ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Fuzzy Party Cardigan

A woman wearing a white blue stripe cardigan jacket and blue pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Looking for a cozy sweater that you can pick up in-store? Target has you covered.

This fuzzy “party cardigan” looks less “party” and more “lounge-y” to me, but to each their own. I would absolutely be wearing this with denim during that awkward time between Christmas and New Year’s when hardly anyone is in the office, and anyone who shows up is just trying to be as comfy as possible. 

The sweater is on sale for $24.50 at Target and comes in sizes XS-4X (although in-store availability seems to be limited to XS-XXL). It also comes in three other colors. 

(Target also has this, er, bold, festive cardigan.)

Sales of note for 1/1/25 (HAPPY NEW YEAR!):

319 Comments

  1. Q for the hive: what do you think it means to be a “loser”? What is the opposite of that, and how are you trying to maintain or achieve that for you and any children you’re raising?

    1. I have to say that I’ve honestly never once in my life thought of anyone as a loser. Going through life categorizing people as winners and losers is probably a good way to make you and your children miserable.

      1. +1. Thinking this way seems like the emotional equivalent of keeping up with the Joneses. Making sure you continue to feel “better” than everyone else. Just my take.

      2. +1 my reaction to this comment was that “loser” is a schoolyard insult and I don’t think of people that way. Of course, I want my kids to be happy and to successfully “launch” as adults, but I don’t think of it in terms of not being a loser.

      3. +2. My parents didn’t talk about comparing themselves to others, or us kids to each other. My husband and his brother still get pegged against each other and it’s not good for anyone’s self esteem or familial relationships.

      4. Agreed. My reaction upon reading this was “what a funny question.” Not funny “haha,” just funny “weird.”

        1. I didn’t think it was a weird question. A lot of people have questions about what they experience and come here for different takes. Do you usually call things you don’t understand “weird”?

    2. To me, losers are mean, petty, vindictive, etc. They make people around them miserable by abusing whatever power they have.

    3. Someone who won’t stick up for themselves and always gives in to bullies. Just my immediate thought.

      1. Ugh. I hate this mentality. Sometimes kids who “give into bullies” are shy or abused at home or any number of other traits that don’t make them less worthy.

        1. I do hear you. While I don’t have it in me to judge these people personally–I have my own failings–eventually a person does have to take stock and figure out how to live their best life, either by standing up, moving away, figuring out a different path.

          1. Right— when I became an adult and could move away from my abusive household, I did so. But not standing up to bullies did not make me a loser, which is what the poster asserted.

          2. Won’t and can’t are different things. Sometimes you do have to call a spade a spade. It sounds like the example didn’t apply to your own experience.

    4. Putting people down for not adhering to toxic stereotypes or generally insulting people for no reason – like my late uncle who would call soft-spoken men “p*ssies” no matter what they did. Generally, insulting people for being different than you at low-stakes things is not something people who are successful at life do. I once saw a post here about how much sleep everyone needs and someone said she needed 9 hours so didn’t typically accept late-night social invites. Someone else here commented on that and said something like “I don’t go to bed like a toddler myself.” That and similar are loser mindsets.

    5. I very often feel like a loser – no amazing career, no house, no marriage, no kids.

      1. I think taking a few losses (and maybe you actually dodged some major bullets) is different than being a loser.

        If a person always lets themselves get beaten down without getting up again to keep fighting, that’s loser behavior. That said, we all have loser seasons.

      2. Hmmm. I am very much not in the position in life that I expected to be, personally or professionally. I often torture myself questioning where did I take a wrong turn, but never once I have I considered myself a loser.

        Is this something you are doing based on externals? By which I mean are you using other people’s estimation of your life, or worse, your beliefs about other peoples’ estimation of your life, as a standard of self judgment? Are you measuring yourself against what you see of other peoples’ life? If so, please don’t. Pleases assess what is genuinely important to you, and measure yourself and your life on that alone. You may still feel that you could have done better (ask me how I know) but you will be much more comfortable in your own skin.

    6. I’m raising my children to not think of anyone as losers and I don’t either. Why lean into unkindness when you can just not?

      1. Of course, but you probably are teaching them to stick up for themselves and for those who are in a less advantaged position to stick up for themselves.

    7. I think of ‘loser’ as the kind of insult best left behind in middle school.

      but as far as what that represented, usually lack of self-confidence, not taking agency, letting life happen to you vs. the other way around.

    9. OP here – I feel like a loser all the time (fat, lazy, dirty, often hung over), but by the metrics and guidelines I was raised with I’ve done everything right (good relationships, successful enough in my career and school before that, wealthy enough, respected enough). My question isn’t really about how to be a good person, but I guess about controlling your destiny, living intentionally, being brave. having the confidence to suck at something new. i feel like i don’t have any of that right now and fear i’m not raising my kid to have it either so i started wondering what it is that we’re missing. maybe i just answered my own question. I guess I’m just trying to get clarity on what “success” means to me.

      2. With love, you sound depressed. I am married to a depressed person so I am not pulling this out of thin air. You want to change your life, and you can. You can be a person who exercises, takes care of her hygiene and health, and is never hung over because she doesn’t drink too much. You can have positive thoughts instead of thoughts that say you are a “loser.” You may need medication and therapy to be able to take those steps, but you really can do it.

        My husband wallowed for a couple of years and it almost ended our marriage. He finally increased his meds with his PCP, saw a psychiatrist, started attending a NAMI group, etc. He is exercising regularly, enjoying life, no longer drinking to mask his feelings/thoughts, and lost 30 pounds. It’s possible.

        Good luck.

      3. I’ve been here exactly. I won’t preach at you, but I promise quitting alcohol and forcing yourself to shower and moisturize your face every morning and every night before bed can change your life. Buy some nail files and care for your nails. Get a water bottle you will actually drink out of (mine is the huge Stanley with a straw.) It’s not easy and I had a few false starts, but it’s where I started.

        Honestly, being on losing sports teams my whole young life made me unafraid to fail at things as an adult. Losing is not the same as being a loser. Not trying is loser behavior. Good luck! I’m rooting for you.

        1. +1 to all of this. I stopped drinking at home this December. I will not admit this to anyone in real life, but it was SO MUCH HARDER than I expected, which is a sign of a Problem. I pushed through the cravings by looking at a clock when I felt it, and then told myself I had to wait 10 minutes to see how I felt. 99.9% of the time, I forgot to look at the clock and the urge passed. One month in, and I can feel the cravings substantially diminish.

          I’m sleeping better, I feel better, and am taking better care of myself physically. 100% would recommend.

        2. I’m inclined to start with cosmetic changes also like getting dressed and doing my makeup more but then the feminist in me takes over and I feel like I shouldn’t try to find happiness by fitting into patriarchal standards of pretty

          1. There is a lot of self judgment here, and I’m not sure it’s deserved. If it would make you feel better to put some make up on, then go for it! You can adopt whichever part of the beauty norms serve you and leave the others to the side.

          2. Getting dressed and doing your makeup are concrete steps that can help set you up for a successful day, just like making your bed. Being clean and well-groomed gives you a sense of order and accomplishment that primes you to accomplish more throughout the day. That’s not giving in to the patriarchy. It’s sticking it to negative thought patterns and taking back your power over your own life.

      4. I’m not sure if you’re depressed but at minimum you sound like you need a day off and a long walk and big hug and warm meal and a good night’s sleep.

        Also, it’s not necessary to constantly self assess your actions and accomplishments. You can just live your values and occasionally reassess your goals.

      5. This is how I felt when I had undiagnosed anxiety. Once I got on meds and did some therapy and Cognitive Behavior Therapy, these thoughts went away.

    11. It’s someone with a huge amount of social privilege who accomplishes little, is unhappy, and disparages others that they sense are beneath them in a socioeconomic hierarchy. The world is filled with them.

      I teach my kids that they owe the world more than it owes them and to avoid people like this at all costs. We don’t tolerate misogyny or bigotry.

    12. I had to think about it for a while. I would say a person who does not take responsibility for their own actions. I strive to own my mistakes and not blame others, and model that for my children.

      Do not mistake this for a political statement. I am not talking about “the politics of personal responsibility.” I am talking about not blaming the teacher when you get a bad grade on a test because you didn’t study.

      1. I like this definition a lot. It’s something that everyone has the ability not to be.

      2. I would subscribe to this too. I don’t default to thinking “loser” about people – I had to give it some thought – but there are a few people in my life that I did think of, and honestly, this is the one characteristic that they have in common.

      3. This x 1 million. My father was a loser, and not taking responsibility was a huge part of what made him one.

    13. I agree with others that I don’t think of people with that label usually. But what are the opposite values of being a loser? Humility, tenacity, self-reflection, good judgment, valuing other people regardless of status, and recognizing others’ accomplishments. You’ll notice that weight, career, lifestyle, and familial status are not on the list.

    14. I think of it as someone who is unhappy with their circumstances but unwilling to make changes to bring about change.

    15. I consider it an adult with no long term plans or goals, has nothing that brings them fulfillment, and is immature. I picture someone with a dead-end job, no hobbies or meaningful relationships (family, genuine friendships, or an SO), and is unreliable or a poorly functioning adult.

    16. My ex brother-in-law who abandoned his children with my sister when he impregnated another woman, and then tried to make it all my sister‘s fault is a loser. That’s a hill I will die on.

      2. That’s exactly the type of person I would think is a loser… someone who goes through life hurting their kids

    17. Loser = somebody others instinctively do not like.

      I am a loser. It started young. I was visiting family as a kid once and a pack of other kids I’d never met surrounded me and spit all their gum in my hair. It all had to be cut off.

      This vibe has sort of continued into adulthood. I am told how warm and nurturing I am…but I am single and now too old to have my own family. Nobody wanted me. Because I am a loser. My objectively good qualities didn’t make a difference (kind, honest, conventionally pretty, smart enough, responsible, etc.).

      1. What? This sounds like much more of you them problem than a you problem. Hav e you considered seeing a therapist? Please don’t go through life feeling this way.

        1. +1 this sounds like a mental health issue. There’s very little correlation between being popular in the social sense and finding a life partner. I was a social outcast for most of my childhood but managed to find a (kind, attractive, successful) husband. It was just good luck, and I’m so sorry you haven’t had that luck, but it has nothing to do with your popularity or lack thereof.

    18. My good friend dated two guys after her divorce who I would characterize as losers. No job, domestic abuse and DWI records, didn’t pay child support and lost access to his kid, moved in with my friend and she paid for everything, alcohol problem. Her picker is off.

    19. People who are unkind to others, especially people who are less fortunate. People who spend all of their time blaming others for their unhappiness, especially people who have the education or financial security to make changes.

    20. My great-uncle BD, who had a high-paying job for their little rural town but wouldn’t contribute a dime towards paying the household bills or supporting his children.

    21. Someone whose contribution to the world is net-negative. My opinion is influenced by a mentally ill relative who can not or will not stay on his medication. Instead, he is unemployed and wrecks havoc in the lives of his minor children. I have sympathy for him, and I’m very glad I don’t have his mental illness, but he when he is off his meds he is a loser.

  2. If my boss asks me for one more thing the Friday before holiday break I. Might. Just. Lose. It!

    2. I feel like my entire worklife for these few days is everyone else trying to get stuff off their to-do lists and into my court, so they can feel free to leave work and take a break, while I also am trying to get stuff off my to-do list and into their court, so I can feel OK about leaving work and taking a break.
      So we’re all just handing off tasks like they’re hot potatoes and trying to evade the ones getting handed to us.

      2. I always think about this time of year: Why is it so hard for us to stop working for 1-2 weeks? Like will the world end? (no) Everyone acts like we’re all taking a several months long sabbatical. (This coming from a person whose company/industry shuts down for 2 weeks every December).

        1. I was thinking the same thing today! My boss is asking me for things like I’m leaving forever and won’t be back on Jan 2.

        2. People get two weeks off?? I get a day.

          It’s a slow time of year for my work but I still have to be present in case something happens. It’s like the whole world stops except my work (public sector.)

          Maybe a little bummed that I can’t even be productive because no one is responsive.

  3. I know there’s quite a few knitters and crocheters here so I thought I’d ask…

    How do you manage yarn spending? I’ve been crocheting for about a year, started with cheap acrylic. I’ve finished a few small projects and just finished a baby blanket for a friend. I used superwash merino for that and it’s SO nice. I spent $150 on the yarn. Now I’m finishing up a Christmas stocking with acrylic and ugh I never want to go back to acrylic yarn.

    I want to start the Persian tiles blanket but the nice wool yarns would run $450. I could buy fewer and get it down to like $360, but then I risk running out of some colors. I can afford it but it just seems scary to spend that much money at once before even starting a project…

      1. Hahaha, yeah.

        I like the website Knit Picks, they have very nice yarn that seems to be a little cheaper. A lot of their yarn has acrylic blended in, but it seems to be a fairly low percentage and the yarn itself is very nice.

        I’m not good enough yet to do a big project in nice yarn, so I have bought a few skeins of nice wool that I’ll make into a scarf. I admit that I’ll probably stick to the nicer acrylics for afghans, because for me, those are mostly serving as objets – I am in a phase of life where I don’t really need extra blankets for warmth purposes.

    2. I work mostly in acrylic and cotton because I’m not rich and because gifts like baby blankets need to be easily washed. Thread crochet is my jam because I can scratch the itch to do more interesting work, use natural fibers and not go broke.
      When I plan something substantial and for it to use expensive yarn, I’ll do a test run in similar acrylic just to make sure it will turn out as I expect and I’m not about to waste my money.

    3. I shop sales, but try to make sure I buy specifically for a project and not just because it’s soft and pretty. And don’t let myself fall for the notion that I have to buy a certain yarn now or it will be lost to me forever. There will always be more yarn.

      Also, intricate lace takes longer to knit and uses less yarn.

      1. I bought some Loops & Thread yarn because it was so pretty and soft and the colors were so vivid. I did not realize that it is roving yarn (so, not so tightly spun) and it is Not Fun to work with. I’m making a kind of very open work shawl with it, but I wish I had just made a sort of narrow scarf to wear with black clothing (yes, I know scarves are not stylish now, but whatever) but from what I’ve seen online, it’s not easy to frog this yarn.

        Oh well, at least it wasn’t too expensive.

    4. Really nice yarn is for projects I knit for me or my close friend who is also a knitter – the folks in my life who will appreciate the time and effort which went into the knitting and who I know won’t consider the handwashing and blocking to be a burden. Good yarn – nice blends which will wash well in cold water and not be ruined – are for everyone else. I have a baby sweater I like to knit (Little Coffee Bean sweater by Elizabeth Smith, link below) so when appropriate yarns go on sale, I stock up on colors I like. I tend toward darker, neutral colors and knit the 12-18 month size. I have similar hat, scarf, and mitten patterns I like for travel projects which are then frequent gifts.

      https://elizabethsmithknits.com/product/little-coffee-bean-baby-cardigan/

      1. As the recipient of baby sweaters from a very, very talented family friend, I am grateful that she chose to use yarn with a bit of synthetic incorporated so that we didn’t need to be precious with the laundering. My kids wore the beautiful sweaters in day-to-day life, we washed them in the washing machine (air dried but did not block), and we were able to pass them on in near perfect condition.

    5. This is why we work. But I do love me some good acrylic yarn — the so-soft worsted weight ones are my favorite. Goes in the washer and dryer, fun colors, so soft, doesn’t pill and wears like iron.

    6. I spend on nice yarn but make sure I get the most bang for my buck through time and techniques. A nice fingering or lace weight yarn plus a complex pattern that will take me a months to work on.

    7. I’m coming to terms with this as well! I knitted in college 20 years ago and recently picked it back up. The world of fiber arts has changed in great ways since then. But yes— so much of the gorgeous natural fiber yarn is soooo expensive. I’ve been only buying enough for what I’m working on at the moment, but at some point I feel like I’ll be knitting a $400 sweater and I don’t even know what to do with that. Embracing slow fashion, I suppose!

    8. Nothing but commiseration. Knitting is a hobby. It’s not a way to save money, unfortunately. I think some people go into it thinking “oh sweaters are so expensive. I’ll just knit my own and it will be cheaper,” but that’s never true.

      All I can tell you is you’re going to spend hours and hours knitting your object so you deserve to work with yarns that your hands enjoy working with. I can’t really work with acrylic anymore. The last time I used it was to knit my dog a sweater, and it made sense that it should be acrylic but it was really an unpleasant experience getting it finished

      Once you’re fully down the rabbit hole join us in October for the Stephen West mystery knitalong shawl!

      1. Not the OP, but I really want to try this. I’m a beginner and they look so fun, but I’m not confident I can do it! Hopefully by October I’ll be there.

    9. When I was in college and had limited funds, I would buy cheap second hand sweaters made out of nice yarn and unravel them to use for knitting projects.

    10. If you’re going to knit the Persian tiles blanket, spend the full 450- you’ll be working on it for a long time and enjoying it for longer. Putting that much effort into something with middling yarn is really a bummer (though I do baby blankets in acrylic so they’re more washable)

      I inherited a huge stash of yarn from my mom (who collected yarn and project ideas more than actually knitting) and occasionally buy from ebay or second hand stores.

    11. If you want to do the project, buy the pricey yarn. It brings so much joy to me to work on a project and that to me is priceless. This will take you a long time to knit and if you amortize the cost over the time it takes to knit, its not really that expensive. Welcome to the knitters rationalization club….

  4. Fun question:
    What are the little things you get joy in or appreciate? For example, when a hard boiled egg peels perfectly.

    1. The generic but delicious hot chocolate you get at any ski hill. It hits different there.

      1. Also, this one is a toss up as to what’s best – the first shower, the first real meal, or the first load of clean laundry after a multi day wilderness trip.

        1. shower all the way!
          Your partner/family/roommates/anyone offering you first shower when you all get back is like the greatest act of love I know

        2. I have a habit of taking a very hot, long shower when I get to my hotel after a day of travel, and I love that shower so, so much.

          1. I have a friend who doesn’t shower that often, including after long plane travel, and I’ve never understood it because first of all planes are gross but second of all that shower is the best shower ever.

          2. I love a shower when I’m in the shower, but I don’t love drying off and I don’t love having wet hair. For those of you wondering why someone else doesn’t like a shower that might be part of it. It’s a sensory thing. I’m always too cold when I get out of the shower and I dread it.

            I still shower don’t get me wrong, but it’s not like a whole spa thing for me and it’s certainly not a treat.

          3. Best thing after a hot hot shower on a cold day is to immediately get in your robe while the heat is radiating off of you, put your hair up in the towel and then crawl under the covers for about 20 minutes before getting out and completely drying off. The heat coming off of your skin stays trapped under the covers and makes you even more relaxed. You’re welcome. :-)

    2. Watching the downy woodpecker — for whom I bought a special feeder — eat at it. (I kind of love that little bird.)
      Talking with a kid about a book they really like.

      (This is an excellent thread – thank you!)

    3. when I finish a large container of something, or a messy project, RIGHT on time to put it out in the recycling / trash (city dweller here so no garage with a giant can!)

      fresh sheet night

      meeting eyes with husband or close friends when you KNOW they’re thinking the exact same thing you are about something that just happened but you can’t talk about it then – and confirming later

      1. oh that second one plus saying the exact same thing, at the same time, and with the same intonation as a best friend.

    4. yes except for me it’s a soft boiled egg cooking just right! A peach or pumelo with the right level of sweetness, tartness and juicyness.
      Perfect running weather.
      My quiet Sunday morning coffee reading a book.
      Observing clever crows or feisty hummingbirds.

    5. Watching my friends laugh. Seeing others experience delight gives me such a boost!

    6. Love this question! When my dog does the big, world-weary sigh, I always have to laugh.

      1. Haha, right? I tell mine he’s got all my sympathy as he faces the tough choice of which sunbeam to nap in first.

      1. I hate having to make the bed, but once it’s freshly made with clean sheets–ohhhh that’s such a good feeling.

    9. My favorite Christmas tradition: Mexican food and margaritas for lunch with my husband on the last workday before the break! Can’t wait!

    10. Leaves skittering down the street in the fall.
      All the fresh colors of the produce aisle during the citrus fest at Central Market (grocery stores).
      Cracking open a book you know is going to be good because it’s part of a series you love, and there are even more unread books in the series.
      Coming home from work on a dark evening and seeing the Christmas lights through the window.
      Your favorite sweatshirt is clean and fresh from the laundry.

      1. Related – I love laying under the Christmas tree and looking up through the branches at the lights. I showed my nephew a few years ago and now he does it, too :)

      2. When my kitty climbs into the tree and I see his lil face glowing in the lights it melts my heart. (But also spikes my anxiety because big boy is going to take down the tree one day).

    13. The first few sips of a hot cup of tea in the morning. I regularly find myself saying “F yeah that’s good” when I have my first cup of tea. Have to get to it when it’s still really hot though! Sometimes I let it sit for too long while I’m getting ready and it’s good but not “F yeah” good.

      1. I totally feel you on this one. I am a PG tips addict. I like it with one sugar and milk. How about you?

        1. Milk always, I can’t drink black tea without it. But no sugar for me. Cheers, fellow tea lover! :)

    14. So many! But two of my faves:
      When the sun is setting and the light beams hit the very tops of the tall trees but not below it so the tops sort of glow orange.
      In the fall, on an overcast day when the sky is really grey and the red and yellow leaves on the trees totally pop against it.

    15. I love waking my children up. They all sleep the same way they did as babies despite being teens. The curled lip, stretched out arms and purr made when stretching in their sleep. It brings me such joy.

    16. I love, love, love the last minutes of the day when I kiss my husband good night, he rolls over and starts snoring, and I get to pull out my Kindle and read my book in my nice cosy bed.

    17. -Dog snuggles
      -A perfect cup of coffee or tea
      -All my laundry done and put away
      -Crawling into bed in my peaceful bedroom after a rotten day
      -Hot showers with scented goats milk soap
      -a nice salad

      1. oh this is me too. My office clock had the time right next to the date and I actually snapped a picture of it at 12:12 on 12-12-12, ha!

    20. Sunsets. Every single one, no matter how vibrant or dull. In the summer, we are often driving home from activities when they hit and I always comment on them. My kid is at the age where they roll their eyes, but maybe in 30 years they’ll appreciate it differently.

      1. Bay Area here. When we are someplace with a good view, like on the GG bridge or Bay bridge or up in the East Bay Hills, I always point out the view to my kids. I tell them that to some people, seeing this view is the vacation or a lifetime. They’re still not impressed haha.

        1. The mere fact that people bring me cold drinks and tasty snacks while I loll about.

  5. Tips for selling a car on the private market? Or links to good guides with tips? Carmax is offering a solid $5k lower than comparable cars are listed for on Craigslist and we might want to give that world a try. How do we avoid being scammed and what’s typical for what you allow (eg inspection)?

    1. I just sold a ’99 Toyota with relatively low mileage for its age (175k) that ran great. I used Facebook marketplace. I got WAY more than Carmax said it was worth (Carmax said it was worth less than $500, I got $3,500 and clearly listed it too low because I got hundreds of messages within hours, made dozens of appointments for the following day and then it sold to the first person who looked at it). I requested that people pay cash, which seemed standard. The guy who bought it asked to test drive it, but just down the block. I said sure and didn’t go with him. He didn’t press me on getting an inspection, but if someone had wanted that I probably would have arranged to meet them at the mechanic for the appointment to avoid giving them the car and me riding with a stranger. You can also get it pre-inspected and have that paperwork to show people.

      1. So cash is typical? Does that mean literal cash or just a check for the full amount? I assume it would need to be a bank check.

        1. I was paid literal cash, although that’s obviously a lot more complicated if the car is worth $10k+. I think in that circumstance I’d ask for a cashiers check. Definitely don’t take a regular check that can bounce.

      2. The last time we sold a used car we met at the buyer’s bank and went in together and the buyer pulled out cash and we did the exchange and paperwork in the bank lobby.

    2. I bought my car on Craigslist. We left ID as collateral to test drive and get an inspection for an hour maybe. The owner and my husband went to the bank together to do the payment.

    3. Depending where you live you should probably figure out how to properly do the legal ownership change. People who buy cars cash often do sketchy ownership things.

      1. This is just not true. Research in your state but in CA it’s easy to release liability without making a trip to the DMV.

        1. Yeah in my state all you have to do is sign over the title. There’s a space for both the seller and buyer to sign. No trip to the DMV needed. It took me probably 2 hours to sell my car on Facebook, most of which was responding to messages. The actual transaction where I sold the car took less than 15 minutes. It’s hard for me to imagine that investment of time not being worth it for $5k but I guess some of you are a lot richer than me.

        2. Just signing relies in the other party actually submitting the paperwork and automatic speed tickets etc don’t care about you signing a document. I used to register cars for a living, so I’ve seen all that can happen with liens, unfiled forms etc

          1. In my state, you remove the license plates when you sell a car. The buyer. has to take the car to the DMV and get their own new license plates after registering the car. I don’t see how you could be liable for a speeding ticket on the new license plates that aren’t registered in your name.

          2. You should always remove the license plates after selling a car, even if it’s not legally required. You can’t get an automatic traffic ticket if the car doesn’t have plates.

    4. I sold a converted campervan on FB marketplace and it was a huge hassle in general, however my eventual buyer ended up being really great, and he suggested we use KeySavvy for payment, which worked perfectly. I’m surprised it’s so unknown, it was awesome!

      1. That looks like a great option and I had indeed never heard of it. thanks for posting!

    5. FWIW, I’ve always found value in not subjecting myself to meeting random people who could be dangerous, not getting scammed by a bad check, making sure dmv paperwork is done right, all the time in showing the car, etc. such that it’s worth getting a little less from a carmax or dealer to have them handle the sale for me.

      1. In my city, people have been shot for trying to sell an iPhone, so there is an area at our police HQ where people can meet for these transactions. A PITA but takes out some of the danger when dealing with cash and a car.

      2. I used to feel that way but I was shocked how easy it was to sell on FB marketplace. The hardest part was being inundated with messages about the car. You quickly get a sense from the messages who is serious about buying, and you just ignore the unserious people. I don’t think it’s unsafe to meet a stranger in broad daylight unless you live in a very remote area, and in that situation you could arrange a meeting in a public place.

          1. It definitely would not be worth it to me for a few hundred bucks, but OP says the difference is $5k!

          3. It sounds about right to me. The market is crazy hot for used cars right now (any car that runs is worth at least $2-3k even if the Kelley BlueBook value is $0) and the dealer trade-in offers don’t reflect the private market.

    6. I would try to sell it via word of mouth – someone you know will know someone looking for a car.

      that’s actually how I bought my car – my dad is in the trades and a client of his had to stop driving, so I bought her very old car off of her. I got it inspected before I bought it and paid her son (who handled all of it) via check. We met at the tag/title transfer office, I wrote a him a check, the guy at the office registered the sale or whatever and I was good to go.

      Having the personal connection I think helped with the trust a lot – no one was going to screw the other over.

    7. I have a Toyota Camry, and just literally put a sign on the windshield with the mileage, price (put it high if it is a good car with low mileage!) and phone number. I parked it on my block for a few days.

      When I met with the person who bought it, I met with them during the day in a supermarket parking lot down the street. They paid cash.

    8. I would just let people know you’re selling a car – someone always knows someone who is looking.

      That’s how I bought my car. No one was worried about safety or getting scammed because there was a common factor (bought mine from my dad’s coworker’s son).

      1. This is a good suggestion if your primary concern is safety and trustworthiness, but I will say this method is likely to take a lot more time and effort than selling online. I’m the person above who sold a car via Facebook marketplace and I tried this first with a few neighborhood and friend-of-friend type connections, but every time there was an interested person I communicated with them for a bit and then they ended up deciding not to buy for various reasons. The people who responded to me on Facebook marketplace seemed much more motivated, and I sold it to the first guy from there who saw it. He was sort of pressed to make a decision because I’d lined up a bunch of other potential buyers for later that day. I think in general people know that cars listed publicly on Facebook go really quickly, so they know they don’t have the opportunity to faff around the way you do when buying from a friend of a friend.

    9. Have always sold on craigslist: big things are getting car washed (pressure washing the engine helps a ton)+ taking good, abundant pictures, meeting at a mall or police station or other public place with a large male friend, and expecting cash or a cashier’s check (no personal checks). Usually Kelly Blue Book value +/- 10%

      1. These days used cars are going much higher than Blue Book, especially if they are in condition and mileage isn’t crazy.

  6. Anyone know if Teleties ever does free shipping for smaller orders? I want to try the small flat clip, but the shipping (and return shipping if it’s not the right fit for my head) are almost as much as the product itself! Even the products on A-n are not included in Prime.

    1. Never heard of them, but it looks like Target has them available and eligible for free shipping.

      1. Sorry, you said small. I see medium and large at Target. But now I’m going to have to give them a try myself!

        1. I know! I was so excited when I searched and saw Target pop up… and then they only carried a sub-selection. I want it for clipping back just the top part of my hair at the beach, so the bigger sizes are too big.

  7. Gift help needed!

    I need to figure out a gift for my sister and her husband. They’re outdoorsy dog parents who like to travel. Normally, I get them something sport related but this year I’m just.. coming up empty.

    They’re vegetarian, they like to travel, and lean towards the crunchy (Birkenstock type, not anti vax type) end of things. They ski so maybe something related to that?

    It’s tricky because my sister will flat out tell you she doesn’t like something and hand it back… however, it’s really important to my kids to give Aunt and Uncle a physical gift. Ideas? Looking in the $50 each/$100 as a couple range but flexible?

    1. Bombas compression socks for the plane
      Nice ski socks (Smartwool or similar)
      Liner gloves (I like REI’s)
      Consumables like handwarmers

      1. Bombas are life-changing. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t appreciate good socks, unless maybe surfers who lives in Hawaii and do not wear socks, ever.

        1. I’m pretty similar to OPs sister. Vegan, outdoorsy, DINK, and I would not appreciate random socks. I have a brand I love and they all match, I don’t want others.

          2. Same. And OP’s sister may live in a smaller place that cannot hold a bunch of stuff, no matter how positive the intent of the stuff.

            I’m choosing to believe the OP and the sister are very close and the sister is able to be very direct. After all, why would the kids want to get something for folks who aren’t in their lives or nice to them?

    2. A homemade thing from your kids? I would not spend money on someone who’s going to give back a gift they don’t like, and it sounds like something made by the kids will better check the “kids want to give her a present” box anyway.

      1. Framed picture might work nice here. If it’s more about the idea that the kids are giving it to her, can they do a funny set of pictures? One year we did a set of three where my kid pointed at her eye in the first one, made a heart with her hands in the second and pointed at the picture-taker in the third one, so it was like “I love you”.

        1. This is a cute idea.

          Also it’s so rude to open a gift, declare you don’t like it, and hand it back. Wow!

          You also have this internet stranger’s permission to give them like a box of pears and call it a day.

          1. +1,000

            I am HUGE on passing on gifts that don’t suit you, with zero guilt. But the rudeness of bluntly saying “I don’t like this” and handing it back to the giver . . . leaves me breathless.

            So yes, pears. Or anything else you personally want for your family, so you’re a happy camper if she hands it back to you.

          2. You know how some people have toxic spouses who change them for the worse? My sister has a toxic BFF who has encouraged my sister into this idea that she should never make herself inconvenienced or uncomfortable for the sake of others and taken it to an extreme.

            I could give examples but it’s beyond just like… she won’t go on vacation or to dinner with my kids because that’s not something she would enjoy… it’s down to the point where she has told my small children ‘No, that sounds awful’ when they joyfully invite her to a concert or recital… It’s flat out rudeness and there’s a lot of mourning I had to do because I introduced my sister to this friend.

        2. THIS. Okay, I can do this. Funny pictures of my kids in a frame (so there’s a physical gift) and gift card to a coffee shop I know her husband likes.

    3. Parks Project has a lot of fun and useful things for outdoorsy types, although I think they’re online only and it might not arrive in time. Maybe his and hers Yeti camp mugs?

    4. If I had a sister, I would absolutely think you were talking about me!

      Do you know what stores she likes? A gift card to a local coffee/tea shop, a favorite restaurant, or local outdoor gear store would be thoughtful and the kids could hand make the card for delivery.

      1. I hope you mean regarding interests!

        If you tell people you don’t like a gift and hand it back to them, this is hurtful and causes unnecessary stress at the holidays and please stop. You can say thanks and regift if you dislike it!

        2. Regifting is just participating in gift/giving receiving traditions even more. I feel there needs to be a way to opt out graciously or people will opt out rudely.

          1. I wish there was a way to opt out graciously because most gifts are burdens that you have to smile for.

          2. The way to opt out is not to hand the gift back to the giver! It’s to talk to the people you usually exchange with and see if they’d be happy with a mutual no-gifts rule. And it doesn’t have to be all or nothing within a family. Like we agreed with one set of my siblings-in-law not to exchange gifts among ourselves, but we still exchange with the parents and the other sib.

          4. Okay, but regifting doesn’t have to mean giving to another person for a holiday. You can give to a homeless shelter or a DV shelter or a food bank.

            The solution is not to be rude and hurtful to people who you ostensibly love.

      1. Heh, I did this a few years ago… they don’t like State parks because their dog would need to be leashed in the swim areas.

          1. +1

            Food or nothing.
            Bread of the month from Zingerman’s.
            Or just ask them what they want from now on.

    6. Could your kids get one of those kits to make dog biscuits for their dogs? Has the benefit of showing a little effort from the kids even if it’s low cost.

    7. Get them an awesome basket of snacks. The kids can wrap them individually and then you out cellophane around the whole thing. Or do a recycled box if they are crunchy :).

      You can add in small non food things- socks, hand warmers, dog treats or toys, etc.

      My kids bake dog treats for their “dog cousins” every year.

  8. Does anyone have a water distiller that they like? Last year the humidity in our house was down in the teens(!) most of the winter, so I went on a spree and bought a bunch of of humidifiers for this year. But I learned you should use distilled water with them, and we are going through jugs so fast! I’d love to make my own.

    I’m so burnt out on assessing A*zon reviews at this point in the year.

    1. Do they recommend distilled water for the lack of minerals or for the lack of bacteria?

      Boiling the water would take care of the bacteria. Filtering the water would remove most of the minerals. Some humidifer mfrs also sell deminerlization tablets that you can put in the water tank as well. Otherwise you can end up with a fine white film on things (and in your furnace filter – but maybe you just change it a little more often in the winter).

      But making your own distilled water seems like over kill.

    2. Oof, we’re in the same boat. We go through probably 5+ jugs a week in the winter and I hate the waste, even though it’s all recyclable. Husband keeps talking about getting a whole house humidifier, and that may be on our list next year.

    4. we throw caution to the wind and… just use tap water. About once a month we soak the heating element with vinegar to de-scale it. Our basic Vicks humidifiers are now 5 years old (bought them when we started WFH) and showing no ill effects.

      1. I am lazy about things like this and have never kept up with the required maintenance of previous humidifiers. Plus, we now have well water, and all our toilets/sinks/etc get a lovely layer of funk without frequent cleaning. I’m hoping the distilled water + cool mist humidifiers will be easier to keep clean with just some light rinsing/wiping/airing out.

        And re: well water, I’m reading things about the metals from hard water being “suspended” in the air when it’s misted out, which isn’t great to breathe in.

  9. I have just completed a year long “reverse mentorship” program where I was the mentee to a much younger employee in a completely different part of the company. I enjoyed it tremendously and learned a ton from him and would love to send him an appropriate book as a thank you. His career will be in supervisory roles in manufacturing plants in small towns in various parts of the US – to advance in that role in our company, you generally move a lot during your formative years before landing a senior leadership role in a larger plant. The only book that came to mind was “The First 90 Days” but thought I would check here and see if anyone has a better idea. Thank you.

    2. I liked Radical Candor a lot.

      This program sounds so interesting! So your mentor is someone junior to you but in a completely different area that you learn about?

    4. So Good They Can’t Ignore You by Cal Newport. Its written for people in exactly that stage of career life.

  10. Desparately need some stocking stuffer help. I’ve been laid out with a norovirus all week and missed all my shopping opportunites. I have 4 young adults and so far just have one kitchen gadget each. I’m still resting today and have an event tomorrow but can head out Sunday and try to pick up a few things. No lottery tickets, but any other suggestions are welcome. It’s 2 guys and 2 girls, ages 26 to 30, all are established in successful careers and are homeowners.

    1. I like to go to HMart (or whatever local Asian grocery store) and stick up on snacks, fruit, and small kitchen items.

      2. I do this but world market. Just rounded out an awesome gift basket for my brother and SIL.

        I try and get them essentially a custom gift basket- this year my brothers theme was pickles; SILs was brunch. Brother got all kinds of pickles, picky flavored snacks, plus sour apple
        Gummies shaped like pickles, a pickle cork screen & vodka to get pickled. Also a squeaky pickle dog toy for their dog. (He likes pickles so this is not that weird).

        SIL got all kinds of brunchy baked goods that work with her myriad of health restrictions, a new skillet (which she wanted), plus processo.

    2. I’m doing Japanese Kit Kats in fun flavors, and mini Torani syrups for making fun coffees.

    3. Do adults this age really need stockings??

      Candy, chocolate, lip balm, mini hand cream or sunscreen, nice socks, Starbucks gift cards.

      1. It’s just a fun way to give little gifts? I still get a stocking from my parents and I’m a decade older than that!
        -Nice pens (if they handwrite… I love making physical lists still…)
        -Travel sizes of fave skincare
        -Bag of nice espresso (we make our own at home)
        -Midweight tech-friendly gloves (the tech-friendly part ALWAYS wears out)

      2. They’re fun? And they’re usually filled with practical stuff or consumables. I know it’s cool around here to be “above” all of this but we’re allowed to just have fun at the holidays.

        1. This! Stockings are such a pure delight. We do them every year.
          Honestly, I’d do one for myself if I was stranded on a desert island.

          1. Yes! I’m in my 30s and they’re my favorite gift! I’d be so sad if my mom stopped doing them (but she won’t because she enjoys them too).

            I’m a SINK who makes 6 figures, I don’t need anyone to buy me gifts and I feel awkward giving them lists (which my mom asks for). If I want something that’s reasonable, I can just buy it for myself. If I want something that’s spendy, I’m not asking someone else to buy it for me. Stockings are a nice mix of just fun (and practical) so I don’t feel weird about it – a fun new nail polish color or lipstick to try is just fun! And, it costs $10 so I don’t feel weird about someone spending the money on me.

          2. As a mom who stuffs the stockings I’m going to push back on the idea that it’s $10. Each item might be close to $10 these days, and to fill a stocking takes a lot of items. They can end up costing as much as a substantial gift!

            I actually wish my MIL did not do stockings for us grown kids and all the grandkids. It is sooo much money, a good portion goes to waste, and it seems like it eats up time buying and stuffing them all that she could use to feel less frantic during the season. I’m genuinely glad we don’t do them for adults in my own family of origin.

          3. No I meant that the nail polish or lipstick is $10. I do my mom’s stocking. I know it’s more like $50

        2. I have young adult children, and they look forward to their stockings. So we usually do a mix of candy/gum and some practical stuff like a fidget toy, a pen, a keychain flashlight, stuff like that.

    4. World Market has a ton of interesting little food/consumable items that would be good.

      1. Came here to say this. They have a good mix of savory/sweet so you can customize to what people like.

    5. I am this age and here’s what my mom puts in my stocking:
      – Candy/chocolate
      – Mints (like an altoids tin)
      – Chapstick
      – Nail Polish
      – Tree Hut sugar scrub
      – Makeup sponge (Real Techniques orange sponge)
      – Bar of nice smelling soap
      – Small gift card for lunch spot near work

      Not sure of your budget, but you could get a 4 pack of Apple AirTags and put one in each stocking.

    6. Ohhh I love this! For adult stockings, we have the following:
      – Replenish our nicer hair and body washes
      – Ski wax, goggle covers
      – Razor blades (so expensive!)
      – Good coffee

      Depending on where you live, you can probably get a Target delivery with Mrs. Meyers Christmas soap and wash, laundry detergent, razor blades, nice shampoo/conditioner, bath bomb, and like coffee syrup?

      I usually go for consumables or toiletries that you have to get anyway, but it’s fun to get a nicer version for the holidays.

    8. My family has always done pretty practical stockings. My mom is not a “luxury” person, but it’d be easy to make it fancier. Things we tend to do: nail polish, makeup, skincare, toiletries, hair ties or clips, candy, deck of cards, sunscreen, notebook + pens, coffee or tea, fun snack, socks, something practical like a new charging cable, replacing travel size stuff if they travel a lot (or just containers to decant into), a magazine.

      I actually now share the makeup and toiletries I use with my mom so she can get me something that I use. So, now she has the links to the mascara or facewash or wahtever that I prefer.

    9. My young adults are getting shower bombs (multi-pack I am dividing between them), stupid candy (e.g., Nerds gummi clusters), golf balls, head lamps, hair clips (Tele-ties), fancy mosquito repellant, and one is getting a paperback book on how your 20s are an important decade.

    10. Small bottles of wine take up space, if you’re going to Hmart, some cans of Boss Coffee or cans of milk tea.

    11. Here are some items I’ve put in young adult stockings (because yes, they are fun).

      – Mints and candies. One is getting habanero jelly beans this year!
      – Flat discs of Mexican chocolate (to be put in hot milk for cocoa) – purchased at Whole Foods but available on Amazon
      – Small jewelry or similar items (key chains, etc.)
      – Mini flashlights
      – Interesting bagged snacks (dill pickle popcorn, Tajin corn nuts, plantain chips, mostly from the dollar store)
      – Glass nail files, fun nail polish
      – Small, fancy candles from Nordstrom Rack
      – Lip balm
      – Gloves and cute socks
      – Christmas ornaments (my child has gotten at least one ornament in their stocking every year, and their grandmother always gives them one, too; they and their fiancee are decorating the tree in their first home together with all of these ornaments collected over almost 30 years)
      – Stickers (for one who wants to cover their home office filing cabinet with them)
      – Fancy miniature mirrors
      – Business card cases
      – Little coin purses from Blue Q
      – Portable phone chargers

      1. Oh, and mini bottles of fancy booze. My gothy daughter-in-law to be is getting a heavy glass, skull-shaped little bottle of vodka.

    12. My mom did this for us too. All the things people have mentioned especially the travel size bath kind of things and candy, plus things like slipper socks or other socks, a new pair of gloves, and random kitchen items you need but never buy like chip clips or a meat thermometer. My mom always put cash in ours too. Of course we didn’t NEED those things, but it was a tradition I miss now.

    13. Go to the supermarket and pick up a small container of chocolate covered pretzels, chocolate covered raisin, chocolate covered almonds, . . . you get the picture. Add a satsuma mandarin in the toe of the stocking. Maybe add in a hollow chocolate Santa (wrapped in foil to show it’s Santa or St. Nick). Enjoy!

  11. I have a thin wedding band with pave diamonds around 3/4 of the band. One of the diamonds fell out – it’s on top and visible. I had it replaced by the most reputable/well reviewed jeweler in my neighborhood but they replaced it with the wrong shape (which bothered me but was not that noticeable) and now it fell out again 2 months later. Should I try another jeweler? Is this not really a fixable issue? I know very little about jewelery. The jeweler I got it from (12 years ago) is across the country.

    1. Sounds like it might be an issue with the prong style not being very secure. I would take it to an alternate jeweler and get a second opinion. Ask about having the diamond replaced and do they think it would fall out again vs should the stones all be reset in another prong style.

    2. My band lost a stone and I had to have the whole setting (metal part of the ring) replaced because there was a small crack in the base of the ring. Perhaps your ring also has a structural issue. My insurance covered the cost.

  12. We talked a bit yesterday about how it’s not ideal for naps to go straight from undergrad to advance nursing programs with no work experience. I guess it’s not a problem for doctors because there is so many years of schooling that is relevant to practicing medicine. And many people maybe take a year working just to apply to medical school, often in a medical field.

    In law, why do so many people go straight through? Just because you can’t really gain employment as a history major? I’m a lawyer and I’m sort of amazed at how bad some of our recent hires have been. Maybe they’d have done OK with something g less abstract like criminal law. But for BigLaw regulatory practices, they seemed to have no business background at all — no sense of the different types of business associations, forming entities, commercial transactions, etc. And also: no real sense of needing to master basics they haven’t encountered before.

    IDK if this is a law school failure, a hiring failure, or people just not knowing who they are and what they really want to do. It’s sad though, because the opportunity cost of law school is so high and those loans aren’t going anywhere fast if you’re not in BigLaw. But we have recently had a lot of people we tried a lot to help find their way and ultimately it wasn’t going to work.

    1. Law school is really really not good at training tr–sactional attorneys. This is not new. But if you have an attitude of not wanting to learn, yeah, here’s the door.

      1. Why are law schools so bad at this? It is because many professors likewise have only minimally practiced law (so possibly have never done transactional work at all)?

        Would it be better at a city law school like NYU or in DC or Boston or Chicago or LA or Atlanta or Miami where maybe there is a transactional lawyer who is an adjunct?

        IDK what you do with law schools not in cities. There is a good reason that Cornell’s medical school isn’t in Ithaca.

        1. (I’m the commenter below in policy) So many profs have never wrote an international convention or negotiated a bilateral agreement. They have zero real world experience and it really shows.

        2. I attended an Ivy law school and learned more in my first 3 months of BigLaw about tr-nsactional work than I did in my 3 years of school. It’s more that the Socratic method, learning the law based on analyzing case law, even on corporate topics, is nothing like actually negotiating a deal.

      2. I don’t think law school is good at preparing you to be an attorney in general. The book learning of law school is so different than the actual practice of law.

    2. I think school is just failing all new grads. I do policy work not law but man all my juniors couldn’t analyze their way out of a box. So many things are just straight up wrong and nonsensical.

      1. This. I also work in policy and wow the writing and analysis skills of some of the more junior staff are so, so bad. I regularly see people write a sentence in a memo that is actually not a sentence – its missing a verb. Like, I come across this at least once a week.

        FWIW, I’m 30 and very slowly working on my MPA part time. These are people roughly my age who already have their Master’s degrees, but I’ve been promoted above them because I can write a sentence.

        1. I feel like law schools get lots of humanities majors from SLACs. I’d expect these folks to be able to string together a sentence and write a professional email. Maybe I hope for too much?

          1. I’ve been really disappointed by some of the writing I see from SLAC grads. I’m shocked they graduated.

          3. My guess, and it’s just a guess, is that they are able to contribute to class discussions and sound intelligent orally, and the profs graded largerly based on that. They just can’t write — like, I would expect better from a middle schooler.

          4. @1:27, law school is normally graded based on written work (exams in most classes, papers in research/writing classes). Class discussion is normally a very small part of the grade, if it even counts at all. I barely spoke in 3 years of law school and I graduated at the top of my class.

    3. If you want people with relevant business experience, I suggest you hire them. You’re not a victim

      1. I’m not a victim. I have a job. The new grads are victims, partially of their own making, and partly of a world always telling them they could change the world and schools that told them they were uo for the task of making them lawyers while they were allowed to dabble in their coursework and were taught by people with pedigrees and not much actual experience.

      2. Right – I’m sure OP doesn’t control hiring for her entire firm, but typically law students put work experience on their resumes. It’s not hard to discuss this in interviews and make prior work experience a criterion for hiring.

        We all know law school does not provide students with practical knowledge about businesses in the real world. This is not new.

    4. I graduated in 2007 and was a bumbling idiot in my first job. Seriously-I was fired. I understood very very little about the world, was 25 years old and absolutely burned out from a decade of intense academic pressure culminating with the bar exam. I had no clue how to manage non academic adult life and zero coping mechanisms. I was genuinely confused as to why my life didn’t look like the opening scenes of a romantic comedy. All that is to say, it’s not new. At least one absolute idiot graduated from a solid law school way back in the day.

      1. Ha! I could have written this, minus the being fired part (but I did get a stern talking-to by the courtroom clerk for the judge I was clerking for…get it together!). I failed one of my 2 bar exams and that wrecked me as one of the very first real, visible failures in my life to that point, and while I ultimately did pass on try two, it was a strong signal that “smart and academically inclined” =/= “good lawyer”

      2. Yeah same. I didn’t get fired, but I knew NOTHING about ANYTHING when I graduated in 2011. I have always thought I would have been better off taking time between college and law school, although after a few years, I got it. I wasn’t a great student and had a rocky start after law school, but by now I’m a pretty good lawyer – head up a successful practice group in a midsize firm.
        I hired one new lawyer straight out of law school a few years ago and she came THISCLOSE to be being fired before she found another job and left before her PIP closed out. My firm hires from its law clerk program, and I think moving forward that is the only way I would hire a brand new lawyer – if they were a law clerk and I had an opportunity to see how they work. I think so many new grads come out of school lacking knowledge, and it’s not necessarily their fault. The key is to look for those who care and have the horsepower to learn, grow, and work hard.

    5. The most useful work experience for Biglaw is any job paying less than $15/hour that someone stayed in for more than six months. Never had any problems with bad hires from someone who worked through school and kept showing up.

    6. Honestly, most of the straight-throughs I knew in law school realized they weren’t mature enough to hack living alone and working a real job. That’s why they went to law school, to delay their launch into being a professional full blown adult.

      (I say this as someone who was closer to that end of the spectrum than the other).

      1. And as for who to blame for this…for me, I blame myself mostly. But also, looking back, my college had shockingly low expectations of its students, and my parents had shockingly low expectations of their late teenage child.

        I am incredibly grateful for big law for showing me what I can accomplish when surrounded by people whose expectations are higher than my capabilities. I definitely rise to the challenge set before me, and I have learned that I have to seek out things that will challenge me, or I will never grow or change.

      2. I worked from when I was 16 in any number of bad jobs and used to type the police blotter and sheriff’s sales. So I knew that at least! And rezoning and HOA issues. I went straight through though, but could write and was committed to filling in the gaps of my knowledge.

        1. Oh, to be clear, I also worked jobs that did not require writing/analysis from 15 to graduating college. My parents were very good about requiring that, and I am incredibly grateful for that experience, which I think pays dividends in my life still. But I did not do any professional-ish work that was intellectually rigorous, and frankly, my college courses also weren’t that rigorous. (My longest paper in college was maybe 10-20 pages?).

          Hitting law school with folks who had completed a 50 page honors thesis in undergrad and/or had interned in an office made me realize that I had some serious work to do.

          1. (It sounds like you did have office experience—I’m just saying I didn’t really!)

          2. My grandmother bought me a business law book, the sort that a legal secretary used to have, and it was seriously invaluable to me as a humanities major. It was good to see what real office lawyers did.

            And for someone with jobs needing 8 hours a day in my feet and no HVAC, I longed for an office job like nothing else before or since.

    7. I went straight through because I knew I wanted to be a lawyer and knew what type of law I wanted to practice. I had a plan and I executed it. Sure, some people go straight through because they don’t have lots of job options, but I don’t think that’s a fair assumption for everyone.

      I think biglaw shoots itself in the foot by hiring a bunch of young people with shiny resumes but who have never held a real job. Despite lacking anything beyond raw analytical skills, a JD, and an open schedule, big firms are throwing money at them to bumble around, freak out, and prep signature pages. Even if you don’t have any real interest in being a corporate lawyer at a large firm (and thus, the motivation to develop your career), of course any self-interested law student with loans to pay off would take a 2-3 year stint at a firm if they can get it. Mediocre performance for a few years and earn $200,000+/year, depending on what market you’re in, then told that you’re not on partner track, better find a new home but you can hang out for a few months and you’ll get website time? Yeah sure! Collect the money, collect the shiny name on your resume, suffer for a few years, and leave.

      1. I feel like people used to do this in good faith but lately, I feel like they all act like a client’s kid, not even trying and not concerned with how bad they are (like that next job won’t work out either but the DA’s office or Legal Aid won’t tolerate this).

        1. I don’t know if that’s true. I graduated law school in 2010, so you would think that people would be worried about losing their jobs. But almost 40% of my biglaw class was just there to collect a paycheck for a few years and did as little work as they could get away with. It used to piss the other junior associates off, because we ended up having to do their work.

          1. Wow that was not my experience as a fellow 2010 grad. Everyone was killing themselves to prove their value to the firm and not be let go.

    8. I was a transactional attorney and now in-house doing a wide range of business advising, which I absolutely love. I did not go straight through because I didn’t even consider law school as an option until I was 25, living in a house with 5 other people because I was broke working in sports, and realizing that I didn’t want to be making $25k in DC for the rest of my life.

      I give that background because I had to beg, borrow, and steal to get any type of business law experience in law school that was even remotely useful to me afterwards and I KNEW what I wanted to do. Law schools are terrible at preparing people to be lawyers generally speaking and there are any number of reasons people go straight through. Examples from my graduating class in 2005: parent(s) has a law firm or they already have a post-grad job lined up; they got a degree in an area that was not marketable for fun knowing they were going straight through; parents bank-rolled their entire life so they never had to or wanted to get a job and didn’t know what else to do; were first gen college students who didn’t have much guidance about options; just plain wanted to; knew exactly what they wanted to do and were stereotypical over-achievers so plowed right through, etc.

      1. I was first generation and liked the constitution and lawyer shows. Imagine my surprise as a 1L that you are reading contracts cases talking about if the lower court erred.

        I turned out OK through a lot of panic learning and reading a financial newspaper daily. And lots of books.

        At the same time, 200K for a degree you have no clue about and have to borrow for often tanks the rest of your life. Maybe you should need to do more than fog a mirror to go to law school?

    9. Frankly, I don’t think that the things that get you high grades in law school are the same things that make you a good lawyer.

      1. This. Plus the bar exam requires you to guess if you don’t know the answer (because the dirty secret of the multistate bar exam is that if enough test takers guess wrong, i.e., if Bar-Bri taught you the wrong concepts, no worries, a popular answer that was not what the test writers had in minder “becomes” a right answer!). Guessing absolutely is not what you are supposed to do as a lawyer. Plus there’s the learning how to adult in a work setting, learning that nobody cares about your personal situation, learning that deadlines are hard (not opening offers and invitations to negotiate), etc.

  13. Can someone explain this to me. There are days where I have a larger breakfast/lunch than usual, and I am not super hungry for dinner. I then will have something small like a smoothie or yogurt parfait, but then I will wake up in the middle of the night. Am I waking up hungry and what should I do? Eat a larger dinner even if I don’t feel all that hungry?

    1. Maybe add a small bit of protein to dinner — try 2 Tablespoons of nuts or a sausage patty (I like vegetarian breakfast patties). Just a little change might make you feel fuller longer.

    2. I can’t tell what’s going on when you ask, “Am I waking up hungry…?” Are you asking us IF you’re waking up hungry, because you don’t know whether you are?

      Or do you know you’re hungry in the middle of the night and are wondering what to do about it?

      1. I am not sure. I am maybe slightly hungry but not starving. It may be a blood sugar thing.

        1. Can’t you just go back to sleep? Most hunger pangs can be ignored at inconvenient times.

    3. Is it possible that the smoothie/parfait has more sugar than a normal dinner and you’re doing a little bit of a sugar spike and fall? Protein and fat have more staying power typically.

      1. +1

        Try to have some protein/fat or fiber. Peanut butter or nuts or an egg. An apple. Unless you pack your smoothie with some full fat yogurt, fruit with healthy fiber that might not last because mostly sugar.

        Isn’t a parfait a desert? Useless…. If you aren’t going to eat a meal, at least try to eat something healthy

    4. I read The Obesity Code and The Diabetes Code by Dr. Jason Fung this year after my insulin and blood glucose labs came back marginal. Understanding insulin metabolism changed the way I eat in very unexpected ways. (The Glucose Goddess Method is more readable, but for anyone who’s curious about the mechanism I’d recomend Dr. Fung or Gin Stephens’ Fast Feast Repeat.)

  14. another gift question — my brother always has sinus pain and migraines so i was trying to think of semi-related gifts to get him. like i always feel better with little cooling eye patch masks on when I have sinus pain. anything else? he’s got a bruder eye mask and i’ve gotten him a manta blackout mask before too.

      1. Yes! And even if he already uses a Neti pot you can upgrade him to a beautiful one and some great salts. Go to sinussupport dot com. I recommend the herb infused salt, a pottery neti pot, and a matching or coordinating pottery storage container for the salt.

    4. I’m getting a set of the Vicks Vaporub shower steamers for someone I know who has asthma and allergies and is frequently a little stuffed up. It’s a little pricey to buy yourself, but makes a nice gift.

    1. I would wear it! Of course, I never met a blue-and-white striped sweater that I didn’t love, so…

    2. What do you normally wear? I’d hardly call that bold, it’s rather basic and kinda boring.

    3. I think she referring to the last linked sweater not the very cute striped number pictured.

      1. Oh, I was wondering why navy and white striped sweater was so unusual. That’s like a third of my closet.

        1. Yeah, it’s fine. I honestly think if you saw someone wear that IRL you’d barely register it.

  16. Need gift advice for my sibling’s partner who loves to buy gifts. She has given me lots of presents, “just because” (just sending random stuff to the house to be thoughtful in their view). A cynical take would be that she’s trying to buy good favor. For Christmas, usually I just ask people what they want and buy that thing – and she asked for one small modest item. Should I do something extra/additional given the amount of gifts she has given? My sibling & her are pretty serious so I wonder if I should get her more to avoid creating conflict down the line, at the same time I find the gift giving unnecessary and don’t want to perpetuate the behavior.

    1. No. Let her be nice in her way, you be nice in your way. And don’t ascribe weird meaning to her.

    2. Her response to being asked for a wish list was to volunteer one thing? that’s no fun. You’re supposed to have a menu so it’s not like “buy me this exact thing.”

      Does her requested item lend itself to any extras? Like if it’s a French press, you could add nice coffee, or a milk frother, or something.

      1. Eh, I get what you’re saying and when people ask for gift ideas for my kids I give them a long list (although the same list usually goes to a bunch of people). But I think this is somewhat family dependent and OP said “I asked her what she wanted,” so I can see her giving a direct response to that question. OP said the requested gift was “small and modest” so she doesn’t sound gift-grabby, which is usually the issue when you ask for one specific thing.

      2. This varies so much by family!

        Mine is the same as yours. I’d give a variety of specific items and categories and receive one thing from the list. But my boyfriend’s mom asked me what I wanted the second year we were dating. I did the same with a variety so she could pick one thing. I was HORRIFIED when I got there and his parents had gotten EVERYTHING on the list. I had more presents than anyone else! Luckily, no one was upset by this, and now I understand them, 6 years later.

        For the OP— I’d assume good intentions and would definitely supplement the one item she asked for. She sounds great to me.

        1. Yes exactly, I’d be hesitant to give someone a list for fear they’d interpret as me asking for all of those things. Family culture varies so widely on this and she didn’t do anything objectively wrong.

    3. Wow do you not like her or something? Assuming positive intent will really help you in many places in life.

      1. +1 this is such an obnoxious attitude about someone who is clearly trying to be kind and nice! And I say that as someone who does not like to receive physical “stuff” as gifts.

    5. I personally would add something nice to the gift (a little gadget? chocolate?) but only if I wanted to express welcome and affection, which is probably how an enthusiastic gift giver would interpret a little extra unasked-for gift. I added an extra item to my in-law’s modest gift request last year because I bought the item for myself and thought she’d like one too, even though we’re not particularly close.
      It was for a much less tactical or conflict-avoidance reason than you’re describing – it was just because I wanted to cause a little delight. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t like her. It sounds like you don’t like this person and I think it’s ok to just do the minimum in that case.

    6. Let her be kind to you. And work on not reading kindness in the worst way you can think of.

  17. I got an electric mattress heater last year and I loved it so much putting it back on when the cold temps came back this winter felt like it deserved a celebration! It’s like crawling into the sheets when they are still /in/ the dryer!

  18. I was at my brother’s house last night and noticed a strange $47 check proudly displayed on center of the refrigerator. It was from “America PAC.” I searched this and apparently this is a check from Elon Musk’s PAC where he sent $47 to every person who signed his MAGA petition before the election. We live in a swing state that lost to Trump. I’m upset and disappointed. First, with my brother signing the petition, but also with proudly displaying a check from Elon Musk on his refrigerator? He’s 35 and married (I love his wife) and I know he’s conservative as we were raised religious, but I didn’t realize he was this conservative. I guess I’m just venting.

    1. I’m sorry. It seems that a feature of our modern era is being disappointed in people we thought we knew.

  19. Question for the hive: how much do you spend per person on gifts for inlaws for example? We have not been able to get away from adult gifts, so i’m buying for 4 parents and 7 adult siblings between my husband and I. I tend to keep presents for siblings around $50? That feels a bit cheap but it also gets expensive really fast. We also have 4 kids, who have around 10 teachers among them, etc. etc. Some of our family members are single and so they like to buy gifts for our kids and exchange gifts among the adults but it ends up being a lot! Would love to eliminate it but I think someone besides the people with four kids needs to be the one to suggest it.

    1. I think you can suggest it. DH and I have the only grandkids on both sides, but both our families only send gifts to the kids and don’t do adult gifts. To me it’s like not gifting up at work. Gifts flow downhill, ie bosses gifting subordinates and adults gifting children.
      But to answer the question, I would have a much lower budget than $50 per person if I had to shop for 11 adults in my family.

    2. I can tell that you’re really feeling the financial pinch, and I think this might be the 2nd time that you’ve posted about this (unless there is another person out there with 4 kids and single siblings, who is trying to deal with the cost/burden of gifts). I see a few options for you:

      Plan for the pain of it. Do a budget for Christmas, and start saving each month, so that when this time hits next year, you’ve planned to spend $$$$$.

      Do nothing, for a few more years, and hope someone else says something.

      Go to one of your siblings and tell them about it, and ask for their help in bringing it up.

      Suggest a change to your family and have your DH suggest it to his. Maybe you draw names among the adults, and give a family gift (not individual gifts) for the kids. Or switch to doing stocking for the kids, rather than big gifts.

      Or, if you have a kind and understanding family (not assuming you do), just tell the truth: Christmas is becoming so expensive and so much work that I don’t think we can keep doing it. But I feel terrible saying something because I know how important it is to all of us. I feel caught between these two things and I don’t know what to do or suggest.

      1. That’s crazy, because I haven’t posted it! I can totally see someone in a similar situation finding themselves overwhelmed right now, so I’m not surprised.

        I love the idea of a secret santa type of gift giving. I’m going to try that. This is not sustainable either dollar or timewise! I accidentally gave pouches one year and makeup bags the next to my sister in laws, and MIL was miffed. Too much stress.

    3. We do Secret Santa for adults, with a specified budget (usually 50-80 USD). This way each adult has one gift to open.

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