Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Waisted Milano-Knit Cardigan
This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This knit cardigan from COS feels a little '90s, but in the best way. (Side note, a friend who works in the fashion industry once told me the reason most trends return after 25-30 years is because the cool 20-somethings who decide what’s fashionable raid their cool moms’ closets. I feel like that can’t be entirely true, but who knows?)
With a defined waist like this, I like wearing a more voluminous bottom, like a midi skirt or a wide-leg trouser. The rust color pairs nicely with black, but you could also do ivory or a darker chocolate brown.
The sweater is $149 at COS and comes in sizes XS-XL.
Sales of note for 4/17:
- Nordstrom – Beauty savings event, up to 25% off – nice price on Black Honey
- Ann Taylor – Cyber Spring! 50% off everything + free shipping
- Boden – 25% off everything (thru Sun, then 15% off)
- Brooklinen – 25% off sitewide — we have and love these sateen sheets
- Evereve – 1000+ items on sale, including lots from Alex Mill, Michael Stars, Sanctuary, Rails, Xirena, and Z-Supply
- Express – $29 dresses
- J.Crew – 30% off all dresses
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything, and extra 50% off clearance
- Lands' End – 50% off full price styles and 60% off all clearance and sale – lots of ponte dresses come down under $25, and this packable raincoat in gingham is too cute
- Loft – Friends & Family event, 50% off entire purchase + free shipping
- Macy's – 25% off already reduced prices + 15% off beauty & fragrance
- M.M.LaFleur – Spring Sale Event – Buy More, save more! 10% off $250+, 15% off $500+, 20% off $750+, 25% off $1000+ (Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off if you find any exclusions.)
- Sephora – Spring sale! 20%, 15%, or 10% off depending on your membership tier; ends 4/20. Here's everything I recommend in the sale!
- Talbots – Spring sale! 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns
- TOCCIN – Use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off!
- Vivrelle – Looking to own less stuff but still try trends? Use code CORPORETTE for a free month, and borrow high-end designer clothes and bags!
The sleeves are too long on the model. This will probably look awful in me. I hate cuffing a sleeve on anything but a woven shirt.
Yeah, won’t buy anything with weirdly long arms.
I like the shape of it! But agree it might look weird on me too.
Disagree, I think longer sleeves are in, especially on cardigans. Khaite, Jenni kayne, etc.
Yep, and any shorter would look frumpy.
This may be how cardigans are currently being styled in photos, but you would have to have arms as long as the model’s and never need to do anything with your hands in order to pull off the look. It’s just for standing around looking pretty.
You do know you can push up sleeves right?
Not these sleeves. How would they stay up? They are wider at the bottom.
They may be in, but they are perfectly dreadful.
I think they look like the right length *for the intended look* on the model, but personally I can barely wear wrist-length sleeves without pushing them up to mid-forearm, so this is not the look for me.
I have T Rex arms, so on me these sleeves would end several inches past my fingertips. I’ll pass on this one!
Y’alllllll. My office made an announcement 2 months ago that they would be switching to a shared service model for admins (vs admins assigned to individuals/teams) and 10/12 of our admins have left since then. Everything is on fire because apparently none of our executives have been sorting/triaging their own emails so they truly have zero idea wtf is going on. So the admins they valued so little were actually running the show.
This is completely unsurprising.
Ouch – after 3 or 4 resigned they didn’t see the writing on the wall?
The executive who made this decision was golden parachuted out 3 weeks ago. His replacement is luckily quite competent but obviously this is only one of a hundred messes he’s trying to clean up.
Same old story. “Just an Admin” culture gives people exactly what they deserve.
On a similar note, anyone hear of any good rage-quit stories associated with RTO mandates? One of my favorite story genres these days.
That is just so stupid to rage quit over going into an office.
If you find a another job you like, why not live according to your preferences?
If you have accepted another offer you like better, it’s not rage quitting. Unless you’re flipping tables on the way out; in which case, why?? Give your notice, do your 2 weeks, move on with your life
It’s also very stupid to go into an office for no real reason.
I think it’s unhealthy and antisocial to work from home exclusively.
Okay. I think it’s unhealthy to use work as a social outlet.
It’s 40 hours a week of your life. It’s ok to build a social outlet during those hours.
I don’t want to be called back into the office for camaraderie reasons when the reality is that there’s no shared space and little overlapping unscheduled time, so everyone ends up doing the same work alone but alone in the office now. I know someone who was fired who had been working remotely for many years because they wouldn’t come do the same work alone behind a closed door. Everyone knew them well because they would come into town to organize the kind of events where people actually did socialize. So now people interact even less. Great work admin.
“Stupid” is a pretty intellectually lazy way to shoot it down. To me, it’s the opposite of stupid to refuse to do long commute to go sit on a Zoom call in a cubicle. No one is ever going to say “I wish I spent more time commuting” on their deathbed.
Yeah, but on my deathbed I’m going to wish I did the things I do with the money the commuting job pays me. I want a stable house my friends and family can visit. I want the good health insurance that’ll cover the PT I need to stay active as many years as possible. I want to be able to say yes when far off friends invite me to their wedding. I want to help care for those in need around me.
I also am not going to be thinking at the end of my life “I wish I’d spent more time scrubbing the toilet!” But I want to live in a clean, pleasant place, and some degree of scrubbing is necessary to make that happen
This doesn’t address the question asked which related to rage quitting, not the merits of RTO vs WFH.
Sorry but rage quitting is stupid by definition.
To anon 10:42 am, you realize it’s not either/or, right? Many people have good paying jobs with benefits that are fully remote. It’s fine if you want to work in the office or find this to be a good situation for you, but don’t judge people who prefer a remote role.
I’m not judging people who prefer remote and have found a way to make that work for their lives. I am judging people who rage quit.
Not rage quit, but a friend of mine who had been fully remote for over 15 years (so way pre-dating Covid), was told to move to the office. She resigned. Had no issue finding a fully remote position, but it was for a little less money. Less than 3 months later the company asked her to return, offered her a 25% increase over her previous and promised fully remote for the future in writing. She was not the only staff member in this position right now, and those who did relocate so they could move into the office are rightfully annoyed.
They are doing this where I work for a different group of staff with similar results. Our c-suite is so baffled that everyone is quitting despite all the VPs below them telling them this is exactly what would happen. Now we’re spending way more money to hire new people who no institutional knowledge that we’ll have to spend years training. Meanwhile the consultants who recommended this course of action are long gone to their next gig!
I get blaming consultants, but their recommendations are predictable, and it’s the job of the executive to make actual good decisions.
This. Consultants are brought in to tell leadership what they want to hear.
I definitely didn’t say that our c-suite is not ultimately responsible for this decision, just that those consultants got the benefit of leaving before the fallout!
I highly doubt they’re baffled.
Back in the day they made a whole movie about how admins run the show: https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?q=nine%20to%20five%20movie&mid=C7A47CA40267F23E2CCBC7A47CA40267F23E2CCB&ajaxhist=0
I’m looking for a small (one person 2-3 cups ) coffee maker that has an auto start function. Ideal would be if it’s small and somewhat nice looking . I like the look of my keurig mini but want something with an auto start
I don’t know if this is a good long term solution but if you like your keurig mini what about adding a plug-in timer like you use for holiday lights? I do this for my crockpot.
I used to have my espresso machine on a smart outlet, so you could either program it to turn on a schedule, or turn it on from your phone. Once it had warmed up, you’d then go over, push the button and retrieve your coffee.
out of curiosity how does this work for your crockpot? do you just have raw meat sitting in it until the timer clicks on? (or maybe it’s for like steel cut oats in the morning?)
I’m vegetarian but even still, yes after it cooks it sits there on warm until I get home. I’ve been lucky so far – knock on wood!
I got a Mr. Coffee like this years ago from Target. I still love it.
I have the same machine. I think it’s 5 cups, but I think of it as 2 good size mugs.
In general how are your relationships with your parents? Why?
Was thinking about the yelling conversation on the weekend. My parents yelled and occasionally hit. But we have great, loving relationships. Lots of laughter. I like spending time with them. I’m happy my children know them well.
Same. I’m 43, and I know society has moved forward a bit re spanking and slapping, but it didn’t affect my relationship with my parents (probably because it didn’t hurt, just shocked me.) They also yelled when we crossed lines–safety, manners, respect, etc. I don’t have children, but my sister does and trusts them completely to watch her children.
My parents yelled and occasionally hit. I live across the country and see them twice a year.
I can distinctly remember the last time I was hit, I was 16, had just been accepted to every single university I applied to. My parents were seemingly annoyed by my level of accomplishment and the fact I was not crediting them at all (their only ‘help’ was begrudgingly letting me borrow their credit card for applications, which I had to pay them back for).
Good relationship – long talks weekly, texts in between, see them a few times a year (flight away).
As a elementary school kid, I was spanked so infrequently (maybe 3 times ever?) that I knew I was REALLY poorly behaved if that was the consequence. As a teen, I was screamed at a few times but tbh, reflecting on my behavior, I understand why! I thought the OP of the “lost my voice” thread took a lot of unnecessary heat.
Same here. Close to them now and I feared that their anger because I saw it so frequently. I was spanked probably two or three times as a child, and the idea of being slapped is so appalling to me ISame here. Close to them now and I feared their anger because I saw it so frequently. I was spanked probably two or three times as a child, and the idea of being slapped is so appalling to me. I can’t even process it.
Sorry, that should say “infrequently”
Being slapped is appalling–that’s why it’s always portrayed as a shock move in media.
I was slapped once, and for me personally, it was a non event? It just surprised me, but it did get me to snap out of it. I think the person who slapped me is traumatized about it though!
I was slapped once, maybe twice, as a child. I remember it happened, but don’t think I spent a lot of time dwelling on it.
Where I grew up, everyone’s parents spanked occasionally or at least held it out as a possibility up until early elementary school. My own parents probably only spanked me a couple of times, and I don’t think it impacted our relationship at all. It was just the norm. I don’t harbor any resentment over that. Same for my partner. We don’t spank our kids, though, and I do think it would have a negative impact if we did. Times change. I don’t remember being yelled at, but I also remember feeling like I wasn’t allowed to get upset ever. Raised voices were not the norm and were not okay. I remember thinking it would probably be healthier if we would occasionally just yell at each other a little and get things out in the open.
I’m mostly estranged. My parents have cast me as the family scapegoat since I was a baby and I was over being the family villain. I tried setting boundaries, just having a thick skin, pushing back, and gray rocking in different combinations over many years, but it finally just wasn’t worth maintaining the relationships.
My parents don’t believe in mental health, but my mom has something going on where she has delusions, often resulting with me being accused of things that never happened. Lots of splitting behaviors too. I suspect BPD, but can’t diagnose her myself. Sometimes she is really great, and she is artistic and creative and fun. But you never know when she’ll start spewing verbal abuse and accusations at you. As a result of these behaviors, she has absolutely no social network. She’ll make friends for a short period, but then those relationships always implode in a dramatic way.
My dad is an undiagnosed autistic engineer who is a racist and sexist MAGA.
I’ll add that she yelled and spanked when I was a kid. My dad was mostly at work so wasn’t involved. But that has nothing to do with our lack of relationship now. Our current estrangement is because of ongoing behavior, not anything years ago.
I know so many variants of this couple.
I don’t know if this is still what they say, but the story used to be that his narcissism was bringing out her BPD and vice versa so people like this would find each other and make each other worse. It is striking to me how often the politics line up too though.
My mother was all over the place as a parent. I was spanked and yelled at a lot. She called me names/cursed at me and also had some breakdowns where she physically demonstrated that we were the source of her overall frustration and misery. My sister and I have agreed that we spent a lot of time just generally scared of her. She slapped me across the face around 14 and then I confronted her about it and it never happened again. I’ve concluded she never really matured as a person after some really helpful conversations with an ex. I am not sure why that happened but she really is not a fully matured adult in a lot of ways. But today, we have a pretty good relationship. My biggest frustration with her is that when we are together, she still acts like I haven’t lived a long life and learned all the things (e.g., she holds onto tickets for everyone instead of handing them out, keeps keys for shred spaces like a hotel room so we are just always at her disposal, or explains the dangers of a gas stove to me while monitoring my use of it while I was preparing breakfast for seven (I have used a gas stove daily for at least 20 years)) and that any time spent with her is entirely about her – we are meant to just know what her expectations of the visit are and meet them at all times, even if she hasn’t told us the plans. But we can have a very nice visit these days and overall enjoy each other’s company, conversation, and doing the same things.
(My dad is another, separate story)
I was occasionally spanked and yelled at. There were other serious issues I won’t get into but that made other people’s jaws drop. Relationship is fine but never as close as it could have been.
Have a kid now and we don’t spank, yell, or name-call. We also don’t gentle parent.
Child of immigrants here. Yelling and physical punishment was the norm in our circles, but as an adult I have a great relationship with both parents. We see them on a weekly basis, talk every day, and they watch my kids all the time.
Breaking the cycle we grew up with and how to separate that type of parenting from “our culture” are regular topics of conversation when I hang with other young parents in my community. So not something I want to pass on, but also not something that has impacted my relationship with my parents.
My mom spanked in a very calm and restrained manner. She slapped me once when I was 15 – I still remember what I said, I remember thinking, oh, I deserve that as she slapped me, and I still would give almost anything to take the words back. They were intended to be cruel and they were. We have a wonderful relationship now. I see her a couple of times a month and we travel together a couple of times a year. My kids spend a lot of time with her and consider her strict but enjoy her company.
My dad screamed at us for everything and spanked when he didn’t think screaming was getting the results he wanted. We stayed out of his way when he was home. I don’t have a very close relationship with him now, but that is more because he enjoys taking any view I express and telling me how stupid it is. When we can avoid that dynamic, I enjoy spending time with him. I see him monthly or bimonthly. My kids were not alone with him until they were teens – he is far, far better with teens than small kids.
I quit a job with nothing lined up several years ago when I realized that the stress was spilling over and I was yelling at my kids frequently. I yell at my kids probably once a year or so, and I’m fine with that.
I was occasionally spanked as a child, though that was a product of the times. I do not spank my children. My dad would raise his voice ON OCCASION, but I don’t remember it approaching a yelling level. What probably did more damage is when he would tell me how “ungrateful” I was when I pushed back on certain things. To this day, I have a hard time with being told to keep a gratitude journal. I am plenty thankful and grateful, and know that I have it good, thanks.
I have a very good relationship with both of my parents. We live about 45 minutes apart and talk usually once a week, sometimes more.
I will cop to yelling at my teen on the rare occasion when gentler methods and messages haven’t gotten through. I don’t feel good about it, but I am human. I am extremely calm and patient until pushed too far, too many times. As long as there is repair and it prompts a deeper, more productive discussion when everyone is calm again, I can forgive myself for not responding perfectly. Who knows, maybe I am dead wrong and my kid will never talk to me again after he moves out, but I feel like our relationship is overall strong and open and can withstand the occasional blowup.
Also — I do not name call, and I do not pick at anyone’s character. That, to me, is more damaging than the occasional loud voice!
Agree with this. I have no issue with yelling and screaming as needed, but personal attacks are off limits.
I agree. I don’t do either, but when it comes down to it, name calling is worse for kids than occasionally yelling.
Yeah, content is far more important than volume. But related to that, I don’t know anyone who would go on a 15+ minute screaming tirade that can keep good boundaries about not saying cruel and unnecessary things. But a raised voice with “what were you thinking!?” is very normal human behavior and nothing to lose sleep over.
I felt that a lot of the anti-yelling brigade over the weekend was very very heavy on the name-calling. Lots of ways to damage a person.
Huh? I didn’t see that at all.
Because it didn’t happen
“Abuser, Republican Abuser, Unhinged”
yep – add to the sanctimonious vibe and I’m not sure I’d want to be their child anyway
I think it’s notable that a lot of the horrible things people are saying led to estrangement or coolness (like not celebrating college admissions, always blaming the youngest) would lead to horrible no matter how polite they all were.
Complicated, and largely estranged. Parents have a high conflict (although never physical) marriage and have refused to get divorced. It’s been a process to realize how much stuff was just normalized with them. After spending too many holidays driving home crying from whatever drama they brought to Christmas expecting their children to mediate (along with mom’s rampantly untreated anxiety), I just cannot do it anymore. Instead, we enjoy our peace three hours away with our chosen family.
My relationship with my mom has had its challenges and rough patches over the years, but she is my rock. We live nearby and see each other every couple of weeks, with occasional texts in between. I’m very lucky to have a woman like her in my life. However, she’s my mom, not my best friend. I said on the weekend thread that she was not a yeller by nature, but that she at me one time as a teenager when I 100% deserved it–it’s the only time I can remember her ever raising her voice at me absent an immediate safety issue or like, calling across the yard that dinner was ready.
My dad, on the other hand, was a yeller and I was spanked a handful of times as a kid. We became estranged as adults for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with the yelling, and everything to do with his undiagnosed mental health issues; refusal to seek help or treatment; and patterns of abuse. Before anyone says “But yelling is already abusive!”, the worst things he ever said to me were in a cold, quiet, and controlled tone. I’d take the yelling over that any day of the week. (My parents divorced when I was young. The smartest thing my very intelligent mother ever did.)
My parents never ever hit or yelled. But people were not very open generally, so our relationships now are not very open. Warm and friendly, sure. But there’s not a lot of intimacy or trust with more difficult emotions. Happy to help people move or watch kids, spend holidays together, we talk a couple times a month, etc. But I would never ever in a thousand years go to one of my parents about a career or relationship problem unless I was asking for specific material support (like babysitting). I could see an argument that yelling could have allowed more emotional honesty, but I really doubt it. And I’m very glad that hitting children wasn’t normalized in my childhood.
I don’t have a good relationship with my parents. The verbal and physical violence was unpredictable. Maybe that’s the difference? If you know you did something wrong and your parent reacts, well you know not to do that again. But when the predictability of cause and effect is broken, every day feels like navigating a minefield. I can’t do anything wrong ever because if I do it will crop up randomly for the next 15 years:
Hi mom how was your day?
WELL I DIDN’T HAVE TO STEP ON LEGOS TODAY SO IT WAS GREAT, NO THANKS TO YOU.
… ok I’m going to my room now, I guess I won’t have dinner tonight (because I don’t want to be berated).
My siblings and I call this spewing green slime. It’s something my mom does a lot.
We do occasionally yell in our house but it doesn’t come out of nowhere. If I’ve asked you three times to turn off TV and get in the car, then it may be followed by a raised voice that again says turn off TV and get in the car. IMO this is very different then the random verbal beratement that comes out of nowhere.
My parents spanked me and yelled at me but were generally kind and loving parents, and it never really bothered me. I have a very close relationship with my mother now. Not really with my father. We’re cordial, and I arrange visits with him for the grandkids’ benefit, but when my parents got divorced he also basically didn’t try really reaching out to me or my siblings for a long time and so we drifted apart – probably embarrassment because he’d had an affair – and I find his politics extremely distasteful even though we mostly avoid discussing it. It’s too bad, because he was a good dad when I was growing up and a fun grandfather.
My mom has a temper (which she picked up from her whole side of the family) and was definitely a yeller. We had a rough relationship when I was a teen but we have a fantastic relationship now (see them 2-3x a month, lots of light hearted teasing and joking and stuff). I feel like I can (and could as a kid too ) tease my parents more than most of my friends – and I think that contributes to our close relationship. Theres, of course, stuff I won’t say or do in front of my parents, but we’re overall quite open. My brother lived at home til he moved in with his now-wife in his late 20s and only stayed that long because he had such a good relationship with our parents.
My dad didn’t get mad often, but was much more of a serious conversation (he was both mad and disappointed) than a yeller.
I don’t think I was ever spanked (and if I was I can’t remember it) but it was a threat when I was very young. But, every few years my dad will make a comment where it’s clear he wasn’t against spanking.
Our family’s communication style is definitely one where people get snippy and voices are raised at each other frequently, but I wouldn’t consider that yelling. And, the vast majority of the time people communicate like this this aren’t even mad.
As an adult, I saw my parents’ tempter and wanted nothing to do with it. I get angry honestly maybe once or twice a year. I definitely get snippy or annoyed often, but I’m very very rarely angry.
I’m in my late 40s and my father is in his early 80s. My relationship with him is good now, but went through a long latency and took effort to build. My parents had a pretty traditional marriage. My mother was a stay-at-home parent who was really the rock of the family while my father invested a lot in his career. I don’t mean to minimize the work he did providing for us but he was much less involved in our lives starting when I was ~10 and he took a big job. In my 20s I moved away from our rustbelt community. I would call their landline and talk to my mother. My father would be on the phone, but would scroll the internet while I talked to my mother. Unfortunately, my mother died about 15 years ago (f* cancer). After that I made an effort to call him once a week. I would also get pretty salty if I could tell he wasn’t paying attention when I was on the phone. Honestly, if my mother hadn’t died I don’t know if I would have gotten to know him in the same way. The point of all this is that, absent some sort of abuse or something, the relationship with your parents isn’t static after childhood but can change and evolve.
Yeah my parents yelled and we’re very close. I think this is very cultural – there are some cultures that are just yell-y. There are things I wish they had done differently about my childhood, but all relatively minor, and yelling is not in the top 10.
They did not spank, even though it was pretty normal in our Midwest suburb in the 90s.
As a former college athlete married to a veteran the thought that yelling is traumatizing or abusive is kind of laughable.
We don’t yell often, but sometimes you just need to get your point across
In my family I think the default volume was set by loud factory jobs. I remember being confused when a friend from a quieter household experienced the volume as anger, when no one was angry or even in a bad mood.
I remember my field hockey coach used to scream and yell–it didn’t necessarily faze me or change my behavior/level of play (which probably exacerbated her need to yell at me.) 20+ years later we’re still in touch and she was a formative adult figure in my teenage life. Not sure if the advice is to get tougher, stop taking things personally, or what. Or just accept that all people see the world differently.
It’s so cultural, but not in any of the easily identified/lumped together culture. I grew up in a quiet home and have a quiet home now, even with kids. My parents didn’t like loud noises and I don’t like loud noises and my 2 year old son complained about the noise from the motorcycles that flew by our house the other day so I think he’ll probably be the same. Yelling hits different in that environment and to those people. Acknowledging this is good, assuming that this is the norm or best way to do things is weird and wrong.
We talk a lot, see each other fairly often, and are cordial rather than close because we are pretty far apart politically and have been since the early 2000s. Both of my parents are interested in the grandkids but aren’t super-close with them. They’ve always been financially generous with both of their kids (I have a younger sister) and I’m quite grateful for their support (they paid for my education and have made modest financial gifts to me as an adult).
I’m a GenX, my parents are Boomers. They definitely don’t believe in therapy or (much) self-reflection, and were pretty high-control/authoritarian parents. Lots of yelling and name-calling as well, a fair amount of slapping and spanking. I never hit my kids (I did roughly grab one who was running into the street) or call them names and I try not to yell but it’s happened. I do say “no” and “knock it off” and a bunch of commands that would probably horrify Gentle Parents, but I’m OK with that decision.
I don’t have a relationship with my parents. Having a child made me understand how needlessly cruel they are. If I die without them calling me fat, stupid, useless, or foolish again, I’m okay with that. (I am an educated professional and an athlete.)
What should I wear to a bat mitzvah in a few weeks? It’s my husband’s family, I’ve been to a lot of Jewish events by now including our wedding and we belong to a Reform temple, but I’m not quite sure what to wear to a bat mitzvah. I’ve found Jewish events to be more formal / dress darker than the Catholic events I grew up with. I need to dress myself and my daughter, hoping to go with what we have in our closets.
What time of day? Is there a party and when/where? Is there someone in the family who can provide guidance?
Geography? Time of day of events? Type of venues?
How observant and where in the country?
Reform in Ft. Lauderdale and Conservative in Scarsdale are going to be different vibes
Reform in the midwest. I really don’t want to ask DH’s family for guidance, I feel less-than for not being Jewish and they tend to laugh or be annoyed if I ask any questions about Jewish things. I’ve figured most of it out online with sites like Kveller.
DH was raised Conservative on the East Coast which is very formal, our current shul is Reform in the south but full of relocated New Yorkers and a little less formal.
is this for what to wear to the service or the party? also midwest (burbs of chicago) or a less fancy city?
i’m sorry that DH’s family has been less than welcoming regarding answering questions about Jewish things, but to me this is more of a ‘what are you wearing’ type of question, rather than a jewish thing.
if i was attending this bat mitzvah, i’d probably wear either a floral dress to the service or something more work-like in navy or a non-black color, i’d put my daughters in a short sleeve springy dress.
So I’d personally wear this for both. The value of the good dress is its flexibility and appropriateness for everything.
Sorry I don’t know what I thought I was responding to.
Are you asking about the service or the party? And is the party directly after the service?
If you’re talking about the party is it during the day or evening and what type of venue? Think of it like asking what to wear to a wedding. No one can tell you without knowing those details.
My family belongs to a Reform temple in a non-Chicago midwest city. How old is your daughter? Generally our wedding clothes and our bat mitzvah (evening) party clothes are interchangeable, but we don’t get invited to ultra formal or black tie weddings. For the service, which is usually in the morning, I think of it as similar to church clothes. At this time of year, I’d imagine a lot of what people are wearing for Easter could work? Florals, pastels, etc. I think business casual is ok too if you’re more comfortable in that.
So my solution for this and all things is to have a go-to “good” dress in my closet that can flex from day to night and works in many situations. Currently, it’s a dark floral long sleeve Ulla Johnson. Sometimes I style with boots, sometimes heels, sometimes flats. I change the topper (anything from denim to a blazer to a formal coat, etc.) for a different vibe. This saves me from any specific occasion shopping. And I’d absolutely wear it to a bar or bat mitzvah, I’ve worn it many times for this at our reform temple.
I have a sample size of exactly three but here is something that’s been bothering me that I’d appreciate help and feedback on. At both my current company and former company, both giant insurers, and my husband’s company, an international financial company, there has been the same initiative for the past few years: to make sure the performance goals of each employee are identical. This means, of course, that the goals are vague and yet still not totally appropriate. I’m left frustrated, trying to create meaningful goals for myself and then shoehorning them into categories that seem inappropriate with little guidance or feedback.
I find this so frustrating in an Emperor has no clothes sort of way. Who thinks this is a good idea? Surely the highest paid business people at my huge employer know much more than I, a sad little in house state court litigator doing first party work. But if I ever wrote or spoke in the manner they communicate I think any judge would scream at me before demanding plain English. How can I possibly “accelerate transformative growth” and “design and deploy new processes”? I’m winning my cases and saving the company money. Why can’t my performance be measured by the dollars retained, the win loss rate, or even, unfairly, the disposition rate? It’s going to be a major problem if I, and my paralegal, and every other attorney I work with all design and deploy new processes and focus on business growth. We need to concentrate on doing quality high volume legal work with the framework that exists. I get that this impacts growth in an indirect way, but it’s not enough for the review they want.
Im looking for solutions here and Im open to advice. I love my job. I’m tackling new issues, I’m making new arguments, and always looking for new ways to prevail but ultimately my job isn’t about reinventing processes or growing the business. Why would someone with an mba ( someone much smarter than me) insist on my performance being rated as is my job were entirely different? How can I do better at selling my work given all the metrics are nebulously applicable? I worry I’m missing out on credit for good work I’m really doing.
Growth- Support company bottom line and growth capabilities by managing litigation risk in a cost-effective, practical way.
Process- how you are efficient in managing your case load.
This is what AI is good for. Tell it to write the most jargony corporate speaky goals possible then submit those. That’s what I did and the execs were delighted by the utter nonsense I submitted.
Op here. I’ve done this. It made me a little sick. Is this what they really want?
Yes, they want the meaningless corporate speak!
But surely they dont really want that? They are, I’m sure smart people who know what they’re doing. Why would they want to exchange meaningless corporate speech with every individual employee? I fail to see why this would help the company?
I think they’re just creating a paper trail where the right things were said. That doesn’t mean they’re not smart people or that they don’t know what they’re doing (though I have no idea why you’re so confident about that).
Yep. This is actually one of the better use cases for AI, which to me tells me a lot about AI.
Yeah I mean, it sounds like AI wrote the goals so use AI to respond to the goals.
Eventually all formal business documents will be written by AI, no one will actually know what it means, and a handful of people will know what’s actually going on.
At big companies, it’s common for policies and procedures to not really fit specific departments that fill a different type of role. You play along to the extent that it makes sense. You need to talk to your peers or whoever you report to and try to understand what the real expectations are and how they are interpreting the process. Also, what counts as “reinventing processes” might not be as lofty as you may be assuming. Sometimes it’s just how you spin things on paper to nod to the corporate goals.
In a similar situation where the official corporate goals were nonsense babble, I put the corporate babble in the official form, and then kept my own secret list of goals & discussed progress on those regularly with my boss. Then at pr time, I just randomly assigned them to a corporate babble bucket (I demonstrated transformative ingenuity by winning these cases! In a transformative and ingenious way).
Op here. I do this too. Thank you. I guess I was just hoping there was something I was missing where it ISN’T nonsense babble and I just didn’t have the business background to understand it. I feel intellectually insincere categorizing things I actually do in the way they want.
For instance , I did advocate for a slight process change last year. It works well for me, but any change causes friction and this one was worth it in my view. My colleagues grumbled but I got my manager on board and now we have an extra check on our files before they get to court.
I don’t have a new process this quarter. It would be problematic to implement one for the sake of implementing one. I’ve done some new research, made some new arguments and I can tenuously categorize that as a “processes.” But in reality it’s the same processes , ie research and advocacy, with new arguments. It’s really uncomfortable to pretend otherwise for me.
Do you not have people you can ask about this at work?
I do. Everyone said they have no idea and I’m just supposed to say something. I suppose I could call my boss and see if he has insight but it seems above his paycheck too.
This is exactly the question to ask your boss, as they are the one who is responsible for your review. You need to know what they are looking for in your self-evaluation. I always coach my direct reports on how to frame things in their self-evaluations to fit the ridiculous rubric.
I don’t think OP is asking how to deal with it. Like most of us, she’s found ways and tools to check that box. She asked why oh why companies chose to do this, how this is effective to measure productivity.
This is the way.
Same, but at least my boss doesn’t care what corporate drivel I write for my formal goals, as long as they are vague enough that my real work can check them off. We have real goals that we discuss between ourselves and that I address throughout the year.
I always evaluate these things by whether they are impacting my compensation and/or incentive. If not, I proceed along with whatever the big org wants me to do, even if that is to repeat some mumbo jumbo that is not really related to my work. If it makes you feel better, my husband who is a seasoned litigator (of counsel at a law firm), used to agonize over his self evaluation until he realized that the firm didn’t really read the self eval and they just gave him his comp and bonus based upon billings, so he was basically wasting his time describing all the great work and successes he was having in his cases. The last couple of years, he has changed a few words in his self eval but basically resubmitted the same one each year and literally no one has noticed. I know law firms are different, but my point is, sometimes these things are just “check the box” exercises and the company is just looking to see if you checked the box. YMMV, but if your boss knows your work and is giving you comp increases and bonuses, then I’m not sure you should agonize over whether you have changed a process or not.
Anyone here have a hip replacement? I am having one in June. Will I be able to travel for work (very short flight) week 3 or 4 after the surgery?
My mother has had two and did travel on that schedule. In fact, it was an improvement as she was having trouble with travel before and the replacements made her almost instantly more mobile. The recovery time was overall pretty quick.
my MIL had one and I feel like she was up and around in a few days. she loved getting one hip replaced and is planning another hip replacement. admittedly she’s 80 but still.
I helped my grandfather with one a little less than a decade ago and that’s a reasonable timetable for most people, if there aren’t any other factors complicating your recovery. You’ll still be tender and healing, but you can walk and wheel a roller bag, you can sit upright for that long, you’ll just need to pace yourself and take breaks as needed.
They get you moving QUICKLY after a hip replacement. I had a different hip surgery and spent weeks on crutches, and was jealous how quickly replacement patients get moving and mobile. Good luck on your surgery!
The perfect question to ask your doctor.
Hopefully a fun conversation starter: how would you allocate $5,000 that is budgeted for a wardrobe refresh? Get a few high quality pieces or lots of basics? How much for undergarments and how much for accessories?
I wouldn’t. I buy as needed.
I have a closet full of clothes that do not serve me. I postponed wardrobe updates for years due to fluctuating weight and work from home. I’m now in a more senior, visible role, and I can barely cobble together three outfits a week that are passable B- outfits. Weekend wear is even worse. I’ve also accepted I’m not going to drop a size and get back to my former shape.
Do you work from home? What is the formality of your office? Tell us more so people can give you more targeted advice.
I still would recommend doing updates on a rolling basis.
Pick one category and look at what you have. Perhaps it’s underwear. Go through your drawer and count how many pairs you have that you like and then go shopping for replacements.
After you’re done with that, you can pick another category that’s deficient. Maybe it’s black work pants. Try on what you have and buy replacements for anything you need.
I’m more thoughtful and happier with my purchases if I buy with one goal in mind at a time. I might plan out a color palette or silhouette in advance, but I can’t imagine trying to do everything from socks and underwear to work to weekend wear all at the same time. My brain just can’t do that much well at once.
I’d prioritize by starting with the categories that are the most deficient and working to the most optional.
I take a similar approach, and I try to catalogue everything I own and that’s still workable before I start buying. Otherwise, I’m like a magpie and will buy whatever’s available in a color I like, rather than being more strategic about it.
OP, sounds like you need to start with workwear first! Get a few pairs of pants and tops that you can mix and match, a top layer that works well with these items, and shoes. Then build out from there.
Do you have a good sense of your personal style, and how/where to shop? If so, I’d focus on buying outfits — one or two at a time, until you build up what you need. If I were you, I’d eventually want a full 7 days of really good work outfits and 3 weekend outfits If pieces mix and match, that’s fine, but they don’t need to.
Thoughtful shopping for clothes you feel good in takes TIME, especially if you haven’t done it for years. So do one outfit at a time. Or hire a personal stylist to help you.
P.S.: A workable wardrobe contains both basics and statement items. A good outfit either needs super good basics that come together to create an outfit, or basics + statement. (Statement items don’t have to be loud or colorful.) Both basics and statements can be high-quality, expensive items, or lower-quality less-expensive items. For me, a dark neutral turtleneck is a basic that I always need in my winter closet. I can find that for $400 or $40.
I agree with buying outfits. It helps to know you have something that you feel good in that’s complete. Then I can usually mix and match for more outfits at home with those pieces.
Hi. I’d advocate for Jennifer Mary’s approach from everyday style. Her rules for wardrobe building are very helpful. Specifically:
Splurge on underwear and outerwear. Get a bra fitting if you haven’t recently. Spend on the bottom (shoes and pants) and save on the top. Buy for the life you really live. Spend your money where you spend your time. Meaning, if you need a suit twice a year it shouldn’t be half your budget. Don’t try to revamp your wardrobe by changing your natural tendencies. Buy better versions of the things you already wear. If you love trousers for work don’t try to become a dress person; buy more fabulous trousers. You’ll have a more cohesive wardrobe if you buy more at once but keep in mind what you actually like to wear. Don’t compromise on a color or fabric you’ve always hated. Learn what fit looks like and don’t compromise on it.
All great advice! I have learned that the capsule wardrobe I need and want is the one that actually works for my preferences. NOT buying what some influencer says I need. (The classic white shirt? Yeah, I literally never wear that.)
This is really good advice.
i would go to nordstrom and work with one of the personal stylists there to help you do a cohesive wardrobe. say your budget is $2500, then spend more as needed. hopefully she can assess what you have that looks good now, what gaps you need to fill in your wardrobe, and more. i think that would be more productive and streamlined than trying to do it yourself. (i THINK the personal styling service is free?)
+1
Idk if you knew this, but not every question required you to respond!
It’s What Not to Wear all over again :)
I would approach it from the opposite direction. What items do I need, what do those things cost, and which are the highest priority? I would select pieces with quality and cohesion in mind.
+1. What do you like to wear? What makes you feel good? What’s your style?
Personally, if it were me, I would target fantastic pants, some upgraded basic tops (silk tees, cashmere sweaters, etc.), a couple great pairs of shoes, a blazer, a very good bag, and a coat with some presence. However, you and I do not necessarily love wearing the same things or live in the same climate.
Depends on where the holes are in your current wardrobe and if you have the basics covered. My goal would be to have enough undergarments to go one week (ideally two weeks) without having to do laundry (so if it’s a busy weekend, you aren’t wearing a strapless to work). Then I’d focus on having one good casual-ish work dress (think a shirt dress), one midi skirt, five silk blouses or tops, one nice cardigan and one blazer, a couple dressy t-shirts, one c-suite suit, one pair of “nice” jeans, couple pairs of shoes. I’d also try to break it up – apart from basics (undergarments, jeans/pants), I’d break up the balance so you have some fun spring summer clothes, and the same for fall.
I destroy pants, so I’d find good fit vs. high quality fabrics, find undergarments that work and buy what you need to go a full week without laundry, same for undershirts (I swear by numi), and then get some nice blouses, sweaters, and dresses, depending on the needs of your work day. Maybe also find a few pairs of casual pants that fit how you want them.
I would start with good quality undergarments (including a few bras that really really fit); pay whatever that costs; and then prioritize everything else after!
This. Undergarments make the look.
I’d build a daily wardrobe plus a good suit. Take 1K and get a Veronica Beard jacket and pants. Take another 1K and get the next level down at JCrew – their seasonless stretch blazer and pants are very good. Use another 1k on 2-3 pairs of good shoes. And the rest on a few sweaters and blouses. Those are easier to pull off with lower quality under good stuff. Finish off all looks with decent jewelry, but that’s another category.
I like this strategy!
J Crew suiting is abundant second hand
I would get a new set of undies, three good bras, a
capsule wardrobe of basics that act as a foundation for outfits, and a nuuly subscription to supplement with fun extras.
I am in a pants and top phase, so I would get three pairs of pants that look and feel good, three short sleeve tops, and a few good blazers/cardigans.
This depends on how often you need to launder each piece and what parts of your body are hardest to fit. For example if you’re a sweaty person then buying two expensive blouses doesn’t make sense- that’s an area to aim for quantity over quality. If you have trouble finding flattering pants then splurge when you love a pair. Buy at least three pairs of shoes because you should air them out between wears.
The undershirts I continuously swear by solve the sweaty person with nice blouse problem. It’s literally why they were created–to save silk blouses.
I’m glad this works for you, but I cannot even imagine not sweating straight through an undershirt.
It has three layers under the armpits. I haven’t had to wear winter deodorant in years :-)
I tried those and it felt like wearing maxi pads under my arms. No thank you.
I would use the money to buy time with a stylist to come up with a plan, using what I have and buying key items so my closet was more usable. And that way I’d have a list of quality items to buy in the coming years.
What she has doesn’t fit, though. She is going to need the money to buy clothes.
I’d definitely book an appointment at a boutique that does br@ fittings. At my local one (MCOL) $200-$250 would get about three which is a good start.
I’ll say what no one else is saying here too–I am not a huge fan of fashion right now–cropped sweaters, baggy pants…they don’t fit my body type (I am tall and short waisted–those looks make me look way bigger). This is why I do not think you should go all in to build a _whole_ wardrobe out of current fashion. Think about what is flattering on you and don’t be pushed by a Nordy’s salesperson to get the newest trendiest wardrobe. Get a handful of outfits and mix-match capsule looks so that you feel polished and confident. But consider whether today’s fashion is for you–for me–I am sticking with “staples” that are current, but not going whole-hog on the 90s are back trends because they aren’t right for me and my role.
Hope that helps!
I would start by getting at least four really well-fitting bras. If you fluctuate during the month, three for each size. I would get black and red bras. Red is amazing under light colours – disappears like magic. I would budget 90 dollars per bra, so around 300 dollars.
For a knicker refresh I would budget 15-20 dollars per pair, and 10 per pair of socks or tights. I really like the current variety of mesh socks.
I would get some Uniqlo AIRism scoop neck tops as underlayer under more sheer blouses or wool/cashmere. I think they are around 15 dollars. Those are great.
Depending on the state of your knicker drawer I would budget around 600 for undergarments.
For actual clothes, it depends on your work day. If you sit in meetings all day, your top half is the priority, if you walk around a lot or lecture, the full outfit. If you travel for meetings, outerwear, if you have unpredictable days, layers and a good blazer or topper available.
The quality of new clothes is a lot worse than than vintage, so if you have time to look around for some higher-end second hand, I would allocate at least half the budget to second hand and vintage. I would budget up to 250 dollars for a vintage topper, 150 for blouse or top, 100 for trousers. If you need a trench, second hand Burberry.
I would get one washable blazer or full suit in a current cut, but second hand if possible.
I would get one linen blazer or full suit in a medium deep, transitional colour.
In terms of basics, I would go for washable silk-merino blend, merino or silk knit tops and woven silk blouses. I would allocate 100-150 dollars per item.
This is a little late in the day, but TAILORING. A pretty good blazer will look excellent if it is tailored to fit you perfectly. This might end up costing more than the blazer, but worth it. (Assuming you don’t want to allocate the entire $5000 for one suit that will be tailored)
How do you style a pussybow with a v-neck when the bow is so long it peaks below the blazer when closed? I don’t like it tied in a bow but when I only do the square knot, it looks funny to me. Is the answer to never close the blazer? BTW, the last day to return was two days ago and it was purchased to go with a specific suit.;
anntaylor.com/clothing/tops-and-blouses/cata000010/bow-neck-shell/840709.html?dwvar_840709_color=9192&dwvar_840709_size=700¤cy=usd&country=US&cid=ps_brdShopping_OG_SEM_BR_GOOG_SHOP_SS_LOWER_GEN_BAU_PERF_NA|OG_Brand_Google&ogmap=PLA|RTN|GOOG|SHOP|NA|20966698302|158323912539|&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20966698302&gbraid=0AAAAAD-8Sah4mxmSTGW2nVkp4ftJEEGes&gclid=CjwKCAjw-dfOBhAjEiwAq0RwI9zSzxr1adiTIDDPAhWAYNJ5eFgqyu_713KvBsrk8I964aBQnXk2thoC2msQAvD_BwE
Tie in a bow if you’re buttoning up the blazer, otherwise leave the blazer open and the bow untied. It’s a formal v informal look.
i would do a loose, floppy bow at the bottom just to keep the ends from getting too long, but that’s me.
I wouldn’t wear that top with a closed blazer — you’re right that it will look strange. If you normally button the blazer of this suit, you could have the shell’s ties shortened so that they don’t show when the blazer is buttoned. Though shorter ties may look a bit odd when the blazer is opened — pin them shorter with safety pins to see if you like that look.
I’m a very senior associate at a V5 in a specialist group and received word that I’m being fast tracked to be promoted to partner at the end of the year due to firm needs. I don’t think I have the ability to say “no” to this development without effectively needing to find a new job. I like my firm and am someone who has made big law work even with 3 very little kids, all while first chairing most matters, attending pitches and doing some BD. Am I foolish to think the bump in pay and title won’t change much in my day to day? I’m in an in demand specialty and feel job security is decent. Would love advice from anyone who has similarly advanced in biglaw
Well if there’s a buyin and this is equity partnership, you absolutely can say no. If it’s nonequity, take the title and whatever bump comes with it. Neither will hurt your career.
It would be non-equity. I’m most concerned about impact to my family life and hoping there won’t be a material change
I don’t think it will be a change in workload if you’re already working hard as a senior associate. And it sets you up to lateral into an equity role at another firm in a few years. I know several people who have done that.
Thanks for the replies! I do work hard as a senior associate, although not as high of hours as a lot of others who make partner. Presumably if they promote on this track record, I can keep consistent and satisfy expectations. If I wanted to make equity here, I would definitely need to bump up efforts. Did your friends jump to equity at peer firms?
They moved to other Amlaw 50 firms and got great roles and lots of $. Some of them were specialists, which can put you in a great position if it’s hard to find someone with your skills (then firms are willing to pay you well even without a book, if you find the right fit). But a few of them were general corporate.
Very unlikely to be worse than your current situation. I have found life much easier to manage the higher I’ve climbed at the office.
Income or equity?
I do think the title changes things in a good way. Internally, it became easier for me to get support when I need it. I receive more information about the firm. Externally, it helps with business development especially from lawyer referrals.
I find I have more flexibility as a partner than I did as a senior associate as there’s nobody really looking over my shoulder anymore – this could be a good thing for you.
Will you still be able to work with your current clients or will you need to build your own book? Clients don’t want to have two partners on a matter.
Long shot but I’ve been surprised before…My grandmother wants to see her favorite artist in concert but she can’t sit comfortably in auditorium seating for 3 hours (ideal would be wider and cushier). She doesn’t use a wheelchair. Has anyone ever brought their own chair into an event (with venue permission and a reserved handicapped spot, of course!)? Or is there a better solution?
i’d call the theater and see. i’d also look into renting a wheelchair. there was just a big story (WSJ? NYT?) about how a million people are faking disabilities or broken limbs to be order to board planes first and then they hop up and walk off the plane like nothing happened.
Never tried what you’re proposing, but why not just go for as long as she can and buy good seats? Don’t go for the opening act, get there when her person goes on, leave when she’s had enough?
for some reason i was thinking it was more like Placido Domingo or Herbie Hancock and less like Taylor Swift. but maybe i’m wrong!
Call the venue to see what options are available. If you want to throw money at it, a box or suite will give you the most options, and likely allow her to stand as needed.
Or Club Level seats, if that is an option. I bought club level seats for a Stones concert and it was quite nice to have sofa seating areas, good food, and bathrooms without lines (!!!) on the concourse.
Auditorium seating could mean a lot of things. Can you find out what type of seats they have?
They make foldable seats that clip onto bleachers, maybe they make something similar for the type of seats you’re working with.
I would call the venue and ask about accessible seating. In the venues I frequent it doesn’t seem to be limited to wheelchair users.
If she cannot sit comfortably due to a disability/pain, then she may be eligible for some type of accessible seating. Sometimes that means areas of the auditorium where the traditional seating is removed so that people can just push their wheelchair into the spot. Very rarely that means that a separate pull out chair is available.
What kind of chair are you imagining bringing?
My father was severely disabled and I would bring his wheelchair with a very nice (and expensive) air cushion that was very comfortable and used by folks with his type of injuries. But it would not be right for your grandmother walk into the theater and you bring in some sort of luxurious chair for her to sit amongst other people in wheelchairs. The wheelchair slots are very few, and she shouldn’t take one if she can access regular seating. You can put a more comfortable cushion on top of the regular auditorium seat though. Many people do that.
Also, the box seats in some nice theaters have regular/plush/pull out chairs. That can be a pricier option but worth it for something special. Also, you can just go and plan to only stay for half of the performance. She takes her pain medicine before you go, and you have more there for the show. And often when you are distracted by something wonderful you enjoy, it is amazing how much discomfort you can tolerate. It actually lessens your perception of pain!
Cushy you may be able to handle with an orthopedic cushion you bring with you. Wider may mean upgraded seats if that’s available. I haven’t had to bring my own chair so far.
If you are let go for cause, how do you talk about your last job and/or your unemployment (aka why you’re currently out of a job) in a job interview should it come up?
TLDR, I’m the “PIP” poster from a week or two ago. The very short story is the job sucked. the company sucked, the leadership sucked. I had decided to quit anyhow but they came up with a bogus PIP to cut me before I could find a new home. It’s borderline a covered layoff but I digress. I’m a good employee, have had long-tenured roles at well-regarded companies in the past. It was just a very bad company and I was there for only 18 months, and never had 40 hours of work to do since the start. They didn’t need the role – it should have been part time, at most. Anyway..
I have two upcoming job interviews (yay) and want to figure out how to talk about this should it come up. Former job said they’d only confirm dates of employment and would not comment on being let go for cause, so assuming they stay true to their word on that, I don’t have to worry about that part.
Thoughts?
I think something like “it wasn’t a good fit, and the expectations of the role shifted a bit after I joined. I’m looking for an opportunity to do X, and I’m very interested in this new role as it would allow me to [etc etc explain your strengths].” If you’re interviewing for a nonprofit or something values-aligned and your old role wasn’t, that’s also an easy explanation.
I once left a job under similar circumstances and honestly the think that allowed me to get hired again was letting go of the (mostly unwarranted) shame I felt about how that last job ended. In my first couple of interviews I feel like it was seeping through my answer and I needed to practice feeling comfortable talking about leaving that last job without whatever emotions I was feeling about it coming through.
I don’t understand saying you were let go for cause when the company is describing it as a lay off. You were laid off. Say you were laid off! Not having 40 hours of work to do every week is the perfect explanation. You were laid off because they didn’t have enough work for you. No one is going to think twice about that explanation, especially in this economy. Don’t say “fired for cause” which implies you stole from the company or something.
They’re not describing it as a layoff. I am (and so are some coworkers who had a front row seat to the madness).
But the comment about the 40 hours of work is a good one. Maybe there’s an angle there. Some weeks I didn’t even have 30 hrs. In fact my boss told me in my first month to just “look busy and enjoy it.” Red flag numero uno..
I think you can avoid the word layoff if the company isn’t using that, but just say you were let go because there wasn’t enough work for you. That has the same vibe. The really important thing is to avoid saying you were fired “for cause.” Even if you were fired strictly for performance reasons it probably wasn’t “for cause” which has a narrower legal meaning that relates to fraud and deceit and other bad things you didn’t do.
Yes, why wouldn’t you call it a layoff?
The company is not describing it as a layoff? I would not say the word layoff but I think the phrasing of “not a good fit ” or expectations is fine
Since the PIP was bogus, can you fairly say the job requirements changed? Not sure if there were new/unrealistic demands but if yes, I would frame it this way.
Be very careful not to shade your former company or look like someone with no self awareness. It all might have been bogus but that’s such a giant red flag, I’d never take a chance on you. Instead, I’d cast it as a skill set mismatch and a mutual decision to exit. Something like, you have technical skills in X, company thought that could work, you decided to take a chance because great company and opportunity, turns out they really needed someone with skills in Y. Your work was suffering because the learning curve too steep and decided to depart and focus on jobs in X. You’re out of a job so you’re going to have to explain your exit, you can take liberties but you need a solid explanation.
This is the way. Especially when X is the core part of the new job you’re applying for
It sounds like in your case maybe they needed x+y (because there weren’t enough hours of just-x available). But you’re an x specialist, y isn’t your strength, and so you both realized you should part ways, and you’re now looking for a full-time x role.
Congrats, that’s a great sign you already have two job interviews. I’m not sure how to explain your situation since the details are fuzzy, but here’s what worked for my own situation.
When I was laid off, the explanation that got head nods and was received well in interviews was: “My position was eliminated. I was told my work was going to be outsourced.”
If you can make it sound like a financial decision the company was making, rather than a performance-based decision, people will be less suspicious of you, but of course, you need to be truthful, so I don’t know if this fits or not.
My advice would be to have a good answer for why you left that has nothing to do with underutilization or disliking your role or company.
For instance, “I joined X Company hoping to do Y, which matched the job description; unfortunately it was more of X, which didn’t match my long term goals in the way that [this position I’m interviewing for] does. [Elaborate on what you’re excited about with this position.”
I would not talk about underutilization:
– makes the interviewer wonder–is this person not good? why couldn’t they keep her busy? even if it was no fault of your own.
– I would not speak negatively re the company in an interview, other than very vague passing comments like my suggested answer above (makes you look like a Negative Nancy when you’re trying to put your best foot forward.
The PIP, why you left–all of that is your business. It doesn’t really need to be elaborated on in detail for your new employer. Your goal now is to sell yourself in the best light for this new role–focus on that and not on a long answer. Respond to the question in a breezy but responsive way, but “turn it” to make it more about why you’re a great fit and so excited about new role, not to dwell on old role.
Good luck!
I’m in my first trimester, just found out my partner and I are carriers for the same horrific disease, and I have no idea how I am going to do a single thing at work for the next several weeks until we can test (and longer than that if the news is bad). Please share any tips you have for compartmentalizing because right now I have a huge draft of something due today and my productivity is zero.
we went through something similar. i’m so sorry. can you keep yourself busy until then?
I’m sorry. My first was flagged for a genetic disorder and further testing after they were born and it was excruciating. Literally called our parents with the news and then sleep walked through our lives until we got the results. We only had to wait a few days though and it was during maternity leave. I’d finish the draft and then take the rest of the day if you can.
I’m so sorry. We were shocked to learn we’re both carriers for the same disease before TTC- thankfully my OBGYN suggested it due to our ethnicities. We decided to pursue IVF with PGT-M (for the disease) and PGT-A (general chromosomal abnormalities).
It’s a very long process so I’d recommend scheduling an IVF consult ASAP. The big clinic in our area was booked three months out just for the initial meeting. You can cancel if you get good news from the CVS. After the IVF consult it might take 6+ months to validate your insurance benefits, do the baseline IVF testing, work with a lab to develop your PGT-M probe, get prior authorization, do the stimulation and egg retrieval (you may need multiple rounds), and prepare for the embryo transfer. Get the ball rolling ASAP.
If you want to drop a burner I’m happy to share more details about the IVF and testing process. My other advice is stay away from Reddit when researching. The commenters are there because they’re having a worse than average experience. Those people also throw around a lot of jargon and stats that are overwhelming and you really don’t need to know about at this point.
She’s already pregnant though.
Like I said, OP can cancel the consult if she gets good news – and of course I hope she does! But I was shocked by the wait time to get that first appointment scheduled, and after that how long it takes to be ready for a transfer. When you expected to be pregnant already waiting another few months to take action feels like forever. I would hate for OP to lose precious time when she’s trying to move forward from such a difficult experience.
OP, ask about the impact of thawing and refreezing your eggs. Unfortunately it can decrease their viability, on top of the usual funnel that occurs from fertilization onward. But it’s great that you’ve been through a retrieval before- I felt the anxiety of the unknown was nearly as difficult as the physical part.
Thanks, I appreciate this. I luckily already have a fertility doctor since I did a few rounds of egg freezing a few years ago (unfortunately it didn’t go great but I do have some), and I made an appointment with the clinic for a few weeks from now. It made me feel a little better do be able to do something in this horrible waiting time. I hope everything worked out for you.
Longer comment hasn’t been approved yet. But we’re both carriers for something and pursued IVF. Schedule a consult now since it takes a very long time. Drop a bur-ner if you want more info about the process.
Do you have an office door that closes? FWIW, when I am super stressed and need my body to cooperate temporarily, what I really want is a long run. But when there’s not time for that, pushups until failure works oddly well.
I’m sorry. For compartmentalizing, stay busy as much as possible. Have a full social or outing calendar, don’t let yourself isolate in the house. Tire yourself by end of day so you fall asleep instead of ruminating at night. For re-focusing in the moment, I tell myself that life is lived in the present moment. Tomorrow will come and bring what it brings, and the next day and the next, but all I need to do or can do right now is live this moment.
I’m a pessimistic person by nature and I’ve also been through IVF so if this helps you then great and if not then please don’t take offense:
It is very unlikely that this baby has a genetic problem. But if it does have a problem, you don’t have to know that yet. There will come a time that you will have to find out. And if it’s bad news then you will have to know that bad news from that day until forever. Enjoy these days where you don’t have to know bad news.
I’m so sorry. I don’t know if this helps, but people who are carriers of genetic diseases do have kids that don’t wind up with that condition (incidence varies a lot by disease). Call your doctor’s office and see if you can set up an appointment with a genetic counselor or someone else who might be able to explain the carrier status in a better way (the people sending the test results are sometimes not great).
My best trick for compartmentalizing is to take a set amount of time, plan all of the “what ifs” out, then go back to my original tasks. But it’s hard, I know.
I have a genetic disorder which the internet routinely describes in “horrific” terms. It has complicated my life, sure, but at 39 years old I am successful, smart, and in better basic health than many of my peers. More and more scientific research shows that genetic disorders still have a huge range of severity and presentation. Even individuals who have the same mutation can have wildly different phenotypes and disease progressions. The field of epigenetics is incredibly hot right now. So much recent research has discovered completely unexpected and surprising results which contradict the predominant narrative about genetics. Genes are not everything. Genes do not determine everything.
I appreciate that, and I don’t mean to say that every genetic disorder would be a cause for this level of stress. Unfortunately this one is pretty much worst case scenario with babies not making it to childhood and basically no quality of life while they live, and no medical professional recommends continuing the pregnancy if the fetus has both sets of the mutated gene.
I don’t have any words to help you feel better, but sometimes pumpkin pie straight from the pain and whipped cream can help. Sending good vibes for good news in the coming weeks.
I would like to get a bold earring which is in line with what’s trendy now. I typically have been wearing studs or hoops, in real gold or sterling silver. I love pearls too. Any suggestions for a large pearl hoop or a large gold earring drop? Budget $100ish. Thank you.