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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
A sweater dress is my answer to every outfit question from Thanksgiving to New Year’s — dressed-up, but not too restrictive for Thanksgiving dinner. Cozy, but not too schlubby for watching football with friends. Fitted, but relaxed enough to lounge in on Christmas.
This turtleneck dress from Banana Republic will get a lot of use over the next few months.
The dress is $140 at Banana Republic — with 50% off at checkout — and comes in XXS–XXL (lucky sizes only) and petite sizes XXS–M.
This black sweater dress from Old Navy goes up to size 4X and is $44.99 with 50% off at checkout. It's also available in petite and tall sizes.
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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
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Anonymous
Should all sizes of clothing cost the same? I saw a sign at Old Navy recently proclaiming all sizes, XXS-4X, cost the same for equity reasons. I noticed my size M options went up maybe a dollar or two, but that could be inflation not just equalizing for larger sizes.
Anon
Among adult sizes? Maybe. Don’t they already for most SML sized things? FWIW, I’m a petite person by height and have never felt that I have a discount b/c I need shorter lengths on things (and often there is the expense of hemming things). IDK if the tall people pay more for tall lengths. My clothing takes less cloth than my normal-height size L husband, but I have a feeling that his things cost the same or less (granted, at a certain amount of smallness, it is probably harder to sew (e.g., baby sleepers that have barely any yardage but tons of snaps or zippers)). I can see how a men’s XL puffy coat would cost more in materials and labor than a coat for a smaller / shorter person (women’s M).
Anonymous
As a person who sews, I find smaller sizes more work than larger sizes because it’s harder to fit the pieces together, especially setting sleeves into armholes. The cost of materials depends more on the efficiency of the layout and the width of the fabric than the size. For home sewing, there usually isn’t much difference in the fabric requirements between sizes until you hit a point where the width of the fabric forces you to lay the pieces out differently and suddenly you need a whole lot more fabric but also have a whole lot more waste.
Administratively I would guess that it’s easy for brands to charge different prices for different size ranges (regular v. plus) but probably not to vary the price for individual sizes within a single item listing (like ON now uses, all sizes in one listing) unless they want to completely redesign their data systems.
Anon
This bought back a memory of me pinning pattern pieces to cloth in the most efficient way and my mom just sadly shaking her head.
Anon
I mean at Old Navy they might as well. It’s not like it’s silk or alpaca fiber, where the cost of the raw materials is contributing meaningfully to the final price.
Anon
Plus size clothes are pretty much always more expensive so I was glad to see Old Navy taking those steps.
Anonymous
No, clothing retail prices should be related to the cost. I refuse to pay more for clothes for “equity.”
Anon
When a garment that could be sold at a profit at $7 is being sold for $40, I can’t bring myself to care about the extra $1.50 that went into the larger size. I don’t think the margins are this close.
Anon
You really think they’re gonna lower your prices if they charge more for plus sizes? Dream on.
Anonymous
Yes. The price of an article of clothing isn’t some mathematical formula for that specific piece. If it were, all pieces would have varied prices all the time. I don’t pay more for a shirt because it was transported when oil prices were high, and less for the shirt that was transported when oil prices were low. Can you imagine how hard it would be for retailers to track that? I find it very hard to believe that the difference in the amount of fabric for straight sizes vs plus sizes has such a significant impact on cost that businesses must charge more for plus sizes. Certainly not from a place like ON that doesn’t use expensive fabrics. It should be averaged in just like any other cost. Singling out plus sizes is solely a matter of bias not business necessity.
Anon
My guess is that they sell more plus sizes at full-price b/c the sale racks are generally only full of XS and S going for basically free. So it may not really matter when how they make their $ is selling more goods at higher average prices and not having to have sales to move them. My sense is that larger customers pounce on items before they are gone whereas XS and S shoppers know they have options and are picky or know they get to be value shoppers.
Anonymous
What on earth? I am an XS/S and those sizes always sell out first and are least likely to be left when items go on sale. Larger sizes always have a better selection.
anon
Are you kidding me? Everything in my stores is either an XS or a 2X. Everything in between is GONE.
PolyD
It really depends on where you live. When I l lived in Michigan, land of giant Dutch and Scandinavian people, there were lots of small sizes left. Here in the DC area where there are a lot of small women (many of Asian descent and small Hispanic women), there are often more large sizes left on the sales racks.
Anonymous
On line, small sizes always sell out first. I think retailers underestimate the demand for small sizes.
Anon
LOL no they’re not. Sale racks are always XS and S.
Anon
I think it in practice depends on the store. I think if it’s, to an example below, a high quality coat, where the cost of materials is meaningfully contributing to the final price, yeah, I think larger clothes should cost more – that means men’s, tall sizes (I’m a tall size, for the record), etc. But for a place like old navy? no – materials aren’t really, uh, a driving factor of cost there.
Anon
You’re only counting the cost of the fabric. Smaller sizes aren’t necessarily less work and can in fact be more work. I think it all evens out. But if you want to feel discriminated against by this go ahead. It’s just landing like white men complaining they’re discriminated against.
In any event, prices for EVERYTHING have gone up. Have you not been reading about the inflation spike we’re in the middle of?
anonshmanon
this. Labor is the main pricing factor.
Anon
Is it really when we’re talking 3rd world sweat shops full of exploited women and children?
Anon
I generally wouldn’t have a problem with clothes costing different amounts based on size, but suspect I’m in the minority. I also think it’s less important for something like inexpensive clothing where raw materials is probably a very very small part of the overall cost structure. For luxury clothes or other industries, I could see a more compelling rationale. Like airlines would be far more logical than RTW clothing. The weight of a passenger significantly impacts the fuel consumption of the plane – which is the second largest cost after labor and a considerable one for most airlines. We don’t vary airline ticket prices based on weight tier – except when passengers need to buy multiple seats, but a huge range of weights are covered among single seat buyers. Obviously in this case there are both practical and human dignity issues involved but from a rationale standpoint that’s a far more logical place to start your argument than charging cheap clothing sizes differently.
Anonymous
Anyone ever break up with a significant other because the SO’s life is just “too much”? Anyone ever split with you for that reason? Anecdata appreciated.
My situation for context: we are dating, about 8 months in. I am feeling overwhelmed by all the things happening in his life – parent with cancer, business (he’s a VP) going through bankruptcy, child custody modifications, potentially taking a temporary international role with his org, and he recently broke a limb which has resulted in a more sedentary life/increased alcohol intake. I feel like any one or two of these at one time would be normal or manageable, but it is, well, a lot. My life is fairly boring/stable/consistent in comparison.
Anon
It really doesn’t matter what happened to anyone else. You don’t need a “legitimate relationship reason” to terminate the romantic relationship. If it’s too much for you, it is, that’s fine. You’re not going to relationship court to defend yourself. You only get one life and the choices you make about how you live it are yours alone to make. Break up with this guy, if you’re asking, it’s not working.
Anonymous
If he’s the love of your life, then maybe stay. If he’s OK but you’re not sure where this is going, get out now. My SO has a very hard life. If we weren’t in love, I wouldn’t be here.
PLB
I agree with this. If you envision and want a future with him and you think he’s worth investing in, stay. Be prepared to not always be his priority until some of the issues are resolved. (by the way, if you were asking whether you should start dating or enter a relationship with this man, I would give an emphatic no, as starting a new relationship wouldn’t, rightfully so, be his priority in that case).
Also, I disagree with others saying you don’t “like him enough.” You could love him to the moon and back and not see a future with him and therefore decide to cut bait rather than deal with his personal issues.
Anon
Some people just attract drama. It’s okay to want to avoid that. I find that type of person incredibly draining.
Anonymous
Yeah, like a parent with cancer, a job at risk or a broken arm or leg? The only thing I can see here in his control is potentially taking a temp role (because job is at risk) and drinking more. Hope you never take a hit financially, family wise or health. It’s when you find out who your real friends and supporters are.
Anon
Friends is different from life partner though. I have friends I wouldn’t go out of my way to support and others who are like family I would die for. You don’t have to stay in a relationship with someone because they’re having a hard time. Everyone has hard times. You stay because you cannot imagine life without them.
Anon
You have literally no idea what I’ve been through. Nice try though.
Anon
Guess you’re too attracted to drama!
Vicky Austin
There is a big difference between attracting drama and the unfortunate/difficult life events and circumstances OP is describing.
Anonymous
OP, if you are so immature that you see major life events as causing drama, do this poor guy a favor and break up with him.
Anonymous
Why are you attacking the OP? She’s not the one who called it drama.
Anonymous
OP, how did you meet this guy and was all of this stuff going on before you met him? I would judge someone pretty harshly if he is on apps and actively dating when he has so much going on in his life. That is attracting drama and also shows he wants someone to be his emotional support even though he knows he can’t reciprocate – he’s a taker and a user and not BF material. If this all came up after you met then I agree with others that it’s not drama just terrible timing.
Anon
My general feeling is that “men is too headache” unless it’s head-over-heels till-death-do-us-part true love. So for me it wouldn’t be that I’m breaking up with them because they have too much going on, but because I obviously don’t feel the way about them that I need to feel in a relationship if their having so much going on is an obstacle for me.
Anonymous
“Men is too headache. Not my man. He’s no headache. But in general, men is too headache” (or close) is my favorite post here ever.
Senior Attorney
Yes! This is spot-on.
OP, if you don’t love him enough to hang in there (and I say this with no judgment at all), then do both of you a favor and end it.
Anon
As someone else said, you don’t need a reason or justification to break up with someone. If the relationship isn’t working for you, for whatever reason, that’s justification enough.
I will say, however, there’s a difference between drama that happens to people because of bad choices, and drama that happens due to bad luck. Your boyfriend’s parent getting cancer, his company filing for bankruptcy, and maybe even the broken limb are not choices he made, but things that happened to him. Not sure about the international role (he can choose to take the assignment or not, correct?) or the child custody changes. The drinking too much as a result of the broken limb is a choice, and that one is concerning, but also maybe correctable if he has self-awareness of the problem and realizes he needs better coping mechanisms in the future.
You’re free to do what you want/what feels best to you, but consider that your “fairly boring/stable/consistent” life is that way not just because of your choices, but because of luck, which can change. You may find yourself in a situation one day where bad luck turns your life upside down, and in that situation you may want to have people who care about you stick by you and support you until things turn around. I personally think you should break up with him because you don’t seem that attached or committed to him, and in that case, both of you could probably do better for yourselves. If you’re even asking this question, I think that indicates that this guy is not your person, because if he was your person, temporary bad luck affecting his life wouldn’t make you question your entire relationship. So, break up with him and go find your person, and free him to go find his person. Everyone will be a lot happier in the long run.
Anonymous
Take this feeling as a sign that he’s not your person. The fact that your reaction is borderline exasperation rather than empathy isn’t because you are not an empathetic person, it’s because you don’t feel deeply enough about this guy to want to share his burdens.
You see this all the time with even more minor annoyances, I’m sure you could find examples from yourself or your friends. When I was dating, I broke up with a few guys who lived 45+ minutes away and for various reasons couldn’t come to me very often. My friends would tell me that I was being selfish, but the fact is I wasn’t interested enough in these guys to want to travel 2 hours round trip to see them. Shortly before I got engaged to my now-husband, his work transferred him to another position 5 hours away where he’ll be for 2 years. He can’t wfh ever but I can sometimes. So we make the commute a few times a month. When you’re invested in someone, you make it work and you do it with bells on (sometimes the bells are less shiny though!).
Anon
Yep, I’d agree with this. I’ve seen this dynamic with friends of mine. For friends who I really LOVE, I definitely tend toward empathetic when this kind of stuff happens, but when it’s friends that I’m less close to, it feels overwhelming. It’s more a sign this probably isn’t your person than that you want to run.
Anonymous
I think the answer here is that if you don’t want to be with him *despite* all he has going on, then he’s not the one for you and you should break up. But realize that you aren’t breaking up because of the drama; it’s because you don’t like him *enough* to stick around. That’s a completely fine position to be in!
Relationships are hard. If you are not ready to be there for someone when their parents have cancer, their company is going under, they have an illness/accident– then they are not the person for you.
anon
+1. I am dating someone who is going through a very insane life period – work, personal, etc. He is honest and communicative, positive about things, works towards solutions, doesn’t complain, and carves out time for me/us no matter what. I love being with him and have yet to be bothered by any of the “drama” in his life (spoiler: he doesn’t let any of it become drama and manages his own ish). This is not the person for you.
Anonymous
break up he’s a mess.
Anonymous
It sounds like the problem is with how he reacts to life’s ordinary challenges, like staying with a company that is going through bankruptcy instead of finding a new job or sitting around and drinking because of a broken limb. The child custody modifications are also a huge red flag.
Anonymous
My older brother just went though something similar in a relationship (he was in OP’s position of having a SO with an unusually hectic time in their life). I’ll tell you what I told him.
You likely already know this… but there is ALWAYS going to be some outside force or event that puts pressure/stress/strain on a relationships. Always. It could be a busy season at a job, a move, significant injury, illness, or any other of a number of things. If you care about him and the relationship, then I think you owe it to discuss with him (if you haven’t already) that you’re finding this time especially stressful/overwhelming. Hopefully you work through it together if you chose this path.
That requires a lot of work though, and an absolutely huge emotional investment on your part. If it does not seem like what you want to do, then you don’t have to do any of that and you can end the relationship.
This list is a LOT at once. I don’t think you need to defend a decision to leave if it is more than you would prefer to be involved with.
Anon
I regret not breaking up with my ex. His mom passed away about 6 months in, his dad was older and not as independent as I would have liked, and serious financial difficulties. He borrowed money from me and I felt like I was his only real source of support while not receiving any in return. Again, my only regret is not breaking up with him sooner. Nothing changed throughout the relationship and I feel like I just wasted my time with him.
Anon
Consider whether you’re reacting to the events or how your boyfriend handles them. Bad things can and will happen to everyone but you need to be compatible with how your partner reacts.
Anonymous
I’m a junior partner at a Midwest firm (50-100 lawyers). I keep hearing about the need for Biglaw associates, and crazy bonuses. I’d happily work remote and bill the required hours for a couple years – any shot at me getting one of these roles? I have a lot of theoretical flexibility now but in reality, my billables are close to the same and I get paid a fraction of Biglaw associates salaries. I only know a couple people at large firms, not sure if a random applicant would get hired.
Anon
You might, a lot of firms now have less traditional paths, but the big salaries tend to go to those on the traditional tracks. But it’s a changing world right now. I’d start with the people you know, find out who the good legal recruiters are in your area and out feelers out. You’ll never know unless you try.
Anonymous
Maybe I’m cynical or just a product of the year I graduated (2010) but I’d be concerned about job security. Sure they need people now, but I’d expect the tides to turn in another year or three. The first on the chopping block will be the people at high salaries who work remotely. And you won’t see it coming because biglaw loves to give people stellar reviews right up until they counsel you out. Do you have a book? Could you bounce back into your current position if you did a couple year stint in biglaw? It might make sense for you to capitalize in the short term if you can easily get back to where you are rn.
Anon
+1 It seems crazy to walk away from a partnership to be a dispensable associate at a churn and burn firm.
No Face
If the plan is practicing law at a firm long term, I share the same concern about job security.
If it’s not, because OP may want to go in-house, work in another field, or stay at home with kids, then get the money now!
anon
Honestly, I would make the run to go over as partner not an associate – especially if you have experience that big law associates don’t tend to get.
Anonymous
That’s… not likely to happen. The reason these places are hiring scores of young associates is because they need someone to do the work for the 5% of the firm that are partners. They are unlikely to open their ranks to a lateral unless they have an especially impressive book.
hi hi hi
Apply – you will almost certainly get hired. Be prepared for another kind of grind, especially if you are transactional.
Signed – biglaw partner
Anonymous
I’ve never worked with a recruiter before but somebody contacted me on LinkedIn with something that actually sounds pretty interesting. I’ll reply and say I’m interested and ask for more information, but is there anything in particular I should expect or be prepared for working with a recruiter? How much info can I ask for in an initial call? Is it reasonable to expect to know the name of the company fairly soon?
Anon
First conversation they should tell you the company. Find out if it’s an exclusive search they’ve been hired to do (otherwise decline to work with them).
Anon
If they ask for the salary range, be careful and try to get them to say a number first. If they do provide a salary range, don’t expect that to increase if you are offered a position. There might not be wiggle room there. They don’t work for you. They work for the potential employer.
Anon.
Don’t send your CV unless you’ve learned about the position (including everything said above by previous posters).
Confused Assocaite
I started at a new law office in September as a lateral associate. It is a small firm with only 6 attorneys and 6 additional support staff (in-person full time). I have been told by the other associates that it is a gifting office around the holidays. The associates are planning on providing breakfast for the support staff one day but I feel like I need to get small gifts for the support staff because I have been told that they get small gifts for all of us (flowers, handmade knit goods, etc). It is 2 men and 4 women. What would you suggest as a small gift???
Confused Associate
apparently I can’t even spell associate right…GAA
anne-on
I’d go with Starbucks gift cards plus a travel mug. If you really want something consumable/usable I’ve had great luck with the pepermint bark from Williams Sonoma or the Hot Cocoa mix at Jacques Torres (or just a small box of chocolates per person).
anon
+1 gift cards or cash. No one wants hand made knit gifts. I promise you.
Confused Associate
I 100% agree! I was meaning to say that handmade gifts and flowers are gifts that the secretary and paralegals have gifted to the attorneys in the past.
Anon
Yep, and you can stash them in your purse and if you misread the situation…peppermint bark and gift cards for you!
(can you tell I’ve worked in a few quirky offices where I regularly have “extra” gifts stashed in case someone random gets me something?)
anne-on
This was a mom life hack someone recommended on the mom’s board – have a small stash of starbucks/target gift cards handy for last minute teacher thank you’s/birthday party invites and it has saved me many times over.
Anonymous
I also keep cards in the office: Birthday, Get Well, baby shower and generic winter scenes.
Walnut
I’m putting this into action today. Genius.
MND
Further mom-ing it… The target 10% off gift card sale is this weekend. I buy up to the limit in various denominations so I can give $50 to main teacher, $25 to specials teachers and $X to random people I’ve forgotten. You can typically purchase the cards online as well as in person
Anonymous
If you want an item, I often use tins if loose leaf tea for this purpose. Consumable or regiftable as needed!
Anonymous
This dress is not wool or cashmere! But it is also not 50% off.
Anokha
As styled, it’s hard to tell what the dress actually looks like!
Go for it
I dug around on the website. It is shapeless.
Anonymous
I find all of BR’s product photos are so styled it’s impossible to see what the actual garment looks like.
anon
At very quick first glance I thought it had a mid-section cutout and was very much all oh noooooo
Anon
Same. I couldn’t understand the shape of her bared abdomen either.
In other news I’m going for my annual vision check today!
noah
I hate when dresses without a belt are styled with a belt. Yes I know I could always add a belt, but I either want to buy a shaped or shapeless dress, not be mislead
anon
If I see a dress styled with a belt, it’s sort of an automatic “tell” that it’s going to be shapeless and not work well with my body type. i was so happy when the trend of belting everything ended. Belts shift around and are a general PITA. Give me a better-shaped dress any day.
anon a mouse
I bought this dress earlier in the season (in the lovely but now sold out blue color) and it is fantastic, but not shaped at all. It fit the “half step above lounge sweatshirt dress” hole in my wardrobe for WFH but wanting to look nice for camera and after-work things.
Anon
It is, but I am interested in the belt bag used in the styling, and I cannot find it.
pugsnbourbon
This brand has belt bags with a similar shape, but a more minimalist vibe: https://treefairfax.com/shop
Vacation
I have the first week of January off of work, and would like to take a 2-3 night relaxing vacation somewhere warm in the U.S. Where should I go? Preferred criteria below, but am open to other ideas:
– Ability to spend majority of time at the beach and/or pool.
– Walkable to a few dining options.
– Warm, sunny weather.
– I don’t want to rent a car. Would prefer to take Uber or Lyft to and form the airport, and maybe to a museum or nature site.
-Safe for a woman traveling alone.
I’m located in New England so Florida may be the obvious choice, but I’d also consider a desert location like Phoenix.
Suggestions for where to go? Recommendations for specific hotels or resorts are also welcome!
Anon
Miraval in Tuscon.
Anon
+1. Like millions of snowbirds, I love Arizona in January. Miraval would be a great choice, but there are a lot of amazing resorts around Tucson and in Scottsdale that would fit the bill. Don’t go too far north; Flagstaff will be cold in January.
Anon
Agree here’s tons of resorts the OP should consider. I should elaborate that I loved Miraval when I was a single, solo traveler because a lot of other people were too. It was the least “alone” place I’ve gone on a solo trip, and a lot or a little activity depending on how you want to spend your time.
Zina
I had a great trip to Miami beach that I found very relaxing. Went with my sister, felt very safe in general but I live in NYC so my sense may be warped. Did some nightlife stuff but otherwise just went to the beach and pool. It totally makes sense why Miami is such a common “quick vacation” spot, especially from NY.
cat socks
I was also going to suggest Miami. The Ritz Carlton on South Beach is nice. I was last there about 10 years ago, but we didn’t have a car and it was easy to get around.
NYCer
+1. South Florida is your best chance for beach/pool weather in January.
NYCer
I will also add that Hawaii would be at the top of my list if you’re willing to travel that far.
Anon
Was coming to say the same — you can Uber from the airport to your hotel and then walk to all the restaurants and beach very easily. There are also plenty of places I’d feel comfortable having a cocktail alone as a single woman in the evening like Broken Shaker.
anon
If you’re looking for beach but not Florida, I’d suggest Puerto Rico. In Florida in January, Miami or the Keys are your best options.
Anonymous
Good pick, I like having a loose fit sweater option for cookie season.
Anon
Has anyone done a closet lately by California Closets or any of the other big closet companies? I have a room that is maybe 5×10 that is my office/closet/room for storing Rubbermaid tubs that I’d like to make look much nicer now that I’ve settled in to how I actually use the space (it’s a nice amount of space and has a window). I imagine that a closet refresh will be $$$, but I’ve tried dealing with shelving on a 10′ wall and need a well-built well-supported system that is designed/installed by someone who knows what they’re doing. It’s also a tall space with an attic-access hatch in the ceiling, so a rolling ladder (like fancy libraries have) that would give shelf access but be usable for accessing the hatch would make it so I could use all the space I have and leave an uncluttered office area (ideally).
Anonymous
Are you trying to get up into the attic? If so, don’t you really want pull-down stairs from the hatch? It will be so much easier and not that expensive. I am a sucker for a rolling ladder, but I am not sure it is the most functional here.
Anonymous
I think she wants to use the rolling ladder for attic access as well as for access to the top wall shelves. I have a hard time envisioning how this would actually be workable for the attic, and agree that a pull-down ladder in the hatch is required no matter what.
Anon
OP here. I may have to rethink the rolling ladder for the attic, but I would probably use it frequently just for shelf access (I am short). I worry about filling up an attic with junk, and my ability to carry said junk on a ladder safety, so will probably use that rarely. My dream is a walk -up attic.
Anon
I have pull down stairs to my attic and it’s a trap. You just throw stuff in the attic because you don’t want to make the decision to get rid of it in the moment and then you have 20 years worth of crap in the attic … ask me how I know.
Anon
This is my nightmare — what ever is in my parents’ attic and the attic above their 2-car garage. That is what my inheritance will be and I guess you have to drag it down a ladder and go through it. Or can you sell a house noting “all the cr@p in the attic can and will absolutely convey to you — good luck!”?
Anonymous
I just want the pull down stairs in my house (as advertised but not delivered) so I can check on weird noises now and then, confirm the insulation is intact, and maybe clean out the dryer vent. I don’t care at all to store things up there. But because I don’t have the stairs, I’ve not seen up there in the 5 years I have lived here. It feels irresponsible, so getting the stairs is on a medium long list of improvements to make.
Anon
You might want to check if your attic is suitable for storage – trussed attics are not.
Anonymous
We have a pulldown attic ladder and it is very much a ladder, not stairs. It’s so hot in the attic that anything stored there would get wrecked. We only keep pieces of the actual house, like unused window screens, up there. It is a lot easier to get up there when necessary to replace the bathroom vent fan, check for leaks, etc. with the pulldown ladder than with a separate ladder.
anne-on
I’ve had closets ‘done’ in every apartment/house I’ve lived in. In my experience there are a TON of local companies that do it better/faster/cheaper than California closets – can you ask around or post in your local Facebook renovation group/look on Houzz/ask your realtor? If you post your area I’m sure people can give you local suggestions.
I did get quotes from actual cabinet makers over the spring/summer last year (window seat flanked by two bookshelves) and it was about $8-$10k depending on how many details/finishes I wanted. I would imagine particle board/mdf would be cheaper (but material cost may have gone up) as these folks were using wood and customizing to my wonky old house floors.
Anonymous
+1 A local carpenter can do a much nicer job.
Senior Attorney
+2 California Closets are crazy expensive for what you get.
Daffodil
I’ve been happy with my closets from the Container Store. Not sure if they have a rolling ladder though!
Anon
What do they do besides measure / sell / install their shelving? I also need to pull down existing shelving, spackle, and repaint, so I’m guessing I have to do that on my own? And I need to get a good reading chair, which I am probably on my own for.
Is this where an interior designer is helpful (vs a person who is just a “decorator”)? I have space, but it’s not working up to its full potential.
Senior Attorney
A few years ago I got a whole dressing room with fancy custom closets done by a designer and it is AMAZING but holy cow it was stupidly expensive because she contracted the work and took a cut of all the tradespeople’s work, too. I mean, it was great but it was STUPIDLY expensive. So… yes, a designer will do a great job but read the contract carefully and watch out for the costs.
Anon
I have closets/pantry from Elfa that I bought from the Container Store — one I had installed, two my husband and I did. They aren’t hard to do if you are moderately handy, but the installer was fast and efficient. They do more than measure, they configure/consult based on the clothing you have and the features you want, which I found helpful, and since Elfa is modular, they make sure you have all the right pieces especially if you are installing yourself . It’s similar to what IKEA does for kitchens. And yes, you would have to take down existing, spackle, repaint. They have twice yearly sales, I always wait!
test run
Who cares about the dress – look at that coat!
BeenThatGuy
Yes! It’s styled perfectly for my taste. Swap out the fanny pack for a belt and I’m sold!
Anon
Yes, that coat is amazing!
Anon
Does anyone have the iPhone 13 Pro Max? How easy / hard is the magnetic charging system and does what case you get matter? I currently have an older dying iPhone and use an Otterbox defender with a stuck-on card wallet (super handy; I usually don’t need a purse anymore), but I’m thinking that I may need to rethink the setup. Trying to order everything so I have the phone + case + stuff on day 1 due to previously dropping and breaking a phone. Thanks!
Nora
Whats the magnetic charging system? Also thinking of swapping my iphone XR out for a iphone 13. Am I going to have to change all my chargers/headphones?
anon
Not necessarily. I have a 13 Pro regular size and the only new thing I needed was a case.
Pep
You need a MagSafe case to use the magnetic charging. These are widely available.
shananana
I like having the magnetic option but use both. You will need a mag safe case. I ordered mine with the phone. Otherwise uses the same lightening charger the last few generations have used.
AnonMom
In case this is relevant to your current charging setup, I have a 12 in a MagSafe case and use it on my iPhone 8-era non-magnetic wireless charging stations just fine. It doesn’t magnetically grab the charger or anything like that, but it charges without issue. It also charges via cable like all my older phones have done. You don’t need a new special charger unless you want one.
Cville
Does anyone have any ideas about how I find a good cleaning person or service for my parents in Charlottesville, VA? Right now they theoretically only want occasional deep cleaning, but I think eventually they will want more regular help. I’ve never lived there and am not sure if there is a good email list/FB group or other source for local recommendations for this kind of thing.
anon
NextDoor recommendations. Either get them signed up or use their address to sign yourself up to ask for a rec.
Anon
Go on Facebook and search for groups related to Charlottesville – usually they have words like community, town, or forum in them. Join the one with the most members and ask there.
North Myrtle real estate agent recs
recs for great real estate agent in North Myrtle Beach needed please….thank you!
Anonymous
Tammy Wolfe https://www.resourcefulrealty.com/tammy-wolfe/
shananana
Question on tipping movers – took them about an hour to load, then they have a 5 hour drive, then anticipate it will take less than 2 hours to unload and another 5 hour drive back. Stairs in both locations, total move cost me just under 3k. Two person team, what would you tip them? This was split across two days, although the driving and unloading is all one day.
Curious
We normally split 10% of the move cost across the team, so maybe around $150 each? Anything more than $80 feels ok to me, less feels like a one day move.
Anonymous
$150 to each person.
Anonymous
I would tip them each $20 plus a case of water and I would offer to buy them lunch on any day they were in my home around lunchtime. I’d be prepared to give more if they went above and beyond in some way – like disassembling and reassembling furniture, or doing a really good job organizing my stuff, or otherwise treating my stuff and home with a level of care I don’t usually see from movers (ie no dings on walls or corners of furniture).
Lily
$20 pp over two days is way too little.
Saguaro
Lunch and $100 each.
ALT
I got a promotion back in May and due to my replacement being absolutely terrible, among other things, haven’t been able to fully move into the new role and have instead spent the last 6 months doing the old job, the new job and also the majority of the replacement’s work as well. I am beyond burnt out and frustrated because it feels like I won’t ever be able to move into the new role since they haven’t let my replacement go or tried to find a new replacement who’s better.
I should look for a new job, right? I am stretched too thin here and when I ask about a timeline for moving into the new role I keep getting told that it will happen “soon”.
anon
I’ve been there and it is a terrible situation. Yes, start looking. But also, have a really blunt conversation with your supervisor about how unsustainable this is and how eager you are to fully immerse yourself in the new role.
Anon
You’ve got to squeak more. If your replacement isn’t cutting it but you’re doing the work, the problem isn’t visible. You’ve got to raise the issue loudly. If you don’t get in the habit of doing that, this problem will just follow you around to your next company.
Anon
+1
ALT
My boss is aware that the replacement is terrible but when either of us have brought it up to our HR or COO people, we keep getting told that things will be resolved soon.
Anonymous
Who covers when she’s terrible? If it’s you, then I’d try to stop doing that. I know, that it’s easier said than done. No one likes to see a problem and not fix it if they can. But COO has no reason for a change. May was a long time ago. And if it’s a true HR issue, then it will benefit with documentation. (Most HR things will have a timeline anyway–like is she on a PIP? How long will the PIP run?) If you are not in the loop enough to know this timeline, I would take this as a clear sign that it shouldn’t be your problem to fix.
You’re at the point of looking elsewhere, so I’d start to focus on self-preservation. You don’t have to throw the replacement under a bus. But stop saving them the next time they’re walking in front of it, even if the aftermath might be ugly. And in the meantime, I’d focus on doing as much of new role as possible. It’s gone on so long now, that people are falling into habit with no reason to alter the current status quo.
Anon
Sit down with your management and tell them you can’t do the old job anymore and need an exact transition date. Say that the replacement has had enough time to come up to speed. Don’t offer to do anything or help with anything related to the old job or the replacement – it’s their issue and they must beg/ask for your help. Don’t work overtime – prioritize what you can first, then do extra things when you’re free. Things may not get done and deadlines may get missed – nicely tell them when this is expected to happen but unfortunately you are no longer able to work overtime to fix it. The gap is your old management/replacement’s problem. Right now you’re solving their problem and they’re happy, so you need to stop being the solution. You can do this while being cordial and professional.
Anonymous
How junior/senior are you? How does your former role relate to your new one? I think the answer really varies a lot based on your seniority and also the role. Who is the “they” that hired and won’t fire your replacement? That’s where I’d start (or work with your boss to start, if more appropriate). I presume it’s either your boss or your boss’s peer or your peer.
Anon
Curious to your input…I’m a CPA in a public firm (with an office of 10 – 6 CPAs, remainder is support staff, but firm total employee count of 50) and we just had a CPA in my office put in their notice. So obviously with tax time coming up, this puts those in charge in to a panic. I’m a manager level too for what it’s worth, but the answer from the top (of course) is that everyone is just expected to put in the additional hours to make up for this person’s hours we lost…So the partners then expect the other 5 CPAs to work an additional 10-15 hours (on top of the 60+ already worked). I’m going to push back on this….certainly we can extend returns, reallocate work, share staff amongst offices, etc. but does anyone have any better suggestions? I’m a single mom of a toddler, so working 75 hours a week is not feasible even for a short period.
Anon
can they bring in temporary staff? i know a lot of accounting firms hire former accountants turned SAHM during busy tax season to help pick up the slack.
anon
I don’t think I’d say this so bluntly, but that sounds like a good way to lose yet another CPA. Are there any options for filling this position at this point?
Anon
Am I missing something? Why is hiring a new person not an option?
baseballfan
Hire – either perm or temp. There are lots of people looking for contract work around that time. I took a similar role myself several years ago when I was in the job market.
But, it depends on the partners’ POV. I’m in Big 4 and have experienced this a number of times and with varied solutions. Permanent hires, temp hires, reallocation from other teams (not really applicable at a small firm, of course) or just sucking it up have all been on the table.
AZCPA
Flat out, they need to hire. They can absolutely have someone up and running in time for tax season if they act promptly. Lots of CPAs are looking to make a move, though attracting one means market pay and benefits.
Other than offering to help with the hiring and onboarding, there’s not much you can do. I spent a lot of my career consulting for firms of that size, and unfortunately they often don’t truly understand how to run a business. Partners are made based on ability to bring in new work, not run a firm. So work the amount you can (the 60ish hours) and push back otherwise, or not only will it be 75+, that will continue in perpetuity.
dark
What books are popular with the 6/7 year olds these days? I just saw that Baby Sitters Club has been turned into graphic novels and realized I’m completely out of touch to buy Christmas presents this year. TIA!
Anonymous
I would do the first three Harry Potter books in the illustrated edition for that age group. I would’ve loved Babysitters Club as graphic novels! If you think that would be a hit with your kids, go for it. I also think National Geographic-style books about animals or the human body (with lots of photographs) are always popular.
NYCer
+1 to the first few Harry Potter books. It gets a bit dark as the series progresses, but my daughter really enjoyed the first few.
Tea/Coffee
BSC 4ever! :-)
But for 6-7 YO girls, i would go with Ivy & Bean, Whatever After, or Land of Stories. BSC graphic novels might be more accessible to younger readers but I don’t think my BSC-obsessed 10YO would have been into them at 6-7.
For graphic novels, Captain Underpants or Dogman.
For slightly more advanced readers, Mr Limoncello’s Library series.
These have ALL been popular in our house.
Anonymous
Along these same lines, any suggestions for an 8 year old girl who’s already finished Harry Potter?
anne-on
Depending on her appetite for myths the Rick Riordan books have lots of different series (Percy Jackson, Magnus Chase, etc.). If she’s an advanced reader, the Garth Nix Old Kingdom series is great and mostly female-led. I’d also suggest the Tamora Pierce books though the Wild Magic series has a seriously squicky age gap romace. I also loved the ‘Girl who Circumnavigated Fairyland’ books but the vocabulary is also very advanced so those might be best for when she’s a bit older.
MND
Seconding RR. He also has several series – start with Percy Jackson and then move on from there.
Anan
My 9 daughter really liked the Aru Shah series. Also really into The Dragonet Prophecy. Oh and the ED Baker books.
Also Grace Lin has a series that starts with Where the Mountain Meets the Moon that is set in ancient China that is pretty good and has beautiful illustrations.
Anonymous
The Wings of Fire series. My 8 year old LOVES them.
A
My daughter loved Enid Blyton’s school series. I read them as a child and was chuffed that she liked them too.
anon
Age 6/7 is really young for BSC, even the graphic novels. DD is 7, a strong reader, and is still very much into picture books. Our first foray into chapter books will be the Ivy and Bean series.
Anon
As anecdata the other way, I read the entire BSC series around age 6-7. I was definitely a strong reader, but there are kids out there who would enjoy the series at that age. It really just depends on the kid. My preschooler has no interest in chapter books, even for a read aloud, so I can’t imagine her reading BSC at 6.
Anonymous
+1. I read it at ages 6-8.
MND
My kid read it at 7 and I did too. The content didn’t seem particularly mature, and if anything it was kind of nice to have a low level exposure to period, dating, parent divorce & remarriage, deadbeat parent, etc. topics.
Anonymous
My five and a half year old is OBSESSED with the BSC graphic novels. 6-7 is a great age. We just skipped boy crazy Stacey, because it had no relevance for a 5 year o. But every other one was surprisingly relatable , given the age difference.
anon for this
My 6 year old niece is a huge fan of Dragon Masters and Zoey & Sassafras. Both are written at about a 2nd grade level and have some magical elements that are fun.
Anonymous
My 7 YO does love the BSC graphic novels–and they also have graphic novels of the BSC little sister books as well!
Cville
The “What We Do All Day” blog is a good resource for kids book recommendations. My son was into Dog Man and Fly Guy at that age. And National Geographic Kids books.
Anon
Rainbow Magic is popular with girls that age. American girls, too – they now have books that are more like graphic novels.
Anon
Also Princess in Black, if she doesn’t have it.
Anon
Princess in Black is popular with the preschool set and it only takes me about 10-15 minutes to read a PIB book aloud to my 3 year old. I think it’s way too juvenile for a 6 or 7 year old.
Anon
My 7 year old (boy) loves the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series, the Bad Kitty books, Big Nate, Bad Guys, and the Diary of a Pug books.
Anan
How to Train Your Dragon is a pretty good series.
nuqotw
Dogman
Anom
My first grader loves Dogman! It cracks her up! She’s a good reader, but the graphic novels are good for building stamina.
Anonymous
It really depends on the kid’s interests and reading level. On the moms’ page there are frequent debates about the appropriate age to teach kids to read–some say as young as 3 and some say as old as 7. This means that some 7-year-olds will have been reading chapter books for years while others are still on early readers. A 6- or 7-year old might be reading anything from Magic Tree House to Ivy and Bean to Clementine to Beverly Clearly to Harry Potter to Narnia and beyond. Books are so tricky that it’s best to ask the parents for some direction.
Anon
The age you start reading isn’t at all correlated to when you progress to above-grade level books though. I learned to read in first grade at age 6 (which was typical in my area at the time) but I immediately started reading long chapter books that were way above grade-level. By second grade, you couldn’t tell who in my class had learned to read in preschool and who had learned in first grade. I realize that’s just one data point but there are plenty of actual studies that back up the idea that early reading isn’t correlated to later academic achievement including reading way above grade level.
And nobody on the moms page advocates for “teaching” kids to read at 3. Some small percentage of very bright children do it spontaneously and people occasionally ask for advice about kids who have taught themselves to read at a young age, but the general consensus of virtually everyone on that page (and the experts) is that children shouldn’t be formally taught reading before kindergarten at the earliest.
K.
I cannot recommend Renee Watson’s books Ways to Grow Love and Ways to Make Sunshine enough. They are just lovely and my daughter started them while 6 and continues to love them at age 7. They are delightful!
We also just read Too Small Tola and she loved that as well.
Anon4This
Anyone ever made a huge payment on their mortgage? Thinking $25K on a loan for about ~$700K.
Thoughts on doing this vs. putting money elsewhere (assume that 401Ks and IRAs are maxed out, investment accounts are fine, no other debt besides DH’s car payment)?
Anonymous
Only if it was my last payment to pay off the mortgage. If you really want to get rid of debt then put it on the car payment. But the best place to put it is definitely an investment account.
anon
Yeah, we’ve done this a few times. I fully own that it’s as much of a psychological thing as a financial decision, but we have goals to pay off the mortgage early. If all goes well, we’ll have it paid off before Kid 1 goes to college. And that will give us more freedom to downshift our careers, if we want to do that.
anne-on
This. We did a lot of large lump sum payments (and some refis) in the first 5 years of our mortgage, mostly for psychological reasons. Our 30-year is now at the point where one of us can carry it solo which is a HUGE source of comfort for both of us and means we also have a lot of equity we can tap via a HELOC if needed.
Anon
Except with the sh*t hits the fan, banks often freeze HELOCs.
anon
we did this..paid off mortgage ahead of college knowing that we would need the funds for college – it is one of the best financial decisions we have made and puts us in a great position to invest in next home and market post college
Anonymous
I mean it’s likely financially stupid
pugsnbourbon
Are you trying to pay off the house early, or make the big payment and refinance at the same time? If not I think the money might do more work for you in investments.
anon
I made some chunk payments (about $40k each year I got my annual bonus) on my mortgage and then had the monthly repayment recast (this didn’t cost anything – it’s not a refinancing, but you usually have to ask them to do it). Make sure the payment is marked as “to principal only”. I liked having the monthly mortgage reduced by a couple of hundred dollars, but this is an emotional decision. Generally, if you have low interest rate putting the money in the market (eg in Vanguard funds) is a better choice financially, but of course that comes with some risk.
Anonymous
I was in a similar situation (but like $10 towards $330) and wound up refinancing instead (2%, 15 years fixed) and investing the rest.
Anonymous
Depending on how much you’re paying down versus the balance of the loan, you may be able to ‘recast’ instead of refinance and get a favorable impact on your payment.
Anonymous
Came here to recommend this approach! If you want to increase flexibility wrt the mortgage. Then you can keep paying your current obligation or divert the savings to a brokerage account. Seems more financially smart than just paying off the principal.
Calculator for Recasting
https://www.free-online-calculator-use.com/mortgage-recast-calculator.html
anon
What’s your interest rate on the mortgage? I’d think you’d get far better returns by investing the $25k instead of paying off a probably 4% mortgage.
Anon
Prepaying a 6% mortgage back when I paid AMT and was in a high bracket was a no-brainer. Now, with a 3% mortgage and the AMT/marriage penalty largely gone, IDK that that is the best use of my money (implicit yield is interest rate / marginal tax bracket). But that way you haven’t p*ssed it away on stupid stuff.
anon
I’ve thought about this and haven’t, because the odds of the money doing much more for me in an ETF are really, really high. Also, should I ever need cashflow, money in an ETF is more useful.
Anon
Yes, we made several large lump sum payments after tax refunds and a gift from my husband’s wealthy uncle. I’m aware it’s not always financially optimal but being debt-free has been incredibly freeing.
Anonymous
What’s the benefit? I have a $650k mortgage and could throw money at it but my rate is like 3.1%. I’m keeping it in the market.
Anon
I really want to pay off our mortgage early, however, instead of paying extra on the mortgage itself, we have an investment account that I have earmarked for early mortgage payment. So, we do put some funds in monthly and then when we have bigger chunks due to bonus or whatever, those go in too. Once we have accumulated enough to pay it off in a lump sum (accounting for capital gains), we will liquidate that account. This way, we get the advantage of market growth (although I know there is no guarantee of future returns). Our interest rate is only 2.5%, so chances are the market will outperform that.
Anon
I have enough in savings (invested) to pay off my mortgage but it just doesn’t make a lot of sense to do so when my rate is less than 3% ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Anonymous
My husband was obsessed with paying off 3% our mortgage 2010-2020. To this day it still ticks me off when I think about all the market returns we missed during this period. His plan was so dumb and I wish I would have fought him harder on it.
Anonymous
Christmas help! Mother in law has sent the following as a gift request:
“I would like a jacket sort of equivalent to my old fleece but not fleece. Not bulky. not wool. Nicer than a sweatshirt. You probably have a few like what I’m thinking of.”
She lives in a climate that gets cold, but generally not freezing or snowy (think like, SF, Nashville, Austin, Charlston, etc). She’s in her early 70s and fairly stylish in a Laura Bush sort of way.
I’m trying hard not to ask follow up questions because I know she wants us to pick it for her and not just buy what she links us to. DH and I spent an hour on this last night and are thinking patagonia better sweater (is this too “fleece”?), patagonia nano puff (too bulky?), llbean quilted riding jacket? Other suggestions?
Budget is flexible, probably $100-300?
Anon
LL Bean Sweater Fleece comes in petite, which I needed b/c Patagonia doesn’t work for a short woman with ample hips.
anon
I’d probably go with a quilted riding jacket if her style is Laura Bush. That said, a Patagonia nano puff is super trendy among the suburban parents of Silicon Valley.
Anon
Patagonia better sweater is what popped into my mind.
anon a mouse
This fits her request to a T, but may not quite match the Laura Bush description. For that I think you’d want a quilted riding jacket.
Anonymous
OP here. I have the better sweater so that’s what I thought too…but isn’t it a fleece [and specifically not what she wants]? It’s on their website in the “jackets and fleece” category.
January
If she specifically said that you probably already have a few of the things that she is looking for, then I would say that she does want the better sweater and either doesn’t know what it’s called or doesn’t want to be so specific.
Anon
It’s not fleece, it’s knit.
Anon
And my body shape became incompatiable with Patatonia’s shape sometime in my 30s. If she’s really straight up and down, it may work for her.
anon
Yeah, the better sweater is slim fit, which doesn’t work for me. Patagonia’s regular fit works much better for me (30s, curvy and flabby).
NotInstaFamous
What about the Arcteryx Covert hoody or cardigan? Or something like the Canada Goose HyBridge knit down jacket or knit bomber jacket?
Anonymous
Something like this? It IS fleece, but not fleecy fleece.
https://www.craghoppers.com/tala-jacket-yale-blue-marl/
https://www.craghoppers.com/stromer-jacket-rio-red/
Or maybe something lighter like this?
https://www.johnlewis.com/l-k-bennett-elliot-floral-embroidery-zipped-jacket-midnight/p5677975
Or a different style of sporty material than fleece, like this?
https://www.johnlewis.com/jilla-active-trail-explorer-full-zip-jacket/p5867571
Anon Runner
Patagonia seems to fit the criteria.
Anonnymouse
What about the J Crew sweater blazer or similar?
https://www.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/blazers/sweater-blazers/eloise-sweater-blazer/BA552?display=standard&fit=Classic&color_name=hthr-grey&colorProductCode=BA552
or this from Land’s End, fleece-y coat:
https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-cozy-boucle-fleece-coat/id_358729?attributes=2447,43307,43326,43398,44256,44967
A pullover option:
https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-sweater-fleece-cowl-neck-tunic-pullover/id_347660?attributes=2685,43307,43326,43398,44256,44967
Bomber jacket style is cool:
https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-insulated-quilted-thermoplume-bomber-jacket/id_358727?attributes=27098,43307,43326,43398,44256,44967
Wool-free sweater blazer:
https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-plus-size-sweater-fleece-blazer/id_347655?attributes=43307,43326,43398,44256,48500
Lightweight quilted option:
https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-insulated-primaloft-eco-reversible-coat/id_357465?attributes=21855,43307,43326,43398,44256,44967
Anonymous
I like the bomber. I would buy it for my mother, who sounds a bit like your MIL.
Anon
JCrew Factory piped sherpa coat? https://factory.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/jackets/coats/piped-sherpa-coat/BC797?display=standard&fit=Classic&color_name=ivory&colorProductCode=BC797
Anonymous
Some more possibles for inspiration in the lightweight quilted (but not sporty) range:
https://www.johnlewis.com/joules-newdale-quilted-jacket-green/p5679790
https://www.johnlewis.com/boden-floral-print-reversible-puffer-jacket-night-blue-forest/p5701977
https://www.johnlewis.com/mango-mathilde-quilted-jacket-light-beige/p5729580
https://www.outdoorandcountry.co.uk/womens-barbour-clover-liddesdale-quilted-jacket-.html?c=Navy
Anonymous
Don’t get the Patagonia Better Sweater. They redesigned it and the fabric feels cheaper and the fit is skintight. I have an old one in a medium that fits great and a new one in a large was incredibly tight. I could tell sizing up again wouldn’t help with the length. I recommend something from LL Bean instead.
Anonymous
WHAT? Boo. This is the OP. When was it redesigned? I got mine maybe…2 years ago? MIL and I are the same height but I have more shoulders and chest than she does, so I usually size down one size for her. She’s a size 6/8 (or maybe a 4 in stores with serious vanity sizing).
FP
What about a quilted Barbour coat? I live in one of the cities you listed and that style is very popular, especially with older women (the Forth Quilted Jacket is one that seems to fit your needs).
NYCer
I would probably get her a Barbour quilted jacket.
If she intends to use this new jacket for exercise, then I would lean more toward the Patagonia better sweater. It reads very “fleece” to me.
Anonymous
+1 to all of this.
aBr
+ Barbour. If you are feeling really generous, the Burberry quilted jacket.
Anon
Barbour jacket or LL Bean utility jacket? Or maybe a sweater blazer if she’s not looking for a jacket?
Digby
Check out the tech quilted bomber jacket at Orvis. I have the vest version and like it.
A
Barbour beadnell quilted jacket if that’s your budget.
DC
If this is an in-person gift exchange, can you purchase 2 or 3 different options and let her choose which one she likes best? My mom still does this for my gifts sometimes when she isn’t sure exactly what I will like, then she returns whatever wasn’t my favorite.
Anonymous
Another question about staff gifts. Last year I had a dedicated secretary and I gave her $300 cash as an end of the year gift. Most people in my office don’t give to their secretary. Since then, the firm has been moving to a pooled resources model and my secretary quit. I’m supposed to still have a dedicated secretary but I’ve been reassigned more times than I can count (not at my request) and the most recent lady was assigned to me like a month ago. I’ve been told I’ll be moved again “soon” no idea when or who will be next. The secretaries also have fewer responsibilities, so I no longer work with her on a daily basis like I used to. In short, I don’t really want to give this person $300 because she doesn’t do much for me and I’m going to be reassigned soon anyway. What should I give her instead? Should I give anything to the other people who were assigned to me for a short time? I don’t plan to give to the “pool” because that’s many hundreds of people scattered all over the world.
Anon
$50 gift card.
Anom
I view these types of gifts as not the assistants’s fault that she doesn’t do that much for you. And whoever gets reassigned to her in your place won’t gift her bc they won’t be assigned to her at holiday time. Basically, you’re taking a windfall at her expense by not giving the usual cash amount. Under this theory, it’s not necessary to give to the people who were assigned to you earlier in the year because whomever they are working with now should gift.
Unfortunately, this is like tipping. It’s part of her compensation and while it should be your employer who does it rather than you, this is not the custom.
Horse Crazy
Last night I accepted a great job offer with a wonderful organization and a $30k raise! I’m so excited – my current job is a hellhole.
Now I have to give my notice, which I’ve never done before…any advice? How honest should I be about why I’m leaving? The real reasons are that I’m way underpaid, underutilized, and am bored out of my mind. What should I say?
Anon
Don’t burn a bridge, always quit nicely. Just say you got an offer for a job you can’t pass up.
anon
+1. “With mixed emotions, I am submitting my resignation with two weeks notice. My last day here will be X.” Optional is to insert something such as, “I received a job offer I could not pass up, but appreciate the experience I have gained at Y company.”
That’s it. Then, if you’re me, you leave q truthful review on Glassdoor 6 months later.
anne-on
Congratulations!!!
Just keep it neutral – opportunity I couldn’t pass up, my last day will be XX. As someone who just did this over the summer – make sure your expense reports are up to date, you have external logins to all your IRA/401k info (in case you use SSOs), you have your logins to any firm credit cards to make final payments, download and save copies of your healthcare cards/records and your 401k information, and make sure all of your personal files are off your work computer and saved to your personal email. Do NOT save/send any work files to your personal email and be prepared for HR to cut off your access to internal systems the same day you give notice – it will feel personal but it is just for their security, so don’t be offended. If you have a physical office you may also want to start quietly clearing out your personal items a little bit here and there.
Anon
I would just focus on how you’re taking an exciting opportunity! There’s no benefit that could come to others or to you from conveying that you’re underpaid, underutilized, and bored (your job may be the perfect fit for someone else, which is fine).
Cat
Complaining on the way out is never fruitful. Just be polite and breezy. “A great opportunity presented itself! I appreciate how much I learned with Current Org and look forward to staying in touch.”
Anon
Give notice in the normal way: you are leaving on X date and will work to transition projects over in the interim.
If you have an exit interview, you can talk up the new job and say nothing about your current role. People aren’t stupid; if you say you are leaving because your new role is challenging and well compensated, they know you are not getting that in your current role.
Senior Attorney
Congratulations! I agree with everyone else: “This is to inform you that I will be leaving Firm for a new position. My last day will be [date]. I will always think fondly of Firm and my colleagues here.”
Boom. Done. And yes, be prepared to be shown the door as soon as you give notice.
Anonymous
Can anyone recommend any ADHD coaches who specialize in “rejection dysmorphia,” or have any other good resources? Just heard about it today.
Anon
Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is the keyword if you want to look this up. Emotional dysregulation in ADHD is a broader keyword to look for.
Anon
Thank you so much for posting about this; my son has ADHD and in reading about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria I can see he may be struggling with this. This term has not come up before, when he was diagnosed or in his therapy or coaching sessions, and I think I need to explore this further.
Coach Laura
Helpful article https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/22/well/mind/adhd-coaching.html?searchResultPosition=1
The best ADHD coach I know is Alan R. Graham, PhD, PCC, MCAC of ACP Consultants. He’s a licensed psychologist and certified coach. https://www.acp10.com/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/alan-graham-phd/
anon
I would love to have a late-winter getaway to look forward to. By that point, we are so over the cold, snow, and wind. Any ideas for great places to take a family during a mid-March spring break? Florida? San Diego? Arizona?
Anon
How old are your kids? What do they like to do? We have a 3 year old and have enjoyed going to the Emerald Coast in Florida the last couple years but my kid is content to just play on the beach all day. Older kids might want more things to do. I would also consider Puerto Rico and the US Virgin Islands, since you can get there without the international travel challenges.
NYCer
Hawaii.
H13
Any recommendations for individually wrapped treats to send to a school front office? Cheryl’s Cookies is all that comes to mind. Any other ideas?
anon
How about See’s candies/chocolates? That’s always my go-to since I grew up near their HQ and we’d always give/get them as gifts.
calling all cyclists
A plea for help from the cyclists on the board….
My brother is a serious bike rider, but I would never be brave enough to buy him any gear since I don’t know what he has and likes. Is there a really great online cycling store that you recommend that I can get him a gift card for?
anon
I suggest a gift card to his favorite local cycling shop. That’s what I would prefer! My local shop can get me just about anything I need and I am supporting my friends and a local business.
Cat
+1, or REI carries a decent assortment of cycling clothes if you’d otherwise need to ask him about his local shop.
NotInstaFamous
Rapha if you’re feeling spendy and he’s a road cyclist. Think of it to cycling clothing what the Fold is to women’s workwear (British, fancy, very fun).
Anon
His local bike shop, Competitive Cyclist, REI or Backcountry.com are all solid. If you want to buy a small but useful physical gift, neoprene toe covers are the best $20 I’ve ever spent on cycling gear.
Senior Attorney
Agree that the best thing is to find the best bike shop where he lives. When we got married, Hubby’s cousin all the way in Pennsylvania gave us a gift card for a tiny little local specialty bike shop here in California and we were so touched! Failing that, I’ve had good luck with https://www.performancebike.com/
Anon
I agree on a bike shop is #1 option.
Second option. Park Tool has online gift cards. They make tools for bikes and their tools is most likely what his bike shop uses. Most cyclists have a couple of tools they’ve been meaning to buy for their personal stash.
calling all cyclists
Really appreciate the recs!
Do you have any suggestions to local bike stores in Brooklyn? I guess I could ask him, but trying to save an element of surprise…
anon
I can get you one but it’s not necessarily going to be one he likes. For example, the closest local bike shop to me is one I would never use bc they are stuck up jerks, so I go to one that is 45 minutes away. However, someone else may like the closer one and not want to use the one I love bc they are pro-cannabis gravel dudes. If I have learned anything from my time cycling it is that we are picky mofos. I get that you want it to be a surprise, but I really think you’re better off not guessing here.
Senior Attorney
Tell him you are asking for a friend. I promise he’d rather have the right store than be surprised with the wrong one. ;)
Senior Attorney
And OMG “picky mofos” times a million!!
anon
I would recommend Rapha if he’s a road biker! It would be my dream to have a gift card there and be able to pick up some beautiful outfits for cycling.
Anon
Any recs for a one-time deep cleaner in Chicago? And what should I expect to pay? One bedroom, 900-ish sq ft. I’m not a messy person but I just want someone else to deep clean the bathroom and wash my floors.
Choose Your Own Adventure
I have a choice to make at work. Here are the facts – at my company for 10 years, in the industry for 15, which is a niche industry with way too few women. The job market for me beyond current company will almost certainly always be very strong.
I currently do Function A which is related to Function B. I’ve done A for 10 years and its – fine? I make really good income, but it’s sort of monotonous and the business itself is just getting crowded. I used to do something unique and brilliant for clients, and now there are others doing it cheaper (and worse) but sometimes clients just don’t care and chose the cheaper option. I think I’ve sort of lost my spark for A, though I do the function with relative ease. Function A leadership wants me to stay and elevate within Function A, though “elevate” doesn’t really mean much – do bigger deals, make more money, same day-to-day fundamentally.
Function B has an opening and I’ve been asked by Function B leadership to step in, to partner with a trusted friend and peer and grow Function B from nothing. Risk is big – I could lose half of my income in the immediate term as we ramp and grow the business but in 3 years it could be great income and in 5 – maybe life changing income if we do this right. It’ll be familiar work but also new, harder work. Big risks, but potentially enormous rewards. And, if not a lot of women do Function A, way fewer do Function B, which I kind of love and I think positions us strategically against competition.
Both involve growing a book of business. I have a book (that can/should grow) in A. B has a limited existing book and we’d be starting almost totally fresh, though with support from the company/brand that will help get us off the ground. Also, if I go to B I can’t go back to A (or, it would be really hard to).
What’s a gal to do? A is a little bit of a coast but mundane. B is new and shiny, and big long-term propositions. Leadership from both functions jointly sat me down yesterday and said “we’re all in on you, you need to decide which team you’re all in on for yourself.” It was a flattering, downright unbelievable conversation and position to be in, but I’m borderline crippled by the decision. Assume I personally have a solid cash reserve, and no other life related events to influence the decision.
For what it’s worth, I’m leaning B and trying to decide if I’m just totally out of my mind.
Anonymous
I think you should bet on yourself and go for B.
Anonymous
If the company is all in on you then they should put their money where their mouth is. Can you negotiate a guaranteed salary for X years? When do you expect to have a line of sight into whether this will succeed or flop? Can you negotiate an option to move back into A at that time?
Anonymous
It sounds to me like you have already done this once before, when you developed Function A. Function A is now being commoditized, which is really tough. It is very hard to build a book of business when you are constantly being undercut on pricing.
I would jump to Function B, but push leadership to provide some assurances about income protection.
Anon
Push yourself. It’s the only way to get any fulfillment out of work. I’ve never regretted stepping outside my comfort zone, at leafy long-term.
Anon
Option B sounds like a great opportunity and you seem excited about it. Go for it!
Anonymous
Is there a way I can tell how warm Patagonia stuff is?
I need a jacket to wear when its between 50-65. I like the look of the Nano Puff jacket, but am not sure if it will be too hot!
Anon
Back when I worked in the office, I often ended up wearing my NanoPuff in my 70 degree office because I was freezing otherwise. I live in CA and often wear it outside when it’s 50-60 but not sunny. If it’s in the 60s, sunny and you’re active it’s probably too much, but I like that it’s so lightweight, which makes it easy to take off and carry. It’s comfortable over a surprisingly large temperature range.
Anon
Unless you are just going to be standing/sitting around, doing nothing, the nano puff will be too hot.
Anonymous
For me, it’s a good layer for that temp, but I think it completely depends on how you run.
Long time Anon
I can’t tell many people about this in real life- I got an interview for a dream job! I’m very happy where I am but the opportunity came up and I decided to apply. It was a long shot that I’d even get an interview.
pugsnbourbon
Oh fingers crossed for you! You’re going to crush the interview!
Ses
Best of luck!
calling all cyclists
Really appreciate the recs!
Do you have any suggestions to local bike stores in Brooklyn? I guess I could ask him, but trying to save an element of surprise…
Anonymous
oh, which part of Brooklyn – e.g. north (Williamsburg) or south? I’ve had good luck with 718 Cyclery in the South [Park] Slope area.
Anonymous
PS – there are a lot of good bike stores here and you might be better off doing a Yelp search near his address and picking a place that is well reviewed. Brooklyn is big and a shop at one end of it won’t be convenient if he lives at the other end. Bicycle Habitat is a mini chain that is a safeish bet if he doesn’t live in Williamsburg or if he does but works in Manhattan.