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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 153 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Brooks Brothers

Suit of the Week

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brooks zac suitFor busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. Oooh: the whole Brooks Brothers / Zac Posen collaboration is amazing (although, yes, I take issues with some of the general styling issues– 5th day dirty hair! walking vacation in Europe summer shoes!). Still, there is a lot to drool over. I like this belted menswear-inspired blazer, made from a stretchy wool-blend Loro Piana fabric. Were it in black it would feel very Marlene Dietrich or Kate Hepburn to me, but in this foresty green it feels lighter, fresher. I would stick with city neutrals like black, gray and navy, for fear that beige/brown/cream would take it too far towards “safari.” (Although: I do think a pair of purple pumps would be a very subtle but very fun addition.) The blazer (Belted Wool-Blend Jacket) is $698; the pants (Stretch Wool-Blend Trousers) are $498. Here's a very affordable similar belted blazer, as well as a happy green skirt suit in plus sizes. (L-all)

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Comments

  1. Yikes

    Hello ladies. I just saw a troubling job post for a legal assistant. Must have a BA in law, 2-5 years experience, and be bilingual in Spanish… Salary is only 30k. Is that normal? In my relatively high COL city rent would be at least 60% take home and not for a nice place.

    • Anonymous

      It’s not great, but I don’t think it’s a crazy outlier. In small law firms 30K-40K is a fairly typical assistant salary even in a HCOL area. The position is for someone who only has a couple of years of experience so it makes sense that it is on the lower end. Keep in mind that in small law firms, associates often make only ~50K or so to start (Big Law assistants make way more than that, but Big Law and small law are very different worlds!)
      (Though the fact that it requests a BA in “law,” which is not a degree at most institutions in the US, makes me think this job is not in the US, in which case all my comments are inapplicable.)

    • Jules

      This is well below what we pay our assistants/legal secretaries, in a low COL Midwest city. Both of our current secretaries have decades of experience but not BAs and there is no language requirement. (Well, as noted in my comment on the grammar thread yesterday, it would be nice if one of them actually knew English . . .) This seems extremely low to me, FWIW.

      • Anonymous

        Can I ask how much you pay attorneys as a starting salary? My firm (the biggest in our small LCOL area) starts attorneys at 55K and it doesn’t go up that fast. I can’t imagine assistants make more than 40 if attorneys start at 55, but maybe there is not that much gap?

        • Jules

          We’re very small, currently with one associate. I think we started him (after about 1 1/2 years in a prosecutor’s office, no experience relevant to our work) at about $59k, last year.

    • ANON

      This is definitely low, but they might mean assistant, not paralegal. The term legal assistant can go both ways. Some solos/small firms pay very low salaries to staff because even the atty salaries are low. A lot of these trollish posts are on CL, and I bet they wouldn’t be there if they didn’t get bites. Alternately theory is that they are testing the market for salary.

    • Someone Else

      2nd the BA in “law” comments – this is not a thing.

      But, salary – my salary as a paralegal in 2001 in NYC BigLaw was $35000 — I made twice that due to overtime.
      So $70k, annual, not bad for a 21 year old with a long-distance boyfriend (so, free to work on weekends). And it wouldn’t be bad now, either, even with 5 years of experience.

      • Yikes

        I’m sure they mean pre law, or philosophy with a specialization in law. I just can’t fathom such a low salary with an undergraduate degree. NonSTEM unilingual me makes much more with that level of experience.

        • Anonymous

          Well, if they really want someone who studied pre-law, then they are probably expecting that they’re going to get people who want to be lawyers who will only do the job for a couple years and then head to law school or at least paralegal training, and they’re not getting a career legal assistant. So the lower salary reflects the fact that they will spend a lot of time training this person and won’t recoup much of that.

          There’s a reason very few college graduates become legal assistants. It’s not a lucrative career and there are many ways to earn more money, even with a non-STEM undergrad degree. If you have good grades from a decent school, you can become a paralegal at a large firm, which is way, way more lucrative. The only people who would be applying to this kind of job are people who don’t have that option, so you’re talking about a much less competitive applicant pool.

    • salaryAnon

      It all depends what legal assistant means, and what kind of firm.

      In my higher than average (but definitely not the highest) COL area, if “legal assistant” is closer to secretary than paralegal, I’d say it’s pretty normal for non-profit/public interest, maybe slightly low for a small firm, and pretty low for a large or established firm.

      If the role is closer to paralegal, it’s still probably not that far off for non-profit/public interest (keep in mind those attorneys might make about $50-65k), but low for a private firm.

    • anon

      My small firm in a HCOL area pays in the 30s for legal assistants (no language requirement though). The applicants are usually people right out of undergrad who think they might want to go to law school but work a year or two first. Sometimes it’s someone more established in his or her career, though, which has also worked out well.

    • Anon

      Why is this troubling?

      Im assuming a legal assistant (in this context) is similar to a secretary role in a law firm. $30 k for a couple years experience and a 9-5 job seems fine to me.

      • Anonymous

        This. A legal assistant is a secretary. Why is it weird for a secretary with very little experience to start at $30,000?

      • Yikes

        Because in my city that is below the poverty line. Expecting someone with a university education to work for poverty wages.

        • Anonymous

          There is no city in the US in which that salary puts you in official “poverty.” I agree, it wouldn’t be fun living in SF or NY on that salary, but plenty of college-educated people do it. That’s why it’s so common for people in their 20s in those cities to live with roommates or commute from other boroughs. Starting salaries in lots of creative industries (fashion, publishing) are similar.

          • Yikes

            Poverty is defined as a proportionality of your salary required to live in a city. Which there are many big cities that a single person would spend the entirety of their salary to just survive.

          • Anon4This

            My husband spent his first years out of college making $32,000 in salary in a secondary/tertiary beach city in Florida – think St. Augustine, Cocoa Beach (not Miami, Ft Lauderdale, etc) and BARELY had enough to get by – didn’t some months. His rent was like $600/mo and he absolutely had to have a car – $h!tbox that it was, it cost money.

        • Anonymous

          $30,000 for what is essentially entry level non-specialized work should not be shocking.

      • Jennifer

        Yep. I was a research assistant aka glorified secretary in the sciences when I was fresh out of college and made $35k in a HCOL city (with great benefits, actually). They did a lot of training and only expected people at that level to stick around for a couple of years before going to graduate school or moving up to different positions in the company if they liked it. I think I was making $42k plus bonuses when I left after 2 years.

      • Anonymous

        I made $28,500 straight out of college in a HCOL. I managed just fine, in fact, I had a blast! It was entry level and I was in no rush to start a family or anything that required me to have large amounts of cash on hand. I didn’t make over $40k until after law school and by then I was 28 years old. People make it work.

    • Anon

      In my state government agency secretaries start lower than this ($30,000/yr is about $14/hr working 40 hours per week.) A college degree is not required, however. This is the low end of paralegal jobs at my state agency. We obviously pay less than private firms and we are a LCOL state.

      • Yikes

        The required BA in a HCOL place, plus second language fluency (and the certification to prove it) is what bothers me. If it was just expecting a college diploma and not a degree, or no second language I could see it. Maybe it’s just me but 5 years isn’t exactly entry level.

        • Anonymous

          Jobs always advertise for more than the experience they want though. A job ad for 2-5 years experience is going to attract people with 0-2 years experience, in all likelihood. And they may very well end up hiring someone who doesn’t have a college degree. Also, a second language is pretty worthless as far as $$ unless it’s a field where a language is a requirement (like translation). But as a secretary it’s just a “nice thing to have” that isn’t going to result in more money.

    • Cinnamon Gelato

      That seems fairly normal to me for someone with very little experience at a small law firm where attorneys start at maybe double that (or less). Also, speaking as someone on the hiring end at a small law firm in a large city, the Spanish language requirement doesn’t need a huge bump in salary to attract qualified candidates. It’s easy to find people who can meet the language requirement because so many Mexican and other Spanish-speaking immigrants and their children live in the area (usually the reason that Spanish is required for employees). It’s often harder to find entry-level people who meet other requirements for support staff positions (ahem, tolerable English-language writing skills and professional demeanor), regardless of any requirements for foreign language proficiency.

    • Anonymous

      assistants don’t earn much. I have known assistants to work night shifts at gas stations.

    • Anon

      Ha, that was my starting salary as a lawyer (!!) a few years ago in Silicon Valley. My sister, a dog walker, was making more than me. My salary has since increased significantly thanks to a stint in biglaw, but $30k doesn’t surprise me as a starting salary for someone with relatively no experience, even if they do have a BA.

    • Anonassistant

      I started as a legal assistant (with BA) at that level, and after 6 years was making $70k at the same (large) firm, not including overtime. This was a while ago but it doesn’t sound too out of line. I mean, it’s not very good, and would probably not attract an experienced candidate, but it’s not necessarily terribly wrong.

  2. LAnon

    Since we’re right around bonus time…

    How do people think bonuses should be determined? Does “doing everything you’re supposed to” = full bonus, or do you need to go “above and beyond” to get a full bonus? Or should it be a reflection of how your department or group did as w hole?

    • TBK

      I think it should be structured in whatever way provides the right incentives for that employer to motivate that employer’s employees. Which will also depend on whether the bonus is structured as a little “thank you” plus up, or a substantial part of compensation. It will also depend on whether the company has a competitive culture, and whether this creates good results, or whether it needs a more collective, team-work approach from its employees for the company to thrive. There’s no universal “should.”

    • salaryAnon

      Well, lots of philosophies on this. Personally, I tend to believe that the bonus is a good way to incentivize people to go above and beyond. In bonus land, it doesn’t seem fair that someone who only does the minimum should get the same “reward” as someone who really killed it.

    • Anon

      It depends on whether the bonus has targets or if it is just a surprise. At my company there is a baseline target bonus for every person. What is funded every year is based on company performance. Then of that funded amount, individual employee performance affects how it is divvied out.

      Meeting goals would probably get you less than 100% because there are more people who exceed goals than there are people who fall short.

  3. Anonymous

    Any suggestions for brands that sell fun socks for guys that are also decent quality? My guy is really into socks, everything from tamer patterns to Bart Simpson socks, so I’d like to get him a few pairs for V Day. Bonus points for specific socks that would appeal to his nerd side (engineer, loves star wars and comic books, etc.).

    • Anon

      Try Stance dot com. My husband has a pair from there and they are good quality with lots of star wars and comic book options.

    • Anonymous

      it’s not a brand but check thinkgeek.com. they have lots of nerdy stuff, socks and more.

    • APC

      might be caught in moderation?
      check out thinkgeek dot com. not a specific brand rec, but they have lots of nerdy themed things, including socks, to choose from.

    • Anonymous

      I got my boyfriend a subscription to Sock Panda for a while — two pairs/month, one crazy (think Wookies BBQing, lizards in sunglasses, etc.) and one patterned and more work appropriate. He loved it!

    • MKB

      My husband loves Darn Tough – they come in a ton of fun patterns, and have a life-time guarantee.

  4. BB

    Hmm…was pretty excited for this collab, but kind of disappointed. It all reads a bit too cute and “sundress-y” to me, but I guess that’s what I normally like Zac Posen for. It just doesn’t translate well to office wear for me (although still cute). I kind of like the purple pants, but I tend to have bad luck with BB pants’ fit.

    • Anonymous

      I agree that much of it feels costume-y but I love the colors and LOVE that dark green trench. Between that and the pale pink trench coat in the new Boden catalog, as well as the gray leather jacket in the JCrew catalog, I want way too many new coats.

      • Sydney Bristow

        The burgundy double-br3asted dobby jacket is gorgeous. It wouldn’t work on my body, but I love it.

    • TBK

      I’m nervous about the collaboration. On the one hand, I really appreciate that BB has stepped up its game in the women’s department in the last few years. I remember when they offered maybe a polo shirt, a cable knit sweater, mom khakis, and maybe a suit that screamed “boss’s wife.” I’ve been very happy with their quality and it’s great to have a reliable place to get classic, well-made (ahem, J. Crew) women’s clothing that isn’t completely frumptastic or all done in semi-grandma colors (yes, that’s you Talbot’s). On the other hand, I worried that bringing in a big designer would result in it getting more…designery. (Ahem again, J.Crew) So we’ll see how this goes. I do like the burgundy color and the burgundy with pink is great for spring. Warm and rich without being too heavy.

      • Little Red

        You just stated everything I’ve been thinking about this new collaboration. Plus, I’m worried this is retooling gives them an in to continue charging BB prices but lower the quality (again J.Crew).

    • KateMiddletown

      That brown skirtsuit is the worst thing I’ve seen in a long time.

      • Sally

        I can imagine if I wore that to the office: “Oh, wow, Sally… did you make that?”

  6. Anonymous

    Need advice on how to handle a sticky situation. I expressed interest in attending a 2-day conference/CLE that many folks in my office (including me) typically attend. Most of the regular attendees are unable to go this year. I was asked to share the CLE materials and my notes if I went. Not a problem, I agreed to go. Now I’m being asked to put together a formal, hour-long presentation, including handouts, if I attend. Further, the people who would be attending my presentation are far better versed in the subject matter than I am, so I will have to spend a ton of time doing my homework so I can intelligently answer their questions.

    Is there a way I can politely decline to attend, given this new information? I don’t want to come off like I’m not a team player, but I also do not have the time to attend the conference and basically put together my own CLE (that I will not get any credit for) in pretty short order.

    • Anonymous

      I bet you can get credit for the time you spend preparing and presenting internally. At my firm, we have to give monthly presentations to our colleagues and we get CLE credit for the time spent on them.
      And I don’t think you should back out of going.

      • OP

        Nope, I can’t get CLE credit for this. Thanks for the feedback on (not) backing out.

        • Anonymous

          why wouldn’t you be able to get CLE credit. all you have to do is apply for it.

          • not OP

            In our state it has to be open to the public. Also, it sounds like those who are missing it just want the details. Since you are just regurgitating the materials (it sounds like?) an hour will fly by and I mean they are paying you to go. Can’t you reuse the materials of the people presenting and do a mashup highlight reel? If you don’t fill the hour, make note a few hot topics that drew the real audience into discussion and throw some questions out to your audience?

      • Idea

        It’s a challenge-tunity!
        That’s a “challenge” that is also an “opportunity”!
        Also, this is a no-win situation for you. Do your best! Good luck!

    • mascot

      I don’t think you have to come up with entirely new material and you can use the speakers power points as handouts. Take notes on the sessions you attend, especially for any interesting panel discussions or questions asked to the speakers. Also, if there are industry folks there, ask them about their experiences/market trends/ what do they think about x.y.z regulation that just came out. I’d also circulate the syllabus in your group and see if anyone has any burning issues that they want to learn more about. You can then go to those sessions and just act as a conduit.

    • ace

      This sounds like a typical request for my department, particularly if it’s a junior person who attends (so my answer is based on that — apologies if that is not the case here).

      I think the intent is for the presenter to gain a good understanding of the narrow area covered in the presentation and be able to respond relatively well to questions related to that area, but also to get experience presenting to a group. yes, you may get hyper specific questions from partners practicing in the area for decades, but in our presentations the presenter can usually bow out gracefully when out of their depth (e.g., “Thanks, Bob, that’s an interesting point. The presentation didn’t address viscosity as it relates to thermodynamics of chocolate teapots, but it will be interesting to see whether the Chocolate Teapot Authority addresses your point in the guidance expected to be issued next year.”)

      Even if that’s not the case… no, I don’t think you can bow out just because of the expected work. If you have a specific conflict that makes it impossible, maybe, but “that’s more work than I signed up for” wouldn’t fly for my firm. Maybe push back the presentation instead?

      • OP

        Because others might touch on this point – no one in my office has ever been asked to present about a conference, and we’ve had a lot of people go to conferences all over the place. I could see the value of this being a typical practice, and if it was in my firm then I would be sure to schedule my conference attendance for a time that I knew I would be slower. Not a time when it’s already a huge sacrifice just to attend.

    • padi

      Asking a conference attendee to present is pretty typical in law firms. Don’t worry toouch about the details–this is more of an overview of what was discussed: what were the main issues? Were there any themes? What kinds of questions were posed of the speakers? Any good take-aways or practice tips?

      I wouldn’t worry too much about studying up to answer all questions. If a question is asked, it is okay to take a minute to look over your notes. If you don’t have an answer, open the question up to other members of the audience. Senior-level people use these presentations as an opportunity to brag about themselves or debate with other people.

      • Stormtrooper

        Agree. In response to questions, you can also say you’re happy to go back through your notes and circulate a response later. It would also be entirely possible that whatever question is posed may not have been answered during the conference (so you could say – hmm, I don’t think they covered that issue, but I’ll look at my notes and get back to you).

        I think taking a multi-day conference down to bullet points to go over in an hour is (a) not fun; but (b) a good opportunity for you to ‘look good’ to your office. Don’t back out – that won’t go well.

        My suggestion would be to pick something to talk about that you felt comfortable with or something you think would be particularly useful to you/your group (so getting a more mastery understanding would be worthwhile to you and your group)

    • Anonymous

      No, you don’t have to put in a ton of work preparing for questions. You’re being asked to do a one hour summary. Hit the highlights of each presentation you go see and refer to their handouts.

    • Anonymous

      I think you can take probably notes while you’re there and just share the notes, vs training them on the thing.

    • Bonnie

      If you will be presenting to people already familiar with the subject, perhaps focus on recent developments.

    • Anonattorney

      If you are junior enough to get this assignment (i.e. presumably an associate or equivalent, instead of a partner), then this is an opportunity for you to showcase your presentation skills and demonstrate expertise to your superiors. I don’t know why you would turn it down. This may be harsh, but if I did what you’re considering I would be written off so fast by the partners I work with.

      • JJ

        Agreed. Use this as an opportunity to work on presentation skills. If you’re an associate, this is not an uncommon request and it means the partners trust you to present the information and the salient points to them. And if you have to brush up on the black-letter law, it’s a learning opportunity for you (which might be why they asked in the first place). Bowing out would be the worst thing to do.

    • Anon

      If you find there is too much material to cover in-depth in your presentation, hit the major points, cover any themes, as mentioned above, and maybe pick out a few “I found this particularly interesting!” points. You will appear enthusiastic without having to painstakingly cover every detail.

      • Cimorene

        Agree on this. The people attending your presentation are probably aware that they know more about this than you do. They’re just looking for any highlights of recent developments and to see how you present. Please view this as a great opportunity for you to showcase yourself and show enthusiasm for the subject! You really do not need to do homework beyond attending the conference and picking out a couple things to say about each speaker and sharing the materials. Good luck and you can do this!

  8. Anon

    I read something that said successful people don’t punish themselves by doing things they’re bad at, but instead work to be even better at what they’re already good at.

    I’m working in a firm for the first time, and I’m feeling like I’m terrible at it. I don’t know if it’s just my firm, if it’s me just getting used to a different kind of work, or if I’m actually bad at it. I miss the success I had in public policy roles. I was really good at it, picked things up lightning fast, and I felt fulfilled – truly an amazing professional situation! Here, I feel like I’m never delivering what they’re looking for and never quite get what’s going on.

    Is time the answer? I’ve only been here 4 months. What do you think about developing greatness vs improving on weaknesses? Is there merit in slogging through and strengthening weak areas when you know you’re really good in another area?

    • ace

      In a nutshell, yes, time is probably the answer. The first 1-2 years of working at a law firm s*u*c*k*s for everyone. That doesn’t mean that it will be better after the initial period passes, but I wouldn’t quit/move on until at least 1 year into the job.

    • Anonymous

      It takes at least 2 years to know anything about being a lawyer. Give it time.

      • Anonymous

        I think the learning curve is epic. At least 2. Lots of time, it’s even longer/steeper.

    • CountC

      8 years after law school, I am finally starting to feel like a boss (aka know what is being asked for/looked for and know what is going on). Sometimes. But way more than I used to!

      IMO it takes far longer than 4 months to get up to speed and used to a different type/style of work. Ask questions, listen and learn, observe, ask more questions, etc.

    • JJ

      I agree that time is probably the answer. It took my 2+ years of practicing law at a firm before I finally felt like I was familiar with it and almost knew what I was doing. Give yourself plenty of time to feel like a fish out of water.

      Generally, I also disagree that successful people don’t punish themselves by doing things they’re bad at. The only way to learn new skills and subjects is to start from something you may not be great at and practice until it becomes a habit or you become a subject-matter expert. Maybe I could see that, if you’re terrible at music and can’t carry a tune, you shouldn’t spend your life trying to score a record deal. But that doesn’t mean you (“you” generally, not specifically) should bail on opportunities if they don’t come naturally to you immediately.

    • Anonymous

      Man, I could’ve written this (except for the public policy). I lateraled a few months ago and I’ve never felt more lost and like I’m disappointing everyone around me. I felt like I was really good at what I did before (at my old firm). Like really good. But I was really good at something that you can get really good at quickly and that’s as far as you go.

      So I’m trying to remind myself it takes time to get good at hard things. I’m still good at what I’m good at. That can’t be taken away from me. And if I can set aside my ego for a couple years, eventually I’ll be good at this hard stuff too.

  9. When do you check out?

    Hi ladies,

    Hoping for advice. I am 35 years old, recently student loan debt-free (had over $200K) and barely worth about 1 million (including retirement savings). I am single and renting in a HCOL area. Have been home-hunting for 4 years but always outbid. No life anchors.

    I make around 400k per year – my income has tripled in the last 5 years. I got there by basically having no life outside work. In the last year things eased up, in part because of my conscious choice to stop killing myself for a company that was not going to promote me. I could Lean Back and continue with my employer indefinitely, making at least $300k per year.

    But what I really want to do is just chuck it all and get a menial job (working at Starbucks?) that leaves me free time to read and pursue hobbies. I feel like I’ve wasted my life building a secure financial future for…absolutely nobody. Ok, myself…but my point is, my colleagues ALL have kids to put through college, etc….basically they have reasons to keep striving and I simply have none. I do have hobbies but when people ask me about them I am embarrassed to discuss them, because I know the only reason I have time for any hobbies is that I have no partner and when my parents die I will be totally alone in this world. Sure I can keep accruing money, but to what end? I don’t have high tastes, I donate to multiple charities each month, and I think I could find a fuller life by just checking the F*&^K out.

    After my ex-boyfriend left me 3 years ago I gave up hope of finding somebody. I’m attractive enough, but nobody I’m interested in is interested in me…and at my advanced age, the guys I meet who ARE single are single for a reason – lots of combat vets with major PTSD issues, angry divorced dads, and older men who remind me of my dad (ick).

    Other single corporate slave ladies…what keeps you going? Is there a point at which you say “why bother,” recognize you aren’t going anywhere professionally or personally, and just withdraw into an independent and pleasant cocoon of a life? What is the point of continuing the corporate ladder climb when you have nobody to share it with?

    • Anon

      Instead of thinking about what you don’t want, what do you want? What would you find fulfilling and meaningful and worthwhile? Would public interest work provide meaning? Do you want to travel? I can assure you, Starbucks would be old in about a week. Can you take a sabbatical from work To ponder this appropriately?

      • nutella

        I was about to say the same thing – you need to take a sabbatical or a real vacation to really think this through. Also, you are in the unique position *to be able to* take a week or two away.

        Also, I ended up meeting my SO, but before that, I felt the same way as you. Just kept wondering, “what’s it all for?” Ultimately, I knew that I always wanted to be a mother and that if I couldn’t have a family with a husband someday because I was single at the time, then I’d want to consider solo options and would have been glad to have worked for that/my future family/the wellbeing of my siblings, parents, etc. We don’t have kids yet, and who knows, he could die unexpectedly or become severely disabled or flat out leave me and I’d be wanting a family still, so it was still ‘for’ something, but I know what you mean.

        I think it would be helpful to think of what you would want out of stepping back. Is it to travel? Have more free time? Volunteer more? See your loved ones more? Think of how you could start doing that now slowly to see if you like it. Maybe you really want to make coffee. But maybe you just want to be more social and have an impact on people, in which case teaching law or volunteering as a mentor could really change things up for you.

        Also, don’t be ashamed of your hobbies!

    • Anonymous

      I think people are either internally motivated to achieve (whether that’s making money, climbing the corporate ladder, running marathons or being supermom) or they’re not. If you are the former, the appeal of withdrawing into a “pleasant cocoon of a life” will dissipate over time and leave you feeling like your life has no purpose/meaning. If you are the latter, you’ll probably be just fine having a low paid, no growth job that leaves you plenty of free time. I don’t think it really depends on whether you have a family to support (though that could certainly turn a type b person into a type a person), I think it’s just inborn. So, only you can assess what kind of person you are. I would be much more miserable working at starbucks every day than I am at my very intense job, even for the same money, because I am just inherently a goal oriented person.

      • X

        She doesn’t have to choose an extreme. There are jobs in the middle. I’m in my mid-forties. I make just under $100K, but will probably hit that number in the next year or 2. I work a 7 hour day and work from home twice a week.

        I, too, would be miserable working at Starbucks, not least because I’m a total introvert and could not deal with all the people, but I’d also hate the full-ambition, no-life-outside-of-work path that she’s currently on.

        And I say this as someone who’s single and childless, although I have great family and friends…

    • Anonymous

      You shouldn’t quit a good job because you’re depressed. And not telling people about your hobbies because . . . wait why though? You’re embarrassed? Is dumb.

    • Anonymous

      Advanced age? You are 35… maybe you can reevaluate how you are meeting people. And why be embarrassed about having hobbies? That’s not embarrassing! You’re in a rut and I doubt you would truly enjoy working at Starbucks. Maybe you can do some pondering and figure out what would truly be meaningful to you as a career, as you are leaning back a bit.

    • Emmer

      It’s clear from your post that you’re not fulfilled in your life, but I’m having a hard time figuring out why. Is it that despite the pay, your job really sucks and it’s only worth doing if you have a family to provide for? Or is it that you really want a partner and/or family but don’t have time to build that because you are too busy with a job you otherwise like? Or is it that you don’t like your job AND you want a family?

      I’m asking because this will change your priorities. If you actually like your job but want to find a partner, take the time you spend on hobbies and re-focus on dating. You say you “gave up” before, so you don’t know if there is someone out there for you now. But if you don’t like your job, you should re-focus on exploring what will fulfill you career-wise.

      Your post makes it sound like you think you failed yourself by not being fulfilled now, which isn’t true – you have a lot to be proud of and you didn’t fail just because you see now that you want to take a different path.

    • Stormtrooper

      I’d look into a career coach if I were you. Sounds like the world is your oyster. You are in a financial position that doesn’t trap you in a job you HATE. This sounds like opportunity that you can seize on. I would definitely consider a sabbatical to travel, think and explore!

    • Maddie Ross

      I’m confused as to how your income has tripled, but you think you aren’t advancing or being promoted. Is it title only? Or are there duties that you want that you aren’t getting?

      • When do you check out?

        My responsibilities and duties are upward tracking and monumental in scope, but my title has remained the same for political reasons.

    • When do you check out?

      To those who are suggesting that I can choose a middle path: I’ve tried and failed to get those jobs. I’ve had multiple interviews with other employers who basically said they couldn’t understand why I would willingly take a 70% pay cut. They seemed to think I was being managed out (absolutely not true).

      My hobbies take me “out” at least weekly, but the people I meet are those I have almost nothing in common with. They enrich my life but they are way younger than me, not corporate and cannot understand my life, etc. Very honestly, everybody my age that I meet in my city who has their life otherwise together (normal job, etc.) is married. I’m sick and tired of having my other-ness thrown in my face multiple times a day by existing in this city and at my company as a single person. I am thinking of buying a cottage in a remote area with cash and leading a very solitary existence with books, food from my garden, and volunteering for any number of causes.

      • Emmer

        I’m still really confused as to whether you want to be single or not though. I truly know plenty of people who met their significant others at 35 or older (none of whom “settled” for someone they didn’t like). You 100% can meet someone if you want to. But if you would be content being single were it not for the city you live in, why not just move to someplace where it’s more common to be a single adult?

      • Anonymous

        Girl. You’re 35. It’s not time to retreat to the forest!! If you really live somewhere where most 35-year-olds are married, move. It sounds like you are suffering from mild to moderate depression – maybe therapy etc. would help, but more than anything it just sounds like you need a serious change of scenery. Seriously, talk to recruiters in major cities where there are lots of unmarried 35 year-olds. You can’t walk five feet without smacking into one where I live.

        • Chicago

          Met my husband two years ago at 35. My grandmother had all her kids in her 40s. In the words of the Dowager Duchess – “don’t be defeatist dear, it’s very middle class”.

          • Senior Attorney

            Right? I really don’t want to be condescending, but… good grief! 35 is young! I’ve been married twice, the second time at 40, and have an awesome new gentleman friend I met at 56. So honestly… I can’t help but think this “advanced age” thing is just crazy.

        • Ellen

          Yay! I agree. Sorry to be so late again, but I had to go to the doctor again for my brused thigh. The doctor wanted make sure I was healeing properly. Of course, he needed to use his stethescope snuck a peek at my boobie’s even tho my bruse was no where near there. FOOEY!

          As for the OP’s, I see some of myself in this OP, but there is HOPE for all of us singel girl’s who are sucesful in BUSNESS, but NOT in our PERSONAL lives. DOUBEL FOOEY! She, just like me, had a boyfreind 3 year’s ago, but no longer. I know in my case that my ex was a drunk. Mabye hers was similar, but mabye NOT. Either way, we BOTH need new boyfreind’s who are interested in doeing MORE then just drinkeing, haveing sex every day with us and then barfeing and soiling our expensive bedding.

          We BOTH need to have HUSBANDS willing to MARRY us and having children with us! Once we have that, we will all be alot better off. This is the key to being happy. Being a profesional alone is NOT for me and any other sane person. We need to be MARRIED. YAY!!

      • APC

        Is it possible for you to take a sabbatical from work and/or to quit with really good bridges such that they would re-hire you in a year or so if you so wanted? I would try to take as much time as possible off and live the life you are contemplating to try it out before really going for it.

        Is there anything else you can do to get out of your comfort zone with respect to meeting people? Community theater or an improv class or something?

        Other questions to bring up – what brings you joy? If I had the money to truly support myself in case of failure, if I were in your shoes, I’d open a bakery. It would be a very different existence, but still something with goals and achievements.

        But back to your main question of when to check out…. Personally I think you’re too young. I know lots of people in their mid-late thirties (and older) who haven’t necessarily found their niche yet but they’re still looking (whether that is with partners/families, or career wise, or both). One of my best friends is 37, single and childless, and not sure about her job. But she’s exploring opportunities and continuing to put herself out there in hopes of happiness. I also know a wonderful 55 year old woman who about 3 years ago decided to give up being an architect to pursue acting. Her talent level is questionable (sorry if you happen to be reading this and think it’s you – it’s probably not you), but she’s giving it her all and is driven and fulfilled now. She’s also single and childless. And she’s happy.

        TLDR – unless you really think you will be happy living that solitary existence – don’t give up yet.

      • emeralds

        Maybe this is me, watching a dear friend stay in her dream city because it’s her dream city and her dream position etc….despite the fact that she can’t find a strong community there and seems no closer to her goals of marriage + family, but try a new location. There’s a lot to be said for putting yourself out there for your hobby, and I’m glad that you have people who are enriching your life, but it’s also okay to say that, despite your best efforts to the contrary, a city is just not working for you.

        I also think you’re wrong to count out a middle path. Just because you haven’t been successful in finding one yet, doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t be. And if the people that are interviewing you think you’re being managed out, so what? I was managed out of my last job (through no fault of my own), and still ended up in my dream job.

        But with that said, if what you want to hear is “it’s okay to totally check out”…it’s okay to totally check out. But you should know that life choice has consequences. What happens if you get bored? What happens if disaster strikes and your money runs out, and you have to find a job quickly in your remote area? What’s your plan for maintaining your connections to your hobby?

        Respectfully, I would also strongly encourage you to check your position that you have nothing in common with the people that you meet. You share a hobby–you have that in common already. I see this on here a lot, but don’t assume no one can possibly understand your special snowflake corporate/law life if they aren’t corporate themselves. The things you’re describing–loneliness, not seeing the point of working for years if it’s getting you no closer to where you want to be, having a relationship blow up in your face–are universal to the human experience. Give people a chance instead of assuming that they can never possibly relate to you.

        • January

          +1 to all of this. What I’m seeing in the OP is a lot of absolute statements that could just as easily be qualified with a “yet”: You haven’t gotten a different job *yet.* You haven’t met someone that interests you that is also interested in you *yet.*

          I don’t know what you need — whether it’s therapy, antidepressants, a change of scenery — but I do know this kind of black-and-white thinking won’t serve you well.

        • Killer Kitten Heels

          I agree with emeralds that it sounds like your location is playing a big role in your feelings of disconnectedness. I’m also getting the sense that your hobbies are in an area that’s really, really different from your job (like, you’re a corporate lawyer who makes stained glass windows on the weekends, or something) which is making me wonder if there’s some sort of fundamental mismatch between who you think you are (fancywhitecollarcorporatelady!) and who you actually are (introvertedartistwhoprefersflowerstopeople, mayhaps?).

          I know some anon is probably going to jump on my case for “over-recommending” therapy, but finding my therapist is on the top-5-best-things-that-have-ever-happened-to-me list, so I’m going to recommend it anyway, because I know for me personally, therapy has helped me enormously in figuring out my career and life goals (and in realizing that what I thought I wanted was actually something I’d been trained to think I was “supposed to” want, and what I actually want from my life is very different, because I’m a very different person, at core, than the description that got slapped on me by other people a decade ago).

          • Killer Kitten Heels

            And also – your “escape plan” sounds amazing, and personally, if I had your financial resources, it’s something I’d seriously consider doing myself, so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you want to do. The only thing that has me hesitating from telling you 100% to go for it is that I’m catching a vibe of underlying depression or tension or something in your post that is making me wonder whether your escape plan is really what you want, or just a method of running away from something else that’s bothering you.

            If you are going to leave the corporate life (and I think that’s a great idea, long-term, but that’s my personal bias/feelings popping up), make sure you are running towards something you really want to do, and not just running away from feelings you don’t want to feel.

      • Trish

        I see how it can be hard to get a job in another area taking a pay cut. Maybe explore going part time in your current gig. Also, the most fulfilling thing we can do is work with other people. Donating to charity is one thing but teaching someone to read or volunteering in a hospital may give you the kind of reward you are looking for. Or maybe you could get involved with mentoring young women who want to go into business. You are having an early mid-life crisis, maybe even a spiritual crisis. Take time, go to counseling, go to church, just explore yourself. Oh, and hugs!

    • Anonymous

      You sound like you seriously need a fairy godmother to come whisk you away for a makeover and a vacation! It sounds like depression is the problem, honestly, and I’d either suggest therapy and/or some serious exercise, preferably outside and in the sun. Get your groove back, girl!

      Have you looked into a Danielle LaPorte/Marie Forleo type retreat? I don’t think either woman holds them anymore but I’m sure there are millions of others who do. Find your passion, seek to make a difference in the world. LaPorte’s main book (I’m blanking on it now — Firestarter something?) might be good for you right now. The audio book is pretty listenable.

      • Sydney Bristow

        The Firestarter Sessions is her first book and The Desire Map is her second. Both are good.

        • Anon Gov Atty

          Was reading this thread at my desk looking for inspiration. Just downloaded Firestarter. Thanks for mentioning this book – it’s just what I need right now, and I’d never heard of it before.

    • anon

      “Advanced age”? Reading your post, I honestly thought you were 55. Then I realized you were 35. This seems like the biggest source of your problem- thinking that your life is over because you’re 35. This is false!

    • Anonymous

      If I were in your shoes, I’d quit and pursue something I’m passionate about. I know I’d find Starbucks unpleasant for a variety of reasons (boring, likely to be yelled at/bossed around with no ability to stand up for myself, and the fact that I’m an introvert). But if I had your financial situation, I’d quit my law job in a heartbeat to pursue my passions for travel, writing, baking, etc. For example, I’d love to get a degree in creative writing but I know it’s very hard to make a living at that. Someone mentioned an architect becoming an actor above. Could you do something like that and try to work in a field you’re passionate about, even if it wouldn’t be very financially lucrative? That seems like it would be a lot more fulfilling than Starbucks.

    • LAnon

      My friend, you only live once! And you have set yourself up to have a lot of options! Do you think it would make you happier and more fulfilled to go live in a little cabin, with a garden and some books and some volunteer work? Go do it! That sounds great.

      I know there are a lot of folks advocating for a “middle path”, which might be the answer if you weren’t in the secure financial position that you are in. But given that you are very financially secure AND you sound miserable, this sounds like a great time to chuck it all in and try something new.

      It sounds like you have done a great job of being conscientious and dedicated your whole life. Now is a great time to be a little wild and take some chances. Live your life to the fullest! You might find that you love it, or maybe that you hate it, but either way, I advocate that you make a big change.

      Also, some reading material you might consider: Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, Being Perfect by Anna Quindlen, Leap by Tess Vigeland.

    • anon J

      I often feel like you do. Same age, single, no dependents. It’s like… what am I really working for?

      But it sounds like there are two separate issues:

      1. General dissatisfaction with work
      2. Frustration at not finding a partner

      I think you should address these separately:

      1. Explore new careers. Take a break. You have plenty saved! Travel would probably provide a fresh perspective.
      2. Don’t give up on dating. You’re way too young to give up. Seriously.

    • Anon

      Ok babe, you need to calm down. It’s wonderful that you are worth a mil. I’m sorry to tell you that is not enough to quit the rat race and retire at 35.

      You’ve never worked full time at Starbucks and you’ve never lived in a cottage in a remote area with a solitary existence. These ideas are called “escape fantasies” and they are just that – fantasies.

      Your salary has tripled in 5 years so your career has not stagnated. You are just at a plateau. Who cares about titles?

      Can you do the same work but travel more? If not at your company, perhaps as a consultant?

      Can you lateral or even submarine to a different area of your company to learn something new?

      You can shake things up without throwing everything out. Most of us do that from time to time. It keeps life interesting.

      And if you really, REALLY want to meet someone and get married, you can do that too. You just have to apply the same vigor to that as you have your job, with the caveat that no one is perfect, nor are you. Meeting people through your hobby isn’t working, so get yourself out there in another way – eharmony or a matchmaking service – and take some risks. Go on dates with people you think are not a match. Everyone is worth a cup of coffee or a sandwich in a diner.

      All in all, you are having a bad day/month/year but it does not mean that this is how the rest of your life will be.

      • Anonymous

        Huge over-generalization to say a million is not enough to retire on. I mean, it depends where you want to live and what you want to do/own, but there are certainly cities in the US where you can easily retire on a million, if you invest well and are able to live frugally. It doesn’t have to be places that are stereotypically “LCOL” either…there are single family homes in Hawaii for well less than half a million and you could easily pay for long-term travel by renting the house when you’re gone. And of course there are lots of LCOL area most people don’t save a million by 65…plenty of them still manage to retire.

        • Anon

          Big BIG difference between retiring at age 35 with a million and age 65 with a million. I’m an actuary. What are your credentials?

          • Anonymous

            Umm, I know how to do math? There’s no difference between retiring at 35 vs. retiring at 65 if you’re only living on interest and not drawing down the principal. It entirely depends on what amount she can live on. And if she has a hobby job where she makes enough money to live off of (e.g., $40k a year), maybe she doesn’t even need to touch the $1m in the bank at all and then it can just keep growing.

        • anon

          She’s talking about retiring with a million…. at 35.

          That seems unrealistic.

          • Blonde Lawyer

            Check out Mr. Money Mustache. How much you need in retirement depends on your cost of living. Many people can live very fulfilling lives in a minimalist style. She also doesn’t need to retire for life.

          • Anonymous

            But very possible. I retired at 37 with 1 million. Single woman. And my net worth continues to grow.

    • Anonymous

      Sounds like you’re in the wrong location. I’m 33 in DC, with friends ranging from 30-45, many of whom are single and/or no kids. Many of them are in corporate jobs, some in academia, some in tech, some in government, and pretty much everyone is very career-oriented. I felt very similarly to you before I moved to DC, and it was like a light bulb went off and all of a sudden I found my people. It could make a huge difference for you to move somewhere where being 35, single, and career-oriented is entirely normal. Seriously, living in another smaller city with a very different pool of people was just night and day as compared to my current experience.

      If you decide to move, let the hive know where you go, and I’m sure there will be some ladies who will be delighted to meet you for an 8 pm happy hour (I always wonder who these people are who can happy hour at 5 pm).

      • Anon

        Yes, I moved from D.C. to the Midwest for 4 years out of recession-related desperation. It felt like I aged several years after a 2-hour trip! What woman wants to feel that way? People marry later in big cities, so location can make a big difference.

    • Blue ink pens

      Hmmm…

      I don’t have any advice based on actual experience, but I’m pretty confident that I know what I would do if I was in your shoes. (When I was *planning* to win that huge lottery a few weeks back, I decided on my future!)

      If I was you, I would look for a new job, but really open up the possibilities quite wide. I mean, I’d read all kinds of postings, things I never ever thought about doing, and just look for a new challenge. Since you don’t need to worry too much about salary, since it sounds like you might be open to moving somewhere new, & since from the sound of it you have a lot of general work-related skills, I think you would have so many opportunities. If I was you, I’d look through jobs ads and find some that speak to my gut and go from there. I’d follow my gut and see where it takes me.

    • Yeah I feel you

      The dating pool is bleak for sure. The PTSD thing is unreal. I started becoming active in legislative procedures because of how many I met WHILE DATING. (Cool story bro they all probably think at the legislature).

      Is there anyway you can plan to retire early if the above doesn’t work out? I mean really sock away the money and get out at 45? Then, you could work at Starbucks for fun or not. And just do whatever?

      I feel you on the dating thing though. I found a list of life goals I’ve updated every year and I stopped doing it at the beginning of 2012 when my ex and I split. The only thing I have left is “have a family” on there. And it’s sad but I’ve had to let that one go and focus on friends and family because when it became the last thing, list or not, I still knew that’s all that was left that I wanted to achieve.

      I have way less money ($220k in debt still and only $50K in retirement) but I am 1.5 years younger and I feel the same way sometimes. And the more money I make the more the dating pool shrinks! But you’ve got lots of good advice here. Good luck!

    • Hi guys

      Why don’t you just buy a cottage in a remote area to escape to on weekends? Sounds nice. If it gets boring #%@& it. Sell it.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks everybody for your replies.

      I’d love to not be single and think that is essentially 99% of my problem. I’ve been depressed before and know way too well what that feels like…I am not depressed now. No way. I’ve had incredibly cool experiences in the last 4 years, discovered an amazing new city, learned a new hobby and got good enough that I competed at the international level. Overall in the moment, I have been generally happy for the vast majority of this period even when work sucked. It is only when I consider my life on a macro level, and specifically being single, that I get so depressed and despairing. I do date but feel like an alien life form next to most men. The ones who are into me basically want to sponge off me emotionally and financially. Or they are just way way too young. A 23 year old asked me out last week, what the what?!

      Vacations aren’t real vacations in my company. But maybe I will take one anyway. I have a trip planned in June.

      • Anon123

        Echoing what another poster above said, I think the men as aliens could be your city.

        When my ex-h and I got divorced, I was living in a small city in a very wholesome state where he had been sent for work. I lived there for a while after the divorce. Being 33 and single with a law degree in a city like that made ME the alien. Dating was hilarious. Trying to describe my job to them as a regulatory government attorney was like speaking Greek. They really only knew their existence in their wholesome state and nothing of the grander world. Graduate degrees were really pretty uncommon there, too.

        I moved to DC and met up with friends from law school and others and things are great now. I have lots of 30-something single and career-driven friends. And everybody and their brother has a graduate degree.

        And if this helps, I found this very encouraging when I was depressed about being single: a girlfriend who’s about 40 told me that around 37, all the hot divorced men come on the market. Yes, they’re divorced, but that doesn’t mean they’re all “broken.” Nor are all veterans broken (but WHOA have my girlfriends told me stories about PTSD guys). Right as soon as I gave up on dating altogether, vowing to be single until my 50s when I imagined I’d find a debonair Cary Grant type, I was introduced to a hot divorced veteran and things are going well…and his baggage is comparable to mine ;) The biggest thing is to keep hope. There is so much to hopeful for!

      • cbackson

        I think you probably know, though, that if being single is the biggest piece of this, that withdrawing won’t help you. You know that, right? I mean, I totally get it. I’m your same age, and I’m in your shoes in many respects, although I was previously married. And sometimes everything gets to feel like too much, and I definitely like to imagine that perhaps I could move to a bucolic small town, where I would randomly meet a handsome bachelor who listened to NPR and ran a diner or something, but sadly, life is not a Harlequin category romance and probably there is a limited supply of such gentlemen in such small towns.

        I think you probably need a change, in one sense of another, but that change isn’t entering a cloister of your own making. We’re young – so young – and life isn’t over.

        • Anon

          Thank you for the reminder to join the local NPR station and attend its get-togethers as a way of meeting like-minded people

          • cbackson

            I actually did that when I lived in Seattle! I volunteered to answer phones for the pledge drive. It was super-fun.

    • Trisha

      I don’t know if this will help, but I’ve recently found that reading “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown is helping me reconsider what I am looking for in life and what success really means. Success is certainly not bringing you joy.

  10. TBK

    Recipe help needed! I thought I was buying a fully cooked ham and figured we could sort of all eat on it for a few days (one dinner plus a bunch of sandwiches, etc.). But I don’t think it’s actually fully cooked. It’s a smoked half ham. I want to cook it in my slow cooker but every recipe I’ve found includes brown sugar, maple syrup, or Dr Pepper. I don’t want any added sugar. We don’t really like sweet hams in our house. Anyone have any recipes? I really need to throw it in the cooker tomorrow morning!

  11. Stuck

    For those who offered me helpful advice the other day, I just wanted to report back that I got un-stuck enough on my terrible project to complete a very imperfect draft. Thanks for the suggestions to break through, and especially for the suggestion to give myself permission to do a crap job on it… I now have something to work with, even if it’s crap, and my anxiety has gone down about 10 rungs. Thanks!

      • just say no

        Wow way to be supportive. Obviously it’s not her final product, but a draft.

        • Wildkitten

          I think SA is being genuinely supportive to the OP who is new to accepting imperfection.

          • Senior Attorney

            Yep. I was the one who suggested giving oneself permission to do a crap job so I was coming back to say I was happy it was helpful.

            But, you know, feel free to interpret things in the worst light possible…

  12. Lane

    I just finished my third busy month (ranging from 225 to 300 hours billed) in a row and I’ve hit a wall. I’m tired and feeling down. I told my SO about how I was feeling, and his response was “look at all of the responsibility they’re trusting you with!” Which, while true – kind of, I’m not sure the powers that be realize how much is landing on my desk – was not the response I was looking for at the moment :)

    • anon

      Just here to commiserate! It is hard when the projects are coming from all directions. I haven’t really figured out how to handle it quite yet myself.

    • Walnut

      The correct response would be, “You’re killing it! Let’s book a vacation for [less busy time] to celebrate.”

    • Anonymous

      If you’re that busy, that probably means people love and respect your work. Keep saying yes to work but start setting boundaries to the extent you can, i.e., “Yes, I can get to that project, after I do X, Y, Z; so I could start next Friday/have it to you by the end of the month.”

      And treat yourself for working so damn hard. Clothes/food/a massage, something to make you feel good.

  13. green eyed monster

    I am in a long-distance relationship. It is far from ideal, but was definitely the right choice to make. I am finishing up my JD in a city that I have no intention of staying in long term. He has a great job in another city, and is very likely heading to graduate school himself soon. We see each other as frequently as we can (cost be damned), and we have a solid relationship.

    One of my very close friends lives in his city. She used to date a close friend of his, but it didn’t work out. She is in another serious relationship. They have been good friends for a while, and hang out one-on-one quite a lot—dinners, concerts.

    How I can I stop myself from feeling jealous? To make things clear: I don’t suspect that there’s anything more than a friendship between them. It’s a good thing that they enjoy each other’s company and I should feel happy that people in my life that I care a lot about are getting along. But every time he tells me that they are hanging out, I feel a very ugly stab of jealousy. Any way around this?

    • Anonymous

      Taking the fact that your bf and your female friend are spending a lot of one-on-one time together outside of their respective serious relationships . . .

      Given what you describe, it sounds like your jealousy stems more from someone else spending quality time with him when you can’t than he is spending time with another woman. Those may sounds similar, but they are different in my mind. I completely understand why you are feeling the way that you do and I think it’s natural. I don’t have any coping skills unfortunately, but perhaps redirecting your thoughts might help? For example, you hear they have gone to a concert together and you feel jealous. Telling yourself that you feel jealous because you miss him and wish you were spending time with him (versus plainly that he is spending time with another woman), but reminding yourself that you have XYZ visit coming up and have ABC planned and are very excited about maximizing the time you will have together. LD relationships suck and I think this is a normal feeling that will only truly go away when you are both in the same place.

    • In the Pink

      Been in your situation. Perhaps you need some fun, social, non-dating activities. I used to be home all weekend, pining away and waiting for the phone to ring. Eventually I realized we were in this situation because of our schooling and that we both should be “Happy” and “Having Fun” outside of school (we were both taking extremely high course loads, working to support ourselves, and maintaining high grades) – and pressure releases – until we were done and could be together. So I started doing more fun things while finishing my studies.

      Fast forward – after 7 years apart during schooling, we were engaged the year I had my internship. We married afterwards. Been married 30 years now.

      Have some fun, dear. You’ll feel better. Trust is key and can be simply eroded away by boredom.

  14. Anonymous

    Love, love , love the suit! I wonder if we’ll ever see the return of the collared blouse with the suit? I really liked the look of the collar buttoned up. However, several years ago, I had a co-worker who wore a nice blouse with a blaser with her collar buttoned up. Her collar got twisted up in the back and it made one side of her collar stick straight up. She didn’t know about it all day and it looked strange. Another time she wore that outfit with a tie and she didn’t have her tie on straight and her collar was sticking up. I also like the look of wearing a tie, but only occasionally. There are certainly a lot of pitfalls when you wear a suit and your collar isn’t right. One of my wardrobe malfunctions has been when my lapels get turned up or twisted.

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