ByKat Hours Updated
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Wednesday’s TPS Report: No. 2 Pencil Skirt

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. No. 2 pencil skirt in Pop Art polka dotJ.Crew has been featuring a pair of their cropped pants in this “Pop Art” pattern — it's a crazy effect, definitely part of the “party pants” trend going on right now. But take the same pattern and put it on a skirt… now we're talking. I think the skirt looks lovely with the neutral blue top; I might also try it with a brighter color like a yellow or kelly green on top. It's $118 at J.Crew (online only). No. 2 pencil skirt in Pop Art polka dot Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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286 Comments

  1. TJ – What kind of heart rate monitors do you all use? The one I bought has this band that I’m supposed to wet and then attach a transmitter to it before strapping it around my chest. I know I’m new to exercising but I thought there were HRMs that were just like a watch. Or is this how they all are? Thanks and looking forward to your responses!

    1. This is how they all are. I’ve used polar and garmin in the past, and all of them have the strap you have to wet.

      Side note: I LOVE this skirt. If J Crew ever fit right on me, I would buy this in multiples.

        1. Though now that I look at it, I don’t like how the seam in the back is slightly off kilter. It gives me a headache. Hmm. Wonder what it would look like in person.

          1. I’ll wear it when I have tea with the Mad Hatter. The Mad Hatter can recommend a good fascinator to go with the skirt.

          2. I totally just misread your comment and thought you asked what it would look like in prison. And I was thoroughly confused.

          3. Well Susan, I HAVE been meaning to try out the fascinator trend. And wanted to take fashion advice from the Mad Hatter. Two birds with one stone?

          4. Oh wow, yeah, that’s annoying. For $120 you’d think they could have lined up the dots properly.

      4. I bought a black and white mod print skirt at Ann Taylor earlier this year and have worn it a lot. I seriously must ban myself from buying any more black and white prints.

    2. It’s really weird, isn’t it? But that’s how they work. Wish I still had mine (despite my non-love of the lick and strap).

      1. Did you lick yours too? I lick mine and feel slightly weird-o doing it, but it seems to like the easiest way to do it. I have a Garmin that comes with a heart rate monitor, of which I am now obsessed. While the finger and watch method definitely works, it doesn’t work on the run, and I like the sciency-ness of the numbers, and I like being able to correlate my HR with effort.

    3. The HRM that are just a watch aren’t as accurate as the ones with a chest strap. Stick with the one you’ve got!

    4. You can get something like the BodyBugg which you wear on your arm and then get the separate attachment that you wear like a watch but I found it pretty hard to use on the run and if I’m going to stop to check it I might as well do it myself.

      On the other hand, the data then uploads to their website and you can see how hard you were working, but that is after the fact. I understand there is now one that links to your smartphone via bluetooth and I’m seriously tempted since I run with my phone anyway for the GPS and the screen would definitely be bigger, but I’m hesitate to spend the $200 on a first gen product.

    5. Related TJ: Where do you keep your gym locker keys?
      I lost my other lock which had a combination of digits. Now I have to use a key lock as I couldn’t find another digits lock in my city.
      I wear often shorts with no key pockets and might be doing some laps in the pool.
      How do you ladies store your keys?
      A friend suggested a necklace, but I will be doing a lot of jumping (Body Combat) and don’t feel like having the key jumping on my neck.
      Any ideas?

      1. How about a really big safety pin ? Put the pin though the key hole and then pin to your clothes ?

        1. Safety pin to your clothes. Inside a loose part of your shorts. Or inside the strap on your top or swimsuit.

        1. Okay — but what if you can’t remember a combination to save your life? Like EVER. Its a problem.

          1. I wrote my lock combination on the inside of my gym shoes with a Sharpie.

          2. I usually use my parents’ house number. True, they have lived in the same house for 40+ years, so I know the number well. I use it because I remember it easily but it’s not really on any documentation I have.

          3. This scenario happened to me once during a business trip. I had borrowed my sister’s defective combination lock. The combination changed midway through my trip. I had to roll every one of the digits incremetally starting at 0000 ; the number was 2 thousands and something… s oyes I did spend over 2 hours spinning the little sucker digits..

          4. They make locks that use letters instead of numbers. It’s a lot easier to remember.

          5. Pollt D; Thanks, that’s a great way to do it. I’ve always written the number on the back of the lock, which sort of defeats the purpose!

      3. I have laced keys into my running shoes before. It take a minute (you really want to lace it in, pull the laces out of the grommets and then re-lace, then find a way to stick the loose part into the lower laces so the key lies flat) but it’s worth it. I’ve run up to 15-17 miles that way with no problems. If you’re doing laps in the pool, you can stick it inside your shoe with your sweaty socks on top of it (as long as your shoes aren’t in the locker!)

        Or, order a combo lock from Amazon or something if you can’t find one locally and forget about all of this! :-)

        1. 3rd world problem haha
          I live in Morocco, North Africa where we don’t have Amazon
          I went to the Samsonite store 5 times asking about the combination lock and every time they say come back in 2 weeks. Meanwhile I had been going to gym without a lock.
          I am just back from a business trip and at the 7 airports I have been to, none had locks (yeay North Africa airports) but on the plane I found one lock with key so took it.
          I just needed to figure out how to stash the key for the next 4 weeks, so I’ll try the lace thing.
          I’m traveling to Pennsylvania soon so I’ll stock up on locks .. and I’ll probably get me one of those road IDs.

      4. Tie it to your shoe (make sure to double knot, because once I was running on the treadmill and my shoelaces came undone and the key flew off and I never found it; the gym staff had to cut the lock off the locker with bolt cutters). In the pool, I think I’d just leave it hidden inside my shoe or towel on the side of the pool; even if someone found the key, they’d be unlikely to match it to the correct locker before I figured out it was gone.

      5. You could do what I did back in the stone age when we had actual keys to college dorms:

        attach the key to a hair tie, and slide the hair tie around your wrist. Voila! It doesn’t bounce around the way a necklace would, and will work especially well in the pool.

        And as a bonus, you’ll be advance trolling!

    6. Road ID makes all kinds of ID tags to wear while running and biking, including a little pouch that velcros through the laces of your shoes. It would probably have room for your locker key. I use the tag (not pouch) that velcros through the laces and have never had trouble with it coming loose.

  2. Semi-related threadjack: I just bought my first ever No. 2 double serge cotton pencil skirt, and I wore it last week, and it got so.wrinkled. across the lap. Is this true for everyone else? I hate that look! I felt very schlumpy.

    1. Same problem, different skirt. I wondered if it was just me. I almost put the skirt on this morning, and remembered how bad it would look within the first 10 minutes. I wondered if maybe a slip would help?

    2. I have this skirt from multiple years, and that always happens to me; I’ve cut down on buying the cotton ones for this reason. The wool ones (the winter version of the skirt) don’t do this, I guess because they’re such a heavier fabric.

      I’ve never tried a slip, but I don’t really think it would help. I think it’s just that the stiff cotton wrinkles easily.

        1. Me too. And I’ve gotten over it now :( Sad but true… doesn’t bother me anymore

    4. Yep–I swore off cotton skirts for this reason. My lesson was first learned with J. Crew cotton skirts, which I won’t buy again. The test I use in the store: scrunch up some of the fabric in your hand. If it shows wrinkles after you let go, it’s going to have the lap crease problem (and might also look messy around the back vent from sitting). I know this isn’t the classiest thing to do as a shopper, but I feel like I need to know!

      1. Yup, I think I’m going to swear them off now. I guess I just don’t happen to have many, although it’s never been intentional, so I was shocked at how bad I looked by the time I walked into work just from driving in the car.

      2. Yep, I did the scrunch test with the no. 2 cotton last year and that made me decide not to buy it despite the lovely color. Though if I remember correctly, the skirt was already horribly wrinkled hanging on the rack, so the scrunch test wasn’t even necessary.

        I have the same problem with j. crew’s superfine cotton–just not worth it.

      3. I do the scrunch test, too! Especially to linen blends, and sometimes with leighter weight wools, too.

    5. Only when I sit down in my A-line skirts can I avoid these wrinkles across the lap.

      I think it’s to do with how I sit in closer-fitting skirts. They ride up a bit more and bunch at the hip area and then, presto! I’m got the lap-wrinkle. Ugh.

  3. The model is doing something weird with her hips or the skirt (I can’t tell) that makes it look too small in the front view. Odd. Would love to see this with a coral top and white blazer. :)

    I am SO EXCITED bc this is my last week to have to go into the office. Next week, if I haven’t had the baby yet (argh), I will only work from home. About time, too – I only have 2 shirts that are long enough to wear now!

  4. Can anyone tell what the top is she’s wearing? I couldn’t find it on the J Crew site. Wish they would always link to all items.

    1. Its possible its the chambray top and its just photographing funny, that’s the closest to the shape in their current collection (and when you click on the chambray shirt, this skirt comes up as something you might be interested in). But to be honest, I’m not sure. Maybe its from a prior season? Its cute!

      2. Ahh, you’re right. It looked shinier (and thus dressier) in the picture, but if I can’t wear it to work, I’m not dropping $110.

      3. But guys it’s the silkiest chambray ever!

        I’m actually on the lookout for a new chambray top. I got mine at JCrew factory and wear it so much I am doing laundry more often because it looks great with so much stuff. I will pass on the $110.

  6. Can anyone recommend a dentist in NYC that is good but inexpensive? I chipped a tooth and don’t have insurance. I’m going to see someone named Robert Danti tomorrow morning because he is near my office, but I figure this is a sign I should find a dentist to see regularly. I don’t have insurance, so cost is a concern. Somewhere in Manhattan (on the east side) would be best, but Astoria could work as well. Thanks in advance!

    1. Would love to hear recs for this too. My bosses frequently mention that nobody provides dental insurance anymore. I think that’s a load of cr*p, but it doesn’t change the fact that they refuse to. So now it’s been an embarrassingly long time since I’ve gone to the dentist.

      1. FWIW I have dental insurance, but they have refused to cover pretty much anything so it’s not worth much. (sorry but if I can’t chew on one side of my mouth without pain, I really do need to get that crown replaced!)

        1. Also, I found my current dentist via Groupon, which seems to have dentist “deals” often for some reason. I like her a lot but it’s in Park Slope so not really convenient for you.

      2. I’ve found that most people don’t actually do dental anymore, after looking at a ton of different providers and plans. The cost/benefit of the dental plans are outrageous.

    2. When you call around ask for payment plans. If any of the local universities have dental schools these have low cost clinics, though the wait may be a bit longer. Good luck!

      1. I used to see Convissar on Union Square but insurance covered so don’t know rates. He seemed fine.

        1. I know someone who went to NYU dental school for some serious work as it was cheaper than his regular dentist. He did not have any complaints.

          1. A coworker had the same recommendation. Unfortunately the woman I spoke to could only make me an initial appointment and had no idea whether they would be able to deal with the chip while I was there. She wasn’t very helpful, so I didn’t make an appointment, but I’ll probably wind up trying there after I get the chip fixed.

            Thanks for all the recommendations so far!

    3. My (gorgeous) dentist just moved a large portion of his practice from my itty bitty New England city to NYC. He has a TV show and does mostly cosmetic dentistry there. I’m not sure if his rates are totally different in NYC but I found him very affordable in my city. It would be worth checking out. You could also call his NH office for a quote and see if he would honor the same price in NY.

      http://www.drconnelly.com/ny_cosmetic_dentist/dr_thomas_connelly_bio.html

    4. You should check out Madison Dental (George Reskakis is my dentist and I love him). I’m not sure what their rates are, but their office staff is super nice and helpful and I’m sure they would answer your questions over the phone. At Madison & 53rd. madisondental DOT com.

    5. Ninia Kiani on 34th. Not sure how much she costs (I had dental insurance) but I liked her a lot.

    6. I don’t have a recommendation, but when I was a graduate student (with no dental insurance) I went to see a dentist affiliated with the local dental school (adjunct faculty with his own private practice). He gave me a generous “professional” discount even though I was not in any way part of the dental school. If you have a dentist you like, or find a dentist you like, ask if they can do a discount of some sort. The worse they can say is “no” and you are no worse off.

    7. Dr. Wen Li-Cavallo, in Chinatown. She’s on zocdoc so you can schedule your appointments online!

  7. The skirt is cute – Any insight into how the J Crew pencil skirt fits? Is there a little room through the hips/thighs or is it a pretty narrow, straight cut?

    1. The waist will be too big if it fits in the hips, but the way they’re constructed they’re very easy to take in (at least the wool ones are, I haven’t tried the cotton ones).

    2. In my experience, the No2 skirts are roomier than their suiting skits. I recently had to go up a size in their suiting but can still comfortably fit in my old size in the No2. And I love that they’re machine washable.

      1. I have several and always size up to fit hips. Sometimes the waist will be slightly loose but I generally prefer my pencil skirts with a little extra room. I’m not particularly curvy so I am guessing the cut is very straight up and down.

    3. It’s a pretty straight cut. I have to buy them to fit my hips, and the waist always is a bit too big. I’ve never had them taken in, because the gapping at my waist isn’t enough for anyone else to notice, just enough to irritate me mildly. I still love the skirts, though.

    4. Thanks for the feedback – I pretty much have an hour glass shape and generally have to deal with the “gap at the waist” problem!

    5. I’m curvy but I get around the waist gapping problem by wearing them down on my hips instead of up at my natural waist (ordering petites keeps them from being too long).

      1. Somehow I totally missed your comment which completely answered my question! How do petite sizes relate to normal? If I’m a 4 normally, do I size up for petites, or get a 4p?

        1. J Crew petites are generally an inch (at least) smaller in bust, hips and waist, compared to the corresponding regular sizes. I definitely have to size up if I’m going with the petite.

    6. I have two j.crew pencil skirts that I almost never wear because of how they are cut. I am thin-ish, but a very classic hourglass with a 10 inch difference between my waist and hips. The skirts are lovely but don’t flatter me as well as say, banana republic pencil skirts, or really any other pencil skirt I’ve ever owned. J. Crew skirts are basically cut straight up and down.

      I have a question about j.crew sizing too though, and I’m thinking that maybe the skirts/ other things I’ve tried at that store don’t look that great on my figure because the proportions are off? I’ve never been to a j.crew store that sells petite clothes and I’m definitely a petite. Would I find the clothes less incredibly long and narrow if I were wearing petite sizing? Can anyone speak to this? Or is it just a store for people who are straight up and down no matter how tall they are?

      1. I’m not sure petite sizing would change this. The waist/hip ratios are similar to the regular sizes; the proportions are just shrunken length-wise (head to toe), I think. I’m petite but buy regular sizes sometimes and the waist/hip area fits the pretty much the same on both (but one number size up, as MHM says). I have a flat-ish bum & narrow hips so JCrew works for me.

        I don’t think any stores carry petites. If you wanted to try ordering petites online, you could return in-store for free.

  8. NEED ADVICE! On the heels of the office location topic yesterday, I am wondering what suggestions y’all have for getting more interaction w/ others in the firm when your office is out of the way or in a quiet area. There are great things about my job (hours & flexibility), but lots of days I don’t have any interaction with anyone while at work. It drives me crazy! And actually makes me pretty sad about my daily life. I’d love to hear your suggestions.

    ps -LOVE that outfit :)

    1. Do what I DO! Walk around and TALK to people. Otherwise you are stuck and like me would have the manageing partner stareing at me. IF I am OUT of my office, he has to come OUT and follow me around, and he does NOT do that. FOOEY on him!

    2. When I’m in need of a chat break, I take the long way to the ladies’ room or floor kitchen so that I pass coworkers’ offices on the way. The direct route offers few opportunities for catching up.

    3. Eat lunch in the break room. Find people to eat with (do you like any of your colleages? Email them at 11:00 and say “Interested in grabbing lunch in the break room today?”). Find people to go on 3 pm coffee runs. Call instead of email, and meet in person instead of calling. Take the long way to the bathroom/elevators/copy room, and wave at people. Stop by people’s offices on the way to and from meetings. Constantly suggest: “Let’s meet in person instead; I’ll come by your office in two/five/ten minutes.” Look for committees and other opportunities within your firm that would be focused on talking to people. For example, I am on the diversity committee at my firm and it gives me lots of excuses to talk to people.

      It’s really hard to do this because it can be countercultural. As an introvert, it’s also not natural for me. But I think it’s really, really worthwhile. And my experience is that other people are also often looking for some human interaction at work, but don’t know how to get it.

      1. Thanks Sadie! I should write these suggestions on a postit & put in front of my face so I remember to do them! Sometimes I think my lack of interaction leads to my being down-in-the-dumps, which leads to my not initiating things. A vicious cycle!

        1. I totally experience that vicious cycle. What’s hard for me is that I’ll go out of my way to chat with people and reach out, but then it is almost never reciprocated, which makes me want to give up and stop making such an effort. I think it’s just the company culture though. I work as an editor with many other introverted editors, so that’s probably why everyone feels more comfortable in silence, but it is a downer for sure.

    4. Even though it’s hard, it’s worth it to walk around the office and chat with your co-workers. Think of it as internal networking.

      There are some tips in NGDGTCO.

  9. Love this skirt – wish it were longer than 22″. Love the shoes – wish they came in narrows. Argh.

    1. If you’re like me and JCrew skirts are usually too short, you’re in luck. They released a mid-calf pencil skirt this year that hits at my knee (5’10). Now if they’d only release it in multiple colors!

  10. I really like this.
    I also like it in the feather paisley pattern on sale now for $80 (less 30%). Trying to decide if that one is a bit too wackadoo for my workplace, but I think with a simple top and a black blazer, it could work.

    1. I just checked this out. Looks like there’s fireworks all over :))
      I don’t mind wearing it with a simple short sleeved white tee tucked in for the evenings.

  11. Styling Suggestions Wanted

    I just bought Talbots’ Ponte Knit Jacket in the Hibiscus color (link in response). I’ve never owned a bright colored jacket before. Any styling ideas? I ordered a bright yellow t-shirt and some dove gray pants along with it. Does that sound like an outfit or an Easter egg gone awry?

    2. Ooohhh, pretty. I own a very similarly colored jacket from a few seasons ago from Talbots. I’ve had luck pairing it with creams and tans and browns as well as navy and even black. I think yellow and gray would work, though cream and gray would also work. I also love, love, love pairing this shade with turquoise and other colors in the blue family (cobalt even is lovely.)

      1. Thanks! I especially love the turqoise idea! I have a turquoise beaded necklace I could pair with this jacket and a white or cream top.

      3. Yay – I will have to keep these suggestions in mind when the Hibiscus Talbots Jackie Fit Pickstitched Canvas Jacket that I just ordered arrives! Much more stylish than the boring combinations I would come up with on my own :)

      1. It hasn’t arrived yet, but I will report back. I am obsessed with knit jackets too because I have line-backeresque shoulders that look freakishly huge in more structured jackets. Not to mention, they are very uncomfortable! If you have recommendations for any other good knit jackets, I’d love to hear them.

      1. The link is bringing up the hot pink “Pink Flambe” color, but I think the OP has the “Hibiscus,” which is more of an intense coral. Both very pretty!

    5. I have a jacket that color, I always wear with black pants and white top, interested to see other color ideas. I did recently find a print scarf with purple, red, pink, and coral that at least adds a little interest to the outfit.

  12. Love the skirt. Love polka dots in general and I’m really excited to see them in so many professional pieces. For the price, though, I really wish the pattern matched up at the seams.

  13. Not that I’m a fan (at all!!!) of patterned pants, but Kat’s comment made me wonder…why are loud prints on skirts considered OK but on pants they seem totally weird? Is it just the all-over-ness of the pants (I think I’ve seen printed Maxi skirts too though)? It’s just funny that I can’t seem to find a reason for such an intuitive reaction.

    1. If I had to guess, its that most patterned pants kind of hug the thighs, therefore emphasizing their relative size. Whereas skirts are more…concealing of that area. Patterns on pants that are more flowy are generally more okay (though a but hippy dippy if you know what I mean).

    2. I think it’s an aesthetic balance that gets thrown off when you put patterns on pants. It’s just too much oomph confined to strips of fabric (pant legs). Skirts and dresses are wonderful easels for patterns, kwim?

    3. i’ve noticed the same thing – i wear patterned or bright solid skirts (kelly green, bright blue, fuscia, etc) without blinking, but i paused a bit before buying my first pair of bright pants. i think it comes down to the amount of fabric for me…a polka dotted skirt is adorable, but i see myself in the pants and think “wow, that is a WHOLE LOT of polka dots.” baby steps.

    4. I think printed pants are, for whatever reason, a bit more unusual. Because we see them less, it makes more of an impression when they do pop up. Printed skirts (or maxi skirts or dresses), on the other hand, are de rigeur, so they’re a non-thing.

      I actually don’t have a problem with patterned pants. Not all of them are great, not all of them are awful.

    5. I had the same thought! Partly, I think it’s just socialization, like so many things. Why is red considered a “classic” nail polish color? Doesn’t really make any sense. Or why is a skirt suit more conservative than a pants suit?

      Maybe the reason why “louder” skirts are more ok than pants is because skirts are inherently more conservative/traditional, so there’s more leeway for them to be unusual? who knows.

      1. I never understood the skirt suit thing. I figured that since they show more leg, they’re not nearly as conservative as pants. And if it’s all about the old women-shouldn’t-wear-pants thing, well, why are we wearing suits at all? They’re totally menswear. We should wear party dresses to work instead.

        1. i’m anon at 10:33–I completely agree with you! I was just pointing out how these things are viewed socially, but I agree that they don’t make much sense.

          1. Sorry if it wasn’t clear that I was agreeing with you ~ I really liked your comment! I’ve been thinking all morning about how maybe there’s an alternate universe where blue nail polish is normal and Corporette has lengthy discussions about whether it’s OK to wear red or pink to the office. Why not?

        2. Some days I feel like I would enjoy my job much more if I *could* wear party dresses instead of suits.

        3. A friend and I at one point discussed opening a firm, and Fridays would be c*cktail dress day….

          1. LOL. One of my friends and I always say we are going to have “Sequin Friday” when we open our law firm!

        4. It doesn’t make sense. Dudes made the rules. It’s not really worth worrying about.

    6. Prints on pants seem louder to me because they’re more complicated than skirts, in that you have seams, pockets, and zippers and the print is broken up. On a skirt, it’s just one continuous print.

  14. TJ:
    How do you effectively look for a job not in your geographic region? DH and I want to move back closer to our hometown and I need to find a job in DC-ish. I’m recently out of law school and have a firm job now in another big city but have no contacts in the DC area. Have people successfully used recruiters? I don’t see many postings on firm websites and I don’t want to take too much time blindly sending resumes if its not effective…

    Any advice/help is appreciated!

    1. I’ve found that the key is to be there. Having a local address on a resume has helped friends of mine who crash at my place while job hunting. I this there is a reluctance of employers to consider people outside the area because they don’t know for sure whether you would move, don’t want to even think about paying relocation costs or interview travel costs, and want the flexibility to interview someone on relatively short notice.

      Since you are currently employed and likely wouldn’t be able to go to DC for awhile while hou are looking, another suggestion I’ve heard is to include a line in your cover letter that says you will be in town the week of x. By doing that and playing up your connections to the area, you may be able to push past some of the resistance to considering candidates from out of the area.

      Good luck!

    2. I think it’s going to be hard to find a job in the DC area remotely. Blindly sending out resumes never worked for me and it’s my impression that most job postings already have a candidate in mind. You’ll have to make contacts. If you know where you want to work, find a link to someone who works there, e.g. through an alumni network, and send them an email asking to meet for coffee. If you can, schedule a few meetings and come down here for a couple days.

    3. In addition to the alumni network, your law school career services office almost certainly will work with you, and it might have information on employers looking for laterals instead of new grads. Also, check out the local bar journals for job ads. I did the same thing — moved back to my home state and job-hunted long-distance — some years ago; I more or less cold-called the firm where I eneded up, but it turned out they had been advertising at the time in the state and county bar journals.

  15. So my boss told me today that I’m doing great work, but I need to project more confidence. I’m the youngest and most junior associate, the only woman in my group, and I’m generally a bit shy. Any advice on how to get over this and project more confidence at work? Thanks so much!

    1. A couple easy (sort of) steps — over prepare for one on one meetings as best you can so you show expertise in the early stages of cases (in your non-written work). And phrase your conclusions in declarative statements rather in the form of questions. When I first started, I’d always say, I think we should …? and it would always kind of turn into a question. I quickly learned that partners reacted better if I made more forceful declarative recommendations, “We should …” or “The law is …”. Try to eliminate “bet hedging” language from your day to day conversation style when talking to superiors (if you’re confident about your research). If you have to go back to them and say ” You know what, I actually found this case and it says XYZ,” that’s okay, but if you constantly say “I’m pretty sure XYZ”. And try to participate substantively at least once in group meetings.

    2. Read “Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office.” There are a lot of great ideas for someone in your position. And congrats on the positive feedback about your work!

      1. second NGDGTCO.
        I am not the youngest in the company, but the youngest among my colleagues (from other regions).
        I have read this book the first time and realized that the way I sound does not show confidence.
        I have re-read the book 6 months later and though I advanced on some aspects, I still had things to work on.
        I actually plan on reading that book every six months to see progress on my areas of development. Cannot recommand it enough

    3. I think I sound more confident when I focus on the character of my voice. When I get shy or am trying to be really polite, I tend to speak in a higher pitch and a VERY pronounced Southern accent. When I remember to use my grown-up voice, I automatically add at least 25 confidence points to my presentation. My natural voice when I’m projecting myself a bit is not very high pitched, I think it’s just when I’m trying to be extra polite or quiet that it gets up there.

      Not phrasing sentences as questions also helps a lot. If you aren’t sure what that sounds like, your voice usually goes up slightly at the end of a question and goes down or stays the same at the end of a declaratory sentence.

      I don’t know if I’m the only one, but something I tend to do when I get confused or am not sure what I’m talking about is that I’ll restart sentences over and over. Something like: “Well, there was no duty here because the product… the manufactures of this product don’t have a… the duty is… actually, there’s no duty because XYZ.” It’s a mess. If you do that, be aware and try not to do it. I find that if I practice what I’m going to say a few times, at least in my head, I’m a lot less likely to start and stop like that.

      1. Yes – tone of voice is very important. In addition to the great advice above, don’t drop the ends of sentences or raise your voice at the end of sentences (it sounds like a question?).

        1. I should add that I’m also very shy and introverted, and often I find that they key is to fake it. Literally. :)

        2. I drop the ends of sentences. It’s such a bad thing to do. Totally gives away that you lack confidence.

    4. Have good posture, try not to fidget, make eye contact with people, and don’t apologize for things you shouldn’t apologize for. It’s OK that you’re shy, and you shouldn’t feel like you need to turn into a boisterous extrovert to convey confidence. You can project confidence quietly.

    5. I agree with all the above, but I would also add one thing. If possible (and as best you can) you need to try to participate in the friendly banter around the office. Maybe read up a little on the local sports or whatever show they watch. And if the partners you work for are prone to sarcasm, try to give as good as you get.

      My mantra was “They’re only human”. You can’t let them intimidate you into being a meek mouse. Be as funny and as friendly as you can be. It will help seep over into your other work interactions.

    6. I got the same feedback during my first review, which was about 6 months in, but this year I got compliments on how I present myself. So, you’re definitely not alone and you can turn around that impression pretty quickly. Other commenters have given great suggestions already – speaking with authority, making eye contact, and preparing for meetings were all super helpful for me. Some other things to consider:

      1. Be organized. I find it’s really soothing to know where everything is, when deadlines are coming, and what I’m supposed to do; it’s like my security blanket. Your notes should be detailed enough to get you up to speed on a case you haven’t looked at for a while, but short enough to let you catch up quickly.

      2. If you haven’t already, start building a wardrobe so you can dress how you think a confident woman should dress. It’s easier to act confident when you’ve made a good first impression and people treat you like you know what you’re doing than it is when people treat you like you’re just some upstart kid.

      3. Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. You got a great review on your work product, so obviously you have a lot to be confident about!

    7. I’ve saved all these suggestions. So helpful. I need to incorporate these. I have the skill, but not very good at projecting it – mostly because I’m quiet and when I talk on rare occasions, I don’t appear very confident.

    8. +1 to all above, and also…

      One thing I’ve had to work on is speaking up in meetings. Being the one to say, “It seems to me that X is having an unintended impact upon Y, which is such-and-such,” is very very different from saying, “That’s what I was just thinking!” after somebody else says it. I used to sit in meetings almost bursting with something I wanted to say but feeling paralyzed because I felt like *obviously* these more experienced people would have thought of this already and who am I to butt in? Guess what – they haven’t, and even if they have, it’s good to show that you are present, thinking actively about the issues in front of you, and confident enough to take the lead and express a view or concern that has not already been brought to the table.

      1. Totes, trust me the more experienced people probably have thought of it, but don’t want to have to be the ones to speak up every time about everything. I am a senior person and have never had trouble speaking up but I am so thrilled that my younger colleagues are developing their voices in meetings. I’d much rather let them be heard and be the one to say “That’s right!” than to always have to speak up.

      2. I’ve had this exact experience recently. I was in a client meeting and had a thought that they didn’t seem to be considering. I’m pretty new to my job so I didn’t speak up but wrote it down to run by my boss later. Well, when I ran it by her later she told me she wished I had brought it up in the meeting because it was a good idea and not something they had ever considered before so she would have liked to get the client’s input.

        Oops. I speak up now, once I’ve thought about what to say!

  16. Threadjack from a mostly lurker …
    So, these last weeks (months?), I’ve been a nervous wreck. I feel like my brain is both void and on overdrive 24/7.

    As a result, I’m completely useless. I don’t even have the energy to put on make up and to dress up in the morning since 2012 (thank God my workplace is beyond casual : my old jeans and sweaters fit in nicely :) ), and my work is, hum, not stellar, shall we say. It doesn’t help that I’m bored out of my mind at work and dislike every second of the job :)

    It’s nothing new actually, so I have meds and a therapist appointment scheduled, but I would like some pratical tips to help me function day-to-day and move over this bad patch with some panache. I’m down-to-earth, so talking just doesn’t work. I need action :)

    Do you have any tip ? It can be anything from organizational tools to meditation tips, to food that helps, to anything actually. Anything that can help me become the woman I once was (or, at least, fake it till I make it).

    Right now, I take care to have a balanced diet and drink enough water

    I’d love to sleep more but my sleep patterns are very hit-and-miss so I just go to bed early with a cosy mystery and wait for the sandman.

    As for work, I had a look at the Pomodoro technique but have difficulties to put it from theory to practice, it’s often above my focus level and, when I get to focus, I don’t like to be disturbed after 25 mn.

    Leechblock does not really work because I would have to block all the websites and I must be able to do quick searches in a pinch for work.

    At home I use to-do-lists, but I am often too tired to pick myself up from the couch, or I just don’t get the point of doing the tasks.

    I may need to face important life changes in the following months, so I’d like to be mentally able to take the right decisions. Plus I hate being in this jittery, confused, sad, tired state, I feel like I lost all grip on my life …

    Anyway, thanks in advance ! :)

    1. Are you exercising? If not, I’d try to at least get a 20 minute walk in once a day. It may help with your sleep patterns too.

      1. I don’t drive, so go to work by foot/subway (all together, a 30 minutes walk daily). Other than that, I run when the weather cooperate. But you’re completely right, it would be a good idea to sneak in a short walk at noon, to get some fresh air and maybe a little sunshine.
        Thank you !

    2. I’m sorry you’re going through this – I have been there, and it’s miserable.

      When I have been in a similar state, including with horrible insommnia, I have found some relief from listening to guided visualization meditations. I especially love Shakti Gawain for this. You might also try reading Andrew Weil’s book “Spontaneous Healing.” He is a big propenent of breathing exercises, and I have done his relaxing breath exercise so frequently, I find myself doing it unconsciously in stressful situations. I’ll try to find a link to put in a reply.

      Otherwise I would say, cut out anything extraneous and focus on doing the basics religiously. Cut yourself a lot of slack, and I hope you find a way out of this soon.

        2. There are also some great soothing guided meditations available for free as podcasts on itunes. I like meditation oasis, my thought coach, and meditation station! There are a wide variety and you can find something for whatever you need help with – be it anxiety, falling asleep, letting go of the work day, etc.

      2. Oh, one more thing: I have tried every sleep remedy ever invented by nature or chemistry, and I like melatonin the best. I think it’s especially good for straightening out wonky sleep patterns, so you might considering trying it if you haven’t already.

      3. You didn’t say what caused this, but it sounds like a classic case of Depression. Can you take a medical leave from work while you consult a pychiatrist and get started on some medication? Maybe for one month? Or call it a vacation? Otherwise, you might mess up at work. That would not be good.

    3. Sorry for your situation.

      I wrote above about my not having interaction at work – makes me not want to be there.

      However, I am trying to be proactive about doing things a really enjoy outside of work. Since the weather is nice, I have started running/walking outside. The best part of this is listening to an audiobook while doing it! Makes me want to go farther & I can’t wait to go again to hear more of the book. You can download audiobooks for free from your library website onto your ipod. I have found that when I do this after work, I have more energy to get after my to-do list. I did some major organizing in the garage two nights ago after a run/walk.

      Another thing is that I have found volunteer things that I like to do, rather than what the firm wants me to do. They had me going to chamber of commerce meetings to network. Well that was really a bunch of realtors & insurance salesmen trying to sell stuff. So I quit going to those and volunteered w/ Relay for Life. I have made much better connections and look forward to working on the event each week.

      I hope things turn around for you!

      1. Yes, I’ve read your post and relate a lot :)

        Unfortunately, I’m at a point where I just don’t know what I enjoy anymore. That’s why I look for very little, simple things without having to “think”. Right now, I’m just not thinking right …

        The volunteering idea is great, now I remember I had a blast when I was volunteering for a library some years ago. It was so rewarding, thank you for the reminder :).

    4. What about finding a volunteer project that you enjoy? It doesn’t have to be academic or in your field, just something that you will look forward to doing and make you realize what you can contribute.

      1. As I wrote above, I don’t feel up to such a decision right now : I don’t know what I like to do anymore if left to my own devices, plus I’m extremely shy and introvert so meeting new people is very, very stressful.
        But once I get over this, volunteering is a think I’ll keep in mind to stay out of such mental blackholes.

        1. Do you like animals? Could you volunteer at an animal shelter to walk dogs or socialize puppies? You wouldn’t have to plan events or anything, and there should be less dealing with people. I was really thinking of something on that level of mental exertion, although I do hear you about how difficult the decision can be.

          1. I might advise against volunteering at an animal shelter. When I was going through some stuff, I started going 2x a week to the local animal friends. The people at the shelter were welcoming and the animals were so loving, but at the end of the day it was a shelter, and the city had a huge stray problem. There were just so many dogs and cats (so many cats!) without homes, and ultimately, I just couldn’t handle it.
            I did end up adopting a cat and she’s wonderful and really helped get me through a rough time. (like only getting out of bed because I have to feed the cat type bad).
            So I think that pets can be great for emotional health, but maybe try pet sitting for a friend or family member over volunteering at a shelter. Or if adoption is a possible route and you think you can handle a pet’s needs, go for it!

          2. shortiek has a point. I volunteered for a no-kill cat shelter and it was still really hard to see the beautiful loving cats locked in cages waiting for someone to come adopt them and not getting adopted week after week. I don’t think I could handle volunteering at a kill shelter where animals would disappear and I might not even know if they were adopted or put down!

    5. Exercise really helps me in periods like this. It somehow allows me to focus and make sensical patterns and associations between all the random thoughts running through my brain. I know it seems hard to fit in exercise during an already busy period, but for me, it makes such a tremendous difference it is even worth forgoing a bit of sleep. (though once I get in a routine, I tend to sleep much better too.) I find it has to be some kind of fairly intense cardio exercise to take my mind of things. For some reason, pilates, yoga, etc., aren’t enough for me. But, try those too and see what works.

      1. I usually run 2x a week, but the weather has been horrendous recently. I can’t exercise at the gym (too many people :) ), but I’ll get back to running as soon as the Flood is over.

        I’m not very busy, so time is not an issue, fortunately.

        1. How do you feel about exercise videos? Sometimes it feels like there is nothing I’d rather do less, but other times I feel good after moving around and stretching, and I do feel like I’ve accomplished something by finishing the video. There are lots on Netflix streaming.

        2. For me, exercise has become a completely priority. I know that if I have to count on the weather, I’ll never do it, so I have a gym that’s between work and home (I do strength training three days a week) and a treadmill folded in the corner of my livingroom (six days a week). Work out what your excuses are and try to develop an exercise plan that will help you overcome them.

    6. I was in a similar state earlier this year. I mentioned it to my doctor who suggested I take Vitamin B Complex supplements. Apparently B can help with mood and energy levels and my blood tests showed a deficiency in Vitamin B. I’ve felt worlds better since taking it.

    7. You sound a bit like I felt about 3 months ago when I was really depressed about my weight. To analogize, it seems like you know what the problem is, you know how to fix it, you just lack the motivation to get started and you’re not all that sure that if you try you will succeed. And not succeeding will stress you out even more.

      All I can say is you have to start. You have to take one step. Then decide if you’re going to take another step. Don’t decide you have to take 10 steps and think “I’ll never take 10 steps!” Think, I’d like to take 10 steps, but my goal is just one step. Then I’ll decide if I want to take another step. Then I’ll decide if I want to take another. Etc…

      You’re kind of shooting down all the ideas people are giving you and while you absolutely can’t implement ALL of the ideas you’re getting, you could try 1. Or take one that appeals to you and modify it. For instance, you say the Pomodoro technique doesn’t work for you. What about it doesn’t work? You don’t like being interrupted after 25 minutes? So don’t actually set a timer, fix in your head “I will work for 25 minutes then take a 5 minute break.” The next time you look up might be 5 minuted and might be 2 hours. If it’s 2 hours, take your five minute break and tell yourself the same thing again. If it’s 5 minutes think “okay, refocus for 25 minutes.” or think “ok, 5 minutes down, 20 to go.” etc until you accomplish something.

      You mention a to do list at home, what about at work? Putting up sticky notes, assigning rewards to tasks, etc…

      You just have to DO IT and tell your brain to shut up and slowly (oh so painfully slowly) things begin to become habits. (And hopefully by then your meds will have kicked in and you’ll look back at this post and wonder why you were so depressed!)

      1. I have a quote I keep inside my desk drawer at work. It says:

        Your choice is misery or effort. Take a step. Force your hand and take action. It comes down to you. Get up and go.

        I can get down too and have trouble staying motivated because sometimes it feels like nothing I do really matters that much. But letting myself wallow and get bored and frustrated makes me feel even worse. Sometimes just forcing myself to take a step and try is what it really takes to move on from that emotional state. One small healthy step can lead to another small healthy step. It might be two steps forward, one step back kind of thing. But you will feel more empowered.

        2. That’s exactly it. I love that quote. I also like where you said “On small healthy step can lead to another small healthy step. It might be two steps forward, one step back kind of thing. But you will feel more empowered.” That’s exactly how it works. Exactly.

    8. Home has always been the one that stumped me, too. I’d much rather sit on my bed with my cat and my laptop than clean. But I find that if I can find the time/energy to do at least one thing right when I walk in the door or when I come downstairs in the morning for breakfast (do dishes, put things away, clean up around the kitty dishes, wipe down the sink), it’s not as overwhelming. I have talked myself into doing certain things weekly (mopping the bathroom floor while the towels are in the wash, mopping the kitchen right after I cook on a Sunday) and I try to save up energy/time for when a whole room needs work.

    9. Just wanted to concur that it sounds like you may be suffering from a mental health issue such as depression. I know it can be hard to take action if that is the case, but I really recommend that you look into therapy/counseling and also discuss with a doctor whether medication might help with what you are going through. I don’t think you would necessarily need to take time off work to do this – unless that is something that your psychologist/psychiatrist/therapist/doctor/whoever recommends.
      Hang in there and good luck!

    10. Thank you all of you !

      I bought some vitamin B last night and brought my sneakers to work to get a walk at the lunch break. I also decided to open the windows this morning to get some real light before going to work (we live in street level in a busy city so blinds are closed all day when we’re not home, so we don’t bother to open them in the morning during weekdays.)

      Re : the Pomodoro Techniques : what doesn’t work is that I have trouble getting started, but once I start I can go on pretty well.

      Re : depression : yes, I have clinical depression since, well … probably since high school, but was only diagnosed at 25, ten years ago. I’m under medication/therapy since then, and a few years ago my therapist switched my AD for cyclothymy medication. I don’t think that it works well (it levels out my mood, sure, but the level seems more down than up, so I just feel “not miserable but not really happy” all the time) but she’s adamant that it’s what I need – for the record, I get along very well with her so I trust her, and she’s not pro-meds unless it’s necessary.

      I’m sorry if I sounded like I discarded all suggestions. I didn’t ! It’s not my first bout of confusion as you can guess. I’ve learned to live with the beast and keep is at bay mostly but then there always was a bit of light at the end of the tunnel before. It’s the first time I’m really not able to get up and kick myself in the pants, and feel hopeless. I waited for some time,getting along and thinking it was SAD, but right now I just don’t seem to manage it at all, and feel guilty because, as someone said, I should be able to make the effort to escapy my self-inflicted misery. Being still whiny at my age is not pretty :)

      Anyway, last night was the first evening in a long time that my shoulders felt relaxed and I slept 6.5 hr , so I guess I’m on the right path.

  17. How does Talbot’s fit as compared to J.Crew? I like today’s pick, but in poking around for patterned pencil skirts and cardigans, it looks like Talbots has a lot of both.

    1. Talbot’s is kind of all over the place. Last year, they definitely ran bigger (partly because of boxier silhouettes). But – I am a 4/6 in JCrew pencil skirts and recently tried a Talbot’s pencil skirt in a 6 (the one with horizontal thin blue and white stripes) – I could get it on, but it was uncomfortably snug – but then I’m a 2P in their fuller skirts. I’m also typically an XS/S in tops – there were knit turtlenecks this winter that were practically p*rnographic even in a M – but a 0/2 fits perfectly for sleeveless woven blouses. So… it’s a complete cr*pshoot!

      1. This. Last year, I was a solid size bigger in J.crew than Talbots (4/6 skirt, 6 pants at Talbots). This year, I’m having to buy Talbots bigger and J.crew smaller. And I haven’t gained an ounce or changed shape.

    2. Agreed. They used to be consistently one size bigger than JC/AT/BR, but now, they are often TTS, with occasional pieces that skew totally weirdo off.

    3. with more specific examples, I am a 4 in JCrew’s no.2 pencil skirts and a 2 in Talbot’s pencil skirts. On top though, I am a 2P in Jcrew’s schoolboy jacket and a 2P in Talbot’s kate tuxedo blazer.

    4. Yes, I decided to give Talbots another try (based in part on this site and comments) and had to return a lot of stuff. Therefore I suggest try on in the store. I am a size 8-10 at most places. Skirts in an 8 fit at Talbots but the suit jackets did not fit at all. Tight in the chest (am rather busty) but also the shoulders/back (not usually a problem for me), and sizing up resulted in baggy in all the wrong places (around waist area, made me look bigger). I did find several cute tops to wear by themselves or under suits and generally found a medium or a size 10 worked (except a button down that had the same chest/shoulder problem as the jackets).

  18. This was mentioned in the comments last week, but the frugal among us, the Macy’s Alfani Polka Dot Pencil is an excellent substitute.

    Link to follow.

      2. Ooh, I actually like that one better. Now I just have to decide if this is something I would wear!

        1. You will wear it. Get it! (I haven’t been able to enable someone for months :-D) I have a similar skirt from another store and I actually have to tell myself not to wear it. It’s fun, but still very business-y.

  19. Does anyone have styling suggestions for this dress? I plan to wear it to a party which is theoretically c*tail attire but in actuality is going to be slightly nicer than normal.
    I’ve only ever worn dresses like this with flip flops so I was thinking something like killer heels (rec’s appreciated!) and earrings with a more understated necklace due to the neckline…
    Thoughts? Reccomendations? People telling me I’m completely crazy….

    http://athleta.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=50004&vid=1&pid=819727

    also..love the skirt featured :)

      1. Generally I would agree, my friends (who happen to be planning this party) are insistent that it will work. Their dresses are equally light and daytimey (yes that’s a fake word)
        My inclination is that since it is from about 4-6 and is our group of friends it might work if styled correctly.
        For any type of real event with real people (as opposed to just my friends) I would not even consider this option

        1. Is this event at one of your friends’ apartments/houses? If so, then go for it.

          If at a restaurant or other location, then what all the others have said.

    2. Completely crazy. Just kidding but I think this dress is way too casual unless it’s daytime and you’re at the beach. Wearing flip flops.

      1. agree – if it were made of a different material, MAYBE it could dress up, but it’s made of swimsuit fabric.

    3. I don’t think that a dress that is “made from swimsuit fabric” will work anywhere that isn’t (i) the beach, (ii) the pool, or (iii) very casual and in the immediate vicinity of (i) or (ii).

      I also think that wearing a swimsuit fabric dress with killer heels will skew pageant contestant…

    4. Maybe the link is being wonky, but it took me to a swim dress. Like, a dress made out of bathing suit material. Meant for swimming.

      And I didn’t see a skirt either.

    5. Crazy! This dress is made out of swimsuit fabric! Absolutely not c*cktail attire.

    6. Agree. I don’t think this will work well for the type of event you describe.

    7. The only thing I can think of is to pull the “went straight from the beach to the nice restaurant in the resort” look and do strappy heeled sandals or wedges, beachy loose/flowy hair and earrings. And even then, it would still be on the way more casual side of elegant.

    8. Sorry, on the crazy side. That is a swim dress. I can’t imagine that with heels. Light and daytimey can equal sundress though. I would get a sundress.

    9. I’m on board with crazy… I was skeptical from the get go so this is more validating than anything else – I couldn’t come up with a way to style it and have it look the way I want
      It is at someone’s apartment but the types of dresses people have picked have been interesting…
      It doesn’t feel like a swim suit on… at least to my mind- I’ve worn it for casual afternoons and shopping before but wouldn’t go into the water with it on… though reviewers there seem to have done so.

      With that… any recommendations for dresses that might fit the bill… preferably under 40-50 dollars? I have so many dress purchases coming up for graduation that I don’t want to spend a boatload of money on this event.

      1. Okay, given the above dress and the general idea of sundresses, what about something like this: http://www.victoriassecret.com/ss/Satellite?ProductID=1265772048607&c=Page&cid=1265780826777&pagename=vsdWrapper&URL=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.victoriassecret.com%2Fss%2FSatellite%3FProductID%3D1265772048607%26c%3DPage%26cid%3D1265780826777%26pagename%3DvsdWrapper&cm_mmc=CJ-_-1909792-_-10561721-_-Victorias+Secret+Redirect+Link

        Normally I wouldn’t recommend Victoria’s Secret, but this is cute, especially if you styled it with some white wedge sandals or espradilles and a bright coral necklace or something. If you threw a cardigan over it, it would be good for going out to dinner casually in the summer and the like to. Is this the sort of thing you were looking for?

        1. And actually (gosh, I’m actually wincing that I’m admitting this!) I recently found some cute sundresses at walmart and they’re holding up pretty well. The fabric is definitely on the cheap side, but I got four fun weekend dresses for…$60ish? All lengths.

          I LOVE this one: http://www.walmart.com/ip/In-The-Mix-Cross-Strap-Printed-Maxi-Dress/19485519

          I can’t find the others right now, but for the price you really can’t beat it, especially if you don’t expect to wear it for years and years.

        1. yay! Such fabulous suggestions!
          All of these look excellent now I just have to figure out which I want either from these or along the same lines!
          Thanks for helping! I feel much better going this direction than the original one

  20. Does anyone have experience with eshakti? I’m really obsessed with wearing dresses to work these days, but it’s hard for me to find ones that fit off the rack. eShakti might be a workaround solution but I can’t tell about the quality of the clothes. Any thoughts?

    2. I ordered from e-shakti about 5 years ago and it was an awful experience.

      They promised delivery in 4-6 weeks…ok great, it’s custom, I can wait. 10 weeks later, I’d only gotten 2 out of the 6 things I’d ordered, and recieved no updates on when the other 4 would arrive. I eventually cancelled the remainder of the order. That was the only bright spot in my dealing with them…the cancellation went pretty smoothly. But then, almost too smoothly….like it was never even being made.

      What I ordered was 2 tunics they were so thin, there was absolutely no structure. And if they hadn’t been red and olive green, they would have been see through.

      I asked to be removed from their mailing list immediately after I decided I’d never order from them again. It took months to get off their list. And heroic measures. And 5 years later, I still get random mailings from them.

      I’ve never examined their stuff again.

      1. I just checked out their website for the first time in years. They seem to have improved their selections. When I ordered most of their stuff was rather ethnic looking. I liked it, but they seem to have more neutral stuff now. Who knows, maybe other stuff has improved too.

    3. I’ve ordered from them recently and would order from them again with caution.

      1) Their communication skills after an order is placed are not the best. They seem to only have one phone line and it will more often than not, direct you to leave a message. If you need to contact them, I would strongly suggest email.

      2) The last order I placed consisted of two dresses and a fuller skirt. I love the skirt and wear it often. It’s tomato red and made of cotton, so it’s very light and comfortable. The dresses, however, are another story. I looked at the size charts very closely and determined that my measurements fit almost exactly to the 18, so I decided to go for that rather than spend the extra money to enter my measurements. The first dress is a blue A-line dress. The color is gorgeous and the fit of the skirt is perfect, however, the top is a good three to four inches smaller than the measurements.

      For the second dress I made the same decision regarding the measurements. The dress was a “two piece” with a peplum top and a straight skirt. This dress fit perfectly measurement wise, but the empire waist seaming is way too high for someone of my height (and I entered my height exactly). Also, while the skirt is the proper length (knee) the slit was way too high and had to be closed because you could see my bottom when I moved.

      3) Finally, don’t pay full price for anything. They do monthly discount codes (for 12.5% off, weird huh?) and last Christmas, they did a 50% off all gift cards deal.

      Hope this helps.

      1. This helps a lot. Thanks, all! I think I might try one of the custom dresses, especially if I can find a sale code. (It’s really the hassle of taking measurements, rather than the money, that is dissuading me!)

        1. The code I received for April is APR125. And I would have a friend (or a tailor) do the measurements. The first time I tried on my own and they were slightly off.

  21. Marathon follow-up. So I shamelessly posted last week about my first marathon. I was so excited to make it to the start line finally, but I didn’t make it to the finish line. Something happened to my hip and I couldn’t really run after mile 11. I made it to 21 before they closed the course. Thanks for all the well-wishes from the hive–for whatever reason, this wasn’t my race. For the runners out there who have tried to get through a distance repeatedly, any advice on excorcising this demon and finishing this thing (once I’m healthy, of course!) Training went well, the hip twinge that I thought was gone just came back with a vengeance at the wrong time!

    1. One of my favorite sayings: DFL > DNF > DNS ;)
      Dead effing last > did not finish > did not start.

      Congratulations, you ran 11 lies farther and ran/walked 21 miles farther than most people in this country last weekend.

    3. And since I sort of know goirishkj IRL and she’s posted about this on here. Can we all take a moment to note that she has severe Crohn’s disease and has been struggling with that for much of her adult life. So the fact that she’s a distance runner is pretty freaking awesome in and of it self.

      So three cheers for 21 awesome miles tough gal.

      2. All I would say is don’t give up. When you are healthy, keep running, make sure to keep it fun (by taking the pressure off of yourself). In this instance, it was an injury and something you cannot control. I would also focus on injury prevention (ice, stretching and foam rolling are how I prevent injury) and making sure you are not over-training — give yourself rest days and cutback weeks. At the same time, be realistic and make sure you are not undertrained, either. Train enough so that you are confident that you can complete the distance you are going for.

        I run because I love it and I try to always remember that. I put a lot of extra pressure on myself when I have certain goals. This can be a good thing and a bad thing. Its great to have goals, but running is for you and you alone. We do it because it makes us feel and look good and strong.

        Lastly, as others said, 21 miles is amazing. 26.2 is fun, but its about as arbitrary as it gets. You will complete the distance someday, but don’t beat yourself up over 5 miles.

    5. Oh dear! Well, I know what it’s like to scratch from a marathon. So frustrating, and you also often suffer quite a bit before you do.

      My suggestions: completely take the pressure off yourself when you try again. For me, this has meant picking a race and training casually, but not talking it up to my friends, so that I didn’t have to explain what happened to lots of people. Do something that will be fun (fun event, pretty course, town you’ve always wanted to visit) so that you’re excited about the whole experience. And if it would help, find a running buddy who also wants to do the race.

    6. 10 miles is a long freaking way to go with a hip twinge. You’re awesome for sticking it out until the track closed!

      1. You go girl!!!! You may not have finished the race but you completed a kick-*ss training program and got very close to the finish. You’ve accomplished a lot! Sign up for another one but only when you’re completely recovered from your injury and ready for it.

    7. Sorry in advance, this is going to be long.

      I understand these kind of demons. I have been living with them for about a year. When I did my first marathon, my training went amazing. I was scheduled to do a spring race and trained January through March in 20 – 50 degree temps, through snow and ice and rain. The highlight was my longest run, when I did 21 miles without stopping, taking fluid only 3 times and feeling amazing. I was ready to go and prepped to comfortably finish with a great time.

      Then, Mother Nature decided my luck had run out. The day of the race it was 70 degrees at the start. Full sun. Basically no shade. It was over 80 by the time I hit halfway and 90 when I finished. I had to start taking walk breaks around mile 12 and was drinking water and sports drink at each station. I walked up the final hills. Although I did finish, I was half an hour off my conservative goal.

      I don’t want this to come off all, poor me I wasn’t as fast as I wanted. I’m telling you all this because I understand the feeling of disappointment when you spend SO MUCH time and energy and everything training and then like that, it’s over and didn’t happen like you expected. Training for a marathon is a big commitment – I tell people it was the third person in marriage. You give up so much to get in those miles and stay healthy and get plenty of rest. You lose an entire day of your weekend to The Long Run, between resting up beforehand, running for 3+ hours, then sitting around recouperating the rest of the day.

      And then the day comes and despite all that commitment, it feels like Marathon let you down. I felt jilted and betrayed, and I would imagine you do too because what happened wasn’t *your* fault, it was your body’s. It’s not like you didn’t train enough or have unreasonable expectations. Your body just decided to be a total b*tch on the day you needed it to come through for you.

      I focus on all my training and that makes me feel better. Be proud of all the work you put into training. Be proud of the commitment you made and followed through on. Be proud that you had the guts to step up to the starting line, because showing up and lining up for 26.2 takes a lot of guts.

      The other thing I think about to raise my spirits, is the image of Paula Radcliffe dropping out of the Athens Olympic marathon. The world record holder and favorite to win had a bad day and had to quit, and seeing her sitting on the sidewalk crying breaks my heart. We all have bad days and bad runs. Even the best.

      1. This just made me teary–you described my feelings exactly. I*do* feel jilted. And oh yes, there were tears when I realized I couldn’t finished. Thanks to all for the encouragement and suggestions for next time.

      2. After I finished my first (and only) marathon, it hit me that the real marathon was all those weeks and weeks of training in the rain and dark and cold (Seattle Marathon in November). And getting to the point where I just hated running, but still going out the door and plugging in the miles–that was the marathon. Don’t get me wrong, those last 26.2 miles were no picnic and I was thrilled to finish, but I felt great respect for all the runs that came before.

    9. Goirishkj –

      I feel so bad for you, and understand first hand how hard that training is. The description of it being the third person in the marriage is right on. I’m two weeks away from my first marathon, and training right on plan, and lately this irregular feeling of instability has begun to occur in my left hip socket. It comes and goes, and always begins when I am walking but I cannot break into a run when it happens or I actually fall down. I am spending hours every day ferverishly praying that it does not occur during that one 5 hour time, because I’m afraid everyone will think it is just because I didn’t train hard enough.

      So what I’m saying is thank you for posting this – it made me feel so much less alone in the ‘train really hard but body accidentally breaks on race day’ scenario.

      1. Fingers crossed that your hip works on race day-as eneryone else has pointed out though, a DNF isn’t the end of the world and even the perfet training program can go off the rails at times. I really hope you have a great race!-

  22. Ladies – Can anyone recommend a good accountant in NYC? This was our first year filing as a married couple and, in addition to having to write a big check (instead of the refunds we both got last year on the same salaries), we just received a document suggesting we pre-pay a large amount for our 2012 taxes in 4 monthly installments to avoid paying “underpayment penalties” next year. I think it’s time we bring in a professional – any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

    1. I can’t recommend a New York accountant, but have you changed your withholding on your W-4 and New York state forms since you got married? While your combined income has probably pushed you up into a new tax rate, sometimes people owe because their income was withheld as if they were going to file under one status but then they actually file under a different status (such as the transition from single to married filing jointly).

    2. Just got hit by the same situation; we found out we hadn’t changed our withholding to zero which we immediately did for our 2012 taxes. The unfortunate news from the accountant we briefly met with was that we are in the “sweet spot” – as in we make enough to get completely blasted by taxes (yet can’t afford to purchase a home in the city – ah, the joys of living in NYC). Oh, and the accountant we met with was like, yeah, I can’t find you any other deductions; if you’ve completed most of your returns on TurboTax you might as well finish there rather than paying me to do it. We definitely appreciated the honesty!

    3. I’ve used The FulServ Group (years ago) and also The Law Offices of Robert F. Carroll, P.C. (robertcarrollesq DOT com) (he’s a CPA and lawyer). I had good experiences with them both, but as Y said, it could just be that you are in that sweet spot where you get killed on your taxes (i.e., the marriage penalty). My husband and I owed the government a lot of money this year (got married at the end of 2011).

      Also, this link had a few other recommendations: https://corporette.com/2012/04/03/tuesdays-tps-report-hydric-medora-wool-blend-blazer/. Just search for accountant.

    4. My comment is awaiting moderation, so apologies if this posts twice. I’ve used The FulServ Group (years ago) and also The Law Offices of Robert F. Carroll, P.C. (robertcarrollesq DOT com) (he’s a CPA and lawyer). I had good experiences with them both, but as Y said, it could just be that you are in that sweet spot where you get killed on your taxes (i.e., the marriage penalty). My husband and I owed the government a lot of money this year (got married at the end of 2011).

      There are also more recommendations on the 4/3/12 Tuesday TPS report for NYC accountants.

      1. Thank you!! I knew there was an earlier thread with recs but couldn’t seem to find it.

  23. Seriously? Someone dares to put the name of this very website into a comment and it get s moderated or deleted but this spam has come up, what, three times now? And is fine?

  24. Wills, Trusts, Etc. (Probate Threadjack)

    My parents want to update their will. Does anyone have a lawyer in NJ they would recommend for this?

    One wrinkle is– they speak kind of bumpy English*, but aren’t necessarily looking for a lawyer who speaks Chinese (they’ve had some bad experiences with Chinese-speaking lawyers who were great at Chinese, but less good at lawyering, as well as being too personal merely because they shared a language/culture with my parents.)

    My Dad reads & writes English at 100%. It’s just that in real-time conversation, he makes some grammatical errors with verb tenses and pronouns because he gets nervous! My Mom is probably at about 70% fluency (in both speech & writing.)

    Thanks!

    1. I don’t have any NJ recommendations but just wanted to offer you reassurance that most attorneys in urban/suburban settings these days deal with clients who don’t speak English as a first language or have 100% fluency. Your parents should be fine with a native English speaking attorney. If it makes your Dad more comfortable, have him draft a memo to the attorney about what they want the wills to say, their full names, the full names of any beneficiaries, etc. so the attorney has that in writing. Then they can tell the attorney they prefer to communicate by email instead of phone (their attorney will probably be grateful; email is often easier than phone tag!).

      1. They live pretty close to Freehold, NJ, so Southern NJ, close enough to the shore.

      2. Here’s a recommendation from another listserv I’m on:

        Carl G. Archer, Esq.
        Maselli Warren, P.C.
        600 Alexander Road
        Princeton, NJ 08540
        609-452-8411 x117
        carcher@maselliwarren.com

        He doesn’t speak Chinese and doesn’t know anyone who does in the area.

        1. And another:

          Robert “TJ” Thurston
          Thurston Law Offices
          405 Commons Way
          Doylestown, PA 18901
          267-209-0783
          rthurston at schoolkidslawyer.com

  25. Your opinions ladies?

    I’ve been informing clients of my imminent departure and move to Big City, and am starting to hear back from them. One client (that I haven’t worked with for very long – only about 3 or 4 months) called me yesterday and after some embarrassingly nice compliments on my work, said he’d like to talk about our continued relationship and suggested we have lunch tomorrow. Now, normally I would always pay for a client lunch. However, he suggested that we go to a particular private club of which I’m not a member – so it makes it pretty difficult for me to pay. I kind of feel bad because I feel it is my job as service provider to pay for client meals – but he has made it tough for me to do so. What would you suggest? Should I just suck it up and tell him that I owe him lunch next time he’s in Big City?

    (Just to forestall the comments that I know will come, no, I don’t think there is any nefarious business going on here – I have no doubts that this is strictly a client lunch.)

    1. He clearly wants to buy you lunch and I 100% believe it’s strictly a client lunch. I would be completely flattered and absolutely tell him you owe him lunch next time he’s in Big City.

      I once had an…we’ll say “interesting” relationship with someone I had to work with yet against all the bloody time. Sometimes he was great, sometimes he was mean as a snake and I just could not figure him. Well, I did him a favor once, just a minor thing that I could have made difficult (and was tempted to!) but didn’t. He insisted on taking me to lunch. I fought and fought not to go to lunch without being rude because a) I didn’t want him to pay for my lunch, it felt a little conflict-y, and b) I really didn’t LIKE the guy, what would we talk about!?!?

      Well, he finally cornered me, we went, it was fine, we had a 1,000,000% better relationship after that, and I think during that lunch I convinced him not to screw over several of my clients.

      Lesson. Learned.

      Anyway, this isn’t a client lunch the way you’re thinking. This is a business lunch and in that case, it is perfectly fine to let him pay.

      1. Thanks, CA Atty! I will try to be graceful about it and just concentrate on building the relationship.

      1. Well, the way the invitation happened it was kind of difficult to do at the time, and now I think it’s a bit late.

    3. I agree w/ CA atty. Obviously he wants to buy lunch or he wouldn’t have invited you to his private club. Let him. I think it would be rude to suggest a different location. He has done the inviting so let him choose and pay.

    1. I’m sure it isn’t a big deal, but sometimes you do have the option to re-record it…?

    2. If they are anything like me, they wont even listen to it. I just call the person back. I HATE checking messages.

    3. Haha not to laugh at your pain, but I do that all the freaking time, and my brain is like, rewind rewind rewind! Which makes what I’m continuing to say to the voicemail even worse. I usually end up saying, “So if you don’t think I am completely insane after this message, call me back,” and hanging up.

    4. I accidentally said “I love you” at the end of one of my lawyerly voicemails once, to a professional acquaintance. No idea why that came out. I still get a flat embarrassed feeling in my chest when I remember that one…

      1. I consistently say Thank You at the end of my messages, even if there is nothing to thank the person for. I can’t seem to make myself stop, drives me crazy.

        2. That’s ok. I say “Thanks” too. Like “Thanks for your attention.”

          I think of it like how everyone who meets with the President says, “Thank you, Mr. President” when leaving his presence. It’s “Thank you for listening to me.”

      3. Oh my goodness, that is one of my worst professional nightmares. Not because it has happened to me before, but because I could totally see myself doing it. I really feel for you!

    5. I sometimes get half way through voicemails and am just like, “Oh god…this is going completely off the rails.” Luckily its USUALLY personal voicemails. But not always.

      1. Yeah this was a professional one. And my first call into this person. In my head I was going stop talking! stop talking! get out of there for gods sake! but in my voice I was just going ‘so um you know, this situation, umm alrighty then (ahhhhhh)”

        1. Yup. My favorites are the ones I sometimes leave for my doctors, those are real doozies. Just take a deep breath, move on, and hope it doesn’t sound as bad as you think it probably sounded. Oh well. And next time make a quick list before you call of the reasons you’re calling and what you need to cover in the voicemail.

      2. The majority of my voicemails (personal) are like this. It has become a running joke with my family. Somehow I just lose my train of thought and start blabbering about random nonsense. No idea why…

    6. OMG I just did this too. hahaha I’m laughing because I was just sitting here thinking after that awful vm I need a break, so I came on corporette and read some comments.

  27. Threadjack for a PSA:

    For those ‘rettes who are dealing with difficult family members, Carolyn Hax’s column today offers insight on how to make peace with their limitations.

  28. I saw a girl wearing these today with red heels and I did a double take. She looked fabulous! (And she was definitely a curvy girl, too.)

  29. Apologies for the novel, but any suggestions on how to handle a micromanaging partner? It is someone I used to work with rarely (by my choice), but this person was recently staffed on one of my matters because the current supervising partner is out for family reasons for a few weeks. It is well-known in my group that he is a micromanager that others avoid working with. I have worked with this client numerous times in the past and have a good rapport with them; typically I manage the projects and ask the partner for input when I need help. With micromanager, he wants to be on every call with the client and cc’d on every email (no matter how inconsequential), wants to join every call with co-counsel or opposing counsel, and is calling and emailing me constantly to ask if I’ve done something or to add unsolicited input.

    I am at my wit’s end and am at serious risk of blowing up if this continues. Politely ignoring the emails/calls leads to in person visits and more questions about what I’m doing. I was recently asked to send him a draft email to the client so he could proof before I send.

    Other than grin and bear it, does the hive have any suggestions on how to manage this?

    1. A partner is usually like this because they feel out of the loop, like they don’t know what’s going on and that makes them feel unsafe. I think the absolutely best thing you can do is keep this person 110% in the loop at all times. WhenEVER you do anything via email on this project, cc the partner (bcc if the email recipient would wonder why the partner is cc’d). Maybe even a morning/evening update via email. “Dear partner, I intend to do a, b, and c today in this manner. Please let me know if this does not meet with your approval.” “Dear partner, today I did a, b, and c and here are the results. I intend to do x, y, and z within the next (time period).”

      Never, don’t EVER, ignore calls or emails politely or not! With a partner like this all that tells him is that you are goofing off and the work is never going to get done and he is going to have to work 24 hours a day 7 days per week or maybe get fired or not get his PPP and he’s going to have to get that worthless associate to step up and he’ll crack the whip and run roughshod and AHHHHHHH!!!!! *Cue partner running around building with his hair on fire.*

      The best way to defeat a micro manager is to give them nothing to micro manage. It SUCKS (I struggle with it every day!) but hopefully you’ll only have to deal with it for a little while.

      Also, I posted a couple days ago about my boss micro managing me and editing and revising and reediting all of my work and the awesome advice I got was to distance myself from my work. This is a product. I churn out the first draft, 2-3 other attorneys get to try to make it into their version of perfection, the end result is hopefully better and in the end I learn. It doesn’t reflect on my worth as a person or an attorney that we have an extensive revision process. It’s just the process.

    2. With micro-managing partners I would sometimes send them e-mails at the end of each day summarizing where I was on their work, just to keep them up to date. It seemed to sooth them.

    3. CA is exactly right. It may also help to think of it like this. You’re in a service industry. When you’re an associate, your “client” is the senior people you work for. For the partner, his client is the real (outside) client. Doesn’t matter, though, as either way your job is to provide excellent service to your client. If your client (whether a partner or a real client) wants to know every little thing you do, well, that may be stupid and a waste of his time, but that’s his prerogative. Clients get to decide what kind of service they want, and that’s what we have to give them (or else they’ll go find someone else who will).

      1. Ha! This partner going somewhere else to find that type of service would actually be my preference. Perhaps I should have clarified that I was repeatedly told by the partner I usually work with that this was my matter to run with (as the last few matters with this particular client have been). I’m stuck in a no-man’s land of the client thinking I am running the matter and the new partner nitpicking to death everything I am doing (literally phone calls every 30 minutes or so all day long, or immediately after the client sends us anything – before I have time to even respond or analyze the issue).

        1. Late in the day, but for whatever it’s worth — sympathize with the partner for a second. He’s trying to fill in for someone else’s case, and is probably terrified that he’ll screw it up — and he doesn’t have the same base for trust that the regular partner has with you. I think that you just have to help him trust you.

          (I agree, though, that this would be exceptionally frustrating.)

  30. I’m getting married this summer. My fiance has a very close family member who has his own business in the financial services category. At one point and possibly currently, he described my fiance as a shareholder or officer of the company, even though fiance has no involvement. Before we get married and merge finances I want to make sure we have no potential legal liability if the company owner gets sued or gets in trouble with govt. Does anyone know what type of lawyer could help me out with this? If you live in the bay area, recs for a specific lawyer are also welcome (especially south bay and peninsula). I am a lawyer but in a totally different practice area and know nothing about this.

    1. A lawyer who does general practice for small businesses would actually be best, because he or she will know the laws of closely held incorporations and the like. I wouldn’t take lightly that he has been called a shareholder/officer of a closely held corporation, because in family businesses, they don’t necessarily have to be all that involved. Can’t give you a good referral but I’m sure someone in your office could.

    2. You said that this family member described your fiance as a shareholder or officer. What does your fiance say about this? Have you had an open and honest talk about this? Even if you don’t go the prenup route, I think it’s a good idea to fully disclose assets and liabilities to your future spouse.

      1. Yes, we’ve talked openly about it. The family member has told him in the past that he’s a shareholder and the company website describes him as an officer. He really has no idea beyond that, as I said he is not involved in the company at all. He is extremely open about his own finances, I know how much money is in his bank account and how much he earns and he has zero liabilities, other than this issue. We talk about money all the time and are very financially compatible in terms of agreeing how we want to save, how much we want to save, and how we want to spend our money.

    3. I’m not giving you legal advice, which I would if you lived in Virginia and came to me because my focus area is family-owned and managed businesses and their tricky issues and messy emotions.

      Instead, what I am saying is that you need to go talk to a business lawyer asap before you get married and understand how this does affect you. Because it does.

    4. As a lawyer who practices in financial fraud, I’m getting a red flag vibe here.

      1. Is it abnormal to have a bunch of close family members be shareholders in a company run by an individual? I know very little about business law, but my understanding is that its fairly common.

        1. It seems very abnormal that you bf doesnt know what he is. You can’t just name people as officers without their knowledge. Otherwise I could name Bill Gates as my shareholder officer.

        2. Being a shareholder/officer comes with legal rights/responsibilities. It would be foolish to take on that position without knowing what those are. Also, I would be incredibly concerned if your fiance never got anything in writing (a shareholder agreement?) or never had a chance to understand (let alone negotiate) his role in the company or the obligations he was taking on.

  31. Just so everyone checks their email…Banana Republic has a 1 day only, 40% off 2 full price items coupon in their email today (Wednesday). I’m always looking for more work-appropriate tops that aren’t button down, so I took advantage of this one!

  32. I had never looked at J Crew handbags before this week. I really liked what I saw online. Has anyone had experience with them? What is the quality? Of course as luck would have it, I just bought a handbag. Had I seen the J Crew items first, I might have done something different, and I may still return. Thanks for your comments.

    1. Late in the day, but I’ve been really happy with the J.crew handbags I’ve had. I’ve probably had three or four over the past 5 years that I’ve carried regularly (and in fact, my new summer bag is the Tillery). That said, only the really high end ones are nice IMO. The ones that are linen, straw or meant to be “beach bags” are not really worth the money.

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