Corporette.com

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 149 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Kay Unger

Suit of the Week

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Corporette's Suit of the Week: Kay UngerFor busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. While browsing the Lord & Taylor sale, I noticed these two gorgeous pieces. Love the dress — that color! that texture! that flirty but still appropriate cutout! Love the jacket — that color! that texture! the almost vintage vibe to the cut! Do I love them TOGETHER? Well… no. I think the cutout looks a bit odd under the jacket. But they're on sale, and they're cute as separates, and hey, if push comes to shove, you have two pieces that can, in fact, be worn as a suit. (Or, maybe you disagree with me, and like the cutout-beneath-jacket look?)  The jacket (KAY UNGER Printed Blazer Jacket) is on sale for $150, and the dress (KAY UNGER Cap-Sleeve Dress with Cutout) is on sale for $127.50; with code STYLE they each come down another 15%. (Here's another cute Kay Unger suit on a deeper discount, but in more limited sizes.)
Corporette's Suit of the Week: Kay Unger Corporette's Suit of the Week: Kay Unger
(L-all)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Summer

    If you had a whole summer to do whatever you liked, what would you do? Assuming you already had a two week Europe trip planned and your budget is lowish but not nonexistent.

    • DontBlameTheKids

      Honestly, I would grab my laptop and spend four days a week at Kramer’s Books writing, writing, writing. The other three days a week, I would just take my girls to a park or the beach or whatever. A summer to write sounds like heaven to me!

    • Reiss Smithfield

      I’d learn something – i.e. cooking, a particular style of dance (salsa, tango, ballroom, etc.), a skill (coding, knitting?), train for something active (a half marathon, etc.)

      If you want to go somewhere, I might try to make my way to Central America or South America. It’ll be winter in SA, but it’s low season and it’ll be cheaper than Europe.

      • DCR

        I would go to Asia. There are many places were you can make your money go very far and the flight is too long for a short 1 week vacation (which is when I tend to go to Central and South America).

    • Bonnie

      I’d tackle my l0ng list of home repairs and projects, plant a vegetable garden, and train for a century bike ride.

      • NOLA

        Ditto on the home projects. When I’ve had a week off at home, I’ve tackled painting and repair projects. New light fixtures, etc.

    • emeralds

      Add more time in Europe. Run, hike, play with my dog. Take some foreign language and art classes.

      This is actually a useful thread for me, too, in case I end up being unemployed in May. Keep ’em coming!

    • Anonymous

      Live at the beach. Work out 6 days a week. Walk my dog all the time. Visit family and my nephews. Tackle a list of books to read. Complete any home projects. I’d need a schedule every day, but it would be pretty awesome. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve made a huge mistake by not becoming a teacher and having the summer off (I know teachers do professional/work things during the summer as well).

    • Alice

      Work part-time at a winery, work out regularly doing something fun, walk the dog, read a ton, plan outfits, hike.

      Says the person who can’t remember one.thing. she did during the government shutdown.

    • zora

      make a list of books and ACTUALLY read them all; Plan a bunch of near to town daytrips or short camping trips and get out of the house and see stuff; do all the things I’ve been wanting to do around my house and do the little bit of container gardening and veggie/herb planting I’ve been wanting forever; make a list of fun/touristy/free things to do in my city and do them; find some cool volunteer opportunities, possibly working with little munchkins bc they are the BEST.

    • TO Lawyer

      I would work out 5 days a week, read and sleep. And once I got over my sleep deficit, I would do fun touristy things in my city and try to explore new neighborhoods.

    • KinCA

      Exercise, study a foreign language, and learn to cook more than the “basic” meals I have in my repertoire. I would also read all of the books and go visit non-local friends, especially those in places that are relatively close (4-5 hours away by car) that I don’t see that often.

      Also, I would probably organize the massive closet under our stairs that seems to just be a black hole of miscellaneous objects and read all of the books!

  2. Sydney Bristow

    Based on the brief nonfiction discussion this morning, I thought it would be interesting to discuss topics we are interested in learning about in case anyone has reading recommendations.

    Here are the topics I’m currently interested in reading about. I’d love suggestions for books, blogs, etc to read on any of these.

    Talent/Learning/Mastery
    I’ve read and loved The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle and Mastery by Robert Greene already and am currently reading The 4-Hour Chef by Tim Ferriss. This is a topic that comes up often on the Bryan Callen Sow and James Altucher Show podcasts, both of which I enjoy.

    Anonymous/computer hacking/Wikileaks
    I finished We Are Anonymous by Parmy Olson, which was super interesting. The new one I’m waiting for is Hacker, Hoaxer, Whistleblower, Spy by Gabriella Coleman.

    Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla
    I haven’t started digging into either of these but they caught my interest as characters in some fiction I was reading. I’m not sure where to start here. Any biographies anyone would recommend?

    What topics are you interested in learning about and what are you reading on the topic?

    • tesyaa

      I just read “The Making of the Atomic Bomb” by Richard Rhodes. So fascinating. Now I’m following up by reading a bio of Robert Oppenheimer. I never saw the movie “Fat Man and Little Boy” but now I feel like I have to watch it!

      • Sydney Bristow

        Interesting topic. I saw a documentary on it in college that was really interesting, but I can’t remember what it was called.

        • Lobbyist

          Books about sports/fitness:
          What Makes Olga Run: About a 92 year old track champion. Charming book.
          The Sports Gene: Sort of anti Malcom Gladwell’s 10,000 hours. Interesting
          The Boys in the Boat: About 1930s US rowing team. Slow beginning but picks up

          Parenting issues:
          Glitter and Glue: memoir by Kelly Corrigan about her youth and her mom. Cute
          Girls on the Edge: about girls
          Masterminds and and Wingmen: About pre teen and teen boys social circles
          Queen Bees and Wannabees: About pre teen and teen girs social circles
          Sticks and Stones: about buyllying

          Novels:
          Me Before Yo by Jojo Moyes. Sad but awesome
          The Husband’s secret: detective-y and family-y at the same time. loved it
          The Rosie project: cute romance

          Memoirs
          The Wolf of Wall Street: havent seen the movie but it was an interesting memoir
          The worlds strongest librarian: Fantastic memoir

          • Sydney Bristow

            Nice list! Both The Sports Gene and Masterminds and Wingmen are on my list to read.

            Not directly on parenting issues (although the book does touch on it) you might check out Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman.

          • Sports/Fitness

            A couple of sports/fitness recs:

            Nike is a Goddess: The History of Women in Sports
            Wonder Girl: The Magnificent Sporting Life of Babe Didrikson Zaharias

      • Terry

        If you’re into physics there is a great (and short) biography of Isaac Newton by James Gleick. I’ll never forget reading that Newton, who explained the origin of tides, never saw the ocean.

      • zora

        toushould totally watch Fat Man and Little Boy…it is so fascinating, and the cast is amazing! Paul Newman and John Cusack, WHAT?!? It is kind of intense, tho.

        So are you reading American Prometheus now? That’s a good biography but so long! So funny that you are reading those books, I have too, but only because I had to for work ;o)

    • Monday

      Unfortunately no leads for you on the areas you’ve chosen!

      I’m interested in food, eating, body image and weight issues and have read from various perspectives on this, both books and blogs. Particularly interested in stigma and internalized denigration based on appearance.

      I think of “feminist fiction” as anything that takes women and women’s experiences as seriously as literature has traditionally taken men’s, and recent favorites in this regard are Tampa and The Woman Upstairs. I’m very invested in better representation for women as authors and characters in all entertainment.

      Geology/archaeology/physical anthropology: I want to find out more about how continents used to be arranged and have since moved, including migration of people and species, but don’t have a good source yet.

      Addiction in all its forms: substance, behavioral, anything compulsive. The more I learn about it the more I feel it applies to just about everyone in some way.

      Any suggestions in any of these categories welcome.

      • Sydney Bristow

        For the food issues topic, I finished Obsessed by Mika Brzenski last week. I’d give it a 7/10 but it had an interesting contrast between her food issues and those of her friend who is overweight. Her friend wrote a few sections of the book herself.

        I like your feminist fiction topic. Is there something similar to the Bechdel Test for movies but for books with strong female characters?

        • Monday

          Not to my knowledge. I get a lot of my leads from reviews and author interviews. When the author is getting defensive or male reviewers (nearly all) are especially patronizing or dismissive, you’re usually on the right track.

    • Miss Behaved

      Not education/learning specific, but these non-fiction books are on my to-read list this year:
      The Year We Disappeared
      The Monuments Men
      This Town: Two Parties and a Funeral
      Wonder Women
      Trapped Under the Sea

      I just finished For the Thrill of It about Leopold and Lobh yesterday. And I read The Smartest Kids in the World and How They Got That Way last month. It was fascinating.

      • Sydney Bristow

        The Rape of Europa book and documentary have great sections on the Monuments Men. I’ve only read portions of the book, but what I read was really really good and the documentary was very interesting.

      • LizNYC

        I haven’t read the Monuments Men book (though I’d like to), but I saw it and thought it was good — I think Clooney delayed releasing it because he didn’t know what tone to take (for parts, it feels like a MASH episode (which I also like); other times it was pretty serious).

        • Brittany

          I’m reading Monuments Men right now and it’s kind of slow going. I like that period of history, but I’m not a huge arts person, so it’s a weird intersection for me. Still, once I get going on it, it’s a good read.

      • Criminal Appeals

        The Year We Disappeared was written (and lived) by a family member of mine. It’s completely enthralling.

        • Miss Behaved

          Wow. Yesterday it was the Kindle Deal of the Day. I spent summers in that town growing up. And my parents live there now.

    • Mary Ann Singleton

      Great topic. I was just thinking this morning (listening to This American Life which had a story involving Andrew Jackson) that I’d like to read (or listen to) some biographies of American presidents. I know very little on this topic (this is my adopted country). Any recommendations (especially for audio versions)? Which presidents were particularly interesting? I remember seeing a thick biography on Truman at my parents’ house, but I can’t remember who wrote it.

      • A Nonny Moose

        The Presidents Club is a really interesting overview of several presidents and how they interacted and overlapped. Maybe try something like that to narrow down particular people you want to learn more about?

      • Anon in ATX

        Currently in the midst of reading Truman by David McCullough. I assume this is the one you are referring to, as it definitely qualifies as a door stop. I would recommend it, it is very thorough and enlightening considering I knew almost nothing about Truman prior to picking it up.

        • tesyaa

          I have the Truman bio by McCullough (picked it up used online for about $5) and it’s pretty good, too.

        • Mary Ann Singleton

          Oh, yes, that’s the one! Just looked it up on Audible – my next 54 hours of commuting time will now be much more educational.

      • tesyaa

        There’s a 3-part series about Theodore Roosevelt by Edmund Morris that’s pretty good. And a 4-parter about Lyndon Johnson by Robert Caro that’s a must read (spread it out over a few years, maybe). And there’s also The Power Broker by Caro about Robert Moses.

        • Sydney Bristow

          The Power Broker is one I’ve been wanting to read but haven’t actually gotten around to yet.

      • Amelia Pond

        I really enjoyed Nixonland by Rick Perlstein. It is definitely a bit long but very readable and interesting.

      • Alanna of Trebond

        Destiny of the Republic is a great one for Garfield (although, it is mostly about his assasination). The Scorpions is a good take on some of FDR, although it is admittedly mostly about his Supreme Court appointees.

    • zora

      I totally get on a kick where I’m obsessed about a topic and want to read All. The. Books. about it..

      I’m in a Classic Literature thing now, though, reading some of the classics I missed, and some academic stuff about the classics.
      Also reading everything I can get my hands on about New Orleans, history/food/culture, etc, since I’m visiting there in April (YAAYYY!!!!)

      I also tend to read a lot about history and politics, have Taylor Branch’s trilogy about MLK, Jr and the civil rights movement on my list but haven’t gotten to it yet.

      Thanks for the thread, though, there are lots of great ideas here!

      • Sydney Bristow

        That’s my usual path as well. I’ve been a bit more scattered than normal lately because I was on the wait list at the library for so long and they’ve all been becoming available. I tend to wind up reading everything I can on a topic and then feel like listening to all the related podcasts. There is so much stuff out there I want to learn about!

  3. DontBlameTheKids

    That dress is gorgeous, love the color! Would never in a million years wear that blazer though. But right now I’m craving warm weather, and I absolutely refuse to purchase another piece of winter clothing!

    • Mpls

      I was thinking that I loved the blazer, especially the color, and would like the dress better without the keyhole.

    • zora

      I would LOVE to have only suits in amazing shades of blue-ey colors like this!! GAH! I would totes wear them together as a suit.

  4. Office Politics

    Hello Ladies,

    I would like to get some perspective on this topic.

    I was talking to a work friend (but pretty close non work friend too ) this morning. We were generally discussing our new work environments as we work in different divisions of the company now but were working together before.

    We have both encountered too much competition which has lead to too much politics. This was not present in our previous groups. For example, they don’t provide you with any information to ramp you up in your new work. They don’t provide any documents, they give vague answers when you ask for anything, they don’t give the names of people who you have to contact when you need something, you will not get to know the new work that is coming in, it gets divided among the few who have formed a group and you cannot complain to your manager because you will be a person who complains. Your only option is to some how penetrate this group and get involved in the politics to get good work.

    My friend says it is the same every where and our last group was an exception and so we better start playing the game. But I am not so sure about it. Though I can play the game…I am not sure if I will feel good about it. I want to know the working conditions in other places. I work in a huge hi-tech company as a software engineer.

    • Former Partner, Now In-House

      Parts of this sound like you have a bad manager (e.g., manager should have made arrangements for training and questions and should have created a system that is transparent about the work that the department is doing). And the other staffers could simply be reacting as best they can figure out how in the vacuum of good management.

      I know that doesn’t help. But it might explain?

    • IT Chick in MN

      This does not sound like most environments I’ve been in! Granted, I’m not a coder, but I work with software engineers/developers frequently. This is NOT something you need to put up with. On the other hand, every workplace is dysfunctional. What matters is if it is a dysfunction you can live with. It sounds like you and your friend may differ on the ability to live with this.

  6. NOLA

    I’m so excited – after assembling my new filing cabinet yesterday, I bought hanging folders today and now I have beautiful drawers with folders for each of my bills, accounts, etc., plus monthly folders for receipts, and places to put important documents that I could never find. I’ve been wanting to do this since the new year when I spent an entire day sorting that stuff. I’m so happy to have this done!

    • Marilla

      I love my filing cabinet (with hanging folder files all labelled with my labelmaker!) and it makes my life SO much easier, especially with preparing income taxes and submitting medical insurance receipts. And keeping important receipts/warranties. And so many other things. Congratulations and enjoy!

    • Mary Ann Singleton

      Which filing cabinet did you get? I’d love to get one that doesn’t look like a filing cabinet, since I don’t have a dedicated office to keep it in.

    • zora

      I also have just a pretty woven basket that is the size/shape to hold files upright. I like it because with the lid on I can stack it, but it looks pretty with my stuff and is easy to get in and out of. I got mine from Serrv, but I’ve seen similar ones at Pier 1, and a lot of other places.

      But yes, folders for important things where i can quickly file them: So. Important!

      • TO Lawyer

        Can you post examples? I’m trying to picture the type of basket you have but can’t…

        • zora

          don’t have time at the moment to do tons of searching. This is the link to the one I have, except it’s part of a set. I was able to buy it at a B&M fair trade store that sold them individually, so i just bought a couple, and one is about 9 inches deep, 12 inches wide, so the perfect size for regular hanging files & folders. I keep it right near my door where I collect my mail. I can open important things and then file them straight into the appropriate file. So all my Car stuff, all my credit card documents, etc, are always in the right folder.

          http://www.serrv.org/product/nesting-kaisa-grass-baskets/baskets

          Like I said, I’ve seen similar ones other places, but not sure where.

  7. Yellow

    I went to the nanette lepore store in Boston over the weekend and just have to say that I honk she’s done an amazing job with interesting, work appropriate suits. I bought 5 (!!) suits that were either skirt/jacket or dress/jacket combos and am so excited to wear them!

  8. Books similar to Lean In?

    I feel like this was discussed somewhere before, but can’t seem to find the conversation. Does anyone have recommendations for “women in leadership” type books? I read Lean In, enjoyed it, and was left feeling inspired but wanting more in terms of practical steps/implementation. Thanks in advance!

    • Miss Behaved

      Wonder Women by Debora Spar, the President of Barnard, is similar to Lean In. I’m not sure it has actual steps for implementation, though. I’m about half way through it, now.

    • Anony

      Waah… I just wrote out a list of books with reasons why I liked them, and got a “you are posting too quickly, slow down” error. This is the first time I’ve posted in MONTHS!!

      No time to rehash everything, but here’s the list:
      Finerman’s Rules
      Women Lead the Way
      Through the Labyrinth
      Winning Nice

  9. TBK

    Baby B, I know you’re getting crowded in there, but GET OUT OF MY RIBS. Ow. (I think all three of us are looking forward to living as three separate people in a couple of weeks.)

  10. Dating Again

    Relationship Threadjack:
    So, after a long period post-Divorce, I went on a lot of first dates but kept turning down second ones. I had a handful of flings where I was dating/sleeping with someone for 4-8 weeks at a time before ending them when things veered in the relationship direction, because I wasn’t ready for a commitment (and had been clear about that from the start, just to be fair) and didn’t want to keep seeing someone who was clear that’s what they wanted (especially when I wouldn’t have ever been ready *for them*).

    But I started dating someone recently that I actually like, and am in a place where I’d like to keep seeing him in a more serious way, and I guess I’m looking for a gut-check on how soon would you disclose that you were divorced? (Assuming young/short marriage, no debts/kids/ties). It simultaneously doesn’t seem important and does? Any thoughts from other ‘rettes who’ve been there?

    • anon

      I’m surprised it hasn’t come up already. I really don’t think it’s a big deal. If anything it’s reassuring that you’ve had a relationship before. My vote is before the first date/on it. I’d find it strange if it came up much later, personally.

      • TBK

        I disagree. I’m not divorced myself, but I would expect it to come up in the general discussions about past relationships. Or just naturally, in references to places you’ve been or things you’ve done as in “I tried sky-diving once. My ex-husband was really into it, so we went on our first anniversary.”

        • Sadie

          I think now is the appropriate time. When you have decided you’d like to pursue a more serious/exclusive thing. I think it’s fine if it comes up earlier, (and if you had kids I would say it SHOULD come up earlier) but since you have no kids/ties to your ex, I think now is fine. I don’t think you have to go around “disclosing” a prior marriage on every first date.

          Frankly, as a divorced person who has dated other divorced people, unless it came up naturally in the course of conversation, I always found it odd when men would bring it up on a first date if they didn’t have kids with the ex. I always felt like…why are we talking about your ex wife? I suppose a quick “I was married previously, but we divorced. Never had any kids” would have been fine, but the people who brought it up early always also seemed to be the people who had a *lot* more to say about it than that.
          At the same time, I think I would be really taken aback if the “I used to be married” information was revealed AFTER the “let’s be exclusive” talk.

      • MaggieLizer

        I would not discuss an ex on a first date and I would be super put off if I were on a date with a guy and he discussed an ex, whether there was a marriage or not. The purpose of early dates is to get to know someone and determine whether there’s a romantic spark. Their relationship history doesn’t help you to decide whether there’s good conversation, chemistry, and shared interests.

        Perhaps more importantly, when you tell a guy that you’re divorced, the first thing he will probably ask is why you got divorced. That’s a very private and personal discussion and one that is wholly inappropriate for a first date. OP, I would disclose the divorce when you feel comfortable enough with the guy to give a short, honest answer to that question.

        • anon

          hmm – maybe the difference is that I mostly date online/meet in real life & it tends to be a piece of information that’s listed (divorced/separated/never married, etc.) so this really doesn’t hit me as something that would be “revealed” later on or as anything that’s a big deal.

          • Dating Again

            Oh! To clarify, this is still fairly early days (I’m more thinking going forward). We’ve been out a handful of times, and just haven’t really talked much about exes or past relationships in general, so it seems weird to just be like “hey, by the way, I was married before” but I would definitely want to talk about it in the context of a “let’s be exclusive talk” or earlier.

          • Dating Again

            And we met IRL through mutual friends, so it’s possible he knows, but I would have felt it really weird to be like “Yes, I’d love to go out with you, by the way I’m divorced?” when he asked me out?

          • Anon

            Ah, that totally makes sense. If you have mutual friends he probably knows but in your case I’d wait until it comes up more naturally then.

    • Ellen

      I have NOT been there, but I know that as soon as you get romantic, MOST men know if you have been MARRIED to another MAN before. I alway’s know if I am with a MAN if he has been MARRIED before. Some time’s, when I look them in the EYE, I can ask them if they ARE (or were) MARRIED, and if they are–OR WERE, they will NOT look back directly at ME and they will LIE. On the OTHER hand, if they are telleing the TRUTH, they will look right back at you. I think that we are the same way. So you have to tell the truth if he ask’s. YAY!

  11. Manhattanite

    Any thoughts on job hunting when you are TTC no.2?

    No 1 is almost a year and a half and I TTC’d for about 2 mos with her. I hate my (biglaw) job. And I’m in my late 30’s, so waiting to TTC until I find that job and settle into it could leave me unable to have no. 2. Should I just suck it up and try to hold onto my current has-no-future job?

    • roses

      You could definitely start job hunting now – if you do, there’s a very good chance that you either won’t be pregnant or won’t be showing when you interview. Or you could stay in current job, take mat leave, and leave right after. Or if you have a spouse whom you can get health insurance through and enough savings, you could quit your current job until you’re ready to go back after #2 is born.

    • Anonymous

      TTC= not pregnant. And at them moment , you’re not even trying. And it takes 9 months minimum to get a baby. What’s the hold up? Look for a job now. Deal with a pregnancy when you have one. If you’re offered a job, check the maternity benefits before you accept.

      • WestCoast Lawyer

        I was in a similar situation and decided it was not worth the hit to my sanity to stay in biglaw until I had #2, but I was willing to put off TTC until I found a new job and had been there long enough that I would be covered by FMLA and had established some goodwill with my co-workers (so, basically, no TTC until at least 4 months after I started to give us a cushion in case of early delivery). But since it sounds like you want to start TTC right away I might consider sticking around biglaw if you can stand it – you likely have a much better maternity leave policy there than you will get anywhere else. I’d still keep an eye out for any amazing opportunities but maybe not jump 100% into the job search. It really depends on how desperate you are to get out.

    • Hermione

      Keep applying when you see good opportunities. I recognize that BigLaw maternity leave is awesome, but you’re talking about a few more weeks’ pay/time off in the context of your whole career and life with your kids. Imagine you’re on the verge of coming back to work after the second kid arrives – do you want it to be to a dead-end job you hate?

    • In House Counsel

      I have had friends in similar situation. One is due in July with #2 and just moved in house from her BigLaw firm. Another changed firms and got pregnant about 3 months after starting so just shy of the 1 yr mark for FMLA but the firm is granting her that time. So I think if you are miserable in the job, worth to look and move and deal w/ the leave. I can tell you that it was a lot easier to be motivated to go back to work after having my daughter knowing I had a job I actually liked. Could not imagine feeling the same if I had still been at my (soul-sucking) firm. Good luck!

  12. Anonymous

    I love the color of this but the keyhole + jacket looks awkward.

    Question re: friendship. One of my good friends cannot stop talking about how busy she is. I’m a SF midlevel biglaw associate, and she just transitioned from a medium sized firm to an in house job. She has always been a bit dramatic about her workload, but lately she is working on a pro bono matter and every time we talk, email, etc. she moans about how busy she is. She also posts constantly on facebook about it. I’ve started to feel angry about it, as I’ve been more slammed than I’ve ever been (working full weekends, regular all-nighters, etc.) but I don’t talk about it. She doesn’t seem to understand that everyone around her is just as busy (and more likely busier). I know this is petty, and I feel ashamed to be bothered by it, but it’s making it hard to be around her. Thoughts?

    • hoola hoopa

      Hide her posts on FB. You can still check on her page ‘manually’, she won’t be able to tell that you’re doing it, and you can return her to your feed whenever you want – but it will give you much needed relief from her constant posts about it.

      • SF chic

        +1

        I hate facebook…. hide her posts.

        I understand. These comments get under my skin too, although I know they shouldn’t. It likely reflects her personality, so you need to let it go.

        But if you can’t….

        You can say every once in awhile… “yeah, its a zillion hour month for me too…” and change the subject. Alternatively, you can let her know that she talks about this all the time, and you are starting to wonder if she should change jobs… maybe it’s more then she wants/can handle.

    • anon

      I think it helps to realize that one person’s stress over being busy is no reflection on yours. (Just like one person’s good fortune doesn’t stop you from having good things happen to you, too.) It ‘s not like there is some magic ruler out there that defines when you do and don’t feel slammed and who deserves to feel stressed by it or not. If it is bringing you down in face to face discussions, then just tell her that all the work talk is stressing you out. Most people will then back off and realize you don’t want to be a shoulder for them to vent to about work stuff. For the FB stuff, just scroll past or block. Everyone has coping mechanisms for stress–some exercise, some compartmentalize, and still others choose to talk about it to help them process. Recognizing that this is her method–and that it is no reflection on who you are and what you do or don’t do in managing your own stress–may help take some of the frustration down a bit.

      • AnonLawMom

        +1 This is so, so true.
        I will never forget when I was working in a restaurant in college as a c****tail waitress and I got my friend a job as hostess. When she was eventually promoted to c****tail waitress she would totally panic when she had more than one table and ask me to run her drinks/take orders/etc. because she was so busy, while I had a full station. She ultimately asked to be demoted back to hostess because it was just too stressful for her.
        Each person has a very different tolerance. Her comments may be a bit “braggy” about how important she is or they may merely reflect her inability to handle her workload.

    • Scout

      I feel like when people are essentially “bragging” about how busy they are it comes more out of a place of insecurity. I feel like we compete with other people about how busy we are because we try to justify to ourselves that we or our jobs matter or are important. You said she’s transitioning so maybe she’s scared she didn’t make the right move or feels inferior to you b/c she knows you have a great job. But I’d agree those people are toxic on fb and if it’s bothering you right now b/c she’s overshadowing your feelings of being legitimately busy and stressed I’d take a step back from the friendship.

      • Monday

        “I feel like we compete with other people about how busy we are because we try to justify to ourselves that we or our jobs matter or are important.”

        I very much agree with this. It’s almost existential: we have to prove the legitimacy of what we’re doing with our lives. Stay-at-home-caretakers get into it too, battling with out-of-the-home workers over who is more stressed out. It’s just so uncomfortable to think that anyone may see us as idle or unnecessary. Brene Brown calls it “exhaustion as a status symbol,” which I think is dead on.

        But I can’t help but notice that almost everyone I hear complaining about someone else’s talking about how busy they are, couches it in terms of how much busier they themselves are. You never hear someone say “I’m so tired of hearing X venting about how slammed she is! I get plenty of sleep, have lots of down time, and feel great, so let it go!” I think this is one of those tug-of-wars where you just have to drop the rope. When you’re not invested in being Busy and Important, it doesn’t matter so much that others are.

        • AnonInfinity

          Yes too all y’all.

          Last year I read something in the HBR encouraging people to stop talking about how busy they are, and that made me realize how obnoxious it really is. So I am making an effort to talk about anything but my schedule, unless it actually matters (e.g., who is picking up the dry cleaning today?). One thing I didn’t intend is that people still talk to me as if I’m saying how busy I am. They’ll say things like, “Really slammed at work lately?” or whatever. It makes me realize that I must have talked about it even more than I realized for me to become the I’m-So-Busy-At-Work Girl. I try to brush it off and say something like, “Yeah, but I’m trying to make time to go to the movies… Have you seen XYZ?”

  14. Redhead

    I want to thank those who responded my request yesterday for suggestions on how to look fresh and crisp in the spring with an ‘autumn’ complexion. I’ll be keeping an eye out for light yellows, greens, and blues with warm undertones – but I’m also going to try wearing white on bottom and/or try wearing scarfs in more flattering colors to keep the spring colors away from my face.

    • Anonymous

      Not sure if this was mentioned yesterday, but you said you look good in navy and that’s a classic spring color, especially if you add a couple mint green accessories to it.

  15. Boston

    Attention Boston ‘rettes – I am turning 30 (eek!), one of my sisters is turning 21, and the other is turning 23. To celebrate, we are planning to go to Boston for a weekend at the end of March. I have been to Boston, but I don’t know it well at all. I am looking for recommendations for a trendy lounge/bar where we can have some drinks – nothing too clubby or stuffy, but a fun/hip/cool place where we won’t be out of place in not-too-dressy dresses. I will plan dinner and the hotel around the lounge, so location isn’t a huge concern yet. Thanks in advance!

      • LH

        Overreaction much? I think most people have a “scary age” and 30 is a big milestone – those are always a little scary.

        • Wildkitten

          +1 I think when people say “eek” about turning 30 what they mean is “I thought I would be in a different place at this age.” 30 is when many people have to confront their previous expectations for adulthood as not matching up with actual adulthood. Many of my friends say that turning 30 is very stressful but being 30 (and on up) is great.

          I know society privileges youth, but I don’t think that’s why people in our demographics (highly educated overachievers) freak out about 30.

          • LadyB

            So true;

            I had a whole set of (stupidly undefined and probably unattainable) goals of what I would have achieved by the time I was 30. Turning 40 was a piece of cake in comparison, largely because I’d become so much more comfortable in my own skin.

    • Ciao, pues

      The Hawthorne on Comm Ave. might fit the bill. It’s craft cocktails, classy but not stuffy, and definitely a special occasion place without being out of reach for girls in their 20s (and now 30!). I’m pretty sure you have to have reservations. Happy birthday!

  16. Anon

    Has anyone else felt like pregnancy (and lack of good work gotten then) & maternity leave & the fight for good work after maternity leave have caused you to fall significantly behind your peers in terms of skill level? I’m a biglaw litigator, for context. If so, what have you done about it?

    • JJ

      I work for a great law firm, so I haven’t felt that way through two pregnancies and maternity leaves. I’m a biglaw litigator, as well.

      To combat this, are you asking partners for opportunities in your cases? I would make sure that the partners understood that you wanted more opportunities and were looking for more experience.

      • RR

        I agree. I haven’t experienced this as a BigLaw litigator. If anything, I felt like people accomplished little while I was gone and I ended up with even more work leading up to maternity leave and coming back from maternity leave. I’m also a partner though, so I don’t feel like I’m really “falling behind on skills.” You don’t say what level you are?

        I think you need to advocate for yourself. Go a little beyond in assignments so you can help spot problems, ask for more work/more interesting work. If you are demonstrating excellence in the work you are doing, and you are making it clear that you want more work and more responsibility, I think it will come.

        • JJ

          Yes, I’d add that after I returned from my first leave, I made a conscious effort to churn out the best work product that I could possibly do. Yes,life is very different when you come back from leave than before you were pregnant – just yesterday I had to drop everything at lunch and pick up my toddler because the daycare called and said that he was burning up with fever.

          But you work around stuff like that and I’m very forthright with the partners that I work for: “I had to leave unexpectedly to pick up my son. He’ll be down for a nap for several hours while I’m working from home. I”ll be working on this tonight after he goes to bed and you’ll have a draft tomorrow, like we planned.” I try to make sure that my parents always know what to expect from me, and when, and if that changes for some reason, I tell them. They’ve responded by giving me more work and more responsibility, so I hope my method is working.

    • Anon

      Yes. Not in BigLaw anymore, but still the time off (and I’ve taken a decent amount) adds up. I am working hard at making my own wind, so to speak, and being ambitious in my (at times non-ambitious) current position. Harder than the mat leave itself, which is finite, is the strain of kids and family commitments that follow–sick days, school breaks, sudden calls from daycare, wanting/needing to be home at some point. And that is a permanent state.

      While my perspective on life has changed–I now think of being able to work as much as you need or want as a luxury!–I console myself with the mantra that my career is a marathon, not a sprint. I plan to stick around for the long haul, and if things are moving slowly compared to my cohort now, it will work out over the course of my (hopefully decades-long) professional life.

      I’ve also seen a fair amount of burnout, and I can’t help but think part of that is the pressure to keep hitting those markers on schedule. It seems like there are some very conventional paths in law, especially BigLaw, with clear markers you’re supposed to hit at specific times. That’s not going to happen for me because of mat leave/children–I stepped off that path quickly. I’d be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that there are low points when I’m crushed about this gap between me and my peers, furious that I feel like I’m not living up to my potential, and downright p*ssed that (mainly men) I see achieving things are guys I feel like I could run laps around if I were operating at full capacity.

      I don’t have any silver bullets for those kinds of frustrations/anxieties. For me, I take deep breaths and focus on becoming a big fish in my smaller pond. This is not necessarily the kind of concrete suggestions that others might have, I realize. I’d say you just need to keep plugging away, keep your eyes open for opportunities of all kinds (training, new matters, etc.), and be kind to yourself.

        • Anon

          Perhaps! There’s a lot of us out there, I’ve come to see. Funnily enough, I was a women’s law event recently where the keynote speaker’s message was precisely to work at being the big fish in a small pond as an approach for both professional advancement and personal sanity. Amen to that.

          And I should have said that I have mostly succeeded in turning off that mental tabulator in the back of my head (i.e., I’m X years out so I should be doing A, B, and C), which is quite liberating. That’s the cut yourself some slack angle, which is crucial.

      • RR

        I know you are probably not still reading, but this– “I console myself with the mantra that my career is a marathon, not a sprint.”–is everything. I always use the expression that my career is a “long game” with the same intent. Remember that it’s not the weeks or even the months, but the years that will make up your career.

    • anon

      I do not necessarily feel as though I have fallen behind in skill level- since I have a very niche practice in my group that simply is not filled when I am out. In fact, I am the only person in my AmLaw 100 firm that does a specific type of work (even though I am an associate).

      However, I have been dinged in terms of advancement for taking maternity leave- despite fulfilling hours and other requirements. I know this is the case because it was put in writing that I was not being promoted an extra level because of my “slow start” to the year. I was on maternity leave during that time.

      Maybe if I had a sponsor or someone who even understood what I did things would be better.

      • Anon BigLaw Partner

        My firm pro-rates everything with maternity (or other leaves). I’m surprised that your firm doesn’t. So slow start to the year my @$s. That person seems to be making a stink about your leave (would a stink be made about someone taking time off for being in a car accident or heart attack? I don’t think so). Can you get this person out of your review universe (and is the sort of thing where you take another lap and get waived in next year? or is this a permanent blemish / thing that will always be brought up)? I say this as someone who has met non-prorated targets while people in slow areas (corporate / real estate) billed less than me as full-time non-leave-taking people over the past 5 years.

        • RR

          I agree. This is BS.

          Taking a maternity leave and thus not billing hours during that leave and a reasonable little cushion around it should not penalize anyone. It’s a different story if you bill 1000 hours in a year where you also took a maternity leave (although that too can be political as some partners will pull work from pregnant associates in anticipation of maternity leave and then take awhile to give work back after they return).

          • OP

            The latter is my problem. And with few partners around who are appropriate for me to get work from, it’s not a matter of just going around looking to get put on cases. Although I was only about 50 hrs or so under target.

      • eh230

        You probably are not still reading, but in case you are, a similar thing happened to me. I took the standard 12 week maternity leave as a midlaw boutique attorney. I found out during my performance review that one of the partners that I did a significant amount of work for rated me low for not being “committed” to the firm precisely because I took leave. I started looking for a new job immediately and am now happily working in-house. I just took an 11 week leave for birth of my second son and just received my performance review. It was glowing.

        You will not be able to change crusty old men who can’t see past a female attorney with kids. Start looking now.

    • MJ

      I have not been pregs, but I have seen this happen to several close female friends, mainly because partners in my group just _could_not_fathom_ that having a child meant that you could also be a good attorney too. Those women ended up leaving the firm after being mommy tracked. It made me very angry. I don’t have solutions for you other than the fact that you should stick up for yourself, call people out on “bad” behavior and try to run your own race. And, honestly, it’s fine to go 80% or 85% time. It really is. If your firm has these policies, it’s your practice group that needs to get on board. You’ll catch up, or you’ll find somewhere that values your contributions….

  17. Emm

    Ugh, why with the cutout?! I would much rather the dress not have a random hole over my right collarbone. Not worth $127 if I have to wear something under it/alter it.

    • zora

      You could probably add a little insert behind it in a subtle, simple fabric (or have a tailor do it) so it looks like an insert rather than a hole. I think it’s small enough that it’s just a little extra detail that makes it a little interesting, not a huge “Look At Me” kind of cut out.

  18. Anonybrag

    Because I can’t brag to anyone other than DH….got my performance review/ merit increase today. Company average was 2%. I got an 11% raise. Bonus target was 5%. Got 12%. And absolutely glowing reviews from my boss (coupled with a plea not to leave and told me I was on track for a promotion this year “so help her God”)

    The kicker? I was on mat leave for 4.5 months of the year. Woop!!!

    • Anonybrag

      to add to this, I will share my bonus “splurge”– I’m going to pay off the last $4k of my undergrad loans, which have been festering because they’re at like, 3% while DH’s grad loans are at 7%. So we’ve been throwing everything at the grad loans and dragging out the tiny amount left on my loans. So my “splurge” is knocking that bad boy out even though it makes more sense to pay down the higher interest loan (which isn’t mine).

    • Anonattorney

      Congratulations!!!! You deserve to celerate! Go out to dinner, or drinks, or buy something small and fun.

    • KinCA

      So awesome! Congratulations. That’s awesome feedback (and getting paid instead of just getting a pat on the back is even better).

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions