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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 352 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Belted Dress – Baila Tango

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Nanette Lepore Belted Dress - Baila Tango Loooove this red dress from Nanete Lepore. It looks chic, sophisticated, professional, and comfortable — but fun and swingy at the same time. (Truth be told it reminds me a bit of the Missoni dress from a few weeks ago, but done much better.) I love it styled with the nude-for-her heels; I might add a brooch (or a few), or perhaps a long, opera-length necklace. It's $348 at Bloomingdale's. Nanette Lepore Belted Dress – Baila Tango Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

  1. DC Jenny

    2/3 Attorney, I sent you a couple of emails about the DC apartment. Let me know if you didn’t get them.

    • Honey Pillows

      That’ll teach me to skip reading the weekend posts. I am also apartment hunting in DC. :-(

        • 2/3 attorney

          I just saw this and found your email – I actually finalized another arrangement yesterday, but maybe it will work out for Honey Pillows! Best of luck in your search!

    • JJ

      Love it, too. And because of the name of the dress, I now have “Bailamos” by Enrique Iglesias stuck in my head.

    • TCFKAG

      Agreed. Also need someone to give me the money to afford it, especially after the damage I did during NAS.

      BTW, I discovered the most comfortable jeans in the WORLD on sale at NAS. They are called JAG jeans. They are “pull on” jeans and have no buttons or zippers. SOME might call them maternity jeans for non-pregnant ladies, and those people would be….well…right. But they are THE MOST comfortable things I have ever had on my body in my whole LIFE. Plus they made my booty look fr*cking amazing.

      Seriously, if you’re looking for comfortable jeans check them out.

      Also, I bought the new “the skirt” in black. Its fine but not great. It is no longer secret sweatpants. Its no longer amazing for curves but its okay. It no longer deserves capitalization. That is all.

      • eh230

        I have those jeans too and agree that they are heavenly! They are also a godsend for pear-shaped ladies. No need to take in the waist! And they come in petites!

      • rosie

        Thanks for the recommendation on the jeans. I have been looking for a replacement for a pair of stretchy Gap jeans I’ve had for ages, and this sounds like they could be close (although the fake fly would be an upgrade!).

        • TCFKAG

          The jeans are fairly true to size. You could probably go a size down if you like your jeans a bit tight, but I prefer my jeans to have give.

          Oh…and one note. They also have these pants in other fabrics and colors (like red khaki) but since those fabrics aren’t nearly as stretchy, the resultant pant aren’t nearly as comfortable or flattering. They’re okay, but they’re not amazing. Just a head’s up.

          • eh230

            I agree on the sizing and also found that the Jag size chart was right on in my case. They are the “Pull-on jeans” and have various names due to the different cuts, bootcut, skinny, etc.

        • TCFKAG

          I got the Petite Attie Slim Ankle ones and the Malia Slim cut ones, but I think any of the cuts would be comfortable as long as they have the pull-on feature (with the proviso that they have to be jeans and not the other fabrics, can’t attest to the other fabrics.)

    • V

      Love it, but rayon items haven’t held up well for me. And the Nanette Lapore size chart is crazy (check out the measurements). Can anyone comment on how this brand runs, size-wise?

      • roses

        Haven’t had experience buying Nanette Lepore items, but to me it looks like their size chart is based on measurements taken at lower points of the body than most brands. If you look at the picture, the waist measurement isn’t at the smallest part of the wait, but slightly lower (belly button, perhaps?). It’s also a low-hip measurement instead of a high-hip.

      • phillygirlruns

        i have a couple of older nanette lepore dresses and would say they cut on the slim side – similar to blue halo and theory. i am a 4/6 in j.crew, banana and the like and an 8 in blue halo, theory (emery trousers only – i am too ample of thigh for the max c) and nanette lepore.

      • baby weight

        I’ve bought Nannette for years, but I think it runs like Theory. Be warned — she loves deeply cut tops.

      • zora

        Plus, if i got it, it would mean i would have at least ONE piece of clothing in my closet that is not grey or blue!

  3. Alanna of Trebond

    Early morning threadjack–I know that we talked about this during the weekend thread–but has anyone taken the Bar up at the Armory (W. 168th?). I think New York only allows water inside? Are there good places to grab food near there during the lunch? Any other suggestions?

    Also, do you really need to get there by 7:30 to get through security by 8:30? This seems crazy. I was going to get there at 8:00. I am not really a morning person.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      Also, they keep mentioning laptop bags–does this mean you can bring in a regular bag other than the little plastic bag? Do you need to check it?

      • Adele

        I took the bar at Javits, but I recommend the following: bring a sandwich! No matter if there are good places for lunch or not, people will be pouring out for lunch and it will be mayhem. You’ll have super long waits, super long lines, and people will be talking about the exam everywhere. I packed a roastbeef sandwich and a granola bar into my plastic baggy and went to eat on a pre-scoped out patch of grass. It was so much better than rushing with fellow bar takers to try to get a gross slice of pizza.

        I would really recommend you go to the Armory and find a nearby spot you can retreat to so that you can make the most out of your break to refocus. I honestly think its the most helpful thing I did for the exam.

    • buffybot

      I can’t speak to the Armory, but I took the bar at Javits, and the line really can take that long (although, granted, Javits is many times bigger, I believe).

      I think I showed up at 7:30 and it was obvious people had been there since long before me. You don’t want the stress of worrying if you’ll get inside in time to start the exam. Use the time in line/waiting to review flashcards (which obviously you have to throw away before you enter the test room) or chat with a friend (whichever will make you less stressed), but the crowd scene is really no joke.

      And my memory is fuzzy on some points, but yes, they truly mean no bags other than your plastic baggy. I think some people checked larger bags, but that’s another hurdle/massive crowd scene, and if you have to check it in and out during your lunch break, that will seriously limit the time you have to decompress and eat. I agree with Adele’s comment below to bring your own lunch.

      Good luck!

    • Anon for this

      I work for the hospital, so I can give you lunch suggestions. If you need something quick, there’s Jou Jou cafe on 168th closer to Broadway. I adore their turkey avocado sandwich, fwiw. They also have soups, salads, and treats.

      There’s also a deli/salad bar on Fort Washington & 168th, but I noticed this am that their health inspection grade is a B. Maybe not worth the risk?

      • JT

        Is it wrong that I don’t blink twice at a B? I’ll even risk a C if the restaurant is worth it.

        I took my bar exam at Pier 90, and if I remember they had giant boxes where people could stash their bags/lunches. Don’t bring anything valuable or that you wouldn’t risk losing, but that could be an option to avoid crowds. I hand wrote so no idea on laptop bags.

  4. r

    How do you all deal with stress? I have a relatively low level position, but I have a lot more responsibility than most people at my level because of the project I work on. Because of this, I have a lot of stress that is building up, and it is affecting my life outside of work. I’ve never had stress like this before, and I don’t know what to do about it. After work I try to just go home and do mindless things, but it doesn’t really stop my mind from running or help me de-stress. I’ve tried standard things like yoga or meditation, but I find them to be pretty boring.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      Are you exercising? I find hard cardio helps me with stress a lot (apparently Elle Woods was right — “Exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins make you happy!”)

    • Houda

      I am currently working on a set of projects which are all problematic and my part is the deal breaker because of timing and CPS issues.

      Break down your project into small tasks and write them on paper.
      I find that writing things down stops the to dos from hovering around in your brain.
      I have decided to sneak in a workout before heading back home because it helps wind down and is a buffer between stressed work brain and supposed-to-be-relaxed home brain.
      Sometimes it just helps to mindlessly run on a treadmill listening to cheesy music.
      Also, try to accept going to places and engage in activities that preferably don’t involve coworkers. This way you feel like you have a decent social life and you can discuss with friends without slipping into stressful-project talk.
      Let people know you are busy working on something important, this way they would respect your time and if they see you frowning at your screen they would know not to disturb and if you look tired they would offer to grab a quick coffee etc.

    • TCFKAG

      Cooking, going to movies, mid-afternoon coffee break (outside the office so I get some sun), and finding someone (anyone) at the office who I can talk candidly to about my problems. I also joined the Junior League so that I could expand my social circle, make new friends, and volunteer in the community. But those are my things.

      You need to find YOUR activities. The more concrete, substantive hobbies you have, the less you’ll obsess about work when not there. Plus, if you find people at work to be your ally, you’ll dread going in less each day. And I really can’t emphasis enough how much going out to eat your lunch or even grab coffee and chatting with the barista can help and break the cycle of stress.

      Anyway, that’s what works for me.

    • CKB

      When I’m really stressed nothing does it for me like a good workout. And I’ve never considered myself an athlete or really into fitness, but when stress at work gets high, that’s when I know I need to make sure and get my runs in.

      And for a short term solution, getting out of the office at lunch to decompress. Or even just going for a walk around the block on a break – makes a big difference to get a change of scenery & some fresh air.

    • TBK

      I second the advice re exercise and breaking down tasks into to-do lists (huge fan of this). I also sometimes set aside time in the morning before work to think through what needs to get done that day (in the shower works for me, but I think breakfast if you eat it at home or during your commute would work too). That way, I can tackle something the minute I get to work and can start prioritizing as emails/calls/etc. start pouring in. Also, because I know I’ll have brain space in the morning to run through the day, I can let go in the evening. When you say it’s affecting your non-work life, I’m guessing it’s something like snapping at your SO or being so preoccupied that you’re disengaged at social events — is that right? If that’s true, then the advice that allows you to comparmentalize should help.

      • r

        Yes, that is how it is affecting my social life. All this advice is great. I’ve been on this project for 5 years and it is the worst project ever.. nothing goes right. When I mention to people what I am working on then almost physically back away from me!

        I ordered some new running shoes in the NAS, so hopefully that will motivate me to put some of this stress into running. I’m really bad about staying at my desk at lunch too, so I need to break that habit. I used to go for walks at lunch, but now that it is over 100 degrees here, that sort of stopped :(

    • NOLA

      Exercise after work and do something like listen to music, watch TV or read a book while you exercise so you can refocus your brain and not have “monkey mind.” Also, resist the urge to endlessly talk about work and work issues with your SO. Give yourself a time limit – like tell your SO about the problem (10 minutes) then let it go and do something else. Cook dinner together, take a walk, whatever. Just don’t obsess about it. I made the mistake of thinking that it was great to talk things through but it just made things worse. Get engaged with something else rather than doing something mindless. Get plenty or rest and don’t get into a funk and start eating junk. You’ll feel better!

      • anonahol

        I think I needed to hear this advice…I’m going to start setting a timer for 10 minutes for my “b*tch about work to husband” time. great idea.

      • Jenna Rink

        The ten minute complaining session is my biggest tip too. Any longer than that and I start sucking my husband into my stress and it becomes even worse. If I legitimately need advice I will lift the limit to have time to talk it through, but usually I’m just whining and that needs to stop after a few minutes!

        I am like you and in a position that should be low stress based on classification but because of my assignment is very stressful. I read Getting Things Done by David Allen and found it very, very helpful. I really needed to study up on how to work efficiently. I still feel stress, but now it is mostly related to things outside my control, and to me that feels a lot better.

        Also remember to take appropriate vacation time! I felt like I could never take my time because I was so busy. But when I looked around, the head of my department was taking a week or even two at a time! That helped me put my own vacation time into perspective, which I really needed in order to recharge. I still work from home for about an hour a day when I’m on vacation, but having scheduled time off to look forward to is a big help!

    • Anne Shirley

      I read. A good mystery (I like Tana French) or a new novel work much better for me than exercise. Running is just more time I can be thinking about work.

  5. Gray Gray Gray

    I have resigned myself to having some gray hairs (actually — glowing white ones). I was hoping to have a Stacy London streak or something else cool, but I am finding that they can be crazy unruly. Fuzzing up in humidity (and 95% of my hair is limp/straight baby fine medium brown). Sticking out in weird ways. Lots of short crazy wispies near my crown.

    It would be problematic hair even if I colored it (I won’t — I cannot deal with maintaining something and poorly maintained going-gray in parts colored hair is possibly the only thing worse than poorly styled crazy gray sprouts).

    Has anyone here done a good professional going-a-bit-platinum thing? Some days, with bad product choices (and what don’t I own at this point in the Hope In A Bottle /Spray department) and bad blow-drying-while-potty-training-the baby, I am rocking the Hot Mess.

    • Bette

      I think to rock the platinum thing you need to have a critical mass of grey hair, like more than 30%, so that it looks intentional. If you are less than this, I would suggest dying your hair and waiting until you get a bit grayer to stop.

      That said, I think if you have either really dark hair or really light hair the rules change. In the first, the contrast is so great that I think that even a small number of grey hairs is striking and beautiful. In the second, the contrast is so minimal that the greys just blend in.

      I am approximately 15% grey right now and am already planning to stop dying at age 40 at which point I anticipate being almost entirely grey. Looking forward to it!

      • Constance Justice

        Lets back up a second..

        OPs post was quite timely for me because as I was moving around my makeup mirror this morning, I caught sight of the top of my head. I thought I had one or two gray hairs, but it turns out I have a smattering of gray on the top of my head. I also have very dark hair. I am 29 and have never colored my hair, and don’t really want to start now. Are you telling me I can stop freaking out now? In any case, I’m going to take your post as an excuse to JSFAMO this morning. :)

        • Bette

          Yes, I think you win the grey hair lottery! I am sure you look striking and beautiful.

    • NOLA

      I am getting more gray at my part and up under the front of my hair. I get kind of streaky highlights and so far it hides the gray strands.

    • anon

      I have dark hair and had always planned to just let my gray hair grow in naturally. However getting gray hair completely changed how my hair looks and behaves. My gray hair sticks out at weird angles and is very frizzy, making my hair always look unkempt no matter what I do. After agonizing over it for years, I finally got a semi permanent glaze done. I believe it’s by Redken, and the color I use is called sun tea or something like that. It basically just colors the gray hairs, does not really affect the color of the rest of my (dark)hair. It sort of makes my gray hairs look like bronze-y highlights. It makes my hair glossy and seems to make the grays more manageable – at least they blend in better and are less noticeable. Downside is that I have to get it done every 6 weeks.

    • NYNY

      I’m 42, don’t color my hair, and am rocking the “natural highlights” look. I’m probably around 15-20% gray now, but it tends to cluster around my part. I have straight, thick, dark hair originally, and the grays are coming in very silver-white, so the contrast looks cool. I actually get stopped on the street and in stores all the time with compliments and questions – “Is that… natural? It’s so pretty!” – all the time.

      My biggest tip is that if you’re letting your hair go gray naturally, you need to have intentional-looking hair. Long no-style cuts are bad for this. I have a graduated bob that I get cut religiously every six weeks, so the shape of my hair looks like I pay attention to it and the gray really is on purpose.

      As far as products and maintenance, some of the grays do have textural variances from the rest of my hair. I use different products, depending on the weather, to beat them into submission. Lately, in the humid summer, it’s a few drops of pure argan oil on damp hair before blow-drying. Anything that promotes smoothness that works for your hair would be good, though.

      Also, I’ve been known to pluck out a crazy curly gray sticking straight up from my part on occasion.

    • Bluejay

      I have gray hair and I have for at least 8 years. I color it. However, my hair’s naturally curly and frizzy and so my gray hairs have the same kinky texture as the rest of my hair. I use L’Oreal Preference dye, so it’s cheap and easy to maintain – a $10 box and half an hour of my time every 5 weeks or so.

      • Sadie

        My only advice as a former hairdresser is don’t start dying it if you plan to let it go gray, unless you wear it short. It is nearly impossible to then ‘go gray’ with longer hair, because it is impossible to blend the solid-dark colored hair with your now ‘lot’s of gray’ natural hair. It’s not pretty. There’s no way to later ‘pull out’ the dye and get it to blend with the natural color you’re growing in.
        If you wanted to cover some, I’d have a stylist weave a color that matches your natural color just on the gray areas to blend them.
        And plucking grays does not make more grow, it just hurts a little. :)

  6. SAlit-a-gator

    Loove this dress. Fun change from the usual pencil skirt, and in a versatile color too.

    Threadjack: Need some shopping advice ladies. I work in a super laid back business casual environment and no longer need to wear jackets (I still would, but people are looking at me funny when I do). So I’ve been relying on my trusty Halogen 3/4 sleeve cardigans from Nordies, but just realized the one from last fall is already looking completly worn out and full of balls of fuzz. So they all went back (I love you Nordies). So, I’m on the market for cardigans and completly lost where to start. I’d like a year-round fabric (not wool) and preferably with 3/4 sleeves or a petite option. I’m willing to spend up to ~$60 for something that will last 2-3 years. Any recommendations? Is the Jackie from JCrew worth the $62? Any other stores I should check out?

    • Adele

      Boden! I am wearing it now. The cropped one is really short and should work as a petite option well.

    • Cat

      Wait for the Jackies to go on sale – I usually hold off until they are at least 39.99 or even better, with the extra 25-40% off. They make enough colors that at least 1-2 flattering shades usually make it to that price each season.

      • KC

        I’m wearing a Merona one from Target right now that’s my go to brown office sweater and i’ve had people ask if it’s from J crew. holds up great, and I think it was 17$?

      • Bette

        I also find that the jcrew factory cardigans hold up just about as well as the regular jackies. I swing out to the outlet one holiday weekend a year and pick up a few new ones to replace worn out ones once a year. With the discounts, you can usually get them for $20 or so.

        • PghAnon

          FWIW I have had a different experience, I think the factory Jackies are too thin and not as nice looking as the real thing. They aren’t terrible but they are not as good as the real ones.

          • Leigh

            I also have found that the Jackie cardigan from the JCrew Factory is not high quality.

    • Niktaw

      I bought a bright yellow Chadwicks cotton 3/4 cardi at Tuesday Morning for $6 several years ago. It is still the same color and there is not a pill in sight.
      I don’t know if the quality is still the same but it is not too pricy to try, and they offer petite sizing, too.

      • Niktaw

        Thanks, but it was a rare lucky buy in a sea of you-get-what-you-pay-fors.
        I was very surprised to find good quality in an (originally) mail-order item, having been burned by VS and Newport News.

    • Anon Analyst

      I have gotten some from The Limited and Express. With Express you might find more options online. I remember them having a good selection of styles and colors.

    • Anne Shirley

      Threadjack: I’m shocked that you would return this? A cheap cardigan that has worn out after a years frequent wear seems right on target to me. I use the Nordstrom return policy for worn items, but only if I think they are somehow defective. Just curious whether everyone else is returning worn out clothing and I should get on board.

      • cfm

        No she bought one less than a year ago. And then she recently bought the same kind. Since she realized her original had worn out in less than a year, she returned the unworn ones she had just bought.

          • SAlit-a-gator

            Yea, I should have clarified. I bought one last fall that is looking terrible now. Then bought more this spring and decided to take them back because the first one is looking shabby after only 6 months of wear.

    • Bluejay

      I like August Silk cardigans, which I buy at Macy’s for around $30 apiece.

    • Em

      The Jackie’s are sooo worth it. I LOVE mine, and they hold up really well to regular washing and drying.

    • Research, Not Law

      I do love the Jackie, but I recently bought a Merona based on advice from this site and love it. The cut and material is different, so I have room in my closet for both. I have a few from Loft and Caslon, too. I’ll be trying a Lands End soon, since I hear good things and have been happy with their clothing in general.

  7. anonforthis

    Help. I’m in a job I hate that I took because it was the recession and I needed to accept something. It was pitched to me as a certain role, using a certain set of talents and skills, in a certain environment. Even though the job wasn’t in my field, I thought I could at least build some useful skills that would translate back into my field later on. This has all slowly eroded to the point that on any given day I’m doing either (1) nothing (there just isn’t enough work to fill my position) or (2) doing ever more menial work as more and more of my duties are given to other people (not because of my performance, but because they want to bring more of the work in-house). I’m working as a consultant at the client site so pretty much everyone else is the “client” and therefore my boss (even the intern). I’m on a contract so, unless I break it, I’m stuck for at least another eight months. The last piece of interesting work I had was taken away from me this morning and I really want to cry. The pay is pretty good and I know plenty of people would think that there was nothing wrong with being paid well to do nothing, but work is incredibly important to me. (I know you’re not supposed to define yourself by your work, but I’m sure I’m not the only one on this site who kind of does.) I also worry that my skills are eroding, meaning it will be even more difficult for me to get back into my primary area of work (which this is not) when the contract is up. I’m just so frustrated, angry, sad, and scared.

    • OC Lawyer

      Can you treat this contract job as a fellowship you have generated for yourself and use the time to do something like write an article in your field or snag yourself a speaking gig in your field or do a “study” of leaders in your field and interview the top five (aka find yourself a mentor in the name of research)?

    • Anon Analyst

      Sorry to hear about your situation. Can you talk to the clients and let them know you would like to to assist on some of the projects? As far as you primary area of work, is it possible to take any online courses, training, certifications to keep up you skills in that area? Also, since you have some downtime maybe you can do some networking and job hunting for when your contract is up and you want to look for another position. Good luck!

    • anonforthis

      Thanks for the advice and sympathy. (I realize I’m being incredibly whiney and probably fairly entitled.) I actually am writing an article (already accepted for submission!) and do have some speaking engagements. I also have some work I do on my own time that’s in my field. And I spend pretty much all my days at work trying to get the client to give me more work — part of why I’m feeling so awful lately is that all I do pretty much is nag the client to pay attention to me, either to respond to emails/voicemails/notes left on desks to move forward the small amount of work I have, or to give me something else to do. And that is just exhausting. Anway, thanks for letting me vent. My poor husband has been getting the brunt of it and I’m tired of coming home to just complain to him every night.

      • OC Lawyer

        This is GREAT that your article will be published and that you are speaking in your field. That should help a lot when you go back into your field.

        I wonder whether there is any benefit to getting more work from the current client. What do you want from them when you leave? A good recommendation? Will you get that now? If so, is there any downside to stopping begging them for work and starting your job search? Job searches take months these days, so why not do it now?

        I definitely applaud you for finding someplace other than your husband to vent. I did that with a certain issue a couple years ago, and it meant that the (fewer) times we talked about it were more valuable and he didn’t have to hear about it all the time because I was getting my fix from discussing it with a girlfriend.

        • anonforthis

          My contract precludes me from looking for new work until the last few months (which is stupid — it takes a long time to get a job these days). I’m trying to re-negotiate that part of it but it’s slow going getting my current employer to modify the contract. Meanwhile, I’m shoring up my network (my very wonderful husband makes me identify two new networking/job search things I’ll do next each time I complain — it keeps me productive instead of wallowy).

          • emcsquared

            That’s too bad that the contract precludes you from looking for new work, but you can always network and put yourself in the best possible position to switch jobs even if you aren’t actively submitting resumes.

            I would make it a point to update your LinkedIn page, try to take people out for lunch and breakfast at least 2-3 days a week, and attend networking events. It does take a long time to find a job, you might as well get a head start in ways that won’t violate your contract.

            Also, if a job comes along that you want to take before the contract expires, ask the new job to buy you out of the contract.

  8. NYC job hunt

    Threadjack – Any recommendations for recruiting agencies in NYC? I just got my master’s and am really looking for guidance on where to go in this job hunt. My job skills and experience is limited to internships and executive club positions in college. It seems everyone wants experience yet no one will give the chance to get it so help is now needed. I’d like a place where I can make an appointment, sit with someone to go over my resume and show me where and how my skills can be applied. Does a place like that even exist? Thanks.

    • TBK

      This might seem like a silly response, but have you gone to the career services office of the school that awarded your Master’s?

  9. TGI...M?

    Question for the hive: Is giving a check or AmEx gift card for a close friend’s wedding tacky? There is no registry, and I’m just plain not that creative of a gift giver. I haven’t gone to many weddings in the past (small family, most of close friends still single) and the few have always had registries so it’s been pretty painless. This is a bit uncharted territory for me.

    • TGI...M?

      And totally unrelated–what do you all think about lace in the office? I’m seeing some beautiful pieces from Ann Taylor’s fall collection. But just can’t see it at work. Fashion friend or foe?

      • Cat

        this generated a very heated discussion some time back. I personally am of the opinion that lace with a denser pattern (Talbots and Jcrew both offered pencil skirts this summer that I liked) can work fine with sedate accessories, although I wouldn’t choose lace for a “power day,” but anything that suggests evening / bridal / negligee is OUT, including as trim on a cami. Others, however, disagree.

      • Bluejay

        IMHO, once piece of lace (either skirt, or top, or cami, or shoes) is fine. No more. And definitely not an all-over lace dress.

    • Two cents

      In some cultures (almost all Asian ones) money is the norm, so not only would it not be tacky, it would be customary. :) I think when couples choose not to have a registry, they have to expect that at least some people will give cash. I don’t think it’s tacky at all. If it makes you feel better, perhaps give a gift card to a store you know that they like.

    • TCFKAG

      Money’s always appreciated. I think those AMEX cards are a scam, the fees are absurd, I’d stick with straight cold hard cash.

      :-)

    • Merabella

      When I got married I preferred getting cash. I think a lot of people say it is tacky, but I LOVED it. I could put the cash in savings towards our down payment, or I could buy something off my registry that everyone else thought was too expensive.

    • Bonnie

      I’d give cash over an AmEx card. You can also add a note saying that it’s for their honeymoon or a dinner out.

      I’m ok with some lace. I have a navy lace skirt with a navy lining that’s really neutral.

    • anon in SF

      Could you give cash or gift card, with some nominal gift related to the couple? A friend of mine used to give cash in an envelope and a guide book for the place where the couple was going on their honeymoon. Or maybe a coffee table type of book related to an interest or hobby?

    • An Non Ymous

      AMEX card = PITA! (Just had one as a generous gift, but wow are they annoying to use!)

  10. Lyssa

    What would you wear?

    I have to take and defend depositions this Saturday for a divorce case. The client is a 50-something man, professional but wears jeans to work; his wife seems to be similar. Opposing counsel is a middle-aged woman, solo firm and we’ll be working at her office. OC has been around a while and is very well known (note that I’m saying well-known, not necessarily well-regarded. She’s apparently had some professional and personal struggles recently, and recently separated from her firm, where she was a named partner, to go on her own, under circumstances that I do not think were entirely her choice). I’m a 3rd year attorney, 32 but looks younger, not all that well experienced in depositions or family law, so the “has to prove herself” thing is fairly intense.

    In most depos I’ve been to, most attorneys seem to wear suits, but I’ve seen everything down to jeans and t-shirts, and I’ve never been to one on a Saturday. I don’t want to feel crazy out of place in a suit, but want to still look “commanding.” I’m thinking slacks and a professional but maybe a little more casual top, peep-toed pumps, and a casual blazer that I’ll probably take off. Thoughts?

    • TCFKAG

      I’d wear a suit, but I’d never wear anything other than a suit to a depo. Maybe things are different in family law — but I don’t think it matters what the witnesses are wearing, you want to project “I’m a lawyer” and to me that means suit.

      • Lyssa

        You don’t think that I’d look like I was trying too hard if OC is dressed much more casually?

        • TCFKAG

          I mean….I’m pretty young, so I’d probably always wear a suit. Maybe I’d wear one of my none black, navy, or grey suits — like a beige or something. But, its hard enough for me to project authority as a young female as is. So I like to suit up.

          But I think well coordinated suiting separates could work. I’d still wear closed toe shoes though…but that’s just severe personal preference.

    • Blackbird

      I’d wear a suit for formality and to project lawyerly authority. But, I’d wear it with a layer shirt I was comfortable in becuase I would ditch the jacket as we were getting started with the actual depo. But that’s just me b/c although required in my profession I Hate wearing suits… with a capital H. (Plus, sometimes those conference rooms get a bit warm and stuffy).

      • Blackbird

        I just re-read your comment a bit more closely. I think you’d be fine with dress pants and a blazer you can take off (as opposed to a matching suit). But, I’d still try to maintain some formal elements and stay away from the girlie peep toes in this instance if you’re trying to “command authority.”

        (Sorry if this is a repeat… I got the “posting too quickly” msg a couple of times and not sure if anything went through…)

      • Cookies

        I thought I was the only one that HATES wearing suits. I don’t mind the pants or the skirt bottoms, just sitting with the jacket on is so incredibly uncomfortable. I hate the feeling on my neck of the collar of the jacket and I am usually bothered by the sleeves (I prefer to wear short sleeves if possible and wear a cardigan if cold.) I usually wear a shirt that looks good under a jacket and I’m always prepared to throw on a jacket if needed, but I don’t know how to deal with this otherwise because I don’t think the shirt and skirt look professional enough. I thought about purchasing some dresses with matching suit jackets, or maybe finding a blazer that I can wear with a variety of different dresses. I think the dresses look a little more dressier than the skirt and shirt. le sigh.

        • Blackbird

          Amen.

          My approach has always been to wear the suit jacket in the beginning of the event (e.g. during introductions or cocktails) and then take off as soon as we’re into the “meat” of the matter (e.g. presentation or meal or depo questioning). I’ve been taking my cue from the male attorneys who do roughly the same thing.

          Obviously I just suffer through if I’m in a courtroom or a very important meeting where suits are required/expected.

    • Herbie

      I wore jeans to my Saturday depositions, as did the other attorneys. But when in doubt, just go biz cas. No suit necessary.

      • Herbie

        And just for context, my cases were frequently against plaintiffs attorneys who wore jeans regardless of when during the week the depo took place. I had one opposing counsel who frequently showed up in board shorts and flip flops. So, you know, YMMV.

    • Eleanor

      Given what you’ve said, I do think a suit would look like you were trying too hard. I would probably still wear closed-toed shoes, but other than that your outfit sounds like the most appropriate thing to me.

    • Maddie Ross

      I personally would not wear a suit. Lyssa, I’m in your area of the country and not only will it be hot this weekend, but I think wearing a suit on a Saturday actually will scream “I’m a third-year attorney who isn’t confident enough to wear what I want.” I think your slacks and casual blazer idea is great. I would probably break out my seersucker in this situation (either the blazer with another skirt, or the skirt with a casual blazer or cardigan).

    • JT

      I always wear a suit to depositions (5th year associate here), but I’m in NYC and I’ve also never been to one on a Saturday. The idea of wearing a suit on a weekend makes me want to cry. Also, I don’t know what it’s like in your part of the country but my office building at least shuts off the a/c and heat on nights and weekends, so I would layer no matter what I decided to wear. I’ve spent many a Saturday shivering in my puffy coat or stripping off as many layers as possible.

  11. New

    Hi ladies, could anyone offer advice on how to interact / eat with senior people at work? I have a lunch scheduled with someone equivalent to a partner (I’m not in law) and I’m very nervous. I’m very junior, just out of college and this is my first job. What can I do to not make a fool out of myself?

    • TBK

      If you’re going out to eat, pick an item in the middle of the price range (whether you’re paying or they are, it’s still a good idea) that’s not messy (no sloppy sandwiches) and doesn’t take forever to eat (no entree salads). Respond to any questions they ask with more than a one-word answer and try to open the door for them to talk more (Q: “Got any plans for the summer?” Bad answer: “No.” Good answer: “Nothing in particular but I was hoping to get to the beach. Do you have any recommendations for good beaches in the area?”). Remember that they’re people, too, and probably sometimes feel awkward trying to talk to younger folks. Think up a handful of good conversation topics (summer vacations, any big work projects they’re doing, recent movies or TV) and don’t be afraid to use one of them if the table gets too quiet. Mostly, though, treat them as much like normal people as you can. They’ll interpret your comfort as confidence and that will make them more trusting of you when it comes to work as well.

      • Bluejay

        Order the same quantity of food as the most senior person at the table. If he orders an appetizer, you get one too. If he doesn’t, you don’t. That way there’s none of the awkwardness of one person eating while the other person is not eating. Also, put your napkin in your lap as soon as you sit down, and make sure you use the correct utensil for each course if you go to a place that’s fancy enough to lay out a full place setting.

        • Anonymous

          In terms of quantity – ask them what they’re thinking of having or what they recommend at the restaurant before the waiter arrives. I’m a female summer associate so I’m frequently asked to order first by the waiter (ladies first, etc). So it’s helpful to gauge what others are ordering before the waiter pops up and puts you on the spot.

          Otherwise, talk to them like a regular person! Just as TBK recommends.

    • AN

      Ask a few interesting questions.

      Look up Kat’s post (years ago) on business lunches.

      Relax.

      • bvt

        I second the good questions advice.

        I’m a summer in a law firm, so my experience may be different, but every single lunch I have with a partner ends with “so what questions do you have for me/about the firm?” I try to ask questions that 1) show interest in the firm long term, and 2) show that I’m interested in finding out what they do to contribute to it. For example, I had lunch with the three named partners over the course of the summer. One founded the firm, so I asked about what he thinks is unique about the firm/what he has tried to accomplish here that’s different than other places. Another is the managing partner, so I asked about the management innovations he’s most proud of/thinks are the most unique/work the best. The last is the big rainmaker in the firm, so I asked him advice about how to start doing client development and about how he got his biggest clients.

        I think this works pretty well for me, because it shows my interest and the answers were all something that the partners LOVED to talk about (a lot). Any actual law partners are welcome to chime in though to let me know if my questions are actually probably annoying, ha.

    • emcsquared

      One of the best questions to ask of a more senior person is how the person got into their position/their field/their specialty. People love to talk about career paths, and you might learn something relevant to your career path as well.

  13. Int'l adoption advice

    Anne Klein has an almost identical dress at Lord and Taylor, for something like $120 or so (plus you can always find a L&T discount). It’s not online anymore but I saw it in the store recently – they had magenta, black, and beige. Personally I did not find the dress flattering on me (not enough cinch at the waist) but I have seen at least a few people at my firm wearing it.

    Threadjack – can anyone recommend a reputable adoption agency in the greater Boston area that handles international adoptions in India? My husband and I are both of Indian descent, so my understanding is that we will have priority in terms of the waiting period. I am currently pregnant and expecting my first child in March. I know that international adoptions can take up to 1-2 years, so I figured that we should start looking into it.

    Any advice about reputable agencies in MA, including agencies NOT to go to (and any other advice about int’l adoption, for that matter) would be greatly appreciated!

    • GovtMom

      We adopted from Eastern Europe not India but here are some thoughts.

      (1) Forget looking for an agency in Boston. Look for a good, reputable agency which has a strong India program, wherever they may be located. You can get a local agency to do your home study.

      (2) Be prepared for some flak re the pregnant and adopting thing. Agencies will ask questions, make sure you can answer. So many are geared towards infertile couples who adopt as almost a second choice, that a couple who CAN have biological children and chooses also to adopt is outside their thinking. Been there, done that — our bio son was 11 months old when we brought home our 2 yo adopted son, and I was pregnant/had small infant through most of the process. They got over it, but it did take some extra talking on our parts (e.g., they told us to accept our infertility and commit not to try to get pregnant through what was to be a 2-3 year wait. We weren’t infertile and that wasn’t our intention).

      (3) Think about ages and spacing. We adopted out of birth order; our bio child who arrived first is younger than our adopted son, who arrived second. There are pros and cons to this. How do you feel about 2 kids very close in age? How do you feel about who should be older? I could write a book on this; there’s no one clear answer.

      (4) Ethics, ethics, ethics. Do lots of research into any agency you’re thinking about working with. Join some Indian adoption-specific email groups. Talk to people. Listen to the ones who had bad experiences.

  14. LawyrChk

    Reporting back on the Classiques Entier Atelier top (link to follow) featured a week or so ago. I tried it on at the store during my second round of NAS shopping and bought it. The colors are very pretty, I like the feel of the fabric, and it drapes well. The top is fully lined with a layer of thin silk, which probably helps with the drape.

    It runs a bit large (I am usually between a small and medium depending on the style, and I have plenty of room in the size small).

  15. Diana Barry

    Hey ladies,

    What top do you wear with a seersucker suit (blue)? I can’t think of anything except white – I feel like everything else would look too much/too loud (conservative city).

    • Cat

      lavender, navy, light orange, and mint green, and kelly green (with navy) when I’m feeling preppy-punchy.

      light yellows, pinks can also look nice, but I feel a bit too sweet wearing those colors to work with seersucker.

    • JJ

      Red maybe, although you’d want to avoid any “You’re a grand ol’ flag!” comparisons. Coral. And second the suggestion for navy.

    • TCFKAG

      coral (that might be too loud, but it would look awesome). also a pale green or pink or other pastel would probably look lovely.

    • Diana Barry

      Thanks! Figures, I have none of those colors (I look awful in pastels and am still too fat for my coral tops, and don’t have any navy or red for summer)! Maybe I can get some. :)

    • TGI...M?

      Maroon. In fact, that’s my go-to on casual (jeans) Fridays during the summer months. A dark-wash pencil skirt, maroon tee, and seersucker blazer.

      • Bluejay

        I like tan and pink. Maybe pink is just my answer for all clothing-related questions, though. Tan and baby blue is also nice.

    • PghAnon

      Navy. I wear a navy Jackie twinset with a seersucker skirt all the time. I don’t think I could make myself wear a seersucker jacket with the skirt, but if I did I’d still wear the navy Jackie shell.

  16. How to deal with moms

    Anon for this. Does anyone have a possessive, controlling, and clingy mother? Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother to death but it’s to a point where I’m sacrificing my personal life. My parents separated and I live with my mom (I’m 24). On weekdays, I skip happy hours and dinners because I don’t want her to eat alone. On weekends, I feel guilty spending time alone with my SO so I always include my mom in activities like dinners, movie, shopping, etc. should I feel guilty for wanting to move out with SO (we’ve been together for 5 years)? I just want some space and freedom. Is it very selfish of me? My mom is always giving me the guilt trip and I feel horrible if I go out. SO has been nothing but accommodating and accepting but I feel like I should be fair to him.

    • Anita (formerly S)

      I have no experience with this, but my opinion is that your mother is behaving like a child and you’re enabling her by going along with her demands. You’re an adult and entitled to live your own life. As counterintuitive as it may sound, this codependency is damaging your relationship with her. I think you should start by scheduling a night or two during the week for yourself, even if you do nothing more than take a walk or read in the park. Inform her you won’t be home, and hold firm when she lays the guilt, cajoles you or gets upset. Keep doing this. Sit down with her and talk to her, explain that you love her, but you need to be independent and you think it would be good for her, too. The most important thing, though, is to end the situation you’re in as soon as possible. You’re young and you can still develop and healthy and positive relationship with her.

    • ks

      Is there a reason you are not living on your own (by yourself, with roommates, or SO)? Because at 24, if it is financially doable, you should not be living at home. This situation is enabling your mom to live her life vicariously through you which is not right or normal for either of you. Mom needs to move on from her separated status and get a life beyond her kid(s). You need to move out, become independent and set some loving but firm boundaries around your time and your life. Spoken as a mom who loves her own 25 year old daughter to death, this much togetherness at this point of your life is not healthy for either of you!

      • OP

        It is financially doable but it’s just frowned upon to move out until marriage/engagement in my culture. Plus, there are extra bedrooms in the house so it’s a bit weird for my mom to live there all by herself while I could also be saving money for a down payment.

        • ks

          OK. Is mom generally acculturated to American norms in other respects? Or is this “closeness” to one’s children culturally normative as well and you are pushing back against these practices? Or are you doing it out of pity for your mom/her separated situation? Either way, unless your culture expects you to be bound at the hip with your mom/family until you leave the nest for marriage, this isn’t healthy for your own relationship with either your mom or your SO (which may be another topic in and of itself – why is he OK with essentially being chaperoned?). Can you encourage mom to go out with friends or other family? Develop hobbies? Could she volunteer?

          It sounds like mom is struggling with the new phase in her life (separated, kid(s) growing up) and needs to invest her time and energy in finding other people and activities that interest her. You must be able to disentangle yourself from your guilt over her status (her life is HER responsibility, not yours), your desire to have a loving relationship with her (because it’s clear you care about her), and her neediness and the cultural constructs that are important to all of you.

        • Anita (formerly S)

          My mother grew up in a country where it is perfectly normal and expected that adult children live with their parents until they are married. She was not like your mother, but did express some unhappiness and confusion when I absolutely refused to move back in after college . “But you’ll save money!” was her constant refrain. I just held firm. It wasn’t easy– I did struggle financially, I did feel as though I was doing something “wrong” in here eyes, but we got through the period and both are better for it. You need to do what feels the most true to yourself, even if it means breaking with some cultural norms.

    • Walnut

      Time to move out. Find the money in your budget, live with roommates, pick up another job, etc. Then schedule regular Tuesday nights (or whenever) with your Mom.

      • Anonymous

        Why is it time to move out? As a 23 yo living home, I don’t plan on moving out until I have enough saved to be financially stable, not strapped for cash just so I can say I no longer live with mommy. Living home has such a stigma these days when it shouldn’t. Having the ability to save money and spend time with family is a wonderful thing. Telling the OP to just move out shouldn’t be the #1 choice. OP, form boundaries with you mom, that’s what you need to do to have a healthy relationship. If you want to move in with your SO, do it, but make sure it’s because you want to live with him and not just that you want to get away from your mother.

        • K...in transition

          Why is it time? Because she’s said she wants to move out and live with her SO and feels stunted by her mom. If you’re living at home and are happy with the arrangement (as are your parent(s)), that’s a completely different situation. Not sure why you’re personalizing or if you’re defensive, but no one was talking about what your experience sounds to be.

          That said, your last sentence is spot on.

        • Walnut

          It seems that many of OP’s problems with her Mom will work themselves out if OP isn’t in constant contact with her Mom due to sharing a residence. Moving out is a really good way to limit the constant contact and develop boundaries.

          • anon

            Better to be living paycheck to paycheck than living at home? You must have awesome parents.

          • Seattleite

            Or, maybe she’s just a fan of the dignity that comes from being truly financially self-sufficient.

    • Oldest Sister

      Take a look at Christine Lawson’s, “Understanding the Borderline Mother.” It sounds like your mom might be a “waif” or a “hermit.” She has some good tips on how to deal with it.

    • Herbie

      Is the problem actually your mother? Because most of your post was about you and what you’re doing that leads to you being unhappy.

      • Merabella

        I agree with this and the posts above. You need to be honest with yourself, is this guilt you are putting on yourself, or is it coming from your mom? You need to decide what you want to do, no one here can give you the 100% correct advice. If you are feeling stunted by living with your mom and you want to move out then you should. If you are using your mom as an excuse not to go out and do things on your own, you need to be honest about this as well.

        • Anonymous

          I lived at home for a year after graduating from college and found myself in a similar situation (although my guilty was definitely self induced – I’m close with my family and wanted to spend as much time with my sibling before they left for college).

          My solution was fairly simple. I spent every weekend living with my long-term boyfriend. As in, packed a bag, drove an hour to where he lived, and spent the weekend with him and building friendships out where he lived. I only spent weekends at home for important extended family obligations (holidays, etc). It created clear family/personal life boundaries and worked wonders.

          If you can consider living with your boyfriend full time on the weekends (no going home at all!), I think it might make things a bit easier with your family and give you a trial run before you live together.

    • CW

      I agree with the others who said that this seems like a lot of this is self-induced guilt. I think you need to separate out that from your mom’s actual guilt trip.

      Also, I think you need to learn to be comfortable with disappointing your mother. This isn’t easy, but you are currently allowing yourself to be emotionally manipulated because you won’t say no to her.

  17. Boardroom Belles

    LOVE this dress Kat! Great choice. This color will be great for fall and the length is perfect.
    Though, *gulp* 350 $ is a bit more than I’d spend on a dress such as this. I’d probably go with a cheaper alternative such as this one http://us.asos.com/ASOS-Midi-Dress-With-Contrast-Belt/wjvdj/?iid=1703716&SearchQuery=midi%20dress&sh=0&pge=0&pgesize=200&sort=-1&clr=Teal&mporgp=L0FTT1MvQVNPUy1NaWRpLURyZXNzLVdpdGgtQ29udHJhc3QtQmVsdC9Qcm9kLw.. and get it hemmed.

  18. AnnonFoo

    Reporting back on new “The Skirt”.
    Tried on at nordstorm store this weekend, tried two sizes above but the cut was just different and not flattering. The new skirt clings to my back thighs and the butt looks too cup-shaped. I hated it and didn’t buy any. Previous skirts had much more room in the thighs/butt and still fitted at the waist which was perfect for my shape. Sigh, no new skirts for me !

    Do you ladies have any recommendation for good work skirts similar to old version of “The Skirt”? I am okay spending on the higher end if I can get something that fits well. I have a very narrow waist (say size 0/2) but much wider hips/thighs and I am so frustrated when shopping for clothes that flatter my shape and are stylish.

    • GW

      I have the same shape as you and have had good luck recently with some Ann Taylor skirts. Right now I’m wearing a very light grey suit material skirt that is straight looking, but works on my figure because it has some good darts at the waist.

    • Legally Brunette

      I have the old version of The Skirt and it fit me very well too. I also have a similar body type as you do. I find that Classiques Entier skirts are very flattering on me, although you really have to go to the store and try a bunch on because they each fit a little differently. Also, some of the skirts have cheaper fabric, while others are pretty much 100% wool so check the fabric label if you are picky about that.

      My hands down favorite Classiques skirt is this one that Kat posted a few years back. I bought the entire suit and I absolutely love it.

      https://corporette.com/2009/10/14/suit-of-the-week-31/

      I also find that a slight A-line skirt works well on my figure, and you can find those at a lot of places – I picked up one at JC Penney for $30.

    • anon prof

      I actually like the new skirt better, but looks like I’m in the minority on this. I have some wonderful ponte skirts from Eileen Fisher that I think (hope) are super flattering and definitely super comfortable. Maybe try an XS from her line (although it may still be too big for you).

  19. anon

    Random TJ as I clean out things and pack – do you save all the extra buttons that come with shirts/jackets, and if so, how?

    • PollyD

      I throw them in the box where I keep sewing things (needles, thread, safety pins, a good scissor). I am trying to put a bit of the tag into the little baggy with the buttons, at least with the name of the store so I know a button goes with a Loft shirt, even if I am not sure which one. This doesn’t always happen. Probably I keep more of the buttons than I need to, but it’s always so easy to just throw them in the box.

    • Legally Brunette

      I do. We never use them so I don’t know if it is worth doing but I don’t have the heart to throw them away. I put them in a small transparent box. A large ziploc would also work.

    • rosie

      What I should do: keep them all in a baggie or other clear container with my sewing stuff.

      What I actually do: put them into one of several small jewelry boxes and little trinket boxes that I keep on my dresser.

    • SAB

      I use a snap top clear plastic box with compartments for my sewing kit and extra buttons. I just take them out of the baggies and dump them in. I can’t remember where I got it, but I would look at a hardware/sporting goods store for tackle-box or tool organizers or at a craft store.

    • mamabear

      I throw them into my top drawer and then I occasionally clean out my top drawer and put them with my sewing things.

      One year for my kids’ elementary school’s “100 day” (the hundredth day of school, where kids spend the day celebrating the number 100) I was able to send in 100 buttons for the kindergartners to count.

      • Roly Poly Little Bat-Faced Girl

        Funny! I did the same for my kids. More interesting than Cheerio’s or pennies.

    • Elysian

      I toss them in one drawer of my jewelry box. I have used one such button, ever. But you never know!

    • Anon

      Clear snap-top box with my sewing stuff. I label the baggie with a sharpie to give some info about what the item is. That is really only useful for knowing when to throw something away, though.

    • Maddie Ross

      Button jar! My mom had one when I was little and I used to use the buttons for crafts. And then they are all in the same place when I do end up needing one for a shirt, etc. Although that almost never happens…

    • eek

      I save them in a little jar. When my grandmother died, I found out she saved all her buttons, too. But in a purple hard suitcase. What a shock I got when my mom was out of town and needed some family papers; Iopened up this suitcase and a zillion buttons attacked. Gah. ABC Afterschool Special PSA: Please don’t keep your buttons in a suitcase. It will make you illiterate.

    • Bluejay

      Ziploc bag kept in the drawer in my kitchen where I also keep my sewing kit. It’s not the best organizational system – I have to dig to find the button I need – but it works.

    • HoorayforJorts

      In my buttocks. One night I was out in the city and the button popped off of my jeans. It ruined my night and I’ve been carrying them on my person ever since.

    • emcsquared

      I throw them away. Since I’ve never, ever used one in the decades I’ve been alive…I figure I will be fine. Push comes to shove, I go to a fabric store and buy a new matching button or replace all the buttons on the garment (buttons on retail clothes are usually cheap plastic anyway).

    • a passion for fashion

      i used to keep them in my nightstand in a little box, until i had a child. when my son was about 2 or so, i found all of those buttons all over the floor by my bed every day for a week or so. now they are somewhere that only someone over 5 feet can reach.

    • Seattleite

      Fantasy me cuts them off the card and sews them to an inner seam allowance.

      Reality me throws them into a drawer of my nightstand.

  20. dicey

    I just bought a similar dress at JCPenney this weekend for $50 for those looking for a cheaper alternative. It is the American Living Gathered Bodice Dress (will try to link in response).

      • mamabear

        UH….. what? In what industry do we suppose Lucky-reading interns work?

    • NOLA

      I was surprised (in a good way) to see the answer to a question in Lucky Magazine – when is a short suit appropriate for work? The answer was never.

    • phillygirlruns

      that anthro dress. “what to wear to an event with your boss…if you’re trying to look like you borrowed her daughter’s preschool uniform”

      • Winterberry

        “Delicate, light, ready for any event” ~ um, no, not really.

        I want to wear the sunglasses in photo 15 around my office and have that look on my face constantly.

    • Bluejay

      It seems like the slideshow was put together by a Lucky intern. There should be an asterisk – What to Wear to an Event with Your Boss* – if you work for a fashion magazine.

    • Research, Not Law

      My favorite is pic 7 “This shirt can be paired with pretty much anything.”

      There’s a stash of Lucky mags in the office pump room. I’ve been enjoying the amazing, wacky outfits suggested to wear to work. I keep picturing clueless young women showing up for their first day with their fresh take on office-wear and being very confused.

  22. PSA

    Just a friendly reminder to humanity: do not ask a woman if she is pregnant unless she is giving birth in front of you.

    My dry cleaner asked me if I was expecting this morning. I am not – though perhaps my wrap dress is not as flattering as I thought.

    Not the best start to the week!

    • JJ

      Oh no! I’m so sorry that happened to you. That just reaffirms my motto: Don’t ask if a woman is pregnant unless she is crowning.

    • TCFKAG

      Several years ago in one week the following happened to me:

      The old Russian lady I went to when I needed a bridesmaid dress let out asked me “you are pregnant, no?” Which I excused because she was old a Russian and was going to do a fabulous job making last minute alterations to the bridesmaid dress.

      Then two days later, when I was looking exhausted on the train, a nurse asked me if I was pregnant and whether I was okay.

      And I just wanted to scream from the rooftops NO…I am NOT pregnant. I am just very sick and bloated from Prednisone and this is NOT helping my self-esteem. I am going to go home to my apartment and never leave now, thank you.

      So yeah. Even if you’re well meaning, don’t ask unless she’s in labor people.

      • Bluejay

        I totally would have no problem faking pregnant if I was sick, bloated, tired and able to use it to my advantage to get a seat on the train.

    • Midwesterner

      That has happened to me. I had jeans on that were too big in the waist and losing their elasticity, and I was worried about showing my plumber’s crack while in the uncomfortable chair at the nail salon. So I was kind of slumping with my stomach stuck out like a pregnant lady, just worrying about covering my a**. The lady asked me if I was pregnant. My face must have turned a million shades of red. I have since pitched the offending jeans.

    • NOLA

      I had the opposite problem. I passed out on my front porch one night talking to my neighbor, went to the doctor to find out what might be up. She did every test imaginable except the right one because, gosh, I was 41 years old, how could I possibly pregnant? And I was. When the doctor called to tell me that my test results all came back fine, I told her and she was very embarrassed.

      • anonahol

        This has only happened to me once, oddly I was much much thinner at the time, but had on a puffy vest with my gloves stuck in the pockets.

        just not cool, man. not cool.

    • Anon

      Yep, I’m on board with never asking. If someone wants you to know she’s pregnant, she will tell you. Even if she really looks pregnant, don’t ask.

      Signed,
      Someone who was asked when she was due way too many times in the few months AFTER she already had delivered her baby boy

    • phillygirlruns

      ugh. i’m so sorry.

      we host a big holiday lunch for one of our biggest clients every year – plenty of people come from various local offices, many of whom have worked together for years but don’t see one another frequently. an older male officer asked one of the women when she was due – and then, when she tried to laugh it off with a “nope, not pregnant, just fat!” comment, he thought she was joking. “aw, come on, don’t make me feel bad! when are you due??” he was horrified when he realized she was serious. so much secondhand embarrassment.

    • Monday

      I’m so sorry. I don’t know what it will take to get people to stop doing this.

      I feel like there should just be a blanket rule about never commenting on people’s bodies unless you’ve been invited to do so. Even “wow, you’ve lost weight!” can really hurt in some contexts. You just never know–and that’s exactly the point! Err on the side of MYOB.

    • Herbie

      Okay.

      I did this to someone last week. First time in my LIFE I’ve ever asked anybody if they’re pregnant BECAUSE I KNOW THE RULE! I know it! I know you’re not supposed to ask! But I made some assumptions based on some things she and her husband said, and I’d had a few drinks, and… my internal filter just failed. And as soon as the words started tumbling out of my mouth (word vomit), I knew it was a total mistake and that this was basically headed for catastrophe.

      And, ugh. I still feel absolutely awful. This woman is one of the nicest I know, and the idea that I might cause her to feel negatively about herself just eats me up. I am still *head-desking* over it.

      So hopefully whoever asked OP whether she was pregnant feels appropriately $hitty about it and will never ever EVER do it again.

    • Another PSA

      And don’t ask people with one child, “So, when are you going to have another?” Especially if you hardly know someone. I’ve had this happen to me a couple times and finally I snapped and said, “Well, NO I am not going to have another one anytime soon since my H and I are on the verge of divorce!”

      And their chin fell directly to the floor.

      • CKB

        This, except dh & I were asked frequently when we would START having children (part of a culture where people get married young & have children right away). Unintentionally very hurtful because we had 3 m/c early in our marriage and before ds#1 was born. I’d go home from some social events in tears over it. Rarely would I pull the miscarriage card out because it made me feel worse, but there were a couple of times I did to get someone to shut up. One was the woman giving me a ride somewhere 3 hours away that when she found out how long we’d been married with no kids would not SHUT UP about how wonderful it was to be a mother. Ugg. I didn’t need convincing, I needed the baby! LOL!

    • mamabear

      You guys are making me better. The lady at the chinese burrito place up the street (don’t ask) complimented my kids by saying, “such beautiful children, and another one on the way,” pointing at my belly.

      Uh, no.

      I will admit to a moment of schadenfreude when the chinese burrito place went under.

    • Constance Justice

      I live by the rule that I allow women in my life to address the pregnancy before I do.

      But… there is an attorney in my firm who lives a couple blocks away from me, and I often run into he and his wife while I am walking my dog. It had been a few months since I had seen the wife, but I ran into her the other day, and she was very very pregnant. There was no way to make that mistake. Still, my coworker had not mentioned the pregnancy at work, and I did what I thought was the polite thing and ask how she was doing, generally. In her response, there was no mention of any baby, even though she looked like she was about to give birth. It was awkward, and I just hope I wasn’t a jerk for not saying “congratulations” or whatever.

    • PSA

      Thanks, everyone, for the commiseration. It’s comforting to know that this happens to everyone and not just me. I guess we all have moments where we talk without thinking but it made me bummed!

      Is it petty that I sort of want to find a new dry cleaner now? I mean, they were nothing amazing and there’s another one across the street. But it may be giving her too much power over my life, or something like that.

      • Constance Justice

        I didn’t provide commiseration in my post, but I did want to add that I, too, have been there. I am typically a size 2-4, but I was on prednisone and my belly had bloated up. And I was recently laid off. All self esteem destroyed.

  23. Anonymous

    I am unimpressed with the summer intern who accepted a number of shots from the boss during a very late night. I know I shouldn’t judge, but, still. Not going to go out of my way to mentor anymore. Ask the boss if you want to learn how to be a lawyer. Okay, now, ladies, talk me off my high horse. . .

    • momentsofabsurdity

      Well in fairness, if the boss was continually offering them, Summer Intern might have felt it was okay w/r/t office culture to partake. Or Summer Intern might have felt pressured to do the shots, *because* Boss was offering.

      • JJ

        Was going to make this exact point. Maybe the summer felt he/she needed to do the shots to fit in culturally.

      • Lyssa

        I agree with this. While, personally, I’d probably have to turn down shots (or discretely pour them out) after one because I’m a serious lightweight, generally speaking, I think that if the boss offers you something, you’re better off accepting.

        Now, if the intern got drunk and started stripping, or saying really inappropriate things, or drove, or something like that, I would think less of them (I think that you’ve still got to exercise situation-appropriate good judgement, regardess of alcohol intake), but that’s a different story.

      • TBK

        This. When I was a summer I hated how there seemed to be this double-speak all the time, as in “the partners will tell you X, but they don’t mean X, so don’t fall into the trap and rely on them meaning X.” UGH! If the boss was offering shots, the intern likely thought either (1) s/he had to take them stay on the boss’s good side or (2) even if it wasn’t required, it seemed like fun and the boss was encouraging so where’s the harm? I’m going to totally project here and ignore me if this is inapplicable, but I’m wondering if the intern is female and the boss is male, and if the intern was being flirty? I’ve been in those situations and young females who have no way of acting around men but to flirt make me crazy. As do older men who know better and yet are thrilled to flirt away with interns. Not only is it unprofessional but it can make non-flirty women feel like outsiders. Still, even if this is the case, realize that if this is her way of dealing with professional situations, it’s probably not going to serve her well for very long. Meaning she’d benefit from your mentoring and you can feel a little schadenfreude, which, I hate to say, goes a long way toward having softer feelings for someone.

        • Blonde Lawyer

          But also remember one person’s friendly is another person’s flirty. Was the person in question interested, outgoing, making eye contact and laughing? If someone older and less attractive was doing the same thing would you call it a conversation? I’ve noticed that certain women unfairly get pegged as flirty just because they are good looking and fit other certain stereotypes. Those women often get labeled as “trouble” before they open their mouth just because of attributes beyond their control.

          • Chicago

            Well said. I was that woman when I was in my early- to mid-20s. I blame my sunny disposition and west coast upbringing, ha!

      • bvt

        Yikes. Talk about a rock and a hard place for this intern. She was probably simultaneously thinking something like “oh no! if I drink this someone will think less of me/think I don’t really want to be a lawyer” and “oh no! if I don’t take this shot someone will think less of me/think I don’t belong here” (probably the person she perceives as most important or influential, the boss). How on earth can anyone fault her for making either decision when it was a probably crapshoot either way, with somebody (you or boss) thinking she wasn’t good enough? It’s really the boss’s fault for putting her on the spot like that, not hers. Please give her a second chance.

      • Anon

        Echoing the above. I’ve been in a similar position, turned down most of the drinks, and then had it come up the next time there was alcohol available in the form of comments about my unwillingness to play along.

        • Midori

          Ditto. I still think I failed to get a job offer because I stuck to one glass of wine at a recruiting reception for a firm that had a “good ol'” boy culture. Maybe there were other reasons (probably), but I still wonder. It’s a tough spot to be in.

          • Bluejay

            Me too. I interviewed at a firm whose biggest client was a major beer company, the interviews went so well I was invited to dinner with a senior partner, everyone else ordered the beer and I ordered a soda because I had taken cold medicine and also had to drive home later. I was first to order, so I didn’t realize every single other person at the table was going to have a beer. Oopsies.

          • TNT

            Bluejay,

            if it’s just that you went first, you stop the waiter before they leave, and say “That sounds really good, I’ll have a *insert beverage* too”.

    • cfm

      Honestly as an intern, its really hard to say no if the boss is offering you shots. You should be judging the boss for this. Give a little leeway to the intern

    • TCFKAG

      When I was a summer, I went to one happy hour where the more senior attorneys were literally trying to force shots on me. Luckily I had driven, so I had a valid reason to refuse, but seriously, it can be really hard to say no in these situations. You don’t want to seem like the “boring” girl or the one who’s no fun. Writing someone off for this is, frankly, really unkind.

      If anything, you should be mentoring her MORE, helping her prepare for professional situations where she’s going to be place in positions that she’s not comfortable with (how do you know she even LIKES shots?) Why didn’t you intervene and see if she wanted to come and have “girl talk”? This was probably more awkward for her than it was fun.

      Get off your high horse and help this girl. This is why women don’t help each other enough in professional situations.

      • momentsofabsurdity

        I agree. I don’t like shots at all, but in past internships, have had a shot when the boss bought a celebratory round and I didn’t want to be seen as the only one refusing.

    • KLG

      I agree with the others. My first firm was pretty hard drinking (including named partners) and it was tough to tell who was judging you for declining shots and who was judging you for taking them. I would let her know that in the future it might be smart to go easy. And if you know boss, give the intern some ammo for how to decline without seeming like a wimp to the boss.

      • Anonymous

        Heard what I needed to hear, ladies, thank you. Yes, Herbie, that is what I am struggling with: girl on girl crime when it is the male boss who I should be mad at. Yet, here I am, trashing the poor girl in my mind. Sigh.

        • TCFKAG

          Well, make amends by asking her out for coffee this week and see how her summer is going. :-) And just be kind.

          And that’s what we’re here for!

    • Bluejay

      Did the boss buy them for everyone or just for her? Because I have worked in offices where the office head buys shots only for cute female interns and, well, it never ends well for the intern.

        • Bluejay

          In my (admittedly limited to observation, having never been the hottie intern myself) experience, she would have done well to decline the shots and risk briefly offending the boss, who would surely get over it by morning. Now, he sees her as a good target who will go along with whatever he asks. Once the boss sees an intern/junior staffer as a potential hookup, he will never, ever respect her professionally and will probably not want her to come back on a fulltime basis. It’s unfair, but it’s true.

          Rather than being annoyed at her, I think you should assume she doesn’t know better, invite her to lunch, and gently tell her a thing or two about your boss and advise her how to handle the situation better in the future. Unfortunately, this kind of thing will probably happen again.

          • TCFKAG

            Right, but if you were a say 25-27 year old woman in an extremely subordinate position to a man who said “hey, let me buy you a drink” and then ordered a shot. And when you demurred said “don’t be such a spoil sport, its just one shot…come on, everybody’s doing them”. At that point in your life, you’d probably have done them. It’s really, really, really hard to say no to your boss in this situation. Saying no to your boss if he does something overtly wrong, say like actually propositioning you…much easier, but this is a grey zone. And you’re confused.

            Reacting to this by blaming the subordinate is exactly the wrong way to deal with it. If anything, HR should be talking to the managing partner about how he shouldn’t be buying shots for ANYONE (yeah right), but if nothing else, female associates should warn summer associates/interns of the managing partners habits before happy hour. Its not that hard to go out of your way to do and it would make the whole situation easier for her — she could have thought of an excuse in advance or made sure to hang out only in groups. Again, it would be nice if we could all be a little nicer to each other in these situations.

  24. "Mentor" vs. "Sponsor"

    I am in the middle of a 360 for succession planning purposes. The 360 assessor passed on to me my boss’s statement that when she retires from the general counsel position in 2-3 years, she does not plan to take any role in filling her position, and she does not plan on making any statements to our C-level executives about whether either one of her two attorneys (my colleague or me) would be a good successor.

    I think it is time for me to find a sponsor. Does anyone have any advice about how this works? I am open to all thoughts and comments.

    • Herbie

      Who are your repeat clients within your business? I assume I have sponsors outside our legal department because various business people are repeat customers of mine and send their subordinates directly to me when their subordinates have legal questions / issues.

    • "Mentor" vs. "Sponsor"

      I have a lot of repeat customers outside legal in various departments and several are the head of their department — and I am learning through the 360 that they think very highly of me. (So curious what they are saying about my colleague in his 360 but SO not my business!)

      Some of those departments’ heads sit in our CEO’s cabinet (we are not a corporation), so they would be likely candidates. But then I wonder: how do I know which of them has credibility and his/her sponsorship would be valuable, and which of them has no credibility and his/her sponsorship would be the kiss of death.

      • Divaliscious11

        This is where understanding the office politics comes in. What are the company revenue drivers? Do you partake in the business results discussions? That is where you’ll find the movers and shakers or the sinking ships.

        • Herbie

          Yep, gurl you gotta get you some of the hot gossip. And what I mean by that is, your GC (or anybody else in your dept… or anybody else in other depts) hasn’t let slip anything about the cachet any of these people have? I feel like there should at least be comments here and there that clue you in, no?

    • Divaliscious11

      Yikes. That to me sounds like she doesn’t think either of you are ready. Saying nothing is as loud as saying something, with less opportunity for litigation…. If you have an executive client, who has a broad scope of responsibility, then perhaps that person could be your sponsor, but I’d also look at my work responsibilities and work your way into changing her mind….you have 2-3 years….

      • "Mentor" vs. "Sponsor"

        @ Herbie and Divalicious:

        Thanks for the thoughts. My greatest sponsor was the #2 executive, who just left to go to another organization like ours (trying not to out myself here). However, his Chief of Staff is still around and knows all the gossip. I will ask him for suggestions about sponsors. I have also asked my 360 assessor to ask the senior executives with whom he is speaking about me for sponsor suggestions.

        Yes, my GC lets tidbits slip from time to time, but I get the sense that she may not have the highest credibility and/or accurate sense of others’ credibility, so I don’t want to rely solely on what she says.

        Re why she is not recommending either of us. First, that will not change no matter what I do. Second, that is part of the issue with her. I have written about her management (under other names) here before. If you saw the thread about being told not to email my clients late at night, that was she, for example. One of the most useful parts of the 360 has been learning that the senior executives in our organization think very highly of me, because she has always led me to believe the opposite. That is helpful because: (1) it tells me that she is an outlier, and (2) she may join my train once she realizes that she is an outlier because everyone likes to back the winner.

        @ Bluejay: Thanks for the thoughts. I actually am very involved in the local bar and other community organizations. But, as Herbie says, the people who will be making this decision are not lawyers. It will be better to connect with these executives directly. Hey, here’s an idea: I identify a handful of them and then, a la Herbie, invite them to lunch (better than drinks in our organization’s culture) and ask them what they’re working on, what our office can help them with, etc.

        Thanks for all the thoughts.

    • Bluejay

      I think the best way is to join professional organizations that the person or people you think might be a sponsor for you are involved in. By seeing them outside of work and getting involved together in activities you both care about, they will likely come to like you personally in addition to respecting you professionally and then they’re likely to go to bat for you when needed.

      • Herbie

        Hm. Here’s why I don’t necessarily agree with this one. I’m in the Legal Department. My sponsors might be in our Marketing Department, HR, or IT. Our professional organizations likely don’t overlap. There may be organizations that relate to our industry as a whole, but total crap shoot as to whether anybody else in the company is a member let alone active enough that we would end up at the same event at the same time. So this doesn’t necessarily seem like the most efficient use of your time. In fact, it seems kind of indirect.

        What about developing personal relationships through lunch or drinks? I’ve found that people in other departments respond well to an invite prefaced with, “I’d really like to hear about what you’re working on” or learn more about xyz or catch up, etc.

  25. Ellen

    What a cute dress. If I were THINNER, with more of a WASTE, I would buy this dress. But it’s just as well that I don’t, because then the Manageing Partner would just want to put his ARM around my WASTE, and I don’t want to attract him anymore than I already DO with my curve’s. It’s bad enough that he is always looking at my leg’s.

  26. R in Boston

    Shopping fail. I went to Nordstrom with every intention of coming back with colorful things, but managed to buy 2 black and white patterned dresses (nos. 548216 and 540024), a grey tweed blazer (529608), a black blazer (530852), and a black and white houndstooth top (537119). I tried on a lot of colorful blouses, but at $100 a pop I couldn’t convince myself it was worth it.

    Better luck next time, I guess. All of the above items worked well on a curvy, short, busty, 14/16 frame. The tweed jacket might be my favorite of the sale.

    The new skirt was a fail – I’m with TCFKAG on the review above.

  27. Crosssfit

    I don’t know anything about clothing for newborns. What is the most you should spend on organic clothing for a young child (0-3m)?

    Is American Apparel pricing reasonable in this regard ($12/ organic onesie)?

    • SAB

      For a single plain onesie? Sounds a little high given the stain risk and the fast growth of newborns. If you want to stick to organic, Nordstrom’s Baby private label has really soft clothes that hold up well and run a bit big. I haven’t shopped American Apparel for kids though.

    • Diana Barry

      I hate American Apparel bc of the founder guy, plus their quality s*cks. I would look at Hanna Andersson. They are expensive but last forever, and a lot of their stuff is organic.

      • InfoGeek

        I second Hanna Anderson. We didn’t have money for their stuff when my daughter was little enough for a onesie, but all the stuff we bought for toddler/elementary ages lasted forever. My daughter frequently wore things for 2 years (sometimes year round) and it looked almost as good when we gave it away as when we bought it (everything was washed after every wearing, but knit things were hung to dry).

      • Herbie

        Yeah, good point. Google American Apparel (or Dov Charney) and sexual harassment to learn more about who your dollars are supporting. Their CEO has been involved with multiple sexual harassment lawsuits. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire…

    • As Michelle Tanner would say . . .

      Love that organic is a must but supporting one of the worst treatment of women in the country is totes fab. So reminiscent of PETA objectifying women to Protect animals.

      • Crosssfit

        Eh – I realize that there is this hate. You’d be living under a box to have not heard the allegations. However – I am uncomfortable with buying clothing with stuff on it (no stripes, no bears, no flowers etc) or non-organic until the kid is older.

        The post was simply to look for alternatives that I could afford.

        I’m sorry that I don’t have the resources to make choices that are acceptable to all people but I’ve picked my battles on this issue and the priority is 1) Plain 2) Organic 3) Supported by the internet.

        • Motoko Kusanagi

          I am genuinely curious, and not trying to provoke an argument, but would you mind explaining why you are uncomfortable with stripes/designs until the kid is older?

          • Crossfit

            I find it easier to tell people I don’t want my kid in patterned clothing to avoid branding (largely sports branding clothing). I realize I will get it anyway.

            I am uncomfortable with my kid being an advertisement for some hockey team or Disney. I mean when the kid understands what’s what the kid can decide. Or maybe I’ll give up by then.

            People have asked me what to buy and other than saying diapers it would be nice to provide a link and say buy this in any colour.

            I don’t want to seem like a huge jerk here but AA has free shipping, ships from Canada (so no customs), great customer service, pricing for organics that is more reasonable than anywhere else I’ve checked and colours in non white. It’s easy to provide a list saying buy this shirt in all five colours or whatever.

            The reality of it is I think most of us buy products from companies with either quesitonable or unknown labor practices and feel more or less okay about it. I am not under any delusions about the amount of respect the ladies who made Hugo Boss suit got at work.

            If there is something out there that is better I would prefer to use that.

          • anon

            Ah, I totally get the desire not to have stupid logos or brands on your baby. I was perpetually annoyed with Carters because all of their baby clothes say things like “Daddy’s Little Girl” or “I Love Mommy” or “Too Cute For School” on them.

            If you decide you’re okay with non-organic down the road, then you might also look at MiniBoden — really cute baby clothes, mostly without dumb phrases. Tea Collection has a purity line that I think is organic. Finally, Gerber makes organic onesies and sells them in packs — you can see some options on Amazon. That looks like a cheaper option than American Apparel. I was pleased with Gerber onesies (but they do run small) and you might try those, especially for the NB-6 month phase.

          • Niktaw

            Branding absolutely does not equal patterned clothing.
            I completely support your stance wrt branding and I think you should declare it to future gift-givers, rather than mystify them with the “plainness” requirement.

            Agree with the others that 0-3m clothing may end up not being used at all. Get/ask for 3-6m as the smallest size.

          • Midwest

            Diapers dot com has a few organic options, including a 4-pack of white Gerber onesies. Definitely size up, though — Gerber runs very small.

          • anonz

            Have you looked at Under the Nile? It’s available on amazon. There are some patterns, but not branding.

        • Cb

          It’s such a shame that Me to We doesn’t do kids stuff. They’re a social enterprise, Canadian, and do lovely ts for men and women. Alternative Apparel might do something.

    • TBK

      Not a mom (yet) but my mom friends all seem to toss onesies like their disposable. They just get so much of every type of bodily fluid on them all the time that the babies seem to need clean ones practically every couple of hours and after a few hard wearings/washings, the things are so gross that it’s not worth trying to wash them again. I’d go cheap cheap cheap.

      • CKB

        This. And some babies grow so fast (like my first 2) or are born on the large size (like my third at 9lbs) that if they wear 0-3 mo size at all it’s only for 2 weeks or a month. And TBK’s point about the mess is a good one – I was very glad sometimes to just toss the onesie and/or sleeper. Especially if we were out running errands or something when the mess happened and I didn’t want to take it home with me. Not that I didn’t keep a Ziplock in the diaper bag just in case, but sometimes it’s just not worth it.

      • TBK

        What is it with me and typos lately? “like THEY’RE disposable” Geesh. I really am an educated person, I promise.

    • Crosssfit

      I realize the significant hatred for American Apparel – however there is a very limited amount of organic clothing available without stuff on it. Particularly if you are looking for non-white.

      I looked at Hanna Anderson – they only have white as a plain organic onesie (WHO WOULD BUY SUCH A THING??).

      • elz

        Try Tea Collection or Paulina Quintana (I think that’s the name). Also, Coolmompicks has lots of resources, just click on their site and search organic clothing.

      • Motoko Kusanagi

        I just searched for organic onesie on Etsy and found several options in solid colors (no patterns, also no white). One such shop is called Barista Baby. I’m not affiliated with it (or anyone on Etsy) in any way.

        • Crossfit

          I don’t want to seem mean here about Etsy but there is absolutely no regulation of anything that goes on there.

          I mean – how could you possibly know the product was organic or met basic safety standards?

      • JJ

        Genuinely curious: Why is organic such a high priority? (I know Gap has some organic ones and they were on sale last I saw).

        If you’ll be buying more than just this once, I recommend joining Zulily. They seem to have organic options pretty routinely.

      • anon

        White is preferable, at least to me, because you can just bleach out stains. Colored clothes without patterns will still stain, but you can’t use bleach to get rid of the stains.

        Okay, I clearly am avoiding doing actual work by thinking about baby clothes.

    • anon

      I love Hanna Andersson. Their clothes are made out this miraculous knit fabric that lasts forever and really grows with your kid. My daughter has been wearing the same pair of Hanna Andersson pajamas for over a year — bought them when she was 14 months, and she’s now 28 months. No single other clothing item has held up that well.

      • anon

        Also, FWIW, I had a ton of onesies and didn’t really use them as much as I thought I would. I mostly put my daughter in variations on pajamas when she was that little. The Gerber Sleep’n’Plays are not organic (I think) but they really do the job. And they save you from having to dress the baby in multiple garments — instead of onesie PLUS pants PLUS sweater, you just zip them into their romper. I can’t tell if you’re looking for gifts or baby shower craft projects or what, but if you’re just looking for organic clothes for a baby, then you might expand beyond the onesie.

        • Diana Barry

          Ditto! I only used one-piece zip or snap PJs for the first 2 months. If baby is born during summer onesies might be more likely.

        • Midwest

          Sleep and Plays are awesome. I’d still dress my toddler in them if I could, ha ha. DS was born during our coldest winter on record. He lived in the fleece Sleep and Plays from the day we brought him home from the hospital until he went to daycare.

          I don’t know if this is helpful to the OP or not, but I think the quality of American Apparel’s kid clothing is crap. I ordered DS a couple of cute t-shirts from Etsy that were made from AA products. They ran small and shrank terribly in the wash. Sorry, but I’m not air-drying itty-bitty kids’ clothes to prevent shrinking. Wash and wear, all the way.

      • Freyja

        This. We have Hanna pajamas in the house that have been through 2 older cousins, older daughter, and are now on younger daughter. No fraying, minimal fading, cuffs still intact, etc.

        Plus, if you ever decide you like pattern, they have great colorful clothes, no wierd writing, just very sweet, colorful, play friendly stuff.

        Also ditto others’ recommendations re: 0-3 month size. Almost none of it got used through 3 babies.

    • Midori

      Is organic totally a must? For my two cents, the smaller the size clothing, the greater the chance the child will zoom through the size. I think my DS wore 0-3 m clothes for about 3 weeks before skipping on to 6-9 m clothes (he was a big kid and a voracious eater, YMMV). If it’s for you and your kid, don’t stock up too many ahead of time–buy only as you need. If it’s a gift, well, I guess that’s what expensive onsies are for.

    • Nonny

      As someone with a large number of friends who have given birth in the past couple of years, I would suggest not buying anything for 0-3 months at all. The baby will grow very quickly, and the mother is likely to receive a huge number of hand-me-downs and newborn gifts. However, no-one ever thinks about what the baby will need a little later on (and babies are expensive). If you are buying a gift (which you haven’t really said, but I am assuming), how about purchasing a really cute outfit in the 12 mos to 18 mos range, when the baby will get some more use out of it and can wear it for more than 3 seconds before growing out of it. Just a thought.

      • Nonny

        Sorry for my assumption that you are purchasing as a gift – after reading your additional post, I see you are making plans for your own baby! But still, if I were buying a gift for you, I would not even bother with the 0-3 mos size unless you specifically requested it.

    • Mondayed

      We love Kate Quinn organics because they snap in the front rather than going over the baby’s head, and our son (who is now 10 months) has always hated having shirts pulled over his head. Ours were a gift, so I’m not sure about price, but I think my MIL got them on Zulilly so they couldn’t have cost too much.

    • Research, Not Law

      Sigh. Not really sure why I’m throwing myself into this.

      I’m astonished by people throwing out clothing because it got dirty. Keep a wetbag or ziplock in the diaper bag.

      I like AA childrens’ clothing. They have been good staples for us. Their clothes shrink up, but otherwise they have been durable. And, to answer your original question, their prices are on the low end.

      Love, love, love Hanna Andersson clothing, but they unfortunately aren’t cut to fit my kids. (Aside from sleepers, thank goodness). Their onsies have two rows of snaps, which helps.

      Gerber makes organic onsies. They are *much* smaller than sized, so don’t bother with anything smaller than 3-6 mo.

      For newborns, I am all about the sleep and plays. I like Carters and the cheap ones from Nordstroms best. Kiddos wore them day and night for the first two months. Skip the newborn onsies.

      Do get on zulily, babysteals, etc.

      Don’t buy much to start with. Newborns don’t need much at all, unless they are a puker, in which case you can always buy more. Plus, you’ll experiment and figure out what you like.

  28. L

    TJ- I’m in the market for new sheets that are cotton, very smooth, and stay cool. Any suggestions?

    • KC

      Northern Nights ( i think) – i think they are a QVC or HSN brand but my mom got me pair about 5 years ago and they are my favorite!

  29. NoVAAtty

    Anyone else suffer extreme fatigue during pregnancy -meaning throughout the entire 9 months? As in, if you’re not at work, you’re at home, on the couch, not moving. Or, in bed. I was hoping it would go away but as I’m nearing 13 weeks I’m beginning to think the next 6 months will be as tiring as the first 3. And by thinking, I mean getting completely terrified. It’s so bad I was reading a report for work at my desk and fell asleep, sitting up. I have day dreams about napping. I don’t know how anyone prepares a nursery/prepares for baby when I can’t do anything but lay down.

    • Diana Barry

      I found my fatigue was worst right around 11-15 weeks. Hang in there! DO take naps on your office floor if you can. And go to bed at 8 pm. You’re growing an entire person – totally normal to be exhausted.

      Also, have your doc check your thyroid – sometimes pregnancy causes hypothyroid or makes it worse, making you more tired. (My dose went up when I was pg.)

    • anon

      Yeah, I think it will get better. I had a lousy pregnancy, but while the nausea didn’t ever go away, the fatigue got noticeably better by 16 or 17 weeks. You’re still in the first trimester. It’s going to improve.

    • EC MD

      Hang in there. This time around, I was still barfing and feeling terrible at 14 weeks. Now, at 18 weeks, things are glorious. I do get tired more easily, and often want to put my feet up at night, but the fatigue is not nearly so debilitating. You may be tired for the entire pregnancy but at 13 weeks I wouldn’t give up hope yet.

      • NoVAAtty

        Thank you anon & EC MD. I will try to keep the hope. I have several other friends who are pregnant and I appear to be the only one who wants to go to bed at 6, when I get home from work!

    • Midori

      Piling on. My first pregnancy especially was like this, and it seemed to be worst right when everyone said it would get better (at the turn of the trimester). For me, anyway, the promised second trimester relief just came a little later and more gradually than I expected. Hang in there; you might find the same. Give it a few more weeks. Oh, and water. Water water water. The only way for me to survive was to carry a water bottle around and drink obsessively. It’s amazing how much dehydration can sap your energy, and in the summer you need more fluids than you think.

      • NoVAAtty

        It is amazing how much we crave water! I fill up a 32 oz. camelbak thermos twice a day at work; in addition to an 8 oz. thermos on my commute to work, and an 8 oz. thermos before bed.

    • goirishkj

      You are scaring me–I just hit 12 weeks and am waiting for the magical burst of energy!:) Some of my girlfriends told me it is better at 14 weeks–let’s hope! Hoping also for a safe and healthy pregnancy for you!

    • Bluejay

      During pregnancy? This sounds like my entire life since I started practicing law.

      • anon

        Lol! “Anyone else suffer extreme fatigue during *biglaw*? -meaning throughout the entire 9 months? As in, if you’re not at work, you’re at home, on the couch, not moving. Or, in bed. I was hoping it would go away but as I’m nearing 13 months I’m beginning to think the next 6 months will be as tiring as the first 13. And by thinking, I mean getting completely terrified. It’s so bad I was reading a report for work at my desk and fell asleep, sitting up. I have day dreams about napping. I don’t know how anyone *does anything outside of work* when I can’t do anything but lay down.”

        Read more: https://corporette.com/2012/07/23/splurge-mondays-tps-report-belted-dress-baila-tango/#ixzz21TLcv5FY

    • Two cents

      No advice, but just wanted to say that I am right around the same time frame! 12.5 weeks right now. Sending you hugs that the fatigue gets better. I echo getting your thyroid checked, I have more energy now that I’m on thyroid medication.

      • NoVAAtty

        To goirishkj and Two cents – best of luck to you both also. I was wiped out for a whole day by spending just 3 hours at Babies R Us and Buy Buy Baby this weekend – let’s hope for some magic!

    • SugarMag

      I had extreme fatigue my first trimester, and it gradually got better about week 14 or so, but not 100% better. Pre-preggo, I went to bed at midnight. Now I go to bed at 10:30 or earlier.

      Now that I am into the third trimester, being uncomfortable all the time (I have severe pelvic pain) means that sometimes I would rather sleep than be in pain.

  30. NoVAAtty

    That is a good idea about the thyroid – I will ask her next visit which I think is at 16 weeks, if I am still this exhausted. I feel like this is an abnormal level of fatigue (but then again, what do I know? This is my first pregnancy).

    • Winterberry

      Hi Anon! I’m sort of in the Detroit area – doesn’t look like there are many of us around, but it’s good to see at least one other person here. :)

  34. Mondayed

    Can I get some good vibes? I sent in a writing assignment for a job yesterday. It’s the final step before getting an offer. I got an email that the are looking at it now. I am so nervous that I can’t work. Getting the job would solve my horrible commuting situation and make my life so much better. Instead of spending six collective hours commuting, my husband and I would spend only half an hour.

  35. Long Tall Sally

    Just received this dress and I’m very disappointed. The fit was good, but the material felt GROSS – like the counterpane in a cheap hotel – and not only was the lining only in the bodice, but it wasn’t even fastened down, so it rode up like a too-big camisole, causing bumps and ripples under the top of the dress. And the color, which looked so bright and pretty in the photo, actually was a dingy burgundy apparently summoned up from the 1980s. For $350? No thanks. Back it goes. The Anne Klein dress suggested by another poster ($119!) is a much better choice.

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