Weekend Open Thread

571 Comments

1. An older man who was acting as something of a professional mentor to me crossed a line a few weeks ago. The possibility exists that his actions were innocently intended (he didn’t proposition me or anything that direct); however, he put my reputation in jeopardy and upset me immensely. As a result, I’ve cut all contact with him.

   The catch: I was in the process of seeking a position with his organization when all of this happened. He recently forwarded the contact information for someone else inside the organization who has indicated that he’d be willing to meet with me to discuss the position (at my former contact’s request). On one hand, I feel icky using anything connected with this man; on the other, it seems silly to pass up an opportunity to get a (rare) inside look at the position. I’m undecided on the position for a variety of reasons, not all of which are connected to the ickiness. I feel stuck.

   I’m not entirely sure what sort of advice I’m seeking here, so any and all is welcome :) Thanks, ladies.

   1. Without more details, its almost impossible to give good advice here. For example, it probably depends on the nature of the line crossed by the mentor. It would also depend on the size of the organization, what role the person you’d be talking with is in in relation to the former mentor, and whether the former mentor would be your supervisor at the new position.

      But, without any of those details, my only advice would be this — you should look out for YOU. If this position would be good for you, then you should go after it. You shouldn’t let the inappropriate actions of mentor-man keep you from pursuing that.

   2. OK, I’ve had something like this happen to me.

      I say pursue the Contact (someone else whose contact information you do have). Drop Creep’s name when you contact Contact. Creep might have a reputation for being a Creep. Don’t let that stop you. When Contact asks how you know Creep, be honest but not overly forthcoming. If Contact asks you about Creep’s recent activities, say “You know, I actually haven’t been in contact with him lately.” And leave it at that.

      If Creep contacts you by phone, don’t pick up. If Creep visits you in person, that’s just creepy but be sure to put physical distance between you, have a witness, etc. If Creep emails you, don’t respond. If it’s something you need to respond to, give a minimal, yet professional, response.

      Start putting distance between yourself and Creep. Deal directly with Contact.

      Most of all, don’t blame yourself for Creep’s behavior. Yes, you might have unintentionally encouraged him but, as the more senior person, it was Creep’s duty to not be creepy.

      1. Thanks TCFKAG and karenpadi, both for the advice and the reassurance that this isn’t my fault. (And my apologies for the vaugeness.)

         The whole thing has left me pretty gun-shy about male mentors (which are, unfortunately, given my field and track, pretty much the only people available as mentors), but it’s time to get back to thinking about my career and not worrying that anyone I speak to is going to follow up by hitting on me. My feelings about this job are…complicated, but knowing that it’s okay to talk to Contact helps. Thanks again, ladies!

2. Dear Corporettes, I desperately need some advice. I work in a two-person law firm that consists of my boss and myself. Over the last few months, I’ve come to realize that my boss is a miserable being. Her mood of the day/hour depends on how her relationship with her beau is going. I find her to be extremely unapproachable and just not a nice person to be around. If I make a mistake, instead of construction criticism, I get documents thrown on my desk and a comment on how I need to “figure out what the problem is and fix it.”

   I get paid approx $12/hour to do the majority of the work while she’s out shopping and getting her nails done. But at the same time, she limits what she teaches me (I think out of fear that I’d learn too much and go out and start my own practice). Now I realize I didn’t have to take the job, but with the state of the job market, I felt I had no choice.

   Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this? I dread going to work every day… I want to cry as soon as I get out of the office. I breathe a sigh of relief if she steps out for lunch because I can relax and actually get work done. I live in constant fear of making even a small typo because I know the reaction I’ll get. The bizarre thing is… she thinks we are friends and constantly confides in me about personal issues… a lot of times, I can’t even concentrate on my work because she’s going on about some personal issue. But then five minutes later, it is back to the superior boss/lowly employee dynamic. I honestly don’t know what to do. I dream about resigning and walking out but cannot financially do it. Although, at this rate, waitressing and working retail sound like better options than continuing here. Please help me.

   1. I also work at a two-attorney firm. Although I do not have the same problems as you, I also sometimes feel like you do. I stuck it out with my boss for three years before I started looking for a new job, and now I am starting my new job next month (unfortunately, it took me almost 10 months to find another job). I completely understand the lowly employee/superior boss dynamic. My boss has made negative comments about young attorneys in my presence; called us lazy as a group; for the last four years he has beckoned me into his office by calling me loudly from his (regardless if I’m on the phone, etc.). I finally couldn’t take it any more. I don’t know how long you’ve been at your job, but once you have some experience under your belt (at least a year), it will be easier to find another one. It never hurts to put your resume out there and see what happens!

   2. It sounds like it’s a vicious cycle with your boss. You never know which personality you’re going to get — one second she is sweet and the other second she’s mean (like that sour patch kids commercial). And then she confides in you about personal stuff like you are buds; seems like that’s her way of trying to control/manipulate you (and from your post, she is like that in her personal relationship with her boyfriend). Make sure you are getting some sunlight (wearing SPF of course), get some exercise or do something to boost your heart rate, take a daily multivitamin/vitamin supplements, get good sleep, get a pedicure/manicure or whatever is relaxing to you, and cuddle with a puppy. Oh, watch some trashy TV (it makes me feel better about myself – ha!). Network the heck out of your contacts — don’t be shy! E-mail them, set up lunch dates for this week/month, join some industry groups (even if it’s like a Women in Technology sort of thing – they take non-techie people). You probably wouldn’t do this, but don’t badmouth your boss – just say “it’s not the opportunity I thought it would be. I’d hoped to be doing more of x, y, and z and I’d like to get more experience in my field.”

3. Any college professors out there? I’m a 3rd year in regional biglaw, experiencing all the typical burn-out issues (if you read this blog, I’m sure you’re already familiar with the symtoms). I have an opportunity to be college prof at the local university–not a law prof, but a prof in the field that I practice in (a mix of engineering and business). It would initially be a large pay cut, and I’d be giving up the uncertain but potentially large future payoff of one day becoming an equity partner in my big regional firm. I’d be taking the job for quality-of-life reasons, not the money. And I don’t think it would be easy to go back to my firm or another “peer firm” if I change my mind in a few years.

   I’m curious to hear from any college professors out there—is the job as good as it sounds, lifestyle wise? I’d hate to take a job for lifestyle reasons only to find myself in another stressful situation, but not as well-compensated for it. FYI, my position would be 3/4 of the year and have no research requirements.

   Also, I know some of my professors in undergrad and law school had consulting practices on the side–are there any corporette profs out there who consult on the side? How does that add to your stress levels?

   1. I think it largely depends on the institution… and you. My SO is a college professor and he is one of the most dedicated, hard-working people I know. It would be relatively easy for him to “phone it in”, particularly with class prep for courses he’s taught before, and exam grading (i.e., he could easily do more multiple choice/fill-in-the-blank, etc.), but he regularly puts in 60-80 hour weeks because he is passionate about what he does. That said, he loves what he does. When I was putting in those hours (and more) at a biglaw firm… I was pretty miserable. So more than what anyone else can tell you, I think this is largely a “know yourself” type of situation. That said, it sounds like a great opportunity, and as someone who took a greater than 50% paycut for lifestyle reasons (and to work someplace where I actually care about the mission), I say go for it :-)

   2. I’m not in a law-related area, but I am a college professor. I agree with the above comment that it’s a field where you might end up working a fair number of hours, but those hours are often dictated by your own desire to put that time in. Aside from needing to be there for my classes (9-12 hrs/week) and office hours (5 hrs/week) and committee work (varies, but maybe a couple of hours/week, on average), I just need to have a presence on campus. This means I’m in the office doing course prep or writing, but I decide my own schedule. Some days I’m done with classes at 11am and I can leave and take care of errands without running the idea by anyone. There aren’t any timesheets. However, I often end up working on weekends because I’ll get a great idea and not want to wait until Monday to follow through on it. I LOVE my job, so much. I love that everyone I work with is interested in learning more about the world, and that we get to share that.

      Having a 9 month contract is also pretty sweet. It’s true that you still end up working all through the year, but honestly, working from home in your pajamas, or planning a course while at the beach beats having to fight for your 2 weeks of vacation. Plus there’s spring break, fall break, holiday break, etc.

   3. Not a lawyer, but a professor.

      I LOVE my job! As I was reading the stories of burn out upthread, I was feeling especially fortunate. Granted, I am at my computer on a sunny, balmy Sat. afternoon – but I’m working on a book chapter on a topic I find fascinating, based on my own research. I’d rather work extra hours doing what *I* want to do any day, over long hours to fulfill someone else’s designated task list.

      There’s certainly stress in academia: pressure to publish, heavy courseloads, inane service committees. But so much of the work can be scheduled to one’s own preferences (the joke is “you get to choose which ~60 (or more, in science)~ hours a week you work”). With no research requirements, you might not be as time pressed as some.

      I consulted some (not law or biz) in grad school, but found that I couldn’t continue during my early years as a prof. I suspect that once my teaching gets rolling smoothly and I have more pubs in the pipeline, I will be on the lookout for applied opportunities that will also add to the household bottomline. Or, maybe not. I’m a big fan of quality of life over compensation (as long as it’s above a living wage), and might just relish extra time to do things I love.

   4. I am a professor (in business). There are two types of “professors”:

      Tenure-track professors who have intense pressure to publish and get paid tons of money – this is me. We are treated like the all-star’s of the faculty, because we bring prestige and visibility to the school. They are what people think of as professors – they have offices, set their own hours, think about interesting questions all day.

      Then there are non-tenure track, lecturer positions. I’m guessing this is the type of job you have been offered, as tenure-track faculty positions are only available to those with a PhD at top-tier research schools (I don’t know anything about trade schools/community colleges/small, local universities – although my mom teaches night classes for paralegals at a trade school). Non-tenure track lecturers are second-class citizens. They get the crappiest teaching assignments – the worst students, the worst times, summer classes, the least-pleasant classes to teach. I teach 1 class – 2 sections per year. Lecturer’s teach 4 classes per semester. Lecturers are basically just higher-paid high school teachers. They are the first to get laid-off. They are treated as disposable by administrators. It will be initially a large pay cut for you – the pay will never increase if you become a lecturer (at least, I’ve never heard of it increasing). They only get pay cuts – never pay increases. They don’t get any of the sweet consulting or textbook deals either – you need a PhD for that.

      BUT although they are not the hot-shots of the university world, the lifestyle may still be better than the one you have now. I know many lecturers who have retired from the corporate world who are not dependent on the income and love the job of teaching. Also, most lecturers I know are not stressed out at all.

      I love my job. I love teaching. I am just laying it all out there so that you know what you are getting yourself into. At my top 20 university, the business lecturers are generally spouses of hot-shot tenured faculty.

      I don’t know anything about law consulting, only business consulting. Also, it will not be high-stress if you do not have a PhD/do research. You will only be teaching. Plus, no one will put stress on you because if you don’t perform, you will be easily replaced. So I don’t think that for lecturers, the stress is very high. (Certainly, its nowhere near as high as for tenure-track faculty)

      I really hope that this post will at least help you navigate the academic world a little bit and figure out if the position aligns with your expectations. I really think its a great lifestyle but most people don’t understand the differences between the two different types of “professors.”

      (FYI I’m a tenure track business faculty at a top 20 school who teaches MBA’s so my advice is really geared towards large universities. My understanding is that at small, regional schools, all the professors are lecturers, so I’m sure that the treatment is different.)

      1. Oh yeah, I generally work about 80 hours on a good week.

      2. Smaller colleges also have tenure-track positions, where the emphasis is on teaching skill vs publications (and research with students). They are in no way all lecturers. Also larger R1 universities have started adding the occasional tenure-track non-research position, to deal with the issue of so many adjunct and TA taught classes. These positions don’t get the worst classes, but they do get the same ones over and over, and more general education ones.

   5. Professor? – You didn’t indicate if this is a visiting professor position, a tenure-track position or some other type of contract. This is something that you should find out before you take the job.

      DancingLongHorn is talking about a whole different ball-game than your question but you need to know about the tenure-track system before taking a job in academe. Obviously, you don’t have a PhD but it is possible to be tenure-track or permanent without having a PhD. In some instances, a JD is considered equivalent to a PhD or it allows you to be considered to be “professionally qualified” by some accrediting agencies and/or schools.

      Generally, if you are going to be an “adjunct” you will have no career stability or long-term potential.

      In addition, you’ll need to find out if you’ll be expected to serve on committees like curriculum development: I doubt that will be the case but it’s possible. If you are not researching and publishing then yes, I do think you could consult on the side and it might be a nice compliment. As others said, you may end up working a lot of hours but you have more control over when and where you do that work. But be sure to find out if the school has a “face time” requirement, which would be unfortunate.

      A good place to ask these questions is the Forum of the Chronicle for Higher Ed www dot chronicle dot com / forums

      Good luck!

   6. OP here–thanks to all the folks who replied with imput. It’s nice to hear from folks who do the job to understand more about the day-to-day.

      To answer some of the questions above, it is a non-tenure track position, but it is also not an adjunct position (I already teach one class there for half the year as an adjunct prof, which is how I got considered for this FT position). I’d be hired in as an assistant professor, and then there’s promotions to assoc. and full professor after so many years, although the pay raises that go along with that are definitely not the kind you get, say, for making partner. The non-tenure track professors sit on all the same committees, have the same voting rights, etc. as the tenure track faculty. I’d have the same access to funding to attend conferences, etc. as the tenure track folks. Literally the only differences are 1) no tenure and 2) no research requirement. The position is in a small department in a very large state university. As I understand it, the program was docked points in some review because they were relying on too many adjunct profs to teach classes because the dept was so small–so they decided to create this position and get someone who can focus full-time on teaching several classes.

      The more I learn about the job the more I think it sounds right for me. Whether I take the job or not will probably come down to how much of a pay cut I can swallow! I will keep you posted…

4. Skinny jeans for people with poochy tummies? I’ve never had a flat stomach, even when I was in marathon shape, and now I’m two years post-partum…blagh.

   I have some from Lands’ End Canvas that I like all right, but I saw raves on a previous comment thread for skinny jeans from Old Navy and I can’t remember whether people loved the Sweetheart or the Rock Star model. Trying not to spend a mint (less than $50) but am open to other brands. Thanks, ladies.

   1. Not your daughters jeans denim leggings. Size down.

      1. Sweetheart fit has been great for me. I tend to be larger in the thigh/hip area than the waist though, so it may vary for you. I have a pair of michael kors skinnys I got from Macys (skinny in shape, but not tight, which is sometimes annoying for tighter boots) that fit remarkably well when I don’t wear tighter boots with them (they look great with flats). They seem to have a higher waist/rise, which it seems may be beneficial for you.

   2. I have a poochy tummy and the sweatheart fit are great for me. Old Navy jeans vary greatly so make sure you actually try them on; often two identical pairs of jeans in the same size do not fit the same.

   3. Sweetheart x100.

   4. I have a similar body type and I have the JCrew Matchstick.

   5. I have a poochy tummy and the Rock Star’s work well for me in the dark denim color. Tried them in the colored denim and the fabric was stiff and the fit not so good.

5. Canadian ‘rettes! There’s a report in the Globe this morning that Nordstrom’s might take some stores Sears is closing…

   1. That will be a ridiculous jump in quality….though apparently they’re only closing the “big” Sears stores (e.g. the one a Chinook in Calgary), which is prime real estate, so Nordstroms would probably be happy with the locations.

      My finglers are crossed.

   2. Here’s hoping!

   3. Oh, I am so excited about this. The only good thing about Sears these days is the Kenmore brand. Other than that, the Vancouver Sears can become a Nordstrom tomorrow as far as I am concerned (please please please)….

6. I posted yesterday about my employee who quit with no notice and wanted to provide an update for TechAnon and the others who asked. First, I wanted to say – as always – you all are the best! It seems no matter what question I have where I think “I am certainly the only person in the world who has ever gone through this,” no, someone here has. So thank you. (I should have taken it as a sign when the first thing my SO said was “Did you ask Corporette what they think?”)

   I don’t want to go into too much detail, but this employee had been unhappy since reviews, didn’t like the direction things were going, and that morning we’d had a rather contentious project review that ended with this employee yelling “F**k this!” and storming out of the room. And the next thing I knew, I heard from HR there’d been an exit interview and termination paperwork had been signed. I’ve had some interesting employee exits, but never one where the last words are “F**k this!” I thought that only happened in tv shows! As far as addressing it with my team, it seems to be (1) a kick in the pants to everyone and (2) a new start that’s giving some of my other employees a chance to step up. So I think it will end up being a good thing – I’m just trying to separate out my professional feelings from my personal hurt feelings that this is someone I worked closely with for years and we went to each others’ weddings, etc, who couldn’t even face me to say “I quit.” I guess, much like my divorce, there are some questions that will never be answered!

   1. You know, just because he left on bad terms with the company doesn’t mean you can’t shoot him a card or email and express some kind sentiments. I’d send him an email and tell him you’ve been thinking of him and hope everything is ok.

   2. Is your organization going through major changes right now? I just ask because my employer is making some huge policy shifts in the midst of trying to complete a huge reorganization.

      Many people are extremely uncomfortable with the way things are going and one manager who spoke out about it last year got the axe. It was made clear that dissent was not acceptable. Since that time, you’re more likely to see people suddenly quitting because they can’t take it anymore, or speaking out and then resigning effective immediately. Most of these people are in managerial positions and have been with my employer for a long time. While I seriously doubt any of them went so far as your employee did, I think many people want to. People just feel so frustrated and helpless that they just can’t take it anymore.

   3. Wow! Sounds like he is a person with poor boundaries and immature social skills. I understand why you’re feeling hurt. It’s really a sad situation for him, actually. Walking off a job in a big snit is kind of a Hollywood-fueled fantasy, but real life goes on after the credits roll. He’s now unemployed in a down economy, with a big bridge burned behind him. Unwise.

      I’ve seen several comment threads here that counsel unhappy ladies ready to walk off their jobs that they need to give reasonable notice, shake hands and smile, and NOT tell the truth during the exit interview. That’s how wise adults leave miserable jobs.

      (Not that working with you is miserable, but clearly he was unhappy!)

      I’m glad you think it will end up being a good thing for the office, though. Sometimes one miserably unhappy person can poison the well. Thanks for following up.

7. I need a bit of advice from the hive…

   So I was told at work that I need to take more of a “project management” approach to my assignments because I’m losing the bigger picture and micromanaging. I disagree (especially on the micromanaging part), but I’m willing to take a meaningful stab at it. As it was explained to me, there are some things that I do already and some things I honestly think would benefit me. But other parts seem completely inefficient, inflexible, and a waste of time (part of this is due to our office dynamics and how a “15 min. framing meeting” turns into a “90-min-hammer-out-the-details-now” meeting, which are the bains of my existence). Is there anything I can do to change my mindset? Any success stories with using this system?

   As background, I’m an attorney doing reg. affairs and marketing in an international corp (with crazy diva personalities, which is another post for another day). Any attorneys that take a project management approach or system that they like?

   1. No ideas, but I hear stuff like this too. Me also attorney by background doing policy/strategy in big MNC. They always want more ‘integrated approach, progress to plan demonstrations, charts, tracking,’ etc.. no matter how much of that I are others try to do. I think it’s about visibility and demonstrating value to higher ups so preserve all of us. Also they are engineers by background, so to them phrases like ‘the data will set you free’ are the equivalent of a large piece of chocolate cake to 6-mo pregnant me. We recently had a dramatic reorg threatened then reversed, with these type of ideas being the stated reason. So, I have asked for more specifics and incorporated that feedback into my performance goals for this year. Still not sure what it all means but hey they are in charge and I know that.

      On PM, I have taken PM classes and if you haven’t, that will clue you into the very real methods they might be referring to- like legal terms of art, there’s a whole system of PM out there. But it doesn’t all apply well to the stuff we do, my view.

      In terms of the meetings culture, that’s a huge problem at my company too in its own ways- just too many of them with spotty attendance because there are too many. But some of this must be accepted as there is only so much you can do to challlenge/change it- you are one person in a huge org. But it sure makes it hard to do your actual job- the work of advocacy and executing strategic objectives for the company- when your days get sucked into this internal churn. So you aren’t alone in your frustration.

      1. sorry for word choice types.. just waking up with coffee:)

   2. Ugh. That’s vague. I’m a PMP and while I don’t know anything about legal project management, I know this approach is fairly new to a large part of the legal community and there is some confusion (which you are experiencing). I had a quick look at PMI’s website for you to see if there is anything that might be of help to you. While not as active as other communities of interest, there is a Legal Community of Practice which seeks to apply project management to the community of law and there are a bunch of resources (webinars, blogs, papers, etc.). http://legalpm.vc.pmi.org/Public/Home.aspx

      Some webinar topics:
      – Predicting the Future: Predictive Coding in eDiscovery
      – Brainstorm with Mind Maps to create a WBS for Legal Projects
      – Implementing Legal Project Management
      – Eight key issues in legal project management
      – Avoiding Redundant PM Costs in Electronic-Discovery
      – An Introduction to Legal Project Management

      Books:
      “Legal Project Management” by Stephen Levy
      “Legal Project Management” by Barbara Boake and Rick Kathuria
      “Legal Project Management Quick Reference Guide” by Jim Hassett

      Hopefully that will point you in a direction that helps answer some of your questions.

   3. Sounds like they want you to look at issues from less of a “the lawyer” approach versus a business partner who owns the legal portion of the project part. Are you focusing only on the legal issues you deal with, or are you examining the business issues for legal implications? It probably sounds like splicing hairs, but it is different and success in-house requires figuring out that difference for your organization. Part of the way to do this to be in the meetings, participate in the business side of the deal, not wait for the “here is what we need etc…”

      1. It’s not really anything legal; I’m not “in-house,” but I’m the only attorney in the office, and so I’m de facto in-house sometimes. So I’m always looking at legal issues, but I don’t really deal with them except to make them not a problem in the immediate term. For my marketing work, I manage big projects. I already do some project management, but it was in my own way with my system that (I thought) worked. The system my co-manager proposed, and the one I’m going to try out, seems very rigid to me. So I guess we’ll see? :-)

   4. Hi Another Sarah,

      I actually worked in a very similar role at a SF-based bank. I was in legal, doing intermational corporate/regulatory work, and managing the global transition of a huge, huge merger. It was _all_ project management, and that involved defining scope, identifying appropriate resources, determining deliverables and setting timelines. I know this might make you sound crazy, but it’s OK to have planning meetings to delegate–that’s a lot of what PM entails when you work in a big MNC–there are resources that can do or find or take care of your project. Think about checklists, gantt charts and the like. They are immensely helpful.

      Do a lot of issue spotting, delegating, checking in on progress, and supervising. A huge part of PM is trusting your team and letting them do their work. Also, if you’re from a biglaw background, try hard to imagine a partner or senior associate would staff things and +100 on the comment above regarding looking at things from a business perspective. Which deliverables or assignments would a partner trust are ” largely correct”, as prepared by underlings, and which would they really hone in on, to check line-by-line?

   5. Thanks all for the replies! I appreciate it!

      As clarification, the PM part would come in for the marketing projects I’m managing (I’m also the marketing department), so it’s more project-management-oriented. I suppose, because I’m conditioned to spot issues, that I can tell exactly when the “system” that was proposed to me will crumble – it works well for our web-IT-specialist, but he doesn’t need to be as flexible as I do. And I can see how frustrated he is that his system isn’t working with our company culture, whereas my outlook is much different, which doesn’t help things. There are some things that I should be doing – figuring out our business goals and forecasting in a more formal way- that the system will help me to do, which is good. Otherwise, I don’t have much faith. Any pointers? :-)

8. I don’t know if you have ever had an article about this, but my position requires a lot of skype calls and I need to look professional. What are some dos and don’ts about what works on video. I know some of my black/grey suits make me look washed out. And some of my patterned blouses/funky boucle jackets look too busy. Anyone have any thoughts about what to wear? I definitely have to wear suits/blouses with dressy cardigans. Ideas for colors/styles greatly welcomed.

9. LinkedIn question — I’m looking through Friend A’s contacts and see Friend C that I want to connect to, so I push “connect.” I’m later looking through Friend B’s contacts and see Friend C again, so I push “connect” again.

   Does Friend C receive 2 LinkedIn invitations or just one? Assume Friend C has not had time to reject the original request.

   1. Not sure, but if I was Friend C and I received 2 emails, I’d probably assume it was a duplicate e-mails sent from LinkedIn (presuming it was the same we know each other/did business together e-mail).

10. For those in/used to be in biglaw, how much did you save each month (excluding 401k)? Want to get a sense of how much I should be saving outside of my 401k.

    1. Not in biglaw, but I’m curious about percentages saved outside of retirement, too. I try to max out my Roth, but beyond that, I feel like I either scrimp and save too much and don’t enjoy the extra or fight the urge to indulge.

    2. Happy to share my experience. To put the numbers in context, I began in biglaw partway through 2011, I don’t have any student loans, and my living expenses are relatively low (about $700/month; in LTR with high earner; we are DINKs).

       In 2011, I earned about $115K pretax and saved $45K (via Roth IRA, Roth 401(k), savings account, and mutual fund).

       I don’t exactly have a savings schedule. I just try to max out my IRA as early in the year as possible, and then whatever cash I have lying around in my checking account (above, say, $2K or $3K, unless I know there will be a big expense coming up), I start transferring to my mutual fund. This year, I suspect I will save less, proportionally, because DH and I have a lot of weddings to go to/gifts to give/hotels and travel to pay for, plus some home renovations. I also decided to start scheduling in charitable giving, as opposed to doing it ad-hoc, so some of my savings will instead go to that. At the end of the year, I will figure out how much I’ve saved, and if it seems like way less than 2011, then I will tighten my shopping/travel budget for 2013.

11. I’m trying to come up with ideas for my boyfriend on something to get me for my birthday, and I was thinking maybe a nice business card holder, as I don’t have one. I really like this one from the Met Museum store:

    http://store.metmuseum.org/tiffany-magnolia-card-case/invt/10091890/

    Question: Given that I’m turning 27 and therefore still a young professional who needs help for people to take me seriously, is that one too pretty/girly and should I go with something more serious-business?

    1. No I think that one is really nice -not too girly at all. Besides, not many people besides you will see it.

12. Ladies, I’m sick with bronchitis and not leaving the couch. I think this was discussed recently but I can’t find the discussion. Any suggestions of movies or TV shows I can watch streaming on Hulu or Amazon? I find myself totally unaccustomed to having time to watch TV.

    1. Once upon a time!

    2. Bluejay, if you didn’t find it, it’s on the first page of this thread (3:46pm); OP asked for Netflix, but there’s probably a lot of crossover. I hope you feel better soon (and try to stay away from watching anything that will make you laugh).

       1. Of course it was on today’s thread :). I searched every thread from this week except this one. Thanks!

          1. It does seem like ages ago, doesn’t it? :)

             1. (eh – battery drained. Upon restart, my name went blank. But, it’s really me.)

13. I’ve been working for about 6 months (biglaw associate) and have my first performance review soon. My feedback is really, really bad, both about my work product and about general project management type skills. I’m terrified I’m going to get fired. I’ve heard people are generally not fired in biglaw for performance reasons until 1-2 years in (which, while not ideal, would be way better for my future job options than getting fired after 6 months). My hours have been good the last few months (they were low the first couple months but I understand that’s normal) and my team is really busy. Thoughts?

    1. Work really, really, really hard to fix everything immediately. Ask for feedback after every single project from here on out. Are they going to re-review you in… 3 months?… 6 months? Or are you a year away from your next review? Start keeping track of what you’re doing to fix the problems that came up in your review. The good news is that it’s probably not too late if you try to fix things immediately.

       It used to be that no one got fired from BigLaw for performance reasons in the first couple years, but that’s not entirely the case any more (although I think it’s still somewhat rare). I don’t want to freak you out, but I think that it would be prudent to brush off your resume and add a cushion to your savings just in case. Better safe than sorry.

14. How do you combat loneliness?

    I don’t know if I’m expecting too much, but I’ve been at law school for six months now with no real confidants or best friends. I try to socialize with people in groups but it doesn’t seem like any ‘real’ friendships are forming. It seems like other people aren’t having trouble with this.

    Part of me wants to not do anything, because it’s almost exam time and time to buckle down. But another part of me just wants some damn company – to feel heard, laughed with, listened to, not judged.

    I hate the social aspects of law school, it’s very isolating. I find them incredibly difficult to navigate somehow, and it feels like I’m the only one.

    1. I had a similar experience in grad school – I socialized with my classmates, but had a hard time forming real connections. First of all – *hugs* – it’s hard to be in a new situation, and then to feel lonely and isolated on top of it.

       Is there any way you can get involved with a group completely unconnected to law school? A community of faith, or maybe a community sports team? I know law school is a ton of work, especially as a 1L, but carving out a slice of time each week to talk to people who don’t care what you said in class this week and who aren’t competing with you, can be very beneficial.

    2. Dear 1L, I was very lonely in law school. You’re definitely not alone.

       Focus on your courses and exams in the next two months. But go to a corporette meetup if there is one where you live. ;-) This summer, really make an effort to have a nice time socially. Catch up with old friends, go to lots of events, etc. Next year, try to sign up for things (journal, student club — and do consider something that has nothing to do with law like an outdoors or yoga or wine tasting group) that will get you to work on projects with other students and maybe hang out with them. Things may be better in 2L year. I should warn you, though, that law school never turned into a great social experience for me. So much seems to depend on what your class happens to be like and whom you encounter in the first few months.

       One thing that has helped me in law school and also at the firm, is to not limit myself to those environments. At this point, almost none of my friends are in the law. I totally agree with Anya that getting a different perspective and talking about things other than exams or firm politics is nice. I am lucky in that I have an intensive hobby that gives me a natural community of people who share that interest, but if you don’t have that, there are still plenty of activities you could do, it might just take a bit longer before you meet people with whom you really hit it off.

       Hang in there!

    3. You’re not the only one at all. I was absolutely miserable the first part of 1L year and didn’t start to really make friends until after around spring break. I found that there were other people with similar issues, but of course it’s not like anyone is going to come straight out and tell you about it. That said, I am not sure I really have any confidantes/best friends from law school of the same time I made when I was younger. I think it is good to have friends outside of law school who can help you keep things in perspective.

    4. First of all, you’re not the only one. I was deeply miserable for all three years of law school, for a variety of reasons. One thing that really helped me was staying involved in my community outside of law school. Being an athlete for those three years probably wasn’t the best thing for my academics, but it definitely improved my mental health to spend a few hours at practice every day at travel to NCAA tournaments during our competition season. Are there any non-law-school clubs, sports, music groups, etc. you could get involved in?

       Also think about your living situation: are you on your own, and does that deepen the sense of solitude? Do you have roommates or housemates? Is a house-sharing opportunity available to you? Sometimes sharing space with others isn’t ideal, but if you’re really suffering from a lack of community, coming home to a house full of other people can be a really positive thing.

       Now something you may not want to hear, and this is coming from a textbook introvert: you really owe it to yourself to make an effort to participate in those “social aspects of law school,” to the extent you can face them. I hated them, too, for the most part, but I wish I’d taken advantage of them more. Knowing your classmates, professors, school administrators, etc. really can help with networking in the years to come.

    5. It’s not just you — I had similar issues during law school, especially in the beginning when I didn’t know anyone.

       Where are you located? Perhaps you can join non-law school things, like a local choir or volunteer group. I volunteered with an animal shelter for most of law school and it was great to be away from the legal stress … plus I got to play with adorable puppies!

    6. I also was miserable throughout all 3 years of law school – first year was definitely the worst. Might I suggest work on finding at least one person in your section who you find barely tolerable and build your friends circle from there? You may find, as I did, that law students aren’t nearly as offensive as they seem, and that it might take a beer or two (or ten) to bring out their finer qualities. Hang in there!

    7. What type of social activities have you done with classmates? In 1L we went around with the same 30 or so classmates all year so it was much easier to make friends than in the last two year of law school when everyone was taking different classes. For me, socializing revolved around going to the local bar for drinks on Fridays and studying together on the weekends and going out at night. Do you have a study group? You mentioned that finals are coming up so it might be a great way to make some friends and then after finals you can suggest going out to celebrate being done with your first year of law school! I know it is difficult, but seriously take it from me, making friends 1L is so much easier than later on in law school. I transferred after 1L and have absolutely no friends at my new school, but still speak to my friends from my previous one.

15. I am another biglaw (corporate) attorney who does not love her job. To be honest, the job is great in a lot of ways, but it is not for me in the long run. I am hoping to leave my job in the near future for a job outside of law, and I could use some suggestions as to jobs I should look into. I am good with numbers and interested in business (but do not find finance particularly fascinating). I am not terribly concerned with prestige or money, and I would not mind starting at a relatively low level. I also would love to enter a career that does not require years of 80+ hour weeks…

    Non-law exit opportunities from biglaw? I’d appreciate any advice/thoughts/data points!

16. Any lawyers out there who also have a 2nd job to pay off their debt? If so, what kind of job? I’m looking for something I could do from home, TIA!

    1. I work as an adjunct at our local technical college, teaching paralegals one night a week. A lot of my classmates are doing the same. You could potentially do this at an online college…

       1. Great idea! Do you mind sharing how you find out about this position?

          1. Online or on-the-ground adjunct teaching positions can be found in a few ways. You might try your local community college or junior college or technical college first. Here are my tips: 1) Call the relevant dean/department head or drop in to see them. (Some of these positions are filled at the last minute so being in the right place at the right time is sometimes the way to get that first position.) Or find out via LinkedIn if you have any connections that know someone, and get a referral. 2) Do a search at higheredjobs dot com or set up a profile and then the site will email you when jobs come in that match your criteria. 3) Ask some of your law school professors if they have any leads. You could also be a guest lecturer to get some experience.

             Online teaching is still growing albeit at a lower rate than a few years ago. I really like teaching online, and it’s great not to physically have to go to class after a long work-day. Many community, technical and junior colleges have online classes

             For JDs, look into teaching paralegal classes, business law for undergrads and depending on your expertise Real Estate Law or even personal finance.

             Online teaching is still growing albeit at a lower rate than a few years ago. I really like teaching online, and it’s great not to physically have to go to class after a long work-day.

             For JDs, look into teaching paralegal classes, business law for undergrads and depending on your expertise Real Estate Law or even personal finance.

             Good luck!

17. My manager tends to get quite anxious when I go on vacation, even if it’s just for a few days. It doesn’t help that she never goes on vacation. Any tips on dealing with this? I don’t think the sky will fall if I am out for a few days (and still working and monitoring email), so her reactions are aggravating me slightly.

    1. Do you do anything to prepare for your time out of the office? For example, what about drafting a detailed memo for your manager that:
       – explains the current status of all your projects
       – lists any changes or movement that might take place while you are out
       – provides a backup/contact person to handle any urgent needs
       – reassures your manager that you have alerted the appropriate people (clients, vendors, colleagues) about your absence

       It may seem like overkill for a brief vacation, but if she is anxiety-prone, it might go a long way if she feels like you have covered all the bases.

18. All right ladies, let’s go to work on my spring wardrobe. I’m new-ish to corporate and through your excellent guidance have recently purchased “the” skirt in storm and a pair of cole haan air violets that rock my world! Now… its time for business. I want to spend about $1000 on a spring business wardrobe. I’m a size 14/16 post-babies, so all of my pretty things from springs past are out of the picture. I work in a moderately formal office setting where I’m expected to dress like a corporate banker half the time (when I meet with corporate bakers) and a more accessible public-servant the other half (when I’m working with the public).

    What to get???

    1. I’d use at least part of that and go to nordstom with a personal shopper

19. I’m in a wedding in the spring and spent about $150 on the engagement party gift and $200 on the shower gift. Is it okay to give about the same for the wedding? I’m thinking $200 for my b/f and I.

    1. It’s completely ok! if it were me, I’d probably give a little less- you’ve already donated $350 to their cause .

    2. wow – you are a generous bridesmaid! Definitely $200 is enough – although if you’re already spending plenty on dress, travel, etc. I wouldn’t feel bad about “scaling down” for the wedding gift itself (despite having already spent what you did on the “pre”-presents).

    3. Yeah for sure I already think you’ve gone way over. Usually you don’t give gifts for the engagement party, I usually give something like a nice bottle of wine. For shower I usually go 35-70 and the wedding around 150.

    4. Holy crapola! You’ve already spent more than I’ve ever spent on a single wedding! Considering you’re presumably also spending money on a dress, shoes, and travel — you’re doing way more than is required.

    5. I think that is more than enough! I got married last June and frankly didn’t expect presents from those in the wedding party – they already had so many other expenses (dress, hotel, shoes, etc).

    6. Thanks for all the responses! I guess I don’t have to feel bad about it.

    7. At this point, I’d do something handmade or similar for the wedding

20. Massage vs. facial?

    I was gifted either a massage or facial at a local salon (Tommi’s in Philly, if any local ladies have an opinion). I have never had either, and would definitely benefit from both – although I have generally cooperative skin, it’s looking a little winter-dull and in need of a deep cleaning. Also, being scrunched up in a desk chair typing all day means a massage would feel delightful. But I have no clue what type I’d want, or what oil, or the general massage etiquette. Guidance??

    1. I’d pick massage.

       It’s totally possible to give yourself a passable massage, just spend more time opening up your pores, do a good exfoliation, etc. It’s impossible to give yourself a good massage.

       1. Sorry, it’s possible to give yourself a passable facial, but not a massage. I said massage twice.

    2. Massage for sure! As for what type/oil/etiquette, your masseuse will help you! Tell them where you’d like them to focus, and communicate with them during the massage so they know whether you’re happy with the pressure/oil/whatever else.

    3. no experience with tommi’s, but you cannot go wrong with a basic swedish massage. if your gift certificate permits it, i’d include some type of special treatment – maybe hot stones, since those can work wonders for a knotted-up back.

21. Are there maid service companies that would clean just your floors? I have these old vinyl tile kitchen floors that I’d love to have professionally cleaned but don’t want to spend a lot on

    1. I’ve heard of people getting tile floors steam-cleaned, because usually the grout is the gross part and steam works well on that. A steam-cleaning company would probably be more open to a one-spot-only job than a maid service.

22. Looking for some advice on negotiations. My office is moving, doubling my commute time to over an hour each way (not fun). I’m going to be asking for additional compensation for this, but I don’t know where to start, or what’s the best practice in this type of situation. I’m a mid-level business type for a tech company. Any advice?

    1. I think it’s going to be a hard sell since everyone else in the company will also be affected. Is your office flexible about scheduling? Could you come in 7:30-4:30 or 9:30-6:30 to avoid rush hour commute, work 4 days a week, or work from home a few days a week? Sometimes just switching your schedule forward or backward by 30 minutes can cut your commute time down by half.

23. For the women out there who are online dating. I have a dilemma:

    On eHarmony, one of my matches was a guy I’d be interested in (professional, no horrible spelling or grammar errors, has interests beyond geekery). But, when I looked at his pictures, I realized that he’s the head of the IP department at one of my main clients. I usually interact with his minions but I have meet him at client events and working lunches.

    Normally, when I see an acquaintance on a dating site, I drop a message to say hi and wish him well. Should I do the same for a professional contact? Or should I just ignore him?

    1. Ignore him.

24. Help, Corporettes! I have a Shelli Segal Laundry coat that I love…but the zipper has broken. Any ideas where I could get a replacement zipper? I have someone who can repair it, if I find the zipper. Thanks!

    1. You should be able to find them at any fabric/sewing store like Joann or Hancock. Walmart has also enlarged many of its sewing sections as well to include fabric and more notions, but you’ll probably want to call the store ahead of time because it’s not every store.

    2. You have my sympathy! I also have a Shelli Segal Laundry coat that I love, and when the zipper broke, I was devastated. The shoe repair guy in my neighborhood was able to fix it and provided his own zipper that looked a lot like the original — if you can’t find one on your own, see if there’s someone like that (a tailor or shoe repair person) who might be able to provide one. Good luck!

    3. Thanks, MelD and Jacqueline! I’ve been trying to find one online, and it hasn’t been going well. I’ll check out the fabric stores. Jacqueline, if I remember correctly you are in Chicago? If so, would you be willing to share the name of your shoe repair guy if I don’t have any luck finding a zipper on my own?

       1. Plan B, I went to the shoe repair guy at on Damen just south of Lawrence — he’s great. I can’t remember the name of the shop, but it’s the only one on that corner. I also love the place on Broadway just south of Belmont (although I’ve only gone there for shoe repairs, but I still have a feeling they might be able to help). Good luck!

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