Weekend Open Thread: Spanx
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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
Nordstrom has a big spring sale going on right now, and there are a lot of deals to be had on winter and spring clothes, including this super soft sweatshirt from Spanx.
If you haven't tried their AirEssentials line, it's really soft, skims the body, washes easily, and is generally really comfortable. (I really, really wish the pants had pockets!)
This quarter zip sweatshirt looks great for lounging or running errands on the weekend. It was $128 but is now marked down to $83 in several colors.
(This $40 sweatshirt from Zella looks mighty similar and just as great!)
Sales of note for 4/17:
- Nordstrom – Beauty savings event, up to 25% off – nice price on Black Honey
- Ann Taylor – Cyber Spring! 50% off everything + free shipping
- Boden – 25% off everything (thru Sun, then 15% off)
- Brooklinen – 25% off sitewide — we have and love these sateen sheets
- Evereve – 1000+ items on sale, including lots from Alex Mill, Michael Stars, Sanctuary, Rails, Xirena, and Z-Supply
- Express – $29 dresses
- J.Crew – 30% off all dresses
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything, and extra 50% off clearance
- Lands' End – 50% off full price styles and 60% off all clearance and sale – lots of ponte dresses come down under $25, and this packable raincoat in gingham is too cute
- Loft – Friends & Family event, 50% off entire purchase + free shipping
- Macy's – 25% off already reduced prices + 15% off beauty & fragrance
- M.M.LaFleur – Spring Sale Event – Buy More, save more! 10% off $250+, 15% off $500+, 20% off $750+, 25% off $1000+ (Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off if you find any exclusions.)
- Sephora – Spring sale! 20%, 15%, or 10% off depending on your membership tier; ends 4/20. Here's everything I recommend in the sale!
- Talbots – Spring sale! 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns
- TOCCIN – Use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off!
- Vivrelle – Looking to own less stuff but still try trends? Use code CORPORETTE for a free month, and borrow high-end designer clothes and bags!
To the woman who screamed at her son until she damaged her vocal chords – please try to do better. I know you say ‘he deserved it,’ but no one does. You don’t raise good men by emotionally abusing them, and losing complete control of yourself isn’t the way to get through to anyone.
I think that post was just ragebait.
I sure hope so.
eh if he was drinking and driving, I’m fine with it
That is a wildly ineffective strategy for addressing drinking and driving. Literally no one who does interventions recommends screaming at someone to the point you injure yourself. It might feel good, but it doesn’t do what needs doing.
Right? Maybe it’s the fact that I got four hours of sleep but I’m snort laughing at that. FWIW, I don’t plan on screaming at my son for keeping me up.
Op here: it was a slur. One we’ve discussed in depth calmly and thoroughly before.
OP, my mom is not a yeller by nature. One time in high school I was being a proper little **** and she lost it at me. I deserved it. It was a huge wake up call. I shaped up.
The ratio of negative memory yelling stories to positive ones is probably 100:1.
I can make up statistics too.
Same story here. I guess I’m in the minority but I think yelling at a teenager is fine if they really deserve and you don’t do it often. It makes an impact and is not emotional abuse unless it’s a constant thing.
We don’t have kids yet but my husband is a teacher. One of his students just changed the icon in his school google account to a GIF of someone miming giving a BJ. My husband is furious. All the school will do is “talk to him.” Personally, I think that kid needs to get reamed out by his parents and every administrator in the school. Some behavior is just unacceptable and we do a disservice to kids by not making that clear.
I think the kid needs consequences like a suspension and loss of computer/phone access for a short period of time. I do not think getting “reamed out” is as effective as actually taking something away.
Right! Sparingly, it’s a good indication that they have crossed a major line. I don’t think you need to scream if they are being little sh*ts in the general way—like talking back or not cleaning their bathroom. But cross a line re danger or treating people unacceptably? Yell away. It’s how they learn that some instincts are not ok.
A real slur or something like MAGAt?
Now he knows a basically no effort way to make you lose control if he’s mad at you. What fun for a teenager!
Not all screaming is a loss of control.
That’s even worse! To calculate just how intense to make your scream to scare your child the most is disturbing.
How do you know he didn’t deserve it? Were you there?
Do you really think that type of lecture appeals to anyone expect for those already inclined to agree with you?
(For the record, I don’t scream at my child.)
Do you really think that screaming appeals to a teenager?
It’s not supposed to “appeal” to them.
You missed the point.
Grow up. Some people need to be yelled at to act right. Original OP, please ignore the extreme sanctimony of this poster.
Sorry your parents sucked. You didn’t deserve to be yelled at, and you would’ve turned out just as well if you hadn’t been. (Heck, probably even better!)
Some of you make me think that your behaviour is perfectly calibrated to go juuuust to the line of pushing someone over the edge, and then you can blame them for “overreacting.”
Because you’re not exactly a bastion of “communicating disagreement well.”
This is how abusers think.
I was physically abused for my entire childhood and then married a man who put me into a wheelchair, Anonymous at 10:10 am.
Go to hell.
Physical abuse, intimate partner violence, and verbal abuse are all forms of abuse.
Saying “your behavior is what pushed me to the edge and made me lose control” is how abusers think, and if your story was true, you would hopefully know that.
I’m not sure what you’re getting out of playing the trauma Olympics and swearing at people on the internet, but I hope you’ve now filled that need for the month!
Judgement is a thing, Anonymous.
Someone who says “I had to scream at you because you kept doing (benign thing)” is abusive.
Someone belittles, mocks, insults, and instills fear in another person, then blames them for getting upset, is abusive.
You focus on the first to detract from the very obvious fact that you’re the second type of person.
Come on. You know full well that a lot of parents reserve yelling for safety related behaviors whose natural consequences would be severe injury or death, if yelling is the only thing that gets through to a kid fast enough. So no, they may not have turned out just as well!
I’ve yelled at a cat who was about to endanger themselves with a terrible decision before; it’s proportionate, and since I didn’t yell at the cat in other situations, they immediately understood that this was different and actually hesitated enough that I could intervene.
I do not think those parents are damaging their vocal cords in the process, and OP has been explicit that this was not a dangerous situation.
If their kids are using slurs, that needs to be dealt with as forcefully as necessary. And it sounds like she did.
Okay. I was replying to a comment saying that we’d all have turned out just fine if our parents had never yelled at us.
I wouldn’t yell at this kid. I might switch his school and revoke his internet privileges though, since clearly the slurs are going over better in some other context than home!
“As forcefully as necessary” – does that include physical force in your book? Or raising a hand in warning?
Slurs do not require abusing your child.
lol—would raising a hand in warning traumatize you? Slurs do major damage and deserve yelling. Hands down. Moderating language is an important piece of learning. Any other off-base comparisons you have to offer?
If you think moderating language is an important skill to learn, you can certainly moderate yours to avoid yelling at a child.
If my parents raised their hands at me, threatening violence, hell yes that would traumatize me. Why is that a question? Do you hear yourself? If you want your children to live in fear, I can do nothing to stop you, but I will say this – I judge the sh1t out of you.
Salt water gargle for the voice might help.
Sometimes kids need to be yelled at. My parents didn’t yell at me because they didn’t have to. My brother needed it.
I suggest you get yourself a good therapist to unpack your childhood. It’s clearly affected you and it’s not worth going through life carrying that.
Yelling does not equal abuse. Letting kids grow up completely coddled from the consequences of their actions is. Don’t raise entitled monsters.
Yelling so hard for so long that you damage your vocal cords is a huge distance from “I told you to get in the car NOW” or “I don’t EVER want to hear you say something like that again.”
That would be true for me, but my sister loses her voice if she just raises her voice in a loud setting.
Obviously not everything is okay in this family if the kid is using slurs and the parent is screaming at them for it. Even if both are not good, “I can excuse the bigotry but I draw the line at yelling” is a weird take.
My maturity expectations are different for adults than they are for children, yes. When her teenager shows up here to ask if using slurs is cool, I will be happy to tell him it isn’t. She’s here asking for advice on how to have her vocal cords hurt less, and the answer is not yelling at people so hard you damage them.
I mean, I’m sure there is more yelling to counter their nonsense justifications. It’s ok to yell—really. Gently explaining why things aren’t ok has zero impact. May as well gently explain geometry to a brick wall.
I’m sorry you were raised to believe adults losing their cool is normal. I’m lost as to how you think a parent role modeling a lack of healthy self control develops healthy self control in a child, though.
Yeah, it is actually unhinged to damage your own body from screaming at your kid so hard. What did that look like – eyes popping, spit flying, kid backing away slowly? I’m shocked to see so many here normalize something that is clearly far beyond “STOP, a car is coming!!!”
Of course adults lose their cool. When do you think adults magically stop being human?
Yikes at admitting you haven’t figured out how to manage your feelings yet. No, adults generally do not yell at children to the point of damaging their vocal cords.
YIKES! Are we twelve? All this feeling suppression is how you get chronic illness.
Yikes at thinking that not yelling at people means you are suppressing your feelings rather than just …processing them? Do you not know any mentally healthy people?
I know obnoxiously suppressed people. They spend their whole lives not saying what they mean.
Great. Hopefully you get offline and meet some normal people at some point in your life, because most people are not as dysfunctional as you seem to think is standard.
There has literally never been a thread on yelling here where the two sides came together and agreed on anything. One side thinks it’s abusive (which is where I fall) and one thinks it’s useful. There’s no real middle ground there.
I find yellers are abusive in all areas of their lives. I work with a yeller, he tempers himself now that a larger male exec threatened to punch him if he ever yelled at staff again, but I’m sure the yeller is abusive as hell to his poor kids.
+1. Anyone who SCREAMS at someone has way more issues than they’re admitting.
There are miles of differences between screaming and yelling.
There are tons of posts here where posters refer to their kids as little shlts or little f’ers and no one raises an eyebrow. The contempt shown by that language use always stops me in my tracks. I think it’s way more damaging to think of your child as a pejorative than it is to occaisionally raise your voice.
Oh, I raise an eyebrow at those too. Justifying yelling at your kid “because they’re such a little sh1t” is deeply uncomfortable to read. This place does have a robust community of name-calling defenders, though.
I can’t always tell when things are red flags and when they’re just social class markers. Loud, vulgar, and short tempered can describe a lot of deeply caring people whose children and loved ones have calm, happy nervous systems. I think it’s hard to tell from those kinds of thing alone if something is really messed up or not.
There is not. But—I fall on the other side from you—there needs to be understanding that one side is not right or wrong. Lots of perspectives exist. I only participate to counter “it is NEVER OK! This is ABUSE!” Because I think this is a nonsense take.
Disagree. Yelling at children until you damage your voicebox is wrong and it’s OK to correctly identify that. Not everything in life is a “you do you” situation. Screaming at children is far more socially accepted than screaming at an employee or an in-law, I’ll give you that.
You can walk away from a grown adult, but you have a responsibility to make sure your own children learn boundaries and respect. Sometimes this involves yelling.
You don’t get to determine universal right and wrong or ascribe your own views to others. I’m glad you and yours are perfect. Some people need a dose of yelling to get the point across. Pretending otherwise does no one any favors.
It’s interesting how the people who are saying this isn’t acceptable are really focused on the described degree of the yelling, and the people who are saying it is acceptable are minimizing the degree by saying people need “a dose” of yelling.
My view is that it’s never acceptable to do non-safety-related yelling at a kid under, say, 12. Closer to adulthood, if there is something violent and awful, like hitting someone, abusing a pet, etc., I am okay with parents losing their cool a bit to defend the more vulnerable creature. But I do think screaming to the point of injury is a sign you’ve gone too far even in that context.
All of this “they need a dose” “they deserved it” “sometimes you just have to” is like straight out of the abusers’ playbook and I don’t understand why people are pretending that isn’t true. I would feel differently if people were saying “hey I lost my cool and yelled at my kid, how can I work on this”
“Straight out of the abusers playbook” is an interesting way to shut down debate. Congratulations!
A bunch of the commenters here seem to be at the final step of the narcissist’s prayer:
That didn’t happen.
And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is, that’s not my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
What “debate?” Why are so many of you so hellbent on saying it’s ok to scream until you’re hoarse at your child? Yes, that’s abusive, FFS.
Because it actually isn’t and many of you are abusing language to push your point of view.
Your poor children, @5:24.
Probably a mistake to jump in at this point, but I know a LOT of people who never raise their voices, never swear, and have the most sugary smiles plastered on their faces while they say the most evil things imaginable.
Yelling and screaming are often male-coded ways of being verbally abusive. I described the female-coded ways. Interesting that one is endorsed and the other condemned.
I wonder if there’s a difference between city people and people who have dealt with animals? Or sometimes the whole argument reminds me of the city person who thinks because some children and some horses are very sensitive (very true!), that they can handle their own spoiled, willful horse with nothing but carrots and gentle words (very false).
Honestly, there are a lot of very delusional people on this thread who are fully ignoring valid discipline methods. Yelling is legitimately fine. It loses its impact if used too frequently, but it gets attention on the things that matter.
This might just be a result of the gentle parenting phase that is thankfully ending.
Replace “yelling” with “spanking” in your little speech and you could be one of my relatives from the south.
No one here is advocating against punishment. No one here is really even advocating against the occasional yell at a teenager. People are advocating against screaming so hard at your child that you are in pain later.
That being said, yelling is not “legitimately fine” as a frequent tool. I saying that tells me you’re too lazy or dumb to come up with anything other than brute verbal force to control your children. The options for disciplining children are not limited to yelling or bribery and kind words.
I can agree with all of this except that I simply don’t know how much screaming hurts somebody else’s voice.
And to me this sounded more like yelling in frustration (if he’s insisting on continuing to use slurs) as an expression of emotion vs. any kind of discipline.
It just seems really clear that people’s sensitivity varies a lot!
There’s variation in individual vocal cords. I’ve had pain the next day from speaking to a class for 30 minutes. I would imagine a pretty small amount of yelling would do it for me. I agree sustained yelling is not good but I do think some people are maybe overreacting to the damaged vocal cords piece. We don’t actually know how long it lasted or how loud it was.
Agreed. 1-2-3 Magic talks about parents resorting to yelling because they don’t know what else to do, they lose control, or they have anger management issues. Get your sh!t together and do better.
Lots of people are advocating against occasional yelling.
Ah yes a rural Republican abuser. Makes sense now.
Ha I now have a throbbing headache from the yelling my brain wants to direct towards this thread.
What a world we live in!
Parents are human beings. Yelling all the time is a problem. Yelling and screaming in an extreme situation is a normal human response. The fact that anger is not allowed to be expressed at all is no more healthy that people thinking they can yell and scream all the time. As an example, my husband does not yell and he is very thoughtful. When his nephew was living with his elderly mother and took advatage of her, he yelled. Because the young nephew was abusing my husband’s mother. APPROPRIATE HUMAN RESPONSE.
What would you bring to a book release party at a nice restaurant? The author is my husband’s colleague’s wife. I’ve had dinner with her a few times but don’t know her well. I don’t think they drink so I want to avoid wine/champagne. She’s an immigrant and the book is written in her native language and not tr@nslated into English, so unfortunately I can’t read it and get something that ties into it. It’s her 3rd book (she didn’t live here for the first two) so I don’t want to overdo it on the “now you’re a published author” angle. Any suggestions? I don’t feel like we can show up empty-handed but I’m really stumped about what to get!
That sounds like a lovely gathering, and I’m afraid I don’t have any ideas other than to send flowers ahead of time. But I’m also feeling salty so I’ll say that if we lived in a world where women weren’t the default social mechanisms you DH would ask his colleague what his wife might like, pick it up, wrap it, and never leave you to think twice about it.
I realize it plays into gender stereotypes but we divide labor this way and I’m happy to do it – I much prefer this sort of task to cooking dinner and doing the grocery shopping, which he does the vast majority of. If I didn’t want to do it, I’m perfectly capable of telling him to handle it.
A cute/funny or very nice/sophisticated (depending on her personality and your relationship) notebook and beautiful pen is one idea. A fancy bookplate if you can find it. If nothing feels right, flowers and a nice note is always appreciated.
If you can, bring a copy of the book she wrote that you bought and have her sign it.
I would not bring anything, assuming this is like the release parties I’ve been to that have 100+ attendees. If it’s a smaller crowd, chocolates.
This is my thought, too, or some kind of “pampering” item to convey the sentiment that she might have a chance to breathe and relax now (even if that isn’t the reality).
Yeah, at the kind of party I’m familiar with it would just be a hassle to deal with gifts. Even at a smaller party, it doesn’t really seem necessary when at a restaurant and it would still be sort of awkward to deal with a lot of gifts if it’s a sit down dinner.
If it’s a big release party open to the public, don’t bring anything except a copy of the book if you already have one (they will sell books at this type of event). If it’s a small dinner to which only a few people are invited, I’d bring flowers.
Honestly, just give her a nice card congratulating her. I doubt she would expect more from someone she doesn’t know well, who is only connected through the spouses.
Nothing. Show up, be a good guest, and buy the book if it’s for sale.
I’m realizing my anxiety is through the roof (and has been for over a year) and really affecting my life. I’m starting to cancel plans and trips because I know I will be white knuckling it with anxiety most of the time and I won’t enjoy it. I’m 47, on progesterone for peri, tried the estrogen patch but it made me even worse. No other meds. I also take magnesium and L-Theanine and limit caffeine after the morning (and do half decaf). I exercise and guard my sleep. I do therapy but don’t find that it helps the physical symptoms very much. I take Propranolol to control the physical symptoms when things get really bad, but it’s more of a one off remedy.
I was on Lexapro for postpartum anxiety, but I found that it absolutely killed my motivation and drive to do anything, and I’m a solo parent with a big job so I really have to be able to get things done. (I started failing at work when on it, and ironically I do better at work when I’m anxious as at least I get things done.) I will maybe explore other meds with my doctor, but if anyone else has had success with other strategies I would love to hear it. I just realized today that the years are going by and maybe I shouldn’t have to live like this. I’m not really depressed, just incredibly anxious.
What dose of Lexapro were you on? I’ve been on 5mg (the starter dose for a few years, and it’s really helped me without making me lose my drive or emotions. (10mg numbed me, so I went back down to 5.) Another thing I’ll say is that I had similar anxiety in my few years before actual menopause, maybe a decade ago when nobody was treating menopause or even talking about it. It was a challenging couple of years, but it did pass.
I was first on 10mg for a year or so and it definitely helped with the anxiety (but made me useless when it came to getting anything done – booking and going to appointments, completing tasks at work, etc.). I dropped to 5mg for about a year. I may try to go back on just 5mg and keep it at that.
Not everything is menopause.
Is the progesterone really progesterone, or is it progestin? (What you’re describing is how I reliably feel on progestins; I really hate them!)
Anxiety can also be a symptom of medical conditions. “Wired but tired” can be hypothyroidism for just one example I have too much experience with.
I also relate to SSRIs making me less emotional but also basically useless.
I have ADHD so pumping out adrenaline to make myself function is what ADHD looks like when it’s untreated for me. But you’d probably have mentioned it if that were a factor for you.
It’s progesterone, prescribed to help with perimenopausal symptoms (primarily, anxiety). I think it works a little bit but barely makes a dent.
Never been evaluated for ADHD but maybe I should.
Reading your post, I thought ADD and stress.
I’m divorced and it’s very stressful holding a full time job and raising my children. The father is not responsible so their care is 100% on me. Getting a really good nanny and a housekeeper for 15 hours a week has reduced my stress levels and my anxiety lowered too.
My children have ADD. When their anxiety is high it means their meds are not working. My children had a negative experience on lexapro but clonidine has been extremely effective at lowering their anxiety. It also helps with sleep.
When you say you exercise, for me, the type of exercise matters. I need to run. My high anxiety child needs to do heavy weights.
There are so many other medicines to try, beyond Lexapro, in different categories. There are no strategies to rebalance brain chemistry. Trialing is admittedly a pain in the … but find a good psych medication management provider and go from there. Lexapro stopped working for me after managing my anxiety so well even after going up to 20mg. Now I am on an SNRI instead of an SSRI with another med as a complement, all organized by my very good provider. If you are in NYC, I can share the name.
+1
Unfortunately, it’s a lot of trail and error. Lexapro was TERRIBLE for me, and now I’m on an SNRI (Effexor). But, turns out most of my anxiety was caused by my ADHD so once I got that managed I was much better and able to transition off my anxiety meds.
Try Wellbutrin and ask your doctor about other meds besides Lexapro. You absolutely do not have to live like this.
Also get a full thyroid workup and blood panel, and then tell you gyn about these symptoms, too.
YMMV on Wellbutrin. It’s definitely better for energy levels than lexapro, but that stimulant effect tends to go along with making anxiety worse, though it does help some people.
My psychiatrist and pharmacist said it tends to make anxiety worse for the first month or two, and then it becomes calming. I asked both because it was driving me crazy those first weeks, but it did settle down as promised! It’s definitely better for getting things done (and can be off label for ADHD).
That wasn’t my experience (or that of many other people I know), and it isn’t approved as an anti-anxiety medication. Drugs certainly do vary from person to person, so it can always be worth trying when other things aren’t working, it just wouldn’t be my first suggestion for someone really struggling with anxiety.
Of course it’s not a first suggestion, and there’s all kinds of context that a prescriber would take into consideration. It’s also frustrating that in a best case scenario where it does help, it takes that long to start helping!
Yes, very true — all of these medications are YMMV. It’s complicated and can be really frustrating. I think it’s worth it in the end, but not everyone agrees.
This was me at the same age, also a solo parent, a few years ago. I tried so many things, what worked was getting a great nanny and going for a workout every single weekday morning.
Just take the Zoloft
If Lexapro has negative effects, I really doubt Zoloft is the med that will be better.
As someone who’s possibly been through more psych meds than anyone on this thread, go to a doctor and ask them. The assertions that specific meds will work for OP are wild.
Going to a doctor and asking them is definitely a way to try one psych med after another because the doctor didn’t know what would help or didn’t know that the issue wasn’t even psych.
Get a full blood work up. Even things like low vitamin D can cause anxiety.
Find a different doctor or a specialist.
You mentioned being a solo parent. How old are your kids? Is their father present at all in their life? Is the divorce or separation relatively recent?
I have found that stress can come through when the immediate threat is gone. After my ex moved out (finally – beginnings of DV situation), I was absolutely useless on the weekends that he had our child. I would literally curl up on my couch and cry for hours. I functioned fine, I guess, when he was living there; it was when he moved out that I totally fell apart. But that’s when the brain feels safe enough to process, and my mind just forced me to stop and let everything process. Rough, but making myself go through it helped a lot.
It sounds like other posters have the meds angle covered so I’ll just chime in to say that I find acupuncture very helpful for anxiety, among other things. Not all practitioners work for me (it’s a bit like the meds being discussed, you have to find what or who works for you) but it can be a really big help.
I’ve tried lots of things over the years and acupuncture made a big difference for me. One practitioner didn’t help much at all. But another more experienced practitioner helped a lot.
Actually the thing that really made the biggest difference for me was finding out I had undiagnosed celiac disease. But that’s obviously not relevant to most people!
Happy Easter!
What kind of volunteer work do you find meaningful?
Hospice volunteer.
ESL teaching.
Voting education/registration.
I just did an informational interview thing to be a hospice volunteer. Would share your experience with it? I’d love to hear more.
Good for you.
I usually follow one patient at a time, long term, until they pass. Sometimes they are at home with family, sometimes they are in a nursing facility, sometimes they are essentially alone. I just try to find out what they need, and provide that. Usually I am just sitting with them, talking/listening and getting to know them. If they are interactive, I try to ask questions, and let them tell their story. Sometimes we look through photo albums together. I ask for their advice, and give them the respect they deserve. If they have any desires or favorite things to eat/watch/listen to, I try to satisfy those needs. If they can’t speak, I try to find out from family/friends what they were like and then if I am there to give family respite, I will try read to them or play music for them that reflects their preferences. Sometimes I just hold their hand, and make sure they are comfortable. And I often sit and listen to their caregivers, if they need someone to vent to.
No one has enough visitors or help. The hardest ones (and most meaningful ones) are the people who are just going through it alone. One middle aged man was alone in a nursing home, with advanced cancer, and much too young to be at this point in life. We used to watch baseball games together, and I would sneak him outside to smoke a cigarette. He had no family, and no belongings. I got him a robe and slippers and his favorite treat and I don’t think I have ever seen and felt such gratitude in my life.
Omg you are a saint. That’s so wonderful you’re able to do this. Wow. How meaningful.
Working in a food bank, Lasagna Love, and baking cakes for kids in the foster system.
I’ve always wanted to volunteer with the AMC on trail maintenance, but my fitness level and car owning to do it have never aligned. I like the idea of connecting to nature and leaving it better for the people to come.
Shopping for and cooking dinner with church members for homeless youth (we bring it to a local youth shelter 1x a month).
Helping people vote.
Explaining various things to people in Spanish (our school district pairs bilingual Spanish/English speakers with folks new to the area to help them navigate the school district’s various tools, for example).
Helping support people in moments of difficulty — food banks, domestic abuse shelters, etc. That can be donating items or time or both.
Farm animal sanctuary.
Volunteering at the animal shelter, especially once I was cleared to work with the animals who were in the hospital before they could go on the adoption floor.
Coaching a kids sports team.
Planned Parenthood escorting
I volunteer with a prison book project. As a person who loves reading and believes in the power of the written word, I sympathize with anyone who needs help to get books. And since most of our books are used donations, there’s a nice environmental component.
For those of you approaching your doctors about weight loss medications for the first time, are they still recommending compounded versions?
Last fall my doc refused to write a prescription for a compounded version, having deemed them unreliable. That sent me on a quest to find a new doctor, but now I’m just doing Zepbound self-pay since it’s only maybe $100 more per month.
My doc refused to write a script for the real deal, stating that the results reverse when you stop taking it. Well, yes, I know that. I went to a telehealth place and got compounded meds through them, no issues.
I didn’t want to deal with doctors and just get brand name wegovy pills online through Ro.
No, they are not.
in my quest for a flattering matching set the spanx was the clear winner. nothing else came close. only problem: shows panty lines and stains easily.
I have this top (not the pants) and I have to say that although I like the material I find the collar to be cartoonishly huge, and I can’t figure out how to make it look sane. So for me it’s an around-the-house item.
It’s why I’m not a fan of this type of fabric. Spanx uses it, but many athleisure brands have their own version of it. IMO, it looks great until it doesn’t.
No pockets would be a dealbreaker for me.
sadly the reason it is more flattering than most sweat pants is because it doesn’t have pockets. they add lumps
Anyone in the DC area have beach vacation recommendations? We usually go to Dewey/Rehoboth and enjoy it. However, last summer we had a sub-par AirBnB experience. I’m now loosely planning for summer 2027 with a extended family (~10 people total). Ideal to me would be a beautiful house rental walkable to a beach with boardwalk/things to do for non-beach enthusiasts. Ideal if it’s a drive (vs. flight) from DC. Ideas on beaches or specific rental companies/properties to look at? Not super price sensitive at this stage… appreciate any suggestions I should take a look at!
What about Cape May area in NJ?
As a SJ local, I don’t really “get” SJ as a destination for people coming from father than Philly, but Cape May seems like what you want.
For a big group like that, you’ll have plenty of options in the Outer Banks and it’s an easy drive from DC area. We like Duck (good mix of being close to everything but not too crowded), but have also stayed in Corolla (further afield but chill once you are there), and Nags Head (closer to the action). It doesn’t have a boardwalk like you are envisioning but there’s plenty of other things to do there.
Have you thought about South Bethany or Fenwick? My folks used to live around there and it’s probably either the same price or slightly cheaper than Dewey/Reheboth.
Outer Banks, we rent annually with Twiddy, but have used Village Realty in the past. We really like Duck, because there is shopping to wander around if the beach is not appealing for the day and several restaurants close by. There are light houses to climb, a few small museums, and the beaches are lovely.
Is anyone watching The Truth and Tragedy of Moriah Wilson (out on Netflix today)? As a cyclist, this case hit me differently – usually I want NOTHING to do with true crime stories. I watched it today after work and it was moving.
I just listened to a podcast about her, what a tragic story.
I saw it – it was incredibly sad. It was such a senseless crime.
Fun question: what are the local (non-awful) stereotypes your state has about a neighboring state? Like I’m in Wisconsin, and we all assume people from Illinois will speed for no reason and not use their blinkers, and they all assume we are drunk at 10 am on Tuesdays.
These sound like pretty negative stereotypes to me! Maybe we could talk about the positive stereotypes we have of neighboring states. (Is there such a thing as a positive stereotype, or are they always negative in some way?)
Awful stereotypes are, like, things that are racially coded. These are just silly little things that no one could ever possibly be offended by.
NH is a neighboring state and their motto is “Live free or die”, which often gets mocked as “Live free and die” anytime we see anyone there doing something stupid with physical danger.
Are you a Masshole? Or a Vermont socialist?
Mainers have this stereotype of NH, too. As someone who grew up there, it rings true.
In Michigan, not sure we have a statewide stereotype about our neighboring states that isn’t a sportsball rivalry or negging on Gary.
Upis and Trolls is an in-state Michigan thing
The red states say the stupidist things about California. I do hope they decide to succeed.
I am absolutely cackling at you mixing up succeed and secede. Blue state education, I guess!
Your comment explains the cackle.
I mean, I’m a liberal; it just was the “stupidist” comment I’ve ever read here.
Not interested in ever paying another single dime to a red state.
In the Washington, DC area, both Virginians and Marylanders are convinced the streets in the other state are unfathomable and laid out in a crazy manner. In other words, drivers from Virginia “don’t understand” the road layout in Maryland suburbs, and drivers from Maryland can’t find their way around suburban Virginia.
I haven’t heard this one, but as a Virginia driver, can confirm that if something ridiculous is about to happen on the roads, that driver will have MD plates.
Yeah — I’m in Philly. If something ridiculous happens on the road PA folks assume it’s NJ and NJ folks assume PA (specifically Philly).
Today my Lyft driver asked me for my phone number. I did not feel unsafe or threatened at all. He asked right before dropping me off after we’d been talking during the ride. I said no. Less than 5 stars?
If he didn’t push or get weird after you declined, I’d just go with no rating.
Did he want to date you or stalk you?
TBH I think he wanted to booty call me
Where was he dropping you off? If he knows where you live and already crossed one boundary, I would not dock stars if he’ll know you were the rater, even if you felt safe the whole time.
He dropped me off at home, where he would find a very protective husband if he ever came back.
I think this is a do not rate situation unless you felt unsafe, in which case this is a reach out to Lyft situation, not a rating one.
Agreed
I would report to Lyft if you think it was a pattern (like it came out super smooth or his vibe was flirtatious the whole time). It’s not okay. He’s not driving for Tinder.
Report it to Lyft, this is far more serious than, say, having the radio too loud.
He’s violating agreements he made with the company as a driver. Absolutely rank zero stars which will promot the ap to make you give a reason and I would name it. And block that driver forever.
It’s absolutely not okay that he did that and Lyft should know.
What’s your gift card spending strategy? Upgraded version of something you already have? Save and put towards something specific or a wishlist item? Or a “I see it, I want it, I get it”?
I have a couple nordys cards from the holidays left, about 200$ in total. I think I spend too much time trying to optimize my purchases when I have gift cards.
I just add them like credit cards and use them when I need something from that store. I don’t use them for special treats. Maybe I should! I just view them as slightly less fungible than cash but still basically cash adjacent.
+1. I save them and generally put them towards something specific that I was already planning to buy if the gift card is for a store that has a variety of options. If the gift card is for a store with more limited options or a store that sells items that I would not typically buy, I am more likely to treat myself or buy something more fun or frivolous since I cannot use the gift card purchase to lower my discretionary spending.
I use them for things I would have purchased anyhow.
Honestly? I tend to forget about gift cards. I’m lucky if I’ll ever remember to use them, so as quickly as possible is my strategy. My sucess rate is 1 in 5, max, before they expire.
They shouldn’t expire. There are laws about that now.
Enjoying a subsidy on things I would buy myself anyway.
If it’s from a loved one, I like to save them for a larger purchase to say you helped me buy x. I use them for everyday things if it’s a gift from work or similar.
Planning Christmas trip for myself and 3 tween children. I’m in the NYC area. Budget is $4,000. I’d prefer to keep the drive to 10 hours or less. Would like 23rd for 5 nights. Any ideas?
Is that the budget just for hotel or does it include food and activities?
Yes. It’s needs to include food and activities.
Toronto then? Lots to do, great food, acceptably priced mid-range hotels.
I would push back on this recommendation. I live in Toronto and there definitely isn’t lots to do here, especially during the Christmas season. Besides shopping which is going to be infinitely better in NYC.
Montreal? It would be cold, but it’s very pretty. Depends on what you and your kids would like to do. Are you outdoorsy? Museum-y?
My kids are not that outdoorsy. They love a pool, hot tub and buffet breakfast. Museums are acceptable to them. They like the workshops at the NYC art museums.
I saw rocking horse ranch is $5500 for 4 nights. My kids would like a place like that. I just can’t afford it.
I’d look for an Airbnb upstate but 4k might not really be enough.
Skiing at whatever New England resort has the best family deals this year – Smuggler’s Notch might be good.
My in laws and I often don’t see eye to eye. I’m Catholic, they’re Protestant. They’re White, I’m not.
Anyway our son is their only grandchild. He is autistic low verbal low communicative. He actually eats a lot of different foods like roast beef, chicken, lamb, goat, duck and turkey. He does not eat ham. That’s probably on me. I was not raised to eat pork. We don’t ever cook it. He is 10.
Anyway my in laws moved Easter dinner to today. I was confused because in my faith we fast on Saturday but it was to accommodate one of their kids so we went with it. I was given about five hours notice of the move.
I was told about the ham at the same time as we asked if we could bring anything (wine, flowers, dessert) and when I heard the menu I asked husband to ask if we could bring the child a personal pizza and also a family sized salad (there would just be potatoes as a vegetable at the ham dinner). At 3 I was told absolutely not and not to come if we brought food. Husband was told there would be chicken nuggets and fries for my kid. My kid is 10 so I knew he wouldn’t starve if he didn’t eat for two hours and chicken nuggets and fries would have been fine.
So we brought him and immediately it was bad. Child covered his noise and gestured at the oven (he did not like the roasting pork smell). They served him a corn dog and fries. The fries were not traditional. They were thinly sliced potato that was simply air fried. I’d consider them closer to baked potato than fries. The corn dog was not something he had ever seen before. He did not eat it but seemed confused as he had been told about nuggets. Eventually he went to play Lego eating nothing. I’d never had a corn dog so I cut the top of it out of curiosity to see what it was. It was white inside with a weird texture. Father in law said this was actually a Japanese fish pop. I was very confused by this but didn’t say anything.
Anyways we left early. Thoughts here? Husband was very upset but said he would call his mother and speak to her in private. I’m not suggesting my kid was starving, I just don’t understand the ultimatum we got about dinner or why she gave him food he (and many kids) would not eat while everyone had a special day.
I don’t understand the ultimatum either. I’m glad your husband will talk to his mom. This sounds deeply unkind & unacceptable of your in-laws.
This sounds like a lot of drama over nothing. Your kid did not starve. Now you know they are bad hosts. Everyone and everything will be fine if you let this blow over.
Next time, just bring the pizza or some frozen nuggets without asking first. If they’re upset, oh well. They’ll survive.
+1 For me this is one of many of life’s situations where it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Especially when in social contexts, asking for permission can so often amplify pre-existing tensions… People who wouldn’t think twice about something if given no choice can become really resistant and stubborn when they’re asked to weigh in. I think just asking first can send the message that it’s going to be a problem?
are you the ‘salmon mom’ from a few years ago? It was a very similar fact pattern with an autistic boy and in-laws who ignored his preferences and wouldn’t let the mom bring food to their house.
Either way, I’m sorry and I hope your husband can stand up to his parents more.
Honestly it could well be me. My kid wouldn’t eat salmon in a lot of circumstances. He’d be okay with canned or raw basically.
We have made progress, I brought food to Christmas (with permission) but it’s gone downhill clearly. My kid also eats a lot more things than he used to which is nice. Was mostly just surprised by the day and needed some way to vent.
People sometimes suggest feeding the kid in advance but there is no shot of him sitting for dinner if he’s already eaten (probably not really an issue). Was a weird dinner as I didn’t eat either (fasting day).
It was rude of you to say you’d bring salad because “potatoes were the only vegetable they were offering.” The rest of the rudeness is very squarely on them. Sounds like a power play and in the future, you’d be best served by just quietly doing your own thing. Bring whatever food you need to and don’t make a big production out of it. Takes the wind out of their sails to not get a big reaction. I’d also not spend too many holidays with these people – they can be visited on non-holidays when they won’t get to run roughshod over your religious preferences.
I doubt OP said that to the in-laws. It sounded like she was just saying that here to give us context.
I really don’t get this nonsense. I’d say a solid 50% of my family has ASD, but mostly 1, there’s a few kiddos who are 2 now and for holidays they usually just have like an uncrustable and frozen fries. It’s truly NBD. Takes an extra 2 minutes.
It’s very strange to misrepresent the available food (fish pops are not corn dogs; thin sliced air fried potatoes are not french fries). With only one grandchild, are they just absurdly out of touch with how kids typically eat? I also do not understand the idea that you are not welcome to come at all if you bring food for your own child to ensure he has something to eat.
I wonder if the family sized salad confused things some if they really didn’t want you to bring anything to share?
Bringing our own food with us is such a basic accommodation for so many special needs (blood sugar conditions, food allergies, Celiac, ARFID, and more). If there are certain foods they need to keep out of the house for some reason, that’s something they can explain. But it sounds like they failed to accommodate your son while also forbidding you to accommodate his needs! I also really wonder what would have happened if you just ignored such an unreasonable ultimatum and showed up with the pizza for your kid. Are they such unreasonable people that they would have turned you away at the door?
I strongly suspect they thought they had fries and chicken nuggets in the freezer, found out they didn’t, and pivoted in a way that made sense to them. I also strongly suspect that they thought she was offering to bring a pizza and salad for everyone to share.
OP, if your kid has special dietary needs, you don’t ask permission for the right to ensure those needs are met. You just show up with a backup plan in case what was being offered doesn’t actually work. I have a kid with food allergies, and we bring an option for her everywhere we go, even if people have said they will accommodate. If they actually competently read labels, amazing, she can participate in what everyone else is eating and I leave the back up plan in the cooler, but I can’t tell you how often they just assume things like “deli meat wouldn’t have dairy in it” (it generally does!) without checking. You just have to plan ahead to be able to roll with the punches.
That’s giving an awful lot of benefit of the doubt to problematic inlaws. I doubt very much that it happened that way.
You can choose not to give the benefit of the doubt to people you’re going to have in your life forever if you find that that serves you well. I find that being generous in my assumptions while also recognizing when I cannot rely on people so I can plan ahead is much more constructive and less emotionally dramatic for me.
There’s generous and then there’s lacking self-respect.
My, what a bitchy comment for an Easter Sunday. Hope you find the self respect to act as a kind person later today.
LMAO at swearing at another poster while claiming to be the civil one. Easter in-laws got you down?
It’s fine to call actions bitchy when they are bitchy. And that was bitchy.
I’m not that poster but I didn’t read it as b!tchy. I think a lot of women struggle with the line between being kind and being a doormat and the poster was encouraging the OP that it’s ok to stand up for herself and her family.
The original reply was fine. It was bitchy to reply “there’s generous and then there’s lacking self respect.”
Ah, this fits in well with the “it’s ok to yell at someone if they deserve it/call your kids brats if they’re being them” conversation above. Such a different way to treat people.
It is fine to say that comments are bitchy when they’re bitchy. If that word offends your sensibilities (in 2026!), please feel free to substitute in the word rude.
My comment got eaten but it was rude to offer to bring salad (judging that potatoes were the only vegetable) and then they were super rude and hostile. Stop spending holidays with them and give them lower priority times instead.