Coffee Break: Mia Bag

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1. I’m seeing a color trend! I love wearing something green, especially in the middle of winter.

   1. Came to comments to say the same! Loving the jewel tones here lately, especially emerald green, which is the best color #facts

      1. I support these #facts – emerald green is 100% the best colour

         1. It definitely is. That’s why I chose it for my wedding gown!!

            1. You are awesome! #goals

2. Are people (not you, perhaps, but people you observe) wearing shoes like this IRL in 2026? I used to walk to the metro back when I had young feet and after trashing one pair of beautiful shoes on their first wear (leather scraping off of the heel), I went the route of Vara-ish block heels or the rare pair of really executive-looking flats. Speaking of which, has anyone gotten flats from Me & Em? I used to find great office flats at Nordstrom, but I haven’t found anything that has caught my eye recently. I’d love a T-bar flat / flat-ish shoe. I have enough Mary Jane’s, but want something more sleek and formal looking that is still flat.

   1. I still wear stilettos sometimes in the office, but (a) not even in my 20s could I go as high as the model’s, and (b) would never dream of commuting in them.

   2. I’ve never worn stilettos this tall for any occasion. IMO slingbacks are tacky at work. I recently saw a colleague wear them and she looked like she was auditioning to play the workplace frenemy in a 2000s romcom.

   3. I haven’t seen stiletto slingbacks like this in a while, but a few of the younger IR women and admins do wear stilettos and the like. The shoes look pretty, and pretty uncomfortable. Only one of these women can actually walk in such shoes without lurching weirdly. The lurching definitely jars me out of daydreaming about trying heels again.

      1. I definitely judge people who wear shoes they can’t walk well in.

   4. Fascinated by what draws criticism here. Slingbacks were in style many years ago and I always thought they were cute. Back in style again but I don’t wear them because I have to go to the jails sometimes after court and they don’t work for that.

      1. I honestly just read for the insanity entertainment

3. Fun light question for the afternoon – I work from home and have a toddler and realized that I would love to have some fun “indoor movement” types of toys for breaks from my desk and breaks as a family. We used to have a Bongo Board growing up that my whole family loved – that’s the kind of thing I’m talking about. We don’t have enough room for a slackline, unfortunately, and I don’t think I can convince my husband to bolt climbing holds to the wall. Are there are other fun items that your family has loved?

   1. We had an unfinished basement and had a mini basketball hoop and a ping pong table down there. It was great because you could take wild shots with no risk of breaking anything!

   2. We still have the old bongo board at our house. The new ones aren’t quite the same.

   3. My kids love to play “keepie uppie” with a balloon (batting the balloon back and forth with any body part and not letting it hit the ground).

      They also love dance parties. You can find fun toddler type songs on YouTube for “the floor is lava,” “freeze dance,” and “going on a bear hunt,” which are extra fun.

   4. My mom has a little exercise trampoline – it’s a surprisingly versatile piece, as long as you’re not too precious about kids jumping onto and off of furniture. Stackable “stepping stones” take up little space and can be a lot of fun, though some kids are deterred by the fact that you need to set it up.

   5. We had a plastic freestanding slide that lived in our apartment for several years, until we moved into a house with a yard.

   6. Giant yoga ball and Denise Austin aerobics step. We also have a giant cylinder thing that we have used as an ottoman and step and emergency seating. Was good for when the kids were wall-walking.

   7. It’s pretty big, but we had an air hockey table growing up and it was awesome. My parents brought it with them when they moved here recently, so now my kids use it and they seem to love it even more than I did.

   8. My kids get a kick of my giant foam roller and exercise ball. They also like building things out of the nugget – mostly various types of slides to roll down.

   9. Mini trampoline!

4. has anyone been to those girls-only dance parties? there’s one tomorrow i’ve been considering with friends. (this one’s called “mom’s just want to be home by 10” or something.) what do you wear?

   1. I am going to one tomorrow too! Any chance you are in Minneapolis? No idea what to wear so I will be following this with interest.

   2. Is this the Early Birds Dance Club, by any chance?

      I went to one in DC in the spring. It was a LOT of fun! I saw only one or two pairs of shoes with heels. It was very casual, fun outfits — nothing dressed up. I wore a sequined top that I’d bought for it, and black jeans, and black flat shoes, and felt the sequined top verged on “trying too hard.”

      1. lol, I misread and briefly imagined you in a sequined top hat!

         1. That would be fabulous!

5. Has anyone joined any local variant you have that is a WeWork, but a bit more luxe that is aimed at a female third space, combining a coffee shop, co-working, networking, and some wellness treatments?

   I am in a math-y job and mainly work with financey quant guys and can’t imagine this. I feel like it would be expensive and not great. But maybe I am wrong? I am already in a tennis club that is nice and I already don’t get there enough (but plan to).

6. I’m going on a long trip to Japan soon and would love recommendations for both high-end and low-end restaurants. No allergies, or dietary restrictions.
   I’ll be staying in the ueno neighborhood of Tokyo the longest, but traveling to Kyoto, Osaka, and Hiroshima as well.

7. I have an estranged sibling. I’ve sent Xmas and birthday greetings and gifts but it’s been about a year since I’ve heard from them. Sibling is in precarious financial straights and has kids still at home. IDK whether I should check it to make sure they haven’t lost the house or are in trouble or just check in randomly (and not mention the estrangement). OTOH sibling knows how phones work and my number and a parent’s number (and has had 2-3 convos with parent in the past year). No drugs or alcohol.

   1. Estranged like “they didn’t reply to your birthday text” or estranged like “you two had a big argument and one or both of you said “I don’t want to talk to you again””

      1. The latter.

   2. I’d reach out occasionally. You sound like you still care about your sibling and their family.

      But it depends on what the reason for the estrangement is. If your sibling would react badly upon you reaching out (e.g. lashing out, abusive language or the like), I’d proceed carefully.

   3. Are they just bad at responding to greetings and gifts? Or did they tell you they didn’t want to be in contact or otherwise communicate that they want to be left alone?

      Would you help if they needed it?

      1. We have a parent who would help out and has in the past. Usually for reasons that don’t make sense, I make a case to parent for sibling and parent helps. IDK how it got to be but probably because I can do it without yelling or spiraling.

   4. When I’m in dire straits I also estrange myself for the duration. I’d rather not interact with people who have no intention of helping, only talking. I’d rather not be bitterly disappointed in people I otherwise care for. I check back in once things are resolved.

      1. When I’m in dire straights, I get that most people really aren’t in a position to fix things. But I sometimes just need some affirmation or acknowledgement of hard times. Or someone who cares. I don’t get disappointed in people just because they can’t fix things for me — that would be cutting me off from most people I know.

         1. I guess, but it’s hard if you are having money difficulties and the sibling is like “I care, totally, plus also my family and I are going to Italy next month!” Fair or not, I don’t want to hear that you’re dropping 20k on a trip when I’m about to lose my house. I’d rather back away from you than hate you.

   5. I mean, I guess you know your sibling, but it seems like if they don’t want to talk to you, I don’t think a “is everything really okay?” text is likely to get a response when a low stakes happy birthday didn’t, so you may not be the person best placed to help this sibling, even if they truly need help. If you are the one who cut off contact, I think you probably have to address that in at least some way. Maybe the approach “Hey Alice – you have been on my mind lately. I know we don’t see eye to eye on X and probably never will, but I’ve been missing you. What do you think about a we-dont-talk-about-x détente?”

      1. All of this.

         And OP, if your sibling is the one who cut off contact with you, I really think you need to respect that and stop pressing them to reconnect or share their status with you. If you cannot help yourself send a birthday or holiday text, but don’t expect a response.

8. I may ask again tomorrow for more responses, but how much time have you taken off work after the death of a parent? I recently lost my father after he was hospitalized in respiratory failure, and dx’d with an aggressive metastatic cancer. He never made it out of the hospital. I was there with him during (most of) the hospitalization and when he passed and the whole thing was really really difficult. This is my first time losing someone very close to me and I don’t know what to expect from… grief, I guess. Today has not been a good day.

   1. I have no advice, but I’m sorry for your loss.

   2. I took off a little over a week but then I was really wanting to get back to some normalcy. I think it depends on the situation. I got grief counseling later which helped a great deal with processing. Hugs to you! This season is rough.

   3. I’m sorry for your loss. It’s hard to lose a parent and grief appears randomly and without warning I found.

      I had a similar situation when I lost my mother to breast cancer in my late 30s. While she was managing well for a while even though it was metastatic, in the end her decline was pretty swift. I am a partner at a small firm and, thanks to my partners, staff and of counsel, was able to take a month off to help my father, handle my mom’s limited estate, and plan the viewing and funeral. I know I was very lucky to have that time off and I don’t think I would’ve done well at work even if I did go back earlier.

   4. I’m sorry about your loss.

      I lost my father this summer during a week I had already taken off work. I took another week, but wished I had taken more. There were so many tasks to do in the aftermath of his death, and at the time, it was a relief to have some non-death related projects. But now months later feel like I haven’t had time to properly process it and wonder why I was trying to make these arrangements from my office.
      The ideal amount of time will be individual to a person and circumstance. Treat yourself gently and give yourself space if you can.

   5. I didn’t take any time for the event but worked remotely a week each month to help empty out the house and transition my surviving parent and had done the same in the year prior to that to help out. I picked light weeks and was generally available if needed. I don’t have the luxury of checking out but have flexibility as to location.

   6. I’m so sorry. I don’t have any advice, but I will be following, as I expect to be in your shoes within a year. I hope it is a comfort that you were with him at the end.

   7. I’m sorry for your loss. It’s hard to lose anyone you love. As Anon said, be gentle with yourself. Grief can sap your energy, disrupt your sleep, and fog your brain. Give yourself time, space, and logistical support to absorb this enormous, unwanted life change. If you would find it comforting, lean into personal or family faith customs. Think about seeing a grief counselor or joining a group of other people similarly bereaved. Hard days are part of grief. Eventually you learn how to handle your sadness. (Unfortunately, we get a lot of practice.) The pain eventually gives way to gratitude, but this is not an easy transition, may never be completed, and cannot be forced. When I flew home for my father’s funeral, a complete stranger in the next seat told me that grief is the price we pay for love. That’s only one way of looking at it, but I found it sufficiently meaningful that I remembered it five and a half years later. Sending hugs if you want them, and wishes that you have solitude and sympathetic company in whatever combination works best for you. Take care. I’m sorry.

   8. I’m very sorry for your loss.

      I lost my mom 3 years ago to leukemia. My work was very gracious and I also had unlimited PTO, so I wound up take 3.5 weeks off from work and I was immensely grateful to have the time away, both to handle my mom’s affairs, but also to grieve privately before having to face people at work.

   9. Aw, big hugs to you. I just lost my older brother and it’s just so hard!

      My husband always says “grief isn’t linear,” and he’s so right about that. I feel like the very best possible arrangement is to take days off as you need them, although I realize that’s not practical for most jobs.

      That said, if you’re dealing with administrative tasks I’d advise taking at least a couple of weeks if you can.

      1. Oh, so sorry to hear about your brother.

   10. I thought I would feel better keeping busy, so I took less than a week. With the benefit of hindsight, I should’ve taken more time. I was not very productive and honestly not very nice to my coworkers when I came back. I would encourage you to reach out to HR at this time. Find out how much bereavement leave you get. Think about what you might do with time off. There is a balance between taking time to grieve and pushing yourself forward. I’m sorry for the loss of your father.

   11. Sending you a big hug

       I think this is really going to vary by person, and there’s no “right amount”

       when my sister died I took a week of PTO to be with my family at the hospital, and stayed until she passed. That was very important to me, and frankly, if work had pushed back, I would have just quit. If I had had unlimited PTO, I would have liked to have taken a few days off after as well but I was *able* to go back to work the next day, and so I did. I don’t think I was very productive that week, and my boss made it pretty clear he didn’t expect anything from me though – might be different if you need to either take time off or lead a trial. I took a few scattered days off over the next month or so for funeral stuff, and once just to fly home and hug my mom.

       There’s no one right way to do this. One step, and then the next.

   12. The first year is hard. It may help to take a week now, but don’t be surprised if you need more time at holidays or important days or even just random times. Set boundaries when you need to.

   13. I’m so sorry. Each person is unique in how they grieve. Some people can’t work at all while others (including me) find that some level of work provides a respite from the grief. Work occupied my thoughts for a few hours a day so that I wasn’t constantly thinking of my loved one who died traumatic death. Part of working was avoidance. In my case, Covid came along shortly thereafter and the isolation and ability to just be with my thoughts was almost welcome at that point.

       Anderson Cooper has a great podcast on grief.

   14. I’m sorry for your loss. I had two weeks already booked off by coincidence when my dad died (he’d been unwell, but the decline to death was rapid and unexpected) so I took those, and two days the week after the annual leave for the funeral. I would probably have taken longer if it wasn’t for the nature of my job, I run a small charity so they need me around but I also have very high flexibility and autonomy and work from home several days a week as standard, so if I was having a bad day or a bad week I could mostly informally take it very easy. I usually travel quite a bit and I didn’t really do that for two or three months to stick around my mother, who needed a lot of support. The way I looked at it is that a significant bereavement happens a handful of times or even less in forty or so years of working so I wasn’t going to feel bad about taking whatever time I needed. I did almost all of the sadmin so those first two weeks were busiest, but emotionally I had days and weeks later that felt worse.

9. Fascinated by what draws criticism here. Slingbacks were in style many years ago and I always thought they were cute. Back in style again but I don’t wear them because I have to go to the jails sometimes after court and they don’t work for that.

   1. I wore them once, but it was never a good look on me. At the end of the day it’s a half done shoe masquerading as a full shoe. I don’t need that look for work and certainly not in my personal life.

   2. I don’t mind the look, but for me I found the hem of my pants always got stuck between my heel and the footbed of my shoe when I was wearing slingbacks, so I avoided them for that reason. (Way back when pants were below the ankle…)

      I might try them again for dress-up if I stumbled on a pair I really liked.

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