Weekend Open Thread
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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
Veronica Beard has had a lot of dickeys that are on the more casual side (hoodies galore!) — and I like the way the denim jacket insert/dickey really makes the look work for the weekend.
I particularly like the look because it's a little bit baller — who on earth is layering denim jackets beneath blazers?! — but visually it looks great and adds a very fashion-y touch, even when worn with blue jeans.
The denim dickey is $200, available at Nordstrom, Shopbop, Veronica Beard, and Bloomingdale's. They're pictured it here with Veronica Beard's classic blazer, the Miller.
(FYI, this navy blue dickey blazer from the Anniversary Sale is marked down to under $300 — but lucky sizes only. Another FYI – Quince also carries dickies that zip into some of their jackets! OK one more — The Outnet has a bunch of dickies as well as dickey jackets in stock right now!))
Psst – we've recently rounded up denim blazers (they're a thing right now!) as well as the other kind of dickey to get that layered look with sweaters, without all the bulk.
Sales of note for 10/9
- Ann Taylor – 40% off must-have styles, and 30% off your full price purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 25% off
- Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles with code
- The Fold – Up to 25% off with their Workwear Mix and Match offer
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything + extra 60% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Fall style event! 25% off $500+, 30% off $750+ — try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Nordstrom – 1000+ new markdowns!
- Nordstrom Rack – UGG up to 40% off
- Soma -$25 off when you spend $110+, also get a free bra when you buy two
- Talbots – 30% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $150+
Has anyone else had perimenopause do a number on their tastebuds? I’m 46. A few months ago I started noticing that anything with mustard tasted terrible to me. I used to love mustard. Now it tastes completely different, and I absolutely hate the taste. Salad dressing made with mustard? Most disgusting thing I have ever tasted.
No chance of being pregnant and as far as I know I haven’t had COVID recently. So peri is the only cause I can think of.
I would assume a mild case of COVID that went unnoticed.
+1
I haven’t personally, but it can affect your tastebuds. I’d search the menopause communities to get more info.
If there is even the most remote possibility of pregnancy, take a test.
Otherwise, I would assume you have a low grade cold, straggling long covid symptoms, or your mustard has gone bad (although that’s probably not the case if it is ALL mustard in your life, rather than just one tub of it).
Yeah, is it one bad jar or brand of mustard or all mustard? I had a jar of mustard that was just completely inedible a few months ago, but I threw it out and bought a different brand, and that was fine.
It’s all mustard, regardless of where it comes from (restaurant, home, etc.). Zero chance of pregnancy (I’ve been single for many years with no action.)
I think it is more likely due to a different health issue; we have a tendency to blame every symptom on perimenopause, but there are a lot of other things that could be going on.
There could be other things going on, but estrogen plays a role in taste and smell.
Colds and allergies affect my tastebuds. Not as much as Covid but a little bit. I would assume it’s that.
Would you help a friend who is in so deep with something in parenting that it’s hard to even step back and see that something needs to change urgently? I’m normally very “good for you, not for me” with all things parenting and I make it a habit to never offer unsolicited advice, but I feel like I’m witnessing someone drowning and just standing there. My good friend has two kids, age 5 and 2, and neither kid sleeps well, especially the younger. My friend probably averages 4 hours of sleep a night with a very convoluted routine of going to sleep with one kid, moving to share a bed with the other, swapping with her husband at 2 am, etc. We’ve talked about it and she is open to non-CIO types of sleep training, but is so overwhelmed and exhausted that she won’t try anything because it’s hard to get started and to know what approach might be best (which, fair). She also admitted that part of her doesn’t want to make a change because she likes feeling needed at night (so if her 5-year-old wakes up and wants to play a game with her at 2 am, she’ll just do it and then say “but it was sweet that he wanted to” rather then attempt to get him back to bed). Part of me understands that, but with the rest of the problems she describes (feeling like she’s stupid because she’s so sleep-deprived she can barely get her work done, serious marital issues that stem in part from the chronic sleep deprivation that her husband handles even worse than she does, behavioral problems with the kids related to being overtired), I feel like I want to say “look, you NEED to implement something, anything, before this worsens into a crisis or you drive off the road.” It’s been five years of this, minus relatively good sleep for her first before he hit age 1.5, and I’m genuinely worried for her health and happiness, and the tone of their household is already horrible (edgy, irritable all the time). Would you say anything or offer any advice?
P.S. It goes without saying that I’ve listened without judgment for years now and provided physical help when I can (we’re a state away now), so I feel like I’ve tried everything in that camp already. I know she appreciates it and I can continue to do that no matter what happens but I’m posting specifically because I’m debating whether to have a come-to-Jesus talk, and whether I would be glad for a friend to do that to me if the roles were reversed.
You could try a, “you know, if you want to implement a sleeping schedule for the kids, that would also benefit you and your husband and I’d support you.”
Are you trying to get her to stop complaining to you (an acceptable goal) or are you trying to get her to be ready to make a change (can’t control this)?
+1
I can handle the complaining (although I admit the “we’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas” aspect can get old). I would just like to see if a push from a friend can maybe help her make the change she’s at least semi open to but feels stuck on.
I mean, tell her you are worried she’s going to do more harm to her kids by driving off the road in a daze or divorcing their dad in a sleep-deprived pique than by telling a whole freakin’ 5 year old that no, you are not going to play games at 2am, go back to bed.
Would people say it’s generally out of the norm to tolerate that from a 5 yo?
I would only indulge it in my 3 year old if she was seriously jet lagged. I can’t imagine indulging it at 5.
Games at 2am were not even a thing I did in college, definitely not as an exhausted parent. I know other parents have different ways of managing sleep; I was very heavy on liking my own and not willing to interrupt it for anything but medical or safety reasons. My kid wants to play at ungodly hours? They need to keep it SILENT and not wake anyone else in the house up, nor be grouchy the next day.
Absolutely NOT the norm, no.
Sounds like she is super permissive and maybe ask about her routine during the day and evening. Some kids can be taken to the store and visiting and out for dinner in the evening with no problem. Others need a strict routine with little stimulus. My son was throwing tamtrums age 3-5 and it was related to strss due to family illness and loss of a job. Once we got stable in a new home, we had to say NO to running around in the evening, visiting relatives, etc. We set up and decorated his room first and did the dinner, play, read and bed thing. It worked and he grew out of the tantrums. Are they getting sufficient exercise during the day and sufficient downtime at night? I woud absolutely make suggestions if my friend were miserable.
Tread very lightly indeed here, if you tread at all. I will receive a conversation like “hey, it sounds like you guys are just zonked and really struggling. Do you mind if I offer my thoughts on how you could get from where you are to where you seem to want to be? Sometimes a third party perspective is helpful. But obviously, sometimes it’s annoying, and I don’t want to overstep here” much better than the tone I associate with a “come to Jesus” conversation.
Yeah, that seems crazy and I think a come-to-Jesus talk would be warranted. Maybe direct her to a sleep consultant though rather than give her advice.
This is tough. My first instinct is, if you decide to say something, focus on the impact on her health and well-being, and don’t be the person telling her exactly how to solve it – i’m guessing it would be easier for her to take advice from an expert of some kind, like a sleep consultant. So my framing would be, “I notice that you are suffering x, y, and z due to sleep deprivation. It seems like your husband is suffering too due to x and y examples. Can I set up an appointment for you to talk to this consultant to try to work through some solutions? I’m worried about you.” So the focus is on her well-being, not whether or not she is a good mother, and you’re not positioning yourself as someone with all the answers.
I would not respond well to “I think you need so much help I’ve hired a professional without talking to you first”, but it’s probably a “know your friend” situation.
I didn’t suggest she hire someone without her friend’s permission; I agree that is a bad idea. She could offer to help her find a consultant and/or suggest a consultant and offer to help make an appointment after getting permission though.
I would hate that. Consultants are scammy. Be my friend and give me your advice; don’t outsource it.
Nope. She doesn’t want advice.
How good a friend is this? I think being a good friend and a strong friendship can have these conversations together. If there’s mutual trust respect and love you should be able to have a ‘come to jesus’ conversation.
Ive had one with my best friend about their financial choices, untreated adhd, and anxiety. I felt bad and thought I was an ahole, but it was the right conversation at the right time.
We all deserve someone who cares about us and wants better for us.
She’s a very good friend – going on 15 years.
I routinely give unsolicited advice to my close friends and vice versa. Why we’re friends. But I don’t know your relationship.
offer to babysit, including an overnight stay, so they can go away and get some sleep. date nights will help them feel like human beings again anyway.
otherwise, no. as someone who had kids with lousy sleep you have no idea what she’s dealing with. if you really really can’t leave it alone get her a gift basket of various sleep things – a weighted blanket (shouldn’t be more than 10% of their bodyweight), a compression sheet, a white noise machine, a magnesium lotion or roll on (I always heard to put it on their feet?). she wouldn’t use them all at once but it’s expensive to try little things like that.
But those are not the appropriate gifts for the OP’s friend’s problem. They are for someone with insomnia. Her problems are many, but her parenting choices are the cause of her lack of sleep.
I wonder why she isn’t seeking out more healthcare support. Small children can have sleep disorders. Medical providers can recommend a specific approach to sleep training or specific interventions to try. And medical providers can advise on the health impacts of poor sleep.
Part of me wonders what her days look like and if this this some kind of revenge bedtime procrastination for her (maybe as a vicious cycle). If she really likes her current set up, it sounds like everybody needs a nap schedule.
Her older son is in preschool (birthday was post K cutoff in his district) and younger son in daycare. On the weekends they do things like the farmer’s market and local play dates. No organized activities for either.
Does she have conflicted feelings about work vs. SAHM? I’m just trying to think of where that comment about feeling needed at 2AM was coming from.
Waking up half way through the night isn’t always disordered sleep, but it does require going to bed earlier or waking up later. If she’s intimidated by or resistant to prescriptive or normative sleep hygiene advice, she still needs to work out something that will work for her family!
Oh, I see. She isn’t conflicted about that – she works and has said she isn’t cut out to be a SAHM. I’m not really sure where it comes from, but I do remember she was INCREDIBLY upset when their oldest went through a “dad phase” a few years ago – it really stood out. I guess it could be some kind of insecurity? Her own parents were very loving and she grew up in a happy home, so there isn’t something really obvious there to point to.
I think some people just have acts of service as their love language and like getting opportunities to serve those they love (and especially their kids)!
I think the most you can do is say “hey, it’s really hard to watch you and husband be so sleep deprived. As your friend observing from the outside, it seems like it’s really making you both miserable. You’ve been talking about making a change for a while and I want to give you a loving push.” And then be done with it.
For our family, the bedtime schedule became clear when the second kiddo came along, and it fixed things with the slightly older sibling. You just have to be consistent, and the spouse has to be on board as well. It’s The Schedule, parents don’t have to take the fall, it needs to be done. She can tweak what she has going on – like the game could be how-slowly-can-you-blink. She can ask about the kids’s dreams, sometimes they can be quite fun – and you need to be asleep for them to happen.
One of my other hacks was when they were near me, I would breathe slowly, almost like I was asleep, and often times my kiddo would catch on and nod off. I was usually sitting upright so I would be able to resist falling asleep myself.
Even now, we tell our kids “Sleep is food for your brain” to encourage choices when there is temptation to do otherwise. Toys (Screens) are resting as well so they can be fun and not overtired the next time they are reached for during the day.
Posted this late on the other thread. Need some shoes for outdoor family pictures next weekend. My dress is:
Tuckernuck Chambray Lyles Dress
DH will wear whatever I tell him and my girls are in blush and floral dresses with cream tights and ankle high boots. What do I put on my feet? Outside, greater Boston, on a farm, 4pm.
Brown boots were recommended in the earlier post. What kind? Ankle? Knee high? Whatever I wear will need to be bought. Help!
Cute ankle booties, cowboy boots, etc.
Knee-high boots are more current with a midi dress than ankle boots. Cowboy boots would also work.
I wouldn’t do boots with that dress. I’d do flats. It’s an airy long dress. Maybe cowboy boots but that’s a very specific look. I’d also do a dress sandal if the weather is nice.
Specifically these or similar
https://margauxny.com/collections/the-pointe/products/the-captoe-pointe-dune-and-black-nappa
These look good for the office but would look weird on a farm imho. I would do ankle boots if that’s your style or something like these little (cheap!) cuties:
https://www.target.com/p/women-8217-s-sia-shoes-with-memory-foam-insole-universal-thread-8482-cognac-7-5/-/A-94646804?sid=&TCID=PDS-230278849&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=230278849&gbraid=0AAAAAD-5dfZTfMyNC5hxjMK7QGjmqb_kP&gclid=Cj0KCQjw3aLHBhDTARIsAIRij59NocU9kOn985SAHFgKk_WsWPXrR6-gyoqSBYun6aDMncx7PZri3vcaAmUbEALw_wcB
You can’t wear sandals or flats on a farm, though.
Thoughts on gender neutral bathrooms? I never ever concerned myself with who else was i the ladies room and assume that tr$ns women have been using the ladies rooms forever. I see that gender neutral bathrooms will be great for people who look androgyneous and for caregivers. Given the hate against gender non-conforming people, they will probably be safer with unis$x bathrooms. On the other hand, the discussion about a ladies lounge that allow women to pump has me thinking about women spaces in general. I don’t love the idea of flossing the spinach out of my teeth, fixing my bra or spanx in the mirror, or “powdering my nose” in front of my first date, dad or father-in-law. Bathrooms are culturally so much more than a place to pee for women. Will I survive the change? Of course. But I don’t want women’s spaces to be lost entirely.
Unisex bathrooms (without gendered counterparts) aren’t a thing. Get out of here with your dog whistle.
I am not the OP, but I have seen them before. There are separate stalls, but otherwise unisex.
I’ve seen them too.
And they have been for a long time.
Same, starting 20+ years ago in DC by Farragut West, so not an edgy area.
Ally McBeal (legal TV show from…the 90’s) had multi-stall restrooms for all bathroom users, AND they used to have conversations (to advance the plot, or entertain) between stalls, regardless of whose pants were being shown around their ankles.
Also – in Jordan we went to a restaurant for lunch (10ish years ago) and the restroom was multi-stall and for everyone. The doors were closer to the floor and ceiling, but no one was bothered.
They’re absolutely a thing.
They definitely exist. Usually individual stalls with doors that go all the way to floor and a common area with sinks for everyone.
I don’t mind them, but I prefer women’s restrooms instead of gender neutral rooms.
I like them, mainly because of the doors that go all the way to the floor. I’ve had no issues in any of them. I’m in the Bay Area and they’ve become common here.
That said, I also don’t care about peeing in the men’s room, which I’ve done many, many times at bars. (Husband is in a bar band.)
Where do you live? They absolutely are everywhere and I hate them. So messy, can’t sneak off with your friends to chat there.
You are so weird. They were at the Met in NYC when I went and all and all over San Francisco. They will be in Ikea soon. Guessing you don’t travel much, anon at 2:58. What is the dog whistle thing?
i’ve only seen gender neutral bathrooms that are also single-occupant/family (and as someone with an autistic son i really appreciate these spaces because he doesn’t look disabled but I still don’t want to send him into the men’s room by himself).
there was a NY bar called Schiller’s for years that had women’s and men’s bathrooms with a common sink area – I forget where the mirrors were, possibly in the bathrooms themselves. but it was always fine.
I’ve used bathrooms like that at restaurants and airports. It’s always been fine. I don’t feel like brushing teeth or fixing my outfit requires shielding from the other sex so much as it requires a designated restroom like space, because it’s gauche to do it in public.
Locker rooms I would feel differently about, but bathroom stalls give me a sufficient feeling of privacy no matter what gender person is outside of it, so it’s not something I care about either way.
Most unisex bathrooms offer more privacy not less.
Me removing hypothetical spinach matters far less than enabling someone else to actually use the bathroom without fear for their safety. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it must be to be trans in so many ways.
Unisex bathrooms with full-length stall doors would provide better privacy than current setups where women bring their little boys into the ladies’ room to peer under stall doors, and would alleviate potty parity issues.
Well, lesbians might have some advice for powdering your nose in front of your first date! I don’t think I’ve ever really gone to bathroom at the same time as the person I’m dining with, usually one person stays to watch the coats and whatnot, then goes when the other person comes back.
Most gender neutral setups I have seen have individual rooms with toilet, sink, and mirror (usually), or a little room with the toilet and then everyone uses the sinks together. In each situation, you could do the more private things in the little room ( bra fixing, underwear hiking).
I like the gender neutral idea because it generally means that I, as a person who uses the women’s room, have a shorter wait. And I am kind of wickedly delighted that it can result in men having a longer wait. Equality!
I think it is fine to have single stall gender neutral bathrooms. If it is a lounge or a bathroom with multiple stalls, I prefer separate for men and women.
Love me some gender neutral bathrooms! They minimize the lines for everyone, users and cleaners alike.
On the other hand, I have never wanted to spend more time than necessary in a public restroom. Not because there might be other genders present, but because it’s a bathroom and not a lounge.
Never would I ever have pumped in a public restroom unless there was literally no other option. I would (and did) pick a bench in a hallway, the ground next to a tree, my car in the parking lots, over a bathroom, no question.
It sounds like you don’t have experience with really nice powder rooms (they kind of are like lounges really!).
I’m against them. Any policy that helps men access women’s spaces is a no-go for me. Every time a state or country does this (including for single occupancy), incidence of spycam installation goes up – and before, when you saw a man in the women’s room, you could get security to intervene based on that fact alone. The presumption I was that it was a social norm being violated in advance of a crime. Now you have to wait for the crime to be committed, which means more victims.
Same.
I despise them. One seaters usually result in a line for the bathroom and I can’t fix a stray thread without someone waiting impatiently for me to finish. Anecdotally one seaters tend to be dirtier.
Multi stall layouts are deeply uncomfortable. I don’t want to hear my male coworkers’ bathroom noises and vice versa. Removing my pants or changing my tampon three feet from a man feels too vulnerable. Sometimes I have rough days and want a private space to collect myself. If my office had an Ally McBeal style restroom I would WFH or quit.
Agreed. Anything that keeps me longer in an enclosed space with a man while I’m trying to deal with something private and embarrassing (tampon explosion, whatever) is very uncomfortable. I don’t have to talk myself out of that feeling. Our instincts have evolved for a reason.
Right? My discomfort is important to me, especially if this is a work bathroom.
I don’t mind them in places where I’ll be for a short time (movie theater, night club) but not where I’ll be for a long time (work, school).
Most gender neutral restrooms aren’t multiple user – they are single occupancy like your home restroom is.
No I don’t care if trans/nonbinary people have access to restrooms. I have worked with two people that were female to male transition and I would not have known had they not been open. It’s also very interesting that no one raises that issue at all.
Rape continues to largely be perpetuated by someone known to the victim. Anti-trans people continue to raise this specific threat but how many stranger rapes are conducted in high traffic areas? A public restroom typically has a lot of traffic. And still, that has to do with predators not people whose identity doesn’t align with that which they were born with.
National statistics (US) show that about a quarter of sexual assault victims were at work, school, or another activity during the assault (2019-2023 data). The rest were at home or commuting to home.
I don’t care about single occupancy gender neutral restrooms.
But that stat about “someone known to the victim” is an access issue, where predators choose targets based on convenient access. So providing convenient access is still a bad idea.
High traffic public spaces can get pretty dicey in my experience (everyone has some public transit stories that would not be improved by taking place within a restroom).
I find that a lot of people say that rape is rare in bathrooms but they won’t send their young kids in alone, citing safety.
It’s okay to try to keep something rare! Supervision of young kids is totally reasonable.
This depends on where you live, absolutely not the case in the Bay Area. The rise of the unisex bathrooms just means dirtier bathrooms for everyone, and it’s absolutely unnecessary here where it’s very accepting and easy to be who you are.
The fact that most rapes are committed by someone you know doesn’t make stranger rape less horrifying. It’s a little like saying most gun deaths in this country are suicides, so we shouldn’t fear mass shootings.
+1. It doesn’t feel like no big deal to the millions of women experiencing stranger assault in a public place.
It is often because the same guy who assaulted a stranger additionally assaulted people he knew or lived with, which is not that surprising.
I’m 100% in favor of gender neutral bathrooms with stalls that go all the way to the floor and ceiling and don’t have that awful gap. It’d be a much better use of space in huge places like ball parks. They can have a smaller male bathroom with urinals only and a smaller female lounge for pumping etc., but most of the proper bathroom space would be taken up by enclosed stalls. Lines would be so much shorter. It would be safer, especially for children who are too old to go to the bathroom with their opposite sex parent but too young to watch for danger. I don’t understand why this isn’t already being done on a large scale.
Exactly. This setup would be better for everyone, and women and parents would benefit the most. People who are not comfortable with t—s people in single-sex restrooms would also be protected because there would be actual privacy, which is not the case with today’s standard restroom setup that has huge gaps at the bottom of the stall and at the edges of the stall door.
I find that people are often willing to give up something that is not valuable to them. So some women are fine giving away privacy – it means little to them for whatever reason.
For myself, having been preyed on by a teacher for months when i was 9, it is important to me that not only my own privacy in bathrooms and changing room be preserved, but that of young girls to. This teacher would open the door to the girls changing room when he knew we were in a state of undress.
I do not trust all men to behave themselves properly.
And I do not want my right to consent be given away by other women who have not had the same experiences i have.
+1. Some women care about single-sex bathrooms a lot. Some don’t care at all. The only solution that satisfies both camps, the carers and the non-carers, is to keep it single sex.
If you’d had full-length locking stalls for changing, he couldn’t have opened the door on you.
He could wait outside the door. He could change in the open himself without challenge. He could linger at the sinks. He could install a camera during less busy times . People say “well a sign on the door won’t stop a predator like that!” but that doesn’t mean you should pave the way for them. In that poster’s youth, someone catching a male teacher in the bathroom, no matter what he was doing, would lead to h3ll being raised. His presence alone would be the red flag. Now it would lead to…nothing.
Wow Anon @ 5:02. I’ll just go back in time and have the small karate studio and install a lock on the inside of the closet door that the 3 girls had to change in. What a helpful comment.
I will also state, for the record, that this same man abused me in front of the entire class, and a couple of the other girls, too. He would pair students up for stretching exercises, and there were an odd number of students that day he would choose a girl, most often me, as his partner. One of the stretches was to put your legs out and lean forward. He would kneel between my legs and have me fold over his lap with my face two inches from his crotch for what felt like 5 to 10 minutes at a time.
Opportunist men are going to take every opportunity.
Thanks for bringing me back to that space again. You’re a real ally.
Reminder: I was 9 years old.
Hugs. I’m sorry.
I live in a major city and yes, I have seen them in several places. Most notably in Steppenwolf theater in Chicago. I am pretty relaxed about most things, so I was surprised with myself that it really did startle me when random men started coming in. There I am fixing my hair, make-up etc. And yes, the bathroom floors are so much dirtier, which really stinks when you are dressed up with long flowy pants and you are trying your best not to let them touch the floor when you are using the toilet because that floor is now wet with men’s pee.
going to vegas next week for work. it is going to still be summer outside but can i assume it will be cool if not chilly inside?
Absolutely. Vegas is one of those places where the hotter it is outside the colder it is inside. Layers are your friend.
Enjoy! I am neither a drinker nor gambler, but Vegas is one of my favorite places for a conference.
WWYD if you’re not a gambler? I’m going for work in November, have never been. Will be with industry contacts, maybe clients, so can’t go crazy.
Lots of good restaurants and shows in the evenings, along with a bit of shopping. It’s the usual socializing at a conference but everything is reasonably together – like you aren’t crossing across a city. If you aren’t really a gambler, I’ve always been a fan of penny slots. Twenty dollars can keep you occupied for a long time.
Denim dickey was not on my 2025 bingo card.
These Veronica beard dickie jackets have been around for several years now. The denim is one of the more popular styles.
I’m not sure how you missed them. They’re not new enough to be shocking.
Why so hostile on a Friday afternoon!
They’re out of date.
Just luck, I guess.
Yeah, hard pass.
This blog is the only place I have encountered a dickey outside of the 1980s.
Anyone remember the days when this blog tried to make professional boleros happen?
Has anyone watched Black Rabbit? Light spoilers, I’m only a couple of episodes in.
I don’t know how to take the fact that all of this trouble is caused by a $140k debt. Or even the need for the other $100k for investment purposes. Am I out of touch by thinking that $100k is not an insurmountable amount of money to come up with? Or is the point that the events of the series unfold over not THAT much money?
“Am I out of touch by thinking that $100k is not an insurmountable amount of money to come up with?”
Yep.
+1000
Nope.
How long is the time frame? Because I think a good chunk of partnered middle class Americans could come up with $100k in the course of a year or two if their life was on the line (crowd sourcing, selling things including cars, working extra shifts, mortgaging assets, etc.). Like, if your child needed a $100k medical procedure or would die, I think most people would figure it out. But $100k in a week or a month? Not something most people can do.
Yeah I think it depends on timing and reason. Many (most?) people have $100k in home equity and could take out a HELOC if a child needs lifesaving medical treatment or something.
But you obviously don’t do something like that on a whim. You have to *really* need the money.
If I try to look that up, I find that in USA, 60% of homeowners have $100k in home equity, but of course that leaves people who aren’t homeowners at all.
There are maintenance medications that cost $100k for a refill these days, so for a lifesaving medical treatment, maybe it would be enough, or maybe it would be enough for the copay!
Outside of fiction, $20k debt, or even $5k debt, causes an awful lot of trouble when the person who owes it doesn’t have it and can’t come up with it.
Yes.
Does anyone have a recommendation for s t-shirt (preferably not crewneck) that is hip length on a 5’5″ woman? I am not looking for cropped because those are usually boxy and shorter than what I want, but I want something that does not hit the top of my thighs and can be worn untucked (I am short waisted; tucked in makes me look like I have no torso, not to mention the bunching.)
I have a dozen t-shirts that are too long and hoping for a solution that does not require tailoring.
Thanks in advance for any suggestions!
i’m 5’3 and like t-shirts from caslon, jcrew factory (girlfriend style), madewell, banana republic (timeless). talbots is ok too.
The Rag and Bone slub tee can be worn untucked and is not boxy.
I took the plunge and got a weight loss prescription through Hers. It’s prescribed by a dr who reviewed my health history. I thought I would receive a micro dose of GLP but instead was prescribed Welbutrin, Metformin and Topiramate. I’m generally a low medicine type of person, but take vitamins like iron and vitamin C. The medicine arrived and now I’m like – am I really doing this? Idk what I’m looking for exactly – the hive’s thoughts? Like what would you say to your (self-described chubby) friend who brought this up at cocktail hour? I’m also reaching out to my PCP before I start.
have you googled those meds? i would not do them at all. how much weight are you trying to lose? if you have a lot to lose just get a GLP… if not weight loss meds may not be for you.
i had one friend hospitalized because she was using weight loss meds to try to lose “the last 10 pounds.” i think she was even on ozempic proper.
I definitely lost weight on Welbutrin and metformin before. I’m not familiar with Topiramate but assume it’s for a symptom you mentioned? I think your PCP’s advice will be key!
That’s quite a cocktail to loose weight. I used two of them (Wellbutrin and topiramate) as migraine preventers. Topiramate can give you a sense of pins and needles and also cause some memory issues. They do tend to lower appetite but not hugely.
If Topiramate is just to lose weight and not for migraines, that would scare me!
Metformin is generally NBD to me; it’s used for anti-aging because diabetics on metformin were seeing better outcomes than non-diabetics not on metformin. But I’d be annoyed if it were prescribed to me for weight loss unless I had signs of insulin resistance.
My understanding is that bupropion slightly lowers appetite but also lowers food reward and increases energy (I guess since you’re getting dopamine without food?). So to me the relevance to weight loss would be if someone were eating when not hungry or for energy. I could also see it being irrelevant if those aren’t the issues.
Yikes I wouldn’t go near that cocktail. For one thing, Topiramate is known to cause cognitive/verbal difficulties. The brand name version, Topamax, is known as Dopamax for a reason. Signed, takes a low dose daily for migraine prevention but if I get above 25 mg I start to forget my words.
Yeah I’m also on it for m*graine. It’s very effective for weight loss (I lost 30 lbs, and wasn’t that overweight), but it definitely has side effects. I can’t go above 50 mg and have some issues with word finding and typos, but it’s livable for how much it helps.
I lost a similar amount of weight on Wellbutrin (it stayed off a long time but I eventually regained it over about a decade as the m*graines became really debilitating and I had some other health issues and med side effects), so I’d question the necessity to use both rather than trying one at a time.
If I was being 100 percent honest I would say I don’t know much about this but I’d be careful taking an antidepressant for weight loss? And, as a fellow low medicine person, and with the caveat that I could be wrong, I’d also add that I am generally suspicious of any service whose stated goal is to make Rx-required meds easier to obtain. Presumably the Rx is required for a reason? I think talking to your pcp before you start is a good idea.
It’s used for more than depression. It is used to help with quitting addictions, and has been shown to help with quitting smoking, losing weight and more.
My suggestion is just to bite the bullet and take a GLP-1 (either Wegovy or Zepbound) unless the $499/month is way outside your financial means.
Good call on reaching out to your PCP.
If you were my friend, I would beg you not to do this unless your PCP affirmatively signs off on it (not just a cursory glance before approval, but actively confirms this is the most appropriate course of action).
+1 this calls for an appointment with the PCP to ask his or her advice on your problems.
Did the prescriber discuss with you the reasons for prescribing each medication, along with the risks?
I can see why a system like Hers would be appealing, though. Doctors love to tell women whose weight gain is obviously hormonal that all they need to do is eat less and exercise more. Sorry, but when I am 20 lbs heavier on hormonal BC with more exercise and less food than I am without hormonal BC eating whatever I want, the BC obviously is the problem. Same with aging. Don’t try to tell me that hormonal changes are not responsible for the fact that I gained weight rapidly when I hit 45 despite increasing exercise and cutting my portions in half. And then there’s the over-reliance on BMI. A small-framed woman can be 30 lbs over her ideal weight and still be “normal” according to the BMI charts. If conventional doctors want to compete with shady on-line prescription mills, they need to start taking women’s concerns seriously.
Wellbutrin is sometimes prescribed for weight loss. But first you will have mild headaches and fatigue for a couple weeks. And the weight loss will be very gradual – you likely won’t drop a ton of weight right away. I’d definitely talk to your PCP
As with every medicine, side effects vary, and Wellbutrin is usually very well tolerated.
This is a lot of medicine for someone who is not a medicine person. BUT all of the medicines are well studied, have been around for many decades, are generally well tolerated or can be easily discontinued if they have side effects. And they all have been shown to assist weight loss. And they are all cheap, and likely covered by your insurance.
I would never start all 3 right away. You start one at a time, make sure you tolerate them and watch for side effects, then add on the next one after a significantly long interval. Did she give you a plan like this?
I agree with talking to your PCP.
But remember there are side effects and risks with GLP-1 meds too, and they are crazy expensive and a who knows how long (lifetime?) of a commitment.
I’m trying to wear less black and every time I do I end up with a stain on the shirt, which makes me want to keep wearing all black. How can I retrain myself to (apparently) not be a slob?
Wear navy instead? Haha