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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Merino Wool Blend Short-Sleeved Sweater

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A woman wearing ivory shorts and ivory-and-navy striped top

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

The number of striped tops in my closet is reaching unsustainable levels, but I still can’t stop myself when I see something great. This short-sleeved sweater from Caslon will be perfect for chilly spring mornings.

My spring uniform last year consisted of tops like this paired with midi skirts or trousers, and I’m feeling pretty good about that trend continuing for 2026.

The top is $69.50 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 1X-4X. It’s also available (in more colors, some on sale) in sizes XS-XXL.

Sales of note for 4/24:

192 Comments

  1. I’m starting a new job soon. It was a tough, wearing search. I’ve need to make the mental gear shift into excitement for the next steps, but I am tired. I would love your wisdom on how to get ready: practically, emotionally, and intellectually for the new challenge.

    2. I’ve just gone through this.

      It’s really hard. I wish I had scheduled a career coach through my alumni group. I get 6 sessions a year at no cost.

      1. You never get the first week at a new job back. Be super engaged while you are being introduced to the new team, and follow up on the lunch offers you get in the next few weeks to see who was serious about getting together. That will jumpstart your network at the new place.

        2. It’s challenging when it’s a very remote role.

          It also doesn’t help that I am 25 years into my career. I’m the eldest on the team and 10 years older than my manager.

          1. Don’t make excuses for not getting to know the new people. This post makes it sound like you are sour and mad at having a younger manager. Check yourself.

          2. Agreed — be careful that you’re not sour about what you perceive as your status vis-a-vis time in your career and age.

          3. I’m absolutely not sour about my age. I am recognizing that I’m at a different life stage than they are and the bias that can happen.

            I’ve been managing discrimination my whole career, first as a woman, then as a working mother and now as a working mother who is 45+ and has disabled children. I like to think there is less discrimination in the workplace today against women and working mothers. Agism continues to be a significant barrier for women compared to men.

    3. Pick out your outfits for the first 5 days of work and hang them up as outfits. Get your bedroom and home office perfectly arranged. Figure out your morning food/drink and get that organized for the first week. Spend an hour writing down 10 things you want to learn about your job/office (practical or job-related) and five people you want to make nice with in your first week or two.

    4. Research shows it takes at least 2-3 months to adjust to a new role and to really feel like part of the team. These things take time. Remember that in six months, things that seemed complicated/intimidating to you now will become a piece of cake.

      When I started a new job, a friend texted me, “You’re brave.” It felt good to hear that because starting a new job is such a normal thing, but also takes a lot of courage. So I hereby give you a pat on the back and acknowledge you for taking the leap. And remember: someone chose you for this! They believed in you and wanted you.

      1. I think more like 6 months! Even moving from one division to another or changing offices within the same building takes me 2 months to adjust.

    5. I’m in a similar boat. Starting a new job at the end of the month, and I’m also tired and have so much other stuff going on in my life. So I’m looking forward to seeing the advice and I can completely relate. We’ll make it through.

    6. This seems like a spot where some retail therapy might help. Remember getting new school clothes and supplies before the first day of school? Like that. A new outfit, a new bag, new shoes? A nice pencil box?
      Congrats on the new job!

      1. I agree. Freshening up your wardrobe is a nice way to welcome a new season in your life and give you confidence, especially if you don’t usually shop that much and it’s a special treat.

    7. Before I started my current job, I rented an airbnb in a small cute town a couple hours away for 2 days. I soaked in the hot tub, took walks, and ate good food. I didn’t have the budget for something big but it was a nice, low cost way to celebrate the start of something new after a period of uncertainty. If you don’t have the time or budget to get away, I would think about what makes you happy and have a little fun! At the very least, spend some time doing things that would not be possible while working FT, like watching a movie midday.

      The week before I started, I planned my outfits and meals for the first week and got myself on the schedule I would need to be on for work. Make the adjustment as easy on yourself as possible.

      And when you start, make an effort to get to know people and how everyone communicates and make sure you’re looped into the appropriate slack or teams channels. Schedule 15 minute intro chats with people on your team if they don’t have intros set up for you. I did a lot of 15 min Zooms with colleagues across teams when I first started, and it was a great way to get to know people and start building a brand for myself in a fully remote environment.

      Also, I just want to say that my manager is 10 years younger than me and she’s amazing!! The best manager I’ve ever had. My team is interesting in that we all do similar roles but have varying degrees of experience and education, some UG only and some with 1 or even 2 graduate degrees, some early career and some late career, and I have learned something from every single person.

    8. I would take a long weekend and just do nothing. It is exhausting and you probably need a mental break. Otherwise, just ease into the first week by learning your routine and about the company. I don’t know if you need a new wardrobe or outfit, but retail therapy can also extend to a massage, facial, pedicure or even a nice meal out. Things you might have been putting off during the job search.

  2. Ever since the time change I have been sleeping like crap. (Exception: we went away for a weekend and I was able to sleep like a ROCK with no laundry responsibilities, etc.) This week I have been waking up at 5 am despite being so, so tired. Make it stop!

    2. Same. I’ve never had a time change hit me so hard before. The first week I was like a zombie. It’s only an hour!!

    3. The only good thing that was plausibly promised to come from this administration was ending time changes, so of course it hasn’t happened!

    4. The time change was soo hard on me. Part of the reason is that we got such unexpected heat along with it, and I sleep so much better in a cold room.

      1. Exercise helps me fall asleep. I feel like the extra stress added to my day actually makes me more likely to wake up at some ungodly hour.

    7. I woke up at 3:30am today and could not fall back asleep. This is pretty normal for me. When I dwell on how awful it is, everything is worse. So I try to approach it with a “I can handle this” attitude. So I might listen to an audiobook to take my mind of the situation and enjoy the time for what it is. Or go to the gym. Or listen to a meditation and then fall back asleep without even fully realizing it.

    8. Totally opposite here. I feel normal again and my productivity skyrockets when there is light in the evening. I didn’t even know when the time change happened this year and felt immediately better when my alarm rang that morning and then even better in the evening.

  3. Question for summer: it’s hot and you’re wearing a casual strappy top (think https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=886796022&vid=1&searchText=Strappy%20top#pdp-page-content). You’re not doing anything special, but want to enjoy being cute in a casual, effortless way.

    What’s your bra strap strategy? Regular strapless is too fussy and uncomfortable for the level of casualness you want. You’re not comfortable going braless nowadays. If you’re just letting them show, are you choosing certain colors or styles? Specific recommendations welcome!

    1. I don’t bother with this kind of top. I think you either embrace the bra strap or re-think the top. The straps are not ideal for the bra-strap scenario.

      1. Same. I either go braless (almost never these days) of find a top that covers my bra straps.

    2. Could you try Cakes or Nippies? I don’t mind a strapless bra and don’t like seeing bra straps on myself.

      1. +1. IMO your options are the stick ons like cakes or a strapless bra. If you want to wear a regular bra, I would not buy a top like this.

    3. I don’t buy them for exactly this reason. No one wants to wear a strapless bra all day and “intentional straps” as a look was bad enough 25 years ago.

      Tops must either (1) have a built-in shelf bra, or (2) accommodate a regular bra.

    4. I would not let bra straps show with that particular top because it would just look off. With a knit cami, it would depend on the style. Generally I think it works best if the placement of the bra or bralette straps contrasts with that on the top. For example, a plain cami looks good with a bralette with multiple crisscrossing straps or straps that come together at the back. The bra straps should not be wider than the top straps. A color that looks like you want it to show (not nude-for-you) is best. If any part of a regular bra shows other than the straps it looks like you just didn’t plan your outfit, but showing part of a cute bralette works.

    5. I just don’t wear that kind of shirt. I need a bra, hate strapless and don’t think there’s any kind of intentional strap that will really look right with that.

    6. I realize that the answer for some is going to be just not to wear the top, but I really like these kinds of tops, and I’m not ready to declare myself too old and stodgy to wear them anymore. (FWIW, my husband, who’s the main person I’d be seeing in this scenario anyway, always says I’m being silly to worry about my bra straps showing).

    7. If it was more of a traditional spaghetti strap, I have a couple bralettes with thin straps that I wear in a similar or coordinating color to the top. I don’t think that would look right with this top. I also hate strapless bras for more than a couple hours

    8. I’ll go a step further, the only people who should wear a top like that are those who don’t need a bra.

      1. I’ll agree with you (that thesetops look and feel best without a bra), but also assertvthat there is no body shape in the world where you should feel like you need to wear a bra because of your appearance. If you want the support, wear those bras. If you wear the bra because you fear judgment, that is an unnecessary prison and you simply do not have to follow those rules for casual style.

        1. Don’t kid yourself about how you look unsupported though. If you want to look supported, then it’s actually a necessity.

          3. The prison is the requirement that all breasts must appear even and round and the perkier the better. It an unnecessary beauty standard.

        2. Part of the reason we call it support is that it feels better to have a bra on than to not have one on.

        3. Well I care about what I look like and don’t find the just let it all hang out look remotely flattering on anyone. You do you but don’t kid yourself and think you look good.

    9. I have always tried to wear a bra with thinner straps in a complimentary color, but I’ve had 0 concerns about bra straps showing. I think this may be a generation-by-generation thing.

      1. I think that works for some tops, but wouldn’t look good with this one because of the strap design. You could obviously do it, but I don’t think it gives “cute, causal, effortless” like OP says she’s going for.

    10. If I need a bra with this look, I get one is the same color. I have a cute sundress and wear a blue bra with it. I would not bother for a little top.

    14. A good strapless bra that fits really shouldn’t be fussy and uncomfortable or all that different from a bra with straps (most are terrible though).

    15. I agree this probably isn’t the top for you if you need a bra. I sometimes try to embrace the shelf bra look, and have bought some tops with bras included, and… yeah. Not a good look on me. Plus i feel like I’m in my PJs.

      If you want to be really fancy you could probably sow a strapless bra in there. Or I might wear it if I were going to the pool or on vacation where I had a cute bikini top on. or i guess you could get one of those pretty bras with lace details like this one:
      https://www.soma.com/store/product/enbliss-racerback-bralette-with-lace-back/570312834

    16. This is why I don’t wear tops like this. They’re so cute, but I cannot deal with figuring out the bra sitch.

      1. This. Wear a bra that you don’t mind being seen in. La Perla, Lululemon or whatever you like.

    19. I don’t give a shit whether my bra straps are showing. I have boobs, and people can deal.

      That said, I wouldn’t wear this kind of top, since it’s totally out of proportion with my G+ bust. If there is strap, side bra or nipples showing through a top, who cares, but I want the top to be flattering.

    20. I think visible bra straps are super tacky so either I don’t wear this kind of top or I wear a strapless bra.

  4. I need a good low block heel pump that will stand up to city walking and not shred my feet. Any current recommendations?

        1. How do they run? I notice that they have Wides (theoretically, for some shoes / some sizes). I have duck feet, so keeping the heel inside the shoe while not strangling the toes is always a challenge.

          1. My duck feet are really happy in the wide Fonteyn Jane (it has a strap). I was super nervous about them because the cut outs are typically blister city for me but I walked three miles in them with no issues.

      1. I love mine but they’re like 3” — I don’t think I’d call that “low” per se.

    3. Sarah Flint and Aquatalia meet these criteria for my feet (but avoid the stiletto SF shoes for outdoor walking)

    7. No brand recommendations, but I make all my heels more walkable by adding a ball-of-foot cushion and wrapping my known trouble spots (achilles, third toe) in moleskin.

  5. I’m thinking of dropping my Peloton membership, and looking for advice if anyone has dropped theirs or found a good workout streaming service for less than $50/month. They put out an April Fools announcement yesterday around inserting ads and it made me realize I’m paying a lot for something we realistically use once a week.

    DH used to use the bike a lot, now he rarely does. I don’t bike as much now but have a non-Peloton treadmill and like to stream Peloton Tread classes to my phone. I like that the FTMS bluetooth on my treadmill syncs stats with the Peloton app so would be looking for something similar. For the bike, if there’s a way to stream a similar class or even get calibration metrics, that’s probably good enough for us for awhile.

    1. This doesn’t work for everyone and isn’t really answering your question, but I like the peloton content and don’t care about the leaderboard so I just pay for the full Peloton app and play the classes on my iPad (or iPhone in some cases). It’s less than half price of the all-access membership and it’s all the same content.

      1. agree with this…I’m a full Peloton app user – I pay for the app + extra for all the cardio classes because I have a non-peloton rower and tread – and it continues to blow my mind that I pay so much less than those who actually bought the Peloton equipment. We have a big TV in our home gym that I use for streaming the classes; I wouldn’t even want to use the equipment touchscreens.

    2. If you are all in on the Apple ecosystem, they have recorded videos that you could watch on a tablet with the Peloton. Its $9.99 a month.

      I too have struggled with whether the subscription is worth it at $50 a month.

      1. It’s also only $79 for the full year if you pay up front. You can use a tablet or mirror your device to a tv.

    3. If you’re interested in strength training, I absolutely love the Ladder app. If you google, you can probably find a code for a free 30-day trial. They do have some tread and cycling classes (I think) under their ‘Flex’ workouts.

    5. I love Peloton and have a full subscription for my bike. I also provide some friends with app access on my account, so they’re getting app access and paying nothing for it. I don’t know if using app only gives you the syncing you are used to. If you have a friend who has a full Peloton subscription and would give you the app access for free, try that.

      1. Remember you can always go back. If you drop your subscription or move to app only and you miss it, you can sign back up. Why not try canceling for a set period of time like three months and see if you miss it?

  6. Have you known anyone personally who had long covid? Did they recover? Did they do anything to expedite recovery?

    1. friend of a friend has it still, and is very careful about overdoing it with just about anything exhausting.

      1. A friend of a friend of mine has it too. She was bed-ridden for like 2 years and is still on medical leave from work. She’s able to do things now in small amounts but tbd if she’ll be able to work (we’re engineers).

    2. I caught Covid in spring 2020 (obviously pre-vaccine, no prior immunity). It was 4-5 months of daily symptom roulette. I still have GI issues that I’m not confident will ever be cured but I’ve learned to manage them.

      The rest of my symptoms have gone away except if I’m run down. When I don’t get enough good quality sleep several days in a row some of the symptoms reappear. It’s mainly an issue around the holidays and weekend long events (weddings, bachelorette parties). I’ve accepted that being a party pooper is better than dealing with a week of neuro issues.

    4. Not yet; a family member still has POTS and brain fog. There are some clinical trials going on, but I don’t know how long it will be until there are results.

    5. I think I had it – caught something in 3/20 that lasted for 6 weeks, horrible coughing. In the year after that I had dizziness, vertigo, exhaustion and fatigue, and a few other strange symptoms. Felt like I couldn’t get a deep breath. Fortunately it mostly went away after a year. I believe it was a mild long Covid case but it could’ve just been anxiety I guess with the strange times.

    6. My DH. He was out of work 10 months with long-haul COVID-19. In some areas, he has recovered. The brain fog is still bad at times–very bad. We’ve seen just about every specialist we can find, and no answers. He’s best when he gets enough rest. Lack of sleep triggers the brain fog.

      1. i am so sorry. we have a close family friend who also never fully recovered from long covid. it is so unfair.

        1. Thank you for this comment. It has been tough, and sometimes it feels like the kind of problem we can’t find a lot of support of sympathy for–I appreciate you.

    7. I’m in a community with a lot of people whose partners have this. I recommend looking up what’s recommended for ME/CFS or MS fatigue. After about a year or so, if there are still symptoms, your best bet is to take in terms of management and not improvement.

      1. I’d also inventory the symptoms to make sure that they don’t line up with a known autoimmune condition. Diagnostic delay of yers is pretty common with autoimmune conditions, partly because a lot of tests used to screen for them are relatively insensitive (so people can end up having a condition they tested negative for).

    8. I had what must have been COVID in late Jan/early Feb 2020. I was bedridden for a solid week, dragged myself back to work the following week b/c my boss at the time was insistent. Until the world shut down in March that year, the 2 block walk between my parking lot and office took me 30+ minutes each way because I had to stop and catch my breath every few steps. Those symptoms slowly faded later that summer, although they would still hit me hard at very random times every few months until mid-2023. I had COVID again last year (fully vaccinated) and it was just minor cold symptoms, none of the debilitating fatigue or breathlessness.

    9. Meeee. It’s pretty common but people don’t talk about it because of judgement. There are lots of tells, people who had healthy relationships with alcohol but are now sober, people on strict diets, folks who don’t socialize as much as they used to.

  7. Chicago restaurant recommendations? Will be there later in May and meeting up with a college friend and staying in River North area (open to ubering). Generally like healthy food but open to any suggestions. Thanks!

    4. Seconding Frontera Grill/Xoco/Topolobampo. Bavette’s (or if you can’t get a reservation there, Gilt Bar). If you lean more towards fish, Shaw’s Crab House. Depending on where you’re coming from, Lao Sze Chuan in the Nordstrom building on Michigan Avenue is fun and has a huge menu.

  8. Has anyone bought furniture from Article and can comment on the quality? They have a couple of bookcases I like but am a bit wary of not being able to see how they look in person. I’d be more comfortable taking a chance if they were Ikea/Wayfair prices but it’s about twice that. Hard to tell which reviews are real and which are slop.

    2. I have a few Article pieces (sofa, chair, dining table and chairs) and they are nice quality. Not as good as, say, Room and Board but they have held up well over a couple of moves. I’d put them in the West Elm/Pottery Barn/Crate and Barrel quality level.

    3. I have a couple of couches, their dining set, and outdoor furniture and the quality is amazing for the price. Had all of the above for 5+ years and it looks and feels brand new. No kids but a dog.

  9. Anyone had experience with HommeGirls? I’m looking at their button up shirts, not sure if they are worth the price tho.

  10. Where are we finding opaque white trousers for work? I would like to add some to my work wardrobe for spring/summer, but everything is so thin and polyester! Ideally I’d like a cotton or a cotton blend; wide-ish, straight or flare leg; high rise. I’m a size 8/10 with a bit of a pooch. I’d say budget is maybe $300 and under? That seems outrageous but I’m willing to spend on these because I’d wear for both work and play.

    1. Talbots. Talbots is always the answer for white bottoms that aren’t see-through. And consider sizing up.

    2. I just found a very cute pair that meets all your requirements at the Loft on sale for $45.

    3. Spanx white twill was recommended here in the past, I got a pair on sale last year that i want to try. Old Navy also has some that I’ve heard recmmended.

  11. What’s your approach to prevent or reign in lifestyle creep? My friends and family are like the devil on my shoulder encouraging me to spend because “I can afford it”. I think I’m pretty good about avoiding recurring expenses that my peers take on (gel manicures, regular facials, fancy exercise classes, grocery delivery). But the little things that feel like a one-off in the moment are starting to add up. I’m curious how you pick the expenses to cut back on and avoid falling back into bad habits, especially if those choices impact your spouse.

    1. What your motivation for reigning in lifestyle creep?

      For us, we can tell it’s time to chill when our monthly CC bill is higher than desired. We usually embark on a “no-spend” month and cut out things like fancy dinners out, coffees, extraneous house purchases, beauty and clothing purchases for me or hobby stuff for my husband. As a couple we agree on this like a challenge and both haves small sacrifices to make. After that it’s easy to tell what feels worth it. I don’t want to live in a world where I can’t get an iced latte on a sunny Friday, lol, but I don’t miss gel manicures.

      I also think there’s something to be said for never starting something. DH and I lived in one bedroom apartments (both working from home the whole time!) before we could afford to buy a house. I knew if we ever went for a two bedroom, we could never go back, and it was worth it to us to wait and rack up house savings. Or grocery delivery – idk I’m just like, who am I that I can’t go to the grocery store?? But these are all very personality and situation dependent choices.

      1. Our priorities all all so different. I am getting nudges that I should trade in my honda that is still going with 200K miles and get a brand new car. I will be happy with a gently used model without bells and whistles of the best line. But I absolutely love having fancy nail designs even though the cost is frivolous. If I gave up the manicures, I could get a better model car but I don’t care about tires or a moon roof. If I had to cut back, I just would go back to doing my nails myself. I only get grocery delivery around the winter holidays.

          1. And they are so expensive that it usually makes better financial sense to buy new.

        2. Tires are a vital safety component, regardless of whether you have a fancy new ride or an old clunker. That’s not the feature to cut back on.

    2. Tracking your spending will open your eyes and make every purchase more intentional, because you will see how it all adds up later.

    3. Find different friends and take a step back from family. I’m not actually being harsh. Presumably, you’re well outside of college and people should know that saving and investing are reasonable things to do. Things that are innocuous at 20 can be very problematic at 40. You’re making the correct choices, or trying to, and this is to the point of hurting your spouse. That’s a wake-up call that these friendships have run their course. I’m not saying that they are bad people or that you need to go out in a blaze of glory; I’m just saying that it would be worth it to branch out. Also consider that some other friends might have fallen out of their group over the last few years because of the pressure to spend, spend, spend.

      I will also note something insidious about everything you listed: the value of those things is gone very shortly after you pay for them. It isn’t even like a fun vacation that is at least a good memory; it isn’t even like a fancy car that is a depreciating asset but adds continuous joy; its consumption.

      1. …no, I’m not cutting off my friends and family because they say someone with my high paying job can afford manicures. No one is encouraging me to go into debt.

        I meant that it’s easy to justify individual expenses, especially when someone who makes less than me makes the same purchase. But cumulatively I worry I’m not putting enough thought into lifestyle upgrades.

        1. I didn’t tell you to cut them off; I told you to branch out.

          It doesn’t matter if someone who earns less than you do makes the same purchase. Maybe they have a trust fund. Maybe their spouse doesn’t care or they aren’t married. Maybe they are in debt up to their eyeballs. Maybe you just have different priorities.

          Why are you framing these things a as “lifestyle upgrades”? I would think that a lifestyle upgrade would involve something like a nicer home, car, or furniture, or things that make your life easier. Please consider what I’m trying to tell you in the second paragraph.

    4. Oh gosh I am living this now, we have a few subscriptions that I would drop in a hot minute but my spouse values them. We can technically afford it but it just feels wasteful to me. We are reviewing our budget soon because each service went up like 10% which in the aggregate really adds up!

      My best advice is to try dropping something and see how much you miss it- especially for something like grocery delivery or spa services. Or can you adjust the frequency? We dropped regular grocery delivery after the pandemic but still do it 1-2 a year when life gets crazy, and it’s nice to know it’s available but not necessary.

    5. It’s a good question. I think some lifestyle creep is good; if your income rises, it makes sense to enjoy a proportionately better standard of living. A big law partner probably doesn’t want to live like a student .

      But the key is proportionality and intentionality. I wouldn’t get a lot of joy in spending money on my nails and while I like to work out and love nice workout spaces, I see $$$ yoga classes as a special treat and not something I’d do twice a week. But I buy good groceries and stay in nice hotels when I go on vacation because that gives me bang for my buck. I think it’s good to ask yourself if the expenditure sparks joy, to borrow from Marie kondo

    7. so, I am the frugal one in my marriage, to the point where i would get stressed if i bought something from target, it then went on sale and it would save me $2 and I would re-buy and return, or (and I hate food waste) I’d feel enormous guilt if we bought food that went bad before we used it. I also used to feel extreme guilt about grocery pickup for when it was inconvenient or i didnt feel like going to the grocery store. We have 2 kids and DH has a big job. I’ve decide it is ok to sometimes pay the upcharge for grocery pickup. It is ok to not fret over $2. Yes, if you do this enough times $2 adds up over time so it is not like i’m spending money or wasting willy nilly, but I think there is a balance between lifestyle creep and being ok with spending money for convenience things if you can afford them. everyone values different things, so for example, i have a colleague whose husband lost his job at one point and i know that things were tight for them for a while, but she kept getting her gel manicures and didn’t take any kind of vacation whereas for me, i’d rather take the money from manicures and use it for something else. there isn’t really a right vs. wrong. we track expenses (or i should say DH does) and we do an audit kind of once a quarter. i have trouble convincing DH to cut back on things bc as he says, “we can afford it,” and i’m like even if we can it feels like a waste of money, we should save that money or donate it or something

      1. But no vacation and keep gel manicures is the sensible approach here. One vacation is about a decade’s worth of manicures. It makes much more sense to cut big ticket items. Especially since presumably your colleague still had her salary coming in. Cutting manicures makes you feel frugal but doesn’t move the actual needle.

    8. Set savings goals, create an automatic contribution to a totally separate savings account. Then spend the rest as you like/ as your little shoulder devil suggests.

    9. I regularly go through my spending and ask myself if my spending is in line with my values. If your spending does line up with your values, I don’t see a problem. If you have trouble seeing how spending applies to values, you can ask yourself “what else could I have spent this money on that might have been more fulfilling or useful?”

      But I’ll also ask how much you value being prepared for emergencies. A lost job, a car accident, a house fire… If you’re used to spending most of what you have, and now you suddenly have no income or huge expenses, it’s likely to be very difficult. But maybe you want to gamble on that not happening, idk your risk tolerance.

    10. I worry less about the little stuff and more about the big stuff. We have way less house than we need/could get approve for, and we paid it off years ago. We drive really old Toyotas that are very reliable and we have no intention of upgrading them. We front-loaded college savings and are no longer worried about contributing a lot to that. Keeping these big costs low means we don’t have to watch our daily expenses as much. Although I’m naturally not into beauty and fashion so my spending there is low. Our little expenses that add up are takeout/food delivery, entertainment and travel, and like another poster said we monitor the credit card bills and cut back when the spending is above the desired level.

      1. Second all of this. We worry about the big stuff and the little stuff takes care of itself. We have the luxury of high earnings but we didn’t upgrade any of the big ticket spending. I really value spending money to buy back time and on experiences. Having paid off cars and a house that’s 1/2 of what we could “afford” (and have the luxury of a low 2020 interest rate which not everyone has) means we don’t really stress about the daily miscellaneous spending. We have our investments/savings on auto-pilot and the don’t worry too much about the rest. If credit card bills get noticably higher, we re-calibrate. Honestly the re-calibration exercise is also helpful when I anxiety spiral about a job loss – because we have the big ticket items handled, it’s actually very easy to significantly cut back our spending when we want to (or if we ever really needed to). It took a long time to get to the point where I wasn’t fretting about every little expense but having an auto-savings set up as soon as we get paid was a helpful mindshift. Pay yourself first and then have fun with whatever is left

    11. I make sure things align with my values. Yes, I sometimes find myself buying things I don’t need that are a higher price point. I use the cart method to see if it’s something I actually want and will use or just feeding an impulse. If it’s things like going to restaurants or activities I don’t enjoy, I just have to have conversations that those aren’t things I want to spend money on. If it’s something your spouse wants to do, I you either have to set a budget or balance a set number of those kinds of activities. I do think though that you just have to sometimes tell people that’s not what you want to spend your money on.

    12. I don’t. We keep fixed expenses low enough so that a monthly facial or picking up the bill at a friend’s birthday dinner is never going to impact us in a meaningful way. My husband sort of decides what level of surplus we should be operating on and we don’t really see that money. I get that this is particularly privileged. But I do notice that my higher income friends who budget more meticulously seem constantly stressed out about money.

      I’m also a weirdo with other restrictions on my wants. I’ve splurged and it didn’t stick. You might find you’re similar. Try it and see if it’s worth it to you. I want to be the lady who gets nails and hair facials all the time but in reality im too lazy to spend time on it. I want a new outfit every day, I really do, but the idea of managing all the clothes is more stressful than spending the money. I want a beautiful home but spare white spaces in a humble style feel right to me. So I’ll spring for the absurdly expensive white sheets but I’m very happy with ikea bookshelves and I’m always trying own less rather than more. I drive a luxury car but for a decade because I’m too lazy to go car shopping and learn all the new gadgets. I’ve used my wedding china every day for well over a decade because I still like it. My girlfriends are perusing home goods for new stuff for fun and it feels like chore to me. Finally, I have less money than most people in my rich town, but I feel like we’re doing great. I have zero desire to make it look like we’re doing better than we are. I’m very happy for people to assume we’re broke it seems like a small price to pay to not really worry about money. Not saying this is you op, but rather its the people I know and a huge component of the lifestyle creep. Like my bestie has an amazing job, spends thousands on handbags, belongs to a country club and is kind of always worried about the budget and how well people think she’s doing. It’s not even on my radar.

    13. We have a household budget that prioritizes the things we value most (in our case, education and retirement costs) and stick to it. If there are little one-off things, they have to be accounted for in the budget. The universe doesn’t absorb those costs just because they are little. If the budget cannot absorb them, then we don’t spend on them.

      My family and I do not talk about finances generally, and if they suggested something that was not in my budget I would just tell them it’s not in my budget and the conversation would move on. If my friends were pressuring me to spend my money on something and did not immediately stop upon being told to quit it, they would not be my friends. I work to support my goals and values, not theirs.

    14. Two books address this idea (which, as others have already mentioned, is basically spending according your your values, not what other people think you should spend your money on): Ramit Sethi’s I Will Teach You To Be Rich, in the sections on having a “conscious spending plan” and spending what you’ve allocated guilt free, and Morgan Housel. Housel’s Psychological of Money is probably a more helpful book all around and, if I remember correctly, talked about issues of spending, but he also recently published The Art of Spending Money. I found that one to be very repetitive– it could have been a long blog post, rather than a book– but it if this is an area you are struggling with, could be helpful.

    15. I feel like with the world going to hell in a hand basket, it can be hard to save for long-term goals. Particularly if it seems like there’s little hope. I feel like this may be more the case the younger you are/the further away retirement seems.

      Short-term indulgences to get through the un-fun times are easy to talk yourself into.

      I wonder if your friends think this way? Might be an interesting discussion topic…

    16. A couple of extremes that work for us: asking if we could afford to make this choice every time, forever.

      One example is the fancy yogurt that’s double the cost of the regular yogurt. Can we afford to spend $7/container every time we buy yogurt, for the rest of our yogurt-buying days? We can, so we buy the fancy yogurt as our default.

      Can we afford to spend $150 on steak dinner every week? Yes? Great, enjoy this date night dinner without guilt.

      Can we afford to fly first-class every time we fly? Hey, whoa, nope, can’t afford that! So if we do want to splurge and buy a first-class ticket, let’s talk about why we want that for this trip, any other trade-offs we need to make, how often we can afford to spend at this level, etc.

      The other extreme is what if we NEVER do this? What’s the impact? We live in a VHCOL area, so buying a house is a constant source of discussion. On paper, we can afford to buy a house. But it would result in a lot of trade-offs that we don’t think are worth it at our current income level and net worth. So, what if we never buy a house? How do we feel about that? What are we doing with the house money if we aren’t paying a mortgage?

      And finally, as many others have mentioned, think about what you value and what you’re actually buying. Is it convenience? What are you willing to spend to make life easier vs. thinking that you’re just buying groceries? Are you buying self-esteem, joy, etc. with the manicures? What are you willing to pay for self-esteem vs. getting your nails done? Pay for the underlying need, not the actual thing that solves that need, and maximize the price-value curve for the actual problem.

    17. I think the most effective way to avoid “lifestyle creep” is to keep your fixed costs low for as long as you can and invest the difference. If your housing cost is less than you can afford, stay there if it’s safe and reasonably comfortable. Drive your car as long as possible, and when you buy a new one, be practical. Keep recurring expenses, especially ones that automatically recur, low.

      I really like Ramit Sethi’s view on “money dials.” For discretionary spending, he says to spend (a lot) on what’s important to you and cut (ruthlessly) on everything else. If health and wellness is one of your “money dials,” spend on gel manicures, regular facials, and fancy exercise classes. If it’s convenience, get a housekeeper and have your groceries delivered and send out your laundry. (Other “money dials” are things like travel, eating out, clothes, and experiences.) It sounds like you CAN afford to do some of these things, but few people can afford everything that sounds nice.

      Other than keeping those long-term fixed costs low, I sometimes think the concern about “lifestyle creep” is a little overblown. Save and invest responsibly, and spend your discretionary income on what’s important to you right now. At different times in my life, I’ve had regular manicures, occasional facials, twice-weekly yoga classes, fancy gym memberships, meal kit subscriptions, house cleaners, etc. When my income went down or my fixed costs went up or my priorities shifted, it wasn’t hard to stop spending on those things. I’m glad I was enjoying my life at the time.

  12. I was asked to report back on my quest to rip out the hollies eating the front of my house. I’ve gotten quotes from two tree companies to grind the stumps, and they both came in around $400. It would be more if we needed them to chainsaw them down and dispose of the limbs, but we can take care of that ourselves. A few plants in the beds in front of the hollies may get killed, but I’m okay making the sacrifice.

    So…bye hollies! You won’t be missed. I’m visualizing window boxes with trailing nasturtium, I love the idea of the variegated pale green against our brick. Unsure what new shrubs will go in and where I’ll place them, but I’m planning to get the window boxes in first and see where we are after that.

    Anyone else planning anything fun in their gardens this year?

    1. I am growing seedling nasturtiums for window boxes right now! Usually I do marigolds because they are so hardy/easy, but I wanted to go for something different this year. I love the shape of nasturtium leaves. The foliage itself is pretty.

      1. Yes, the foliage is my favorite part, along with the spicy little fruit snack. I have never been brave enough to attempt starting things from seeds, but maybe some day…

    2. $400 is so reasonable – congrats!

      We have a new-to-us house. We ripped out all the shrubs eating the house last year, and right now we’re just enjoying seeing the hundreds of bulbs we planted peek out of the ground. SO excited to see them bloom! We need to think about putting something back in front of the house, but honestly, nothing is looking pretty ok to my eye for the moment.

      1. TBH I thought it was going to be way worse! I’m so excited to see what my house looks like without the shrubbery, I’m glad you’re enjoying it as well.

    3. just a warning that some nasturturium trails and some mounds, so make sure you know which one you have. i had some Purple Emperor trailing from a windowbox one summer but I was a bit disappointed, we’ve preferred scavola, torenia, or petunias for trailing. This year I’m growing trailing geraniums to try.

      1. Trailing geraniums are so pretty! I wish they were easier to find because I like them so much better than the traditional varieties.

    4. Your post actually inspired me to cut down an ornamental crabapple tree that has gotten kinda weird despite our efforts to prune it. I think it was a grafting experiment gone wrong. It was gorgeous for the first five years we had it, and then became gangly and weird and non-flowering. DH is taking it down this weekend. I’m planning to add some pollinator friendly perennials in its place!

    6. We cut out a bed of awful thorny bushes last fall and I replaced it with wine barrels of herbs for my long dreamt about kitchen garden.

  13. What is everyone wearing for easter this weekend? I have a really cute pastel Nic and Zoe sundress, but it’s probably going to be 40 degrees when we leave for church, so I’m not really feeling it. :( I need to get a pastel sweater or something.

    1. It’s going to be chilly and damp here, so I have no idea. My decision is complicated by the fact that I have to wear a stifling polyester choir robe over my dress. This means the dress needs to be short and to have a neckline that doesn’t compete with the robe’s.

      When it’s cold but not rainy on Easter, I take advantage of the opportunity to wear my gorgeous cream cashmere-blend wrap coat.

    2. Cozy sweatpants! We are staying home and not venturing anywhere for once. It’s going to be glorious.

      1. I’m so envious! I’m sick of obligatory family gatherings for holidays, but DH is dedicated to them and so I go along. I’d rather do so many other things, including eating chocolate bunnies at home.

        1. Mine is also dedicated to them–it makes him feel whole. I’ll probably just wear pants and a sweater if it’s cold and rainy.

        2. Our nuclear family is no longer religious, although our entire extended family is varying levels of observant, from social C&E types to extreme fundamentalists. We get flack for not attending even the C&E services. Once we decided to stop caring if they all think we are heretics who are going to hell, it was quite freeing. We don’t neg their beliefs or denigrate them for being observant, but we also are not ashamed that we choose to only attend brunch after the service. The number of relatives who have quietly shared that they wish they could sit it out, too, is kind of sad. I told them they are adults and really can just decide to stop living solely to please others. It’s not immoral to sleep in on Sunday instead of sitting through a service that presumes a faith they really don’t profess.

          1. This is my roman empire! Do all adults who go to church actually believe? IDK but I’m SO curious (as someone who left religion).

          2. I mean, no. Lots of adults who go to church have varying levels of belief. A religious emphasis on believing a set of factual claims is often considered a modern phenomenon (in Christianity it’s sometimes called “propositionalism”). Even within Christianity, the Apostle’s creed is about what people “believe in” which isn’t the same. So it’s always not expected that people have that many beliefs in common. Where it is expected, what “actually believe” means is probably debatable too, but there have always been people who knowingly doubted (including clerics whose doubt is sometimes explored at length in correspondence that can be interesting to read). This can range from doubt over one’s own personal salvation / crises of faith, to doubt over articles of faith, to a general skepticism that most of this is literally true without worrying too much about whether it matters, or worrying quite a lot about faith vs. science. I personally feel that I have encountered congregations where people have a sort of childlike trust combined with a sort of taboo against asking too many questions or expressing disagreements, and I wonder how that works.

    3. We are doing novelty (mildly sacrilegious) Easter t-shirts for my in laws easter lunch. All the kids (and grandkids) are now grown so its a contest for the best joke shirt.

    4. Easter is the one day I wear both parts (blazer and pants) of my hot pink suit together!

  14. favorite flavorless cleanish protein powder? do most people mix with water or put in their coffee or what?

    1. I like raw grass fed whey. I buy from Amazon and I think “raw” is the brand.
      I put it in smoothies made with coconut milk, coconut water, and frozen fruit I freeze myself when it is in season (we get blueberries, strawberries and peaches and I buy mangoes). I also buy ginger and turmeric in bulk about once a year and cut it up into nubs and freeze it to add in. If I have greens that might go bad, sometimes I toss those in, but mostly I forget.
      I have also added it into overnight oats with chia in the past.

      1. I answered with raw whey, but I also often sub a scoop of collagen for one of the whey scoops, since they supposedly have different benefits

    5. I alternate between Puori and Clean Simple Eats, depending on who has a coupon code or sale at the time. I put it in my coffee or in a protein shake and both of these mix well.

    6. Tried all these, and they all are NOT flavourless to me! Can you post again if you find one that’s flavourless please?

      1. I don’t think protein powder is for you.

        Or at least you should not be looking for it in any sort of natural foods market since what you want is something highly processed.

      2. What did you put the collagen powder in? I just add it to soup, and I guess I don’t know if it’s flavorless, but it doesn’t really fight with the flavor of soup broth at all.

        Protein is not itself completely flavorless, every amino acid has a taste.

  15. Does anyone have a gift link to the New Yorker article titled “The Spy Who Told All”?
    Thanks!

  16. For those of you that are receiving or have received an inheritance of size (to you), are you planning to spend it all or earmark some to pass on to your kids? DH is getting inheritance money sooner than he expected, which is resulting in more money than he even considered he’d be getting. We don’t need the money, our retirement and college savings etc are all on track or even ahead. We are considering potentially buying a vacation home with it, but I’m wondering if it would be nice/prudent to set aside, say, $50-$100k for the kids for…the future. I’m not sure if it would be for a wedding/downpayment or for an earmarked inheritance (and if so, give it to them when they are a young adult or wait until we die). But $100k set aside now would likely be at least twice that by the time the kids (all <10) actually get it.

    Asking here because my family was never in a position to help me financially after they contributed to part of college- and that's totally fine!- but I do know this sort of thing happens. What worked well for your family? What would you do differently?

    1. The biggest gift I can give my kids financially is giving them a stable life and ensuring that they don’t have to pay for my care/personally provide my care if I get something like dementia. So, emergency and retirement savings are my top priorities.

      After that, I want to make the lives of my (responsible, thoughtful, grateful) kids a little easier. Higher education, money to help with a downpayment, etc. are all much higher priorities for me than a fancier kitchen, luxury vacations, etc.

      That said, a vacation home now isn’t incompatible with giving money later if the vacation home is likely to appreciate (big if, I know), since you could sell the vacation home to fund the gifts.

      I wouldn’t mention the possibility of the money and wait and see, though. You may need the money, or your kid might use the money poorly or in a way that is harmful (I know adult children of well-meaning parents who have drug problems or overspending problems made worse by their parents’ largesse).

    2. I received a fairly modest inheritance when my mom died, and we did buy the vacation house. Our primary residence was paid off, our kids were in their late teens, early 20’s and I thought it was worth it to have a place they would “want” to hang out with us. It’s close to our primary residence so they could drive less than an hour, be there and come back if they wanted. It was fantastic for DH and I during Covid, we both had big jobs and it was a quiet respite, we even did alot of WFH from there. I will say the goal with my kids hasn’t really worked out the way I wanted. They do come from time to time but it’s maybe 2 or 3 long weekends a year. Maybe when they have kids? Our college funds were funded and retirement was good so that was not really a consideration. Now I’m focused on saving a reasonable amount-not six figures! to help pay for weddings and potentially part of a down payment. I see this as frontloading some of their inheritance though, as I think it’s much more meaningful for them to get now vs when they are 50. This is all very 1% stuff because I went to a state college and took out loans, but DH and I have worked hard and done well and I do want to share it with my kids much, much more than I would ever care about material things like expensive jewelry or a Birkin.

      1. My parents have a vacation house and it isn’t a big draw during certain life stages. Adult children want to be with their friends on weekends through their mid twenties, if they don’t own a car (most of my peers didn’t) it’s a PITA. The neighbors’ grandkids visit maybe twice a summer- either they’re so little that being near the water is stressful or they’re old enough that they’re busy with sports on the weekend.

        If you put aside money for your kids it’s more valuable in their mid 20s-early 30s than when you die. Pay for grad school tuition or give them cash toward a down payment.

      2. When my kids were little, we loved my parents’ vacation house because it was (almost) a free vacation. But it was also relatively easy to get to, my mom was helpful with the kids, and it was in a fun vacation area.

    3. It’s a long way off because my parents are early 70s and women in my mom’s family regularly live to 95+, but I will inherit a lot when my parents die. Given that my kids will almost certainly be legal adults but probably not old enough to responsibly inherit huge sums of money, I don’t currently plan to give them any of it outright. But there will be the possibility of gifts for specific purposes, like down payments on homes. We plan to pay for college and hopefully grad school, with or without the inheritance.

      1. OP here and we thought that was the case too. As it turns out, the will for one of his dad is structured differently than we realized and he inherited money when one parent died, not when they both died. Sort of fitting as his dad was always super careful with money and then randomly generous- like we had our whole wedding that we budgeted for and paid for, then at the end he was like hey, here’s a check for $25k, live it up. Like, what?!

      2. Similar but different for me. In today’s dollar value, I expect that my inheritance will be $10 million or more. The women on both sides of my family live to be 95+, and I expect a very long life. If family members are grounds for projecting, then I will outlive DH by 10-20 years, and we do not have children. My primary concern, then, is making sure I can afford to pay for care givers should I need them when I’m an old lady.
        But, with that said, my parents paid for all of my education, bought my first adult car, and probably about 60 percent of my first house. These financial advantages were enormous and allowed me to take a lower paying job that I loved rather than needing to keep the higher paying job more typical in my industry. So I think that when parents can afford to help their children financially early in their adult lives with specific gifts rather than just handing over money, it can be life changing.
        Finally, my best friend’s parents used a large inheritance to buy a vacation home when they were in their 40s. Everyone spends a lot of time there and loves having it for many reasons.

    4. My mother gives me and my sister annual gifts. We started getting these in our mid-to-late 40s. It means we get the money earlier when we can use it to improve our lives or build security. For me, it is a way to attack bigger debts, or invest in something like an expensive gym membership that I believe has long-term benefits, or take a trip I wouldn’t otherwise feel I could afford. For my sister, it is a substantial chunk of her annual income.
      I also would have appreciated receiving one big chunk instead, to be an emergency fund or house down payment or nest egg, just giving an overall sense of security. My mother also received annual gifts from her parents, and she was very grateful. But my grandfather received a fairly sizeable amount in his early years, which meant he was basically rich his entire life. And my mother was keenly aware of the difference between those two experiences (while he did not seem to appreciate the difference).

      The annual gifts are discretionary, based on how my mother feels about her own security, so we are aware we can’t count on them. If this year keeps going as it is, it may be a skip year.

    5. The inheritance I got from my parents was smallish (mid-five-figures) and I split it with my daughter because she’d been such a help with the elder care. It came at a good time for her because she was moving to a new state and taking some time off work.

      If were in your situation I would definitely earmark some of my inheritance for the kids. But I wouldn’t mention it to them unless and until I handed it over in the distant future.

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