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Weekend Open Thread

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white natural sneakers

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I'm not rounding up the most-bought items each month anymore (too repetitive and the posts weren't very popular), but I'm still looking at the stats… these white and natural sneakers from Veja were one of the most-bought items last month.

Reviewers swear by the comfort, and say they're “so cute and perfect with any outfit.” Nice!

The shoes are $160 at Nordstrom and Zappos.

Sales of note for 3/10/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + 20% off
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off all sale and select styles with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off everything + extra 20% off when you buy 3+ styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off all pants & sweaters; extra 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Flash sale until midday 3/14: $50 off every $200 – combineable with other offers, including 40% off one item and 30% off everything else

266 Comments

  1. I’m in need of a new pair of heels that will go well with suits. Looking at lower heels (about 2″), and deciding between the Cole Haan Go-To Slingback and the Cole Haan Tayla. The latter is prettier and more classic, IMHO, but about twice as expensive.

    Anyone want to talk me into or out of either pair?

      1. There’s a commenter here (not saying it’s you!) who keeps calling very basic and classic styles dated. I don’t have either shoe, but always seem to want the more expensive and classic option available to me.

        1. Undoubtedly someone who hasn’t been around for more than one fashion cycle. We Olds know.

        2. My only issue with slingbacks is that they don’t stay in my feet.

          I guess second issue, is any shoes that have an open back can be hard to wear with longer pants as the hem can get stuck below your foot.

        3. These are both non-descript work shoes that have been around consistently since FOREVER. They are never going to be trendy, but are generally just shoes you wear to work/court. I say this as someone who has realized as a grown middle aged adult, I have probably bought shoes that my grandmother bought when she was my age (looking at you Ferragamo). If you like Cole Hahn, I would probably do the block heels that they have right now, but the feel might be higher than you are aiming for.

          1. Yes! If only I could raid that previous closet now, rather than having donated it all years ago. The quality of those old clothes was next level!

        4. I’ve noticed the same thing and wondered if they’ve cracked a fashion magazine lately. I’ve seen things cycle, I’m 50+, but I also keep up and know that knee boots, pencil skirts, sling backs, boho looks and leopard prints are all very hot right now. There’s only so much that can be original and all of these things cycle around.

          1. But I will say I think the pair the OP is considering does look dated and not in a good way. I do not care for Cole Hannan’s take on shoes generally though.

        1. I was going to say . . . I thought they were “trendy” for 2024.
          — An old who.owns slingbacks from the aughts and 2024

    2. Both seem like pretty standard styles to me. I wouldn’t let price dictate though. I would try both on and go with whichever is more comfortable. Comfort means you’ll wear them more often. I try to think in terms of cost per use.

      2. Also if you’re somewhere with winter or even a decent fall, sling backs don’t make sense as year round shoes.

    3. I don’t think slingbacks are dated, but they don’t read as formal to me as a regular pump. If the occasion is requiring something as formal as a suit, you may want to consider whether a slingback is sufficiently formal. (For example, I would not wear a slingback to federal court.)

    4. I have been wearing a pair of Clarks black heels with an almond toe and a bit of a platform for years, and I love them because they are super comfortable and I thought they were boring but classic “high heels”. But I recently saw a photo of myself in those shoes and they tragically looked dated to me. What would be more current?

      1. Lose the platform and the toe shape, add a chunky heel and a pointed toe. Shoes aren’t meant to last for years and heels aren’t supposed to be comfortable. Will post a link to a shoe that’s more current and while not a sneaker, will not leave you with foot pain.

  2. For any attorneys looking to help out, the North Carolina Supreme Court approved the North Carolina State Bar’s temporary rule amendment allowing lawyers not licensed in North Carolina to immediately begin providing pro bono legal services to indigent victims of Hurricane/Tropical Storm Helene. In many cases the assistance needed is more in the vain of being an advocate rather than a specialist in a certain area, but training is available. The situation in NC is catastrophic and folks will need help well into the foreseeable future. I appreciate your consideration.

    More info including bar petition: https://www.ncbar.gov/news-publications/news-notices/2024/10/supreme-court-allowing-non-nc-lawyers-to-provide-pro-bono-legal-services-to-helene-victims/

    This page shows some of the categories of services needed: https://www.ncbarfoundation.org/our-programs/disaster-legal-services/disaster-legal-services-volunteer-sign-up-form/

  3. Thanks everyone for help this morning donating to NC. The 2 food banks mentioned got donations and I’ll be doing more next week. I realize my $$ are small in comparison to the great need that has been created, but I hope someone who needs it gets a little cheer and relief and a hot meal.

      1. Also in NC, and I second this. The devastation is almost indescribable, and the needs of those impacted are enormous. So grateful to all who are providing support to our state and to the others severely impacted.

    2. I have a relative living in Asheville who was away during the hurricane and literally cannot get home. Luckily, there is family available to stay with and she is working remotely but her entire neighborhood was…submerged. Her home is apparently ok, but nobody else’s is. It wasn’t just a high tide, it was prolonged flooding and rising waters.

  4. I promised earlier in the week that I’d come back and post this on the Friday Afternoon thread

    What are some things you like about yourself that others have criticized?

    Mine are:
    My brown hair
    My name
    My big feet
    My height
    (Don’t get me started on my math brain!)

    1. My math brain
      My ability to see straight through bs and be kind without succumbing to the bs.
      My red hair

    2. No one criticizes me to my face these days, but I suppose my nose. It’s a bit hooked, but I’ve grown to like it.

    3. That I “take risks.” Luckily only a few people have said this to me and most are happy to get out there with me on my mountain bike or on the ski hill. I like the sense of fun and adventure I bring to meet-ups, especially for women.

      2. Is skiing or mountain biking really risky? Those seem like normal hobbies to me.

        1. Both are kinda risky. Everything’s relative though.

          My bro is a serious biker. He has been hit by cars twice, wiped out in the middle of the woods and knocked out and cut up pretty bad. Took hours to get an ambulance and rescue him.

          My uncle was plowed into while skiing and broke his back. So close to paralyzed for life. I’ve known numerous torn ACLs and a few head injuries among my friends.

        2. Definitely normal hobbies to me 😬 but I ski fast (former racer) and have tackled some pretty rough terrain, so there is some risk and it freaks people out.

        3. My husband woke up in an ambulance due to a biking accident with no recollection to this day of what happened. He still has flashback/panic attacks out of nowhere. Two shoulder reconstructions later and ongoing pain for more than a decade, yeah, I’d say it’s risky.

      1. Relatives mostly. Southern women in my family really, really don’t want you go dye your hair.

    5. My presumption that I’m supposed to be in charge in nearly any situation
      My directness
      My shoe collection
      My parenting philosophy

    9. I am in a field with all liberal progressives married to a Libertarian. So, my choice of husband!

      1. I love that I made an error in my comment! This is why doing 10 straight hours of complicated brain work is no good.

    11. Idk what other people say about me and finally, idgaf. I’m tall. I have big feet. I am bossy. I own it.

    12. People criticize height and brown hair? I’m 5’11” with very dark brown hair and I don’t think anyone has ever criticized either of those traits. Maybe I’m just oblivious.

      1. I don’t think it’s a direct critique, it’s likely backhanded compliments, negging, passive aggressive stuff, or the dreaded mom-stuff of “oh, well, if you weren’t so TALL we could find pants more easily”. Or like my mom, who’s 5’11, she constantly talked about how we (meaning she and I) have the exact same body and are soooo much alike physically and then would turn around and tell stories about how men would consistently reject her and mock her for her body as a teenager and how awful it is being tall and she’s soooo tired of being the tall one in every room and how men only want petite women (which to be fair that last one has been proven to be depressingly true for the most part) Gee, thanks mom!

        With brown hair, it’s like “oh, you would look so pretty with highlights!” or “have you ever thought about going blonde?” or little jabs “Well, someone with mousy hair like you…” things like that.

  5. Would love the hive’s take on this. My husband and I are going on a group trip for his friend’s birthday to a cabin in Vermont. The cabin has 3 bedrooms, and it was originally going to be two couples and one friend pairing getting one room each. The birthday boy told us when initially inviting us, “of course you two will get one of the rooms with queen sized beds,” since the third room has bunk beds. We found out recently another couple will be coming, making it 8 people in a 3 bedroom cabin.

    The bunk bed room has another full sized bed on the floor directly besides the bunk, which is where I imagine one of the couples will sleep. I’d be fine with this arrangement, except for the fact that my husband is the lightest sleeper known to man. I am almost certain sharing a full sized bed with me directly next to two other sleeping people will almost guarantee he won’t get more than a few hours of light sleep, and will be tossing and turning wide awake the rest of the night.

    Would you guys assume that since we haven’t heard anything otherwise, we are still allocated the queen bed room as we were told initially? My hope is that the birthday boy has coordinated directly with the other couple to say they’d be sharing a room with two other girls, and also got the girls’ buy-in. My anxiety scenario is that he didn’t, and that it’s either still TBD who will be sharing and/or we will take turns alternating.

    1. Can your husband contact his friend and explain he’s a light sleeper and request the original room?

    2. I think you have to ask before these things are set in stone. And you have to offer to pay more to have your own room.

    3. I would definitely ask what the arrangements will be. The time to sort out who is staying where and the impact on cost needs to be settled in advance. And I think chances of alternating are pretty slim–just on the practicalities of washing linens and moving stuff.

      I know you didn’t ask and maybe it’s just the old grump in me, but are you sure you all want to stay in a sleeping arrangement like this? It sounds like a lot of people in tight conditions. And there is bound to be at least one snorer, insomniac, early riser, smelly breakfast or midnight snack maker, or someone with a cold or some other bug this time of year. If you don’t know them all that well, I think it’s setting up for a bad experience for someone(s).

    4. I would not assume anything about this situation and I would get ahead of it. I am too old to share a room with randos. I would maybe suffer for one night but not more. This would ruin the trip for me…

    5. Yea I would just show up and take the room I was assigned. I also wouldn’t fret over my husband in this situation. He’s a big boy who can use his words.

    6. I’d ask. Depending on the group, I can see husband joking with the guy friend of couple #3 about needing to bring a sock for their door… and if he’s like “huh?!” then clearly couple #3 isn’t expecting to be sharing a room.

      1. That’s quite crass. Do you really want your friends to be thinking about you doing it in your shared digs?

  6. How do you go gray without feeling bad about yourself? I’m going gray and do not want to get into dying my hair because it’s too much maintenance, and part of me hates that I feel forced to by societal pressure. I dunno just generally feeling down about being old, best years behind me ect. (I’m 51)

    2. It’s not about the hair. If I felt like my best years were behind me, I’d be down, too. I’m 46 and things have only been getting better, especially since I lost my last few f*cks regarding societal pressure a while back.

    3. I feel fine about it because I genuinely see it as perfectly nice looking. What about it don’t you like?

      1. i look very washed out all the time now — i’m pale and had medium brown hair and still mostly do but i just look very tired without brows on. i’m trying to get into longer lasting eyebrow tints and those tide me over for a while. not sure if i need to get my “colors” done.

        1. I got micro blading done a couple of years ago and it made a huge difference for me. I was super super fussy about finding someone who did natural looking brows and not sharpie brows. You can look up her account on IG – katie.b.larson

        2. I am also mostly grey (started growing grey in my 20s), and I stopped dying in my late 30’s. Initially strangers would stop me and look at my face and then my hair and literally say weird things like “your hair doesn’t match your face”?!? But now I love my silver. It does really wash many of us out, so you are right that improving your brow game is key. I agree looking into all options for longer lasting brow definition may help, and optimizing a flattering eye makeup and lip color is helpful. If you wear glasses, make sure they are flattering, modern, or even a great color to make things pop. And try to figure out your flattering colors (and your bad colors) and keep the right ones closer to your face (in glasses/jewelry/shirts + collars + coats/scarves.

          Aging is freeing for woman in so many ways. If you are feeling depressed about it, carefully think about whether perimenopause is messing with your mind and make sure you are treating that. You are going to be ok. It is really wonderful knowing who you are, in a way that only comes with age.

    4. It’s self acceptance. I’m partially gray and stopped dyeing a couple of years ago. And just made a decision that I like how it looks. I do, actually. I do not think, in hindsight, that my dyed hair looked better than my hair looks now.

    5. I think one reason that so many people dye their hair is that they go gray a lot younger than you. I’m 30 and I wouldn’t be fully gray without dying but it would be noticeable and I don’t likr that. Many of my friends are in the same boat. It’s in thing to accept your grays in your 50s, it’s another thing to do in your 20s.

      You can dye your hair lighter, so the gray blends so you don’t have as much maintenance. Balayage helps with this too.

      If you do want to go full gray, I would dye it to help the transition so it grows in looking nice.

      Your coloring will change as you gray, so you may need to change your makeup and wardrobe to accommodate your new coloring.

      Gray hair often has different texture, so you may need to use new or different hair products, styles, and techniques.

      Finally, you may feel a need to compensate for the heat hair by looking fabulous in other ways. I have a colleague who is totally gray and she rocks it: awesome hairstyle they works for her, her hair is always styled, and her clothing style works well with her age. I can get by with the occasional schlubby outfit or unstyled hair. She unfortunately cannot.

    6. I’ve started to grey (I’m in my late 30s), and I will echo that it’s not really about the hair. People are going to judge you no matter what (whether you keep the grey or cover it people will have Opinions). I think people’s nastiness is what hurts more than the grey hair.

    7. I cover my gray. When I see a woman who does not, I admire her and wish I weren’t so pathetically worried that people might think I am actually my age. Don’t hate yourself. I think you’re awesome.

    8. I color my grays, but I am here to tell you that at 51 my best years were definitely ahead of me!

      2. I’m 51, highlight my hair, left my horrid ex husband, have a sexy boyfriend and am living my BEST years! Haha :)

    9. Do things you enjoy! Your best years are where you put them.

      I am in my mid 40s and have had greys for about a decade. I have medium brown shoulder length hair, so they are not exactly hiding. There are days when I wish they were more visible. I have a babyface and get mistaken for being much younger (and much lower-level) than I really am far too often. It’s nice for the ego to get carded when out socially, but not great when before I can introduce myself, remote colleagues ask how my summer internship is going when we meet in-person for the first time.

    10. I stopped dying my hair when I saw myself on a security camera at an airport. I naturally have very dark hair, and my gray hair is very light. I realized that my hair didn’t look as natural as I thought it did, and that I had some kind of a white shadow in my hair 7 – 10 days after having it dyed. So, I went through the entire growing out process with the help of my stylist.

      Surprisingly, it doesn’t bother me a bit. My face looks young for my hair (as some dude at Ace Hardware helpfully pointed out), and my hair is in great condition. It’s not dry, it’s doesn’t have breakage, and several stylists have complimented me on its health. It’s prettier than when I dyed it, though in a different way. I don’t feel bad about myself, I actually feel pretty good that my hair is easier and cheaper to maintain, and it looks good. If anyone comments negatively on it, I usually respond that I’m far too lazy to dye it, which seems to stop the conversation.

      I think that sometimes we need to be critical of what we tell ourselves. Sure, you get older and you get gray hair and other things. I focus on being the healthiest and happiest I can be in the hopes that I’ll live to be 90 and still be able to do things. And really, what more could I ask for?

      1. I’m another person who feels like my hair is prettier undyed. Also healthier, as you pointed out.

      2. My good friend had that moment of recognition seeing the back of her head on film. The white roots were real. To be honest, I had noticed but hadn’t said anything. She transitioned to all gray by going light blond first. It turns out she has an awesome head of silver hair, she just didn’t know.

    11. I focus on feeling bad about my personality defects and bad habits, and I therefore have no time to feel bad about my physicality!

    12. I think solid grey hair can be really pretty! I remember a mom of some of my high school classmates had the chic-est grey bob — think Anna Wintour but silver — and I was obsessed with it when I was 16. I still hope I look as cool as her someday!

      At 40, my hair is currently in the phase where the greys just look unkempt against the rest of my hair, which is a medium reddish brownish with a lot of natural gold dimension that I really love. I haven’t found a good way to camouflage them, yet. I tried highlights, but they made me too blonde and changed the texture of my hair in a way I don’t like. Dying everything (even professionally) close to my natural color makes it look flat and boring, and the upkeep is too much for me anyway. I probably should give up and just let the greys fly, but until they are dense enough to look a little more intentional, I don’t enjoy the look when I leave them alone.

      1. I think you probably can get the grays to look good with some product. Do you blow dry or air dry your hair? My grays behave better air dried with a leave in product like JVN air dry cream.

        1. I air dry, but usually without product. I’ll check out a cream like you mentioned, thank you!

          1. The specific one I mentioned is the best one I’ve found for my 20% gray hair. You can get it at Sephora.

    13. I started greying at a young age and still dye at nearly 60 years old. My hair is thinning so I tried a blonder color but that makes me look really washed out. Went back to brown with highlights. That said, some women look better with grey hair than others, depending on their skin tone. I say do what makes you feel good when you look in the mirror.

    14. A good haircut can help a lot and a good stylist can help you figure out what will look nice with the graying pattern. I have a friend who has silver strands all through her very dark hair and I think it looks modern and amazing. If she dyed it all, I don’t think it would make her look younger tbh.

      That said, I still dye my hair and I don’t find it’s too much maintenance. I get my thin, straight hair cut pretty frequently and I have gotten more religious about it as I’ve gotten older. My gray is all concentrated in the front and without a neat haircut, I look like my great grandmother if she had been photographed by Dorothea Lange (boarding house owner and widow, 48, SW Oklahoma).

    15. With some background, in the 90s, I said that Yetta (from the nanny) was my what I’ll be like when I get old goal. I’ve updated that to Moira in the not so distant future. So, generally speaking my entire look tends to veer towards an eclectic art gallery owner who happens to work in the corporate world. The greys are the smallest part of the overall equation – so, I guess you could say that I’m covering them up in a different way.

    16. So there are a few things. (I’m going gray and have never dyed it.) First and foremost is seeing aging as a wonderful gift. There are so many better things than being young and hot, and your best years are definitely ahead of you.

      Beyond that, more superficially — brighten up your complexion with brighter blush and lipstick. If you wear glasses, get glasses with some pizzazz (shape, color, whathaveyou). Freshen your wardrobe, if you want to and feel like that would boost you a bit.

    17. I would spend some time looking at gray-haired celebrities or others whom you find stylish. That may help calibrate what you find beautiful.

      But at the end of the day, I think you either are going to feel confident with your hair or you won’t. That’s why I sheepishly dye my hair. It’s not worth the mental angst to me or dealing with more ageism than needed (if I were in a different field, I might feel quite different). I know that’s probably not the answer folks want to hear, but it’s the simplest solution and makes me happy. For what it’s worth, I have dark blond hair, so it’s not all that drastic dying my own and I’ve done well just using drugstore boxes.

      Regardless of what color you choose, I think it’s also important to put time and attention into smoothing. I feel like gray hair (or brown or blonde) after a certain age looks far more youthful by whether it’s frizzy or not. So, embrace your natural curve or wave with products or put time into straightening. Frizzy hair is more the enemy than color.

    18. Personally I wouldn’t go grey since it’s not making you happy. I’ve colored my hair for years and don’t really understand the maintenance argument. It’s a little time at the salon where I chat with stylist and read fashion and celebrity magazines while drinking a lovely coffee. I feel amazing when I leave and the self esteem boost of having great hair is totally worth it to me. I think there’s more societal pressure to give into aging as if grey hair is now a virtue. I’d rather just make myself happy and confident.

    19. The blogger Carly Riordan is going gray relatively young (mid-late 30s) and not coloring her hair, and I think she looks good.

  7. I need to learn how to cook dinner. I’m vegetarian, and my idea of cooking is opening a can of beans and a package of rice and heating them up in the microwave. I can also cook pasta on the stove and throw a frozen stir fry in a pan and basically heat that up. But I’m very, very illiterate when it comes to cooking beyond that. It’s embarrassing. I have all the tools – pots, pans, utensils, even an Instapot (is that how you spell it?). I want to cook healthy, vegetarian dinners. I’m a very visual learner and I’d like to take some cooking classes, but I have searched around and haven’t found any vegetarian ones in my area (I’m in Charlotte, NC). What do I do? Get a cookbook and attempt to follow recipes? Watch YouTube videos? I don’t know where to start.

    1. Get a basic cookbook. Mark Bittman has a How to Cook Everything vegetarian version. Get that. Read all the intro stuff. That will help a ton.

      2. Bittman also has books on VB6 (vegan before 6) including a cookbook — they’re very loose “recipes” but helpful to see how he puts things together.

        Another idea — maybe get some meal prep kits from Purple Carrot or whatever?

        1. I feel like his “very loose” approach is what makes one a good cook. Here’s how to brown tofu (since we’re talking veg), and then once you’ve got that down, here are some variations you can try. Here’s how to cook rice. But did you know you can sauté an onion first, then the dry rice grains, and use stock/broth instead of water, and now you have a delicious pilaf?

          Love stuff like that. It’s so much more helpful than a single inflexible recipe.

    2. What do you want to make? There are blogs with videos that you could follow along with, like Cookie and Kate. Her Love Real Food cookbook is a good one if you want a vegetarian cookbook that isn’t too out there.

      1. Second the Cookie and Kate recommendation. She tests her recipes multiple times; they always come out well. She also uses ingredients that are found at normal grocery stores and Trader Joe’s, not “1 oz of a package of hybrid mushrooms that are grown on the east side of a hill in San Francisco and marinated in Australian wine for 6 weeks.”

    3. What are some dishes you like when you go out? I bet at least a couple are pretty easy to make.
      If you eat eggs, maybe start with whatever version of eggs you like best.
      I make this chana masala about once per week, and you can use a can of Rotel in place of the tomatoes to further simplify it. https://thecurrymommy.com/chana-masala/
      Pizza dough is something you can make in advance and freeze to thaw when you need it.
      I like to chop a big bowl of greens and veg to have salad fixings on hand all week.
      What other kinds of things do you like?

    4. I understand the impulse to recommend a cookbook, but as someone who cooks regularly, they overwhelm me. I do like searching for recipes, though!

      I suppose I would start by curating your Instagram algorithm to show you the cooking reels. I get a lot of easy ideas from there, and then I just do it. Have you considered just trying something easy, like a meat sauce? Getting a package of ground beef and an onion, sautéing the onion and cooking the ground beef on the stove, putting a jar of sauce on, and cooking pasta? Then next time maybe also sauté some mushrooms or use sausage instead of beef? Just gradually changing your approach with each meal until you develop some preferred tastes?

      1. Agree with this. Cook books can be really overwhelming. Maybe start off with a few easier dishes–like casseroles or eggs or quesadillas or pita sandwiches with different fixings. As you get more confident with those, then start googling “simple” or “easy” recipes for some of the foods you might like.

        1. I disagree. The most helpful thing when I was learning to cook was reading cookbooks – and not just skipping to the recipes. Reading about ingredients and cookware and what sauté vs fry is, and which things you should keep in your pantry and which things you should buy fresh. I would not have figured this all out without cookbooks.

    5. My mother watches a lot of YouTube videos for recipes. It started because she couldn’t find a good cookbook for her favorite Taiwanese recipes, but found lots of content on YouTube for the recipes, and often in her native language.
      Maybe pick something you want to make, and find a video for it?
      fWIW, I think you have some great basics down if you can already do pasta and stir fry.

    6. You don’t have learn everything at once! Try to do a few things well first, and make some variations within that thing.

      Here’s one you can try, frittata:

      Frittata is basically a low-stress omelette. Do you have an oven safe non-stick, small pan? (4-5 inches across with no plastic handle that will melt in the oven) That is perfect. Put your oven on 350-400 F (less if you use fan).

      You need a cooking fat (butter, olive oil..), eggs, salt, vegetables of some kind, fresh herbs if you like, cheese if you like, even beans. You could try cherry tomatoes, feta cheese, red onion and olives for a Greek style, black beans, cheddar and red pepper with a little cumin for taco style… Halloumi and broccoli? If you want to use mozarella, get the one that is firm, or pre-shredded, not the big blob.

      Whisk 4-6 eggs in a bowl with a pinch of salt (literally a pinch, what you can pick up between thumb and forefinger) Add a little bit of spice or finely chopped herbs, if you want to use any.

      Cut your vegetable and cheese in bite size pieces. If you are uncertain about amounts you put them in the cold pan while you chop, so that you see how much it holds.

      Heat a little cooking fat in the (empty) pan on the stove, medium heat. Add any vegetables that you want to cook a little more than others, like onion or broccoli, first, then add the others after a few minutes. Pour your egg mixture over the vegetables. Do you think there’s too little egg? No problem, whisk some more. Place or sprinkle the cheese. Let the pan heat up the egg a little on the stove to get a little sear under, and then put it in the oven for the egg to fully set.

      Clean up or put your knife, board and bow in the dishwasher. Pay attention to the oven. You don’t want it to brown too much on top, but you want the egg to set. Use an oven mitt when you take the pan out (super hot!). You can take it out either because it’s done, or you want to check if the egg is set (push down a little with the back of a spoon to see if liquid egg floats out).

      Let it cool a little, you can slide it onto a place and divide in portions. Serve with salad, if you want, and bread.

      Other quite simple but filling dinners: quesadillas or filled tortilla wraps. Lentil soup – get red lentils, you don’t have to pre-soak those so they are ready to go. If you like curries, coconut daal with red lentils is lovely. Aloo gobi potato and cauliflower in tomato sauce is also great, and you can find loads of videos.

      Budgetbytes have some great recipes with pictures of every step. I think the West-African Peanut stew is great – sweet potatoe and peanut butter, very filling.

    8. I had no idea how to cook. I went to cooking school and learned the basics. I told the teacher who was this big chef guy, I’m very embarrassed that I don’t know how to cook but I want to change that. Is this the course for that. He was so kind and didn’t shame me for not knowing how to cook. I went every weekend for a year and I learned how to cook. After I finished I could cook my meals and bake a cake.

      I highly recommend going to a community college to see what they have available. It really doesn’t need to be fancy.

  8. Posting here because I think it will get more views than the moms site.

    My girls – 9 and 10 – have recently developed a bit of nose acne. like teeny,tiny pimples that are maybe tiny blocked pores? They play a lot of sports and I’m thinking that might be it. They wash their faces each night with gentle soap, but I am thinking that’s not doing it enough. But I fear the cleansers, etc., that I use may be too harsh on kid skin?

    any recs? bonus points if there is some sort of disposable pad (think the clearasil pads used in my youth) that they can swipe on their noses after washing their faces. . .

    thanks!

      1. Yep use the strides pads as soon as they’re off the field/out of the sun.

        Get them into the habit of washing at night before bed. I know you said soap but try a cleanser. A good foaming cleanser like the cetaphil one is good for teens. (Foaming is for acne, not for drier or sensitive skin.)

    2. My very active almost-10-year-old that is prone to oily skin was having the same issue. She now uses the Stridex sensitive pads that have a lower concentration of salicylic acid. She only uses it on her nose where she was getting the acne, it doesn’t seem to irritate her skin at all, and she always moisturizes after. Totally took care of the issue!

    3. I’d watch out for endocrine-disrupting chemicals in skincare products for pre-pubertal girls. Perhaps look for a rec in a “clean beauty” roundup somewhere? It’s also good to avoid (in general) products with fragrance, parabens, and phthalates.

    4. Honestly, a plain old bar of Dove soap works great. If by gentle cleanser you mean something like Cetaphil, I feel like those don’t really wash anything off.

    6. I am 43 and have, for the first time in my life, begun to notice that my entire nose is blackheads/blocked pores. Yay for slower skin cell turnover! Anyways, I picked up a container of Stridex and have been happy using the pads every other day.

    1. when you’re asking on an online site

      I’m serious — I realized a few years ago that if I had to ask my mother whether she thought I should buy something then I already knew the answer. This is kind of the same thing.

    3. If their actions don’t align with their words, if they lie, if they are unable to be forthcoming about uncomfortable truths, if they betray you, if they are unable to behave in a way you need them to (even if not ill-intentioned).

      Who is it you are feeling you can’t trust and why?

      1. Someone who trying to pretend to be a friend, but I think all she wants is gossip to spread around (to her actual friends).

        1. Trust your gut, OP. Start ducking/demurring/punting. “I’ve been selfish the last couple convos focused on me, would rather focus on chatting about you!” “Oh, I’m all talked out. No big updates I’m ready to share. Can you believe Vandy beat Bama?”

    4. Seriously, when you have to ask, you already don’t trust them. And you’re probably right not to.

  10. Do you think a person can be too much of a homebody? Pre 2020 I’d be at the office five days a week, so I’d leave home at 8 am and come in at 7pm. Now with only going in about four days a month, feels like I’m home all the time. I’m not unhappy or anything but it also feels abnormal to not want to go out. It’s not even about work, it’s just that if I don’t have to go to work, I’ll go an entire week or more not going anyplace.

    1. I think it depends how you feel about not going any place. Are you including errands like groceries in the list? Getting out for local walks on foot? I think being outside and seeing sunlight are surprisingly important in my mental health, but if I were on my own property I’d consider myself still at home and not going any place.

    2. Yes, generally I think this is not good for individual people and not good for society as a whole.

      1. I agree. There are studies showing isolation leading to all kinds of bad health outcomes, and those seemed to be borne out with my parents (one was a homebody and one was not).

        1. Can you talk about what you’ve seen as health outcomes here? Or the poster above about why it’s bad for society?

          Sure I run errands but I tend to stack them up. Sometimes I’ll do them right after work on a day I go to the office. Other times I’ll do them on a day I am not going to the office, so I’ll go out for two hours and just go place to place, maybe grabbing a coffee along the way or just taking a drive. I will say I do end up liking those days where I’m out for a few hours but don’t desire to go out again the next day. I do work out but since it’s mostly at night after work, it tends to be treadmill. Occasionally I’ll walk or jog outside – more in the fall or spring just for weather reasons.

      2. Completely agreed. I think working from home is great if you need to do it to balance competing priorities like picking up kids and driving them around. But if you don’t have those constraints, I think it’s mentally unhealthy to just stay in your house and I’d go into the office just to see people and be in the world as a starting place.

        1. I’m about to be an empty nester and realized I almost never leave the house unless it’s kid-related. I started going to yoga and made the studio my home away from home, I like it but I think I could be pretty happy never leaving my house. I just know it’s not good for people in general and I don’t want to get weirder than I already am.

    3. What do you mean “not going anyplace?” I WFH and I’m outside every single day. Are you walking? Biking? Running errands?

    4. It sounds like you’re wondering about whether this is good, which is worth paying attention to.
      Here are some questions to be thinking through: Do you live with people who are coming and going, or do you live alone? Are you getting outside into the fresh air, and are you seeing people in person? When you’re not working, do you have non-screen activities to be doing? Is “home” cramped, dark, or cluttered, or does it have a feeling of being peaceful, light, and welcoming?

      FWIW, I’m an introvert who has no need to go and do, and staying home for a week at a time would be intolerable.

    5. I’m a homebody who feels no desire to go out more than I do. I can spend entire days at home with no issue whatsoever. I take a long walk every day, ending up at a coffee place where I have some pleasant small talk with the employees, and then head home. I work out at home. I like to stack my errands and run a bunch right in a row, but then the next day I’m always happy to not have to go out. I have 2 evening social things each month, and I enjoy them and am always happy that I go to them, but honestly don’t need more. I usually chat with my neighbors a few times a week when we are both out in the yard at the same time. I have a husband who would prefer to go out more and is always trying to think of things to get out of the house — but mostly shopping which I don’t like to do anymore.

    6. I do the same thing and I love it. I’m interested to hear what health considerations there are, but it’s hardly “intolerable” as someone mentioned above. I really dislike the general public and crowds…home with my cats is where I’m happy.

      1. The health considerations are a much higher risk of dementia, among other things. Basically the theory is is that dealing with the unpredictability and discomfort of unknown environments and other people is good for the brain and that a large reduction in these enriching (in the brain development sense) experiences contributes to age-related declines in brain elasticity.

        1. Is there really a lower risk of dementia in less comfortable, more unpredictable environments? I would have thought the risk were higher.

          I would have thought it was more that it’s important to navigate physical space (crucial to memory) and engage in enough back and forth conversation.

        2. I think there’s really something to this. Anecdata but my moth in law’s dementia symptoms reversed themselves when she moved into assisted living after living an isolated life. We thought she was months from memory care and all she needed was to be around other people.

    7. Same here. I feel like I turned into an introvert since covid, and I don’t really like it.

    8. On the bad for society topic: My spouse is 100% WFH in a role that is mostly autonomous without much human interaction, even virtually, and he loves it. He also does not do much in society beyond errands like buying groceries, dropping off books at the library, going to occasional medical appointments, etc. By the time I, who am fully in the office 5 days a week, get home on Friday he is desperate for interaction and I am running on fumes. We are working through this but it is difficult because he doesn’t see an issue with his lack of social interaction, while I feel like he unfairly sees me as his entire source of social interaction.

      In addition to this, I think my husband is an amazing person who makes the world a much better place. I think it would be better for me, for him, and for society if he got out and about a little more often.

      1. This is really hard. He really needs social outlets during the week. I know you know that. I feel your pain.

    9. I work from home. I’m self employed now so I really don’t see the point of renting an office just so I can work somewhere else. I’m not alone, though. My husband is here, my adult daughter lives at home, though she’s gone all day for work. It’s a rare day that I don’t leave the house to go do something, even if it’s walking to get lunch or just taking a walk for exercise, or even going to the pharmacy. I’m also pretty good about making plans to see friends or to go out with my husband.

      I worked in an office for decades and the commute was always awful. I don’t want that back just so that someone has someone to talk to.

      1. I could have written this myself other than the adult daughter part. I feel so much happier and energized working at home. I did about 15 years working in office or with hybrid situations that were mainly in office, and a lot of it was miserable from a social perspective–mainly due to office bullies (not directed at me but stressful to be around) and emotional vampires who wanted to talk your ear off.

        At a certain point, I think the biggest issue isn’t the sheer number of hours of being around others but the actual difference between being alone versus lonely and the quality of the interactions you are having. I have a deep social support system between my husband, family and friends. I regularly travel or simply try new restaurants and such–so there is novelty of experience. And while I don’t work face to face, I’m in meetings with others by video at least once a day and I feel really positive about almost everyone–the culture of work is far less toxic than what I had before.

        My work from home looks a lot different than my friend who is in office but lives alone, doesn’t have a work team (solitary work with a boss who checks in maybe monthly and an occasional email), and spends much of her free time watching TV.

      2. Yeah, this is me too (although I have two young kids). I love WFH, am generally introverted (and always have been, has just intensified with age), and social interactions tend to leave me mentally exhausted and drained. I do have a few close friends I talk to and see from time to time, but other than them and my family, I don’t interact with a lot of people in person on a daily basis. I’ve seen the studies on dementia risk, and I guess I’m at the point where I’m okay with that additional risk. I just don’t get enough from pushing myself to be around people to make it worthwhile.

  11. It’s a beautiful Friday afternoon and I’m mentally checked out. Anyone have updates on the secrets threads or inappropriate crushes threads?

    1. I would love an update from the woman whose family was trying to crash her tropical vacation.

      1. Hi! I’m here!
        The update is that they have booked condos (but not flights… yet). So for those who were speculating about whether they might not actually follow through with this, the update so far is not promising. Maybe flights will prove a barrier, but they seem hell-bent on following through with this plan.
        Given that, I decided to just come out and be direct with my mother about my feelings about this trip. I said (nicely, but I’m sure conveying some of my frustration) that I was looking forward to a trip with my children and husband, which is a different kind of trip from a huge extended-family trip (which is not really my jam anyway, but I didn’t say that). As predicted, my mother responded by saying that my brother decreed that he wants to do a family meetup in the same tropical destination so obviously we must all go along with that. My response was to say that my family has this vacation largely planned out (and this is true) — we will meet up with them a couple of times as convenient, but otherwise I’m not cancelling our plans. This was met with frostiness.
        So… that’s the update. For those who commented about whether there will be hidden childcare benefits to this arrangement, the answer is no — my parents do not do childcare, pretty much under any circumstances. And regardless, I’m not sure I would go that route anyway — my whole point (and the truth) being that this trip is to spend time with my kids and husband together. Overall, I still feel pretty terrible about the whole thing. I love my extended family and hate creating conflict. But a tropical family trip spending QT with my kids is not something I’m willing to give up.

          1. It won’t change the fact that she will conveniently forget about this conversation by the time of the trip. And I will get daily texts/calls while we’re there asking what we’re doing, saying they’ll meet up with us, etc. But I needed to put the marker down and I’m glad I did. (I also took seriously the comments about whether to just quietly ignore and do our own thing while there without making a statement — but that seemed like the wrong approach for this scenario).

          2. This will be really good practice in not having your phone on you at all times – and with how many people there are working on “unplugging on vacation,” you have a ready-made excuse. “I didn’t see this – we were busy swimming for the last three hours” isn’t an f-you to your mom. It means you’re doing your vacation well! She’ll have to deal.

          3. Agree. It’s not easy. But committing to boundaries now will pay off in better respect for boundaries in the long term. Ignoring hard (but kind and honest) conversations up front only tends to let things morph into bigger issues later. Hopefully, these are baby steps to having your needs respected the same way they do for your brother going forward (I get that it’s special when someone comes in town but it also doesn’t get to outweigh everything else and your kids’ experiences).

        2. Ooof. That’s tough. I’m glad you stuck to your boundaries and I hope the trip goes as well as it can.

        3. You did not create this conflict — your brother did, with his “decree” that “he” wants a family meetup and your mother and others going along with that sentiment. It’s not unusual for siblings to be challenged by the idea that you might like to spend time with your own nuclear family, and not necessarily take up precious time with them — they are no longer the focus of your family unit, as you have left your childhood situation and have chosen a different life partner and have created a new family that does not intimately include them. It’s a tough thing for them to wrap their heads around, sometimes. Good for you for standing your ground, as best as you can! It’s important for your own (nuclear) family’s sake!

    2. I want an update on the American woman dating the Indian man who wants her to move to India with him!

      1. Yes! That was a red-flag bonanza. I hope she is doing ok, and not still under his thumb.

  12. A fun Friday afternoon thread as I fill out an entry for the HGTV urban oasis home giveaway–has anyone ever won anything exciting? Lottery, HGTV home giveaway, one of those free trips the local NPR station gives away at donation time, whatever. The biggest thing I’ve ever won was a small art piece on an Instagram giveaway…

    1. My ex used to spend an inordinate amount of time entering those sorts of things and he did win from time to time, but the prizes nearly always came with constraints such that they were hard for anyone who didn’t have an extremely flexible job. It became one of many points of contention because I couldn’t drop everything and take leave the way he could ( his boss didn’t care) to take advantage of the concert tickets he won at a venue 2 states over in 3 days, or whatever the prize was.

    3. The right to buy a rare bourbon at MSRP, which was about 1/15th of the market price.

    5. My son won a 4 day family pass to an amusement park. We had a fun long weekend. My sister won a car.

    6. I won a $500 shopping spree at Ulta when they first opened there stores in my city.

    7. I won a piece of jewelry (real jewelry) that is in my safe now. I was flabbergasted. Still am.

    8. Concert tickets to several major country star performances in my home town from radio show call in contests when I was a teenager. I was never able to use them, unfortunately, b/c my fundamentalist mother thought music was only meant for worshipping the lord and any other use of it was sinful.

    9. Twelve year old me won a super sweet inflatable slime green colored chair from a Nickelodeon birthday bonanza. Be jealous. Pretty sure it’s still in my Mom’s basement.

    10. I once won a $1000 gift card for completing an optional survey that my company sent around to employees. Now I always complete those things–you truly never know!

    11. This is one of those “can’t believe its true” stories, but my cousin’s mother in law won the lottery 6 months after her husband died. Her husband died of a rare and aggressive cancer, and had worked a blue collar job and the loss of income had significantly impacted their finances and his medical expenses and depleted much of their savings. She won a significant amount – she was able to pay off her home and restore her savings to the same level as before her husband stopped working. It always makes me happy to think about that!

    13. Years ago I won a set of Dove Chocolate x OPI nail polishes from a magazine giveaway. A creamy dark chocolate and a milky brown. I still have the dark, it’s such a beautiful deep brown, almost black, that I haven’t quite seen elsewhere before.

    14. This is niche for the 80s/90s kids: Tribe perfume once hosted a contest where you submitted photos of you and your friends. My twin and 2 besties posted in coordinated outfits next to a pool and won an honorable mention. We got a bunch of Tribe beach towels! A highlight of middle school.

  13. I have to jump for joy here because it’s too soon to in real life and job related so almost anyone who appreciates this can’t find out yet…

    The most amazing company has an opening for a notch down from a partner-level position. The business line partner is less than 10 years out from retirement, also. They are pursuing me, creating a role for me to take as this partner’s #2 and the long term hope is that’s I’m also a succession plan for this person.

    The job will be amazing. I’m coming out of 15 years of a basically emotionally abusive, gaslighting-heavy toxic work environment
    that I stuck in because the pay was good…really good. But this job will blow it out of the water and to be pursued… wow.

    Lots of wood to chop and things to figure out but I’m on cloud nine today. Yippee!

  14. Anyone have any favorite pumpkin desserts other than pumpkin pie? Ideally looking for things without flour though I’m not strict about that. Bonus points if it’s easy to home make and will freeze if I don’t consume it all. Not one who ever makes dessert at home but lately I’m finding bakery desserts to be overly sweet – like sugar with not a lot of other flavor. I figure with something homemade, I can doctor it to only have as much sugar as tastes good to me.

    4. I just had pumpkin cornmeal bread from my local bakery. It has shelled pumpkin seeds in it. Delicious toasted for breakfast. I will see if I can find a recipe that looks similar.

    6. I’ve never made it, but I love pumpkin flan. The dark caramel with the pumpkin custard is amazing, and while you need the caramel to make it flan, you can adjust sugar in the custard pretty easily.

    7. I really love a spiced pumpkin bread or muffin (flour, I know, but you can sub almond flour) with choc chips and/or walnuts

    10. The pumpkin superhero muffins in Rise and Run are good and freeze well. They use oats and almond flour, no wheat.

    12. Pumpkin bread/muffins. I don’t really care that much for pumpkin to be honest. What about cookies that are colored/decorated to look like pumpkins instead?

    13. I just came across a pumpkin pie bars recipe at the New York Times. The reader/cook’s notes suggest you can cut the amount of sugar in the recipe down quite a bit and omit the whipped cream topping and it will still be quite yummy!

  15. Are you all getting Covid boosters this fall? I’ve been very faithful about getting one every chance I could but I know someone who just got hers and ended up having one of these extreme rate and unlikely but terrible side effects. I’m also older and TTC and I know for a fact previous shots have messed with my cycle, which my doctor confirmed many of her patients experienced. Kind of thinking I might skip this one but would love to hear others stance on this.

    1. I am mid 40s and generally healthy. I got the original set and have not gotten boosters. I encourage my mom who is in her 70s to get hers, and she does. I have not gotten covid since January of 2022, but I am not out and about very often, and I do not travel. I might think about it if I were interacting with a large volume of people (like a hairstylist or a
      customer service position), but that is not my life so I feel fine not getting boosted.

      1. But you probably interact with others who interacts with a large volume of people, for example, you get your hair cut and you buy groceries and so forth. It’s just like what they used to advocate for safer sex before there were medical therapeutics for HIV/AIDS — when you have sex with someone, you are having sex with everyone else they have ever had sex with, and vice versa, not just with them individually. And when you get your hair cut, you are interacting with everyone your hairdresser has interacted with, not just with them individually. That said, of course you are a grown adult and able to consider risk, but it’s not always intuitive or logical, and humans are not always the best judges of statistical risks. Best of luck!

    2. I am. I will be traveling and seeing family (including some older & immunocompromised folks) over the winter.

    4. I do, and my husband and elementary age kids do too. I’m not super Covid cautious anymore (I’ve it once and it was *very* mild, less unpleasant than the average cold) but I still think the long term effects of the virus are not well known and there’s evidence that there may be scary long term changes to the body even from mild acute illness. I’d much rather take a day or two of feeling blah to minimize the number of reinfections I get. We also spend a lot of time with my parents who are older (mid-70s), have more health problems and are very Covid cautious so I want to do what I can to minimize risk of spread to them.
      Fwiw, I got it on Wednesday morning and I felt bad (dizzy, nauseated, fatigued) for about 3-4 hours on Wednesday night but just went to bed early and woke up yesterday feeling fine. It was a smaller scale version of what happened when I got the initial shots.

    5. Yup. I travel, and have a lot of older family/neighbors/friends, and go out in public.

      I get my flu shot too. It’s just part of the routine now.

      I’m in health care so it’s a no brainer for me too.

      These discussions are just …. discouraging to me.

      3. Vulnerable and high risk patients are still at greater risk of contracting infection from a boosted, unmasked healthcare provider than from an unvaccinated, masked provider.

        1. And really this goes for friends and family too. It’s great to be boosted, but false reassurance about transmission risk can be dangerous.

          1. No, but until recently, they did have to (e.g. if someone who worked with vulnerable populations at a hospital or care home wasn’t willing or able to get the vaccine, they had to mask up). Bipartisan politicization of masking seems to have made this policy less common at least where I live.

            Any healthcare provider who sees vulnerable patients unmasked at work has some serious reflection to do even if they’re boosted. Hospital acquired infections in particular can have serious ramifications.

            With family members I understand there are more benefits to going unmasked and people can work out their own risk tolerance amongst themselves, but the transmission reduction risk is really quite modest.

        3. That’s not a surprise. High quality masks are very effective at stopping spread. But if no one is wearing masks (which is the case) vaxxed is better than unvaxxed.

          1. I just really wish it weren’t the case after encountering so many unmasked staff at the hospital and infusion center. Either they’re not getting the right information or they’re somehow okay with not participating in stopping spread even at the same time as they issue cautions about how risky it is to be so immune suppressed.

        4. My reaction is why not both? It’s not an either or. Healthcare workers should be vaccinated AND masked.

    6. Yes, I got Nova vax, with no side effects. CVS, Walgreens, and a bunch of other places are carrying it this year.

      1. I should have waited for that one. I got the updated MRNA one as soon as it was available but I do get sick for a couple of days with it.

    7. No, but I’m in a risk group where the protection is less and the risk of flaring a preexisting condition is greater. But the alternative is masking everywhere.

      I honestly would get it if I were TTC given the stats on infections in pregnancy.

    8. I encourage you to reframe – they aren’t really even boosters anymore, they are new vaccines. The virus has changed so much so the vaccines have too.

      I got the new one a month ago and am currently home now with a very mild case of covid which I give thanks to the vax for (P.S. I still mostly mask but I had multiple work conferences and events and travel so this sucker is super contagious!).

      Vaccine side effects are awful when they happen but they are still MUCH rarer than adverse outcomes from actual covid.

      1. I don’t think vaccine side effects (as opposed to serious adverse reactions) are all that rare. But they’re worth it to avoid or minimize Covid and to reduce the risk of spreading it to vulnerable people.

        1. The side effect that happened to this person I know has been truly horrific and debilitating. I know the side effects are extremely rare, but a bad case of Covid would not be worse than what happened to her. Like I said, I’ve gotten boosters faithfully and I always get a flu shot every year, so this is new for me to be reconsidering.

          1. I’m not sure how they can know it was from the vaccine. Sometimes timing is just a coincidence.

          2. If it weren’t a documented side effect, I would say that it’s a coincidence for sure. But it’s in medical literature as a rare complication. I know it’s so unlikely to affect me but it’s still so scary right now.

          3. That still doesn’t prove causation. Things that are rare side effects of a vaccine also happen for other reasons.

          4. Your feelings are understandable given the opportunity to actually witness something that was a possibility all along. But rationally has anything really changed? It’s natural to be more scared of something when it’s been “made real” by witnessing it. But the deal was always that there are risks to vaccination, but the risks of going unvaccinated are greater. So if you compare outcomes, the odds favor the vaccinated.

            If it helps, I was reassured by the Singapore study that found no elevated mortality in the vaccinated population who also hadn’t had COVID. The highest excess mortality was in unvaccinated patients who had COVID, and the patients who had been vaccinated and also had COVID were in between. That is what we expect to see if the vaccine is generally safe (no statistically significant impact on the vaccinated, unless they’ve also had COVID, but even then they’re better off than the unvaccinated).

          5. I have a good friend who had such bad side effects from the vaccine that her doc recommended she skip it. Then she got COVID pretty badly twice, and now has long COVID and POTS. This is not her mental health, and she wasn’t already sick, she’s a former competitive athlete. It’s hard to know what to do but COVID can be very very hard on some people.

          6. See, this would make me more likely to vaccinate. Your friend is not likely to be able to get future boosters, but you can help protect her by vaccinating yourself so you don’t contribute to further spread.

          7. I’m the friend of the long Covid/POTS person. Her experience sold me more on the vaccines. I have tough reactions to them but she’s obviously having a harder time from the actual virus. I said it’s hard to know what to do, meaning her doctor is human, felt bad about her vaccine reactions and then said she could skip the vaccines, and yet here she is.

    9. I already got it. I plan to get them annually, though I’m not convinced fall is the right timing. I also get annual flu shots.

      1. Tell me more about the timing? It wasn’t available to me any earlier, so I don’t think I have a choice (but it seems logical to do it now).

        1. Not that poster but I think ideally we’d be able to get them twice annually. It’s not as seasonal as flu and there’s usually a late summer surge. That said, fall is when it’s available so that’s when I get it.

          1. I wish this too. The surge this summer was bad, and the protection from the previous fall had worn off.

        2. A lot of people would like for it to be available before the school year starts (such as all the teachers I know!).

          1. Yeah we had a huge outbreak in our elementary school and Girl Scout troop in August. Many parents and teachers were disappointed it wasn’t available before back to school.
            We got our Covid shot as soon as it was available in early September but are waiting on flu until later in October.

        3. The CDC has it lined up with the fall flu shots, which are in the fall because there’s a winter flu wave every year.

          But COVID waves tend not to be winter related. We were just coming out of a summer COVID wave when the new vaccines came out this fall. So I’m not sure what the right timing is, as I mentioned, but it’s not necessarily fall.

          The current model is recommending people get flu and COVID vaccines at the same time because they think people are less likely to come back for a second shot.

          2. I really wish there were two new COVID vaccines each year, one before the summer surge and one before the winter surge. If we are only going to get one updated formula a year I’d rather have it for the summer surge.

    10. I don’t intend to, but it’s more out of the fact that I don’t really seek out the flu shot either. Like I’ll get a flu shot if my office brings in a nurse and she’s going around to everyone’s office, but I’m not going to seek it out. Same with Covid. If the nurse were giving flu and Covid, sure, I’ll get both. But wait in line for something I don’t really need? Unh uh. 40s, healthy.

      1. There’s no line at the pharmacy in my neighborhood grocery store and I can get it when I’m there anyway, for what it’s worth. If you want one, it seems fairly easily accessible now, so don’t let a perceived barrier to entry stop you.

      2. I’ve never waited in line for any shot. There isn’t that much demand, you can just walk into any CVS or grocery store and get them.

      3. Same bucket – getting it seems like a good idea, but in the same way that re-pricing my car insurance every year is: it’s probably helpful, but also life is busy and sometimes you don’t get to every “good idea”. For me, convenience is a combo of “is it fast and easy somewhere I’ll already be” (and somehow even a 2 person “line” makes a 45 minute wait at a lot of pharmacies; or it’ll be advertised at the grocery store pharmacy… with a fine print asterisk of “Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays, 12pm to 2pm only”). Last year I got flu+covid at once and felt pretty cruddy the next day, which is a disincentive as well

        1. Better to feel cruddy for one day than to be ill and fatigued for nine weeks. I learned that lesson last year when I postponed getting a booster until I could fit it in when it would not be inconvenient to feel cruddy the next day. I never go the booster and then was infected with my first incidence of COVID-19, while traveling internationally, and while the disease was not severe (thank goodness!), I missed several weeks of work and suffered extended fatigue for seven weeks after my active symptoms subsided — not going through that again!

      4. I got flu and Covid vaccines at a CVS inside Target on Thursday. It took nine minutes from when I checked in online to leaving the store.

      5. Get the jab. Please don’t risk infection and hospitalization — you just can’t predict how this disease will affect your body, age and “healthy” or not.

    11. absolutely. I’ve had Covid a few times, all of the mild cold variety, and to the extent staying up to date with the current targeted vax is the cause of that, I’m not stopping now.

      1. I lost three weeks of meaningful work to COVID – my body was better after about a week but my brain wasn’t. I can’t actually afford to do that again.

        1. Same, although I lost a few more weeks of work to COVID-19. You just can’t predict how an infection will affect your body. Best to get the booster and reduce the possibility of severe disease. I sure don’t want to be hospitalized with inflamed lungs (lower respiratory infection) if I can help it. Meanwhile, I mask in crowds and try to wash hands often, but nobody is perfect, and the virus just need one slip-up, whereas we require 100 percent compliance. Belts and suspenders for me!

    12. High-risk, pregnant, and not getting it during pregnancy. There isn’t evidence of safety and efficacy in my age group and for my conditions. I’ve gotten seven in four years and nothing has shown me that I “need” another – especially when it’s targeted against a dying variant and doesn’t protect against getting infected. I’m able to manage risk better by avoiding exposures.

    14. Yes, and I also keep all of my adult shots up to date including things like tetanus. I choose to see vaccines like any other prevention I take like getting a mammogram or colonoscopy. I don’t want to be sick.

    15. Already did. No side effects this time. I know two people with long covid and doing my best to avoid.

      With no one wearing masks anymore kind of seems like a no brainer.

    16. I got a booster last year and ovulated two days later (so no cycle effects), resulting in a healthy pregnancy. I also caught Covid for the first time ever and was very glad to have been vaccinated, as my case was fairly mild for being pregnant. I felt like I had the flu for 1-2 days, and had a sore throat and tiredness for days/weeks after, but I never even got a fever (which can be very dangerous during pregnancy no matter what trimester). I will be getting it again this year, and hope to pass some antibodies to my 3mo who can’t get her own shots. Her older brothers will also all be boosted.

    17. I got the booster about two weeks before joining a 14-day cruise. On day 13, I tested positive, and immediately began taking Paxlovid. (I had brought tests, Paxlovid, and cold symptom OTC drugs with me, just in case.). This time (my second COVID-19 infection) was MUCH milder than my first last fall, in that last year it took me NINE WEEKS to regain my strength after suffering symptoms for two weeks and fatigue for seven weeks. This time I was better by the time the five-day course of Paxlovid was completed, but I have been taking it easy and isolating and masking consistent with the CDC and other guidance (which is either for five days after you no longer have fever or are taking fever-reducing medications, or ten days after you first display symptoms or test positive, so long as you are no longer symptomatic — for me, it is about the same, either way). I recommend getting the booster — who knows? maybe it reduced the severity fo the disease this time around.

  16. I want to send a care package to a cousin who has been having a very hard time. Her brother killed himself 6 months ago. A total shock. She is reeling. Any words of wisdom are appreciated.

    She feels so alone. No one understands what it is like. I’ve hooked her in with local support groups, and helped her get some health issues on track. She lives far away and I just wanted to send her some things.

    She is in her 50s. Bay Area super Mom, now in early retirement. Fun, sweet, easygoing.
    When I helped her last year she sent me some of “her favorite things” – a set of diptyque candles, and OSEA body oil. If those are some of her comfort favorites, anything that jumps to your mind for a care package for her?

    I need to fly to see her, but I can’t go for some time.

    1. I would probably do some chocolate or sweets, and face masks, lotions, or hair products, depending. I’m in Canada, so I would hit Purdys and the Body Shop for items that are easy to ship.

    2. something to occupy her mind? Like the NYT sells books of their crossword puzzles, some by day of the week so you can pick the difficulty you want. Adult coloring books and fancy pens. Fav books (new or old). Streaming subscription to Britbox or Acorn (depending on whether she likes British tv obviously…)

    3. I like to send a Deneen coffee mug. It’s quite thick and sturdy (also handmade), so luxurious for a mug.

    4. So, just because I’m also a diptyque candle person, I will tell you things I like because maybe I’m similar to your friend.

      – a cozy throw blanket
      – Harney teas or other nice teas (PG Tips!)
      – nice chocolate, especially if it’s local to you
      – sleep socks
      – a silk eye mask for sleeping
      – diptyque Fleur de Peau hand lotion (I also love Eau Duelle, and Philosykos is iconic)
      – a good pair of tweezers and a magnifying mirror
      – a fancy lipstick or gloss (Dior or Chanel are nice)
      – a good cookbook or photography book

      Hope this helps. And hugs to your friend.

    5. This has happened in my family

      Send her the Book:
      Silent grief

      It addresses the no one understanding in the best way possible

      1. I would tread carefully. Though extremely well-intentioned, self-help books can be received not very well. What’s helpful for one person can be seen as sort of insulting to another, like being told“Fix yourself” to make me comfortable with your grief.

    6. How about a gift certificate to a spa near her where she can get away for a massage, facial etc. You might even tell her you’re going to book her a spa appointment on X date or Y date, which is better for her?

      1. This or a consumable item. While blankets and candles are nice thoughts, they can also be reminders of this awful time. I’ve thrown out all of my “diagnosed with cancer” blankets and “your dad died” vases for this reason—they depressed me long afterward.

    7. I’m so sorry. A very easy art project to occupy her hands and mind? Target has great options – coloring book and really nice pens or those gem kits where you put on one gem at a time (but don’t get a huge one that is overwhelming). Or a small jigsaw puzzle?

  17. Does anyone know if Leatherology typically has Black Friday Sales?

    Do British brands put out sales on Black Friday? Is there an equivalent time of year for discounts on the British brands?

    1. Sales are normally on Boxing Day (December 26th) and continue through end of January. Some companies have Black Friday sales but it’s more of a price adjustment and not a proper sale.

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