ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 391 Comments

Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Bowery Silk Blouse

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

A woman wearing a long sleeve maroon silk top with black trouser pants and black belt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

In addition to having some of the most beautiful workwear I’ve ever seen, The Fold is a company that has been super transparent with upfront tariffs so you’re not left with an unpleasant surprise when your package arrives. (See, e.g., this NYT article (gift link).)

This plum silk blouse would be a perfect pop of color in the midst of all of the black and gray I wear through the winter. You could also do a monochromatic look with some coordinating pants.

The blouse is $395 at The Fold and comes in sizes 0-16. It also comes in oyster, mink, and ivory. 

Sales of note for 1/15:

391 Comments

  1. Someone had posted that on giving Tuesday they donated to a fund that supports additional security at synagogues- can you share the name of the organization as I’d like to donate

    1. Good for you. The terrorist attack against Jews on Bondi Beach over the weekend was horrifying.

    3. Not that person, but I went back to look at the comment, it did not name a specific fund, so I hunted around. The Tepper Foundation provides security, as does the JFNA. There is also https://www.securecommunitynetwork.org/ and https://www.jewishfederations.org/our-work/safe-jewish-communities (this will allow you to link to your own community). I just gave a donation to the SCN because their donate button was front and center and my own sister and brother in law were feeling unsafe this past weekend.

    4. In my city, security is provided to all the synagogues partly through the Jewish federation. I would donate there.

      1. the person who posted around Giving Tuesday said that they work in antisemitism related hate crimes, so I was curious as to what they’d recommend.

        1. That was me, and I donate to the Synagogue Security Council of North America, because they distribute it to places that may have higher needs/fewer resources. I work in law enforcement (not a cop myself) and the needs are just so varied that its best to either A-ask, if you’re familiar with your local synagogue or B- go big tent because they’re the experts in how best to use those donations. I hate that the attack in Bondi happened obviously and hopefully people wont’ forget it in the future, because synagogues constantly have security concerns, not just when the big incidents occur. Also, attacks like Bondi Beach mean that the antisemitism was allowed to fester for a long time, and so the best thing to do is standing up to it each and every time, even when it is uncomfortable.

    5. That was me- I donate to the Synagogue Security Council of North America, but there are other organizations and some city-specific resources.

  2. I don’t get to Europe often, but am planning a trip to Amsterdam and Copenhagen in 2026. Will be with my sister, and we love to shop. What are the cool shops, brands, or items to look for in those cities that either aren’t available in the US, are a better deal there, or are just unique to those cities? Will likely have an afternoon in each city to shop (apart from planned non-shopping activities) and really don’t know where to start. Fellow shoppers, where should we focus?

    1. Denmark: Beck Sondergaard scarves. I have picked some up on eBay but would love to go see in their native environs and their full offerings.

    2. Bylin has a Tulip handbag collection that is unique to The Netherlands. Elvang International in Denmark has some nice wool scarves and shawls.

    6. Georg Jensen silver in Copenhagen. Copenhagen has a “main drag” shopping street. If you’re tall, the clothes there are heaven–for once, everything was cut to fit my long limbs!

    8. In Copenhagen, Jaegersborggade is trendy shopping street full of boutiques and will get you out of the main tourist areas. Pair it with a walk through the beautiful Assistens Cemetery!

    9. Are you into adventurous fashion? If yes, look up coverage of Copenhagen fashion week, and go from there. So many amazing young brands!

    4. Imagine being born into Hollywood royalty, having every opportunity handed to you, and choosing to be a depraved loser. I hope his son rots in prison for the rest of his life.

      1. Mental illness and addiction don’t discriminate in the families it hits. It always hits hard and brutally.

        1. The daughter found them and immediately told police that her brother should be a suspect and was dangerous. He’s probably been an abusive a hole to his family for year.

        3. Seriously. Addiction is a disease. Although addicts are responsible for their actions, you think someone what that much privilege chooses to be a junkie instead??

        4. I also feel anger and frustration about severe mental illness, I won’t deny it, but I will say it’s very true that it hits indiscriminately. Someone in my family had a psychotic break that I never saw coming in 1 million years.

        5. Yeah, I feel like addiction is close to the worst case parenting scenario. I feel so sad for the family. I read they had him in rehab like 15 times. So hard.

      2. “Choosing to be a depraved loser” doesn’t work when it comes to schizophrenia and the addictions that often accompany it. I get the anger and the despair and the sadness. But come on.

        1. He was schizophrenic? It seemed from the stories I read that he first went to rehab at 15 and had had many, many more rehab stints after that.

          1. Yeah I haven’t seen any official source that suggested he had schizophrenia. I’ve seen some vague references to mental illness, but that includes many more commonplace things like depression and anxiety and it seems like addiction was the root of the issues.

          2. I’m sure by now you must be aware that addiction and mental illness are very closely linked – biologically.

      3. Just kidding guys! He sounds like a great guy, actually!
        (Lot of addicts manage not to commit double homicide. He’s probably a lifelong entitled brat.)

        2. Lots of lifelong entitled brats don’t commit double homicide, either.

          Seriously, what is your deal?

          1. He killed 2 people. The kids are devastated. He’s a jerk. That’s my deal. He had every advantage of life and was an abuser.

          2. No one is saying it’s ok. Just because there is a reason for something doesn’t make that thing acceptable. But it’s fine to acknowledge the whole picture.

          3. Holy hell. No one is denying this is awful. He clearly abused people. He was clearly violent. He clearly did something heinous.

            But you can’t really be this simple minded about humans, can you? “He’s a jerk” — I mean, truly, this is one of the most idiotic, flat-thinking comment about something difficult I’ve read on this blog, and that’s saying something.

          4. anon @4:55

            strong disagree. calling a double murderer “a jerk” is far from the worst thing on this blog ever. i would go so far as to say that murder is generally a jerk move.
            (always excepting self defense)

          5. Ernern, the poster didn’t say it was the worst thing, they said it was the most idiotic. And I agree, may as well also say it was “really unkind.” The murders (and all murders) were horrific. There is a history of addiction, and it’s likely the victims would wish for the general public to take a nuanced view of who their son is and what his demons were. No one doubts his life is over and will be spent in prison. Being thoughtful about lots of factors won’t keep him from legal justice.

          6. @ 6:34 – very well: worst, most idiotic. whatever. I heartily disagree with 4:55.
            The murderer is the perpetrator. Assuming he confesses/is guilty, it is sad that he struggled with addiction and mental health. However, I don’t particularly care to be told to care about his feelings. Or any perpetrators feelings. Barring a successful defense (insanity?), a murderer is responsible for his actions.
            To each their own. Of course there is nuance. But the nuance is for the victims of the crime and what they face living with for the rest of their lives – the surviving family members and loved ones.
            I have a schizophrenic family member. He is out there somewhere – we don’t know where. He has threatened to kill members of my family because he thinks they are stalking him. If he follows through on the threat, I will blame him all i want and be right to do so. He made choices to go off his meds, to drink and smoke, to refuse help. he is a walking time bomb – just like a lot of mentally unwell and addicted people are. Not all – but enough that innocent people get hurt and killed.
            Just because someone is ill does not mean they are not responsible for their actions. And saying so is not idiotic.

      4. its an American expectation to do better in life than your parents, for some that is a very high bar. your comment kind of says it all

        1. +1 some of the most f*cked up people I know have really smart, successful and/or wealthy parents. I don’t think this is surprising at all.

          1. Yeah I thought born into status and wealth and given every opportunity was a risk factor for addiction if anything; can’t access to everything pose its own challenges for young people?

          2. The exact opposite is true. Lower socio-economic status and economic distress, both objective and perceived, is strongly correlated with higher rates of addiction. There are literally dozens of studies on this and the results are generally uniform in this conclusion.

            Addiction and mental illness can hit anyone at any level of society but it is not true that people born into status and wealth have higher rates of addiction. We just tend to hear about it more because when they murder their parents it makes the news.

          3. Of course lower socio-economic status and economic distress are bigger risk factors! But access is also a risk factor, and sometimes more money means more access. Ignoring the news entirely, this is the pattern in my bubble among people I know personally. And with resources, lives are harder to blow up at baseline, so I really think we hear about it much less.

      5. And yet, I’m certain that at the time that all of this was happening, his parents were far more scared for their kid than they were for themselves. If you’ve never parented a kid with these kinds of struggles, it’s impossible to understand.

      6. Imagine allegedly being a professional educated woman and making such an ignorant comment about a suspect with a history of mental illness and drug addiction. Do better.

        1. If he killed his wife, nobody would be telling me to do better. But killing parents merits empathy? His sister found her parents and immediately knew who did it. He’s probably been terrorizing his family for years. But you all get bonus points for your complex thinking.

    7. The same thing happened to the opera singer Jubilant Sykes just a couple of days before. Two of these incidents in a row make both more disturbing.

    8. I know nothing about his son, but if you want to go down a rabbit hole some time, research cannabis-induced psychosis. This sounds a lot like it, as did the murder of Jubilant Sykes a week or so ago.

      1. I don’t think people should go to prison for cannabis use like they used to, but I’ve never been convinced that it’s harmless.

  4. I think this is just a vent into the void but I am having such a hard time keeping up with all the ”fun” life things right now and it’s making me feel bad and stressed out and I am letting go of all that I can but it doesn’t feel liberating so much as if I am just conceding. We get together with my in laws for the holidays and I meant to get on the same page about doing some kind of secret Santa/white elephant for the adults instead of a bunch of crap no one wants/needs but didn’t get around to it and now it’s too late because they already have things coming our way. I need to touch up my grays and get a haircut and all the appointments during times I could possibly make are taken. I haven’t done a holiday card and just don’t have it in me to try. I feel stretched so thin even as I feel anything but. Took today off to do some fun holiday shopping and it’s a blizzard. I look at the news and it’s so awful. I know I should feel grateful and I do, I really do, but also it feels likes the world is on fire and it’s overwhelming. I guess I just don’t know how anyone else does it. I’m not depressed, just so tired. My job is busy, I have little control over my schedule at the moment, and I have to be based out of a location that is in the opposite direction of everything else I have to do. This is temporary but just not easy. I need to give myself some grace but on cold bitter days like today it just all feels like too much. Tried to take my kids to a holiday show to feel some “magic” and they just complained about why they had to go. Meanwhile tickets are $150-250+/pp for so-so seats and I don’t know how anyone is expected to go as a regular family of 4. I don’t really have a question, just feel like the GIF of grandpa Simpson shaking his cane at a cloud.

    1. This year, cry and let it all go except your hair – try for any appointment even during work and take that day off just for you. Next year, consider Halloween your starting point. For years now, I’ve used that as my shopping, cards, all the things that take time in December, kick off point. I get a whole month to do that stuff leisurely. I also do the tree and decorate the week before thanksgiving. Lots of people poopoo this whole approach but I get December for entirely fun things. It’s so much less stressful when you spread it out.

      1. Yeah, let it go for this year, but for next year I’d spread it out even further than that.

        Like, you want to do a photo card? Take “find coordinating outfits and photographer in October” off your list and buy a collapsible tripod to take on vacation for photos that are more interesting anyway.

        Haircuts always hard to schedule? Book your next cut & color while you’re at the salon. I know exactly what happens to my hair if I go 10 weeks instead of 8-9 and schedule accordingly.

        Those ticket prices are bananas and your kids don’t want to go anyway? Take the W!

        1. Cosign all of this. Especially +1 to scheduling the next hair appointment before you leave the salon. My stylist is always busy so I actually book the next two in advance. And in October/November I book all the way through the end of the year because I know the holidays get really busy.

          1. I can’t ever predict my schedule that far in advance, so more often than not I have to cancel these, so I stopped. I just find slow times when my schedule opens up and cross my fingers.

          2. I book my hair appointments the way Senior Attorney does and schedule around them as much as possible.

          3. I generally do the same day of the week and the same time, so it’s fairly easy to work around them.

          4. yeah I do the exact same time on Saturdays, mid afternoon, since it still allows for a full morning of getting stuff done, and done early enough for dinner plans. Maybe my life is boring but I have only had to reschedule a handful of times, like getting taken out by a nasty bug, but that would have happened even if I’d only scheduled a week prior.

    2. I feel like the holidays being too much can be a sign that you’re not slacking on anything the rest of the year, so that there’s simply no room for more? With this in mind I’m trying to think in terms of swapping things out, especially where regularly scheduled obligations are on hold because of the holidays.

    3. I’m running on fumes, too. There are a lot of us who are. It’s been a tough year.

    4. It’s been such a bad year and all of us are running on fumes. Give yourself permission to not try to pull off a perfect Christmas and focus on the simple joy of being able to get together with friends and family. If you have the $$, make a larger donation than usual to the needy.

    5. I give you permission to opt out of things that don’t bring you joy.
      We bake a lot, drink a lot of hot cocoa, go on holiday light drives and attend the holiday parties of friends, but otherwise we don’t do that much ~magic~. Kids often like the sample traditions best. I would feel zero guilt reselling tickets for an expensive show my kids weren’t excited about.

      1. In retrospect, I think what my parents did was withhold a lot of things the rest of the year? We ONLY got to eat Captain Crunch for Christmas. The only ham we bought all year was for Christmas (and then we used it to make home made Egg McMuffins). We looked forward to those things all year, but they weren’t really high effort. And the tradition meant that we basically accepted not buying those things all year too.

    6. The amount of ‘woe is me’ holiday posts is getting tiring. Hair stylists are busy through December. We all know this. You can’t expect to book an appointment in mid-December and hope to get optimal time.

      2. Yeah, unfortunately I agree. It seems like a lot of people are forcing themselves to do stuff they don’t want to do and they could just stop but they’re not. I know Family expectations could be a lot but there is also so much you can do to ask for help and get rid of things that are not truly bringing anyone happiness. I’ve never done Elf on a Shelf in my life, but to hear tell, it’s single-handedly responsible for destroying women’s mental health.

        2. True. I was too lazy to do Christmas shopping or even cards for my nieces and nephews (young) so just showed up to the family get together with lots of ten dollar bills. They were pleased.

          2. My go to right now for anyone like 10+ is an oversized something of candy with a $20 bill taped to it. My nieces and nephews are obsessed and ask for it every year now. I’m someone who loves Christmas too so it’s not even a shortcut in my brain – they love it!!

          1. After nine years of parenthood, I caved one year because I was trying to be a fun mom. I have lived to regret that decision!

          3. Is it that hard to move an elf from one corner to another? I’ve literally never seen as many complaints about any other holiday tradition. It’s gotten absurd.

          4. Yes, it is that hard because you don’t just move the elf. The kids learn from their friends at school that the elf is supposed to engage in all sorts of creative capers.

          6. I don’t have kids so I don’t do the elf, but I could see how it’s challenging. Imagine trying to remember taking a new daily supplement, but you can only do it at a time when your kids can’t see, and now you add the expectations of a new witty execution every time (like everyone does on Instagram). That’s probably stressful.

          7. It’s not the physical moving of the Elf but remembering to do it and just having it as one more task on the list. Also glad this was not a thing when my kid was little.

          8. Yeah, I guess I just don’t get it. Calendar/phone reminders take two seconds to set up and you obviously don’t HAVE to do mega-creative Insta-worthy displays. Oh well – I hope it goes well for those of you doing it.

          9. For 12:14, there were a couple of companies that noticed this opportunity in the market and came up with Hanukkah elf alternatives. Be very glad they never caught on.

          10. Yeah Mensch on a Bench! Someone told me a couple years ago I should do that and my response was basically “are you f-ing kidding me? Not having to do that &^* elf is the best part of being Jewish.” lol.
            TBH, I don’t think the majority of our Christmas-celebrating friends do the Elf either, but I definitely feel less guilty about opting out of this tradition because we’re Jewish.

          11. 8 years ago when my first was born, my husband’s aunt gave us a “reindeer in here” stuffy & book. It’s very cute and as parents you do nothing. You are supposed to send him back to the North Pole on Christmas Eve but my kids won’t part with their reindeer, so Santa wrote a note that they took such good care of them they can stay all year. They love them and I am SO relieved I don’t have to spend time thinking of elf ideas (and elf pets, because that is a thing now too).

        4. This might be depressing– but maybe this will be helpful to someone! Last Easter I was down BAD. I had just been in a horrific car accident and was recovering from surgery. Due to this, my family literally could not do any of the usual “fun” stuff I put so much pressure on– we didn’t attend any Easter egg hunts, I couldn’t make the usual traditional fabulous brunch, I didn’t shop for Easter outfits for everyone, etc.. I really put myself through some serious guilt. But…honestly, my kids were 100% fine. We went to one extended family get together to celebrate and it might have actually been the best one yet. Now that I am healed up and can participate in things again, I remind myself that my family doesn’t need all the fancy stuff to have a really great holiday. I really scaled back for Christmas this year to just a few things that I personally enjoy/or that the kids want do. I also try not to look on social media too much. Whenever I do, I swear everyone is having more fun than me, haha…! I know it’s not true, but it makes me feel added pressure to do all the crafts, go to every light show in town or buy the dang elf (BTW, I refuse lol).

          You have my full permission to scale it back to just the bare minimum!

      3. If we can’t vent here to other women in anonymous setting without being told we are wrong, where can we go? Wow. Have some compassion. The holidays are hard. She wasn’t blaming her stylist.

        1. Haha, right. Just because you know WHY something can’t happen doesn’t make it less annoying.

    7. From Instagram: If every December crushes you, stop forcing the cheer. Go into the dark. Learn about Krampus, the Wild Hunt, the old Yule. This season is ancient, hushed, and full of monsters. That’s the point.

      Anyway, it got me into a few wikipedia rabbit holes that I enjoyed greatly.

    8. I’m right there with you. The holidays are too much this year. Husband and I are doing a get-away for a few days to include Christmas. We told everyone to not give us any gifts which was a relief to our adult sons (we don’t need anything and don’t want more junk). Also no crazy decorating, no forced attendance at parties and dinners that we don’t really want to go to, no holiday cooking. It so liberating! I am enjoying the Christmas season more this year than I have in a long time. You have my permission to take all or some of these actions yourself and relax.

      1. I love this. My husband and I put up a tree, and that’s it. Unfortunately, he loves gift giving and receiving, so we can’t opt out entirely, but we don’t participate in holiday parties that aren’t a part of our job descriptions.

        1. My husband will never ever agree to no gifts. It is hard to get him even to do one gift a person. On the plus side, he doesn’t dump it all on me like some men.

    9. I’m sorry OP. like the other poster said, I give you permission to opt out of things that don’t bring you joy. And for the things you absolutely have to do—do the minimum.

      Also, consider a trip next year. Sometimes, it’s nice to get away.

        1. Pennsylvania got more snow than usual, so if you’re east coast, it’s more plausible than is standard this time of year!

      2. +1 to travel. We’ve enjoyed both leaning into the Christmas spirit (NYC, European Christmas markets) and going somewhere where the holiday isn’t really a big thing (Caribbean beach resorts, many parts of Asia).

    10. I’m having a better-than-usual holiday season but I’ve definitely had holidays that felt like this and I’m so sorry. One thing I try to do is remember that if I was a guy with a full-time job and kids instead of a woman with a full-time job with kids, I’d probably make national news as all-time Father of the Year. When I judge myself as a typical man instead of a typical woman, I’m practically the best parent that ever lived.

    11. Skip the hair appointment. Your grays are fine and trying to schedule this in isn’t working.
      Skip the holiday show. Your kids would be happier watching a movie at home and eating popcorn.
      Skip the shopping. It’s fine to not have perfect gifts, especially since you’re in a literal blizzard.
      Do a donation to a charity you like instead of the gift exchange you’re dreading.
      Skip the holiday card. Do it in January if you really feel it’s necessary.

      1. I now do a “Happy New Year” card and send it any time within a month or so of the holidays. I only send it to close family and people who sent me cards (!). You just take a favorite family photo from the year if you want to do a photo card. Or just handwrite a message in a paper card.

        1. I often send cards out late, and if anyone complains to me, they don’t get a card again.

    12. Those root powders and sprays are fine for when I can’t get to the salon. Not perfect, but fine!

      1. I think it’s fine to go all in holiday season as much as give yourself permission to stop. But if you are at a point of breaking then some type of reassessment is needed. There
        Is no need to bow to pressure of perfect holidays because they never are.

  5. What are your best tips for spending less time on chores but still keeping a relatively clean house? Not looking for perfection on cleanliness but want a good baseline level of clean. The tips that I’ve tried and that work well for me so far are touch things (mail, dirty cups) once, don’t wear shoes inside, and use the small windows of time that present throughout the day to do something quick like wipe a counter or pick something up off the floor. I also find a cordless vacuum a must. Any other good ideas for me? Family of three plus cat.

    1. Not a quick one, but sets a better baseline for daily maintenance: take time to make your home storage work for you and your things. Install shelves where they are needed, put up hooks where things need to hang, arrange cabinets so you don’t have to handle rarely used items to access things that see more frequent use, etc. If there are pain points, analyze what will ease them and implement that.

      Quicker thing that helps me: do a quick scan for miscellaneous clutter as you leave a room. Tidy up what stays in that room, and if you spot items that belong in a different room take them with you and put them away. I do this as part of my pre-bedtime routine. It takes about 10 minutes to hit all of our main rooms and makes mornings a little more pleasant. It also makes actual cleaning easier because we aren’t tripping over stuff in the way.

        1. My boss tried to instill this one in me at a previous job, and it drove me nuts. I don’t know where anything “goes” until I touch it multiple times. I think it’s personality dependent.

          1. I think the point is that like as soon as you are finished with your cup, instead of putting it down on the counter, just put it in the dishwasher or in the sink. You don’t have to touch a cup multiple times to know where it goes when it is dirty.

          2. I think that is true for something like a dirty cup but gets harder for incoming things, like mail, bills, emails, which can be harder to deal with. I think it’s good advice overall but it only works well when you already know where the thing goes and there’s no real barrier to getting it there, so you don’t create piles of stuff that you then have to clean up or organize.

          3. This “touch once” instruction is for things that have a clear, quick path to completion. Things like a pile of junk mail that doesn’t need to be opened and handled, put it straight through the shredder. Or hang your coat up in the closet when you take it off, rather than tossing it on a chair for later. Put the dirty dish straight into the dishwasher instead of setting it in the sink for later. Smaller tasks like that where completing them in the moment doesn’t really take any more time than doing them halfway.

            This isn’t for larger projects that need thoughtful consideration.

    2. Robot vacuum daily, actual vacuum weekly.

      Do only one of these three tasks at a time: removing trash/things that don’t belong in a space; cleaning the space; organizing the space. Be clear about which one you’re doing, and stay focused on only doing that one. (I find it helpful to cycle through them in that order, and I set a timer for each 1/3 of the work because otherwise, one will take the whole time).

    3. Is your main issue tidying or cleaning? Because a biweekly cleaner has solved the cleaning problem for us.

      For tidying, the advice above is great. Like, the reason we don’t have a pile of shoes by the door is that we installed Ikea shoe cabinets to keep our most frequent ‘outdoor shoes’ right there, rather than pretending like we’re going to walk them back to our bedroom closets every day. And the reason our kitchen scissors stopped migrating around is because I finally bought a box cutter that lives in a drawer where I typically open deliveries, lol.

    4. A weekly housecleaner to do all your cleaning, change sheets and fold laundry. Otherwise, make your bed and put things away.

    5. Don’t put stuff down, put stuff away. It’s a cliche but it works: a place for everything and everything in its place.

    6. I build in small habits into my daily routine. I make the bed first thing in the morning. I keep a washcloth on the bathroom counter and wipe off any water after using the sink. I use a squeegee on the shower door after showering.

      The litter boxes are in the laundry room and I’ll sweep the floor after scooping the boxes. (I found litter mats don’t work for me)

      After dinner, all the dishes are done and the counters are wiped clean. It’s just two adults and cats so there aren’t little kids to pick up after, which makes things easier.

    7. De-clutter is the best advice. The things you own confer an obligation on you to care for them, and that can be draining, even if you actively ignore that obligation.

      I have a set menu of what we usually eat, so I do vegetable chopping all at once (instead of per meal) because that limits the number of times I need to clean up vegetable seeds/leavings from my counter and make sure dinner meals are more of an assembly job instead of a prep from scratch job.

      I have a small apartment unit washer and dryer, so I do a load of laundry per day–starting one as soon as I get home, sheets on weekend mornings so the bed gets made in a timely fashion, but otherwise just a small load a day that mostly washes while I do other things and it gets done. Sometimes I’ll fold, sometimes we just live from the clean laundry–they tend to be undergarments that can get wrinkled without consequence.

    8. Garbage can in multiple rooms, not just kitchen/bathroom. I don’t let myself have dishes in the sink overnight and that kind of “forces” additional cleaning.

    9. What part of keeping a baseline level of clean are you trying to solve for — are there piles of stuff around, clothes not hung up? That would point to decluttering, making more space in cabinets / drawers so it’s easy to put things away, and getting some habits for regularly putting things where they should be (or dealing with paper).

      Is it that the place is dusty or needs to be vacuumed / cleaned? That would point to figuring out when / how to break down the actual cleaning tasks.

      1. Responding to some of the other comments too, we’re lacking in the storage we need – it’s a small apartment and it’s laid out in such a way that logical solutions are impossible. We’ve gotten creative over the years but clutter still builds on the kitchen table in particular. We also have creative baby proofing solutions that have blocked off some options. Dust is also a perpetual issue but I’ve sort of made my peace with it. I can’t dust daily or I’ll lose my mind.

        1. Regarding the kitchen table, is the clutter stuff that doesn’t have a home, meaning, you want to put it away but you don’t know where? Or is it that you guys simply haven’t developed the habits of putting stuff away?

          If it’s the “no home,” then that points to decluttering even more (I know, it’s painful. But owning more items than you have space for is always going to lead to clutter).

          If it’s no habits, then work on the kitchen table specifically, clearing it off at least once a day.

        2. I’m a clean freak, but if you have this much dust, you might want to think about source control instead of needing to dust so often. I only dust every two weeks, except near the cat litter, so I’d actually be a little worried about your air quality if your house has visible dust every day. Maybe try better filters in your hvac or an air purifier? Or do you need a better vacuum?

          1. I have a Dyson Air purifier. No idea if it works or I just pretend it does, but I use it daily.

          2. I had an apartment that just seemed to exude dust. An air purifier and getting rid of down comforters and pillows will help some, but ultimately older buildings are just horrible dust and grime factories.

          3. This can 100% be an HVAC issue; if they’re basically degrading they generate their own dust.

          4. If the carpet and/or the pad are beyond their functional lifespan, the dust will be ongoing.

            Our last apartment needed new carpet so badly that vacuuming to keep it under control killed two vacuum cleaners during the 12 months we were in that place. The deteriorating padding produced so much dust that everything had a film within hours of dusting, in spite of us having the carpets cleaned when we moved in.

        3. As someone living in a home with very little storage space I know what you are talking about. Can you put rarely-used things like holiday decorations, memorabilia, and camping equipment in a storage unit to free up more storage space for daily use? Also mercilessly edit your wardrobe and kitchen items. Every pot, pan, small appliance, and spatula in my house has to earn its spot in the cabinet.

      1. +1. This plus live in less space. If you’re frequently buying storage “solutions”, you’re never actually going to solve the problem.

    11. With the caveat that I live alone, no pets, and don’t have super high standards. I am also in the office 5 days a week and spend a decent amount of time out of my apartment for hobbies and socializing. Usually I’m only “in” 1-2 nights a week, but I do host decently often.

      The biggest thing is taking 5 mins each evening to put things away. I have ADHD and struggle with containing the chaos.

      I only really cook 1-2 nights a week – otherwise I’m eating leftovers or assembling pre-made things into a salad, sammie, or bowl. On nights I really cook I clean the kitchen (wipe down counters, stove, sink), but otherwise I don’t. I run the dishwasher every 2-3 days at night and unload it while I make coffee the next morning.

      I vacuum , sweep, mop, or dust as needed, about every 2-3 weeks. I’m not super thorough – just get out the stick vacuum or swiffer and do it.

      I do clean my bathroom each week – I keep a dish scrubber with soap reservoir in the shower – I saw this on TikTok. It’s filled with half Dawn and half white vinegar and on Sundays I scrub it while I’m in the shower. I clean the toilet and wipe down counter, sink, and mirror.

      Laundry management is my Achilles heel because I have to many clothes and not enough storage so I hate putting clothes away. I do change my sheets and other linens out weekly.

      I used to do floors and dusting weekly, but it doesnt really need it so now I do it less often. If clutter and laundry is managed, I can clean the apartment in < 30 mins.

    12. I see a lot of people advocating for making your bed, and this reminds me of my favorite – figure out what’s important to you to feel like your house is clean. I like clear counters but don’t care if there’s dishes in the sink overnight. Crumbs on the floor bother me but dust on the shelves doesn’t. I genuinely prefer leaving my bed unmade because I feel like it can air out a little.
      But yeah, one touch for the win. If you can’t do one touch, leave it somewhere so you can easily put it away on the way somewhere else. (Many things end up sitting on the table next to the stairs for the next time I go upstairs.) I love my robot mop/vacuum but only because I have a toddler, I don’t think it’s worth it for a household of generally tidy adults. An air purifier run regularly cuts down on dust a lot.

      1. Also team leave the bed unmade–it helps kill mites. I also open the blinds during the day to help this effort.

        1. I also like to air out the bed during the day, so I leave it folded open/down. My air cleaner always kicks in when we get out of bed, so leaving it open to air seems smart!

    13. There are lots of tips and tricks but… biggest difference was having our cleaning services come every week instead of every other week.

      1. I agree with don’t put it down, put it away. Reducing clutter always makes me feel cleaner.
        We started the “two song tidy” when my daughter was about 4. Everyone tidies every evening M-Th, for two songs. Then, it’s not just my job to deal with stuff alone/harp at my family to help me and it’s not long enough to feel like a chore. in that time, you can dust or vacuum a room, wipe down the sink and mirrors in the bathroom, throw in a load of laundry, clean up the kitchen. It really just helps shave the edge off of mess.

  6. I am hiring a new associate attorney this fall – she clerked with our firm two summers, my area has a need, she wants to work in my practice area. I was always thrown in the deep end, but I’d really like to try to have a structured training. I do primarily transactional work, I can’t exactly predict when things will repeat, but I know they will eventually. Any tips for figuring out a training plan for a first year attorney?

    1. Training without a real issue to grapple with is hard. What worked great for me was learning from context. Like
      -encouraging your current associates to mentor – a lot of times juniors know they don’t know anything, but are worried about asking ‘dumb’ questions of partners
      -letting them listen to calls even when they won’t have a speaking role (and get billable credit for it, even if you write off the time later)
      -taking time before / after meetings, or showing them complete drafts, to explain the context for what you’re trying to achieve, in particular how the business drivers of the deal influence your strategy
      -for typical junior associate tasks like checking cross-references, encourage them to flag things they notice – like if a broken reference leads them to wonder if two sections actually work together or not, talk it through

    2. I know we love to rag on AI here, but this strikes me as one where a really good prompt in ChatGPT or CoPilot or Gemini could develop a solid starting point for you, to be tailored as you see fit. I am so much better and reacting/responding to a first draft of something even if its bad, then staring at the proverbial blank piece of paper.

    3. For transactional I break training into three buckets:

      – substantive knowledge and how that translates into the deal documents for your practice area (M&A – APA, Merger Agreement, etc.). This includes where to find precedents, what to look out for when drafting.
      – deal mechanics – how does a deal work from start to finish. Which side does what, when? what is the junior’s role in moving the deal along?
      – ancillary areas that are must-master. This includes basic contract drafting, securities law, how to work with paralegals, how to file things with the SoS, etc.

      I would not build all of this from scratch. I would look at purchasing Hotshot trainings (they are quite good and your trainee may have access to them now as a law student for free, so ask NOW) or certain ABA Business Law section trainings. You can also learn some of this on contract nerds’ website.

  7. What percent done are you with gift shopping? I think I’m done, but now second guessing whether to get something for husband’s grandma last minute!

    1. I’m usually finished by Thanksgiving, but I also don’t buy based off of christmas lists, so am not waiting on someone to tell me what they want.

    2. I think 30%. It is distressing. I thought I was on track but spent last night scrolling, only to realize I had forgotten a major person and really didn’t know what people wanted. Should be able to knock a lot out today after research and messaging but, geez, this is a lot. And I feel like I am overspending at a time when I really shouldn’t be, but that is easier than penny pinching.

    3. I’m done, but probably can’t claim too much credit for having finished the singular present for my husband!

    4. I was done awhile ago, but I don’t have to buy for very many people. I always start early to spread out the cost.

    6. I am done as of yesterday. I have 9 adults, 3 teens and 2 kids to shop for (this includes ILs, niblings, etc). I started shopping in spring, making lists, finding sales, buying and storing gifts all year. I guess this makes me type A, a nut, whatever you want to call it, but I don’t know how else you could do it if you have this many people to shop for.

      1. It’s hard! I try to start early, and it didn’t happen this year for a variety of reasons. We also have a barrage of November and December birthdays in my family, so it feels like nonstop buying to cover all the occasions.

    7. I’d say 80%. Still need to pick up gifts for my dad, one bonus item for my mom’s gift, and stuff for my coworkers.

    8. 100% but we do Hanukkah, which has already started, and I only have to shop for my 7 year old who is very easy to shop for.

    9. I’ve been asking my nephews what they want for several weeks and haven’t heard anything back (ages 8 to 14). It’s getting to last delivery dates for shopping online and I’m not braving the city centre the weekend before Christmas to shop in person so if they don’t ask for something in the next day or two it’s going to be cash for all three, and then I’m 100% done.

    10. Like 99%. I have to go to the bank to get cash for housekeepers, nanny, and admin. It should be the easiest item on my list but it always feels hardest!

    11. I’m about 60% done and stressed about it. I had a really busy November, so I didn’t get started until after Thanksgiving and it already feels too late. Oof.

    12. I have not purchased the yoga punch pass for my sister because it’s an electronic one that comes in an email, I’m gonna finalize the details (email, name, etc.) she wants on the pass with her on Christmas and so the final purchase then. Everything else is here, just not wrapped yet.

    13. I just counted — I am 86.2% done. But the remaining gifts are the ones that I’m stuck on because I have no idea what to get them…

    14. We decided not to do gifts this year. This used to be default for me and my husband but we have exchanged gifts in recent years. I have never got gifts for others, except occasionally my dad when something fits. We don’t have kids though, so that makes it easier.

  8. I’ve recently started working out regularly after a significant weight loss. I’m struggling with my hips (I think?). Two things that plague me no matter what kind of class I’m taking (mostly working out at a studio with a range of classes – strength circuits, barre, Pilates, yoga, TRX, etc).

    First, picture yourself on your back and you’re asked to hug your knees to your chest. I cannot do this. My knees kind of butterfly out? They do no, cannot come in straight to my chest at all. Similarly, if I’m seated and asked to do a butterfly, with my feet pressed together in front of me I can barely bring my feet in to me. What do I need to strengthen or stretch to do those moves? It feels like it’s hip maybe? But I have no idea.

    Second, my tailbone!! Oh my word, my tailbone. Sit ups hurt. Then, in Pilates yesterday they were doing these V-sit holds and I could not do it without pretty serious pain. Is this just how I’m built and my bones hate this? OR is this more strengthening and flexibility somewhere that needs to happen??

    And, should anyone tell me internet crowdsourcing isn’t’ the answer, who can help me figure this out? Can PT figure this out for me? I’ve had IT band issues over the years but not for a good while now, fwiw. I think I’ve always had tight hamstrings, too, which is probably relevant.

    About me – 40 YO, always athletic despite being perpetually overweight (PCOS…), but just lost 80+ and counting over two years. Probably another 10 to go. Having so much fun at the gym, working on muscle definition/strength building… and these two things just totally perplex me!! TIA.

    1. Can you get a PT analysis? This sounds like an anatomy/musculature issue rather than something you can stretch out. For example, I have really short hamstrings, my body is just built that way, and it affects how I can straighten my legs and walk. I can’t stretch them any longer. But that was caught early when I was a kid and a dancer. I would def see if you can get evaluated just to learn to work within your body! Congrats on the loss too!

    2. I would try PT. They will have a good understanding of anatomy and a program to increase flexibility in the right places (if that’s the issue).

    3. You need to see a physical medicine & rehab doctor (aka a physiatrist) to get a diagnosis and treatment plan, which could include PT. Definitely worth investigating before you decide this is just how you are built!

    4. The tailbone issue sounds like me. I fell and probably cracked my tailbone 25 years ago. Since then, I cannot do anything that requires me to roll onto or off of that area, such as full sit ups, v-ups, etc. So I don’t.

      I absolutely would recommend seeing a PT to help you figure out where to go next and help you create a plan for the flexibility and strength issues. I have very little faith in trainers, especially for people who are just starting out or getting back into fitness after major breaks or body/age changes. Consider paying out of pocket for a PT who will spend an hour one-on-one with you rather than a PT place where the PT is trying to run 2-3 patients at a time.

    5. World’s Greatest Stretch and 90/90 hip stretch are a start. And if you search hip opening exercises, you SM will soon be flooded with suggestions.

    6. See a sports medicine doctor. They may very well suggest PT, but see them first so they can diagnose any issues and provide targeted guidance to help tailor any PT.

      My anecdote: I thought I simply needed to continue strengthening my core in order to address my chronic back pain. However, in spite of diligent workouts, the pain was not improving. Upon consulting with a sports med doc who works out of the same office as my PCP, I learned two of my vertebrae were rotated oddly. While I did need more core strength, first I needed specific PT to get those bones in the right position. The PT needed that detail in order to start me with the correct exercises to address the underlying issue.

      1. I’ve had issues like this before too. I don’t know what the correct word for it is (“out of alignment” sounds like chiro speak to me), but addressing it makes the difference between benefiting from PT or not for me.

        1. I have no idea if there is a name for it, but I am so glad that I found out what was going on because it meant it was addressable and not a moral failing on my part for not working out hard enough.

    7. The hip and hamstring tightness likely tie into your historic ITB issues, or vice versa. I would go see a PT before you end up with another injury, and one swerve option if that doesn’t help–get a consult for pelvic floor therapy. A friend was prescribed pelvic floor PT for an “unrelated” issue, and swears it fixed a chronic, years-long cycle of hip injuries.

    8. All of these things you describe- hip immobility, IT pain, tight hamstrings, lower back pain- all sound like hip/glute weakness. I agree with others on a PT but I would specifically look for a pelvic floor PT. Yes, they are usually used postpartum but they specialize in this area and will be able to get right to the issue with more nuance than “do 10 clamshells on each side.”

    9. Since you’re having pain in the tailbone area, I suggest you see an orthopedic MD who specializes in the spine. I had issues similar to yours and thought the problem was my hip. The problem was actually my spine. A few MRIs and lots of PT later, the pain is gone. Sending hugs to you!

    10. I’d say I’m pretty much done. Maybe 90%. I still need to figure out something to send to my daughter to open (the main gift will be money), and I might need a hostess gift or two, but I think I have everything for my husband, who at this point is the only one I’m buying for.

    11. I can guarantee from here you have tight IT bands. try cross legged toe touches + hip mobility exercises.

    12. For 1 – I can’t hug my knees to my chest because my boobs and belly are in the way. And I think my femurs might be short? That’s not necessarily a flexibility thing. But I can sit in butterfly just fine, that’s a hamstring, hip flexor, and inner thigh stretch. Just keep working on it and it’ll come in time. Can you do pigeon? There are a ton of modifications for pigeon because everyone hates that pose.

      For 2 – you’re sitting on the wrong spot. I did this for years until a yoga instructor who is also a PT told me to just move my butt fat out of the way (she put it more nicely than that but I don’t know how else to describe it when you can’t see me doing it!). You have to kind of lift your fleshy bits with your hands so your sit bones are in close contact with the floor. Otherwise your butt is pushing you to your tailbone, which is painful and also not correct.

    13. I also have weak hip flexors because I sit too long. You can find videos for strengthening your hip flexors online that are pretty easy to do at home. Glute bridges and lunges are a pretty common solution. You may also need a massager (or see a massage therapist who knows sports massage) to work out pain points in your muscles.

  9. I’m stuck on what to get my team for holiday gifts. Public sector, so this is a personal gift. In the past, I’ve done coffee gifts, as everyone is a coffee drinker. This year, I really don’t know. Thinking about doing a gift card to Amazon or Target and calling it a day. Alcohol would be more appropriate for the dumpster fire that is 2025, but I don’t think everyone has the same tastes …

    1. Usually, public sector has a dollar limit. What’s your max and is that what you plan to spend?

    3. I struggle with this every year too. I just went with Target gift cards this year. Personally, I’m boycotting Target but I wasn’t able to come up with another retailer that would have merchandise for the different members of my department and I don’t have the mental bandwidth to personalize giftcards for each member of my team.

      I think alcohol is a really tricky gift and I’d avoid it. I don’t drink and wouldn’t appreciate being gifted alcohol.

    4. I am a huge fan of Williams Sonoma peppermint bark. They have it in pretzels too, plus they have a pizza kit if you don’t want sweets. Luxe but not hugely expensive.

      1. I was about to post this! If it was well received last year, just rinse and repeat! Since this is work, I don’t think there is the same obligation to be thoughtful or to make it special. It’s just a gesture of appreciation. If you were in the position to pay bonuses, you wouldn’t think twice about repeating bonuses next year!

          1. I would love repeating a gift like this rather than variety for the sake of variety! More coffee! Just not more coffee stuff, like another poster mentioned. Consumables only.

        2. Agree. I think there is a certain joy in knowing you’re getting the same welcome gift from the same person every year. It becomes a tradition, a ritual, whatever, and it is extra-special because you can count on it.

      2. Yes! If you feel the need to change it up, give them different coffee (beans vs gift cards, gift cards to a different location).

        1. I’ve typically done a big bag of coffee from a trusted local place, plus treats. I just need to stick with what I know, lol!

    6. I love getting gift cards. I use them to treat myself to something I normally wouldn’t buy.

      1. Same. Love getting gift cards for this reason. And Target has a variety of items for different tastes. Alternatively, it’s easily re-giftable.

        Also, doing last year’s gift again if it was a hit is absolutely great too. As a coffee drinker, I’d be happy getting more coffee. But not more coffee-stuff like cups.

      2. Same. I’m a coffee drinker but only drink iced coffee and make my coffee at home with refrigerated cold brew concentrate so beans or ground coffee would be wasted on me. I think you can’t go wrong with a gift card since everyone can pick out exactly what they want.

      3. Same. I would do either a Target/Amazon gift card or a gift card to a coffee place close to the office.

    7. I give my team a bottle of champagne each year. I usually do veuve, as it’s about $50 and feels luxe, along with a nice handwritten card. My old mentor used to do the same, and sometimes we drank it, but more often I regifted it, and I appreciated having it available at my house, it often saved me in a pinch!

    8. Assuming it’s a small amount on a gift card for each person, I wouldn’t do Amazon. If they don’t have prime, they have to spend over $35 to get free shipping. A $10 gift card would almost all just go towards shipping.

      A Target gift card wouldn’t have that issue. Or is there a coffee or lunch spot by your office that people go to? That would be perfect for a gift card

        1. I think “a lot” is a stretch. I have a very left-leaning circle of friends and family and I know exactly one family that boycotts Target and they’re excessively performative about their SJW beliefs. I would have no hesitation about giving Target gift cards. I think A-zon would get more sideye, but is still fine if that’s what best/most convenient for the giver.

          1. Yeah some of the most leftist and soapboxy leftists I know just fall back on how there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism and keep giving money to people they think are literal super villains. It’s silly but normal.

        2. The only person I know who doesn’t shop at Target also doesn’t shop at Amazon. I find it hard to believe there are many people who are boycotting Target, but who are a-ok with Amazon. Where as I know a lot of people who don’t shop on Amazon (either because of ethical concerns about the company or because they’ve had bad experience getting knocked off products).

          1. Same. I’d say 50% of the people I know don’t like Amazon and maybe 10% don’t like Target. The 10% is a subset of the 50%. I cannot imagine anyone who is anti-Target being happy about receiving an Amazon gift card.

          2. My issue with Target is the lie. Walmart and Amazon have always been evil corporations and I still shop for convenience. Target used to be so wonderful but is has steadily gone down the tubes with crappy cheap clothes and no cashiers. The DEI about-face was just the last straw for me.

        3. The people I know who are “boycotting” Target are those who had no reason to shop there in the first place. Early 30s with fully stocked homes and no kids. I didn’t step foot in a Target for a good five years before I had kids because I didn’t have any need for it.

        4. yeah, I limit purchases from Amazon and Target but still occasionally convenience wins, and I am not a perfect enough or radical enough person. So I would put that gift card to use for sure.

    9. If you know they all drink coffee and liked that in the past, I’d probably stick with it. Personally, I’m not a coffee (or much of an alcohol) drinker and would prefer a gift card, but coffee is safer than alcohol, given that only about half of people drink and at least some of them don’t feel comfortable having alcohol in the house, for a variety of reasons.

    10. My agency has a $10 limit for gifting amongst team members. All I’d want with that is a $10 gift card to the Wawa next door

    11. You can buy any variety of the dumpster fire stress toys or office tchotchkes. Not that this is what I did this year.

      1. My husband’s co-worker crocheted everyone a dumpster fire and it is hilarious.

    12. Public sector too, and one year I had a supervisor give us small first aid kits. Handy, inexpensive, and super useful.

    13. A long time ago, a supervisor gave each of us a pocket-sized fruit knife in a plastic case. We all loved them, and mine still sits in my desk drawer.

  10. Any stocking stuffer suggestions for a college student who is rather anti-consumerist? I am giving cash but would like to include some things that can be opened. I already have his favorite candy and junk food as well as a few of his preferred personal care items, but it kind of seems like a bag of groceries rather than fun gifts.

    1. Start to prep for kid’s own apartment? My senior year in college, my stocking was full of nice tongs, spatulas, spoons, whisk, etc. and I am still using some of them like 20 years later.

      1. oh and that year was also the year my mom copied down all my fave childhood recipes and made a binder of them. Amazing.

      2. My mom also bought us 1-2 pieces of professional clothing each Christmas we were in college so we’d have a start on a wardrobe before we graduated.

    2. Book and book light? Socks, chapstick, new watch band, keychain, wallet, something like that?

    3. Would something like an online subscription to NYT or Mother Jones or a gift card for apps or something similar do the trick?

      2. I’m not sure there is much overlap between people who respect and appreciate NYT journalism and people who are anti-consumerist! But supporting writers and zines is definitely a young people thing right now in the AI slop era, so it’s a good idea generally.

    4. I think all of that is respectful of his choices. Wool or sport socks? An extra chap stick, an orange, a beanie, gloves, stickers if he has a water bottle.

    6. If he’s rather anti-consumerist, he likely doesn’t WANT a bunch of “fun gifts.” So I think you’re good to go! You’ve thought about him, taken his wants into account, and given according to them— I think you did a great job. It doesn’t scratch your gift-giving impulses, but it fits with what he wants, and that’s what gift-giving is about.

      1. +1

        I have received many unwanted “fun” presents that do nothing for me other than make me feel guilty for throwing them away. But my mother in law just loves to give “fun” presents instead of what I ask for.

        1. If he lives in a dorm and/or has to fly back to school, it’s especially important to respect his wish to minimize the amount of “stuff” he has to deal with. This year my college kid is only getting specific things she has either asked for or approved because she just doesn’t have space in her room or her checked bag for anything extra.

      2. +2. If you want to make it more festive, buy “fun” or fancy versions of the useful things, like weird flavors of nuts or patterned socks or the expensive wool socks he won’t buy himself. You can also wrap each stocking stuffer.

    7. I gave my YA kids Souper Cubes one year, with a promise to fill them up once. They’ve mentioned multiple times how much they love and use them. So that’s my vote: Souper Cubes. Another suggestion is fancy condiments or good ingredients if he’s a baker, like the fancy vanilla, good mustard, etc. Beautiful Briny Sea makes amazing salt blends that I’ve given many times. My favorite are Hot Steve, which is good on everything, and Friends Forever, which I put on popcorn. It’s getting close, but they ship really fast. I usually get mine next-day, but I am in Georgia, where BBS is.

    8. I saw an Instagram post that gave a formula for stockings — one or two each from the following categories: (a) personal care, (b) snacks/treats, (c) something for their hobby/interests, (d) something sentimental. You already have the first two covered so maybe lean into the second two.

    9. My family and I always do cold medicine. I really appreciate not having to go to the pharmacy counter for a decongestant when I’m sick!

    11. Power bank
      Multi-prong charging cords
      Plug in flashlight
      Souper cubes
      Good socks (in my family that is Bombas)
      Microwavable hand warmers if you live someplace cold

  11. My husbands wants a dream journal for Christmas. I think the best think would probably be just a blank journal. Recs for minimalist but high quality places to look at ?

    1. Go down an etsy rabbit hole for cool journal options. Etsy is always slow so no hope you’ll get it before Christmas, if timing matters. Is there a stationery store near you? Otherwise, Barnes and Noble sometimes has options.

    2. Your local independent bookstore would be a great place to find something like this. Mine carries blank options, some with prompts for various purposes, lined or dotted, and lots of different cover styles.

    4. Gallery Leather in Maine has beautiful lined leather journals. I have been buying them for years and they hold up beautifully. Right now, they are on sale in their online store’s clearance section. You can also get them embossed with initials or a short phrase.

  12. Many times, when getting up in the morning, I feel something under the ball of my foot (outer toes, not big toe area) feel like something has slipped out of the socket or otherwise is incredibly painful when I am walking on my foot and the pressure rolls up from the heel towards the toes. Then, maybe an hour later, my foot acts like it has settled into being walked on. It’s duplicatable, but not in a doctor’s office; only if they were to wake up in my house to observe how it acts then. I can run on it in sneakers no problem. I am not sure what is going on and is this for a regular GP doctor or a foot doctor? I’ve usually only worn sensible shoes. I own 3″ skinny heels but only wear once and a while on sitting-at-a-desk days (and not recently).

    1. I have grown to know and love my podiatrist, which is where I would start with this issue. I go to one who is part of a large orthopedic practice, so he can refer me internally as needed.

    3. I have this with my big toe – I assume the ligament is loose and it’s dislocating (incredibly painful) and I’ve seen a podiatrist who found nothing wrong. Unless they had a same day (same hour) appointment, it’s pointless to try again. The only good news is it might have loosened up even more, and it’s getting to the point where I can pop it back in more easily. This dislocation doesn’t happen when I’m wearing shoes, but sometimes it even happens just lying in bed at night – I try to always wear shoes and treat my big toe carefully; sometimes I’ll tape it to the next toe for stability if I’m traveling, but it doesn’t always help. Very frustrating to have an issue that podiatrists admit they can’t diagnose!

  13. PSA for anyone out there who misses dancing in clubs but not the staying out late and drinking- I did a “BodyAttack” class at Gold’s gym this weekend and it was insanely dancy and fun and a great workout. Also a monthly membership is like the same cost as one class at an expensive studio. I also liked that it was people of all ages, sizes, and abilitities.

    1. This is kind of why I like Las Vegas — I can dance like no one’s watching because no one I know is watching.

  14. I’m looking for gift ideas for my 19 year old niece who goes to college in DC. She likes clothes. Budget around $100. Does anyone have any ideas? Previous items that were a hit – an Aritzia sweatshirt, Adidas Gazelles, Lululemon everything. She is upper middle class but her friends are well off so she’s exposed to all of the trendy fashion.

    1. I’d probably do another Lulu item. I feel like that’s a can’t-miss thing for that age group.

      1. Bonus points if her college has a Lulu collab and you get one of those items.

      1. This is the way. This season I have seen these specific Ugg styles on all kinds of college kids everywhere, from wealthy status-obsessed kids at a non-selective private university in the South known mostly for dorm decor, to crunchy nerdy artsy kids at a selective SLAC in the frozen north. The regular sole seems to be making headway against the previously ubiquitous platform.

  16. For Christmas I’ve been tasked with bringing a salad, my least favorite thing to prepare. Any suggestions for interesting salads that 1. Can be served with no cheese or cheese on the side, and 2. Don’t contain cruciferous vegetables (kale, brussels sprouts, cabbage)?

    Ideally I’d like to make it a substantial salad, not just greens and dressing.

      1. Or fennel, orange, red onion, maybe black olives – this is a classic. It could also be served on butter lettuce leaves.

    2. Orzo, diced vegetables (carrots, red onion, yellow peppers, cucumber), halved cherry tomatoes, chickpeas, olive oil, red wine vinegar.

      1. Or panzanella (tomato, cucumber, cubed stale bread or large croutons, olive oil, balsamic vinegar).

    4. Charlie Bird’s farro salad is a substantial and interesting crowd pleaser. You can serve the parmesan on the side. Also adding on avocado is nice.

    5. One Thanksgiving I made a kale and roasted sweet potato salad. I can’t find the original recipe, but toss in some shelled pumpkin seeds and/or pomegranate seeds. Yum.

    7. Roasted sweet potato black bean salad, with additional vegetables of bell peppers, sweet corn, cucumbers, avocado, red onion, mushrooms, jalapenos or whatever you’d like.

    8. Cold pasta shells with Italian vinaigrette and add olives, fresh tomatoes & bell peppers. Would be good with mozzarella cheese if you’re so inclined but it’s not necessary.

      1. Oh yeah, cold tuna pasta salad always works—w red onion and minced garlic, parm cheese to sprinkle on the side.

    10. There is a Melissa Clark recipe in the NYT cooking app for Moroccan carrot & blood orange salad with arugula and olives that I’ve had before. It’s delicious, gorgeous to look at, and seasonally appropriate. It takes some prep, because you roast and cool the carrots, but it’s so worth it.

    11. Cookie & Kate’s green bean salad with toasted almonds and feta. Serve the cheese on the side. I substitute goat cheese for the feta.

    13. If you can get away with no lettuce go with the classic Waldorf Salad. Apples, grapes, walnuts, mayo. Crunchy and not too sweet.

  17. God, I can always tell a Fold post just by the photo. Their quality jumps off the page like no one else’s.

    2. I feel like their design is a bit dull. At this price point I prefer Lafayette 148.

  18. A local request! I’m trying to figure out Christmas Day catering. Fresh Direct and Whole Foods are obvious back up choices but I’d rather something more special. I’m in Jersey City and can easily do Manhattan pickup or even Brooklyn. Not sheet trays of pasta in red sauce.

  19. In the parade of horrible recent events, I offer up “Sycamore Brewing” in Charlotte. If you have teens (or younger) and they have phones, maybe have a scroll through what’s there.

      1. I think it’s about a predator who targeted kids online. So, only news since he owned a company that can now be boycotted? I’ve worked with, gone to church with, taken classes from, etc. plenty of people with similar convictions, and you only have to check the convictions on your local offender map to see if your community is full of predators too.

    2. Nah, some of us want to lean in to holiday spirit instead of suffering first thing on a Monday.

    3. I live in NC and this is all over the news, but agree with another poster that this isn’t something I want to talk or read more about. Their product has already been pulled off shelves and menus around the Triangle, so I don’t really need to worry about supporting this predator.

  20. I need someone to talk some sense into me. Just found out I’m getting an unexpected promotion at the beginning of the year. I worked really hard for this in the last few years. However, this year my department saw some changes and I pulled back on the things I raise my hand for and the amount of work I’m doing. For some reason the timing isn’t sitting right with me. I completely deserved it before, but to get it now feels weird. I can’t explain why I feel this way. I just need to get over myself right?

    1. The company has a need, and they think you can fill the need. They probably remember your hard work from over the years. A reputation doesn’t usually tank overnight just because you pulled back a bit. Do you feel weird because you aren’t sure if you want the promotion anymore?

    2. I can’t tell if you have had a change of heart about wanting this promotion (in which case, listen to yourself!) or if you just think that pulling back means you don’t deserve it at this point. If the latter, channel the mediocre white male ego for a minute and accept and enjoy the recognition as your due.

      1. Op – my husband’s response was essentially that a man would never have these thoughts and to enjoy the situation. He’s always right…

        1. And further to that point, reframe this as more business and less morality tale. Focus not on what you have done in the past to deserve this “reward”, but whether you have the skills to do the job going forward. If they pay you to do the job. and you can perform, what does it matter what happened before?

    3. It’s because you deserved it before that you’re getting it now. Meaning, all the work you’ve put in over the years is accumulating to get you this promotion. All that work is probably also why you could pull back this year and have it go well.

    4. Take the opportunity that’s in front of you and do great things with it. Don’t worry about the timing. Just do your great work, now with a different title and more money (?)

  21. Whenever we discuss holidays/vacations and unmarried SOs, I see a lot of comments along the lines of, well they’re not even engaged yet so expectations are different.

    Do you treat SOs of family members differently before vs after a ring? How does that work? If you’re less-than-welcoming to an SO when your kid first introduces them, doesn’t that sort of set the tone for future interactions? Or do they understand they’re “just a gf/bf” and you have a great relationship with them when they get married?

    1. No, I always strive to be kind to an SO of a family member. I care about my sibling’s happiness and want this person to feel welcome!

    2. I think a lot of this depends on age and circumstances of the family interaction.

      It’s one thing to not invite a high school sweetheart along on a family vacation; it’s another to be weird and unwelcoming to the SO when people are in their 30s.

    3. It’s not that you don’t treat the person warmly! I think it’s most relevant in distinguishing expectations – once married, couples generally travel as a unit for holidays, though obviously there are exceptions. When dating, and especially when dating and your families aren’t from the same area, the norm by far in my world is that you spend the actual holiday with your parents / family, not your SO’s.

        1. +2. My in-laws have never been anything less than lovely and welcoming ever since I started dating their son, but pre-engagement there were never any expectations or obligations on either side.

      2. yes, this. i also think in terms of bf/gf, you should be welcoming no matter what (i hope), but also different if they’ve been dating for two months or have been dating for two years and live together. my parents were always very welcoming to my bf (now husband), perhaps even more-so once they knew we were planning on moving in together and getting engaged. my MIL on the other hand, never made me feel unwelcome while we were dating, but also did not make me feel welcome. Once we were engaged and wedding planning, she acted like she was losing a son, rather than gaining a daughter. us having kids helped strengthened oru relationship. and DH’s sister and brother are lucky that I was the guinea pig as their significant others were treated much better from the get go when they appeared on the scene years later

    4. I’m not here yet with my own kids, but I’m forever grateful to my in-laws for making me feel welcome in their family from day 1. I hope I can do the same for my kids’ future partners.

    5. I think characterizing it is as “less than welcoming” is a little unfair. You can be very welcoming no matter what but there are differences between boyfriends/girlfriends and spouses. You have to invite someone’s fiance or spouse to a wedding, you don’t have to invite a BF/GF though it’s certainly a kindness if you have space and budget, and we invited all SOs we could invite by name (but didn’t do +1 s for random people)

      But the thread the other day was less about how to treat your family member’s boyfriends and girlfriends, and more about what the GF/BF owes the quasi-in-laws. I did not view visiting my husband’s family for the holidays as an obligation until we were married, and I think that viewpoint is fairly common. It doesn’t mean I didn’t like them or we didn’t have a good relationship, but they weren’t my family until we were married.

      1. Same. And I really regret the times I missed out on time with my own family to go see some boyfriend’s family. If your son hasn’t proposed to me I will see you on a random Saturday not a holiday.

        1. Really? Regret is a strong term. You can’t appreciate that another family let you have a peak at a different life? But then I have no tolerance for people who are always regretting the path not taken.

          1. lol no I don’t appreciate that my crappy ex boyfriends family let me observe their sad cold Christmas rituals. I regret I didn’t spend that Christmas with my own mother since by the next one she was dead.

        2. Lol! So old fashioned for this board. My son and his gf have discussed when they will get formally engaged which is after grad school.

      2. Same. Prior to marriage, being with my family was the priority. That isn’t to say that I never spent a holiday with my DH’s family or see them at other times, but it is not reasonable to expect a non-married SO to treat her BF’s parents as in-laws.

    6. I fear it should be obvious that I don’t pay for every new girlfriend to come on our family vacation? But I do for serious long term ones. Anyone who finds that not welcoming prob has a bunch of other issues.

      1. I’m not sure this would be obvious to me if the cost of the extra person is minimal–like the beach vacation everyone drives to and stays at the same house. And I’m getting some hostile vibes from the comment, so maybe that comes off to the uninvited girlfriend.

        1. And probably your son hypes/hyped this up and doesn’t/didn’t know that the poster is only selectively generous. We’re always learning things about our parents.

    7. I think this is a spectrum that doesn’t necessarily have a sharply defined step just because there is a ring. This person is someone my dear family member cares about, and they are a guest at our gathering. That means they get treated with warmth and care, which is generally calibrated to the seriousness of the relationship.

      We don’t delude ourselves that the revolving-door teenage date will still be in the picture 6 months from now such that we should factor their schedule into the conversation about next summer’s family reunion travel plans. However, we do accommodate the committed, long-term partner’s need for accessible lodging regardless of whether there ever will be a formal wedding ceremony.

      1. Right, but my mom is still facebook friends with all of our HS boyfriends from 20 years ago, and they love/like each others posts and milestones, so some people never entirely go away. So it’s good to be good to people.

        1. I literally said we treat them with warmth and care. I did not advocate for not being good to them.

      2. Exactly this. And it’s better for the family member too to not have everyone treating their SO with the same level of obligation too.

      3. You all are obsessed! lol. Anon at 1:06, exactly! My son has been dating his gf for five years and they have a plan for when we get engaged. We all had a big talk, got all our feelings out, it is all good. But the corporettes are still piling on.

    8. There’s a difference between welcoming an SO to family events and believing the SO is obligated to attend or being offended that they don’t take it as seriously as an event with their own family. It’s kind to extended the invitation, but understand they may not want to double their obligations before their SO has made a formal commitment.

      Generally speaking the older the couple is the more quickly things get serious. How soon you invite the SO to Christmas might be different for a college girlfriend vs. a late 20s girlfriend. And admittedly my family has been slower to include the SO’s of a serial dater. When there’s a new “serious SO” every year we’re less eager to spend a lot of money of them or bend traditions.

    9. My family has always welcomed SOs long before engagement. My brother and his five-year girlfriend travel as a unit now and no one bats an eye. He introduced her as “aunt” to my son.

    10. They owe you less and you owe them less, yes. But that doesn’t at all mean you should be “less than welcoming.” I’m nicer to my parents than I am to my in laws, and same in reverse for my husband, but neither of us are rude to anyone.

      1. I’m not really nice to either, not sure how I’d measure that, but I do try to be equally thoughtful to both sets of families. We’re all human and deserving of kindness. I don’t give/withhold the parts of me that are good natured for one set of family over the other.

    11. All sides of the family recognize long-term committed partner that you are in a relationship with (lacking a good word in English) rather than engaged. We’ve gone further in a couple cases, where it is the platonic (actually platonic… we’ve had many conversations) friend that raises your kids with you. Basically, anyone that will be permanent is treated as family. The high school gf/bf that they’ve been dating for two weeks, not so much.

    12. Yes. I don’t get attached and I don’t treat gf/bf’s as family until they are.

      1. You do know that people can get divorced? My son dated his high school sweetie longer than my first marriage lasted.

    13. I’m always welcoming to partners, but if they’re engaged the relationship does change somewhat – they’ve indicated they’re in this for the long haul and we’re not just trying the relationship/person on for size. Also, by the time they’re engaged you’ve hopefully had time to get a feel for them and how they’re fitting into the family culture.

  22. Recent college STEM or health science grads or admins: if your program or scholarship requires a 3.0 or 3.5 to either stay in the program or keep the scholarship from year to year, is that realistic? Where kids leaving programs a lot (either for grades or losing their scholarships)? I can’t figure out if it’s a bit of gamesmanship to reel in enrollees from admittees or if it’s a legit risk for a kid who gets into a program to either C/B- their way out of it or out of a scholarship (this is for a kid who does not drink and or party, but has ADHD, where college can just be harder overall, especially in a transition year).

    I know one non-partier person who had to leave grad school due to losing a scholarship over grades (which weren’t failing, just weren’t sterling enough). And I was a history undergrad at full-pay State U, so Cs do get degrees (which wasn’t an issue for me, but it was nice to go to school with no real added grade pressure; it’s not like there were problem sets in history classes or incomprehensible lectures / not-great TAs and you were lost without a good study group).

    2. Yes and no. Is maintaining a 3.0 harder in computer science than in music, absolutely! I have degrees in both so that’s my firsthand anecdote at any rate. It is absolutely possible. My big state university has invented new degree programs with less requirements than fully ABET certified or whatever a program’s certifying body is so students can transfer, keep enrollment up and keep tuition $$ flowing (sorry, I’m a bit cynical on this point). As an example, there’s an entrepreneurship program that is in everything but name, a business degree for people who couldn’t pass business calc. I guess it’s better to have students graduate with some degree and not just leave after a couple years with debt and no degree, but I question the value of watered down degree programs.

      1. I have a degree in music and a graduate degree in a quantitative field, and I will argue that it’s far more difficult to get an A in music, at least at a top school with a rigorious curriculum. Upper-division music theory (baroque counterpoint, chromaticism, post-tonal music) in particular was harder than my PhD econometrics courses.

        1. To each their own. The hardest part of my music degree was the absolutely insane time requirement once you added up all the zero credit mandatory stuff. It made holding a much needed job so difficult. It meant a ton of night shift and not much sleep for 4 years.

    3. If you can’t maintain a 3.0 then should you really be studying that subject to begin with? 3.5 seems a little harder at universities without grade inflation, but at a place like Harvard it should be fine.

      1. Yes. My uncle failed his engineering courses a few times but eventually mastered the subject and was a successful engineer for 30+ years. Sometimes it takes longer than a semester.

        1. That’s great that your uncle managed to eke out a degree and then succeed in his field, but I’m not sure his exceptional dedication makes a compelling argument for scholarship funding being available to students who repeatedly fail classes that are core to their major.

          1. It was more on your comment that people shouldn’t study things that they aren’t automatically good at. Of course they should.

          2. I’m the 2:18 anon and did not make any such comment. The 1:27 commenter is a different person, and I generally agree with them. Your uncle may be an exception to the rule, but generally people using STEM degrees kinda need to have basic proficiency and sub-3.0 just ain’t it.

      2. I barely eked out a 3.0 in my undergrad (double major, worked 20 hrs a week, struggled in my ugrad prereqs) and I went on to earn a doctorate and literally win awards for my work in STEM.

        Yes, I am in the right discipline, and no, large lecture classes are not the best way to learn.

    4. Yes people lose scholarships, access to majors, etc. from not keeping up their grades even though they don’t party. How likely that outcome is probably depends on how good a fit the school is overall. (Honestly I think of abject misery as a bigger risk factor than partying.)

    5. I have a STEM degree. Based on my own personal experience and observing my classmates, if they couldn’t maintain a 3.0 that was a sign they chose the wrong degree. The subject requires a baseline ability to think critically and reason. If the student cannot maintain their grades, then that scholarship is better applied to someone who can. That might be a cutthroat take, but no one is entitled to have someone else pay for them to obtain credentials in a field they don’t understand.

    6. This question is impossible to answer in a vacuum. It depends on the program and college. The admissions office should be able to give you stats.

    7. I mean, I almost lost a scholarship due to a 3.5 GPA requirement for my undergrad. I fell below that for 2 semesters sophomore year, and I only kept it because I had some health stuff I was dealing with at that point and got a note from my doctor to the University to that effect. I pulled everything back up and graduated with a 3.8. I have a degree in computer science. I think it’s a reasonable limitation on a scholarship – if they’re paying for your schooling they can expect you to be good at school!

  23. Best client gifts or conference swag? I’ve been asked for input on marketing items for next year. Last year we gave out wine bottle openers at a happy hour we sponsored, those went over great. Looking for something similarly useful and inexpensive.

    I’m also looking for client gift suggestions, which can be more expensive. A client gave me a great idea: a kit for a week of elf on a shelf ideas. I love that it takes care of the emotional labor of thinking of elf ideas. Anything similar? Doesn’t have to be holiday-themed. Thanks!

    1. Do not give out a religion-specific item. Especially one that’s only usable if you have young kids.

      1. Especially one that’s as potentially offensive to people who follow the religion as to people who don’t celebrate the holiday at all!

      3. Seriously, I don’t know anyone who would want this! I don’t celebrate Christmas and would be annoyed to receive a Christmas-specific item ( sure, it’s not “Christian” in the religious sense, but it doesn’t apply to people like me who don’t celebrate Christmas). But it’s also inapplicable to anyone without kids, as you said, and the majority of people I know who have kids and celebrate Christmas skip the Elf or do a very minimal Elf. I can’t think of anyone that would want an Elf “kit.” Please don’t do this!

      4. Agreed — please do not give anything even remotely linked to a religious celebration, and please do not give anything that actually requires labor (eg, it expects that someone does elf on the shelf).

        For conference swag, really the only thing is pens. Maybe a water bottle or mug. The rest is junk, truly.

        For client gifts, chocolates, coffee, something simple.

    4. At a tax lawyers convention, KPMG was giving out a set of 3 branding packing cubes, and as another vendor I was envious. (And, I grabbed one.)

    5. The elf on a shelf would go straight into the trash for me… and I have elementary aged kids. What good is this for the people who don’t have kids, have older kids, don’t want kids, are not culturally Christian, or who just never bought into the whole Elf on a Shelf thing (me!)? I think you exclude far more than you include with this one.

    6. I saw one booth with company logo socks – that seemed more useful than the typical cheap tote bags. But honestly, everything suggested doesn’t interest me the way it did when I was younger and it was “ooh look free stuff!” I like certain socks, I like certain sunscreen; even free umbrellas are generally pretty junky, although maybe useful in a pinch.

    7. Branded tins of altoid mints are my favorite conference swag and I will brave an interaction with the most sleazy of vendors in order to obtain them. Individually wrapped gourmet cookies are a close second, but only if they are very good cookies.

      Save the elf on a shelf kit for your personal gifting circle, absolutely do not make that a client gift. I would dump that straight in the garbage and seriously question the judgement of a vendor who sponsored that. My favorite client gift is always a giant tin of Garrett’s Chicago mix popcorn.

      2. Thank you, Anon @2:27 PM. I used to love Altoids and this comment–“I will brave an interaction with the most sleazy of vendors in order to obtain them”–made me laugh out loud. I needed that laugh today.

    8. Back in my trade show days…reusable totes were a big hit. People would take as many as possible.

      Power banks.

    9. I “take care” of the emotional labour of Elf on the Shelf by *not having one.* Santa is plenty of magic, and I (Catholic) can explain to my son (being raised Catholic) that Santa Claus gives presents to kids to celebrate Jesus’ birthday because Jesus loves kids. Hard no to the damn Elf.

    10. oh please no Elf-related gifts!! That’s something you bring to a Favorite Things party with your middle-aged girlfriends who all do it for their kids, not a general client gift.

      Useful-
      – long charging cord that has branches for a few types of ports (micro USB, old Apple, USB C)
      – the actual plug part for charging cords since so many devices don’t include them
      – packing cubes
      – yetis designed to fit a can inside

    11. Claiming there is elf on shelf “emotional labor” is like saying there is “emotional labor” involved with putting together a Disney vacation itinerary. That’s just part of doing the totally optional splurgy thing, and very much abuses the concept of emotional labor.

      1. People say “emotional labor” when they mean “organization and logistics.”

      2. And yet there is. Just look at how stressed and pressured people are feeling about the expectation to keep up with these things!

        1. Work involved with planning funsies is not emotional labor. That’s on them if keeping up with the Joneses stresses them out.

          1. Believe it or not, MANY kinds of labor are performed for funsies or for keeping up with the Jonses!

      3. The Elf is totally emotional labor if you decide to do it, which a lot of parents feel peer-pressured into. I don’t doubt that this kit would be useful for those parents.

        I do doubt anyone suggesting it would be a good general-purpose client gift!

    12. I go to & previously have run a lot of events & conferences. branded tide to go pens have been a huge hit for us. despite all the concerns about dietary/allergens, consumables are usually a popular choice at vendor tables.

      think about your audience – mostly fresh to workplace? they’re still excited about drinkware & basically anything free. Lots of parents or pet owners? plush toys are a hit. Road warriors constantly travelling? small & useful like packing cubes, NICE chargers, etc.

      agree w/ others the elf idea is horrific.

      1. My cat’s favorite snuggle toy was a small stuffed plushie from some conference. I was throwing out swag and he rescued it and put it in his cat bed to keep.

    13. Ugh, what an awful gift idea. We really don’t need to be teaching kids that the surveillance state is okay.

  24. i know i shouldn’t read comments on social media posts as it is not a good use of time or energy, but it is so sad to me that people comment on posts about what happened in Australia over the weekend with “Free Palestine” or “What about Gaza” – one thing should not have anything to do with the other!

        1. what does this even mean? Commenting on a post about how a 10-year-old was killed by suggesting that her parents talk to parents in Gaza is neither constructive nor relevant. Individual Jews celebrating Hanukkah in Australia are not responsible for Netanyahu’s military decisions. It is antisemitic. You can dislike and disagree with the Israeli government and still have sympathy for murdered Jews.

        2. I agree it is very intellectually lazy to blame Australian Jews or Jews anywhere in the world (including the ancestral homeland of the Jewish people, Israel), for government decisions of a sovereign state

          2. Can’t reply to the above next comment, but do you realize that government decisions are not actually universally popular in the country? Like, every single American blamed for every single action of American presidents, including this one? And that doesn’t mean Israeli Jews who voted for this government should be gunned down in a terror attack, either….obviously

          3. Netanyahu actions are supported by the majority of his voters, mean that they deserve to be atacked or mudered? no, as neither any Palestinian and we can not count how many have died since the fake ceasefire or in the Banks but it seems for some of you their lives dont count. I only see these posts when jews are the victims.

Comments are closed.