This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. Boy, there are not a lot of affordable suits out there right now. Halogen used to be a reliable source, but they don't seem to have anything right now. Limited was another option, but their operations have been on hold for a while (their fall collection will be here in “days,” their site says). So today I'm featuring Le Suit, which has been around for years and is one of the brands that tend to sell the entire suit at once. That can be a problem if you need separates for sizing reasons, but that said, this is pretty much the only time you're going to find an entire suit for such an affordable price online — $99 at Macy's. (I've found suits in stores for as low as $60.) I like the button, the pocket details, and the fact that the pants don't have cuffs or pleats; it's a very simple, basic suit. This would come in handy if you need to keep something in your office to change into at the last minute, or if you've got an interview and you usually don't wear a suit. It comes in petite sizes 2–16 and straight sizes 4–18, and with a little tailoring it would be great — unless you're one of those lucky people who can wear a suit like this off the rack. It's also available in plus sizes 14W-24W. Le Suit One-Button Pantsuit This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Am I wrong?
I have a very close friend going through a lot right now. Like soap opera levels of a lot. Aside from the bad stuff that’s going on, she recently got excited about an opportunity that honestly sounded like some guy hitting on her and promising her a job, at least to me. I didn’t say that but when she asked me what salary to ask for I did say something like it’s early in the process, you haven’t even gotten a formal interview and you don’t know what’s going on so just keep things vague and throw it back in his court. My friend got mad at me for being negative and always doubting her and just being negative. I don’t think that it’s bad to be skeptical but I’m wondering if I was being a bad friend here because maybe she really needs the distraction of planning this alternative path for herself and I should be more supportive.
Also, in general, how do you balance being supportive with asking questions?
Anonymous
I know where you are coming from, but it’s your friend’s life. She asked you a question and instead of answering it you tried to talk her out of the idea that it could even be a possibility. In your friends situation, where I’m already going through a lot and I’m just grasping at a glimmer of hope, I would have been upset also. Right or wrong is irrelevant here IMO.
I get it, I really do, I am the annoying realist and pragmatist of the group. However, I know when to keep my mouth shut which is honestly most of the time.
coffee bean
I’d ignore the specific situation and discuss the topic in more general terms, like the way you might determine market salaries or decide how much to negotiate. That way, you’re being supportive by sharing relevant and possibly helpful information, but you’re not sharing your own doubts about an opportunity you think is unlikely to pan out.
anon
Reposting hoping for more responses. Also amended the language and sorry if I upset anyone previously.
I’m a WOC and I sometimes have trouble feeling unattractive because of my race and right now I’m really having a hard time with white standards of beauty. I also feel like men/people view me as less attractive because of it, which somehow bothers me. I wouldn’t really care if people don’t find my attractive, but somehow it seems worse if/when it’s because of being non-white. Does anyone else struggle with this or have thoughts?
Anonymous
Please don’t apologize!
I’m so sorry you are feeling this way.
I hope that this isn’t the wrong thing to say and I certainly don’t mean to minimize how you are feeling in any way . . . a good male friend of mine who is black and who I think is good looking struggles with something that I think is similar. He feels that women are afraid of him (he is large, in addition to being black). He is so nice and a truly honest dude and I really struggle with what to say to him when he confides in me. I can’t ever imagine being afraid of him, but I know that some women might for any number of reasons. I want to fix it for him and I want to tell him it’s not true, but I know that it certainly can be true and I never want to minimize how he feels or somehow come off as I am telling him to brush it off.
I want to fix it for you too, but I clearly can’t do that, so I want you to know that I support you and I think you are beautiful. I wish I had something better to say, but well, I am a conventionally attractive white woman.
Anonymous
I’ll bite. I am brunette. And for a couple of reasons never identified with Barbie as an ideal of beauty. Then I moved overseas where everyone else was brunette. So I see that maybe I don’t float everyone’s boat. But that’s OK. A lid for every pot, no?
And I’m a lot older than most of you. Age tends to be a great equalizer — how many hot octogenarians do you know (in which case — find out their secrets)?
anon
Can I ask if you’re a white or non-white brunette? Like, I get that everyone’s got their own individual preferences and generally I don’t worry if I don’t float someone’s boat. But the racial aspect of it makes it feel different to me.
I’m wondering if I’ll feel like you do about this in many years or if the racial part of it will still bother me, I guess.
Anonymous
This is very late, but I am a murky French (nationality reflected when ancestors came here) / Algerian (origin of many ancestors from there and French African colonies / who knows what else where I blend in in much of the world because I am tan. I often get Puerto Rican in NYC, etc.
So white-ish and brown-ish and maybe a bit black-ish but only if people are thinking that biracial (or biracial-ish looking people) = black.
Fellow WOC
I have struggled with this greatly in the past. It helps to dig into the self-love movement amongst POC that you can find online (especially Instagram, surprisingly), that celebrates the unique features of people from different races and ethnicities. There are so many online sources and magazines that you can reference to see someone that looks like you represented as a representation of beauty. Until fairly recently, it was hard to find a POC who wasn’t a) a lighter toned person or 2) a movie star with abnormally good and often Eurocentric look held up as a representation of beauty. But with the egalitarian nature of the internet, it’s fairly easy to find affirming communities so that you can see beauty that represents you so that you can see it in yourself.
SoAnon
I feel something similar. I am from Asia and from a country with a lighter skin = beautiful mentality. I have struggled with this for myself and now feel worried that my (infant) daughter who has even darker skin than me wont be seen as attractive, and worse – won’t have the same employment and other opportunities that a person with lighter skin would.
I wish I had a solution, but thus far mine has been to focus on personal grooming (looking neat and polished = looking good) and distracting myself.
Jane
I hesistate to post this because I’m afraid it will sound of white privilege and that’s not how I want to sound (but will admit that I’m very late coming to the realization that I live in the world of White Privilege–yes, with caps).
I am an extremely light skinned, pale white woman. It’s not an attractive skin color and I must avoid the sun at all costs, including keeping sun hats and sun shirts in my car just for when I’m driving or else I get burned. I often look at WOC (as well as other white, but darker toned, women) and envy them. I feel like people who have more color in their skin look good in so many more colors of clothing than I do, can look so much better in short haircuts than I can because I just look sickly, and can play outside in ways I only do before dawn. When I watched Quantico, both the actresses who played Alex and Lydia made me envious. I’d kill to get to wear my hair like Lydia’s.
I guess what I’m trying to say is even white women can have the same struggle. I am not minimizing yours, but I will say that for this topic, there may be women out there who wish their skin looked more like yours than her own.
Anonymous
This is me and how I feel too. I am glad we’ve come a long way – I remember my American Girl and Seventeen magazines being nothing but blondes. In fact, when I was tween/teens, blonde/blue eyed was the ideal so I even felt less-than back then. I think so many women are considered beautiful now without regard to their race and ethnicity.
Anonymous
Posting this and hope it does not come across as coming from someone who is unaware of their privilege.
So, I am white, and I grew up in a town that was over 50% Hispanic/Latino, in a neighborhood and school that was more like 90% Hispanic/Latino. I didn’t have white friends growing up. My friends were first or second-generation Americans who were way more influenced by media from Juarez or Mexico City than media generated in New York.
One good thing about this was that I grew up around a different standard of beauty, one that was actually relatable to me. My friends and I read teen magazines, but there was a difference between what my friends called “white-girl pretty” and what the people we knew considered attractive in real life. One of my friends told me in middle school, “you’re white, but you’re not white-girl pretty.” It wasn’t an insult. We just understood that there was a delineation between us, and the skinny white chicks in the magazines. Back then, blue-eyed blonds were the ultimate standard of beauty in the media. Blonde hair, blue eyes, light skin, skinny with big b**bs. Except we didn’t know anyone who looked like that. I have dark brown hair, blue eyes and medium-toned skin, and all of my friends were Latina. When we saw girls who looked like those blue-eyed blonds in the magazines and TV commercials, they looked like aliens to us.
So, I think the suggestion to seek out people who represent and celebrate a different standard of beauty – IRL and online – is a good one. When you surround yourself with people who aren’t interested in upholding BS “conventional” beauty standards, it really does change your perspective. I never thought my big butt was a problem – ever in my life, well before Nicki Minaj – because I had been surrounded by people who thought it was a positive attribute. I never heard anyone say “I want to look like Christie Brinkley,” but I did hear lots of girls wish they looked like Selena. When I eventually heard a negative comment about my body – from a guy I was on a date with, of all things – it threw me for a loop. And I had to struggle hard not to fall into that mode of thinking, that because I was different than a magazine model there was something wrong with me.
What you feed your mind changes the way you think. Unfortunately, the media still feeds us a lot of BS, so there’s still a perception by many that Kate Upton is “prettier” than Lupita Nyong’o. It all depends on who’s looking, my friend.
I agree that Instagram is a great place to find people celebrating diverse beauty. There’s a lot of stereotype reinforcement, but also a lot of diversity and celebration of different-ness. Think about what you are consuming, media-wise, and find some sources that flip the script. That’s a good start. Because you are attractive and the more you believe that yourself, the less it will matter what others think. That’s been my experience, anyway. This is a tough thing and I fully admit I don’t understand it from your perspective, because I am not a WOC. I can just say that many women struggle with this – even my friend who was a model earlier in life, because now she’s over 50. It’s like a disease that infects us all. I wish we could find a way to stop it.
Anon
I’m similar, very pale. People have suggested I get a tan as if it is somehow acceptable to comment on my skin color. I refuse to damage my skin and self tanners are a pain. I also live in NYC where there is so much diversity. It’s hard to think WOC wouldn’t think they are attractive because of their skin color. I would love to be darker.
fellow WOC
Not just about skin color, though. It’s also about having features that are often not the same as the eurocentric features that are considered “beautiful” in mainstream American culture.
Anon
I struggled with this a lot when I was younger. I am about 3/4 Hispanic and 1/4 White. (My mother is 1/2 White and presents White, with a White last name.) I look Hispanic and my father (and therefore my) last name is Mexican. I always thought my skin looked ugly compared to some of my friend’s lighter skin and I hated my dark hair and dark eyes. Finally, at age 35 I have come to love my skin color and my dark brown, practically black hair. Honestly, it took getting a few stark grey hairs for me to appreciate the rich color my hair has. I still sometimes struggle with people saying I am beautiful, because it can feel fetishized (“oh I love Latinas with long hair and big hips” or whatever…). I used to get told all the time that I looked like Selena, which I think she is beautiful so I recognized the compliment, but at the same time it was kind of like is that the only Mexican-American you know and so that is all you can compare me to?
I don’t know. I’m not expressing it well, but I do empathize and understand some of the struggle.
anon
This is interesting. I’ve always loved dark skin and black hair, which I guess is good since I have both. When I was a kid I used to admire my rich brown skin tone and I felt like I was lucky to have it. I still generally feel that way, but I have this odd sense of being out of sync with everyone else who seem to think that these things are unattractive. Like, so many male acquaintances will be like “oh I’m just not into [insert non-white attribute here]” It just sort of feels like the only person who will ever like those things is me.
I am not my hair, I am not my skin, but I am
I love those things about myself as well, as a WOC. I love my kinky, coily, nappy hair, the rich color of my skin, my lips, eyes, the way my skin retains scent, my gait.
I grew up around pretty much only other black people. In fact, in elementary school, I thought my first grade teacher was white because she was lighter toned than everyone else around me. All my role models and friends looked like me. I grew up in the 70’s and have never had an aspiration to not be black.
Interestingly, I’m married to a white man (and honestly, I use his WP when it benefits me) and can and do see the beauty in others, but black women are just so incredibly beautiful to me.
shamlet96
I’m a WOC and have struggled with this on some level for my entire life. Growing up in the 80s (and in southern California to boot, which was then sort of heralded as the land of blonde haired/blue eyed beauties), it was hard to feel pretty when I looked so different from what American culture dictated as beautiful. Like another poster, I also come from a country where lighter skin is considered more attractive and my grandmother would fret about me playing sports because I might get darker and therefore be less attractive. I think what previous posters have hit on is totally accurate – I’m so glad that we now live in a time where lots of non-white women are celebrities and the definition of beauty has expanded considerably. I try to remind myself of that when i feel unpretty in any way. I’ve even done small things like being sure to follow female celebs w/similar skin tones on Insta for ideas on makeup/clothes/fashion generally. We live in a much more inclusive world than we used to, and I think things will only continue to get better! until then, (((hugs)))
Anonymous
I don’t struggle much with these particular issues, but as a black woman, I certainly could it impact me more. (Not going to say I am completely immune, because that would not be true.)
There are a number of reasons I don’t struggle much, though. I had parents who aggressively told me that I was pretty; as an adult I can see that the way my mother in particular talked about my face and body was an attempt to undermine all the other messages I would later get (like Andrew in 3rd grade telling me my nose and lips were way too big — but my mother always told me they were perfect, so I was truly confused).
I also live in a city with a large black population. I could not live in this city and not think black women are beautiful, because there are beautiful black women everywhere. Tall, short, fat, skinny, straight haired and nappy, light bright and black black. This city has black women across the spectrum of beautiful, and it is incredibly important to me.
But hitting on something you said in the thread this morning, I think part of the issue is also dating. I am trying online dating now, but I only search for or respond to black men. There are a number of reasons for that, but trying to seek validation in the world of white men can be deeply deeply hurtful. I don’t hate white men — I have been in love with a white man — but dating can make you crazy in the best of times, much less if you are worried about how you stack up against various cultural norms.
In the end, I think searching out your own ethnic group (whether in real life or online) may help with this. Think about what your group sees as positives rather than the American/Eurocentric default. Think about the purposes of white supremacy and intentionally reject it. Other people literally make money off of you feeling less than. Don’t let them. And yes, easier said than done, but life is a process.
Anonymous
“Other people literally make money off of you feeling less than.”
I quit reading women’s magazines for this reason. They are all geared towards creating insecurities in women so their advertisers can sell women solutions for problems they didn’t know they had before they started reading the magazine. I follow fashion bloggers now who are similar to me in size, shape and color and that has made a huge difference in my self-esteem. Now that I am no longer constantly comparing myself to a runway model who is 6 feet tall, weighs 130 lbs and is 16 years old – I feel better about myself and more at home in the world.
Alana
To be frank, as an African-American woman who grew up in California, dating seems a challenge. It seems that many black men are colorist and many other men are racist. It’s 6 of one and half a dozen of another. It’s so frustrating to feel as if there isn’t an automatic social environment I can go to and know that my dark skin, coily hair and facial features will be considered neutral or positive.
Other women are insulted in social media by being called names, but it’s another level of insult that is dehumanizing for some of us. For dark-skinned black women, there are often a few bigots who will call us men or some type of animal (monkey or ape).
Car emissions testing
Can you do a car emissions test and have it sent to your state DMV if you are in a different state? In this case I’m overseas, car is registered in CT but currently at a friend’s in MA. Can my friend take it to a local place for the emissions test or would they have to take it to CT? I ask this only because garages normally transmit results electronically.
anon
I’ve had this issue before, and the answer is it’s very state dependent. If you’re trying to renew registration in CT, you’ll have to look on the CT site for what they accept. Also look into whether you need a current inspection at all times for cars in MA.
anon
Just got emissions testing done on my car last night in GA for a car registered in NC.
Anonymous
It varies by state. Looks like CT will give you a one time exception to get your car inspected in a state with reciprocity, including MA: http://ctemissions.com/frequently-asked-questions/emission-testing-time-extensions.
I do not miss that whole emissions inspection hassle at all …one of the few upsides of living in a red state that doesn’t care about the environment at all.
Anonymous
Sorry for repost – posted to coffee break by mistake.
Is this a good look or dated? http://www.levi.com/US/en_US/deals-women/p/196320028
Specifically wearing bootcuts with flats of any kind.
Anon
Circa 2000/2001
Anonymous
It’s a look popular with women in my very rural hometown, if that helps?
Cat
If you’re a willowy 20yo traveling and posting on Instagram, you’re good.
If you’re old enough to have worn this trend in the late 90’s / early 00’s, it’s dated.
AIMS
I think just about sums it up!
Anon
YUP!
Anonymous
+1000
Anonymous
I think with sandals as shown it looks weird, but boot cut jeans are fine with sneakers or ballet flats, especially for an activity like walking around and sightseeing. I wouldn’t say it’s a super on-trend look but it also wouldn’t look out of place to me.
Anonymous
Bootcuts in general are dated, bootcuts with flats is SO dated.
Anonymous
Au contraire, bootcuts are SO dated they have circled back around and are now bleeding-edge fashion. Especially very faded ones like this. I agree with the comment above, however, that if you wore this look in the 90s you probably shouldn’t wear it this time around.
The Artist Formerly Known As
As a pear, you’ll take my bootcut jeans out of my cold dead hands. I am happy to hear that they are coming back in fashion, because they have been so hard to find…
Faded jeans though, meh. I prefer darker washes personally.
Ay-nonny-nonny
I wear bootcuts because they’re the most flattering on me and I wear them with flats because I don’t wear heels. Sometimes in the summer I wear them with sandals, but that’s usually a case of throwing on the shoes nearest the door to run an errand rather than specifically choosing sandals for my outfit.
I don’t love the look with sandals, but it’s not the worst thing I’ve worn in public. For flats, I think that a shoe in a fun color or current trend (velvet, embroidery, lace-up) keeps it from looking dated. I also prefer a pointy or almond toe to a rounded toe when wearing flats with jeans.
TO Lawyer
Any advice on how to make shoes more comfortable when they’re a bit painful on my arches? After spending months last winter looking for the perfect knee-length boots that fit me around the calves, I didn’t realize they hurt my arches. I’m used to wearing heels so not sure why this particular pair of boots is painful but since they’re perfect in every other way, I was hoping someone knew of an insole that would help?
TIA!
No Problem
Are they lacking arch support? They make stick on things that you put in the arch but aren’t full insoles. Or maybe the boot’s insole is slippery and your foot is sliding a bit so you’re having to stand funny to feel stable? They also make insoles for just the ball of your foot area that provide cushioning and also reduce the slipping.
Anonymous
Yes! I have the “Superfeet Delux Dress-fit 3/4 High Heel” insole (available from Zappos, etc). It transformed my heeled boots for me. For flats, I like the Dr Scholl’s gel arch support stick-ins.
MNF
Outlook Question. Is there a way to request a read receipt to be added whenever an email is sent to a particular contact? I’ve skimmed the obvious places (options, etc.) and don’t see how to make this an automatic setting.
I don’t want to have read receipts for every email I send (I’m usually annoyed by getting read receipts myself), but I’m having an issue with a contact who is saying he’s not getting my emails, although I suspect he is. (Gets some, so it’s not like my email address is blocked. Also the emails he “didn’t get” seem to be only when an issue arises, and he’s flying off the handle, rather than reading his last few hours’ of email first).
Anonymous
If he is denying he is getting them, would a read receipt really help? I thought that when you were on the receiving end of these, it pops up as an option when you open the email, not that they were automatically generated upon opening.
anon
We use outlook and that’s what happens when someone requests a read receipt from me.
I never ever permit a read receipt even if I don’t feel like I have anything to hide. I just find them invasive and it makes me feel like someone’s already skeptical of me.
Blonde Lawyer
I usually just decline to send the read receipt when I get something sent to me that requests one. This likely won’t solve your problem.
Cat
Yeah, this is what I do. I have my Outlook set to automatically ignore all read receipts — before I learned how to do THAT, I declined to send one any time I was prompted to do so.
Anonymous
Yup. I hate read receipts and decline them on principle. If this guy wants to dodge your emails, he will find a way.
MNF
Yeah probably not that helpful, except if it comes back it might make me feel justified. Also, this is a client, so I’m trying to CYA with the partner (the first time it happened and I forwarded the sent email to the client, I also forwarded the whole chain to the partner so he could see that it was sent to the same email both times and the second time I got a response).
No Problem
Can you CC the partner on these emails when issues arise? Sounds like he’s already aware this person is claiming not to receive your emails and you’re fine with him seeing the email content after the fact.
AIMS
In my outlook, if you go to new message and options you can request a delivery receipt and/or a read receipt.
Turtle
Read receipt often indicates that a person clicked on the email, not that they read it. Your “sent” box is a CYA that you sent an email. The technical issues are not your fault.
If I need a super CYA, I often ask for a confirmation of receipt via email from the person close to the top of the email, with a note that I’ll call to follow-up.
Fishie
Could you also CC his and your assistant, and perhaps also a partner or someone more senior on the project?
ced
+1, CC his assistant.
NYNY
As far as I know, there is no setting to request receipts by contact. Also, as others have pointed out, the recipient determines whether or not receipts are sent, either at a setting level or case-by-case, so requesting receipts does not solve your problem.
If this is causing issues, you can always escalate to IT. Or suggest it to your contact, preferably by phone. “It seems that you’re only intermittently receiving my emails, and I can’t discern a pattern in it. I’m opening a ticket with IT to investigate, and I’d like you to do the same” (last part only if contact is external).
If there really is a problem, IT can identify it. If there isn’t, this will signal to him that it’s time to stop playing games.
Anonymous
May post this again as I feel like morning threads get more responses — but curious — any of you who are doctors or have doctor parents/siblings, do you/they ever receive thank yous from patients beyond just the verbal thank you at the end of something? Had a totally unexpected oral surgery — ended up having to go back to my hometown for it (3 hrs away) as a really good oral surgeon there was willing to see me same day while no one in my city would do that; he did the surgery the same day, there was complications, he saw me again the same day, and then follow up 2 days later. I’m crossing my fingers that we are now “done.” But in any event as I see it, he went above and beyond and did more than any dentist/oral surgeon in my big city was willing to do. Would it be inappropriate to get him a card? Seems like “kissing up” in a certain way as he may be thinking — what’s the big deal, this happens daily (it probably does). I would like to heal up first and make sure everything is good (bc it would be weird to do some big thank you and then have to go follow up a week later – rather than just mail it in) — but I realized that in a few weeks we’ll be smack into holiday card season. What does the hive think about a holiday card also doubling as a thank you?
I tend to think of everything from my biglaw perspective — I’ve seen biglaw partners get cards from former associates and open them and toss them in the trash in front of me — so I tend to think older/important people tend to roll their eyes at these gestures. But I don’t know how it works in medicine.
Cat Lady In Training
My doctor has a little board with thank you notes posted.
Anon
My dad is an oncologist, and keeps every patient gift he receives. My parents had a Bart Simpson window decal on a window in their master bathroom for years – a gift from a 10 year old patient.
Anon in NYC
how adorable.
anon
My FIL is a pediatric ophthalmologist, and he receives cards and drawings from the kids he operates on. (But maybe it’s different because it’s kids?) He also receives lots of food gifts from patients around the holidays–not homemade, but things like packaged baked goods, chocolates, and Harry & David or other catalog gifts. My FIL does great work everyday, but I think he appreciates the thank-you notes, and he’s even hung up some of the drawings at his home for a while.
So, short answer is I think it’s fine to send a thank-you note. It’s fine for it to be a combination holiday card and thank-you note, or just a thank-you note on its own. (If you’re worried about it seeming like you’re “kissing up,” make sure your bill is paid first. But honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it.)
Anonymous
I think it’s nice. Sending an expensive gift might be weird, but I can’t imagine a thank you card wouldn’t be appreciated.
Anonymous
I’ll let others weigh in on how it works in medicine — but as a lawyer myself with a decade of biglaw in there — I found the attitude in big city biglaw to be much more “what can you do for me.” While they may toss the card from some former associate who went to the gov’t and can’t do anything for them right then, they will surely hang onto the card of someone who went in house and will use it as an excuse to schedule lunch after the new year to court potential business. I think (hope) doctors don’t view the world that way.
Anonymous
My dad is a doctor and over the years patients have often sent him little cards or brought him presents and I think it is a nice thank you/appreciated (though most certainly not required or expected)
Anonymous
I think doctors really appreciate cards/notes. My doctor husband keeps all of them. Also, generally speaking, when my doctor/nurse friends receive a nice note, their thought process isn’t “who cares, I don’t even remember this totally routine procedure” but rather “I’m so glad X is doing well!” I think patients often have a bigger impact on their doctors than they realize.
Anonymous
+1. While you’re thinking that they’re thinking — whatever another day, another procedure. Many doctors and nurses remember more about patients that you’d think — they are human and do remember the little conversations they have with you; the things they learn about you — just like we remember the passing conversations with our coworkers/clients/expert witnesses. In your case, I’m fairly sure they won’t be saying — who is this person, don’t remember them — they WILL likely remember that you don’t even live there and traveled 3+ hrs away for their care . . . .
Never too many shoes...
One of my best friends is a doctor and she is married to a doctor and around the holidays they are inundated with cards and wine and food gifts from patients. Totally normal, I think.
No Problem
My dad was a doctor and he used to receive a number of gifts from his patients during the holidays. Usually stuff like fruit baskets or cookies, but he did have an elderly Greek woman who would bake him a tray of baklava (sooooo good). I don’t know about other gifts throughout the year because he didn’t bring that stuff home, but I wouldn’t be surprised if things came to the office and were shared among the staff. I’m sure he would appreciate a card or gift.
BeenThatGuy
In 2013, due a sequence of unfortunate events, I almost lost my life. I had a family member bring in all sorts of food for the nurses and hospital staff that were tending to me (fruit platters, cookies, bagels, you name it). I also sent thank you letters to the Trauma Surgeon and Infectious Disease Dr’s that saved my life. They had a profound impact on my life and I felt they needed to know.
Blonde Lawyer
Not a doctor (clearly) but I have to say I treasure the heartfelt letters and cards I get from clients and I go back and read them when I have a difficult client. Someday your doc will have an unhappy patient call up and yell at him, maybe even threaten to sue him. It could be he did nothing at all wrong but because he’s a good doc, he will be upset. He might look at the happy letters he got, including yours, and it might help him get through that day. I never hesitate to thank someone. I have written thank you notes to docs (including an apology note when a med reaction made me belligerent in the ER) and my mom has always done the same.
Anonymous
I bring/send food to the L&D staff lounge every year around my daughters’ birthday. Almost no one currently on staff was there when my girls were born. Someday, no one will be from that era. Someday, I’ll move and continue the tradition at a different hospital altogether, out of pure gratitude for those people and the work they do every day.
To your specific question, I don’t think I personally would roll thanks into a holiday card. I would send a traditional thank-you and skip the holiday card to minimize the risk that your note would get lost in a sea of them.
Anonymous
I brought in a basket of goodies, and my baby, to the fertility clinic that helped us conceive him. They were way more excited to see him than the goodie basket – they said hardly anyone ever came back after they got pregnant, and so they rarely got to see the babies conceived via their efforts. They were so happy and grateful that now I send cards and gifts whenever we have a health-care provider who helps our family. I’m planning on sending something to my mom’s oncologist, surgeon and radiologist after she has surgery for breast cancer later this month.
Anonymous
Good for you, especially re. The fertility clinic. , Sad that they don’t get to see more of the results of their hard work!
Sigh
Vent ahead . . . I enjoy kids, I like babies, I will play with your kids and entertain them when I can . . . but PLEASE if you see and hear that I am on a conference call in the cube farm as many of us are all day long, could you PLEASE take your crying baby and the gaggle of co-workers that are oooohing and ahhing and making loud amounts of noise out to the hallway???
I was already on the call and, as the organizer and contributor, I was speaking regularly throughout. I did not have enough time to mute the call in between questions/answers to ask them to please move. Generally, there is not enough noise for me to need to book a conference room every time I am on a call. 90% of the office is in cubes, so we all understand that we should be mindful of the fact that people are on the phones regularly. Sigh. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, I know.
Anonymous
I mean…I don’t think most people with babies do this. We went to the cafeteria when I brought mine into work. Really you could’ve spoken up and said “hey I’m on a call” and they would’ve gotten the hint?
Anonymous
Do you wear a headset for calls? Maybe stand up and get their attention, pointing at it?
Eh
What makes you think they could see and hear that you were on a conference call? If they were so loud and had so many coworkers making noise, they probably didn’t see you on your call. Did you ask them to move?
Anonymous
Exactly this. It’s always better to try communication before jumping to angry annoyance.
Eng
But… why are there kids in your office?
Anonymous
Sounds like someone briefly brought a new baby in to meet coworkers, not that the baby was hanging out there all day.
Anon
Because people who work in offices are humans, and some of them have kids, and sometimes you have your kid at your office for a few minutes. That’s a thing that happens.
Bad Day
Long time poster, anon for this. I’m having a tough day/week/few months. I’m an attorney (associate at a mid-size firm), and I work for a partner who never thinks anything is good enough. I know my work is good, or she would just stop working with me, but today is one of those days that I feel like maybe I’m just not good at this and I should quit. (Quitting is not actually an option, financially.)
This is on top of my husband recently losing his job, billing tons of hours in the past 3 months, various other personal things going on, and the entire world generally being terrible.
I know many of you must feel like this sometimes, too. I don’t know whether I’m asking for advice or sympathy or for someone to tell me to suck it up, but I’m crying in my office and so so done.
Anonymous
Can you go home early? What about a half day on Friday? When I feel defeated, getting out of the office helps my state of mind so much.
Anon
Awww, hugs. I have had times where rough patches in life and rough patches in work coincide. It gets better.
I know you have confidence in your work, but try to summon some of that confidence to apply elsewhere.
I also co-sign the advice to take a sickie. It’s a mental health day. You need it. GO FOR IT. You have my permission. Hugs.
It will get better. You may need to take steps to make it better.
SA
HUGS.
SoAnon
I’m so sorry. I second the above ideas – take a breather, get some fresh air, and in the long term – take steps to make it better, and know that it will get better.
Anon
So sorry it’s been rough. I’d go home early or give myself permission to peruse the Interwebs and not work the rest of the day. I’d also have a drink tonight or maybe a dessert. Buy yourself a magazine or something that’s just for you.
Anonymous
Any finance ladies here? I’m looking for an unbiased opinion as to whether you think there is value to pursuing the CFA designation in my case. I’m in finance now, late 30’s, have an undergrad finance degree from top public Ivy, no MBA. It is slow at work, I’m not able to change jobs right now for personal reasons, and it occurs to me I could probably use some of this time to pursue this and study. I don’t need this for my career; it’s really to see if I can do it and to leverage the knowledge I already have. I passed Level 1 right after undergrad, so I believe I’d need to spend a little time refreshing and then go on to Level II. I need the flexibility a self-study program provides right now. I don’t know if I’ll stay in finance for many more years but I’m here for now.
Did I miss the window when this would be useful or a cool thing to do?
enh
If you aren’t sure whether it will provide professional value for you, it will be a hobby. For me, it would be a very expensive (if work doesn’t reimburse the study materials and proctor fee) and time-consuming hobby. It would also not be something I would enjoy.
I would rather do something non-work related, if that’s an option, or if not, I’d likely shoot for something more like publishing an industry report, receiving professional coaching, or teaching some sort of continuing education program. But that’s a lot of “I”s in an answer that is inherently about you, so doing the CFA may be rewarding for you! :-)
JuniorMinion
It is only useful if your plan is to be a portfolio manager or equity research analyst. Otherwise, likely waste of time and money. It does show work ethic / interest at a more junior level sometimes (ie college student / MBA student trying to break in) but you have passed all those initial hurdles at this point.
Honestly, your time is probably better spent networking / meeting new people / developing hobbies etc if your goal is potential job transition.
Anonymous
How would your answer change if my role is currently a portfolio manager?
JuniorMinion
I’d look to the roles you want and see if they are CFA holders. IE is every senior PM running his or her own book a CFA? If so it might be worth it. If not if you’ve gotten to late 30s without needing it its unlikely you will need it from a career standpoint alone.
Charmed Girl
My question is what do you want to do? I have my MBA and my CFA. The MBA is a from a top 10 program and I think it helped me get my current role as my boss really respects the program. Didn’t mean anything for my previous role/ firm (bc of firm culture). I graduated 15+ years ago. All that said, doing my MBA was career/ trajectory transformative (but I was your typical a couple years out of undergrad).
I did the CFA in my mid-30s and it helped me as I like to learn and I was bored at work. And on the day to day, it probably helps more with client and professional colleague respect. It actually gets more notice than the MBA.
So, I’d say if you’re interested and have the time and money (or your employer will pay for it) go to the CFA at this point over the MBA, even if it’s just personal enrichment.
Anonymous
This is exactly my situation. . . I’m bored, I like to learn, I don’t think it helps my career beyond someone saying, “she has the CFA!” I’ve been in the same role for a number of years now and I guess I want something to show for it beyond the longevity and “she’s doing a good job for us”.
Charmed Girl
Sounds like it’s worth a try then. Good luck!
SA
On a video conference today a coworker screenshotted my coworker and I and captioned it “X and X being all techy” then the other coworker snipped himself out and captioned me “RBF” but spelled out the words. It is a terrible picture of me but I was concentrating and not paying a bit of attention to my facial expression. I’m so annoyed.
SoAnon
What the what?? There is no way this is ok to do. I’m sorry you have such crummy coworkers.
potato
Coworker B just critiqued your appearance. That’s really inappropriate and I’d be more than annoyed. That said, if it’s a first time offense I think the measured response would be to gently call him/her on it in a private setting.
No Ivy
That is not at all OK.
Anonymous
He used the word “b!tch”? I would go straight to HR. That’s wildly inappropriate.
Anonymous
+1. Your coworker should be fired for this.
Marshmallow
+1 go to HR and/or his boss.
Anonymous
WHOA. That is not okay. Go to HR or coworker’s manager immediately.
New Tampanian
Even without the RBF comment, it’s highly inappropriate. Definitely speak with HR/Management
Anon
I would talk to him before going to HR, personally (especially if you otherwise like him). I would say something like “Hey, I know you were just joking, but I’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t tease me about the way I look. I just don’t think that’s appropriate for work.”
Anonymous
That’s too soft. He needs to be told in absolute terms that what he did is unacceptable.
anon for this
I don’t know if this is a vent or if I’m looking for advice. For the past two days, I’ve felt unbelievably tired. My body feels like bricks have been placed on top of me. My brain feels foggy. I feel like I can’t move, let alone get anything done. I don’t have any cold or flu symptoms or symptoms I associate with common illnesses. I don’t have any pain. I’ve had a Mirena IUD for over 2 years, so (a) I’m not pregnant, and (b) it could be hormonal, but it’s not a reaction to new birth control etc. I’m not on any other medication. I’ve been getting 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep for the last week. I haven’t been particularly busy at work or at home to warrant this level of exhaustion. Since yesterday, I’ve increased my water intake, eaten healthy foods, and taken my vitamins. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. I could go to my doctor, but I’m not even sure what I’d ask him. (“I’m not sick, I just feel sh*tty.”)
Anonymous
Many people just need more than 7-8 hours of sleep. Can you try to get 9-10 tonight and see if you feel better? Could also be anemia.
Anonymous
yes, that is what you should say. he or she will run some blood work.
Anonymous
Do you have mono? Go to the doctor. Get a full blood work-up. You might be vitamin D deficient (has it been cloudy?), you might be iron deficient, you might have a thyroid issue arising (are you over 25?)… go to the doctor.
OP
Thanks, all. I called my doctor’s office and made an appointment for tomorrow morning. I can get blood work done at the lab (in the same building) right after the appointment if the doctor orders it.
Anonymous
Sounds like mono. Go to a doctor! And start taking zinc.
applesauce
I’ve had similar symptoms, turned out to be a serious bladder infection that wasn’t presenting typical UTI symptoms but was totally draining me. I was sure it was mono, but was really lucky the NP asked a few key questions and sorted it out.
Anon
When I had mono I felt symptoms coming on and had to leave work almost immediately. I think if you had mono you would not be functioning like this for two days. See a doctor either way!
Jax
Don’t be surprised if your doctor suggests a sleep test to rule out sleep apnea.
Anonymous
Do you take iron? Maybe you are anemic?
Trying To Stay Calm Pt. 2
Same person from this morning who had their SO cancel on their Europe trip last minute due to work.
I was so busy this morning, I didn’t get to respond to the replies.
Long story short, he made a critical error that is a fireable offense at our workplace. We work in the same company; it’s difficult to explain, but I can understand the trouble he was in. What I don’t understand is why he felt so ashamed of telling me.
He agreed to do whatever he could to make up for it. So, he will be flying out on a red-eye, accompanying me to my family event (it was important for him to attend, as he was meeting various members of my extended family who paid to have him stay with us), and then flying back for work, for a total of four days in Europe. The fees to change our flights were astronomical, but he claims he’s okay with it.
I called our airline, and they’re willing to refund everything as long as I come to a decision tonight. Part of me wants him to be there. But the rational side of it is saying to go by myself, enjoy time with my extended family, and spare him the thousands of dollars. I also think it would be a good chance for me to think about our relationship, especially after this episode.
As a woman with few girlfriends available for me to vent to, what should I do?
Anonymous
DUMP HIM. Why did he take so long to ‘fess up to his mistake? This is not ok.
Anonymous
Yeah I get why he was ashamed. Because he should be. But as an adult you don’t lie about it for weeks when a trip that costs thousands with someone else is looming on the horizon.
Anonymous
Agreed!
Anon
Wait, how long did it take him to tell her? Weeks?!?! How can it take him weeks! I missed the morning thread and assumed it just happened! What if you marry him and it takes him weeks to tell you that he was missing mortgage payments because he was embarrassed! Ugh definitely go and enjoy yourself and really think about this relationship. I’d have a serious talk with him either way and I wonder if he’s having some other problem too, depression, addiction etc.
Anonymous
You should go for the whole time and not pay any change fees. If you want him at your family event, don’t feel guilty about him spending thousands dollars to be there for 4 days. It was his eff up to begin with. That said, if you want to get some distance from him it’s totally fine to go solo. It comes down to how much you care about him being at your event I think.
Senior Attorney
Yup.
I actually feel like it would be more restful for you to just go alone and explain that there was an unavoidable work reason for him to stay home and he feels awful about it. That would be better, I think , than him swooping in and out.
And a huge YES to thinking long and hard about the relationship.
Anonymous
I’d go by myself and enjoy the time with my family and time for reflection. I would be so annoyed and mad the whole time seeing him that it would ruin it. He should refund your relatives money and stay home.
No Ivy
If he wants to do the redeye plan, fine, but why should you change your flights or your plans? Go on your trip. Let him do what he wants to do. And, yes, please do give a lot of about a relationship with someone whose first instinct is to hide bad news from you, even when the news affects you directly and you will certainly find out anyway.
Anonymous
you’re an independent woman who don’t need no (irresponsible, lying to you) mans who should enjoy the hell out of the trip.
(if he wants to tag along for four days, fine. But I can’t imagine you two will have a great time together and I personally would struggle putting on a happy face with his presence next to me, knowing how much stress/pain he caused. it could be a great opportunity for him to stay home, get himself right at work, and with you)
Trying To Stay Calm Pt. 2
I should have clarified, the only flight I changed was my departing flight, so we could fly together. After he goes home, I will be staying there with family and flying home solo.
Bette
You should absolutely not change either of your flights.
If you really want him to come for the family portion of the trip, then let him eat those costs alone.
I’m sorry but this is an incredibly immature and thoughtless thing to do. I’d strongly consider ending this relationship. He is not on your team.
Anonymous
Yup.
Senior Attorney
Do not change your flight to the red eye under any circumstances.
Flats Only
I think you should keep your original itinerary, and he should do a short version IF the couple of days won’t get him in trouble at work. Having seen your afternoon post I almost feel sorry for him – especially if you work at the same place I bet he felt really, really dumb over whatever the error was.
Also, unless I’m reading this wrong, your employer has cancelled his vacation plans as outright punishment, not because he needs that extra time to remedy the mistake he made. If that’s correct that’s really, really shitty, and you both should be looking for a new place to work.
Anonymous
OMG GIRL GO GO GO GO GO on the trip!! Do not punish yourself for his mistake and cost yourself thousands of dollars in the process!! And while you’re over there, flirt with some cute guys (not in front of your family, and you don’t have to do anything besides flirting) to help yourself remember that there are tons of guys out there who don’t do things like this. Then really think about what you want out of your life, and this relationship. Have an awesome time!
Anon
What would you be doing for this family trip if you weren’t dating him? Going by yourself. Stop changing flights. In my eyes even if he had told you about the vacation loss the moment it happened, you would and should be going on the full planned trip. Stop being so needy! Be independent! It sounds like you even have family there to hang out with. I don’t get why this is such a big debate for you. Go on the trip. He can attend whatever part but no need for you to change your flight to fly out with him! And then after it all deal with the obvious huge communication problem.
Anonymous
This is harsh but true. OP, you can do this by yourself. I promise you, you can. If he is claiming his feelings will be hurt if you go or stay without him, then he really is a man-baby and you should break it off with him the instant you get home. Cowgirl up. This is not even a tough call to make.
Anonymous
Go. By. Your. Self. Do it. Don’t think twice.
Anonymous
He sounds like a man child who won’t take responsibility. DTMFA and go on your vacation!
Anonymous
+1
Anon
How long have the two of you been together? Is he in introvert? I could totally see an awkward introverted guy giving up his vacation and then freaking out about how to tell you. Do you want to stay with him for the long term? I really don’t see this as a deal breaker at all. An issue to discuss, sure, but everyone jumping to tell you to dump him and calling you needy for wanting to spend your vacation with your SO is being a bit harsh.
Fly out with him, then let him fly home while you enjoy time in Europe with your family. If the rest of the trip wouldn’t be any fun without him there, go home. If he had had a family emergency or something, would that be your plan? Do you want to make yourself a priority, or your relationship (note – I did not say “make him a priority”)?
Anonymous
You suck. He lied to her for weeks. That has nothing whatsoever to do with introversion.
Anon
You suck. You’re judgey and selfish and over dramatic. We don’t know if her SO is a serial liar or just immature.
Anon
This. Please don’t confuse introversion with duplicity. They are not even close to the same.
Anonymous
Do you even want your family to meet a guy you may shortly be dumping?!
Anon
Wow, people are really bad at reading comprehension here (OP is not canceling her trip, she is asking weather to tell the SO to cancel his portion)…. Caveat that I have not read the morning post, but I would think about whether telling him to cancel is the equivalent of saying “I’m fine” (ie you really want him to come and will resent him if he takes you at your word and stays home) or if you will feel relief to just be by yourself. I do think it’s kind of a waste to have him pay thousands of dollars for a 4-day trip, unless it’s really important to you. That said, I think it’s a point in his favor that he’s willing to do so. I also don’t think it’d be crazy to take the red eye with him…I hate flying and would definitely prefer company over being alone.
Baconpancakes
Is it reasonable for the rules of appropriateness to change based on individual physical traits? For example, if a woman with thin lips looks fine in a bold lipstick, but the color looks more pouty/s3xual on a woman with fuller lips, does that mean the woman with fuller lips probably shouldn’t wear that color? Similarly, a well-tailored suit on a more curvaceous woman could arguably be less appropriate than a well-tailored suit on a straighter figure. Should the more curvaceous woman wear looser, even baggier clothes to compensate?
(FWIW, I am the curvier woman with full lips in this scenario. It came up because I bought a lipstick I liked on a friend, put it on, and thought “so THAT is not the impression I was going for,” although it looked perfectly acceptable on my friend. I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable, though.)
Anonymous
So you have 2 questions: 1- can you wear the same lipstick and 2- can you wear the same suit. The answer is it depends. You do you, but “appropriate” is different for every person and every body. A flat-chested woman can wear a deeper v neck top than a well-endowed woman. It’s not that the more curvaceous woman should wear looser baggier clothes to compensate. It’s that different clothes fit different people differently. I don’t think this is a social construct worth getting angry about (which it sounds like you’re hoping for).
AIMS
Yes and no? I have a large chest. Shirts that look totally work appropriate on my friends look not so appropriate on me. That doesn’t mean I need to wear a sack as a blouse but it does mean making certain concessions in terms of my clothing choices. It’s hard to discuss in a vacuum because we all have different mental pictures of what we mean and I think it’s probably even more nuanced with make-up. I have a good friend who almost never wears make up beyond gloss, mascara, and concealer because she says that anything she puts on makes her look overly made up. I think maybe some of that is a subjective judgment but I can’t disagree that even a little make up on her tends to read very “evening.”
you've got this, lady
No, I don’t think so. I bet that lipstick looks great on you. It always takes me a while to get used to seeing myself in new lipstick colors. I think the pout factor is more about how the color works on your face, not how full your lips are.
And for the suit issue, different bodies look good in different things but everyone benefits from good tailoring. Its tough though, because I feel like my size is always changing, and then as soon as I’ve figured it out, the suiting styles change.
Baconpancakes
The suit thing- when I wear a fitted suit, it draws attention to my curves. Same amount of “give,” not tight, just I’ve got a heck of a lot more junk in the trunk. Tailored clothes show off the natural curves of the body, which is why people look good in them – and when there’s a lot if curves to show off, it seems like I’m trying to show them off. If that makes sense. I’m going through my closet right now, deciding what to get tailored and what to toss or keep, and I’m just wondering if maybe I should leave things a little looser than strictly necessary. My personality swings the opposite direction, in part to compensate, but I worry about looking too s3xual in just heels and lipstick.
you've got this, lady
I think it’s also about how you feel when you wear it. If I’m wearing something that makes me feel self conscious, I really can’t get that feeling out of my head. So if you feel more confident in a slightly looser-fitting suit, that’s totally fair. But also it takes me a while to get used to seeing my body in certain unfamiliar silhouettes, like skinny jeans, cropped pants, booties (still working on that one). If you’ve historically not tailored your suits much, you may feel uncomfortable with a more fitted look but so long as it’s not too tight it will probably look great and a good tailor can help with that. Subtle changes can make a big difference too, like well fitting arms in a blazer or taking in the waist just a pinch or having the pant/skirt length hit at just the right spot. That said, if you hate the suit, just toss it because good tailoring probably won’t change how you feel about it (ask me how I know…).
you've got this, lady
Oh, and if heels and lipstick make you feel too s3xy, try flats? Almond or pointy toe flats look perfectly fine with suits, methinks.
anon
Just heels and lipstick is quite a sexy look! :)
Anonymous
The rules don’t change. Your lips look fine. You are being cray.
Kk
I’ll bite. I’m tall, busty, and with a significant waist-to-hip ratio. I’m young, compared to my peers, and especially compared to the clients I work with- typically fusty 60ish introverts. I wear my long blonde hair in loose curls, and I like to wear makeup.
The MM LaFleur Casey dress is beautiful, soft, and looks to cover a work-appropriate amount of any woman’s body. I keep trying it on, with these things in mind, and keep deciding that it’s not professional- I’m proud of my body and wont apologize for it, but I also know that this dress, while professional on other women, is far too va-va-voom on me. So I dont buy it – because in my job, it’s critical that I make a good first impression- and I’m already moving in a certain direction with hair and makeup that might cause others to take me less seriously, so I dial it back a little on my work clothes.
I see this not as a concession, but rather as a strategy- I’ve dialed in a particular look and balance, maximizing my own personality with reasonable expectations of how I’ll be perceived by people- especially people whose opinions will help me further my career. Essentially, I’m choosing my career over my clothing choices, and I’m ok with that for now.
Anon
This is a perfect articulation of how I think about my work clothing and makeup choices as someone who is young for my industry/position, curvy, pretty, and wants to be taken seriously.
It’s funny — I’ve also tried on the Casey dress and had the exact same reaction.
Anonymous
Reasonable? No, probably not. What happens in practice? Absolutely.
Anonymous
Honestly, I don’t think thin lips typically look great in bold lipstick. I think that’s more flattering for people with fuller lips.
Anonymous
Do you think you look good? Do you think you can communicate a business appropriate message in the makeup/outfit you have? If so, go for it.
I have big boobs, a big a$$ and full lips. I sometimes wear very bold lipstick to work, when I find it fits my mood. My lips take up a lot of my face’s real estate, so if I am feeling like I want to be invisible, I don’t go dark plum. But the size of my lips doesn’t make my lipstick inappropriate to me. Maybe the particular shade, maybe the context, but not the size of my lips.
Similarly, the fact that I have an hourglass figure doesn’t mean I have to wear looser clothing. I see this a lot on this site, this idea that certain things are too va va va voom for work. I reject it. My clothes aren’t painted on. They hang away from my body in lots of places. I do not think certain silhouettes are just patently inappropriate for my body but not others. As long as it has the give I would expect in others’ clothes, I am not going to remove a particular style from my wardrobe. But I also have a straight up, direct (perhaps brusque?) attitude that no one would mistake for overly friendly, so I am not worried about some subliminal messaging.
Calibrachoa
So today my team’s inbox received spam with an embedded video of an adult nature. It is amazing how quickly a team of grown up professionals can turn into snickering 12-year olds. XD
pugsnbourbon
Posting late but that might work in my favor – I’ve got a fairly open weekday in San Francisco coming up. We are staying close to the wharf and I’m looking for a good coffee place, a cheap lunch, and a good cocktail (not in the same place). Any suggestions – thanks in advance!
Anon
Re cheap lunch: get bahn mi from Saigon Sandwich. It will be the best $4 you’ve ever spent. (Not super close to the wharf though.)
Anonymous
Oh my God…. That is my favorite food experience in San Francisco.
Thinking about it makes me think Chicago is a food wasteland. That’s how good it is.
If you are a Banh Mi person.
SFAttorney
For non-chain coffee places near the wharf there is Black Point Cafe on North Point (but I haven’t been there); a little further are Caffe Capriccio, Beacon Coffee, Caffe Sapore. In North Beach there is Cafe Trieste and where North Beach meets the financial district are Reveille Coffee and The Station.
Leave the wharf crowds for lunch and go to North Beach. Lots of places along Columbus Avenue. The Italian Homemade is cheap and popular — it’s very casual. I’m not a big cocktail drinker, but I like the atmosphere at Park Tavern at 1652 Stockton Street across from Washington Square Park.
Anon
Second Park Tavern for cocktails. Love that place.
Anon
Black Point Coffee is great. I spent a few hours there last year. Friendly employees and a nice scene.
Bad habits
So, I’m going through some rough stuff personally and professionall. After a really unpleasant calling out today, I’ve realized that I’ve become a person who immediately jumps to the worst-case scenario and basically assumes the worst. I don’t think I was always this way, but it’s definitely an issue. My negativity certainly isn’t helping me, and I suspect others are noticing it as well.
How in the world do I fix this?
Anonymous
Therapy and meds. Not joking.
pugsnbourbon
+1.
anon
+1
If it helps, you’re far, far, far from the only person who does this. Take comfort in the fact that it’s thinking that can be changed and not an accurate reflection of reality. Therapy is so great!
potato
+2. This is tough stuff. It’s time to find a team to help you deal with it. Good luck.
Le Suit
Has anyone tried Le Suit before? Thoughts on quality, sizing, etc? I’m in the market for a new suit, and the price tag on this one is definitely appealing.
They called!
I applied for a job that’s a bit of a stretch and they called me! I’m so excited but trying to keep my composure.
Anonymous
So excited for you!
Anon
This is awesome. Pat yourself on the back for going for it!