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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Ultra-Stretch Ponte Cap-Sleeve Dress

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A woman in a beige cap-sleeve dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This short-sleeved dress from Quince looks like a great summer basic at a fantastic price. I know cap sleeves aren’t for everyone, but I find them to be one of the better options for wearing under a jacket or sweater.

I would pair the ecru dress with an olive blazer for a spring-y look, but it also comes in your classic black, charcoal, and navy if you’re looking for something a little more traditional. 

The dress is $49.90 at Quince and comes in sizes XS–XL.

A plus-size alternative in a slightly darker shade comes from Spanx (also available in straight sizes) — it's $138.

As of 2024, some of the best work dresses with pockets include M.M.LaFleur, J.Crew, Lands' End, and Boden… Some of our latest favorites are below! If you're on a budget, Quince has a great basic, this business casual Amazon dress has pockets, and Amazon seller VFShow has a number of dresses with pockets! Both Amazon and Etsy make it pretty easy to find dresses with pockets, as well.

great work dress with pockets from Boden
Boden
great work dress with pockets and sleeves in washable wool
Lands' End (exact)
a navy dress with pockets and sleeves
M.M.LaFleur (exact)
one of the best dresses for work, the j.crew resume dress
J.Crew

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

195 Comments

  1. I ordered this dress from Quince in a small and medium, and it runs small. Wasn’t flattering even when I sized up to the medium. Size up at least one if not two sizes.

    1. oh thanks for the review – I’ve eyed this occasionally but never purchased bc I didn’t feel like dealing with mail order roule-t-e. What’s your usual size in mall brands (JCrew) for a dress like this? Did the material make it worse for not being structured/smooth enough?

      1. I’d normally wear an 8 in a fitted dress like this. It’s very thick and structured but still showed every lump because it was too small. I have a small top and small shoulders and the top part would have been oversized if I went up to a large.

        Returning was not difficult though.

        1. It sounds like it does run a bit small, and I have found that to be so in other Quince products, but an 8 is squarely a Medium in this item and most standard US brands.

          1. fair enough, I’ve always been on the small side of medium and often wear a 6 or 6 petite so I assumed medium would have fit

      2. Quince is the most disappointing brand out there. The only good thing is returns are relatively easy. But I’ve gotten to the place where it’s not worth bothering to order because I don’t feel like hassling the return.

        1. It’s surprising to me the featured pick would be from Quince given how often their poor quality is discussed here.

        3. I posted a few weeks ago, but I swear it used to be different/higher quality. I have had a baby alpaca cardigan that I love for years – I still love even even though it became cropped when husband accidentally dried it in a too hot dryer and it shrunk. So soft, great weight and cut. I got the same color, same material turtleneck sweater this year and had to return it. It was very thin and so scratchy. I was very disappointed.

          1. The brand has only been around a few years, are you sure your fondly cherished sweater is the same thing?

  3. Does anyone have examples of a workplace providing benefits or support for people who are caring for elderly parents? There are a lot of examples of how to support people with young kids, but my company’s DEI group is realizing we have a lot of people on the other side of the spectrum and don’t have anything really in place for them. Would love to hear any ideas of what’s worked for your company or what you wish was in place if you’re in that phase. At this point it’s day dreaming so no clue what the budget would be.

    1. Honestly, flexibility. If you have a butt in seat policy, get rid of it. Also, privacy. Provide your employees with offices or at least plenty of private spaces to make personal phone call during the day. I really wouldn’t be interested in gestures or stipends – but I’m really interested in being given the flexibility to get my work done around elder care.

      1. This. I spent a year being the secondary caretaker for my dying parent who lived in another state. The primary caregiver was my parent’s spouse. My job is pretty solitary and task oriented. Whether I do my work on a Monday morning or a Friday night is pretty irrelevant as long as it gets done by the deadline. My job allowed me to work as much as I needed to in another state, and my boss was completely flexible with when I was or was not available to talk to him. As long as my work got done, he was happy. I was fortunate that I could still get my work done while caring for my parent, and frankly I liked having something else to think about.
        The flexibility not only gave me an opportunity to be a meaningful caregiver, but also gave me the opportunity to spend more time with my parent at the end of their life than I ever would have been able to otherwise. That’s the gift I am most grateful for.

        On a related note, consider what your policy is for time off when someone dies. My office didn’t seem to have a policy. But when I asked for a specific number of days, I was given them without question. And look into whether those days must be used continuously or can be used throughout the first year after someone dies. Grief is tough, and sometimes getting out of bed is overwhelming. The option to use grief leave on those days may be helpful for people who lose a spouse, child, or close parent.

    2. I’m able to use sick leave to care for elderly relatives, including accompanying them to doctors appointments. I get 12 sick days a year (separate from any vacation or annual leave) and it rolls over indefinitely. We also have an insanely flexible schedule, basically work your 80 hours a pay period and get your work done and it doesn’t really matter when you work (provided you’re attending meetings and calls you’re on). We are in the office 2x a week, but if you’re having a hardship they’re flexible with that too.

      I’m also able to use bereavement leave for any close relation, which I appreciate. I will be the caretaker of a few older, childfree relatives (aunts and uncles) and so I’m glad that my employer isn’t strict about this only applying to parents. As more and more people are childfree (by choice or fertility issues) there will be more and more people like me balancing caring for elderly parents, inlaws, and other loved ones on top of raising kids (hopefully). Additionally, as more and more people have only children (by choice or fertility issues), the ratio of available caregivers to those needing care will shrink in some families. For example, I have one sibling but I have two parents, two inlaws, three childfree relatives I’ll care for, but I also have several aunts and uncles who either have only one child or who have adult children who live far away and I forsee myself getting roped into assisting with them too… My sister and I live in our home metro area, but all of our cousins have left and they’ve expressed that it’s fine because “there’s so many family members who live near mom and dad, you guys can give me a hand”… Idk I have my own parents to take care of, my own career, and eventually (I hope) my own children.

      1. I really appreciate being flexible with who bereavement leave “counts” for. Frankly I think its awful to say who is “important enough” and it just varies so much. How do you know someones aunt didn’t raise them? Or I worked somewhere where step-parents weren’t included. The last two times I took leave were for kinda distant relatives on paper but it was important from my familys perspective.

        1. I worked somewhere where I was denied bereavement leave to spend one day attending an uncle’s funeral, but someone else was granted it to attend her best friend’s mother’s funeral. Even places that claim to be strict can still play favorites and that is TERRIBLE for morale. Just let people use the leave.

        2. +1, my current company gives 3 days for bereavement, 5 for a parent/child/grandparent/step of any of those. My family isn’t close by and having the extra time to help make arrangements when my godfather died and to attend the services was so precious.

    3. Yes. Large aerospace company, and we offer 20 uses of care per year. That can apply to child, or elder family member who needs support recovering from surgery, or if normal caregiver support isn’t available. It’s contracted through bright horizons, so it also is helpful just as a way to find and get support services.
      In addition to normal health insurance and EAP that has support for counseling, We also have a partnership with Talking Talent that provides coaching to parents and caregivers of any type.
      I also think manager training and coaching goes a long way to help managers figure out what types of flexibility they can provide all employee situations, whether it’s parents, people caring for elderly or sick family member, or someone going through their own medical need.

        1. Do you use it though? Child care is just so different than elder care (and my elders live in a rural area, so outside of coverage areas, but I may move an elderly parent to my city or into my house). My care issues are that I can lift my parent, but only in the sense of helping her up if she falls and can assist in getting up again. I could not carry a bedridden person to the toilet and old/unsteady adults terrify me when stairs are involved (they are), since any caregiver could be severely hurt helping someone navigate stairs.

          We used a BH for daycare, but IDK that it’s people are prepared for a 200 pound adult. Maybe they will just “sit with” a person but not otherwise be able to provide services beyond getting food from a refrigerator or microwaving prepared food?

      2. Anon 9:55 – I am also in the aerospace industry and working with an ERG to try to increase caregiver benefits. If you would be willing to email about your company’s policies in more detail, could you email me at lizzyhicken01 @ gmail.com

        If you aren’t comfortable with it, totally understand. Thank you!

    4. If you have no budget, flexibility (like to duck out to participate in dr appointments) is free.

    6. My last company offered a benefit for back-up care for children, but it could also be used for home care for adults, even in different states. With the caveat I never used it it seemed like a nice idea. My current company offers a “workation” option where you can work from a different state or country for a period of time once you get approval from HR, and I do know a lot of people have used that for elder care issues.

    7. If you can, make your elder care support policies available for sibling caregiving too

    8. As to backup care, my experience with BH for in-home backup care for children without a long lead time (ie, if usual nanny was sick) was terrible. I would spend time filling out their forms and talking with them and then they never got me care. I would have been better off just working that 45 minutes to get as much done as possible before having to be out.

      My colleagues who got care reported really uneven quality.

      I gave up on the heavily subsidized BH care and just called an excellent local nanny agency for backup care. The fees were really high, but when I absolutely had to be at work, it was worth it to me. I would have loved a subsidy for that agency, though.

      1. I get the impression that BH and similar backup care benefits are just for show and don’t actually solve the problem.

      2. yes, I gave up trying use our BH benefit because the set-up/lead time was really bad, and then actual caregivers were not or only barely acceptable – I had to send them home immediately on more than one occasion because they showed up smelling heavily of cigarette smoke (for infant care) or visibly high, and the others were definitely not approaching the standards I used otherwise for caregivers for my children. I ended up only using our BH benefit to get partially reimbursed for back-up care I arranged myself. Co-workers who used the actual BH centers liked them though (this was in Chicago; I now live elsewhere).

    9. Workshop on how to navigate Medicare sign up. My previous employer offered it twice a year and I always thought it was silly until I had to parent the parents through that process.

    10. Sometime in the late aughts through 2010s, I think, I had to use a week of my PTO to care for my mother. She was in and out of hospitals for several years, but that was one of the bad times. My using a full 5 days for that meant we wouldn’t be able to take our usual family vacation that summer.

      Shortly after I came back to work, local HR announced that they had realized that a city or local ordinance meant that there was paid leave for caring for a family member that didn’t deplete PTO. I will never forget talking to the HR lady about that. I almost burst into tears. It’s so hard taking care of a very sick family member, and the idea that my family wouldn’t be getting any vacation that year due to it had been like salt in the wound. I was so grateful for the new policy and haven’t forgotten how grateful I felt to get my PTO back.

    11. we have a bright horizons contract/benefit (which includes elder care), our EAP includes resources/support focused on elder care, and newly added a paid caregiver leave policy that includes immediate family (kids, spouse, partner, parents) – it’s administrated by our s t d / ltd provider. There is also a caregivers ERG. I have not been in a position to use/need any of these, but it’s been well received from what I can tell.

      Most areas also have a pretty flexible policy on hours & can apply for documented exceptions to our 2x/week in office policy (if your manager isn’t flexible already)

    12. What my (very large) company did that was valuable when I was in that phase:
      Flexible work + remote work policies with clear guidelines + support for working out of state, resources for setting up home offices at remote locations etc.
      Backup eldercare through care.com (like 2 free days + a negotiated rate for additional ones)
      Workshops on how and when to apply for FMLA (this was incredibly valuable to know who to talk to & what a good request looked like)
      A caregivers employee association group

    13. Flexibility is really important. I was a caregiver before remote work was a thing and bosses just didn’t get it. They didn’t understand that elderly people could just end up in the hospital overnight. Or that you just get worn down from the emotional toll. I’m not a parent, but I think one of the unique stressors for caring for an elderly person is that you are moving toward death which is very challenging. Also, get rid of the conditions for bereavement leave. We are making our own tribes and need to grieve their loss whatever the family connection or lack of it.

      Also, don’t neglect people caring for disabled adults who are not their kids. That is also a long, unique challenge.

  4. Quince reviews (since this comes up a lot):

    Love:
    Linen pants
    Silk T for layering under blazers
    Leather gloves
    14K tiny diamond hoops (wearing about 5 days/week for >1 year including sleeping and showers!)

    Returned or disliked:
    Cotton/modal blend T shirts and tanks – low quality
    Brushed fleece – thin, drapes weirdly
    Linen shirtdress – cut too boxy and not flattering
    Non-14K jewelry (white topaz earrings) – metal too yellow

    Those silk t shirts and linen pants keep me coming back…

    1. I like the organic cotton fisherman’s sweater – bought it for both my adult daughters who don’t baby it and it still looks great after a year of regular wear

      1. I agree, I bought that sweater based on all the internet love for it and I love it just as much!

      1. I have the small convertible foldover clutch. Really love it.

        counterpoint to the above–i love the modal t-shirts. Short-sleeved silk shirt is really boxy.

    3. I’ve had good luck with their linen sheets – they are holding up beautifully, about six months in, with weekly washes.

    4. I have their small leather travel jewelry case and it’s well made although my necklaces tangle up more than I’d like. Not sure I’d buy it again but it’s doing the job for now.

    6. The one silk tee I purchased is weirdly cut and puffs out with a blazer. Sizing down would be too small. Cashmere sweater is okay. Quince is a disappointment.

      1. Counterpoint. Those silk tees got me through a two-week jury trial in Florida last August. They were perfect shells and had sleeves so I could comfortably remove my jacket outside the courtroom and not burn up when walking to and from the courthouse/going to lunch.

        1. The thing I don’t like about their silk is how wrinkly it gets after washing – it is hard to steam it smooth. For those of you who are fans, do you put them in the dryer? Dry clean? I end up not wearing mine because it is waiting to be steamed. I have other silk shirts with more of a crepe texture that are much less wrinkle prone.

          2. I hang dry and then a very quick steam. For me it’s so satisfying to see the wrinkles practically melt out. I guess I now enjoy steaming – full size standing steamer (vs travel) makes all the difference and has saved me many dry cleaning bills!

    7. I also have really been happy with the silk tanks for layering under blazers. I also have a cashmere cardigan that I’ve been really happy with.

      I like the fit on the modal t-shirts, but the fabric is too thin for me.

    8. I like their cashmere throw blanket. Their long sleeve washable silk blouses are okay for being cheap, and layerable (I wear under sweaters, over a thin undershirt). Their cashmere sweaters were disposable . Their ultra stretch Ponte fabric is okay, but their straight leg pants with pockets are legging-tight until the knee

  5. Tips for using tretenoin for the first time? I’ve heard it can cause a skin reaction – how bad are we talking? I go back to work from maternity leave Monday and I’m not wanting to go back looking a hot mess! I got 0.025. I have doctor instructions and have done some internet searching but wondering if any real life suggestions here. FWIW, in 39, combination skin trending dry thanks to winter.

    1. Yes, one tip is make sure your skin is absolutely totally dry before you put it on. In my experience, having even barely damp skin and the putting a retinoid on top of it caused redness and extreme irritation. If not, I would highly suggest just a thick gentle moisturizer.

      1. Yes, my derm always instructed me to wait at least a half an hour after washing my face or shower. Do not use it every day–your skin has to “work up” to that over time.

        When they say use a pea-sized amount, they mean it. You can mix the pea-sized amount with a moisturizer to help it spread, if you prefer that.

        Be very careful about sun exposure.

        And of course, if you are still bf-ing, make sure your doc knows that and is signed off.

        Good luck with return to work!

        1. I use CeraVe PM at night. Is that sufficient for use/cutting? I’m a religious sunscreen wearer during the day so that won’t be hard.

    4. My first few weeks on tret were ROUGH — not much irritation/pain but lots of flaking and shedding dry skin. But it doesn’t last forever and the results are so worth it.

      Tips:

      Like another anon below said, make sure your skin is completely dry
      Invest in a very rich, very gentle moisturizer if you don’t have one already (I like First Aid Beauty ultra repair cream)
      Use it only every other day or every third day at first
      Make sure to wear sunscreen as it increases photosensitivity
      Unless your derm advises otherwise, cut out all other products except the bare necessities (cleanser, moisturizer, SPF)
      You can’t use exfoliators, but you can gently rub your skin with a damp washcloth to remove flaking skin

      1. Cut all products at night or total?

        Here’s the current regimen;

        AM – cerave cleanser, (sometimes) Paula’s Choice exfoliant, a moisturizing serum (purchased from spa after facial once – love it), EltaMD spf, then makeup.

        PM – same cleanser, Paula’s choice exfoliant, Cerave PM moisturizer

        So only “extra” in there is the Paula’s Choice and moisturizing serum. Should I cut both, and permanently? Or only days I use tret?

          1. I’d cut out the exfoliant until you’re acclimated to the tretinoin. Tretinoin will exfoliate you – you don’t want to overdo it.

    5. Use it one night a week at first, then move up to twice, then three times etc. Do not use more than a pea sized amount for your entire face. Let it set for a bit, then apply moisturizer over it.

      Some people apply moisturizer under it but it’s a bit less effective that way, so I feel like one day at a time is the way to go.

      Make sure you’re religious about SPF usage during the day. It does make your skin more sun sensitive.

      For me, I can’t use it too close to my eyes or anywhere on my neck. It’s face only for me.

      I love it. I’ve been using it for many years now.

  6. Between my tax return, my bonus, and March being a 3 paycheck month for me, I’d like to treat myself to something fun! I’ve invested / saved the bonus and 3rd paycheck, but I’d like to use my tax return ($1000) for a treat. I already have my vacation for the year planned and paid for, so it won’t be used for travel. I’m happy to only use a few hundred of the tax return, it doesn’t need to be the full $1,000 and I don’t want to buy something for the sake of buying something.

    I was toying around with jewelry, but I’ve kind of changed my jewelry style so what was on my former wishlist doesn’t apply to me. I was thinking of getting a walking pad for WFH but I only WFH twice a week so not sure how much use I’d really get. I could always go for a massage + pedicure, but not sure if that’s something I want. I’m happy to hold onto this for a few months to find something I really want, but I want to hear – what do you spend your bonus on or what treat in the $1000 or less range have you splurged on recently?

    1. another vacation (weekend or long weekend given the amount). Splurge resort somewhere in driving distance? Play with Google Flights to see where you can get for cheap?

    2. I own my house and plan to be here long-term, so I would drop that $1k on my landscaping.

      1. This is exactly what I just did. Got the plans from my landscaper last week. I can’t wait to see my. new azaleas bloom!

    4. I used a small part of my bonus for a Dyson Airstrait. Splurgy but not crazy expensive.

      1. How would you say using the Airstraight compares to the using Revlon One-Step? Curly, shoulder-length hair.

        2. I just ordered it last week, so haven’t used it enough to provide a review. I’ll try to remember to follow up with a review in like a month!

    5. Ideas that came to mind based on my own wishlists at the moment:
      Nintendo Switch with a few games
      New personal laptop ( current one is about 6 years old and turns off if I even look at it wrong)
      new couch (Ive been saying this one since 2020)
      new desk with storage, and or a new desk chair
      leather jacket
      ‘gift basket’ to myself for fun, seasonal or just fancy bath or skincare products (bombs, masks, soaps,oils etc)
      Perfume
      Linen bed sheets and silk pillow cases

    6. My next splurge will be on an at-home hair removal tool. I hear we are at a point where they work. I want some level of permanent removal of the odd hairs in the odd places that I don’t always remember to tend to.

      1. Omfg I LOVE my braun ipl. Not having to think about body hair on a recent beach vacation was legitimately life changing as a woman with PCOS who had hard dark, coarse hair everywhere since I was 11.

    7. Husband bought me the AirPods Pro to replace my old AirPods and… WOW. Noise cancelling is excellent and they really stay in well when I run.

  7. My beloved JCrew Edie pants are discontinued and I just can’t find anything as good. Any ideas for what might be similar or a good alternative? They’re basically a full length, higher waist trouser pant that comes in tall sizes and fit me perfectly. Sigh.

    2. I’ve got some navy size 8 ones from posh if you want them. They didn’t fit my thighs:)

    3. Hobbs Giuliana is a slightly wider-legged version – pull-on but structured enough to look like real pants. I had to have like 4″ hemmed from the regular length.

    4. I’ve been through a couple of favorite pants styles now and always get them on Mercari and eBay.

  8. I’m a manager at work but honestly the part I like best is creating processes, organization etc – not strategic planning. I like documentation more than any sane person ought to. And honestly, my team is on board with it now because it has helped. Is there a name for this role?

      1. I would love that job, honestly! Except for the whole military part. So I need non-military logistics.

        2. that’s called operations, like a poster above said! I find it very rewarding!

    9. my f250 company has a team called enterprise process management – there are several folks w/ process mgmt in their job title that literally do that all day – meet with teams to understand their processes, help create documentation, and ID pain points.

    10. Product Manager (as opposed to Project Manager). You operationalize something [like an HRIS system] and touch all parts – development, testing, training, introduction to customers / end users, but then keep in going, making sure the “product” remains relevant to customers or end uses, manage continuous improvements, etc.)

  9. Today is my 41st birthday. I just wanted to pop in and thank all of you who have helped me get through the past 15+ years of my life. I can’t believe I arrived here in my mid-20s and y’all have helped raise me… especially as someone who didn’t spend much of my life with positive role models who understood my drive to achieve and the struggle of being an “overthinking overachiever.” (As it goes, today is just a regular workday and being remote means no obligatory office cake moment, but I had an awesome 40th last year, so this one just whispering by isn’t so terrible.)

    For those of you who have reached your 40s, what’s a lesson you learned in your 40s or something you changed that improved your life, etc.?

    4. After a siblings passing I woke up to the idea that “no one is promised tomorrow” and ended a marriage that was not serving either of us.

    5. Happy happy birthday! Hope you’re treating yourself to some cake or other little indulgence!

    6. Happy birthday!

      I had a few friends pass away as we left our 30s and entered our 40s, and I realized that I wanted to live every year so that if I suddenly received a bad diagnosis and knew that I only had a few months left, I wouldn’t look back with regret. I have been much freer in being vulnerable with people, much more attentive to my friends and family, and intentionally set about finding something “memorable” to do as often as possible (my actual goal is “at least once a month”).

      My life has been richer as a result, and since I had this realization in early 2019, I was able to go into the pandemic with a much greater store of experiences than if the pandemic had come a year sooner. (Though it was really really tough to create anything that was both memorable and POSITIVE for a while there!)

    7. Happy birthday!!
      I promised myself to take better care of me after spending my 30s with small children. It’s not always been fun but I’m now up to date on all preventative care, have gotten all my cancer screens (I’m high risk due to family history), fixed my wonky teeth since we didn’t have money for braces as a kid, and taken care of a nagging health issue that wasn’t urgent but definitely impacted my quality of life.
      Seeing friends get very sick, battle serious illness, and losing parents/older relatives has really refocused me on health, family, and setting limits with work.

    8. Happy Birthday!
      Distancing myself from anyone that drains my energy. Of course, I’m still kind to everyone, but putting my well-being first has brought me a lot of joy.

    9. Happy birthday! I am in my 50s now but I often say that the 40s were the best decade for me so far. I called them the f*** u 40s. I started caring a lot less what people thought of me. It was extremely freeing!

    10. Happy Birthday!
      I’m almost done with my 40s and have to say that, so far, this has been the best decade of my life.
      My 40s have been all about the FU. I stopped caring what other people think of me and my choices and it has been amazing.

    11. Happy, happy birthday, friend! Wishing you nothing but great things this year!!

    12. I’m 50. Best advice learned in my 40s:
      * These are the years, especially early in the decade, to climb professionally. Don’t waste peek earning potential on a job that isn’t helping you advance, even if you love the team. Your value to an employer versus cost makes you a hot item. By the time you get closer to 50, you will probably be making more or be high enough or niche enough that fewer positions exist. It gets harder to jump ship.
      * Be kind to your body. Wearing ill-fitting shoes, getting too little sleep, and eating garbage starts to catch up in ways it hasn’t before. Future you will thank you if you’ve got routines in place for physical activity and healthful eating.
      *Take lots of pictures, even if you don’t feel your best. I never regret them later, and they start to become more important over time. I wish I had more pictures of my dad before he died. I’m so grateful I have photos and videos of my dog, since I can remember now how he used to zoom as a pup. Time somehow went so fast in my 40s.
      *Take those days off that you’ve earned. I developed cancer at 47, right after being let go from an 8-year job with outstanding reviews the whole time–and almost zero vacations. I went on a sales call the day after my dad died (I’m not even in sales, just a technical expert). Never again. Work is to live. Not the other way around. Keep yourself and those you love as your highest priority–it can all change on a dime. (And also get those mammograms, annual physicals, colonoscopy at 45, etc. I wouldn’t be here now if it weren’t for surgery before it had spread.)

      Have fun. Those who age the best seem to be those who keep a sense of joy. I try to find time for things that make me happy both big and small now, and I watch not to stress over the things I can’t control. Life truly has never been better.

      Happy Birthday!

    13. Happy Birthday.

      Now is the time to find a very good Primary care doctor, and get on board with regular check-ups/screenings/labs/immunizations. And when perimenopause symptoms and menstrual irregularity start, getting hooked in with a GYN specialized in menopause is worth their weight in gold.

      Now is really the time to reflect, as it sounds like you have “won the game”. Congratulations. Now figure out how you really want to live your life, focus your time, because life can always change in an instant and the goal is to end with few regrets, surrounded by loved ones. Hopefully you are on that road.

    14. Just Do the Thing. Life is short. You can try to plan for every possible outcome, good or bad, but the illusion that you can always anticipate an outcome – you can’t. things can always go sideways in ways you couldn’t possible anticipate (Covid, car accident, whirlwind romance, etc.) Always want to go to Greece? Just buy those tickets! Miserable at your job? Lean WAAAAY back and start actively looking for something better! In a bad relationship? Cut your losses now before more miserable years of therapy and discontentment.

      I know it’s all easier said than done, but at the same time – the extra care and attention that i tend to give to issues hasn’t actually resulted in substantially better outcomes for me than for similarly situated folks who get to same (or nearly the same) outcomes but faster and with more fun.

      tl/dr 40’s are for fun. Go have some. And Happy Birthday!

    15. Happy Birthday, Doc! Like many others, I termed my 40s the IDGAF decade, and it was so, so liberating. Life is short; act like it!

    2. I am! I haven’t been able to finish today’s yet. I like that some of them are pretty difficult for me!

    5. Oh, no. I hadn’t heard of this, but now I must try it out and compulsively add it to the daily Bee, Wordle, and Connections, plus the weekly history and news quizzes.

    8. No! I play Wordle, Connections, and the Mini (<30 seconds gang shoutout!) but where do I play Strands? I don’t see it on my NYT play tab or the stand alone NYT games app! I’m always up for a new game. My friends and I have really been enjoying Connections – we have a games text group.

  11. Has anyone ever heard of or had professional income insurance? A colleague mentioned it in passing today and I’m actually interested – there is a chance I will lose my job soon and having some type of income or job loss insurance would be magical.

    1. No and I can’t imagine how a business line like that would work for an insurance company. Business interruption insurance is one thing, but wouldn’t you/they just manage the risk by mandating that you get another job (sort of like how unemployment insurance works)? Curious as to the replies here.

    2. I can’t imagine “I might lose my job soon” is the kind of risk an insurer would take. Is this a public / governmental program?

    3. Maybe they meant long term disability insurance?
      There’s also something often called key person insurance (key man policies) businesses can buy if someone is a huge rainmaker.
      I’m not aware of any private policy in the US that would give you insurance for job loss- that’s what state unemployment benefits are for, if you qualify. (For example, as a non employee owner of a law firm, I am not eligible – my firm doesn’t pay in taxes for owners.)

      1. My LTD policy provides for “professional income loss”, but I’ve never heard of “I lost my job” insurance other than, of course, unemployment.

    4. I’ve never heard of an insurance product for job loss. Is it possible your colleague was talking about own-occupation disability insurance?

  12. Belt help!
    Looking for a wide black belt with a cool buckle to wear with jeans – any suggestions of where to look?

    1. I am not sure if cool buckle part is met, but I get my high quality belts from Ralph Lauren, online, or Madewell. I get my lower quality belts from JCPenney.

  13. The JCrew at my bustling mall in a tourist area just closed. Sales clerk told us that JCrew is closing most of its stores except the factory outlets. The continued death of retail makes it so hard to find decent clothes that fit.

    1. We all sort of brought this on by shopping online. It’s got to be much cheaper for a retailer just to do online.

      1. If they are closing stores, how do they expect customers to try on clothes? If we can only order online, it should be expected that a certain amount of clothing will be returned, but there seems to be a trend towards passing the cost of online returns to the customer. The main reason I shifted to online shopping is they don’t have my small size in stores or the colors I want.

        1. Obviously the returns are factored in. Still cheaper than a lease and personnel to staff the stores, I imagine.

        2. OP here. The stores at this mall have to bring in a certain amount each month to make rent. So, I go into Ann Taylor yesterday to return the second pair of pants that I bought (I always order two sizes) and tried on some other clothes there. Of course, they didn’t have the top I wanted in my size so I ordered online. I purchased two new blazers at full price and was shocked they had the 12P. TODAY, they go on sale at 40% off. So, do I let them have my 150 dollars so they are there in the future? Or do I grab the sale and return what I just bought? I wouldn’t shop online if I could reliably find my sizes in the store ever.
          I would drive 4 hours to a flagship store to try everything on if the store had one in every size. I might even fly to another city once a year if I could shop for all my professional clothes there and get clothes that fit. This was an idea I had an according to the sales clerk, the idea has been floating around the industry but I haven’t seek it. And, yes, I talked to the clerk for quite some time.

          1. Yesterday? Live chat or call them to get a price adjustment. If they don’t do it, 100% re-order and return. That’s dumb.

      2. It’s a death spiral. Retailers stopped carrying like 75% of their clothes in store, making it useless to go to the store, making the stores unpopular compared to online shopping.

      3. They either pay rent to a landlord or pay rent to AWS for their online platform. Done well, one isn’t all that much different than the other, cost wise. Doing both well is $$$.

      4. No, the retailers brought this on themselves by failing to stock their stores with a good variety of products in all sizes. I would absolutely rather go to the store to try something on than order it on line in two sizes and end up returning both. If they actually had anything in the store in size XS or S I would shop there instead of on line.

    2. I do wonder about whether a new/different model of mall leasing would help. Malls charge a huge amount for store space and I think there wouldn’t be as many empty storefronts if it wasn’t such a money suck to have an in-person store.

    3. Considering J Crew started as a catalogue, it’s not that crazy to me. We used to order from LL Bean and Land’s End all the time, never expecting to “try things on.”

  14. Is there a less offensive term to describe the concept of the “pink ghetto” in the professional world? I’m thinking of practice areas that are primarily women-dominated and also pay less, like OBGYNs and, in my experience in biglaw, practices like employment that bill at far reduced rates. I want to be able to talk to my biglaw colleagues about the gender issues with reduced salary and bonuses that flow from reduced billing rates, but I don’t think people in those practice areas would enjoy being referred to with that terminology.

    The approach now is, bring in less money get less money, and it’s your fault for not charging more. That attitude ignores the broader societal issue that we as a society undervalue women’s work. Women can charge less because those practices are women-dominated and therefore undervalued. My position is that we as a firm should balance the scales internally. This will give more women a shot at a bigger piece of the pie and will help the firm to meet its stated goal of promoting more women to equity partner. FWIW I’m not part of these underpaid practice groups so I think that puts me in a good position to advocate for them but I also don’t want to come off as condescending.

    1. Pink collar work. Teaching, social work, nurses, childcare workers. Unpaid emotional labor, losing money due to politeness, unpaid “second shift” work such as organizing playdates, birthday parties, laundry, cooking, dishes. Or just call it out as subtle sexism/patriarchy?

    2. “The approach now is, bring in less money get less money”. Yes, that’s how it works.

      If you’re that strongly opposed to it, maybe you could propose that the (male-dominated) equity partners and (female-dominated) secretarial staff switch compensation.

      1. This is the thoughtful “The system is working for me, and if it’s not working for you it’s because you are failing” commentary I come here for.

      2. by your logic shouldn’t the secretarial staff work for free? They don’t bring in client business…

    3. I don’t know another term, but as data to support your point, there’s a decent amount of quantitative evidence that salaries go down when women enter a field en masse and up when men enter a field en masse. The one I always think of is computer programming, which in the early days was an extension of library science (heavily female). As more men entered the field they both closed pathways to success to women and also pay increased dramatically.

      To your specific question, I’d probably just use a convoluted language around “disproportionately female” and “less revenue generating” or “less compensated” but that would be fairly clunky. I think sometimes the phrase pink collar jobs are used too, but that’s more as a whole field, not practice areas within it.

    4. I mean what firm would consider doing this? I think you’ll look insane for suggesting it.

    5. I see your point, but I am not sure addressing it internally by manipulating compensation is going to be successful (see comment above). This is a macrolevel problem that really requires some adjustment from the client side. Clients are the ones driving lower rates for certain practice areas. Sometimes that is because the practice area is simpler or lower-risk. And I think you are right that sometimes it is because of pink collar/pink ghetto issues. For the former, I’m not sure a fix is required. For the latter, the change probably has to come from the outside. Perhaps internally, the strategy is to figure out ways to stop pushing recruits into certain practice areas based on s3x.

      1. Well I think the first step is acknowledging there is an issue. Overcoming the “the system is working for me” bias as identified above is a big hurdle.

        But I envision advocating for the firm to put its money where its mouth is, which is something we’ve seen baby steps toward in other areas. We spend a good amount on internships, judicial externships, fellowships, not to mention recruiting. We want more women and POC in the door, we spend money. But what good is it to get people in the door if we can’t keep them? Why not invest in retaining and promoting diverse attorneys? I think most people would give a nod to that. The question is how to accomplish it. And it seems to me that adjusting the metrics is a pretty common sense answer. If some practice areas are underpaid but the firm wants to keep those practice areas, and wants to promote the people in those practice areas, then that value add has to be recognized by some metric other than dollars in the door. Maybe that’s hours based instead of dollars based, or maybe we give more credit for cross-marketing or even internal and external education. I’m sure other people who are closer to this issue probably have better ideas than I do!

  15. Any recommendations for drug store deep conditioners (bottles or those single-use packets)? I think it’s time to start deep-conditioning my gray hairs (I have a giant clump; rest of my hair is still normal texture and color). Any spot-treatments I can use not in the shower would also be welcome. They poof up on high-humidity days and also when it is too dry (winter heat), so I cannot catch a break.

    2. Aveda’s Control Paste is my ride-or-die for texture control without it looking stiff or gel-like.

    3. Aussie 3 Minute Miracle. I don’t like the sweet scent, but it works really well.

      1. Is that a different product than the bigger conditioner containers? Or just a smaller size?

        1. Yes, there’s one that’s a deep conditioning treatment that’s different from the regular conditioner.

    4. For deep conditioning, I buy L’Oreal box color, pull out the conditioner, and trash the rest. Extra points if it is a color on the clearance rack.

    5. L’oreal has an amazing one: L’Oreal Paris Hair Care Elvive Total Repair 5 Damage Erasing Balm Conditioning Hair Mask for Damaged Hair with Almond and Protein. it’s worked great on my hair.

  16. Celebrating birthday in San Sebastián- recommendations for a special restaurant? (Doesn’t need to be high end)

    Thank you!!

  17. A lot of you recommended Speed Queen so when my 20 year old Maytag finally died we bought one. We got the front loader. It has now ruined three bras that were in lingerie bags. Has that been anyone’s experience with them? The bras were torn and the lingerie bag was too. They weren’t washed with anything rough like jeans, mostly knitwear. The Maytag never did this.

      1. We have the SQ top loader also (thanks Corpor*tte universe). No issues. 3 bra-wearers in the house and lots of lingerie bags for tights and chub-rub shorts. Nothing has ever been shredded. We are not gentle people, so we use the regular cycle and a full load of other clothes generally.

    2. Another Speed Queen update: We bought a TR7 top loading washer and matching dryer. The dryer is fine, but the washer is terrible! It doesn’t have an agitator, instead it spins the tub around to swish the water through the clothes. Turns out it FAILED the Consumer Reports test for cleaning effectiveness! IT DOES NOT REMOVE STAINS. And by stains I don’t mean ketchup on a white shirt, I mean normal makeup from shirt collars, any level of food grease spot, and worst of all, any level of sweat and grime from my husbands (blue collar) work outfits. Yuck! We have tried pre-treating, soaking, running normal loads on “heavy duty” with warm water, and nothing works. Husbands work stuff has developed a serious funk over time as it’s never really clean, and I’ve noticed white socks, white dish towels, getting dingier overtime as they’re never completely cleaned. We’re honestly considering just selling it cheap or donating it and getting something else. Older and newer Speed Queens with the agitator are better, but don’t buy the no-agitator TR line. (OP, if you want to switch with me and are in NoVA, I’d be happy to trade you my “very gentle” TR for your overly aggressive unit!)

      1. Most new machines don’t have agitators, and use very little water. It took me a little while to get used to. If I have items I need to get extra clean, I use the Bulky Bedding setting which fills the tub with water. Agitators are harder on clothing so things get worn out faster (but as you say, the abrasion gets things cleaner in the short run).

    3. I’m sorry, that’s frustrating.

      I can’t speak to the brand but I’ve only owned front loaders for the last 16 years and three homes. Like you, I use lingerie bags and to date, none of my bras have been ruined.

      My lingerie bags are small so the bras fit in there pretty compactly. No idea if that matters.

    4. I think top loafers are better than front loaders in general. I don’t have any specific helpful info though.

    5. Are they getting stuck on something? Tearing makes it seem like something weird is going on.

    6. I wonder if it the front loader that is the issue. I wash cashmere sweaters and bras in lingerie bags in my SQ top loader without issues. I’m sorry yours isn’t working on out for you. Laundry issues can be a near daily stressor. I would sell this one and get something else.

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