school doesn’t explain much about kids thriving, so long as the school is safe, etc. I think what kids learn at home, in the summer, etc is way more important. I’m not sure how to phrase this, but it also rubs me the wrong way to bring my white educated self in to a less well-off and less white area and then refuse to participate in the community. If my son had special needs, I might feel differently.
I went to a sub-par 80% free or reduced lunch public high school, and although my first college semester killed me academically because I was so out of my depth and everyone else had been doing summer camps and AP classes, I realize now that having gone to a crappy high school that sent no one to Cornell probably was a big factor in getting me admitted.
Anon
I am all in on public schools and am about to send my youngest off to a great college, to which he was admitted in a tough year with the most impacted major (CS) and the public schools have served him and my older child just fine.
We are in an incredibly diverse school district. Our test scores and state rankings are not as good as those in the wealthier, and let’s face it, whiter suburbs, but the district is performing amazingly well given the challenges they have compared to other districts.
For me it came down to whether I wanted to shelter my kids or raise them in the real world, the world they will actually live in as adults, and I chose the real world. It’s not all about “book learning.” Kids are learning a lot more than academics during their thirteen years of pre-college education.
Anon
I don’t know if school is actually all that much like the real world though? It sounds like this school was just fine, but way too many schools take advantage of the fact that kids don’t have options and can be compelled to tolerate environments that adults would walk away from. I’d rather get real world experience from a customer service job or something else that’s actually part of the adult world.
Seventh Sister
I made the same decision with my kids, for similar reasons, knowing that if school became unacceptable for any reason, we’d figure something out. Honestly, I’ve found the teachers to be really, really good and a lot more flexible/helpful than some of the more rigid teachers I remember in a “good” school district or the ones my friends put up with at “better” schools.
While I grew up in a predominately white school district, it had a pretty broad range of social classes (blue collar to “little rich” and white collar families) and I think this was quite helpful to me in learning how to interact with people in the “real world.” Some of my classmates in college and law school had never had a friend whose mom was a waitress, or a dad who was a tugboat operator (really!), or a friend who had to stay in a small town to take care of an elderly relative, or have basically any non-retail or non-hospitality interaction with someone who wasn’t upper-middle class.
Anon
I guarantee you the parents who think their kids are too exceptional for a racially and socioeconomically diverse school are not going to have their kid get a job at the grocery store in the hood. I review resumes for these kids. They do their 10 hours at a soup kitchen and that’s it.
Anon
My observation is more that a lot of parents who think mediocre schools with issues will have some important life lessons for their kids don’t make the same choices when it comes to the places where they learn and work and spend their time.
Anon
Oh Anon at 2:35, are you trying to snark at me? Cute. I live where my kids’ public schools are, in my case an incredibly diverse city. That’s how school assignment works- your public school is where you live. I couldn’t choose to send my kids to a suburban school any more than I could live in a white suburb and send my kids to the public school in the city. But nice try.
Seventh Sister
I don’t think of my kids’ schools as mediocre, but nice try.
Anon
Well, I went to a school I consider mediocre, and it was a decidedly inferior environment than the neighborhood surrounding it, so that’s my experience. I wouldn’t send a kid there because I wouldn’t go back there myself, and thankfully I haven’t found that the real world where I live as an adult is at all similar to school.
Anon
This was 100% my position, until this year. Then the NYC DOE decided that my kindergartener would be fine on an hour a day of iPad pre-recorded lessons, and that her need to learn and interact and my need to work was irrelevant. I’m a single parent — I can’t even trade off with someone. Last spring my 4 year old was basically watching TV 6 hours a day. So kid is now in K in Catholic school (we are not Catholic) along with half our friends from the neighborhood — everyone who could afford it basically. They have been in person, 5 days a week, for most of the year with 3 short shutdowns. I feel really saddened about this, and once DOE proves to me that they actually intend to actually have schools open, I plan to put her back in (probably for 2nd grade).
(The demographics of the neighborhood school (upper middle class area) are not significantly different from those of the Catholic school, which also draws from the neighborhood, though the latter skews a bit richer. Both are about 70% white, the public school has about 10% low income kids. So the difference in my child’s peer group is not enormous).
Anonymous
Ugh, it’s sad that you had to do that. I would’ve done the same but it just sucks.
Anon
Yeah, sure, that’s exactly what they decided.
Anon
I tried this and I think a lot depends on having a mom who can shadow kids at home in an iffy school district. My kids’ classes were routinely disruptive to the point where they had trouble learning harder topics (mostly math) and I needed to reteach it all. BUT I work FT and used to travel for work a lot and you know what? I really needed for that school to teach them at school. Not for me to re-teach them. And after I got home and made dinner, we were all tired (and after re-teaching, I’d have to log back on to work). After my 4th grade, I pulled them both out. It wasn’t so bad in the beginning, when they are mainly doing reading; that changed over time though. That school worked really well for the college-educated SAHMs’ kids, but those ladies did a ton of work with their kids at home and we just couldn’t duplicate that (we tried! but we couldn’t get 20 hours a week from someone who could do math or wanted to do math and run a small PT homeschool). Had we waited until middle school to switch, we likely couldn’t have without physically moving.
Seventh Sister
I’m not sure I’d call my kids’ elementary “iffy,” but it doesn’t have the test scores of $$$$/whiter schools. I never did any sort of shadowing or reteaching. Maybe we just got lucky about disruptions to classes? I don’t know. But my eldest is doing really well in middle school against the kids from the “better” elementary schools.
Anon
My kids had learning disabilities that showed up as “behavior” problems (“Janie doesn’t listen during circle time.”) that were met with complaints and not with anything like diagnostic testing b/c “other kids have it worse.” If your kid is fine with no matter what is on the menu, a mediocre public school may be fine for you. Our kids didn’t get the attention they needed because there was no bandwidth to care about them and the school expected us to fund and fix any problems. Which is a problem b/c I have to be at work, working, and need the school to do the school part. We really needed a specialized (and pricey) school but b/c we didn’t enter in K, we now have to make do with a patchwork of tutors to try to keep the kids on track. And every year we pray for a lottery win and not to be 400th on the waitlist for a Montessori program that might serve them better. In kindergarten, I thought all private school parents were closet racists. Now, I know it is more complicated.
Seventh Sister
It’s really tough when the school won’t do its job re: learning disabilities. As much as I love our district, they fight ANY determination that a kid has a learning issue. They’ll allow all kinds of informal accommodations (and boy, did my youngest need informal accommodations in k) but they will fight nearly to the death over any formal plan. My friend is a local ed lawyer and finds it pretty appalling, even though she thinks it’s often a $ wash when people sue their districts over this stuff.
Coach Laura
As to your statement that poor schools are ok as “so long as the school is safe” is a tricky statement. And forgive me, but it sounds like you’ve not sent a kid to middle or high school yet. Having had a kid at a middle-class but serving predominately non-English speaking school – it’s not safe. Stolen cell phones, bullying, intimidation, fighting, drugs. These are terrible for morale compared to a magnet or charter school, where the students self-select for a protected, encouraging and challenging environment. (We never went private.) One of my kids was in one, one in the other. One had a year of college completed via AP classes, the other had two years completed, but the quality of the experience was totally different and the lower-quality-school kid suffered. The safety issue is huge and I wouldn’t be so blissfully dismissive of the lower-quality school’s obvious safety risk.
Anon
Lots of rich schools have bullying, intimidation, fighting and drugs too. The people I knew in college w/ the worst drug problems came from the more expensive schools. Drugs aren’t cheap!
anonshmanon
bullying, intimidation, underage drinking – sounds like Chilton High School!
Anonymous
Our troubled middle schools and high schools come from elementary schools like the one we left after my daughter was routinely hit my other girls in her class (they did not care about bullying but hitting is a bright line that they still didn’t care about). At least elsewhere it is self-selected by parents who GAF
kitten
Yea my ex’s single mom somehow found the money to pay for private school after he was nearly beaten to death on the bus in middle school. There are a lot of teachers in my family and none of them would ever send their kids to public school. I’m sure they aren’t so bad in other areas though.
Seventh Sister
I send my kid to a big urban middle school and when I asked her about bullying or fights, she looked at me like I had six heads. I’m sure it happens, but her particular school is pretty safe.
As for drugs, there is vaping at the middle school, and I’m sure there is a buffet of drugs at the high school. But honestly, I think she’d have better access to recreational drugs if she went to private school – LA is full of parents with more money than sense.
pugsnbourbon
The presence of ESOL students in a school doesn’t make it dangerous. I went to a 99% white HS in a rural area and we had drugs, bullying, fights, you name it.
Anon
My kids went to an urban school.. you know who’s really getting in trouble with alcohol and drugs around here? The kids in the “safe” suburbs whose parents leave them alone in a big house on the weekend with lots of alcohol handy, and the kids can afford to buy drugs. My kids’ friend group knows that if you want to get high, you go to a party in the white suburbs.
Seventh Sister
Honestly, I think there is some self-selection even in a non-magnet or charter middle school. Even in the classes that aren’t denoted as “honors” or whatever, the students have a pretty good handle on who is trying to get good grades and who is just marking time. My kid has made a lot of friends because “so-and-so also likes science!”
Anon Mom
I could write a novel but do not have time so the short version from my experience is that I burned through a huge amount of goodwill from my kids by insisting on public schools for as long as I did because I did not want to be the white mom who thought her kids were too good for the school we were assigned to. (In fairness that was partly because we also moved across the country, which neither of them were excited about.)
My son was mostly fine, although his education took a hit and I second the poster who said that she was spending a huge amount of her time teaching/re-teaching lessons that should have been learned in school. But school administration was so busy dealing with bigger problems (gangs, students bringing weapons to school, drug deals in the hallways) that the fights my son was getting into to protect his younger sister went completely unnoticed and they were not prepared to do anything about the outright s*xal harassment she experienced. Are there drugs and violence at every high/middle school? Probably. Is their experience in private school anything at all like their experience in public school? Not even close.
It all came to a head when my in-laws offered to pay for private school after my son (as I learned later) called and asked them if his sister could come live with them. And I decided to transfer them both which was the right choice all around. So OP – do what is right for your family.
Anon
That makes sense in some cities. DC public schools don’t have honors options. You either luck out in the lottery for one of the good charter middle schools, live west of the park where there are two good middle schools, send your kids to private, or move.
Anon
I do. I currently have a sixth grader in a public charter school in DC, and a high schooler who went to that same public charter middle school. I have spent a lot of time researching and thinking about about the public school middle school options on DC. Happy to chat if you want to post a burner email.
Anonymous
DP – what year did you enter the charter school? Did you have a backup plan if the charter didn’t work out for your first?
Anon
Yes, that’s the heart of the question. We spent a lot of time evaluating the other public school options+had them ranked in the order we would have pursued, but none were ones we actually were excited about. (Our neighborhood elem schools have improved drastically since then, starting from the earliest grades and going up. The public middle schools option have also gotten better, but they’re not perfect.) Our plan was to try the neighborhood school and then move to the suburbs if it didn’t work out. *We are a city family, and I’m so grateful that we have been able to stay in this city neighborhood. I treasure it. But we probably would have had to give it up if the charter school hadn’t come in. We couldn’t afford the private elem schools, and although we were ready to try, the neighborhood elem schools were not good. It was 2012. We’ve got a preschooler coming up now too, so we might end up having children at the school every year between 2012-2030.
In DC, the charter middle schools are definitely the best option if you want to stay public. The earlier poster was right that there is a pinch point in middle school admissions here. There are not a ton of private middle school options unless you’re willing to take on a long commute. Some of the regular DCPS middle schools are ok (Deal, Hobson).
Cornellian
Thanks to the anon poster yesterday who mentioned UV tinting car windshields. It seems like it’s good both for UV and for heat, so I’m definitely looking in to it. I had no idea clear(ish) tinting was a thing.
Anonymous
I want to look into this too. How much has this cost (for the readers that have done it)? We have a car maintenance visit coming up and if it’s something that can be done relatively quickly and easily, I might want to jump on it.
Cornellian
I haven’t done it yet but did get a quote and on my Honda Fit it ranged from 375 for all windows and windshield for the cheapest option (which look pretty dark, and not what I’m looking for) to like 1000. It seems like you should go for a ceramic film, and not a hybrid or dye/metallic one. I’m going to go look in store but I think I may end up spending ~550 for entry level ceramic at the clearest level possible. They said it takes 2-3 hours, and the ceramic one I’m looking at has a windshield lifetime warranty if it scratches or even if I have to replace the whole windshield.
Anonymous
Is this really transparent? Tinted windows are a common pretext for traffic stops.
Anon
It’s a transparent UV coating, perfectly legal.
Cornellian
It looks like if you’re willing to go in the mid price range you can get 80 or 90% transparency for your windshield (VLT or visible light transmittance). It doesn’t seem like that should be noticeable, but I’d definitely like to check it out in person. Llumar air clear is one brand.
Cornellian
It looks like if you’re willing to go in the mid price range you can get 80 or 90% tr-nsparency for your windshield (VLT or visible light tr-nsmittance). It doesn’t seem like that should be noticeable, but I’d definitely like to check it out in person. Llumar air clear is one brand.
Anon
I am the poster from yesterday who said I’m in my 50s and wish I’d paid more attention to sun protection for chest and hands earlier, and I’m also interested in this. I specially have an issue with night driving though, and I wouldn’t want anything that makes it darker at night, or oncoming headlights further distorted, which is already a bit of a problem for me. Did they address these issues when you looked into it?
Cornellian
The one shop that has responded explained it pretty well in their email. I’d look for ceramic tints (not metallic or dye, which can distort and also age poorly) and there are some brands that have 90% tr-nsparency. I’m looking at Llumar Airclear. It sounds like you’d lose 10% of light, but I’m hoping that’s not noticeable. Apparently darker films are more protective against heat, which makes sense, but I’m more worried about UV aging me and my car and my kid than I am about heat.
Anon
What to make of the AUS-China trade spat?
Z
I don’t know much but I remember hearing on NPR that China was a huge importer of Australian wines, so now the wineries are struggling.
anon
My Aussie friend says it’s been ongoing but of course businesses are pressuring the government to change course because they’re losing money. Everyone wants to censure China but no one can put their money where their mouth is. See also New Zealand stopping short of calling the Uighur matter genocide.
Plantation shutters for country cottage
Guys…our designer recommended shutters for our newly purchased cottage in the countryside. It’s in another country and I don’t know anything about plantation shutters as they’re not common in my city. Yay or nay? And why?
Anon
Do you like your designer’s style? Ask to see a mock up. Shutters are less dusty than curtains, also plainer style wise. Plantation ones have wider slats so they don’t get messed up easily. I’ve had and liked them but I personally prefer shades and drapes as my style is more maximalist than minimalist.
Cat
They’re a very pretty & classic look. FYI though even with the slats “open” they do take up a lot of window square footage. You’d need to swing them open into the room to get a full uninterrupted view. Does your layout accommodate that?
Anon
If your cottage is in another country, are you in Europe? Is your cottage in Spain (my colleagues in London seem to be in Spain all the time)?
I feel like this is an American look, so IDK how it would translate to Spain. Depending on the light / heat factor, I feel like you might deal with blocking out western sun (in which case: add heavy drapes) or need help blocking light to keep cool (also: add heavy drapes, which may sunbleach, so don’t get dark ones; get light ones that are LINED).
Anon
WHY is this in moderation?!
Cat
bc you used a word including the phrase tr-ns.
Anon
translate
Anon
I agree that it doesn’t seem like a very European look, and I think of it as more American. But I could see it being a great option for tropical locations, Caribbean, etc.
That said, I am in the South, and I really like the look. I think it’s classic and clean.
anon
They are very common in old Budapest/Hungary villas. They are usually white, wood, installed from the outside and open to outside.
Anon
Also common in Italy. I love real, working shutters.
Anon
I’m Anon at 10:38, and I was specifically referring to the interior-style shutters that OP was referring to. I don’t think that style is common in Europe? But of course, nice, outdoor working shutters do sound lovely!
Cb
I’d want to get a sense of how much window coverings I actually need, but can appreciate that is more difficult from a distance. We bought our house expecting to spend a fortune on curtains, but because of the way some of the windows are set, they are fine without. Although I have a bone to pick with the architect who thought a half trapezoid window was a good idea.
Pompom
I can’t stand plantation shutters (indoors, on windows) because I think they make things look so dark and heavy. I live and spend a lot of time in the Carolinas and they are everywhere. They are functional, yes. But I don’t like how heavy they look indoors.
Shutters on the outside? Go for it.
Pompom
(I think they are also just not my preferred look, so that’s on me, not on the style. I’m not trying to yuck anyone’s yum here. Just pointing out they are dark and heavy, and echoing what another poster said upthread about taking up a lot of space if you want to swing them open)
Ribena
If it’s abroad, are you and your designer definitely talking about the same type of shutters? In much of mainland Europe it’s really common to have tilt-and-turn windows and also metal roller shutters.
Plantation shutters for country cottage
OP here
I prefer fabric shades/blinds but they’d block a third of the window. This is in the UK, specifically the Lake District. Cant do curtains as the radiator is just below window. Yes we could open the shutters fully on the sides.
Anon
Do have allergies? Or a tolerance for dry-cleaning curtains? I am an allergy person, so I love shutters for that. I do think that without drapes, a room needs something else soft in it (hopefully something you can easily vacuum).
Curious
Plantation shutters feel odd for the Lake District, no? They’re for letting in breezes while keeping the inside cool on hot muggy days. Why not just slat blinds (or honestly the amazing Ikea fabric blinds that don’t have a pull and just respond and stay that way when you lift the bottom?)
Cb
A. I am so incredibly jealous of your lake district cottage – Ribena and I would happily do a site visit to advise
B. I don’t think plantation shutters work at all for the cottages in the area. I’d just do something really low profile to filter light and provide privacy.
Ribena
I volunteer!!
I don’t know, it depends on the rest of the look you have. My parents have plantation shutters in their bedroom (southern England).
A more classic look would be shutters on the outside of the windows.
pugsnbourbon
Not sure if you’d be into this, but we have several top-down/bottom-up shades from Amazon. They let us control light while providing privacy. We haven’t had them very long but they seem to be holding up okay.
The brand name is Achim Home Furnishings Top-Down Cordless Honeycomb Cellular Pleated Shade.
Credit report surprise
Looking for some anecdata reassurance…have you had a random issue pop up on your credit report that was NOT fraud and maybe like a clerical error?
I checked my score in my credit card’s app yesterday and the score had dropped 50 points suddenly in the past month and said I had 3 late payments. I’ve never paid a loan/card late in my life, so went and pulled my full report. One of them had a credit card on there that I didn’t recognize and only just appeared. I don’t think it’s fraud because the card shows it was only active from 2013-2017 so would be kind of a weird back-dated fraud if it is? Also, why wouldn’t it have shown up on my prior reports? I’ve disputed it by saying I don’t recognize the account, but would be good to hear if someone else has seen something similar?
No Face
My mother has a very common name, and other women’s stuff appears on her credit reports from time to time. She will also get TSA precheck noted on her plane boarding passes sometimes, even though she’s never signed up.
Anon
When not enough people with pre-check are flying, people are randomly assigned pre-check. Often it is older people that do not travel often, which in turn aggravates the paid pre-check people behind them.
Anon
This. My 70 year old mom always gets pre-check and has for years, and she has never signed up for it and has an uncommon name.
Anon
I get why it’s aggravating, but we’re all going to be old someday (hopefully) so just have a little bit of patience.
Anon
Sorry! That was tongue in cheek. I do not have Pre-check. My Mom and Dad are the people I was referring to that rarely travel yet always get pre-check. They were the ones that said they were holding up all the people that knew what they were doing. I am actually a super patient traveler because I hate flying and every minute in the security line is a minute I’m not sitting at the gate dreading the boarding call.
Anonymous
Disputing it is all you can do, but if you haven’t frozen your credit yet, I definitely recommend doing that.
anon
One of my credit reports erroneously said that I had disputed the entire balance of my student loans. It was a nightmare to resolve (their systems were not set up to dispute a report of a dispute). Definitely make sure you’ve pulled all three reports, btw, in case this has turned up elsewhere.
OP
I pulled 2 out of the 3 (Equifax site was down or something). It’s thankfully only on 1 so far, so that gives me more reassurance that it’s some weird clerical error.
Cornellian
I’ve been helping friends dispute some issues and it’s been a nightmare. They’re brothers with similar non-Western names, and the credit agency is reporting one brother’s debt on the other brother’s report, so the brother without debt can’t take out a mortgage because it looks like he already has a large one. It’s wild because they have different social security numbers, so I don’t understand how it happened. All I can say is keep everything in writing and faxes seem to work better than emails for the agencies, in that they seem to receive at least like a third of the faxes we send.
Anonymous
Could the brother with the debt have used his brother’s information on his mortgage application?
Cornellian
Nope! He used his own birth date and SSN, and even applied with his wife. It seems like the problem stems from them having the “same” first and last name in English, plus they share two historical addresses (having grown up together).
Anonymous
Well, I’m glad that’s not it. I hope you get it straightened out. It’s a shame that having non-western names plays into this :(
Clementine
Yes! When I worked at a bank back long ago, we learned that many credit reports were not by SSN but by a truncated version of Name and address.
So we would often get a Jr/Sr Mix – so John Smith (Sr), born 1987 would have a credit card opened in 1989 because he shared a name with his father. It often went by the first 2 letters of your name, so like – twins named Jason and James Smith? Good luck getting accurate credit reports!
Anon
If it’s a persistent problem it’s worth helping them find a lawyer who specializes in the FCRA – there’s a whole area of law dedicated to addressing exactly this kind of issue, on a contingency basis
anon
My husband has the same name as his dad (and our son), and this happened to husband/dad. (we will have to check for son/husband later). Different middle initials, but same first and last name. My son also got his grandfather’s boarding pass once when we all flew together (same airport, different destination).
Cornellian
It’s so perplexing because as a transactional lawyer who has dealt a fair bit with loans, etc, everything keys to SSN/EIN in my world.
SC
Right? Like, imagine if there were a system where everyone had a unique number and we didn’t have to rely on 360 million people having different names? Oh, we’ve had that for 100 years, but credit agencies don’t use it?
anon
Agreeing that it’s a nightmare. I had a credit card show up that wasn’t mine about a year ago and I tried to resolve with the credit bureau as well as the credit card company. Fortunately, they weren’t behind on payments or anything, and I’m still not sure how it ended up on there. The credit card company was useless, and they “confirmed it was mine” by calling the primary cardholder (as apparently I was listed as secondary). Like, thanks jerks.
A new name also showed up on my report (incorrect, but similar first name + maiden name) and I also had to dispute. It took three iterations and multiple hours / phone calls to correct my report — and now it’s “fine”, although they messed up the “previous name” sections (correct first + maiden is not listed). I recommend trying to get a US-based person to talk to (LOL, as if that’s easy) as I found they understood the nuances of what I was saying (maiden name is mine, incorrect first + maiden is not mine). They also claimed I didn’t send them copies of my ID (SS card & driver’s license) when I did. They didn’t need to see ID to change my name on their own, but apparently in order to correct it, they needed ample evidence.
You may have to submit an identity theft report with the FTC. It helped with my reports to the credit reporting agency. Obviously, no one pays you for your lost time, and as you don’t own the data on your report, it can get frustrating – FAST. I recommend taking notes on every time you call, verifying the information you get from them on how to submit a request for validation, etc, etc, etc.
anon
Just to be clear, it may have been a simple error. I still had to submit an identity theft report because the information was not mine. Also, I froze all three of my reports after that.
Anon
I had a credit card I tried to take out in college but never received show up on my credit report. It was open for 10+ years and then closed yet I never got a card or a bill or a notice. When I talked to someone at the credit agency she told me to absolutely not dispute that one, even if it wasn’t me, because it was helping my credit score and where it was now closed, wasn’t a risk to me. Made me kind of laugh at how arbitrary the whole thing is.
Joan Smith (not really my name but close!)
I have a very common last name (think Smith) and for a while my credit report had a defaulted phone company account from a city and state I never lived in that dated to when I was in high school. I just disputed it and it pretty quickly dropped off my report. This kind of thing happens all the time. In my case at least it was as simple as notifying the credit reporting agency.
Anonymous
How do you politely tell people that you cannot open/hold the door for them when you’re going through a locked door that they can’t open? I’m back in the office a few days a week but our receptionist is not. Delivery people have to wait outside our locked office door for whoever is on receptionist duty to come get them (the on duty person isn’t sitting at the front desk so it takes a while). I have to go through this door to come and go, including to use the bathroom. The delivery people always look impatient and barge through the door as soon as I open it. They also crowd the door so I have to almost jump to the side if I don’t want them in my space. I’ve tried to say, no I’m not the person you’re waiting for, but they say oh I’m just dropping off and then leave quickly. What can I do to better communicate that they are not welcome to come through the door I’m opening? An obvious answer would be, pull the door closed behind me, but that’s not possible – the door is set up so it doesn’t slam but whatever mechanism slows it down while closing makes it so I can’t pull it closed behind me. I really don’t want to have an unpleasant interaction with someone every time I go to the bathroom!
A
Ignore this. If the office has a problem, they’ll find a solution. Don’t make this into your problem.
OP
Fair enough! Technically we’re not supposed to allow people to follow us into the office for security reasons, which is why I was concerned about it.
Anonymous
I personally wouldn’t bother fighting this battle but if you want to “sorry can’t let you in, you need to wait for the receptionist.” But it’s honestly super unreasonable to expect the UPS guy to have time to hang around waiting
Anon
If they are clearly UPS/FedEX whatever can’t you just confirm the package is for your building and let them leave it inside the door? Then when the on-call receptionist comes up they can grab the package? These people are on super strict schedules. I’m surprised they are willing to wait at all and don’t just leave the package outside the locked door.
I work in a smaller office but we have a very strict rule that everyone, including the attorneys are receptionists in the event that you walk by reception, there is no one there, and someone looking lost. If I’m just getting water, I’ll poke in and say “hi, have you been helped?” If they say no I either say okay, I’ll get someone to help you, or I’ll ask who they are there to see and then call that person. It takes 2 minutes and is really just basic customer service. And yes, the senior partners do this too.
OP
I mean, I’m on a super strict schedule too. If I have a 5 minute break in a depo and the client wants to talk to me, and I also need a bio break, no I don’t have 2 minutes to spare. Ditto if I’m on back to back calls that always seem to run late – which is basically every day. I’m not inclined to make the client wait so I can help a delivery person. Honestly this is the thing I miss most about wfh – easy and uninterrupted bathroom access!
Anonymous
You just hold the door. It’s fine. This is not a real problem.
AZCPA
That is unlikely to be true. I’ve worked in many buildings with similar security policies, and those who ignore the rules and hold the door absolutely would face consequences.
Anon
You need to push back more in your depo then. Say you need a longer than 5 minute break. Bio plus time to meet with the client. The depo doesn’t restart until you and the client are back in there anyway. Unless you are an associate following a partner around, you should have some autonomy here.
Anony
+1 everyone is my office helps with the front door… I don’t understand why the OP can’t just take the package? You don’t *typically* have to even sign for deliveries anymore. This is a very simple solution – just be nice, take the package from them and give it to your on-duty receptionist.
CountC
The delivery companies won’t accept signatures here because of COVID, so I agree.
Anon
This is a lot of worrying over something that doesn’t matter.
Anonymous
I live in a condo and have this same problem. Often there are people waiting to be let in and they try to follow and the door closes too slowly to pull it closed behind me. I usually try to blame the HOA or something and say they get mad if we let people piggyback in, but that doesn’t always work. It’s super frustrating.
Anon
I’m surprised how many people think this doesn’t matter! My office has instructed us to be very strict about not letting unknown people piggyback through doors. I do work in government, but honestly it’s safety for everyone
Anon
I think some of us saying it doesn’t matter are not saying just let the person in! We are saying take the package.
CountC
+1 I never ever let people in who are not properly authorized, but I would absolutely take the package and then get/inform whomever is the right person to distribute it.
Cat
I don’t think anyone is saying “let the people in unsupervised” – just “what’s the harm in allowing them to stick the package on the other side of the doors so it’s secured until the receptionist can process it.”
Of Counsel
Because sometimes that “package” is something else altogether. My office has had a problem with people just dropping off service of process and then claiming whoever took it was an authorized agent. And because in an office with 200 people, the random person who takes the package does not always make sure it gets to the right person.
But the bigger issue is that we have some genuinely mentally ill pro pers out there who have tried to get access to our offices more than once and are not above claiming they are making a delivery (we had one who tricked security into letting them into the freight elevator). It is a safety issue.
Anonymous
Yeah, me too. We cannot open doors, let anybody in, receive packages or letters.
It would seem that this particular place needs a sign, though, with clear information for the delivery drivers, a phone number to call, or where to put packages.
Anon 2.0
Anyone else following the Josh Duggar saga? I am shocked he was released. Anyone from a criminal law background who might want to take a stab at why? Non-law over here.
Anon
Not following the saga but my guess is bail reform. Different states are handling it different ways but mine is giving basically everyone PR bail. If they violate the bail, then they get locked up.
Anon
Ha — everyone in my city seems to cut off their ankle monitors, so I can’t imagine compliance risks of someone sketchy like him. I can’t believe that his wife hasn’t kicked him to the curb after what he did to his sisters. I hope he’s not living among his victims. What a horrible message this whole family has sent.
anon
What is super sad is that his wife likely can’t afford to kick him to the curb – she has fairly limited education (homeschooled through HS and then a degree from an online-only Christian college) and she married him at 19 or 20 and I believe has never worked. They have 6 or 7 kids. His financial situation is apparently not great, and my guess is that they are heavily subsidized by Jim Bob and Michelle. If she divorces him she’s a single mom of 6+ kids with no work experience or qualifications, and I suspect JB and Michelle would no longer be as willing to support her.
My guess is that she didn’t leave him when the stuff about the sisters came out (my understanding is that she knew about it shortly before they were married) bc she was pressured to “save” him by bringing him into an “ordered” s*xual relationship (i.e., hetero marriage). And then they were married, and while divorce is acceptable in the event of adultery even in their interpretation of Christianity, she would have faced a lot of pressure again not to blow up the image of a perfect, loyal Quiverfull spouse. Plus, she would no longer be a v*rgin, and if she received the type of purity culture education that I suspect she did, she would have been delivered a strong message that any future husband would view her as lesser bc she had a prior partner, even if he was her spouse (there’s a lot of “your v-card is the greatest gift you can give your husband” business in purity culture(.
Basically, Anna Duggar’s situation is a terrible illustration of all the worst ways that the toxicity and s*xism inherent in this form of Christianity, and in purity culture generally, can devastate a woman’s life. I was raised in a community where there was a lot of this going around (although my parents tried to counteract it), and that was hard to overcome. She would have been steeped in it from birth.
Anonymous
She is totally stuck and I think she has been from almost the get go given the way all of that works, with the families being so involved in who is allowed in the young female’s circles and the ability to court, etc. Her own family isn’t likely to be a resource to lean on in the way it might be for folks not in that religion.Sad to see someone’s life so controlled and then raising more to likely be the same.
Anonymous
That is a lot of unfounded assumptions you’re making.
Anon
Half joking but, maybe someone can start a GoFundMe to get her exit money.
Anonymous
G fund me is a good idea but I don’t know that she would actually understand that he is the problem. She has been taught from birth that if your husband strays (no matter what it involves), that it is your fault for not meeting his needs and you should beg his forgiveness for not being enough for him. It’s super hard to break out of that kind of brainwashing.
TLC is so awful for airing and promoting that cult.
Anon
This is the tip of the iceberg in patriarchal religious circles. There are MANY other stories where this one comes from that don’t happen to involve famous people. Predators flock to these communities because they are full of naive, sheltered young people, and the patriarchs running the show cover up their “sins,” do their best to keep them from facing legal trouble, and set them up with young women to marry.
Anonymous
Gofundme won’t work because her religion demands that the man is the head of the household & the money is controlled by her husband. Possibly her father and/or father-in-law if her husband is unavailable, but I doubt that would truly help her escape as they set up her marriage & the dynamic that she’s to blame for Josh’s sick behavior for not satisfying her husband.
Anonymous
The husband of Jill (one of the sister’s he molested) has stated how all money from the show has gone directly to the father. I think that says it all.
Anon
My GoFundMe suggestion only works if she was willing to leave the whole family. Pretty impossible to do with kids.
Anon For This
This was a federal case, not a state case, so I don’t think any bail reform measures would have applied
anon
The default is supposed to be that defendants are released from jail before trial, unless there is a flight risk that or a danger to the public that can’t be mitigated by other measures (taking a defendant’s passport, making them wear an ankle monitor, prohibiting contact with children, etc.). Depriving people of their liberty is one of the most serious exercises of state power, and doing that to someone who hasn’t been convicted of a crime should be something that only occurs when there aren’t other options. The fact that the evidence seems really clear doesn’t really matter – he hasn’t been convicted.
Anon
Unless he is living solo in an apartment with no internet, he is a danger to the girl children, even if family, he is likely to be in contact with.
anon
The conditions of his release require essentially that – electronic monitoring, full confinement to a residence that is not owned by his family under the supervision of others, no access to any internet capable device, and only supervised visitation with his children.
I think he’s pretty awful and it seems very likely that he’s going to be convicted, but he hasn’t been as yet.
Anon
I think the guy’s a creep but I agree with anon, he is not convicted of a crime at the moment. We can’t just lock up people because people who read news articles (including me) think they’re a danger. This is part of the constitution.
And it happens every day with many many arrested but not yet convicted people you’ve never heard of.
Anonymous
There is a space between locked up and unlimited access to your kids supervised only by your wife (who believes she goes to he L L if she does not obey her ‘headship’). And unlimited attendance at church even with kids there.
Anonymous
I don’t think the word ‘creep’ goes far enough to describe someone that downloaded snuff films of babies.
Anon For This
In my experience with federal criminal cases, it’s not really a surprise that he’d be released pre-trial. People facing 5 to 10 year mandatory minimums, including for this type of charge, routinely get bail barring some extenuating factors (things like significant flight risk, as in the defendant is some kind of international business tycoon with foreign passports who is in a position to flee the US and never return; violent crimes + threat to the community in that sense; if he was charged with production of the material then yes, that might warrant being detained pre-trial).
Uhhh no
[trigger warning here] Jesus Christ, people. He was an active participant in the market for imagery and video of very young children being sexually assaulted. He fed the demand for those images. He encouraged production of that kind of horror. Do you know, really know, what those images depict? Do you know how they are made? The children aren’t smiling, I’ll tell you that.
Most people here are subconsciously flipping a switch in their brain that prevents them from processing what these images actually show. Your brain is going, “oh, child sexual abuse imagery. Very bad. Stop here.” And you do, and that’s a self-protection mechanism, and mostly, it’s a good thing so that you don’t traumatize yourself every time you read about something like this in the news. But when we’re talking about releasing someone like him on bail, then I think people do need to really sit with what it means to have done something of this type and magnitude. For the second time. Offenders like him – repeat offenders, internet guys whose crimes are very hard to detect and very, very harmful to vulnerable members of society – are exactly the type of people who should remain in custody until their cases are adjudicated. He has a speedy trial right and can exercise it at any time. And in the meantime, he’s just too dangerous. I would encourage everyone in this thread to really examine their own unconscious biases about what a “dangerous criminal” looks like. I think a lot of people are seeing a dorky white boy and making some unfounded assumptions, while your mind is minimizing the atrocities he committed because you’d incur a little bit of vicarious trauma if you really indulged consideration of what these images show and how they are made. He is a dangerous predator and a judge telling him “stay off the internet” isn’t going to work. Full stop.
Anon
Thank you for saying this. I really believe that predators groom whole communities and that white predators have been doing so for a while; our whole culture has serious work to do on this.
Anon
The Yahoo story did a remarkable job of explaining the issues, including the lack of bail. He’s under electronic monitoring, is not a flight risk, voluntarily surrendered himself when he heard about the charges, etc. Bluntly, I expect that it’s cheaper to have him live at home with an ankle bracelet than it is to incarcerate him.
https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/josh-duggar-child-pornography-case-trial-bail-home-confinement-000211966.html
Anon
I think you’re right that it’s cheaper for taxpayers to just keep him at home.
I recall seeing a blueprint of the parents’s house and the girls were housed at the end of a hallway that you had to walk through the parents’ room to get to, largely so they could make sure Josh wasn’t having access. That is so tragic and scary.
Anon
Not shocked he was released, but I’m horrified that he’s allowed unlimited contact with his children.
Anon
After reading the article it made more sense to me. He isn’t allowed to leave the house (where a pastor and his wife reside) and Anna (his wife) has to be present during this “unlimited” contact with his kids. He basically has strict supervised visitation in one location, there just isn’t a schedule for when it occurs.
Anonymous
Josh Duggar perfectly illustrates how women and girls are oppressed in America (between his crimes against girls and his family’s complicit actions to protect up). The men in that family are absolutely sick for covering up his actions and pressuring his wife to stay with him so she can breed more children. It makes me nauseous to even think of.
Anonymous
Horrified that he was released. I get that we are moving away from holding people pre-trial but the minimum should have been state supervised access to his children and residing at a residence with only other adults. The residence he is going to be at has children visiting regularly for piano lessons.
The federal investigator said it was one of the top five worst cases he has seen. There should not be unlimited access to the children supervised by the mom. How does that not equate him just being at home all day long every day?
Anonymous
I completely expected he’d be released to another home of a “family friend” — i.e. a church family. But am surprised that he cannot have contact with other minors but unlimited access to his own kids is ok. Either you’re safe to be around kids or not. We deem you unsafe to be around other kids, but yours oh ok that’s probably fine.
I know Anna will be there but there are SIX kids. What happens when she needs to take one to the bathroom, isn’t he watching the other 5 then? Since these are church friends and the Duggars will take full advantage of their “hospitality,” I predict that they’ll fall into a routine where Anna arrives with the 6 kids at 9 am and stays until 5 pm until the husband in that family gets home. So basically it’s like being home with Josh except in someone else’s home. That means Anna will be tending to the kids, making them lunch, putting the little kids down for naps etc. — not sitting and watching Josh interact with the kids; it just leaves open time for him to be alone with a kid or two if he really wanted esp as they get “comfortable” with this routine and Anna says ok I’m going to start lunch with the older kids helping me in the kitchen and Josh says no problem, I’ll take the youngest two outside to play for 10 minutes.
Anonymous
If he is accused of committing these crimes while living with his wife and children, it’s unbelievable that he is being allowed any contact with his children or that his wife would be allowed to supervise his access to the children.
Anon
It definitely happens though.
Anon
This case addressed the constitutional right to parent in the wake of other sex offenses:
https://www.courier-journal.com/story/news/2018/09/19/kentucky-supreme-court-sex-offender-children-supervision-battle/1336988002/
Anonymous
This is wholly different. In this case the alleged offenses are recent and he has an admitted history of touching family members of the same age as his children and the CSAM relates to children of the same age as his children. State supervised access only would be permitted if he wasn’t famous.
I was a CPS lawyer for a number of years and he was a number of glaring risk factors. This is not about allowing someone convicted of a crime against a teenage boy to have access to a baby daughter. The victims in the CSAM is he alleged to have viewed are exactly the same ages as his children and he has an acknowledged history of touching female relatives in the same age range as the CSAM and his current children.
Anon
Well this ruined my day. What utter garbage.
Anon
Yep. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that 19 Kids and Counting + Counting On have been my guilty pleasures for years, but Josh is a scumbag, and it sickens me that he was released to a family friend just so he can see his kids with supervision. He should have NO access to kids right now, including his own. They found a picture of his computer featuring an 18-month old. I wish his wife would leave, it makes me sad that she feels stuck with him and obligated to stand by him no matter what.
Anonymous
Allegedly it’s not just a picture. It’s an infamous video that was not thought to be real because it was so horrible until they found and convicted the guy who made it. You do not want to read the details.
Anon
My kid is 15 months old. My brain is short-circuiting just reading what you wrote.
Anon
What are we sending new moms these days? Not her first baby, she has everything, I don’t know enough about her circumstances to send a specific gift card.
Anon
I like to send a small collection of board books. Even if she has older children, the books she already has may be pretty messed up by the time baby gets to them. I like
Goodnight Moon
The Very Hungry Caterpillar
Jamberry
Pat the Bunny
And obviously a nice card congratulating them.
Anon
+1. Especially lift-the-flap books.
Also for the mom herself, new water bottle, a food delivery (either made yourself or a gc to somewhere like UberEats), or a gc to a local spa/hair salon with a note explaining the intent to use it toward the end of her maternity leave (or before her first big out-of-the-house outing) to help her feel relaxed and pampered again.
Curious
Food that can be eaten one handed! Ideally non constipating. Dried fruit without added sugar, oatmeal cookies (in theory good for kill production), Kind bars (Pressed are good for fruit and fiber).
Or a FridaMom recovery kit if you’re on that kind of terms.
Curious
By kill, I mean milk. WTH, autocorrect.
Anonop
I think oatmeal cookies are actually perfect here. Thanks!
Cornellian
agreed on one handed food, especially if she’s nursing. Gift certificates for Amazon/Target (even if she has everything she’ll need diapers, n*pple balm, or something). Does ubereats or any of the food delivery services do gift cards? That would have been very helpful, too.
I’m pro giving mom gifts, and not baby. Baby has enough stuff, I’m sure.
Anon
I will just say for me personally none of the “new mom” gifts landed very well. I got some perfumey lotions I didn’t like the scent of, some bath products when I wasn’t allowed to take a bath, and a Starbucks card when I don’t live near one (believe it or not. I’m in a Peet’s city) and honestly, I would have been so happy with a box of diapers.
Anon
i on the other hand would’ve loved a starbucks gift card, so maybe just know the city :-)
anon
This is why Target fits the bill!
Anonymous
I’ve had 4 kids and by the time the 4th was born, both baby and I had everything. HOWEVER, that made nice things all the more wonderful. No way was I going to buy myself a new nursing bra or top or wrap; this was my LAST KID. But when my dad brought me a cozy barefoot dreams wrap sweater to the hospital I threw it on and didn’t take it off for a few months. Same thing with adorable outfits or sweet baby blankets (we got a Silver Unicorn one we loved and at 3 she still has on her bed!). Kid #4 was my 3rd girl. We had outfits covered. But that made the one $80 outfit all the more treasured because no way was I going to be buying her anything like that.
Food is always good, too.
Seafinch
Gift cert to the specialty bra store, signed mom of 4!
And now I buy close friends a Barefoot, too!
Anon
I had undereye (tear trough) filler about a week and a half ago and wanted to share my experience since there were a few posts about it recently. Before having it done, I consulted at a medspa, cosmetic dermatologist, and a plastic surgeon. They all recommended various combinations of botox and filler. I’ve had tons of botox in the past, but not since 2019. To my surprise, the plastic surgeon recommended the least amount of both, and charged the least for it. The derm’s office and the surgeon’s office both took high quality photos from all angles and assessed them, then talked to me for 15 minutes or so about what I’m looking for and what the options are. At the medspa, the injector nurse just had me make a few different faces and made recommendations very quickly based on that alone. I chose the plastic surgeon’s office. I should also mention, the surgeon consulted with me first, and then recommended the injector nurse do the injections. I then had a separate consultation with her and was confident in choosing her to do the injections. I paid ~$1,000 for syringe of Volbella and 20 units of botox. The Volbella should last a year, the botox 4-5 months. It was painless, the botox hurt more than the filler and botox pain is like 3/10. I had a tiny bruise where the needle went in, which I covered with concealer the next day. The bruise was gone in 48 hours. The nurse also offered a laser 24 hours after that could remove the bruise in under 5 minutes, which was included in the cost, but I didn’t need it. It currently looks great. Very subtle change, but it makes a world of difference to me. I still need to wear a little concealer. Before, no combo of undereye concealer/corrector worked on my dark circles, so that is MAJOR improvement for me.
Anon
As a data point, how old are you and what is your skin like generally?
Anon
I’m 33, have been getting Botox off and on for 6 years. My skin is in generally great condition thanks to over a decade of daily spf50 and a few years of tretinoin, but I still have noticed slight volume loss. I think my undereye bags are mostly genetic.
Anon
Thank you for sharing! I’ve been considering this for awhile. I never knew how much my face would change as I got older. I anticipated wrinkles, but not the tear trough bags! Appreciate all the details you shared and glad you had a successful treatment!
Anon
Was the botox also for undereye circles/loss of volume, or something else? I’m confused! #procedurenewbie
Anone
Yes I’m also wondering if it was loss of volume, darkness of eye bags, or both. And thanks for sharing this info with us.
Anon
Op here, I got “baby Botox” around my forehead and brows, which I’ve been getting off and on for 6 or so years. This addresses fine lines, not volume.
Another paint question
You guys always have great paint suggestions-
What colour would you suggest for a sunroom that gets full morning sun (at least for half the year)? This is the room where we go to sip coffee and read in the mornings before the kids get up, so something soothing, but I would also like something beautiful. Half of the room is painted brick and half is regular dry wall, not sure if that matters. Also, the sunroom opens into our dining room that has warm cream walls, golden yellow under the chair rail, if that needs to be considered as well. We have most of the major paint retailers near us.
Anon
We recently painted our sunroom, twice, so I will tell you our mistake. We wanted it to feel connected with the outdoors so we tried first for shades of blue mimicking the sky but in the end, after lots of work, it looked like a little boy’s nursery. So then we started over with subtle shades of olive-leaning green and it’s much better.
Our local paint store is Kelly Moore and they have my forever loyalty because they gave me a full paint deck. So I’m not sure whether the specific paint names will be meaningful to you but they are pineapple sage for the stucco upper wall, and green tea for the lower part of the wall that is shingled in our case.
Our house is a historic brown shingle in NorCal and our sunroom was actually a sleeping porch originally, with windows added later. So that’s why there are shingles there.
We went with these slightly olivey greens because they’re a little more naturalistic looking than bluer greens.
Anon
+1 Was going to suggest a light olive green. It’ll play nicely with your cream and yellow, won’t clash with painted brick, and it’ll highlight the outdoors. Plus gives you a nice base for sunroom decorations in the blue/ green/ yellow/ gold family.
OPAnother paint question
Thanks! I’m happy to learn from your mistake! This sounds so elegant and woodsy.
Anon
The answer is whatever Maria Killam suggests. She has a great blog on her site. I’d have said BM Pale Oak until you mentioned the yellow — they might not work well together. They might. You’d need large samples to be sure (for any color).
Anon
Why is this in moderation???
Cat
“s-te”
honestly the policy is bananacrackers at this point.
Anonymous
*adds “bananacrackers” to naughty words list* lol
MWDC
My neighbor recently built on a sun-room that she painted “Sugared Pear” — I googled and it looks to be a Glidden paint — and it is beautifully gorgeous. YMMV if the undertones will match the creams and yellows you already have.
Anononon
My home office is Benjamin Moore Brazilian Rainforest. It is a deep green (jade? emerald?) and is really beautiful. I’ve been WFH in this room for a year+ and I love love love sitting in here. It’s a lot of color but I don’t find it overwhelming or “too much”. The pictures of it I’m seeing online have a bit of a grey cast, but that must just be my monitor since I don’t perceive it as grey in real life; I think it would look good with most cream colors and probably with brick too.
Anon
Personally I love the drama of black walls in this kind of space, even if the look probably isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. You can get away with the darkness because of all the natural light and it helps frame the views outside the windows.
Cat
I dream of a sunroom with navy paint. The contrast is beautiful.
Coach Laura
Pale peach is my recommendation.
Stocking dentist
Is anyone familiar with health code/footwear requirements for dental offices? I took my daughter to the dentist today and they ask that everyone remove their shoes. (Booties were provided for over the shoes if you wanted to keep yours on). Which I thought was gross, but fine. But then – the entire staff and dentist were all just wearing socks. I’m thinking this has to be a health code violation of some sort. Is anyone familiar with this?
Cat
why would this be a health code violation? Honestly the office is probably 200% cleaner than it is when people are tromping around all day in their outside shoes that touch dried-up (or not) pet waste, human waste, old chewing gum, etc.
Equestrian attorney
My SO is a dentist and he wears shoes, but he has to bring a seperate pair of shoes (not the ones he wears outside) as per hygiene rules. He has worked in several offices and never just worn socks, but the no-outside shoes rules seems pretty common. Although they don’t ask patients to do that as far as I know.
Anon
I think this is really weird but not gross. I don’t see a huge difference in cleanliness or hygiene between socks and shoes. The feet are still covered.
Anon
I’ve worked in a lot of labs and every single one of them has required closed toed shoes because you can spill chemicals or drop heavy or sharp things on your feet, all of which would definitely seem to be issues in a dental office (needles!!!). This seems extremely unsafe!
Anon
My dermatologists office required taking shoes off and putting surgical booty things on bare or socked feet during the winter.
Anonymous
I would think if anything it’s an OSHA issue- what if something fell on the foot of an employee?
Anonymous
but how is this different from someone wearing flats or sandals to an office? those don’t really protect your feet from falling objects
Anonymous
I’ve never been in a medical office where open toed shoes were allowed. But could just be common sense ;)
Anonymous
Help! I recently got a big promotion and am stepping into a big, public-facing role at my company. The company is planning to issue a press release and has scheduled a photographer to come in and take new headshots as well as some “action” shots of me in the office. So, full body photos. I have been WFH for a year and don’t even know what in my closet fits, much less what is fashionable these days. What do I wear for this? It was traditionally a business formal environment, but a suit feels too stuffy these days. Dress & blazer? Ugh. I hate having my picture taken.
Anonymous
Dress and blazer, perfectly tailored.
Flats Only
Dress and blazer. For more informal, colored/print dress and blazer, or add a statement necklace (Yes, I know they’re “out of fashion” but they do serve a purpose in some situations). And get the office to spring for a hair/makeup appointment for the photos, unless your every day style is so crunchy-granola that the pictures would severely contrast with how you look in person.
Anonymous
Congrats! Have your hair and makeup done, and wear a dress and blazer, and conservative good jewelry. This picture will be with you for a while.
Anonymous
Weird Q, but: my friend is pregnant and in our texts she hasn’t responded about the baby for like 10 weeks. She’d definitely be showing by this point and feeling kicks and sharing ultrasounds. Nothing on social media. This is her first child. Is it weird that I’m a bit worried she aborted after the 20-week genetic screen and is afraid to tell me? I was raised Catholic and have a disabled child but would support whatever decision she made. Just not sure how to support my friend here.
Equestrian attorney
She also might have miscarried and not want to talk about it? Honestly this seems like a weird assumption. I would back off and let her come to you with her news in good time.
Anon
Right? Like why is your first assumption an abortion and not a miscarriage? This is really weird to me.
Cat
Yeah same.
Curious
I think she’s assuming friend wouldn’t be ashamed to share a miscarriage, but would be silent/conflicted on an abortion. OP, in case that’s true, based on my anecdata of one: miscarriage is really hard to talk about and I felt a lot of guilt and shame. Mine was early and it would have been worse if it was farther along. I am a talker and yet I didn’t tell a lot of my close friends for a while.
But I actually really understand your concern. It’s possible that abortion is what happened and it is how your friend feels. You won’t be able to prompt her to tell you. You can only show her support when and if she can bear telling the story.
Cornellian
+1. That’s a weird conclusion to jump to, to me. I would let her come to you, but maybe ask her how’s she’s doing directly, if that’s not already part of your text back and forth.
Anon
If she knows you well enough to know that’s the conclusion you’d jump to, I’m not at all surprised she wouldn’t tell you. You sound very judgmental.
Aunt Jamesina
She could also just be tired of pregnancy questions.
Anon
Like people are specifically asking questions and she’s not responding to them, or she’s not volunteering info and pics? The latter seems very normal. If the former, could be that something hasn’t gone well or that she’s feeling anxious or who knows. Why not call her and ask? Hi friend, thinking of you, wanted to check in and see how you’re doing and how pregnancy was going? I know it can be stressful and tough but in here if you want to talk about anything.
Anonymous
Op here – 2x we’ve texted about other things and 2x I’ve asked how she’s feeling; this last time I asked about kicks and pictures. No response. I don’t want to push her by calling her because that feels like an intrusion.
PregAnon
Is it not possible that she just doesn’t want to share a lot of info? You’re not entitled to it, and from the perspective of a pregnant-during-the-pandemic-person, everything is so stressful right now that talking about it has sometimes felt like a burden – having to perform happiness while feeling very ambivalent about the future.
Regardless, you need to leave her alone about it. If it’s come up and she’s declining to answer, that’s answer enough. Ask her how she’s doing, but no need to bring up the pregnancy.
Anon
I shared nothing about my pregnancy on social media and didn’t talk to people about it (this was a result of severe prenatal depression). One of my friends thought I miscarried.
Just call her up and ask her.
Anon
I didn’t talk about my baby when I was pregnant because there wasn’t really anything to talk about yet. Maybe she feels the same way.
Elodie
I think you are being thoughtful and considering a real possibility. Having to contend with sad results is awful. Having to tell people you are no longer pregnant is another flavor of awful, especially if you’d just made the hardest decision of your life and you aren’t sure who will respond kindly (like it sounds like you will), and who will judge you. I felt that way after getting divorced, and, as someone pregnant and about to undergo my screening tests, am thinking about it again. I think I’d try to give her a call, and gauge the tone. That said, I would also respond well to a friend who texted and said “I haven’t heard you mention the baby recently, and although that may be just because you’re happily busy with other things, I’ve gotten a little worried and I just wanted to reach out and reassure you that if you lost the baby or got heartbreaking test results and had to make a hard decision, know that I will wrap you in a huge hug”. And hopefully she’s response “Oh, everything’s great, just bored with pregnancy talk”. But knowing that someone was willing to cry with me if I needed to cry would be something I’d remember and appreciate for a long time.
Ribena
I got my first haircut in 6 months today and went for something a bit different and… I don’t know if I like it. Please tell me stories of getting used to different cuts/ how you grew them out!
(Context – I have had a side part and mostly all one length hair – although of varying lengths – since I was in my teens. I have just got a slightly choppy bob with sideswept bangs and it’s all very different).
Jules
I am sure you look great! I have had long, straight, center-parted hair for a lot of my life (except for an unfortunate pixie my mother mandatedfor my three sisters and me as kids). When I was about 22 I got a fairly dramatic haircut, to a shoulder-length bob with bangs, and I kind of freaked out even though it was what I asked for (and even though it made me look like I had cheekbones for the first time in my life). I did get used to it, and now when I see pictures of how I looked then I think I was really cute. (Well, of course I was, I was 22.)
You will come to like your new cut, I think, but if not hair grows out fast.
Anon
I always hate my hair the way the hairdresser dries it. Maybe give it a day or two until you wash and style. It might begin to feel more like you.
CountC
That sounds like a really cool cut! I am sure it looks awesome. I am boring and have long layers because my hair is frizz central when it’s humid and I can’t force it not to be so fun cuts are not practical for me.
Swimsuit season
With swimsuit season upon us – any recommendations for at-home bikini line management? I normally go out for waxing but am not yet doing indoor appointments, and am a bit overwhelmed at options for at-home waxing.
Anonymous
Piggybacking on this, does anyone use the Tinkle razor for this? Regular razors don’t work for me – fast track to irritation.
Anony
Yes but I use the Schick version (which is amazing). I can’t use regular razors on my bikini line either because I get crazy irritation and ingrown hairs. It’s called the Schick Hydro Silk Touch-Up razor. I also use it for my face. Highly recommend!
Anonymous
Not really what you’re asking but you’re in and out so fast and with only one person so waxing (with an n95) was one of the few things I kept doing all pandemic without issue.
Go for it
Nair ~ gross but works really well for me with zero sensitivity issues
pugsnbourbon
Same, it’s messy but it’s painless, cheap and quick. Make sure you spot test first in case you have an allergy.
Anon
I find that hard wax works best. I use Parissa warm wax with muslin strips.
Seafinch
I have epilated for 25 years; cheap, convenient and no plastic waste!