ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Tacilana High-Waist Wide-Leg Trousers

A woman wearing purple tailored pants and a white top

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Are purple pants a wardrobe staple in the traditional sense? Probably not, but I think they’d still be surprisingly versatile. This wide-leg version from Boss would look beautiful with an ivory or camel topper, but you also can’t go wrong with a black turtleneck and black heels in the winter.

If you’re not a heels wearer, I think you could get these hemmed to wear with a pair of pointy-toed flats, like my favorites from J. Crew Factory.

The pants are $298 at Nordstrom and come in sizes 0–18.

Nordstrom has its own lower-priced option; the pants are $99 and available in three colors. These wide-leg pants from Eloquii are available in sizes 14–28 for $89.95 (although some sizes are currently “waitlisted”).

Sales of note for 12.5

362 Comments

  1. Any suggestions for things to do in the evenings after dinner? DH and I are usually tired after work and working out so not looking for anything too taxing, but I don’t want to spend another year doom scrolling my evenings away. Bonus points if it is something we can do together or at least be engaged with each other instead of two heads down in a phone while the tv plays in the background.

    1. These are what we do:

      Puzzles
      Netflix series
      Needlepoint or cross-stitch

      I work on paintings while he does photo editing

      1. I loved puzzles during 2021. My bf and I both love to read, scroll Instagram together on my phone (I follow more fun accounts), watch a series that is engaging and exciting like Jack Ryan on Amazon or the Old Man on Hulu, it’s hard to fine fun things when it’s so cold though!

    2. Last night we watched a documentary on a history topic we both found interesting. It was a good conversation starter and we both learned something without feeling like we were just watching tv. We plan to do this again and take turns picking the topic. Lots of good ones from PBS, BBC, History Channel etc are free on Youtube. There are also paid ones we’re going to stream from Smithsonian Associates, with a historian giving a live talk.

    3. We’ve done online art classes together through Creative Bug. It was a fun activity to do once a week with a bottle of wine. Puzzles are great too and sometimes we have a silly show on in the background that we don’t have to completely focus on.

    4. We love going for walks as soon as he gets home (so he’s still amped up from the drive; I WFH). We get to download our days and chat about upcoming things and get exercise and quality time.

        1. Before kids, we used to take the dog for a long walk together after dinner. It was great for everyone getting a good night’s sleep, even in cold weather (maybe especially in cold weather).

          2. Vicky, it works even for the first couple months after baby comes once you’re strong enough to walk — Dad gets baby in carrier, you walk at the witching hour, baby generally happier than they would be inside.

      1. We like Rummikub! Husband is a whiz at it from years of playing against his grandparents. I am still trying to catch up.

    6. Board games! Exploding kittens, Catan, Sushi Go, Uno, A little wordy…. the list goes on.
      Cooking together, doesn’t need to be anything complex.
      Going for a walk, do a photo challenge [e.g. every week has a theme and you go together for a walk and take interesting pictures of things/people/whatever that is on the topic].

      2. Second the crossword suggestion. We prefer a hard copy book but the app is good in a pinch. We started on easy ones in the early pandemic days and have worked our way up through the difficulty levels.

    8. Netflix has a fun interactive trivia game that my husband and I love playing together, sometimes as a team and sometimes against each other (but the latter will occasionally get loud enough to wake up our kids).

      1. OMG how did I not know that Netflix has interactive content? This could be a game changer!

    9. My solution is that I’m just not really home in the evenings: I get together with friends to watch sports (go to a game or on TV) or the Bachlore(tte), go to bar trivia, play on a sports team, in the summer when it’s light out go to the trails for a long bike/run/hike/walk (or occasionally head to a lake for a paddle board), take a class (knitting lesson at a brewery tonight!), do things around our city (live music? Bowling? Ice skating?). I haven’t yet but I’ve wanted to go night skiing at a hill near me.

      Obviously not all of these are applicable to a spouse, but some are!

          1. I have a friend who is so great at finding this stuff and I’m lucky enough to tag along!

        1. I am trying to reclaim the time lost to the pandemic and my former job which was very demanding. I pretty much spent my early 20s working long hours and my mid 20s in the pandemic so now I’m taking advantage of my late 20s before I settle down. I’m also single, child and pet free and 29.

          I try to get my “have to do’s” (working out, cleaning, meal prep) done before work or on weekend mornings so my weeknights are generally free for fun or school work (but I do most of my homework on weekends, too). On most weekdays the most I do around the house is a 5 min tidy up or unload the dishwasher.

          My current job is very much a 9-5 with no after hours work.

          I try to be pretty healthy which helps with energy: 2 strength workouts and 2 cardio workouts a week. I walk everywhere too. Lots of water. Mostly healthy foods. Alcohol only when I go out (which admittedly is frequently). Try my best for 8 hours of sleep. If my diet slips or I don’t workout for a week I get really sluggish.

          I mostly realized that if I’m home on a weeknight I’m “too tired” to do anything besides lay on my couch, watch tv, and scroll my phone. I have some at home hobbies too but for some reason can never find the energy to do them during the week, even if I come home at 5. I’m pretty active and I hate the feeling of “wasting” and evening scrolling on my phone so I just would rather be out and about and do things and see friends than waste time at home.

          There are definitely days when I’m exhausted or don’t feel like doing anything so that’s when I just chill: watch tv, take a bath, or go to bed really early.

          1. I mean this as a compliment, this list was a lot of things and requires a lot of energy. It made me remember being 29!

          2. Ah – I thought you were actually asking!

            But yes – the secret is really being 29 :)

          3. I’m single and 29 and I’m exhausted reading this, lol (have to’s before work???? how. said with total envy because I’d never have a sink and counter full of dirty dishes if I washed them while waiting for coffee in the morning)
            ..my threshold for interactions is just much much lower than yours, before I hit a wall of over stimulation and feeling socially drained if I hang out with friends more than 1x/week. Truely do envy other women with seemingly larger wells of energy than I have

      3. Anon what city are you in bc I suspect it might be mine and that we would be friends 😂

    10. Get some NoxGear and go for a walk or play tennis once it is more light outside. I am 1000% not a board games person. We also like to read the paper (like on newsprint) and talk about that. And play videos or YouTube clips of songs we never got to see (either before our parents had cable or b/c MTV is now a reality TV channel). Currently old Heart songs in concert or Dropkick Murphys. Nancy Wilson can play a guitar.

      1. You are my people. I feel bad saying this, but I really, really don’t enjoy playing games. LOL. Let me either be active or a slug with a book or TV. I actually really like when we read in bed, sitting next to each other.

        1. I loathe board games. IDK how it is interesting. I’d rather talk to people or read or garden . . . really, anything but a board game (except Trivial Pursuit). I can play poker though. When I go to Las Vegas I find the Sports Book area to be beyond fascinating.

        2. I’m the poster who does things out of the house most nights and I agree 100% that I’m either active or a slug. I don’t do in between very well!

          But, I do love game nights with board games that are purely fun with a group! I just don’t care for strategy games (I’d rather gouge my eyes out than play Azul!)

        3. I’m not a board games person but my husband is. We have found some games I like that are more talking and less strategy gaming. My fave is Sherlock where we team up to solve a mystery.

      1. Do you have rec’s for cooperative games? We’re puzzled out- but both fiercely competitive and we don’t turn that off very well!

        1. Pandemic is a cooperative game and really fun with two people. But if you lose, the world dies…

    12. TV/streaming can work, but it has to be TV with intention. As with anything, you get out of it what you put in, so put your phone away and pay attention. If you don’t enjoy it enough to pay attention, watch something else or do something different. There are so many wonderful shows that I really enjoy and my husband and I discuss together. We also do lots of outdoor stuff, but for cold dark evenings when we’re tired, I actually find tv a perfect way to spend a couple hours together.

      1. We really get into the random competition shows on Netflix and Hulu – Drink Masters, Forged in Fire, Blown Away, etc.

    13. I reccomend a Rubix cube!
      I recently inherited my grandfather’s and have been busy trying to learn how to solve it :)
      Other games/light mental activities: scrabble, cribbage, paint by numbers, connect4.

      Alternative option: go to a “pints with professors” or other stimulating/cheap out-of-the-house event.

      1. Wow, I’m OLD. I am now someone’s grandfather’s age because I remember the whole Rubik’s Cube craze in 1980.

    14. Sometimes when I realize I’m doing too much “double screening” (tv on while I’m looking at my phone) I choose a show with subtitles so I HAVE to look at the tv and put down my phone in order to know what’s going on. There are some great non English options on Netflix.

    15. DH and I do many of the things listed. We also play scrabble with a mutual New Years resolution to get our scores over 350.

      We have young kids so we also do a bunch of kid things (currently one kid has a 7pm bball game 2x/week, another has theater 6:30-7:30) and if not kid related, they at minimum
      Keep us home ;).

    16. After dinner, we watch the news together – we used to like Brian Williams, not as excited about Stephanie Ruhle but hanging in there – and talk about it while it’s on. However, I need a news break sometimes while by husband doesn’t, so on those nights I do my own thing. My favorite own thing is knitting while playing a podcast on a bluetooth speaker in another room.

      I also try to knit while watching a movie so I’m not paying half attention.

      Board games are 100% not our thing. My parents used to play cards in the evening, but husband has never been a fan.

      Honestly by the time dinner is over, dishes done etc, it’s around 8pm. Husband goes to sleep at 11. It’s just not that much time where we can make big plans.

      1. We really got into watching the news together during the pandemic. One of us just glances at the clock and shouts, “Lester Holt” and we run for the TV now

    17. I like to crosstich or color while hubby watches hockey. But sometimes I am too lazy and scroll. The blessing is that he never watches sports too loud. My stepdad always had ESPN blasting loud!

    18. I hate “wasting” time and I consider a lot of these suggestions “wasting” time because they are fine but not that enjoyable/don’t make my life better in any meaningful way (if they do for you, that’s great). So if your work allows, I flex my time to work mornings, do things I do love outdoors midday, and work in the evenings when I would just be sitting on a screen anyway.

    19. I am a big TWISTER fan. You are married, so it may not be as fun, but for those of us who are single who want to brake the ice with a person of the opposite sex, TWISTER is a great way to get as physically close as possible w/o haveing to take your clotheing off so you do not have to have s-x to figure out if you want to have s-x with him. I recommend it, unless the guy has bad breathe or filthy teeth, in which case you should pass.

  2. How do you know when it’s time to replace a mattress??
    I have been having low back pain (especially when bending over) for a few months now. Goes away when I sleep elsewhere such as a hotel. Not sure if it’s worth seeing doctor about? I’m 27

    2. If you’re 27 and you’ve never had an orthopedic evaluation, it might be worth getting one. They can check range of motion, make recommendations about ergonomics while working, and basically set you up so that you’re less likely to be one of the people who wakes up in your mid thirties wondering what happened!

      But either way, if you’re getting better outcomes on other mattresses, sounds like it’s time for an “other mattress.” If yours isn’t supportive enough or sagging in the middle, it would make my back sore the next day.

      2. I’m 47 and have never had that kind of evaluation. But a good mattress is something I’m never without. Go to a real,store, get something decent and not one of those box things.

    3. I think getting a new mattress every 10 years is ideal. I have an extra firm mattress that’s a year old. I got my last one in 2007!!

    4. I got my mattress in 2009 and my back started hurting in 2019, so right at the ten year mark for me. We got a new mattress in early 2020 and it made an immediate difference.

    5. Relatedly, I’m in the market to replace my 13 year old mattress. I put very little thought into the last purchase, as I was young and had limited $. Any tips/thoughts/recommendations for mattress shopping?

      1. Yes! We just bought two Casper mattresses, both from Costco, and they were great AND discounted. We compared them with the in-store models, and there wasn’t a meaningful difference in comfort levels.

        1. Saatva (Leaf & Loom type I think) )also based on recommendations from here. We’ve had it 3 years and it’s fantastic. Probably helps that we upgraded to an adjustable split king but so, so worth it!

        4. Agreed. I prefer a firm mattress even tho most men want to be on top of me in bed, which sometimes gets tedius for me if they keep on huffeing and puffeing for more then 5 minutes. But firm is best b/c most of the time I sleep alone.

      3. I bought an extra firm beauty rest at Raymour and Flanagan. I hate all the bed in a box options.

    6. Are the hotel stays on days when you are not sitting at a computer all day, while home mattress days are days when you have been at your desk? I am wondering if the difference in how your back feels might relate to what you are doing during the days vs. where you are spending the night.

  3. So I currently have an old treadmill that has hit its expiration date. While the regular speeding up and slowing down was exciting at first, we’ve veered into terrifying territory. In thinking for a replacement, I’ve got two different directions I’m looking at going in – interested in opinions. I work out at home and regularly exercise 5 days/week.

    – Option 1 – Peloton Tread – pricey, but I’ve had a Peloton Bike since 2020 and ride it regularly. Big fan of the platform and the classes, we do have enough space to put it; however, it’s pricey and takes up a lot of space. Cons – might be too loud to use during conference calls.

    Option 2 – Walking pad + standing desk. Less expensive and I probably will be getting a standing desk anyway. This is something I could put to the side when not using. pros – Price, quiet and can use while doing mundane work. Cons – can’t run on it, not sure it would meet my ‘workout needs.

      1. If you want to use it for working out, I would not do a walking pad. I don’t think they’re really designed for hard-core exercise.

    2. Not to sound creepy, but iirc you are a pretty serious runner? If that’s true I wouldn’t bother with a dinky little desk treadmill unless you just want to casually stroll during the day. The motors just aren’t powerful enough.
      There are a lot of options between that and a peloton. I have a Nordic Track I got for about ~500 on sale and it’s leaps and bounds better than the $200 one I got previously.

      1. Hah! I’ve been around here for a long time… I’m in the ‘I used to be a fairly serious runner but now I have small kids and a job but still sign up for races on a whim and now am thinking my kids might be old enough that I can start doing triathalons’ camp.

        Yeah, I think you all are right – the current treadmill is a heavy duty one that’s probably 25 years old… I like the idea of a used Peloton or a used high quality one; however, I’m finding that (maybe it’s just around me) quite a few gyms sold off stock during early COVID days and aren’t selling now.

    3. If you’re a regular runner, no, a walking pad and standing desk won’t meet your needs. What about option 3: finding a pro treadmill being retired from a gym? We got ours for $500 and I swear it’ll run for the rest of our lives – there’s no way we could use it for as much as it was built to withstand 😂 FBMP

      1. +1 to get a 2nd hand pro treadmill. Having said that, I know it might be difficult in current situation. I got lucky buying my very pro spin bike from a gym, which was doing an exhibition and were selling 20pcs after the show on FB Marketplace. For 1/4 of the original price.
        Check with local gyms, check if there are any sport events planned nearby, FB marketplace or Craigslist. I would probably wait until Q2, because Q1 is famous for everyone to start buying classes & equipment, so the demand is high, offer is low. But end of Q2/beg of Q3 is where people give up on NY resolutions….

    4. I bought a cheap ($300) folding treadmill on Amaz0n that’s probably what you’d call a walking pad. The arms fold flat to use with my standing desk. Honestly, it is too heavy to regularly move. I planned to pull it out to use on calls then roll it away. It’s a good 70 lbs and bulky, so I just leave it in a corner now and use it while watching TV.

    5. 1. If you exercise regularly and know you’ll use it, no point in getting one that may not meet your workout needs. Plus, while I have admittedly never used a walking pad + standing desk, I have learned just from trying to walk on the treadmill at the gym and read work papers that it doesn’t really work. I think it would mostly only be useful when you’re on conference calls or something where you don’t need to type or read.

      1. Oh, but I highly recommend getting the standing desk without the walking pad anyway. They’re great. I’ve got one in my home office from Amazon that wasn’t much (I think under $300?) that I like better than the one in my actual office that I’m sure cost more.

        2. SHW Memory Preset Electric Height Adjustable Standing Desk. They have several different sizes/colors

    7. There are other cheaper options between a Peloton tread and a walking pad. I would get a more moderately priced “real” treadmill, since it seems like you want to have the option to use it for running. And then get the walking pad and standing desk too if you want to walk while you work.

      1. Any recommendations for a moderately priced treadmill that’s quiet? I can do the Peloton programming on an iPad or similar and if it’s quiet, I can still use it for conference calls.

        And I get that I’m paying for the brand with Peloton, I think I’m partially biased because I have gotten so much out of my bike.

        1. It sounds like you really want the Peloton. You won’t hear us tell you no. If you want it, get it. But the walking pad isn’t going to meet your needs.

          1. As a fellow Peloton enthusiast, get the Tread. You know what to expect from them and you won’t be disappointed. Plus, I think they are $500 right now?

        2. My building has a Nordic Track commercial 1750 that seems fairly quiet in the gym. I have only ever used it in the gym setting though, so I am not sure if it is quiet enough for conference call use.

        3. I have the Peloton Tread (current version, not the old one with slats) and I love it. I get a ton of use out of it. If you’re walking slowly, you can use it for conference calls. If doing more than that, no real treadmill will be quiet enough. I also got it after being very happy with the Peloton bike for several years. FWIW, the overall profile of the Tread is minimal as far as real treadmills go.

    9. I am in this exact situation and I think I’ve decided to buy a used Peloton treadmill. If you have the means to transport it, I think that is a great option. They scare you a bit with the weight and moving service but I have known people who moved it on their own. The going rate on FBMP in my area seems to be about $2000-$2200 used in good condition, which is a significant savings.

      1. So this would be my ideal; however, in my area there are a lot of bikes you can get secondhand and treads for sale tend to be much rarer. I did sign up for a few FB groups to try and find one used on there.

    10. I think you should just spring for the Peloton Tread. You like the content & enjoy your bike, so just stick with it!
      I want a Peloton Tread really bad but we don’t have the space :-(

    11. I have a refurbished gym treadmill. If you’re going to go the treadmill route, get a good powerful one.

    12. Consumer Reports rated treadmills this month. I think it is worth tracking down the article and rankings.

      1. OOOO. Let me go call my father in law who will give me the (hard copy obvs) article.

    13. i really wanted the old model of the peloton tread (the one that was recalled). unfortunately the new model just doesn’t seem as good. when i had a service call for a tech to repair my bike, i asked him about the tread and he said it’s not a good product. you can probably get a much better treadmill for the money rather than paying for the peloton name.

  4. If you sleep in soft modal nightgowns, what are your favorite sources? I keep reaching for an old J.Jill one over and over again, but they haven’t made anything like it in ages.

    3. In the past I’ve bought nice ones from both Target (Stars Above line) and Banana Republic, though it looks like they don’t have any currently. If you just need a soft knit, the Garnet Hill organic cotton ones are nice.

    4. not modal specifically, but Lake Pajamas cotton has washed beautifully for me. I’ve had one of their robes for 3? years and it still looks new. I did buy the larger of my sizes so that I could machine dry without fear of excess shrinking.

    5. Currently in my Target stars above line. So comfy, reasonable quality and the price is so good I bought them in 4 colors.

  5. If you want to use it for working out, I would not do a walking pad. I don’t think they’re really designed for hard-core exercise.

  6. Vicarious shopping help needed! Baby’s baptism in early February, DC weather. My pre-pregnancy clothes no longer fit, and I’m not finding anything that calls to me at the usual spots, but that may be because I’ve forgotten what people wear that isn’t either leggings or a pantsuit. Size 6-8ish. Would love some suggestions!

    Also, am I supposed to get gifts for godparents? I didn’t grow up in a church that baptized babies, so all this is still a little bit of a question mark. TIA!

    1. No, it’s the other way around – godparents typically get gifts for the child being baptized.

    2. A sheath, wrap or A-line dress with 3/4 or long sleeves should fit the bill.
      Not sure what your budget is, but the “cedar” color is really lovely: macys.com/shop/product/tahari-asl-womens-hammered-satin-midi-dress?ID=14833487&CategoryID=5449

    3. For a February event in D.C., I would wear a sweater dress or midi skirt, in each with boots.

  7. Nothing to share except that I don’t hate everything in my closet. I hate how some things have a B- fit, a lot of outfits come together to just now look awesome together, and I’m already tired of it being black tights season. I also seem to overbuy party-wear, which has not been a need since 2019. My closet brims with optimism and nostalgia and I just need to get ready for work. Editing is hard, as IDK what sort of life or shape I’m settling into. And now work travel is back, as are big client dinners. I am also struggling with a vibe that is not anti-suits but still needs to convey competence and confidence (but pls with comfortable or at least less-uncomfortable footwear). Also, perimenopause and aging means that some shape-shifting is going on and there is a silent battle raging over that. Wish me luck — why can’t clothes just be clothes and some sort of kabuki dance of telegraphed messages?

    1. I’ve never hired a stylist or shopper, but in this case maybe it would be worth it? I think someone good would talk all of this through with you, help you edit your existing wardrobe, and then at least send you some links for suggested new stuff that hits your (somewhat moving) target.

      1. Can you do that? And how do you know that a peacock understands officewear? I am not a person on a reality show but a worker bee but I’d do this but suspect my city is too small to have this sort of person in it (or have them easily findable).

        1. Talbots offers this in their stores, and I believe Nordstrom does as well.

          What you could do is go old school and start a Pinterest board of ideas that you like for workwear. That will help you nail down what you’re after. Just collect pictures, notice what repeats, and then look at your closet and see what you’re missing and go buy those specific items.

          For me, I haven’t worn a suit probably since 2017-2018. I buy a) dresses that stand on their own and don’t need anything else b) super comfy pants c) interesting blazers d) swackets with blouses. Talbots, J.Crew, Ann Taylor when I can go in person, and Poshmark. Lots of Poshmark since retailers, esp last year, were on the All Sweats! bandwagon.

          2. Ha, I’m the one who wrote it – I’m 41. I feel like compared to TikTok 30-second media and IG reels, pictures that sit still on a page and have clickable links to real webpages are old school haha! (And I feel like doing inspiration boards is an older technique, too? Are the young kids still doing inspiration boards to nail down ideas?)

        2. If you’d be comfortable working with someone remotely, then you can absolutely find a non-peacock who understands what you need. Honestly, I have seen stylists on social media whose approach appeals to me. If I wanted this service I’d probably stalk several on social media and then contact the one I thought would fit best.

          1. If anyone has done this and has some to recommend and a sense of timing / budget, pls, pls, post. This is a thing I’d get for myself (have a check from Santa and this would be better than more stuff).

        3. Bridgette Raes offers virtual styling services for professionals, and you could get a sense of what she’s like to work with from her blog.

    2. I just want you to know, you are not the only one: My closet brims with optimism and nostalgia

      Such a good way of putting it.

    3. I have both a Spanx dress and a black sleeveless jumpsuit that I bought for my in-between size and really like them. They are conservative enough to read “business” end of business casual, but flattering.

    4. I’d ask a friend to check fit then take everything with subpar fit to a tailor- a good tailor can tell you what’d be easy to make fit well and what wouldn’t be worth the $.

    5. Hi – Just want to say I am having some similar feels.

      Right now I’m just trying to get everything on hangers, and then I’m going to purge away based on my lifestyle. I really need 4 buckets – in the office, work from home/workout, weekend/kid stuff, and then some fun — pieces for date nights, dinner out, trips, etc.

      I don’t even have that many clothes (relative for someone in my age who loves fashion). But I need to do a major overhaul/edit – I have tops/party dresses from my 20’s, even if they fit perfectly again, I don’t know that I’d wear at 39 (turning 40 later this year). I have pencil skirts that I haven’t worn since 2019 (and have had a second kid since then, and WFH at least 4 days a week). Also I’m short torso-ed and thick waisted – not sure why I leaned so hard into high-waisted pencil skirts when a nice A-line skirt would be more flattering…

  8. Suggestions for a good-looking commuting shoe that can survive the NYC streets but isnt a running sneaker or vans or anything very obviously a casual shoe?

    1. I was a big fan of Merrill jungle Mocs for commuting in Chicago. They come in black and are waterproof and warm.

  9. Thank you for shouting out dazzle dry! I can’t do SNS or gel – it destroys my nails, and I was frustrated by the constant need to fix chips at the ends or starting off with a messed up the slow drying top coat. But this is working great (especially after the other poster suggested adding the ridge filler.) I get a solid 8 days before it needs attention.

    1. Same here – I love dazzle dry! Such a great ‘in-between’ option instead of gel or just regular old nail polish.

    2. This is my exact issue, I need to check this out!
      For now I’ve found that the essie quick dry works well

    3. A question for the Dazzle Dry fans–how do you remove it? Regular acetone polish gets the color off, but the base coat leaves a gluey residue that I can’t get off with any amount of soaking or scrubbing. The Dazzle Dry prep solution, which I think is just rubbing alcohol, doesn’t get it off either.

      1. I want to know this too. It wasn’t the gel that ruined my nails, it was removing the gel.

    5. I just use acetone. I do find it takes 2x the number of cotton pads compared to traditional polish.

  10. Every once in a while, I think about an ex boyfriend who dumped me in law school. He popped up on my LinkedIn feed and I’m happy to report that he is not good looking anymore!

        1. Eh, we’re just talking about appearance here. Harry has done far better than Wills on that front.

          1. I don’t find either of them attractive at all. Harry is really balding too. The photoshopping of his hair on the People cover was really obvious.

    4. I can commiserate. I was really into a guy my first year of law school and he dumped me for one of our classmates. She was always hanging around the guys and I wasn’t sure if they were just friends, so before I even agreed to go out with him, I asked her if she was interested in him and said I would turn him down if she was. She said no but I found out later they were actually sleeping together at the time; she was trying to pull some kind of cool girl thing where she supposedly didn’t care if he dated other women #notlikeothergirls. Meanwhile I thought we were exclusive. He continued to string us both along until I confronted him and then he dumped me. She was smug and nasty to me for the rest of law school. Like girl I went to you first and you lied to me, you created this situation just as much as he did, enjoy your cheater I guess. Anyway now he’s super overweight and balding badly (I like bald men fwiw but he’s got some weird combover going on) and they’re going through a nasty divorce. Karma is my boyfriend!

  11. Chapter 13 here. My money saving quest yesterday didn’t work out, but thank you all for thinking of me. I’m really not doing well mentally, but I am on medication and check in with a psychiatrist regularly. I’m also on a waitlist for some therapists who take my insurance. Really grateful for the community here too.

    1. Maybe it would help to pick a name that isn’t Chapter 13? You’re a person! You’re more than your finances. Maybe it’s time to pick another focus? Like obviously you’re working on saving money so maybe you are now a Person Who Starts Her Saturday By Drinking a Thermos of Coffee In The Park and Going to the Library. Or maybe you walk or are super into figure skating podcasts or are focused on an at home journaling meditation practice? Maybe your Friday night thing is making pizza at home?

    2. Hang in there! You are going through a lot right now, and it’s bound to get better. I’m sorry the money saving quest didn’t work out, but you are on the right track.

    4. That’s too bad! However, every day, week and month that you’re handling this is one you won’t have to repeat, and eventually you’ll have put it all behind you.

    5. We got you! You’re doing everything you need to be doing. Hope you get a therapist soon and you click with them!

    7. You’re doing incredibly! I can tell you’re making progress every day, and please keep posting updates here if you think it’s helpful. We are all rooting for you!

  12. I was just invited to a work event in Aspen (never been – eeep!) and we’re staying at the St. Regis. My company is hosting and it’s our blue chip national clients. Frankly, I’m floored that I made the invite list but yay. It’s in late Feb. Day 1 is arrivals and basically 6-8pm cocktails. Day 2 is a morning session followed by skiing. We come back and have dinner/cocktails at Catch. Day 3 we depart.

    So, skiing is the main event. Thankfully I ski, and reasonably well, having grown up in the northeast but I’ve never been outwest. I’ll rent/demo equipment out there so not worried about the ski gear. WHAT THE EFF do I wear to cocktails 2 nights in a row. I’m one of two women going from my firm. Prob one of 5 women in a group of 25, at best. This is finance adjacent.

    Help. Help. Help. I’m 5’8″. Just lost 45 lbs (and counting). 190 lbs currently. Size 14, approaching a 12. My size has fluctuated so much over the years and I’m so fixated on looking “right” for this event. Thoughts? Dress me?? Currently really in to Jcrew styles, but I really don’t know what to do here. TIA.

    1. I can’t comment on the attire (I would think that a well-tailored sheath would be appropriate?) but if you’ve never been to Aspen, HYDRATE more than you think you should — starting on the plane — and go really slow on the alcohol.

      1. This. I have never been tipsier after one margarita than when I had one my first night in Santa Fe after a cross-country flight before I realized that town is at a higher elevation than Denver. Altitude + slight dehydration from flying + booze=not good.

      2. Yessssss I made that mistake at a conference in Denver and had to leave to go throw up in my hotel room. Worst hangover ever. And I’m someone who drinks pretty moderately and never got sick from alcohol in college or grad school. The altitude makes such a difference.

    2. Have you ever been at altitude? Take it easy with both the booze and the skiing – we always arrive all excited to get going and wonder why TF we’re out of breath… and then remember life at 8500 feet is way harder than the low mountains in the NE.

      Sheath dress + knee high heeled boots?

    3. I have been to lots of business ski events and people do not dress in cocktail attire in my experience. A nicer sweater and clean, dark jeans would have been fine at all the events I went to (for years!)

      People like to dress kind of “mountain” at ski resorts.

      1. Completely agree with this. You would look incredibly out of place in a sheath dress. You could pull off a sweater dress and boots but I would stick with nice jeans and a nice sweater or maybe even a swacket if you want to look more businesslike.

      2. or if you want to err on the side of formality you could go with black jeans/black pants and a nicer sweater and boots. could be a good occasion for one of their sweater blazers. just make sure you wear shoes you can walk in. DH goes skiing for work stuff and might be in dark jeans, chinos or courds and a nice sweater for an evening event. also as someone else said, if you are sensitive to altitude be careful with how much you drink
        Aspen is beautiful – have fun!

        1. With the caveat that I’ve only been to Park City when hosting clients to ski (finance) and that’s a little more casual than Aspen, even for nice dinners I usually wear jeans, snow boots and a turtleneck sweater with either a vest or my ski mid-layer & ski jacket on top.

          I’d ask someone who has attended in the past, even if it’s a man, if it’s jeans and sweater or something more formal.

          Also 100% agree on hydrating and watching alcohol consumption. Start hydrating on the plane. I also recommend breathe-rite nasal strips for sleeping – I find it helps me get more air at night so I don’t wake up gasping for breath

          It sounds like a great trip!

      3. Or maybe sweater dress and flat boots? Just because you’re having cocktails, I would not assume actual cocktail party dress.

        1. I would seriously skip the dress. I think the idea of black pants someone mentioned is good (best worn with some kind of boots with tread) and maybe wearing a black cashmere sweater would make it seem fancier. That’s as fancy as I would go.

    4. What about a sweater dress for one event? Goes with the mountains. Add sparkly earrings and lipstick and victory! Black pants and a festive/going out top for the other event. Have fun skiing!

    5. Consider a Pendleton sweater or light coat as a topper over dark jeans. Those are always chic in mountain towns. You might also consider a sweater dress. Cowboy boots are also fabulous in this context.

      If you’ve never skied out west, consider renting skis around 98-108mm underfoot. Aspen is a super forgiving mountain and they groom quite a bit, but the snow might be deeper than most conditions you’ve skied back East.

      1. Totally agree with this! Aspen is Western casual/upscale. Think either fancy Yellowstone (dress + blazer + cowboy boots or jeans + boots + blazer/jacket) or cute apres ski gear – great heeled Sorels+black pants+cashmere sweater and / or vest. Have a blast – sounds wonderful and the snow is good right now!

    6. I think materials like leather and shearling and gold accessories will be your friend here. I’ve been to Aspen a bunch of times, and while the vibe is definitely mountain, it’s also luxury. I would want to wear something like tailored leather trousers and a cashmere sweater with nice jewelry. Follow @lydiajanetomlinson on Insta for ideas!

    7. In the Mountain West, any outfit can be made dressier with turquoise jewelry. I always think of “New Mexico black tie” as “jeans plus turquoise,” and Colorado is somewhat similar. So whatever outfit you choose, add some big silver or turquoise jewelry to make it look more “formal.”

      1. If you go this route – please wear authentic Native jewelry not something you buy online that’s a knockoff made in China.

    9. Not answering your fashion query, but take a swimsuit so you can take a dunk outside. That experience at the St. Regis is wonderful.

  13. These pants are gorgeous. I’m back on a no-buy spree, and am still very tempted.

    3. I think they’d be pretty versatile. Black, gray, navy, light blue, pink, white, cream – lots of colors would work with these.

  14. Thise who have had to deal with long COVID or ME CFS or other chronic conditions with crushing fatigue and/or neuropathy: were there any dietary or exercise measures that worked for you, and if so, would you be willing to share?

    After a mild breakthrough infection, I’m now eight months into crushing fatigue, stabbing pain all over my body, insomnia, heart palpitations, breathlessness and brain fog. I’m on medical leave from my job and have seen ALL the specialists and have a therapist for pacing — blood panels and MRIs, X rays etc are all coming back normal and I am on amitriptyline to control the searing pain.

    I’m continuing to follow up with docs as new symptoms come up but the 10+ or so specialists have all diagnosed me with “normal” post COVID dysautonomia. I know that for some cases, tailored exercise and good nutrition can help quite a bit. I’m doing my fair share of digging through Reddit and BMJ but not trying anything wild (other than the standard Vitamins and magnesium Coq10 selenium etc).

    Grateful if anyone can share anything that has worked for them to manage their symptoms. Thank you.

    1. I don’t have a post, viral disease, but my partner has MS, which science now thinks is post viral, and the fatigue is a very large part of the disease. Most people with MS end up on Provigil or something like that – the narcolepsy drugs.

    2. Sorry you’re going through this. I’m assuming you had a full thyroid workup? If not, definitely do that. It’s a known thing that viral infections can throw your thyroid out of whack and a lot of your symptoms (insomnia, fatigue, heart palpitations and breathlessness) overlap with my hyperactive thyroid symptoms that went away when my thyroid was medicated. I’d also recommend taking melatonin at night. It has anti-inflammatory properties.

    3. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this.

      One thing I have generally seen/heard to consider for this is a diet that helps fight inflammation. For me personally, that means cutting out gluten and dairy. I’m sure some long covid groups have some guidelines or anecdotes about this – Is that something you’ve considered?

    4. Zero help but so sorry and glad it’s improving! Maybe jump on an afternoon post for more suggestions!

    5. I have a friend with long Covid and she has gotten a lot of relief by seeing a cognitive-behavioral therapist. Not because the illness is “all in her head” – it definitely is not – but she was experiencing considerable anxiety and depression over not having any answers for when she would get better, or why this was happening to her. She still has fatigue and other symptoms but she has learned a lot from CBT about how to manage her feelings related to her illness, which unfortunately – no one has any answers about, as it’s still so new. She is following a strict anti-inflammatory diet and has started taking short walks and going for gentle swims a couple times a week at her neighborhood indoor pool. She is improving (and feels the diet helped a lot) but it’s been a long, slow process. She saw an herbalist, an “alternative medicine specialist,” and two Doctors of Oriental Medicine and is still on some supplements but it’s pretty garden-variety – CoQ10, etc. She said the Chinese herbs did not help at all, nor did the acupuncture. Massage has been helpful but only if she goes weekly, which is tough for her to afford (and also sometimes to muster the energy for). She’s tried biofeedback and cranial-sacral therapy and a few other things. What seems to be helping the most is the therapy, honestly. She doesn’t feel much better physically but mentally she’s in a whole different place and it’s very obvious, at least to me.

      If it were me, diet would be the first thing I would look at, and a nutritionist or dietician might be helpful.

      Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

      2. Nah, don’t waste your time and money on seeing a CBT therapist. You can do it on your own if you must, or read Toni Bernhardt’s books. Save your money and use it on massages or housecleaning or something that takes the stress off your body.

    6. I’ve had a different chronic illness for almost two decades now and do find that diet and exercise help a lot with managing pain and fatigue, especially as part of a regular daily routine. I find that the single biggest thing that keeps me on track is eating well, sleeping, and exercising on a regular daily schedule. I feel lousy most days, but unless I feel really, really awful, I get up and eat breakfast, do some sort of exercise (walking, hiking, dancing, stretching, weights, or PT exercises), shower, and get dressed in something different than what I slept in. I’m not sure that the specifics of diet or exercise matter as much as just getting some exercise that doesn’t overdo it and eating a generally healthy diet that’s manageable with your pain and energy level. I do a lot of meal prep so that I always have food in the fridge and freezer that’s ready to go within minutes, with premade stuff as backup and supplements to homemade stuff.

      1. You have a different illness, as you say. Exercise is contradicted for ME and CFS and can make it much worse.

    7. hi first I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this. I have been recovering from long COVID for the past year and a half and want to share a few things:
      1. I had really bad POTs, insomnia and GI symptoms so not exactly the same as you but I found resting/pacing, vagus nerve resets and trying to regulate my own nervous system through meditation, journaling, deep breathing, gentle massages aimed at calming the nervous system, acupuncture, and Chinese herbs for GI support the most effective. YMMV of course. My labs like yours also came back “normal” even though it was debilitating and I was unable to work or live normally for 8 months
      2. can you get on the body politic sl a ck group? google it to find the form to apply to get in (it’s free, the screening is just to stop spammers). I have found this group of long COVID survivors incredibly helpful and there are a ton of resources on there. buyer beware – there is also quite a bit of snake oil, but it is because its a group of people in a lot of pain and traditional medicine has failed them. The group is thoughtful, action oriented and the discourse is levels above that of all the Facebook groups and subreddits
      3. IT WILL GET BETTER. For 6 months I was in the worst of it and was really concerned nothing would ever improve. It has, just very slowly. Now I’m about 1.5 years out and I’m back at 80% of baseline. It is so important for you to believe and KNOW that your body will slowly heal and improve.

      I am so sorry you are going through this and know you are not alone. IT feels like the world has left us behind in many ways but there are a lot of us here and we can help support each other.

      1. You don’t know it will get better, you can only hope.
        I was told that I would get better by doctors and made poor financial decisions as a result. 10 years later I’m worse.

        Fewer than 5% of people with post viral ME (which long Covid may be) return to normal.

    8. Not COVID but have been through extreme fatigue following after an autoimmune flare and once after cancer-related surgery. I learned to pace myself. When you’ve been active, it’s hard sometimes for your mind to recognize that you’re in a new normal. When I would do a lot one day, it would sometimes take a few days to catch up. I eventually learned not to push myself too hard or commit to doing things until I knew what kind of day it was going to be. That was harder for me than it might sound, since I was used to regularly staying up super late to make deadlines and had been pretty active on weekends. Be gentle with yourself.

      From a practical tip sort of view–when I really needed energy, I relied pretty heavily on a cranberry energy drink from Ocean Spray (caffeine from green tea mixed with cranberry juice). I figured that was probably healthier for me than soda and wasn’t as hard on my stomach as coffee.

      I wish I had something better I could share. I’m past those days now and so grateful. It really opened my eyes to not taking health for granted. I hope you find relief again soon as well. Hang in there with your doctors. Sometimes the body just truly needs time. No one could explain my autoimmune thing, and one day after a year or so it just sort of began tapering away. Wishing the same good outcome for you. Your post brings me right back to those hard days and I know it can feel really isolating and frustrating. When you look pretty “normal” it’s hard to feel so off. Sending all the good vibes your way.

    9. I’ve got POTS/HeDS/migraines (fun!) and my doctor has me on a modified mast cell activation protocol – low inflammation diet, avoid triggers (sob, red wine), 7-8 hours of sleep, low intensity regular exercise (yoga, barre, pilates, walking, light weights), a daily fish oil/quercertin supplement (the Q before meals), an antihistamine PLUS migraine meds as needed. It’s helped a LOT with the exhaustion/brain fog but it took about 3-4 months to really notice the effects of the pills/lifestyle changes.
      The biggest game change was realizing/accepting that I’m basically ‘disabled’ in certain ways and I need to stop pushing myself to try to do what ‘everyone else does’ because I just can’t. That was not a fun realization but my therapist helped me work through accepting what MY normal is (no, I don’t like it and you don’t have to either, but pushing myself=punishing myself).

      1. Oh, I’m glad you brought up mast cell stuff. I definitely underestimated how much a leukotriene receptor antagonist and an antihistamine were helping me out until I quit taking them because “allergy season is over”! Especially with sleep (apparently histamine dumping can be a reason for waking up half way through the night!).

    10. I don’t have long COVID, but I do have a lot of background with chronic conditions and neuropathy.

      I recommend not giving up on vitamins before trying B12 injections for neuropathy related dysautonomia (it can just be regular ones, nothing fancy or expensive). I say this because I’ve noticed my pernicious anemia groups have had a lot of new patients post COVID; it seems like it can flare up autoimmune B12 malabsorption for some people. And in general they don’t know if someone has “B12 responsive neuropathy” (neuropathy that heals on B12 shots despite no indications of deficiency) without trying out B12 shots to see if they help. Benfotiamine may also be worth looking up in connection to neuropathy, though maybe you’re already taking that.

      You’ve probably seen studies on Metformin and on Paxlovid for long COVID. I don’t know how wild that feels or not.

      For symptom relief, I wish my doctors had me try pyridostigmine for dysautonomia before trying cardiac meds. I found it a lot easier to trial, and it actually helped me with weakness and fatigue instead of making those things worse the way betablockers did. If it doesn’t help, well it wears off fast.

      For me dietary considerations were limited by a fairly obvious gluten intolerance, reactive hypoglycemia, and gastroparesis, so I probably have nothing to share except that with chronic illness, dietary recommendations can be surprisingly counterintuitive (I need high salt, have to make sure not to let my cholesterol levels fall too low, and have to avoid fiber!).

      1. ParasymPlus is a lot like pyridostigmine but formulated more specifically for dysautonomia. It’s a supplement and not a prescription so YMMV on how you feel about that distinction!

    11. Unfortunately I’m an expert in this.

      I have post viral ME and this is what worked for me:
      Low dose naltrexone
      Autoimmune paleo diet
      Cut out all artificial fragrances and go as ‘hippy’ as possible
      Vitamin infusions or even injections
      Good multivitamin and lots of Vitamin B
      D Ribose
      Infrared sauna
      REST! The most important of all. Don’t try and push through.

      Happy to answer questions if you have them.

    12. Sending you so much love. I’ve had a million health conditions pop up after long COVID and there’s a lot I don’t have answers for. Here’s my best advice on the fatigue at least, but everyone has different things that work for them:
      -Getting 9 hours of sleep a night (hahaha) or at least being in bed that long
      -Don’t push it too hard, even if I have a good day – and not trying to push through fatigue since then I’d be stuck on the couch for the next several hours
      -Gentle cardio, maybe add strength training with light dumbbells, and slowly rebuilding stamina where possible
      -B complex vitamin supplements – B1 and B12 are the ones I had to target in particular, but my bloodwork also came back with low amounts of these two
      -D vitamin supplements – gamechanger for me
      -Iron supplements

  15. What kind of tights are we wearing to work these days? Black opaque has been my go-to for decades but I keep seeing that they look dated. How do you replace them? Nothing is not an option in the winter with a long public transit commute.

    1. Black tights are black tights. I don’t understand how something as universal, useful and necessary is either dated or not-dated. They just are.

      1. People over a certain age can remember when tights were for children and adult women wore sheer hose. I can still remember (2000-ish) when that transition occurred and how long it took for my eye to adjust to what initially looked quite silly to me (and how much I missed wearing actual panty hose when it was too warm for tights – which I realize made me an outlier but I really do not like the feeling of bare feet in dress shoes).

        1. I’m of that age, and don’t like having my legs uncovered, but generally go for black tights in all but the heat of summer, even if it’s a bit Mennonite looking.

    3. What “we” are wearing isn’t an issue here, as there’s really no standard of popularity or group think that you need to meet regarding tights. If you want your legs covered when you’re wearing a dress, but don’t want to wear black tights, your only options are tights in some other color or non-tights (more sheer-looking hose) in black, a color, or nude-for-you. What else is there?

    5. Yes, the fashion girlies are saying opaque tights are out and sheer black tights are in, but I think opaque will always be in! However, try a sheer black tight if you’re aiming to look most updated.

        1. That’s what I’ve heard as well. However, I get cold really easily, so I purchased these fleece-lined tights that look sheer. They look current but maybe not 100% as polished as actual sheer tights.

    6. I’m very fashion focused and hyper about dated things, but black tights are not in that category. Go forth and wear them.

    8. Currently wearing black tights, actual workout ones that aren’t shiny, under a dress with Chelsea boots. It’s cold here! Too cold for sheer tights or pantyhose.

  16. Californians – how are you doing and how is your area doing? East coast here, and I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around all this rain. I’m sadly limited in that I’ve only been to CA once or twice, so I don’t have a good sense of scale. Are big swaths of the state ok and we’re just seeing cherry-picked dramatic photos of localized damage or are we at widespread Hurricane Sandy/Katrina levels of destruction?

    1. Can only speak for my area (Santa Barbara) but so far at least, it’s not as as bad as they had predicted. A lot of road closures in my area as well as flooded freeways, and Montecito was evacuated yesterday. Thankfully the rain last night was less severe than expected, which may also have helped. Not minimizing since it’s still a state of emergency but it’s nowhere near Hurricane Katrina where I live.

      1. Yeah, it’s mostly not too bad as long as you don’t have to go anywhere, but if you do it gets bad fast. Lots of roads are flooded, the freeways out of town are closed, trains and buses are stopped, the airport is closed, and large areas had to evacuate due to risk of mudslides, which could still happen. So not Katrina level, but still not great. I think Santa Cruz has it worse, though.

        1. My son is at UC Santa Cruz. The university did a pretty bad job with communication. They all just went back from winter break this past weekend – we waited for a break in the rain Sunday afternoon to drive him down – then on our way back an announcement came out that Monday classes would be remote as they wanted to minimize people traveling back to campus. WTF

          They ended up cancelling classes altogether yesterday.

          The university is up in the hills so flood isn’t as much of a risk, but mudslides are always something to look out for.

    2. It’s cherry picked, not Katrina. Basically it’s rain and wind. Wouldn’t make the news in most of the USA. Streets that typically flood when it’s a lot of rain, have well, flooded. It’s noteworthy in SF as typically flooding isn’t a big issue, but it happens depending on where you are. Up north, communities by the river always watch the rain and flood levels and prepare, but it’s nothing like it could be.

      1. I disagree. I’m a native Californian and while I don’t think it’s Katrina, it’s not a nothing burger either.

        1. You must be young. This was typical for Northern CA for years and hasn’t been a recent issue because of droughts. I’m not saying it’s not a hassle, but it’s nowhere close to disaster levels. Of course I support declaring emergency because that unlocks funding to fix the infrastructure, which is needed.

          1. It’s not nothing new, it’s climate change and it’s getting worse. I say that as somebody who lives in a part of the country that gets atmospheric rivers every other week or so in the fall. And people here say “oh, it’s a rain forest it’s always like this.” No, it’s not. The weather is changing and it’s getting worse and more destructive and if you think it’s normal, you’ve just changed your baseline.

          2. I’m 58, so nope.

            Please don’t minimize what people are going through. Yes, it has happened before. But if you’re one of the people who had a tree fall on your house, it’s a very big deal.

        2. We got 5″ of rain in Oakland in one day, which broke the record. While the bay area is big and geographically diverse, it’s been rough in parts.

    3. I’m in the inner Bay Area. Very thankful for the French drain work we had done and the sump pump on our partial basement! Lots of friends have lost trees (knock wood not us yet, though we have in storms past) We are staying home as much as possible to avoid flooded roads and to let crews do their work where necessary.

      Thanks for asking!

    4. Sonoma County reporting in here, with a lightly harrowing commute along the Russian River. It’s been a pretty intense few weeks and there have been a few really sad local losses, but I think the public works and emergency services are doing a great job monitoring and closing roads, issuing warnings, clearing downed trees, etc. This weather doesn’t feel much different than the winters in the 80s and 90s, to me. This is an area that has regularly flooded in a significant way for ages, so I think the folks who have been around for a long time are sort of accustomed to it, while people who are newer to the area are shocked (and perhaps unprepared to take the warnings as seriously.) I don’t mean to downplay because it is dangerous and costly, for sure.

      1. Yeah, I admit I get irritated (as a former East Coaster) when people are like, “stop being babies! it’s just rain!” Well, it is just rain, but we get a lot of it in a short period of time then everything dries out for 7 months. And because we have the same sort of “meh” electrical grid as the rest of America, there are usually power outages and downed lines too.

    5. The city cleaned out my road yesterday! It took a bobcat and 5 dump trucks worth of mud and downed trees to get the road cleared. The freeways have been hit or miss, but I’m at work, and my house is intact and power is on, so yay?

      It’s bad for CA, but (much the same as snow in Atlanta) most of the problem is that we’re not a region that gets hurricanes and so there isn’t enough storm drain capacity to handle 5″ of rain in a day.

    6. Yes, you’re seeing localized damage. There have been some serious flooding/washouts and there are local states of emergency, but it’s not a Sandy/Katrina-type situation up and down the state.

      Where I am (LA), it’s very rainy and windy and has been for a few days. Usually in the winter we get rain for a day or two, then it’s warm and sunny, but this rain hasn’t let up since this weekend.

  17. Ugh, got two back to back rejections/flakes from guys I was excited about yesterday and feeling so crummy about it this morning. One was a guy I had great chemistry with over text and had first date plans with this weekend who’s decided to take a break from OLD, and the other was a guy I had one date with before the holidays who “had a great time on our date but wants to do his own thing for a little while longer”. I thought we vibed and were compatible so hearing that really sucked.

    They were good enough to give me a heads up and not just flake or give me a BS answer, but it still stings. Daily commiseration that OLD/dating in general is hard!

    1. It stings, but it’s a gift. I wish that more people could be honest and rip off the bandaid, b/c twisting in the wind is so unkind.

    2. Commiseration from a long time OLDer. It’s good in the long run to know these things early, but the sting doesn’t go away IME. Send you good dating juju! It’s rough out there.

      I have GREATLY restricted the amount of messaging I will do before meeting up though, as I found it gave a false sense of security/comfort level with a person and I was often disappointed for a variety of reasons.

    3. I‘ve been on both sides of this and it stinks. Dating really is hard! You have my commiseration.

    4. I know it’s hard to take the rejection but they did you a favor in the long run. The last thing you want to do is to date someone who’s only half in.

      The solution is to go on more first dates!

    5. It’s disappointing for sure! I put a lot of energy into preparing for online dates. I’d feel like a deflated balloon when it didn’t go anywhere. But everyone that deflated me just made space for my now long-time partner.

  18. OOTD (in-office):
    Theory tweed blazer (Loehman’s find, fits perfectly, hits at high hip, which works for my short-torso shape)
    Elevated white tee (in former times, this was not a work look, now, at least I’m wearing something over my bra); debated black, but it’s winter and sometimes there is too much black
    Boot-cut pants (rise is a little low for 2023, but they otherwise are perfect, which is rare for me and pants)
    Boot choice today is a C+, should have worn my Nice Ropers, but the boots I pick are comfy if a bit too 2019

  19. Talk to me about cash/envelope budgeting. I really overspend at places like grocery stores and Target (soo much at Target). I need to re-learn money management. I’ll make a budget and then just ignore it at those places. I’ve a very visual person though so I’m wondering if cash handling would help my brain. Has cash budgeting worked for anyone here? Did you just withdraw a certain amount every month?

    1. Not exactly what you asked, but I started doing orders for pick up at Target so I only get what’s on my list and nothing extra. If we do shop in the store, the rule in my house is that every person in the store gets to pick “one thing” not on the list (I apply this rule to myself!).

      2. +1. I’ve been doing this too (including letting myself “pick one thing”).

    2. My parents did it in the 80s and it worked wonders for them — they stopped after a few years but they STILL have very intentional spending from that exercise.

    3. I find that curbside pickup is great for this type of thing- no impulse purchases possible if you don’t physically go in the store, but you still get the points or cash back from using a card.

    4. Cash might help. I have had great success with YNAB, which is essentially an envelope system. When you overspend, it forces you to take money from another category to offset. It doesn’t take long before you are thinking about purchases in the context of trading off for other things, and having budget awareness about which categories you are ahead/behind in.

    5. I don’t do cash budgeting, but at the grocery store, I do my best to make a meal plan, make a list, and stick to the list. When I meal plan, besides relying on what’s in my refrigerator and pantry, I also check out the weekly specials ahead of time.

      I just try not to go to Target, or to only order online and pickup. I’m incapable of spending less than $200 on any given trip to Target.

    6. I think you could start with paying cash of those places and see how it feels. There is something very tactile and emotional about handing over greenbacks to somebody for stuff that you may not really need.

    7. Ha….after seeing my mom do this when I was a kid, then hitting a financial bottom via divorce, I did the envelope system for a number of years on the suggestion of a sponsor in the 12 step $ program.
      Honest, for me it was magical in getting my spending in alignment. I made dividers in my wallet (cut up one of those coupon holder things). I would figure out what I needed for the week and literally get the funds denominated at the bank 1x weekly. I still do it to a degree, and from my experience, highly recommend trying it out.

      1. And save all your receipts. Add them up with categories in Excel, see what you’re actually spending each month.

    8. I do some cash and leave some in the bank. I am always on top of what I have available, though, regardless of where it is, and have both envelopes for cash and a book for what is in the bank, one envelope or one page per budget item. When I budget I assign Xdollars to Xitem and make the amount absolute, so that when I go shopping I tell myself I have Xdollars only, and make sure all of my items total less than that.

    9. I use EveryDollar. Every, single, thing you buy, thjnk about what budget it’s coming out of— that little ceramic Christmas tree at Target? Is it worth $20 of your monthly $35 “fun money” budget (or whatever?) Is $28 takeout worth it out of your monthly $75 takeout budget? I’ve tracked every purchase for years and it’s so useful to know where your money really goes.

  20. If you use a uniform or uniform-adjacent wardrobe for your days in a casual/business casual office, what does it looks like? Do you wear the same shoes everyday? I am in the office 2-3 days a week and would like to simplify things but also update.

    1. I bike in to work. Keeping shoes and dark jeans at the office lessens the amount of stuff I haul back and forth and makes for an easy uniform. Being fashionable isn’t really part of my equation. The shoes and pants are what match easily with most of my shirts.

    2. I have a really hard time finding comfortable shoes so I basically have one pair of shoes (or maybe two pairs of the same style in 2 different colors) for fall/winter and another for spring/summer. Blondo ankle boots for the former and Cole haan or pikolinos Oxford for the latter. I made this easier for myself by just eliminating skirts from my work wardrobe (I feel it’s harder to pair one pair of shoes with lots of different skirts vs pants) and also wearing the same cut/style of pants very day (Ann Taylor high rise straight leg full length). I only have a few colors of pants and I only buy colors that can go with either black or tan/beige.

      Note: I have a commute that involves and long walk and a steep hill and changing shoes at the office is an extra level of logistics I just don’t want to deal with.

      1. *That’s black, tan or beige SHOES… I buy other colors of tops but mostly limit my shoes to black tan or beige.

      2. Limiting pants color really helps. I have work trousers in mostly navy or charcoal. I have black ones from when I used to to a lot of black head to toe, but I don’t wear them as often any more. I also have a beige pair but honestly I will probably end up donating them because I’m too clumsy for light colored pants.

    3. We’re pretty casual. I’m wearing high-waisted straight leg jeans (Universal Thread from Target) most days. Black boots for winter; I rotate in loafers when it warms up. Tops are sweaters/cardigans, casual button-downs, or nicer long-sleeve tees.
      My hard-and-fast uniform rule is that all tops have to go with black pants. It’s worked pretty well for me.

    4. I posted below, but cozy sweater, straight leg jeans or trouser pants, loafers or low boots depending on weather. I wear a silk scarf pretty frequently to break up the plainness of the sweater or to give my neck a little extra warmth.

    5. Yeah, uniform wearers represent! I have multiple pairs of one specific pant. I do the same as others- loafers in the summer and boots in the winter. I also have a winter top (multiples of the same sweater) and a summer top (elbow sleeve tee).

  21. Single lady check-in!

    I went on a great date last night and totally caught feelings. In the words of the great Michael Scott, I am ready to be hurt again!

    How my other single ladies doing out there?

    1. I went on a date that went for multiple hours on saturday, so that was great. The only flag is he mentioned (trying to think of how not to get in mod) 50-shades-of-grey (I know this is a bad example) style gardening activities multiple times.

      “When I lived in X city I went to this cafe that was for that, and this club etc . . . “. There were multiple stories. I did ask him directly if this was something he was interested in and he said “long term yes but for now its not an issue”.

      I’m kinda interested in this kind of gardening but not as much as he is for sure! It just seemed like a lot to bring this up on a first date, especially if you say its not a focus right now – seems like it is. Maybe I’m being a prude? Thoughts?

      1. So I’m on the other side of this with a guy I’m seeing. I am also a practitioner of 50 shades style gardening and that being on the gardening menu would be a requirement in an LTR for me. The guy I am seeing is open to learning more about it but doesn’t have much experience. Like your guy, that is fine for me for now as we’re just enjoying getting to know each other and vanilla gardening is just as fun in its own right but it would become a deal breaker later on if we explored some stuff and my guy ended up not having much interest/enthusiasm in it.

        Not sure if that’s where your guy is coming from, but seems like it might be similar.

        1. This is a helpful perspective. I would be fine with a situation like what you’re describing, but he brought it up a lot now that I think back. Cafes and clubs he went to, what he saw people doing at the club, an instance of people doing said activities outside. He recently moved to my city so it seems like he hasnt found such clubs here yet, but presumably if he did he would want to go just as much as he did before.

          1. Same anon as above. Not sure if you’ll see this but another element of this is that this kind of gardening has a very social element to it. Not in that it necessarily involves a group of people but that there is a real community around it that is totally platonic. So he might’ve felt that he could discuss it more like a hobby because many people into it treat it like that vs a totally private activity.

            FWIW, I would never bring up my interest in this kind of gardening on a first date unless I knew the other person also had that interest, precisely because I know it’s not everyone’s bag and can make the other person uncomfortable.

      2. Wow. Unless this is something you are interested in yourself or you are only looking for a short-term relationship, I would not see him again. Saying “long term yes but for now its not an issue” just sounds like he will happily date/garden with you until he finds a partner who is interested in his… interests as well.

      3. If you’re not into it, I’d run. Not for me, personally but YMMV. I’d take multiple mentions on a first date as yeah,that’s exactly what he’s into.

      4. Never speak to him again. It’s literally date one his focus is pushing your boundaries on gardening.

        1. OMG he wasn’t doing anything of the sort. He has just as much of right to bring up compatibilities on a date as any other person. Just because you’re a prude doesn’t mean he’s an abuser.

      5. That seems like way too much on a first date. If you’re into it then you do you, but if you’re hesitant, which it sounds like you are, I’d give this guy a miss.

        1. This. It’s not 50 shades thing that would make me hesitant, it don’t think this is first date conversation unless you have discussed this via text as a common interest. Any guy bringing up gardening on a first date is a red flag.

          1. I agree, gardening talk before or on the first or second date is a no go for me. We’re basically strangers. Let’s see if we can have a conversation first. Unfortunately some otherwise good guys seem to be pulled into this myth that it’s ok to talk about it early on because it’s super important to a relationship. And it is super important! But if we don’t have good rapport in general then I’m not interested in seeing whether we have good chemistry romantically.

          2. +1 I’ve found dates who bring up gardening of any flavor on dates 1 or 2 are looking for FWB, not a serious commitment.

          3. I agree that gardening is super important in a relationship but my gardening style/preferences are none of a first date’s business.

        2. This is usually how I feel. I guess he was generally telling me about these cafes and clubs – that he definitely went to regularly. Just seems like a lot. Now that I think about it he didn’t talk about any activity he did in his previous city other than stuff related to this. So I’m not sure why he said “not an issue for now” – doesn’t seem to be the case.

      7. I have a couple of friends who are into this kind of thing, and for them it’s a big part of their gardening lives, and it sounds like that’s the case for this guy. If this is not something you see yourself enjoying regularly in a relationship, then I would not pursue this, as this is bound to become a major incompatibility down the line.

        I don’t think (from what you wrote) that this guy was pushing your boundaries (he was indirectly asking about them, and how is he supposed to know what they are, mind reading?), or that it was inappropriate to mention gardening on the first date. Like isn’t that what we are here for? To see if we want to garden with each other?

        1. I’m sure this varies and is quite personal. However, for me (and I think a lot of people who don’t want to discuss s3x on a first date) the issue is that I don’t even know if I’m enjoying having a drink with you yet. Cart before horse.

        2. I agree with this take. It’s not boundary pushing to ask, whether directly or indirectly. And one of my favorite parts of OLD is getting to the point. You don’t dilly dally and often talk about dealbreakers on date one. It’s much easier to not get attached and try to make things work that way.

    2. Hello! Congrats on a great first date!!!

      I connected with a guy who I have hobby/friend circle overlap with on IG and we have been out several times now after really hitting it off. I stopped going out/messaging others because I just can’t do that. We did have the what are each of our goals in dating generally chat already and are aligned, so that’s great. He makes me laugh so much, which is important to me. I’m doing my early dating internal struggle of trying not to trauma dump and get all the things out that I think are “bad” or undesirable about me to see if he will run and instead get and be comfortable with just being me and letting him get to know me on a reasonable timeline and let us each decide whether we are a good fit. (Yes, I am in therapy and working on this!)

      I’m also am struggling with something around our mutual friend/acquaintance overlap and what information to share and am glad I have an appt with my therapist Friday! I have dated two guys he knows/is a friend of and while I don’t really think it’s any of his business, he had an experience with another woman related to one of the dudes that makes me think he would be upset if he found out later I dated this person too and didn’t tell him. I am going to talk to my therapist about how to approach this. I want to give him the opportunity to set his own boundaries around what he wants to know about my dating history (and vice versa) instead of just dumping information on him. Blerg. Small town/area dating sucks sometimes!!!

      1. Honestly how does one even date without a therapist haha! That’s awesome to meet someone in real life!! I too will be discussing my latest dating situation with my therapist.

      2. PLEASE tell him that you dated his friends/acquaintances, especially if you will ever be around them in the future (alone or together). My now husband didn’t tell me that he slept with a girl in his college friend circle, who we saw a good amount, went on trips with, etc, and it really hurt my trust in him. Some might say it was none of my business, but in my opinion, it became my business when we were hanging out with her. By not knowing, I was the only person in the group who didn’t know and that’s not ok. It felt humiliating. Now, once you tell him, it’s on him to accept it and just get on with life, but if you keep it from him, it will always be there waiting to come out in some way.

        1. I really appreciate you sharing your perspective and I was definitely leaning to telling, because we may be all in a group together at some time or another and I don’t want him to feel the way you felt.

    3. I posted above and in a nested comment but had two stingy rejections from guys I was excited about yesterday so feeling a bit bummed today, as I was really looking forward to dates with them. On the bright side, I have a full dance card the next two weeks and am excited about one guy in particular that I’ve been on a few dates with. The only issue with him is that there are some gardening incompatibilities but I’m going to give it some time to see what can be worked through, as outside of that we are firing on all cylinders. We shall see!

    4. Dating someone outside my “demo” and having a lot of fun mixed with the angst that comes with knowing this has a shelf life and may end in sadness/disappointment for one or both of us. I tried to walk away a few times but I like him and kept coming back.

        1. There is a big age difference that will probably become an issue. Also background and education differences that could create tension when friends and family come into play. It has been somewhat surface level so far because I think we recognize potential tensions.

  22. What are your best online shops for loose tea?
    I’ve been loyal to Tea Gschwendner aka Chicago Teahouse, an offspring of my favorite German tea chain, but ready to consider other options.
    I’m looking especially for herbal and fruit blends.

    3. I just ordered from August Uncommon Tea–it hasn’t arrived yet so I can’t guarantee but I am really excited about the flavor blends and they had a fun “what is your tea” quiz to make suggestions.

    4. Rishi tea! If you’re in Chicago, they are based in Milwaukee so semi-local and only takes a day for shipments to arrive.

    5. Upton Tea is where I buy all my tea, but 95% of the tea I buy is black tea. I love Les 2 Marmottes for herbal teas, but they’re not loose leaf.

    6. Seconding Upton. When Tea Gschwender changed to Chicago Tea House they stopped offering all the tea I drink. I found a good replacement that will ship directly from Germany, but seems to cater more towards wholesale. I have been buying 2 kg of tea (I drink a lot so it is not as much as it seems). It is the same type as I bought from TG but cheaper – the 2 kg is about 180€ which would have been about $400 from TG.

    8. Late to this question, but my friend who is a tea lover swears by David’s Tea. I gave an assortment of their (bagged) tea to my SO’s mother last Christmas that inlcuded a lot of fruit blends and she loved it. And, ooh, I just went to their site and saw that they offer “mocktail” teas inlcuding a green tea blend that it claims takes just like a gin and tonic (when mixed with tonic). I might need to try that …

      1. No idea why my comment went into mod. But correction: the David’s tea does not need to be mixed with tonic, it has a quinine flavor along with the juniper.

  23. I have an upcoming business trip. I plan on bringing a pair of black pants, gray pants and jeans with an assortment of tops that I can mix and match. I feel like I need some kind of blazer, jacket or cardigan. I’ve been working at home for so long that I’ve forgotten how to dress. I have J.Crew going out blazer in black but I need something to wear with black pants that can also work with gray and denim. Any suggestions?

    2. How do you feel about cream? I think the same blazer comes in that shade, or you could find one that color elsewhere. I also like lighter gray but would prefer something with texture/multicolors like a tweed. Camel would also work if you can pull off the color.

    3. Swap the gray pants for navy or olive green, and then a gray topper would work for all 3.

      1. A gray topper would absolutely work with gray pants, especially in a different texture.

        Gray looks better with denim

        Green pants are never as formal as gray.

  24. Salary question in case anyone might have data points for me – executive director of a small family foundation with no employees? Not a very demanding role. Thoughts on salary expectations? Thanks anyone who can weigh in! All remote.

    1. I would come up with an acceptable hourly rate and multiply it by the number of hours it should take.

    2. How small – what’s their operating budget/how much do they give out in grants?
      I feel like this could range from $125k to $250k depending on that answer!
      But if not a very demanding role and no staff, low 100s is probably right.

    3. Is it an established foundation with a previous executive director? If so, you can look at their 990s to get a sense of pay scale.

    4. I knew someone once who was a family-fortune manager. She was a glorified check writer with an MBA. In 1989 she got $50,000. Adjust for inflation. These small “foundations” are often funded through significant capital gains on stock ownership. They will probably use the money to buy tickets to fund-raising events.

      Small foundation with no employees? Or family manager in general? You’ll be doing everything. Balancing their checkbooks and credit cards. Seeing all their spending. Managing their household staff. Arranging payroll. Handling their dry cleaning.

    5. Look up their 990 tax return and you can see what their highest paid employees earn. I think it varies wildly but they tend to be very generously compensated.

  25. What do people wear these days? My work clothes circa 2019 which I am still wearing are Express columnist and editor pants in various colors. Are they completely out of style?

    1. That’s more or less what everyone at my work is wearing, so if we are out of style, at least we are out of style together.

    2. I’m wearing tons of soft sweaters with straight leg jeans or trouser style pants. Shoes are loafers or short boots right now. My scarf collection is coming in handy because sweater+ pants is a little plain. But I’m comfy!

      I’m also a fan of 32 degrees heat tech tops under my sweaters.

  26. Can anyone give me a rec for a sneaker for everyday wear? Not for work/commuting/work-outs. I think I want something mostly black, cute and comfy. Light and sleek – no heavy, bulky, big – no leather etc…

    I am not typically a sneaker wearer at all. I’m from the generation where all sneakers were white and for sports (I was an athlete). My feet are huge for my height so white shoes make them look even bigger and don’t really work with my darker color palette.

    I have a pair of the M. Gemi Cerchio now, which was a waste of money as they are not comfy and don’t fit my feet well (I have very narrow heels). Something simple like Nike is fine – I would like better flexibility / support than Converse.

    Thanks!

    1. Have you run your filters through a big shoe place like Zappos or DSW? I’m having a hard time envisioning something black with “more support than Converse” that’s not an athletic shoe that’s not leather. Keds or Sperry usually have weekend sneakers, but they won’t check all your boxes. Cole Haan sneakers are leather. I feel like your requirements leave you with a Sketchers-type shoe that I see waitresses wearing.

      1. Points well taken.

        You know what I am picturing…. I saw some young physical therapists wearing really cute black ones. More mesh/fabrics than leather and looked so comfortable but sporty. All were black with some white or color embellishments. And they looked really flexible / comfortable. I’m kicking myself now for not asking them about them.

        I guess I don’t mind something that looks athletic, but don’t want something that looks huge/white/bulky. I’ve had keds/sperry, but looking for something with a little more interesting and those aren’t great for lots of walking for me.

        2. I responded below but seeing this, the On Cloud shoes maybe? They’re essentially athleisure in sneaker form.

    2. Cole Haan Grandpro are perfect for you except they are leather. Not sure if you think leather will be heavy or if it’s an animal product issue, but they are feather-light.

      1. I am really fussy about fit and have size 9.5 feet and Grandpro are great for me. I didnt want leather but I had to. I also have black Asics that cannot be beat for comfort for foot shape (narrow heel wide toe) and amazing support

      2. I came here to say this. Grandpro are my go-to white sneakers. Super lightweight, easy to clean, look great with everything. I wear the white ones the most, but have them in black, camel, and some patterns.

    4. Oofos makes a couple that satisfy your criteria. The uppers are mesh. The downside is that you will never want to wear anything else. There is also an influence-popular mesh athletic (“athletic”) shoe on Amazon that comes in about a hundred different colors. It doesn’t do much for me, but I see it everywhere. If you own anything M. Gemi, I am guessing it would not be your cup of tea, either.

    7. I wear an 11.5 and love Naturalizer’s Lafayette style for this sort of thing. In fact I own them in black, silver, gray and navy because I like them so much. Highly recommend. I find the support enough but the footbeds are removable.

  27. Help talk me down? I had a mammogram recently and apparently have a dense spot that wasn’t there last year. So now I’m getting an ultrasound to see if anything is going on. My understanding is that asymmetry is usually benign, but I’m still freaking out a bit.

    1. I’m sorry you are going through this now. Take a deep breath, hold it, breath out very slowly…. repeat.

      Remember, the vast vast number of these spots are benign, and if your family history of breast cancer is pretty good (not a lot of cancers in relatives when they were young), that is another great thing in your favor. It wasn’t there last year, so that is also great news. Cysts, fat, artifact, swollen nodes… so many benign things it can be that. Even if it is something more concerning, you found it early and treatments are so so much better now and even in the worst case scenario the vast majority of women do great with treatment. And there are many of us here on this website that can share our experiences and advice.

      Get your ultrasound scheduled as soon as you can for peace of mind. Schedule yourself a lot of good things this week for distractions. Call your best girlfriends to let them know to be able to vent with them and get some support. And come back here and tell us how you are doing.

      It’s going to be ok.

    2. I have been there twice! Both times ended up with normal ultrasounds. Asymmetry is fairly common. Usually it’s related to the technique that the mammogram technician uses. If your tissue is particularly dense or if your br**t is positioned slightly off between the plates, it can easily result in asymmetry. A cyst or benign growth can also cause asymmetry, as can perimenopausal changes and other benign processes.

      I happened to bring up my ultrasounds at my book club recently, and it turned out that one-third of us (group of 9) have needed ultrasounds due to abnormal mammograms.

      2. Just want to say not to panic. Overwhelming probability it is not anything to worry about. On the other side, I did have breast cancer, had 6 rounds of chemo, double mastectomy, and am still fine 10 years later. Either way you will be fine.

    3. Been there, done that, had the anxiety attack. It wound up being fine, but I’d try to schedule the ultrasound for the first or last appointment (depending on your preference) so you can either go home, eat something yummy, have a glass of wine and go to sleep, or spend the rest of the day doing something enjoyable to take your mind off of it. On the plus side, my results came back super fast so I only had to worry overnight.

    4. I’ve been called back a number of times and it is always terrifying, but has been fine every time. During times like this I remind myself that freaking out does not change the outcome. Easier said than done, I know.

      Best of luck.

    5. Thank you, all! I took a slightly longer lunch break to decompress, breathe deeply, and now I will call for my follow-up. Will let you all know how it goes. I’ve been through the wringer with women’s health issues in the past couple of years, so my initial reaction was, “Omg, really? This too?!” followed by pure panic.

    6. High likelihood it is benign. Easier said than done, but try to take a deep breath and distract yourself. I was called back once for an asymmetry and it was nothing. I also was called back the next year for a separate spot for ultrasound and ended up needing a biopsy, which also thankfully came back benign. Now I think they will do ultrasounds for me going forward as a matter of course (thanks dense breast tissue). I was really terrified so I can totally empathize. I think the radiologists are extra conservative and want to check anything they might see to be sure they aren’t responsible for missing anything cancerous. Probably the best course but still emotionally stressful.

    1. Since they pay out dividends yearly and are taxed higher than capital gains, it is nicer to have them inside your IRA/401K where they grow tax free, as opposed to your regular brokerage account.

      And I don’t even follow my own advice, so take it with a grain of salt (gosh, I really am sloppy….).

  29. Look for Paris recommendations! I’m joining my husband in London for a conference in February. We’re going to stay an extra few days and then take the train to Paris for 3 days/2 nights. We’re not looking to overload our itinerary (we’ll be back someday!) but are planning to do the Eiffel Tower and Champs Elysees, and then do at least a half day at the Louvre. Any other can’t miss attractions? Also looking for hotel or neighborhood recommendations. It looks like there’s lots of options for under $300/night, but I really don’t have a sense of what area would be best. Something within walking distance to the Eiffel Tower? Thank you!

    1. I liked being in the 1er because I could walk to everything. The Park Hyatt Vendome is very nice. There’s a smaller Marriott Renaissance Vendome not too far from there that is also very nice. But I tend to stay at hotels where I can accumulate or use points.

      Whatever you do, take advantage of your hotel’s concierge for skip the line tickets. Well worth it if you only have a few days. Otherwise your half day at the Louve could be 50% waiting in line.

      The d’Orsay is nice too.

      Honestly I just love walking along the Seine and popping into shops and galleries, and then stopping anywhere for a bistro lunch. I liked my lunches on the ile de La Cite the best.

      I ate inside a lot. The picturesque lunch or coffee at those outdoor tables in reality is being surrounded by cigarette smokers.

    2. I’d skip the Champs Elysee unless you want to luxury shop. Also almost anything is walking distance to the Eiffel Tower if you’re in central Paris (like, within 45 minutes of beautiful walking), but the 7th is technically its neighborhood. The 6th is the heart of Left Bank restaurants and shopping like the cafes you always see on the ‘gram – Cafe de Flore. The Marais (Right Bank) is a little trendier. The Metro is great for getting around.

      I would personally prioritize the D’Orsay or Orangerie over the Louvre because I am more of an Impressionist lover, but YMMV. St Chappelle was stunning if you get a sunny day. We include restaurants as official tourist activities when in Paris so try to get reservations at some fancy spots in addition to just popping into your local cafe – we like to go to the $$ places at lunch (Frenchie, Septime, etc) to get the same quality for less of a splurge.

      2. oh, and rather than deal with going to the top of the Eiffel Tower, do one of the Seine cruises and bring your own bottle of champagne :) We liked the company that left from Pont Neuf (tip of Cite) for ease of grabbing dinner right after at one of the little cafes in Place Dauphine.

    3. We stayed at the Hotel D’Angleterre in St. Germain de Pres and loved it. Easy walking distance to the Louvre, right around the corner from Cafe de Flore (also Louis Vuitton on the other corner), which is the very best place to have a drink and people watch. I would walk to the Eiffel Tower but it’s 2.4 km or about half an hour. HIGHLY recommend. Fun fact: It’s the site of the former British Embassy, where the Treaty of Paris of 1783 was NOT signed because the American revolutionaries didn’t want to set foot on British soil, even in Paris. So they signed the treaty down the block.

      1. In mod for some reason so check back — we loved Hotel D’Angleterre.

        1. Oh, and how could I forget Paris By Mouth! We did the cheese tasting at their storefront, also a walking tour by them, and loved both!

    4. I would suggest staying in the 1st or 2nd arrondisements (districts). Staying by the Eiffel Tower would but you a bit out of the way to the main touristy things in my opinion. I stayed at the Westin Vendome this summer and the location was perfect and room was lovely with a great view. I booked it through the website Zen Hotels which for some reason seems to still have the best prices for them–hadn’t booked through them before and was suspicious but saved a lot of money and it worked out! I just called the hotel to double check that they had the reservation in their system and it was confirmed.

      To me, the must-see attraction is a walk through the city, rather than going to a specific place. I recommend the Rick Steves guidebook for walking around the city.

    5. I would spend at least a few hours just walking around! I did a cruise on the Seine at sunset and it was absolutely magical. The bar/restaurant at the Pompidou has a nice view of the Eiffel Tour so you can see when it lights up at night. I’d skip the Louvre and go to the d’Orsay.

    6. I have enjoyed walking from Tour Eiffel to Montmartre [I do lots of long walks, so check the walking distance first; or combine with metro] and from Louvre to Tour Eiffel [through Jardin des Tuileries, Pont Alexandre, along the river banks].

      For the Eiffel tower, I snapped some good pics from Av. de New York [stand to the right of the Pont d’Iena bridge], Montparnass Tower, Rue de l’Universite]. For Louvre pyramides pics, I recommend standing pretty much were Mona Lisa is and aligning small and big pyramide and pass. de Richelieu]
      Also the view from Galeries Lafayette 7th floor terrace was nice.

      I got recommendation for Kodawari ramen place, they have two locations and I am still dreaming about the food, it was delicious.

      I have stayed at the edge of Quartier Latan and Chinatown, but that is too far for you. Paris hotels rooms are famous for being on the smaller side. I usually check the reviews on Booking and then check if I have any good deals through my KLM benefits. Also – Paris is about spending time outside, I wouldn’t worry that much about the hotel room itself. Pick a location close to your point of interest, check the reviews, book.

      Enjoy!

    7. Notre Dame and Hemingway’s apartment are a short walk apart.

      Rick Steves book has some great walking itineraries

    8. For the Louvre, especially on a limited timed trip, I’d pick a section you definitely want to see and go straight for that. I went in with the idea that I could just kind of wander my first time, but was overwhelmed by how big it was.

      d’Orsay is great for wandering though and small enough that you can do that and not feel overwhelmed by it.

      Either way, be sure to check what days they’re open – I think both of them are closed on one weekday.

    10. Check out the Rick Steve’s walking tours through his free Audio Europe app. It’s good way to orient yourself to the city. Also, try to take a food tour during the early part of your stay. It’s also good for orientation, meeting people and checking out foods that you may want to eat more of during your stay!

    11. No trip to Paris is complete without a visit to Sainte Chapelle, so last time we stayed on the Ile Saint- Louis at the Hotel du Jeu de Paume. Rooms were small but very clean. Great breakfast. You cannot beat the location. Very reasonable price.

      – Sainte Chapelle
      – Falafel in the Marais
      – Musee Cluny
      – Musee Rodin
      – Holocaust Memorial (and generally notice that France/Paris has, in the last couple decades, decided to install plaques on buildings/street corners admitting that the Holocaust did, in fact, happen there)

    12. Have an amazing time!!
      Stay:
      For your first trip I’d do a hotel in the 1st or 2nd so you’ll be most central. (I stayed at Hotel Le Pradey in May and it was really cute.) Maybe otherwise stay in the 7th, but closer to the river and in a more central spot.
      Do:
      I love art so the Louvre is a can’t-miss attraction, but consider pre-buying a ticket. Stroll down the Jardins des Tuileries afterwards to L’Orangerie after so you can see Monet’s Water Lilies. You’ll definitely want to head up to Montmartre, check out Sacre Couer, and walk around the neighborhood generally since it’s beautiful. D’Orsay has a lot of amazing art as well and would be worth a stop if you have time. Maybe Rodin Museum if you like sculptures. If you do go up the Eiffel Tower, pre-buy your ticket and maybe walk down from the Jardins du Trocadero so that you can get some amazing photos (but all the photos around there will be amazing). I would honestly skip Champs Elysees unless you’re dying to go shopping. You can get most of those stores in the US.
      Eat:
      If you can afford Arpege (even if just for lunch) I highly recommend it. Probably the best food I’ve ever eaten. Sapid is by the same chef but cheaper, if you want another option. Ristorante Al Caratello is my favorite Italian restaurant in Montmartre. Honestly there are too many good restaurants in Paris.

  30. Am I the only one who still gets sidebar ads here that are straight out of mid-2020? I regularly get public service announcement-type ads encouraging me to stay home, socially distance, etc. Am I the only one? I don’t see these anywhere else on the internet.

    2. I get a mix – public announcement [Blood pressure is serious, Alone Together, Flatten the Curve, Together We Stand, ViralKindness] and product ads. As a marketer, I don’t understand who designs these PA-type ads [lacks clarity, call to action, not even visually appealing] and who has this budget??? They also clearly don’t set frequency caps or do any effectivity/effectiveness assessment. Terrible.

  31. Going to NOLA Thurs-Sun this weekend by myself for a work conference. Like healthy food options. Staying on Canal St. Any recommendations for dinner options for delivery/takeout/eat by myself potentially for any meals (breakfast, lunch, dinner)? Favorite coffee (I’ve had French Truck Coffee before and love it)? I have also asked for a fridge and microwave in my hotel room for some healthier food options – favorite grocery store in area (I have been to Rouses Market before)?

    Thanks in advance!

    1. Typo – Asking for restaurant recommendations for any meal (not just dinner), including smoothies, bowls, salads, etc. Thanks!

    2. Fried green tomato eggs bene at Cafe Fleur de Lis was one of the best meals I’ve ever had. The coffee was good there too.

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