Suit of the Week: Lafayette 148 New York

94 Comments

1. This came up tangentially a few days ago – do you find men and women age differently say at age 70+ pr 75+? People seem to say it’s more men who don’t want to travel, would rather stay home etc. sooner than their wives. Is that an aging thing or historically that in many couples the wife may be a few years younger?

   1. Gender.

   2. I don’t think it’s an age thing I just think women are generally healthier than men especially in that age group where there’s lots of ‘meat and potatoes’ men.

   3. My father was 11 years older than my mother. They traveled until he was in his early 90s. He was the main one who wanted to travel and be out and about. I think she hesitated knowing that she would have to take on the lion’s share of planning and helping him prepare and pack etc. as he got older and had less energy. In other words, he relied on her to make things work for them, but this was never acknowledged verbally and there was some resentment, maybe unconscious on my mother’s part.

   4. I find that men in my circles stay active longer, in part because they’d always been active. I’m interested in how active/athletic longevity changes now that the first wave of women who grew up after Title IX are past 50.
      In the running/cycling community where I live, there is still a healthy competition (and some pretty damn fast times) among men well into their upper 70s, while there are seldom enough participants to fill out the age group slots once women hit 65. For the most part, it’s due to health issues, not lack of interest.
      I’m not sure how this translates into everyday life, off the road or bike.

      1. Just curious, does cycling tend to be pretty male-dominate? If so, maybe that’s part of that dynamic –

         1. Yes, but there’s still greater attrition proportionally among the women than men – again, that’s just my relatively small sample size. I think this will change as a greater number of women come to adult sports with a lifetime of athletic activity in more varied events (grew up post Title IX), but only time will tell.

         2. In my experience it’s very male. Not that there aren’t women who participate, but I find the culture to be very bro-ish even among the over-60s.

   5. The travel bug is split pretty evenly by gender in my broader friend/acquaintance circle. I really think it’s more of a personality thing than a gender thing. I’m late 50s and have lots of retired friends. They all seem to travel a great deal and got back to it eagerly after getting vaccinated. The only couple I know of that aren’t on the same page about travel is one where the wife is the reluctant traveler/ more of a homebody.

      But these couples are all approximately the same age. I think that’s a different question than the age gap issues where the older spouse becomes too infirm to travel. Pre-pandemic, one of my friends and his wife took his parents and her parents on a cruise. One of the dads never left the ship for excursions, which everyone felt bad about, but he insisted he had a great time anyway.

   6. Super small sample size but it seems to me that older men tend to get nervous about every little thing – going anyplace new; being off their routine in any way – like sleeping an hour less or lunch being 30 min later; and it’s not due to health problems just HABIT. And once that sets in, it is hard to travel or explore even locally let alone far away. I feel like this board always has the exceptional stories of the 75 year olds still working 70 hours a week and biking 50 miles on the weekend posting winning race times, but that’s just not what I’ve seen IRL for MOST men — sure there’s always that one exceptional person.

   7. I think it’s pretty individual. My dad is a very active 70 – he’s retired, but still manages a few residential properties as a very hands-on small landlord, and he loves doing some of the maintenance himself (he was previously in commercial development). His sister, who is less than a year older than him, does not stay active and has encountered numerous health problems since she retired a bit over ten years ago. I think it’s more disposition, and anecdotally, how much you make an effort to be active in your day-to-day life. Not just exercise, but getting out of the house regularly and doing things that stimulate you mentally.

   8. It varies. I do think men tend to be crankier. So I feel like if it’s a man and woman and both are slowing down – women are more likely (if they want) to adjust to those limitations but still try to do things they consider fun; men are more likely to shut down and be cranky about it and then sitting begets more sitting. Maybe that’s just societal – women are training since practically birth to keep it moving/not complain even if they don’t feel great because they must survive in a “man’s world” so they’re more used to adapting, being flexible.

      1. You’ve described my parents. My 73-year-old dad has become SUCH A GROUCH in the past couple of years. But, this is not specific to travel, which he has always loathed and avoided.

         1. Many men become depressed with aging/retiring and it manifests as irritability. My Dad changed a lot when his depression was treated.

   9. I think people get a little … distilled… enhancing existing traits, as they age.

      So slightly anxious or reluctant travellers will become very anxious or reluctant or cranky. Paired with a natural slowing down in retirement, that can lead to no travelling.

   10. I think men generally slow down faster than women. My dad is only 2 years older than my mom and they’re relatively young (69 and 71) but they already have a lot of conflict because he just wants to sit on a couch and watch TV and she wants to travel and be active. Dad used to really love travel as much or more than mom so it’s not just differing interests. He also complains a lot more than her about everything. And he is in much worse physical health but that probably has more to do with lifestyle choices than gender (he is very overweight and doesn’t exercise).

   11. With all the discussions on age differences in couples, and how that impact the relationship, I was reminded of this blogger who regularly writes about uneven aging: https://passagedesperles.blogspot.com/

   12. A lot of guys need to be near the bathroom as they age. Women can just wear a pad for leaks.

2. I haven’t noticed a strong change in my friends when they age, where their basic dispositions change. The couples who have liked to travel and do things still like that. The ones who don’t, still don’t. I know couples where the wife is a homebody and the husband likes to go and do.

   What does change the dynamics is physical frailty, illness, or a very difficult life change — like a death or divorce, so that someone who used to love doing things is now alone and perhaps depressed.

   I also see that people get tired of “going along to get along” and just stop doing the thing that they have never liked doing.

3. Hi lovely folks,

   I’m curious to know if any of you have had deaf/hearing impaired, speech-impaired, and/or visually impaired colleagues throughout your work history.

   I’m two of these categories, and while sensory disabled make up over 15% of the world’s workforce, we are struggling to get a foot into the door in most corporate or skilled workplaces and as a result there is a huge dearth of representation and allies that can help the current and next generation of the disabled move forward and upward.

   So let me know your stories about interviewing, working with or knowing of any deaf/HoH/blind/speech impaired coworkers and where you work!

   1. I’ve never had any (attorney in private practice) but I have had one co-worker and many opposing counsel with cerebral palsy and other mobility issues (like if there is a fire, someone will need to help Max (in a wheelchair) to a stairway vestibule to await rescue by people who can carry Max to safety). A cousin-in-law has CP that somewhat affects her speech and while she was Phi Beta Kappa, people often spoke to her companions when she was interviewing as if she could not hear or understand spoken words (she can). When I took the metro in DC, I saw many blind people navigating it daily as if commuting to jobs (e.g., lanyard, work clothes, work-time commutes) and often saw people signing (Galludet is there, which maybe increased the local deaf/HOH population).

   2. So I’m really struck that you didn’t ask whether any of us were affected by any of these conditions ourselves, just whether we knew anyone. As someone who works in academia and has a disability, it reminds me a lot of the assumption that we’ll deal with students who have disabilities, but that faculty and staff should be able bodied and it’s very difficult to make accommodations for our disabilities. As a result, I’ve worked with a number of students with some level of speech/hearing/vision impairment, but very few coworkers that are openly disabled. Unfortunately, I feel that I mostly need to minimize my nonapparent disabilities if I want to keep my job.

      1. +1 to the first sentence! I am HoH, but I rarely disclose because I do not need accommodations at this time and I don’t always want to deal with the subsequent questions. That said, I routinely advocate for accessibility for the deaf/HoH, speech and visually impaired communities whenever I can (and others but you asked about those communities specifically). I am an attorney who has worked in private practice, state government, and now in-house.

      2. great point. I’m in academic administration and I’ve got hearing issues and I’m very open about it–ie where I sit so I can hear better, captioning, etc. It’s so important to see representation!

      3. +1
         I am hard of hearing, but most of my colleagues and bosses do not know about it. It doesn’t seem to be obvious or affect my performance, so they only get to know if I tell them. Usually it’s not necessary, so I never mention it. I work in academia (researcher) and in the past I’ve worked for government and international organizations. All these possisions were pretty junior, as I am in my very early 30s. Pandemic made it slightly worse, as for me it is more difficult to understand somebody who wears a mask, but then I ask them to repeat and speak louder.

   3. I have worked with a blind actuary. She was great and did well in the job.

   4. Honestly, disabilities have been highly stigmatized in the professional world for a long time. I work for government so I do have lots of disabled colleagues but they are often mid-level type employees and not managers or above. Personally I’m disabled (though not in the ways you listed) and I won’t disclose. I’ve heard too many terrible things said about people like me to risk the biases of others in my professional life.

   5. I run a tech company and greatly value the people we’ve hired who have visual or auditory limitations. It’s really important that we create accessible products, so having team members who can flag problems means that what we release is better for everyone who uses it. So when I interview someone who works with an interpreter or who I know uses screen readers, I think of it as a huge bonus.

      1. +1 A colorblind colleague at my last job was a great advocate for why we needed to use color and contrast thoughtfully, both in our internal and external publications. If you made a graph in shades of green and red, it wasn’t useful to him.

   6. I’ve worked with a blind attorney in private practice and anther in a non-profit, but I agree that they are the exceptions.

   7. I’ve had two co-workers who were blind. One was a paralegal-type position at my old firm that mainly dealt with collecting medical records, the other was a partner at my law firm (who is now in-house counsel at a large company). I don’t know him well as he was in another office, but he’s a litigator and tried cases. He also developed something of a niche practice on website accessibility issues. And while not a coworker, there was a blind judge in state court where I used to practice.

   8. I had a colleague who was hard of hearing at my last job. The first time I met her I recognized it from the sound of her voice, which was very much like my HoH’s grandmother’s voice so it felt familiar to me. Then the first time I saw her present at a meeting to a big group of colleagues, many of whom were unlikely to know her directly, she explained her disability and told anyone who might need a little help understanding her to raise their hand and she’d restate or clarify what she had to say. I admired that, but I also respect that not everyone might feel comfortable openly referencing their situation.

   9. I work in aerospace and have worked with many colleagues (and two higher managers!) who are colorblind. Their passion is unparalleled as most of them originally wanted to be pilots and now work to make flying possible for others. I work with a colleague who is some level of sight impaired as well.
      My experience was that my colleagues bring up their color preferences, font size, etc requests in meetings or in person and their requests are accepted and adopted as best as possible without issue (that I recall).
      Neither of the managers did make requests for presentation coloring, again that I recall. But they both penalized you for not having presentations they could see. I learned about their needs via whispers and almost confidential talks from others. At least one of the managers was a liar and very dysfunctional in how he treated employees. The other had more integrity, but he wasn’t amazing on the people front and maybe that played Into the problem. I bring that up to note that they may not have been capable of requesting what they actually needed, or unfortunately, they may not, even in their positions, or perhaps because of, didn’t feel comfortable bringing it up. I don’t know.
      For all that it’s easy for me to fall back into ‘the usual’ color scheme habits so this is a great reminder to be vigilant and normalize asking people if they have preferences for whatever reason. My company loves to talk about how they create a welcoming environment for everyone and yet most of our slide decks aren’t very friendly for colorblind folks- even though that condition is pretty common in parts of my industry.

   10. I work for a defense contractor and have worked with multiple deaf people (all IT type roles). They had translators so that they wouldn’t face any communications issues. From my perspective they fit in well with the teams they worked with.

   11. I have a coworker who is HOH and I didn’t know for a long time. It doesn’t seem to affect her in any way that an outsider would notice. She didn’t mention it until I’ve known her for about 2 years. She’s very loud on the phone (which can be annoying sometimes; we share a wall), but so are lots of people and I don’t know if it’s related.

       In the past, I’ve also regularly appeared before a judge who is significantly visually impaired — he has to hold papers directly in front of his face and move them side to side to read. He couldn’t recognize attorneys on sight, which I’m sure was annoying, but otherwise (as an outsider) it didn’t appear to be an issue. This was in a criminal court, and I do remember a defense attorney who did not know this judge making a comment about how it was “impossible” to live without driving and this judge yelled at him that he’s never driven a day in his life and somehow managed. Another judge in the same jurisdiction was blind and had a reader appointed to him. This judge retired shortly after I started, and I knew that he was highly regarded, but I never appeared before him and I don’t know whether he was blind his whole life/career.

       All these people made it seem “easy” to be a professional with a disability– but who knows what’s really going on.

   12. I worked with a programmer who was hard of hearing and visually impaired; he used a screen reader and chat to communicate and a dog to navigate. He was great. I think his boss did a lot to make working doable and when boss left he did too.

   13. I have worked with many people with disabilities – it’s very manageable when effective communication practices are clear. My ASL is only at level 1, and I’m better at understanding it, and horribly slow and basic

       What helps? Email and technology. Speech to text software is much, much better than before the pandemic, and we are not back to in-person meetings quite yet, so an ASL interpreter is included for essential meetings, especially if accents will throw off voice-recognition AI.
       For visual impairments it’s about good-quality enlargeable images, making sure alt text and image description is available and using accessible formatting for screen-readers.

       Both areas make me more mindful of reducing extraneous details and focusing on what is the essential message vs. nice-to-know but sometimes distracting details.

       We have an accommodation process for hiring and employees and a liaison that does not pull punches when people are difficult about inclusion.

4. What big bag of candy did you buy for trick or treaters? From say Walmart or similar? I just realized I need to do this for the first time, and I am kind of looking forward to it, but am also overwhelmed by candy options.

   1. I picked up a sour candy combo pack because it’s lifestyle/allergen friendly and tasty.

   2. I buy stuff that I like to eat – KitKat, Twix, Nestle Crunch. If there’s any left over then I can have some treats for myself.

      1. So for this reason, I also bring the bag to work and put in the break room. COVID-15 says no more candy for me once it is 11/1 :)

   3. We buy Reese’s since we love PB cups ourselves, and then an alternative without nuts (I’m partial to M&M’s or Haribo gummies!)

      1. Peanut/Nut allergy person here. Love that you provide options! Strong preference on the Haribou gummies if you’re hoping to give allergy kids a nut free option. Many with peanut allergies avoid M&Ms because of the cross contamination risk.

   4. We get so many trick or treaters, we go for the bags that day they have 200+ treats in them and buy five bags. I like the ones that are a combination of chocolates and sweet treats like skittles. Lots of kids do not prefer chocolate, which surprised me the first year, so it’s good to have choices.

   5. Thanks for the ideas! I wasn’t thinking of nuts or the possibility of not preferring chocolate, so this is helpful.

   6. It’s great that you’re thinking of this! If you can, make sure you’ve got a few candies that are soft and easy to chew for the youngest trick-or-treaters. I agree that it’s helpful have a mix of chocolate and fruity candies as some kiddos are particular. On the fruity side of things try mini bags of fruit snacks. They’re easy for littles to eat and are often free of gelatin making them halal/vegan.

   7. Mixed bag of snickers Twix Milky Way MMs… candy that I would eat should there be leftovers!

   8. If I get anything, I get something I like to eat. It varies a lot whether I get visited. I have also given fruit, cuties and apples, which was very popular, but that’s a know your area thing.

5. I literally just last night was looking for green suits!

   1. But wait, where’s the link??

   2. This makes me think of my grandmother, who was so proud to wear her kelly green suit to her part-time job as a receptionist.

   3. I had a green wool crepe suit in 1989 from Talbot’s with a long column skirt and a cropped jacket. It was my favorite and I usually wore it with a black turtleneck.

   4. There is one at Sezane that is so pretty.

6. I’m applying for MBA programs to start next fall. I know what I want to do afterward (MBB Consulting) and I know that I’ll likely be accepted to at least a few places in the top 10 on the basis of my GMAT score. Does anyone have any advice – personal, professional, or financial? Anecdotes? Not sure what I’m looking for, but there are so many wonderful women on the board who I’d think would have lots of wisdom to share.

   1. Application fees are cheap compared to the cost of the MBA and the lifetime of being an alumna from that school.

   2. Do you really want to work for MBB or have they just tricked you into thinking you do? (it happens to lots of us, including me!)

      – Signed, top 10 MBA grad who went to MBB and regrets it. I learned a lot, but it’s not clear I wouldn’t have learned the same things elsewhere. My classmates who just did what they were passionate about immediately are further along in their careers than I currently am (~10 yrs post MBA).

      1. To be frank, I’m passionate about making a bunch of money, providing the life I want for my eventual family, and having lots of good exit opportunities, so you could say I’m passionate about MBB :)

         (and I prefer the MBB exit options to IB)

         1. I’m at MBB, MBA from a top ten. You sound like me in terms of motivation. I have 3 kids and I’m passionate about giving them a good lifestyle and financial stability. We really only recruit at the top ten. Network at the on-campus events. If your GMAT score is weak or you don’t have clear quant from your resume (e.g. engineering undergrad), then you’ll have a tougher go of it. We all have pre-MBA recruiting options now if you’re from a diverse background – get the latest info from career services and try to lock down an offer before you arrive on campus. Nail the case interview. Good luck :)

   3. As someone who worked in an MBA career office- there are more students who want MBB than jobs available. Network a lot as soon as you’re accepted to school and before school starts because recruiting basically starts yeh second you set foot on-campus. There are also a lot of programs for women and minority applicants so see if you qualify for any of those

      1. This.

7. 2 questions:

   1. I’m traveling to San Francisco for work next week and could extend my stay for the weekend if I want to. My hotel is right downtown. I’m very used to big cities and spend lots of time walking around alone in NYC/Chicago/Boston, but I’ve heard SF is different. And I’m worried downtown will be a ghost town because of COVID. Will I feel uncomfortable walking around during the day?

   2. More fun question: what would you do and where would you go if you had 1-2 days free in the SF area? I’ve seen all the main touristy sites. I love wandering cute neighborhoods, cute local shops, art museums, history, food (but not pricey foodie food), and ice cream, not necessarily in that order.

   1. I answered your question on the other thread but yes! Do it!

      1. Thank you! Appreciate the recommendations!

   2. I stay there frequently for conferences at the Moscone Center and feel fine walking around. I always try to take a few hours for the Museum of Modern Art.

   3. SF is fine, especially if you’re used to big cities. City is up and running with a vaccine mandate- is absolutely not a ghost town!
      Would recommend exploratorium+walking along the waterfront or moma+financial district+chinatown or golden gate park+cal academy+ conservatory of flowers

   4. Taking the 38R bus to the end of the line and wandering the Sutro Baths.

      1. +1
         Sutro baths is the place I take people from out of town. Don’t turn your back to the ocean, though.

         Downtown SF will be fine, but if you can move your reservation to a more residential neighborhood for the additional days I think you’ll run into good food, parks, informal galleries, etc. more easily.

   5. I went for a walk in SF yesterday between Union Square to Market Street and noticed that many (or most?) of the small businesses and restaurants in the Financial District have closed and that foot traffic has gone way down. I felt fine walking around in the early afternoon. Because of store closures, it could make sense to consider outings (like art museums, sports, wineries, etc.) that don’t depend on shopping. If I had a couple of extra days in the SF Bay Area, I’d consider going to the wine country (which is always lovely this time of year). I’m partial to Sonoma County but Napa is also a great destination. If you like sailing, fall is a great time to get out on the Bay. I don’t know which neighborhoods in SF are still vibrant but in the suburbs there are lots of cute neighborhoods near where people are now working from home (though they are likely to have some vacant storefronts). I’ve been to Burlingame and Palo Alto recently and they still have a number of cute places to eat and shop (and Stanford has a couple of art museums).Half Moon Bay, Mill Valley, 4th Street in Berkeley, Los Gatos and Walnut Creek are also worth considering–though I haven’t been to them in a while so I don’t know about how closures have affected them.

      1. In case OP is still reading, you don’t need to go that far afield p, it’s only downtown SF that’s dead, all the neighborhoods are thriving.

   6. Downtown is pretty dead still because most people are WFH, but the neighborhoods are alive and kicking. I like Hayes Valley, Inner Sunset, Marina all to kill a day easily.

8. hello from the rock i’ve been living under for a decade.

   I found a pair of unworn fleece lined tights while cleaning out my dresser. They are so great! I’ve seen the recs for them over the years but had been envisioning something, well, fleecier inside. I was not expecting vaguely opaque warmness.

   my legs thank you.

   1. Haha welcome to Fleece Tights Nation!

      1. We live and breathe this stuff.

9. Would you still reach out?

   Friend of 15 years; we live in different cities now for the last 5-6 years. We used to be VERY close; as in talk on the phone an hour at a time maybe 1-2 times/wk (neither of us has kids); and when we went thru phases where we’d talk on the phone less, we could have a text conversation that ran for an hour in the evening. Thus we talked about practically everything. Since COVID that communication is down to nothing. Haven’t spoken on the phone in over a year probably. As for texting, if she’s in the mood she’ll text and it can be a conversation like old times. Then it can go a month without a word; usually when that happens I’m the one that breaks the silence – and if she’s in the mood there’s some conversation, if not she’ll ignore or I get a K.

   I’m not entirely sure where this came from. I mean we weren’t getting along perfect but were still friends. We had opposing views on Covid when it first started, with me being like – stay home stay home and she took offense said I was paranoid; she got covid early on and it was scary and then she has alluded to having some long term effects for months after (which I think are now gone but IDK). And now it’s switched to where I’m more interested in going out and living life (generally – not with her as we’re in different cities) and she is more like – noooo there are breakthroughs; 3rd vaccines etc. And in the midst of all this I’ve heard from a professional colleague we know in common that she’s switched jobs too — this is the type of thing we used to discuss, not for “approval” but just as friends; like we’d never do that in secret. I know she’s had career frustrations as she was at a non profit that treated her poorly, left to go to a solo law firm and then apparently left that solo firm in a year for another solo firm. I’m at the point though where I’m like I don’t want to lose friends as I barely have any to begin with (moved around a lot; everyone has their own families so while they’re friends, they don’t consider me close/important as they’re not seeing me at soccer on Saturdays and I’m not bringing a kid to their kid’s birthday party). YET I also feel like if I’m the only one that reaches out, I’m desperate and it’s more of a fine – if you don’t want to talk to me, I’m not going to chase you. WWYD if anything?

   1. I think your friend has decided she’s not into the friendship anymore and would rather be acquaintances now. You don’t have to have a breakup discussion but you also can’t force it. If you’d like to give it one last chance you could propose visiting her, but I think you might end up disappointed by her response.

      It hurts to lose a long time friendship. I’ve been there and it sucks, but as they say, it takes two to tango.

      1. I have the same vibe reading your post – that it’s gone from super close friends to old friends/acquaintances. It likely isn’t anything either of you did; seems like she’s gone through some things and just may not have the time/energy/interest, as it doesn’t sound like any type of true falling out.

         I’m move on. Pursue other friendships; don’t feel like you still have to share your jobs or vacations or whatever if she isn’t. FWIW I HAVE seen these kinds of friendships come back together a few years down the road when the person’s life normalizes/becomes easier, assuming no one sparks any kind of fighting in the interim. No the friendships are never what they once were but they aren’t that distant either. Honestly I’d do nothing right now and if you’re in her city in the next year or two, see if she’d like to get coffee/drinks and that at least keeps the line of communication mildly open with like a 45 minute face to face, without any type of a OMG I’m going to come spend a weekend with you or call you and fill you in on all the great things in my life.

      2. I might give it some space and try again. When I have gone through difficult personal stuff it has made me withdraw into myself more than reaching out to friends. I know that is not healthy but it’s my default. I have to feel good to be a good friend. I’d give her a couple of months and reach out again.

         1. This is good advice. Long Covid would be hard and new jobs can be draining. I’d keep up gentle communication for a while, like text messages not expecting a response or a card in the mail, then see how things are in a few months.

   2. Why not send a text and say “Mutual friend told me about your new job. Tell me about it!” and see what that elicits? If the response is “She shouldn’t have told you about that” then you are not friends. But it doesn’t sound like that is where you are. Also, it might not be that she is short because she isn’t in the mood, but rather that she is doing something else. I don’t have any reminder on my phone to return to a text conversation, so sometimes a contact just dies until the next one.

      1. +1. Or else just call her and say the same thing re the new job. No harm in giving it another go with her. If she doesn’t respond or doesn’t answer / call you back, then I would likely write off the friendship.

   3. Covid + long Covid + residual fears from it (maybe) + new job after a series of bad jobs — she may just not have the mental capacity now to be an involved friend. Personally I’d back off/not be the one reaching out except – birthdays/holidays and see if she comes around on her own as time goes by and she settles into the new job etc.

   4. I feel like I’ve lost friends over Covid also, but like you I was stay home stay home and everyone thought I was paranoid. I regret nothing. My strong guess is that your friend judged you and thinks you’re paranoid.

      I’d text her something like “So and so told me you got a new job, congratulations! Hope you’re doing well!” and let her take it from there.

   5. I have many, many dear friends in other cities. The relationships necessarily ebb and flow. Sometimes we talk on the phone, sometimes we go two years without speaking then pick back up.

      It sounds like she may be maxed out at the moment and it may have nothing to do with you. Maybe take a break and invest more in other friendships.

10. Starting to think about flying for fun again in the Spring. Help me plan it!
    Traveling from Atlanta, and want to stay domestic for now.
    Me, DH, and a will be 2yo generally like active vacations (scenic driving, hiking, other outdoorsy stuff).
    In the past 5 years we have been to: Alaska, Napa/Yosemite/San Francisco, Iceland, Canadian Rockies, Paris and Berlin for our big trips and countless regional driving trips for weekends.
    My initial thoughts are Utah/Arizona National Parks, Colorado, or New England. The PNW feels a bit too far to fly with a toddler now, but is another option. We also have family in the upper midwest and could swing them into a trip there.
    Where would you go and what would you do?

    1. The USVI or Puerto Rico!

       1. +1. Beach vacations are pretty fun/easy with a toddler.

          I also think that San Diego or Santa Barbara would be fun. These may be too close to you to feel like a “real” vacation, but we also have had nice trips with kids at Montage Palmetto Bluff in South Carolina and Sea Island in Georgia.

          I personally have not found national parks to be very enjoyable with toddlers, but YMMV.

          1. +100. Beach vacations with kids are great. There’s a built in activity. Everyone is happy to lay down or rest midday. People expect kids on most beaches. Parks are so hard with little kids IME. You end up carrying them. Trails are often narrow. Bathrooms don’t exist. Not saying you can’t do it, but it’s not fun to me.

    2. I’d do the southwest – I spent a great spring week road tripping south from Phoenix and stopping for hikes. Cochise Stronghold, Organ Pipe Cactus NM, the Superstitions…lots of great short hikes and it won’t be too hot.

    3. Make sure you have realistic expectations for an “active’ vacation with a toddler. Some will happily go in those hiking backpacks but some won’t. Kids still need to nap. I’d post on the mom’s board tomorrow morning for more input. At age 2, you start to need some kid centric stuff to do bc you can’t just carry along a sleeping baby on a long hike. I’ve actually never traveled with a 2 year old and never will (thanks covid), but at 19 months (our last pre covid trip with our twins) was fun but challenging

    4. San Diego

    5. FWIW, the PNW is magical for little kids. My toddlers loved the rainforest-y hikes, climbing on driftwood, throwing rocks in the water, and anything involving slugs. The children’s museum in Olympia is absolutely worth the drive (and perfectly on the way from Seattle to the Olympic Peninsula) and has had great covid procedures. Happy to make a bunch of recommendations.

    6. Agree, do the beach with a toddler. Hawaii is great if you can stomach the flight, but PR and USVI (and Florida) are fun too. National parks are really hard with kids that age, you’ll either spend the whole trip with a miserable kid or you’ll feel like you didn’t see anything.

       ~2 is the worst age for traveling with kids so don’t get discouraged if the first trip isn’t a smash success. Babies are generally easy – you just put them in a stroller or carrier and do whatever you want to do. And kids 3+ are more independent, easier to entertain with screens and toys, and can usually do at least an hour or so at a more adult-centric attraction like a museum or hike, especially if they’re rewarded with a playground or ice cream afterwards. But 2 year olds have strong opinions, short attention spans, no tolerance for waiting their turn and are impossible to reason with. I actually found 3 generally more difficult than 2 in terms of behavior at home (the threenager attitude thing is very real) but travel was much, much easier at 3.5 than almost 2 (we didn’t travel in between those ages because of Covid).

    7. Depending on when in the spring, New England can be rather dicey. March 2017 featured almost-zero degree weather. That won’t be fun for you and will be downright miserable for a toddler.

       San Diego. Your kid will love the zoo, the beach (even if the water is a bit cold), and might even have fun in Temecula.

11. Definitely TOO green!

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