Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Short-Sleeved Tucked Ponte Dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Readers were linking to this dress not too long ago — Jones New York is back! This looks really cute, and for only $28 it’s definitely worth checking out, even though it’s long-sleeved and there are only a few more weeks to wear long sleeves. Fortunately, there’s also a short-sleeved version, pictured (same price). I love the faux wrap and the thick fold in the middle — I think it’s flattering and almost architectural. The dress, which is machine washable, comes in four colors sizes 2-16 (five colors in the long-sleeved version) and in plus sizes too. Actually, there are a lot of cute dresses marked down: so many good sales! Pictured: Short-Sleeved Tucked Ponte Dress

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  1. sisters in arms? :

    I work with some high school students in a poorer magnet school in my city that focuses on leadership and has a popular JROTC program. I have many guy friends who have been in the military (some doing ROTC in college) but my female military friends are all in health care and went in after or as part of their training (so UHUHS or signing a post-college commitment). I have many friends who went to the service academies, but those are also all guys. Any ladies here who are servicing / have served / did ROTC?

    I went to college in Hampton Roads, who while I am not military, have a generally favorable view of service.

    For my mentees, ROTC plus a commitment is likely how they will afford college (esp. now that many smaller private colleges are offering it). Plus, the families are always concerned that their kid will go to college, graduate in debt that the family can’t help with, and wind up living on their couch b/c they can’t get a job. This ameliorates that concern also.

    Open to all thoughts and your $.02.

    • What’s your question? I was an army officer and served in Iraq and Afghanistan.

      • sisters in arms? :

        Can you speak to pros / cons, esp. if you did ROTC in college? Esp. as a female soldier?

        The GI Bill (and VA loans in the future) is a big sell, but I can’t speak to what I suspect is true:
        — more adult oversight in college (esp. at a larger college) will give you more indirect mentorship
        — less of a slacker (this was me: out late, up late, lots of cheap beer; bad summer jobs)
        — more of a focus using your summers for training
        — more direction as a grownup
        — better at adulting than average students

        FWIW, I just adored McRaven’s UT commencement address (and that is more of the adult life I lead and my college life after I realized after 2 years of nonstop partying that I should get my act together for my post-college life). I also think that something you belong to (whether a sorority, a sports team, a service organization, etc.) in college makes you a lot more sticky to the good things in college and less likely to drift aimlessly. I think that ROTC is another good example of this. But I didnt’ do this, so it’s just a guess.

        • Anonymous :

          I am not military, but was part of a small and intense program at a giant state university, and I think you are right that belonging to a smaller community is immensely helpful in navigating life at a large college. This will probably be even more important for students who are coming from a less advantaged background and/or are first-generation college students.

        • Sure, happy to.

          I commissioned through ROTC. It does provide structure. You know those teachers you had in high school who held you to high standards, so you performed better for them? It’s that type of environment. The vast majority of ROTC professors volunteered for the assignment and are super excited about mentoring and shaping future officers. (It’s also a cushy assignment that’s a break from a grinding career, so they’re happy to be there haha.) They really do care about you and want you to succeed and will give you tough love if you’re doing something dumb.

          There’s also your fellow cadets. At my school, ROTC cadets didn’t really participate in Greek life (this varies greatly by school). This meant your social group was your fellow cadets, so when you went out drinking, your buddies always had your back because you all were always aware of the fact that your career was on the line. You know you can’t screw up with drugs or alcohol or even bad grades because your scholarship and your future will be gone in a snap if you do.

          I don’t know what they do for summer training anymore. Every service is different and they’re constantly changing it based on whatever the newest leadership theories are. When I went through, you only had to go to one month in Fort Lewis, WA between your junior and senior years.

          If they still have it, there’s a way you can enlist in the National Guard and be a cadet at the same time. You have to go to drill one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer, but there are two huge benefits: 1) your time in service (for years of pay) starts counting, so you’ll be higher paid when you finally commission and 2) you get paid on the weekends! So that’s a great part-time job where you’re learning real skills that you can apply to your future as an officer. (And National Guard pay plus the ROTC scholarship stipend makes for pretty decent living for a college student!)

          And heck yes to being better at adulting than average students. As a cadet, you know that when you graduate, you will immediately be assigned to be the boss of ~50 people and millions of dollars worth of equipment. There’s no time for screwing around in school. You have to be at PT at 6 am, you have to be out in the woods on the weekends, and you have to have good grades to keep your scholarship. If you didn’t have it before you signed up, it really gives you a sense of purpose and a direction.

          I didn’t find ROTC to be burdensome in college. You have so much spare time in college that I think you really do need an activity to take up time. Sure, nobody loves getting up at 5 to go sweat to death, but the actual requirements of the program were reasonable.

          Re: being a female. I never encountered difficulties. I firmly believe that in life, if you’re looking for people to offend you, you will find opportunities to be offended. The military does SO MUCH training on equality and sexual harassment that 99% of the men are doing everything they can to be respectful and appropriate. There are bad apples in every group, of course. I think women entering the military do need to have a bit of flexibility – it IS a field populated by men whose job it is to kill other people. That’s what we’re talking about here. That means the military isn’t the right working environment for everyone.

          I enjoyed my time and I’d do it again. And yes, having part of law school paid for and no money down home loans is awesome ;)

          • sisters in arms? :

            Thanks — this is very helpful!

            In my field, it’s about 50% women to start with (with heavy attrition b/w 30 and 40 years old). But I could get a handful of women in to talk to students easily on any given day. [I am mentoring in this program b/c I have a knack for helping with algebra and other high school math topics.]

            We’re not near a military town, so anecdata from women who’ve been down the road is so helpful.

    • I am not military but have been military-tangent my whole career (nonprofit, contractor and fed) and have many friends and family members who are active/separated/retired, both officer and enlisted. If I could do all this again, I would do ROTC. I have a friend who just pinned O-5 who thought she would do her 4 years after ROTC and get out…

      ROTC scholarships are a huge benefit, as is any GI Bill benefit that comes after for grad school, etc. – and so is the VA loan, especially in high COL areas. That said, in response to your points:

      -maybe there is more adult oversight, but I also had a friend whose ROTC captain was his dealer
      -I don’t know that it makes you less of a slacker in that way. College kids will be college kids. As a senior Marine buddy of mine said, one of the first lessons he learned was, “If you can’t turn up tonight and still turn out for PT on time tomorrow, you’re in the wrong career.” I have also had military friends who have had (serious) issues with alcohol.

      Sure, there is more opportunity to focus your summers, your career, etc. if you are looking for that, but you have to be looking for it the same way you are in the civilian world or you won’t succeed.

      And the drawbacks are very very real — like going to war, like being separated from your friends and family, like PTSD. Like your friends coming back and not knowing how to deal with PTSD and killing themselves. I had a really good friend who struggled with PTSD post-service, and it still gives me chills to think about our conversations and to hope this person is doing okay. And that is just thinking about what he TOLD me, not experiencing it. It’s not something to be undertaken lightly.

      • sisters in arms? :

        I hear you — I know someone who went to Iraq as a medic and it probably magnified some issues he already had. Not a bad co-worker, but a nightmare on the homefront.

        I think that my friends who are regular civilian EMTs see a lot of similar things, so it’s not like being non-military is an escape from that. And a friend’s dad was a lt colonel but worked in hospital admin and a lot of finance jobs, so it totally varies. And then there are the pilots. A ton of variety so I agree that being self-directed is a plus (as long as you can take direction, which I would love more of in my civilian workplace).

      • I grew up in the military (my mom was an Army colonel) and looked in the JAG post-law school. If you join the service, you will always be a soldier first, and [insert specialty here] second. I knew that joining the Army meant that it was not a question of “if” I would be deployed, but when. I knew that I did not want to deploy as my dad was KIA (a pilot), so the military was not right for me. I have immense respect for all who serve, but the downsides can be very real.

    • I don’t know the financial background of the kids you mentor, but please keep in mind that many “poor” kids can get full need-based scholarships to college. It varies a lot by school so the kids are better off applying to multiple schools. I got offered full rides to multiple state schools. I hear private schools often do the same thing, but I didn’t know that so I didn’t apply.

      This is in no way designed to discourage someone who wants to do ROTC. It just important to remember that there are other ways if the kids are not overly interested in that, especially since ROTC is much more than just a way to pay for college.

      • sisters in arms? :

        I agree.

        ROTC can really help parents who are not officially poor in state schools where out-of-state tuition is sky-high. At least in Virginia, many state schools will treat you as in-state for tuition purposes (but not admissions purposes) if you do ROTC and sign a commitment. That is a huge plus for a student where the family can afford basic in-state tuition (or the loans from that, which aren’t so scary) but not out-of-state tuition at another school, especially if there are many children. Plus the scholarships are an immense help, but the in-state / out-of-state differential is huge (60K OOS vs 15K in-state).

      • sisters in arms? :

        Another thing to add is that many of the students have relatives who have served as enlisted personnel (not officers), often for generations, so to the parents, anything with an officer in it is a HUGE deal. Military service is generally viewed favorably. Many of the JROTC advisors are very passionate about JROTC but are open getting the kids into and through college, which means that fit is of huge importance, esp. since many parents did not go to college (and others are first-generation Americans).

        I’m in the SE US, so we tend to have higher military service rates and many state schools have ROTC. Two nearby states, SC and VA, have state military academies (although you still have to do ROTC to be commissioned). VA Tech also has the corp of cadets, but I am a bit hazy on how that differs from ROTC at other schools.

  2. Anonymous :

    I posted a vent on the day that the s!te was shut down and didn’t get responses (which was fine) but now I’m looking for advice on next steps. My cleaning service showed up at 7:30 a.m. even though I’ve asked them to never come before 10 a.m. I was out of the shower but not dressed yet so I was pretty freaked out to hear people coming into my house. This is the second time this has happened. The first time was ~3 years ago shortly after I started with them. I was told that my normal appointment time would be 2 p.m. They moved the schedule around without telling me and barged in on me shortly before 9 a.m., also when I wasn’t dressed yet. I’d normally be out of the house by then but I’d been working super late the night before. That’s when I asked them to never come before 10 a.m. and please let me know if they needed to move my appointment time.

    I texted with the owner and he was pretty unapologetic. The cleaners said he put me first on the schedule and he said something like, sorry the schedule got mixed up. I’m annoyed that they barged in on me but I’m even more annoyed by the owner’s response. Didn’t accept responsibility for the mistake. Didn’t acknowledge in any way that 7:30 is unreasonably early without prior warning. Didn’t acknowledge that maybe having a bunch of strangers burst in on you when you’re [email protected] is a uniquely not-awesome way to start your day (yes I told him I was just getting out of the shower). Seriously, say sorry, you realize you screwed up, won’t happen again, we’ll take $10 off your next visit. I’ve been with this service for a few years but I’m considering canceling with them over this. Am I overreacting?

    • Sloan Sabbith :

      I don’t think you’re overreacting. If it was the first time, okay, yeah, mistakes happen. But it seems like an ongoing problem and the response was pretty rude. It’s your space; yes, you have to recognize that you’re allowing someone in, but that doesn’t mean they get to show up whenever they want.

      • +1

        I’ve had housekeepers for over a decade and have moved a few times in there, so I’ve been with different people. I only used a big corporate service once – the first time – and never again. I prefer to use women who work on their own (or with a friend, sister, etc). I get word of mouth recommendations and have always been beyond pleased.

        • Same. I use an independent cleaner who came with great reviews. Ask around and try someone new. I would stop using them immediately.

          • Same. I got a spot on my housekeeper’s rotation because one of her clients died.

    • Look, you don’t need people to commiserate with you or to validate your decision. Are you happy with your service? If not, get a new one. Seems like a pretty simple solution to me. Stop wasting your emotional energy on this.

      • +1. This is a pretty clear-cut scenario. You engaged their services for an agreed-upon time and they did not deliver twice. Either try again or move on.

      • The fact that she feels the need to re-post here, again, days after this happened is a little over the top. I have a friend like this…her husband just tunes her out because she is constantly outraged about something and then she complains to anyone else to who will listen.

      • +1 mistakes happen, these people are paid minimum wage and just want to get the work done. Scheduling mixups do happen at every level of work. If you are unhappy move one. Why dwell on this?

      • This. It’s a pain you didn’t get $10 off but move on. I wouldn’t ditch an otherwise competent cleaning service over this but YMMV.

      • +10000000

    • Anonymous :

      I’d never use them again.

    • Yes, that is annoying that they aren’t checking your file notes regarding timing when moving their schedule. Are these the only 2 mistakes in 3 years? Do you otherwise trust them and like the service and are they otherwise telling you about their schedule? I’d probably be annoyed and move on. FWIW, our housekeeper comes at 7:30 am, but she tends to show up a bit before that because she’s got multiple houses to do in a day. Some of these services start really early!

      • Anonymous :


      • If everything else is absolutely perfect, I would install a chain or one of those locks like on the inside of hotel rooms so they can’t get in before you want them to. It’s loud and startling when someone tries to open a door and you have those activated, but it’s better than being walked in on.
        But if they aren’t absolutely perfect in every other way, I would fire them. Frankly, I value my privacy more than I value most things cleaners could break.

      • They’re just OK quality-wise. There have been other problems and the response generally isn’t great. For example, I told the owner that the bathtub wasn’t cleaned, there’s still a ring. He insisted that it had been cleaned. I sent him a picture of the ring with a finger swipe through the ring to prove that the ring was easily movable and not a stain. He just said he’d follow up, no apology for either the fact that it hadn’t been cleaned or the fact that he second guessed me. They also used to leave one or two random windows open, but they’d leave the blinds down so I didn’t know the window was open until the floor was wet or I was freezing in the middle of the night. That issue seems to have been resolved but it took a couple of months.

        • Anon in NYC :

          Stop using them. The owner’s response to complaints is, in my opinion, not great.

        • I would stop using them. I switched from my cleaning service to paying someone privately because of cost, but the number one best thing about them was that they did a truly excellent job, stuck to the schedule, paid attention to the notes in my file, and I rarely ever had to think about any of it. If there was an issue their customer service was friendly and responsive. Cancel this company and switch to someone better. This place is not doing a good cleaning job, not paying attention to your expressed wishes, and not responding well to concerns. (Can you tell I desperately miss my cleaning service? Got to find room in the budget to go back to them…)

        • Senior Attorney :

          Yeah, get a new service. It sounds like they don’t really care about providing good service. You may have to pay more for better service but it will be worth it.

    • Anonymous :

      I’d be mad too, but in my experience it’s hard for cleaning teams to stick to a schedule. We’ve had numerous cleaning services over the years (fired some, but also had to get new ones because we moved) and they all seem to always be reshuffling things around and changing the time they show up at our house. So I guess I say: not unreasonable to fire them over this, but I wouldn’t be shocked if you have the same problems with other cleaners.

      • Year I don’t expect them to show up at 2:00 p.m. on the dot, but I’d like to have a general idea of when people are going to be in my house. Ultimately, though, I don’t really care when they come as long as it’s not at a time that I’m [email protected] or sleeping.

        • My response disappeared, but I would either way get a chain or other lock they can’t unlock so this doesn’t happen with another service, and I would get rid of them if they aren’t amazing in every other way. I would be very flustered about being walked in on and value my privacy too much to pay someone who doesn’t respect it. Mistakes happen but the owner’s responses seem unhelpful and like he doesn’t value your business.

          • Senior Attorney :

            Oh, almost forgot the hack I used when I was living alone: All the doors to the house had the same key, except one door that had two locks,the second of which had a separate key that I gave to the cleaning service. On cleaning day I’d unlock the first lock (the one that fit the master house key) and only locked the cleaning service lock. All the rest of the time the master lock was locked so the cleaning people couldn’t get in when I wasn’t expecting them. It prevented incidents like the one that happened to you.

    • Anonymous :

      Things happen….especially over a few years. Since you still seem riled up about this, I would perhaps consider whether your communications with the owner came across as angry and perhaps he became defensive. I would chill out and get a deadbolt.

    • You sound fed up with the service, and that is fine – you’re not being unreasonable. You also sound like you’re at b* eating crackers stage with this service — again, understandable. I’d look for a new service as you’re sufficiently frustrated with them that it is causing you stress, and the minor issues will feel magnified as a result.

    • Find another cleaning company. You’re obviously not going to get the response you want from this one.

  3. Need recs for last minute hair salon to get a blow out/curly style in Boston – South End. would need the appt to be tomorrow afternoon. Thanks in advance!

    • Boston anon :

      No specific recommendations but there are a bunch of salons in the south end. I’d take whatever appt you could get on a Saturday afternoon at any of them. blo dry bar in the south end is blow dries only. you might have to expand your search outside of the south end to find an appointment. there are two blow dry places in the back bay, drybar and hario, and tons of salons on newbury.

  4. No Problem :

    Is rose gold really a trend, or is it timeless and here to stay? I have my eye on an expensive two tone watch (stainless/rose gold). Comparing that to pictures of the same watch in stainless/yellow gold, the rose gold one seems a lot more elegant. But since it’s a pricey (for me) watch, this is something I would wear for years to come.

    I’ll post a link in the reply.

    • No Problem :

      • I think that’s beautiful! The giant chunky shay shull-style rose gold Michael Kors watches are definitely out, but the longines watch combines some really classic elements- I love the mother of pearl dial. You’ll find that among upscale watchmakers and jewelers (patek, journe, etc) rose gold is never really out and is used in pieces like this often. If you like, it, go for it!

      • Anonymous :

        I think that’s a lovely watch and it will not go out of style with the rose gold accents.

      • I think that watch is a classic.

        My mother has worn a stainless and gold watch with a round face (think ladies Rolex, but definitely not Rolex for my family) for as long as I can remember. I think it’s a classic.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Chiming in to say holy cow that is one gorgeous watch!

        • No Problem :

          Right? I almost got the stainless version of this several years ago as a milestone accomplishment gift from my parents, but they only had the blue hands (one of the best features, imo) on the two tone versions and I didn’t want to get a two tone at the time. Also they only had stainless/yellow gold for two tone. I ended up going with a different stainless watch that I have now worn daily for five years. But I still love the look of this one, and I also love the rose gold version so much better than either of the other two options I had back then. So, yeah. Probably a gift to myself in a few months.

      • Classic watch. Beautiful!

    • Rose gold is timeless. I have some inherited rose gold jewelry that I’ve been wearing for 20+ years. Maybe I was being unfashionable, idk, but I’ve gotten compliments on those pieces.

      Imho two-tone is a trend. It’s been around for a while, though, so maybe it’s now classic?

    • Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Fridays and this ponte dress. I also LOVE Jones New York, and have ever since high school! And I do NOT remember it being so fruegel! Yay Kat and Kate for bringeing this to my my attention!

      As for the OP, Yes, Rose Gold has been beautiful for years! Mom has a Rose gold ROLEX watch, and I have a ROSE GOLD iphone 7 that I TOTALY LOVE! So if you love it like we do, I say go for it and buy it. Dad told me he perfers normal gold b/c Rose Gold is a woman’s color, but this websight is NOT for men anyway, so who cares what men buy for themselves. Just remember NOT to buy men ROSE GOLD until you check with them first. YAY!!!

      I am so glad the Corporette websight is back up and running. I wonder if the North Korean’s were the ones behind Corporete being targeted? I still think it was a pimply faced kid from the USA who hit us with BOTS. FOOEY on that person, whoever he is.

      I also support Trump for shooting misssels at Syria for using nerve gas on innocent civilians. It is against international law to use poisonus gas so if we destroyed their airplanes, big deal. FOOEY on Assad!

      Anyway, I hope the HIVE has a great weekend! YAY!!

    • I think all metals are timeless, but they fluctuate in popularity. In the 90s/00s, Platinum/silver was the thing, now rose gold is definitely having a moment, especially in bridal jewelry. I’d be comfortable getting any metal, because unlike clothing trends I don’t think it’s ever “out” because people wear it for a long time and also have heirloom pieces.

    • Gorgeous watch. I think it’s a classic.

  5. I’ve been traveling every week for a month, and I’m in an industry where I’m working with mostly men- mostly older than I am. Yesterday, getting off a flight, a client of mine said hello after he’d clearly seen me sleeping (head back, mouth open, not cute) and then last night I had to attend a three hour dinner with coworkers and clients – all men, too much booze and heavy food, and I was the first to present this morning. It’s going to be a long day- thank goodness it’s the weekend ahead!

  6. Anonymous :

    This is really cute, but I fear Jones NY is not long for this world if they’re selling dresses for $28.

  7. Anonymous :

    Just realized I wore a black sweater and brown boots to work today, and it doesn’t look intentional or coordinated at all. It looks like I got dressed in the dark.
    Sigh. TGIF.

    • I have the same ponte pencil skirt in black and navy. I once walked out of my house and realized I was wearing the wrong one when I hit the sunlight. Luckily had time to change, but don’t you hate that. Ugh. I’m sure you’ll be ok and other people probably won’t notice it nearly as much as it bothers you. A former contributor here (mamabear) used to say that something about how other people don’t notice little things about us nearly as much as we think they do. I find it comforting to think about that.

      • A friend of mine has a (bad?) habit of buying the same boots in both black and brown. The number of times she’s shown up to things with one black boot and on brown boot is hilarious!

        • All of the shoes that I buy and like I buy in all the colors. This has totally happened to me, though less often than you’d expect ;)

        • Anonymous :

          I did this once with loafers – I loved the shoes so much I had two pairs, one dark oxblood and one black. Got to work one morning and had two different color shoes on. After that, I put masking tape on the insole of the black pair so I could tell them apart from the oxblood.

      • This explains my love hate relationship with black and navy tights…ugh!

    • If I saw this on a normally stylishly dressed colleague, I would assume it’s intentional. Don’t worry about it -I’m sure no one else notices.

      • This is so true. If I saw a coworker who is normally put together wearing something like this, I’d think “Oh, I’ll bet this is in style now.” If I thought about it at all.

    • Senior Attorney :

      Many years ago I was on an internet debate forum. And the very worst flame war they ever had was on the topic of “is it okay to wear brown and black together.”

      Good times, man…

    • I have a pair of very comfortable shoes in both brown and black… the other day I looked down at 3 PM and noticed I was wearing one brown wedge and one black wedge.

  8. I am scheduling interviews for my boss to interview candidates for a position in my department. (I would be the supervisor.) One candidate sent an email saying she was “so excited I might pee my pants. LOL.” This is not an intern position — this is for a professional, and the candidate is at least 35 or so.
    Would you hold that against her? FWIW, we don’t have a preexisting relationship — I’ve interviewed her once for about 45 minutes.

    • Anonymous :

      Hahaha. Unless you work in a laidback industry where goofiness is applauded, or unless this person will never have to interact with other people in her new role, I would take this into consideration.

    • Anonymous :

      Deal breaker. Absolutely.

      Only possible exception is if it’s clear that she meant to send this to a friend and mis-emailed, but I would be very wary.

      • How was she in person? That seems SO casual and inappropriate that it might have been meant for a friend. I would take a look at her other application materials before cancelling the next interview – give the poor excited woman the benefit of the doubt.

    • Anonymous :

      OMG. I would not invite her back for further interviews.

    • Sloan Sabbith :

      Dear god, yes, I would hold that against her. Even an intern. Never okay.

    • Anonymous :

      I would rescind the interview invitation. Even if she meant to forward your e-mail to a friend, this is evidence of total carelessness.

    • Sassyfras :

      I would cancel the interview. I personally think it’s funny but shows a complete disregard for social norms, not the type of person you want to supervise.

    • File under “unprofessional” and move on.

    • Yes. I would hold it against her and forward that email to your boss w a recommendation that you all cancel.

    • I think it’s fair to take into consideration – definitely unprofessional, especially for someone who should be putting their best foot forward right now. But I disagree with the recommendations to cancel the interview.

      And honestly for me the bigger problem would be the “LOL” not the “pee my pants” comment. Hate text-speak.

    • My first thought is that she replied by mistake instead of forwarding to a friend. Is this in line with your interview with this person? If she realized her mistake and apologize I would consider it, but if not I would cancel. Anyone recall the person who accidentally attached a picture of Nicholas Cage instead of her resume in an email?

    • I wouldn’t move forward with a meeting unless she has strong skills and experience that outweigh her urinary issues.

  9. Anonymous :

    Recommendations for a leather tote that’s not huge? I’m undecided between something softer and more unstructured like the Cuyana totes vs. something more like the Coach one featured yesterday. I also really love Goyard totes, but it’s not in the budget and too recognizably branded. Zipper not required. Anyone have something they love and would recommend? I would prefer to stay under $200 but could go higher. TIA!

  10. JuniorMinion :

    I bought this in three colors along with the washable crepe sheath / matching washable suit jacket featured on the moms side the other day! Its not here yet but I will report back with a review. I love JNY and I am hoping these sales don’t mean they are going under again….

  11. I have to turn in my dissertation to my committee in two weeks and I’m also working a full time job and I’m so massively stressed out. It feels like every problem I fix or great thing I add creates more work. and I don’t really know if I have time for it all and I’m just really whiny and stressed out. Someone pls send good vibes my way!

    • Good vibes are on their way. Good for you for getting this far. Just keep plugging away and you’ll be fine.

    • Consider them sent! I have a PhD. You will feel so.much.better soon. Get it done, send it off, have all the wine, chocolate, baths, whatever, and then enjoy just doing your job for a while.

    • Good luck! You can do this!

    • Good vibes! Right now, it probably seems like you won’t get through it, but you will. I finished mine while working full time, pregnant, and had a couple of big personal things happen during the home stretch. It was rough. So you can do it!!!

      • Anonymous :

        + 1.000.000 Strong vibes coming your way – and will you send them this way when you finish (and you will). I am in the last few months, still have some data to collect, and am totally panicked.

      • Good for you, PhD ladies! Finding data at the last hour that didn’t fit, and reworking my interpretation, was painful but also the best work of my degree. You’ll look back on this and feel happy and glad

    • You can do this, AND it will feel so good when it is over. My advisor always told me that the best thesis is a done thesis, so maybe relax any perfectionist tendencies a bit (no, that sentence does not have to be perfectly phrased, just comprehensibly phrased) and see if that helps.

  12. I’m 22 – what is my skincare/facial routine supposed to be?
    I currently try to use facewash/scrub and whatever brand of lotion I have on hand daily, but it ends up being more like 4-5 times per week. I try to remember sunscreen as well at least 1-2 times per week. And once per month, I use the Origins activated charcoal mask.

    I recently attended a fundraiser and the goodie bag included a sample of eye cream and other products… is this stuff I should be using now? What about retinol products? I know I should take care of my skin now but beauty blogs are confusing and overwhelming for someone who wears no makeup…

    • Sunscreen and sunglasses every single day.

      • +1,000 and I wouldn’t use a physical scrub at all.

        • +1 to both of the above — quit using a physical scrub and use sunscreen. You don’t need to put 5 different products on your face every day.

    • I’m 22 as well! Good cleansing regularly and sunscreen every day is where you should start. Don’t try to overhaul your whole routine at once or you won’t stick to it.

      Start with a Double Cleanse (oil or balm to take off makeup or spf, and then any good facial cleanser), and a sunscreen. Product recs for these – Balm/oil cleanser: Clinique Take the Day Off, Simply Cleansing Oil; Facial cleanser: First Aid Beauty Face Cleanser, Pixi Glow Mud Cleanser.; SPF: CeraVe Facial Moisturizing Lotion AM with SPF 30.

      Start here and then you can add more on, like a moisturizer without SPF at night, a hydrating serum, exfoliation with glycolic or another kind of acid, and an eye cream. Retinol isn’t necessary for anti-aging at our age really, but it has so many other benefits (dark spots, acne), that I do use one.

      Check out Caroline Hirons’ blog, it’s how I learned what routines even are, and she gives recommendations by age and skin type.

      • Starting retinol early is what keeps you from aging down the line. According to my dermatologist (and my own experience, thanks to using Retin-A from an early age for acne). Not saying you need to do it, but I think it’s appropriate.

        • Anon at 10:05 :

          I’ve heard this as well! I’m hoping it’s the case but obviously can’t speak to it personally yet :) Glad to hear a first hand success story

        • Anonymous :

          I started using OTC retinol at 24 and at 40, people generally think I’m in my early 30s. It works.

          Also, sunscreen sunscreen sunscreen. Every day, no exceptions. Face, neck, chest and hands (some of my mid-to-late 40s friends are angsty because their chest and cleavage looks older than their face). At least SPF 30. Make sure you are covering yourself fully when your skin will be out in the sun, and reapply frequently. A few years ago, a dear colleague and mentor of mine died of melanoma; he’d spent years jogging in tank tops and got a lesion on his shoulder. He died at age 51 three months after getting diagnosed; it ate him alive. You’re at a great age to protect yourself and your skin, so be diligent.

    • JuniorMinion :

      Use sunscreen on your face. Every day. Full stop. That is the single biggest “anti-aging” thing you can do. Some of the Japanese / Korean and European brands (thinking of the LaRoche-Posay Anthelios here) make 50 SPF PA++++ that is light and doesn’t produce the white cast that most American sunscreens do. I personally am liking the Japanese version of the Biore UV which is sweatproof ( the watery essence is not at least based on my reading).

      My routine is as follows:
      Foaming cleanser (Cosrx good morning low ph gel cleanser)
      Toner (Mizon AHA / BHA toner – this is very different from an american toner)
      Moisturizer (Beauty of Joseon)
      Sunscreen (Biore UV)

      Oil Cleanser (currently using Pond’s but considering a switch to Banila Zero)
      Same foaming cleanser
      same toner
      Cosrx BHA blackhead power liquid (Could skip)
      Mizon AHA 8% (Could skip)
      Mizon snail repair intensive ampoule (Could skip)
      Same moisturizer

      All I wear for daytime / makeup is a BB cream, some concealer, some highlighter / bronzer and mascara and my skin looks better than I think it did in HS.

      I found snow white and the asian pear’s beginner routines very helpful and she keeps it to 4ish steps in morning and night with an overlap of products. If you aren’t into the korean stuff, Cerave / Cetaphil are great alternatives. Key is you want a gentle foaming cleanser (so nothing with any of those little beads in it) as well as a light moisturizer and something with oil in it to remove makeup and sunscreen in the evening.

      • is it okay to use the BHA, AHA, and snail repair all together? I never understand if you can use multiple serums in one go.

        • Anon at 10:05 :

          BHA and AHA are technically toners or chemical exfoliation, not serums actually. They exfoliate and prepare the skin to better absorb serums or essences that follow. I don’t personally use BHA and AHA together, but I’m dry so I don’t tend to use BHA’s at all. But absolutely, and acid, an essence, and then a serum is totally normal and actually more effective.

        • JuniorMinion :

          I just followed what snow white and the asian pear and fiddy snails said to do…. snow white’s blog has a post on how to order your products and what can / can’t be used together. It’s based on PH essentially – apparently you should go low to high?

          The post is the below (added spaces in the beginning to hopefully avoid moderation):
          h t t p://

      • We use a lot of the same products. Which Biore UV are you using and where do you find it? I really like the watery essence version for daily wear but am looking for something more durable for outdoor activities where sweat/humidity are a given.

        • JuniorMinion :

          I bought the Japanese version of it on amazon – I started out looking at the watery essence, realized it wasn’t sweatproof and looked around on amazon… its called the Kao Biore UV PERFECT Milk SPF50+ PA++++ – it unfortunately wasn’t prime eligible so i had to wait for it to come from Japan.

          I think the La roche posay anthelios 60 melt in sunscreen milk is also water resistant and is prime eligible but alas it is $35 as opposed to the $8 I paid for mine.

      • Baconpancakes :

        Question for the more knowledgeable: AHAs and Retinoids both exfoliate fairly aggressively to increase skin cell turnover, which is why they work to keep skin looking younger. Why use both? Is it just a more-is-better situation?

        • I get sensitive if I use both together in the same routine (i.e. a retinol and AHA at night), but I know for some it’s a matter of their skin gets used to the strength of one and they want more “punch”. Also, with most retinols you have to work your way up to using every day, so the AHA is for in between. Orrr if you are just using your retinol at night, you use an AHA in the morning. I love the analogy of acids (or any chemical exfoliation) are like “taking your face to the gym”: each one is an “exercise” that does different things to promote cell turnover

    • in the morning, use a gentle water-based cleanser like Cerave. At night, wash your face in 2 steps — an oil cleanser (like Banila Clean it Zero), then the Cerave. Follow cleansing (morning and night) with a light moisturizer (heavier during winter). I like the Belif moisture bomb. Then either wear makeup with broad spectrum SPF (at least 20-30), or wear a broad spectrum SPF over your moisturizer.

      Stop using scrubs of any kind on your face.

      You don’t really need anything else at this point. You can use an eye cream at night for extra moisture.

    • The only thing you should be doing is wear sunscreen every single day. Everything else is pointless if you’re letting your skin get sun damage.

      • Minnie Beebe :

        Yes, and also don’t forget to apply the sunscreen to your neck/throat. Otherwise your face will look great, but your neck will give away your age!

      • Here’s what I did in my 20s — AM – gentle cleanser (Aveeno), something to deal with the acne I still had at that point (glycolic serum), eye cream (Clinque All About Eyes), physical sunblock (back then it was Clinque CityBlock). PM – same cleanser, drugstore retinol (ROC – the sensitive skin one wasn’t available then but I use it now and I think it is much better than the original one in the gold tube), retinol eye cream (ROC), mosturizer if I needed it (an oil free one by Neutrogena – I think the one I used has been discontinued but something like the HydroBoost one by Neutrogena).

        I’ve got very few fine lines and wrinkles at 44. I get a lot of double takes when people look at my birth date on my license and DH loves it when I get carded because he says it makes him feel like we are still in our 20s!

  13. Anonymous :

    I mean, your routine can be soap and water if you want it to be.

    Some sunscreen is probably a good idea if you get enough Vitamin D otherwise.

    What are your goals?

  14. I’ve just received an online survey to complete as a recommendation of a former intern for a new position. I loved her and she was great. Two of the required fields are “comment on the top 3 ways in which this individual could improve his/her work performance” and “comment on the top 3 work-related strengths of this individual.”

    What do I put down for her weaknesses that doesn’t torpedo this for her? She was a college junior when she worked for me, so sure, she could be giggly and excitable and sometimes a little flighty, but that was just her youth.

    • I don’t answer it as asked, I just say the person was great and you don’t have concerns in that space.

    • Legal Aid Lawyer :

      I read somewhere to include stuff that would be applicable to any new hire. The examples we’re things related to training. I filled one of these out for a peer once and said something like, “Could benefit from participating in industry conferences.” It’s a cheat, but one that works.

    • Phrase it as a strength you saw, but that you’d want to foster if she continued to work for you. Showed an aptitude for management, so would recommend she continue to build leadership skills. Positive feedback from colleagues – continue to develop communication skills and a network within the new company. Caught on quickly – continue to develop real-world application of systems and tools. Etc.

      Then make the strengths different areas that relate to actual work skills like “above average Excel/Powerpoint” or “drafted memos by end of summer” or “informal leader of intern class” or whatever.

  15. Brag alert . . .

    A global director of the subsidiaries which I work with told me this morning that “Working with [me] is truly the best of all mother ship connections.” I call the parent company the mother ship.

    The VP I have worked closely with the last 4 months (how long I have been in this role) is leaving in May. I sent him an email after the announcement came out with the standard, but true, pleasure working with you, sad day for me, etc. His response included complimenting my “strong guidance and help,” and that he wants to thank me for the support I have given and that he knows I will continue giving to his team.

    I was feeling super duper frustrated at work this week, so it was a nice way to end it!

  16. Baconpancakes :

    What kind of blazer would you wear with a dress like this? I have an origami-neckline dress I love, but I can’t ever figure out what topper to wear with it, and toppers are vital for me, since I’m always freezing in an office.

    • I would choose other dresses – putting anything on top of the origami dresses just ruins the lines.

    • I’d just buy the long sleeved version then

    • The Jardigan maybe? or a similar “clean” no lapel jacket.

      • Baconpancakes :

        What was the cheaper version of the jardigan someone mentioned the other day? Talbots maybe?

        • express- look for the cutaway jacket. I just ordered it in white and it’s arriving today! I also looked at the talbots one, but aesthetically, the express one is a lot more like the jardigan.

          • Interesting. Thanks for mentioning this. A little pricey for Express, so I’m curious about the quality. Let us know after you get it!

    • This dress doesn’t look like an origami neckline though? I think most blazers would work with this dress. The gathering/folding all seems to be around the mid-section and I think would like fine under a standard blazer.

      • Baconpancakes :

        I feel like straight blazers always look a little awkward with anything that has asymmetrical folds. Maybe it’s just me?

    • AlsoPerpetuallyCold :

      How about putting long underwear under it?

  17. I wanted to vent and hopefully get some validation that it’s not just my team. I’m in management in a large company and identified several “grey area” expense reports recently on my team. I sent around follow up clarification as well as a reminder that everyone is responsible for the accuracy and validity of their own expense reports. It seems as though there is a rampant attitude of trying to game the system and get everything they can get. Please tell me I’m not alone in my frustration. How have you handled similar situations?

    • Reject the expense reports. Every once in a while, the accounting department at my company would get very strict on expense reports, rejecting them for literally anything that was not by-the-book. We never knew when that time would come, so it kept everyone on their game most of the time. (Also, look to see if there are a couple common perpetrators – if yes, talk to them directly and let them know it is unacceptable and they are being watched).

    • There is nothing wrong with employees’ trying to “get everything they can get” on their expense reports as long as it’s what they’re entitled to under your organization’s travel policy and no more. What exactly do you mean by “game the system”?

      • I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt that they were innocent mistakes. But the expense reports were outside of company policy. To get around it, the expenses were charged to other project codes that I do not have oversight of.

        • anon a mouse :

          Can you confirm with the managers of those projects that the expenses are legitimate?

          Or, require your direct reports to file segmented expense reports to the managers for each project?

        • If the expense reports were opposed to company policy, then reject them. These are fireable offenses for both the employee and their approving supervisor in my company. Usually these start with “small” offenses and can escalate from there.

      • As a Vice President of Accounts Payable for a multi-billion dollar company, I can assure that it does not go unnoticed when employees are trying to “get everything they can get”. I’ve seen everything from s-t-r-I-p clubs, to cilantro, to shoe trees and pet food being expensed. Some employees have been terminated, some written up, some spoken to, some looked over. But everything is noticed.

        Shame on anyone to tries to game the system. That’s stealing.

    • Op here. Unfortunately expense reports are processed at a central service center overseas. Managers do not approve expense reports but see them after being reimbursed. The team has been asked to reevaluate their reports and make corrections for any “mistakes” identified. More than anything, I’m just dismayed by the attitude of entitlement.

      • Surely there is a way you can put an alert or flag on expense reports for members of your team to be routed to you for review. If not, it’s time to call a team meeting, provide print copies of the company policy and let them know the fast and loose attitude will end immediately.

      • Seems the Company is setting themselves up for issues if no one is signing off on them.

    • I used to work in a large NY based ibank and every quarter there would be an email about this. It got SO BAD that one memo actually said that the per diem was not a goal.

      Mind you we had out fair share of questionable analysts really gaming the system. It came out that one analyst actually bought his own cashier till so he could just print out whatever he wanted to claim. Sadly we caught this after he left the firm.

    • As the parent of a toddler, this is just adults testing boundaries. They shouldn’t, you’re right, but they do. Either the rules are unclear or the rules are unenforced. Fix the problem and employees won’t do it anymore.

    • Your post was so timely it’s like the universe is speaking to me and telling me to not lose faith in humanity..

      I work at a company much like yours where the actual processing of the report goes to a central service center. I see everyone’s charges including the CEO, mid-level managers, newbies and interns before the reports are reimbursed. With the exception of those high up on the food chain, I would say a significant portion of the employees push the envelope at EVERY.SINGLE.OPPORTUNITY. The worst part is when I catch them, some are completely unapologetic, have no shame and continue to stick with their outrageous excuse to justify the expense. My company pays everyone well and you would be surprised that the ones who make more on their bonus than I do on my salary are the ones consistently outraged that I’m calling BS on their questionable charges.

      By the way, it’s absolutely true that this type of behavior continues b/c no one really gets into any substantial trouble. Sure, they’re asked to remove the charge but in terms of getting written up, fired, etc? Nope, doesn’t happen so people continually do this.

      So I commiserate with you and you have my complete sympathy. If your company wants to get serious about the expenses, a rule should be adopted that you or whatever supervisor has to see the expenses prior to the employee officially submitting the report. Also, real consequences need to be spelled out and applied, especially in the beginning so folks know this is serious.

      It actually boggles my mind that no one in a supervisory position is reviewing the charges before they’re reimbursed. I know every company approaches this differently but every one that I worked at had someone looking over the expenses before they got paid out..

      Anyways, in a nut-shell, no you’re not alone, no your company isn’t the only one dealing with people trying to game the system and no you’re not crazy for feeling frustrated.

  18. Question about this type of dress: would there be any way at all to take the hem up? I’m assuming no because of the cut and ponte material, but was curious if anyone had tried?

  19. How is Jones NY on sizing and quality?

    • JuniorMinion :

      Quality is excellent for the price in my experience (granted this was with the old jones). And sizing is probably pretty standard – it is a bit more forgiving if you are on the curvier side in my experience. I’m a 32DD and have a prominent b*tt and have found their clothes to work well for me.

    • Midwest Mama :

      Jumping off this question…can anyone speak to the length of this dress? I’m tall and usually need around 41″ for a dress. Any hope for this one? It’s cute and a great price, but I fear it will be too short.

      • JuniorMinion :

        I’m a shortie (5’4″) but can let you know when I try the ones I have ordered on. Guessing if its the right length on me it won’t be on you so then we will know!

      • In the past, the hemlines were conservative. Glad to see JNY back though they’ve also bought into the cold shoulder trend.

  20. It’s recently been suggested to me by my nutritionist that I take some supplements in order to balance out some hormones. So I ordered them and the capsules are massive. And I would need to take 5 a day, in total. I have always been terrible about swallowing pills and there is no way I can get these down. I’ve been blending them in my smoothie but now my smoothie tastes terrible. Any suggestions?

    • Put on spoon and dip spoon in yoghurt/pudding/applesauce or other food that you swallow without chewing.

    • Ask your nutritionist if temperature changes it. Are they solid or capsules? If you they are capsules and you can break it open then dump it into the stuff suggested above. If its solid than you could use a pill cutter to make smaller bites to mix into the yogurt/pudding/ applesauce. But check with your doctor if you can break apart the capsule or pill sometimes you can’t do it because it messes with the effectiveness of the medication.

      If want to try swallowing it I suggest:
      1) Drink a bit of water to begin
      2) Throw a pill towards the back of your throat
      3) Tip your head backwards until you are looking at the ceiling
      4) Use one of those water bottles with the top that you suck from to drink while tilting your head. The gravity will help it go down your throat.
      5) Take sips of water in between pills
      6) Try to not think about it too much or stress while doing it because it can cause your throat to close up and not be relaxed.

      Practice makes it easier!

      • Anonymous :

        My mom used this method with me when I was sick as a kid and hated taking pills. I still use it today as I’m too old to change now.
        1. Get pills and glass of water ready.
        2. Take a small drink of water and hold it in your mouth.
        3. Turn your face to the ceiling and open your mouth. Don’t swallow the water.
        4. Throw the pills into your open mouth and quickly swallow the pills and the water together.

        I’m to the point now where I can swallow, like, five different supplement​ capsules at once doing this. I feel you about the big horse pills and how unpleasant they are, but taking a few supplements (b-complex, coq10 for migraine; fish oil; collagen/elastin, and an iron pill once a week) helps me feel better. Good luck :-)

    • Get a pill crusher and mix with a small quantity of apple sauce.

  21. Struggling with self-love :

    I work closely with a (male) coworker and we have become very close friends. I have been struggling with some personal issues (d!vorce from an emotional abuser and dating thereafter), and we had a heart to heart about it recently. He’s incredibly observant, thoughtful, and deliberate, and I trust and value his opinion. He said he’s observed me in the office, and while I’m confident and powerful while dealing with women, I tend to defer to men and doubt my own abilities when a male is my adversary (we are attorneys). He suggested someone (male) at some point really affected my self-esteem, and I’ve been looking for validation and approval from men ever since. I broke down because he was 100% spot on, and I could identify exactly when that was (a former partner about 10 years ago).

    How do I overcome that and stop doubting myself? How do I stop “needing” approval from men?

    • Therapy. Best wishes with healing.

    • Struggling with self-love :

      Anything mindful I can do on a daily basis? I’m going to start therapy, but can’t get in for a few weeks.

      • You could try meditation. The Headspace app has a 10 day starter course for free, and I think there are others.

        • +1 I meditate daily and I find it helps to de-stress me and ‘center’ myself. This link gives you some how-to practices to help you get started:

      • Good job figuring out what the problem is and working on fixing it through therapy! What about putting together a “brag book” of past accolades from clients, partners, and industry people/publications, big deals, settlements, or court orders/opinions, and flipping through that book before big meetings or other times you’re feeling vulnerable? Sort of a quick reminder that you’re good enough, smart enough, and people (male and female) like you?

        • +1. I have an “I’m awesome” folder in my email inbox where I save positive comments on big projects. If I’m having a rough day, or need to psych myself up for a big ask, I read through the emails to remind myself that I’m awesome. It works surprisingly well.

        • Sloan Sabbith :

          I’ve got an email folder and I print particularly nice ones and put them in a pretty folder in my file cabinet.

    • Anon for this :

      Just being aware of it is half the battle. I’m someone who really subconsciously just wants to be liked. I know we all want to be liked but it really really bothers me if someone doesn’t like me for some reason. I want my adversaries to think I know what I’m doing. I struggle to bluff at times when the bluff involves me having to play stupid on something.

      I had one boss that I had major issues with back in the day but one piece of criticism I try to remember to this day is “you don’t have to be friends with everyone.” It’s hard to live it though.

    • I know it’s said around here a lot, but therapy. My life coach has me working through the book “Self-Compassion: the Proven Power of Being Kind To Yourself” by Kristen Neff. A bit touchy-feely for my taste but the takeaways have helped me gain perspective on dealing with (my coach’s words, not mine) “toxic patriarchy”.

    • Do the “power pose” for 2 minutes before you go into any big meeting/cases… especially if they are with men.

      It works.

      Stand up.
      Arms straight up above your head, angled to the sides to create a V for Victory.
      Legs slightly separated.
      Your whole body forms a letter X

      • You do this privately, of course. In your office, or a bathroom stall can work in a pinch.

      • Yes to this! Watch the TED talk about this too.
        Also – overcompensate a little now that you know this is a pattern. Or pretend that all the men are secret ladies in drag. Whatever you need to do to deal with this.

      • I have started doing this and it works. I also try to be as wide and big as I can and it gives me confidence!

    • Struggling with self-love :

      Thanks, everyone. Once I recognized what I was doing, it almost felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I appreciate all your suggestions!

      • Maybe try writing a letter to yourself. Say all the things you want to hear from someone else. It might feel weird, but I think part of being your own support system is knowing what it is you need and then working out how to give it to yourself. Also knowing what you can’t give yourself.

        Trust yourself… even if that means taking advice like this and dumping it in the trash because you know it won’t work for you. It takes practice like everything.

    • Frozen Peach :

      I’m struggling with a similar issue. I resolved to say “You don’t have to like me.” out loud every day to the imaginary haters or people for whom I’m just not their cuppa. It has been surprisingly hard to say, and surprisingly empowering as a practice.

      It’s much easier to love yourself when you aren’t worried about whether people don’t like you (the real you, not the one you are adopting because you want to be liked).

      Also this sounds silly, but there’s a children’s author (Nancy Carlson) who writes wonderful picture books on this topic. My kiddo and I read them together a lot, and my psyche occasionally blows a gasket while reading “I Like Me!”

    • Forgive the cis-normative talk but men are irrational women with an extra leg, what’s so great about them anyway?

      Godzilla believes in you. You are a BAMF. Don’t forget that.

  22. Easter break cannot get here soon enough. I love my job, but right now, I don’t want to be here. I think my bed wants me back…

  23. Laptop shipping question. I’ve been working remotely from my team for several months using a company computer. I have the laptop bag and a few very small peripherals that go with it. My contract is coming to a close in the next month or so, and I’m curious about how to ship my laptop back to my team. I have done a little research about FedEx and UPS but it appears they use specific laptop boxes. I have to return the laptop bag too, and I’m not sure it would fit in the laptop box that they would have me use. Anybody have any experience with this? Would it all fit? Am I going to be on the hook for even more expensive boxes? Of course I will just ask the people at UPS and FedEx too, but I figured I’d ask if anyone had any real life experience too. Tia!

    • I would think you’d bill this to the company account, regardless of how many boxes are involved?

      • +1. I’d take it to the UPS or FedEx store and have them pack/ship it instead of trying to figure out boxes on my own.

      • That’s the plan, yeah. Issue is the company is cheeeaaaappp so I don’t want to be fronting a ton of money for stuff they’ll sniff at.

        But I’ll have them pack and just submit a bill for reimbursement. Sniff away cheap employer!

        • I’ve used FedEx to ship a laptop and I bet it’ll fit with the bag. The boxes they use are set up with foam that can be custom configured for any size machine, so unless the laptop bag is enormous it would probably also fit.

        • The company may have an account with them though, so you don’t even need to worry about reimbursement if you can get a pre-authorization to bill it there.

          • Ah! Such a good point! Thanks!

            Glad to know the boxes are customizable inside, too. Thanks!

  24. Needing an awesome dress :

    Anyone interested in vicariously shopping for me on a Friday? I have my SIL’s wedding coming up in a few weeks. Cocktail attire. I’m not a bridesmaid, which is totally fine, but I know I’ll still be in a lot of photos. The catch is I had a baby about 3 months ago. I’m back to my normal size, though still nursing, and really want to look slammin’ since the whole family has only seen me huge recently. 6/8-ish, pear shape. I’d like sleeveless or cap sleeves, but not strapless. And go!

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Do you need nursing accessibility? Any colors you’re thinking of?

      • Needing an awesome dress :

        Accessibility would be a plus, but I’d be willing to forgo (I know there’s a bridal room at the wedding/reception location I can use and strip down). I like navy or other blues. Not black. Thanks!

    • Not sleeveless but slammin’ –


      • I have the first dress posted – it’s a little less slamming in person – the waist is really high & it almost has a maternity-esque look/feel to it. I don’t love it & will probably thred-up it soon.

    • JuniorMinion :

      Depending on how much “wow” you are looking for:

      Personally if we are living vicariously here I would be in shapewear wowing the crowds in #2 (the royal blue dress) with a pair of metallic sandals, statement earrings, and fabulous updo. But this is in the reality where I also have access to kate middleton’s styling team….

    • I would wear this in navy:


    • I have this dress in teal (and it comes in a million colors–you can find others at non-Nordie’s sites, and sometimes at Nordtsorm rack), and it is a slammin’ dress. It’s more figure forgiving than it looks and I get ALL the compliments when I wear it to weddings:

    • Black Halo for gorgeous and rewearable, Dress the Population for pure slammin

  25. Unicorn travel bag :

    Shopping wizards! I need your advice. Looking for a laptop bag that converts into a backpack that includes a trolley sleeve to attach it to the handles of my suitcase. Does anyone have something like this? Or, I’d even swing – ack – for a sleek backpack with a trolley sleeve. Under $100 ideal.


      The first one on this list ticks all your boxes except price.

    • I like the ebags slim professional backpack. Looks good, holds up well to travel.

  26. Stinky Shoes :

    I’ve got a great pair of Stuart Weitzman wedges that I love. They are about 2.5 years old. Sometimes I wear them with nylons, sometimes bare feet. They are starting to smell. Anything I can do to salvage them? They are my most favorite, most comfortable shoes. Thanks!

  27. Botox and fillers :

    I’m thirty five and looking old and tired even when I’m not. I made an appointment with a doctor for a Botox/ filler consultation. Do I have to tell my husband? I don’t want to. I know he will try to talk me out of it, but ultimately be ok with it because,you know, it’s my face. We have separate bank accounts, but I usually run anything over 500 bucks or so by him. thoughts? Thanks.

    • kinda

    • Maddie Ross :

      I mean, I guess this depends on your own personal relationship, but yeah, I think I would. When you say he’ll try to talk you out of it, do you mean he just will think it’s not worth it or the money? Or is he against cosmetic procedures? Or just botox in particular? (Mine gives me grief about it being a toxin, but ultimately agrees that it’s my choice to do and is supportive of things that make me feel good about myself.) How would he react if he found out you were doing it behind his back?

      • Botox and fillers :

        I don’t know. He tends to hate change- so a new haircut would upset him. But he’s not a controlling person so I just do what I want. He was pretty upset when his mom had an eye job- but she did tell us about it after showing up with what looked like two black eyes, which was probably the most upsetting part for him. She looks great btw. Thanks hive, I needed that answer.

        • So not controlling just is bitter and pouts when you don’t do what he wants so much so that you implement strategies of hiding things from him or doing what he wants in order to avoid those consequences. Sounds fun.

    • I mean, no, you don’t HAVE to, but I would. I wouldn’t necessarily tell my SO I was getting a hair cut first because it’s my hair and I wear it how I like. But botox injection is a medical procedure that does have risks so I think it merits a mention.

    • You know your relationship better that we do, but I would. I have several friends who hide this from their husbands and it seems so weird to me, but then again I have no issue telling people about my Botox so YMMV?

      • +1 – I can’t personally imagine hiding it, but that’s the nature of our relationship & yours might be different

        • I have been accused on this s i t e of not having any boundaries, but I feel like having none here is not a bad thing!! LOL

          My bf of two months knows I get it. *Shrug* It’s my face and my money and I don’t do it to impress him, especially as he would likely not notice anyway (no one will cop to noticing a huge dramatic difference in my face, which is fine by me!).

    • Yes, I think you need to tell him.

    • What is your concern about telling him? My advice may vary depending on why this is a worry.

      • Botox and fillers :

        Thanks all- I tried to reply but my comment might be in purgatory. I guess I’m concerned that he’ll tell me not to and then I’ll be in this weird position of explaining that I’m doing it anyway? Then he’ll be all bitter and might say something less than sensitive about the results.i guess I’m just looking for advice on how to couch it. Thinking of emphasizing that it’s something I’m trying, and not something permanent.

        • If you actually think he’d *tell* you not to do it, then no, I don’t think you should tell him. But I also think you should rethink your description of him as not controlling, from above, and decide how happy you are with a controlling husband.

    • Won’t he noticed when your face looks different? For that reason alone, I would tell him because it will be worse if you have to explain yourself in a defensive position.

      You could also ask yourself how you would feel if he did something like this without telling you (hair plugs? Viagara?)

    • Yes, I agree you should mention it, but I think you can mention it like this: “hey hon, I made an appointment on X date for botox in my face. I’ve already budgeted for this and thought about it a lot, so I don’t really want to talk about it, but wanted to let you know.”

    • I am getting my chin electrolocized (whatever it’s called — with electrolosys).

      No surgery. No toxin. No anesthesia.

      I haven’t mentioned this to my husband. FWIW, I don’t tend to mention things like tweezing / waxing / etc. b/c it’s just so much of the ugh part of being a woman. I only mention that I’m OTR if he’s about to find out the hard way. Sharing space with someone makes it hard to preserve what little grace and mystery I have left.

      I think he’d prefer not to know what goes into women’s grooming. I would like him to help with these tasks if I’m ever in a coma (but I think he’d be horrid at it) so I don’t wake up looking like a Wookie.

      For these reason, when I get the inevitable Botox on my frown lines, I don’t see highlighting this, either. [Maybe after two v-deliveries that he did get to watch, I just want some privacy and dignity back. He’ll have to tell me about his colonospy, but only b/c he’ll need a ride home from it; I am not sure I need to know about that unless the results are bad as long as he’s keeping up with what he needs to keep up with.]

    • Anonymous BigLaw Associate :

      I find it weird when people hide things from their husbands. Isn’t he supposed to be your best friend? Wouldn’t you tell your best friend you are getting Botox? Maybe I am over-simplifying this, but this is how I think about my relationship with my husband.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      I’m not a fan of this approach but some people just want to keep up the appearance that they look young and amazing naturally.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      I would, if only so he would know what to tell the hospital in case you had some sort of side effect or weird reaction to it or something (yes, this is how I think.)

    • I’ve never disclosed this to my husband. I’ve been getting it for 10 years twice a year. I say keep it to yourself. I don’t go to the bathroom or cut my toenails in front of him either. I believe beauty maintenance should be handled discretely. Keep some mystery and glamour in your relationship.

  28. Decor/Design Help :

    DH and I recently purchased the Montclair sofa and two matching chairs from Crate & Barrel in the “Duet” fabric (a natural, linen-y color). Now that it’s here, I’m actually having the hardest time finding a coffee table that I think will look good with it. Any advice?

    We have a large, more traditional bookshelf on the far side of the room (the Ballard Designs 3-piece Tuscan bookcase), but the table doesn’t need to match the bookcase.

    • Decor/Design Help :

      Here’s a link to the couch and chairs.

    • Anonymous :

      oh that’s lovely! I think you can look into rich colors for your coffee table; I like this one:

  29. New Jones New York and no petite sizes? Blah!

  30. I posted late yesterday about my associate who will be having a baby this summer. I’d like to throw and office shower for her. Of course, the attorneys will be invited and I’ll hit up the other partners (I’m the newest partner in the group) to contribute to a group gift. How about the legal assistants, other associates, and paralegals? Do I ask them if they are willing to contribute to a group gift as well or does that pressure them into giving when that cash means more to them? Also, should I have a suggested amount for the partners or just ask for whatever? I personally like suggested amounts (usually I err on the side of giving way too much than others), but what is the appropriate amount? We are at a mid-sized firm at a mid-sized city.

    • At my firm, when someone is getting married or having a baby, their assistant sends an email around to everyone on the floor (partners through interns, including assistants) and also people not on the floor who the assistant knows are friends with the person or have worked closely with the person (partners, associates, paralegals). The email advises everyone that they can stop by the assistant’s desk by x date, and sign card and/or give cash. The email also advises of the time/date of a mini-party. Then the assistant tricks the person into coming to the conference room at the designated time for a “meeting, “and everyone surprises them with a cake, maybe some champagne, and they open the card in front of everyone, say thank you, hang out for maybe 20 minutes, and go their merry way.

      DO NOT suggest an amount for a gift. That is completely inappropriate. And people should be able to sign the card without giving a gift.

      • and in case my reply wasn’t clear, you should invite everyone this person works with/sits near/is friends with, not just attorneys.

    • I’m from a different market and bigger firm, but I have never heard of attorneys doing an office shower (baby or wedding). Are you the newest partner because you were recently elevated or because you are new to the firm? If new to the firm, I’d make sure they actually do this.

    • Don’t ask the assistants or whoever to contribute to a gift for somebody who makes more money than they do.

  31. I’m almost 31, and considering getting botox in the next year or so.

    In a major metro area, how much will this cost? assuming I’m not getting a whole lot done. How often do you have it done – every 6 months? Should I ask my dermatologist to do it (I know he does cosmetic stuff) or should I go to a dedicated botox person? And can you have botox while pregnant (and do you have to stop using botox within a certain amount of time of becoming pregnant)?


    • It is not recommended to get them while pregnant (as in, I would be surprised if you could find someone who would do it). It is also not recommended to get them while nursing, but you can find docs who will do it then.

      • My experience too (and I get botox for medical reasons). I had to stop botox 3-4 months prior to TTC. I started up once I weaned, but I did have a provider who would do it while nursing.

    • Units run between $12 – $15, generally, depending on your doc. I don’t know where you want to have it, but for my 11s I use 30 units – 25 in the middle (although I want that upped next time) and 2.5 on the outside of my eyes. If I am doing it consistently I can get about five months out of it before I start to feel “grumpy” looking again. The first time I did it, the doc only used 20 units. It wasn’t enough for my strong grumpy muscles and it only lasted about three months.

      • Anonymous :

        what about frown lines? is that something that filler will address rather than botox? I don’t really have 11s yet.

        • I can’t speak to frown lines, sorry. I only get it for my 11s and to lift the outside of my eyebrows.

  32. I love the days where the guy I have been calling and emailing for weeks, including yesterday afternoon, with limited or no response responds within 15 minutes today (via email and voicemail) to a note from an older male partner. For the record, I am a senior associate and have dealt with this guy off and on for the better part of 2 years now, and he is the type of service provider that we as law firms would expect to routinely engage – he should want to engage our business (and said partner was copied on my emails). I hope by the time my daughter is in this position she will not be similarly invisible/ignored. There are not many days where I am aware of myself as a “woman lawyer” rather than just a lawyer, but today is clearly one of them.

    • Frozen Peach :

      Have had a day of being left off multiple communications for multiple projects that I support and am really feeling that too. Solidarity.

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