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Updated: Aug 28, 2024 356 Comments · by

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Vindy Paris Rib Skirt

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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A woman wearing a white sleeveless top and blue straight cut skirt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Amour Vert is one of our longtime favorite “sustainable” clothing brands, and this well-priced skirt illustrates why. The straight silhouette is a classic cut, and while the fabric might skew a little too casual for formal offices, the skirt is comfortable and polished enough for lots of business casual situations.

I would pair this with a printed blouse and cardigan for an easy, elegant look. 

The skirt is $85 at Amour Vert and comes in sizes XS-XL. It also comes in black and “calla green.”

Sales of note for 9.10.24

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    I saw a woman in the elevator at work wearing a just-above the knee length pleated skirt in a cornflower blue with a matching meant-to-be untucked sleeveless top. It looked so cool and crisp on a sweltering day, like an adult office version of what I see teens in. Any ideas on where this is from?

    Unrelated: I saw the Clair Waight Keller-Uniqlo collab pics online and they looked amazing. Uniqlo’s website is just maddening but I am motivated to go back once this launches.

    • Anon

      If my husband wants a list I either make an Amazon wish list, or just a note in my phone.

    • Anon

      I keep a running Amazon list, which is mostly household items and books to read because it’s useful for tracking prices and things I need at some point but not immediately. I don’t share it with anyone because we don’t do many physical gifts in my family, but sometimes will pull items from there if people are looking for gift ideas.

    • Anon

      I keep a note on my phone and share ideas with people when they ask.

      Though I did just email my husband a link to beautiful necklace yesterday, lol.

    • Anon88

      My extended family uses Gifster and we love it. Almost like a wedding registry, but for any occasion. Really flexible and simple to use. And free!

      • anon

        +1 for Giftster, if you have a lot of non-Amazon requests and/or clothes. It allows you to specify sizes, colors.

    • Anon

      Amazon wishlist and then a note on my phone with links for non-Amazon things

    • Anon

      I usually pick one thing and send my husband a link. He will then choose a couple of little things on his own for me.

      I have an Amazon wish list that my kids and my siblings use. I put things on it all year. Right now it has kitchen stuff, gardening (actual gardening) stuff, and some books I’ve come across that I’m in no hurry to read. I always ask for cookbooks because I cook almost every meal here and like cookbooks for inspiration.

    • JTM

      I use MyRegistry to add things throughout the year and then share the list with others for Christmas/birthdays.

    • Ses

      I like thingstogetme.com for this. Easy to set up a list or provide a cash link

    • Anonymous

      Revlon has a long-wear lipstick that I wear as a stain. It gives me a solid base color all day. It’s Revlon ColorStay Ultimate Liquid Lipstick. My color is plum.

  4. Anonymous

    I’m considering the mirena IUD to deal with irregular perimenopausal periods. Any success stories with this IUD? There is plenty of negative info online but I’m assuming people are more likely to post online if they are unhappy than if things are going great. I’m pretty nervous about side effects and it would be nice to be reassured.

    • anon

      I LOVED LOVED LOVED it. You hear a lot about pain having them inserted but i (i have had two children so may be loosened up a bit) did not find it anymore uncomfortable than a pap smear. I was still getting regular periods and the best part was i stopped getting one. life changing. i had to have it removed because i had breast cancer and now have a copper and sadly a period again.

      • Anonymous

        Counterpoint: I hate mine. I have major buyer’s remorse about getting it. My periods weren’t that bad before, but they are much worse now and it comes with all of the side effects of the pill (weight gain, headaches, etc.). I’ve had it for 2 years and am considering having it removed, except that the pain of insertion was so great that that’s a major deterrent for removal.

        • Anon88

          If you don’t like it, definitely get it removed– removal is a breeze compared to insertion! Insertion was some of the worst pain of my life, but removal was a cinch. My doctor told me to cough as she quickly yanked the strings out and that was it. Less than a second of pain.

    • anon

      I loved my mirena. No periods is THE BEST. Insertion and removal were both a little uncomfortable/pinchy but not excruciating. I didn’t have any negative side effects; it eliminated all my period side effects, like sore breasts, backache, etc.

      • anon

        Adding to my response at 9:04. I had a copper IUD before the mirena and it was terrible. It made my periods long and very heavy and crampy.

      • Senior Attorney

        Same experience here. I had the mirena for 10 years or more before menopause made the whole thing moot, and it was the best thing ever.

    • Anon

      I LOVE having an IUD.

      I didn’t get one for years, because I was afraid of the pain of insertion. My GYN wouldn’t do any pain management, so I got one at Planned Parenthood because they offered lidocaine. With the lidocaine I had no pain during the insertion or for the rest of the day (no cramping later!). I have a tilted uterus, so even a Pap smear or sometimes intercourse is very painful for me. 100% the worst part of the procedure was them inserting the speculum – which was uncomfortable but not painful – and no different than every other GYN exam.

      I love not having a period AND not having to remember to take the pill. I was loath to give up the pill because I didn’t get a period on it and I loved the convenience of that, but I wasn’t great at remembering to take the pill and didn’t want the stress. I just LOVE how thought free the IUD is – no thinking about taking the pill and no worrying about having to be ready for a period.

      • Anon

        Just want to say screw your Gyn for not offering any pain management. The tides are turning on that one, hopefully quickly.

    • Anon

      I have a Kyleena IUD, which is similar but slightly lower hormones. It has been great, no issues whatsoever.

    • Fallen

      I had the Mirena and the Paragard. I would avoid the mirena. I didn’t have periods on it and now have osteoporosis at 35 and ob says he sees a lot of this bc it messed with hormonal health. It wasn’t the only reason for me but it contributed most likely.

      • Fallen

        Also meant to say no issues with paraders, periods were slightly heavier but nothing I couldn’t live with.

    • Anon

      Have a Mirena and satisfied enough. TMI: Side effect is excessive discharge. I still have a period but it’s less than without. Overall not a silver bullet miracle but does what I need it to do. Inserted postpartum and literally didn’t feel a thing.

    • anon

      I love my Mirena. I’m on the 3rd. The first insertion, before I’d had a baby, was somewhat painful, but over pretty fast. I’ve barely felt the two insertions since having a baby.
      I have no period, just a bit of spotting every now and then. I don’t have any of the mood issues that I had on the pill.

    • Anonymous

      I had a Kyleena and now have a Mirena. I don’t get periods, maybe one day of spotting every few months. I haven’t noticed any other side effects; I had a week or so stretch of jaw-line acne (often considered to be tied to hormones) recently but I’ve had the Mirena for almost four years, so I don’t know that was connected.
      Insertion for the Kyleena was 6 weeks post partum and I truly didn’t even know when it went in. Mireya was later, and was medium-painful (and I have a decent pain tolerance), but only for a minute or so. I’d do it again to avoid discomfort of tampons and cups, none of which ever work for me.

    • anon

      I’m on my third Mirena and no complaints other than insertion. It causes me to have no periods, which I consider a huge benefit. There is some irregular PMS symptoms, although limited. No clue if it helps with what your concern is. For insertion nowadays, more docs will give you an anti-anxiety and/or light sedative etc. if you are willing to have someone drive you home. This matters more if you haven’t given birth, as the cervix is tighter. I’m for sure getting more meds next time, as the mental lead up is too much for me….

    • Satisfied customer

      I have the Mirena and love it. Insertion was very crampy and uncomfortable and afterwards I felt faint and had to lie down for awhile in the doctor’s office, but was able to go home on my own. Have a heating pad ready at home. I have no periods, just very light spotting for less than a day at random intervals (I don’t bother to track it) but not enough to use any period product. I haven’t had any other side effects of weight gain, etc. I love not having a period. Obviously I understand people can have different experiences.

    • Monte

      Love my Mirena and deeply regret not getting it years earlier. No pain during insertion (extra strength Tylenol before, lidocaine 90 seconds before insertion), less than two minutes of cramping after insertion, the lack of periods has been awesome, and I haven’t had any side effects.

    • Anonymous

      I am happy with Mirena, found insertion unpleasant but not as horrible as you hear, and love barely having a period. No side effects that I have noticed and this is my second (had them about 10 years total). Wish I’d gone for it so much sooner.

      Downside is when I was dating, men wanted to garden without protection immediately! So I’d not mention it to men I wasn’t exclusive with.

    • No Face

      Loved my mirenas! Only took them out to get pregnant and conceived almost immediately each time. DH got a vasectomy so I don’t need one, but I think about getting one to not have periods from time to time.

    • Anonymous

      I will probably be among the minority, but mirena was terrible for me. I had mine inserted in my early-40’s after having excessive bleeding that landed me in the hospital. The spotting didn’t stop after insertion (I gave it 7 long months), I felt like a hormonal mess all the time (a side effect I never had with the pill) and I was bloated and miserable much of the time. Sex was painful. I went to a new gyn, she removed it in the office painlessly and I had an ablation and tubectomy a week later. Now, 10 years later, I still have short periods that only require a panty liner but no other issues. I started HRT earlier this year and my perimenopause symptoms are nearly gone.

    • CMS

      I’ve had three Mirenas. Have always thought they were great. First insertion was tough (but manageable with 2 days of Advil), but the subsequent two were painless. All removals were super easy. Has basically resulted in no periods other than a day of spotting once every six months or so. And completely successful birth control.

  5. Anon

    I travel a lot for work (overnight) to rural areas with limited food options. I’m looking for ways to eat healthily while on the road (I usually travel for a two week stretch every 2-3 months, but sometimes am gone for a 4-6 weeks at once). What are your favorite healthy options at chain, fast casual, fast food restaurants? I’m often places where Applebees is the fancy option – so there are no healthy fast casual options like Sweetgreen. Some places I go have local options (which is always fun to try!) but some places are purely large chains.

    Hotels can be pretty limited too – I always try to get a kitchenette or at least a mini fridge + microwave option, but that’s not always possible. So, when I can I stock up on microwave oatmeal, Greek yogurt, bagged salads but that’s not always an option.

    I usually drive, so can pack whatever. And usually have an option to get to a grocery store at the beginning of my trip. But, grocery store usually means Walmart.

    Anything else you’d recommend packing for a longer work trip to an area with not much to do outside of work?

    If relevant background: I work for a state agency that requires me to travel all over the state. So, sometimes I’m in a city, sometimes I’m in a town with things to do, and sometimes I’m in a dying coal town, and sometimes I’m in an area so rural there is no internet. I live, and have always lived, in a large city, though I am outdoorsy (so I take advantage of being near hiking when I can!) but I’m also pretty city. Some trips we’re working 12ish hour days, 6 or 7 days a week (so limited downtime) and some trips its a standard 8 hour day and no weekends (so lots of downtime). I always travel with a kindle and workout clothes.

    • Anon

      When possible, I get fish and any salad or vegetable or fruit sides. But fish. Lots of fish.

    • anon

      Grocery store rotisserie chicken for easy lean protein. Pack gallon size ziplock bags, remove the meat from the bones as soon as you get to the hotel, store in ziplock so it won’t take up your whole mini-fridge. Hummus and baby carrots, a bag of apples, some greek yogurt, good crackers, tuna packets or kits. That’s what I’d do.

    • Anon

      Chipotle has decent healthy options among the big American chains if you have any access to that (it’s all over my chain-filled small Midwest city).

    • Anon

      I buy disposable bowls and make oatmeal with milk instead of water. Much richer. And you can add in berries, etc. breakfast is easily my best meal and I can have for dinner if I have had a heavy restaurant lunch.

      Also: all the yogurts and a sandwich on a baguette.

    • FP

      Applebee’s or Chili’s etc. will usually have some kind of weight watchers or “low guilt” type area of the menu, which will almost always have a steamed veggie and grilled chicken or salmon. I’d go with that.

    • Anon

      If no microwave or fridge: beef jerky, dried fruit, shelf stable fruit like apples, individual servings of peanut butter, individual servings of trail mix or nuts. If you are in the field and can’t grab lunch, cliff bars or protein bars. Pack collagen or protein powder to mix into things. Individual packs of bone broth (you can buy from Costco and pack, they’re shelf stable). Shelf stable protein shakes. Oatmeal.

      I love coffee, but find tea is easier in the field – all you need is a way to get hot water!

      • Anon

        I get cold brew for that exact reason — you can either bring with or it’s often sold in individual cans in the coffee aisle. And I wake up so early that going out isn’t always feasible! But my caffeine habit is served by cold brew and a trip to the ice machine if other options don’t exist (and I’d rather do that sometimes than use the in room coffee machine)

    • Anon

      When I’ve been in situations like this, I do a loaf of whole wheat bread, peanut butter and jelly, hummus, carrots, apples, yogurt, triscuits, Amys’s black bean chili or Indian in a pouch (assuming you have a microwave), protein bars, and fruit and salads wherever you can get them (bagged or at restaurants). I usually have to fly, but if I have the ability to pack my own food for a few days I do that too: a pasta salad with lots of veggies and beans, some sort of reasonably healthy baked goods, better sandwiches, etc. I’m a much better cook than convenience stores, fast food, or fast casual restaurants and it’s faster than finding and eating at a restaurant too.

      • Anon

        Yeah, when I know I’ll have a fridge or microwave I usually bring some prepped food!

      • Anon

        May I suggest peanut butter and honey (needs no refrigeration) and its southern friends: peanut butter and banana, banana and mayo,etc.

    • Anon

      I actually prefer a bad chain restaurant in this setting, because the Chilis and Applebees and whatnot of the world tend to have a section of the menu for healthy eating. I also trust the quality of a chain more than a mom and pop in some areas (many rural areas or small towns I travel to are great, but some are straight up out of Deliverance).

      I try to go for whatever basic chicken + veg option is on the menu. If a chain, salmon or shrimp.

    • Anon

      Vegetarian who loves to travel here! McDonald’s oatmeal is not a bad option! It comes with apple slices and dried cranberries, and they might even sell it to you outside the morning hours. I’m not as familiar with Applebees menu, but wonder if there’s some pared-down item you could request with just lean protein and steamed vegetables, even if it’s not on the menu?

      Boiled eggs, Walking Tamales, and those Lotus Foods ramen with an individual-size pack of good broth might be good options too for light meals at the hotel. In similar situations, I’ve also made a vegetable quiche, cut into slices and kept in a cooler until I get to the mini fridge.

    • Anonymous

      If you have a fridge, apple and sliced cheese for snacks and salad kits for lunch and or dinner.

    • Anonymous

      I love the oats overnight shakes from Target—all you need is water and access to a fridge. My go-to with an apple at conferences when I don’t want to get up early for breakfast.

      Since you can grocery shop and have a fridge and a car, I would look for snackable things that don’t create a lot of dishes or need prep like premade hard boiled eggs, cottage cheese, Greek yogurt, nuts, and packets of tuna and crackers.

      If I’m trying to order “healthier” fast food, I try to stick with grilled chicken sandwiches (may skip the bun or half the bun) and bean burritos. Chick fil a is an awful company, but they do a nice fresh fruit side.

      • Anon

        CFA salads are good. Taco Bell bean burrito with extra cheese (no slight upcharge has ever been more worth it) IMO. Also, many rural areas now have decent mom & pop Mexican (or “Mexican” options serving agricultural workers if you are in the SEUS).

      • Anon

        Yes, I’ve debated backing out of my personal boycott of Chick Fil A because they have decent healthyish fast food options.

          • Anon

            Right! Kale + grilled nuggets + a side of fruit is a great on the road meal… Why can’t a company that’s not homophobic have this menu?

      • anon

        +1 To this advice. Hard boiled eggs are available everywhere, yogurt quality is consistent everywhere, tuna is a great healthy option, and Chik Fil A is one of the healthiest take-out options if you don’t order fries. The hot areas in healthy snacks for flyover country right now are various meat jerkies (for all those high protein diets) and pickles to-go. Both are good options to keep in mind.

        I don’t see anyone mentioning Olive Garden, but their soups and salads are pretty healthy.

    • Anon

      When I”m driving to areas with limited food options (and hotels without amenities like fridges or microwaves), I stop at a Costco on my way out of town to stock up on shelf stable snacks. I like the That’s It fruit bars, beef jerky or beef sticks for protein, trail mix, and protein shakes. If I know I won’t be able to really break for lunch, I pick up bread or tortillas and peanut butter for sandwiches.I also stop at a normal grocery store for bananas or apples or other produce that doesn’t need refrigeration. I try to do this when I’m in my home city as I find the option are better.

      If I have a microwave: oatmeal packets + fruit + protein powder, microwave rice packets + Costco microwave daal or lentils.

      If I have a fridge: berries, greek yogurt, pre-made egg bites or those little Jimmy Dean egg scramble bowls + eggs. Bagged salad. Rotisserie chicken.

      I’ve looked into getting a microwave pasta maker so I can do chickpea pasta + spinach + good sauce like Rao’s.

      If I have a freezer (usually only in a kitchenette), I do frozen meatballs or chicken nuggets, frozen veggies, or frozen meals. If I’m going for a long time, I’ll bring my nutribullet and pick up smoothie supplies (buy frozen fruit, yogurt, maybe milk or frozen greens and pack protein powder). I can do frozen protein + frozen veggies + microwave rice and be good to go.

      My GOAL is to get 3 servings of fruit or veg a day (but I count things like the that’s it bars as a serving, so there are days I just have 3 of those LOL) as my baseline. In my real life I get 100g of protein and 5 servings of fruit or veg and very limited processed food but that’s not realistic in the field for me – there are days when I pretty much live off of pre-made protein shakes, the sad hotel breakfast, and bad coffee.

    • Anon

      Amys frozen meals! If I have a freezer in my hotel room, I stock up. If not, I just buy them on my way home from work as needed and immediately eat.

    • Anon

      One of my favorite meals is a caesar salad. Almost every restaurant in any location has one (obviously some are better than others). I usually do a chicken or shrimp caesar while on the road. I know people say Caesar salads aren’t “healthy” (they’re just saying the dressing is caloric), but I try to focus more on getting veggies + protein in my system, rather than counting calories. So, I’m happy to do a Caesar salad for dinner most days!

    • Anon

      McDonalds: egg and cheese McMuffin, oatmeal, breakfast burrito, apple slices
      Subway: salads or bowls, or a hoagie but I load up on the veg, turkey, and WW bread.
      For pizza chains like Dominos I’ll just add the chicken + veggies to a pie. It’s not great, but at least there’s a veg.
      Olive Garden: they have chicken / beef / salmon + a veggie side. Soup and salad combo. Entree + side of veg and then split over two meals – or a side of chicken or meatballs + side veg.
      Taco Bell: I think they have a burrito bowl now. I also like to do a fun taco + the rice and beans side.

      I’m from an area with great hoagies and pizza, so I don’t like the Subway or Dominos option but I deal.

      • Anon

        i actually like the super thin crust pizza that dominoes now offers. i’ll add veggies and chicken. i can’t stomach subway. to me those have a specific odor that i just can’t handle.

    • Anon

      When you’re on the road, are you based at a site when you’re there or from your hotel? If from a site, in these really rural spots, especially, no one is going to bat an eye at you leaving some groceries in the breakroom fridge/freezer. They know what you’re dealing with. Where I work even has some toaster ovens and other small appliances that people who have worked there in the past left for others to use.
      WalMart is fine for eating healthy. It’s not my first choice of stores either, but it’s just fine. If a local supermarket is your only option, flex your cooking creativity. Game-time ingredient substitutions have become a real skill for me, and I seldom have any complaints from those subjected to my cooking.
      Produce tends to be my biggest challenge in my very remote, rural town. Apples and citrus both travel well, so make it here in decent shape. I do more cabbage/broccoli slaws than salads, especially in winter. It’s cheaper and they make it up here in good shape, while lettuce is sad, especially when it’s too cold to grow somewhat locally. Frozen fruits and veggies are often the better option for cost and quality, so consider those when the fresh options are nil. Likewise, there are worse things in life than canned peaches, pineapple and mandaring oranges in juice.
      When I used to travel a lot, I always kept a cutting board, chef knife, paring knife and a pan in my trunk.

      • Anon

        It really depends – I work in project management for post-disaster recovery. So, sometimes I’m based out of a full office with kitchenette and sometimes there’s nothing (either because its destroyed or because I’m working in an area without much infrastructure… like a project to rebuild a rural road that cuts through state land in a county with a few thousand people in it).

        I agree that Walmart is decent for groceries (and everything). I always hope I’m stationed somewhere with a Walmart! because, yes – smaller, local stores have sad produce but Walmart seems to be fresher and with better selection.

        • Anon

          One other thought – if you’re driving into wherever you’re going to be, bring your camp stove. It’s been a while since I’ve done that, but it does expand the options a bit.

    • Anon

      Non food considerations for life on the road:
      – I always bring a travel mug for coffee (preferably one that totally closes so can be thrown in a bag – like a yeti hotshot).
      – I also always bring a ceramic mug for use in my hotel room. I just prefer drinking out of real mugs, and since I’m on the road for a few weeks at a time, it’s nice to have.
      – I like to bring a lightweight, packable robe. I do not get to stay in hotels where robes are provided, so this is nice to have.
      – For my “hotel shoes”, I prefer rubber slides. If I’m chilly, I can wear them with socks. If I need something waterproof (for a hotel pool, shower shoes, bad weather), they work. They’re really comfy, so if I’ve been on my feet all day they’re a nice break from boots.
      – Mesh laundry bag: I usually go out for 2-4 weeks at a time, so have to do laundry. This is helpful for transporting to the laundry room, keeping myself organized, and keeping stuff separate.
      – My own pillow. I usually drive my POV to the site, so I can pack this. I am a firm pillow fan, so I HATE hotel pillows. I also like to bring a throw blanket – at home I’m always under a throw blanket so this is nice to have too.
      – On a shorter trip I bring the basics for skincare, but for a longer trip I’ll bring my full skincare, a mask or two, and nail polish. Helps me feel like myself.

      • PolyD

        I find hotel pillows way too flat and soft, so I’ve learned to stuff two pillows in one pillow case, and then I’ll ask for extra pillows if needed.

      • Anon

        I also always bring a tote bag and ziplocks with me, they come in handy so often!

      • Anon

        Having a robe in a hotel room is so key! If I have room, I throw in my slippers from home, but otherwise always have a pair of the PVC Birkenstocks in my rolling bag.

      • Anon

        And my tip on the personal pillow is to sure to put it into a colorful or print pillowcase so that there is no mistaking it for a hotel pillow. Can you tell I have left a beloved pillow behind? No more!

    • Anon

      So while towns themselves may not have Starbucks, a lot of rest stops (in the middle of nowhere) do have Starbucks (at least in my state). I love their egg bites and their pre-made boxes for healthier options.

      • PolyD

        Starbucks protein boxes are so good! I eat them for breakfast all the time when traveling for work. Their oatmeal is pretty solid, too, and you can nuts and dried fruit. And yes, the egg bites are quite delicious, too.

        • Seventh Sister

          Someone referred to the Starbucks boxes as “lunchables for adults” and honestly, I love them.

    • Anonymous

      Chili’s chipotle chicken salad and at Chick-Fil-A, nuggets or strips and the kale.salad. Amy’s frozen meals are delicious if you have a microwave.

    • anon

      Before you mock – McDonalds. Egg McMuffin or quarter pounder with cheese are actually better than Sweetgreen and most “healthy” options. Also, ask the people you are working with. There is always a hole in the wall place that serves healthier options, it just never looks like it. Co-signed, have travelled to a lot of coal towns etc.

      • Anon

        I often get an egg McMuffin with no cheese + an unsweetened iced tea when I’m on the road and starving. That is a perfectly decent breakfast. I agree with you!

      • Anon

        “healthy” can mean different things to different people – to me I try to maximize veggies and minimized highly processed foods. So, I prefer sweet green > a fast-food burger. But I agree – Egg McMuffins are great options!

      • Anonymous

        Their breakfast burrito and a hash brown is not a terrible meal if you want some thing, a little healthy with protein, and a little decadent

      • Anon

        Also: the new Zucchini Star burger at Carl’s Jr. is the best vegetarian fast food option ever.

    • Anon

      I have done curbside pickup at Applebees in a similar situation. I absolutely love a big salad. They have one with fried or grilled chicken on it that I really like, actually, and I get the grilled chicken. I get the dressing on the side.

      I tend to get a yogurt and a granola bar for breakfast (often at a gas station!) & make tea at the hotel. I carry my preferred tea bags everywhere. I generally run a pot of hot water through the coffee maker a couple of times right when I get in, then it’s good for tea after that.

      I’ve stayed in a lot of Fairfield inns in small towns so I feel you on this!

    • granola

      If you’re up for making it, I find homemade granola (with lots of nuts and limited sugar) to be a tasty, easy-to-pack, very nutritious food. If you can get milk, yogurt, or fruit to accompany, all the better.

    • Anon

      McDonald’s apple slices (on the kids menu) are surprisingly fresh and decent. Most sit down chains and many mom & pops have tomato soup – a cup of that is often a good option. Panera in particular has a bunch of other veggie-forward soups!

    • Anon

      Sometimes I like to pack some supplies to zhuzh up a sad hotel dinner: red pepper flakes, balsamic glaze, a preferred salad dressing, honey or dijon mustard, hot sauce, or some other sauce.

      I will also always eat veggies and ranch or chicken and ranch!

    • Anon

      I like to bring “lounge clothes” – not work clothes but not PJs or workout clothes. Having something to hang out in my room in that I also feel okay walking to the lobby in or running into a coworker.

    • Anon

      Culvers has decent salads. Arby’s has some good sandwich options. Taco Bell cantina bowls are reasonable.

      Apples and peanut butter travel well. Carrots and hummus if you have access to a fridge or cooler. Granola, bananas, etc.

    • Anonymous

      I’m not a big runner but I am postpartum and I’ve been living by the recipes in rise and run and run fast, eat slow. I make the superhero muffins or some variation of them twice a week and manage to scarf one down in the morning when I first wake up before baby is awake. I eat the on the go trail cookies all the time and just bring them in my purse. perhaps pre-make a few batches of those and take with you? they’re calorie and nutrient dense, high protein options (think a lot of zucchini, carrot, yams, apples shredded into muffins and sweetened by bananas and maple syrup and minimally sweet. I add nuts for extra oomph.

    • Anonymous

      I grew up in a small town, so I would absolutely get food from Walmart versus even fast food. The Walmart should have a variety of options like salad bowls, shredded chicken which is better than a rotisserie itself, cut veggies and fruit, etc. Wendy’s is also a good fast food option if that’s available. You can get grilled chicken nuggets and a baked potato. Fast food salads can have a lot of calories so you may be better off with Walmart.

    • anon

      I am familiar with this! I kept a travel kitchen bag stocked so i could just move it into my work car, stocked with premixed quick oats + hemp hearts + seeds, peanut butter, a cutlery set, folding knife and cutting board, pour over coffee set up, clif bars, small tins of tuna, and apples. If i was doing it again, i’d invest in a collapsable travel kettle. Depending where I’m travelling to, I either stock up on perishables before leaving home or at the closest big town. Hotel room staples: salad kits topped with tuna, cheese and crackers, fruit, hummus and veg.

  6. Anon

    We’ve bought several Rubbermaid spray mops that have Velcro attachments for reusable microfiber pads, but they keep breaking after an unreasonably short amount of time. Any recommendations for a different mop in the same style? We just need to be able to fill the sprayer with our preferred cleaner and attach the microfiber pads we already have. Decent ones in this style seem hard to find.

    • anon

      We have the Vileda Promist version of this, which is very very common in Canada. It does what it should do, no complaints. Not sure if it is available everywhere.

      • Anon

        It looks like I could get it on Amazon for over $100 – ouch. Is that what you paid in Canada or is this some scammer/third-party markup?

      • Ses

        I have a Bona and it’s great. Does what it’s supposed to – about 2 years old now

  7. Anon

    Any lodging recommendations in Bend that are family friendly but more affordable than Sunriver? Trying to arrange a family meet-up and one person is complaining about the cost of Sunriver without specifying her budget, assisting with planning, or suggesting other places or alternatives (can you tell I’m getting annoyed with that)? Figured I’d give it one more try to find another lodging option or two and if she responds with another “ugh, SO expensive” and nothing more, we’ll just do Sunriver (which I’ve seen mentioned here before). There will be young kids and we’re an outdoorsy crowd, so something comfortable with good access would be ideal. TIA!

      • Anon

        I appreciate the validation! It’s definitely frustrating to take the lead on planning a nice trip that everyone says they want to do and then to constantly get complaints with no suggestions. I have suggested that maybe it’s not a trip that she wants to do this time but she says she does so 🤷🏻‍♀️ Luckily I have a cousin who is much more excited and beginning to help with planning to lighten the load. Bend looks like a great place to visit and I really want to make it work.

          • Anon

            Everyone can go back and read The Little Red Hen. Maybe send a link around! (Kidding. Or not. )

    • anon

      The holiday inn in Bend is actually really nice, i have had to stay there for a work trip. Looks close to sunriver

    • Anon

      Send her the link to Sunriver and tell her she can choose and book what works for her. Wash your hands of it.

  8. AnonAnon

    Random recs:

    -Turned 40 and decided to upgrade my underwear. These are amazing! Come in a higher waisted style and thong is comfortable for workouts (only time I wear a thong.) https://us.chantelle.com/product/softstretch-hipster-smoke-grey?size=OS&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=%5BSB%5D-Tier-B-PMAX-General&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwuMC2BhA7EiwAmJKRrINZrhJng2_TMavmwA_rPh0XTglOLdNEsNYZ_ugIUa_Odp3PIRkwjhoCpLwQAvD_BwE

    -Evereve was my best bet at an in-person store with range of clothing/jeans for work and personal pieces. Looks like they also have a Stitch-Fix like clothing service.

    What have been your best age 40+ finds or upgrades? It can feel like a challenging in-between phase, I’m finding.

    • anon

      I tried out Fleur and Bee skincare and I love the moisturizer and eye cream, They have a mini set you can try for like $15. I have no idea what I’m doing with skincare (late to the game, I know) and this has been a real find for me.

    • ABanon

      Chico’s. I know it has a reputation for being for even older ladies, but the sizing/fit does suit my middle-aged body … bit I kind of do hope nobody recognizes that it’s Chico’s.

      • Runcible Spoon

        +1 to Chicos — the fabric, draping, sizing, stretchiness, etc., are all very forgiving to the older body. Some of their fashions are a hard no (e.g., bat wing tops), but you can find some gems if you shop on their website and search through the racks and piles at the brick and mortar stores.

        • Anonymous

          Agree. I just stay away from the big patterns then it’s not identifiable.

    • Senior Attorney

      I upgraded to Tommy John underwear and I am never going back. Expensive but so far they are holding up beautifully and are so comfortable!

      Also, hate to admit it but I have a couple of Chico’s pieces that have become favorites, too.

      • Tommy John

        I bought Tommy John at the recommendation of Angie of You Look Fab. On nearly every pair the top binding separated from the panty part. I should’ve returned them, but I felt funny doing so after I wore them. I repaired them myself, but it was quite annoying. I hope you have better luck.

    • Anon

      Soma Intimates, r/abrathatfits, Talbots for pants, Lucky brand & Foxcroft for shirts, LL Bean for sweaters.

      I was always getting sucked in to Lands End because of the discount codes and like 40% off, but none of my lasting clothing is from there. Other than cashmere sweaters. They’re hard to beat for cashmere.

      I have embraced sneakers and that means I walk a lot more during the day than I used to. I wish I’d done it earlier. At least it’s the style now. Always open to recommendations for sneaker brands for work casual (not athleisure casual) that are good for walking!

      • Anon

        I agree about Lands’ End overall but also like their silk long johns and supima v-neck tees in years when the colors are better than the current, awful array.

      • Runcible Spoon

        I have recently adopted wearing Merrel Moab hiking shoes and mid-rise hiking boots, and boy do they make me feel like walking! Lightweight, super supportive, nice wide toe box — love them!

  9. Olivia Rodrigo

    Frivolous question! Husband has a conference in Vegas at the end of October and I’m going to join him for a day or two, then we’re extending our visit. His conference/work stay will be at the Red Rock Hotel & Spa, which looks lovely but we’d like to move to the strip for our two extra nights. I haven’t been to Vegas in probably 13 years! We like good food, the pool, and people watching (not big gamblers)…where should we stay? We are budget-conscious but willing to splurge a little; bang for the buck probably matters above all else. Want a decent room but location is key since we don’t plan to be in the room much. Thanks in advance for any ideas.

    • Senior Attorney

      I love the Aria Hotel but it is pretty pricey. Next time we plan to stay at The Venitian/ For people watching, you can’t do better than the lobby bar at Paris Las Vegas. Also my very favorite show on a recent trip was the Paranormal mind-reading show at the Horseshoe. It’s not that expensive and the venue is tiny so all the seats are great.

    • Anon

      Not what you asked and I don’t know if you are a hiker or not, but there is great hiking around St. George and Red Rock Hotel. The weather is great for hiking through the fall and most of the winter.

    • NaoNao

      I absolutely love the Wynn/Encore. Encore is only open weekends (I think?) but the Wynn has so many beautiful aspects–their “Parasol Down” restaurant is a lovely oasis of calm in an otherwise crazy location. Their restaurant Le Jardin is absolutely lovely, the pools can’t be beat, the shops are plentiful and there’s a pedestrian bridge to my fave mall, Fashion Show. It’s at the far end of the strip but still on the strip and on what I consider the “nicer end” which is a bit more upscale overall.
      I go to Vegas every year (sometimes multiple times!) and have stayed at a handful of different places, and the Wynn is my favorite 100%.

      • Anon88

        Seconding! The Wynn/Encore is one of my favorite hotels on earth. The standard rooms are bigger than my current apartment. And I spotted Nick Jonas at Parasol Down once, haha.

        Alternative is Vdara, which doesn’t have a casino and is non-smoking, if those things are important to you. Nice rooms but less over-the-top vegas glam.

    • Anonymous

      We took our teens this summer and stayed at the Flamingo (we picked it because of the family pool.) The location was great! The room was fine.

    • Anonymous

      I stayed in Park MGM because it was non-smoking and I can’t stand the smell of smoke. I liked the convenience of the food court for days I wanted a snack and for morning coffee.

  10. Anon

    Taking a family trip with spouse and our two teenagers next July/August. So far we’ve booked 5 nights in Rome, 2 nights in Naples, 3 nights in Florence, 1 night in Venice (Mestre, so not Venice proper) and a final night at Rome airport hotel before departing.

    Any input on this itinerary, especially if you’ve been to Ischia which we are considering are welcomed! Hoping there aren’t any train strikes while there as that would completely upend things (when I went as a kid there were strikes all the time, so it’s stuck with me.)

      • anon

        we spent two nights in naples. one day we did a trip to pompeii and one day in capri. i already live in a dirty noisy city i wouldn’t go to naples for naples.

        • Anon

          Naples is one of the best cities anywhere for churches and museums, but I can see that it’s not otherwise very touristy.

        • Anon

          Yeah we spent one day in Naples and it was cool to see a grittier, less touristy part of Italy but I had no desire to stay longer.

    • Cat

      You do not want to be in Mestre!!! Book yourself a hotel IN Venice. The best part of Venice is wandering around after all the day trippers have receded.

      Can you not fly home from Venice to spare yourself hauling back to FCO?

      • Anon

        Was reading some posts elsewhere about Venice airport being less than ideal because one/fewer runways so flights are often bumped. If this is less of a consideration, I’d definitely consider it!

        • Anon NYC

          I flew into Venice and out of Florence to save money. Florence airport was not great. I think Rome airport is better for food options etc.

        • Cat

          We flew home nonstop from Venice (American Air) and had no trouble. We did the bus connection from Venice to VCE to save money (though doing the private speedboat would have been glam!) and it was easy and smooth.

          • Senior Attorney

            Agree with staying in Venice. We flew out of Venice and one of the best parts of the trip was the water taxi to the airport in the very early hours of the morning.

      • Anon

        100% stay in Venice. I personally do not think it is worth going if you stay in Mestre.

      • Anon

        Seconded. Palazzo Veneziano is great for families (stayed there twice), and flying out of Venice is great. Bonus, you can take a water taxi from the hotel (ask them to book it the night before if you have an early flight) and it’s like an extra little boat tour on your way out of town, it was pricey but a great way to end the trip (vs normal taxi to airport). You do not need the special bus thing from the dock to the airport proper unless you have mobility issues or too much luggage — it’s a bit of a trek but there’s a moving walkway for most of it.

    • Cat

      Other thought – you have 1 stop more than I think would be fun on your timeframe. I’d personally nix Naples and give Venice 3 nights. With 12 nights, you are packing up and moving 5 times – you’re spending almost half your trip moving house!

      • Anon

        i agree with this. to me this itinerary is too much time in transit and not enough time doing.

        • AnonOP

          Hmm this is a good point. Guess just really not wanting to miss out on seeing anything as this might be our only big trip while kids are still at home with us. Really want to see Pompeii/Naples and Venice as I personally haven’t been to either and spouse and kids haven’t been to Italy at all. If it were up to me I’d nix Florence but spouse really wants to go. Definitely considering two nights in Venice proper now and flying out of there.

          • Cat

            it’s ok to leave some stuff for your kids to do as adults. I didn’t travel abroad at ALL with my parents. Your itinerary has taken me like 3 separate 8-10 day trips to do at a way more relaxed pace that allows time for just soaking up the vibe rather than rushing.

          • Anon

            i guess it depends if the goal is to check things off, or explore more leisurely. in my 20s when i studied abroad i was definitely of the ‘check things off’ mentality when i spent a weekend in paris, but now i prefer to go at a bit of a slower pace

          • Anonch

            Nix Naples and get to Pompeii from Rome for a day. Add the Naples days onto Venice. My son was 10 when we did a similar Italy trip and Venice was his absolute favorite city.

          • Anon

            Pompeii from Rome for a day is doable (I did it!) but if you are not super, super into seeing Pompeii it’s too long and hard of a day. I was super, super into it and it was still exhausting. Plus I missed out on the archeological museum which is IN Naples which has most of the Pompeii stuff that’s not… attached to something. Next trip in that direction, I’m going to give a full day to Pompeii and Herculaneum (no time for both if you are coming from Rome), and half a day to the archeological museum.

            OP, maybe do Naples, Florence, Venice (in that order) and save Rome for a separate trip? I know it’s “The Big One”, but it’s ok to prioritize other stuff if that’s what works for your family. I love lingering in Florence, and you can do day trips (we loved Siena!) to break it up.

            Italy is just so much better if you are not rushed.

      • Anon

        I totally agree. Pick one between Naples or Venice (I would pick Venice). IMO Naples is better visited on your way to Capri or Amalfi coast.

    • Anon

      1 night in Mestre doesn’t really seem worth it to me. Venice proper is better at night once the day trippers/cruise ship people have left. For example, Piazza San Marco can be wall to wall people during the day but at night is mostly empty. Traveling around Venice is also difficult– it looks like from Mestre, you would get dropped off at the bus station and then would have to walk really far to get anywhere. July/August is also very hot and swampy– like similar to New Orleans.

      I think you could do a decent amount with one night in Venice proper (and take a long lunch or hotel break in the middle of the day). If you are tied to Mestre, then I think you need more than one night for it to be worthwhile.

      • NY CPA

        Agree with this, but you can also take the train rather than bus. There is a “water bus” that goes from the Venice train station to the rest of Venice and was easy.

    • Anon

      To add-I think our goal is somewhat sightseeing vs. relaxation. We take a good amount of beach/chill vacations and they’re finally at the age to have stamina to explore (recently went to NYC, DC and Montreal with pretty packed itineraries.) Mostly concerned about heat/jet lag and crossing fingers we don’t get Covid which took the sails out of a recent trip.

      • Anonymous

        Have you travelled in the summer in Europe much? AC is much less available and often not used to make buildings as cold as is typical in the US. It’s okay to not ‘do it all’ in one trip. My kids have been to Italy 4 times and we’ve never done Rome or Venice. I saw both as an adult and we’ll get to it eventually.

        I also really encourage people to not assume family travel ends at 18. I thought this way but DH has some lovely family trips with his parents or solo with his Dad into his late 20s.

        • Anon

          +1 that family travel doesn’t end at 18! My mom is taking me sailing in the British Virgin Islands for my 40th birthday, just us two. I’ve also lots of multi-generation trips with my kid and parents, some with my husband/some without (his choice).

        • Greensleeves

          Just wanted to chime in and echo this point about the heat! We visited northern Italy in July and the heat really took it out of us. I didn’t realize how much I count on our super cold US A/C to refresh myself on a hot day and you just don’t find that there.

      • Cat

        I’d argue that relaxing in Europe is just as much sightseeing as fitting in the 25th museum! Slowing down lets you go to less touristy areas, hang out at a cafe and watch local kids play pick-up soccer in the square, etc.

        And don’t discount mid-summer heat in Italy. Rome was hot enough to plan to avoid midday sightseeing in mid-September.

  11. anon

    For the past few weeks, I’ve had issues with waking up in the middle of the night and not falling back asleep. It’s starting to really affect my productivity bc I’m so tired during the day then need to crash early at night. I have a toddler and want to be energetic for her. I am 37 and showing a few other signs of perimenopause and know this can be a symptom, but really can’t function this way for the next 5-10 years.

    Today I woke up at 2, I tried to fall asleep for probably 30 mins then gave up and read. Sprayed magnesium which sometimes helps me relax. My eyes were so tired that I couldn’t even see well initially. Then tried a podcast to fall asleep. Finally woke up around 4, made coffee, and here I am white knuckling it through the next 11 hours.

    I would love strategies on falling back asleep when this happens and anything I can do to prevent it.

    • Anon

      It’s a lot more likely the toddler than perimenopause, that will come but it’s also not a guaranteed nightmare for everyone.

    • Anon

      Solidarity. This is me for the last few weeks after being an amazing sleeper my whole life (am 40.) I’m going to try melatonin, sleep mask, sleepy time tea, white noise machine etc because I’m losing my mind. Can’t quit caffeine even though it would probably help because need it to function so trapped in this cycle somewhat.

    • An.On.

      When this happens to me I take half a benadryl/xanax before bed for 1-2 nights so if I wake up in the middle of the night I can fall back asleep much more easily. Once my body recognizes that I’m meant to sleep through the night, I can stop taking the pills. My problem is that once awake I become alert very easily, and then if I do it too many times in a row, I start waking up automatically at that time every night, so I have to do a hard reset. It was really bad when my kid was 6 months, now it only happens a couple times a year.

      • Anon

        Wow – does your doctor tell you to do that? That is last resort type treatment of insomnia and no experienced sleep doctor would recommend that. That is a really extreme jump for the vast majority of people to consider. Regular benadryl use has a lot of long term (and short term) side effects, and using xanax regularly like this is risky because abuse potential is so high.

        • An.On.

          Yes, the benadryl was what my ob/gyn reccommended I take when I was pregnant. When I was going through severe insomnia when my baby was about 6 months, I saw a separate doctor who prescribed the xanax. FWIW, I had an initial prescription of about 40 pills and still have some three years later.

    • Anon

      It sounds like you don’t know what the issue is and haven’t seen a doctor yet? For example, if it’s a blood sugar issue, avoiding starches and sugars at dinner and eating a high protein snack before bed is a typical recommendation, but you’d want to know if it’s a blood sugar issue since that has a lot of other implications.

      If we’re tired enough, we can often fall asleep despite having had caffeine but will wake up through the night and be unable to fall back asleep because adenosine is still being blocked.

      If we’re waking up from histamine dumping, taking an anti-histamine like Xyzal or Zyrtec before bed is sometimes recommended (but never Benadryl which is dependency forming and has serious long term risks). If magnesium helps you relax, a lot of people swear by magnesium glycinate at bedtime. My favorite “even if it’s a placebo” OTC is L-serine (it does have some research support).

      Hormonal contraception can be a factor if it’s really hormone related. I believe in getting medical support with perimenopause, but at thirty-seven, I’d also want to be tested for possibilities other than perimenopause if I have a set of symptoms that could be perimenopause but could also be a lot of other things that can crop up as we get older.

      Basically… this is something people consult their doctors about.

    • Fallen

      I found that sleep CBD/CBN gummies (I purchase at luxedelta) have helped with this a ton.

    • Anonymous

      For me this happens when my blood sugar is too low, usually due to not eating enough after a hard evening workout. Could that be at play here?
      Old school, but would recommended a tall glass of warm milk. Somehow that works for me.

    • anonshmanon

      The basics for me: limit caffeine, limit alcohol, go to bed at a consistent time, have the bedroom below 74 degrees.
      Sometimes I just wake up and my body refuses to fall asleep. I try to not stress about ‘I need to sleep’ etc. Sometimes it helps to read to make me tired again.
      When I am going through a stressful period, I wake up and have lots of thoughts in my head, things I need to remember to get done, and that keeps me from falling back asleep. When that happens, I need to play some audio to quiet down my mental to do list. It’s either a well-known audiobook, or a very low stakes podcast (BBC Gardener’s Question Time works well). I keep a set of small earbuds next to my bed, so I can listen on one ear and not wake up DH.

    • Tea/Coffee

      This started happening to me in my early forties also. Not perfect but after a few years i have a system that kinda works
      -sleep stories on calm app. I have it set up to play my sleep sounds of choice after the sleep story ends. I have been listening to some of the same ones for a couple years and never heard the end lol
      – is moving to a different place at all an option? Sometimes i can’t fall back asleep in the bedroom but have less trouble in the spare bedroom or on the couch
      – melatonin early in the evening- couple nights of a larger dose and then a couple nights of a smaller dose. It resets my sleep patterns
      – YMMV but my night waking got 99% better when i stopped drinking
      –

    • Anon

      I had to give up my nightly glass of wine to make this pattern stop. Sorry to tell you!

    • Anon

      Fellow mom of a toddler having this exact problem. I’ve been using melatonin and I think it helps, although I may be a placebo. I also try to be stricter about screen-free time before bedtime – I’m as addicted to my phone as anyone else, but definitely sleep better if I read.

    • Worried

      I’m in my early 50s and this happens to me a couple times a week— it’s hard. I usually read on the night mode of my tablet— reading helps me fall asleep. I try not to read an engaging book, but I usually read Reddit threads on the internet. These are just dull enough for me to fall asleep, yet can sometimes provide a good rabbit hole. I find my eyes get tired, and I eventually dose off. I also sometimes wake up and have a teaspoon of cottage cheese for the protein and it helps me sleep too. I deep breath for several minutes to relax eve pan if I can’t sleep.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve had a lifelong struggle with sleeping well and have an 8 month old. here’s what helps me: no caffeine after 12pm bc its half life is 8hrs, no eating 3 hrs before bedtime, no screens 1 hr before bedtime, magnesium glycinate at dinnertime (I use solaray brand). I do a short 15 min wind down routine with lights dimmed where I stretch and listen to calming music and put on face cream. if I wake up, I go to the bathroom and then do a meditation. if I don’t fall asleep I keep a pile of clean laundry by the bed (we always have clean laundry) and I fold it for awhile listening to music or a not super stimulating podcast. then I try again in 15-20 mins. if I still don’t fall asleep I call it and try for a midday nap

    • Anon

      I do think it’s important to get to the bottom of why this is happening, but in the short term can you try Unisom? I took it during pregnancy for nausea, but in the third trimester I tried tapering off a couple times. When I didn’t take the Unisom, I was taking hours to fall asleep and was up at night with pregnancy insomnia. When I went back on it (nausea came back), the problem was solved and I went back to being able to fall asleep quickly if I woke at night. It’s non habit forming, as far as I know; I stopped taking it at birth and haven’t had insomnia since.

      And as I type that out, I realize pregnancy insomnia is very hormone driven, so it could very well be hormones out of whack for you now. You may want to try tracking your cycle to see if the insomnia has a pattern?

    • Moose

      When this happens to me, I have to get out of bed to break the cycle – I go sleep on the couch or in a guest room. Also, reading helps my brain reset. Often, if I’m tired and my body won’t wind down, I can read (not on a screen) and my eyes will start drooping.

    • Anonymous

      I recently went through this (though i am in my mid-40s and for me, it was definitely perimenopause.) The things that helped:
      1) Unisom, which puts me to sleep and keeps me asleep for a full 8 hours.
      2) Cutting out caffeine after 12.
      3) Going on birth control pills, which my OBGYN advised for perimenopause symptoms in lieu of HRT and which has really helped. I do the continuous kind, I don’t have a period, and now I sleep. Estrogen is magical.

    • Sallyanne

      Early bird CBD, magnesium, temperature at 67, eye mask, white noise machine…and all the other usuals of avoiding caffeine, screens, alcohol, etc.

    • Anonymous

      I also use the calm app and good sleep hygiene like going to bed when I’m sleepy and getting out of the bed when I’m not.

      But yes to HRT — progesterone. HRT is lower dose than birth control so I like it better.

  12. Resume Help

    Help me figure out how to list my current job on my resume? I haven’t updated it meaningfully in over 13 years. I’ve been at the same firm for 15 years. I’ve had four titles. My job function only changed with one title change (associate to director), so that’s easy enough. But then with the next changes (director to senior director to managing director) the actual daily work didn’t really change. The titles are awarded as more deals are done, more clients are gained, and honestly a lot of playing internal politics.

    Do I list the titles and the dates each of the director, SD and MD titles were held and then use bullets under the titles to describe the job function? Or do I just list as MD and then in the final bullet under the section note the promotion timeline of the titles?

    Helpppp! TIA.

    • Anon.

      I always list this in reverse chronological order, starting with the most recent job (Job 1 in the example below)

      Company name, Location, years 20XX-20ZZ
      Job title 1 (20XX-20XY)
      Description
      Job title 2 (20XY-20XZ), Job title 3 (20XZ-20YY), Job Title 4 (20YY-20ZZ)
      Description

      • Anon.

        For formatting, I use indentations before Job 1 and Job 2-4, and indent one more level for the descriptions if that makes sense. Tried to illustrate with hyphens below but I think the site removes this.

        Company name, Location, years 20XX-20ZZ
        ——Job title 1 (20XX-20XY)
        ———Description
        ——Job title 2 (20XY-20XZ), Job title 3 (20XZ-20YY), Job Title 4 (20YY-20ZZ)
        ———Description

    • anonshmanon

      https://www.askamanager.org/2016/10/how-should-your-resume-list-a-bunch-of-different-jobs-at-the-same-place.html
      I would do one section for associate, and describe the achievements there, and I would group the director titles together, and use one set of bullets to describe achievements for those titles. Try to reflect the successively more senior titles in the achievements (gained successively more clients, currently x per year, negotiated contracts with increasing value, currently $xx per year).

    • Anon

      Well you don’t tell anyone that your job responsibilities didn’t change! That’s first, as you plan to interview. You took on bigger deals as you moved up to the point where you were managing a portfolio totaling $x. That’s what you put on your resume.

    • Anon for this

      This is not how you’re supposed to format it, but I kept adding my company to the resume because it made it easier to scan. When I took out the company, when the bullets are in place, it was harder to see the progression. I got more interviews with the following versus how you’re ‘supposed’ to format it.

      i.e. Teapots Inc
      Sr. Teapot Team leader

      Teapots Inc.
      Teapots Team Leader

      Teapots Inc.
      Teapot Manager

      Teapots Inc.
      Teapot Specialist

  13. Lily

    We’re headed to Montreal tomorrow for 4 nights for a family wedding. We have two kids (3 and 5). There are a bunch of wedding events so we didn’t plan any other activities, but I’m realizing now that we have a good amount of down time. It’s very unlike me to not plan for a vacation so I’m feeling a bit nervous. Welcome any ideas for kid-friendly activities we don’t need to book/plan far in advance. Our hotel is very close to the Museum of Fine Arts, for reference. I’ve been to Montreal once before, in my 20s, and mostly walked around and ate… I don’t remember any specifics that would come in handy at this point.

    TIA!

      • anon

        does your hotel have a pool? we stayed at a hotel with an outdoor pool on the roof. really nice for little ones on a hot summer day

        • Lily

          Yes, we do have a rooftop pool at the hotel, but not sure it’ll be quite warm enough. For reference, where we live, if it’s below 80, it seems chilly to swim! Tomorrow late afternoon it might be possible though.

      • anon

        This. Mont Royal was my parents go to when we were young, living in an apartment and just needed to tire us out running around outside. If you need a quick in and out, the Redpath Museum is close to your hotel and has dinosaurs. The Ritz (if that’s where you are staying – just guessing on location) also has ducks in their restaurant.

    • Anon

      In the Old Port, there’s the Science Museum, and an area with bouncy castles, and a boat adventures playground thing (it’s called Voile en Voiles). Some of the boat sections might be challenging for the 3 year old, but you can decide which rides to do and it’s a fun way to combine something fun with the kids and something nice for the adults – it’s a nice historical area with good food. Montreal also has a lot of fun playgrounds. I like Lafontaine Park specifically. If you have a car, the Ecomuseum is kind of cute – it’s an open air zoo for local species. You could head towards Atwater market, they have an open-air market with a bunch of nice food stalls, ice cream, and take a nice walk along the Lachine Canal.

  14. Anonforthis

    TW: weight loss discussion.

    Wanted to share my experience in case it’s helpful for anyone. I’m two months into taking a compounded version of tirzepatide (working with a reputable PA I see in-person). Before signing up I checked out the pharmacy and it’s legit. The dosage is different than the brand name so it’s a bit tricky to compare, but my understanding is that the dose I am taking is comparable to 2.5 mg of the brand name (the lowest dose, which apparently is considered non-therapeutic). In two months, I have lost 15 lbs with minimal to no side effects (some mild heartburn occasionally if I eat greasy food or eat too close to bedtime). For me, the way it works is that I do not feel hungry, I feel full much faster, and I just do not think about food. At the same time, I still enjoy food when I’m eating. This is huge for me. Previously, snacking was a huge problem. I just thought about snacks all the time. For reference, my starting weight was 155 (overweight but not obese) and my GW is 135 (my pre-kid weight). I don’t have any medical conditions that would have merited a prescription. I don’t know what my long-term plan will be in terms of staying on/going off the medication (my PA’s guidance at the beginning was to plan for 6-8 months), and I’m well aware the weight could all come back, but I’m thrilled with the results. Happy to answer any questions.

    • Anon

      where do you live/what is the cost? thank you for sharing! i’m a similar starting weight with a similar goal weight. you are now only 5 pounds from your goal weight? will you still continue at the same rate?

      • Anonforthis

        I’m on the East Coast. Cost is about $500/month but that’s because I’m going through a bougie med spa. I’m sure you can get it online for cheaper, just make sure the compounding pharmacy is reputable, has all required registrations, etc. The fee also includes blood work and twice weekly injections of a B12 supplement which is supposed to help with energy/metabolism.

    • Anon

      I would like to know more specifics, cost, whether pharmacy is online, where you are/whether PA does telemedicine. I am ready to do this an don’t know where to begin.

      • Lily

        I answered most of this above, but will say I don’t think the PA I see (through a med spa) does telemedicine. But I’ve seen tons of telemedicine companies that will prescribe the same thing and apparently cheaper. Maybe others here can recommend a specific one? Once you find a telemedicine clinic that will prescribe, make sure you get the details of which pharmacy they use and make sure it’s legit.

        • Anon

          I have been using compounded tirzepitide online through Emerge Weight Loss, pharmacy is Empower Pharmacy. It’s been ridiculously easy and I pay $300ish/month. I have done 2 months of the lowest dose (it’s equivalent to 2.5) and have lost 20 pounds without changing much of what I was doing before tirz. It is WILD how the food noise has just disappeared, and how I am just straight-up not interested in eating on such a low dose. I hesitate to bump up to the next dose (5?) because this seems so effective at the moment.

    • Anon

      Can you share what a typical day of eating is like for you now vs. before the med?

      • Anon for this

        Before: on a fairly normal day, Starbucks drive-through for a flavored latte on the way to work, and usually a pastry with it, reasonably healthy/normal sized lunch; anywhere from 2 to 4 snacks before dinner (pack of peanut butter crackers, cheez its, lots of not so great carbs, etc.), normal sized dinner with lots of veggies but typically carb heavy; small dessert after dinner (typically post-9 pm after kids go to bed). I was never good at counting calories but I would guess that I averaged 1,800-2,000 calories/day. On a bad day, I would sometimes go on a snacking frenzy in the late afternoon or late evening. It was like I was in a fog. Never huge portions, never ate until I was sick or anything like that, but I always ended up regretting it. I could easily consume an extra 500 calories after dinner just from repeat trips to the pantry. I spent a lot of time thinking about food (and not in a pleasant way).

        Now: smoothie for breakfast (water, frozen fruit, protein powder), maybe a latte but not always, more protein-heavy lunch (and about 1/2 the size I probably used to eat), often no snack between lunch and dinner, dinner same size as lunch (also more protein heavy than before), stop eating by 6:30 pm. Not every day is like this, and sometimes (especially on weekends) I do have an afternoon snack, or a pastry for breakfast, or dessert after 8 pm, but it’s more like 1-2 x a week instead of every day. And it’s been zero effort to do this. My best guess is that I am averaging 1,200 cals/day, sometimes more, rarely less.

  15. Anonymous

    WWYD (if anything)?

    A woman I know through our kids mentioned that she is job hunting and it’s been hard. She was asking me about temp/gig type options to keep herself busy or bring in some cash while she’s looking- I didn’t have much to be helpful on there.

    We chatted and her industry is tangential to mine, plus I have a lot of contacts at the type of companies she’s looking to work at. I told her I’d find her on LinkedIn. I connected with her on LinkedIn and let her know I’d be happy to make intros if she saw anyone I’d interest in my network. I also said I’d be happy to pass on her resume if she sent it to me with some bullets on what specifically she’s looking for.

    All that ask background to say- her LinkedIn and resume are awful. It is very clear why she’s not getting traction. The bullets she sent me for what she was looking for were sort of rambling and it was not at all clear what kind of job she wanted from the bullets (I do know from chatting with her what she wants). Do I say anything at all? If so, what? I would have a very hard time forwarding this resume to any of my connections. But also- she was laid off and is really struggling. I want to help! But I also know to MYOB.

    If relevant, I’m 45 and a SVP level; she’s looking for lower mid management level work. I think she’s my age, maybe a little older (my youngest is the same age as her oldest- but I’m A fairly young mom).

    • Cat

      If I were in your acquaintance’s shoes I would love free advice. You can say it nicely. “Hey before I pass these along, can I give you some insider tips to help them go over well?”

    • Anonymous

      I would probably say – Can I give you some suggestions on your resume? And then I’d mark it up thoroughly. I’m looking for work and I’d love to get some suggestions on my resume from someone with more knowledge. I’ll bet she’s appreciate it, not be offended.

      (Also, wild to me that 45 is considered a young mom to anyone not in college, but I guess times have changed.)

      • Anonymous

        OP here- my oldest is in HS and my youngest is in upper elem. her oldest is in upper elem.

      • Anon

        Ha, I’m 42 and my oldest is 12, youngest is 10 and I’m considered a ‘young mom’ in the Boston burbs. I didn’t think I got married or had kids super young (married at 27, had my first at 29) but from my own work colleagues it’s very common now not to get married or have kids until 35 if not later.

    • ABanon

      Agree to give her a few resume tips, but I wouldn’t recommend her to anyone as this is a sign of what her work product is like. Sure she’s personable when you speak to her, but she can’t independently create a coherent document.

        • anon

          You can mitigate the concern of recommending her enthusiastically this by forwarding her name with the caveat that you cannot speak to her work, only worked with her on the great soccer debacle of 2022, and she is a fellow mom looking to get back into the work force.

    • Anon

      I’ve phrased this as “Your resume and LinkedIn don’t really show off all that you have accomplished,” and people have been amenable to letting me go to town on overhauling them.

    • Anonymous

      I would say something to her. Look it as paying a kindness forward. It is incredibly brutal to be in a job search now, so she may just be demoralized by the process.

  16. Hosting Question

    Do people still host team building events at their homes? When I first started at a law firm I feel like it was pretty standard for partners to have people over to their houses. I’ve been in house for a long time now and haven’t seen the same thing on the in house side, although a few years ago our Deputy GC invited the legal department leadership team over to his house. I have about 10 direct reports and we’d like to do some kind of social activity where we could meet each others’ significant others and have it be more casual than a typical team building event. My admin suggested she could arrange for a caterer at my house, but would that be seen as weird if I had my team over to my house? I’m happy to host, but not if that would be seen as awkward or inappropriate by my team. Would we be better off just trying to have a happy hour somewhere or do something in a neutral third party location?

    • anon

      honestly not sure if it’s me personally but i feel like people generally have people in their homes much less than when i was a kid. nobody i know cooks really, women work…. between allergies and the rest it’s hard to feed other people. sounds to me the sort of thing that would be held in a private room at a restaurant or bar.

    • Anonymous

      I wouldn’t find it odd at all, in fact I might find it less odd than if there were homemade food there. This is what my law firm’s holiday party looks like many years.

      • anonshmanon

        +1 catered food is not at all weird when someone is hosting. We are pretty casual, so it’s frequently pizza from the good pizzeria. The act of hosting in your home is already going above and beyond workplace expectations.

    • Anonymous

      We tend to alternate between a private room at a restaurant and an at home dinner. We pre-order from an agreed upon restaurant for the dinner at a home and it’s set out buffet style.

    • Anon

      I really do not want to go to someone’s house for work. I’ve done it. But it’s uncomfortable every time. I prefer the offside at a hotel or conference center if at all possible.

      • anonshmanon

        Is the discomfort about being in that physical environment? A social awkwardness discomfort? Something else? Just wondering if it is a problem that could be addressed somehow. Do you feel the same going to friends’ or acquaintances’ houses in your private time? Or is it a work boundaries thing?

        • Anon

          i’m not that poster, but for me it is a work boundaries thing. like if i was the one hosting (and i love hosting for friends), i don’t need people to see my bathrooms, or my house or worry about making sure everything is in the exact right place, the kids didn’t leave dirty clothes on the floor, etc.

    • Anon

      I’ve only been to a teammate’s house for a team building event a few times, but I”ve enjoyed it when I have!

    • Anon

      i think it is still done sometimes, but always felt a little odd to me. we like to have friends over for dinner or host parties, but idk that i want the people i work with in my house

    • Cat

      Only at a firm and it was kind of a “this could all be yours!” awkward display by whoever the hosting partner was. I’d stick with neutral venues. One of those bars that does ping pong, mini golf, or bowling? Roof garden? Rent a room at a museum so people can have a meal and then explore?

      • Anon

        +1 – this is very common at my firm and it absolutely is an ego-driven thing for the partners (showing off their homes/landscaping/art work/stay at home spouse/perfectly behaved 2.5 kids). I know the firm pays for the cost of catering and perhaps cleaning for these events. I am a majorly introverted person and you couldn’t pay me enough money to have a dozen colleagues traipsing through my home!

      • Senior Attorney

        OMG I remember like 30 years ago when I was a summer associate, there were all these fancy catered dinners at the BigLaw firm’s partners’ fancy houses, and it was just… ugh.

        • Anon

          This was also true 15 years ago when I was a summer associate. One of the events included a tour of the house that was just like “look at this expensive thing!” “and this other expensive thing!”

          I have no issues going to coworkers’ houses. I work in higher ed now, and it’s pretty normal to hold casual team events or holiday parties in people’s homes, but the law firm “some day this can all be yours!” thing is definitely weird.

      • anon

        Oh, yes – the “Look at what you’ll get if you just stick with it, kid!” message. It doesn’t go over well.

      • anon

        Yes! I’ve only been to two home-hosted events in my career and both were summer associate events held at partners’ homes. This was 2012/2013. Both times, there was a cringey “this can all be yours” vibe. One event was at the managing partner’s house and it was especially cringe.

    • anonshmanon

      I don’t know if it’s possible to find out what your team really thinks. If you make this truly optional, with no repercussions if somebody declines to attend, and it doesn’t represent the only opportunity to bond with the team, then I would go for it.

    • Agent99

      With the caveat that I am at a firm so this may not be directly on point, I always really appreciate when someone opens their home to host colleagues (and have done so myself on several occasions). I think it’s really hospitable and helps form personal relationships between coworkers.

      • Senior Attorney

        Despite what I posted above, I kind of agree with this. We are big entertainers so we had several casual gatherings over the years for people from my husband’s (very small) firm, and it was really nice. I always thought it was weird that in all those years, he/we were never invited to set foot inside his partner’s house.

    • Anon

      Hosting work social events in a senior person’s home is common in both my and my husband’s organizations – medicine and finance. Strongly prefer to random corporate event spaces, though we do a lot of those too. Catered is the norm.

    • Anonymous

      This is common in my husband’s field (medicine). I am an in house lawyer and we also do this. Our GC recently hosted our team and I am hosting folks in a few weeks at my home. My husband and I (and my team) enjoy it.

      I think I am atypical on this board – I have made long term friends at every job I have had. I spend so many hours a week at work (40) that it just seems natural to get to know people. I think this makes me a good coworker/manager because I am looking out for the person as a friend (eg I helped my direct report find a new job recently when she was ready to leave our org). I am still friends with people I met as a summer associate at my law firm 15 years ago – I’m vacationing with some of them and their families over Labor Day.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t personally love it, blurs the personal/professional stuff too much.

  17. Anon

    My go-to work outfit is trousers and a sweater, in various combinations and with various accessories. But my office is pretty warm and I need more short-sleeved options. Any recs for short sleeved sweaters or “elevated tees” or the like?

  18. Anon

    recs for a non stick pan? used to go into bed, bath and beyond for this but they no longer have brick and mortar stores

    • Anon

      TJ Maxx and Marshalls usually have decent single pieces. I don’t use non-stick materials so can’t recommend any particular one, my favorite saute pan is All-Clad.

    • Anonymous

      TJ Maxx and Marshalls usually have decent single pieces. I don’t use non-stick materials so can’t recommend any particular one, my favorite saute pan is All-Clad.

    • Anon

      I just bought an 8” OXO good grips pan for eggs. This is my best one so far. I have to buy a new one every few years but that’s just how it is with nonstick.

    • Anon

      Recommend reading up on nonstick coatings to make your own informed decision on risks.

  19. anon

    question: why are people troubled by going to the homes of people they work with? i totally understand not wanting to host such an event but if someone else doesn’t care and are willing to host, why do you care? real question.

    • anon

      In my world (Ontario public sector) you do not invite colleagues to your home unless you are legit social friends, which would have meant many non-home, outside work hangouts in advance. It would be weird to receive or accept such an invitation, and I would think the person was out of touch, looking for an inappropriate relationship, etc. It would be TALKED about at my place of work.

      Why is this? Who knows. I’m in Toronto and many people I know do not have homes that can easily host more than a few people. Where people live is really dispersed, so there may be significant travel time involved (easily could be 2 hours if people come in from different directions). You wouldn’t want to create the expectation that people show up on their free time to an essentially mandatory work event. People are uncomfortable showcasing different levels of wealth, which would likely be earned by the other partner in the couple, etc. etc.

      • Anonymous

        I’m in a very similar situation. Only my work BFF who is also a real friend has been to my home, no one else ever. I’ve never been to any of my colleagues homes except for BFF. There is HUGE wealth disparity amongst colleagues depending on age/home purchase/pension version, etc.

      • Seafinch

        I was seconded to a federal Dept of Justice unit in Ottawa and the Director hosted a holiday party for the entire 20 person team. (I have also been invited to holiday parties at military superiors’ homes). I also knew some colleagues were going to be in my neighborhood during our Canada Day party and invited them.

    • Anon

      I am sure there are many possible reasons why someone might have this ick, but to name just one, I can certainly see how a woman with a history of certain types of trauma or harassment might be uncomfortable feeling like she has to enter a coworker’s personal space.

    • smurf

      in a vacuum, I’m not bothered by it but IME, it always goes hand in hand with a “we’re like familyyy!” workplace that has no boundaries between personal & professional. So that’s why I’d be put off by it.

      • anonshmanon

        Yeah, I guess there are many ways to do it badly. Toxic ‘we’re like family’ culture, social events that feel like mandatory overtime, forced socializing when you just want to do your job, out of touch ostentatious lifestyle of the senior people were just the themes that came up here. There are probably more! If you get it right it can be nice, but seems not that easy to get it right…

      • Anonymous

        This. It’s the family vibe.

        For me, the other biggie is economic differences. You don’t want to be the lower report with a much nicer house than your boss (I’ve been on both sides as I work at a NFP but married an attorney). I don’t want even an inkling that I don’t really need a (deserved!) raise.

        And I also don’t want to find out that someone I really respect professionally lives in chaos or dirty conditions. I want to keep them on that pedestal.

        • Anonymous

          A former colleague had photos of their safari hunting trophies on the walls, I’ve never lost respect for someone so fast before.

      • Anon

        Yeah that’s part of it. It’s just not set up for a bunch of guests who don’t live there – last one I went to, the powder room toilet overflowed, then we all had to use the boss’s master bedroom bathroom. It’s all just too personal.

        The “look at how much wealth I have, that you can aspire to” comment earlier resonated with me as well.

    • anon

      There is a difference between hosting a work sponsored event (think holiday party) and a random one off event. I have never seen any issues when it is a big party hosted at someone’s house, and have also been the person to host 20+ person gatherings in my house. Short of actual friends (e.g., people that I meet up with outside work), I would not typically invite co-workers over save for if someone is driving and they are invited into the entry/living room while I am gathering my stuff.

    • Anon

      It feels gross to me because every single one of these events I’ve been to is at a male partner’s home, hosted by the SAH wife. It is VERY clear that the success of the partner is facilitated by the wife being able to pick up 100% of the home/child care. At the same time our internal women/parents slack channel is dominated by mid-career women wondering/freaking out over what is wrong with them for not being able to advance in the firm once they have kids (spoiler – it’s not them, it’s the firm).

      • Anon

        I posted above about having to use the master bedroom bathroom when the powder room failed at boss’s house. So there it was, above their king sized bed, an only somewhat abstract portrait of a woman (the wife? I guess I hope so) of a nude woman laying on her side facing away – so it was mostly butt, but still. I didn’t need to know that or see it.

        Keep it professional. We are all, actually, not “one big happy family” – we report to you.

    • Senior Attorney

      To elaborate on my post above about my summer associate experience, when I was a summer associate I also had a new baby and was just trying to keep my head above water. I was invited to several Command Performance events at the multi-million-dollar (back in the 80s) homes of the BigLaw partners, complete with catering and uniformed waiters/waitresses, and expensive everything and it was just so performatively successful and prosperous and for me, at least, it was super awkward because that was not my life and never had been.

      That said, I am not at all against friendly colleagues visiting one another’s homes and I have totally done that and enjoyed it.

    • Anon

      It is completely normal in my current industry/area (higher ed, Midwest college town) especially for parties celebrating faculty promotions/tenure. But it isn’t like the law firm “look how rich I am!” thing. The most expensive home in our entire town is probably $800k and that’s owned by the football coach. I would guess 95% of people I work with have homes of similar value (around $400-500k). The catering is basic, like a local BBQ joint or even the grocery store. The goal is to get people together to celebrate, not to spend a lot of money, so it’s not ostentatious and weird. I have no issues with it, as long as it’s not a pool party – no one wants to get into a bathing suit in front of colleagues.

    • Anon

      If I went to a co-worker’s home, I would feel obliged to reciprocate with an invitation to my home. For many reasons, I don’t want coworkers in my home. I prefer firm boundaries between current work relationships and my social life. I’m 58 now. When I was in my ’20’s and ’30’s, I felt differently.

    • Nosy

      I would welcome any chance to visit my coworkers homes because I am nosy and love seeing how people decorate their homes.

  20. Anon

    Lawyers on the board, on a scale from 0-10, how would you rate your experience of being a lawyer? I mean the concept generally, not your current job specifically, unless your opinion of the current job is also your opinion of the concept generally.

    Also interested in responses from non-lawyers for comparison, but primarily interested in lawyers!

    • Anon

      Lawyer — 10, but I am so so so lucky that it has worked out for me. It could easily be otherwise (low salary, horrid lifestyle, crazy boss / coworkers, insane clients).

    • Anonymous

      Lawyer – 8 or 9. I really love the strategy involved in my job and thrive on working within the Rules. My satisfaction though is likely skewed by the fact that I had no law school debt (I had a full ride) and I’ve always been at a low-drama firm (comparatively).

    • Senior Attorney

      I was talking about this with my husband the other night and just asked him this specific question, and over all, we both say it’s an 8. There were great times and awful times but generally it worked out quite well for both of us. (Although I will say that in our discussion the other night he said if he had it to do over again, he’d have been an architect and I said I’d still have been a lawyer.)

    • Anon

      I am an ex-lawyer and had a pretty short career (five years in Big Law, a couple years at smaller firms) so you might think I’d say a very low number, but in all honesty, 8-9? I really enjoyed law school and Big Law was an intellectually-challenging and high-paying career that was perfect for my childless 20s when I had the time to work 70 hours per week. We saved a lot of money during my Big Law years which made the next phase of our life much easier financially and allowed me to downshift into a much lower-paying but less demanding career that lets me spend a lot of time with my family.

      Caveat that I went to a good (T20, at the time) law school on a huge merit scholarship so between the scholarship and working during school I only had ~$25k of loans, which I easily paid off my first year in Big Law. I’m sure I would NOT feel the same if I’d taken out $100k+ of debt, which I almost did. (I was offered my scholarship after I’d already committed to attending and paying full price for a different, similarly ranked school!)

    • Anon

      I’m a former lawyer who now works in legal education (my job requires a JD and some practice experience). I’m very happy. I would say a 9.

      • anon

        I love being a lawyer but i didn’t have debt which allowed me to work in more interesting, more gratifying, less soul crushing jobs than my friends who were carrying big loans. Don’t think it’s worth it if you need to take out big loans.

    • anon

      Another vote for 8. I’m in house and, compared to my business partners, I’ve had better training, get more respect, and have more opportunities. Is it lonely on occasion and feels like a lot is on my shoulders? Sure, but I don’t feel stuck or bored and that is really important to me.

    • Anonymous

      I’d give it a 5. It’s fine because it works most of the parts of my brain that work best and I sometimes made pretty good money doing it. But I dislike law firm life, dealing with the demands of so many different people, and the personalities of most lawyers. It is almost impossible to work to live rather than live to work, and I’d like to be doing the former at this point.

    • Seafinch

      10! I have had so many absolutely fascinating experiences in big city private firms, small town private firms, the Senate, lobby firms, and now 15 years in the military, It has served me very well. I wanted a large family and cannot think of a better way to do it. No one blinks if someone takes an 18 month mat leave (we’re paid 94% or 12 months). I have taken six years off (five mat leaves plus an extra year in Europe because of my husband’s posting), changed entire fields every few years, have loads of vacation, and fantastic pay, and extremely civilized hours. My files are absolutely fascinating. I did five years of high profile litigation and now am doing Intellligence. Twenty year old me would be very impressed. My colleagues are fantastic. I am profoundly grateful to be here.

    • Anon

      Probably 8 or 9. I’ve had horrible co-workers but that could be the case anywhere. And once I found my niche, I’ve really enjoyed the work itself. But I think getting into the right area of practice is a big part of it – there’s a lot of areas of law that I would hate. In general I think it’s a decently compensated, decently respected job that does not take a huge physical toll so I feel like that’s already above average.

      • Seafinch

        I agree and frequently say that my unique pathway was exactly right for me and I would loathe 80% of the jobs most lawyers I know have.

    • Anon

      My nephew is just about to start very expensive, fairly prestigious law school. I know it’s an accomplishment already that he got in. But based on what people here say about their careers, I’m internally like nooooooo!

    • ranoma

      9-10, the first few years were very hard, under paid, awful partners, 100K debt. Then I leveraged my network and went in house and now living a life I did not think possible. A mentor told me when I graduated that I’ll always be a “professional” and I think about that a lot. The JD opens doors and opportunities I would not have had otherwise.

  21. DC?

    just found out I’m going to DC for a work event the last week of October. I’ve never been, so would love to tack on a few days with my husband – is it likely to be insanely busy/chaotic right before the election, to the point it’s not worth it? (DH is a politics nerd so may be a selling point to him LOL)

    • Anon

      Not much in the way of campaigning actually happens in DC. Go and have a great time!

    • Anonymous

      No, should not be more crowded! Most election activity takes place elsewhere (e.g., battleground states), not in DC. October is amazing weather here, too. It’s a great time of year to come.

    • Runcible Spoon

      Agreed — DC itself experiences very little campaign/election activity, as it is solidly safely Democratic. It’s a great time of year for a visit, weather-wise. You might be able to see some early fall leaf color if you go for a walk in Rock Creek Park or along the C & O Canal. The Zoo is excellent and free. The Smithsonian museums on the National Mall and elsewhere are excellent and free. The Air and Space Museum, Holocaust Museum, and African American Museums in particular are worth a visit and have exhibits you won’t see anywhere else. The National Gallery of Art is excellent and free (even thought it’s not a Smithsonian), and has a great shop for early holiday gift shopping. The Old Ebbit Grill is a crowd-pleaser and the clientele is a nice mix of regular locals and tourists. In October they often feature an Oyster Fest, which I hear is chaotic but delicious! The Hamilton (restaurant) downtown also is a crowd pleaser. You might be able to catch a Capitals (NHL) game at the arena downtown. Enjoy!

      • anonshmanon

        just know (I didn’t) that the free museums still require that you book a ticket, so do it the day before or the morning of, because the time slots book up.

        • Runcible Spoon

          Yes, good point, although not all of the free museums require timed tickets for crowd control — so check out the museum websites ahead of time, or just go to the museums that don’t require a ticket, there are plenty of those, too!

    • Anon

      No, DC is one of the least swing-y areas in the country so one actually campaigns there.

    • anonshmanon

      We are politics nerds, and it was cool to see Congress, even the empty house chamber was cool.

  22. smurf

    Boston recs?
    All set on our activities & sightseeing but would love any restaurant recs whether hole in the walls or upscale! Just husband & me, we love seafood, don’t eat red meat. We’re staying in back bay but anywhere in the city, Cambridge, or easily accessible by the T.
    Specific recs for North End italian?

    • Anon

      Mama Maria’s is my go-to. It sounds touristy but it isn’t and is so, so yummy. As a bonus it’s right off the freedom trail so you can walk it before dinner (Paul Revere’s house is just across the street).

    • Anonymouse

      Eastern Standard – It moved from its longtime home down the street last year (what a surprise when I was back in town and didn’t think to verify first).

  23. Senior Attorney

    Okay, ladies, hit me with your NYC recs. I haven’t been since before the pandemic so I’m not really up to date, and am interested in places to eat, things to do, and shows to see. We will be staying in Jersey City so any recs for that area are welcome as well. Oh, and we’re going the week before Thanksgiving if that makes a difference.

    • Anon

      For shows, Suffs! I haven’t seen it but it’s supposed to be amazing.

      If you like afternoon tea, Alice’s Tea Cup (they have a couple locations) has a great one. We took my 6 year old daughter there on our most recent trip and it’s perfect for that age but honestly I would have enjoyed it without a kid. The food and tea were excellent. My MIL had a cinnamon pumpkin scone I’m still dreaming about.

    • anon

      need a little guidance here.. what are you into? who is coming with you? what kind of food are you into?

      • Senior Attorney

        All the food! Love walking, museums, quirky sights, shows, bars, window shopping, and it’s ne and my husband.

    • AnonAnon

      I have personally gotten really into attending operas while in NYC. Feels like stepping into another world with the red interior and giant crystal light fixtures. Also took my daughter to the Russian Tea Room which was a fun retro one-time thing.

    • Anonymous

      In JC with kids (?): Liberty State Park and Liberty Science Center. Downtown JC food: Frankie, Razza (the best pizza “in” NYC), Gaia & Loki, Left Bank. Hoboken waterfront is nice.

    • ABanon

      Perhaps the show Once Upon a Mattress if you’re up for some slightly ribald humor (was a Carol Burnette vehicle at one point). Could walk around Bryant Park before or after.

      • Senior Attorney

        I am very excited about this show and Sutton Foster is bringing it to LA next year and we have tickets!

    • Anonymous

      In Jersey City Razza is great for pizza, I like The Kitchen Step for a good meal, and Batello if you want a fancy night out with a view of the city close to your hotel (ask to sit on the patio it’s covered)

  24. Anon for this

    I’m on a volunteer board with someone who, quite frankly, doesn’t seem sober at most of our events. She asks rambling, repetitive questions in meetings (including ones with important stakeholders), gets confused in the middle of explanations and starts talking about entirely different topics, and if she can’t get in touch with someone immediately, texts our group chat or individuals dozens of times in an hour to get a response. I had to block her phone number and email for my own sanity, and left at least one online group because I just couldn’t deal anymore.

    We’re in a state where all manner of plant-based smoking is legal, and it may be that, but she also does stuff like BYOB to concerts in the park or the local carnival. So it’s probably a combo of alcohol and w**d.

    No one on the board is willing to talk to her about this, except for me. It’s hard for me to do my job because I don’t want to communicate with her or honestly, sit in any more meetings if she can’t behave. I’m wary of doing it by email or text because of her erratic behavior. Has anyone been in this position? Ideas/a script on what to say?

    • anon

      aren’t their professionals work with the board? like a CEO or development person? i would bring this to them and let them deal, research, figure it out….

      • Anon for this

        It’s a board for a volunteer community organization. It’s just a group of local people from various professions.

        • Anon

          Does she have control over any financial or operational decisions? If so, and if the chair refuses to remove those responsibilities from her or even do an investigation, I would resign from the board over this.

    • Anon

      I don’t have a script — and I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. Just to say here: don’t put anything in text or email, and if you can, try to have one other person with you.

    • ABanon

      It could (probably isn’t but could) be a medical problem, so perhaps focus on her disorganized & erratic behavior as the problem? Otherwise just tell her as a board member there’s an expectation to be sober at these meetings & events and for these conversations.

    • Anon

      It could be all kinds of things other than sobriety. Talk to the board chair and ask them to address it. That’s the job of the board chair. (Have done this job myself)

    • Anon

      How much longer is her term on the board? What is the nomination or removal process?

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