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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 357 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Milano Wool Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I like this simple wool sweater blazer from Lacoste. The cut is classic, and the fabric mix (80% cotton, 20% wool) makes me think this would be great for chillier spring weather. It was $265, but is now marked to $132 at Lacoste.com. Milano Wool Blazer Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

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Comments

  2. TCFKAG

    I love this and wish it were available in other colors. It would be fabulous for layering at work in the spring and summer, but black is kind of harsh for high summer.

      • Supra

        I was in NYC a few weeks ago wearing color, and I swear, I stuck out like a sore thumb. Its not just a cliche. Lots and lots and lots of women wear black in NYC.

        • Godzilla

          We love color, we promise. We also have closets full of black that need to be worn.

        • qwerty

          clearly we did not pass eachother on the street while you were visiting. i don’t own black except for the errant button down or cardigan to go with my uber-loud and bright dresses and skirts

      • TCFKAG

        Well…let me reword…I like black. I just have too MUCH of it. :-P So…I’m trying to cut back a little. But Bostonians wear a lot of black and grey as well. We’re not exactly a color riot up here.

    • fresh jd

      I am trying to move away from black and use other dark neutrals as my new neutral. I’ve been getting into the whole 80’s “knowing your colors” theory and realize black is too harsh for my summer coloring, but navy and gray and other lighter neutrals work better for me. They are also just as versatile as black in any wardrobe.

      Also, I’ve realized how black is such a target for every single dust particle, lint, hair and flake. Not a good look, I realize.

      • anoninnyc

        How do you know your coloring? I have what I feel like is tricky coloring (medium, freckled, burns-easily skin pink skin with yellow undertones, dark hair, hazel eyes) and could use some help in figuring out what works for me best. I’m not very good at self-diagnosing!

        • Anastasia

          Sounds like we have similar coloring, although my hair is more medium brown with reddish highlights. Yellow (warm) undertones (according to my 80’s colors books) mean you’re a Spring or an Autumn, and black doesn’t like you. I still wear black sometimes, but it really doesn’t do much for me on the best days, and sometimes makes me look dead.

          • anoninnyc

            That’s what I’m worried about — I think black is doing nothing for me, and it’s basically 90% of my wardrobe. I wore a pink sweater the other day instead of my normal black and my mom acted like I’d just been healed from some wasting illness (“You look so healthy! You’re glowing, honey! I love how that pink brings out your eyes!”).

        • mamabear

          There’s a good, modern approach to color that is better (IMO) than the old Color Me Beautiful. The first book in the series is called Life in Color. You can get it on Amazon ofr $10. Highly recommend.

      • fresh jd

        I have been reading a lot about it online and took several online quizzes, including the one on Color Me Beautiful website and Carol Thompson Seasonal Color Analysis (both free). I ordered her book of fabric swatches best suited for Summers and am sticking to that pallette from now on. I also have a wardrobe full of black that I will continue to wear (but not replace).

        I decided that I am sort of the on the cusp between Spring and Summer, but think the shades of summer suit me better so I accept that as my fate. I am blonde hair (highlighted) and blue eyes with pale skin – I do believe blue undertones suit me best so that sort of puts me in summer territory.

    • halogen

      i have the greatest sweater blazer EVER from nordstrom, it’s very similar to this one, it’s Halogen. It’s from the fall, but i know halogen kind of repeats itself so im sure they have something else. I bought the charcoal for versatility during the anniversary sale, but they had tons of other colors – worth a hunt for! it’s washable and just the best. i’ll try to find and post a link

  3. Godzilla

    So, let’s talk allergies. I think I’ve whined on here before that I’m getting the allergy injections and I also self medicate with aleve + pseudoephedrine as needed. I also take a prescription nasal spray. That’s all good and well but I need a pill also, to deal with itchiness. Claritin doesn’t work for me, I took a Zyrtec Saturday night at 11pm and woke up on Sunday at 6pm (true story). Anybody doing anything that works for them? I’m open to any and all suggestions – pharmaceutical, homeopathic, etc.

    • Could it be true?

      The woman who grooms my eyebrows told me a couple weeks ago that she went to a Chinese accupunturist who cured her allergies. Not got rid of the symptoms and/or told her what she was allergic to so she could avoid it. Cured. As in: she used to be allergic to alcohol, sugar and dairy but now she isn’t and can eat all three. I am skeptical that this could be true. Also, I suspect that I am having seasonal allergies (I have had a runny nose since early February but no other symptoms). Can he really cure me of that? Just by rearranging these mythical energies in my body?

      • tk1

        I actually did acupuncture for my allergies and it made a HUGE difference. I didn’ go long enough to get cured, but my allergies are much less than before. I used to sneeze constantly and now it is a few times a day and I don’t have continually itchy ears. I do take zyrtec and I don’t find it makes me sleepy, but I take the regular not the D.

        • Could it be true?

          @ tk1: how many times did you have to go, how long was each visit, how frequently do the visits need to be spaced? I have this possibly irrational fear of getting sucked into this vortex where I spend hours and hours driving to this guy and sitting around in his treatment room for months on end, while he keeps saying “it should take any visit now.”

          • Always a NYer

            When I started going to an accupuncturist, I was ten and it was for scorliosis. I was told by an orthopedist that if my back went from 28degrees to 30degrees he’d “have” to brace it. My mother didn’t like this option so we went to see an accupuncturist recommended to her by a friend. Long story short, we were told that in three visits (which was once a month until I went back to the orthopedist) she’d have my back straighter, and she did. My new x-rays had my spine at a 3degree curve, something the doctor had never seen before. We went to her for years before we moved.

            My family swears by alternative medicine and I’m still looking for a good accupuncturist where I live now. Relatedly, I had wicked migraines as a teen and this accupuncturist was able to alleviate those as well. If you get a good recommendation, give it a try.

          • TK1

            I only went about 6 to 10 times, 2 times a week. One day she would put needles along my sinus track (sounds weird, but it doesn’t hurt or anything), this was to clear my sinus path. It worked immediately. After the 1st session my sense of smell was AMAZING. They got clearer each time. The other day she would put needles in my back, this was to cure the allergies. It also worked very quickly and within a few weeks I was sneezing much less.

            I went over 5 years ago, and my allergies have gotten a little bit worse but not much. I would say you should definitely see results within 2-4 weeks.

            Good luck if you decide to try it.

      • Could it be true?

        @tk1

        Thanks. I am a hard core Western medicine only girl, but I am slowly working my way toward calling my brow-woman’s accupunturist. Calling him, not going to him. Raised by an MD the way I was, even calling him is a major step. (“Hi, my name is __ and I am a Western medicine snob.”)

        Hearing about your experience helps.

    • NOLA

      I take Allegra every day (asthma maintenance) and it doesn’t make me drowsy. My SO is having major allergy problems right now and he took Allegra yesterday and it helped but caused him to become dehydrated. I don’t have that problem.

    • Coalea

      I use an Rx nasal spray and take Claritin-D. I have found Benadryl to be the most helpful for itchiness. I think there is a non-drowsy formula available, if you are worried about turning into Rip Van Winkle.

    • a.

      This is timely. I feel like someone has run my body through a meat tenderizer, I keep wiping tears out of my eyes, I have a headache, I am almost out of Kleenex but still can’t breathe through my nose, and I am sneezing or coughing at least once a minute. I will probably have lost my voice by the time I leave work today.

      I’ve never thought of taking a painkiller in addition to my allergy meds (Alavert D-12; my doctor says my allergies “aren’t bad enough for a prescription.” usually I love the fact that she doesn’t run to a prescription for every sniffle, but right now–I WANT DRUGS) so I will be doing that immediately.

      • Godzilla

        Dude, the allergies pressuring my sinuses leave me with the motherload of headaches. Tylenol doesn’t cut it for me but lots of Ibuprofen or 1 Aleve does it for me.

    • C.G.

      I have pretty bad allergies (like, they are year-round, but get especially awful and cold-like in spring and other high-pollen times). With my most recent bout of hay fever a few weeks ago, I decided to go with what I learned last year (which is that OTC Claritin, Allegra, Zyrtec etc. just don’t work) and just take Benadryl, pseudoephedrine, and Mucinex. I took the regular kind of Benadryl because I couldn’t find the non-drowsy kind, and I was surprised to find that I didn’t have a problem with drowsiness at all! (Not saying this will work for everyone, though.) After three days or so I weaned myself off the Sudafed and the Mucinex and just took Benadryl for a few more days. This combination was pretty much like magic for me, it worked so well.

    • AIMS

      I known a few people who were “cured” of their allergies through accupuncture and/or by a chiropracter. I think, for whatever reason, it works for some people.

      My own allergies are really weird because the things I am supposed to be allergic to don’t actually irritate me all the time. Allergies just come and go with no rhyme or reason. I never had any allergies at all until my early twenties, either, so it’s always been a weird thing for me to adjust to, too. What’s horrible though is I think I am getting more of them as I get older, and worst of all is it’s now spilling over into food. I think it’s called Oral Allergy Syndrome, where your birch pollen allergies translate into certain foods. It’s actually very frightening because I will get reactions with foods I eat regularly and though my throat does not start to close up (yet, anyway), my face starts to swell up and it’s pretty scary stuff. Anyway, what helps me the most, inc. when I get the face swells, is Zyrtec D for sneezing and congestion. Much better than regular zyrtec and anything else I have tried. I also find that taking it at night is more helpful and avoids any drowsiness, but with Zyrtec D is actually don’t have much drowsiness regardless of when I take it.

      • Anonymous NYer

        My mom gets that Oral Allergy Syndrome. Happens to her most with fruits, such as strawberry and apples. She just turned 60 and this was a fairly new phenomenon over the last year or two. Her face and tongue swell, and she gets itchy. Not sure what she takes for it, but apparently it’s pretty common for seasonal allergies to eventually spill over into fruits in some people.

    • Cherly

      Last year around this time, I started getting a very weird rash/swelling on my face, hands, legs, etc. I wasn’t able to pinpoint any cause (no, didn’t switch any detergents, hair spray, soap, ………). I went to an allergist who tested me for the common stuff and did a few autoimmune blood tests. Nothing came back positive.

      Luckily 1 claritin a day controls it. I have been on it for about a year now, with no symptoms. (I can still see a little bit of a rash on my cheeks now and then, but it doesn’t itch or swell so I ignore it.) I think the claritin helped me fight off colds this year too!

    • meme

      Zyrtec acts like a narcotic for me too. The 2 times I took it I involuntarily went to bed at 5 pm. It’s a known but not common side effect. I take a related/similar drug called Xyzal. It requires a prescription and does not make me drowsy.

      • meme

        Also, I use OTC eye drops with antihistamine (Optcon-a) and a prescription nasal spray (Rhinocort) when things get really bad. I don’t like to be taking a lot of drugs so I just use the drops when my eyes are really itchy and the nasal spray when all he!! breaks loose and the Xyzal needs some help. I am allergic to all of the common environmental allergens.

    • TAH

      For my year-round allergies from hell I use 2 Rx nasal sprays everyday (Astelin and Nasonex), and during the spring and summer, I also take an Allegra daily. If it gets really bad during the spring/summer, I also take a 12-hour Sudefed in the morning. Oh, I also use Zaditor eye drop every morning, year-round, for my itchy eyes. Like I said, allergies from hell!

      • TAH

        Oh, I should add that I use a Sinus Rinse every single morning (the one made by NeilMed with the positive pressure bottle), and that has helped just as much as all the meds.

      • anon

        I think we might be twins, right down to the Zaditor and daily Allegra. Nobody (except the allergist) understands how I could possibly have year-round allergies that are this severe.

        • TAH

          My allergist always says, “wow, you are a really allergic girl.” Allergy shots didn’t help me at all (but they managed to make my whole body itch.)

          Have you always had yours? I didn’t get mine until I went away to the “country” for college (I’m a born and raised city girl.)

    • kim

      Claritin works for me some years and not others – try it again next year. Only real Benadryl (not generic) works for me. Also try eating local honey. The local honey contains local pollen – you’d think that ingesting the allergen would make things worse but it helps. Also take oatmeal baths (either the minute kind, or buy the Aveeno bath packs).

    • Ruthy Sue

      I had major allergy problems all my life; it was like I always had a cold. Nothing ever worked for me. Allergy testing showed that I did have some allergies, but my symptoms were more severe than my test results said they should be. Finally I went to an ear, nose & throat doctor, and a CT showed that I had a deviated septum, and very very small sinus passages. Basically I had chronic sinus infections because the passages were so small. I had surgery to fix both of my problems (all internal, no changes or bruising to my face or nose) and it has completely changed my life! No more carrying around tissue all the time. OTC meds now do just fine to control my mild allergies.

      My mom also had the same surgery, and while my mom has more severe allergies (she was on injections for years) it still helped her big time. It wasn’t as dramatic as my results, but gave her some relief of the chronic symptoms. I would definitely recommend seeing a ENT doctor to make sure you don’t also have a similar problem. Surgery took about 2 weeks to recover, but completely worth it.

      • Hel-lo

        I also had sinus surgery! It worked wonders.

        But then, like 15 years later, I got asthma from new allergies to pets. (Never had a pet allergy before.) So one never knows.

    • D

      For seasonal plant allergies, I was told by a pharmacist that you develop a tolerance to over-the-counter meds quite quickly. She suggested switching the brand of meds every year, or taking the newest formula. This did help me a bit.

      I’ve also used the Rx nasal spray (steriod), which my doctor recommended for any nasal problem besides a cold and you can safely take every day. This made a bigger difference.

      All the female members of my family have strong seasonal allergies and one relative went to a naturopath and had food allergy testing done. They told her that if you have hayfever or allergies to most trees/grasses, eating certain related plants will make it worse. The problem foods were corn and any kind of melon I think. I haven’t tried food allergy testing thought so YMMV. My sister gets the shots since she works outside most of the year.

    • MJ

      Cannot recommend Zaditor eye drops highly enough if you have itchy eyes. They used to be Rx, but now OTC…really a huge, huge difference. Try them! I LOVE them.

    • Esquared

      Have you tried eating bee pollen or local honey on a regular basis? I think they really help.
      Also, being obsessively clean. I vacuum & wash my blankets & sheets weekly & bought an expensive air filter…
      I feel like all of this helps me a bit.
      I have an issue with allergy meds making me super sleepy too.

      • sneezy

        I did all of the obsessive cleaning and vacuuming when I was first diagnosed with allergies; for a while I was taking Flonase, Astepro and Allegra AND allergy shots. After I had done shots for two years, my doctor told me I needed surgery. I wanted to get a second opinion, because my allergy tests had shown mild-to-moderate allergies to a number of things, but not severe allergies to anything. Surgery seemed a bit extreme. I went to a new doctor, who did a new set of allergy tests and they all turned out negative. Apparently the allergy shots worked…but I was still having allergy symptoms, was always congested and had sinus pressure, which new doc thinks is a long-undiagnosed sinus infection (which I used to have ALL.THE.TIME., and this seems different?)

        Anyway, I’ve now been on (different) antibiotics for the last 5 weeks, and while that causes a whole different set of problems, my congestion and sinus pressure issues are almost completely gone, except for a little bit of congestion in the mornings.

        • ESQuared

          I used to have sinus infections a lot more when I was younger. Something that I think helps is popping a sudafed as soon as I’m congested for more than 24 hrs. My thinking is that if you can drain the mucus, it won’t be there to grow all sorts of infectious things. I do this when I have a cold too.
          Sudafed makes me a bit jittery, but it’s still better than the yucky headaches and horribleness of an infection.
          Oh, I also keep a Vicks Vapor Inhaler (this little chapsticky like stick you stick in your nose & inhale, it smells like eucalyptus), which seems to clear up my sinuses a bit.
          I’m sorry. ;-( Allergies are the worst.

    • NDR

      We got an air filter last year, and it has made a huge difference with my pollen allergies. We got one sized for our bedroom and run it pretty constantly. I used to wake up with a stuffy nose and gross eyes in the spring and fall, but that’s stopped since we got the air purifier.

      I use an OTC nose spray (NasalCrom) and the cheapest OTC antihistimine (Chlortrimaton) plus allergy eye drops. These in combination work so much better than any of the prescriptions I’ve ever been on, and you can take more than one dose per day if your symptoms come back. Also, try a nasal wash after being outside (gross but works).

      Zyrtec made me feel like a crazy person – racing / paranoid thoughts and woozy.

    • Amy H.

      My allergies are primarily hay fever/pollen-generated. Regular, brand-name Benadryl (the tiny pink tablets) works best for me for getting rid of the itch and squinchy-eyes-and-nose feeling and constant sneezing. It doesn’t make me sleepy at all.

      However, my mom just shared with me that she read an article (but didn’t identify what or where) that said that the active ingredient in Benadryl specifically — diphenhydramine — has been proven to cause memory loss. Which gives me pause. (In the spring — as in right now — I pop at least one of these pink tablets per day.) Anyone know anything more about this?

  4. Cat

    AIMS, I answered on last night’s thread with the BB seersucker review – great find!

    Also, just bought the Harry Potter set for Kindle – yippee!!

    • Praxidike

      Wait, what? That’s available? I have been waiting FOREVER. Did you buy it from Amazon or PotterMore?

      • Cat

        PotterMore – the set of 7 is $57. After purchase, you link them to your Amazon (or other e-reader – multiple formats supported) account for download.

      • SF Bay Associate

        I think they came out very, very recently. Barnes and Noble did a blast email announcement yesterday.

    • SoCal Gator

      Yes. I bought the whole set yesterday too. How thrilling! I have an iPad so once you buy them on Pottermore, you can download them directly to iBook. Now I will always have them with me to,read when I need them!

    • ADL

      Harry Potter came out yesterday in the Pottermore store only. The blog Books on the Knob has two whole postings on purchasing from Pottermore as well as how to get it from Pottermore into your Kindle (or other device); I’m not her, just love her blog.

    • AIMS

      Cat — thanks for the detailed review! It sounds like we are of a similar build (short, long waisted hourglass) so this dress is making me very optimistic! I am tempted to pull the trigger immediately. So glad it worked out for you :)

    • Always a NYer

      This just made my day, thank you!!!!! I need to buy these immediately =)

  5. qwerty

    Wise and learned corporettes: I’m going to be visiting my in laws abroad in a few weeks. DH’s nephew is a teen (15 i think?) and loves to read, so we’d like to get some good reads (fun reading material in English is hard to get around there). Any suggestions?
    In the past I’ve sent him the full Narnia collection, which he had already read part of and loved.
    I’m leaning toward the Hunger Games books (personally, I haven’t read them or seen the movie). Are they appropriate for a teenage boy? Also thinking about the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe.

    • Anon

      All three of my boys (12, 16 and 17) read and loved the Hunger Games. I vote yes enthusiastically!

    • M in CA

      I think Hunger Games may skew more toward girls, rather than boys.

      That said, I hear Ender’s Game is great for boys. I haven’t read it. I hear it’s being made into a movie.

      When I was around 15, I read Stephen King’s (as his alter-ego Richard Bachman) The Long Walk, which is similar in story and theme to Hunger Games.

      • Esquared

        YES! All of the Enders books… in fact, anything by Orson Scott Card is fabulous to read.

      • Hel-lo

        Ender’s Game is fantastic. Hunger Games is fantastic, too. Boys are loving it just as much as girls. (And we should encourage boys to read more books with strong, complex female leads that don’t care about romance.)

    • Merabella

      I also suggest the Ender’s Game series and the Hitchhikers Guide books. They aren’t my favorite of all time, but every guy I’ve ever talked to/dated/had lunch with, absolutely loved them. I think the Hunger Games would be good – they aren’t super girly.

      • anon

        My 12-year-old son and all his friends have read and liked Hunger Games. However, a pediatrician I met at a party this weekend told me all about how he thinks these books are terribly inappropriate for children this age (the kids killing other kids theme is too disturbing).

    • zora

      Yes Hitchhikers!! And the one writer my college boyfriend and I loved in high school was David Eddings. He wrote several series that are kind of fantasy/adventurish.

    • Book Lists

      You might take a look at the American Library Association’s list of most frequently banned/challenged books or the winners of the Newbury and Caldecott Medals.

  6. Woods-comma-Elle

    Ok, please can someone explain what the deal is with the ‘one fingernail painted blue’ thing? I’ve seen references to it here, but I missed the original discussion and I just saw someone sporting this look in London.

    • Rose in Bloom

      I believe someone reported that she interviewed a person wearing blue fingernail polish on one finger and how horrified she was that said person dared to do so. Or maybe that was the hairband on the wrist? Or both? Doubtless someone will have the true story.

    • TCFKAG

      I think the “statement nail” has been a trend for awhile, and Cosmo recommended trying it out by just painting one nail blue in their last issue, so its become a real thing and that’s why you’re seeing it more now. But I guess its been around.

    • Kady

      I believe some of the commenters then weighed in on how it must have been advanced trolling for Corporette.

    • Salit-a-gator

      A couple of weeks ago someone posted that they had just finished interviewing someone, and the candidate had only one fingernail painted blue (all nails bare except for that one) and a hair elastic on her wrist. The OP remarked that the blue nail polish and hair elastic we really distracting when interviewing the candidate…..and the rest is history.

      • Cherly

        Ok, here’s a silly (but true) reason I’d glad I found this site.

        When I’ve seen women with the hair elastic on their wrist, I would always wonder, “is that just a hair band, or is it some braclet fad that I’m completely out of touch with???” So I think I have my answer now. Thanks. :-)

        And I gotta say, I have always had long hair, but have never liked the feel of the hair band on my wrist, even for a few minutes while fixing my hair. I guess that’s why I’ve always thought it odd/questionable.

    • qwerty

      I think one corporette interviewed a girl who had one blue nail (and otherwise bare nails?) and thought it was completely bizzarre and talked about how unprofessional it was on here. Soon, advanced corporette trolls spotted professional dressed women in public places sporting the look. Next thing you know it was mentioned in fashion magazines and was dubbed a trend.

      I think it’s a micro trend following the “statement nail” look: one nail (usually ring finger) painted a contrasting color or in glitter with an otherwise normal manicure. I think it started with newly engaged fashion bloggers trying to show off their rings and then spread from there? For my two cents, I used to do this look mix and match look when i was 6 years old with my then-two favorite nail polish colors (pink and green). choosing was too hard, thank you very much.

      • TCFKAG

        And this is why we need a wiki page for Corporette where we can update the memes and people can reference them when they are confused. ;-) (Just kidding, sort of.)

        • qwerty

          love how we all scrambled to provide history so quickly. I’m now inspired to do a FULL blue manicure with that 10th shade of blue I just bought…

          • NOLA

            Mine are now periwinkle. True confessions – I was shopping for sheets and needed to be able to match the color so it was easiest to paint my nails the color and shade I’m looking for. But I do love the color!

          • a.

            Go for it! One of my all-time favorite manicures was blue. I haven’t been able to find the exact polish color that the salon had anywhere, but the search continues…

            Also, I should probably paint my nails. I just get so fidgety sitting there, not being able to touch anything.

          • qwerty

            I usually paint my nails before I sit down to work in the evenings. You’d be surprised how well nails will dry while you’re TYPING!

          • AD

            Can we talk good blue polishes? I love the Butter London blues (navy, blue-green, etc.) and also couldn’t resist buying a bottle of the new OPI Nicki Minaj Fly to put myself in a summertime mood.

            I think I’ll limit myself to toes for the latter though. Or is it just one toe?

          • qwerty

            i still love essie coat d’azure from last spring. it’s such a fresh blue! and chanel blue satin is STILL a winter staple for me.

  8. qwerty

    Sorry for reposting, I just got stuck in moderation. I’m going to be visiting my in laws abroad in a few weeks. DH’s nephew is a teen (15 i think?) and loves to read and fun reading material in English is hard to get around there. The Narnia collection was a hit in the past. Are the Hunger Games books appropriate for a teenage boy? Also thinking about the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe. Any other suggestions?

    • Rose in Bloom

      The Hunger Games are written from the perspective of a teenage girl, but I have male friends in their 20s who are enjoying them. They were originally written to be young adult books, so I would think a 15 year old would be fine with them.

      Hitchhiker’s Guide would be good. I assume he has read Harry Potter?

      • qwerty

        I’m not sure if he’s read the harry potter books, but he may be a bit mature for them? He does love Dan Brown though.

        • Rose in Bloom

          The early HP books do skew younger, but they get darker and more adult-themed (not in the dirty sense) as the series progresses. FWIW, my father (57) and I (24) reread the entire series each time a new movie came out, so both of us would argue that if he hasn’t read them before he would enjoy them.

        • SF Bay Associate

          Too mature?? I hope not, because I’m giddy that they are now available on ebook. This weekend, I’m dropping $60 to buy the ebook series, despite already having the whole series in hardback :).

          • SF Bay Associate

            Thanks, Cat. If I buy them now, I will get nothing done this week, despite having read all of them many, many times :).

    • Former MidLevel

      Patrick Rothfuss’ Kingkiller Chronicles books (The Name of the Wind & The Wise Man’s Fear) are excellent. I think they are technically recommended for 18+, but there’s nothing in them that would be inappropriate (at least in my view) for age 15 or so.

    • Homestar

      Hunger Games would be great. Its written from the perspective of a girl, yes, but it is a quick moving story that a teenage boy would probably like. Hitchiker’s Guide is also a good choice. As for other suggestions: Lord of the Rings trilogy; 1984; Call of the Wild; Into the Wild; and Jurrasic Park. Thinking of all these great books makes me sad that your nephew has a hard time getting English reading material!

      • qwerty

        oooh i love 1984. anyone ever read ender’s game? that was a high school favorite for me. We recently sent nephew a kindle too so he could buy whatever he wants and charge it to us, but there’s nothing better than realllll boooooks!

        • SF Bay Associate

          Loved Ender’s Game. I plowed through all four on my Nook within a few weeks. For my two cents, I think you should buy both the Hunger Games trilogy and Ender’s Game quad-logy – protagonists of both genders because boys can read books led by girls thankyouverymuch. The Ender’s Game books should be readily available at used bookstores if you want a paper book.

          • Esquared

            All of the Ender’s books are amazing, plus there’s even a 2nd series that follows a secondary character. Actually, I’ve pretty much enjoyed all of the Orson Scott Card books I’ve read.
            Also, he might like Neil Gaiman. Some of my faves are American Gods, Good Omens & Stardust.

        • Godzilla

          Ooooh, do the Ender’s Shadow series also. And the Life of Pi is a great novel, too. As is The Alchemist.

          • coco

            I liked Ender’s Shadow more than I liked the third and fourth Ender’s Game books. Definitely get Ender’s Shadow as well if you’re doing Ender’s Game (which is one of my all-time favorite books)

          • Hel-lo

            I also liked Ender’s Shadow better than the last few books of the Game trilogy.

            I’m so glad so many Corporettes liked Ender’s Game!

        • AbbyA

          I second the Ender’s Game recommendation. Teenage son still re-reads them when he has some free time.

    • Susan

      Not sure about his interest in sci-fi/fantasy or his humor quotient, but I’d recommend just about anything by Terry Pratchett.

      • Anonsensical

        Second that! As well as anything by Neil Gaiman, especially Good Omens which was by both of them.

      • MaggieLizer

        Love Pratchett!!! And there are a ton in the series now, so if he really likes them you’re set on gift for… well, almost forever.

        • MB

          He is still writing Anon. Two more books coming out this year. “The Long Earth” with Stephen Baxter and “Dodger”.

          His writing is different, but still very enjoyable.

    • qwerty

      thank you for all of the excellent ideas! I will print out this thread and have a BALL at the bookstore! I knew you guys would come through

      • Bonnie

        You can probably get all those books cheaper at amazon or barnesandnoble online.

        • qwerty

          I always like to go to Strand bookstore first, it’s a used bookstore that has lots of new printings for significant discounts. I also often get lucky and can find great hard cover or collectors editions for a steal.
          My best find ever was a 50th anniversary copy of 1984 which was hard cover, UK-published, full color and every page layout type set and designed by a graphic designer for 10 bucks. I gave it to my bro for his birthday and he nearly died. it’s his favorite book.

        • Niktaw

          Absolutely.
          Sometimes brand-new items/boxed sets can be found on Half dot com for a fraction of the price

    • Rose in Bloom

      One more suggestion: if he likes sci-fi, he might like the Dune series by Frank Herbert. The protagonist of the first novel is a teenage boy. The later books in the series are not as good, but they recently came out with prequels by the original author’s son and they are neat in the way that they lead up to the original book.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      I would have thought that I would have loved Game of Thrones as a teenager (FWIW I do love it now anyway), but it may be a bit too intense/grown up. But then if Lord of the Rings is ok, I would think GOT would also be as the level of violence/death etc. is similar.

      • Jules' Law

        I like the Game of Thrones books but they are very sexualized … I would feel uncomfortable recommending them to a 15 year old boy.

    • TCFKAG

      If you’re going in the Fantasy novel direction, may I also suggest the David Eddings series (either really, but I’d start with the Belgariad series) — its great and the main character is a teenage boy.

      But seriously, the Hunger Games is good for girls or boys, even though the main character is a girl.

      • SF Bay Associate

        Great suggestion, TCFKAG. The Belgariad and Malloreon are great series. I read and re-read them many times in high school.

          • qwerty

            i feel like i need to read all of the books and authors you guys suggested that i’m unfamiliar with. at least i have guaranteed good plane reading material for the trip now!

      • Shaw

        I *love* x2 the Belgariad and Mallorean!!

        Another idea: James Rollins Sigma Force series.

      • Susan

        OMG! I loved the Belgariad & the Malloreon!

        What I found hilarious is that Eddings mostly wanted to pair up his characters. Cyradis & Zakath??? LOL. It was like fantasy-matchmaking set to the backdrop of the traditional format of the heroes journeying all over the continent (Homer’s Odyssey, and, Tolkien’s Fellowship of the Ring).

      • zora

        Oops!! i recommended this above, I should have read down… and, TCFKAG, your taste just keeps impressing me more and more ;o)

        Like I said above, my college boyfriend also loved the Eddings books in high school, so I am confident recommending them to a teenage boy.

    • Harriet Chalmers

      Second the Kingkiller’s Chronicles. Also, try Ready Player One. It’s kind of retro Sci-Fi, but the protagonist is a teenaged boy and I thought it was a really fun read.

    • cbackson

      Going old school with my recommendation: Ursula LeGuin’s Wizard of Earthsea trilogy (A Wizard of Earthsea, The Tombs of Atuan, The Farthest Shore – yes, there are four books, but I don’t love the fourth and the three can stand alone). I think that the Rothfuss series (mentioned above) is highly derivative of Earthsea (and of Gene Wolfe, but I don’t think a teenager would like Wolfe so much), and having read both, the LeGuin is better IMO.

      Seconding Ender’s Game and Dune, both of which I love deeply.

    • anon

      I absolutely loved The Golden Compass trilogy. I don’t know what they are . . . they are sci-fi/fantasy, but they have a huge theological bent to them (I guess those characteristics aren’t mutually exclusive). It’s essentially a loose retelling of Milton’s Paradise Lost. It’s from a teenage girl’s perspective but her counterpart male character is introduced in the second book, and I don’t think it’s gender-specific at all. I’m smiling remembering how engrossed I was when I read the first book – it’s one of those novels I still remember all the details of reading – where I was, what month it was, what grade I had finished, etc. – nearly 17 years (how did that happen?!) later.

      • tika55

        I was going to suggest this, too. It seems similar to narnia with the theological/fantasy aspect. (although,oddly, I hated narnia and loved the golden compass.)

        • anon

          Random thought, but a thing that broke my heart was the movie version of this. I’d thought what an awesome movie it could potentially make, and when it came out several years ago, I couldn’t even finish it.

          You have to wonder what makes certain books acquire a cult following (e.g. Hunger Games and Twilight vs. Golden Compass, which in my opinion is of a totally different calibre – i.e., much, much better and complex – than either of the previous series). I keep wondering if it had gained a wider audience whether *someone* would have put some more effort into the film.

          • anonnyy

            The movie broke my heart, too.

            The Catholic Church hated that series, and a lot of people found the “anti-religious” overtones in it very offensive, so it was probably hard for it to gain traction. In the movie, they completely excised anything that could give someone the impression that it was talking about organized religion and watered it down to an adventure story (and rearranged the plot too, if I remember right). Unfortunately, that took all the depth out of it, which was really what made the book so good to begin with.

          • Gail the Goldfish

            We don’t discuss the movie in my house. We pretend it didn’t exist.

            Just like the Star Wars prequels.

          • Susan

            anonnyy, this is the effect of boycotting (or the threat of boycotts) in action.

            As I’d pointed out in a thread on…I think, Anthropologie and its founder’s donations to very right-wing politicians, a strong consumer bloc dedicated to boycotting things can have a powerful force. The movie execs so feared the loss of ticket sales from self-identified “religious” consumers that they self-censored. I’m not convinced it made anyone from that group go see the movie, so I think they wrecked the movie for nothing.

      • Anastasia

        oooh good call on Golden Compass trilogy! DH and I read those a few years ago and we both loved them- so they can appeal to boys too (DH’s reading taste is roughly equivalent to 15-year old boy, I think). If he liked the Narnia books, it’s about the same level of religious content. Really obvious if you want to think of it that way, but still a good story besides. I liked a lot of Pullman’s other YA fiction, too.

        Definitely Ender’s Game.

      • Ekaterin Nile

        I adore the Golden Compass trilogy. And so does my 67-year-old father. :-)

    • Jem

      I really enjoyed Kurt Vonnegut books at that age. Makes you feel “grown up” but aren’t actually hard to read.

    • Anon

      You can also check with your local librarian. They always know what’s popular and current with various age groups.

    • gina

      Of Mice and Men. Very readable, and since a lot of high school students read it for class, I’d imagine it would be appropriate for a 15-year-old.

  9. Rose in Bloom

    Love the blazer. Too bad my part of the country is already in summer weather.

    TJ: I’m reupholstering my couch and am looking for suggestions for dog-friendly fabric. Dog is allowed on couch and sheds a fair amount even though she is short-haired. I guess I’m looking for something that will be relatively easy to clean / wipe off? Our current fabric is hella-old 70s style yarn stuff so I haven’t really worried about cleaning it.

    • MsZ

      I hate to say it from a design perspective . . . but microfiber. Our shorthaired dog is allowed on our microfiber couch and it’s very easy to vacuum up her hair and wipe off her slobber. We have another couch that is a simple casual cotton that is also pretty dog-friendly, but the slobber soaks in a bit more on that.

      • Rose in Bloom

        Good to know about slobber potential. Do you have any problems with claws poking holes in the fabric? Dog likes to take big running leaps on to the couch and loll around, so I’m a little worried that whatever fabric we pick will get holes.

        • MsZ

          No, no holes at all. My dog also likes to vault onto the couch. FWIW, we don’t let her up on the leather furniture because she has scratched it with her nails as she comes in for a landing.

    • anon

      There are lots of new indoor-outdoor fabrics now that look like regular upholstery fabric — they even come in muted colors, tweeds, velvets, etc. Sunbrella makes some, as does a company called Krypton. Its not the “hey! loud outdoor patio fabric!” type stuff at all.

      Check CalicoCorners dot com for an initial look — other places like housefabric dot com also have it, as do regular fabric stores that carry upholstery fabrics. I have kids and pets, and that’s what we are going with when we reupholster in a few months.

      • anon

        ^^^ Same poster here — the Calico Corners website right now is all about patio furniture, but trust me, its there. The velvet/tweed/chenille indoor-outdoor stuff is not cheap — fair warning, it is not cheap. I just found some Crypton (Krypton?) at Joann dot com and it was $65/yard.

      • Rose in Bloom

        Thanks for the websites! Kids aren’t in the picture yet, but we wanted to pick something that would stand up to future spills as well as to dog so these sound like good options to take care of both issues. We are ok with not cheap if it means that it will last and still look nice.

    • TCFKAG

      Hey Rose in Bloom,

      I have a beagle who likes to “root” around and sheds like crazy (white hair mostly). We have a brown leather couch which is great and has been very sturdy against the rooting. We also have a fabric couch (kind of a nice blend) that is a lighter color and has been great because it doesn’t show the hair too much. Our big mistake was that we purchased a bright red couch that shows the hair like woah. So you have to think about the color of hair against the color of the couch.

      • Rose in Bloom

        Yea that had crossed our minds. Dog is dark gray, but due to preexisting other furniture & design elements, we will probably need to go with a caramel / medium beigey color. From what I’ve seen, darker hair doesn’t stand out quite as much as white hair (she has a little bit of white).

        One thing for sure: we are never going to be able to have a white couch.

    • LawyrChk

      One thought: consider ditching your old couch and buying something leather. Most of the time it costs much more to reupholster than to buy new.

      We have 3 long haired, slobbery dogs who are allowed on our brown leather sofas 24/7, and there has been no damage in 3 years. We wipe them down with waterproofer every few months, and we bought the lifetime warranty for $100 (covers any scratches, stains, or cuts in the leather from dog claws).

  10. anon

    Question re: my upcoming interview for assitant prosecutor position: I’m a 2011 grad, and have no criminal background other than coursework. I applied at recommendation of a few who have spoken highly of the trial experience gained by working as public defender / assitant prosecutor, but and could never see myself as a public defender. I’m open to the experience and would be excited to work in the role, as I understand it is challenging. Anyone have thoughts/input?

      • Homestar

        I think this was meant for Rose in Bloom re: sofas. Anon, do not wear leather to your interview! Also, stay away from the blue statement nail.

        • January

          Haha, best non-sequitur ever. OP – my understanding is that background and experience are pretty important for prosecutor jobs, BUT you may be able to work around that, especially if you have experience with a court system (e.g., judicial intern) that you could say sparked your interest in doing criminal work. Try to figure out why you could see yourself doing prosecutor work but not public defender, because you may be able to use that as a reason for why you’re attracted to doing this kind of work. Finally, if you can swing it financially, you might look into volunteering or temping with a prosecutor’s office, as this seems to be the best way to get hired.

    • Former MidLevel

      You can definitely get a lot of great trial experience as an assistant prosecutor. How challenging it will be depends a lot on the specific office, what types of cases you are working on, etc. Definitely be prepared to answer questions about why you want to be a prosecutor (fwiw, I think an interest in getting trial experience is a good reason, but you may add something about an interest in promoting justice).

      • Bonnie

        Definitely have a reason prepared other than you want trial experience. When I hear that from applicants, they almost immediately go into the rejects pile because it sounds like they will leave the office as soon as they get enough trial experience.

    • Emily I

      My hubby is an assistant prosecutor – nearly 10 years now. He is in the courtroom daily, with frequent jury trials. (On the civil side of things, I only get in the courtroom occasionally.) One thing you might want to be aware of is the toll it can take on you emotionally. My husband has never been a particularly cheery guy, but over the years I’ve seen him become more pessimistic. I think that doing a job like that has the potential to skew your outlook on the world, especially if it’s a long-term position.

      On the other hand, my husband loves being in court every day, and he finds the higher stakes of criminal law meaningful (i.e., someone’s freedom/justice for victims vs. the money I fight over for my clients). Just some things to consider in deciding whether being a prosecutor might be a good fit for you.

      • Lilly

        I’m a near- 20 year prosecutor. I wouldn’t do anything else – for whatever reasons, it just suits me. It does not suit everyone. I agree with the poster who stated that interviewee’s who say they want trial/courtroom experience are likely to end up in the reject pile,

        pros: My ethical duty is to see justice done, and I find that very comforting; I don’t work evenings and weekends as a matter of course, although middle of the night phone calls from law enforcement are not uncommon; I do spend a lot of time in court; It’s never boring.
        cons: My pay is not so great, even after all these years, and, despite what people seem to think, the benefits are adequate, not great; My vacation time/time off is limited; I live in a dark world. As Emily notes above, the emotional toll is significant. The work is not suitable for sensitive people, and you need a strong ability to compartmentalize your life. Willingness to be challenged – Every. Single. Day – is great, OP. Bring that, your enthusiasm, and a reason or two that the works interests you otherwise to the interview, and you should do well. Many of us do not come to the position with any prior criminal experience. Criminal statutes and procedure can be learned; it is enthusiasm, dedication, and preparation that get our job done.

    • KK

      Do you want to litigate? If so, it’s really a fantastic place to start. You will get in court a ton, which is some of the most valuable experience you can have. It will also keep you from being bored, but it is a job with high burnout potential. At the interview, I would focus on really wanting to be in court a lot. They will definitely be looking for someone who will be eager to get to court. Not having the criminal background isn’t a big deal, but how did you do in evidence? If you did well, that would be worth emphasizing.

    • OP

      Good point re: “getting trial experience” interpreted as “short term,” I’ll definitely think of a way to emphasize my interest in terms of being in the courtroom. After being a full time civil paralegal and now a civil law clerk, I think the change of pace/desire to be challenged and potential to have meaningful impact on the public is a good way to emphasize that. FWIW, the county is the second largest in the state, with a very large city and a lot of crime… so burnout is possible.

      Assuming 1) I get the job; 2) I accept; and 3) I want to change paths down the road to civil work, should I have any reason to believe that the criminal work would hinder my ability to transition to civil?

      • Former MidLevel

        I think a lot of law firms really value trial experience, regardless of subject matter. For example, at the Evil Empire LLP office I worked at, a number of the partners had experience in our local AUSA office. But I’m sure that (like most things in law), the real answer is “it depends.”

      • Bonnie

        “Being in the courtroom” will be interpreted the same as “getting trial experience.” I agree with AIMS that you should focus more on public service, community work, etc.

    • AIMS

      I think you would want to emphasize any community ties and public service as one of the reasons you are interested in the position. I don’t think criminal experience is necessary, but I do think most DAs offices look for people committed to public service.

      Also, be prepared for hypotheticals – I think it’s pretty common at these interviews. The right answer is not necessary intuitive. If I were you, I would see if your school has any crim professor who you could talk to about what to expect/what they will be looking for from your answers to prepare. Also, consider contacting an alum for a cup of coffee to see if they have any advice. From what I understand, these interviews are unlike most interviews on the civil side.

      • Anonymous NYer

        The interviews are definitely different. Almost exclusively hypos. They’ll give you a situation or a little vignette, and ask what crimes the party can be charged with, how strong the case is, what evidence you will need to collect, who you will need to talk to. Also, they will ask ethical hypos. ie: you’re second chairing first trial to learn and it’s a huge trial and it starts today. you see first chair prosecutor in the bathroom doing coke at 8:45 before the 9am opening statements. what do you do.

        Sometimes the questions are more subtle, but either way you have to think critically about all parties involved and how they would be affected by your decision. ie: trial will likely be delayed, judge will be mad, office will be mad, defendant will sit in jail longer (assuming no bail), colleague will get fired, you will be a rat, case might get thrown out, etc. They do not shy away from asking tough questions.

        You should also be prepared to emphasize what kind of public service ties you have to the community. programs or projects you’ve been a part of? Some offices look for this more than others, some just want to know you’re excited to help the community.

        These jobs are extremely competitive right now, and you will need to put a lot of thought into your application/interview, because there are plenty of people out there who interned exclusively for DA’s offices or PD’s offices in law school, did clinics in these fields, and could not get hired after graduation.

        Also, just saying, if you’re not really committed to this kind of work, there are many out there who are, and if you are just throwing your hat in the ring for fun, consider everyone whose goal since starting law school has been to wind up at one of these offices. If you’ve researched the position and are excited about it, great by all means go for it and good luck! But if someone said to you: hey, prosecution could be fun, and you’re like, eh, WTH why not – please really think about it.

    • Suddenly Anon

      I have been a prosecutor for about 7 years now. It is extremely rewarding work (particulary at the felony case level) and you do get TONS of trial experience. I would say there are two types of people who become prosecutors: People who want to get quick trial experience and those who are in it for the long haul. Those who see it as a life long career seem to enjoy it more, which can be really important when you are feeling burnt out and jaded (and EVERY prosecutor I know hits these patches).

      I initially said I would be a prosecutor as long as it was fun, but there are plenty of days when it isn’t (when you have to dismiss a murder case where you know the defendant is guilty but the eyewitnesses are completely uncooperative, etc.). Now my thought is to keep being a prosecutor as long as I feel like I am doing good for the community. I am fortunate enough to work in a jurisdiction where the pay for prosecutors is high (most prosecutors at my level make around $100,000 when you include the option of earning overtime pay), so fortunately whether I stay at my job hasn’t been dictated by financial concerns (I know that in many jurisdictions, the pay is a lot lower and so it is difficult to justify staying in such an emotionally charged and stressful job).

      One warning: People seem to think that prosecutors have great hours. Au contraire! My hours are pretty normal right now because of my current assignment, but most of my career as a prosecutor I worked 7 am – 7 pm M-F and then worked at least one day on the weekend.

      If at all possible, I would shadow a prosecutor for a day so you can see what it entails. If it still seems like it would be fun and exciting, perhaps it is a calling for you. Not everyone has the right personality for prosecution, so be honest with yourself. But if you feel like it is the right fit, on a good day when you see that justice has been served, there is no better job in the world.

      Here are the questions that I think you should consider:
      1) Can I afford to be a prosecutor (pay in your local jurisdiction vs. law school debt)?
      2) Can I emotionally handle being a prosecutor (dealing with murder, sexual assault, and robbery cases)? Will it be too depressing? Can I be fair and not become competitive (because in the end the job is about justice not winning)?
      3) What are my personal convictions about the criminal justice system? Are they compatible with the local jurisdiction’s office’s stance on things?
      4) Why do I need trial experience? How would I really feel about giving a closing argument asking for a jury to convict someone? How would I really feel about standing up in a trial on my own? Nervous? Excited? Faint?

      I’ll check back later to see if you have any questions. Good luck!

    • Rawr

      I’m a 2011 grad who has been working in a prosecutor’s office since graduation (and practicing as an assistant prosecutor since bar passage). As someone straight out of law school, it’s incredible. The norm is to be in court, ranging from traffic to misdemeanors to real felonies to my very first murder case (SO PUMPED!). It is pretty dark at times, especially if you’ll be spending any time dealing with domestic situations. I’ve found that, because of the roughness of it, all of my coworkers have very thick shells and wonderfully dark senses of humor. It’s certainly not for the faint of heart.

      That being said, I see myself as someone who is in this for the long run, not just to “get trial experience” and then jump ship over to civ lit once firms start hiring again. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I would just be sure to avoid having that come across in your interview. Then again, I wouldn’t think that highlighting your desire to “see justice done” or some equally trite sentiment would play well with the kind of crusty, cynical people who seem drawn to this type of work. (I of course mean crusty and cynical as compliments here, I hope to someday become one of them!)

    • Anon

      Im starting as an assistant prosecutor in the fall and echo what everyone has said based on my experience/understanding. The interview process is hard, you should really talk to someone in your area who is familiar with that office if at all possible.

      Mostly I just want to say how happy I am to see so many prosecutors here!

    • lucy stone

      I am a municipal prosecutor. I interviewed for a mess of prosecutor and PD positions and I think it is rare to get hired if you don’t have a public service background, so stress whatever public service background you have.

  11. MsZ

    Good morning! For all you well-educated, accomplished, well-traveled Corporettes . . . Can anyone recommend an audio-only platform (preferably playable on iPhone) for learning a foreign language? I’m headed to Montreal for a long weekend and would love to learn some rudimentary French during my long commute. I have very little interest in anything with a visual game / flashcard component. TIA!

    • qwerty

      I can’t recommend anything specific, but I’ve seen learn-foreign-language free podcasts. I downloaded them forever ago and then never used them.

      • YMMV

        Earworms does an MP3 version of a munch of different languages. It’s aimed toward travelers (where is the museum? Do you have a table for three? numbers, etc.) If that’s what you’re looking for, I recommend it. You won’t get into any deep conversations using it, though.

    • Equity's Darling

      No tips, but Montreal is very English friendly, so if you don’t pick up any french, you’ll be totally fine.

      I lived there for years, and did so primarily in English, except for reading French newspapers and listening to the CBC morning radio in French.

      Quebec City on the other hand…well…the French would be more necessary.

      • MsZ

        Equity’s Darling – thanks! Any tips on what to do / where to eat? We’re staying in Old Montreal. Glad to hear that any French I pick up will be more of a bonus than a necessity.

        • Equity's Darling

          Wellll, I was a student, but for bagels, you MUST go to St. Viateur, they’re the best (Fairmont is crap, don’t go there, seriously), for smoked meat, go to Schwartzes (not the place across the street, it’s terrible, even if there’s a line up at Schwartzes, wait), a great breakfast/brunch place (sort of near Schwartzes, it’s a few blocks west) is Santropol….if you’re doing shopping, definitely stop by Simons and Ogilvy on St. Catherine. Brutopia on Crescent has great flavoured beers, and is not solely an overrun student hangout. I always love the Jean-Talon market, as far as farmer’s markets go. For desserts, I always loved Rockaberry on St. Denis, their pies and cakes are so so soooo good.

          Umm..other than that? Just wander around the city, there are so many awesome areas, climb the mountain, it’s a great view of the city. Walk along St. Denis, it’s a great street (from Sherbrooke north), so is St. Laurent, and Parc (north of the mountain, south is just the student ghetto)….St. Catherines is a lovely street to walk down, and so is Sherbrooke. I also really love the botanical gardens.

          It’s such a great city! Have fun, I’m a little/lot jealous!

          • KS

            Not that you’ll like it, mind you, but it is something to try while you’re in Montreal. :-)

        • Westraye

          I recently went to Philemon in Old Montreal for a glass of wine and appys. It’s pretty busy during happy hour, but thins out after 7/7:30 – I think it picks up again later in the evening. Recommended if you’re in the area. For an amazing (and pricey) meal, check out Chasse et Peche in Old Montreal.

          I applaud the desire to learn French (and Montrealers will appreciate the effort) but you don’t need it in Montreal so no stress about language difficulties.

          Equity’s Darling has given some excellent tips. Mile End is a great neighbourhood for restaurants and cool little bars too. Laurier Avenue is looking really interesting these days (can’t remember the cross streets, but if you head up to Laurier metro and walk around you’ll find it – a good reference point is Laurier barbecue). Same thing with Mount Royal metro station – smack in the middle of some good stuff. And Yoyo (I think) is a great bring your own wine place – better food than l’Academie on Duluth, but the people watching is definitely better at Academie!

          Have fun! I don’t live there, but visit often and absolutely love the city.

    • Eloise Spaghetti

      I really liked Pimsler and they have a $9.95 four disc set right now but, they do try to send you more later and charge you $64 but, I had no problem canceling it by mailing the stuff back before there was any charge to my card. It’s all about language immersion by listening and not by flashcards or grammar. There is this really long ad video on the web. It’s probably your style. I uploaded them onto my ipod from the discs but I am not sure if you can buy them directly from itunes. I was pretty satisfied with their Spanish and Arabic. I have a few clients who speak these languages who might beg to differ but I liked the product and only used the discs.

  12. Jenny

    Not sure if this is possible in a reupholstering scenario, but my dark brown leather couch is absolutely the best for standing up to my dog’s hair, dirt, and occasional bodily fluids. The hair vacuums off easily and everything else can be wiped clean. It was the best decision we made in furnishing the new apartment. Now if I could just keep the dog on the couch and off the white cotton chairs…

    • Rose in Bloom

      Thanks for the suggestion! Do you have any problem with it getting scratched by your dog’s nails? I had thought leather would be easy to clean, but would be worried about it being scratched (she likes to loll around).

      • Jenny

        Nope, he’s never scratched it in the 6 months we’ve had it. He’s not jumping around on it a lot, he mostly just jumps up to sleep, but my thighs can attest that his nails are razor sharp. It might depend on the leather, though. Our couch is a dark brown color from Ikea. Ektorp maybe?

      • phillygirlruns

        i have leather couches that are great for dog hair – they wipe/vacuum off very easily. one of our dogs is part terrier and is a digging FANATIC. for some reason, she loves to dig in the corner of the couch that i usually sit on. we try to stay on top of it and correct her immediately, but after more than two years of her periodic digging frenzies, combined with the regular wear and tear from me parking myself there, that part is looking very worn. no tears or scratches, though.

  13. anon

    Question – I applied to a job about a month ago (atty job), and of course never heard back. The job is still listed as open on the firm website. Thoughts on sending a follow-up email with another writing sample to reiterate my interest? They’ve probably discarded me already, since it’s been so long and they keep reposting the job on job search sites, but any chance that this makes them think twice about me???

    • Homestar

      You’ve got nothing to lose. Any way to contact someone else at the firm so that your resume would get a second look? For example, check Linked In and see if you know someone who can pass your resume on to one of the attorneys.

      • anon

        I don’t have any connections to the firm directly, but I know that an alum of my school used to be a partner there. However, time flies and I realized I haven’t spoken to him in a year! I’m going to email him anyway, b/c the opportunity is too good to pass up, but I’m going to be a little embarrassed about it. oh well.

  14. gref

    Early smart-phone edicate TJ:

    What is the right way to address terrible smart-phone edicate? How about when that person is your dad?

    My dad and I live in the same town, and he tries to schedule lunch or dinner with me about once a week or every other week. This is fine except that I’m not sure that we have ever gotten through a meal without him checking his blackberry, sending emails, or answering calls that end up taking 4-5 minutes AT THE TABLE. I understand that occasionally you have to step away to take an urgent call, or that you have to check the blackberry to make sure that something isn’t totally blowing up at work. But the call the set up your weekend golf game can wait until after lunch. Whenever there is a lull in the conversation, my dad will look to the blackberry and then start pecking away at it (checking a score? reading a headline? I don’t know). It makes me angry when I take time out of my schedule to have a meal with someone, and then they are totally rude with the cell phone.

    I was just wondering if anyone could share stories about how they have dealt with this, especially when it’s a close relative.

    • AIMS

      I would just say, “Dad, I love our dinners but I hate when you check your blackberry. Can we limit that to when I go to the ladies’ room (or twice a meal or whatever else works for you)?” Why beat around the bush? Don’t make it a matter of etiquette, make it a matter of your preferences when eating dinner with your dad. If he asks why it bothers you, don’t say “it’s rude,” just say that you want him to be focused on your time together and not distracted by his BB. The great thing about family is that we don’t need to always give them explanations.

      • Agree with AIMS

        I would tell him once, clearly and non-confrontationally, what your preference is.

        Then the first time he does it anyway, when he finishes, I would point it out.

        Then the next time he does it (and every subsequent time), I would get up and leave. (Make sure you have your own car with you, or a way home on public transportation or whatever.)

        I just think being clear, fair and consistent and following through is the way to go. Just like children. Or puppies.

    • rosie

      I suggest saying something like, “did something urgent come up,” to make him aware of what he’s doing. If he says, “just making sure tee time is on for Sunday,” tell him that you enjoy your time together and ask that it be tech-free as much as possible.

      My dad does this, too. Recently, anytime I have seen him I’ve also been with my brothers. If he gets out his BB, they will start reaching for their phones. I can get them to stop with a stearn look, and usually them pointing out “Dad is doing it” will make our dad stop.

    • Hel-lo

      Or, at the beginning of the meal, say, “Hey Dad, I’m going to put my phone on silent and put it in my bag. I really want to enjoy our time together. Could we agree not to check our phones during our meal? I don’t get much time with you.”

  15. Anon

    Re: not mixing religion and work — is it okay to tell my boss I’m taking a long weekend next weekend to go see my sister for Easter, or should I leave out the Easter bit? He tends to forget holidays at all (including nonreligious ones) but at the same time, frowns on people taking time off at “non-holiday” times.

    • TCFKAG

      This is completely fine. Even non-practicing Christians still go and do family stuff on Easter.

      So, disclose away (and we are definitely over-thinking things in the workplace if this is even something we really have to worry about IMHO).

    • Lucy

      Double, meet bind. I think if he both looks more favorably on holiday-related vacation requests, and forgets the existence of holidays, you should remind him. It’s probably in your luck/favor that Easter is not an exclusively religious holiday (at least as typically celebrated in the U.S.) so it’s not as though you’re disclosing a very personal or unusal fact about yourself by mentioning Easter.

    • PharmaGirl

      I don’t see why you need to mention the Easter bit or that you are visiting your sister. Does your boss need to know why you are out?

      • cbackson

        In almost every place I’ve worked, it was standard to explain why you would be out unless it was something extremely personal. It wasn’t required, but not offering any explanation would have seemed odd and would have raised questions about what secret thing I was doing (having an abortion? applying to other jobs? smuggling counterfeit bags over the border?).

        • PharmaGirl

          So if you were having an abortion you would tell your boss? I think giving a reason for miscellaneous ‘fun’ vacation time then leads to an expectation that the reason will also be discussed and you eventually have to lie when you require privacy (eg, job interview, health issue, pregnancy).

          • TCFKAG

            “I’m having a medical procedure” and if they push it “its of a personal nature.”

            They’ll assume its a colonoscopy or that it involves your lady parts.

            :-P

            (BTW…I realize this isn’t really the point, but I have had to deal with “privatish” medical procedures in the past.) Job interviews are “appointments” — they’ll assume doctors, and who cares.

          • Hel-lo

            Even meeting for drinks/coffee with friends is an “appointment” in my book.

      • anon

        I think it’s important to explain why it’s important – e.g., religious holiday. I’m not religious at all but I would explain in the example of a wedding, just to explain why I would be out of touch for a few hours during one evening or to indicate I’m at an event that, in my opinion, takes priority over work. I would assume it’s the same for religious holidays. if I knew about them I would make the extra effort to not bother them at all over the weekend.

        Also, just logistically, it would be weird if someone junior to me just said “I’m not going to be here on X day” Wouldn’t actively wonder about it but if someone just indicated they were going to be out without following up with something as vague as “…for a personal commitment” I would be thinking in my head, “Okkkaay… annd…?” Realize it’s none of my business but just one of those strange expectations, I guess!

        • PharmaGirl

          I think it’s perfectly appropriate to say “I will be taking a person/vacation/floater/sick day” and leave it at that. We use a an internal system for requesting time off and I never give a reason. My boss always asks me why I’ll be out beore he approves the time and it really offends me to have to give a rationale for why I am using my PTO. He never tells me in advance when he will be out of the office and certainly never tells me why or where.

          • Anonymous NYer

            I think the issue is that when you’re tethered via bberry, etc, or tons of face-time is expected, you kind of need to give a reason for being out of touch. She explained that her boss frowns upon time off, which sucks but is the reality, so taking it personally and being purposefully vague about it is not really helpful. The boss may assume that taking a personal day means: I’m lazy and don’t want to do work, or that it means she’s available by bberry/email, when in reality she’s traveling, spending time with immediate family, and is not available to work/answer emails.

            I think saying visiting fam for Easter is perfectly fine/normal and you shouldn’t worry about it.

  16. anon

    I’m almost 10 wks and I can no longer wear pencil skirts. My rounder belly makes me feel self-conscious in them. I am so NOT looking forward to maternity clothes shopping. My normal pants size is 00P at Banana and I just can’t imagine the equivalent exists in maternity-land. Anyone have suggestions for where I should shop (in a few weeks, when my pants don’t fit any longer)?

    • Diana Barry

      I would buy a size or 2 bigger in pants and wear those for a while – you may find that they carry you through to 20 weeks or so since you are so small to begin with. Ditto for size S or M tops instead of the XS.

      • T. McGill

        Also, try the bella band. It allows you to continue wearing your regular pants, just unbuttoned and unzipped.

        • Jane Fairfax

          I always had problems with the bella band riding up. One of my friends had the ingenious solution of looping an elastic hair band through the button hole of her pants and using it as an extender.

    • kim

      You’re an XS in maternity land; I’m normally a 2-4 at Banana and I’m a small in maternity. For bottoms, the elastic band is tight enough that the pants/skirts will stay up, but beware nothing will fall across your backside and leg properly, and you don’t want to tailor anything because you’ll need to room later. A bella band only postpones the inevitable so I didn’t bother. To shop, since you’re so small I would do brick-and-mortar stores so you can try clothes on. For work wear, there’s Pea in the Pod and Gap, and Target (very hit or miss), otherwise you must go online for AT Loft, etc. Most department stores got rid of their maternity sections during the recession to cut costs. Beware, nothing is lined in maternity-land! Finally, maternity suits are horrible, buy as few as possible. You don’t really need a blazer to close, anyhow; I wear my regular blazers unbuttoned.

  17. Anon NJ and MD Bar

    TJ using a previous handle: I am (most likely) relocating to Maryland, Baltimore area, from New Jersey after I take the bar exam. I am graduating law school this May and will be unemployed. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to network in a completely new location? I am very introverted, hate small talk, and generally don’t initiate conversations. I know this will be a huge challenge, especially considering the job market, but I don’t have other options so I need to make this work. TIA!

    • TCFKAG

      Join the local bar associations, especially the Women’s Bar Association and perhaps the Baltimore one (maybe a Baltimore native can comment more on which ones are most active). Go to events that aren’t just cocktail parties, like CLEs or smaller group meetings, so that there is a concrete thing to talk about. If you go to a CLE, perhaps follow-up with one of the panelists afterward and ask for an informational interview.

      Find out on-line or from your career services offices what alumni from your law school are in the area and send them e-mails requesting informational interterviews — they are one-on-one and tend to be much less “small talk” oriented.

      Socialize some just with people in your own experience bracket, they’ll still be plugged in to who is hiring etc., but you won’t feel so much pressure to “preform.”

      And for those wretched cocktail parties, practice this intro “Hello. I’m XXX. What do you do? Oh, do you have a practice specialty? Oh tell me XXX about that…” Once you get a lawyer talking they will love you and you will have to do very little to keep the conversation going. :-)

    • momentsofabsurdity

      Is there an alumni association for your law school in the Baltimore area? I would definitely join that, as well as the alumni association for your undergrad institution.

      I would send out resumes before you get there but I wouldn’t expect to hear anything until you have a local address, in this economy. Also, try visiting your school’s career services office to see if there are any alums in the area — try and connect with them for informational interviews both before and after you move, to at least get a sense of the local scene. Similarly, consider joining groups related to your profession, interests, hobbies, etc — you never know where a lead can come from!

    • Praxidike

      I moved across the country after my clerkship to a state where I had no personal ties at all, except my husband’s family (who didn’t know any lawyers). I was lucky enough to interview with the Chief Justice of that state supreme court and get a clerkship. While there, there was another woman in a similar situation who “volunteered” as a law clerk at the Supreme Court and was able to establish a work history in that state on her resume. Further, she (and I) joined the local Inns of Courts and local bar association and actually went to the meetings.

    • MaggieLizer

      Get involved in the local bar association. Many of them have volunteer activities, mentoring circles, free CLEs, or smaller events (like dinner in someone’s home) where people are more inclined to be welcoming of new folks. The monthly/quarterly meetings are a great way to meet people and show an interest in a particular area of law, too; the more narrow the specialty, the more likely people will get to know you because new faces will stand out. I hate hate hate networking events, but being in a more cozy setting or having something to focus on makes me feel not so awkward. The young lawyers and women’s sections have been really great for me.

        • Amelia Pond

          I second the B’more meet-up!

          Also I know that the Baltimore Junior league had a surfit of lawyers (I know of 12 personally) so it may be a good networking oportunity. (I am not a lawyer so that’s all my input!)

          • Anon NJ and MD Bar

            I have seen Junior League come up before. I am open to almost any networking opportunity, however, I am short on funds. Does it cost money to join or participate in events? I mean, outrageous dues, like anything over $100-200 per year not the $25 like the student bar association dues. Thanks!

    • KK

      Do you have any friends or professional contacts there already? If so, I’d start with those and work your way out.

      You will definitely need to network though. The legal community in Baltimore is very small and insular, as is Baltimore generally- locally, it is affectionately called “smalltimore” because of your propensity to go out to a bar one night and run into 10 people from grad school and 5 you went to high school with. Also, it is inevitable that your friend from work and the guy you met at the bar already know each other or are otherwise linked within 2 degrees of separation. The bright side is that it is easy to expand your network once you have an “in.”

      There is an active city bar association with a young lawyers section. There are also several active city “sports” leagues that have tons of young professionals- kickball, shuffleboard (bar style), flag football, etc. That might be more comfortable than regular social events for you.

    • TCFKAG

      Reposting because of moderation for the dreaded c*cktail word.

      Join the local bar associations, especially the Women’s Bar Association and perhaps the Baltimore one (maybe a Baltimore native can comment more on which ones are most active). Go to events that aren’t just c*cktail parties, like CLEs or smaller group meetings, so that there is a concrete thing to talk about. If you go to a CLE, perhaps follow-up with one of the panelists afterward and ask for an informational interview.

      Find out on-line or from your career services offices what alumni from your law school are in the area and send them e-mails requesting informational interterviews — they are one-on-one and tend to be much less “small talk” oriented.

      Socialize some just with people in your own experience bracket, they’ll still be plugged in to who is hiring etc., but you won’t feel so much pressure to “preform.”

      And for those wretched c*cktail parties, practice this intro “Hello. I’m XXX. What do you do? Oh, do you have a practice specialty? Oh tell me XXX about that…” Once you get a lawyer talking they will love you and you will have to do very little to keep the conversation going. :-)

    • Anon NJ and MD Bar

      Thank you all for the advice so far! In addition, I will need some sort of employment to pay the rent. Any advice on what types of jobs people take when looking for “real” employment?

      • TCFKAG

        Many people do contract work while they look for permanent employment. Its not glamorous but it pays the bills. Biggest downside is that it doesn’t tend to come with benefits.

    • AnonBaltmorean

      Just out of curiousity, why is Baltimore the only option? The legal market here is very small (mostly due to the fact that DC is so close), and not particularlyfriendly to non-natives, unless they go to one of the two local law schools. Perhaps stay where you are and try to find a job before moving down, as NJ is only two hours away. The NJ/New York/Philadelphia markets or even DC are likely to be much more fruitful given their size and less insular nature. I hope this does not come across as mean spirited but I am trying to provide a dose of realism; I know a ton of lawyers in Baltimore who put up with a miserable commute to DC (one hour and a half each way), because there are too few legal jobs in Baltimore.

      • Anon NJ and MD Bar

        The ONLY reason I’m going to MD/Baltimore is because my SO of 5 years got relocated to the base in Aberdeen (non-military civilian). He is the one with the good, secure job with great benefits, and I am the one who will be newly unemployed so it makes the most sense to move down there. It he wasn’t in the picture, Maryland wouldn’t be either.

        • AnonBaltmorean

          In that case, I would consider looking in Wilmington DE as well as Baltimore. The commute is probably only slightly longer (or maybe even the same) and there is a lot of corporate legal activity there (yes, I know that means another bar, but you don’t need to worry about that until you get a job). At least that way you will double your chances of finding a good job.

          • AnonBaltmorean

            Also keep an eye on USA.jobs, there are sometimes federal legal jobs advertised in the Aberdeen area in areas like contract law. And good luck with the job search!

          • AFT in Wilmington

            The Wilmington job market has faired much better than the surrounding areas, but things are still pretty tight here. The mid-sized firms that do most of the corporate heavy lifting (though we’re starting to see more biglaw offices opening up) really look for a Wilmington connection and afaik aren’t hiring 2011 grads. They’re not big enough to hire staff attorneys, either. The PI/insurance defense bar here is pretty robust and always seems to have job openings, but it’s also very close-knit so you need to know people to get your foot in the door. DE has a small and very friendly bar, though, so it’s really easy to meet people.

            Other considerations: the DE bar is only given once a year, so if you want to practice here you should really take it this summer. You can take DE and NJ at the same time. Not sure when the application deadline is but it should be coming up. Wilmington is about 1.5 hours from Aberdeed with no traffic; I have no clue what your daily commute would look like.

          • Anon NJ and MD Bar

            As for the federal job, we were considering any job within the federal government to get my foot in the door since he could have connections there and then turn that into a legal job. I’m also not opposed to leaving the law all together and I don’t have loans, although he still has loans from undergrad. However, I think my parents would have a problem with spending all that money on law school and then not have me practicing law.

          • AnonBaltmorean

            Thanks for jumping in AFT, that is helpful info. I think the drive time between Aberdeen and Wilmington is a bit off though. I live in western Baltimore County (probably a good 45 to an hour west and south of Aberdeen) and I can get to Wilmingon in a little over an hour and Philadelphia in an hour and 45 or so. From Aberdeen proper, I would guestimate 45 minutes to one hour to Wilmington, with the option of a smaller commute if they lived somewhere in between.

            My best Aberdeen to downtown Baltimore is probably 45 to 60 minutes depending on traffic, which is normally quite bad in that direction. however, could cut it down by living somewhere in between. Someone who lives in that part of Maryland might have a better estimate.

  18. PharmaGirl

    I really like this blazer but I never know which blazers are best for the well endowed in the chestal area. My single button blazers tend to gap at the top so I leave them unbottoned. I recently bought a 2-button tweed blazer but had to size way up to accomadate my chest and I look like a little girl playing dress up.

    That said, I’m really into the idea of blazers right now, with the weather changing and all. Any advice from the ladies with larg-ish (DD) bosoms?

    • Anne Shirley

      I tend to wear blazers open, so I like something with a substantial curve in at the waist. Boyfriend type blazers just make me look large all over. And if I’ve sized up for boobs, I get the blazer tailored, usually bringing the waist in and the sleeves up is easy, but changing the fit on the shoulders is hard.

      • darby

        I tend to button the bottom button & not the very top one. Also have had really good luck w/ Lands End Canvas blazers for their cut.

    • JessC

      As someone who is both busty and carrying extra weight in the middle, I avoid single-button blazers like the plague. They look ridiculous on me. I usually look for 2-3 button blazers with the buttons set lower under the bust (around where my natural waist is). The other option – albeit the expensive one – is to get blazers that fit your bust and have the waist tailored.

      • Anon

        I agree. 1 button blazers look awful on me. I like three button ones that button kind of high up. I just bought one at Talbots (which was kind of surprising, since the seemed to not have anything good the last time I was there) that fits nicely and nips in at the waist while still fitting good in the chest.

  19. Blonde Lawyer

    So my husband does this one little thing that has the tendency to drive me up the wall. I’ve more often seen this be an issue in the reverse (wife –> husband) or parent to child. For anyone that does this, I’d love advice on making it stop or at least not turning into a tantrum-y teenager when it happens.

    My husband does more than the average share of household chores. He works less hours, generally cleans the house, and cooks dinner for me nightly. My chores involve doing my own laundry, doing the dishes after dinner, doing the cat box, walking the dog, and helping with taking out the trash. I used to be a VERY messy person and my husband worked hard to make me a much neater person so we could coexist. Still, I occasionally need reminders to do my admittedly few responsibilities. When that happens, we will have a conversation that goes like this:

    Him – you forgot to put the leftovers in the fridge
    Me – oops, sorry. Did you put them away?
    Him – no. I cooked dinner.
    Me – I know, but you just walked by them, in the pot on the stove and instead of taking two steps to put them in the fridge you came all the way up here to tell me I forgot so that I can go back downstairs and do it?
    Him – what, I don’t do enough?
    Me – no, it’s that it would have taken you two seconds and you are just making me do it to prove a point.
    Him – goes lays on the couch and turns on the tv
    Me – well I’m busy on x for work, you can put them away while you are down there or they can wait until I’m done.
    Him – it’s shrimp it will be bad by then
    Me – SO PUT IT AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ensue teenager tantrum.)
    Him – ignores me and continues to leave food out till I put it away.

    Yes it is my chore. Yes he does everything else. Yes I am pampered. But I go nuts at the making me do something to make a point thing. Maybe it’s b/c my parents used to do it to me too.

    I guess in husband’s defense, if he just did everything I forgot to do I would have never “learned” to do it. Plus, if I have a good reason for not doing “my chore” like being sick, he just does it without being asked and with no complaint. But when I forget or am lazy he will refuse to do it until I do it. Many years ago, this resulted in an unscrubbed pan that sat for 3 weeks in our kitchen while I kept saying I’d do it “tomorrow.” (Not my best moment.) The next day I broke my shoulder on my dominant arm. That pan continued to sit there in defiance lol. When my mom came to visit for a weekend and the pan sat there the whole time she asked what the deal was with the pan. When I told her, she cracked up laughing and said “I don’t blame him for leaving it there until your arm is better. You deserve it for leaving it there for 3 weeks.” She then proceeded to clean the pan and that is why we are still married today :) J/K.

    So besides just getting up and doing my chore when called on it, anyone have any better suggestions? We generally have a wonderful marriage so I try not to let something so tiny and petty drive me nuts… but … well … it does lol. Okay, as I type this out I realize I am the one in the wrong and just need to suck it up. I’ll still post the story for entertainment value.

    • Anon

      Yeah, you’re in the wrong. I’m moving toward divorce in part because my spouse has never, ever respected my time and energy and will do anything to wriggle out of even the simplest chores. I have a very strong work ethic and *could* do it all myself, albeit imperfectly, but I can’t both wait upon an able-bodied adult and also feel respected and like a valued, equal partner in the relationship. Sorry to be Debbie Downer, but it is the kind of thing that can chip away at an otherwise decent relationship.

      Perhaps it would be helpful for you to think of those small things as ways to demonstrate to your spouse that you love and value him and appreciate his work. Not sexy, but presumably if he interrupted your work to say, “I feel unloved. Could you remind me that you love me and think highly of me and respect me?” you’d take five minutes or whatever to remind him that you do love him.

      I respect him for setting his boundaries. I wish I were better at that, as it might have helped my marriage stay strong rather than falling apart.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        Thanks for this honest feedback. I actually just sent him a message that said “sorry for getting annoyed about the leftovers last night. I really appreciate all you do for me!”

      • Homestar

        This. I think your husband is saying, in a way, “I feel like you don’t love me when you ignore the thing you agreed to do . . .” Different things make different folks feel loved. So I think this is something you need to work on to make each other happy. Is there some other way that he could make his point and that would make you less defensive? (He would not put the dish away, but would approach you differently about it.) If so, tell him. Although, in all honesty, it does sound like he is being polite and isn’t yelling at you or approaching you in an angry manner.

      • karenpadi

        This. I broke up with a guy for these reasons. It goes double for when he half-a$$ed chores that I then had to do over again.

    • PharmaGirl

      Sorry but the pan story actually made me laugh out loud. Our household struggle is the typical messy husband, naggy wife variety which escalates into angry wife on a monthly basis.

    • TCFKAG

      So….you’re probably in the wrong in the literal sense…but this would drive me CRAZY in the actual sense. :-P

    • Pest

      When this comes up again, I suggest you say, “Thanks for reminding me, honey.” Then put the d*** food away.

      I’m not just saying this because I have to remind my DH to do his share of chores. It looks like your husband is being cool and collected, but firm about wanting you to contribute to the household tasks and carry out your agreed upon responsibilities. A teenage-style temper tantrum about a two minute task is unattractive, even on a teenager.

    • Miriam

      Glad you realize that you were are the one in the wrong. It seems like you do have a habit of doing this to him, and his reaction is probably from the build up of that frustration rather than the once incident. It also seems like both of you are just stubborn, hence the 3 week dirty pot story. Perhaps giving in a bit more on both of your ends would help.

      BTW, I cooked for my b/f this weekend and when we started cleaning up after dinner, he did every single dish without me asking! I was thrilled since I afraid of being the wife who is forced to work full time and do most of the housework.

    • b23

      That is too funny! I’m glad you realized you’re in the wrong, and I’m glad you posted it anyway. :)

    • Ashley

      True story: we had to institute a chore spreadsheet when we first got married to settle the arguments about who did more. My husband is more of a macro clean/daily clean person, while I’m micro clean and one big cleaning every so often. So, dishes in the sink drives him nuts, and he’ll put them in the dishwasher almost daily. Spills/stains from cooking drive me nuts, but I generally wipe down the kitchen counters with disinfectant, sweep/mop the floor, and spray/scrub the sink once per week. It’s a similar pattern with laundry, vaccuuming, dusting, etc. So husband got upset because he felt like he cleaned ALL THE TIME EVERY DAY, and I only cleaned one day per week. He failed to see that when I cleaned, I literally cleaned all day. I failed to see that I couldn’t micro clean without his constant tidying. Thus, chore spreadsheet, with line items for each chore, and the amount of time spent doing said chore. If one person was ahead by an hour or more, it was your turn to clean, regardless of the chore. That lasted for about 3 months, before we finally realized that two intelligent adults could surely figure out a way to live together without a spreadsheet!

    • N.

      Oh, I can so relate to this — my husband and I have a pretty similar chores arrangement (he works less, and does lots more around the house), but, he’s rather messy as a rule, and so I’m always a little taken aback when he asks me to clean something up (most recently, I’ve apparently gotten into a bad habit of leaving out half onions or tomatoes on the counter after making myself a quick salad or something, and that drives him nuts!).

      My take is this — I have to be pretty unhappy about something to bring it up with him, because I hate nagging/feeling like I’m a nag, so if he mentions something specifically that he wants me to do I figure that he wouldn’t mention it were it not truly bothering him, and so I should address it right away. I already know I’m probably guilty of way underestimating the amount of work that he actually does around the house, and I try to keep in mind that whatever he’s asking me to do (put away the onion) is really really small compared to all of the stuff that he does when I’m not around.

    • cfm

      I’m in the same role dynamic. Hubby is very neat, and I forget to do stuff a lot. Of course its annoying when he says “hey you forgot to do this” (insert put the food away, clothes away, etc) but imagine if you are him? And he does so much for his wife and she cannot. remember. to. put. the stuff away. It helps me to think of it from his perspective, because in that situation (a. forgets, b reminds, a gets made) b has the most to be angry about, but he is approaching you in a calm way. imagine if he started by throwing the temper tantrum at you.

      • TCFKAG

        We have the same dynamic and the same thing happens also. The only time I get pissed off about it is when he blames me for something that’s not my fault (because of course, his default is that any mess MUST be MY mess). Like this morning he complained because the peanut butter was empty. Only I haven’t eaten PB in a long time, so it must have been him that left it empty. So I grumbled at him.

        But overall, you really can’t complain about a spouse that does the lion’s share of the house work!

    • AIMS

      This would drive me nuts. I sympathize.

      I think this is one of the problems with having chores divied up in such concrete ways. My SO and I have chores divied up in a more “this is generally yours to do but sometimes I will do it if that makes more sense” manner. I think it works for us, even though occasionally I have to remind him to do his bit or vice versa. But if you want to be more flexible about it, you need to not neglect your share too often. So if you are actually willing to commit to that, you could say, “Sweetie, I know I didn’t put that away but I am terribly busy right now, could you please do it and I will do something nice for you later?” But then you have to actually do it.

      My other advice would be to just make a decision not to be annoyed by this anymore. It’s amazing what happens when you do that. It used to drive me nuts when my SO would not do the dishes after dinner. But I just made a mental decision not to care. Now half the time, he’ll leave ’em till the morning and I am fine with that because if it really bothered me I would do it myself.

      It sounds like part of this is just a struggle over who does what, and he just wants to make you do your share. Since you have the better part of the bargain anyway, I would just say “f. it, I’ll go put it away. It takes 5 minutes at the most, and I have a happy husband who will continue to clean my house and cook my dinner every night.” So much of what we get annoyed by really doesn’t make any difference, so rather than looking at it as, “he treats me like a child,” look at it as “he just wants to not feel taken advantage of. Fine, whatever.”

    • mamabear

      Suck it up. You need to do the chores you agreed to do. I agree that letting the pan sit while your arm was broken was a bit extreme, you do need to hold up your end of the bargain.

    • Cherly

      OMG – I could have written that post from start to finish!!

      My husband is not working right now, and I am (a lot….high pressure job….). He has always been the neater person in our relationship anyway, but that is magnified now.

      I know he asks for very very little, but sometimes the things he requests are just so frusturating/inconvenient/petty and I’m tired/annoyed/lazy. :-)

      So, good luck to you. I hope you get some great advice, because I’ll be listening in for it too!

    • Anon

      Please just do the chores. As the person on the other end of it most of the time, it is infuriating to feel like I am constantly being taken advantage of. And then forced into the role of a “nag.” If it was your responsibility at work, would you “forget” to do it on a regular basis? How would that go over? He doesn’t want to nag you, he wants to be treated fairly and with respect. A fundamental component to an adult relationship is doing what you say you are going to do. If you don’t do your chores, unless you have a housekeeper or a fairy godmother, he has to do them. So in your mind, it may just be procrastination, priorities, etc, and not intended to slight him, but in his perception, you are dumping yet another thing on him. So while it may seem like he is picking on you, what he is really saying is ” please take care of me and show me the same consideration that I show you.” I guess I feel strongly about this because this exact issue has brought my marriage to the brink of failure, but my husband is now making a concerted effort and it is making a huge difference.

    • Midwest

      In my relationship, I’m more like your husband. My DH has gotten better about helping with the everyday cleaning, like dishes, but I still do more of the cleaning in general. It’s REALLY hard not to feel unappreciated and taken for granted, though, especially since it took several talks and outright arguments to get to the point where he’d help with that stuff without me asking every single time. Trust me when I say that it would probably be very beneficial to your marriage if you just did what needed to be done.

      • Midwest

        BTW, I agree with Anon, completely. This is a respect issue as much (or more) than a housekeeping one.

      • Susan

        I don’t blame your husband for pointing it out. You would probably be as p!ssy to a new hire if you had to ask your new hire to do the same very basic thing 10 times and she/he got it wrong or ignored you 10 times.

        Given that he does more, this is largely symbolic– do it to show you support him back and appreciate him. Also, he is likely getting annoyed not just because it isn’t being done, but because he has to be the ‘bad guy’ and bring it up. That’s a double-annoyance, and generally, more annoying than your not actually doing the chore. It means, you don’t take what he says seriously, and that is offensive to him.

    • anon

      1. He’s not being petty, you are. You are 100% in the wrong.

      2. You owe him a macro apology (not just a micro one)

      3. Find a way to deal with this more productively because it will become significantly less funny when you have less time and the house gets messier (unemployment, depression, children, illness etc). I’ve seen sooo many marriages crumble over this stuff.

      • Pest

        I agree. Your #3 especially is so true. If there is a little 2 or 5 or 10 minute task that you can do that will save your spouse a mountain of aggravation (either on its own or in the aggregate), its best to just do it.

      • cc

        Agree. its a respect issue, and it sounds like the respect is erroding. shore it up, asap.

      • anon

        Agreed. Here’s what I think the macro apology would be like, roughly: “My tantrum was totally uncalled for, and you shouldn’t have had to ask me to do that task or any other. I recognize that my attitude about this entire area of our relationship needs to change. You will no longer have to ask me to pick up after myself.”

        • AIMS

          I agree that for the husband this may be about respect, but I also think this is about two people who have different standards. My SO & I used to bicker about this stuff and we’ve basically come to the understanding that we have very different thresholds for what is considered messy and for what is deemed mandatory. So we’ve settled on some non-negotiables that we try to always do for each other and we’ve eased up on the rest. I don’t think the OP is nec. being disrespectful here even if her husband may be reacting to it as if that were the case. A relationship is about two people, give and take – if one has a different standard for what the house should be like, you can ask your partner to help out but at some point, you also have to take responsibility for your own standards. I think the OP would be better off explaining to her husband that her behavior has nothing to do with him and seeing if they can find a middleground that makes them both content.

          • TCFKAG

            THIS!!!!!! Reading all these posts about how relationships FALL APART over this made me sad. My DH and I have different standards of cleanliness and we have negotiated the middle ground be being flexible with each other. Its when you draw firm lines in the sand and say I SHALL MOVE NO FURTHER and then any crossing over those lines are a violation of the relationship (with capital letters) — that’s where I think the problems can arise.

          • cc

            It has everything to do with him though. My husband and I are like a 2(me) and a 10(him) on the clean scale. It work as long as I am aiming up, and he is lowering expectations. we end up at like 6 or 7. If I refuse to budge past 3- I’m saying I have time for everything else, including this work, but not 5 minutes to dedicate to picking up after myself even though I know it would make you feel better. We are not talking about him asking her to clean the fridge when she is busy, he is asking ehr to put food away instead of letting it go bad and she is saying no I can’t do that 5 minute task for at least a few hours. even though he made her dinner!

        • rosie

          I think setting reasonable expectations is important. If you tend to be forgetful or absent-minded, I would not tell your SO that he won’t have to remind her to do her chores. I would tell your SO that you can be forgetful or distracted, and when you do not do something you should around the house, it is not because you think he should do it or because you don’t want to, you just plain forgot. When I realized that my SO didn’t do some chores simply because he forgot, it really helped me not take things personally. Likewise, don’t take his reminders/nagging personally (and my SO and I have discussed that he appreciates my polite reminders and understands that I don’t have any hidden meanings).

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Totally appreciate all the honest feedback and I am really taking it to heart. I know the little things mean a lot to him so I will also try to do more of them. I couldn’t believe how impressed he was this past weekend when I mopped the cat prints off the floor. (See post about cat bathing in dog bowl.) The impressive part was I did it first thing in the am, before even eating breakfast and without anyone suggesting I do it lol.

      This also reminds me to add – to my fellow ‘rettes w/ ADD, consider taking the meds on weekend too. Most likely your spouse only sees you w/o the meds during the week (if they wear off by the time you are home from work.) Weekend meds certainly help w/ being less forgetful and lazy. Don’t worry, I don’t try to blame my laziness on ADD or use it as an excuse to get out of things. I just try to recognize how it plays into some of my more negative behaviors that like others say, I wouldn’t do at work.

      • Amy H.

        Maybe re-framing this in your mind would help. You feel he is doing this “just to make a point.” From the outside, it honestly doesn’t sound like that’s the case. He’s not doing it to make a point or to make you feel like a child who needs to be hounded or reprimanded. He’s doing it because he’s already done his agreed-upon share of the work, and you haven’t yet done your share of the agreed-upon work. He’s simply asking you to do what you agreed to do.

        • Hel-lo

          But, he kind of is doing it to make a point. The point is, “Blonde Lawyer really needs to learn to 1) honor her commitments, like her promise to do this, and 2) pull her weight in chores.”

          I kind of read this original post as, “My husband and I agree on who should do which chores. I don’t do mine. He asks me to do them, and I get mad and defensive. Please help, Corporettes, how can I figure out a way to weasel out of my commitment to doing chores without sounding whiny about it?” I didn’t respond because I can’t think of a way to do that.

          Just do your chores. Or, if you cant, talk to him *before you don’t do them* about why you won’t be able to pull your weight this week. (Big trial coming up, whatever.)

    • fresh jd

      This story reminds me of an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond called “The Suitcase” where they have an unpacked suitcase lying around for weeks after a vacation because each spouse expected the other to bring it upstairs. It ended up stinking cuz one of them put cheese in it or something to compel the other. Google or Youtube it for a clip — good laughs.

      The pan incident you described – exact same situation happened between my cousin and her soon-to-be-ex-husband. I remember sleeping over one day and they started fighting when he took the moldy weeks-old greasy pan and shoved it in her face like a dog to show her her faults. My cousin did work more hours and was indeed messy, but it was a bad relationship from the get-go. Be grateful for what your husband does do, it’s rare!

    • L

      So I have a slightly different dilemma but my SO often promises to do things and then doesn’t complete it all the way or in the timeframe he says. Is there any way to say you promised you would do the dishes tomorrow morning and its 3 days from now? I either resort to doing it myself or being a b*tch about it. I don’t want to sound like his mom nagging and sometimes I do just suck it up and do it. I also work more/long hours/more hectic schedule.

      • Amy H.

        Check out Gretchen Rubin’s suggestions re: nagging and avoiding being a nag. It’s the Happiness Project blog.

        • anon

          I read parts of Gretchen Rubin’s book and had a hard time with her take on this issue, which I took to be basically that she felt happier when she stopped pestering her husband to do things around the house, organize his own mother’s birthday party, etc., and just sucked it up and did the things that were important to her herself. I’m not sure that would work for me. . . .

          That said, my husband and I used to bicker a lot about cleaning the house until we finally broke down and hired a cleaning person to do most of it. It’s not cheap, but it has eliminated much of that static from our relationship, and that’s worth a lot.

    • Similarly Situated

      OK, so yes, you are in the wrong, but this kind of behavior from my own DH drives me crazy!! If it is so important to put the food away, then put it away, don’t treat me like a child about it…even if I maybe *should* be treated like a child? Crap…I am wrong too.

  20. Awful Lawful

    TJ: This may seem silly, but my birthday is next month and my DH asked me if there is anything that I want in particular, but I’m totally at a loss. So, now I’m posing the question to you all: If it were your birthday, what would you want?

    • Cat

      Rough budget? I usually ask for things for birthday that are a bit more than “normal” spending – like a DvF wrap dress (those d*mn things never go on sale with my size left), or a really nice dinner out.

    • TCFKAG

      I think for my next birthday I’m going to ask for a Kindle, even though its totally frivolous and I have no actual need for any more electronics.

      Either that or a Kate Spade purse.

      • Ellie

        I already have a Kindle, but if I didn’t these two things would be EXACTLY what I would ask for.

      • phillygirlruns

        husband got me a nook two birthdays ago – i hadn’t asked for it and didn’t think i wanted it (i love books! and am not a big technology person) but damned if i don’t use that thing CONSTANTLY.

        other suggestions: basic workhorse jewelry (something high quality that can be your go-to when you don’t have something specific to wear – stud earrings, basic necklace – husband completed my david yurman petite albion set for me as a combined anniversary/birthday gift this year); some kind of experience (fancy dinner out, skydiving).

    • KateL

      Something that combined time together + unique experience. BF and I spend alot of time out of the house between jobs (his hours worse than mine), commute (mine is triple his), and marathon training (me). So an unplugged afternoon/night/day/weekend trying something new would be a delight. I’ve definitely been feeling like I have plenty of “stuff” so a memory would be better than something to have dust/put away/etc.

    • 30

      I always ask to go out to a nice dinner – and for a card (with the understanding that he will write something romantical therein).

    • Emily I

      I want a new screen door, but I doubt that it’s a common gift request.
      What about an appointment for a massage at your favorite place?

    • Kate

      Make lessons with a professional makeup artist. Don’t know if you are into that sort of thing…..

    • a passion for fashion

      my birthday is next week and i wanted a trip. so we are off to the tropics. And his birthday is also next month and he is always at a loss, so I am surprising him with an overnight stay at a nice hotel in our city (his parents are taking the kids) and then great seats to a baseball game to watch his favorite team. Depending on your budget, you could make either version of this work for you. If you cant get away for a weekend trip, try just a night somewhere — if not your city, maybe a fairly close one. and/or tickets to a show, sporting event, concert etc.

    • elz

      I have been (im)patiently waiting for the Modalu Pippa in Shark to restock and it just did. Happy Birthday to meeee. So, I’d say that purse b/c I love it so. In the same budget area are some very nice Michael Kors purses; I love the Hamilton (I think that’s the name).

      I’ve also been eyeing watches, again Michael Kors and the new Kate Spade watch line-love.
      Good accessories never go out of style.

      My husband usually takes our girls to Sephora and they will pick out something new for me. It’s a fun way to try new make-up I wouldn’t usually select. Maybe you can ask for a make-up grab bag?

      Happy Birthday!

    • PharmaGirl

      I was ogling a watch online yesterday and my husband asked me to just send him the link. It’s pricey but I totally deserve it! (And if he didn;t buy it for me, I would just buy it myself.

    • Amy H.

      My birthday is coming up — I asked DH for a night at a hotel in Sonoma wine country with him. One of my favorite gifts from him in the past — that I also requested (when he asked for suggestions) — was a Zappos gift card . . . .

  21. Anon

    How do I go about getting more work at a big firm with a rigid formal assignment system? And at what point as a junior associate do low hours indicate I’m doing something wrong, and if so, how do I fix it? It’s been two months since I started and I’m currently staffed on only one billable matter, and there hasn’t been any actual work for me to do (literally nothing–no one on the team has even sat down with me to talk about the case, and I was explicitly told not to contact them until they contacted me with work). I did a doc review last month but now that’s over, and even that didn’t involve many hours. I have a time consuming pro bono case that I picked up after expressing interest in the topic, but that has been slow lately and I have already billed more on that than the firm will count toward my billable requirement. The rest of the group, including the other first years, don’t seem slow, and while I know appearances can be deceiving the other first years are at least staffed on real cases.

    I’ve gone through the old threads about picking up work but most of them advise asking partners/senior associates, and it was communicated to us during training that going outside the formal assignment system at my firm is a big no-no. When I have been slow, I have told my assignment coordinator that I have free time and to send anything new my way, so I just don’t know what else to do. How many times can I email my assignment coordinator before pissing her off? She didn’t even respond to acknowledge my email the last time so I am hesitant to remind her again (plus, if all work goes through her, I think she’d know if I had picked something up). Did I do myself a disservice by expressing an interest in pro bono? Is this a sign that people at my firm don’t want to work with me, and I should be looking for a new job? I haven’t heard anything bad about my work, but I don’t fit in as well as the other first years for various reasons and am pretty introverted. I try to be as professional and friendly as I can, though, and I just don’t know how else I can build relationships with these people.

    I have billed zero hours today and am really trying hard not to cry in my office because I am starting to feel like the last kid to be picked for the softball team. I also really need this job and am worried I will be the first to be laid off.

    • Cat

      Hm. I suspect that in most firms, the “official assignment system policy” is often emphasized at first, but relaxes over time as people get into working habits with various partners. I wouldn’t be afraid to drop by a few partners in person (or to chat them up at the floor birthday cupcake break, or whatever) to see if there’s anything you could jump in on. They can’t be too irritated that you’re looking for a way to learn and earn your paycheck.

    • Anon

      First, this is how it can be when you start. Don’t panic. There is no way you could have screwed up really badly in two months without hearing about it. I would still try to cultivate relationships would people who might want to give you work. Couldn’t they always submit it through the system and then ask for it to be assigned to you? Maybe I don’t understand how strict your firm is. Do you have a mentor? Talk to your mentor, ask for strategies for getting work. Maybe everyone is slow. I would really get out of your office and talk to people, you sound isolated, which never helps with the big firm anxiety. Don’t pester them but if there’s an associate you’ve worked with or met over the summer, ask if they’d like to get a coffee for 15 minutes or whatever.

      • Former MidLevel

        Seconded. I don’t have experience with formal assignment systems, but it can’t hurt to seek advice from more a more senior associate or mentor.

    • qwerty

      in biglaw, i billed no more than 20-50 hours a month until my fourth month on the job. then i billed 200+ for the next few months straight. calm down and enjoy the quiet. if 6 months in you’re behind on your billable expectations in aggregate, then bring it up with the assignment manager.

      • qwerty

        ps – meanwhile, the other first years were staffed on real cases. it was frustrating and i might have cried about it (at home). i feel so silly in retrospect.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      This may not be the best way to approach the matter (and know your firm), but if the requirement is to go through the formal system, I would probably be e-mailing the co-ordinator every single day to remind them, so that they get so fed up with my e-mails that they start giving me real work.

      More constrcutive ideas – is the co-ordinator a partner/associate/support staff? Can you speak to them in person? Can you ask a friendly neighbourhood associate/partner not for work, but for tips on how to navigate the choppy assignment waters? You may find that in fact there are ways around it and other associates get work outside the system and it is only the assignment co-ordinator who follows the plan rigidly. I’m not suggesting you go outside the system willy-nilly if there are repercussions, but try and find out what the real repercussions are, rather than the theoretical ones that the warn you about on day 1 (they may be the same, they may be different) before thinking about your next move.

      Also, the first two months isn’t that long to not be busy, so I wouldn’t get too worried just yet. Everyone has quiet and busy periods, especially depending on the practice area you are in. If it is transactional, you are more than likely going to find yourself swamped in no time when four things come along at once.

    • OP

      I have an associate mentor. She told me early on not to worry about hours, and various people have said “oh enjoy it, the work will come,” but . . . yeah, it seems like the work has been coming for everyone but me. I guess I just don’t feel comfortable bringing this up with her because I don’t know how candid I can be about my concerns, and, you know, if the problem is that everyone likes the other associates better than they like me, who’s going to tell me that? I suppose I just don’t really trust her or anyone else here, to be honest.

      As far as the assignment system goes, I think partners can specifically request associates for assignments. But I am definitely isolated. Frankly, I really just feel uncomfortable all the time at my firm and I don’t have the first clue how I could go about trying to talk to partners. The thought of just “popping by” one of their offices gives me heart palpitations. In addition to me being an introvert, my practice group is the most male-dominated, conservative group in the firm and as a general rule I have a really hard time connecting off the bat with 50+ year old guys (the absurdity of my career choice of a) law and b) a big firm is not lost on me). The only female partner on my floor is completely terrifying to the point that I feel awkward just passing her in the hallway and trying to make eye contact and say hello. I feel only slightly more comfortable with the more senior associates; I can make small talk with them but I can’t think of any with whom I’m really “friends,” at least not enough to ask out for coffee or anything without it being weird. I have a couple of first year friends but they obviously aren’t that helpful with this stuff.

      I promise I don’t come off as this much of a social mutant in real life; my close friend from law school works in a different practice group and she always tries to reassure me that I hide my anxiety well at events and people don’t hate me. Nevertheless, I think it’s obvious that my firm, or maybe firm life in general, isn’t a good fit for me, and I knew this from when I was a summer associate. Although I always knew I probably wasn’t cut out to make partner or anything, I didn’t expect it to affect my job quite this much right out of the gate. It’s frustrating to watch the other first years interacting with people and making it look so easy and natural.

      • TCFKAG

        I say this to scare you (but in the best possible way) — you sound exactly like me at my old firm. I never had enough work and was told not to worry — and I got laid off at just under the one year mark. You NEED to take control of your career now and start being more pro-active about getting work. Swing by the partner’s offices and ask about work. Develop a partner mentor relationship with someone to get better advice about how to seek out work. If it is a multi-office firm, perhaps try to form relationships with partners in other offices (I actually just cold-called other partners…it was terrifying).

        And, I don’t mean to sound defeatist (I know, I know, so middle-class) — but get your resume in shape and start going to bar events and other networking things. Because you need to be prepared.

        • Anonymous

          This happened to me as well. Worrying about the lack of billable work and being laid off for that reason is sh*tty. I also don’t buy into the whole “assignment system” because no single person in your department is going to be aware of what the needs of any individual partner or team are at any given time–it simply requires too much micromanaging to work effectively. That being said, until you figure out the vibe of the office, it might not be a good idea to ask explicitly for work yet. Rather, the alternative is, as previously stated, to network within your office and establish some relationships so that the partners will contact you directly. I would also email the assignment coordinator daily. Another thing you can do is to suggest what you might want to work on, ie a specific subject or case and, if you can figure out what is going on with other cases, you can suggest jumping in on, for instance, discovery for case X.

      • Anon from 12:08

        Ok, I really feel for you. You are digging yourself into a hole. Now is the time to stop the negative self-talk. Not to sound too new-agey but the messages we tell ourselves absolutely impact how we operate in our lives. Please, please don’t tell yourself that you don’t belong or that the partners don’t want to talk to you or whatever. I know a big law firm can be a kind of harsh environment, I stayed for 6 years and also knew it wasn’t for me long term. But most of the partners (and associates) are normal people in a basic human sense, they are somebody’s parents, siblings, children, friends, etc. (Notice I didn’t say all, some are just weird.) Hallway conversation can be easy and natural, talk about the weather or sports or the latest news/tv hot topic or other commonplace stuff. What would you talk to your dad’s friends about? More work related–If someone is going to court, ask if you can go observe, ask if there’s a topic you could write an article on, etc. And you are not the only one who struggles. I came from a very different socioeconomic background and culture and very much felt a fish out of water but I just had to humanize the other people at the firm. I didn’t go to lunches, etc, but then I realized I was doing it to myself. Long-term, I agree that if you don’t relate to the people who you are supposed to model yourself after, you may want to consider a new focus area but don’t give up so soon–I too find it difficult to work pre-law in an area with few women. You shouldn’t be that intimidated by a partner, maybe practice some small talk with a friend or something. Also consider whether you need to work on your self-esteem or do some assertiveness training/therapy. Take your place at the table, you deserve it.

      • You Can Do It

        This will be hard, but you can do it.

        Make yourself a plan that you will talk to one partner/senior associate each day (or each week, or 3/week or whatever).

        Put on something you feel comfortable and professional in (yes, I know I just ended that sentence with a preposition). Keep lipstick nearby. Practice one or two sentences until they will come out of your mouth no matter how nervous you are. (“Hey, do you have a minute? I’m looking for some work.” — short, simple, he can respond in many different ways.) Look straight at him as you say it.

        Then do it. Be a big girl and own your professional development. It is likely, says the paranoid cynic in me, that the firm is watching what new associates do when they aren’t handed enough work. The firm wants to keep those who fend for themselves and jettison those who don’t. Show them you know how to play the game.

        And then go home and cry because it was scary. That’s OK. It will get less scary.

        Signed,

        “I became a litigator to get over my fear of public speaking and I am still shy but people who meet me now (at 45) think I am an extrovert”

      • Anon

        Go outside the assignment system. Talk to senior associates, mid-levels, whoever you DO feel comfortable talking to (I know partners can be scary as a first-year, especially when you’re new). Ask them about their cases. Tell them you have time. Ask them to keep you in mind when they need someone new. My firm has an assignment system as well. I had this problem when I first started. I freaked out for a few weeks. Then I walked around, said hi to 3rd/4th/5th years that I knew, and a few weeks later, one of them suggested me to a partner for a case, and voila, I had work (which turned into more work, etc., and since then, while I have had slow periods at times, I have also had plenty of work in general). Even if your firm has an assignment system, and even if you are told officially that that is the only way cases are handed out, I highly doubt it works that way in practice. When a partner needs to staff up a case, they will likely ask associates they trust whether they have any particular junior associates in mind. You want those associates to suggest you.

        Also, starting at big firm was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever experienced, and I was a *paralegal AT a big firm* before law school. It should have been a completely comfortable environment for me, given how comfortable I was at my old job, and it was not, at all, at first. It is completely different when you’re actually a lawyer, and this the beginning of your actual career. It’s a very stressful transition. I know this does not help much, but please just keep in mind that many, many of your coworkers feel this way as well, and while they may “make it look so easy and natural,” that is probably far from how they feel inside. You are not alone. It’s not unique to being at a big firm, either; many of my friends at small firms, gov’t, and public interest orgs felt the same way. No one talks about it at the time, though — I found out about how my friends/coworkers felt later on. And FWIW, years later, I now feel completely comfortable at my firm, have plenty of work, and love it. But I had very little to do the first few months, and was nervous about it.

        Finally, ignore the more senior people who tell you to “enjoy it.” They are saying that because they’re really busy, and they wish they had that kind of free time, but that is not your position right now. You do need to take control of your career, and make sure you get work to do. You will enjoy being slow in a year or so after you’ve had a few busy months under your belt, but for now, get out there and get some work. Also, re: constantly emailing the assignment coordinator, I second this. Bug her as often as possible. I’d also recommend stopping by in addition to emailing.

      • Lawyeur

        You mentioned that you’ve told the assignment coordinator that you have available time, but it’s unclear to me whether you have informed her that you haven’t received *any* work related to the billable matter to which you are assigned. Is it possible that she thinks you are asking for work in addition to what she thinks is a full or close-to-full workload? If the possibilty exists that she is unaware that you haven’t received any billable work related to the matter to which she assigned you, please tell her this, explicitly. It may be a simple matter of miscommunication. But I will also echo what others are saying – definitely start to develop new relationships and ask for work. Identify one person and try to become his/her “go to” associate. Finally, about that “terrifying” female partner: she’s just a person. And she probably can’t stand being around “yes men/yes women.” I developed a strong relationship with an intimidating female partner at my last firm because I was one of the few junior associates who was willing to challenge her rather than just accept what she said as gospel. Of course, I did so thoughtfully and respectfully, and only when appropriate, but it really made her see me in a different light, and helped solidify our relationship. I wish you the best of luck!

        • anon

          had the exact same experience with an intimidating female partner. I became her go-to person and we had a wonderful relationship.

  22. JB

    Already one of those mornings… I am in a fight with my SO because I didn’t fold his laundry correctly! Usually, his clothes end up stuffed in a drawer, but apparently he put in some of his work clothes (specifically, two dress shirts) in with my laundry.

    Last night I take the clothes out of the dryer, hang and fold all of my clothes and leave his in a neat pile (Since that is how it ends up in his drawers). Well, this morning he got upset because his dress shirts were in there and told me “be more attentive next time”. Well, this pushed me over the edge and I told him to do his own ____ laundry from now on. Plus, what really makes me upset is that he was at home last night watching tv when I was in the other room doing all of our laundry. If he was so darn worried he should have come in and done it himself!

    I am probably just being sensitive because I am back to work after a vacation and that always depresses me, but man oh man, it is days like this that make me wonder why the humanrace likes to pair up!

    Okay, done ranting!

    • TCFKAG

      Oy vey. My DH is picky about how he likes his clothes folded (I care much less). Early in our living together time, I did the laundry a time or two and folded the clothes, only to have him throw his clothes back in the dryer, de-wrinkle them, and refold them. Now I will wash and dry clothes, but I leave the folding of his clothes to him, because I won’t fold clothes just to have clothes refolded. No way. :-P

      Haha…the things we tolerate from our loved ones once we are living with them. ;-)

    • Household Chores

      I read a study a couple years ago that partners fight far less when there is a clearly articulated expectation about who does what in the house/with the kids. It didn’t matter who was doing what; the happy couples were the ones who knew what was X’s job and what was Y’s job and then each did their jobs and only their jobs.

      Link to follow.

    • Esquared

      Maybe, when you guys are calm, ask if he wants to do is own laundry for particular items?
      I can’t stand folding socks. I have no idea why, but it was so bad I didn’t want to do any laundry. So at a certain point I just wash all of my bfs socks in a lingerie bag and put them in a sock drawer w/out folding. I got a complaint once and nicely told him that if he wanted me to do his laundry, I was going to do it my way. He was free to keep stuff separate to do his own if he wanted it done a particular way (which he actually does for a few items).

    • PharmaGirl

      People think it’s strange when they find out about this one but my husband and I do not combine laundry. Problems only arise when we both let it go too long and need the washer/dryer on the same day. He tends to let it pile up until he runs out of something critical, like underwear. I prefer to do small loads every week to ensure that I have what I need. Mixing our laundry would put a greater burden on me, not him.

      We don’t even mix the child’s laundry into our own. I do most of the baby laundry and husband usually ends up with the sheets/towels so we end up doing about the same amount of laundry every week.

      • Anon

        This is exactly how we do it as well, no laundry mixing. I always know which batch to go to if we’re looking for something that hasn’t been put away yet.

      • JB

        He has since apologized via text message and email and I realized I overreacted this morning. However, to avoid this in the future, I think it is best to do our own laundry and keep our clothes separate.

        Thanks for the advice!

  24. Pink on Black

    Threadjacket! Literally….

    Might anyone here have experience with getting a personal stylist? Someone who provides guidelines on how to pick flattering clothes based on bodyshape and colouring? Someone who will help me go through my wardrobe and provide outfit ideas? If so, what should I look for in choosing one? I’m thinking of going one-on-one

    Anyone in the SF Bay Area, who might have recommendations of a personal stylist?

    • TCFKAG

      For the cost of a plane ticket to SF I’d do it (just kidding, sort of!)

      But seriously, you might start with a particularly honest and stylish friend. I have no professional recommendations.

      • CA Atty

        Hmmm, Pink on Black, we could combine efforts and fly TCFKAG out here. You’ll have to come up to wine country for me, but I’m sure you won’t mind… :-)

    • Amy H.

      I do, I do! I worked with Rachel Fauman at Ensemble Consulting, and thought she was fantastic. Hoping to work with her again when I can afford it.
      Her website is ensemble-consulting [DOT] com.

    • Jenn

      I work with Kait at cakestyle .com. You have a phone consultation and the she sends you a box and a video of how to style the clothes in the box. I think it is AWESOME! She has sent me work and weekend clothes, and seems to really “get” me, despite never having met. You can see my video here: cakestyle.com/jennbuntin. I ended up getting the lace dress, black dress, black skirt, cream shell, and pink pants. I also asked for a “birthday box” with something to wear for my March birthday brunch, and ended up purchasing 2 dresses and a silk blouse from that mini-box. HTH

      • Pink on Black

        Thanks all for the input! I did see good review of Rachel on yelp and did look her up. And cakestyle sounds interesting!

  25. Tired Squared

    Threadjack on the parents/children keeping secrets:

    My aunt called me last night to let me know that her husband (my uncle) is in the hospital but “it’s not terribly serious.” She eventually told me the problem (which is in fact not serious, but could become serious in the near future) but she doesn’t want me to tell her daughter (my cousin), because it will “interfere with her school stuff.” The problem is, Cousin is staying with my until Sunday, since she’s on Spring Break. I feel like I’m lying by not telling her what’s up — especially if she somehow asks when I last heard from her parents or something. And I keep thinking that if this were MY father, I would want to know!

    So I guess this is a question for both parents and children: As a parent, would you hide medical problems from your child? As a child, would you want to know?

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Are they Irish/Catholic? This is status-quo for my family and drives me bonkers. I can never find out how my dad’s COPD is doing because the answer will always be “just fine.” When my grandmother had cancer and major surgery I didn’t find out until I came home from abroad because “there is nothing I could have done but worry from over there anyway.” My mom will call to chat about the weather and casually mention “oh, Uncle x is out of ICU.” Um, I never knew Uncle X was in ICU. Mom will respond. Oh yeah, Dad said you were busy with work this week and not to tell you. I’ve heard it is a cultural thing along with always pretending everything is okay and no one is ever fighting (when that can be totally far from the truth.)

      Not sure what you should do but this situation is totally normal in my fam.

      • ShortieK

        This is my family EXACTLY!
        I have no idea why this and guilt are Irish immigrant things, but it’s so true.

      • AN

        Well, when my parents do this ( we live in a differ country 5 away by flight) and say it was because they didn’t want me to worry, I have started saying, fine, when I am I’ll, I won’t tell you either as I don’t want you to worry. Funny how fast that cured them! To be fair, it was well meant but I want to know about their health.

        I also tell them that I prefer to worry when there is a need, rather than wonder what they’re hiding health wise, and worry ALL the time.

    • TCFKAG

      My aunt, bless her heart, will not tell ANY of my cousins when I’m in the hospital because she thinks hospitals are for “resting” and she doesn’t want them to bother me. So most of them find out via Facebook, usually when I post that I’m going home (she’s also Irish-Catholic…not sure if this has anything to do with it).

      This is a little different since its his actual daughter. I just don’t know why she told you, knowing her daughter was staying with you, but then told you not to tell her. That’s obnoxious. I’d be tempted to tell…but its hard because I feel like its kind of interfering with complicated family relationships. Maybe ask your mom or dad? Maybe she/he can talk some sense into their sister?

      • so anonymous

        Wow. I’m Irish-Catholic as well and my family refuses to talk about anything unpleasant. My dad had an angioplasty and they did not tell me he was having it until the day prior. He was also hospitalized recently and they did not tell me until he had been in the hospital for two nights.
        I’d like to think I wouldn’t do this to my children, but I would respect your aunt’s wishes here, since you are not an immediate family member.

      • AD

        My mom – also Irish-Catholic – does the same thing, right up to the “so-and-so just got out of the hospital/test results back/etc.”. I used to wonder if I’d just not been paying attention and missed the “in the hospital/needs tests/etc.” updates, though that clearly wouldn’t be the case for my close family members.

        In this case, probably a little late but I might have pushed back on the aunt at the time of the call. I think asking your parents to intervene, if it’s appropriate, seems like a good idea.

    • Tired Squared

      Nope, they’re not Irish-Catholic, but I appreciate the advice to contact my parents and see if they can talk some sense into Aunt/Uncle. My mother can be VERY convincing!

    • coco

      When my grandfather died when I was in elementary school, my parents waited until the end of the school week to tell me. I still bring up how angry I was about that when they try to withhold other things from me – and this is in a Jewish family, where we literally know every single ache and pain someone is feeling.

      If I were your cousin, I would absolutely want to know, but I completely understand not wanting to go against your aunt’s wishes. I think bring in your parents makes sense. If that doesn’t work, I would be tempted to call up my aunt and then say, “Oh, Cousin totally wants to talk to you” and hand the cousin the phone, but that’s probably not the best solution.

      • So true!

        @ coco

        I was just going to post to TiredSquared that I *know* she is not Jewish because in my family EVERYone knows EVERYthing about your medical condition.

        On the other hand, we bury within 24 hours, so how did they keep the funeral a secret from you?

    • Legal Marketer

      I would try to get the aunt to tell her or at least let you tell her. I found out last week, with no intention on my mom’s part, that she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s a month ago. She claims my dad didn’t want to tell us, he says keeping the secret was her idea. I don’t care who’s idea it was, it sucks and one of them should have stood up and said, “No, these are our adult children and they deserve to know.” (Irish Catholics, too, btw)

      Tell your aunt that it’s best for cousin to find out now, while she’s with you and has good support right there, than to maybe find out later when she’s alone or not with family who understands.

    • lucy stone

      My mo had a hysterectomy in high school and I only found out the week before because the nurse called to schedule a preop appointment, otherwise I never would have known…and yes, we’re Irish Catholic.

  26. Advanced Trolling on the Today Show

    I think Natalie Morales might be a Corporette and is trolling…. this morning she was wearing a *leopard-print* *dusty sage velvet* dress. I couldn’t see her nails . . .

    Love, PHX

      • Nonny

        Although it isn’t a *maxi* dress, which is really what would be required for advanced trolling….

      • PHX

        No, I don’t think so….the leopard spots were bigger on Natalie’s dress. That means there’s at least TWO velvet/leopard dresses out there….

    • Monday

      I have the dubious honor of being the person who asked if I could wear sage green velvet in the spring. FWIW, the blazer has been a-sittin’ in my closet untouched since that thread (let alone its eggplant and navy sisters). The orange lipstick, on the other hand, is becoming a regular.

      • TCFKAG

        Monday — if you aren’t going to wear that sage green blazer, send it me. I’ll rock it out at least until June (besides its like 30 degrees here today!) I’ll return it to you in the fall. ;-) (of course, this is all predicated on us being the same size.)

        Also — I think the eggplant one would TOTALLY work in the spring with “the skirt” in magenta. It would be very springy.

  27. Echo

    Hi ladies! I just wanted to share a small personal victory: I found my “perfect pumps.” You know, the ones that are comfortable, beautiful, inexpensive and look great with skirts and pants? I found these black patent Etienne Aigner Drew pumps at Marshall’s, but they’re at Zappos for $59 (also in red and “buff beige”). Hope this helps someone!

  28. CountC

    Long-time lurker TJ – I have discovered through LinkedIn, that an alumnus of my law school is a managing editor at a company where I plan to apply for an editing position. I want to reach out to her to establish my interest in the position, inquire about the company etc., but am unsure of the proper way to go about doing this. I am not yet connected with her on LinkedIn. Do I request a connection then send her a message? Do I try to get hooked up through the alumni office? What do I say? I am really interested in this position and do not want to give her a negative impression! Thanks in advance.

    Read more: https://corporette.com/2012/03/27/whats-the-best-day-to-email/#ixzz1qQpfhH20

    • karenpadi

      I’d just send her a message through LinkedIn. No need to connect with her yet as you have never met.

      More realistically, if you’ve never met and you have no introduction to her from another person, I’d pass on contacting her through LinkedIn. When your resume comes in, the ME can see that you went to the same law school and doesn’t need that similarity pointed out to her. My firm is very active in my alma mater so these connections are non-starters for me. I usually just reply “Thanks for the message. I look forward to receiving your application materials. The best way to submit those materials is via our website.”

      If you think the connection will help you get the job, I’d bring it up at the interview with her.

    • Anonymous NYer

      I kind of disagree with the above advice. I got the impression that it is not a super common thing for alums of your law school to be involved with this organization you’re applying to. If, for example, you went to H law and are applying to ::any biglaw firm in NYC:: I would say good for you don’t bother contacting her. BUT, since it does not sound like this is the case, I have gotten the advice to contact alums from my law school in particular niche areas when job hunting. Granted, I have never taken this advice, probably to my detriment, but I imagine if it is a unique connection, like law school in Oregon, working in small insurance defense firm in Miami (as a random example), I would absolutely reach out.

      As for how to do this, the only advice I can pass on is what was told to me (btw, I would suggest email as the medium. can you obtain that information through a google search or from your alumni office?):

      “Dear Ms. Managing Editor (insert actual name there), I am an alumna of XLawSchool and came across your name while researching a position I am applying for at XCompany. This is a position I am extremely interested in because (give reason – if applicable).

      I was wondering if you had time to speak with me briefly about your position with XCompany, and how you got there from XLawSchool? I know not many of our fellow alums work in this field/company/city/whatever.

      I recently submitted my resume for XPosition, and I would love the chance to meet an alumna established in this career field. I am available to meet for coffee during the week, if that is convenient for you, and if not I am available to speak on the phone anytime. (if this is true – insert your own availability/mediums of communication).

      Thank you in advance,

      CountC “

      • CountC

        Anon, thank you. I should have been more clear in my question – this is not the person who will be interviewing for this position. It is just a fellow alumni at a potential employer. I want to reach out to someone in the company with who I share a common thread.

        I decided to reach out to her after I submitted my resume/cover letter with an email very similar to yours.

        Thanks!

  29. EasterBunny

    Is there anything that could make this dress work appropriate in a semi-formal office? I’m dreaming of spring/summer colors but am finding nothing for work.

    • TCFKAG

      I think that’s pretty and would look very nice with either a white blazer over it or maybe something in a light brown (camel color) or maybe a bright color (like yellow) if you were feeling a little more daring.

      I also love the shoes they paired it with, but for work, nude for you might be a better choice.

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