ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 332 Comments

Splurge Tuesday’s TPS Report: Wool Amara Blazer

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Tory Burch Wool Amara BlazerWow. Take notes, ladies: this is how you do a contrast trim blazer. Love the fact that the trim is just on the lapels and pockets, not on the bottom hem of the jacket — and I love the shrunken, feminine fit to the jacket. It's $450 at Saks Fifth Avenue. Tory Burch Wool Amara Blazer Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 1/22/25:

  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • AllSaints – Clearance event, now up to 70% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
  • Ann Taylor – All sale dresses $40 (ends 1/23)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything
  • Boden – Clearance, up to 60% off!
  • DeMellier – Final reductions now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
  • Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; extra 50% off all clearance, plus ELOQUII X kate spade new york collab just dropped
  • Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off; new markdowns just added
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 50% off cashmere
  • J.Crew Factory – End of season sale, extra 60-70% off clearance, online only
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – extra 50% off

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

332 Comments

    1. I’ve found that my pants making noise depends on the fabri content/texture of the fabric and I’m not sure there’s much that can be done about that. Sorry. :(

      1. Anybody remember the great 90s medical show, “Chicago Hope?” Mandy Patinkin’s (brilliant and tortured) character used to take his pants off when he needed to pace and think, because he couldn’t stand the noise his pants made.

        And yes, I am very very old.

          1. I heart Mandy so hard! Saw him in concert with Patti Lupone and about died of happiness!!

          2. No, *I* love Mandy THE MOST! I think we need to have a Mandy-superfan-off to see who REALLY loves him the most ;o)

            Waiting to get his signature on my program after a concert was the only time i ever completely froze and stumbled and stuttered over someone in my life, it was ridiculous! Plus, he was here in a play in Berkeley last year, SFBA, did you get a chance to see it? It was Uh-Maz-Ing.

        2. I remember that show! Oh Mandy Patinkin was great — too bad ER beat it out in the “medical dramas of the 90s” category.

          1. This happened with some 80s cartoons. GoBots was great, but then Transformers aired and overwhelmed them in viewership and toy marketshare. Galoob’s Golden Girl & the Guardians of the Gemstone were later overshadowed by the She-Ra dolls and cartoon. Yes, I’m both old and geeky.

  2. I love the look but would appreciate some advice. Is there a good way of explaining why you got a tattoo with an exes name on your butt when you are no longer together? It is too painful to get rid of it but hope the hive can come up with some snappy advice I can use to explain this faux pas!

    1. This is wishful thinking, but any chance you could make it into a phrase? Or tattoo over it with some other design?

      Or…put a band-aid over it and dodge the question :)

      1. The phrase idea made me giggle and try and come up with some:

        Mark my words.

        Nothing Else Matters

        Dane’s Inferno

      2. Make it into a phrase? Easy. Just insert a word in front.
        Bill => Kill Bill
        Chuck => #^%& Chuck

    3. I would definitely try a coverup tattoo – they can really be gorgeous and completely obscure the old tattoo. Or use the “patch” as birthcontrol and keep the patch right there!

    4. “It seemed like a good idea at the time” ? If you are to a point in the relationship where the new person is seeing the tattoo, then are you also to the point where you feel comfortable with a quick recap of the previous relationship that produced the tattoo? How much explanation do you think you need to give?

    6. How about a panicked “wait, that’s not your name?”

      A cover up tattoo is a good idea, but I wonder if that will be just as painful as getting it removed.

    7. Things that happen in Vegas (TJ, Ibiza, wherever) stay in Vegas. (Insert crazy vacation destination of your choice.)

    9. How about putting the no sign around it. Like the no smoking signs. I know this is a troll but this is a fun topic.

    10. I saw something on Pinterest this weekend that addressed this. There was the name, and then later the tattoo was expanded to include a line through the name and then a phrase below it – I don’t remember what it was exactly, but something like “Mistakes happen” or “Oops” or something like that.

    11. Tell him it is a visual reminder of the day you told him to “kiss your…”

      1. Play him that episode of Weeds when Nancy gets U-Turn’s name on her bum. It’s like a big F.U. to a bad phase of your life.

    12. George Bush said it best- “Look, when I was young and foolish, I was young and foolish.”

    13. “So far this is the worst mistake I’ve made in my life. I’m hoping to keep it that way.”

  4. I think I am just not a fan of contrast trim blazers, or at least when there is this much contrast.

    On an unrelated note, can anyone recommend a cream blush with some staying power or is does it just not exist? I want something that looks really natural but stays put for 8 hrs + … Right now I use Benefit’s Benetints and usually gone by lunch time.

      1. Yes — despite the name, this is my favorite as well. But I really don’t get why they would name their make-up “orgasm.”

        2. I’ve been told that when many ladies orgasm, their skin flushes pink? (This helpful tidbit provided by a DOOSH ex who informed me “I know you’re not faking because…” with a self-satisfied smirk. UGH.)

        3. Considering that they named another blush (my favorite) deep throat, that one seems almost tame in comparison. That and who doesn’t want to look glowy and dewy like they just had an, ahem…

          Thanks ladies! I am going to Sephora after work today to try all these…. Will be checking out the Sonia Kashuk next time I am near a Target.

    5. I’ve found the cha cha tint stays longer than the others – great if you’re looking for a coral/mango

    6. Urban Decay – the colors look scary in the pan, but the one I use (I think it’s Score) looks great and natural on my face.

  5. Love this look on the model though I’m not sure I could pull it off.

    I’m wearing red and white polka dot nail polish on my toes today and feeling happy whenever I look at my feet. ‘ r e t t e s would probably call it nsfw, but i am a sucker for polka dots!!

    1. I’m one of the more conservative ones here, but I would totally rock polka dot nail polish even if I hypothetically wore open toed shoes to work. Very subtle but makes you happy, and only those way too close to you would notice? Perfect.

    2. Is this red nail polish with white polka dots painted on or one of the stick-on appliques? It sounds awesome (and I would totally rock it on my hands too)!

    3. I think this sounds awesome and fine for a not too conservative work-place (which I assume it probably is, if open toe shoes are.)

      I kind of wish you’d take a picture of them and then submit them to my tumblr so I could post them in all their glory. :-)

      1. :)

        Actually this is my last week of maternity leave plus birthday week so I did this to “cheer myself up” before I get back to work. And it is red nail polish with tiny white dots painted over. Honestly, unless you gaze at my feet,you can’t tell. I work in a biz casual place but my style tends to be, usually, conservative.

        My four year old boy loved it though! Black and white dots next time..his special request.

        1. What do you use for the polka dots? I feel like I’d probably smudge the dots with a regular brush.

          1. I just learned this trick! You use the head of a straight pin. Tap out some polish on a flat surface (I used a plastic bag on the counter) and then dip the flat head of the pin in the polosh. Easy polka dots!

        2. I’m back at work this week after mat leave – enjoy your baby/birthday time!

          1. Thanks! And I didn’t do the dots myself, got a pedi. But they used some pin-like thing as described above. Maybe y it on one toe nail and see how it comes out if you’re doing it yourself?

    4. I think bright/fun nail polish is a perfect indulgence in a conservative office, especially on your toes. The polka dots sound adorable!

    5. I would totally rock this pedicure at my business casual office (even though I also dress more on the business side than the casual side). How fun! I also am a sucker for polka dots.

  6. For those in the hive who have taken Zoloft/Sertaline, have you noticed any weight gain? Specifically, I’m wondering if it’s something that’s a slow build. I’ve been on Zoloft for a little over a year now and am up about 5-8 lbs. I don’t know if it’s just getting older or the meds. Any experience in the group? Thanks!

    1. I have no experience with a slow gain, but beginning about four months after starting sertraline, I gained 30 lbs in less than three months. Once I stopped the sertraline, the weight gain also stopped and I’ve lost about 10 lbs of what I gained.

      1. Not to pry, but what do you do to manage the underlying condition? Did you transition to a different medication?
        I have been on sertraline for a few years and at one time, whilst taking it, lost 25 lbs with diet and exercise. The weight took about 4 years to return.
        I don’t think the weight gain is due to the medication as much as age and lifestyle.

    2. My roommate did, and it was immediate weight gain, not long term. I wonder if something else would explain your weight gain here.

    3. I’ve upped the dose over the course of the year. Really, it’s not a ton of weight (probably just 5lbs of unexpected gain), and I’ve been at this weight before. This just feels different. I feel like the bulk of it (if you’ll forgive the pun) was from the last six months, which corresponds with upping the dose.

    4. I have been on 50mg since January. No weight gain as a result of the medicine. My weight has fluctuated but that is due to being sedentary for several months.

    5. I’ve been on sertraline for about a year, and have also noticed a small weight gain of around 5-8 lbs. I’m not sure if it’s the medication, or the fact that my appetite used to disappear when I was really anxious and now I’m no longer anxious. If I start watching what I eat it does seem to come down by a few pounds, but it seems like my “set point” is up by a few pounds since I started taking it.

    6. Sertraline is not ‘expected’ to cause weight gain. Perhaps as someone here suggests, it’s because your eating better or just unrelated?

    7. I was just reading a weight loss book and it mentioned Zoloft as one medication that can cause weight gain.

  7. Hi – We’re at a bit of a loss as to what to add to our registry. We’ve already gotten the flatware, dishes, towels and sheets we registered for (awesome!) and live in an apartment. Any suggestions of things to register, that don’t take up much space, and are awesome? Thanks! (p.s. I figured this was okay for this site b/c it is sort of shopping related).

    4. Are there any kitchen gadgets you could use? What about frames or mirrors (or wall art, depending on where you’re registered)? Also (if you haven’t already), what about registering for second sets of sheets and towels?

    5. If you’re open to non-“stuff” options, there are those honeymoon registries, although there are people who find those to be tacky. I’m wondering if there are ways to register for something like a cooking class. My understanding is that wedding gifts were originally intended to both help the couple set up housekeeping and also help them to entertain in their home. A cooking class would certainly fall under the latter. There might also be ways to register for things for date night, like movie tickets or restaurant gift certificates. The old school view might be that these are also tacky (but the old, old school doesn’t like registries at all!).

      1. I’d say to proceed cautiously with the honeymoon registries, though, because some people get really offended by the idea that they’re just forking over cash instead of giving you something you’ll cherish and use every Thanksgiving and think of them every time you use (who actually does that, anyway? It’s a fork, people. I’m appreciative, but I have no idea who gave it to me.).

        There are some honeymoon registries that put prices on individual things ($100 -horseback riding on the beach) that tend to go over well.

    6. nice kitchen gadgets – microplane, garlic press, assorted whisks, wooden spoons, cutting boards, etc.

      they take up space, but we registered for the vintage games that come in small wooden boxes, so they sit on a bookshelf instead of being big flat boxes. a few times a year, we pull them out and play Clue or Sorry or Jenga (usually when the power goes out).

    7. If you have an Amazon registry, you can register for more unusual, useful stuff that fits you as a couple. We registered for blankets, a fireproof safe, a nice digital camera, board games, wall art, DVDs, a luggage set … the list goes on. In the more traditional realm, I am really glad I registered for the following things that seemed silly at the time: a cookbook holder, a mini food processor/chopper, tupperware, a cutting board with a built-in little dish for peelings/trash, expensive sheets and towels.

      1. I love the Amazon registry idea -and Amazon lets people purchase items from elsewhere and mark them as “purchased,” so you can purchase something at a warehouse sale and not be forced to buy full-price.

    8. All of these are really good ideas. Other weird things we registered for are: wooden bowls and a copper bowl we use for center pieces and decoration, platters and plates for serving, a salad serving bowl with nice tongs, a moroccan tangine, a paella pan, a rice cooker, a deep frier (ooh that one is awesome), and every size le creuset casserole pan known to man.

      Some of these do take up space though.

      Another idea, if you’ve really registered for everything you want and have no more space, is to register for charitable donations to a charity or two.

    9. A vacuum cleaner. A nice one. Seriously, you’ll love it.

      Also what about furniture to replace old stuff – or decorative items – throw pillows, blankets, lamps, art.

    10. We registered for a ton of hardcover classics on Amazon – we especially love the Everyman’s Library series. People loved buying them for us, and were perfect for people looking to spend @$50 – they could buy us 2-3.

    12. I think you should add place settings to your flatware. Per an earlier thread, pieces of flatware always seem to go missing.

      Other than that, extra blankets and sheet are things you will always need. If I were in your shoes, I’d get plain white or cream because it keeps your options open for future redecorating.

      1. This! Because in 5-10 years when you realize 1/2 your spoons and 1/3 of your forks are lost, the pattern will be discontinued and the cost of 1 spoon then is the cost of 2 full place servings now. My parents bought us an extra set of flatware (4 or 8 place settings) and 4 place settings of our dishes for our 1st Christmas, then offered to store them for us in their basement. At the time I thought it was crazy, but 5 years later I really appreciated it. Or if you can, just extra forks and spoons – somehowwe have a million table knives, but our forks & spoons went awol.

    13. My earthy friends had an account on their website where you could put money toward their “new bike” fund and the “honeymoon” fund. I know it’s the same as giving cash but it was nice that I could pay with my credit card and get the points still.

      Also, I have seen where people registered at Lowe’s….or Home Depot. Need tools?

  8. Question for the hive. A man that is separated from his wife and in the process of divorce has started pursuing me (asking me on dates and texting me often). It was a short marriage, we are young, and there are no childen. I feel like this is a gray area. It seems right for him to wait until he is divorced, but if he doesn’t agree, should I refuse him until he is? How far along in this process does a person need to be before you think it’s acceptable to date him?

    1. “It seems right for him to wait until he is divorced, but if he doesn’t agree, should I refuse him until he is?”

      Back up. Step #1 is to decide whether you are really, truly comfortable with dating this man before his divorce is finalized. It sounds from your post like the answer is no.

      If he refuses to respect your feelings on this– which are totally reasonable, by the way– and insists on pursuing a relationship before the divorce is finalized, why would you want to date him at all?

      1. herbie just articulated what i was trying to come up with. yes, this is a gray area – depending on the circumstances, it’s not unreasonable for someone in the process of a divorce to date before things are final, and it’s also not unreasonable to not want to touch that kind of thing with a 10 foot pole. but if you’re not comfortable dating him until he’s legally divorced, i don’t understand why he gets a say in that.

      2. I meant that more to say, if he thinks it’s fine, how would I know any better than he where he is in the process and whether he is ready to move on? I have discussed this with him very frankly, and he will certainly respect any decision I make.

        1. He may THINK he’s fine, but he’s actually not. How long has it been since they actually separated? Also, just because it was a short marriage, doesn’t mean it was a short relationship (seriously, I had a friend who got divorced after 1 year of marriage, when they had dated for 7 years before that).
          But it kinda sounds like YOU have some misgivings about this and that’s really what matters.

    2. Err strongly on the side of waiting. I didn’t, and could not regret it more. Even best case, if nothing goes wrong and he’s perfectly healed and wonderful, are you going to always feel like it started under a cloud? This is a major red flag for me, though admittedly, I have a lot of baggage around it.

      1. Have y’all seen that SNL commercial? *whispered* Reeeeeeed flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag.

    3. Not to be ornery on principle (HA….I’m totally ornery all the time on principle), but just to give things from a different perspective than Herbie’s. Yes, you are entitled to your feelings, and it would be a doosh-move to “insist” on dating someone if they told you they want to wait.

      But, if he truly is separate from his wife and in the process of divorcing her — a divorce can take quite awhile. I know your experience was probably that your divorce was quick — since there were no assets, no children, and probably no huge disputes. But…for example, a partner at my old firm was “divorcing” his ex-wife for over five years because of problems with the court’s initial decision — even though they were long-separated and both in new relationships. So…from his view, waiting until he and his wife are “officially” divorced to start dating again may seem an unnecessary legal barrier to dating. The more important question I would have in dating a man divorcing his wife would be (a) how long they’ve been separated and (b) the reasons for the divorce and (c) what place he’s in now. Not the legal status of the relationship.

      But…that’s just the other side of the coin.

      1. I have never been married. I meant his marriage was short and there are no children. Don’t know what difference that might make.

        1. Well…I still think the (a), (b), and (c) issues are most important (because to me, there better measures of how “over” the relationship he is then whether he’s legally divorced). But the good news is that if they are young, have relatively few assets, and no children, the divorce *should* progress smoothly and quickly *if* it is uncontested. But those are all big ifs.

          I don’t know, these are all such situational things that its hard to say.

    4. I think it depends on the situation. I have known couples that are 99% divorced. They just don’t yet have the paperwork signed by the judge. For whatever reason, that last step can be a long process in some states. If they have moved out and moved on, the papers are filed, it is non-contested, I don’t really see a moral problem going forward. For some divorced people the marriage was over long before they filed. My friends parents were living “divorced without papers” for 8 years due to some tax issue her dad had. They both had live in SO’s and only finalized the divorce when one of the two wanted to get remarried.

      However, I would have a much larger moral hang up w/ a guy who was newly separated or in a trial separation and just starting the splitting up process.

      1. Agree with this. I was separated for 6 months until I could qualify for a no-fault divorce. My ex had moved to another state after 3 months and there was no chance of reconciliation. There are definitely different types of separation.

      2. Yep – each situation is different. I had a 6 mo divorce, was moved out, had a property settlement agreement in place and was just waiting to hit the 6 mo mark before my lawyer could file the paperwork.

        WRT to the other point, most marriages are over before they are over and that was my experience as well. I do get your hangup because technically you are still dating a married man, but in my state, when you are separated, you are supposed to live as though you are free and unmarried. I do think you should know where he is in the process, if they have agreed how to split assets, what is left to do, etc. I wouldn’t risk the heartache of getting close to a person only to find out they were “kinda separated and kinda thinking about divorce.” I’d also want to know which side initiated the divorce.

      3. This. I was separated from my first husband for something like two years before we finally got the legal part done, but the marriage was O-V-E-R the day we moved into separate housing.

        That said, I didn’t date until I was legally divorced and probably wouldn’t feel great about dating somebody who wasn’t legally divorced, or at the very least actively pursuing the divorce with a judgment in sight.

    5. I’ve seen this come out well both ways. A friend refused to date her now 15-year husband until a year after his divorce. I started dating my now six-year husband after his wife moved out but while the divorce was still in progress. Both marriages are strong, healthy, happy. If it matters (you don’t mention her), in both our cases, the former wife is unrelenting in terms of the court process, entangling herself in the new household, demanding more alimony etc. Some of that is because there are kids, which you don’t have, but my point is that you ought to consider her as a factor, but there are ways to work as a team to defend against her chaos.

      Bottom line: it is less about where he is in the technical/legal process and more about where both of you agree you are in the emotional process.

    6. I started dating my current husband before my divorce was final. The divorce took over a year to finalize, not because of division of assets but because my ex was dragging his feet on just getting things signed and filed. He had moved out, we never saw or spoke to each other except concerning the divorce and as far as we both were concerned, we were completely over.

      The red flag here is not the legal status of his marriage, in my opinion, but whether you are the rebound girl. My now husband was rightly concerned about that with me, but two kids and fourteen years later, it seems to be working. ;)

      1. This, this, this. I started dating a smidge before my divorce was final, and none of those guys had a real chance with me – it was all about trying to feel desirable again (sorry, nice software engineer with the red bike! it was me, not you!). You don’t want to be that girl. And that’s not about timing, it’s about emotional progress.

    7. I was in the same situation about six months ago. I decided I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of being with someone who was married and told him so. Honestly, I think it was a mistake. Their marriage was over, I asked him to back off, he did, and I missed out on a relationship with someone who I really, really regret not dating.

  10. I am number 85 in the library queue for “How to Be a Woman” by Caitlin Moran. My fault for instituting a one in/one out rule for books in the house….but still. Grrrr!

    1. I’m #319 of about 450! I’m very careful with buying books because we have enormous amounts to begin with (just bought a new bookcase to hold the overflow). But sometimes it is hard to be patient… I just caved and bought the Hunger Games trilogy because my husband was way too impatient to wait for us to get the 2nd and 3rd from the library.

    2. I can commiserate. I’ve tried to limit buying books for space and financial reasons. In the meantime it seems like everything I want to read has a waitlist.

      On the plus side, I’ve found a few good reads by the simple chance they were available, so perhaps the lack of instant gratification has its silver lining :)

    3. It’s not even available in my library’s e-book section. I need to join a new library. *rawr*

    4. My library’s audio books rarely have a waiting list. This is probably b/c people get the CDs, copy them to their computer, and move them to their ipod/phone, etc. and return the disk the same day. You might want to consider this.

    5. I bought the book on Friday because of the great reviews, and I have to say, while I like it, I don’t relate to everything it discusses (the huge problem of teeny-tiny underwear), and I don’t find it to be as revelatory or new-wave-of-feminism inducing as some reviewers and commenters have. Maybe this will make the wait easier for you?

    6. Ugh, I’m so impatient, I never wait for the library to get in the books I want, but just give up waiting and stop into B&N on my way home from the metro. But I should… thanks for the reminder.

      Maybe a r e t t e book sharing club? Books everyone wants to read tend to come up a lot, and once someone buys it and reads it, we could send it around?

      1. Yes to a book sharing club! Anyone want to donate their copy of How to Be a Woman to launch the pilot program?

        1. I’ve got a copy of the Defining Decade I’d be happy to send around – I know a lot of women have read/are interested in reading that.

  11. Question for you Dr. Who fans.

    I watched the first two episodes of Season 1 this weekend.

    …

    Does it ever get less campy, or is that part of the appeal?

    1. Umm…that’s pretty much how it goes. The tone changes a little bit when the actor for the Doctor changes, but…not much.

    3. Campy is part of the appeal.
      BUT – and this is a bit BUT – which season 1 did you watch? Original or the most recent version? I think the original Dr. Who is hard to get into right away for most people who are not familiar with the show or really into the genre. Btw, the most recent one is the one that starts with the blonde woman and the first episode is about dept. store mannequins coming to life.

      1. That’s the one I watched. I mean, I’ll add it to my “watch on the elliptical” rotation– it’ll help balance out the grimness of Breaking Bad– but I was curious about what I was in for.

        2. It doesnt so much get better as you start to get sucked in and addicted. It’s definitely fun tv. It’s can also be quite smart and even profound on occasion. Plus am I the only one who finds the doctor kind of attractive?

          2. Tumblr says you are definitely NOT the only one who finds any of the Doctors attractive, trust me on this. :-)

          3. “KIND OF attractive?” Don’t you mean “super sizzling hot in that oh so awesome nerdy British way?”

          4. I thought Eccleston was the bee’s knees until about the third or fourth Tennant episode. *Swoon*

          5. I had a small party to watch the new episode this weekend and there was almost a fist fight about which Doctor is hotter. It’s not just you!

    4. Keep in mind that, in the UK, its a children’s program. Little (and large) lapses in logic must be accepted, as well as cheesy plots and hilarious-looking evil alien/robot things. But if you go into it with a sense of fun (and generally like sci-fi types of shows), it can be truly great entertainment.

    5. It varies with the season, the Doctor, the writers, and the episode. As previously mentioned, once Stephen Moffat starts doing the writing, the episodes get much less camp and much more dark.

      There were some seasons where I started wishing for the camp again, just as a relief from the heart-breaking impossibility of the Doctor’s cold, lonely brilliance, and the terror of the dark recesses of our own fears brought out from beneath the bed.

      The first few Rose/Eccleston episodes are pretty darn camp, though.

      1. This. I think I am starting a more serious, dark sequence again and I really like the camp!

        BTW, I skipped the weeping angels episodes in season 5. The “Blink” episode in season 4 still haunts me. My cat thinks I’m such a wuss-I can’t sleep alone since!

        1. Oh! But they are sooooo good! You should watch them. They aren’t quite as scary as Blink.

  12. Has anyone bought suits from Austin Reed? I have two questions:

    1. The suits themselves: how is the fit? How is the quality?

    2. Customer service: how is the returns process, especially from the US? Their site says that I should receive my package in 10 business days, but that they have to receive my returns within 28 days of my purchase. Taking into account non-business days and the time it takes to mail back to the UK, that means I have just 2-3 days to decide whether to keep the suit. What if I’m not home those 2-3 days, or have a particularly heavy schedule those 2-3 days, etc?

    1. I have only bought things in person, so I can only help with 1).

      Their quality is impeccable–they have at least a few royal warrants, so that should give you an idea of their high level of tailoring and craftsmanship. I was at their flagship on Regent Street in May, and I was swooning over how gorgeous everything was. I bought three shirts and tried on a few suits. Did not buy said suits because the arms were too short (I need talls). But I seriously wanted to buy the entire store. And I have some shirts from there from years ago that still look great.

      Also, I am normally a 12-14 (more toward 14 thanks to my enormous ex-swimmer shoulders), and I bought a UK 16 (US12) in everything I bought, so I’d say, at least for shirts, to size down.

      I would be careful buying from them via US, only because you may be subject to customs or duty, which is a lot of $ to pay when you may or may not keep things…just wanted to throw that out there. Their customer service is really lovely, so I am sure you could beg for a few extra days if you need to return stuff.

      Hope this helps.

  13. Since Boden has a great 20% sale going on right now, does anyone have any must-haves from Boden?

    2. I just got the fall wrap dress and the embellished skirt, and the pretty wool cardigan (or something), and LOVE all of them. Their blazers are also great – I got one of those too and it is my fourth from them.

    3. I bought several items recently when they had a similar sale. Of all of them, I love the Emma tunic dress the most. I ordered it in Long so it would cover my knees for the office. I also really like the caramel-colored Notre Dame skirt, but I had to exchange it for a smaller size. I have my eye on (but have not purchased) boots in either navy or “fig” patent. One item I would not recommend is the moleskin blazer. The cut is odd and billowy — not at all flattering. Happy shopping!

  14. Since fall is just around the corner can we talk about what tights to wear with dark brown skirts? I feel black skirts are easy – but there are so many shades of brown that it’s harder. I bought a pair of camel colored tights on the weekend. What are my other options? I don’t want to try and match brown skirt, brown tights, brown shoes – there are too many shades. Oh, and I work in a business casual environment, so I can be a little creative with my legwear.

    1. I like dark gray + brown. If you are open to creativity, I like burgundy with brown too. I would avoid, if possible, wearing white tights because I think they look a little weird.

      Another option is sheer black, if you think that opaque black is too much.

      1. Sorry, for some reason I’m feeling really stupid about this, but are your suggestions for tights or shoes? And if they are tights what color shoes do you wear? Could I wear my brown skirt, camel tights & burgundy shoes? With maybe a cream sweater?

        And I totally agree with you on white tights. I have some lighter grey tights, and these camel ones I bought, and I won’t go any lighter than that.

    2. Seconding gray and brown. Maybe navy? I also have matched brown tights with texture/pattern to a brown skirt. They’re a little more sheer so if the browns don’t match exactly, it looks okay. I think Capitol Hill Style had a post with an extremely rigorous lesson about matching skirts, tights, and shoes.

      1. I went and found this post – she says 2 out of 3 (skirt, tights, shoes) need to match. I think this will be a good rule for me until I start feeling less stupid about brown. Seriously – grey or black – tights & shoes aren’t an issue. And there are lots of colors I like to pair with brown (red, yellow, orange, camel, light blue, etc) but for some reason the shoes/tights thing just gets me stuck!

    3. Semi- or sheer dark brown hose would approximate both the shoes and the skirt without being too matchy. I have even gotten away with off-black hose.

  15. I posted a few weeks ago for help planning my Roman holiday and y’all were so knowledgable & helpful, I wanted to update and ask for more advice.
    We booked tickets for mid October, flying into Rome. Where should we go and how should we divide our time? We’ve decided to add Venice to our itenarary (DH works in city planning and is dying to see the canals), so now it’s Rome, Florence, and Venice and 10 days total to do it. For those of you familiar with those cities, how would you divide your time? What’s the best way to travel between them and in what order? We’re thinking train but not sure when to go where. Anything of particular architectural significance not to miss?? Also, are there any festivals or anything else specific not to miss in mid October – we’re flying in on the 15th and leaving on the 25th. Thanks so much in advance!!!!

    1. I travelled to those three places in 10 days back in 2010- at around the same time of year as you.

      We spent I think 4/5 days in Rome, 3/4 in Florence, and only 1.5 days in Venice. It worked out well. I find Venice to be way to touristy to spend more than that amount of time. It was nice to see, but there wasn’t much to do there.

      We did a day trip up to the Tuscany region which was lovely. Our time in Rome was split at the start and finish of our trip.

      Google should tell you all of the famous places to hit up. A friend of mine really researched restaurants in advance to find the non-touristy ones. We got some great meals out of that.

    2. We did almost exactly that trip recently. Our ordering was driven somewhat by the flights we could get. We flew into Rome, did two days in the city, then one day driving to/from Pompeii (highly recommended, you could also do this by train via Naples), then one last day in Rome. We took the train to Florence early in the morning, spent the day and moved on to Venice by train the next morning. We had only 9 days, I would definitely add another day in Florence. Then we were in Venice for 3 days.

      October won’t be as crazy tourist high season, but booking at least some museums ahead of time will save you time in line. The Villa Borghese in Rome and the Uffizi in Florence can be particularly tough to get into on the day. We also pre-booked a Colosseum tour and the Doge’s Palace in Venice.

    3. I would do….

      3-4 days in Rome.
      4-5 days in Florence and use a couple days to visit Siena, San Gimignano, Pisa.
      2 days in Venice.

      Visit st peter’s first thing in the morning ….google can tell you everything else.
      Enjoy!

      1. Agreed. See Venice, but don’t give up a lot of time in Florence and its outskirts (especially) or Rome. A nice way to see the outskirts, if it still exists, is a daytrip by bike. About 15 miles if I recall. Hilly but not terrible (although I was in decent shape).

      2. Agree with this schedule. You can train between all of these cities from Rome and go north. It’s about 2 1/2 hours via train between each city, if I remember correctly. You can also do a short 1/2 day in Pisa. On the train to Venice, go all the way into Venezia Santa Lucia, which puts you on the island (you don’t want to the end of the line to be Venice Mestre, which is on the mainland).

        And definitely visit the Sistine Chapel (meaning the Vatican museums) first on the list, as the line will get longer as the day goes on. If you go first thing in the morning, you can walk straight through the Vatican museums and into the Sistine Chapel. Then go visit St. Peters since it is next door.

      3. The thing about this schedule is that you’re going to be in transit a lot if you try to fit in day-trips fr Florence as well. I’d say give yourself time to take in the 3 cities you’re already in and save the small towns for a future visit. A big part of what makes an Italian holiday special is people-watching in the large piazza, discovering small beautifully-formed churches and palazzi on your own, finding a favourite coffee bar or enoteca.

    4. One way to think about it is chronologically: ancient art and architecture in Rome, late Gothic and early Renaissance in Florence, high Renaissance and Baroque in Rome again, high Baroque and 18th Century in Venice.

      I would suggest trains between cities. Also, Florence is small enough to walk it all, Venice is larger but also on the smaller side and mostly walkable (except for waterways), Rome is manageable but larger, so busses/taxis/subways are good to use.

      Florence:

      Duomo
      Baptistry
      Uffizi museum
      Strozzi Palace
      Spedale degli Innocenti
      Santa Croce church (they have a great leather factory store)

      Rome:

      Forum
      St. Peter’s
      Vatican museum
      Borghese Villa (gardens and Bernini sculptures inside)
      Santa Maria della Vittoria, Bernini’s “St. Teresa in Extasy”
      Food: it may be a little early in the season, but see if any of the pastry shops are serving Monti Bianchi yet (sweetened chestnut paste nestled in a meringue shell with whipped cream on top — heaven!)

      Venice:

      St. Mark’s
      Library of St. Mark
      Santa Salute Church

    5. I would land in Rome and get on the train to Florence immediately. I did that and, while exhausting, it’s nice to get to Florence and start the trip there because, in my opinion, Florence seems much cooler before you get to Rome. Some of this will depend on your taste for big cities and your appetite for museums. Florence is fairly small and I feel like 2-3 days is plenty of time unless you’re a really big Renaissance art fan. From there, I’d go to Venice for 1.5 days, then head back to Rome for the remainder of your time. Leave a full day for the Vatican–it was way cooler than I expected art-wise. I also recommend more time in Rome because not only is there a ton to see and do, but it’s an exhausting city so it’s nice to not feel time pressured–well-timed naps are wonderful. I stayed in a Hotel Santa Maria in Trastevere and loved it. It’s tucked away and has a nice little courtyard — great retreat from the city.

      1. Oh and be sure to get your tickets to museums (especially the Vatican) online well in advance if you can–will save you tons of time.

    6. We did an October Italy trip a few years ago. Same cities, it was great. Train travel was super easy. One of my favorite memories from that trip was the train trip from Venice to Florence. We upgraded to the nicer class of seats, bought picnic supplies and a bottle of wine in the station (cash only) and had an awesome ride down just checking out the scenery. I agree with what other people have said about time in each city and getting online tickets for the big sites.

    7. Busting in on this threadjack because I am going to Venice in 2 weeks. Spending about three days there. Any suggestions for places to go and particularly, good places to eat, are most welcome.

      Also, this might be frivolous, but can anyone give me pointers about the weather in Venice in mid September? I can look at the weather websites and see temperatures, but I am wondering if it’s particularly humid, dry, etc. I know that I found low 80s in California to be much cooler than low 80s in DC. I’m basically trying to figure out what to pack.

      Thanks to all!

      1. St. Mark’s Square
        St. Mark’s (itself)
        Climb the bell tower in St. Mark’s square (can’t remember the name off hand)
        Doge’s Palace

        Rialto markets (think Merchant of Venice)

        Take the #1 vaporetto (water bus) all the way up the Grand Canal (start at one end and motor all the way to the other end)

      2. Good places for food – Calle San Barnaba in Dorsoduro is a narrow alley with a concentration of good trattoria, my recollection is that Quattro Ferri and Furantola (?) are more fish/ seafood and la Bitta is meatier. Also in Dorsoduro, Cantinone Gli Schiavi is a lively and friendly bar with snacks, great for pre-meal drinks. In Cannaregio, Vini da Gigio for carefully-prepared local meat and fish dishes (will probably need a reservation).

        All the above are moderately priced. Venice also has some very high-end seafood places which seem to cater increasingly for an international crowd. Of these, I’ve had good meals at Corte Sconta and Antiche Carampane.

    8. I often encourage folks with your kind of schedule to figure out in advance what kind of trip they want (the ‘must sees’ and ‘must dos’). Those 3 locations have pretty compact historical zones which can be readily covered on foot, but they are dense with important historical and cultural stuff, and it is easy to get really overwhelmed once there.

      Have a think early about whether you would be happy just strolling and taking in the wonderful urban design, or if you want to see specific galleries (the Vatican museum or the Uffizi can easily take a whole day), or if you want to make time for markets (usually mornings) or specific restaurants (often makes sense to break for lunch when many sites esp. churches close down anyway).

      If you are into architecture, you could plan walks around the important Baroque structures in Rome and Renaissance ones in Florence – it is a fabulous lesson in design to see in person how the elegant ordered Renaissance facades in Florence blossomed 50 – 100 years later into busy Baroque drama in Rome. In Florence, the ones to look out for are the Pitti palace, the Uffizi, the Ospedale, Michelangelo’s work in the Medici library. In Rome, piazza Navona, piazza del Popolo, piazza Sant Ignazio, the Trevi Fountain. If you have an interest in design, keep an eye out for Bernini’s and Borromini’s small churches which are very dramatic and complex structures crammed onto small sites (Ivo alla Sapienza, Carlo alle Fontane, Andrea del Quirinale – the latter 2 somewhat out of the centro on Quirinale hill).

      It also works quite nicely to plan walks around specific artists – I think you’d take some really special places in Rome, Florence and Venice if you are on the trail for Bernini or Caravaggio, Michelangelo and Tintoretto respectively, since these guys left masterworks in various big and small churches, palaces, squares and civic spaces in their cities.

      Train sounds about right – my recollection is that Rome to Venice maybe a half-day and Rome to Florence 3 hours, and I’m pretty sure you can do Rome-Venice-Florence-Rome or Rome-Florence-Venice-Rome. Check out the Trenitalia website – you should be able to plan itinerary and buy tickets on it.

      Also recommend luggage which you can readily roll and also pick up and carry, in case you have to walk through train stations and up/ down stairs. And some wet-weather gear – October starts to get rainy esp. in Tuscany.

  16. Need some shopping help. My LBD is, sadly, dying after 6+ years of stellar service (seriously, I wear it like weekly, year round). Looking for its replacement. It must be: (1) knee length; (2) black; (3) sleeveless; (4) plain; (5) sheath style; (6) four season wool. It also needs to go from work (with cardigan or jacket ) to evening (with jewelry and pashmina) but I think if it has all the other requirements, the day-to-night Barbie part will just happen. I’d like to spend less than $200 for it, but since I would wear it so much, I think I could justify a higher price if the dress was exactly right. The J Crew Emmaleigh might work but I’d prefer a simpler line (and no pockets). Thoughts?

        1. I am actually wearing it right this very minute without a belt. It has a nice shape by itself so it definitely doesn’t require a belt.

      2. how does this fit? would you recommend adding an inch or two to measurements for relief?

      3. Jones New York: I do not want that weird rope necklace that you have styled so many things with. It also totally distracts from what I want to see!

    2. Have you looked at the Jcrew Origami Sheath dress? It’s almost sleeveless and there are some select sizes on sale, and extra 30 % sale items.

      1. I’ve considered that, but I have the dress in navy already. I also find it to be a little heavy for the summer (looking forward to cooler/drier weather here in DC so I can start wearing it again!).

    3. Have you tried on the Emmaleigh? I have it and it fits me amazingly and is really flattering. Maybe it would do the same for you?

      1. That looks perfect! Thanks for all the suggestions, ladies. It looks like I have a few styles to check out.

        1. Yes, I second the Theory Betty dress! I have worn it at least 2x monthly for 5 years now, and it still looks great!

  17. Pretty sure I already know the answer to this, but wanted to ask the hive.

    I’ve been temping at a place for almost a year. They are currently discussing hiring me. I plan on leaving as soon as I can for a variety of professional reasons. If they offer me the job I should take it, right? Even though I plan on leaving in approximately 4 months, if I get another job? I’m thinking yes. The other job is not a sure thing.

    4. Yes. Think of it this way. Your employer would drop you in a hot second if their plans changed.

  18. Anyone have advice on how to clean a longchamps pliage bag? It’s not filthy gross or anything, just normal daily use.

    2. I’ve carefully handwashed mine using dishsoap and avoiding getting any water/soap on the handles. I actually stood in my bathtub to do this, but then I live in an apartment and don’t have a big sink haha. You could also use woolite or some other gentle detergent.

    3. I put mine in the washing machine (short delicate cycle, cold water). I have friends that do the same thing.

      1. Longchamp’s instructions say to wash using neutral soap and to avoid getting water on the leather handles. You can also spot treat using baby wipes. I’ve done both and my bags still look great.

  19. I’m curious if I am the only person who doesn’t know how to wear jewel neck sweaters (think the J Crew Jackie). I feel like they flop around and I’m always straightening. I tend to gravitate towards v-neck cardigans because of this but I really need to branch out. How do I keep the silly sweater from flopping all over?

    1. Does the neck not lie flat on you? I thought jewel neck sweaters were just a round neck, like a crew. I can’t figure out what there is to flop.

      1. Yeah, me neither. I have several Jackie sweaters (love!) and have never had any flopping. Maybe you’re wearing them too large?

      2. I think she means a button up jewel neck sweater. When the top button is undone, one side of the placket often droops down because of the weight of the button. I have this problem as well, and would love to hear any suggestions. I’ve tried layering a heavy necklace over the sweater, which works reasonably well, but aside from going to the lengths of fashion tape, I’ve more or less accepted the flopping.

    2. I can see the Jackie cardigan flopping if you don’t button it all the way, and that’s not going to change unless you double tape it or something.

      The regular crewneck sweaters (no buttons) don’t really have the capacity to flop.

      1. You can tape it into a “lapel” if you want. I do that for fun sometimes, but don’t mind the natural hang when open, either. No one judges others for these things, don’t judge yourself, either. It’s just physics, no big deal. Bet you look lovely.

    4. This is the reason that I only buy v-neck cardis. I know that the flopping doesn’t bother most people, but it drives me crazy. I also think that v-neck cardigans are more flattering on my figure. Is there a reason that you feel like you really need to branch out?

      1. +1 – I never by crew necked anything because it just isn’t flattering on my. V neck cardigans and sweaters are my standbys.

      3. Drives me crazy, too. I have a couple jewel- and crewneck cardigans that I like enough to keep, but mainly buy v-necks for exactly the sane reason. They can be hard to find, though, so when I find good ones I stock up!

    5. I find that most round-neck cardigans flop open, thanks to my generously sized Ladies. It’s just simple physics and gravity.

  20. Hey ladies, I had to spend some time away from everything that got me through the Bar for a while (kept having flashbacks), but I’m back and I need help.

    After months of stalking (through Shopping Notes of course) I finally managed to snag this skirt, link to follow, in Mazarine Blue for $16! But now, I need to know what shape top will work best with a skirt like this. I don’t have any sleeveless button downs like in the alternate picture. I’ll take color suggestions as well, if you have them.

    Thanks in advance ladies!

    2. Since the comment with the link is still in moderation, it’s the square eyelet skirt with the blue fabric over the pink lining. Until you get up close to the skirt, it actually looks like it could be purple.

      1. If it’s the small windowpane skirt from Talb@@@@… I wear a tank/sweater top that matches the top layer of the skirt. Then I put on a third color in a solid jacket as I don’t go jacketless in my office. If I have it, a belt over the jacket or cardi that’s one of the skirt colors.

        I have the fuschia with orange underneath. So I wear a black/white/grey top and then layer on a pink jacket/cardi and a pink belt. Because I can’t do orange with my olive skin.

        I have also worn a white printed cardi from boden that had checks on it in the same pink and orange…

        But that’s all shape information. If you wear it with only a blouse, I’d think a straight, simple top or even one with a small peplum.

  21. Does anyone have any experience wrapping a dog’s tail? Moved into our new apartment and puppy was so excited that he wagged his tail so hard that it split at the tip (he had been in the kennel and overwags when he’s there so I think it was just a set of bad circumstances). Called the vet who said if it is superficial (looks that way, not at all deep) and isn’t infected (no signs of infection) then he should be fine if it is wrapped and allowed time to heal.

    The problem is, it can’t heal because he is constantly wagging it (and there is NO way to get this pup to stop tail wagging) and reopening the wound. I wrapped it but the centrifugal force of his wagging made probably 10 different bandages just fly off. Yesterday, it had healed over slightly but it reopened this morning when I let him out of his crate. Since it’s bleeding, I can’t let him be uncrated because he smears the baseboards with blood. Does anyone have any experience getting a tail bandage to stay on? He doesn’t bug it or try to chew it off, it just flies off because of all his wagging.

    1. This happened to my dog, and I had to tape the bandage directly to his fur. We had to pull it off very carefully (and I think that caused some pain), but that’s the only way we could get it to stay on. We used very strong medical tape.

    2. You need something like vetwrap. I’ll post a link to avoid mod. Wrap around the base a few times then an over under pattern down the tail, wrap again at the base a few times and then over under back up. cap it off with another wrap around the base and then cut the bandage. also if he’s a huge wiggler, you could put some around the center of the tail to keep it from sliding off. Sorry I’m not sure if that makes any sense, I can try to find a diagram too.

    4. There is liquid bandage spray that they sell at Petsmart. Just spray on the dog’s tail tip, it will dry, and prevent the tail wound from reopening. I think I re-sprayed every 6-8 hours or so.

      Brought the dog to the office once – she hit her tail against the desk saying hi to everyone and split it open. I was cleaning blood off my walls and furniture for the rest of the day.

    5. Generally I am against all forms of dog surgical modifications for aesthetic purposes (docked ears and tails for example) but I learned at the animal shelter that some breeds with particularly whip like tails have to have them docked or they keep re-breaking either the small bones in the tail or the skin and fur. For those dogs it is more humane to dock than not to dock. I’m not saying that is the case with your dog but if the tail keeps getting injured and it is a breed that frequently docks it might be worth looking into. We have a rotti mix and did not dock the tail but hers is fluffy and bushy and not whip like.

      1. The breed doesn’t typically dock (dachshund) but the vet said if it keeps happening, I may have to look into tail amputation. I don’t think it’s been a lifetime problem (he’s 5 now), it really only started a few months ago and gets exacerbated when he goes to the kennel to be boarded. I may have to ask them to line his kennel with pillows next time I board him (omg I have become that crazy dog person).

    6. This is incredibly sad, and I really hope you find a way to fix it before he does get infected, but it’s also a little funny. He must such a happy lil guy!

    8. We have a dog with a whip tail (Irish water Spaniel) and she injured her tail and it took weeks to heal. Consequently, we became experts at tail wrapping. The way we did it was: nonstick dressing on wound (telfa for adults) soft wrap around entire tail, then coban or vet wrap over top. The key is wrapping the whole tail, or else they will wag it off. We also created an extra bump of softroll around the wound, in order to pad it from the inevitable repeat trauma.

  22. Did you shop this weekend?

    I was a little disappointed with the online selection in several shops. I was looking for more new fall items but they seemed to be pretty sparse in most stores.

    I am already tired of the color block trend.

    I did manage to pick up a few things to replace some basics but I was hoping for more than a white button front shirt and a cardigan.

    1. Looked at Talbots website, there was nothing I liked available in my size, so I JSFAMO.

  23. Does anyone think it’s wrong to wear a navy pliage bag with both black and brown (separately) outfits/shoes? It has brown handles, so it bugs me when I’m wearing black, but I try to convince myself the navy is neutral enough. Anyone else have this problem?

    2. I say this with a lot of love but RAWR at your matching insecurities. Seriously, you’re talking about neutrals with neutrals. IT’S OK AND FINE AND WONDERFUL. And if someone says it’s wrong, WHOOPDEEDOO. I’ll try not to lose any sleep over it.

  24. Random request but I have a clear bodum teapot with a filter and overnight, it has become stained and dingy. Is there something I can soak it in to restore it? It looks so gross and it was a very kind hand me down and I would prefer not to replace it.

  25. Can anyone recommend a good cream for hair removal on the upper lip? I am very pale with dark hair, and I can’t really get away with just bleaching it. I’ve used Sally Hansen for years, but the last few times I used it, I had a terrible skin reaction — redness, breakouts, scaliness, the works.

    Are there any good drugstore products for sensitive skin, or should I give up and just wax it?

    1. I prefer waxing because it is actually easier on my skin and less painful if something “goes wrong” with creams. That said, I like the new olay remover that has two parts, including a skin protecting cream. It doesn’t do the best job (compared to waxing) but it does the trick when needed. A tip I’ve learned over the years is to dab the remover product to form a think layer and NEVER rub. When they say never rub on the instructions, they mean it. Also, don’t leave it on longer then the box says. It’s better to do a follow up treatment the next morning, then leave it on 10 minutes longer. Good luck.

    2. I like Olay’s facial hair removal duo. Just be sure to apply the protective balm LIBERALLY so as to not cause irritation.

    4. Ask your physician for a prescription for Vaniqua. Seriously wonderful stuff!

    5. I just invested in laser hair removal and it is the BEST money I have ever spent. Granted, I have been self-conscious of the hair on my upper lip since Junior High, so $1,000 seems like nothing to regain some self-confidence. I used to wax, though…I bought my own wax pot and did it myself for the past 5 years. My skin was too sensitive for the hair removal creams.

  26. Hello C*****ettes!

    I’m looking for a little advice from all you more experienced ladies. I’m recently started my first job as a full time, traveling consultant. I also am finishing up a major move to a east coast city from the Midwest (most of my belongings still have not made it here) . I’ve always been someone with a bit of a propensity for anxiety and sleeping problems, but in the past two months when I’ve been making these major life changes I have begun to find the anxiety associated with it all very overwhelming. I know I am lucky to have had an easy time of things before this, but now that I am responsible for my entire life (independent of my parents), I feel constantly unsure of myself when I had previously been very confident. Figuring out how to finance my life, finding an apartment, hiring a moving company to move my things, figuring out how to not be terrible at my job, meeting friends in a new city and trying to remain a good friend, girlfriend, sister, and daughter is totally freaking me out. Should I see a therapist or consider medications? Or am I just freaking out about things that I most likely will eventually get a handle on?

    Thank you in advance.

    1. This is totally normal. I’d say give yourself some time to get settled in before you go for medical intervention. I found that my first year out on my own was both really scary and really empowering. Gradually you get used to it and it gets easier and easier. I’ve been out on my own for 6 years now, and don’t even think twice about finding places to live, calling up the cable guy, getting my car registered, and all that stuff you learn how to do that first year. I had a really hard time getting to sleep for most of that year too, and solved it by watching cartoons on my laptop until I fell asleep every. single. night. There were good moments too, like when I moved to a new state that first year, and had to learn how to put the new license plate on my car. I was so proud of myself for figuring out something on my own that my dad had always done for me. (You just screw it on with two screws, it’s not that impressive… BUT STILL.)

      You don’t have to be perfect at everything all at once. It will all somehow happen and get done. Don’t be afraid to ask for advice if you need it. People love being asked their opinion. Also, making new friends gets easier over time too. Sometimes I feel like we all need “it gets better” videos about growing up. I’m now 28, married, bought a house, figured out what I want to do with my career, etc. I am so much happier than I was when I was 22 and trying to figure it all out. You can do this.

      1. This. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed that first year. Just make a list and “space out” deadlines. For example, while you are setting up your new place, meeting new friends might have to go on the backburner.

        Remember that your parents are still there for you. My first year on my own, I was calling one or the other every single night. Listen to their advice and take it or don’t. That’s how you transition your relationship with them into an adult relationship.

        Accept that you will make mistakes. So you could have saved money on the movers, chalk it up to experience. So you make a mistake at work, happens to the best of us.

        Keep things simple that can stay simple for now. For example, my budget for the first year was “don’t spend more than I make.” It took me 5 months to set up a local bank account. One thing that I learned as a “grown-up” was that there are no deadlines (unlike school): no rush to open a cafeteria account, get a student id, pay tuition, etc. all before classes start.

        Enjoy this time! It’s exciting!

      2. I’m the same age as the OP and I assure you bouts of anxiety are perfectly normal. My roommate and I were having a similar conversation this weekend. The post-college learning curve is steep and there’s a lot we feel unprepared for (taxes, negotiating a lease, picking a healthcare plan, etc.).

        But the good news is that like CPA to be said, you feel an extreme amount of accomplishment after each successful task (yes, I totally call my mom to brag about things like fixing a toliet or assembling a shelf all by myself…).

        I think everyone feels this sort of anxiety when they’re young, so I don’t think your experience is that uncommon. As for therapy, I think that’s something that is highly individual, so I can’t give you too much advice. Maybe give yourself a few weeks to settle in and see how it goes. A lot of my nervousness subsided after about a month, but I still have occasional anxiety spells. If you don’t think things are getting better, maybe ask your parents or sibling if he/she is older for their thoughts?

        Things do get better, and I’m rooting for you :)

    2. Let me caveat my response by saying that I, in general, do NOT have a propensity for anxiety.

      However, I had a once-in-a-lifetime (so far) panic attack during my first week of my first job out of college. Like you, I basically picked up and moved my entire life to a state where I knew NOBODY. I had to buy a car, find a place to live, figure out how to get from point A to point B, and all of a sudden at night it hurt like h3ll when I took deep breaths. Of course, I started work on 7/25 and my health insurance didn’t kick in until 8/1 (or so I thought- turns out it was retroactive), which made me worry about my worrying since I had no insurance.

      It finally subsided after a few days, but for those few days I had to take quick, shallow breaths and threw up a few meals (sudden onset nausea). One day I just woke up and it was gone! And has never happened again (7 years later).

      So, my tips for you are (1) you are employed, you have an income, it will work out. You will do fine. (2) your nervousness is/can be normal. I’m not a doc, so if you’re really uncomfortable, see one. (3) find a way to relax, maybe exercise? Yoga? Call an old friend and reconnect?

      Good luck! You will be fine!!

      1. Just wanted to chime in to second the yoga rec here as well. I tend to carry a lot of my anxiety as tension in my shoulders/back, so I started doing a little bit of yoga right after work and before bed. It definitely helped me wind down/feel less uncomfortable and overwhelmed.

    3. You make me feel better about how anxious I was in my first job out of law school, sister! Hey, Being an Adult is HARD, especially in the complex world we’ve managed to create. Give yourself some slack, and cut yourself some space where you need it.

      I found a calendar, either physical or virtual, really helped me keep a handle on random responsibilities, from bills to grocery trips to returning phone calls, down to reminding me when “girl issues” were due. Sometimes it helped me to calm down a bit when the responsibilities seemed too overwhelming and I didn’t know where to start (other than eat a bag of cheetos) just to look at the calendar and see that it was a finite list over a defined period of time.

      And congrats! Take an evening for yourself once in a while to have a glass of wine and watch a silly movie, just because you can. Don’t beat yourself up for taking some time to adjust. I read somewhere that moving is a traumatic life event that you shouldn’t expect to be “over” in less than a year. It’s okay for you to take a little time to get this under your belt.

    4. As someone who’s only a few years into working full time and being completely on her own, and who also has a propensity for anxiety, I find that keeping track of my “wins” (however small) helps me a lot.

      For instance, learning how to check the tire pressure & put air in my car tires (I know, I know – my dad or a boyfriend would always do it for me) was huge. Hanging up a massive (we’re talking huge) canvas painting in my new apartment, all by myself? Another big win. Organizing my first vacation, without my parents handling the finances or the logistics of planning it? Check.

      You are so much more capable than you realize or likely give yourself credit for. Remembering when I accomplished things I thought I “couldn’t” do, however ridiculous or small they might be, goes a long way in calming my nerves and giving me confidence that I can tackle the next thing I’m afraid of.

      Also, take everything one step at a time, like others have pointed out. There are no deadlines for things like making friends or setting up a budget. Tackle each one of those when you feel ready; they’re not going anywhere in the meantime.

  27. Well, ladies. I screwed up royally. Not sure if there was a way not to, but I sure did it. Posting this for posterity, not absolution. Though advice on handling guilt would be good.

    To recap the icky friendship/relationship drama: Single friend slept with married friend’s husband, immediately regretted it and cut off all contact with both of them. The husband told my husband about it, drawing us into the situation. My husband and I had been seeing single friend and married couple seperately over the summer… trying to butt out but still retain friendships with both parties.

    The wife in the couple was very close with the single friend, knew about her husband’s feeling for the single friend but not about the s*x or that the feelings were mutual. She’d been confused and upset all summer, wondering why she’d lost her closest friend.

    The single friend told me that the husband had informed her he and his wife had an open relationship. I found out otherwise by asking the wife (“You ever have an open relationship?” “Nope; thought about it but decided against it.”) I hadn’t seen the single friend or the husband since I learned this.

    In the same conversation I learned about the “arrangement” story, single friend told me they hadn’t used condoms. And that she’d had unprotected sex with other guys previously. She asked me not to tell anyone this, including my husband, or she’d end our friendship.

    The ugly, ugly update:
    Single friend went MIA for two weeks post-“arrangement” story, dealing with other huge life issues involving sick relatives and legal complications.
    I emailed the husband telling him that I knew about the “arrangement” story and the lack of condoms. I suggested he tell his wife. No reply. Friend still MIA.
    I followed up telling him I will tell his wife in September, so he should tell her in August if he wanted to go first.
    When I finally met with the single friend, I told her I learned there was no “arrangement,” that she’d been lied to and manipulated, and that I intended to inform the wife of everything in September so she could get tested and make informed decisions about her marriage.
    Single friend became extremely angry… not because she’d been lied to, but because I’d betrayed her trust. She felt she’d done the right thing by keeping this information from the wife, and now here I was, making decisions that it wasn’t my place to make, potentially ruining everyone’s lives.
    The next day she emailed me to say she hadn’t been honest with me about the “arrangement” story. She asked to meet in person to come clean.

    And here’s where I screwed up…
    I was too angry to meet with her. I thought she would just tell another lie for me to feed to our married friend. I waited several days and then broke off our friendship via email. I asked her not to contact me again… knowing full well she didn’t have many friends left and was in a near-constant state of misery.

    So.
    I told my husband everything.
    I told the wife the bare facts: Her husband and single friend had unprotected sex and she should get tested for STDs, and that I’d support any decision she’d make moving forward. (He hadn’t told her.)
    The wife thanked me for telling her… she feels as strongly about STD-risk as I do. She won’t leave her husband, probably. I think they’ll be fine.
    I contacted single friend’s close friend, asking her to be there for her because I couldn’t. She responded with some choice words for me: “Untrustworthy,” “failed as a friend,” “small-minded,” “self-obsessed,” “don’t pretend you care about her,” “made a bad situation worse.” So there’s definitely someone 100% on single friend’s side. (Also: She was 100% accurate on all counts. I am guilty as charged.)

    I chose one friend over another. I think I chose wrong. I’m certain I caused more harm than good. My own marriage is pretty rocky because of all this, too. The cheating husband wins here. My single friend, my best friend of six years, loses everything… punished way more than she deserves.

    I want a rewind-erase button. I acted no better than anyone else. Worse, actually, because none of the awful decisions I made were in the heat of the moment. I don’t know how to live with myself. I’ve never had to forgive myself for anything this huge before.

    That said… I did what I believed was right, choosing my own integrity and a friend’s health over another friend’s trust and mental well-being. I did the best I could with the information I had at the time.

    Thanks for hearing me out, ladies.

    1. You did the best you could with a difficult situation. Importantly, you helped a friend who did nothing wrong protect her health when those who should have been helping her failed. Also, don’t you want to live in a world where people act with integrity? I can see why you feel bad, but I don’t see good reason for guilt on your part.

    2. Good lord to this whole situation. 1) your single friend is completely manipulative. telling you secrets and then saying you can’t tell your husband or she’ll end the friendship? She handed you a grenade and pulled the pin. 2) she admitted she lied about the arrangement story. So she slept with her good friends husband. If you think she doesn’t deserve being abandoned by the wife your outside your mind.

      the wife is the victim in this. the husband and your single friend are awful people. you are overly involved and seem to attract or be attracted to drama, but please don’t think you betrayed your single friend’s “trust and mental well-being” shes a grown adult and knows that sleeping with a married man, the husband of her close friend, is going to carry some consequences

      3. No way, compeltely disagree. 80% of what I tell my bests friend she should NOT report to her husband at all. Are you freaking kidding me? He doesn’t need to know I sometimes make drunk, slutty mistakes, that’s best friend and stranger in bed only information. Secrets to one person do not mean secrets to that person plus thier husband! That is horrible and if you all agree you must not have very many girlfriends.

        1. I wouldn’t ever tell my husband or anyone else about your drunk, slutty mistakes because the only person you’re hurting is yourself and/0r strangers I don’t give a hoot about (and that’s only if you consider them to be “mistakes,” and it’s fine with me if you don’t). There are a lot of lawyers on here, and we take confidentiality very, very seriously. However, if your “drunk, slutty mistake” was with our friend’s husband… that’s a whole different ballgame. That’s whistleblower time to me. It’s not a secret that should be kept; that’s a secret that needs to be “reported” to the appropriate authority i.e. the wife, just as it would need to be reported to the Compliance Officer if it was corporate fraud.

          1. I’m a lawyer too, and I completely disagree. You’re just making your own rules about when to divulge or not. Secret is secret. If you can not keep the good and bad ones, then you don’t deserve to hear hte good ones.

            I pity your friends for they don’t have a true friend they can confide in.

            And your analogy of you disclosing to the other friend in no way relates to the disclosing to the husband. . . as a lawyer you have horrible reading comprehension.
            Glad your not on my case.

          2. I agree with SF Bay Associate 100%! If a friend confides that she is sleeping with a married man, that is one thing and I would keep quiet about it. If she confides that she is sleeping with your other friend’s husband, that is completely different! Her married friend’s health became an issue and that is something I would have a hard time keeping quiet about regardless of who is involved. Someone’s health and safety comes before friendships especially when that friend is involved in causing the health concern. Also, the single friend knew that she was friends with the wife! If she just needed a friend to confide in she should have selected another person rather than burden her with this information. I would just stop being friends with the single woman.

    3. I think you did the right thing, given the information you had. These people screwed up. You tried to help. But the bad decisions were those of cheating husband and single friend, and it sounds like they’re finding you convenient to blame for the fallout. I’m sorry you got tangled up in their mess.

    4. I remember your original post about this. Go easy on yourself here, it wasn’t your actions that started this whole mess. Your friend and her husband will hopefully be stronger now that everything is out in the open, if they choose to do the work to repair their marriage. As for your single friend? She knew the consequences of her actions. The whole “open marriage” excuse is vague. She knew the wife so how could she proceed with the affair with out assuming there would be fallout.

      Please forgive yourself for acting honestly with compassion to the wife in the situation. She did nothing wrong and already lost one friend over this. I have been in her situation before and I certainly did not blame the messenger. I was grateful for the messenger. Take care of you and your marriage right now. If it helps at all, I think you did the right thing and would have done the same. Good luck to you.

    5. I know you didn’t ask for absolution, but I think you did the right thing as well.

      There are people who would rather know the painful truth than live with an easy lie. You seem like one of those people, and your married friend seems like one as well.

      Ask yourself who was wronged here, and who did the wronging, and then ask yourself what the injured party would want. It seems like the injured party, ie, your married friend, wanted to know the truth, and was grateful for it. She gets priority here, not the people who did the lying and cheating.

      Did single friend actually consider what would be best for everyone overall, or did she do what she thought would be the least painful for her? Particularly since it doesn’t seem like this event will destroy married friend’s marriage, the only person the truth really hurts is single friend. (I would also be uncomfortable at how easy married husband friend seems to be getting off on this.)

    6. Yeah…I agree with the other posters that it sounds like the single friend and the cheating husband are finding you a convenient scapegoat for their terrible decisions. It is insane as an adult to tell a friend, “Don’t tell your husband this or I’ll end our friendship.” Who over the age of 7 says things like that? Ok, maybe the age of 13.

      You seem like you really care about the single friend, and it’s understandable you were too angry to speak with her for a while, especially since both she and the cheating husband unnecessarily and inappropriately sucked you and your husband into their drama. I think you did the best you could in a bad situation that wasn’t your fault.

    7. I think you are being way too hard on yourself. It was unreasonable for your single friend (SF) to confide that she slept with your married friend’s (MF) husband without expecting you to tell MF. Really, SF expected you to hear that one of your friend’s had been betrayed in the worst way and not tell her, just because she asked you and is embarassed about her own behavior? She put you in an impossible situation. SF’s close friend should listen to her own criticism of you about making a bad situation worse.

      1. If I had been your married friend, I’d want to know.
        I think you did fine. You probably would not have made it through the whole situation keeping both married friend and single friend anyway.

      2. I agree. It sounds like way too many nosy people who felt they “needed” to get involved.

    9. I think you absolutely did the right thing. This wasn’t some meaningless one night stand on a business trip. This was a scandal among a group of friends who frequently hang out. On top of it all, your friend’s health was at risk. If she found out you knew and didn’t tell her, she would be, rightfully, mad at you. You made the best choice. Why is your marriage rocky over this? Does your husband think you should have ignored this?

      1. While I don’t necessarily agree with your way of dealing with the situation – I think you did the right thing in telling the married friend.

        On a slightly related note, I think you should get STD testing as well. If this SF could sleep with another MF’s husband, who’s to say she didn’t sleep with yours? You may not think he did, and he very well may not have, but it is better to be safe then sorry.

        1. That’s a really good point. I hadn’t wanted to consider that, and I don’t believe he would sleep with my friend… but then again, neither did the cheating husband in this situation.

          I don’t agree with my way of dealing with the situation either. I hope I learn from it.

        2. Woah, talk about paranoid.

          I’m sure the girls one slutty encounter means she slept with your husband too! Or could of! And you know what else could have happened? Your husband can get pregnant by a miracle.

          it could happen!

          I really think soo many of you women are (1) paranoid, and (2) way too nosy about other people’s lives.

      2. Yes, he thinks I should have stayed out of it… or at least consulted him on the matter instead of making huge, life-altering decisions for the both of us. He’s now lost people he loves because of my actions. Being right doesn’t win you friends, I’ve learned.

        The guys that I’ve asked (mostly counsellors, as we’re keeping this to ourselves) have generally advised “stay out of it”. The only ones who haven’t are health professionals. Some women (also counsellors) have advised me to disclose for health reasons or out of loyalty to the wronged party; some have told me to keep the secret for the sake of all the friendships.

        Aii. Thank you for your thoughts.

        1. Think of it another way – some people wouldn’t want to be friends with YOU if you kept that secret. If I was in your circle of friends but not the wife, and later found out you kept this secret, I wouldn’t want to be friends with you anymore. But if I was in your circle of friends and not the wife, and heard that you told the wife, I would really respect your decision and want to become better friends with you because your actions reflect our shared values. I want a smart, honest woman who does the right thing even when it’s unpopular as my friend.

          1. Thank you for that. I don’t think many people will ever learn about this… it’s not our information to give out, and the wife wants to keep it private.

            Someone else did what I did, I would respect them for it too. Maybe not want to get too close to them though.

    10. Sometimes as an in-house lawyer you have to choose which lawsuit you’d rather face. I think you were in the same position: imagine how you’d feel a few months from now if your married girlfriend told you that she had contracted an STD and you knew that you could have prevented it but chose not to tell her.

      1. This, exactly. I would much, much rather face the fallout from being honest about a secret that should never have existed in the first place and is hurting innocent parties, than the fallout from keeping that secret until it comes to light from someone other than me. The truth will out, whether through you or some other way. Your single friend was no friend to your circle of friends by sleeping with that husband, that husband is a dooshbag, and your innocent friend had an absolute right to know that her husband cheated on her with her friend and that her health may be at risk. Your husband is probably more mad at the terrible situation, and just mad at you right now because you were the apparent instigating factor in the blowup. This trainwreck actually happened months ago, when single friend and husband had an affair, it’s just you were the first one to say it. I would absolutely have done what you did. Clear deadline to both parties to tell the wife, and when they didn’t, I would tell them they blew their deadline and I was telling the wife, and then I would tell the wife.

    11. I think you are being way too hard on yourself. The single friend put you in an awful position and then used emotional blackmail to protect her own interests. I think it’s possible to get past the initial indiscretion but the continued lying or failure to come clean completely and the emotional blackmail is harder to get past because it’s just more manipulation instead of genuine sorrow and concern for the real victims.

    12. Hugs, honey. Just lots of hugs. No judgment on right or wrong — just be kind to yourself.

    13. I feel like everyone gave great advice. The fact that you’re still worried about how you tried to fix the situation shows how much of a caring person you are. Most people turn a blind eye because it’s too much effort to try to do the right thing. You took the high road (albeit maybe not in the best way possible). I’d want to be your friend, if that means anything! :)

    14. Your happy circle of friends was ruined when Single Woman Friend and Married Man Friend chose to sleep with one another. Nothing you said or did caused the breakup of the Happy Circle — it was SWF and MMF who did that. There was never any way for you to continue to be friends with everybody, regardless of what you chose to tell, and to whom.

      I’d been in your shoes I’d have kept my mouth shut to MMF and his wife, I’d have withdrawn from socializing with all of them. I’d have told my own husband I had good reasons for doing so that I was willing to share with him, but if I told him then he was going to have some hard choices to make, too, so he might want to stay blissfully ignorant.

      That said, you did what you thought was right, which is all any of us can do. And you are not the nogoodnick here — that distinction belongs solely to SWM and MMF.

      1. If. If I’d been in your shoes. Which mercifully I have not, so I’m not about the go all judgy on your a$$…

    15. Frankly, I don’t understand why you did this when ALL the advice on your multiple original posts told you NOT TO GET INVOLVED!!

      Hopefully the loss of your friendships (because eventually the married wife friend will not want to associate with you anymore now that you are tainted by the whole thing) will be enough to teach you to stay out of other people’s life and focus on saving your own marriage.

      FWIW, I think the only person who was manipulative was you. You deliberately planted yourself in the middle of the situation purely for your entertainment purposes. It was all about your guilt, your concern over STD’s for your friend, your feelings of secrecy, etc. Anyway, its a little bit of tough love but it does seem that you are a drama queen here.

      It might help you deal with the guilt if you have a “lesson” that you take away from this experience so that you haven’t just lost the friendships in vain.

      1. Yup, you’re totally right. I did make it about me somewhere in there. The outcome was okay for one party – and only one party – but that doesn’t make up for everything I did along the way.

      2. Yup, you’re totally right. I made it about me. The selfless thing to do would have been to duck out, even if it didn’t feel like it. It certainly wasn’t for entertainment purposes, but I got involved when I should have… I don’t know. Kept the damned secret. Cut ties to anyone/everyone.

        I think you’re right about the wife not wanting to be around me for very long. We were a close unit of five and she’s got to make other friends who don’t remind her about this.

      3. I disagree. Exactly how did you find out about the affair and the failure to use protection? I’m assuming that they told you!!! They are the ones who brought you into this. They created this situation. You didn’t plant yourself in the middle of it “purely for entertainment purposes.” There is nothing wrong with telling a friend that she is at risk for contracting an STD when you are concerned for her health. I would sacrifice a friendship for that friend’s health. I would care more about that friend than the actual friendship because that is the selfish course of action. If they wanted to keep it a secret they could have easily done just that. They had the affair and opened their mouths about it. Ultimately it is their fault.

    16. Oh ffs, stop trawling for sympathy.

      You posted multiple times and people told you to butt out. You didn’t. Even worse you encouraged your (horrible slutty) friend to tell you all about her home wrecking escapades. You should have told her to shut up the minute she started confiding in you because that would have been the only acceptable way to remove yourself with integrity. Instead you wandered around butting in until the only possible solution was to tell your betrayed friend.

      I don’t think there is anything wrong with disclosing BUT (1) your group of friends sound awful. No integrity, no values, drama filled and immature (2) you put your husband in a terrible position and (3) you sound ridiculously immature and drama seeking yourself.

      Apologize to your husband, if you haven’t already and get a life, so in future, you can walk away from all of these losers with your integrity intact.

  28. Hi friends-
    Does anyone have fun suggestions for things to do in the Fredricksburg/Austin area? I’m going to be in Texas this weekend, staying in Fredricksburg, but flying in and out of Austin. Would love any suggestions for fun things to do, see, eat, in any of those cities. It’s my first time in Texas, if that matters. Thanks!

    1. tx bbq at salt lick (in austin or you can likely find some great hole in the wall in fredrickburg)
      tx tex mex (tons of places in austin)

      fredrickburg is known for the wine tours. I’d suggest one of those. if you can rent a bike, I’d do a longish bike ride (but I like to work out on my time off).

      hope you have a great time.

      be prepared for summer like temps, unless you’re going late next month.

      1. Thanks! Nope, going this weekend and it looks like it’ll be in the 90s…which seems hot to be bike riding, but I’ll definitely keep that in mind. Thanks!!

      2. If you want bbq, go to Lockhart! It’s not that far outside of Austin, it’s a kind of cute little town, and it is THE place to get BBQ in the area. Black’s is our favorite, but Kreuz’s (pronounced “kritez”) and Smitty’s are great, too. If you want a fun area to just wander in Austin, go to South Congress. There are all kinds of little shops and a big trailer park (i.e., food trucks) just south of the river. Zilker Park is a huge park along the river with hike/bike trails, canoe/kayak rentals, sports fields, etc. In the evening, Esther’s Follies can be a good show. It’s sort of a sketch/variety/comedy show on 6th Street. If you’re under 30, 6th St is THE place to go out in the evening. If you’re over 30, you might feel a little old, but since it’s Austin, there are still tons of older “young at heart” types. Almost every bar has a live band on weekend nights, so you can just wander down the street and see what bands sound good to you before going in.

        If you’re in Austin in the morning, please consider eating breakfast tacos. “Tacos for breakfast?!” you say. Si, tacos for breakfast. People will tell you to go to Juan in a Million. Juan is meh, in my opinion. Mi Victoria on Burnet is fantastic (it’s very hole-in-the-wall, but trust me).

        1. Also, Austinites will be out in force bike riding, running, playing tennis even if it’s 110 out. If you think 90s is hot (and I agree with you), be prepared to be surprized.

    2. Fredericksburg is a very different feel than Austin. Fredericksburg is lovely and more B&B, antiqueing. Austin is more live music, football, and eating out. I’ll go with Austin things to do and see and eat- Food trucks-Delicious, there are tons, Amy’s, Lambert’s, and Z Tejas are some of my favorite places to eat; Zilker Park; go to UT (I’m biased being a Longhorn), but I love our University especially on game day; the State Capitol is a fun place to visit; South Congress has great shops; Swim at Hippy Hollow if you dare; Mount Bonnell; the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower center if it isn’t too hot; ditto Salt Lick; and Kerbey Lane for breakfast.

      Check Texas Monthly and Southern Living online sources for other ideas. Have fun. Central Texas and the Hill Country are awesome.

    3. Having trouble posting so sorry if this shows up twice, but if you want to go for a swim to cool off, definitely check out Barton Springs.

      +1 re: breakfast tacos & Tex Mex

      As an alternative to 6th St for nightlife, Rainey St is full of houses that are converted to bars with lots of outdoor patio spaces. It’s pretty unique/interesting.

      1. This is for Austin btw… I was just there this weekend so it’s fresh in my mind. Also if you like Indian food, Graj Mahal on Rainey St is amazing and you can grab a drink at a bar nearby before/after.

    4. I went through there this spring – it’s a cute little town. I was at Enchanted Rock State park, which is nice if you’re into hiking and outdoorsy stuff. I liked Barton Springs in Austin.

    5. I love The Peach Tree in Fredericksburg for lunch. Get the ice cream pie for dessert – the crust is excellent! Also stop by Chocolat – amazing chocolates as the name suggests.

  29. Okay ladies! I am going to a wedding in October in Jersey. I want to wear the JCrew “Sara” dress in lace, color is navy or plum (I’ll link it in Reply so this doesn’t get stuck in moderation). First, which color? Second, for Catholic weddings, what do you suggest for shoulder coverage? Do I need a cardigan or will a shawl do? I don’t own any shawls, so any suggestions would be appreciated.

    Third, I’ve got a pair of sparkly silver Kate Spade shoes that I’ve already worn to a wedding. They are pretty comfortable. Do you think silver is acceptable for an autumn wedding or should I go find a pair of gold/bronze shoes?

    2. I would do plum. I think silver would look great – don’t get gold shoes just for this one purpose; silve + plum look awesome together. As for covering – you’ll be fine with a simple cardigan or a shawl. Although I have to say I am always surprised by how many people don’t bother to cover up at all in church. Not that you should be one of them, just saying don’t overthink it – you’ll be fine.

      1. I’m an atheist, but I always try to respect other people’s religions, etc.

        1. You’ll be fine. Most American Catholic churches do not require shoulder coverings (I’ve attended Mass literally all over the US and shoulder coverings were never an issue). A nice dress and shawl, cardigan, whatever will be perfectly acceptable.

    3. I was just someone who read one of the readings at a black tie Catholic wedding. We began in church with Mass. I have to say I wore a sleeveless long dress (vintage Scasi) that we intentionally removed the sleeves. There were many ladies there who were sleeveless. Some had very small spaghetti straps and did not “cover up.” So I think you are fine as long as you feel wonderful.

      That being said, a few had wraps, shawls, pashminas … cooler in the church and at the country club and a few because they probably felt self-conscious in strapless evening wear.

      Both colors look lovely! The August wedding had bridesmaids and alot of the bridal party in navy. So I can’t pick; I think both would be great.

      As for metallics; I really don’t wear gold jewelry so I’d opt for silver or pewter shoes …. I’ll defer to the hive.

      Moral of the story is to be comfortable in what you wear and you’ll be fine! (I’m a cradle Catholic and have been at tons of weddings…fwiw)

    4. Catholic churches in America don’t really care what you wear. I’ve seen a lot of women wear strapless minidresses in church, like they were going out clubbing. Your dress is more than respectable enough.

    5. Huh, well my date just informed me that this wedding is black tie, so now I am wondering whether this dress is fancy enough for a black tie wedding. He is in the wedding and is therefore wearing a tux. Blah, I HATE going to weddings; I am so glad we eloped.

      1. Your dress will be fine. Lace is plenty dressy. If you’re really worried, navy looks a bit dressier. Most people under 45 won’t actually wear long gowns even if it says black tie. Cover your shoulders. I am not Catholic or particularly religious, but I think looking too exposed in a place of worship is tacky, even if as someone else pointed out half the women will do it anyway. No need to stoop to the lowest common denominator.

  30. Ugh. Some days in the industry of death and dying get downright depressing. *tales from the estate law office*

    Maybe it’s coffee and upbeat playlist time. Surely no one will notice the earphones, right?

  31. Any thoughts on how to follow-up on an interview for a job that you would love to have, but didn’t have a chance to talk very much in the actual interview?

  32. My childhood pet, a 14 year old golden retriever, died very suddenly this weekend. Even though he lived with my mom at my childhood home and I haven’t lived there/seen him on a daily basis in a few years, he’s been in my life since I was 10. I’m pretty sad about it and find myself really missing my dog.

    Today’s one of those days I really wish I was not in cubicle-land and had my own office with a door I could close. A little privacy today would be really nice. I also wish I wasn’t 3 months into a new job and was established enough in my role to take a half day today.

    Any tips on resisting the urge to put your head down on your desk and cry?

    1. I’m so sorry. It’s tough to lose a pet.

      I think the best thing to do is throw yourself into a project and really focus. Banish photos or mementos from your cube so you can focus on your work.

    2. I’m so sorry. In days like this, I just treat myself to a long, long walk to get some coffee or to get to a park and just sit and allow myself to be depressed. If people will notice you gone from your desk, then go to the bathroom, shut the door, allow yourself a few tears and deep breaths, fix your make-up, and return to your desk. Maybe you can’t take a day off but can you leave an hour or 30 minutes early?

    3. Hugs. Take it one minute at a time. I plan a nice cry / wallow and try to shut the thought out till then. I also tell myself ‘this too shall pass’ YMMV

    4. Can you schedule a “meeting” in a conference room and just be by yourself? Surround yourself with lots and lots of big books and files so people know not to disturb. Hugs.

    5. Aw, I’m so sorry. Try not to think about it at work. Definitely don’t look at pictures. As someone else suggested, bury yourself in work and head out early if possible.

      My childhood dog (a golden/newfie mix) died when I was a junior in college and away from home. It hit me way harder than I was prepared to deal with. It really does get better, but not for a while.

      If anyone gives you a hard time, give them a deep scowl and a pitiful look and let them know your dog just died.

    6. I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is just awful. I agree with the others who have said to throw yourself into a project for the rest of the day, and use the restroom for breaks when needed.

      But as an alternative, do you know if your supervisor has a pet? If so, they will very likely understand what you are going through, and I think it would be fine to explain the situation and ask to leave early (perhaps with a promise to make up the hours later this week, if that’s how things are done at your workplace).

    7. My condolences; it’s hard. Let yourself cry– hide out in the women’s bathroom if need be. I have never forgotten the dog I grew up with and still occasionally dream about running in the park with him. The pain of loss is gone now but not the good memories.

    8. Thanks for the thoughts and sympathy, everyone. It means a lot to me.

      I took lunch by myself today & ate in the sun, which helped a lot. Knowing I didn’t have to be “on” and that I had some space to breathe and be sad for 30-45 minutes was just what I needed to help me get through this afternoon.

      Thanks again, ladies. I can always count on you all.

  33. Need some Boston advice! Three years ago my husband was almost killed in a suicide attack in Kabul. To mark the anniversary each year we take the day off from work and spend time together doing various things. This year the anniversary falls on this coming Saturday. We recently relocated to Massachusetts and will be spending the day in Boston. Do Boston-area Corpore**es have any recommendations for special things we can do in Boston to mark the day? Looking for recommendations outside of the normal touristy things. Many thanks!!

    1. What sort of things do you like to do? Smaller-off the beaten path museums (like the Isabella Stuart Garner museum). Boat tours and nature (then take the ferry out to the Harbor Islands with a fancy picnic if the weather will be good). Modern Art (the IFA with lunch at one of the Seaport restaurants after, I really like the new Mexican one).

      A game at Fenway if the sox are in town? You could also go up to Jamaica Plain and have lunch on Centre Street and then go to the Arboretum and take a stroll through the gardens. Also worthwhile in the neighborhood is Jamaica Pond.

      Also fun if your hubbie is a science nerd is the Science Museum (especially the lightening show.) And, though it is complete tourist camp, the Duck Tours depart from there. You have to suspend all sense of decorum though.

      Dinner or drinks at Top of the Hub is nice for the views. Otherwise, dinner somewhere in the South End/Back Bay neighborhood is my recommendation for the “bostony” feel.

      1. Go sailing on Jamaica Pond while you’re there! (The JP adventure is easy if you have a car, not so much if you don’t).

        Centre Cafe in JP is awesome for lunch/dinner.

    2. What kind of non-touristy things are you interested in? If it’s your first time in the city, I always suggest doing the Duck BOat tour. it’s really dorky but a great way to get an overview of the city.

      Other things to see/check out: eat in the north end (or at least go to mike’s pastry), head into Cambridge and check out some of the university-related museums (we like the robotics museum at MIT), get a burger at Castle Island, or maybe (if the weather is nice) take a Harbor Cruise (they’re really cheap- in fact, it’s how I get to work every day!). If the weather is really nice, you can take a harbor cruise out to one of the islands and go for a hike.

      Grab drinks at Top of the Hub (not dinner), maybe do a chocolate tour? If you don’t have hotel reservations yet, I always recommend the Liberty Hotel- it’s inside an old jail and has a great bar.

      Flour is a great place to grab a quick sandwich (and dessert!) to go.

      You can also head to the newly rehabbed Seaport district for a drink with water views, check out the ICA museum, hang out on the harbor walk. If you want a ton of art, the MFA is really good. It is just out of downtown proper and can easily suck a full day (there’s a lot to see!).

      Let me know if you have any specific questions…

    3. Do you want something related to war / veterans? If so, I’d highly recommend going for a long walk on Battleroad in the Minuteman National Park in Lexington / Concord, site of the battles of Lexington and Concord. It’s a beautiful walk that passes a number of historic houses and battle sites. You can easily combine that with a trip to Walden Pond, too.

    4. Many of the South End restaurants do great brunch specials on Saturdays — Tremont 647, Gaslight, Masa, Aquitaine, etc — and they’re all good.

      Brewery tours? The Harpoon tour is better, as it’s a working brewery and you get to try more variety, but the Sam Adams one is good, too. Plus, this is in the seaport and you can visit the ICA or other waterfront locales suggested above. Drink (the bar) is also fun for a cocktail or two, though it’s better if you go fairly early in the evening.

      If you’re looking for something more active, you can rent kayaks and paddle around the Charles for some great views of the skyline.

    5. Many of the South End restaurants do great brunch specials on Saturdays — Tremont 647, Gaslight, Masa, Aquitaine, etc — and they’re all good.
      Brewery tours? The Harpoon tour is better, as it’s a working brewery and you get to try more variety, but the Sam Adams one is good, too. Plus, this is in the seaport and you can visit the ICA or other waterfront locales suggested above. Drink (the bar) is also fun for a beverage or two, though it’s better if you go fairly early in the evening.
      If you’re looking for something more active, you can rent kayaks and paddle around the Charles for some great views of the skyline.

    6. Thanks, everyone! We do have plans to have dinner at Ruth Chris and stay at the Omni on Saturday night. We went to high school in the area, so we have done the duck boat tours and such, but I love all of your off the beaten path ideas. Thank you, I’ll update you on our choices!

      1. Even if you are not religious, it is fun to wander and tour all the many churches and cathedrals in Boston. They are beautiful.

    7. So happy your husband is still here with you! Wishing you many more anniversaries to celebrate!

  34. Hi All,

    I am looking to replace my collection of cardigans with some jackets to look a little more put together. My issue is that I find most jackets terribly uncomfortable. The only 2 brands I have found (both on sale) that were comfie for me were St. John’s and Armani. As I don’t have unlimited funds to drop $1K+ on every jacket, I need some alternatives.

    Any ideas for jackets that fit as comfortably (or almost) as a sweater? I’m a big fan of 3/4 length or bracelet length sleave. I also have a few pounds to lose to something that nips in at the waist is generally more flattering for me than a “boxy” jacket.

    Thanks so much for your insights!!

    1. I’m looking at the GAP ponte jackets and hoping they’ll be sweater-like. Just waiting for a sale.

    3. I got a few Olivia Moon ponte blazers at Nordie’s several months ago. They’ve worn well and are super comfortable. I don’t see the same style online now, but they have a ruched sleeve jacket that looks similar, though I haven’t tried it on. It might be worth checking out.

    4. Is there a Nordstrom Rack in your area? I found St. John there for up to 80% off, which means you’re still paying like $250 for one, but they’ll last forever.

Comments are closed.