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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 143 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Seeker Leather Top Handle Bag

Coffee Break

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Mustard is going to be a hot color for fall. It's not exactly my favorite, but I think if I were going to get into the trend, this cute bag from Hobo would be at the top of my list. I like that it's smaller than a tote but still a good-sized shoulder bag, and I like that the zippers at the top go in different directions; it's a fun little detail, and the tassels are balanced that way. The bag also comes in black, burnt bronze, graphite, and mink, and it's getting good reviews so far. Readers have always loved Hobo as an affordable option for those into that vintage leather bag vibe. This is $248 at Nordstrom. Seeker Leather Top Handle Bag This lower-priced bag at DSW comes in both mustard and dark mustard. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

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Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Please help me shop for a dress to wear to a casual wedding on Saturday. The ceremony is outside and the reception is in a barn. Dress code is casual so a sundress will be fine but it might rain (the groom is wearing jeans, so…). Size medium or 6-8. Preferably Amazon prime or a store I can go to in person. Under $50. Thanks!

  2. Plane tickets

    Is there risk in buying plane tickets from places like Expedia? When I do the Kayak search, I see a BA flight, but it’s $600 to book on Expedia, and $1200 to book direct through BA. I feel like there has to be some catch here. I’m also jumpy because I remember getting held up in a European airport once while a young couple tried in vain to have the airline find their reservation they’d booked 3rd party.

    • Anonymous

      Yes. If all the flights are on time it shouldn’t be an issue. But I’ve had an airline tell me they can’t rebook me after a cancelled flight because it was bought on Expedia. I never buy third party anymore fof that reason.

      Normally airlines price match third parties anyway. Is it a codeshare, eg “British Airways operated by ____”? If so, try the other airline’s site.

      • Anonymous

        That’s odd, I’ve never had an issue getting rebooked because of a cancellation when using Expedia or Travelocity. You can’t make any changes to the reservation generally with those sites, but even when booking directly from a carrier anymore you usually can’t do that unless you buy an upgraded ticket of some sort it seems.

      • nutella

        Same thing happened to me. My (3hr) flight was delayed, delayed, delayed and I never left my home airport after 5 hours of sitting there. When I tried to get on another flight or figure out some kind of option, the airline refused and referred me to Expedia. After an hour on hold with Expedia (still at the home airport), the best they could offer me was to get on one leg that would then leave me in another airport not just overnight but then the next leg wouldn’t leave until the following evening – meaning it would be 30 hours before I’d get to the final destination. It was just a weekend trip and I would have only been in the final city — and during waking hours — for about 4 hours. It was a total bust. After that, I resolved never to do it again. (Now I book with my Chase Sapphire.)

        • Plane tickets

          And no problems with the Chase bookings right? They’re technically 3rd party too, no?

      • jwalk

        I actually had the opposite experience. I was flying from the US to the UAE (IAD – BOS – DXB) and we were getting a snowstorm in Boston, so I wanted to fly out early and directly from IAD to avoid the mess. Emirates canceled my IAD – BOS flight, but not BOS – DXB, so they wouldn’t rebook me. But I had originally booked through Expedia, and after getting a manager on the phone (and holding off and on for over an hour), they were able to rebook me on the flight I wanted at no cost. I was pretty stunned and thrilled it worked out (others going on the same trip with me who flew out of the northeast had their flights canceled and all arrived at least a day late).

    • Anonymous

      Is the flight direct?

      I almost booked through Expedia for one flight because it had way better connection options than anywhere else. Then I realized that they were pairing flights with airlines that aren’t in the same… whatever that’s called, group or something… which means that if one airline is behind schedule, your connecting airline won’t let you shift your reservation, you just have to buy another ticket.

      • Plane tickets

        It’s not direct, but they are both BA flights (and I can find the same flights through BA but for the higher price). I agree on the multiple airlines thing though. And if I check bags, I think it means I have to actually pick up my bags and recheck, which is a definite NO.

        I did also find another weird thing though where I found an Aer Lingus flight with a stopover (but no airline switching) but can’t replicate it on the Aer Lingus site.

        • Anonymous

          Check the class of the tickets. You may be in “Basic Economy” vs. “Main Cabin” or something, depending on the booking. There are more restrictions in “basic economy.”

    • givemyregards

      Complete anecdata, but: I booked a flight on Priceline once and when I got to the airport to check in (international flight, so couldn’t check in in advance), the desk agent couldn’t find any record of our reservation. In their system it looked like the ticket had been reserved but never ticketed. Fortunately, we were able to find a ticket number buried in one of their e-mails, and she was able to eventually find it, but otherwise we would have had to buy a new ticket at the airport (travel was work related so not optional). Her words were “never book on Priceline this happens a lot with them.” I pretty much always booked directly with airlines anyway, that just happened to be a really good deal, but now I stick exclusively with directly booking, or booking through my credit card’s travel portal.

    • Rainbow Hair

      IDK what level of granularity you want to get to, but there are also different classes (categories? levels? not sure on the word) of fares within the first/business/economy categories that can matter and are priced differently. Like on AA there’s the “and if you’re in group nine, you only get a personal item and if you brought on a carry on, sorry you have to pay to check it” class. And I have got screwed booking (using AA miles) a codeshare on Alaska because ??? something meant that I couldn’t change my seats?

      Having said all that, I’d probably still book it to save 1/2 the price!

    • Anonymous

      I would be really skeptical about, only because I have never found Expedia/Kayak to have cheaper flights than the airline. I always use those sites to pick my flight, and then go to the airline to book, and it has always been the same price. So, I would be concerned that something weird is going on.

    • M

      If you are still reading – I travel a ton domestically and internationally and have had good experiences with Expedia. I will book direct with the airline if the price is the same/similar, but sometimes Expedia has deals too good to pass up. This is especially true if you bundle flight and hotels. I have found business class + hotel for the same price as economy with the airline. They’ve always been fine navigating flight cancellations (when the airline cancels due to weather – I’ve never had my ticket not show up).
      The main downside is less control to choose seats and sometimes no or less miles. But for significant savings, I’d go for it

    • EM84

      I am based in Europe and almost exclusively book tickets via (reputable) 3rd parties. The price is cheaper as they operate with lower margins and are able to sell lots of left-over seats in a minute. You should get your ticket immediately after paying and if you are still nit confident, you can call and check with the airline. I use smaller local online sellers letuska dot cz or pelikan dot cz. And I used go to gate a few times as well. And there is a huge difference vs 3rd party and airline direct prices (at least for Lufthansa, Austrian, BA). If you travel around Europe, 3rd parties are fine.

  3. Gail the Goldfish

    I was late on this yesterday, so posting again in the hope of getting more thoughts–I need a new washer; does anyone have one they like? I currently have a Samsung top-loader with no agitator. It has started rusting on the inside and gets stuck on the rinse/spin cycle repeatedly (sometimes I get an unbalanced error but rebalancing doesn’t seem to help, sometime it just adds a bunch of time for no apparent reason). So I’m looking for something better than that.

    • BB

      I really like our Electrolux. It’s a side loading model, but I think in general their washers are good. Our sales guy actually talked us out of buying a more expensive Miele model because he liked his own Electrolux so much.

    • Old School

      I am old-school about washing machines and like a matched set when possible. Right now, I’m on year 6 of a Maytag almost top of the line pair. People have been absolutely raving about Speed Queen though. As in, the washing machines get the clothes so much cleaner. I will almost certainly look into Speed Queen next. I hear they are expensive but worth it.

    • Pale Girl Snorkeling

      I bought a new to me used washer this year from a guy who repairs washers and dryers. He had a lot of opinions but what it came down to was getting the simplest top loader that has the features you need. Less parts to break and fewer circuits that can break down. I spent $150 on a GE that he had fixed and that washer has been fantastic. I have pets so I have plenty of extra laundry for it.

    • Anon

      I have a pair of LGs from a local appliance store. Top loader. We used Consumer Reports to do research using a free login from our local library. Couldn’t tell you which model but they’re outstanding.

    • Anonanon

      I am a die hard Speed Queen fan! With that said, I have heard there were some updates to the 2018 models which were not favorable, so ymmv.

      • Lilly

        Speed Queen for the win. I do have the older all mechanical version. I was told by the appliance store owner that they were phasing out the mechanical controls. It really is speedy and does a good John if you avoid the “eco” cycle. They are usual sold at small independant appliance stores not big box stores.

    • anon

      I’ve had a Maytag Bravos for 7 years and it’s still going strong. I’ve been really happy with it, and it cleans much better than my previous washer. It’s a high-efficiency top loader.

      I live in a newer neighborhood, which means all of us bought washers/dryers at roughly the same time. Anecdotally, my neighbors who bought Samsungs have been very unhappy, and at least half those washers have been replaced with something else.

    • JTM

      Just got new washer & dryer after a lot of research, and settled on an LG front loader pair – we got the 4.5 Cu. Ft 9 cycle front loader washer and the matching steam dryer.

      Also bought through Costco during 4 of July sales – all the major retailers had the specific models we wanted on sale, but Costco’s bundle included free pedestals ($500 everywhere else) and free install. We had a wait a couple of weeks from order date, but it was more than worth it.

    • NC anon

      We bought a Kenmore Elite pair from Sears with a builder discount from our realtor. IIRC you’re in the Triangle? I read the Sears at Crabtree is closing, not sure if they’ll discount their appliances.

  4. Anon

    I promise this is not another post about the risks of alcohol for women.

    I have recently started dating a guy who does not drink. (I don’t know the reason – haven’t asked him, he’s not volunteered any info.) We’ve been on a handful of dates (both restaurants and outdoorsy daytime dates) and I’m thoroughly enjoying hanging out with him. We’ve been out for a couple of nice dinners and he always orders a sparkling water. I enjoy having a glass of wine with a nice dinner, so I’ve just gone ahead and ordered one, and he’s never commented. I’m just making myself feel a little weird about it (I recognize this is entirely coming from me, no apparent judgment from him). It’s made me realize how much of early stage dating for me revolves around meeting for drinks, even for me as a very lightweight drinker (one or two drinks max in an evening). On our second date we went for a nice dinner and when it was over by 9pm I think neither one of us really wanted the date to end, but I wasn’t quite ready to invite him to my place. Normally I would have suggested going for another drink, but that didn’t seem right (even though he would probably have been up for more time together, over another sparkling water). So we just stood there awkwardly looking at each other and then said goodnight and I went home.

    The no drinking thing is of course not a deal breaker, but it makes me a little sad that we wouldn’t share some things that I really enjoy, like going to wine country, enjoying a nice glass of wine with cooking, the occasional post-hike beer on a hot day, etc. But I feel like I want to talk to him about it – to get an idea of why he doesn’t drink (do adults even need a reason? it seems like the default is that most people drink at least a little bit but perhaps I need to rethink this) and to know if it bothers him that I do. Is that too intrusive to ask early on in the dating? And how do I get over feeling guilty for having a drink? (No indication at all that he’s had past issues with alcohol and doesn’t want people drinking around him, but of course I don’t know that for sure.)

    • Anon

      For the awkwardness about ending the evening early, go to a café that’s open late (you know the artsy type / graduate student hang out type) – they are often open until 11 or midnight, serve all types of coffee and uncaffeinated drinks, and at least 80% of the ones I’ve been too also sell beer, wine, and desserts. Or go to a “dessert bar”. Most large cities have them – a cake or chocolate shop open late where people go after dinner.

      I can see him not drinking at all might feel like a big issue, but I’m sure he is used to adults around him drinking and doesn’t think twice about casual drinking like wine with dinner or a couple beers at a biergarten (as opposed to binge).

      • Anonymous

        +1. I’d also say that once you’re a couple dates in (as you are), I think it’s a fair question to ask out of curiosity. While maybe he doesn’t like the taste, it’s also possible he’s in recovery or has another reason for not drinking (part of a very conservative religion?) and thus it seems to me to be worth finding out.

        • Anon OP

          Yes I think I would like to know and I will ask, perhaps next time we go out for dinner. If he’s not drinking for his own reasons (health, doesn’t like it, whatever) that’s one thing, but if he’s actually sitting there quietly judging me for drinking, then that’s a no from me.

          • Anonymous

            Stop being so defensive. Dude keeps dating you. Nothing at all suggests that he’s judging you.

          • Anonymous

            I totally get it – my partner is in recovery, had been sober for years when we met, but I felt super-awkward drinking in front of him for the first….six months? Maybe longer?

            He was very forthright about not drinking from the outset, but never did or said anything to make me feel judged about it. (Now he buys me wine. <3)

            We see a lot of shows in places with drinking, but rarely just go to the pub to hang out because it's a trigger.

          • Anon OP

            I think you perhaps misread my post to sound defensive? I didn’t say he’s judging me – I just said if it’s (a) I’m totally cool with it, but if it’s (b) it’s not for me. Also I want to be considerate to him if it is an issue for him that I’m drinking (in case he’s in recovery) – at some point I will probably ask him, gently. I’m not at all judging him for not drinking. I’m actually rethinking this whole early stage dating thing revolving around alcohol so much, and also why the default seems to be an assumption that everyone is a drinker. I would absolutely not think it’s a reason not to date him. Just trying to navigate something that’s new for me, but it’s a good eye opener for my own assumptions.

          • Anonymous

            I have been dating a non drinker as well; I asked on the second date if he minded me getting wine at dinner- he said no not at all and then told me why he didn’t drink anymore.
            In his situation he quit over 10 years ago after he had a near drunken incident that could have caused serious injury to someone… he assured me he had zero issues with being around me drinking and was happy to be the driver if I wanted to have another drink after dinner :)..
            I’m not sure how I would have felt if he’d had an issue with me drinking but asking helped open up the conversation.
            And we live near wine country; he’s mentioned going to Napa and I guess I looked surprised; he said there’s great food and lots of spa type stuff to do so maybe you don’t need to right off those things either?

          • Just Ask

            Ask from a place of wanting to get to know him better.

            I’m a previous poster who does not drink (due to health, taste, and religious reasons) and I go out with my friends and co-workers all the time to happy hours. My SO drinks occasionally. I seriously don’t care. I even gone to wine bars with them and partake of everything (cheese plate/desserts/etc.), except the alcohol.

            I have a colleague who had several DUIs in college and is sober now. You’d never “know” it unless she told you. And another colleague who just doesn’t like to drink. The three of us get club soda/sparkling water/cranberry juice/mocktails and no one cares. We are always at events and always have a great time (and all three doing fine in biglaw where the culture is very drinking heavy).

            So, yes, lots of adults don’t drink, but we are not judging you. Like others mentioned, go to a late night coffee shop or a second stop for dessert.

      • Anon OP

        That’s a good idea. I’m in a relatively small artsy college town, so I feel like this wouldn’t be hard to find.

      • Anonymous

        Ehh not necessarily – it’s very possible he’s in recovery and doesn’t really want to be around people drinking (he might have felt too awkward about it to say something on their early dates).

    • Anonymous

      I don’t see the harm in asking. If someone gets offended that you want to learn more about him on a date, then he’s not someone that you want to be dating.

    • Anonymous

      Personally I would want to know why he doesn’t drink because I have ZERO interest in dating an addict, even a “recovered” one, after bad experiences with addicts in my family. That’s a dealbreaker for me. Maybe that’s something to take into consideration for you.

    • Anonymous

      He doesn’t need a reason, but you can ask him if it was an active choice or something he just does. “I’ve noticed you haven’t been ordering alcohol and was curious about that decision, since most of the people I know are wine or beer drinkers”

      If you want a data point, I am an adult that doesn’t drink like you do (not a judgement on your choice :) ) – it wouldn’t ever occur to me to have a glass of wine while cooking, and the last thing I want after hiking is a beer (more water, please. Maybe ice cream). I do have wine when my friends come over, or have a beer at happy hour, but mostly I’m kind of meh on it.

      It would be nice to have a date revolve around something other than alcohol, since I feel like if I decline to order a second drink, that can be an indication I don’t want the date to continue vs me just wanting to feel clear-headed.

      • Anon OP

        Yes, I’m trying to figure out how to get the date to continue without involving a second drink. (I realize this is a good problem to have – I want to see more of the guy!) It seems weird to suggest going for another sparkling water somewhere else. :) I will try the artsy late night cafe idea instead. (Or at this point invite him home.) I felt so awkward about it after that dinner that I purposely arranged for the next date to be an outdoorsy, daytime activity. And we had a great time. And the guy was totally sweet about me forgetting a crucial piece of equipment at home (facepalm), meaning we had to drive 45 minutes back to town to get it.

        • Anonymous

          another option would be a more hipster bar, where they have homemade lemonade/ice tea in more interesting flavors.

        • Dr S

          I don’t drink, but if I want to keep hanging out with someone who wants a second glass of wine, I would have no problem going to another bar and having sparkling water while they drink.

    • Anonymous

      Re: this “it makes me a little sad that we wouldn’t share some things that I really enjoy, like going to wine country, enjoying a nice glass of wine with cooking, the occasional post-hike beer on a hot day, etc” – I can tell you my husband doesn’t drink (just doesn’t like it, he’s not a recovering addict) and it’s never once been an issue. We’ve been to Napa twice together and it was actually great, because he was my designated driver and I could have all the wine I wanted without paying for a car service :) But in all seriousness, it’s just not an issue. Alcohol isn’t a huge part of my daily life, but I do drink wine in restaurants, especially on vacation. I wouldn’t want to get hammered in front of a sober person, but it’s not awkward at all having one glass of wine while he drinks water.

    • Anonymous

      I was surprised how sad I felt when my partner stopped being able to drink coffee with me. It didn’t really have anything to do with his reasons. It was more that it was a ritual that I enjoyed in our relationship, and it wasn’t the same to have my morning coffee alone. So I guess I sympathize with your feeling, even though I think it’s fine that he’s happily drinking sparkling water alongside you.

    • Anonymous

      It could also be medical. My body doesn’t produce the enzyme that breaks down alcohol so I can’t drink because it alcohol makes me nauseous immediately and sick. I don’t drink not because I care about others drinking or made a conscious choice, but because genetics made that choice for me!

      I understand the sadness about sharing some things you enjoy but encourage you to be open to the relationship if this is one of the only issues.

      • +1

        Hey, are you me?

        I also do not have that enzyme and will wake up with head to toe covered in hives, spending the next day (1) getting a steroid shot and (2) sleeping it off.

        I’d hate to think that anyone thinks they can’t take me somewhere because I don’t drink. Most people don’t ask why, but when they do, I tell them. Thankfully, everyone knows I don’t (friends and co-workers) and they still take me out everywhere.

    • TCFKAG

      For the “post-date activity” portion of the question, I’d say that another idea would be suggesting going for ice cream or for dessert somewhere else nearby (maybe do a little research) or, yes, a late-night coffee shop where you could get hot chocolates or something like that.

      As for the whole not-drinking thing, I’m not sure based on your description so far that you can be sure he doesn’t drink at all, perhaps he just doesn’t like to drink on dates early in a relationship? Or maybe he doesn’t drink because he doesn’t like the taste (my brother *hates* the taste of alcohol). Or maybe he’s in recovery or just at some point decided drinking wasn’t doing him any good (you don’t have to have been an addict to give up drinking). Or there’s the possibility he’s like me and has an underlying medical condition or is on some kind of medication that makes drinking bad for him. There are a bunch of possible explanations and a lot of them are not things that I would necessarily expect people to volunteer in the first few dates.

      If he doesn’t seem bothered by being in places where alcohol is served or with you drinking in front of him, I don’t think you really have anything to complain about (not complain….maybe worry is the right term) right now. And as for the activities you enjoy doing that have alcohol – lots of wine tasting places serve cheese or other nibbles or have olive oil tasting (and you have a built in designated driver so yay), a post-hike beer can also be a post-hike root beer, and a glass of wine at the end of a long day could be a virgin sangria or sparkling water for him. One member of a relationship drinking does not mean the other person can’t drink and it doesn’t mean you have to give up all activities where drinking may be part of it. But it might also encourage you to be more creative in what you do for your dates to avoid things where drinking is the entire point of the matter (and if you want to do something where drinking is the entire point, bring a friend instead).

      Personally, I wouldn’t push him on it if there’s no other signs that make you uncomfortable. Or just ask in passing, maybe by asking if there’s something he likes to drink other than wine. But mostly I’d leave it alone if he’s an otherwise nice guy. There are lots of reasons someone wouldn’t drink, even an adult, and most of them are not alcoholism. But I will say, my brother hates getting the “why don’t you drink” question because no matter how often he tells people it’s because he doesn’t like the taste, he knows some of them are still going to believe it’s because he’s an alcoholic and I think that makes him defensive so he will sometimes literally buy a beer to NOT drink but just to avoid answering nosy questions. So do be careful with how you phrase the question – don’t make it sound like you just can’t imagine a “normal” reason for an adult male to choose not to drink.

      • Anonymous

        +1 can’t drink for medical reasons. And would prefer not to discuss health problems in early dating stages.

    • anon

      ” it makes me a little sad that we wouldn’t share some things that I really enjoy, like going to wine country, enjoying a nice glass of wine with cooking, the occasional post-hike beer on a hot day, etc. ”

      So maybe he doesn’t want to go to wine country, but why is it a problem if y’all hang out cooking and you’re having a glass of wine and he’s not? Surely he would be there to enjoy your company, rather than just in it for a liquid in a glass. I think we get confused about why we are having fun, sometimes. It’s not the alcohol that makes a social situation fun, it’s the companionship. It’s not the beer that made the hike fun, it’s the part where you get to enjoy the beauty of the natural world. Yes, drinking is fun, but it’s not the only piece of an experience that brings joy.

    • Aggie

      It could be something completely simple and benign. I would ask before you make this too big of a deal.

      My husband takes a statin daily and his doctor recommended he limits his alcohol consumption. We will split a really good glass of wine on occasion, but he has reached a point where he would prefer ice cream over a drink.

      There are many other reasons why people do not drink, some health related, some recovery related and some people just flat out choose not to.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve dated two guys who didn’t drink. One was due to an alcohol allergy and the other just didn’t like it. I was definitely nervous about it in the beginning but it didn’t end up being much of an issue. Fwiw my social life pretty much revolves around alcohol, it’s not as if I never drink.

      It’s just like any other interest; no one you date is going to like every single thing you do with the same enthusiasm you do. You have friends, right? And your guy has friends – they might like to drink so you might still be going to wine tastings etc. with your guy (and his friends). Do you like hanging out with him more than you like the idea of going to wine country, etc. with a special someone?

    • Anonymous

      I don’t drink for the really exciting reason that I never learned to like the taste of alcohol. I just can’t stand it. (Also coffee – I have the palate of a 3 year old I know). When I was dating, I often met people for drinks at bars, went to bars when I wanted a date to continue, etc. and just ordered something non-alcoholic. This is how I developed my love of sparkling water actually. I would try not to act very differently and see how it goes. There are so many reasons you might not to want to date someone – don’t let something like this be one. The poor man still has thirst, you know?

      Also, I went on a lovely wine tasting trip to Sonoma with my now husband, where we got engaged, and we also once did a day of wine tasting in the Finger Lakes. He tastes, I enjoy the winery/farm scenery and the food they often have for tasters. It’s still fun.

    • Anon

      Why would you be sad if you’re cooking together and you have a glass of wine in your hand and he has a glass of sparkling water in his? Why do you care?

    • Anonymous

      I stopped drinking about 5 years ago. I lost so many friends, because people thought I was judging them. I wasn’t! I have no issues with being around alcohol, I was never an addict and it doesn’t bother me a bit if my friends have wine or cocktails while we’re out to dinner. But people made assumptions and started avoiding doing any activity where alcohol could be present with me. It was so, so hurtful. I’m not single but I can easily imagine that a lot of dates wouldn’t have wanted to keep seeing me when they found out I don’t drink. Just a perspective from a non-drinker.

    • Volyund

      My husband doesn’t drink, but I do. Its actually pretty great, I always have a designated driver, and he really doesn’t mind that I do.

      For dates, I second cafe. When I was dating my husband, we also went on a lot of walking dates. Just going for a walk in the park, around town, around the university I was attending, on a trail, through a neighborhood. You walk, you talk, you hold hands, its pretty nice and doesn’t cost a thing.

  5. Anonymous

    Ladies who bake –

    Do any of you use a pastry mat to roll out your cookie dough or pie crusts on? I have a plastic mat that must be 20 years old from Pyrex and it’s warping and I need to replace it. From searching, it looks like almost everything out there now is a Silpat knock-off…but I’m not looking for something to use in the oven, just something to roll my dough on instead of the counter. Sur la Table and Pampered Chef both have pastry mats, but they say not to use sharp objects on them (only plastic), and obviously I’m going to keeping using the metal cookie cutters I’ve been using for the last 30 years.

    So if you have the SLT or PC pastry mats, are they really as delicate as disclaimed? Or if you have Silpats, do you use them to roll out dough on the counter and do they tolerate that well?

    • Anon

      I just use the pastry mats with metal cookie cutters. I haven’t had an issue

    • nuqotw

      I think you want a dough frame (which I think of as distinct from a pastry mat.)

      A dough frame is a collapsible wood / metal frame with a piece of canvas that you flour and roll out your dough. The canvas is heavy and you can use cookie cutters on it. Some will have outlines for pie crusts of different sizes as well, so you can roll out your pie crust and then cut.

    • Anonymous

      I know exactly what you mean, my mom has one, it’s a big plastic mat that has measurements on it. I wish I knew where she got it!

    • Anonymous

      I use a marble pastry board. It’s lovely, and I love getting it out to do some serious baking.

    • Anona

      I use parchment paper or plastic wrap. For cookies, especially if the dough is delicate I roll it on parchment (sometimes with plastic wrap on top), pop it in the freezer for a few minutes, do the cutouts, and then just stack layers of parchment paper with cookies on them in the freezer until I’m ready to bake each one. Then I just put the parchment paper sheet on the tray and bake on the paper. It makes it so much easier. I usually roll pastry crust between two sheets of plastic wrap.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      I use a pastry slab–it’s a giant rectangle of marble. It works well, but it is crazy heavy. Although Anona’s suggestion above is so genius I may start doing that.

    • Anon

      I think I have the PC one, but I never use it because it is huge and its floppiness in some ways makes it harder to wash (either in the dishwasher or by hand). I usually roll biscuits (what I most often use metal cookie (really biscuit) cutters with) on my AMZ basics Silpat knockoff and cut them out (or directly on my granite countertop) and they are fine. I also have a marble pastry board that I love for things like pie crust, but due to the aforementioned weight, I usually don’t bother with it except around the holidays when an excellent flaky crust is paramount when judgy family members are eating.

    • Ms B

      You want a Tupperware plastic pastry mat. Spendy, but will last you a long time. Available through the River Site or the Tupperware website (who knew?).

      That said, I have granite counters and just roll on my (well-floured) counters.

    • Ouch! That hurts

      King Arthur flour company also has a pastry mat but it’s pricey. I love their ingredients, mixes, and recipe book.

  6. Anonymous

    Anyone else here have Kyleena? I was a bit surprised so many women without children have Mirena. My OBGYN was adamant that Kyleena was the optimal product for child free women and Google seemed to agree.

    • Anonymous

      I couldn’t remember the name of which IUD I had to comment earlier, but this is it (thanks for the reminder). Agreed– I told them I wanted a Mirena, meaning “hormonal IUD”, and they said most of their patients were getting Kyleena now.

    • Anonymous

      I used to have a Skyla which is similar, but wished I had gotten Mirena. More women lose their periods with Mirena. Instead I spotted continuously for a year and a half until I took it out. Insertion is going to hurt no matter if it’s a few millimeters smaller.

      • Anonymous

        Yep, I got the Mirena and this was my reasoning, too. It hurt a lot so I’m glad I got the one that lasts longer, too.

    • anon

      I got Mirena a year ago at the recommendation of my OBGYN. I am 30 and have never been pregnant/given birth. My period has almost completely stopped, and when I get one, it’s very light.

    • TCFKAG

      Kyleena didn’t exist when I got my Mirena (I got the Mirena about a decade ago and a quick google search just told me that the Kyleena only got final approval in 2016).

    • AZCPA

      It is mostly timing – Kyleena is so much newer that many people got their Mirena before Kyleena was an option. And once people have something they are happy with, their isn’t really a reason to change, even when you get a replacement.

      They are slightly different shapes, so they each fit slightly differently. So while Kyleena might be better for more women, it isn’t better for everyone. And some people can’t tolerate either.

  7. Anonymous

    After reading this morning’s thread I decided to check out subversive cross stitch and it looks fun! But I have a question – what do you do with this stuff when you’re done? I worry I’d just accumulate these finished pieces just to have them collect dust.

    • Anon

      Do you have family or friends who would like doll pillows? Or who are going to college and would like a sassy pillow?

      Barring that, you could make a bunch of them, and then stitch them together into a quilt. Then either learn to quilt, or find someone (ask at your local craft shop) to make it into a quilt for you.

    • Anonymous

      My guest room is… aggressively quirky? I guess? I have a framed sampler and a pillow that originated as subversive cross stitch projects.

    • Anonymous

      That’s always the problem :) I try to choose patterns that I’d only really want to see in my home – so either something seasonal that goes in a frame or a pillow – something that I’d change out with the seasons anyways.

    • Anonymous

      We have one that I guess you would call somewhat subversive cross stitch (we’re Duke alums and it says Go to H*ll Carolina) that I did for DH not long after we first started dating. He framed it and it’s hung on the wall in our home office.

    • anonshmanon

      Awesome that you like it! I think I read about it here first. I purposefully ordered two items that I could give away (housewarming gift to a politically inclined friend, baby gift to pregnant relative). Stitching both was superfun (and I already gave the first which was well received), so I’d like to continue. I might make myself one or two pieces, and might continue to look for opportunities for small gifts.
      If you get so much into this hobby that you churn out several a month, and you just want them to go somewhere, you can always donate them to the Project for Awesome.

    • Anonymous

      There’s not much you can do with cross stitch except frame it and hang it on the wall. It’s meant to be decorative. Or Christmas ornaments, if the design is small enough.

  8. Anonymous

    I just read a couple of pieces of Louie CK and Matt Lauer attempting (again) to make their comeback, and I am so angry. The idea that the victims have to get together and decide collectively, in advance, when their perpetrator will be allowed back in. Obviously we don’t do this for other crimes like theft or things that are totally inappropriate like showing up to work impaired and then expecting your employer to tell you how long after you are fired before you can get your job back. And that “redemption” means you get to be famous again. Lots and lots of people are as talented or more talented than Louie CK and they aren’t famous – this isn’t some right that you’ve been deprived of!

    Just needed a vent.

    • Anon

      I’m not sure what you’re getting at. Victims don’t have to, or get to mostly, decide when a perpetrator is “ok” with society again. And even though what these guys did was horrible, they’re allowed to work, and they’re pursuing the only work they know. You really think a famous person or artist is going to sit back and become an accountant? Its up to audiences to decide whether or not they want to let media by these guys back into their lives.

      • pugsnbourbon

        I think it’s super sh!tty that LCK got a standing ovation just for walking onstage at the Comedy Cellar. It’s disappointing that he got such a glowing welcome for what was, apparently, the same ol’ same ol’ routine.

        I DO think they should pursue other lines of work, out of the limelight.

      • anonshmanon

        Actually, yea, I don’t think there is an entitlement to work in a certain job. They shouldn’t be barred from earning a living, but what exactly makes them eligible to stand on a stage/in front of a camera, to be looked upon by hundreds or thousands?

        • Anonymous

          How about the hundreds of thousands? Don’t watch and they’ll be out of a job soon enough if others agree. But other people can choose for themselves. That’s how that works.

          Also, just to be clear, what Louis CK did isn’t a crime as far as I know. ML, I’m not sure of the details, and I’m guessing he may have a harder time getting back in because a network may be nervous about liability. But I have no reason to believe Louis CK is irridiamble. You are offended? That’s fine.

    • Anonymous

      I think the celebrities are treated differently, and it’s not right. Celebrities show up at work impaired all the time and still get their jobs back. Not always, like Lindsay Lohan hasn’t worked in probably a decade, but pretty sure it took some hardcore failing at many projects before she became irrelevant and people stopped hiring her.

      • Anonymous

        I’m not a Lindsay fan but I hardly think the dumb mistakes she made in the past should prevent her from working; as others have said, that will be up to her potential audience, as it should be.

    • SC

      Looking at it another way, the collective of consumers get to decide when, if ever, famous people who rely on people consuming their brand of entertainment make a comeback. If nobody watches, they don’t have a job.

      Also, I’m all for allowing people redemption–but I haven’t seen anything that suggests these guys are remotely sorry. I’m not sure I’d believe in their sincerity if I did.

      I’ve posted about this before, but I used to be a huge fan of Louis CK, and I think he’s extremely talented. However, his brand of humor was very much, “I’m expressing the worst/darkest part of myself, and making a joke out of it, and if you’re willing to go there, you can probably relate.” Implicit in that is that he’d never act on it, and you can laugh with him because you don’t act on that dark part of yourself either. The jokes are waaaaaay less funny when you know he actually did act on some of those thoughts. I’m not sure there’s any coming back from that.

      • Torin

        +1 to your third paragraph. Isn’t it funny that we all have dark thoughts is way funnier than hey I’m actually just talking about things I actually do.

  9. House Shopper

    When buying a home, did you give any consideration to what other people would think, whether of the size or the style or the neighborhood or anything else? DH and I have been house shopping, and we just found a place that we agree seems great, and it’s in our price range. The main problem is location, namely that it’s very close to commercial space. I’ve rejected another house because of noise (too close to a highway), and I was fine with DH rejecting a house because there was a giant concrete wall in front of it. But, for this one, DH just said that he’d be “embarrassed” to invite people over to that house because of its location. I’ll admit that I was pretty shocked, and it made me angry–was that unfair? Have any of you worried about what other people might think when choosing a house?

    • Anonymous

      I guess it’s like houses advertised as “Beverly Hills zip code” that aren’t technically in BH. Some folks want to live in Potomac but scoff at people who say they live in “North Potomac.” Some people like to buy a neighborhood like it’s a brand.

    • Anonymous

      Nah, that’s silly. But there might be other reasons why living in a commercial area isn’t desirable. If you want kids, having a neighborhood with other kids is really invaluable. And I love that we can walk to schools, a farmer’s market and a few businesses (including an ice cream shop) from our suburban neighborhood.

    • Torin

      I bought a house across the street from a strip center so clearly I don’t think it’s embarrassing. What exactly is embarrassing about it…? Did he specify? I don’t get it.

    • Anonymous

      You should at least care about that for resale considerations and value of the house.

      • OP

        I do. I told him and our agent that I’d love that house if I was sure I never wanted to move, but I recognize that the value will always be kept down by the location. Resale value is a definite consideration.

      • Anonymous

        But this would be factored into the purchase price. The resale value as an abstract number doesn’t really matter, it only matters in relation to the purchase price.

    • Senior Attorney

      I think he gets to have whatever dealbreakers he has.

      For me, personally, it’s important to be in a decent-looking neighborhood and I also wouldn’t want to be next to a commercial area. Not because of what other people would think, necessarily, but because I wouldn’t like it. Heh I guess I’m so picky myself that by the time I’m satisfied I’m certain it would also pass the “what would people think?” test.

    • anon

      We live in a house that is way below our means. We’re in an area where a fair number of folks in my demographic bought their “starter” homes and then sold as soon as they had their first kid to move to the nearby neighborhood where houses are literally twice as expensive. We now also have a kid and no plans to move. I do have a little twinge of “but what do they thiiiink” when I tell people where we live, but also I really love our house and I love the financial freedom that comes with it.

      Granted, when we were looking at houses years ago, we found a really gorgeous stone cottage right in our price range, across the street from a junk yard, next to what looked like a m#th house. After we drove by it, I refused to even go see it with a realtor. It made my husband really mad because he thought I was being snobby. Which, yeah, I probably was, but 1. I don’t want to look at a junkyard all day long, and 2. I value my safety, and 3. I care enough about what people think to not live between a drug den and a heap of broken down cars.

    • Clementine

      We did, but in an odd way. We definitely bought the worst house in the best neighborhood and it still bothers my husband that he feels like people think we’re ‘Fancy’ when they hear what town we live in.

      • Anonymous

        Haha, this is me too. I’m honestly embarrassed to say where we live sometimes because it sounds so pretentious in my own head. I have to bite my tongue not to say ‘and it was a steal!’

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s unfair of you to be angry with him. I think that some of this depends on how close the commercial space is – next door, across the street, or two blocks away. Regardless, he’s allowed to have feelings about that sort of thing, even if you disagree or think it’s silly or illogical. I grew up in the suburbs, and living near commercial space was considered less desirable. So maybe that is his concern. Either way, I don’t blame him for not wanting to live very close to commercial space.

      I live in NYC, and there’s no getting around living near commercial space so I’ve gotten used to it. For my part, I’ve refused to live in a building above a bar or restaurant but other people don’t have those qualms. I don’t want the noise, the bugs, the vomit, etc.

    • jwalk

      We definitely thought about location because we moved to the outskirts of the city into a not even yet up-and-coming neighborhood, and despite the metro being right across the street, it’s hard to get friends to come out to our place. We knew that going into it, and we’re still glad we got the house, but the location has definitely been a problem. So I guess it’s just weighing how much you want to make yours happy versus other people happy, and how much of the first part depends on the second.

    • OP

      There are definitely valid reasons to not want to live in that location, especially concerns about traffic and noise. The actual businesses are fine–a bank and a restaurant. The part that bothered me was not, “I can’t live next to that, it’s too ugly,” but “I’d be embarrassed if someone came over here.” I just talked to him again, and apparently, he meant it wasn’t inviting/welcoming enough to him or guests because of the commercial space.

    • Anonymous

      It sounds like an odd (maybe deflecting?) way of saying he doesn’t like it. You wouldn’t be embarrassed of something you like even if you know other people might not like it, right?

      For example, some of my friends are kinda snooty about owning a condo – idc because I like my condo, and frankly if they say anything derogatory about my home then they don’t need to be invited over. But if I really didn’t like condos and my SO really wanted to buy one, it might feel a little less confrontational to tell him “but what would people think!” than to tell him no I don’t like that.

      • OP

        I think you’re exactly right, that it was a an odd way of saying he didn’t like. He clarified this afternoon that it didn’t feel inviting to him, and he doesn’t want our friends and family to feel uninvited. I don’t really agree, but I can respect that and move on.

        I took his comment as more like you’re second paragraph, and I was mad because I DGAF what other people think. One of our biggest sources of conflict in our marriage is DH saying things to avoid conflict–I’m often telling him to just tell me “no” instead of saying things indirectly. I would have been way less angry if he said, “Nope, the bank is a deal breaker, it’s ugly, and this will never feel like home,” than “What would people think!”

        • Anonymous

          Oh man I hear you on conflict avoidant men. House shopping is frustrating under the best of circumstances. House shopping with a conflict avoidant person sounds not at all fun. It might be helpful for you to pretend you have a translation machine in your head – anything negative he says about a house just means “I don’t like it” end of story.

    • Anonymous

      When I met my now-husband, his very lovely house was on the one very lovely street in an entire troubled zip code. There are shootings within a couple miles of the house every week; I once made the mistake of walking the dog right past a drug deal…yeah, not.my.cup.of.tea. I get a LOT of raised eyebrows when I give our address. A LOT. So yes, it does bother me. I’m not proud to admit it, but it is what it is. Sure, we live in a darling little section, but nobody knows it’s there, but everybody surely knows the area from the nightly news. It’s…uncomfortable.

    • Anon

      I own a gorgeous older home on a fairly busy street. In fact, back in the day they built the fanciest homes on the busiest streets, so that is what we kept running into when house hunting, knowing we wanted a large old house.

      When people come over for the first time I can see their calculus – wow, they live on a busy street! Are they poor? Wow, this house is huge. Are they rich? Oh wait, the busy street.. are they poor? Etc….

      I honestly don’t care and find it kind of funny, but I can tell it mildly bugs my husband – both aspects really. That we live in a large house compared to our friends, but also that we live on a Main Street.

      I do like living in more of a commercial area by the way. There is nothing like being able to walk to restaurants. And more importantly, being able to walk home from restaurants, because mama loves her wine.

      • TexasAnon

        Ha ha! I have exactly the same situation except my big old gorgeous house is actually on Main Street in a major city.

  10. Carrots

    Alexandria folks – looking for a good salon to get highlights done at. I don’t have any big needs – just someone to do a nice cut and some highlights. Preference is closer to Old Town/Old Town West. I saw two on Google that had good reviews, but looking for any personal recommendations as well. TIA!

    • Anonymous

      Salon 46! It’s not right in Old Town, but it’s very close by. They do great highlights. I get balayage and am always super happy with it.

      • Anonymous

        Salon 46 is one of the two I was looking at – I’m really more in Old Town West, so it was already walking distance from my house! Thanks!

  11. Clementine

    Mostly I’m just complaining here so I’m not stewing. I’m going to visit my mother this weekend and will be staying with her and her boyfriend. I love that he makes her happy and is very kind to her but am not looking forward to just how difficult he is to be around.

    He’s very much an introvert and I know that having people in his space is something that he just sees no need for. He doesn’t understand why we would ever want to come and visit – shouldn’t we just send a letter once a year or something? To explain his personality, he literally built a cabin in the middle of the woods and switched his job to one where he rarely needs to actually talk to people. It’s also really clear to me that in his mind, she moved into HIS house, it’s def not THEIR house which is a whole different can of worms.

    I really pushed hard for us to just stay at an Air BNB. ‘Oh! We don’t want you to go through all that fuss!’ but my mother was really heartbroken when she thought we might not stay with her. So now I’m going with a toddler and a dog and we’re going to drive for 4 hours each way to try and make sure toddler doesn’t bother Mr. Isolation and my mother doesn’t get stressed out and…

    I’ve never wished for my toddler to come down with a weekend bug more.

    • Anon in NYC

      That sucks. You have my sympathy! Can your mother visit you more often going forward? Maybe without him?

    • TCFKAG

      Honestly, your mom’s boyfriend sounds a bit like my husband who at least once or twice a year decides he’s going to start looking at houses “with land” on Zillow because….I have no ideas. We can barely keep grass alive, why does he think we need a farm. He’s just an introvert and he likes being away from people so his platonic ideal is living somewhere where he can’t see his neighbors (though reminding him of what his commute would be like helps quash those semi-annual urges).

      Much like BF, my husband doesn’t love visitors, but he’s never rude to them or anything. And he does like *me* being happy and he knows that having visitors over makes me happy. I would say, just give the BF space. Don’t expect him to participate in every activity or conversation you have with your mom. Maybe try to plan some excursions with just your mom so the BF has some alone time in the house.

      And random question, but do you know for sure your toddler bugs the BF? Because a lot of introverts I know hate carrying on conversations with other adults when they’re in an introvert mood, but don’t mind playing or interacting with kids at all because they’re not expected to “perform” as a polite adult.

      But at the end of the day, BF agreed to have your mother move in knowing that you existed and knowing that her grandchild(ren) existed. Even if he views it as a burden to have you visit, it’s a burden that he has taken on himself for the sake of your mother. If he has complaints, let them deal with them between the two of them, it’s not your job to mediate their relationship. (And have a mental activity planned if there is a lot of tension or you need to get out of the house, like wherever the nearest zoo or kiddie pool or whatever that you can do with your toddler if you just need to get out of the house for a couple hours on your own).

      • Anon

        My husband also likes to look at houses “with land” and talk about how we need an acreage so we could have animals, despite the fact that he barely has time to keep up with the yard in our suburban house and complains daily about caring for our 3 dogs that live in the house. Yes, let’s get animals that we have to GO OUTSIDE to care for and clean up after.

      • Anonymous

        Not the OP, but this is such a kind and thoughtful answer. I really enjoyed reading it.

      • Anonymous

        I’m also an introvert who hates having house guests, and I don’t mind babies/toddlers at all, especially if I don’t have to entertain them. Screaming babies bother me way less than having to make small talk with adults ;) I totally agree he might not mind having your kid around.

      • Ellen

        I agree. The OP is a very nice person for answering in such detail. BF’s can be a pain, but Grandma Leyeh says it can be worth it if they keep you warm at night. Mine was a pain, and did NOT keep me warm or do much of anything for me. That is why I am single, available and still lookeing for a decent man to marry in NYC! YAY!!

    • anon

      Oh lord, this sounds terrible. I’d vote for as much outdoor time for the kiddo (and dog) as possible.

  12. anon

    So, I really love this mustard color for fall. Other than this bag, any recommendations for mustard-colored accessories? Given my complexion color, this color makes me look like death … but I wear lots of navy and gray tops, so I think there’s a place for this color in my wardrobe!

    • Anonymous

      Shoes, ankle pants, or maybe one of those skirts with buttons down the front?

    • Senior Attorney

      I had a mustard skirt that I wore until it fell apart. Perfect and not near my face so it didn’t do any damage to my complexion.

      I’m also wearing my mustard shoes today and they are great!

    • S in Chicago

      Shoes. Maybe a long necklace–like one of those Kendra Scott tassel ones? I love this color but it is so hard to wear!

      Side note: I also just realized how much I need to take a break from my job–my first thought was excitement that it would match our new logo. Um, pretty sure that’s not normal.

    • Anon

      I did OK doing a colorblock look with a mustard tank showing at the bottom of a navy sweater and over a black skirt. But anything larger than a strip, even away from my face, totally makes me look dead. It honestly was too much effort to incorporate without looking sallow so I sadly gave up on mustard.

    • Anon

      One of my friends showed up to a bar get together wearing ankle pants in mustard this weekend. I thought she looked amazing.

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